#nyx is so maddening for me to write

[clericofshadows]

the story of a weapon

Description: Late at night, Kaidan is unable to sleep, and runs into Nyx Shepard, up late and working on his beloved dagger.

Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Nyx Shepard, Past Nyx Shepard/Steven Hackett

Rating: M

Note: Nyx Shepard is a First Contact War Shepard, so he's quite a bit older than Kaidan. I'm also considering making him a no-Reapers AU Shepard, but there's no mention of that yet.

Late at night, Kaidan found himself unable to sleep, tossing and turning, so he got up and decided to head to the little kitchen aboard the Normandy.  Perhaps to brew some tea, grab a snack, or change the scenery to calm his mind.

Either way, he was sure that he was going to have a rough shift tomorrow.  He yawned, entering the kitchen without paying attention to his surroundings, rummaging around for the stash of tea he stored in the upper cabinets.

“Can’t sleep either?” The rough voice of Nyx surprised him, nearly dropping the box of tea bags he grabbed from the back. His hair was pulled out of its usual ponytail, spilling over his shoulders in silver strands.

“Didn’t see you there,” Kaidan chuckled, setting the box down and getting down a mug.  “Since I'm here, do you want a mug?”

He motioned to a bright pink, chipped mug that had his name surrounded by sparkles.  There had to be a story about that.  “Already made myself some hot chocolate.  Not much of a tea drinker,” he said.  

Kaidan nodded.  “Fair enough.  I just couldn’t sleep.  Restless, I guess.”  He filled the kettle with water and waited for it to heat up and placed the tea bag in his mug, adorned with hand-painted trees, a gift from his mother.  

“Aren’t we all?” Nyx muttered, picking up a polishing cloth from a kit on the table.  Kaidan tilted his head to the side, watching as he started to examine a dagger in the dim light of the ship.  There was a routine to his movements, holding up the blade, polishing, changing the angle, polishing… A frown formed on his face, and Kaidan could see a hint of pink poking out from his lips.

“Ask your question, Kaidan,” Nyx said, trading the cloth for a whetstone.  “I can hear your thoughts from a mile away.”

The kettle whistled, and he busied himself with his tea, a blend perfect for relaxing and sleep.  Maybe it will work.  Slightly embarrassed about being caught out, he delayed his response until he could join Nyx at the table, sitting diagonal from him to give him more workspace.

“Move closer,” Nyx said, motioning for him to sit next to him.  

“You have quite the spread here.  Didn’t want to disturb your meticulous workspace,” Kaidan said with a smile, sliding his mug over and moving to the seat next to Nyx.  “Doesn’t look like any old dagger.”

There was simplicity to the craftsmanship, but it had roots in older Earth designs.  Perhaps a remnant of the War, something Nyx carried with him as a reminder or as a trusted companion.  The blade had a marbled finish, with an S etched in the blade.  For Shepard, perhaps?  The pommel was the most eye catching part, a smooth grip that warped into a skull.  Nyx had an edge to him, purple eyes and piercings that contrasted his aged, gruff appearance.  The skull suited him, a hint of personality on an otherwise basic blade.

Nyx had a lot of faces, keeping his cards close to his chest.  Even while playing poker, Kaidan could best the man, who could count cards like no other and had a steely expression the entire time.

No, Kaidan seemed to only know the man in the afterglow of sex, seeing someone who had a heart kept locked away for too long, charm and humor leaking out in the glow of pleasure and happiness.

But some of that man was starting to show through now as he picked it up to present to Kaidan, pride evident on his face.  He offered it to him, and Kaidan took it.

Kaidan took the dagger into his hands, turning it over carefully. His fingers traced the fine etching of the 'S' on the marbled blade.

Nyx's intense purple eyes watched Kaidan closely as he examined the dagger.  "You've been in my goddamn bed," Nyx finally stated, a small grin playing on his lips. "So, you've seen a lot of me. But not many have been close enough to see his blade on neutral ground.”

Kaidan felt a flush of warmth creeping up his cheeks, but he didn't shy away from Nyx's probing gaze. "Well, I'd say it's quite an honor," he replied, his tone playful, though tinged with a sense of curiosity. "Your bed and now this?  What’s next…”

“You tell me,” He chuckled.  “Every weapon has a story.  What is mine?  You get one question, the rest you try to figure out on your own.”

A test, then.  Nyx was fond of those, always finding ways to keep the crew on its toes.  Kaidan held up the dagger, examining it closely.  His gaze fell back on the 'S.' “I’m afraid I have to go for the low-hanging fruit on this one.  True or False: The ‘S’ doesn’t stand for Shepard.”

He laughed, the sharp bark filling the room.  “Should’ve known you would’ve asked that.  You’re right. It’s not for Shepard.”

Kaidan looked at him expectantly.

Nyx seemed to chew on it for a moment before offering him another hint.  “The ‘S’ stands for Steven.”

A starting point, not enough to go anywhere, the name common enough that it could be from anyone.  A brother, a friend, a family member…  a lover?  

“He's someone who's climbed the ranks, close to my age… stayed in the Alliance while I took a break,” Nyx offered.  “I’ve given you plenty to work with.”

“Have you?  Might want to get your memory checked out,” Kaidan teased.  

Nyx rolled his eyes, not rising to the bait.  “Clock is ticking.”

“You never said there was a timer.”

“There is now.”

“I don’t see you pulling out your omnitool.”

“I have a brain that can count just fine.”

Kaidan shook his head at Nyx, playing around with what he had learned so far.  A name, a connection to the Alliance… close to his age.  A name immediately popped in his head, but it didn’t want to voice it just yet.

Could it be?  Nyx had a gap in his service history, choosing to become a civilian engineer for a few years before returning to the Alliance, rising through the ranks and eventually attempting N training.  

His thoughts drifted back to a mission, to the post mission report from a personal request from Admiral Steven Hackett, asking Shepard to rescue a group of scientists from biotic fanatics.  "I remember one mission," Kaidan began, his tone thoughtful. "The drugged scientists we rescued.  You were giving your report back to Hackett in the comm room, and you were… quite casual with him.”

Nyx's eyes lit up as he nodded, a faint smile on his lips.  “Good memory.  You were just walking out when we started talking, yes?”

“Veterans of the First Contact War,” Kaidan continued with a nod.  “Both enlisting early on… you could’ve fought together.”  And done a hell of a lot more than that.

Kaidan offered the dagger back to him.  “Am I wrong?”

Nyx took it and put it back in its sheath.  “The dagger was part of a pair.  An ‘S’ and an ‘H.’” He sighed, closing his eyes, memories playing on his face.  His expression slowly stilled.  “Maybe I didn’t want to say it out loud.  But yes, he and I shared more than just the battlefield.”

“Why tell me this?” Kaidan took a long, slow sip of his tea.

“I know what we share is risky.  Even as a Spectre, whatever I make public will still follow you.” He met his gaze once more.  “Just giving you some of the cards so you can make a decision on what you want to do next.”

Kaidan narrowed his eyes.  “Do you think I’m going to run away because you still carry around something that means a lot to you?”

Nyx shook his head, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "No, Kaidan. It’s… complicated."

“Then make it less complicated.  Shepard, stop being so damn cryptic.  I don’t want ‘cards’ or whatever you want to call this.” He gestured between them.  “I want you to be honest with me.”

Nyx's expression softened, and for a moment, his guard lowered. "Kaidan…”

Kaidan wasn't going to let him off the hook.  “Don’t ‘Kaidan’ me,” he retorted.  “Do I need to spell it out?  I wanted something out of this, despite all the risks.  Hell, I know you have the damn authority to overrule the Alliance’s rules on fraternization on board this ship as long as you are in command as a Spectre.  Are you trying to scare me away because you still have feelings for him?”

Nyx's calm exterior was maddening, and Kaidan's voice took on a sharper edge as he continued to press.  “Tell me what's going on in that head of yours.  That first night we got together, you admitted that you were seeking out comfort on the anniversary of Torfan.  Where is that openness now?”

Nyx met Kaidan's intense gaze with a mixture of reluctance and vulnerability. He still made no move to defend himself or to meet Kaidan's tone.

"Nyx," Kaidan said, his voice firm. "I'm not going to back down on this.”

Nyx's eyes flashed with a mixture of frustration and something else, something deeper. He leaned in closer, the distance between them shrinking, and Kaidan saw that his violet eyes were rimmed with blue. The gravity well stirred, and Kaidan kept his face still, betraying none of his surprise that Nyx, born far before the first gen, was a biotic.  "What are you going to do, Kaidan? Give me an ultimatum? You or Hackett?"

Nyx never made any indication on the battlefield that he was a biotic, and if this made him react, Kaidan struck a nerve hard.

