#nude radiohead

[gay-caveman]

[benkybot]

In the pussy like Thom Yorke in the nude music video rn

[deadhermiteyes]

baby's first edit. i'll get better at this someday. today's theme is ✨guilt✨

[sugarcubeindulgent]

nude | pete dinunzio x f!reader

synopsis. when an ex-boyfriend/ex-best friend reaches out, you decide to give him a chance to speak what he wants to. you've changed after-all. unfortunately, as you'll find out, he definitely hasn't.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ contents. established relationship. hurt w/ no comfort. heavy angst. misogyny. sexism. slut-shaming. epilogue!pete is his own warning. swearing. violence? explicit content.

Tapping your heel against the wooden floorboards of the dive bar somewhere tucked into a dangerous part of New York, you can’t seem to stay still. Your entire body is antsy and you’re unable to do much but drink Diet Coke after Diet Coke and smoke cigarette after cigarette. You keep looking around, trying to spot the man you know hasn’t changed much physically aside from actually growing up. Pete. In your line of work it’s inevitable you’d know about him, it’s inevitable you sometimes see updates about him and his team. But what you didn’t count on and what you had hoped for yet dreaded was Pete reaching out to you. Though this would be as good a time as any with the convention tomorrow, you’re unsure why you’re here. Maybe some stupid part of you hopes he’s changed, that maybe he’s still in touch with the guys and they’ve changed too.

Maybe some stupid part of you still wants to see the good in the worst guys you’ve known. The worst guy you’ve known.

When your eyes flicker around the room again, your eyes finally land on him. And your eyebrows sew up, your entire body immediately stiffening as cancerous smoke leaves your glossy lips. Pete really doesn’t look too different. Of course he looks older in a dark snapback where black hair peeks out, more prominent dark circles beneath his eyes and a goatee to fit his look. His ears are pierced, triple lobes with stretched singles. Ink runs up his thin and lanky arms as his dark eyes spot you before he waves off the bartender he was talking to. As he walks over, you look at his dark staff shirt, he was probably working before he came. Dark jeans and shoes to match.

Pete finally stands in front of where you sit in the booth and you slowly slide out. The air immediately feels tense with awkwardness and unsettled tensions. But you still smile at Pete who seems to be drinking you in entirely, in disbelief. You’ve come a long way, you know it – and maybe some bad part of you likes the way he seems to look at you like something that slipped out of his hands. You want to hug him but that feels too weird, you wipe your hands off on your skirt.

“It’s…good to see you again, Pete.”,you greet him.

Dark eyes finally meet yours and he smiles a bit weakly, nodding. “Uhm you too.”

Then you nod to the booth. “Wanna sit?” Pete grumbles a response and you slide into the booth, a glass of Diet Coke still unfinished while your cigarette burns in the glass ashtray.

When Pete looks along the table, to the drink then to the cigarette he furrows his unibrow a bit and he shifts on the leather seat of the booth. “You smoke now?”,he asks, then he smiles a bit in a way that relaxes you,”You used to get on my ass about smoking constantly.” He says it fondly, you smile a bit and you laugh lightly, nodding while you wipe your hands on your skirt beneath the table again.

“Well I needed a new vice.”,you say with a loose shrug. You don’t want to assume Pete hasn’t seen updates about you. From your rise as a pornstar in the fetish genres to your alcohol problems and sobriety with steady fame in porn. Wrapping your hand around your glass to calm your nerves by the coldness, you thumb the glass and you contemplate for a few moments while in silence. Maybe you should just ask what’s been burning in your mind for a week.

Before you can, Pete speaks first.

“Congratulations by the way.” Your eyes look at him and your eyebrows furrow a bit in confusion. He shakes his head and gestures a bit absently with his hand. “Female Performer of the Year at the AVN.”,clarifies Pete with a crooked grin.

You feel your skin warm a bit, it feels so weird to talk about such a thing with the boy you grew up with. Then again he’s a man and it isn’t as if he wasn’t your first. Swallowing the awkwardness and threats of shy bouts, you laugh and nor. “Thanks.”,you expel a breath and shake your head while you run a hand over your forehead to cool down your skin. Quickly, you add more to fill the silence you feel makes the tension and awkwardness way too thick. “I heard the company you work for is already buzzing with nominations for the awards next year. I’m pretty surprised.”

Pete’s unibrow furrows and he frowns a bit. “Why?”

Blinking, you shake your head. “Well…horror porn is a controversial genre, is all. You guys don’t really get recognition at the shows.”,you explain with a shake of your head. You can tell Pete’s a bit irritated by your remark so you clear your throat and change the topic, it may worsen the atmosphere but you push forward anyway. You have to know. “Pete I–”,hesitating, your body trying to stop what your heart wants to know,”It’s been years…wh-why did you wanna see me?”,you dare to ask while you wet your lips.

Dark eyes flicker along your features, his lips parting to speak before his eyes dart to the waitress who sets a beer down in front of him. You thank her when he doesn’t and you look back to Pete with an expression of confused curiosity. But he takes a long drink of the beer before he finally speaks, and his response leaves you only more confused.

“I just wanted to.”

Your eyes dart around and you contemplate lighting up another cigarette as you shift in your seat. But you bite back the urge. “But why?”,you ask again. Your eyebrows furrow and you look at Pete who seems tense, thumbing the ridge of his glass he holds close to him. “I mean…it’s been years. The last time I saw you was – after that shit happened with the guys a-and you completely went off on me when I was just trying to help you.” Something in your head is telling you to shut up, to stop letting unspoken words spill out of your mouth in an obviously sore way. But your heart is choking out your brain in a fight for rationality and reason.

