#obvs its a different escapism as an adult but still needed

[skunkes]

every day i get so sad about animal crossing i dont like what they did to it i dont like that interacting with villagers is secondary or a distraction from decorating and customizing and most of all i hate that any further titles in the franchise, if theyre made, will probably just push this even further

[irregulardiaryposts]

01:37 16/02/2023

Well... its obvs been a while since i updated huh. reading back on some of those .. some of its nice ig and some of it is quite articulate but looking back on some of it with my perspective now, idk its sad but also a little cringe lol. but thats the point of a diary to keep it cringe and truthful to how im feeling in the moment. well anyway

its 2023 woooo im in my second year of uni and things are pretty okay i guess. im still a litlte lonely dont get me wrong but im sure things will get better. um. ive got an essay due at midnight on the 16th (technically today) and im like a third through it? but the first 1/3 is the easiest part cos its just explaining the concepts. anyway im behind on a lot of uni work. for no reason. at all. like theres no good reason behind it other than i need medicated i guess. maybe i really should get meds im an adult now so im hoping they can. its genuinely really affecting my uni performance i cant get out of bed most days during the winter cos its so so cold. why is the world so so cold. my feet are also so so cold. can you tell im procrastinating :P unis still lonely but also i barely go anyway so what would i know anyway. i got some hobbies i guess. anime has revived my want for a tumblr blog so in november i made a new blog for anime ToT. its fun tho i really do enjoy it its so fun and silly and i can be as insane as i want to over fictional characters. better than twitter by a mile cos well yeah. it has also reignited my want to make art, cos then i can post it and other people who are also insane about the same characters can enjoy it too. even if its kinda bad idgaf. the whole 'oh shit two cakes' meme constantly runs through my head.

ahh anyway i also like playing video games too, or ig the difference is i have the money to buy them and a decent laptop to run them on. so that helps fill the void of community im missing. i really miss people. and im a huge introvert for the most part (unless im drunk but shhhh) but i miss not being in my room 24/7. i guess the theme of this update is i need meds ToT. not that it will necessarily be a perfect solution sometimes theyre not but ig it doesnt hurt to talk to a doctor about it. that depends on if i can actually get an appt ahhhhh. i dont have too much to talk about ig just that im alive and barely staying afloat but not actively suicidal so *thumbs up*. i really do need to write this essay i would dislike to get an extension because then i would just put it off again until next week lol. im such a good procrastinator :D this definitely isnt detrimental to my non-existent work ethic.

maybe i can talk about something thats itching at me from my philosophy course. my essay isnt exactly on this topic but i rlly wanna formulate some thoughts on it lol.

so we're talking about what exists in the world right? things people would easily say exist are things like tables, chairs, frogs, dogs, atoms and molecules. things that are a little harder to figure out if they exist are things like love, morality, goodness, numbers, gender. the lists are not exhaustive but that kind of thing. and there's this concept of Ordinary Objects(OO) and Extraordinary Objects(EO). the first list has almost all OO, which are defined as being highly visible objects right before our eyes (that do not escape our notice). the atoms and molecules make things tricky in philosophy as nothing can ever, ever, be simple in this subject. anyway. EO are objects that are also highly visible objects that do escape our notice. you're thinking how can an object, a physical object, that is so obviously in front of us, escape our notice??? well you're not alone in thinking philosophy just makes up things along with justifications of said things just for shits and giggles, and calls it a day, cos that's exactly what i thought when i heard this the first time. and genuinely so much of philosophy is just postulating and theorising about this thing and that thing but its done with such earnestness and sincerity that i get endeared by these stupid dead guys. ANYWAY. the existence of EO are obviously controversial (of course) and even OO are argued too. but yes what are EO exactly? the example given in the reading was a Trog - an object that is composed of a dog and a tree trunk. no, they are not connected in any way, and no they don't even have to be near each other but they can compose this object called a Trog. this is what you can call an EO. it is highly visible (assuming the dog isn't microscopic and the tree is not invisible) and it is right before our eyes yet we never notice it. well of course, who would? but the question is do EO really exist or is it a baseless theory. well...

