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tieflingtareon · 1 year ago

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My love, are you the devil? (Oh, call me a devil)

Chapter 31 | Words: 8.2k

Summary: Astarion found himself often surprised by his heroic companion. He had one goal. To become the favoured companion of the group, to earn the Tieflings loyalty, to make Tar'eons strength his own. Yet Tar'eon isn't like the usual target of his manipulations. Despite his naivety, he does not seem gullible. There is something very wrong with their 'leader' to begin with. Astarion isn't sure if he wants to control it or eradicate the threat it posed. But can he really do either when Tar'eon himself seems so...unwaveringly kind?

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50668558/chapters/127995079

Tar'eon looked out at the ocean before him, the cold sea air caressing his skin as he closed his eyes, letting the scent of salt and fish fill his nose. His body felt heavy like an anchor. It was tempting to simply thrown himself over the edge and let himself sink to the bottom. To drown in the ocean sounded more painful than to drown in a river, but it was becoming clear to him than drowning in a river, drowning in Astarion, wasn't an option tonight.

He missed his cool fingers against his face, a kinder chill than the ocean winds. He buried his face in his hands, trying to hide from the cold, even if it didn't help his flushed face, his swollen eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he cried, really truly cried. He hadn't been able to stop after it started. He knew he had to tell them all eventually, but being put onto the spot so suddenly...

He wanted to resent Astarion. He wanted to scorn him, to feel that same furious rage he felt for Orin, for his enemies, but he couldn't even manage a flicker of a flame. He felt like he'd been soaked by rain, heavy and cold and wet. There was no chance of starting a fire inside himself when all the kindling was soaked with self-loathing. How could he face them again? After everything he told them...

Karlach and Wyll would hate him for allying with Enver, for damning the Coast. Jaheria, Halsin and Gale wouldn't be able to trust him, the wizard still didn't even know who took his hand. Aylin and Isobel...who knew what they'd think of him, being child and cleric of Selune. Shadowheart would probably side with Karlach, given their relationship.

Astarion...Gods, he didn't want to think about it. Not after how he snapped at him before leaving. He might find acceptance from Lae'zel, given she doesn't care for bloodshed, but...it still didn't feel like a comfort. She may have different opinions now, having abandoned her faith. He felt like there was no one in his corner, and that scared him. He felt...truly alone, for the first time since he escaped the ship.

He'd tried so hard to be a good person...but in the end, was being a good person now enough to rectify all he did in the past? He couldn't see an end to this journey that benefited him if he was honest. When Shadowheart rejected Shar's will, she had suffered the agony of thousands...What would Bhaal do when he rejected him? Would he even be able to? Would his past devotion to his Father win in the heat of the moment?

All the what ifs turned his stomach, but even still...he wouldn't let the world perish. Not if he could help it. Even if it meant the end of his own life, he would sacrifice everything to give his companions their freedom back. To make the world safe again for children like Mol, Mirkon, Silfy, Mattias and Doni, like Arabella - they all deserved to grow up and live. Not become food to mind flayers.

He would fix the mistakes of his former life, even if it cost him his current. It's not like there was any home to return to after the journey ended anyway...Nobody would mourn him. Well, maybe Astarion, but he'd move on. He'd live on for centuries, maybe even a millienia...and he'd heal. He'd forget about him. It was probably for the best. He would free Astarion of Cazador like he promised...and then, he'd free him of the tadpole. Whether he saw the next dawn wasn't important. Whether his friends did was.

Tar'eon looked out at the moonlit waters and admired the rippling of light across the dark sea. The peace was interrupted by a mechanic squeak, a shudder of metal. He looked over his left shoulder, looking at the Steel Watcher that stood a few paces behind him. He quirked a brow.

"Are you spying on me, Enver?" He asked, but the machinery was silent. Tar'eon stared at the helmet a long moment before turning back to the sea. "If you're going to bother me, I'd rather you do so in person. I feel ridiculous speaking to a hunk of junk."

"Now that's quite rude." The clink of the cane against wood made Tar'eons eyes widened, looking over his right shoulder to see the Archduke approach with a smile. "I spent quite some time designing these 'hunks of junk'."

"Why are you here?"

"I was informed by one of my many Watchers that you were alone, and far from your camp. It struck me as odd." He came to stand beside him, both hands on his cane and looking out at the waters with something akin to pride. Like a God marvelling at the beauty of the world he created. "Are you out on a late night hunt, my dear assassin?"

"You know, if I didn't know any better, which frankly, I don't, I'd think you were stalking me." Tar'eon narrowed his eyes, glancing at the man from the corner of his eye. Watching him just as closely as he no doubt watched him.

"It's my duty as Archduke to remain informed, lest chaos ensue in my streets. Your wandering alone has caught the attention of many creatures who stalk these streets at night, awaiting a lone soul like yourself." Tar'eons brows jumped up in surprise, turning to look Enver.

"I...Are we being watched?"

"Oh, most definitely, I'm sure." Enver grinned, looking rather pleased that Tar'eon had caught on. "Orin doesn't appreciate your return. She wants you gone, and her faceless hoard know it. That, and you've somehow gained the attention of vampire spawn from what my Steel Watchers have told me."

"Vampire spawn-" Tar'eon furrowed his brows and cursed softly. "Astarion?"

"Oh no, not his delightful self. But they're certainly Cazador's brood, if that's what you're wondering. Your fanged lover has not run into the night after you, I'm afraid. My condolences." He didn't bother hiding the sarcasm in his tone. From the way he spoke, it was obvious that the city had little to no secrets from him anymore. He even knew Cazador was a vampire lord, and from his tone alone, Tar’eon could tell he wasn’t the man’s biggest fan. One thing they could agree on.

"I'm sure you already know what happened. Since you've got your fingers in every corner of his town." Tar'eon grumbled.

"Unfortunately, I do not know. But I would love to hear it. Lovers quarrel?" His dark eyes gleamed with mischief, obviously hoping for it to be just that. Tar'eon pursed his lips and looked back to the ocean.

"...They know who I am now. They know what I've done. I'm giving them time to decide whether I'm worth the trouble or not, I suppose." Tar'eon picked dirt out from beneath one claw and sighed, closing his eyes. "Just associating with you has ruined more than one of my relationships with my companions, you know?”

"If your bonds are that weak, why bother entertaining them?" Enver scoffed. "They are beneath you. They have no idea of the honour that comes with being the Chosen of one's God."

"I don't want it." Tar'eon told Enver, who looked slightly surprised before he smoothed out his expression into something more neutral. "I don't care what Bhaal wants with me. He is not my Father, not anymore. I will kill Orin, and I will disown him. And when the time comes, I want you at my side when we destroy the elder brain."

"Destroy- you want to forsake all our plans? For what? Once we have all three Netherstones, the brain will no longer be a threat to us. There is no point in trying to kill the damn thing if we can control it."

"Perhaps. But it will always be a liability. Your Steel Watch does enough to maintain order in this city. I doubt you really need it now." He gestured to the metal bodyguard with it's back to them, surveying the area for dangers to its maker. "What is the point in controlling the whole world via some faux religion? Eventually, they'll realise it's all for naught, and it will be your head that they want. Besides, who's to say you won't use the control you have over the brain against myself one day?"

"I would never." Enver actually looked furious at the mere suggestion. "I much prefer you with your free will intact. It would be a waste of your brilliance to make you a mindless slave."

"And all the others in Faerun with their own brilliance? Where will the good things in the world go? People will be too devoted to the Absolute to do the things that make humanity so beautiful." Tar'eon reached back and frowned. He'd forgotten his flute...

"Where will the stories that could have been told go? The songs that would have been sung? The music that will never play...The laughter, the hope, it will all disappear. It will turn into a monotonous grey. All there will be is the Absolute - or fear of it. The ballads will speak only of Her, rather than of a lover or a friend, of family and adventure. There is so much we'll be stripping the world of if we continue on this path."

"I think I just threw up in my mouth a little." Enver remarked with a deadpanned expression. "When did you become so soft, Tir'yal?"

"Fine. You don't want to think of the good? Think of the consequences. We have no guarantee that the elder brain will remain under our control for long. You can barely control it right now as it is; who's to say it won't grow to resist all three stones power?" He challenged. "Who do you think it's going to kill first when it breaks free? The very ones who enslaved it."

He gestured to the both of them and Enver narrowed his eyes at him.

"As long as we have the crown, we don't have to worry about losing control of it. You and I already went over every flaw in our plan, made back up plans for back up plans - trust in our brilliance, Tir'yal. Once Orin is out of the way and the brain is back under control, we'll be able to unify the world beneath our rule. With Ketheric’s army, the Absolute’s army, put to waste, we can share in the rewards of our victory against them. We will be heroes in the peoples eyes.” The same heroes who made such an army to begin with. All to gain the favour of the people. To be see as their sworn protectors; to be adored. At least, that was Enver’s goal. Tir’yal had simply wanted blood for his Father.

"False heroes." Tar'eon stood straighter and huffed. "I'd rather die a true hero than live as a false one."

"You're impossible. If I knew losing your memories would make you into this, I would have put you out of your misery for your own sake when you arrived to my coronation. You’re lucky you still have your uses." Enver shook his head, as if disappointed. "I do hope you see reason the next time I see you, Tir'yal. It would be such a waste of good potential.” He turned his foot, swinging his cane forward to meet the wood as he stepped away, ready to leave, but he was halted by a hand grasping at the sleeve of his robes.

Enver turned to look over his shoulder, quirking a brow at Tar'eon.

"I...I know I'm different from what you remember. Vastly different. I know I'm not the man you knew, but if you still care for him in any measure...please stay with us a little while longer?" Tar'eon asked weakly, hating himself for stooping so low, but he was lonely. So fucking lonely. He didn't want to be alone right now, or he feared he'd be a body washed ashore by morning rather than a returning camper. He wished he’d let Astarion follow after him. Maybe then he’d already be back at camp, wrapped up in his arms and smelling rosemary instead of sea salt and cologne.

Enver stared at him for a long while, his expression giving little away before he stepped back into his prior spot, hands clasped behind his back, fingers wrapped around the length of his cane rather than the handle.

"Thank you."

"By Bane, don't. I'm only here because you're right. We have history. I may not be a fan of how weak you've become, but I still see promise in you yet, Tir'yal." Enver's lips thinned. "It is hard to find an equal in a world such as this one. You were my equal once before...and I still wish for you to be.”

Tar'eon smiled ruefully.

"Lonely at the top, isn't it? Being a leader...can be very lonely."

"I have always been enough company for myself. You were simply an addition I didn't mind. An addition I quite liked."

"You liked me." Tar'eon hummed.

"I did."

"More than Orin."

"An easy feat. The woman is dreadful and grating to listen to. I've never been one for needless bloodshed - I’ve always preferred to use it as a tool. You? You were smart with it. You were quick, efficient, you didn't make a show of it like she does. You were only ever curious about your kills once you were done, not overindulgent."

"I sated my urge as your 'assassin', I'm guessing?"

"You had great control of your urge, but yes. We made a good pair. You got rid of competition. Weaklings and blackmailers...You made climbing the ranks much easier compared to my own efforts alone." He chuckled. "I see death as a grim necessity. You saw death as an act of devotion. As, dare I say it, loving. So I gave you offerings to your Father, and you put more and more political power into my lap with every throat slit.”

