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squishneedsahero · 4 years ago

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Healing Wounds

The Lost Padawan

Part 8 of ?

Word Count: 2122

You were raised in the Jedi order, Padawan of Jedi Master Obiwan Kenobi.

A/N: btw comments are the thing that gives me motivation to continue these stories so anything is appreciated <3

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit-" is the only thing echoing through your mind as you run through the abandoned star destroyer. You'd all been a tad bit late to the party and Wrecker's chip had taken over. He was the reason you were currently running, and now ducking from blaster bolts.

He had targeted you, since the Jedi were the clone's main priority to eliminate. You'd taken off, but didn't want to get so far ahead that he turned his attention to the others. So staying in sight but dodging open fire wasn't something you were excited about. Lightsaber whirling through the air as you duck and cover and dodge and block all the blaster bolts he was eagerly firing, luckily his name was Wrecker and not Crosshair or you'd have been dead by now.

In all honesty you were functioning and fending for your life but trying so hard not to go into a full blown panic attack. Your friend trying to gun you down, while you hadn't personally experienced it you'd been a witness. Every night when you closed your eyes had only brought visions of Cody shooting down Obi Wan, and your many other friends whom you considered family. Only an hour ago you'd dove into murky water to save Wrecker's life and here he was now trying to kill you. It wasn't his fault but it still hurts.

You're brought back from these thoughts as Wrecker shouts behind you, something about you not getting away. You can hear the others shouting, further away but still there as they tried to defend you. You didn't need them dying for you though, so you tried to keep Wrecker's attention.

"Hey-" your voice cracks. You start again, "hey! You can't catch me Wrecker! I'm a Jedi and I'm still alive, you're disobeying orders!" You taunt him, finally gaining some small sense of stability as you duck behind a crate.

You hear him growl and his booming footsteps growing closer. You couldn't take him if he got ahold of you, you knew that much. He'd fought a Rancor and won, you were basically just a kid. Sure a battle hardened veteran, knowing nothing but war your entire childhood, except for when it was kind of just tense, but still you were a kid.

You glance around you as his footsteps grow closer, there's a vent above you. You know for a fact you can fit inside, you'd hidden in them plenty of times. You use the force to pull the cover off and send it flying towards Wrecker.

As you leap up into the vent you hear a solid thud and grunt before the metal clangs to the floor. You then hear another angry shout, you'd definitely hit Wrecker. From inside the vent you crawl back the way you had come, being sure to clang around and make some noise to keep his attention. A few blaster bolts firing through the ceiling and up at you in the vent tells you that you do indeed have his attention.

Your heart is in your throat, your throat is closing up from anxiety and you can hardly breathe, you can't keep this up for much longer and you know it. The tears you've been holding back for weeks are welling in your eyes and you know once you break there will be no stopping it. You'd be too broken to defend yourself for a hot minute while you got ahold of yourself and your emotions once again.

You crawl another 30 feet, dodging the blaster bolts, except for one that grazes your leg but you're feeling so numb to everything you hardly feel it. Once you crawl another 2 feet you realize everything has stoped, Wrecker falls silent, the shooting stops and the others stop their shouting. You allow yourself to collapse to the vent floor and just lay there on the cold metal, taking heaving breaths and trying to get ahold of yourself.

"Y/n? Are you alright?" from the tone you can tell Hunter asking you this.

You take another breath before speaking, hoping to keep your voice from cracking again, "yeah I'm alright. I'm-" you pause in thought, "I'm going to stay up here a minute... at least until Wrecker's alright."

You hear some whispers before he responds, "alright." If you'd cared you would have gone and tried to hear the whispers but you didn't care at that moment. Let them say what they need too, you needed to pause even for the slightest of moments in a vent on a star destroyer, somewhere you felt protected enough to let your masks fall and the emotional dam to break.

