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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #326

“life by life / waste to waste / i'm the harbinger: the master of decay”

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? Probably the venue. Or possibly the photographer. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? Not very. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? Very much so. Do you own anything that is special edition? Yeah, things like DVDs. Do you have any funky bookmarks? I have this one meerkat bookmark where the image moves when you tilt it. Did you ever watch Pokemon? Hell yeah I did. Are there more females or males in your family? Females. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mom does due to having gerd. Dad did too when I actually lived with him. I wouldn't know nowadays. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? No. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. Any essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? Similar interests, like being a metal fan and gamer especially, as well as a serious animal lover for sure. Any romantic gestures you really like? Okay if someone did that little bow thing while reaching out for my hand to dance, I'd melt, lol. I also appreciate love interests holding open doors, SHOWING INTEREST IN HOW I FCKN FEEL, asking permission before doing anything in sexual exploration, stuff like that. Any sexual fantasies? Are you daring enough to share one? Yep, not sharing those lmfao. Have you ever been in love? Twice. What is your favorite/least favorite word? My favorite is "serendipity/serendipitous," and my least favorite is "retarded." Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. If I actually had a body I was confident in, I probably would in privacy tho at night lmao. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Oh yeah. What is your favorite thing to do? Probably RPing with my favorite OCs when I'm in a really creative mood and during a great scene. Did you go to your senior prom? Yeah, I did. Prom's honestly pretty damn overrated, but I did it and his senior prom anyway. It's the picking out a beautiful dress and taking pictures that I loved. What did you do after graduation? I don't remember. We probably went out to eat or something. Favorite home cooked meal growing up? Spaghetti. What item most embarrasses you to purchase? Nothing, really. Do you give cards to people for holidays or events? No. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. Uhhhhh idk. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I hate the texture of whipped cream. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? Sometimes if I want a snack but am trying to be healthy-ish, I'll eat just a scoop. What was the last pill you took for? Pain. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? Loose, 100%. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Meerkats grooming. I did it in high school on a large piece of burlap. Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? "Take It Like a Woman" by Alice Cooper, for one. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? Very smart, sweet, friendly, and nice. Game you were best at in PE/gym? Pf, none. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Pokemon. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's talk about deep stuff regarding the world or about how awesome animals are. Top 5 favorite Vines? Oh boy. There are just way too many. I'll try to name a few: 1.) the "I can't find my berries" saga guy; 2.) *in drive-thru, asked what he would like to order* "I wanna FUCKIN DIE"; 2.) "i cOUldA DROPpeD my CroISSAnt"; 3.) "it's Wednesday, m'dudes"; 4.) "a d a m"; 5.) "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH." God, I miss Vine. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Holy cow, I have no idea. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite tradition? Dressing up for Halloween, even though I don't do it anymore... Talent you’re proud of having? Writing. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz was unbeatable. I was obsessed. Any good luck charms? I don't believe in those. Favorite potato food? French fries. Tell me the color of your eyes, without using the name of a color: Uhhhh a cloudy sky right before rain? Ever been through a goth phase? Goth is my fucking AESTHETIC. I wish I could afford a truly gothic wardrobe, because you bet your sweet ass it's all I'd wear out. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I think so? It was a Blueberry, I believe. Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? Obviously the Cheshire cat. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? Lately, it's been tarantula and snake channels/pet YouTubers. I still think my overall favorites are let's plays, but right now it's just stepping back a bit. What’s the next project you are excited to start? I have this pretty cool drawing I wanna do of a morbid meerkat doing a big toothy smile, doing a peace sign (but his fingers are syringes) with a crown blinking over his head. Inspired by the "Professional Griefers" lyric of "lab rat king." I just really wanna make it perfect and am procrastinating in fear of failing... Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think I believe in miracles. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, Justine, and Chloe, to name a few. Which did you like better: high school or college? High school, at least in most ways. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. My interests just kinda threw up everywhere, haha. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. Were you raised religious? Yes. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't have to do taxes yet. What was the very first thing you ever saved up to buy with your own money? Venus was the first big thing, I think. Describe your favorite Christmas ornament: I don't know what that would be, honestly. We have so very many. What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? Dad's always been a mailman, and he also had a second job as a carpenter for a while. Mom worked with special needs children at my elementary school as a teacher assistant. She also worked at the hospital at one point, doing some computer work. I don't remember her actual position. Are you taller than your mom? We're the same height. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Sure, that's not a big deal to me. Last reason you went to the ER? For myself, a suicide attempt/overdose. What was the last word document you typed? This survey, actually, so I could save progress as I combine them. What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? Global warming. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple. I wanted apple slices with peanut butter. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? Holy SHIT that is impossible. Maybe the devil cakes, but I really don't know. I love most of them. Do you/your family buy loaf from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? Bagged. White, wheat or other? Mom buys white bread, but my favorite is pumpernickel. What was the last non-fiction book you’ve read? (Not a school textbook!): I ain't got a clue. I don't really read non-fiction. What color are your headphones/earbuds? These are blue. Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? Yep. Thankfully, I don't snore. Do you feel guilty about killing bugs? Yep. How do you feel about coconut? Not a fan. ^ Ever cracked one open? Ha, I've always wanted to. Who did you last worry about and why? My mom. She's getting a CT scan ASAP due to chronic headaches and stomach pain, so I'm worried her cancer might be re-emerging. When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? I don't know; I struggle to do this. If I don't like something, my face shows it. I can't help it. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. Do you have any framed black & white photos in your home? Who are they of? No. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? N/A If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you chose? I don't know. Real talk, I find most luxury brands to sell pretty ugly stuff... Do you like candy canes? Yeah. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yes; one is my landlord. What color was the dress you wore to your senior prom? It was black. Ever go to another school’s prom? No. Do you like burning candles or incense? I love incense. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do in there? When I used to live in the woods, I did every now and then to take pictures. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? Single, but that would be so romantic. /swoons How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was this emo/metalhead/goth creature. What is the best present you have ever received? My dog Teddy. <3 What is the best present you have ever given? I put the most effort into a scrapbook thing of well over a hundred reasons I loved my then-boyfriend Jason. Even though we're done, I honestly hope he still has it, just to remember. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Sara's parents paying for a flight up there to be with Sara for her birthday. Have you ever been robbed? No, thankfully. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? Definitely a nope. Ever give someone a wrong phone number on purpose? No. What’s the strangest thing you have ever witnessed firsthand? I have no idea. It's... very morbid, but possibly dogs twitching after being euthanized. Seeing Teddy do it was such a strange, painful experience. Like there was still life in there... even though I know it was just his nerves doing their final hoorah and he was already dead. Ever seen a psychiatric ward? I've been in a mental hospital five or six times, so I'm uncomfortably familiar with them. What is the last thing you did that you didn’t want to do? Group therapy. I'm really burning out on it. Thankfully, I don't have it on the weekends. What is the last thing you convinced someone else to do? I dunno. If you could live in a different time, would you? When? Nah. Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone else? Sleeping alone is more comfortably physically, but I usually prefer sleeping with a partner because there's this amazing feeling of safety, love, and companionship. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Do you prefer cold air and blankets, or warm air and no blankets? Cold air and blankets by ten miles. I can't sleep if I'm even remotely hot. How often do you dust? Sigh, not as much as I need to. What is the most "extreme" activity you have ever done? I haven't done very much that fits that description... so idk. Dr. Pepper or root beer? Dr. Pepper. I hate root beer. Last room you cleaned? Mine. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? Checked into the doctor's office by myself, haha... Talk about sad. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? It's not my business to actually share those pictures, but I can describe them. I fucking ADORE this candid photograph I took of my mom laughing; I will forever cherish it. It's morbid to think about, but it's absolutely a picture I'll frame of her once she's passed away. I don't have many pictures of Dad, but I do really like this picture we took together at Red Lobster once. Are you subscribed to anything (Magazines, monthly boxes, streaming sites, etc.)? Mom pays an Adobe Creative Cloud photography bundle subscription for me, but that's it. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. It was a rewatch for me, but she'd never seen it. What’s something exciting that’s happened to one of your friends recently? A childhood friend got engaged a few days back. Do you have any board games? If so, where do you keep them? We have a few somewhere. What were the last things you glued together? I don’t recall. What are your friends’ pets’ names? I'll just use Sara here since she's my best friend. She has two family dogs, Buster and Beesly, a cat named Winter, four ball pythons named Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, and Jane Marie, and Doris, a bearded dragon that I personally adore most. :') What all did you do today? I played World of Warcraft early this morning, but not for very long. I've been in a phase of being very uninterested in it lately. I've mostly just done surveys... lots of surveys. I'm just in the mood to. I've also been listening to music and watching John Wolfe play Amnesia: Rebirth periodically. If you live in a house, how many floors does it have? If you live in an apartment building, how many units does it have? It's just one floor. Would you like to live in a world with mythical creatures, even if they turned out to be evil or dangerous? Honestly... I probably would, haha. Are you scared of heights? Yes. When was the last time you lost something of great sentimental value? Did you ever end up finding it again? Never, I think and hope. What food do you find to be the most filling? Is this something you eat a lot of? Eggs or oatmeal. Not really. What do you think of people who purposefully train their dogs to fight or to be aggressive? They're fucking garbage human beings. If you suffer/have suffered with acne, do you squeeze your spots or do your best to just leave them be? Ugh, I was so bad (and still am if something pops up) about picking at it. Does your father have any hobbies? What are they? Sure. He loves sports, fishing, idk if he still plays video games, fantasy football... and I can't forget playing with his grandkids. It's hard for me to know all of them when I don't live with him and see him rarely. What did the last face mask you wore look like? It was just a white cotton one. Is there a specific song that you always request at parties? What is it? I don't go to parties. Would you rather read poetry or write poetry? Write it. Have you ever had any really infected injuries? I've had infected piercings as well as a badly infected pilonidal cyst. Is there any band out there that you like every song by them? No. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? Aaaaand now I'm hooked on "NIHIL" by 3TEETH. Are you currently texting anyone right now? No. When was the last time you played jump rope? Yikes, probably not since I was a kid. I used to love it. Who was the last person you offended? I dunno. What’s the earliest you’ve ever had to wake up for work? Not early. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I know trans people who have, yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support and survived? No. At least, I don't believe so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? They're divorced, and Mom at least can't stand him. Dad doesn't really care. Do you ever feel like you’re sharing too much about yourself online? Oh, I absolutely used to. I still might, idk. I've tried to reel it back some. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Eight, but they're just small, vertical rectangles stacked together, so it's not as revealing as it sounds. What was the last necklace you wore? My spiked choker, I think, for pictures. Or maybe the one I have with a bunch of big silver skulls. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I don't think so, no. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? My half-sister on Dad's side that I've never met. Have you ever been in an abandoned house? A shack, yeah. Do you like art? I positively adore it. I could NOT imagine life without it. How about theatre? I don't care for it. Have you ever made breakfast for someone? Yes, for Sara. Do you talk to your crush? If you have one. Yeah, she's my best fren. If yes, what do you usually talk about? Nowadays I ask her almost daily how she's doing in regards to her progress of recovering from both serious physical and mental stressors. I try to always be an available ear if she ever wants to vent. Would you rather read or watch a video about something? Watch a video. In what ways have you fulfilled some of the hopes and dreams you had as a teenager? I've fulfilled none of those. What’s one stressful thing you’ve been trying to deal with lately? How have you been dealing with it? Inexplicable, chronic boredom/serious anhedonia. I've just... put up with it. I get pleasure out of essentially nothing most days, and it sucks big time. I just try to distract myself and force myself to do things I usually love, though I've been bad about actually succeeding in making me do said stuff... Is there a regional chain of store/restaurant/etc. in your area that you feel very loyal to? MOTHERFUCKIN BOJANGLE'S, BITCH. You think YOU have good fries somewhere? Oh hunny, sit down. Oftentimes, people warn us against getting tattoos or body modifications or dying our hair unnatural colors because we could be judged poorly for them. But has a more “alternative” look ever worked out in your favor? Well, I like myself better with my piercings and tattoos, and that's all that really matters to me. Do you have any daily routine/habit of that you’re really proud of keeping up? No. .-. Pick one of the following activities to do in a forest (assume you would be equally good at each one of these): Foraging for mushrooms, identifying trees, searching for specific types of bugs, trying to build something out of fallen branches and logs. Searching for bugs w/ my camera!!! But that all sounds fun. What’s the hardest class you’ve ever taken? My most recent math course that I failed horribly.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''master of decay'' by 3teeth