another example of an

[astrarche-x]

The Poppy War: thoughts

Context: I saw this book heavily recommended on tumblr and even though I didn't research it (to avoid spoilers), it looked like something for me. I also realized recently that I haven't read a modern high fantasy in a while, so when my friend told me "hey, I've read this book and need someone to rant about it with", I was like "sure can I borrow it?". It is worth noting that my friend's tone was rather disapproving and we mostly share our taste in books, but still, I approached The Poppy War with a very favourable mindset.

Which didn't last very long.

Fortunately, after some time the book got better, so: disapproval first, praise later.

- the first part, aka Rin's time in academia, was so predictable and cliche I went through it purely out of malice (to be able to roast it). It was fitting every cliche you can find in a books set at school and bore me to death.

- Jiang: aaaa. This is coming from my personal experiences, but I've had a hard time with my "cool but weird" teacher lately and I just can't get past this trope without being angry at writers who do not acknowledge how toxic it usually is. (tho in Jiang's case it was more or less ok) Also the reveal of his backstory was very predictable.

- Rin: i couldn't bear how "edgy" she was. I started to like her when the actual war begun and she turned from "i'm not like others lol" to "i'm so scared, i want to be safe. also what is sleep". (also because she has been a chaotic mess the whole time and the war actually made it more believable). I had issues with her character though - for example she comes to the academia when she's like 15/16 and even though a lot happens to her over the course of the action, i had a feeling she hasn't actually matured. Did she develop? In terms of abilities, knowledge, rage etc - yes. But I didn't think she was more mature at the end and it really bothered me (as i was still picturing as a 15-year-old and had to constantly remind myself that she's an adult now).

- self-harm: uuh handled in a weird way? It's obvious that Rin's self-harming to cope with stress in academia is not healthy and the context shows that the heroine is under immense pressure which has a bad effect on her, but the narrative seems to present self-harm as a necessity to manage life and never really condemns it - not only explicitly, but any negative consequences of it are also absent.

- this book (and Grishaverse) would be more enjoyable if I hadn't taken that basic Russian course. I cringed every time I read Kitay's name (and it appears quite often...). Literally why name your character China? It's such a bad idea...

- I don't know if the original edition has trigger warnings, but oh boy, i kinda wish Polish one had them too. Not that they would actually stop me from reading this, but I started this book with intent to get some nice escapism with a tad of intellectual challenge and I wasn't quite prepared for what I got. I saw a post that talked about how in fantasy or sci-fi wars are a thing that just happens and serve more as a plot device, but are not treated as like an actual tragedy and how this isn't the case for The Poppy War. I think this is a very good point and I very much agree with this but I wish this book was marketed in a more accurate way (with mention of the genocides) than "cool protagonist goes from poor orphan to badass" (almost literal description from the back cover).

- on genocides: the Golyn Niis part was so hard to read. It totally gave me flashbacks to the time when we talked about Shoah in Polish lessons in high school and I had to read like 4 short stories by Tadeusz Borowski about Auschwitz, one novella by Zofia Nałkowska about investigating Nazi crimes and one book about the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising by Hanna Krall & Marek Edelman* (and it was all in the span of like 1-1,5 month) - all of which were written by survivors of said events, so it was an extremely difficult and emotionally exhausting read. Parts of The Poppy War had the same effect on me, so it shows the author really did her research and is to be appreciated, although while I would like to know what happens plot-wise in the next parts of the trilogy, I think it would be too emotionally draining for me to read.

- Having said all this, I found the Speer genocide theme really interesting. The legends and propaganda surrounding it, its impact on both country politics and Altan's (and Rin's) personal stories... Also I really liked how Rin's perception and understanding of it changed. Plus it served really well as a backstory - its effect on the whole plot was huge and manifesting in unexpected places but without the feeling of being hammered into reader's head.