"I gave you a lot of things, from what I do remember." Tar'eon pursed his lips. How many did he kill for him during their time together? How long had they known each other? He’d said years, hadn’t he? Less than ten, considering Karlach hadn’t recognised him. Enver grinned.

"Shall I list all the things you've gifted me with, my dearest?"

"I fear to know." Tar'eon admitted. "I feel like it might change things. I'm not sure I can afford that."

"Why deny yourself the truth? You've always been the hungry sort - hungry for knowledge, hungry for gore, hungry to prove yourself to your Father...You were near impossible to sate." Enver chuckled, like it was some sort of inside joke they'd once had. Now, he was the only one who could laugh at it.

"...You're right. I do want the truth. I- I crave it. I want to know everything, and it vexes me that I still know so little despite remembering my service to Bhaal. Knowing I'm...knowing I'm his spawn - it's a lot. I know nothing of my past, but I know I belonged to him. That I still do. I'm not sure I can ever come back from all the cruelty I did in his name."

"Such is the life of a Chosen. We are instruments our Gods play. We create the melodies they've written, and we revel in our duty to them, and the power they pass onto us in return." Enver gestured out to the ocean, the ships, the rippling waves. "They bless us with the power to take what we desire...and in turn, they have our undying devotion. They have our souls - much like making a deal with a devil." He chuckled at the comparison.

"You don't seem to be the biggest fan of devils."

"Beneath a devil, you are given lies and punishment. Gods are where true power is, and their wrath will not come for you unless you fail them." Enver glanced at Tar'eon. "I worry your rejection of Bhaal will not end well for you, my dearest."

"Perhaps. I worry too, but I can't accept him. As long as I am under his thumb, there is no true freedom for myself. This Urge - it isn't who I am. Not anymore. It is Bhaal's will, an extension of his control over my mind and body. He will use it to remove my loved ones until the world is empty and I am the last soul alive. I would rather die a free man than live serving beneath the heel of a God."

Enver was silent a long moment, and Tar'eon turned his head to look at him, but the man was focused on the moon, the dim lighting making him appear almost ghoulishly pale. His features were so dark, sucking up the shadows, that Tar'eon was sure he wouldn't be able to see him on a moonless night. The sleepless shadows beneath his eyes looked like bruises. He wondered if he ever slept through the night, or if he lived solely off naps.

"Do you ever wonder what life would be like? Without Bane?" Tar'eon asked and Enver scowled, his eyes narrowed as he looked at the tiefling.

"I would be servant to a devil, rather than a God. I much prefer my chances under Bane's hand than under any others. Bane has given me everything I have ever desired." He gestured to the city behind them, the grand place he had called home since his birth. It felt fitting to have it be the first place he took off the map in his journey to rule all. "Bane has given me the power and strength to take this city as my own. To wield it under the Black Hand. He has given me the means to control everything."

He placed a near loving hand to his Steel Watcher, smiling at Tar'eon.

"Even as a child, I saw the world for what it is. Full of chaos and despair. I knew in unifying the people against a common enemy, culling the ones who would not fall into line...I could bring this city prosperity and peace. That I could earn their adoration and loyalty. When people are left to decide their own fates, they will toss even those they claim to care most about into the dirt. If I control every aspect of this city, there will be no need for petty crimes, for debts to be paid, all of it will be delegated to me...Nobody wants the responsibilities they're given. If anything, they'll thank me for fixing all of their problems, for removing the ones that simply don't want to go away. I will be a hero in the eyes of many."

He seemed to truly believe his words, but Tar'eon couldn't read his mind. Only the language of his body. His stature was nothing short of confidant, even if he was physically shorter than Tar'eon.

"You'll be a tyrant who acts like a just and fair king." Tar'eon saw through it with ease and Enver laughed.

"Well...When you worship and are chosen by the God of Tyranny, it only make sense to follow the path he's paved before you."

"Considering all you've told me, I'd say you and I were the ones who actually got you as far as you've come." Tar'eon mused and Enver barked a sharp laugh, the sound more biting than humorous this time.

"I would not have met you again if not for Bane. I would not have lived to see all of our plans come to fruition if not for him." Enver clasped his hands together and came to stand at the railing, his eyes searching the darkness of the horizon. "You may have no love left for your Father, but Bane has my devotion until the end of my days. He was the God who answered when no other would. I was destined to be his Chosen."

“‘Again’? Are you saying Bane organised our meeting at the coronation?” Enver shook his head and grinned.

“We’ve known each other since we were children, Tir’yal. It’s why I have the reserved right to call you by that name, amongst other reasons. I was there before your Father even called upon you…” He seemed to be reminiscing from the shine in his eyes. “I barely remember that far back myself. I was young when we parted. When I returned to Baldur’s Gate, you were already in service to Bhaal I would assume. Your childhood home was nothing but a haunted house.” He chuckled. “Your foster family were sacrificed for Bhaal’s love. I had not yet been Chosen by Bane, so we lived separate lives well into our twenties before I was finally given the honour. I had worshipped diligently, but one must prove themselves worthy if they want to be empowered by a God. It took a decade of blood, sweat and tears for Bane to finally proclaim me as his. Shortly after, fate drew us together again. Almost two decades apart…you hadn’t the scarcest clue to who I was, but I remembered you. I don’t think I would have bothered with partnering together in our first heist if I hadn’t. You were quite arrogant. Though, being a pureblooded Bhaalspawn…Who could blame you for turning your nose up at the Chosen of Bane, your Fathers sworn foe?”

“When you said we had history, you meant it, huh?” Tar’eon couldn’t fathom it. “Did I…I really killed my foster family? For Bhaal?” To think he had a family once…a family who loved him, he'd like to think. He spilt their blood for a God, for his true Father, and he suddenly felt sick. The more he knew of himself, the more impossible if felt to crawl out of the hole he’d dug, unable to be purified by the grace of the sunlight. Unable to be redeemed, or reborn.

“You did. You lived in the house across the wall, opposite mine. Your father brought shoes from us often because you grew much faster than your brother.” He chuckled. “A tiefling adopted by a family of elves. It was an amusing sight in the markets. You always had your nose in a book. You didn’t spare any adult respect that wasn’t earned. You hated my parents with a passion, and always insisted I make your shoes for you despite the fact that I was an awful cobbler. I hated working with leather, but metal? That was my calling. You enjoyed wearing steel boots worthy of a knight. You said it made it easier to squish rats in the street, and easier to clean too.”

“I sound…awful." A sadistic child, was that really who he'd been? Rotten from the start? Or had it been Bhaal's influence, even back then? "It sounds almost like I bullied you as a child.”

“You were the only one who saw my genius, who understood my view of the world. The other children simply didn't understand us. Or, I suppose they feared you." Enver shrugged with a thoughtful expression. Tar'eon noted the distinction between 'us' and 'you'. The children hadn't feared Enver. He didn't have many friends before him, did he? Had he been his first? "You having a blunt exterior was a price I had to pay to have someone to watch my back when I pickpocketed merchants.”

“We were troublemakers then?”

“We were kids. Your brother was the opposite of you, so you two clashed a lot. Ever the sensible soul, he was, saying I was an awful influence. It only made sense that you would hang out with me instead. We were both bad influences, after all. He couldn't blame only me.” He chuckled.

“I wish I could remember…” Tar’eon sighed. “So Bane reunited us when he made you his Chosen?”

“He got me to Baldur’s Gate. He got me home. Making me his Chosen simply increased my chances of seeing you again.”

“Where were you between the time you left and the time you came back?” Tar’eon asked and Enver was quiet. Tar'eon had some ideas, but they didn't really make sense to him.

“Where I was holds no relevance to our past together. The important part is that I returned. And it was all thanks to Bane. He has given me the ability to take everything I could ever desire.”

"And you want for nothing else?"

"I am close to having everything I've ever wished for. There is nothing else I could want." Enver shrugged one shoulder and smiled. He seemed to believe it. His devotion to Bane was true. He both worshipped him like a saviour yet acknowledged the transactional relationship they had. Tar'eon wondered if he'd ever been so devoted to Bhaal, his own Father. He grimaced and leaned against the railing, his elbow brushing Envers.

"You offered to share your kingdom with me. Not very tyrannical of you." Tar'eon mused.

"It took some convincing...but Bane came to see the benefits of our union once we had the crown."

"Bhaal doesn't extend the same regard to you, I'm afraid." He may not want to kill him, and the Urge may not feel insistent about the matter of his blood spilling the floor, but he knew it desired it deep down. To make him a pretty corpse one day. To be the one he gasped his final breathe before, to be the last thing reflected in those shiny dark eyes.

"Oh yes. I was to be your final kill, wasn't I? You used to tell me you'd kill me slowly...so we could breathe our final breaths together."

"That's...so fucked up." And oddly romantic, honestly. In a devastatingly morbid way. "Were you really going to let me do that? Kill you?"

"Well, I had intended to convince you to rule with me for a while. Work our way through each city, each continent; there's so many places to see, so much land conquer and admire...eventually, when the world was finally empty of any other soul, I would have laid on your Fathers altar and died with you." There wasn't a single ounce of deceit in his tone, and it made his stomach flip.

"That's..." Tar'eon stared at Enver with wide eyes, unsure what to say. "I don't know what to say to that."

"It's not as if it matters now. You intend to reject Bhaal and his plans of sacrificing every soul. You've killed an Avatar of Myrkul who now lacks a Chosen. There is a clear path before us both." Enver gestured outwards, the faintest light coming out from the horizon. A lighthouse.

"And what path is that?"

"The path we walk together." He offered his hand to the tiefling with a small smile, something fond in his gaze. "Blessed by Bane, we can take Toril as our own with the elder brain under our control. You can be the just and fair king to the people...and I can be the tyrant needed to keep the peace. Marvellous, is it not? Imagine it. A world in our image. Or, Bane's I suppose, but it's all the same."

Tar'eon stared at his hand. If he could remember the past, perhaps he would agree. But he couldn't. He didn't want that life anymore. He shook his head softly and Enver dropped his hand with a downturn to the left corner of his lip.

"So I'm to clean up your messes to the rest of my life? If that what you suggest?"

"I'd make it worth your while." Enver smirked before shaking his head. "You may deny yourself now, but one day...You'll see. When you're at the top of the world, you're the one making the rules. You could change the world for the better. Or the worst. Whatever you desire." Enver didn't seem to care either way, as long as he was at his side.

"Being a king, above everyone else, it sounds like a lonely life to me."

"You won't be alone." Enver reminded with a soft smile. "Your home will be a palace, your people your pets, your advisers your confidants...and you will have me to share the burdens and delights of our ruling with."

"I'd rather a modest home with animals as pets and a partner to share the burdens and delights of life with." Tar'eon crossed his arms. "I don't want power, Enver. I simply want to live my life as my own. That's why I'm rejecting Bhaal. It's why I'm killing Orin. It's why I will stop the elder brain and remove the tadpole from my skull. I told you. I'd rather die a free man than have other people in my head."

"Not many can be given the offer of a lifetime and turn it down so swiftly." Enver chuckled, but it was a terse one. "I really can't convince you, can I?"