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ladyautie · 4 years ago

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get to know me more!

@funyasm tagged me and I’m bored after writing my chapter, so here it is!

✨ what do you prefer to be called name wise?

My name’s Sophie. My friends call me Spencou or Spence. We met on a Role-Playing game forum where I played a character named Spencer. We’re used to call each other by our characters’ names and nicknames, most of the time. My brother calls me Sis’.

✨ when is your birthday?

15th november 1993.

✨ where do you live?

Paris, France.

✨ three things you are doing right now?

I’m watching an episode of AT4W on youtube, scrolling on Tumblr and I’m drinking a coffee.

✨ four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

Definitely It and especially Eddie Kaspbrak and the ship Reddie. I’m kinda obsessed right now, writing fanfic, reading fanfic, daydreaming about it and all.

I just played the Last of Us 2 and I’m currently watching a let’s play from my favorite youtubers, Mari and Stacy from Geek Remix. I’ll probably read a few fics as well.

The tv show Barry (HBO) is a definite special interest for me. I’m probably going to watch it all once again real soon and I’m planning on writing a fanfic or two in the future. I’m dying for the third season to come.

Finally, I’m probably going to be super into The Umbrella Academy once again, when the second season will be released. I’m just really into Vanya, Klaus and Allison and I can’t wait to see more of them.

✨ how is the pandemic treating you?

None of the people I know have been contaminated, so I’m lucky about that. I’m not quarantined anymore, back to work, and the transition is not easy.

I feel like I’m more openly autistic than I used to be and that I can’t stand the rest of the world for a long period of time. I’ve experienced multiple meltdowns and shutdowns and I have real difficulties to socialize with most people or to focus on my work.

I feel incredibly naked and vulnerable whenever I’m leaving my flat without my mask on, so I think that’s definitely something I’m gonna have to work on in the future.

Leaving Paris and meeting my folks for my mother’s wedding, I found myself surrounded by people who mostly didn’t care about the virus, kissing each other on the cheek in true french fashion to say hello, hugging, not wearing a mask, not respecting any kind of social distance.

I was quickly overwhelmed by all of that, plus the noise, and I had to isolate myself in my parents’ car, sobbing hysterically and willing to suffer in a overheated car if it meant having a bit of peace.

There are definitely going to be long-term consequences. I can only hope that my physical health will remain okay, though.

✨ song you can’t stop listening right now?

Keep On by Sasha Sloan. I just really love the lyrics and the message.

✨ recommend a movie.

Whenever I have to think of a movie to recommend, Frank by Lenny Abrahamson is the first one that comes to my mind. This movie is an obsession for me since the first time I watched it and I often find myself watching it again and again. Despite its heavy subjects, it’s definitely a comfort movie for me.

Too often, movies featuring mentally ill characters will aim for the characters to “get better”, which doesn’t mean for them to find healthy ways to cope with their issues, but usually for them to look more “neurotypical-like”, if you know what I mean. Frank doesn’t go that way at all. On the contrary, it pushes the viewer to empathize with the main characters and to understand their point of view, their way of being.

It’s so incredibly comforting to watch a movie featuring mental illness realistic and not romanticized and to have the movie say “you’re different and you have issues, but you’ll find your tribe someday and be able to find your own happiness, even if it’s unconventional by society’s standards”.

I don’t know, I just have so much feelings about this movie. Plus the music slaps, the humor is hilarious (kudos to the random French guy who can perfectly understand English but refuses to utter a single word if it’s not in French) and the actors are truly on point (I can only salute Domnhall Gleeson, among everyone else who is also worthy of praise, because he definitely managed to make me hate his character in a way I almost never hated a character before).

Watch it!

✨ how old are you?

I’m 26 years old.

✨ school, university, occupation, other?

I used to be a librarian, but I couldn’t find a stable job in this field, so I passed an entrance examination and I’m now working in the tax administration. Yeah, not really glamorous, but it pays the bills and I’m accommodated for my disability, so it helps.

✨ do you prefer hot or cold?

Definitely cold. When I was a kid, I used to swim in mountain lakes, at temperatures close to 13° celsius, and I still take my showers mostly cold. I can’t stand heat, I get headaches very easily when it’s sunny and I’m getting confused easily whenever it’s too hot. I recently had a nosebleed at work so intense that I found myself spitting blood (it went better once I got a fan, making the temperature bearable).

✨ name one fact others may not know about you.

I used to be allergic to my own sweat when I was around 18, until my early twenties. Whenever I was doing a mild physical effort or getting stressed out, I would get hives and itchy skin rash all over my whole freaking body, which was so exhausting that I would fall asleep immediately as soon as the rash was gone.

It disappeared as suddenly as it appeared, without me ever doing something about it. I still don’t know why I experienced that and if I’m going to experience that ever again. I hope not.

✨ are you shy?

My autism makes social interactions complicated, but I’d say I’m mostly impaired by my social anxiety and the various traumas I’m dealing with daily.

Traumas I got after having been bullied pretty badly by kids and teachers during my school years, my stepfather being borderline abusive and different traumatic experiences, including my childhood crush dying from a ski accident when I was 15 or so (and me never being able to tell him that I loved him) and people betraying me so many times that I can’t even recall every little thing.