- Altan: that guy. He was an interesting character, but a very unlikeable one. He was such an asshole... (And yeah obvs still trauma and all that but he really was one). Also I found it confusing that at the end of the book Rin was like "omg his power is so strong because he's fueled by revenge!"... duuh? It was obvious since her convo with Jiang about lore students?

- But generally Rin's relation to Altan was for me one of the strong points of this book. I'd say that Rin's emotions regarding him were very realistically written - admiration, longing for approval, the feeling of similarity, anger, frustration about his expectations, the need to rise to the challenge he posed, to be his equal... And then the shock as he fell from the pedestal she constructed; the understanding, the pity and the sadness. I loved how complicated that was and that we as readers got to see that Rin's Altan and the actual Altan were two different persons, even though the narrative is close to Rin's POV.

- Chaghan: he was my fave character. This is, again, personal, but works of fiction work 200% better for me if the characters are well-written - which The Poppy War rather lacked: few characters were interesting and even less were likeable. Chaghan was both - maybe he didn't have a big arc and was rather a secondary character, but he was intriguing, had that close bond with Altan (I ship them) and also was the most competent person in the cike (Quara was the second one). He was very straightforward and had that no-bullshit attitude, but unlike Rin, Altan etc., what he said and his actions actually made sense. So every time he had to went away from the main character I was devastated...

- What I really enjoyed about this book was the parts about shamanism. I'm not an expert about what goes on in modern fantasy, but I have a feeling that a character of a shaman often appears in a very exoticised way (wonder why is that /s), whereas in this book it was treated seriously and was a basis for a great magic system. 9/10 very original take, highly recommend.

* books mentioned: "Medaliony" by Zofia Nałkowska, "Zdążyć przed panem Bogiem" (eng: Shielding the flame) by Hanna Krall & Marek Edelman, Pożegnanie z Marią by Tadeusz Borowski

[raquellmurillo]

What in world was the point of the storyline between Sergio and Nairobi's baby?? Why write it?? Just to cause drama and break up Sergio and Raquel??

As you’ve seen in my other answer, imo this totally didn’t make sense at all; why would Sergio ‘the genius’ agree because of his family history? And why would Nairobi ask such a sensitive question knowing how much he had suffered due to ‘genetics’; especially considering they’re not the last two people left in the world?

Oh my dear, I am so so afraid; it was so random, but they put it in there for some reason - considering they dedicated a whole two or so scenes to this, I think its important to them. Meaning they’re probs gonna pick it back up. They don’t like the emotional ‘baggage’ of s1&2 but anything they write they go through with, unfortunately nearly 100% of the time.

I have no clue as to why Raquel was transported to the bank (...isn’t it so much more effort to buy an army helicopter and fly it through central Madrid, stage some weird shoot out with Gandia, rather than just return her safely to the control room? Like Marseille is piloting that helicopter and the assumption is he manages to get back to the professor without being tracked down, followed etc... If they can’t trace a person who flew an army helicopter - like if you’re gonna be able to trace anything its a helicopter, - and the movement of that same person who just got out of it, surely you should be able to get away with some less drastic measures to escape? Why not buy a ‘city tours’ helicopter and fly out somewhere? Because there are going to be more ‘private’ helicopters around making it far more difficult to trace than army ones? Considering its flown to the bank and you know exactly which one it is you need to track down? Coz like if they had a different helicopter and didn’t fly it to the bank, it would give them some time advantage as they’d first need to find what  helicopter they need to track etc. It wasn’t exactly a subtle escape... is Marseille okay??) anyhows...

Only Sergio, Tokyo and Nairobi know. If Raquel does something wrong, or get into an argument with Tokyo, I bet this is gonna be her #1 thing to hit Raquel with. Causing obvs some sort of argument between her and Sergio... which could eventually lead to the paranoia of the whole group thinking that if she’s not with Sergio, she must be against them. 

