#obviously not in a GOOD way. i am not SAYING that ludovic was not a terrible horrible despicable father

[swordofazrael1992]

i have so many complicated thoughts on jean paul ludovic’s parenting and jp’s relationship to his father that yall may get a full length analysis post on someday but for now if you want to understand the gist of them listen to paint my face by the devil makes three and your father’s son by shayfer james

[miggy-figgy]

Ludovic Saint Sernin By Miguel Figueroa Photos by Alex Franco

One of the best ways to get your first foot in fashion - or any type of business for that matter - is through apprenticeship. Back when they were the new kids on the block, Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Alessandro Michele learned and paid their dues, respectively, under the tutelage of Christian Dior, Anne Klein and Tom Ford. Three years after working at Balmain with Olivier Rousting, 27-year-old Ludovic Saint Sernin struck out on his own, presenting his first collection; a gender fluid homage to late nineties minimalism. We caught up with the designer on his birthday to talk about his influences, obsessions, next steps and unusual morning routine.

Hi Ludovic, let's start with the basics. What time did you get up this morning?  I woke up at 10, I usually wake up earlier but I just got back from California and the jet lag is real. It was an amazing holiday/research trip, very inspiring! 

Do you have a routine? What did you have for breakfast? Yes, I do! It is kind of ridiculous though. I have apple juice and cereal in bed and I religiously watch an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians or The Real Housewives, just to ease in the day. Then I start work at 11, and right now I am researching and sketching for next season.

What did you want to be when you were a child? I have always wanted to be a fashion designer for as long as I can remember. When I was just a little boy I was obsessed with The Little Mermaid, I had the Barbie, the sun lounger, everything and I would dress her etc. This obsession for her slowly transitioned into an obsession with Lindsay Lohan, when I was a teenager I would draw her everyday. Lukas Heerich who did the soundtrack for the presentation included some bits of interviews from her and mixed it with minimal music as a nod to her. 

I was probably 10 when a friend of my mom’s introduced me to Yves Saint Laurent, not literally but she had some old VHS of his most iconic shows and I remember thinking, this is it, this is what I want to do.

Who were or still are your fashion icons? Alaïa has always been a model for me. He's built something so unique and special. I recently watched the documentary by Joe McKenna who I'm obsessed with and it was so fascinating to see how he works. There's no one else like him he's such a perfectionist. Helmut Lang is obviously a big reference as is Rei Kawakubo and Issey Miyake. Kirtsen Owen, I don't think there's a single image that she's in that doesn't inspire me, she's a huge inspiration. I posted a picture of her from Steven Meisel the other day and the caption simply said : mom.

You broke from working at Balmain - which is the antithesis of your style - and created a beautiful, minimal first collection. What were your biggest lessons working there? Balmain was my first fashion family, they have been amazing to me and I am very grateful for everything I have learnt there. I was working on embellishment and textiles which was so exciting to do there because you can really propose stuff and create amazing pieces. And their approach was very artisanal which I really appreciate.

Have you always played with gender bending? What do you consider to be the most masculine feature in a woman and the most feminine trait in a man? I actually only had done womenswear up until that first presentation and initially I thought it was going to be women’s. I was doing a project on Instagram where I would recreate pictures of me with boys I knew from Instagram and make them pose in my clothes. I created some really cool relationships with some of these boys and one of them became my fitting model/muse. 

So even tough the clothes were originally women's, turns out as we were trying them they looked really good on a boy too. And I decided that it wasn’t really relevant anymore to try and categorize my pieces to one sex only. I myself don't really look whether it's women's or men's when I'm shopping. As long as you feel good in it and it fits your body why restrain yourself. I knew I wanted to show it on guys though. I worked with this really talented casting director and friend, Piotr Chamier, we share the same aesthetic when it comes to casting and he did an amazing job finding boys. What I really appreciate is that even though it was presented during Men's after the show we received loads of press requests for women’s shootings. It’s been about equal with that of the men’s. I am looking forward to seeing how they work in both contexts. 

With regards to the second part of the question, I am struggling to answer that. Truth is I don’t really think in that way. I have long hair so you might say that is the most feminine thing about me but others might find it quite masculine. Likewise the neck of my fit model is long and thin but I don’t think it looks particularly feminine. I really don’t think that way and interestingly I think a lot of people my age and younger are not categorizing through sex or sexuality. 

Who would be your ultimate person to dress? Yesterday I watched Basketball Diaries for the first time and Leonardo DiCaprio is just beautiful and so good in it, he was just twenty years old but looks sixteen. I wish I could have dressed him back in the days, he had that special something about him and also this androgyny that I love. But to answer your question, I love the idea of dressing sons or little brothers of celebrities: for instance Uma Thurman's son is gorgeous, looks just like her but in a boy. Or Pamela Anderson's son is actually really hot too. I recently met up with Niels Schneider's little brother Vassili, and I'd love to dress him for a special project. 