As a result, I find myself doubting constantly that I’m worthy of love, affection and respect and I often wonder when I’ll do or say the “wrong” thing that will cause me to lose everyone I care about. I also have a hard time knowing who I am and, as a result, allowing everyone to know who I am as well.

I often don’t know what to say and will find myself keeping my mouth shut, even on topics I’m knowledgeable about, because I’m scared of people shutting me down, among other things. My friends make it easier for me to talk about things I like and all, but I’m still heavily doubting myself.

I try to challenge myself regularly. I’ll force myself to take part in events that are taxing or that are forcing me to perform in front of people. That’s how I found myself taking part in the casting part of the french equivalent of “American Idol” (I merely met the pre-judges, but I did manage to sing my whole song in front of them). I needed to prove to myself that I could do it.

✨ do you have any preferred pronouns?

I’m using she/her, but I don’t mind people using they/them to talk about me if they don’t want to be gender-specific.

✨ any pet peeves?

I hate how people can freely and openly be homophobic, racist, ableist, transphobic, sexist and so on, but as soon as I open my mouth to let them know that what they said/did wasn’t appropriate, I’m labelled as one of those “hysterical feminists” or a “party pooper”. s/ Sorry if your antisemitic joke isn’t making me laugh, my “dear” colleague... /s I hate whenever people infantilize me, especially my mom. She’s still keeping an eye on my bank account, despite me telling her that I didn’t want her to do so again and again. I don’t dare to block her out, because I’m scared of her emotional reaction. I hate the ugliest parts of fandom, notably the obsession with “who’s topping / who’s bottoming” whenever there’s a gay pairing or the racism / ableism / transphobia / homophobia I’ve witnessed again and again.

I don’t dare to engage in the Last of Us 2 fandom because of that and the way some people describe the character of Abby (a very muscular woman), focusing on her physical appearance and calling her awful names (being downright transphobic when they thought that she was the transgender character that Naughty Dog announced there would be in their game).

✨ what’s your favorite “dere” type?

I had to google it, because aside from Yandere and Tsundere, I didn’t know a thing about it. I guess you could say I’m a Dandere (someone who is quiet and asocial. They are afraid to talk, fearing that what they say will get them in trouble.).

My favorite type is Kuudere though, when it comes to anime in particular (someone who is calm and collected on the outside, and never panics. They show little emotion, and in extreme cases are completely emotionless, but may be hiding their true emotions. They tend to be leaders who are always in charge of a situation.).

My favorite anime character, Kiyotaka Ayanokōji from the anime Classroom of the elite, is the most extreme case I can think about. He’s completely expressionless for most of the anime, talks with a very dull voice and it’s impossible to know what he’s thinking about at all times or what’s his overall plan. His hidden depth makes him all the more fascinating. He managed to keep me interested in a mostly meh anime.

✨ rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

It’s a bit hard, but somewhere around 5 or 6? I went through tons of crap in my life but I’m still here and able to live on my own, even if my quality of life isn’t all that good. I live with nearly daily suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager and have to compose with my meltdowns and anxiety attacks as well. I feel “other” most of the time and I can’t relate to most people I’m meeting and interacting with, which can sometimes feel very lonely.

On the other hand, I have wonderful friends who are willing to put up with my trauma crap and are overall amazing to talk to and be around. I have a cat I love dearly. They’re the reason why I’m still alive to this day, giving me a reason to say fuck off to my suicidal thoughts.

✨ what’s your main blog?

My main blog is Ladyautie and is about autism. I have another blog, reddie-4-more, focusing on the It movies and Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier.

✨ is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

So, uh, don’t be weirded out by the kind of things I can tell you about my past. Even if it seems a lot, all of it is definitely true.

For example, I was almost kidnapped when I was around 8 or 9 by a random guy, while I was camping with my father.

My father and my paternal grandmother actually kidnapped me and my brother when I was around two and I stayed with him until the social workers determined that my mother had to raise us again because our well-being and overall life were threatened.

Lots of events of my life seem far-fetched or out of a movie / a book or something and I had people telling me that I must be lying or that I’m over-exaggerating, something that always hurts deeply.

I’m terribly awkward and more or less openly autistic, so you’re definitely going to notice something different about me. I can’t change for you and I’m not willing to hide my traits only to make you feel more comfortable about frequenting me, so if you can’t handle my socially anxious and disabled ass, then just leave.