Also, I hated the girls party scene, for this precise reason. This season is trying so hard to be s1&2; the first ‘party scene’ happened after Nairobi told Tokyo about her kid. I can think of over a million different reasons to have a drink... I hate the idea of an “aLl GiRls ParTy” ... like, let go babe; its so in your face it loses the naturalistic value which makes it cool. The original one was cool because Tokyo said some shit to Nairobi and then saw her stretchmarks and went to investigate, and we got the cool backstory, bonding and of course, the tequila. It wasn’t Tokyo coming in saying ‘did I hear music?’, no, of course it wasn’t, because at this point they weren’t friends and Nairobi would’ve thrown her out lol

So why were Monica and Raquel there? Why wasn’t it Marseille who came in to join them? It should make as much sense for him to come in as for the girls or anyone in the monastery. Considering the last time we saw Raquel and Tokyo in a scene away from the gang it wasn’t exactly all lovely... I’m not saying they shouldn’t be friends or civil with each other, she just really doesn’t seem like Raquel’s choice of company (wouldn’t be mine either tbf). Girl power narration is great, but its not great the moment the gender becomes more important than the characterisation. What is this ‘they’re all girls they must like each other’ bullshit like, ya know, women don’t have to hate each other but they also don’t have to be besties with every other female character, especially if they haven’t had any scenes which narrate them as friends and are very different personality wise... lets not be afraid to write strong female characters which are intelligent enough to pick which other females (or males) they want to be friends with and spend their free time with. yall trying too hard to integrate Raquel ya forget she doesn’t have to tolerate Tokyo and her childish bitchy behaviour. If anything Raquel should be mad at Tokyo for her inexplicably stupid which has lead them to have to put their life at risk. WHy is she drinking with them? The whole scene of Tokyo walking in on her and the professor... WHY yall NOT WRITING THEM TO BE BESTIES HERE, now??? lmao lets talk people not genders; that way you’re not singling it out so muchhh lmaooo :,< 

Raquel and Monica being friends is nice, they’re both new, probs closer age wise...why would they chose to spend their free time with Tokyo (I mean, realistically who would??) if they can go to Helsinki’s room which is on the same corridor and do shots! I bet he ordered boxes of them Balkan Slavic holy water’s (imma tell you that there is no going back once you try those fruit liquors) now he is finally back in Europe - why isn’t there a scene of Monica, Raquel and Helsinki doing shots with Denver playing with Cinci in the background (...like ya know, the adults together and the kids together.)  

The only reason they came in because they wanted it to be a girls party - which, darn, I’m not against at all, like gimme that content,- but make it naturalistic ffs give me a reason to put all of them in a room other than ‘we heard music’; bullshit, can the guys not hear music? Considering they’re still new to the gang, if anyone should feel ‘not so sure’ about entering, shouldn’t it be them? Also, the only reason they are celebrating makes it a hundred times worse for those exact two to come in. It gave me a vibe of a ‘coming of age’ or whatever you call them movies, when the popular girls invite the nerdy and shy girl to the party to laugh at them. Isn’t this exactly what it is? It’s not a narrative of female empowerment, of a cool ‘girls night’; it’s the exact opposite. It’s showing more of a destructive image of females; one of them is gonna have a kid with the others boyfriend, which they know about but she doesn’t. They’re literally laughing in Raquel’s face; it’s not a cute girls bonding scene, its cruel. It made me feel deeply uncomfortable because I don’t think Nairobi is that type of character. I honestly felt so sorry for Raquel. 

If they were writing a scene of dramatic irony to show the audience how Raquel (Monica too, as she is equally ‘not told anything’) thinks she’s part of the gang, but in reality she is not and they’re making her think that to fool her at some later point of the show... they totally succeeded. I’d buy that, ya know! Make it more interesting... why force them to be friends when a narrative of distrust is so much more fitting and interesting. ANd if you’re gonna write a bonding scene...... do it motherfucking right. I don’t want to feel uncomfortable watching fun content. Like yall, I refuse to gif that scene as I am morally opposed to it lmaoooo