What is your favorite scent? For the presentation I used Potpourri from Santa Maria Novella, it smells amazing and looks really beautiful. It was displayed all over the conservatory where I had the presentation on little ceramics plates I brought back from Kyoto. I wanted the scent to blend in with the natural smell of the boys in the presentation, it was a really hot day, and they were walking around between plants in a manner that evoked cruising. The scent of the potpourri, the boys sweat and the plants just all worked really well together.

Hot! Which are your favorite hide-outs in Paris? I spend most of my free time in London, so I am going to give you my favorite hide-outs there: breakfast at the Towpath in de Beauvoir, their grilled cheese sandwich is to die for, I love walking along the canal, brunch at Rawduck, Epping forest, in the fall the colors are splendid, the British library is the best place to read a book, you need to make an appointment for the reading room and it's great to hide away from the crowd. Then back at the Towpath for drinks and dinner at Gujurati Rasoi, they have my favorite dish on earth there, I always order the same thing.

What turns you on?  A Wolfgang Tillmans picture. I went to see his exhibition at the Tate in London it was simply breathtaking. 

What turns you off?   Being unthoughtful or unconscious. I'm quoting Jake Gyllenhaal, I had to google this answer, I couldn't think of anything that turns me off. 

Can you share with us your latest obsessions? I have discovered this beautiful bookstore in Paris, where they have an amazing selection of queer literature and art. I recently read L’Age d’or by Pierre Herbart which I highly recommend. And I am in the middle of reading Call me by your Name by André Aciman which is the story of a sudden and powerful romance that blossoms between an adolescent boy and a summer guest at his parents villa on the Italian Riviera. It is being released as a film next year and I cannot wait to see how they will translate this beautiful book.

Where would you like to take your brand to next? I have some very exciting projects and collaborations coming up but it is a bit too early to reveal. It is amazing how quickly things can move these days but most of the time it’s just me and I’d like to do things slowly and well rather than rush them. 

What are you doing after this? It's my birthday today [28th of August], so I am going to eat some cake and enjoy a lovely dinner with my family! Originally published in the Fall & Winter 2017/18-Spring 2018 issue of Hercules Universal, Neon Dreams. Out now. 

[assbuttyourlife]

When We Were Young - Chapter Six

Pairing : Misha/OFC

Warnings : Fire, trauma, PTSD, family members’ death (including child), therapy, flashbacks (not in every chapter), injuries, cheating. Long fic. Angst, fluff and smut will come later in the story.

Words : 5124

Summary : After her grandmother’s funeral, Lily must return to the place she lived in when she was young and has to confront the ghosts of her past. She will run into an old friend that she thought was lost forever.

Note : Sorry if there are mistakes, this chapter was not beta’d. (If you wanna help me I’ll be glad as english is not my native language)

CHAPTER 6 : CATCHING UP

 The following day started in absolute chaos.

“Lily! Wake the fuck up!”

 Katie crashed a pillow in her friend's face, still asleep at nine in the morning on a Monday. Lily jumped with a gasp, not used to be woken up so violently.

“Helloooo! It's almost 9 am and we're supposed to be at work already! Guess who will be in trouble?”

“Fuck! Katie, why didn't you wake me up earlier?”

 Lily panicked, jumped out of bed, looked at her quickly in the mirror, fixed her hair in a rush and put her shoes on. That was a good thing Katie had a spare key for situations like those. She rarely used it, but this morning's chaos was obviously an emergency.

“The right question to ask would be... why didn't you hear your alarm, woke up and get ready, then yelled at me because I was late? You know... the usual?”

“I don't knoooow Katie, oh my God, I overslept! I was so tired yesterday!”

“No kidding.”

“I think I actually forgot to set the alarm.”

“Well at least you're already dressed... you often sleep with your clothes on?”

“No I just... I was too tired to do anything last night, we came back home super late and I was an emotional wreck so I just collapsed on my bed. But it's a good thing I don't have to get ready, let's go!”

They ran out of the apartment into Lily's car and started driving, but Katie noticed something and yelled.

“Lily, STOP!”

She pressed the brakes pedal so violently that they almost hit their heads on the dashboard.

“Shit Katie, don't do that! What is it now?”

“I don't see your violin's case anywhere... It may be problematic to practice the violin without a violin.”

“Shit... shit shit shit! Wait here, I won't be long.”

She busted out of the car and ran back inside the building, reappearing a few seconds later completely out of breath with her violin case, threw it in the car, sat back behind the wheel and took off.

 I need to run more often.

When they arrived inside the auditorium, everybody was already on stage rehearsing. Lily and Katie sneaked in as discretely as they could, their instruments ready in their hands, but as soon as they sat in their chairs, the music stopped.

“Long night, ladies?” Ludovic, the conductor, pointed out, and everybody turned to look at the two women. Lily was so ashamed she blushed furiously.

Katie glanced at her friend with a meaningful look and nodded, suggesting she got this.

