#obviously major tlj spoilers lmfao

[toothplug]

ok official spoilery list of what i liked and didn’t like abt tlj........

before i get going i know there will be way more dislikes but i still enjoyed the movie as in I Had Fun but it was an extremely flawed movie. i give it like a 5/10 (tfa for me was like 8.5 even 9 but i’m biased maybe)

likes:

i enjoyed learning the back story of kylo/luke esp from both their perspectives, neat enough

REY IS A GARBAGE CHILD FROM A TRASH PLANET AND NOT A STUPID FUCKING SKYWALKER THANK GOD

good acting all around

That Scene Where Laura Derne Esploded In Space And It Got Real Quiet

some funny moments*

the scene where kylo turns on snoke (some ppl hate that he died, i don’t care as much in fact i kinda liked it but i’m adding a ** here)

Poe had a good arc i guess......

the kylux sex scene i made up in my head

i liked the casino

cute and well designed creatures altho i’m really picky with CGI so sometimes the porgs and crystal dogs or w/e looked a little weird to me but that’s just.....my own issue

When Kylo Ren Stances Up The Gay Icon

When Luke Brushes The Non Dirt Off His Shoulder The Gay Icon

that fucking titty milk luke drinks str8 from the teet that part rocked my world

dislikes:

fucky things with the force that made no sense to me:

snoke connecting rey and kylo, then somehow it still happening after he’s dead

flying leia????????????? wtf??????????? wtf wtf that scene wtf

the following characters got royally fucked in this film: leia (went to sleep, did virtually nothing), rey (everything she does relates to kylo, other than that one thing with her parents and it felt like an afterthought to me, we’re told she grows over the film, but i didn’t see how or when), finn (he does nothing. point blank. does nothing and only interacts with his wittle girlfwiend), rose (also did nothing. the only woc in the main cast and all she does is some stupid ass pointless mission then kisses finn. lame. the dead sister plot had potential but kinda went nowhere), hux (literally a punching bag who lost any sinister qualities he ever had, why was he even here if this was the point), PHASMA???? (she shows up finally for 2 seconds, has the most boring anticlimactic fight in fucking film history, and falls in a fucking hole without us ever SEEING HER FACE?!?!?? i’m so furious about this one. i’m fucking mad bye)

kylo got literally all of the character development/arc other than maybe poe and luke. but poe’s was kinda blah idk it was fine but it fell a little flat for me and luke like had more conflict than others but he basically stagnated the entire time until the very end where he saved the day and then like. died.)

obviously the kiss

*too much humor. detracted from a lot of emotional moments or sinister atmosphere, v marvel film of them to do. 

**i liked snoke’s death BUT it ends up kind of fucking up the movie because he’s not replaced with anyone nearly as menacing or scary. neither kylo nor hux/the first order come even remotely close to how legit scary they were in the first film. i mean hux is literally one of the 3 stooges basically. so we’re left with no proper villain which sucks

these characters were literally unecessary: 

the DJ or any code breaker at all. why did this even happen. this entire thread with him, finn, and rose was fucking ridiculous. worst aspect of the whole movie. i could like go on abt this forever so i’m gonna stop now

ok wait one more thing: the whole gray morality thing via the weapons dealing is sooooo funny hahahha it was stupid af. the first order has slave soldiers but they don’t have their weapons made exclusively? ok

this pains me to say bc i love her but laura derne. other than her sacrifice, everything she did could have been leia, and we could have avoided literally throwing leia’s character away. i mean she got FUCKED and i’m really mad about it. i dont know why johnson set up this atmosphere with the rebels where apparently leia is god and no one on board would ever defy her or even argue something but i think it’s fucking stupid and bad writing. the idea that poe couldn’t have learned the exact same fucking lesson from her is idiotic. laura derne could have just like been around a few times, established that she’s close with leia, then her sacrifice still means something without detracting from other characters’ screen time. because that’s what she did sorry lmfao

listen it’s so cute and sweet that billie lourd was in it but she was in it too much. i’m sorry like. u only have so much time to develop a shit ton of characters so :( sorry billie.

that stupid fucking white boy with the force or whatever at the end. fuck that. sorry but why him ? if ur gonna do some like Kids In The Galaxy Paralleling The Audience Nostalgia fuck you for making a white boy. just reestablishes that this franchise originally was never meant for me like, this was all just a huge i love star wars wank fest for rian johnson and he clearly sees himself as that little boy which i think is literally dumb. not sure why it couldn’t have been one of the other kids or all three. stupid

this ties in with leia getting shafted but she and luke get to interact for like literally 3 seconds

this movie should just be retitled “Kylo Ren Is Valid And Here’s Why”

i want to point out i’m not one of Those People who hates the idea of a kylo redemption arc or thinks it’s impossible. like i said earlier, i liked getting his and luke’s sides of things and i’m fine with past kylo being painted somewhat sympathetically. but this movie fucking WACKS YOU OVER THE HEAD with it literally NONSTOP. 