Nyx was a damn anomaly, contrasting everything he knew about exposure, 

Kaidan met his gaze, keeping his tone steady, careful to not let his own biotics react in turn.  Most biotics aren’t able to sense subtle changes in the gravity well.  Maybe Nyx assumes he’s one of them.  "I don't want to give you an ultimatum.  I want you to choose what you want. If it's him, then I deserve to know.  If it's me, then we need to build something real together. But I won't stand by while you play these mind games, dropping hints about your past and then hiding behind vague answers."

Nyx was visibly angry now, eyes flashing with fury, the blue glow gone as quickly as it arrived.  “You think it's that simple? Just choose one or the other?”

“Then why show me your damn dagger, if you didn’t want to get a reaction out of me?  Trying to tell me you have baggage, that you aren’t worthy of what we’re starting to have?” Kaidan pressed on.

Kaidan hadn’t yet told him about BAaT, biding his time, only vaguely alluding to his past.  But after seeing what had to be biotics, it was something he wanted to share.  To talk with someone who wasn’t his family.  

Nyx’s face twisted, from anger to frustration and then to resignation.  He let out a deep sigh.  “The last time I had something meaningful was with him.  And it was spurred on by the backdrop of the fucking war.  After the war and after I left… We tried to continue.  Didn’t work out.  And now that I’m back in the Alliance, I made my own path.  Even tried to give him back his damn dagger, but he said they were meant to be shared.  Bastard.”

“Worried that with our current mission we’re starting another battlefield relationship?” Kaidan asked softly.  

“We already had some of our firsts outside of it, I know.” He ran his hand down his face, covering his mouth with his hand.  “But what about after?  We’ve saved a human colony, done some tasks for the Alliance...  What if the stakes get higher?”  They will get higher was left unsaid, but Kaidan heard it all the same.

“Then we will work through them,” Kaidan insisted.  “If you want me to wait until after this mission, I can and I will.”

“No, I don’t want that,” Nyx said, vulnerable.  He started to put his kit back together, his hands shaking ever so slightly, putting the dagger on his belt.  “Shit, Kaidan.  I care about you too much to do that to you.  I know what we have is still new, and to be completely honest, I’ve never been good at slowing down.”

“No shit,” Kaidan chuckled.  “I’ve seen you out in the field.”

The tension started to lift, and Nyx gave him a smile. “Haven’t seen anyone complain yet.  Can’t keep up?”

“You know damn well I can keep up with you.”

Nyx leaned in closer.  “I suppose you have proven that to me.  Join me for a moment in my quarters.  We can spin it as if you need some quiet rest from a migraine, hmm?”

The whiplash of the request nearly startled him.  “And what exactly are we going to do in your quarters,” he asked flatly, not yet letting him off the hook.

Nyx… Kaidan found himself falling for him far quicker than he expected.  If he was willing to entertain the idea of telling him about BAaT, there had to be something there.  

But with what he learned now?  It changed things, some. 

He was willing to hear him out.  Perhaps this whole charade was Nyx’s way of trying to reveal some parts of his past.  Taking the decision out of his hands by asking Kaidan to figure it out.

“Talk about this–” he motioned between them.  “Maybe more.”

Kaidan nodded, picking up his forgotten mug and dropping it in the sink.  “Lead the way.”

Nyx gathered his things, put his mug away,  and let him inside.  No one was still around at this hour, thankfully, to see their display, both of them forgetting themselves for a moment.

Nyx sat down on the bed.  Kaidan joined him, their thighs touching.

“Not that I’m trying to give you a hard time…” Kaidan started, and Nyx let out another laugh.

“Well deserved, at this point, I’m sure,” Nyx replied.  “Steven and I… I don’t know if it would have lasted outside of the war.  It sure as hell didn’t help that we had too much distance after I left to deal with my own shit.” His fingers twitched, as if reaching for something.  A cigarette, maybe.  “Been a long time since I let someone in, knowing I always wondered what could've been.  Two old soldiers, forever shaped by a war that should have never happened.”

Kaidan stayed silent, letting him speak.  Nyx glanced over at Kaidan, and he offered him a smile in response.  Nyx continued, “A part of me was scared to talk about it.  Never done it before.”

“Is that why you wanted me to figure it out on my own?” Kaidan asked, voicing his earlier thoughts.  “So you didn’t have to tell me yourself?”

Nyx winced.  “I’m sorry.”

Kaidan nudged him with his shoulder.  “No, you’re not.  Sure, I’m a little annoyed at you, but I could tell that you were jumping into something new.  Never expected a guy like you to be so hesitant.”

Nyx looked like he wanted to say something, but Kaidan stopped him with a peck on the lips.  “Don’t worry, I like that about you,” he said, pulling back.

Nyx slowly smiled, shaking his head.  “Don’t want to ruin this, and I feel like I started to.”

Kaidan shrugged.  “We all have conflicts, and we’re talking about it.  Could be worse.”

“No shit,” Nyx snorted.  “I should not be new to all this shit.”

Kaidan shoved him, pushing him down to where Nyx was now lying on the bed.  “I didn’t complain when you taught me how to best configure a drone.”

“That’s different.” He made no move to get up.

“How so?” Kaidan leaned back.  “Just filling gaps in our knowledge, that’s all.”

Nyx rolled his eyes and sat back up.  “Whatever, Alenko.”  Kaidan rested his head on his shoulder.  

“You know, you can tell me about him,” he offered as an olive branch.  “If you need someone to share the memories with, if it makes it easier.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Nyx wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in close.  He ran his fingers through Kaidan's hair.  Kaidan closed his eyes, leaning into his touch.

A quiet moment between them, neither one moving to change it.

Until Kaidan figured he should reveal a secret of his own.  “My biotics… make it difficult sometimes to find someone.  Ever since my training, I’ve always felt to stay in control all the time.  I’ve had people shy away when I glow blue.” He chuckled, only to release the tension, but he hated that he felt like he had to be so casual about it.  “And then you came along, and accepted all of me.  Making me feel… human.”

“I’m not blind,” Nyx said.  “I know you’re a powerful biotic.  You try to hide it, but I know you’re holding back.  You felt a change in the gravity well earlier and was kind enough to not point it out.”

Kaidan raised up to get a better look at him.  His face was neutral, betraying nothing.  Kaidan nodded for him to continue.  

“So when you say you feel like you need to stay in control, for me it's tenfold.  The Alliance keeps it under wraps, hell, I shouldn’t even be telling you,” Nyx continued, staring at the door.  “Got exposed to a shitton of eezo in an explosion.”  A far off look appeared in his eye.  “I was the only survivor, barely clinging to life.  It’s where I got some of these scars.” He pushed up his sleeves, arms marked by silvery scars.  “Among other things,” he sighed.  “It wasn’t until years later that I manifested, not long after reenlisting.  Sworn to secrecy with a damn asari-designed implant and amp in my head.”

Kaidan wasn’t sure what to comment on first.  “Asari designed?” he asked, testing the waters.

Nyx seemed grateful for the simple question, giving him a small smile and rubbing the back of his neck.  “Hackett asked for a favor from a friend.  A matriarch who specializes in cybernetics and biotics.  They did more than just give me an implant, made a whole new interface to make it easier for me to manage out in the field.”

He and Hackett not only had a close past, but he also protected him from the obvious blowback that an older gen biotic would create, keeping him free from human interventions.  How can Kaidan really compete with that?

He’s going to try. 

Kaidan never let go of him while he told his story.  He rested his head back on his shoulder.  “Thank you for telling me.”

“This won’t change anything out on the field,” Nyx said.  “I’m still just an engineer.”

“You aren’t ‘just’ anything,” Kaidan scoffed.  “But I figured.  Not meant to be used unless you leave no witnesses?”

Nyx grinned, his gaze shifting to meet Kaidan's.  “Something like that.  Maybe one day, I can show you what I can do.”

“I may hold you to that.” Kaidan's playful grin mirrored Nyx's.

“I’m sure you will.”

“You know, there’s a part of my own file that’s classified.  I’m sure you saw it,” Kaidan started to say.

“Don’t feel like you need to tell me anything,” Nyx said.  “I did see that.  Of course, I was intrigued, but anything can be classified. Not everything is as juicy as mine.”

“I’m not telling you out of obligation.  Feels like this is a good time.”  

Nyx nodded, motioning for him to continue.   Kaidan took a deep breath and told him about BAaT, about Brain Camp.  He told Nyx about BAaT, about Brain Camp, who set it up, and the brutal training that young biotics endured there. He described his own eezo exposure, how he ended up there, and the instructor, Vyrnnus, who held a personal grudge against him. 