“You know how it is... weekend... booze... men... hangov-”

“Sorry Ludo it won't happen again!” Lily interrupted and flashed angry eyes at her friend.

Luckily, Ludovic wasn't the mean type of boss, and he had a particular affection for Katie as they were both french, but when it came to work, he was a perfectionist and he hated when his musicians were late.

“Alright... I guess we have to start again then... Ready?” He lifted his arms, baton in his hand.

“Umm... I didn't have the time to check if I'm in tune...” Lily pointed out shyly, still cursing herself and blushing for such a waste of time for everybody.

Ludovic briefly closed his eyes but complied.

“Let's just set the tone again then...” He sighed. “Can I have an A for the lady, please?”

Lily was mortified. She cursed herself as she set the tone on her instrument. She was never late, it was something she hated more than anything. She could feel Ludo was slightly annoyed despite his nice voice. She turned her attention to David, who was glancing behind him. As he was the concertmaster, he was sitting at the front of the first violin section, she was placed right behind him. She placed her violin on the crook of her neck, held the bow in position to start playing, nodded at him, signifying everything was fine, and the music started.

“Perfect! Let's take a break, it was good enough for a Monday morning guys!” Ludo announced about an hour later.

“We'll start again in thirty minutes, don't be late.” He glanced at Katie and winked.

   Thank God, coffee time!     Lily thought. Having to leave home in a rush without an ounce of caffeine in her body was pure torture for her.

Soon enough, she was sitting in the cafeteria with Katie and David, swirling her warm cup in her hands.

“Are we gonna talk about it?” David tiptoed, observing Lily closely.

“Talk about what?” Lily knew exactly what they wanted to talk about. She couldn't stop thinking about it herself. It was such an impossible situation she still had trouble figuring out if it really happened or if she just dreamt it last night.

“Oh please Lily, don't play innocent! Misha!” Katie specified.

 Misha...

Just the name made her shiver.

“There is nothing to talk about. Just drink your coffee. Nothing happened that you don't know already.”

She spotted a woman walking toward their table and Lily's heart jumped in her chest, she suddenly felt nauseous.

“Hey guys!” Hayley sang happily with her high pitched voice, her perfect platinum blond hair tied in an elegant bun.

Nobody dared answering as they all gauged Lily's reaction. She didn't flinch at first.

“Hello Hayley.” she finally replied flatly without even looking at her. She found her cup of coffee suddenly very interesting.

“What do you want?” Katie asked coldly when she noticed the blond woman didn't move.

“I umm... can I talk to you a second, Lily?”

“No.” She replied very bluntly. Who the hell did she think she was? Three days ago she found her fucking her boyfriend and now she wanted to talk?

“Please... Peter needs to-”

“I said no!” She almost screamed, and everybody in the cafeteria turned to look at her.

Once again, Katie stepped in to help her friend, speaking surprisingly calmly.

“I think you should go drink your coffee far from here... and if you choke on it, we won't move a finger to help you.” She was casually checking her phone at the same time.

Hayley sighed, vexed, and turned around to leave the cafeteria without a word.

“She's got some nerves!” David pointed out, but looked down at his mug quickly when both women stared furiously at him.

“Alright I'm outta here.” he stood and left the table to go talk to Ludo. Women.

Lily's phone buzzed and Katie jumped looking at the screen.

“Misha texted youuuu!” Katie squealed.

Lily took her phone quickly.

“Shut up.”

 M: Hey! When can I call you?

So it wasn't a dream... she wasn't losing her mind, it really happened...

 L: After work? I'll be home at 5.

 M: Great. Ttyl.

They didn't share more, just the minimum, and Lily thought it was enough already. She still didn't have the time to really think about what happened at the airport, and it may be the Misha she spent her teenage years with, but everything changed since those days; she moved on, he probably moved on too, and nothing would be the same ever again, not even their friendship.

You just don't find people twenty two years later and resume things the way they were, it's just not possible. Plus she didn't even know if she wanted that.

“What does he want?” Katie was bent over, almost laying down on the table trying to look at her phone's screen.

“Nothing Katie, will you sit down? You're wearing a damn skirt, everybody has a very interesting view on your panties right now! He'll just call me tonight.”

“Who says I'm wearing panties?” she replied saucily and Lily winced.

“You'll tell me right? You wouldn't leave me wondering what is happening between you and mister Castiel, would you?”

Lily frowned. “Mister what?”

Her friend laughed heartedly without explaining further.

“You know what I have to do? I have to check his Twitter so I can spy!”

Lily rolled her eyes.

“So... let's see what he tweets... Holy shit he was with John Barrowman!”

“Who?”

“Geez Lily you're so pathetic. Would it kill you to watch TV?” She scrolled down her screen and her heart raced when she saw a picture of him with his baby girl, but she was subtle enough to not react and scrolled further. Maybe it wasn't a good idea after all.

“I'm going back in the hall. Have fun stalking, but don't be late again or you'll be in trouble for good this time.”