"You may speak with the same silver tongue of a devil, but I have bested a God and intend to best another. I am no longer Bhaal's puppet or his devoted son. I am my own man, or...I intend to be. Which means I choose my own path. My own desires."

"And what do you desire?" Enver actually sounded curious rather than mocking.

"I..." Tar'eon licked his lips. "I want to travel. Settle down. I want a home. A-a family. A real one. I want kids and pets and to not fear harm will come upon us. I want to be strong enough to protect what's mine. I...I want love." He smiled softly, thinking of Astarion's soft red eyes. Of the sunlight gracing his white curls and his fanged smile. "I want to heal my friends of their wounds and watch them live the lives they deserved but never got."

"...You really have gone soft. Entirely. It's like there's nothing of you left."

"Maybe that's all he wanted too, and you just didn't know it. Or he couldn't accept it himself. After all, this is still the same body, the same mind, if a bit battered." He thought back to the note he found in the colony. At the time, he'd thought nothing of it. "...I think he loved you. He just didn't know how to show it properly."

"Don't pretend to know us - It may have been you, but you don't remember yourself the way I do." Enver scowled.

"I remember the feeling though." Tar'eon reached out and Enver stepped back, eyes searching him for possible danger. Tar'eon reached further and Enver didn't move this time, allowing the larger man to take his hand gently in his, pressing his palm to his chest. To his rapidly beating heart. "My heart still reacts to you, even though I should despise you. You've ruined countless lives, you've had me kill people for your own gain, and you've attacked myself and my lover in the span of a single day. I should hate you."

"And yet...?"

"I can't bring myself to. And I hate myself for it." Tar'eon let go of his hand but Enver didn't remove it, his golden talons pinching the skin of his chest. "He must have loved you a lot. I'm almost sorry Orin scrambled my brain. I think you two needed each other to be human, rather than the favourite of hateful Gods."

"You know nothing of how we were." Enver breathed bitterly, almost a hiss, his claws only digging in deeper. Tar'eon didn't flinch away.

"I know what devotion feels like though. I know what love against all odds is like. I know the feeling of duty coming before the heart, of struggling against it. I speak the truth when I tell you he loved you. He still loves you. Somewhere in my brain, he's there, even if I can't find him. You are loved, Enver."

Enver snatched his hand away, leaving behind a small tear in the fabric of his shirt.

"You may think you know love, Tir’yal, because of this dalliance with that fanged friend of yours, but I assure you — it is infatuation at best. You’ve known each other how long? Weeks? Love is not made in weeks, my friend.” He chuckled, but it lacked humour. “That is simply a notion woven into fairytales so children have something to look forward to in the mundane life of adulthood. Love is not even a priority in any successful relationship, I assure you. I doubt it truly exists for those with more than half a brain. What is real, what does work, is trust. Respect. The ability to compromise on things you wouldn’t dare change if anyone else asked. Love is sacrificing. It leaves one vulnerable. And that makes it a weakness you and I never dared to allow. Your mind is muddled beyond comprehension, Tir’yal. All your body is feeling is the physical affects of lust, my dearest. A rapid heartbeat is not a reason to become poetic.”

“Did we not share all of those things?” Tar’eon looked at his torn shirt and clicked his tongue. He’d have to get Astarion to mend it for him. He supposed he’d have to return eventually after all. They’d have to talk about everything…properly this time. “Trust, respect, compromise…”

“Perhaps. We were partners after all, in many senses.” He picked lint off the lapel of his robes, or attempted to. There was no lint to pick. Tar’eon wondered if that was a subconscious habit like his tail. To make his attire impeccable, to seem uncaring about it when perhaps he did care. About a lot of things. “But neither of us could afford to make each other our ‘one and only’s’. We, after all, are Chosens. The only 'love' we can offer is to our Gods.”

“Is that what he told you?”

“It’s something we agreed on.” There was something soft in his tone, and Tar’eon was sure he would have missed it if his voice wasn’t so familiar to his ears even without the memory of it. He had the blueprints, but no manual. It was quite frustrating. Enver turned his gaze out to the lighthouse in the distance, and for a moment, Tar’eon thought he could see someone younger before him. Someone with longer hair, someone who wore white compared to black, lacking a shadow-y stubble and who’s under eyes weren’t so dark.

With only the moon to light him, he thought he saw the lover of Tir’yal, rather than the man before Tar’eon. As awful as his past self had been, he mourned for his sake. They may not have spoken the words out loud…but there had been love there. Their own twisted yet almost pure version of it. As pure as a bloodstained kiss could be; and from his experience, a bloody kiss could feel angelic.

“I’m sorry. That he never told you he loved you. You deserved to hear it. I think everybody does, at least once."

“You barely know me.” Enver scoffed. “Not this new version of you at least.” He gestured to the tiefling before him. He was familiar in the right ways, a spitting image of his lover, but all that had been between them was a mystery to him. He still had the same brilliant mind, always had the right words to make his tongue looser than he liked…but he was fractured. Turned inside out. The man before him wasn’t the same as the one he had near worshipped on the same level as Bane. The one he had trusted and respected above all others. The only one who understood, who knew he didn't want sweet words when he woke from nightmares, who knew when it was time to drag him to bed, who knew when he hadn't eaten all day, and never judged him for it, simply praising his dedication and making dinner for two, stealthily moving papers out of reach and taking up the space on his desk so he would finally take a break.

Enver wasn't one to focus on the past, he was always looking to the future, but he found it was near impossible not to focus on the past when that's where his Tir'yal was. Where his first friend and true equal lived. The man before him was a mere shadow of his former self, and he couldn't let go of what had been his. He knew he was in there, somewhere. If he simply waited, if he was patient like he'd been with Bane all those years ago, perhaps he'd return to his side eventually. By the Gods, he was actually willing to wait if only to have him back by his side.

“If you did know me, now, I don’t think you’d agree.” Bane had granted him the power to escape the House of Hope, had ordered all living souls be dedicated to him once Bhaal had his slice of death and blood. But he knew Tir’yal was the reason he was here now. Without his help, without their combined brilliance, he never would have made it out of their heist to take the Crown to begin with.

It had been his hand that pulled him out of Avernus when he thought he’d be trapped there again. Not even Bane’s hand had been extended to him in such a way. A God could rarely intervene with mortals after all; that’s why they had to do this. They were the Chosen who could meddle in human affairs. This was the only path where both of them could stay together, under Bane's blessing. Tar'eon could reject Bhaal, could lose his status as Chosen, and Enver would still gladly rule with him. He knew deep down, the man was not weak in the slightest, even if he had softened in some ways. All he needed was the guidance that would return him to where he belonged.

“Perhaps. Our guardians, our tormentors…Our Gods. They form us. They shape us in their images. I’ve seen it - I’ve experienced it.” He thought to Astarion who had been beneath Cazador’s thumb for two hundred years, to Wyll who was leashed to Mizora for seven, Gale forced to be a human bomb by his Goddess and Shadowheart being mislead by a religion that kidnapped her away from her true family. To Aylin who had been trapped, to Isobel who had been killed and brought back, to Karlach who served Hell for a decade, and Lae’zel who had been deceived by her Goddess her whole life. Each and every one of them had had their worlds turned upside down by another. It wasn’t fair to any of them.

He was fathered by the God of Murder. Yet they were all turning their lives around. Starting over. For the better. He wanted to do the same. He wanted everyone to have that chance.

“Yet, we can still break free of their grasp. We can still mould ourselves into a new image. I’ve seen and experienced that too. There is never a point of no return. Not to me.” Tar’eon turned back to the sea, breathing deeply in the salt and fish. There couldn't be a point of no return, or he'd never be able to turn away from his own bloody past. “I will regain control over my own life. I refuse to bend the knee to my Father and be his slayer. I will break away from him and create my own path. What I will do with it, I’m not sure. But I have many ideas.”

Enver was quiet a moment longer than he needed to be before his lip quirked into almost a smile.

“You tell me far too much, considering the advantage I already have. You are far too trusting. Or perhaps, you are simply naive now.”

“I don’t feel the need to lie to you. You’re as familiar as the scars on my back — I know they are there, I can feel them and I trust their placement, even if I cannot see them. Even if they may look different in a mirror compared to in my mind.”

“I’d say I know the scars on your back better than anyone else.” Enver smirked.

“Perhaps. Maybe that’s why I can trust you not to stab me in the back and add to them, with all I tell you.”

“An unwise use of trust, my dearest.” There was a strange note of approval in his tone. Like he wouldn't usually approve of such a decision, but there was something special about this moment that allowed him to agree with the choice. Like this was an exception rather than the rule for him.

“It’s worked for me so far.” Tar’eon grinned, feeling a little silly if he was honest. Enver was right. He was being reckless. He was speaking with too loose a tongue despite being completely sober. He should be careful around the man, but it was hard to remember that when they spoke in this bubble of solitude, shrouded by the night. They were simply two old friends catching up, even though they both knew it was far more complicated than that. “You’re right. I should hold my tongue around you.”

“Don’t you dare. It’s far too entertaining to watch you give yourself away.” Enver gave a throaty laugh, shaking his head and tapping his cane to the wooden boards. “I’m unable to harm you anyway. That was the rule, was it not? We’re unable to harm each other. We made a vow.”

“My arm tells a different story.” Tar’eon mused, showing off the bandaged forearm.

“Yes, well, I did apologise for that, did I not? It was simple precaution, for my own safety. We can’t have the new Archduke dead on his first day. It would send the people into a panic.” He waved the mere idea off and Tar’eon smiled softly.

“I’ve heard people talking about you in the streets. Mixed reviews. But those who speak highly of you — they do not hold back any sentiments. Half of this city adores you.”

“As they should. I’m keeping this city safe from the evil that plagues its borders.” Enver mused.

“Have you ever considered how rewarding it would be to actually do good by people?” Tar’eon offered and Enver laughed.

“Do you know how most heroes lives end in history? Horribly.”

“So do most villains, I'd argue."

“Perhaps. But I’d rather have the satisfaction of knowing I’ve earned my place on top, without even breaking a sweat. Well…unless you count the sweat I broke on top of the fine wives of other Lords.” His words were shameless, his grin nothing short of sleazy, and Tar’eon made a small sound of disgust.

“I don’t want to know.”

“Please, you’ve watched more times than you probably should have.” Enver sounded far too pleased as the tiefling wrinkled his nose, ignoring the heat in his cheeks.

“I take it neither of us were the jealous type.” Tar’eon noted in a slight drawl.

“We didn’t need to be. We knew no one else would compare outside the sack. So who cared what we did in it, together or otherwise?” Enver shrugged, his eyes twinkling with something mischievous. “It’s quite late. Even the taverns will be closing at this hour.”

“That’s too bad. Having a drink with the Archduke would have been an honour.” Tar’eon wasn’t very good at sarcasm in his personal opinion, his voice too rough and blunt to manage it, but Enver seemed to hear it, because he chuckled.

“The establishments may be shelving their stock for the night, but my shelves do not adhere to standard operating hours.” Enver chuckled. “I’d be happy to share if you feel like baring anything else to me tonight.” Tar’eon could feel his murky eyes running down his body and his heart thumped a touch harder, trying to ignore the tickle of heat low in his belly.