I need people to actually tell me what they think or feel. I’m very “first degree” and I’m pretty bad at guessing what people are thinking about. Don’t be afraid to be frank.

Finally, never, and I mean never, infantilize me. I’m a 26 years old woman. I’m not a kid.I’m fine with my friends offering to help or making sure that I’m okay or so, but never assume that I don’t understand something and don’t force your help on me if I say that I’m okay.

That’s it, those who want to take part in this exercise, don’t hesitate!

#tag game #not entirely autism related #suicide mention

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devilwcman · 5 years ago

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FULL NAME: Brynhildr Brenna Charmaine. NICK NAME(S): Various aliases. Bryn (rarer)/Bren, Lady Lazarus. AGE: 1,242 BIRTHDAY/ZODIAC: April 4th (so technically in 2 days she’ll be 1,242)/Aries. PRONOUNS: She/Her. S. ORIENTATION: Homoflexible. R. ORIENTATION: Homoromantic.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Witty, Dynamic, Capable, Bold, Perspicacious. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Possessive, Manipulative, Vain, Amoral, Selfish. FORMER OCCUPATION: Viking, countess, sculptor, club owner, you name it.

SPECIES: Vampire. ACTIVE POWERS: All vampiric abilities. SKILLS: Combat/martial arts, weaponry, multilingual, ambidextrous, photographic memory.

RANK: Mistress. ROLE: Domme. TURN-ONS: BDSM, voyeurism, praise. TURN-OFFS: Bathroom play, degradation, age play.

FURTHER KINKS: Here.

BIOGRAPHY:

Brynhildr was born in 778 AD’s Norway. Her childhood was one of thievery and survival, after her parents died young from disease. When she was in her teens, she was taken in by a viking who had lost his own daughter (and wife) during a sacking. His name was Asger, and he taught her all that he knew. The redhead crafted her skills - weaponry, combat, politics - and joined in countless raids, meeting infamous faces from the era while she became something of a tale, herself. People liked to say she was blood born: with red in her hair, red upon her lips, and red staining her hands. After years of her warpath, Brynhildr would be bested by none other than a vampire. The woman turned her at the request of a demon, who had come to be fond of the human from afar. Both her sire and the demon left her to her own devices, stepping in whenever necessary.

Brynhildr became a fable. The redheaded vampire transformed throughout her lifetimes, adapting to her surroundings and its progressions. Over a thousand years of history, art, sex, and cruelties. While most struggled with their turning and vampirism, she soared, leaving a trail of enchanting and/or disturbing myths in her wake. Her personal favorite: a seductress who bathes in the blood of her victims. However, of recent years, the redhead’s boredom has been increasing to an uncomfortable state. Which is where Thorn Haven always comes in. Under a preferred alias, Brenna Charmaine, she has been visiting the city for the last hundred years to get her fill of drama. And to cause some, moreover. The residents know her games, by now, save for the newer ones. So, it’s safe to say they expect the storm that follows.

DETAILS:

She knows quite a number of languages (she’s in love with learning them). Mastered: English, Old Norse, French, Italian, Russian, Spanish, Norwegian. Average: Chinese, Japanese, German, Latin. Basic: Greek, Gaelic, Afrikaans, Arabic.

Knows how to play a few instruments, with violin and piano remaining her favorites.

Brenna doesn’t believe in religion. However, she does have a soft spot for Norse mythology (far more than any other religion, anyways).

She is known for being a deceiver. Bear this in mind. Brenna uses her disarming beauty, angelic voice, graceful ways to enchant others before she devours and destroys them. She will be sweet and gentle and loving to get what she wants. And then she will turn.

Not many know the truth behind her human life. A greater number of people believe she was born sometime around the 1300′s, because she made her presence known (via carnage). However, those older than her, may have an inkling to how old she really is.

Has long, thick red hair. Usually in Hollywood waves. Emerald eyes. Freckles, fair skin. Lips stained a forever shade of red. Long, heavy lashes. Her outfit choices are a mixture of vintage and high fashion. Examples here, here, here, and here.

Has a Draumstafir tattooed on the inner of her upper, left arm. Example here. It was before she was turned, and it means to dream of unfulfilled desires. Her adoptive father, Asger, gave it to her the night before her first raid.

Concerning her homoflexibility, she rarely goes for men. But when she does, they are typically older than her, powerful, as cruel as she, and they understand that she’s merely using them to have her fun before moving on. As for romance, she has fallen in love with a woman (or two), given her age. It’s extremely rare, but she doesn’t exactly run for the hills when it happens. Brenna enjoys herself, but she makes sure to keep her distance and call things off before they become too serious. She doesn’t hide the fact she’s fallen in love - she knows she’s not an unfeeling, invincible monster. Not completely. But she doesn’t go around singing love songs, either.