the rey and kylo stuff was fine in theory but again it happened way too much. i think it could have been condensed into one scene where they connected once

as soon as rey and poe introduced themselves to each other i knew there was a big problem. i had like a revelatory moment in the theater because that was at the End of the film and two of the three MAIN protagonists (imo) JUST NOW MET?? at the end of the second movie. there’s only one more and their relationship is only starting now???? k.

in general splitting the main trio up for the entirety of the film was a shit ass idea

rey had too much makeup on lmfao there i said it

other than the one fight scene with rey and kylo, the fighting fell really flat as did the other action

didn’t like luke’s death. it took me a second to even realize what happened. probably fans of the OG trilogy loved it or at least liked it more but i didn’t grow up with SW and i didn’t care about it until TFA. i had this fleeting thought of like “oh wait were there two suns just then? that’s like....where he grew up or something right oh wait now they’re gone so it was symboli-oh wait he’s dead. oh.” idk it felt really anticlimactic to me. i mean compared to han’s death it doesn’t hold up at all imo

FUCK YODA THE STINKY OLD MAN!!!! that part was dumb as hell and so fanservicey it like hurt my body

overall, the movie did mostly nothing. felt like filler !

all in all i had fun like i said, the movie was p blah, and if the final one rocks which obviously i hope it does, then i’ll be more forgiving. every trilogy has a stinker even if it’s a good stinker, and the 2nd is always the best one to be the stinker imo so. hopefully this one is it.

[moonlitalien]

Okay so, here’s my own tiny review (more like a rant lmao) of TLJ, don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie obviously!

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS BELOW

Because it’s a Star Wars movie, and because I’m a SW nerd, obviously, I HAD to see it on the first day, and I was so excited I barely even slept the night before. The thing is, in the end, I was oh so heavily disappointed. Now don’t get me wrong, I love SW and obviously I will see episode 9. And even that crappy Han Solo sequel, probably. Disney knows exactly what they’re doing, and of all the people I’ve talked to who have been so disappointed by TLJ as well, 99% of them said the exact same thing as me: “I used to love the old trilogies, and the EU - therefore, I will see any upcoming SW movie, even if I know it’s gonna be bad”.

I think that sums up my opinion of SW as a whole ever since Disney bought Lucasfilms. I don’t like Rebels, I don’t like the new trilogy, I don’t like how stupidly childish, sweetened down and cheesy they are, but I’m a victim of my own initial love for SW, so... :’)

...My biggest issue with the entire movie is that it didn’t feel like a Star Wars movie at ALL. I spent the entire movie being like, “Who the fuck are you?? What the HELL is this? Where the hell are you going??!”

Nothing felt like SW. It was an outrageous insult to every single old fan of Star Wars - they made up new species, new planets, new characters, and as soon as Leia and Chewie die in (I suppose) the next episode, there will be nothing left of SW at all. It’s gonna be a cheap, childish universe that has nothing to do with Lucas’ SW. Going to a casino planet? Oh, better make it a NEW boring, ugly planet that felt like something out of MASS EFFECT instead of SW, instead of making everyone happy and making them go to Nar Shaddaa. Same for that dumb crystal planet at end - why not make them go to a new ~old Resistance base planet~ instead of oh, idk, Hoth or Yavin, AKA some REAL Resistance planets from the old trilogy?

And the worst part? I spent the ENTIRE casino arc (and the entire movie, in fact) staring at the background and the extras, and.. I couldn’t spot a SINGLE alien I knew. No Twi’lek, no Togruta, no Devaronian, no Pantoran, no Chiss, NOTHING. It was either a bunch of ugly humans in ugly costumes or some unknown cheap-looking alien species. I THINK I saw something that looked vaguely like a Dug at some point, but that’s... literally it. I was so sad and so fucking disappointed.

Now, for a list of pros and cons for the rest of the movie:

PROS: - The scene where Leia uses the Force to bring herself back into the ship was absolutely incredible and brought tears to my eyes. The visuals were beautiful, it was just... perfectly executed. - LOVED all of the Kylo/Rey scenes, I’m honestly biased because Daisy and Adam are some of my favorite actors, and they were absolutely incredible in their roles. The hand touch was just... beautiful. When Rey feels the rain and Kylo does too because of their Force bond... It gave me chills. It was beautiful and so sad.  - Rose was easily the best developed human character in the trilogy and I think that says a lot considering she’s been here since, well, the beginning of TLJ only. Also, she was beautiful and adorable and really badass. - The space battles. Incredible visuals again. The moment where Holdo drives the ship into hyperspace straight into the Imperial destroyer was just so beautiful. - Yoda’s Force ghost. So beautiful and so sad, and I was so happy that they used the same model that they used in the first trilogy. - Luke’s death. Not the ACTUAL death, which was super badly executed IMO, but the final scene where he becomes one with the Force, with his theme song playing in the background - it made me tear up. It was SO beautiful and so good. As Rey said, there was no sadness, he passed away feeling whole again. - The last scene with the little slave kid telling the other slave kids about the Resistance and the Force, and that tiny moment where he uses the Force to grab his broom, and the last scene where he looks at the sky, it gave me so many prequels/original trilogies feels. 

