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[youngandnursey]

Nurse Notes

January 27: perhaps the thing that most scares me to work with kids is not being well enough myself.

Discomfort & unease may just give way for questions.

February 8: I like seeing the changes on my patients’ faces as the shift progresses... even the more stoic ones sometimes seem to smile as the day goes on. Looking for the balance between cheerfulness & solemness in their situations. Maybe sometimes proximity & the comfort of presence, even without the perfect words can be a transmission of compassion?

March 8: Is nursing what I think is caring? Or, what is caring for the patient? Are these the same?

I am wondering what makes a “good nurse”...

April 27: Nursing is such an act of being. You really can’t just do the tasks—you have to be & stay present. You have to notice & appreciate & stay curious with patients. To care, especially for those in vulnerable positions of illness, requires willingness to stay present even in the fatigue & even with the threat of indifference.

[youngandnursey]

Becoming Nursey: an abridged reflection on my undergraduate education

Nursing school, while feeling like a huge feat to tackle, has not been the only thing that’s brought me here--in a position ready to enter the world as a nurse and as a confident woman. Various aspects of my education have played a vital role in fostering my genuine feeling of readiness to enter the profession of nursing. My experiences in university have been unexpected and, at times, trying to my sense of self and my relationships. Being a spiritual ministry coordinator, working in a homeless shelter, traveling abroad, engaging in theology courses, participating in the honors program, working random jobs here and there, and finally experiencing the rigor of nursing school have all contributed to my becoming a new nurse. My faith has been stretched as I wondered about the restlessness of my soul in this seemingly chaotic world. It is this final thought which inspires me to say that I do not attribute my readiness and success to myself, but to God’s guidance and the immeasurable blessings which I have received to get here. For I have noticed that God resides in the disorder which can be found in the world and in nursing, so I am willing to stay, despite the discomfort of doing so.

General Education

       In my first quarter of university, I took a “Literature and Faith” course wherein we read novels written by great stewards of the gospel message through literature. Our professor was a vivacious Catholic woman with a British accent and wonderfully crude word choice who brought the novel’s embedded messages of grace and love to life. While learning about the themes of grace in literature, the professor did not ask us questions in soft tones and wait for our responses. Rather, she yelled about the “fucking” grace of God while stomping around in black Doc Martens boots and preaching at us to see the world through the lens of the wildly honest Flannery O’Connor, or the guilt-ridden Whiskey Priest in Graham Greene’s The Power and the Glory. This professor helped us to see the meeting of the profane and the sacred—or showed us that they might even be one in the same. I’ve found this same truth in nursing.

           Later, I took a theatre course on Christianity and Comedy with little prior knowledge about the concept of humor as a way of communicating the grace of God. I learned that theatric comedy and humor demonstrate the power of the gospel in that humor requires the trajectory of grace—redemption occurs in the act of laughter which is a display of humility when one chooses not to take oneself too seriously. Being an honors student, I was required to study Greek and Latin classics, read philosophers of Modernity, learn about the globalization of the world, among other topics. Each of my courses entranced me, made me wonder if I was choosing the right path by pursuing a major in nursing. Continuing to do so became especially difficult when a professor for one of my Honors’ courses graded me the highest in the class on a paper analyzing Kantian philosophy—I mean I know you’re doing this nursing thing, Claire, but you seriously have a knack for this.

           Yet while engaging in all this course content, I was motivated not just by the academics, nor the romantic notion of studying literature and writing about the world abstractly. I equally wanted to engage with the challenges I faced internally, on my campus, in the city, and even in the world. I loved learning through reading and writing but, admittedly, it felt disconnected, abstract, even airy with privilege and comfort. Attempting to learn about the state of our current world and the ideas which brought us to this point in history prompted me to approach nursing with the truth in mind that the world is a place riddled with nuances, perplexities and contradictions. Thus, these courses helped me meet The Baccalaureate Essential IX (2008) stating that graduates should “demonstrate tolerance for the ambiguity and unpredictability of the world and its effect on the healthcare system as related to nursing practice” (p. 32). The learning which I did in the first two years at University taught me about the unpredictability of the world with regard to evolving ideas, the pain of history, and my privileged position in this world. These courses compelled me to think deeply about the human condition and my place in engaging with it. I loved the liberal arts portion of my education, but it was just the transition I needed into nursing school—to embrace the reality of human suffering and the role of science in caring, to manifest the reality of the human condition which was taught to me through lectures and books.

Vocational Development

           I became a nurse because I needed a vocation which combined art and science. Nursing has always been considered “an art and a science” and both of these terms hold special significance in nursing practice (Peplau, 1987). As mentioned above, my decision to pursue nursing did not come without turning down other interests and passions in the realm of humanities, which I’d consider an art. Still, I have also always had a love of science, especially in asking questions about the world and learning the way things work. I appreciate the opportunities in nursing to engage art as well as the scientific process. From longing to understand humanity and care for people, I began to consider nursing as a creative act of being in which the nurse chooses to engage with another with heartfelt curiosity and compassion. The nurse must notice, appreciate, and stay curious with her patients. To care, especially for those in vulnerable places of illness, requires a willingness to stay present in the fatigue, even while there exists a threat of recoiling from suffering or even just becoming indifferent. I wanted to enter this profession that had a striking impact on people. Hildegard Peplau (1987) aptly describes this impact on people in that “they are touched (literally and figuratively) and sometimes changed at a very personal level by the art nurses practice” (p. 9). I feel that it is an honor to begin practicing this art.