As for occupation, she doesn’t exactly need one because she is rich. So any occupation she takes up is more of a hobby than necessity. Currently, she works as a private architect. She generally fancies artistic jobs than ‘practical’ ones.

She’s come back to Thorn Haven to celebrate her birthday, go figure.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

the vampire who sired her. would be a female/nb, older than her. turned brenna because a demon asked her to do it. why she followed through with the ask? utp! over the many years, she’s come in and out of brenna’s life, but she’s never involved herself too heavily.

the demon who had her turned. would be male/nb, older than her. for whatever reason, he kept his eyes on the viking and decided to have her turned. likely to see her wreak havoc on the world for years to come. any other reason is utp!

her two, closest friends. likely one man and woman. they understand how brenna is and somehow love her for it. she knows she can rely on them when the situation gets rough, but she rarely calls on their help in favor of boasting about how she solved the problem on her own. she loves to send them weird gifts from afar. some of them nsfw in nature, just to get a chuckle out of the exchange. she regards them as her second family and would set fire to the world for them, if they asked her to.

vampires she’s sired. given brenna’s personality, i doubt she’d turn someone for the hell of it. she likely turned them because they could serve a purpose. could have discarded them afterwards, or stayed in touch because they remained loyal to her.

an enemy of hers. could be for any reason, to be honest. maybe brenna did something horrible to them/their loved ones. or maybe they pulled a quick one on her and she really didn’t like it. maybe both. either way, she probably wants this person dead.

an annoyance of hers. this person loves to pester brenna. whether it’s teasing, taunting, mocking, pushing her buttons, whatever. perhaps it’s because she can’t kill them, they do it. perhaps they have a crush on her. perhaps they want to see the beauty’s wrath, and haven’t been able to draw it out of her yet.

someone who tried to kill her. but it didn’t work out and now it’s kinda awkward for them to see her. they were probably hired by someone and failed to best the redheaded vampire, so they dipped. brenna may want them dead, or she may just play with them like a cat does a mouse. out of boredom and entertainment.

a jealous eye. they’re jealous of her for whatever reason. maybe she snatched their lover’s attention, maybe they want her power, maybe they want her for themselves but she’s always danced just outside of their fingertips.

a past love. would be a woman (probably someone older than her). they ran into each other many, many years ago. the two began to feel things for one another but decided very quickly they shouldn’t go there, or brenna called things off, or they somehow managed to break her heart. whenever brenna is around, she makes a habit of dabbling into their affairs because she ‘just can’t help’ herself.

a language learner/tutor. since brenna adores languages, she’s either helping this person learn one or they’re teaching her.

a devoted follower. they’re obsessed with her, and would do anything for her. maybe she seduced them, maybe she manipulates them, maybe they want to be her someday. either way, they’re more a pet to her.

friends, flings/fwb, a claim she had some time ago she dropped? because things weren’t ideal for her, folks she met in her travels, someone she’s blackmailing because oh boy she would, someone who knew her as brynhildr/a viking/human, a penpal because brenna secretly adores handwritten letters, a work client of hers (she’s building their home/business/etc), a fan of her previous artistic works (maybe novels, sculptures, poetry, paintings, whatever), her walking blood bag because the effort is real, someone she trains/works out with, someone mischievous she’s creating drama with.

and anything you can come up with! if there’s a connection you have brenna could work for, just message me! i’m horrid at plotting but i’m down to throw her wherever.

#thornhaventask

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chtaime · 4 years ago

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“being in love is waiting”

I forgot where I heard that... who said it...

but it’s true.