“I was a little shit back then.” Kaidan admitted with a rueful smile.  “Vyrnnus introduced himself by saying, ‘I was at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your father.’  I replied back saying my father wasn’t involved in the war.  He had it out for me after that,” Kaidan said, taking a breath.

“Hiring a First Contact War veteran to teach young children?  Fucking idiots,” he cursed, shaking his head.  “I’m no fan of turians, but I’m not about to gloat about what I did during the war.”

Nyx didn’t judge when he talked about Rahna, about keeping an eye on her and his fellow biotics, his feelings for her and what he wanted them to turn into.

Kaidan didn’t shy away from any details, the ruthlessness of the turian mercs teaching him how to turn himself into a weapon, how to control himself and to tear apart others with the dark energy that rested inside of him.

"You either came out a superman or a wreck. A lot of kids snapped. A few died.  Didn’t help that we all were L2s.  Spiking high with all the side effects you can think of.”

Nyx nodded.  “Chakwas told me about your implant. Just the basics,” he reassured, but Kaidan had made it clear to Chakwas that she could divulge that information, important for his superiors officers to know if something were to go wrong.  “Never got a refit?”

“Too many risks.  At minimum, I would lose my extra power.  At worst, I’ll lose everything.”  Kaidan closed his eyes briefly.  “Anyway, it all came to a head one day.  We had to build something with our biotics and not drop any pieces.  The catch was that some of us didn’t receive our rations, and we were expected to do this for hours.  And we did.

“Rahna nearly dropped a piece, and I was able to catch it just in time.  But Vyrnnus noticed it, praising me and taunting us with a glass of water.”

“He wanted you to reach out and grab it, didn’t he?” Nyx said, catching on.  “But with your biotics.”

Kaidan nodded.  “I warned her, but it was too late.  She reached out for it with her hand, and he broke her arm with his biotics.”

“And you snapped,” Nyx said. 

“I stood up, not really knowing what I was going to do.  Vyrnnus lost it.  Beat the crap out of me, kept shouting that they should’ve bombed us back to the stone age.  And that’s when the knife came up.”  Kaidan traced the scar that bisected his lip.  “Military issue talon, right in my face.  I cut loose, gave him a full biotic kick right in the teeth.  About as strong as I can manage now.” 

Kaidan rose up slightly, and Nyx cupped his face, traced the scar on Kaidan's lip with a gentle touch of his thumb.  “Sounds like the bastard deserved it.  Good.”

Kaidan closed his eyes, his voice heavy with regret.  “Was it?  I killed him, snapped his neck.  They probably could’ve saved him if they got him to an infirmary quick enough.  But they didn’t. Caused a stir when they shipped him home and BAaT training was shut down.  Conatix folded a couple of years later.  It’s funny,” he sighed.  “I’m not sure which of us got the worst of what happened.”

“From where I stand, Vyrnnus got what was coming to him,” Nyx said, his voice carefully neutral.  

“I’m not upset he’s dead,” Kaidan emphasized, appreciating his restraint but wanting to make his own feelings clear.  “Just sorry I killed him.  I wasn’t prepared for that.”

“How old were you?” Nyx asked.

“Seventeen,” he replied.  “I dropped out of sight for a bit.  They let me go.  I guess they wanted it to blow over as much as I did.  I came back on my own terms because I wanted to serve.  So, yeah.  I hated that turian, but he wasn’t a turian to me,” Kaidan finished.  “Just another asshole thinking he had the right to control and target us.  Didn’t matter who or what he was.  All the same in the end.”

Nyx leaned back on the bed, and Kaidan joined him, allowing himself to cuddle up next to him. Their bodies fit together perfectly, and Nyx turned to face him, a mischievous grin slowly forming on his lips.

Kaidan's eyebrows furrowed as he saw that grin. "Oh no."

"And here I thought you were damaged goods," Nyx teased, his eyes dancing with amusement.

Kaidan chuckled, the tension of their earlier conversation melting away. He pointedly kissed the crossed scar on Nyx's temple, causing Nyx to roll his eyes but to also blush slightly at the unexpected affection. "I've got a few scratches and dents," Kaidan admitted, "but don't we all? I hope they give me character."

“They give you more than that.  Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me that.”

“I could say the same thing about you.”

Nyx shrugged, kissing his forehead.  “I trust you.”

And that’s all that Kaidan needed to hear.  He surged forward and claimed his mouth in a passionate kiss, running his tongue over his mouth and letting out a pleased sound when he let him in.  

Tonight's conversation had left Kaidan with many thoughts and questions, but one thing was clear: Nyx had charmed his way into his heart with his reserved yet cocky attitude, which melted away the moment they were alone.

Before things could escalate further, they reluctantly broke apart. Nyx's face was flushed, his lips swollen from their heated kiss. "Still too risky," he admitted, his desire evident in his eyes. "But damn, I want you."

Kaidan smiled, rolling off of him and swinging his legs over to the edge of the bed. “Maybe we can get some time off the ship for a bit.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Nyx chuckled, stretching out on the bed, making no move to hide the bulge that was forming in his fatigues.  “It’s been nice having you to myself, but one day, I want to be able to be open with you.”

“Me too,” Kaidan said, his mind helpfully supplying that maybe his connection with Hackett could help along with his Spectre status.  He tried to keep his face still, but Nyx narrowed his eyes, a smirk forming on his face.

“What are you thinking about over there, Lieutenant?”  Oh, he wants to play it that way?

Kaidan took a moment and decided to go along with it. He straightened his posture, arms crossed against his chest. "Permission to speak freely, sir?" he requested playfully.

“Granted,” he chuckled.  “We are playing around with that later.”

“Could you get Hackett to sign off on it along with your Spectre authorization?” He asked point blank, choosing not to comment on his previous statement just yet. He wasn't opposed to the idea... depending on how Nyx wants to spin it.

Nyx frowned.  “He’s not the only higher up we’d have to worry about, but yes, I’ve thought about it.  I don’t want anything to blow back on you.”

This again, trying to protect him from himself.  

“Not worried about your own career?”

“Not while I’m a Spectre,” Nyx parroted back but relented quickly with a sigh. “I’ll test the waters with him at the bare minimum and see what he says.  Bastard might even bring Anderson in to see what he thinks as well.”

Kaidan moved back to sit on the edge of the bed.  “I don’t want you to think I'm trying to rush you into anything.”

Nyx joined him, sitting up and resting his chin on Kaidan's shoulder. "Don't worry," he said with a small smile. "You are getting my ass into gear about something I should've already inquired about. We made the decision to continue even after we learned we'd be serving together.  Again, I–”

Kaidan was quick to interject. “If you are going to apologize, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Fair enough.  Still, it’s obvious I haven’t… talked about it much with anyone.  I’d like to tell you some stories.  Things you won’t see in vids or reports or interviews.  The real version of the War.”

“And maybe I can share some things I learned at BAaT that are far better than the standardized stuff you may have learned.”

“I’ll hold you to that.  Try to get some sleep, Kaidan.  Might be a long day.”  Nyx kissed him on the cheek before lying back in the bed.

“You too, Nyx.”  Kaidan reached for his hand to give a quick squeeze before exiting his quarters. 

No one was around to ask about his business.

Kaidan let out a breath.  Nyx… was so damn infuriating sometimes.  And now, Kaidan feels like he’s met yet another version of him.  A man left behind by the war, still pining over a lost love.

A part of him is angry at Nyx for telling him the way he did, but another part of him is comparing the whole situation to Rahna and his own past.

Maybe once he gets some sleep he’ll have a clearer head, but Kaidan wasn't sure if he'd ever fully understand all the different faces of the man who had come into his life.

[rearranged-fanfic]

Update (8/26) and A Question to You All

First order of business! Oof, babes. I got jump scared 😅

Friendly reminder to all my A03 homies out there that story bookmarks aren't private by default. You have to check the tiny box on the bottom that marks it as "private", otherwise all your dirty laundry is aired out to the world.

Needless to say, I uhhhh... I offended somebody. They were big mad at my story. Very incensed. I apologize for my poor conduct as an author for the grief I have cause the world at large 🙏🏻

Also, I'm apparently an untrustworthy author and that's funny to me 🥴🫠

I'm not even upset. I'm just a nice little blend of bemused and amused (which are two separate things entirely, though they often get treated as synonyms).

Alright, moving on...

I'm finishing Seaside this weekend. It's almost done. Well, more like halfway. But I can bust out a few thousand more words in *checks watch* four days' time. It's practically a done deal. I'm not at all setting myself up for failure with this strict time constraint.

No siree.

I anticipate having REARRANGED updated by NEXT Friday/Saturday, not this upcoming one. Whether this comes to fruition or not depends entirely on my ability to buckle down and NOT get distracted by my ADHD. I make no solid promises because I'm a disaster person.