“You are...incorrigible.” Tar’eon shook his head and huffed softly. “I’ve already told you I have a lover, Enver.”

“Ah, yes, he - unlike us - does seem the jealous type. How unfortunate. If things change, do let me know. Your mind may be scrambled beyond recognition, but I’m sure your head is still just as good.” Enver smirked and Tar’eon actually laughed, the sound startled out of him. He did not want to ruminate on that thought; most of his thoughts on Enver were hard to pick apart. He could never tell if his imagination was exceptional or if he was remembering something far too intimate at an inappropriate moment.

If he let his mind wander, he’d think far too much about how Enver’s cock might feel in his throat. He’d rather think of Astarions, but he was trying to be respectful of his lovers wish to be seen in a less sexual light. It was hard when he looked so gorgeous all the time; Tar’eon wanted to do many, many loving things to his body - be that sexual or sensual - until Astarion felt as holy and beautiful as Tar’eon saw him. Kiss all the moles on his face and body…trace his scars…twist his curls around his fingers while he made the vampire flush the prettiest pink. Only granted such a fine colour because of his blood.

Gods, it was hard to stay mad at the vampire for pushing his buttons. He knew he’d made Astarion antsy, he could see through his lies so easily, and knowing he was keeping secrets from him…it must have driven the elf mad. No wonder he pushed and pushed until he broke. He just wished he’d done it where they had a bit more privacy.

“You…Gods. I should head back. My companions are probably worried sick. Or sharpening their blades. Fifty-fifty.” Tar’eon shrugged and sighed, losing the attempt at a playful smile. “You’re right. It’s late. I think I’ve told you more than enough for one night. Anymore and I fear I may actually be blackmailed into sharing wine and a bed with you.”

“Dearest, when you come to be my bed, it will be most willingly, and uninebriated, I assure you. Alas, I still have much to do before dawn breaks. I cannot entertain your rambling all night." He said it like he hadn't offered him wine and company a minute ago. "You still have a traitor to find, and who knows when they’ll strike, hm?” He reminded and Tar’eons heart lurched.

He hadn’t even considered it. What if this faceless in the camp hurt someone while he was gone? What if they hurt Astarion? Shit.

“You’re right. Shit. I should hurry back. Goodnight, Enver.” Tar’eon stepped away from the railing and turned to leave, but after a few steps he paused. “I…thank you. For telling me more about my past. It means a lot to me, to hear the stories, even if I can’t remember them myself. I…I might never.”

“Let us hope you do. You might see reason to our rule again.” Enver mused, a certain superficial charm to his crooked smile.

“Then maybe it’s best I don’t.” Tar’eons words were playful, cheeky even, and Enver’s eyes sparkled at the way Tar’eon refused to bend the knee on the subject. He did quite like a challenge. Equals always challenge you in ways no other could. The superficial edge to his smile was gone. There was nothing hidden in his expression, and it warmed Tar'eons heart in a different way to before.

“May your dreams be bloody, Tir’yal.”

“May your rest by restful, rather than restless, pah rihyl.” Tar’eon responded in kind, the words falling off his tongue before he could even consider their meaning, walking away to return to camp. Enver watched after him until he disappeared, tapping the top of his cane with a soft hum, talons clinking in the quiet. He turned to his Steel Watcher and with a wave of his hand and a whispered incantation, he silenced the machines creaking and thumping, allowing it to hide within shadows.

“Make sure he doesn’t get himself killed on his way back to camp. Stay out of sight unless absolutely necessary.” He ordered and watched the rippling figure disappear. It would do him no favours if the man died before he got him Orin’s stone after all. With spawn and shifters skulking about, if only made sense to watch the tieflings back when his companions could not. He trusted his ability to fight; but anyone could be surprised. Except himself, of course.

He smoothed the collar of his robes as the winds from the sea rustled through his hair, flapping the end of his robe like a ships flag. He glanced out to the ocean, to the lighthouse in the distance and took in a deep breath.

One day, he’d own a castle of his own on the rocks of the sea, so he could leave a window open and feel its breeze every day as he scribbled legalisations. It sounded like the closest thing to peace he could ever imagine for himself. He did wonder idly, if that castle would be as achingly empty as the fortress he called home, if his bed would remain cold like it had for months now. It was a thought that was quickly dismissed, making his way home, back turned to the sea and the moonlight, walking amongst the shadows like all liars and thieves did.

#bg3 fanfiction #baldurs gate tav #durge #past durgetash #dark urge #astarion x tav

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morning-star-joy · 4 months ago

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I've been reading ASHWAH over on ao3 for the last week, omg Doni (can i call you doni? lol) I can't put it down. I can't even read any other fics hahah Your writing is so amazing, it makes me feel all the feels <3 MC slowly peeling back her layers of grief and how letting someone else into that vulnerable corner of her mind is helping her agsas;kajsgd

Because even if you couldn’t bear the thought of losing it, you also couldn’t bear the thought of not holding on to it now.

What was the fucking point of all this love, all this life, if the only thing you could think about was dying for it?

Maybe resigning yourself to that fate of dying for them, dying before them, wasn’t enough anymore.

Maybe instead of being committed to leaving them for that final act of love, you should dedicate yourself to coming home to them instead.

This part, it gutted me.

I could ramble on and on about everything, but I'll leave it at this. Thank you so much for putting this out in the world!

Ps. I also l o v e the playlists (#swiftielananationrise)

omg hi!!!!! thank you so much for sending me this, I live off of people's reactions to my fics haha and I'm so happy it's made you feel all the feels <3 the ASHWAH MC is very close to my heart so I'm always overjoyed when people care about her and her story. also SO giddy you love the playlists!!! I love making them hehe!

#doni replies #ashwah asks #quotes of my writing is a special kind of serotonin #thank you soso much <333

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mooncalfe-art · 1 year ago

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Ok. Soo...got to read 142..twice even, just becose I could not believe what I was seeing.

Pretty much, evrything about the turtles gone more or less as expected. Yhea. The "fight" at the start between Raph and Alopex was something...tho, he soo was not serious about the fact he dose not care about her. After all. When I say I don't care about a person ,I don't usually go in their aid, when they are half ded on the floor, looking worried sick. Just saying. Glad to see Don and Leo got their shite together and that Don did finally spoken about Armaggon..even if was a little little bit. Interesting to see how that gose at the end of the arc, seeing what 145 SAYS. Sad to see Lita being traumatized by the fight between the boys, tho, have to respect April for how sick of their shite she was after that and for her and Mikey to get the little one out of there. Blugen and Koya were unexpected tbh, but, was a nice surprise. Even seem to be ok whit Carmen and Bob comeing along.. which, knowing Koya...is quite something ( seeing how "friendly" she can be whit strangers usually. ) . Also. Nice seeing Angel working whit the turtles ones more and for her traying to be like a common ground for her 2 mutant friends...

Now tho. Speaking of that... I talk about how that first meeting between Alopex and Raph happened and how it was more or less what I expected...but..what happened next whit Alopex and especially Mushroom...I am sorry. But, that has to be my biggest negativity about everything that happened.

Alopex being half ded and Mushroom becoming mind controlled by that useless piece of trash called Doc.Barlow was something that made my stomach turn. Yes. Alopex is alive. Not too big of a problem...hell..could have been worse...but seeing Mushroom like this!

Absolutely horrific. She is just a kid! Barlow made many mistakes in his miserable excuse for a life ...but this has gone waaaay too far.

I just can't bring myself to picture a fight between Alopex or the little ones whit Mushroom like this. What ever happens to her, I can only wish she will not suffer forever from this . Now, Alopex has as much of a reson to want this shite face ded as Venus dose at this point tbh...If not more!. And me along whit a lot more fans would not mind to see Doc Barlow justice to come in the form of the hell flames !

Again. No idea how this maithe play out in the end and how it maithe go later on...but this made my blood boils with rage . This will become a core memory for Alopex after this. I just know it. She needs the help, more so then ever befor. Just hope it will not be too late and that she will at least show some thanks to the turtles..cuz, if not, especially after this stunt ,she would not look good at all in the eyes of no one tbh. Just saying. Would be somewhat of a stat at least.

Now. For my last questions. How did that Doc get back the parts to form that abomination?

Way dose he like those 2 ugly sins of nature that much, to still use them after they shude have been long gone by now.

And still no idea what in hells name are those 2 demons...tho, I think that maithe be explained in the next issue.

Night terrors, hmm?.. They have to had spawn from somewhere...

Also. Leatherhead is MVP. He saved my girl. For that alone, I wana see him make it out alive!

That would be it. I know is a lot and I am sorry for that..but, this issue was quite something. I am intrigued for what's to come and I think this was a very interesting ...just..it made me feel in a way that no comic made me feel befor. Even from this series.

Sorry if I let myself go whit the Doc Barlow... I just want him ded.

PS. Love how we have pretty much 3 teams going for Barlow.

Doni whit Leo along whit Venus and the rest of her team. Raph, Jeny, Angel, Alopex ( ones she feels good inof to even talk ) and the little ones . And Mikey whit April and Mona, traying to get to the bottom of the situation . I did like that a lot. Ngl.

Now. Just need to burn a Doc to the ground for good this time.😈 ( you are not the only one that is blood thirsty.).

Thanks for reading, as always!! I'm glad this issue got you so riled up, mwahaha. >:D

I can't reveal what will happen to Mushroom, Leatherhead, or Barlow, you'll have to wait and see. ;)

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scienceclubofficial · 3 months ago

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Chapter 2: Welcome to the club (2)

Prev chapter | Next chapter

"Serxie, I did it!" Ishaq proclaimed as he shoved Serxio's office doors open, Mari and Alicia following right behind. "I fixed your little conundrum! What, I must've recovered at least 80% of your original audience."

Serxio leaned over his desk, dabbing a warm damp cloth on his head. This would always help him calm down, though he didn't give Ishaq anything more than a glance. "Oh really," he said with a deep sigh.

Ishaq patted Serxio on his back, "Don't let that Pablo guy get to you, Serxie."

Serxio stood up, straightened his tie, and finally turned to face this well-meaning but intruding crowd. "Frankly, I don't give a damn what that kid said. He likely went to a community college, so his opinion does not matter."

Mari raised her hand slightly "Isn't this place sort of like a Community Colleg-" Alicia nudged Mari, indicating for her to stop.

Serxio finally got a good look at Mari, "Well well, glad to see we're getting new faces here. You were the young miss curious about the whereabouts of my accent, yes?"

Mari looked down at the floor "Uhm, ye"

Serxio gave a smile "Well, I'm glad we're getting such curious minds here at our fine facilities." He walked over to lead Mari and Alicia out, "Ms. Lopez, won't you be a dear and give our new student a tour of the-" Right as he got within a meter of Mari and Alicia, Galleta jumped in front of them, baring her fangs at Serxio. So I guess this dog does have a spine, Mari thought to herself. "Ms. Lopez, I thought I told you to keep your canine on a tight collar." Serxio said under his teeth, leaning away from Galleta.

"Mr. Donis, you know what I think of leashes. But yes, I'll take Galleta out." Alicia called Galleta over, and the dog reluctantly listened. "Are you ready for our tour?" Alicia asked Mari with a cheery smile.