You listen to their heavy footsteps move away, carrying Wrecker back to the medical bay, then it happens. Everything you'd been holding in comes falling out. A tear for master Obi Wan, a tear for Cody, a tear for what Cody had done to Obi Wan, a tear for each of the clones you'd been close too, and a tear for the life you had lost. The only thing you'd known and now it was gone and it was slowly setting in that you'd never be getting that back even if you still spent all your time with a different group of clones. Once the tears start you cannot stop, you stay right there on the cold, growing warm metal, creating your own little pity puddle, a puddle of your tears.

~~~~~

"... at least until Wrecker's alright."

Hunter goes to respond but Rex places a gentle hand on his shoulder first and shakes his head, before responding for Hunter, "alright," and you couldn't tell the difference, one of the few perks of being a clone. The two then get Wrecker up and with a nod for Omega, who'd saved the day, to follow they carry their brother to the med bay and get him in the machine to begin the surgery that would hopefully work. The surgery that hopefully wouldn't kill him.

Once Wrecker is settled Hunter turns to Rex and asks, "why'd you leave them there?"

Rex shakes his head gently, but responds, "I served around them enough to know despite their training that they need some time to themselves."

Hunter lets that sink in for a moment before nodding, he trusted Rex on this, he had hardly spent any time around the Jedi, usually their team worked alone. He didn't know enough to dispute the idea that you just needed some time. Sure, you were probably close to the same age as the Clones were, but they aged much faster than you did. You'd had as many years experience as they did, but you were still mentally and physically a child. Order 66 and all the aftermath had to have hit you harder than you let on, but Wrecker going after you had been your breaking point.

Omega is worried about you, but to her you seemed invincible always ready to face danger and sacrifice yourself for your friends. For Omega, Wrecker is the priority of her worry, she stays by his side knowing how dangerous this procedure is to him, how he might not wake back up despite their best efforts. Finally the procedure is over and now they all wait on edge to see if their friend would wake up. After what feels like forever he does, he finally wakes up and the first thing Omega does is hug him, throwing her arms around his neck as she lets out a breath of relief.

Wrecker apologizes to her, as he'd gone after her at one point, then looks up and asks, "how- how's y/n?" Sure, he remembered some stuff but you'd been in the vents, what if he'd hit you with a lucky shot? He could hardly bear the thought that he'd hurt or killed you. He quite liked you, you weren't stuck up like other Jedi, you fit in with their little family perfectly and if he'd hurt you even on accident-

He's pulled out of his thoughts by Omega answering, "y/n is still in the vent, they weren't ready to come out yet. I'm sure as soon as they're ready they'll be glad to know you're back to yourself."

That isn't the answer Wrecker wanted but his head was aching and the world was spinning so he couldn't go find you at the moment, he had to just lay back down. From there the next person is prepped for the surgery and they begin moving, going to get everyone fixed up before anything else could happen.

As soon as everyone is distracted and paying attention to the preparations being made, Omega makes her move, Hunter was fine, so now she needed to make sure you were fine. Whether you liked it or not she'd made you part of their little family, you were her sibling too, she had all her older brothers, and you.

"Y/n?" Omega's soft voice sounds below you, "can I come up?"

You don't get much of a chance to answer as next thing you know the vent in front of you opens up, and Omega crawls in. Fuck. She was also small enough to fit in the vents. "Uh," you quickly wipe your face and try to dry the puddle where your head had been, "hey- hey Omega, what's up?"

"Wrecker woke up, he's okay... I thought you should know." She settles in place, laying on her stomach and facing you, obviously not leaving.

You offer a slight smile, "okay, thanks..." you trail off not really sure what you should say, and not really in the mood to talk.

Omega obviously picks up on this since, despite being somewhat secluded all her life, she was inteligent and could somewhat read emotions despite not picking up on every little queue. "Are you alright? Wrecker didn't mean to-"

She stops as you look at her, you don't look harshly but you making eye contact once more is enough, "I know Omega. I don't blame him, it isn't his fault," you quietly say, "I don't blame him at all it's just-"

You pause wanting to backtrack, seeing the curiosity in her eyes as she innocently asks, "it's just what?"

You chew on the tip of your tongue for a moment before looking at her for a moment. It had been long enough. She was your sister. You needed to accept that you weren't a Jedi any more even if you were connected with the force. You didn't need to follow all those rules, you could accept that you cared and got attached to people. That you considered them family. And most importantly you could afford to show emotions.

You'd shown emotion anyways with Obi Wan, because you trusted him and you were only learning. You'd seen him show emotion on occasion. It's in this moment as you're facing your sister that you realize and accept the fact that you don't have to follow the Jedi code and you feel a weight lift from your shoulders.

You take a breath then say, "those chips caused me to loose everyone I was ever close too. You grew up on Kamino and never left there. That was all you knew. The Jedi Order was all that I knew," tears well up in your eyes once again but you don't try to hide them this time. "I lost all of that then to have it almost happen again, in a way, to have someone I consider a friend once again try to kill me? I just-" you take a shuddering breath as you try and ground yourself again, "the Jedi tell you to not show emotions or get attached to anyone, and I cannot help but do that, so loosing everyone, it hurt. But I've been trying to following those rules and it's just hard to change and stop it. I need to stop it if I'm going to be able to help all of you." You wipe your eyes and take another deep breath.

Omega smiles softly at you, "that makes sense, but we're family, you don't have to hold everything in."

You smile back, knowing she's trying her best to help, "yeah, it's just a matter of learning that... thanks Omega..." you pause before changing the subject, "you said that Wrecker's awake?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'm sure he's worried about me, let's climb down and I'll go see him."

Once out of the vent the two of you share a hug and it's all alright, except for the wound where the blaster bolt had grazed you which you'd been numb too until you were on your feet. Fuck. It hurt, and you'd have to get it patched up, but first you needed to make sure Wrecker was patched up.

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