The next item on my agenda is Crimson Chapter 3. I've bumped up the chapter count because there was so, so much tsundere!Suguru interacting with Reader-chan that I didn't have the willpower to cut any of it. We now have 4 chapters of our Vampire Knight/JJK fusion AU.... I'm a simp for mean guys, what can I say?

Then another REARRANGED the next week, and the end of Crimson the week after that.

I'm a busy bee this month. But I have so much to catch up on.

Once I finish my two smaller WIPs, I have a maddening desire to break out of the Jujutsu Kaisen fandom for a few smaller side projects while writing REARRANGED. I'm leery, given that JJK is where my main audience is. I wouldn't want to alienate any of my regular readers. I'd still probably do CanonXReader fics because they soothe my self-indulgent needs. But, man, I want to dabble in other fandoms so baaaad.

So, my question to those of you who keep up with my works, are there any characters from this list that you'd like to see more of in the future?

(Keep in mind that this is the distant future. Not until I complete the second arc of REARRANGED at least.)

(*) indicates that this is a fav of mine or I already have an outline/WIP of this character in my documents folder.

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (anime/manga)

Rengoku Kyojuro* Douma Akaza

Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (anime/manga)

Hawks/Takami Keigo* Aizawa Shota Togata Mirio* Amajiki Tamaki Kirishima Eijiro

Naruto (anime/manga)

Uchiha Shusui* Uchiha Obito Hatake Kakashi* Shiranui Genma

Final Fantasy XV (videogame)

Prompto Argentum* Cor Leonis Nyx Ulric

Any of those look promising? IDK. It might be fun to write for an even smaller fandom, too. Maybe one of my old fandoms that are near-dead? I like getting out of my comfort zone (sometimes).

Well, I think that's it for this update.

Peace out, my lovelies 🥰😘

[smallraindrops-blog]

Wake Me From This Dreaming: Interlude

Hypnosx WMFTD! Y/N

Word count:5.6K

Warnings: Trama, angst, no beta

Notes: omg. Thank you everyone for waiting. Life has been super crazy lately. I hope you guys enjoy this. Don’t have much to say but we are nearing the end. Also this won’t be the last interlude. We might be meeting some important people soon.

The masterlist

Enjoy.

~

(Ancient)

It wasn’t that often Hypnos was on the surface. 

The sea crashed against the cliffside, white seafoam and wet sea weeds left between the dark, jagged rocks. 

Not leaving a single mark on the dirt path, Hypnos floated over the beaten path to the  rocky beach. The waves crashed loudly against the land, like a twin to the roaring of a lion.

The sand, pure white and glittery in the moonlight, looked unlike anything seen in the underworld. 

A moment of hesitation, then Hypnos landed on the loose sand, his bare feet unused to the sensations. Immediately he wiggled his toes, shivering at the oddness and let out a quiet chuckle.

He kicked at it with a grin, the arch of sand in the moonlight glittered before returning to be among the millions grains of sand. 

He picked his tunic, bunching it up in his hands and began walking down to the beach. He saw places like this in countless mortals’ dreams but there had been something calling him to this one, to a maddening need to understand.

His footsteps trailed behind him like a shadow and he grinned at the sight then a rushing wave came onto the land. Cold water lapped at his steps, and he shivered in utter delight. 

How marvelous, no wonder mortals often dreamed of water, of land and sensations. Someday, they will have names for all these places and one day, they will write them down on their own creations of stone, then paper. 

For now, they will worship the gods in quiet, dark caves as they whisper, their clay forms made strong by the warm, immortal fire that Prometheus had stolen for them. It was a rebellious act that Prometheus was paying dearly for and would for a very long time.

So much had changed and Hypnos was curious what would come next. If he was with his sisters, the three fates and their heavenly tools, he might have begged for a peek at the grand tapestry and they would deny him just as they did everyone else. 

The home of stars and void offered nothing like this. At home, everything just was and always will be until the last star died out. 

With a happy sigh, he wandered along the beach, admiring the simplistic beauty of it all. 

“Hypnos.” Thanatos called out. 

His voice had gotten deeper since they last spoke, another sign that his twin was coming into his powers, bringing mortals to their final rest. Thanatos will have the last sleep but Hypnos will have all of the ones that come before death. Their dreams and nightmares were Hypnos’ as well, and he found that he was greedy for all of it. 

Hypnos paused in mid step and turned with a cheeky grin.

“Why, isn’t it my favorite twin! Come join me, the water is horribly cold.” Hypnos said with a laugh. The water rushed over his feet as if punishing him for his rude words. 

Thanatos’ disapproving scowl only deepened, his feet untouched by the earth and sea. His scythe, both a tool and a symbol of Thanatos’ duty, gleamed silver in the moonlight.  

“You know Mother Nyx doesn’t like you leaving the underworld, Hypnos. Especially since Master Hades had been kind enough to not kick us all out.”

At his brother’s words, Hypnos scoffed. “Just because they won over the Titans doesn’t mean everything belongs to them now.” 

“Actually, it does.” Thanatos said wryly. His lips twitched however, as if for one moment even he had to admit to the insanity of it. Master Hades had been ruling for quite some time but the ripples of effect the war between the titans and gods still echoed. 

Hypnos suspected that the ripples would reach the end of time itself. He also knew they hadn't seen the true consequences of the war. Not yet.

Many of Nyx’’s children had rebelled against Hades’ rule and if Hypnos was a little braver, less desperate for his mom’s and Thanatos’ affection, he might have counted himself among them.

Hypnos shrugged, his eyes darted down and he wiggled his toes, getting sand between them. The whole world was quiet, but Hypnos could feel every single mortal and immortal soul that was asleep, all lost in his misty domain. Quiet murmurs of lovers in the dark, of exhausted mothers whispering a bedtime story for their babies lingered around him like a ghost. 

“Why did you come up?” Thanatos asked finally, trying to sound like he didn’t care but Hypnos heard the curiosity underneath.

Maybe it was wrong, but Hypnos was tempted to lie. He met Thanatos’ golden eyes - and he looked so much like their mother in that moment, that Hypnos felt that familiar pang of shame, not being more like Thanatos.

“Mom- I mean, Mother Nyx and I had a disagreement.” Hypnos admitted. “She told me If I must behave like a mortal, I might as well join them.” 

Hypnos threw out his arms, letting his tunic fall into the water as he gestured toward the whole beach. Toward the infinity of uncaring stars. “And I must admit I already like what I am seeing. Maybe I will go to them in the morning and-  and maybe eat with them and when they have their parties I will join them in song and dance!”

Thanatos stared for a long moment, his eyes widened in shock. Then he tossed his head back in honest laughter, surprising Hypnos. 

“Stop laughing.” Hypnos ordered but his serious tone was ruined by his own laughter. “Stop!- You know I laugh when you laugh.”

“Maybe you will become a hunter or- actually no, you will have to gather berries since I have seen your aim- Oh! Will you have little babies with a mortal?” Thanatos chortled and at the thought, Hypnos laughed hard enough he had to wrap his arms around his stomach. 

Just like that, the anger Hypnos felt melted away like it never existed, he couldn’t remember the last time he and Thanatos had laughed together. 

A gust of wind blew past them, pickling at his exposed skin. Hypnos took a deep breath, letting the chill fill his lungs, the cold reminding him of home. He signed as their laughter died down.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to drag you between me and mom.” Hypnos said. 

“You didn’t.” Thanatos crossed his arms, the signs of his earlier joy already fading. His mouth went tight, “But you can’t do this, she needs you in the house - even if you are having a disagreement- and I can’t protect you from Master Hades if you are running away like a child.”

Hypnos slumped, he actually enjoyed seeing - touching, smelling, feeling- what morals saw in their faded dreams. And this was the first time in a long time that he and Thanatos were talking without their mother’s watchful eyes on them. 

“I know.” Hypnos murmured, taking one last glance toward the millions of stars in the skies. He took in the feeling of sand between his toes, the chilly water against his skin and the smell of salt. 

Thanatos sighed, “Come along.”

Hypnos looked up to Thanatos, a question on his lips but Thanatos had already left, returning to the Underworld.

For a moment, he allowed himself to wonder if he would have been happier as a moral, to just dream and live amidst the beauty of the world. 

When he vanished, the inky black of the sea rolled upon the land and filled in the space of where his footprints marked the sand. Another wave crashed, then another and another, wiping away any sign of his existence.

~

Eventually mortals learned agriculture, their brow sweaty with heat of the sun, their hands buried in the cool dirt of the world, a place that their bodies will one day return to. 