“Ugh! You're no fun.” Katie followed her reluctantly.

At 4.30pm they were done for the day and headed home together. Katie couldn't hide her excitement and there was no way she could go back to her apartment without spying on the phone conversation Lily would soon have with Misha, so here she was, sitting on Lily's sofa, her phone on the coffee table, patiently waiting for it to ring. Lily had to take a shower, feeling dirty as she was still wearing her clothes from the day before.

It was exactly 4.52pm when Lily's phone lighted up and Misha's name appeared on the screen, but she was still in the shower.

Katie squealed and picked it up.

“Hello Misha!” She sing-sang, a huge grin on her face.

“... Hello? Uh... You're not Lily.”

“You can tell with just a hello?”

“I actually remember your screechy high-pitched voice pretty well... That's not something you forget! Katie right?” Misha chuckled.

 Misha Collins remembers me!

“I should be offended but... I'll forgive you for this time.” She managed to reply coolly.

“So... May I speak to Lily or-”

“LILYYYY!” She screeched.

“Oh God! I'll be deaf for sure.”

Lily popped out of the bathroom wearing her robe, her hair dripping, and ripped the phone from Katie's hands.

“Ouch!”

“Did I allow you to pick up? I don't think so!”

Katie pouted. Misha heard Lily's distant voice through the phone and couldn't help smiling.

“Hello?”

She couldn't see it but Misha's smile turned into a huge grin when he heard her shy voice on the phone. He tried to suppress it but failed miserably.

“Hey Lily. Is she living with you or is she just your bodyguard? I'd rather do this without her spying to be honest.”

“Hold on.”

She put her phone on the coffee table and took Katie's hand, leading her towards the door, not without a loud protestation.

“Hey!!! I'm not leaving!”

“Yes you are. I'll call you. Bye Katie.”

Lily pushed her friend out of her apartment and shut the door behind her, locking it and leaving the key in the lock just to be sure she wouldn't use her spare key to spy. She swallowed, took her phone back and sat on the sofa.

“Sorry... She can be a little... invasive sometimes but she means well, I swear.”

Misha chuckled, he was suddenly nervous, not knowing what to say to the girl he lost tragically twenty years ago.

Obviously, Lily felt the same way because the seconds of silence that passed felt like the longest of her life.

 Say something Lily, come on! You wished he was still alive a few days ago and now that he's here you're mute?

Eventually it was Misha who broke the silence.

“It's okay, I'll get used to it, I guess... so... I plan to come to see you on Friday, around 7 pm if that's okay with you?” He went straight to the point, considering they wasted enough time already.

Lily was a bit taken aback by his sudden question, but he always had been a bold and direct type of person... She just forgot.

“Sounds fine to me. Do you wanna go somewhere specific?”

“No, no... I'll come to your place, and be sure to turn off your phone, your computer and every device that could interrupt us, because I won't allow Katie or anyone else to ruin this. We still need to catch up and it will be long, considering it's been more than twenty years... a lot happened for both of us.”

She scoffed.

“understatement. Will I see Sasha and your mom?”

“Not this weekend, sorry. But I promise I'll arrange something soon enough. Plus I'd rather catch up with you first before we consider anything else.”

 Consider anything else???

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing I... I'm kinda lost right now to be honest with you. I need answers and you probably do too. I just know I don't want you to become a stranger.”

“I don't think I want that either.”

“Can you do me a favor?”

God he still had this soft pleading tone she used to be unable to say no to. She could almost see his puppy eyes in her mind.

“Sure.”

“Can you not... Google anything or listen to what people have to say about me until Friday? I really wanna do this face to face.”

Oh... That was an awkward request. It didn't even occur to her that she could “Google” him... Why would she search the internet about the homeless guy she dated when she was young? It was so surreal!

“Okay... I wasn't planning to anyway. I'd rather hear it from you but umm... how... how famous are you exactly? Katie told me a bit about it.”

Misha had to laugh about that. It was something he never really felt comfortable to talk about with.

“Don't worry, we'll talk about that too.”

“I'm kinda curious though... Like... Can you walk the street without being recognized?”

She started enjoying this little teasing game.

“I definitely can. Depends where the street is.”

“That's vague enough.”

She heard someone knocking in the background, and a male voice calling for Misha.

“I have to go...”

“Where are you?”

“Still in Vancouver, at work, I have to go back, they're waiting for me. See you on Friday?”

“Yes...”

“Text me your address. Bye Lily.” He hung up, and Lily stared at her phone.

 It will be a long week.

And it was! Probably one of the longest week of her life, and not only because of Misha.

It became harder and harder to work with Hayley eyeing her from her seat between pieces of music, and Peter tried to call her everyday. She declined every time and she was considering blocking his number, but she knew he still had things at her apartment that he would want to get back, so sooner or later she would have to confront him.