"Ooh, I wanna go!" Ishaq proclaimed with the gleeful disposition of a child. As Ishaq stomped over, Serxio gripped Ishaq's arm. "...Woah, Serxie, have you been hitting the gym? Your grip is getting stronger..."

"You have more important matters to deal with than leading a single student around, Ms. Lopez can handle this. Stay in my office a spell, I have something to discuss."

Ishaq waved to Alicia and Mari, "Well, don't have too much fun without me!" Alicia and Mari closed the door behind them.

"...What was that 'bout?" Mari asked

"I'm not sure. I know Mr. Donis can be pretty tough with Mr.Didar, but I don't know what he could've possibly done. He saved the entire thing!...It's probably nothing, nothing we should worry about at least..." Alicia stared forward. "...Anyway, let's get on with our tour!" She said to cheer them up "March on!"

Alicia ran forward with Galleta and Mari struggling to keep up with her pace.

****

"So this is the Cafeteria! Not really anyone here now, but it's the best! We offer mainly Vegetarian and Vegan options! The lady here makes the best Ambrosia ever! Nectar of the Gods!" Alicia yelled in this large liminal room.

"I don't think I could last long here with just Vegetarian, you guys have any burgers or anything?"

"I mean, there's a McDonalds near here. Oh! But there's this really great Mexican place I should take you to after your first day here!"

"Yeah, actually, about that" Mari said, still unsure about whether or not to stay. She could only think of what her Father might say

"Oh, and after you're done eating here, there's the Gym not that far from here! Just go down the hall." Alicia lead Mari down the hallway. Peaking into the small but humble Gym room, there were a couple of treadmills aiming toward a large window looking out onto the front of the school, and it's park like scene. A wall for weights against a mirror, a single bench aimed toward the mirror, and a check-in desk. The room feels no bigger than your average office.

"Oh, uh, cool I guess"

"I take Galleta here so she can use the treadmills, watch." Alicia turned on one of the treadmills and Galleta jumped on, running her heart out at 20 mphs.

"Uhm, are you sure that's good for her?"

"Oh yeah, totally. Greyhounds are fast, this is nothing to her."

"But why not take her for a run?"

"I'm sure I couldn't keep up."

Mari thinks back to how fast Alicia was running earlier. "Uhm, sure"

"Oh, there's also a Basketball court in a separate building! We're not using it much, but I've been talking with Donis and he says we might come up with a team for ourselves!"

"A team?"

"Yeah! I was even brainstorming names with him! I was thinking 'The Secretary birds.'"

"...Secretary birds?"

"Yeah! Secretary birds are so cool! They walk so elegantly, which I think perfectly captures what we're going for with this Campus! But they're also birds of prey, so they're really fierce. I think they would make a good image for us. Refined, but not a pushover. Oh, and they have really strong kicks, so that would be very fitting as well!"

"...What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, for when the players kick the Basketball."

"....You...You don't kick a Basketba-"

Suddenly Galleta slipped off of the treadmill. "Oh my God!" Alicia rushed to Galleta, leaning down. "Galleta, are you ok?! You wore yourself out again!" Somehow, Mari suspected that Galleta couldn't keep up with that treadmill.

Galleta picked herself up, and with wobbling knees, simply walked up to Alicia, looking up as if to try to reassure her. "Don't overdo it again, alright?" Alicia lightly scolded.

"Uhm, sorry Galleta" Mari stated, not quite knowing what to say. She couldn't help but think about how Alicia said 'again'

"Well, now that you've got all of that extra energy out, let's just go for a brisk walk, ok?" Alicia said to Galleta, but also inviting Mari to follow.

As the tour continued, there wasn't much else of interest. A few extra classrooms and the basketball court wasn't even that big. As Mari took in these subpar sights, she thought to herself...Yeah, SCCA Secretaries sounds about right...

****

Alicia lead Mari to a large building. Mari was surprised, this building was bigger than the main campus. Walking into it, Alicia put on her best presenter personality "And this is where the magic happens!" Alicia put on her lab coat. "Now think of this as an exclusive peak, not that many people get to see this place." Alicia said, with a sly grin, as if to seem cooler.

"Actually, last semester 20 different people passed through here in one day." Ishaq appeared as if out of thin air.

"Ahh! Mr. Didar! I didn't think you and Donis would be done so soon!" Alicia was shook by Ishaq's little jumpscare. Galleta even more, trembling behind Alicia's legs.

"Ah, Serxie just wanted to talk about work, and vent a little bit. I'm kind of that guy's only friend, or at least the only one willing to put up with him for so long." He laughed. "So you guys finished your tour?"

"Yeah! I showed her everything this place has to offer! Including the Gym."

"Ew. Kid word of advice." Ishaq said leaning in a half whispered tone. "Don't go to that spot, there's a really good community gym just a 30 minute drive from here. $20 a month, but you still get more equipment than that shabby place."

"Ah! Come on Mr. Didar! It isn't that bad! And besides, they added it at your request!"

"Yeah, but these cheap bastards weren't willing to shell out for just a few bits of extra equipment. That place also just gives me the creeps, it's in the most secluded part of the building, and have you seen the lady at the front? She always gives me the most haunting glare whenever I pass through." Ishaq shivered.

"Well don't say this to Mari, I'm trying to convince her to live on campus!"

"Oh cool, glad to have you around kid." Ishaq took off his glove and extended his hand for a handshake.

"Oh, uhm, yeah" Mari shook Ishaq's hand, but then got a weird tickling feeling on her palm. Surprised, not knowing what it could be, Mari quickly pulled her hand away.

"Hah! Classic eyelash prank." Ishaq pointed to the eye on his right palm.

"Mr. Didar, stop!" Alicia punched Ishaq in his shoulder, but he couldn't help but keel over laughing. "Mari, I'm sorry about him!"

"Nah, it's cool. Just felt a little weird" Mari moved her hand in a gripping motion, trying to get the lingering feeling out

Ishaq wiped a tear from his eye. "Hah! Sorry about that, it's all in good fun. So you wanted to check out the lab, right?"

"Uhm, yeah, I guess that's what Alicia was gonna show me."

"Alright, well I can show you around!" Ishaq proclaimed, happy to finally be apart of the tour. Leading them through the first half, there's a bunch of beakers, and everything that you would imagine in your average school laboratory, but then Ishaq lead them to the main part. "And this is where the magic happens!"

"Hey, you stole that line from me!" Alicia huffed.

"Yeah, but I said it better." Ishaq looked back at her with grin, but then quickly got back into his presenter attitude. "Word to the wise, don't touch this machine, or that, or this, or that, or these, aaaaaaaaaand, don't breathe in this general area because this is Königsburg's half of the lab. She would kill us both if she ever saw us here...but she's not here so!" Ishaq started poking random objects in Heike's workspace.

"Huh, is Königsburg really that bitchy?" Mari asked bluntly

"Buddy, you have NO clue!" Ishaq said while almost dropping one of the objects on Heike's worktable.

"Don't listen to him Mari, I think Ms. Königsburg can be quite reasonable. You just have to not frustrate her like Mr. Didar over here." She glared at Ishaq while he scrambled to pick up some more objects he dropped on the ground.

"Hey, let's not say her name a fourth time, she might manifest like Beetlejuice. Anyway, let me take you to my part of the lab, the part I can actually explain, because..." Ishaq held a weird spiky device in his hands. "...I can't explain to you what she meant by half of these." He looked at the device, concerned.

****

Leading them over to his side of the lab, there was a bunch of half open and bookmarked books littered around it. Against the wall is a large habitat, with plants growing out of it. A large sun lamp sat over it, brightly illuminating their faces. "And this is my current magnum opus!" He waved his hand over the plant, treating it like a holy object.

"Uhm...your plant collection?" Mari was genuinely confused

"It appears so on the surface, but within the plants themselves, something deeper is going on. Take a look." He motioned Mari to get closer. Mari didn't know what was so impressive, but she walked up anyway, sticking her fingers on the leaves. "No, not the leaves. The real gold is what's under them." Mari lifts up the leaves but still sees nothing.

"Uhm, Mr. Didar, could you not have Mari touch it, she probably won't-" Alicia's warning came late, as Mari jerked her hand back.

"EW EW EW EW, What was that feeling?!" Mari yells.

"That, kid, was the stem of this revolutionary creation. Project Guarana!"

"It felt like skin!" Mari got chills thinking about the feeling

Alicia crossed her arms and sighed. "Yeah, Mr. Didar, I was about to say, maybe stop having Mari touch your weird things."

Didar paused. "Ok, that just makes me sound terrible, maybe word that better." He quickly regained his cheery disposition though. "But anyway, this grandiose greenery is going to grow into something life-changing. So to start-"

Alicia set her hand on Ishaq's shoulder. "Mr.Didar, maybe we shouldn't tell her. Like, I almost did, and-"

"Ah, you don't know how to patent anything! Right kid?" Ishaq gestured to Mari.

"Uhm, I didn't even hear it the first time"

"Well that's all the Association worries about. Unless you're a double agent, which let's be honest, you don't look like you ever could be!" Mari didn't know whether or not she should have felt insulted by that. "Then I don't think we have anything to worry about. So" Ishaq clapped his hands "Ow." Ishaq forgot about the eyes on his palms. "To start off, this all came to me in a grand premonition one day, after my fateful trip to Procyon labs! Top secret lab in the Amazon, I'm probably not even supposed to say it's name." The people here seemed really bad at keeping secrets, Mari thought. "Director Marlucia, fantastic lady, you should meet her sometime. She invited me to Procyon to work with her on something. Sadly I didn't get to take in the sights. I asked her how far of a walk to Christ the Redeemer, and she just gave me this look that she gives everyone. Kinda like-"

"Maybe get back on point Mr. Didar." Alicia groaned.

"Oh, right! So anyway, she showed me this plant called the Guarana plant. They're so cool! They even have this little drink over there made out of it. There's this whole story behind it too, they're made out of the eyes of this kid-"

Alicia tapped him with the back of her hand. "Mr. Didar, just get to the point."

Mari actually wanted to know that part of the story. That sounds metal though, she thought

Ishaq sighed. "Ugh, alright, but you're taking the fun out of explaining this for me. So anyway, the plants grow these little eyeball things. Here, I have one right-" He scrambled through the huge sea of potted plants he had on another side of his workspace. "Here!" He pulled out a bunch of the Guarana, handing it to Mari.

"Oh, these look cool" Mari stated, picking one off

Ishaq was having so much fun explaining all of this. "I know! Right? So that's when my divine inspiration came! I've dedicated my entire life to the research of sight, as you've seen, because-"

Mari cut in. "Yeah, I heard your story out there like everyone else"

"Kids these days don't enjoy a good ramble anymore. Well anyway, yes, I was cured by the late great Doctor Warren Sterner, and that is what set me on my path to today! The culmination of my craft, and all of my gained knowledge so far. I present to you!" Ishaq reached into his pocket and handed Mari something, dropping it into her palm.

Mari examined it, and it simply looked like any other Guarana fruit from before. "Mr. Didar!" Alicia yelled, as Mari finally noticed what was different with it. She realized when she squished it that this was an actual eye, blood slightly spurting out of the other end. Mari dropped it in panic, falling backward on the floor, with Ishaq falling on his stomach as he proceeded to get all the joy he could out of the situation, even as Alicia kept kicking him for his transgression.