CONS: (oh boy) - The really terrible conclusion to all the Kylo/Rey scenes, where they decided to just... kill off Snoke and make Kylo the big villain. Broke my heart. Really terrible writing, so predictable, again a representation of how stupid Disney’s view of the Force is: everyone is either black or white, and if there’s a SINGLE doubt about their alignment, it WILL be made clear at some point that they’re either super evil or super nice. Kylo was nothing but a sad boy, I was heavily disappointed that Disney chose to make him kill Han, and SO happy when he decided not to kill his mother in TLJ. I was almost starting to believe he could get a redemption arc, but no, it would’ve been too complex and interesting for the kiddy audience obviously. - Luke’s... entire arc?? Entire character?? Disney absolutely destroyed and burned down everything about Luke and the entire movie was just a fucking fiasco because of this. They turned the loving, friendly, ever hopeful little boy into a bitter monster who, for a second, would have been ready to execute a CHILD, his own NEPHEW, in his sleep. Into a stupid Force user who, after witnessing what the Jedi and the Jedi code did to his father, turning him into the galaxy’s most hated man, STILL chose to keep using the Jedi code and to teach it to his students. Ridiculous, completely OOC. - Whatever this mess of a story arc Poe got. Hundreds of people died because of him, including Rose’s sister. It was so OOC and such terrible handling of his character, I’m honestly speechless. - Whatever this mess of a story arc Finn and Rose got...? What was the POINT of this entire arc since it led to absolutely nothing except more pain and suffering? Ridiculous. - WHERE. WERE. THE. ALIENS. Seriously, FUCK OFF DISNEY. I’m so tired of all these humans. SO TIRED. The galaxy is NOT MADE OF A MAJORITY OF HUMANS, FFS. The casino was full of humans, the Resistance was full of humans EXCEPT THREE characters that I spotted in the background on top of admiral Ackbar (who fucking died too??), and even Phasma was also a human. When her helmet shattered, oh boy, I had this faint hope that she would be a Chiss, but NOPE. ANOTHER HUMAN. - Those marketing-driven scenes with the ugly birds (’Porgs’) and the uwuwu cute crystal foxes uwu like lol, go ahead, just buy plushies and figures of them, that was the only purpose of their appearance in the movie anyway. - Leia’s lack of love and empathy for her son. Luke’s unshakable need to remind everyone he needs to murder Kylo for the greater good. It was so OOC for both of them and CAN DISNEY JUST GIVE KYLO A BREAK LMAO. They turned what could have been one of the most interesting twist on a kid falling to the Dark side into a ridiculous evil puppet. Also, Leia has ONE child, and she would never hate him. OOC as hell. Next. - That dude from the casino whose name I can’t even remember, who helped Finn and Rose with the Destroyer and etc. Who the fuck. What the fuck. I just?? Why?? What was the purpose of this ugly drunk hobo besides making me hate Finn and Rose’s arc even more lmfao??? AND WHY WAS HE HUMAN AGAIN PLS REMIND ME? - NONE of the theories/questions were answered. Who is Snoke? Don’t know, don’t care, boom he’s dead. Thanks Disney. Rey is so strong in the Force because she’s related to Anakin? Lol no, she’s a random character with random parents. I was facepalming so hard.

I just. Oooh boy. This movie was a disappointment, It was exactly everything I knew it would be because Disney is bad at storytelling and likes to make everything easy and simple to understand for their stupid goddamn kid audience. Like go away lmao. I’m gonna sound like an old bitter harpy but the EU > Disney. SW was never supposed to be so easy to understand, it’s supposed to be complex, full of mysteries and theories. My mom and I regularly debate about Anakin and Padme and Obi-Wan and Luke and it’s been YEARS since these trilogies ended. That’s not going to happen with TLJ.

What I’m looking forward to in the next ep, even though I know it has 99% chance of not happening: - Leia getting a beautiful death, because she’s a queen, a mother, a legend and deserves the best death ever. - Hopefully a last goddamn chance for a Kylo redemption arc. Like lmao I know it won’t happen and Disney will just keep ruining his character but a girl can still hope. - More Kylo/Rey scenes since they were some of the best parts of TLJ. - More Rey/Finn/Poe scenes because we got nothing at all in TLJ except a hug between Finn and Rey at the end and like a two-word exchange between Rey and Poe. - More cool space battles. - MORE FUCKING ALIENS. FFS. JUST GIVE ME ONE TWI’LEK AND I’LL BE HAPPY. - An Obi-wan and/or Anakin Force ghost. - An interesting ship that isn’t necessarily straight (just saying this because I can FEEL the Poe/Rey happening even though they have 0 chemistry and it’s making me sad :’)) - PLEASE just tell me who the fuck Snoke is and tell me he isn’t really dead. Please. The ~supreme leader~ can’t possibly have such a retarded death with 0 background for his character. It makes no sense.