Katie was also a pain in her ass the whole week. She was hysterical about the whole Misha story, and Lily had to almost yell at her to calm her down, making her swear that she wouldn't interrupt on Friday night, acting like an overexcited teenage fan-girl. She swore, but somehow Lily wasn't quite sure she would keep her promise.

And when Friday evening finally came, Lily found herself doubting more than ever. Was it a good thing? How did he change? She sure wasn't the same person anymore so he must not be either, twenty-two years is a very long time and apparently he went from a poor boy to a rich and famous actor so he must be... different? Would they still manage to be friends? What happened in his life? What happened right after the fire? Did he really try to find her?

 Her mind was spiraling with       so     many questions!

She was waiting in her apartment, sitting on a chair on the balcony, sipping her tea. She was observing the pathway so she would see him, but it was 7.30pm and he still wasn't here nor had he called.

Maybe he changed his mind and wouldn't come after all...

But then she saw a car approaching and her heart sank in her chest when she saw Misha getting out of it. He looked at the building and spotted her on the balcony. She waved at him with a smile and screamed: “Second floor, first door on your right!”

 He's here... You can do this Lily you're not a child anymore.

She put her cup of tea in the kitchen's sink and went to open the door. He was already waiting here.

“Hey! come in!”

“Hey. Fancy place...” He entered her apartment but didn't hug her or anything, not because he didn't want to, he just didn't know if she would accept it.

She laughed nervously, wiping her suddenly moist hands on her jeans.

“Well, not as big as the farm we used to live in but I like it. Wanna visit?”

Her apartment was situated in West Seattle near the beach. It wasn't the biggest, but it was brand new in a nice neighborhood, not to mention it was near her work place.

It was a luminous loft with brick walls and big windows offering a nice view on the ocean, which she loved, a cute kitchen with wood counters big and equipped enough to allow her to cook anything she wanted, a spacious living room with comfortable sofas and armchairs, a fluffy white carpet on the ground and even a fireplace (that she'd never lit!). Along the hallway, there were two bedrooms facing each others, but she used one as a practice room, where she could play music and dance when she felt like it. The spacious white bathroom was at the end of the hallway near her bedroom.

“I'm impressed! I like it too.”

“Make yourself comfortable, I'll bring us something to drink.”

She went to the kitchen while Misha sat on an armchair in the living room, and she soon put a huge jug full of a crystal liquid with mint leaves and two glasses on the coffee table.

“What's that?”

“Mojito! The night will probably be long, I need courage.”

Misha scoffed but happily took the glass full of beverage when Lily handed it to him. She sat on the end of the sofa next to his chair, a leg folded under her.

“So... You know where I live now, but I don't know where you live. Vancouver?”

“Not really. We film in Vancouver so I have a place there but my house is in L.A.”

Lily smirked and Misha's gaze instantly fell on her lips.

“Now I'm the one who's impressed! You have two houses?”

“Don't be, only the one in L.A. is mine.”

“Oh excuse me, mister Collins... you only own one house in L.A.” She couldn't help but teased. Last time they were together, he was broke and homeless and now he owned a freaking house in Los Angeles like a superstar.

“God, I just can't with that name... Sorry but you probably will never be Misha Collins for me. Why did you change it in the first place?”

“You know... When you wanna succeed as an actor in L.A. and you already have a weird female firstname, it's kind of a good thing to change “Krushnic” into something more... American.” He laughed and she joined him but became serious again after a few seconds.

“So it wasn't to hide and not be found...”

And just like that the mood changed into something heavier. Misha saw the hint of pain in her green eyes.

“No... why would I want to hide, and from who? You thought I wanted to run from the life we had in Northfield? I was happy there, I had plans, we were all happy. Weren't you too?”

She quietly remembered, staring at the glass in her hand ... It was definitely the happiest years of her life. Teenagehood's insouciance, first love, a loving family around her, a nice place to live, lots of good friends...

“I was.”

“When we talked at the airport...” he paused and she saw a sparkle of mischief in his squinted eyes all of a sudden.

“Remember? After you said I was lying about who I was...”

At that comment, Lily smiled, bit her lower lip, closed her eyes and scratched the back of her neck, visibly ashamed of herself, but didn't interrupt.

“You said you were just back from Northfield. Do you often go back there?”

 Brace yourself Lily, it's time for the tragic explanation.

“No. I hadn't been in Northfield for twenty-two years. I never came back, not even once. I went back last weekend because I had to take care of a few things after grandma died. She still had her house in Litchfield and the farm was still hers too... Now they're mine and I have no idea what to to with it.”

“She died recently?”

Misha's eyes were shiny now, but not from playfulness anymore. He once loved Lily's grandmother like his own and knowing he wouldn't see her anymore was painful.

“Twelve days ago.”

“How?”

She cleared her throat.

“She was sick. Cancer.”

Misha swallowed thickly and wiped the single tear that felt down on his cheek.

“I'm sorry.”