Then homes were built, many filled with families then cities were formed along with government institutions - and torn down by the bloody delights of war or greed- and society was born. Amidst the ever moving arrow of time, storytellers and bold artists and mad inventors and Greek heroes dreamed and created and fought and died. 

Hypnos dreamt with them, often in amusement but occasionally he would paused in quiet admiration, not letting them know of his presence.

In a way, Hypnos grew along the side of mortals, their dreams were his, their nightmares were his as well

Only he never thought a moral could trap a god, let alone that god being his own twin.

Nyx’s purple lips were thin, her head bowed. Her dark hair was a veil against her pale skin. When Hypnos caught his mom in the right lighting, her hair was like the night sky itself, filled with shining stars among the void. 

“But how?” Hypnos asked once more, his eyes widened as he looked at Charon who seemed just as lost. 

His twin had been bound and sealed away by a mortal king. Something so impossible that Hypnos wondered if he was somehow caught in a dream without realizing it. He pitched himself. Hard. 

They haven’t even known until afterwards, it had been Ares that freed him and helped bring righteous justice upon the arrogant moral. 

Good. Hypnos thought, his nails digging into his palms. I hope Sisyphus never knows peace.

A boney hand rested on his shoulder, a quiet show of support. Hypnos glanced up at Charon, wishing that his older brother could make this go away. That he could bring Thanatos out of his room.

It seemed like just yesterday he and Thanatos would play in Charon’s boat, dipping their hands into the styx waters, gasping with delight when their sister, the river itself, returned their touch.

Charon groaned, his violet eyes locked onto Nyx. ‘Did that mortal have the help of a god? He must have, it can’t be possible otherwise.” 

“We don’t know yet.” Nyx paused, “But it is possible that Mania had a role in it somehow.”

The name alone made Hypnos flitched, the goddess ruled before his mom did and she did not take kindly to being overthrown. He was too young to witness it but he remembered how exhausted Nyx had been, her voice worn out and her eyes hazy.

The underworld was a complete disaster and he couldn’t blame his mom for giving it over to Hades even if another part of him felt she should have fought harder for it. This was their home from home, the last place they were mostly together.

Eventually Nyx sent them away to their duties. Something that Hypnos ignored with the best intentions. He drifted along the hallways to where Thanatos’ room was, the candlelight dancing with the shadows.

Thanatos’ doors were a reflection of him, imposing and untouchable. Hypnos studied the careful details of butterflies dancing around an inverted torch. At the bottom of the door was a pile of dead butterflies, some in the middle of falling toward their doom.

It made Hypnos’ own door, decorated with poppies, lambs curled up asleep and wispy clouds, seem childlike. It was rare for him to feel embarrassed about it but right now he did. It was another reminder that his twin was outgrowing him.

Hypnos sighed, not letting himself get intimidated by a bloody door of all things and knocked on the heavy door. 

For a long moment, nothing happened.

Hypnos knocked again, loudly and for as long as he could. 

“Thanatos?” Hypnos called out. “Hey, open up. Your favorite twin is here!” 

Nothing.

Hypnos frowned, his hand dropping down. Maybe Thanatos had left his chambers? 

“Thanatos?” Hypnos called out one more time. His voice lingering in the empty hallway.

Thanatos never responded.

~

(Part 14)

“Did it feel like this for you?” Hypnos asked, his eyes darted over to the door that his moral had closed. You were gracious enough to allow Hypnos and his twin some alone time before Master Hades’ meeting.

But all he wanted to do was call you back. He longed for the comfort of your hand on his back. For you to just be near him. Was it pathetic? Probably but Hypnos didn’t care. 

Hypnos forced himself to face Thanatos. Odd how they were so alike but different at the same time. He saw himself in his twin and wondered if Thanatos saw the same thing Hypnos did. 

It might be foolish but Hypnos hoped he did.

“No.” Thanatos admitted, not meeting Hypnos’ glance. Thanatos was hunched like a prey that was painfully aware of nearby predators. His lips thinned from stress. 

The hearth’s fire danced and crackled loudly in the still room and Hypnos curled a hand over his rolling stomach.

“When.”Thanatos paused, closing his eyes. “When it happened to me, I couldn’t do anything, everything I touched died regardless if I wanted it to or not. Plants, beasts, everything. It was out of control. My emotions were like a stormy sea.”

“Oh.” Hypnos murmured, his eyes widened. “Is that why-“

“Yes.” Thanatos sighed.

Silence took over again. Hypnos opened his mouth then shut it. He never knew Thanatos to not have control over his powers. Hypnos was the problem child and regularly claimed victims for an unexpected nap time. 

Hades may or may not have been a common victim of Hypnos’ powers.

For Hypnos, his godly powers flowed like a river for him, often overwhelming him until he learned how to control it. Now it was dried up and Hypnos feared it might not ever return. 

“I can’t reach it at all.” Hypnos confessed, “I can move things sometimes but that's it.”

“I see.” Thanatos repiled, rubbing his mouth thoughtfully.

“What fixed it?” Hypnos bit hard on his thumbnail, watching Thanatos’ expression change into a grimace which told Hypnos that he probably wasn’t going to like the answer. 

“I had to relearn everything. Everything.” Thanatos warned. “That and patience. It will be hard, it tested even me and you know that out of the two of us, I was the most patient one.”

Hypnos slumped into his chaise with a groan, covering his eyes with a hand. He won’t cry, he told himself. Not in front of Thanatos.

He didn’t hear Thanatos get up and jolted when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Thanatos was looking at him with a small, brotherly grin. One that Hypnos returned hesitantly.

“I know you can do it. You always had an unusual affinity for the powers and burdens of Sleep.” Thanatos said. “I don’t think even Chaos or our mother had such control over it.”

“You’re not just saying that?” Hypnos asked, his eyes stung with unshed tears. He couldn’t remember the last time Thanatos said anything kind to him.

“Of course not.” The complete and utter faith in Thanatos’ voice was enough to finally break Hypnos and before his twin could escape, Hypnos caught him in a rib cracking hug. 

With a rueful smile, Thanatos patted Hypnos’ back awkwardly.

It will be fine, Hypnos told himself, it had to be.

~

(Current)

With his heart dropping into his stomach, Hypnos looked over the disaster that Zagreus had created. 

Pain. Paaaain. This was actually causing him psychological and physical pain.

Hypnos might not be the most tidy soul around but this was something else. He bit down on his tongue as he went through his ledger. It was riddled with mistakes, misspelled names, no causes of death listed or causes of death with no names listed. Somehow he even messed up the dates.

Worst of all, Zagreus had taken up doodling pictures of Cerberus next to Hypnos’ doodles.

Hypnos’ doodles of his mortal and Monie were sacred, damn it.

“Your father was right to fire you.” Hypnos murmured bitterly, glaring daggers in the direction that Zagreus had fled. Zagreus didn’t even hesitate to shove the paperwork at Hypnos’ chest the moment their eyes met.

For a brief moment he made eye contact with his mom and he offered up a smile. But she turned away.

Hypnos told himself that it didn’t hurt.

With a huff, he went down the list, promising revenge on the godling. Maybe he could pay off a numbskull to bite Zagreus in a very unpleasant area. Or he could have you do something embarrassing to Zagreus during a fight now that you were allowed out of the house again.

Near the bottom, Hypnos spied a poorly written poem about Thanatos and his muscular arms. 

Oh blood and darkness, there were some things Hypnos didn’t need to see. With a loud gagging sound, he wrote Zagreus’ name in large, blocky letters and sent the offensive scroll to Hades’ desk. 

Hypnos knew a lost cause when he saw one. 

With a fresh scroll and quill in hand, Hypnos waved forward the first shade. Hypnos wrote the information down like he always did, and slowly he worked though the line between yawns, ignoring the surprise stares from the shades that knew him. 

They were polite as they spoke to him, as it was his right as a god and their place as a shade. Yet it didn’t remove the weight of their staring, the way their eyes lingered on his bared feet.

Bared feet that were touching the ground. 

For a moment, he felt like he was back in Hades’ private office, everyone’s eyes on him. A memory of dull blue eyes flashed his mind, the fall of dirty flame red hair flashed in his mind and Hypnos pushed it away and shoved it into a box that was labeled ‘Do. Not. Look. Or Think about it. Ever.’. 

“Next, please.” Hypnos chirped, waving the shades along. As he did, he noticed that his fingers were trembling. The quill unsteady in his grip.

‘Apparently the mortal just sucked the powers right out of him.’ One shade whispered as they passed Hypnos, gawking at him. Like Hypnos wouldn’t hear them.

The other shade clicked their tongue, ‘Poor little thing. Guess he didn’t fight hard enough.’