I’ve realized during my short journey that the utter curiosity which I have about the world—and which compelled me to ask questions, be an Honors student, and enthusiastically jump into new experiences—aided me in discovering a vocation of nursing. My inherent curiosity makes me eager to engage in the scientific aspect of the discipline, while my compassion aids in the art. Despite the challenge of learning a large sum in nursing school, I have always appreciated adding new things to my knowledge base. When studying courses like medical/surgical nursing became especially difficult, the prospect of using this information to care for people was quite motivating. My fellow nursing students around me also helped in this journey, which contributed to my developing understanding of the importance of community in learning, creating new ideas, and becoming competent in nursing as a science.

Character Development

           My journey of faith has been riddled with nuances, doubt, misunderstandings, and minuscule revelations. Paralleling this journey was my developing sense of self, forever vacillating between assuredness and utter uncertainty. My experience in university has revealed to me both the steadfastness of God along with the simultaneous uncertainty of religion and spirituality. Flannery O’Connor (1979) wrote the following prayer that has always resonated with me: “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief… is the most natural and most human and most agonizing prayer in the gospels, and I think it is the foundation prayer of faith” (p. 476). As I was confronted with contradictions of Christianity in various courses and in my own experiences, I’ve prayed this prayer as if simply speaking into the void, hoping for truth and clarity. God has been with me all the while.

God has been my source of strength in moments of fear in the context of nursing. Finding meaning and purpose prove essential in this profession to maintain hope and joy. Similarly, looking to God for comfort and strength felt wildly important when I worked at a homeless shelter for young adults in Seattle. It was difficult to cling to hope when confronting such difficult and discouraging situations experienced by the guests at the shelter. The seemingly insurmountable issues in the world are immediately present in my own city. Dr. Paul Farmer, Co-founder of Partners in Health, holds the belief that to give in to despair is to give up on those who are suffering… for they have no option out (2013), and this has inspired me to strive to maintain hope and stave off despair for the sake of those who require care. I feel that my journey of learning about other religions, questioning my own faith, and still trusting God’s work in my life has also prepared me to “demonstrate tolerance for the ambiguity and unpredictability of the world and its effect on the healthcare system as related to nursing practice” (Baccalaureate essential IX).

My University education has been rich with experiences, which have prepared me to begin a vocation in nursing. I’ve learned that nursing as an art and science could not have been a better fit for me as I desire to care for people and continue learning. I look forward to understanding how best to care for people, and how to do so while fulfilling my own heart, which longs to connect with people and see God’s hand at work in the world. I appreciate that this is not an easy task, but there are brilliant nurses who have come before me and others around me to build me up. Simply to look in a patient’s eyes and transmit hope and joy despite their suffering has made this journey worthwhile. 

References

American Association of Colleges of Nursing (2008). The Essentials of Baccalaureate Education for Professional Nursing Practice. Retrieved from http://www.aacnnursing.org/Portals/42/Publications/BaccEssentials08.pdf

Farmer, P. (2013). Dr. Paul Farmer on hope. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PINxZQwde54

O’Connor, F. (1979). The habit of being: Letters of Flannery O’Connor. Retrieved from https://books.google.com/books?id=zU9liqlCzmsC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false

Peplau, H.E. (1987). The art and science of nursing: Similarities, differences, and relations. Nursing Science Quarterly. doi: 10.1177/089431848800100105

[youngandnursey]

For my senior practicum we all are completing a service learning project in groups. My group and I were tasked with producing a health-promotion project with a Seattle-based organization called Recovery Café. We decided to collaborate with another organization that runs a local urban farm. The research literature was pretty clear that gardening has considerable impacts on mental health & promoting community. I was so happy with how our first garden work party turned out. A group of members from the Café along with us nursing students took a short walk to this garden & spent the next couple hours weeding, planting new things, & harvesting radishes & lettuce. All this produce got to go back to the Café to feed all sorts of folks during the week. It felt so refreshing to be out in the garden & special to be doing so alongside folks who were excited & grateful for the experience.

[youngandnursey]

As I think about graduating in just a little over three weeks my chest flutters with anxiety, but it’s also so so surreal. 

I’ve learned so much in university. So much about myself and who I want to be in the world. I’ve met people who’ve shown me love and grace. I’ve learned how to be a good friend and family member. I’ve started to become a nurse even as I am still overwhelmed at the prospect of caring for the world. 

Friends like these have carried me through this journey. So much more to write, but back to work on my Capstone paper for nursing synthesis.