Lily smiled, touched by the fact he was still very emotional when it came to her grandparents. She wanted to lighten the mood back, but she had too many questions that needed to be answered, and it was now or never. She put her empty glass on the coffee table and sat back comfortably on the sofa.

“She wasn't at the farm the night of the fire... You knew she was still alive, you could've gone to her to check on us... Why didn't you?”

“I did! After we left the hospital three days after the fire and the doctor told us you all died, that's the first thing we did! She wasn't home, she wasn't at the farm either, and when we got back the week after, the house was abandoned. I went to ask the neighbors and they told me she left the country but they didn't know where exactly. She apparently didn't tell anyone where she moved.”

“Fate is a cruel bitch”, Lily thought and sighed deeply. They indeed never told anyone they were moving to France. What was the point anyway?

“I stayed at the hospital for a couple weeks. Grandma never left my side.”

Misha frowned obviously worried.

“Why so long? We were out after a couple of days... I know we didn't have health insurance but still...”

“No, no it had nothing to do with that, I umm... They needed to treat my wound and it was a bit long.”

“What wound?”

“I... I got burnt on my back.”

Silence fell in the room and Misha put his glass on the coffee table too, then glanced at Lily.

“How bad was it?”

He couldn't see of course, she was hiding the scar under a long-sleeved vest.

“Well... I have an burn scar that won't go so... ugly kind of bad I guess.”

“Show me.”

 What? No way.

“Uh... No. Not happening. It's not good to see. I mean, it's just an ugly sc-”

“Show me, Lily!” He almost pleaded with a low but insisting voice.

 She froze, not knowing what to say or do to get out of this situation. She was definitely      not     going to take her vest off just to show him the ugliest part of her body.

Misha suddenly stood up and sat behind her on the sofa, softly placing his hands on her shoulders. He turned her a little bit, facing her back, and started to slowly pull her vest off. He would've stopped at any sign of protestation, but she didn't move or make any sound. Her heart was racing, and she was breathing heavily, looking at her hands.

 Oh my God what is happening?

 When the black vest was down her shoulders' blades, he easily saw it because she was only wearing a pink tank top under it. At the top of her left shoulder blade, he stopped pulling to take a deep breath. The skin wasn't red anymore, as it happened a long time ago, it was already healed, but he could see a patch of altered and depigmented skin with weird shapes in it. It wasn't      that     bad from his point of view, and he started pulling further down on her vest.

When he managed to take the vest off completely, his hands reached her lower back, and he gently pushed her top up.

The scar was spread on the entire length of her back, on the left, and was disappearing under her jean's waistband. Misha gasped, not because it was disgusting, but because he couldn't understand how he made it without a scratch when she had such a huge scar.

“How... How did that happen?” His voice was weak and shaky. He was still staring, and Lily started to feel very uncomfortable, so she pulled her top down and put her vest back on before turning back on the sofa to face Misha.

Her heart broke a little when she saw the pained expression on his face.

“I don't really know for sure. I passed out right after you did and I woke up like that in the hospital. When I asked the doctor, he said something very hot, or inflamed, fell from the ceiling and burnt the blanket that was on my back, which burnt my clothes and then my skin.”

“The blanket on your back?”

“Yeah... After you lost consciousness, I took the blanket off my bed and put it on my back... Don't ask me why, I don't even know myself. It was a protection reflex I suppose.”

Misha tried to remember and picture the scene in his mind, but something wasn't right.

“Why did your back burn but I made it without a scratch? It doesn't make sense we were in the same spot! If something fell from the ceiling it would've fall on me too!”

It hit Lily like a brick wall when she understood... she never thought about that before, but it all made sense now... She looked straight into his piercing sapphire eyes.

“I... I was laying on top of you... The flames probably didn't reach you before the firemen took us out.”

He thought hard, trying to remember, but the last thing he could recall was her distant voice calling his name. Everything went black after that.

“You... protected me?”

She shrugged like it was no big deal, but she was in tears now, and so was Misha.

Her voice was just a whisper at that point.

“I didn't think about it... I didn't know what to do so I just laid on top of you, I was sure you were already dead, you weren't breathing anymore, and I wanted to... I don't know... hug you one last time before dying myself, I guess, so I put the blanket on us and waited for who knows what like an idiot.”

This was too much for him. He leaned forward and took her in his arms, hugging her tenderly, both arms almost crushing her waist. Burying his face in the crook of her neck, he let out a loud sob.

“I'm so sorry, Lily!”

She hugged him back, placing her arms around his neck, a hand on the back of his head, the other on his shoulder.

“For what? You're not responsible for anything.”

Lily could feel his body convulsing from the sobs.

“I was supposed to protect you and I failed. I thought you died because I was so weak. I will never forgive myself.” He said with his head still buried in her neck. She could feel his warm tears running down her skin.

 And she thought she was the one feeling guilty all those years...

They didn't move, still holding tight on each other.

“Well, I didn't die. And I certainly never thought you were weak. It's not your fault, Misha... I never blamed you for anything.”