“Help me?”,scoffs Pete. You flinch at the bitterness weaving through his words as his hand presses to his chest in disbelief. Pete shakes his head and he lets go of his glass to talk with his hands as he used to. “No, no. You weren’t tryin’ to fuckin’ help me. You wanted me to go back and apologize to those fuckin’ assholes, all because you didn’t wanna be left alone again.”

Blinking back, your chest aches and hurts, your hands tighten on the fabric of your skirt beneath the table. Trying to remain calm, to not let your old resentment and emotions get the best of you, you shake your head. “As if.”,you snap, your attempts to keep yourself calm slowly failing, you lean towards Pete,”I was trying to help like I always did. All I ever did was mediate your arguments and talk you down when things got too intense. What did you do? You cussed me out and would call me names.”

“I’d fuckin’ apologize for that.”,he snaps in return, slamming his beer down onto the table so hard some of it sloshes over the sides onto the carvings in the wooden table.

“My fucking ass you would.”,you retort, not the same sensitive girl that’d immediately shut up when Pete would get beyond his anger. He scoffs and leans back, looking away while downing more of his beer. But you continue while your eyes chase his own. Keeping your voice down after his slam had drawn a couple of side glances. “You’d just show up at my house or window with some half-heartened “sorry” and then you’d try to distract me with one thing or–”

“And it worked didn’t it?”,Pete scoffs, looking at you with wide and dark eyes. He’s practically sneering. Then he shakes his head and laughs bitterly while he looks along your features. “You took anything I gave you. Is it my fault you were insecure and took everything lying down?” Flinching at his words, your anger flares up with your hurt and it feels like your heart is suffocating your brain.

Maybe some part of you knows he’s right. He’d get away with so much, he was your first boyfriend and you were some insecure girl who could only be friends with people you thought needed “fixing”. Still, you’ve changed. A lot. And evidently he’s still fucking awful. Your eyes sting but you blink the sensation away and you tilt your head, calmness and reason is gone. Just like every time you used to argue with Pete it’s insults, only this time you refuse to just take them.

“Oh please, Pete. That was years ago. And what about now?”,you snap, Pete seems to flinch as if he didn’t expect you to snap at him. “You’re some fucking balding nobody working for a company that’ll probably go bankrupt in fucking six months.” Pete’s eyes narrow and his jaw clenches, his hand is so tightly wrapped around the glass that his scarred up knuckles are white. You continue, bitter and angry. Hurt. “You don’t get to sit here and be a fucking asshole when you were the one that reached out to me. I’m not that same girl but you’re still the same jackass.”

“No shit, bitch.”,he swears. Pete then scoffs and he raises his unibrow. “Do you think you’re better now because you got hot and started to spread your legs for cash? You’re like every other ugly pair ‘a tits who grew up to be a pornstar.” Your chest aches and your eyes sting as you look into the face you once felt butterflies looking at. Now all you feel is sick as he tosses a hand with a scoff. “Just dying for attention and willing to fuck anyone and do anything to get it – I seen your movies, so believe me I know. So don’t talk shit to me when you’re just some slut who can’t handle her fuckin’ booze now.”

When you stand a sharp slap rings through the air between you and Pete. Your hand stings and his face jerks to the side from the impact of your hit. Trembling and breathing heavily, uncaring to the eyes around you two, you lean down close to him once you feel you’re not going to burst into tears. “Fuck you, Pete.”,you hiss hotly, you shake your head and your eyes rake over him in disgust,”I was stupid to think you changed. Have a fun life rotting in lonliness and isolation because not even the most desperate of cunts would tolerate you, you fucking asshole.”

Snatching up your purse from the booth seat, you shift out and you try to walk away only for Pete’s hand to suddenly grab your forearm. Wide eyes snap down to Pete, he’s staring up at you with anger that’s barely contained in a sneer and his tight, vice grip on your forearm. “When you eventually relapse and spiral again…call me. Maybe I’ll give you a twenty to blow me like you have every other actor in the industry.” Your jaw clenches and you swallow thickly, snatching your forearm from him so hard his nails catch skin.

Quickly rushing out of the bar, your heart pounding in your ears and blood rushing as some blood beads and rolls down your arm from his scratches – your shaking hands reach into your bag for a cigarette. Stomping down the pavement, hot tears rolling down your cheeks you’re unable to breathe or hold anything. You don’t care about the stares or looks, your eyes screwing shut as you turn into an alleyway and place a hand over your eyes, purse hitting the dirty alley floor.

“Fuckfuckfuck…”,you hiss,”Stop crying stop crying…”

[femboymilkovich]

You paint yourself white

And fill up with noise

But there'll be something missing

Now that you found it

It's gone

Now that you feel it

You don't

You've gone off the rails

[martzyink]

Guys look at what my baby sister has been doodling in her sketchbook🥹 It’s all the things she’s into right now… I may have had something to do with all this.

.

.

[hyacinthesiss]

me ascending to heaven during those last couple seconds of nude

[martitheevans]

Me when "you'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking," uegh

[unanottexxx]

my soul leaves my body while listening the first 40secs of Nude by Radiohead

[corvus-mcshmorbus]

Last night I stared up at a star

And the memories of eons came

Rushing to my mind

How here and now, I am seeing

A star older than life

How it has seen us born

And how it will see us die

And as I watched it shimmer

I let myself believe

The star has seen me live

It will remember my name

[t4toro]

rip leland p. fitzgerald u would’ve loved in rainbows

[hyacinthesiss]

i wanna make out with a pretty boy to nude so bad

[martitheevans]

Me when the songs I associate with the my own queer angst experiences are all written by straight dudes

[ghoulfiendish]

In this order (mas o menos)

[the-paradigm-web]

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