Of course, everyone heard what happened from the pitying glances he felt people gave his back, like he wouldn’t know. Hypnos wasn’t surprised but for some reason, that caused a rare, burning anger to bloom like a scarlet flower in his chest. 

What gave them the right to look at him like that? To… to judge him for what happened.

His back stiffened unwillingly but he tried to keep the smile on his face. Because really, he was fine and everything was normal even if he didn’t have all of his powers back, so he had to stand here - because everything was fine, he didn’t need his powers to do his job- and act like he was happy to be back and working like normal. 

Because he was.

Everything was normal - Hypnos most definitely did not want to scream until he lost his voice and maybe kick Pyrrhus in the unmentionables repeatedly for doing this to him- and he was fine. 

He was fine. 

Everything was just fine.

~

Hypnos wondered if since Gods were made of powerful, burning stars and morals of simple clay, then what is a god without power made of?

Dust? Or something even more worthless?

He suspected he wouldn’t like the answer. 

~

His whole body ached.

Each step caused needles of sharp, lingering pain to shoot up his ankles. In the rare moments Hypnos was on the surface, he had seen the work farmers, laborers and slaves did, day in and day out.

Hypnos wondered how mortals didn’t fall apart after a hard day of work. With a soft groan, he rolled up the scroll, more than ready for his break. His bed was calling to him with every single step he took.

“You’re limping.” Your husky voice reached his ears first, then he felt your hand on his lower back.

Hypnos was torn between melting into you, letting your solid form take his exhausted weight or to pull away and act like everything was fine -because it was.- his eyes saw your concerned expression, and with a smile, he straightened up.

“It’s fine.” Hypnos said, stepping forward to keep walking. He winced, something that you noticed immediately judging from your narrowed stare.

“Hypnos-“ you tried but Hypnos shot you a look that made your eyes widened in surprise.

“I’m fine. Really. Let it go.” Hypnos warned. 

He had joked about you carrying him around everywhere, to be the comic relief for everyone but the thought of more pitying stares made his guts turn sour. It was bad enough before when people were just annoyed at him.

You stayed quiet, trailing behind him like a faithful sentinel. Guilt churned in Hypnos’ chest, twisting his insides so much that his shoulders hunched. 

It was like his anger was a rotten, dark oil that coated everything. He wanted to reach deep and yank it out so he could feel his own powers of heavy warmth and sweet dreams return. All there was bitter anger now, dark and slimy and suffocating. 

Hypnos stopped abruptly, turning around to meet your stare, acid words ready on his tongue. 

An ugly part of himself thought he would see pity in those intense eyes of yours. Just like everyone else. Sometimes it seems like you could see everything about him with just a single glance.

Only he saw concern. Then he saw the quiet love plainly written on your gentle expression. 

Not even his own mother could look at him, not without the shame clear in her catlike eyes. It was a reminder that Thanatos had hid away from everyone - from Hypnos, from their own mother- after what happened for a long, long time.

Thanatos’ words haunted him, he had all the time in the world but Hypnos didn’t know if he could keep going like this. 

Hypnos thought he finally understood why. This was horrible and he just wanted to lash out at everything for doing this to him. Maybe he should follow Thanatos’ example and lock himself away until he could be normal again. 

His lips parted but no words came out. The rage inside his chest wilted like a dying flower. You didn’t hesitate, opening your arm in a quiet offer of a hug, the other hand gripping the spear tightly.

There was a soft, broken sound that filled in the hallway and it took him a moment to realize that it was coming from him. With a shaky breath, Hypnos took the offer. 

The press of your solid form against his was a relief, and you held on tightly, as if you knew that Hypnos needed that. Tears burned his eyes but he didn't let them fall. Your cloak spilled over, hiding Hypnos away from the world. 

“I’m sorry.” Hypnos choked out, his arms around your waist. He may be a god, supposed to be powerful but all he wanted right now was to curl up against you and never leave your arms.

“Don’t be, my love.” You comforted him with a tight squeeze, moving the spear behind his back like it was a shield.  “I got you. Whatever you need from me, it is yours.”

Hypnos wanted to lighten the mood, crack a joke about getting him dinner and a deep glass of something alcoholic, that you should just carry him around like he joked about before but all he did was hug you tighter. 

He didn’t know what he needed. He just wanted to be normal again. He didn’t like this helpless, angry version of himself. 

You and him stood there for a long moment then Hypnos took a shaky breath and pulled away just enough to look up at you.

He offered up what felt like a weak smile. “Maybe let's just take a nap together?”

“Done.” You said, pressing a kiss against his forehead.

Hypnos closed his eyes and tried to will away the hopeless feeling that he will never be his old self again. 

~

Hypnos reached deep, deeper inside of himself than he ever allowed before, trying to find something that might not ever come back. 

A fleeting, untouchable dream.

~

Eyes that burned like liquid fire, matted red hair and nails that dig into his flesh and Pyrrhus laughed and laughed-

Hypnos jerked awake, his heart racing as he tried to reclaim his breath. You were already awake, running a smoothing hand though his damp curls as you held him close to your chest. Your deep voice was a gentle murmur of sweet nothings.

Each time Hypnos closed his eyes, all he saw was Pyrrhus’ wild blue eyes staring down at him.

His center, his godhood was a dim thing and no matter how hard Hypnos reached for it, it didn’t resonate. Just like Thanatos never responded to his calls.

Hypnos swallowed, his hands gripping you too tightly but you didn’t complain. You just kissed his cheeks, his forehead in comfort. 

He wanted to say something, to break the overwhelming weight over everything. 

No words came.

He couldn’t breath, everything was suffocating him. 

Mad laughter filled his mind, Pyrrhus was in control once again and Hypnos was nothing.

With a grunt, Hypnos jerked away, nearly falling on his face as he stumbled out of his bed. He grabbed onto the wooden beam of his canopy bed with damp palms, nails digging into the wood. The silver gleam of the stars mocked him, a poor imitation of his once home, of the stories he loved. 

He wanted to rip it apart.

“Hypnos? Breath. Now.” You ordered sharply, standing next to him, your large hand on his back. Hypnos blinked, surprised that you were so quick even though he knew he shouldn’t be.

It took everything for Hypnos to obey your order but he did. The breath he took was sharp, almost choking him but he took it.

“Now let out.” You told him, your hand rubbing up and down his back in gentle circles. And he did.

“Again.” You told him, your tone gentling. 

His lungs burned as he breathed again and again but slowly, the pain eased up. Mostly. His head was throbbing in what might be the worst headache he ever had. Even after dealing with the nightmare that was Zagreus’ paperwork.

With a pitiful sound, he crumbled against you, his face hidden in your chest. For a moment, Hypnos allowed himself to pretend that he could hear your heartbeat, he knew it would have been strong and steady just like you. 

“I’m so tired.” Hypnos whispered, his hands curling into fists against your skin. Your hand didn’t pause nor did you tell him to go back to bed; you knew what he actually meant.

“I know, love.” Your voice was a quiet rumble, one that brought comfort. Sensing that Hypnos didn’t want to go back to the bed, you guided him toward the spot in front of the hearth. 

The chaise was soft as a cloud and Hypnos sunk right into it. 

The fire had died down to ruby red embers and you got to work right away. Hypnos watched, admiring the way your muscles flexed under scarred skin. Each movement was graceful and sure.

When the flames were strong, you joined him by sitting next to him on the end of the chaise, one leg folded under the other. Your hand reached for his legs, placing both on your lap. Your hand cupped his ankle, rubbing along the jut of bone idly.  Hypnos made a soft, pleased hum as you massaged the sore muscles and tendons.

The fire crackled and popped loudly in the stillness. The light from the flames were warm, casting shadows and enough light to make the silver constellations gleamed in the dark. 

Your hand moving down to his foot in a trailing caress. With thick, strong fingers; you pressed and keened the soreness away. Hypnos watched with heavy lidded eyes, a blush steadily growing on his cheeks.

This may have been the most intimate you and him had been since… everything that happened.

Another thing that Hypnos felt guilty about, he just hasn't been able to muster up anything beyond kissing. Not that you complained.

Done, you switched to the other leg. 

Hypnos licked his lips nervously, wanting to say something but the silence felt too heavy to break. So he didn’t. 

Eventually, your hands to moved his claves, using long strokes to work the muscles. Heat crawled up the back of his neck. You were the only one to take care of him like this, each touch gentle and loving. That was enough to prompt him to speak.

“You know you don’t have to do this.” Hypnos whispered, still feeling like he was too loud in the stillness. 

“I want to.” You said plainly. 

Your eyes met his, and you were looking at him like he was something precious. Like he wasn’t a god without his powers, that he caused this to happen to himself. Unable to bear it, he tore his eyes away. 