He moved back just a little to look at her, but he didn't took his hands off of her. His face was wet and flushed, his eyes swollen from crying, and Lily's heart broke a little more.

His lips raised into a faint smile though.

“Can you say that again?”

“I mean it. It's not your fault.”

He smiled wider.

“No I mean... You haven't pronounced my name since we found each other back... I almost forgot how it sounds in your mouth... Say it again, please.”

Oh God... He hadn't changed that much after all. He was apparently still the cheesy romantic guy she had known. Was that butterflies in her stomach all of a sudden?

“Misha...” She whispered, and a single tear dropped down her face.

Time froze. No one could tell how much time passed after that moment. They were still holding each other, not so close anymore, but staring at each others eyes.

And then Lily smirked.

“Have you been working out?” She slightly squeezed his shoulders. Misha snorted and his eyebrows popped up.

“What???”

“I mean... as far as I can remember, you've never really been the muscular type of guy, but look at you now...”

He let her go and burst out laughing, leaning on the sofa's back, holding his stomach.

She knew how to lighten the mood, didn't she? She soon joined him, laughing too.

“I think we need one more drink.”

She poured two more glasses and held one to him. “Cheers!”

 KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

“Oh you gotta be kidding me! I'm gonna kill her!” Lily rolled her eyes throwing her head back.

“Katie? Why isn't she home right now?”

“She is but... she actually lives right up here on the third floor... I knew she wouldn't keep her promise!”

“Ah... you forgot to mention that.” He couldn't hide his disappointment.

 I swear to God she will regret this!

Lily stood up angrily, opened the front door, and was suddenly face to face with Peter, her ex-boyfriend.

“You don't answer my calls... I thought I would drop by and see if you're okay...”

 Oh no.

[kennedydevin-blog]

OOC WEEK: DAY THREE

RAPID FIRE:

Tea or coffee? Tea. I get this really great tea from this place in the farmer’s market here. I currently have an iced lemon cake & a Hawaiian Sunset tea. They’re amazing. 

Stars or planets? Planets. I’m a planets person! 

Sun or moon? Moon. I love the moon with all my being. 

Black or white? Black. I look much better in black than white. Plus my cat is black, so that cat furr totally 

The zoo or the aquarium? Animals living free away from human interference. Neither, to be honest. I love animals too much to put them in captivity like that. 

Drama or comedy? A difficult decision, but drama wins by just a hair. Mostly because a lot of what I watch has drama in the title. I watch more crime drama than anything else. 

Thriller or adventure? Adventure. 

Short walks to the fridge or long walks on the beach? I love to walk, but like... not really on the beach. 

Indoors or outdoors? Although it depends on the day, to be honest. I love being outside. 

Animals or plants? I cannot keep plants alive to save my life, but it’s always been a dream to have an apartment with white walls, & plants hanging on every nook and cranny in the place. 

Time alone or time with others? I love being alone. I mean... as long as my cat is with me.

Introvert or extrovert? I think the above question answers why I’m an introvert.

Silence or music? Both, really. There are times when I just like to listen to the sounds of the house. But there are also times where I love listening to music. 

Darkness or light? Except when I’m trying to write or read. 

Cats or dogs? I know I have a dog, buttttttt.... my cat is the love of my life. If she were an actual person, I’d marry her. 

Dancing or being the wallflower? Although it depends on the people I’m with, because I will dance if I’m with certain people. 

Right or left? I write with my left hand, so I guess left. 

Werewolves or vampires? Both are good. I have started to have an appreciation for vampires because of the Lore podcast. The first episode was about vampires, but there have been several on people that transform which are ALWAYS fascinating. Literally this podcast is my life. Check this podcast out, you won’t be sorry. My favorite is this episode about lighthouses.

Dressing stylishly or dressing comfortably? I say as I’m sitting here... in my Grace Potter shirt, my Hamilton sweatshirt, sweatpants, & neon socks.

Sunrise or sunset? I think the sunset colors are prettier.

Lead or follow? Yikes, depends on the situation, but most of the time, leader. 

Optimist or pessimist? There’s no doubt about that.

Staying up late or waking up early? I say... as I go to bed before midnight every night except Thursday.

Speaking up or staying silent? I’ll often get into fights for just saying what I feel in a situation, especially if something is disgusting. 

White lies or brutal honesty? I mean... I’m a compulsive liar, but... I normally tell the truth to people... most of the time. Depends on the human.

Ask for permission before doing the stupid thing or ask for forgiveness after doing the stupid thing? Kind of neither. I don’t really do anything that others would consider stupid. 

LONG FORM:

Pet peeves: human existence. I mean, I don’t get annoyed by people often, unless they are just being assholes. Like for instance the people that ask “how can you be vegan & pro-choice” LISTEN ASSHOLE, you’re asking for a fight. Other than people asking questions that are obviously just looking to pick my thoughts and opinions on stuff apart, I am super not annoyed by people. 