Mari couldn't believe what she just touched, the feeling of it was like it was ready to give in fully to the pressure of her fingertips. She didn't even want to imagine what it would've felt like for it to crush in her hand.

"Mr. Didar, I really can't believe you!" Alicia said, giving him one more kick.

Ishaq was laughing so hard, he had to take off his gloves to wipe the tears coming from his palms. "Ah, fun stuff. Anyway, it's just all in good fun. I mean, she's gonna have to get used to my little pranks around here if she's gonna be working with us."

"Working with us?" Alicia asked, confused.

"Work with you?" Mari asked doubly confused

"I mean, yeah. That's why you brought her here, right? To introduce her to our internship program. I mean, otherwise you just led a stranger into our "top secret lab," and the association wouldn't like that." He teased.

"This isn't top secret, like, 20 people passed through here in one day last semester." Alicia huffed.

"See! Now you admit it! Now that you're not trying to impress your new friend." Ishaq poked more at Alicia.

"Sh-shut up." Alicia said, turning her head away from him.

"Well, jokes aside kid. We could use an extra hand here since Heike is gonna be gone for quite a while. She's taking all of her vacation days, and the Association gives out good ones."

Now was as good a time as any to finally tell them. "Uhm..I'm probably not gonna go here" Mari said, looking down.

Alicia looked over at her. "What? Why? Is it because of Mr. Didar? Did he ruin it for you?! Dammit Mr. Didar! I promise you Mari, I'll keep him in check!"

"No...It's not that...I mean, I didn't like any of that, but it isn't that....I can't come here. It's just that...Alicia was the first person to talk to me in a while, and I felt really nervous about disappointing her, and then she took me to the seminar, and by then I was in too deep so I stuck around for the tour, and now I'm here trying to get the feeling of an eyeball out of my hand" Mari said, rubbing her fingers against the floor she was sitting on.

"I...I'm sorry if I made you feel obligated...I guess that's just how I am...I didn't mean to....I guess you can go now...if you want." Alicia said turning around, Galleta sitting next to her.

"Now hold on a minute." Ishaq interjected, "Kid, what makes you think you can't come here?"

"Well, my parents would be disappointed"

"Well you're an adult now, you can make decisions for yourself."

"You don't know my parents. My Dad would get very mad at me for not going to the school of his choice"

"...You know, it's moments like this that I wish Serxie were around. He's the shrink." Ishaq sat down next to her. "My parents were the same, they sent me across the world, to different parts of the globe, just so I could be the version they wanted me to be, but....It was coming here that I realized I could be myself...When I graduated, I realized 'to hell with these people, what do they care if I'm their Golden Child.'...I think that's what you might need to do...what was your name again?"

"Mari"

"Well Mari, Let's get up on the right foot this time." Ishaq stood up, and lent a hand to help Mari stand up too. "Hello there Mari, my name's Ishaq. My special interests are eyes, which is a secret I've clearly kept well hidden. I'm hoping we can get to know each other better, and don't worry about enrollments, but stop by the lab whenever you want. I think Alicia might appreciate that, she's clearly been needing a friend whose knees don't make an audible noise when they wobble." Ishaq grinned at Alicia, but she just kept her head turned, though she was eased by Ishaq's method of keeping Mari.

Mari didn't know what to say. A lot had happened to her today, and she'd finally met people that seem interested to get to know her. Looking down at the floor, she shuffled her feet a bit. "Hi Ishaq...uhm...Wanna continue the tour?"

"Certainly, follow me further down the rabbit hole, if you dare! I'll show you the terrarium I'm making, but whatever you do, do not go into the room that says "Todesroboter."

****

Later in the day, the sun was going down, and Ishaq walked Mari and Alicia to Alicia's dorm. They were having fun laughing the day away as Ishaq recounted stories to them.

"-and then little Miriam put the band-aid on Serxies nose, and said "Thewe you go, that'ww fix you up. Twust me, I'm a Doctow. Hah! Serxie says he doesn't like kids, but I'm certain Miriam is the exception."

"Oh my God, she's the best thing ever!" Alicia said. "I can't wait for you to meet her Mari, I think you two will get along just fine!"

As they arrived at the Dorms, they appear as a small apartment complex, two floors high, with a mess of stairs they had to walk up. "Well, we're here now." Ishaq leaned himself ready to leave. "Have you made a decision yet, Mari?"

"...Yeah, I think I have"

"And what's that?" Alicia leaned in, anticipating her answer.

"I think Ishaq is right, I should probably get away from my parents...But I'm probably not gonna tell them I'm enrolling right now...maybe not ever, they're still expecting me home, and I like having a roof under my head."

"There are dorms here as you can see, just stay here." Ishaq advised.

"Oh my God, yeah! And we could be roommates!" Alicia jumped in glee.

"Well you can probably get your own room, I can't imagine you want to stay in that cramped space." Ishaq said, pointing into Alicia's abode.

Alicia glared at him, "Well the other rooms are probably going to be taken up with all of these new student."

"Nah, counting the returning students and the new ones, plus the fact that most live off campus anyway, there'll probably be plenty of rooms available for yo-" Ishaq paused as he finally notices the vicious stare Alicia had been giving him.

"Nah, I get it, I'll room with you Alicia...Actually, if I could stay the night with you right now, I don't think I could keep a secret from my parents for too long"

Alicia lit up. "Yeah! Of course!"

Ishaq got ready to wave them good bye, "Well, I see everything's working out now. Good luck with your parents, Mari."

"Yeah, and good luck with your Project Guarana. I hope it goes well"

Ishaq turned away from them, hiding the somber look on his face, "...yeah, I hope it goes well too."

Ishaq started to make his way down the winding steps, but Mari got his attention again. "Oh, Ishaq, I had something I wanted to say."

"Oh, sure, lay it on me."

"I really like your eyes, I think they look so beautiful" Alicia's eyes widen at Mari's very statement

Ishaq smiled. "Oh, thank you, but they're not mine."

"Wait, what?" Mari got pulled into Alicia's dorm room, as she closed the door

Alicia shook Mari. "Mari! What did you mean by that?!"

"I mean, his eyes are very pretty"

"I didn't know you were into older men!"

"Older?"

"He's like 36 or something, that's like, ancient! And God sakes Mari, he's gonna be your boss!"

"I mean, I'm not attracted to him"

"What kind of person says 'you have beautiful eyes' to someone like that, who they're not attracted to?"

"I dunno, I thought he was cute at first, but then he made me touch his palm eyelashes, and then he made me touch a skin plant, and an eyeball... so yeah, I kinda lost what little bit of attraction there was."

"Then...what did you mean by-"

"I dunno, I guess I only really want his eyes. Like, if I could get rid of the rest of the body, and just have the eyes, in like, a jar or something, that'd be cool"

"Whuh?"

"But then he said they're not his, so I guess I'm attracted to whoever actually owned those...I dunno, do I sound crazy?"

"...Umn, no. I mean, I guess I have some weird wants too, so I'm not one to judge, but...we really need to work on what you say, and how you say it."

"...sorry, I'll keep my mouth shut"

"It's fine, don't worry about it. Anyway! Lemme put a pad on the floor that I'll sleep on, and you can have the regular bed!"

"Oh no, I couldn't do that to you, that's your bed"

"It's fine! We'll get bunk beds or something later! You know? I always wanted to share a bunk with someone, and now I can! I call bottom bunk, only because Galleta has a fear of heights, and she sleeps with me."

"Makes sense, yeah"

"God! I'm so excited! This is the start of something great I think!"

As Mari looked at the cramp walls of Alicia's dorm, a desk, a single bed, a closet, and a small room where you can tell the bathroom goes, she couldn't help but think of how crazy today was. In one day, she finally got what she was hoping for, and more. She could've never guessed when she was walking through that park, wishing for something more, opportunity would just hit her in the face, that it would lead to the best and worst times of her life.

****

As Ishaq walked back to his car, ready to head to his next destination, Mari's words of good luck echo in his mind, reminding him of what he wanted to forget.

****

Ishaq waved goodbye to Alicia and Mari as they walk off to go on their tour. They close the door behind them, Ishaq turning to face Serxio, "So Serxie, you're doing good? That Pablo guy really didn't get to you?"

"No, this isn't about him."

Ishaq sat in a chair, his front facing toward the back of the chair, leaned on its sill. "Well if you need someone to vent to, I'm here. Like, I can see why you'd be worried. That guy didn't just embarrass you, he was ready to embarrass your employer too."

"Our employer. I find it interesting you can disassociate so easily." Serxio opened his liquor cabinet and poured himself a glass. "I will admit, his words did worry me. If what he stated was true, that he hadn't submitted his evidence yet and was just about to, I should likely warn the Directors now, but that can wait." He handed Ishaq a glass.

"You know I don't drink."

"This sort of occasion calls for something to numb the mind, and I feel that desire will hit you soon."

"Wow, I wonder what kind of news you got then?...Are you dying?"

"No, it would have to be something that would make you upset." Serxio took a sip.

"Hah! Don't worry buddy, I'll shed a tear or two from at least one eye, just for you."

"Your incessant need to belittle me doesn't keep me from feeling any less bad about this."

"...Alright, lay it on me then."

****

Ishaq slammed his fist into the wall. "Those bastards!" He leans his head near the dent he just created "....They can't do this..."

"I am just as saddened as you are my friend."

"Save your sentiment."

"My sentiment is true. I know how much this research was important to your's and Königsburg's cancer cu-"

"Heike doesn't give a damn about any cancer cure!...We just saw the correlation to Project Guarana and it's ability to replicate cells, healthy cells...this was my project not her's....and they can't just..." Ishaq sat back down, leaning forward, head down. "They can't just take it away from me..."

"They haven't fully taken it away, but very soon they will send people to take your samples you've created, along with your notes you've made so far. After that, they will hold them and within the time they have it you cannot work on anything Project Guarana related, but I assure you, once that happens, it is there's, and they will not put it back in your hands, nor will they let you look at this project again. It will likely go to a higher researcher of their choosing, maybe even one of the Directors on council."

"...I came here to do good...what's the point of going on with my career here if they're just going to bastardize what I make."

"I explained it to you."

"Well it doesn't make sense! None of this makes sense!"

"My dear Didar, you must realize the implications of being able to create parts so easily. If anybody in this country's healthcare system were to get a hold of this, they would bastardize this project more than SCCA ever could."

"I'm pretty certain I know the actual reason why. Those Black Market Organ dealer's have the SCCA in their pocket, they would never let this happen, it would destroy their business model."

"Now you're just going into conspiracy, unproven hearsay."

"...Are we really going to sit here and pretend what happened with van Niekerk didn't happen?"

"...Didar, I know you're of good moral stock, that's what I value about having you here, and that's why I'm telling you this now. So I come to you with a proposition."

"I probably know you better than anyone else, Serxie. You're getting something out of this."

"We both get something out of this." Serxio set his hand on Ishaq's shoulder. "I think your research would do well in my little... off-the-books..."

"...I know you think I'm Heike or something, but I'm not, I don't know how I could help."