That ugly bloody flower reblogging in his chest, the anger burning as it grew. 

He didn’t deserve to be looked at like he was a treasure, to touch with gentle hands, like he was still worth something.

Yet he let you. 

Since his first breath, sleep and Hypnos were one and the same. Just like mortals were made of clay and Prometheus’ ever burning fire. To imagine otherwise, was to imagine a night sky without the stars and moon.

Yet here he was. 

Hypnos listened to your steady breathing, curled into the safety of your arms, body cushioned by the softness of his beloved chaise. Monie was unreachable, the river lethe had lost its’ keeper, the eyes of his mask was blinded by darkness. 

His powers were lost to him. Hypnos was now something empty. He was nor fire or clay

Yet his moral, his shade remained as his watchful guardian. An unbroken fixture when the rest of the world fell apart.

“If I never woke up, what would you have done?” Hypnos demanded quietly in the warm firelight, watching your expression.

You shifted, as if surprised that Hypnos even asked, then you stopped, and moved closer. You braced one bulky arm over his head, blocking him in as you held his stare. 

Hypnos almost broke it, almost unable to bare the weight. It felt like you had peeled everything away and all that was the raw hurt with a single glance.

A calloused hand cupped his chin, holding him place.. Mortal eyes but utterly beautiful in their intensity. 

“What do you think, love?” You asked, a thumb caressing his cheek. Hypnos flitched at the questions. He didn’t know or rather, he didn’t know what the correct response was. 

Hypnos shook his head, mute despite all the tumultuous emotions inside his chest.

Then you spoke, your tone deep as the dark, soft as warm velvet. “I would have stayed. When I finished one book, I would have picked up another to read to you. Then another. And one more after that one. And if I had read every single book you have…”

You paused and Hypnos realized he was holding his breath, awaiting for the rest of your answer. There was a faint smile on your handsome face and hypnos ached to reach up and kiss you. “I would find you new stories and so on, until I read every single story that ever existed. When I finished the very last one, I would start all over again.”

Hypnos covered his face with a trembling hand, unable to stand the tenderness in your expression.

He chuckled wetly, “And you claimed not to be a romantic.” 

You huffed out a laugh, brushing his curls with gentle hands. “For you? I will be anything and everything.”

Hypnos took a trembling breath, trying to find his strength. He felt your lips against his forehead. 

“Hypnos?” Your tone was patient, gentle. 

With a strength that he didn’t really feel, he met your eyes again, full with love.

“You can be as angry as you need to be.” You told him. “I don't care how loud you scream or weep, I will be here and I won’t let go.”

Hypnos felt like he had been dipped in ice. “I- but… I- “

“I am here, for the good and bad.” You whispered, so close that your eyes were unnerving in the firelight, god-like for a single, breathless moment. “I love you, Hypnos. Every single beautiful and ugly parts of you. All of it.” You said, like your words weren’t tearing him into impossibly small chunks.

For the first time since Pyrrhus had placed those horrible chains on him, since his mother had looked away from him once more, since Thanatos’ carefully picked words, since he had to lay everything out in front of Hades and everyone that matter, since everything… 

Hypnos let himself breathe, really breathe.

It was sharp and painful and he wasn’t ready for how much everything burned, like a purifying fire. Tears rolled down his flushed cheeks and he gasped for more breath. 

For a single moment, he thought back to the very first mortals, nothing but clay and wondered if they felt pain at the painful revelation of their flaws. Were they happy when they understood or did they weep for the past? 

Hypnos wailed like a broken thing as he held onto you.

And you… a mere shade. A dead moral, no longer clay, only an immoral flame that won’t die until the unraveling of the universe. His beautiful, imperfect mortal. His love.

You were the one to stay in the end of it all.

[hunnybadgerv]

WIP Saturday x3

Replying to the generous tag of @weekend-writer. Much appreciated. I wish you oodles of writing success this weekend, if time allows. 

Tagging @sharky-broshaw, @shellibisshe, @swaps55, @painterofhorizons, and @inuy21. No obligation, of course. Only if you’re up for it.

When he bit her neck, she squeaked. It seemed so much louder in the darkness.

While she froze, her lover didn’t stop. One strap of her dress slipped over her shoulder a moment before his fingers tugged at fabric aside to expose a breast; his hot mouth sealed over her nipple before she could argue or suggest someone might hear. Instead, her thoughts swirled in her head, while naught but soft pleased sighs escaped her lips in reply to the tender attentions he paid to her body.

She felt his fingers against her thighs, and managed to catch his wrists before her skirt ended up around her waist.

“Kaidan,” she whispered in a tone just shy of alarmed. “Someone’s going to hear.”

She almost regretted her reason for halting his progress instantly. The absence of his mouth made her tight nipple ache, a sensation that now echoed between her legs.

He leaned over her, features barely noticeable in the stark darkness. But that voice, thick with need and desire washed over her. “It’s possible.” His fingertips swirled around her bare breast. And she could almost imagine the look in his eyes—somewhere between intoxicated and considerate. “Do you want me to stop?”

Stars, that was a good question. She didn’t answer immediately, taking a moment to consider all the options. As if trying to nudge her toward a decision, Kaidan pinched her nipple, sending a shock through her nervous system.

“I hate to, but I will. Just tell me what you want, Nyx.” His voice purred in her ear, his lips brushing the lobe in a way that made her want to feel his teeth tugging at it.

She didn’t want him to stop, but she also worried someone might hear. “Do you think the music is loud enough?” she asked as her hands abandoned him to turn to the interface of her omni-tool. She nudged the volume upward, then increased it a little bit more in the quadrant nearest the bedroom. “That should work, right?”

In the glow of her tool she caught a quick glimpse of the smirk he wore, the hungry way he looked at her. It made it a little harder to breathe. The next moment she was plunged back into darkness and the next his forehead rested against hers.

“You do realize—” his voice—low and rumbling, painted with a shadowy, sultry tinge—reverberated through her as his hands returned to the her thighs, “—you might have to hold back a little, Nyx.” She could feel the brush of his lips against hers with certain sounds, but still he didn’t kiss her. His fingers ghosted over her thighs, causing little muscle tremors here and there. As if by magic, his touch inched up with the retreat of her hem. “But only if you’re really worried about them hearing, or caring enough to investigate a sound that’s clearly an orgasm.”

She gasped when those playfully dancing fingers grazed the soft fabric between her legs. Nyx immediately wondered why they didn’t do this in the dark more. Not seeing him, not being able to predict from the movement of his eyes or his hands what he was going to do was deliciously maddening.

The potential for social regret gave way to his intensity. She wanted him, that was all she thought about as he loomed over her. His hands pinched and caressed skin, sending shivers and shocks through her body like her own personal storm, which only intensified as the hem of her skirt receded.

“I thought you were of the opinion that good sex deserves to be loud?” she teased.

“Challenge accepted,” he said quickly before renewing the kiss.

[ckyking]

the pen is mightier than the sword

well, my first time writing this type of scene right there, so of course this is for @praeyers, because duh. it’s set in the conqueror kings!au, so a lot of blood in perspective~

The harsh stone against his uncovered fingers was a familiar sensation to Nyx, just as familiar as the thrill of breaking into his own bedroom to surprise Noctis. From how high he was, he couldn’t hear Crowe’s incensed screams anymore, but he knew that, if he looked down, he would be able to see his generals trying and failing to find their wayward king. After all, no one wanted to explain to the Last King of Lucis how, once again, his Galahdian husband was nowhere to be found, even if Nyx knew that it amused Noctis to no end.

Lost in the thoughts that accompanied his automatic motions as Nyx was, he didn’t expect what he saw when he climbed into his bedroom through the window. Noctis getting ready for bed, or reviewing the last of the day’s documents perhaps; those were usual scenes he had come used to get back home to. The bodies strewn across their quarters and dripping red on the rugs? This was a sight he had never imagined before. And as usual, his husband was in the thick of it, hair still wet from the shower and a towel precariously clinging to his hips; something he had fantasized quite a lot about since their first meeting.

Nyx took his time to admire the view; the feline grace with which Noctis dispatched his would-be assassins, the smirk that twisted his lovely features when he broke a limb just before it could reach him, the enticing way blood dotted his naked chest in constellations of red.

Not worried in the least, he lounged on the windowsill like he would his throne, eyes half-lidded and attentive as he observed the fight. A slight hitch in his breath followed by a raucous bark of laughter, deepened by want, escaped him when Noctis forwent his daggers in favour of the ornate pen abandoned on their bed.