Bad habits: I pick at my cuticles, so a lot of the time my fingers start to bleed.

Favourite scents (your amortentia!): Burning wood, Sunkist ( like oranges are good, but sunkist smells amazing ), my cat, lemons. A few of my favorite  scents. I also like lavender, mint, & rosemary. 

Favourite animal: Cats, but don’t tell my dog. I have a lot of favorite animals, but cats are so adorable. 

Favourite colour: Green is my favorite color. 

Favourite place to go (local or otherwise) (photos get bonus points): Honestly, I don’t have any local places that I go because the area I live in is sort of... boring. In New York, there’s this comic book shop I always go to. So probably that’s one of my favorite places. I’ll post some pictures at the bottom.

Favourite meme: ??? I’m not up to date on all the memes, so I don’t really have a favorite. 

Do you have any creative or artistic abilities? Yes, I do! Besides writing, I do watercolors. I can’t draw as well, but I love watercolors. Also, sometimes I knit & I’m learning to make my own soaps because a lot of homemade soaps aren’t vegan??? 

Talk about something that made you happy today, yesterday, this week: It snowed over the weekend! We were supposed to get 7 inches, though it turned out to only be about 4 or 5, but it snowed. I live in North Carolina, so snow doesn’t always happen every year, or not a big snow at least. I just love winter weather so much. 

Talk about an experience that made you feel proud or confident: To be honest, I don’t really know what to put here. I’m not a very prideful person or confident for that matter. 

Talk about something/someone that makes you feel relaxed: Dungeons & Dragons is the only thing that really relaxes me. I have two characters. One of them, Nico Thornbrush, is a halfling ( basically they’re hobbits, but they’re only 3 feet. ) fighter, that recently started to become a paladin -- or holy warrior. He’s only 20 years old, barely old enough to leave home, but he’s just so good... just such a cinnamon roll. But he’s dumb & doesn’t reallly believe in death. My other character though... is a whisper gnome named Ludovic Silvermist -- he goes by Ludo -- ( because I wasn’t allowed to name him Ronald without getting judged ). He’s a trickery cleric, that isn’t very devout to his goddess -- he kind of hates her. He’s all about them lies & deception to get him ahead. He used to be an orphan until a priest took him in. He has a rat named Scabbers that he occasionally talks to because it’s his best friend.

Talk about something you’re yet to try for the first time but want to: Skydiving. 

Who are your role models & why: Okay, so I have a lot of role models. But I’m just going to put a few here, since I don’t want to write novels. 

Matthew Mercer - Matthew is such a great person. I could probably go on & on about the things he’s done that have really inspired me & made me think he’s such a great person, but it would be a novel. If you have played more than one video game, chances are that Matt was a voice in it. He’s got over 300 IMDB credits. Seriously... & his fiance Marisha Ray is very involved with getting better working conditions for voice actors. Matt is that over achieving person that you just want to deck in the face, but he’s so sweet you just can’t bring yourself to do so, but he’s also an evil genius, so there’s that. He always reminds everyone to have faith that everything will work out. Even if it’s about his game, it still translates into real life. He’s created so much & done such a good job at inspiring others to create that I just look up to him for that reason alone.

Practically the entire cast of Critical Role is a role model to me in some way, so I won’t talk about all of them in detail. 

Obama - I think just saying that is enough. His farewell speech was just so amazing & really says everything about why I look up to him. 

Kieron Gillen & Jamie McKelvie - If you don’t read the series The Wicked + The Divine, I highly recommend it because it’s really good. I’ve met Gillen, McKelvie & their colourist Matt Wilson. They’re all really cool people. They’re doing what the love to do, but not only that, they have brought forward political and social issues into a comic series like I’ve never seen anyone do before. I love how these three are doing what they love, while being very aware of what they are creating & how important diversity representation is in media. I mean seriously, read WicDiv. There are themes of sexism and racism. And cultural appropriation v. appreciation is a huge deal as a whole in the comic. Seriously it’s such a diverse comic, I can’t even begin to describe. Not just with sexuality, but gender as well. I look up to them as a reminder that people are capable of change & even our generation can be pressured into thinking things that aren’t true because of media. 

Basically WicDiv is about these pop stars that are actually gods, but instead of living forever, they only have 2 years to live. Then in 90 years, it happens again. Basically, we’ve been told everyone is going to die by the end of the series. Which means my trash son is going  to die :/

Mara Wilson - seriously, just scroll through her twitter. She tells it like it is. I’m so glad Matilda grew up to be such a wonderful adult.

Talk about something you want to do this year: die. Hmm, I’m not sure. One of the biggest things on my list is to try and go to a live Critical Role show, if they have one. I think it would be really awesome to be able to see this show live. I mean... it’s live every week, but they stream from California. Maybe also one of the Night Vale shows. 

Would not recommend going on a Wednesday if you’re ever in NYC. It’s pretty scary with all the people getting all the new comics.