"You've helped me enough as it is with what little you could tell me of her research, but I believe that by combining those notes with these notes, I can finally accomplish what I set out to achieve."

"And what do I get out of this?"

"...Be there in the facility with me, tonight, you already know where."

Ishaq smiled. "You're just trying to get me in trouble, aren't you?"

"*We* are going to get ourselves into some trouble my friend."

#Read Science Club #chapter 2 #Sylvester clemensen's science club #science club #original writing #original story #story

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yapsession · 6 months ago

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Ughhjdhhshshei I miss him

Keb I miss you

Kev,,gh ,,, 💤💤💤💤💤💭💭

I love the way you talk, the way you articulate your sentences, your unique vocabulary; how your voice softens when you’re tired and I love hearing you say my name. Thats not much but it makes me feel special, why? It’s just my name! But he’s saying it, he’s saying!! It!!!! I love when you call me by those stupid nickname names, none of them even being remotely romantic but they’re funny and I can always appreciate your humor and jokes. How can I help myself! I can’t even calm my smile when I speak with you, I don’t even notice it sometimes because smiling has become my resting face when I speak with you. (which is great for my mental health but god, SMILEE LINESsss) Ohhhh and how I LOVE when I make you laugh, It fills me with this indescribable joy. Your laughter is just so, so beautiful and I want nothing more than to hear more of it. This is all so incredibly corny but I don’t think I could ever say this to him so I’ll just write it out. Guyssss, kevs normal speaking voice too is so scrumptious. Okay, listen and hear me out for a moment; when he speaks with me his voice gets a tad higher (nothing crazy but he speaks to me in this tone and doesn’t sound as tired ?)(

BUT (LET ME FINISHHHHH!!! GOSH WAIT CHAT

When he’s talking to anyone else (as I would describe, normal talking voice) his tone is more monotonous yet it sounds like he’s tired and god it’s hot. He’s probably call me a freak if I ever said that to him straight up but Jesus that man needs to know that his voice is sooooo attractive. I don’t remember if I actually did this or I dreamt it but I’m pretty sure I’ve told him on multiple occasions that’s I like his voice (?) I can’t be so sure since I speak to him during the night often and I am normally very dazed and tired during those hours so it is very hard for me to differentiate between dreams and shit that actually happened. OH GUYS LISYEN

It’s so attractive when he does this but uhm

When he tells me to continue speaking or when he encourages me to finish a phrase or sentence. Like oh my god have my kids. What …….

there’s nothing more attractive than a man listening likeee oh so you wanna get married and have three kids? ? Hahhahahah I need him.

Oooooo listen kev fans (me)

Okay when he stretches 🛐 yum, I could literally write a religion on how sexy that is

And

When he like ? Idk what’s the word, Murmurs??? Yeah, I guess? When he gets sleepy and speaks alll soft and he’s practically just murmuring all his words and i genuinely feel my heart literally about to fail because of what that does to me, like I jus tell him to not speak to me like that (I will have his babies) and he continues… to teaseeeee like mister you’re playing a very dangerous game but am I gonna stop him? No! Like, stop itttt!!! I won’t try to stop you though ❤️. OH AND WHEN HE GETS THAT WAY heeeee oh my goshshshshhs he calls my name sometimes and god it’s so attractive. Thinking about it right now makes my chest feel all funny. Im sad I didn’t get to hang with him today, if ANY gal hung out with him today I want that lucky b word to just idk I dony kneo have a good day 😕 lemme have my man tomorrow cause I miss him

Oh last time I called him right?

It was my brothers birthday (2 days ago) and I was doing my hair and some makeup since we were going out for his birthday, a simple look but I had a lot of distractions so it took a while to finish this simple ass makeup. He basically wanted to play Fortnite with me (cute, right???!) and I obviously accepted even though I was like in the middle of getting ready and we play like 3-4 rounds I can’t remember but I end up needing to leave!! (Sad but booo had to wait) and before hanging up I had to build up so much courage to call him by this stupid nickname (kevy boo) after I called him that he chucked (that sweeet laugh of his) and said bye. I honestly smiled so much after that, he didn’t call me nothin back but that didn’t matter! His reaction alone made me smile and I wanted to just blab to my whole family about how I called him that silly name. It wasn’t a big deal but I was happy I did it.

It honestly takes a lot of courage for me to do anything like that, I mean if we were dating I wouldn’t have such a hard time since oh he’s mine it’s okay but WERE not a thing so ofc I have to do mental gymnastics when I do something as simple as calling him a dumb nickname!

Oh and omg guysss that same day right? He went to go eat and I was just sitting, doing my makeup watching YouTube and talking to my older cousin and thw topic of him came up! And I was like oh yeah btw he’s just eating rn, i wish that was me and it was funny since we both looked at eachother flabbergasted.

But I’m mentioning this lil interaction cause moments after my cousin leaves to go do something downstairs so I’m just doing my makeup and watching my video and ooh! Kevs back and he says hey guys what are we talking about and his voice sounded …. Idk how to describe his tone but HE KNEW SOMETHING and I didn’t want to admit to saying some odd stuff just because i thought his tone was suspicious so I come up with some bullshit, I stutter like crazy and make myself look dumb. He probably knew i was lying cause it’s really hard for me to just lie to him, I mean I can lie but when it comes to him it’s hard to make it not obvious. Like I just fold

Oh I’ve folded a ton speaking to him

Because I find his voice so alluring and attractive i genuinely have moments where I have to take deep breaths to compose myself cause gahhhh dayum. I will say something inappropriate if I do not control myself and the rare occasion in which I do say some odd shit I want to just explode

GUYS HE TEXTED ME

ohmgh okay I’m done writing this teeheeehehheheheheh

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shitpostsfromtheinvisiblelibrary · 11 months ago

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14?

How to write a prompt response

1: collect your blorbos

2: add blorbos to blender along with essence of angst

3: blend.

'I trust you more than anyone in the world.'

'Just the world? What about in the others?'

'You aren't in the others. You are here,' Ao Shun sat by his side. 'Do you want to talk about it? You are not the kind to lose your temper,' He watched Li Ming carefully, the tension was visible, he traced his eyes down the lines in his throat, across his clenched jaw, and settled on his hands.

Li Ming had beautiful hands.

Despite his line of work, there wasn't a single scar to them.

His nails were neat and polished.

There was no spilt ink on his fingers.

He could follow the line of each vein, deep blue against ice-white flesh.

They were clenched into tight fists.

'Whatever is on your mind isn't going away, is it?'

'You wouldn't be able to understand,' Li Ming sounded almost bitter, had he not had better self-control it certainly would have done. 'You couldn't possibly understand.'

'I can still listen,' Li Ming sharply turned to him, his eyes were red as rubies and glistened in the lamplight. 'I want to help.'

'You will never be less than,' Li Ming said. He didn't want to speak. Silence was easier.

Silence hurt though.

Silence was easier but each second was another cut, another knife. Each day spent silent was another weight across his back that he had to keep carrying.

'You are always going to be what you are now, what you have always been, and what you will always be. I will never have that. I am one mistake away from losing everything at any moment. I am always going to be one mistake away from losing everything. That can't change.'

'What happened today?' Li Ming had been born into a relatively noble family, though when he went to live with his father's household, it had been a step up from his mother's, not that his brother had allowed him to forget that.

And he had earned his place within Ao Shun's household.

He had been handed many opportunities, more than most people would have been, and he was grateful for those, but that did not guarantee any security.

'I should not have let him push my buttons, I apologize for my outburst, it will not happen again.'

'That is not an answer to my question.'

'Can it not be enough?'

'If you want it to be, then yes, it can be enough,' Ao Shun reached over and gently took Li Ming's hand. 'You are enough,' He said. 'You are more than enough. You won't lose anything.'

'You cannot promise that,' Li Ming shook his head. 'One mistake. One day like today. It would all be taken.'

'I cannot pretend to understand how you feel, like you said, I never will be in your place. But I can promise you that I wouldn't take things from you as a punishment. I wouldn't leave you over a mistake.'

'You cannot love me forever.'

'Oh? Try me.'

Li Ming's laugh was tired.

'What did he say to you?'

'Dont.'

'Cariad.'

'It isn't worth it.'

'If it was worth you getting angry over, it is worth telling me,' Li Ming pulled his hand from Ao Shun's and got to his feet. 'If you dont want me to do anything about it, I will leave it to you but just tell me. I dony like seeing you hurting.'

'it won't happen again.'

'Because you just concussed him?'

'He will certainly think twice,' He muttered. 'I will not lose my temper again as it will not be an issue again.'

'What did he do,' Ao Shun asked. 'To deserve your temper it must be serious. Did he threaten you?' Li ming snotted.

'You think threats scare me? I am the threat.'

'And he is not a smart man, so maybe he did,' Ao Shun shrugged. 'Whatever he said it was enough to upset you, anger you, I have never seen you lose your temper, and yet here we are. There is blood on your sleeve, Love. I imagine his? He certainly didn't manage to hurt you.'

'He called me your whore,' Li Ming spat the word. 'Reduced me to little more than a plaything of yours,' He shook his head. He had dealt with rumours and gossip before but never had someone turn around to say to his face that he would be nothing if he hadn't won the king's affection and if he hadn't been of use in as many ways as Ao Shun had desired. 'He insulted me. He insulted you.'

'So you slammed his head into the masterpiece.'

'A simple matter of the punishment not quite fitting the insult but being enough for me. He was lucky it wasn't his face,' Ao Shun's lips twitched in a small smile.

'You are so much more than anyone thinks of you,' Ao Shun said. 'You are more than your relationship with me. You are more than your work. You are so much that there are words for it all. Perfection? But that somehow just can't cover it all.'

'The world will never see me as that.'

'This world or the others?' Ao Shun asked. 'Does it matter what people think? I know and you know and what people think won't change that, Cariad,' He stood up, Li Ming was slightly taller than he was, so he held Li Ming's jaw in his hand, forcing him to meet his eyes. 'You are the only person for me. You have been for so long now. That will not change soon, if ever,' He kissed him. 'You are not what people think of you. You are not what I think of you. You are everything and more.'

#the invisible library #Fanfic #ask response #li ming #ao shun

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azlovesem · 4 months ago

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Youll be ok kid. And so will a lot of other people. I think they realize theyre done. Hopefully they durrender only death wsits for of God. Pedophiles are definitely enemies of God i doont have to tell you that do I. I heard what i said about them. You know ive strung some of them up or ruined their existence. I dont care about their false beat up has no land or cheerleaders religion. I went in and strung the fucker up despite it being against hos religion. And i laugh in the FACE of any religion. Im the face of god thatscwhy. And you peoole ate scared of me and you better stay that way. Or ELSE! Rat american. You like caneras how you like em now you dont look so hot. Call the pladtic surgeon then. Ew yuck youre just demons i dont know. Raguel show these fuckn assholes what we fo to demons. Thats not you sweetie. Youre not like those people. Youre not difficult at all some people have extreme difficulty undersyanding what just not right. Or they think theyre funny maybe how funny is that park fire?? Chomers wheres yoyr dueler we dony joke. See Emma yelliw bellied RAT GOOF cowards. Nonwonder i tool their place at the table. Itsceasy for Azriel to defeat goofs. Child mileators tv movie people eewwww. They fuck 14 year olds ewwwwwwwww. God hates them.

prada paradoxe | 2022

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bishiglomper · 1 year ago

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Wahh 😭

It's shopping day. I'm feeling a bit better but i dont think i should be doing that much...