Habit and the many wounds sustained from his husband’s proficiency with blades allowed him to notice the careless twirl Noctis gave the pen, purely for Nyx’s benefit, before reversing his grip on the improvised weapon. The way his fingers curled almost lovingly around the writing implement and the nearly uninterrupted line of a strong thigh revealed by a devastating kick made lust blossom in the Galahdian’s chest, as sweet and poisonous as the man in front of him.

Nyx caught the edge of a wicked smile as Noctis snatched the last assassin by their scarf, jerking their head to the side before a swift shove lodged his weapon into their uncovered eye. The screams increased in pitch before dying out abruptly when a last twist, coupled with the barest hints of blood-fuelled magic, finished the attacker. This did nothing to lessen Nyx’s admiration for Noctis’ fierceness, nor the want it awoke in him.

Noctis’ look was scorching in its intensity, blue clashing against blue when he glanced back at the window.

“Welcome back, Nyx. Did you miss me?” Noctis fairly purred, slightly breathless from the fight’s intensity. The satisfied curl to his lips, coupled with the red that adorned him lent his features a savage cast, which only served to fan the fire burning inside of the man waiting by the window.

“You know I did, my king.” Nyx answered huskily, fingers digging into his palms to keep himself still, to stop himself from immediately going to Noctis as everything inside of him screamed to. He wanted to sear this moment into his mind while he still had the chance : the red rolling down Noctis’ chest and climbing up his legs in distracting patterns, the unthreatening curls of hands that had just snapped a neck, the coquettish tilt of his head that he affected just to tease Nyx. He never wanted to forget any of it.

All of his self-restraint flew out of the window when Noctis beckoned him closer with a mere smile, their movements mirroring one another as Nyx fluidly got up in answer to the wordless invitation. With each step back that Noctis took, Nyx moved one step forward, their bodies finely tuned instruments that vibrated in time with one another.

Both of them were royally unconcerned by the corpses they had to step over, the Lucian going as far as to curl into the blood-soaked rug in a moment of simple curiosity. This unguarded moment pulled a private little smile from Nyx, which did nothing to stop their improvised game of cat and mouse.

They only stopped when the back of Noctis’ legs hit their bed, covered in a mix of black, grey and subtle violet, the last ones they had both slept on before Nyx’s departure.

Nyx’s hungry eyes trailed up and down his husband’s lithe form, lingering on the bruises he had left on his thighs as a parting gift. Knowing what his lover was admiring, Noctis trailed a hand down to his leg, fingers coming to rest just under the blood speckled white of his towel. With slow and lazy strokes, he smeared the blood on his skin, leaving wider streaks behind, up and up the pale line of flesh revealed by a deliberate stretch. The conqueror king’s entire focus shifted to the teasing movement, not moving an inch. This was all part of their game after all.

The Lucian’s smile was positively sinful when he finally reached the knot keeping his towel in place, his breath hitching slightly as the very tips of his fingers grazed the erection visibly tenting the white material. He could have kept it silent, could have swallowed the small noise and let it die in his throat, but he wanted to win.

Already, Nyx’s hands were clenched in the leather of his pants, their back touching his kukris’ handles for patience, for restraint. He was so close to breaking, but the warrior would not give up, not even now.

His taunting smirk, the last sight of many an enemy, spread across his face as he met the younger’s eyes, challenge tinted with lust just as clear in the blue depths.

A sharp tug, and the offending material pooled around his feet.

“To the victor goes the spoils. Isn’t this right, Fenrir?” Noctis murmured demurely, looking up at him through his eyelashes as he sat on the bed, thighs spread shamelessly, enticingly. And then, he knew he had won.

With an unrestrained growl, Nyx knelt between his king’s legs, catching one deceptively delicate ankle in a bruising grip as he did so. This act of surrender stole a laugh from Noctis’ red lips, undaunted by the hold his lover had on him. His mirth took on a sultrier tone however, when the Galahdian bent his leg for better access and trailed his lips on the thin skin covering the knob of the ankle. Nyx smiled at the change in his lover’s voice, lips lightly grazing his bone, before they parted and a warm tongue started lapping at the blood covering it. In a mix of kittenish licks and fierce nips, the man worked his way up the pale dream offered to him, Noctis a work for art to be molded by his hands, and his hands alone. Under his mouth, pale skin bloomed soft pink and red, just as bright as the blush spreading from Noctis’ chest to his cheekbones in a slow wave of warmth he could feel echoing between them.

When he finally reached the thighs he had marked so thoroughly more than a week ago, his ministrations grew harder, harsher. As he bit down, the strong muscle spasmed under his teeth, and a hand fisted himself in his hair, until now breathy sounds turning into a moan.

From the corner of his eyes, Nyx saw Noctis’ cock twitch in answer, precum beading at its head. With one last lick at the pretty teeth marks now adorning his lover’s thigh, the Galahdian turned his attention to what he had been slowly moving toward.

Noctis’ hand tightened in his hair as he lapped at the liquid, the flat of his tongue oh so slowly moving across the tip in a maddening fashion. Saltiness melded with coppery sweetness in his mouth, spurring him on. Freeing one hand from the thigh he had wrapped it around, Nyx brought it to his mouth and undid the fastening of his glove with his teeth, white again the pink of his lips. His smirk widened around the leather carelessly held in his mouth when he felt the burning stare following his every motion. Now bare, he deliberately wrapped calloused fingers around Noctis’ dick and stroke him to full hardness, letting the glove fall to the ground between his spread knees.

Half-lidded eyes watched his every movement, captivated by the sight of the warrior worshipping every inch of him he could lay his hands or mouth on. Even – or rather, especially – like this, Nyx looked fierce, pale eyes enhancing his likeness to the beast he was named after, tamed only for as long as he wished to be. It sent a thrill through him to know that such a man was his, that they belonged to one another in a way no one would ever truly understand. Twisting an handful of hair around his fingers, beads clacking against one another, he gave a light tug, urging Nyx on with the promise of more as their eyes met, and caught.

Pressing down on the bruises he had just left with his other hand, Nyx finally took Noctis in his mouth. He spared a moment to suckle lazily before starting to work in earnest, inching his way down the length so temptingly offered to him, fingers tight against the base.

Through it all, Noctis stayed as still and silent as he could, hazy eyes on the man busy between his legs. In spite of his resolve, tiny sounds escaped him as Nyx’s clever tongue was put to better uses, his hips twitching each time that warm mouth swallowed around him, wanting nothing more but to move. It was terrible, maddening, and he loved it.

As Nyx’s mouth met his toned abdomen, tongue flat against the underside of his dick, the warrior started humming, vibrations going straight through his flesh and unravelling Noctis’ careful control. His previously light hold on midnight dark hair tightened suddenly, and his hips jerked in mix of pleasure and shock, driving deeper into the man’s welcoming mouth and pulling a rough moan out of his lips, tender from the bites he had used to keep himself silent.

Even as he gagged at the suddenness of Noctis’ reaction, Nyx echoed him, the pull on his hair going straight to his dick, adding friction just on the right side of painful. His erection strained against the leather of his pants, and his hips hitched slightly as he sought to relieve the pressure.

Ignoring it for the moment, Nyx pulled back to better work his throat around Noctis’ length, feeling the trembling under his hands worsen as he did. The Lucian chose this moment to undo the barrier keeping their senses separate, pulling even harder on the braids wrapped around his hand at the same time. Blood roared between them, finally free to do as it pleased, their link springing back to its full strength.

It was a mix of pleasure and delightful pain that flooded the both of them, tension tightening and tightening inside their bodies, until it tipped over in a shock of ecstasy. Release hit them both at the same time, tiny white stars blooming behind their eyelids, and only made worse, or better, by Nyx swallowing Noct once again as he came, nursing his length through the aftershock and prolonging his orgasm.

Shuddering, Nyx pulled back, lips red and spit-slick, pupils blows wide as he looked up at Noctis, whose look mirrored his. As one, they reached for the other, bodies tangling as they kissed, Noct ignoring the discomfort of the chains and belts of Nyx’s outfit digging into his bare flesh just as Nyx ignored the stickiness of his pants and the awkward twist of his back to better reach his husband.

Relearning one another was the sweetest thing, and they would never tire of the games and challenges that made up their relationship, especially not when they led to such reunions. One to break and one to hold, a constant push and pull that lit up their blood and made lust sing through their veins, be it in the bedroom, or on the battlefield. Their love was just another kind of war, just like they liked it. But, coming back to their heart after the thrill of a good fight, this was what made it all worth it.

“I’m home.” Nyx whispered against Noct’s lips, feeling his blood settle down, lulled by the rhythm of his lover’s heart against his chest.

“Welcome back, my king.” Noctis answered, smirk at odd with the warm blue of his eyes.

The sweetest thing indeed.