I can still feel my iron grip on him tight as ever. it’s gotten a little bit better, but not a day goes by that I don’t think of a way to reach out to him. which obviously isn’t a bad thing, there are times, most of the time, when it just feels natural and organic, we just end up hanging out and it’s nice, perfect. but if it doesn't happen, I can spiral pretty quickly. sometimes I think I have an unhealthy reaction to love, or love brings out the worst in me. which turns into self-sabotage. Love creates an unloveable version of me, an unloveable person. being pure-OCD doesn’t help. I really need to get back into therapy. would love to talk to a professional about my addiction to being in love or whatever it is about me that I can’t be alone for long. I can’t decide if the kind of alone I am is good enough - is what I set out for. because while I am single, and financially stable, I am already emotionally dependent on and attached to a new man. the only difference, and I can’t tell if this is big or small, is that we are not in a relationship. I mean I guess the situation with him is pretty unique. but I am definitely dedicating a majority of my time and effort on ensuring that we will someday. simply put, I am completely pre-occupied with him, and I feel I am sacrificing my life yet again. I feel like I'm just staring at a phone screen waiting for a text, trying to will it into existence while the world passes me by. I try too hard to control the future, and other peoples feelings. I have a newfound infatuation with his culture and his language and the urge to immerse myself in them has become overwhelming. I worry it probably annoys him, or creeps him out (although deep down I know that’s not true - he indulges me). I just I don’t know, I can’t decide if any of this is actually bad or I am overthinking it. I mean, I definitely have been neglectful I would say as a result of my obsession. to my friends, to my health... but I just brush it off as it will all have been worth it or I'll take care of these things once I can rest assured that he loves me too. but what if that never happens? how can I try to.. be with him and take care of myself. I have to be at peace with however things happen between him and me, everything will be okay. I feel like I always climb Mount Everest of love and devotion, just creating the highest height for me to fall spectacularly.

I'm learning to manage my expectations of him. I had a pretty shitty day, I felt kind of sick all day. bad headache, laid around a lot felt kinda blah. and I hadn’t heard from him, all day. and I didn’t really feel the need to hit him up, wasn’t feeling well, and I was busy with chores. I wasn’t very... my usual self of obsessing over why he hadn’t reached out or whatever. I mean, I was definitely waiting to see if he would message me, obsessively, but wasn’t upset that he had not done so thus far. the literal version of staring at phone waiting for that text... my head was hurting so bad but I still kept my phone at hands reach in case, just in case, and if he did, I would just hang out with him in pain. when there’s an opportunity to hear his voice, it’s hard to think any power in the ‘verse stopping me from doing so. I know he would hate that. I hate it. anyway, I think it’s an improvement that I don’t get upset anymore, and make him feel bad for not telling me what he’s doing every second of the day and justify why he isn’t spending time with me. but I actively avoid hanging out with anyone if it means preventing me from hanging out with him. even though he would never be disappointed if he didn't get to hang out with me anyway. not because he doesn’t like me, but because he respects my freedom and how I choose to spend my spare time, and would just find something else to do. but when I see him playing a game and hasn’t asked me to join, or is busy doing something else, I still freak out, internally. I feel my emotions boiling. I thankfully haven’t done anything too crazy and brash, but it’s bad enough to feel these things, feel so out of control.

but tonight was very nice. my headache was getting better, and I had been watching a quebecois show while I did laundry. I had been watching Quebec shows all day on Netflix, just to casually try to practice my French audio comprehension. I didn't really feel the need to message him, I was preoccupied. basically I had no plans of talking to him. but I was watching M’entends-tu and I couldn't believe it, they mentioned Les Trois Accords on the show. then they played LTA, an emotional song during an unexpectedly emotional part.. so I just sent him a clip of them talking about LTA, again, with low expectations on how he would react (I just expected like “can you believe?” or something) and he seemed very interested, responded almost immediately asking me what show this was, what season/episode had LTA in it, etc. He sent me a link to the show’s website asking if I could watch it there, I said no. so I told him to stream it for us on discord. even at this point, still, I figured chances were low, and it wasn’t even my intention to inspire these events. I was prepared and content with him saying “it’s late” or that he was simply not interested in the show. he asked if I minded watching it from the beginning again. I said of course not. well, we watched three episodes. it was interesting, it’s a good show and it’s fun to watch it with him. he of course encouraged me to continue to watch without him when he needed to go to bed. I said I might, I might not, but either way I would want to keep watching with him, I didn’t mind watching some twice. and I don’t even ever worry about how that sounds anymore, I am very transparent about the fact that I want to spend copious amounts of time with him and share things like this. and he often sounds incredulous, “really? you do?” in the sweetest innocent tone. and I say of course. and he sighs and says “I'd like that too” or something. and my heart feels so soft. we wish each other have a good night and even though I'm always so happy to just have heard his voice and get that fix of being with him, I still feel empty and incomplete having not been able to tell him I love him, or say something endearing like “sweet dreams mon chéri”. instead I will lay myself down and say it to my pillow, and squeeze it tightly into a restless sleep filled with dreams of him.

anyway, enough ruminating for now. look how long this shit is what the fuck is wrong with me

#df

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