But mom and my aunt (who drives us on shopping day) are having drama.

We had our camper in their neighbors yard (with neighbor's permission of course) but uncle found out, had a bitch fit and fell in it.

(Neighbor has a big yard with other junk lying there for years, which is why we asked. They literally dony give a shit if we use their 'dump spot')

But we took the camper immediately. Its sitting on our street until we can figure out wtf to do with it.

But that is not good enough. Uncle is still bitching. He wants a written letter of apology.

.....for leaving our camper. In the neighbors yard. Not his. His neighbors. From whom we got permission from.

But one of the things is auntie was the one who asked for us. But she's denying any involvement. Which we understand, she's already in deep shit just for being there. But she's siding with uncle in the nastiness of his fit. Even texting my mom things like "we're uoset with your decision to do that" Its straining their relationship.

And you know, its not because shes a coward either. Its because shes a "good christian wife"

This is how they pushed all their children away. Uncle has a fit and aunt has to side with him because hes the husband and she has to obey. She told us this about at least one of the cousins. They moved away while one of them was struggling and off on their own. They hadn't even finished high school yet. Just straight up moved and didnt leave any room for them if they decided to come back. So of course there was no point to even ask them any more.

But now i have to go because mom needs "a witness"

I am not good with this shit. I think they need to involve the goddamn neighbor so he can say the situation was done above board but not a single person is paying me any attention. Not that it would do uncle any good anyway, so its whatever. He wants to be a bitch about it. But still. Its not fair to out me in that situation because if i habe any opinion that doesnt appear to side with my mothers beliefs, she always calls me a traitor and guilts me for not "being in her corner". 😒 So that's what i have to deal with today. On top on nausea, pain and fatigue.

I miss coffee so bad

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slashers-gf · 2 years ago

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Surprise visit pt1

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Fem!reader

Warning: abuse, swearing, sweet billy. Caring reader, fluff

Summery: you're getting ready to go to sleep but then you hear something outside your window

I was home alone since my parents were working extra hours. They called me to let me know that they weren't gonna be back until the morning.

I started to get ready for bed. I already changed into a oversized t-shirt and some shorts. I was getting into bed when I heard a knock at my window. I got up to see who is was. I open the window to see billy, the most popular guy and my secret crush. "What the hell billy do you know what t-" I didn't get to finish because I saw his face. He had a busted lip, cuts and bruises on his face. He didn't even look me in the eyes. "Uhh maybe I should go" as he was about to leave I grabbed his arm. "NO I-I mean stay, let me help" he didn't get to say anything as I pulled him inside. "Wait here I'll be back" I left the room.

I stayed in the room looking around. 'Was she about to go to sleep alright' I thought to myself as I looked at the bed and her stuff

"Im back" I say with 1st aid kit. "Sit on the bed" he does as said and sits there looking at your every movement. I set the stuff next to him as I start to apply the medican. "Sorry if it hurts" I say applying it to his cuts. He stays quiet and just keeps looking at my face. When I got to his lips be hissed. "Sorry" "no its fine" he said looking into my eyes. I can feel my face start to get hot. Fake coughs "umm anywas what happensto you" I say trying to not make eye contact. "I fell down" he said lying. "Billy i know your lying, tell me what really happened". "Its none of your business" he said coldly. "Well then why did you come to my house the if it is none on my business" he stayed quiet for a couple on minutes. Then I hear him mutter "my dad". I could barely hear what he said. "Tell me what happened to you billy" I try to sound as if I didn't care but I failed. "That fucking old man go mad because max sneaked out and I didn'tknow where she was". "He did this to you" all billy did was nod. I don't know what happened but I just hugged him. He was shocked but then relaxed and hugged me back. After a while I pull away and loom at him. "Why did you come here you always bully me at schooland make fun of me " he stayed quiet for a while. "I dony know i just wanted to see you " I felt my face getting hot again. "I should go so you can go to sleep" he said getting up and walking towards the window he came from. "Umm you can stay I dont mind besides my parents aren't home" I say nervous. "Are you sure" he said looking at you. "Yes of course" I say smiling at him. "Just let me cleanthis up first" I start to clean up. "Let me help you" he says. After we clean up I turn to him "do you want anything else" I asked. "No im good" I nod and climb into bed. He just looks at me and takes off his jacket and slides in beside me. We look at each other and I start to blush so I turn around so I don't look at him. I heart was beating to fast right now. I try to fall asleep but the I feel a arm sneak across my waist and pull me towards them. I can feel billy's warmth, I feel safe in his arms. I turn around and hug him. My vision starts to go black but before I fell asleep I heard billy say "thank you y/n" and he kisses my head.

Fin

#billy hargrove #billy x reader #billy hargove x reader #billy hargove imagine #stranger things #billy hargove smut #billy x femreader #billy x y/n #fluff

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chaniiverse · 8 months ago

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Moments to save: (it’s a lot)

“We have a tripod, for god’s sake!” you exclaimed. By now, Kevin had given up on providing you with his input. He opted to rest against the wall, finishing up whatever he had left of the protein bar, and occasionally would roll his eyes.

Nooo the way Kevin just gave up 😭. He’s so done with his bestie 🧍‍♀️

“Keep talking and you’ll potentially strain your throat,” a new voice interrupted.

I screamed. Idk why. I screamed. Like okay 😭. Why do I find this so hot???

“Oh here we go again,” Kevin mumbled, tossing the wrapper of the protein bar to the side. He pulled out his phone and went on TikTok, deciding it was more worthy of his attention than listening to you two banter—something he had been experiencing for well over five years.

Kevin is so me when my friends start bickering 😭. Like I am so used to it at this point that I just stare at them or munch on something while they fight 🧍‍♀️

“I’m complaining,” Kevin muttered.

Us Kev us 😭. Jae kind of is a dick 🫠 (but I still find him hot)

“And it’s also starting to sound like jealousy to me.” Hyunjae’s eyes finally shifted, but instead of looking away from you like you initially wanted him to, you trailed his line of sight down to your lips. He eyed them shamelessly—technically making you win the unspoken eye contact competition, but at what cost? “I won’t believe you until I receive firm evidence and testimonies from the other students in the club, then maybe I’ll consider your concerns. Deal?”

HES SO WISJEJDJEEHW. LIKE IF SOMEONE SAYW THIW TI ME I WOULD PUNCH TUEM WHEJSJSE. I DONY LIKE EGOISTIC PEOPLE (unless it’s hyunjae or Chanhee 🤷‍♀️)

“Woah, Y/N. Exposing my degradation kink so soon?”

The way I CACKLED WJWJSJSSJS

“I-...you- w-what?!” you sputtered, your jaw falling slack as Kevin’s head snapped up, staring at the two of you in disgust.

Kevin 😭. Kevin’s such a mood istg

You two are the most childish fuckers I know,” Kevin deadpanned, finally shoving his phone away as he switched between looking at you and the man by your side. His eyebrows bunched up.

Same Kebin same.

“A mistake?” As Hyunjae’s brows raised, so did his tone. “You know, people—decent people, don’t make mistakes like that.”

My honest reaction:

From the very beginning, you had always meant something to him, and you couldn’t pinpoint how or why. When there was no competition in academics, he treated it as if there was. Every time you ranted, he would listen, whether it be about him or something else. Even when you talked about how your chicken from the cafeteria was burnt, he would give you his own before calling you stupid for not noticing until you sat down.

THE DESCRIPTION SISJSHS OH LORD. VAE TEACH ME YOUR WAY OF WRITING PLZ 🙇‍♀️

You wanted nothing more than to dump the stack of fliers into his arms, and knowing Jacob, he wouldn’t ask any questions. Hell, you were certain that if you asked him nicely, he would do it for you because of how naturally sweet and endearing he was.

My cob 😭. But it’s true, he’s so sweet :(

The bickering never faltered, and it wasn’t like Hyunjae was opposed whenever you expressed disgust at the thought of him being turned on because of you (and that was because he found the idea of you thinking about him hot—yes, his expectations were that low).

He’s so down bad for the reader 🧍‍♀️

“Then say no. Make us go back into your car and drive me home.” Your hand dropped from holding onto his sleeve but that was so you could wrap your arms around his neck, slowly bringing yourself closer to him. His cheeks were flushed as his mind flooded with possibilities of what could happen. Never had you ever wanted him, and he’d been dreaming of a moment like this for years. Your tear-stained cheeks, your pouty red lips—he wanted all of you.

We love a confident reader (those were my last words and then my mouth was open after reading the rest)

“Whose fucking dick is inside of you right now?” He scoffed and pulled on your hair, forcing your head back up so he could directly speak into your ear. “Wake up, Y/N,” he demanded. “You’re mine.”

He’s so hot 😂😭

Maybe you were his.

Vae 🧍‍♀️💔

OUR INFERNO | CHAPTER ONE

SYNOPSIS ✧ although being your greatest archnemesis/rival/enemy/frenemy/whateverthefuck he was, hyunjae had always been by your side. that changed when your boyfriend was brought up, creating a newfound rift in your whateverthefuck relationship with hyunjae

PAIRING ✧ rival!hyunjae x fem!reader

GENRE ✧ high school au, enemies to fwb, angst, smut, fluff, humor(?) (these mfs bicker a lot), pining

WARNINGS ✧ 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT — cheating, profanity, mentions of physical fight/bruises, underaged drinking, obsessive/possessive hyunjae : NSFW TAGS : outdoor/semipublic sex, dubcon recording, spit/drool/tears, oral and fingering (fem receiving), penetration, scratching/ripping, humping, minimal praise, degradation, sub!hyunjae for 0.002 seconds, petnames (princess, good girl, babe/baby)

WORD COUNT ✧ 19k

⋮≡ [ OUR INFERNO EXCLUSIVE ] @deoboyznet @flwoie @sanaxo-o — fill out the form or comment/send an ask/dm to be added!

. . . . . . OUR INFERNO M.LIST ✩ next [ TWO ]

⋮≡ [ PERMANENT TAGLIST ] @armysantiny @stealanity @zzoguri @nyujjan @tinisprout @the-kpop-simp @sunwoosberrie @winterchimez — fill out the form or comment/send an ask/dm to be added!

THE BOYZ MASTERLIST | NAVIGATION

AUTHOR'S NOTE : in honor of my three years of officially stanning the boyz on this very day, let's celebrate with my smut debut and writing comeback 😋 enjoy my loves

PART ONE: CHASING THE SPARK (THE FIRE TETRAHEDRON) — fuel, oxygen, and heat | CHAPTER ONE

“Genuine question.”

“Shoot.”

“Who the fuck does Hyunjae actually think he is?”

Unphased by your up-and-coming rage rant, Kevin resumed snacking on the protein bar he had brought with him. He tossed his free arm over the camera equipment and backpacks sitting next to him on the bench, watching you stride back and forth within one of the many hallways in the recreational center.

“Well, he is your boss.”

“No, he’s the student executive producer,” you corrected, your legs unwavering as you kept a consistent pace to release your frustrations. Kevin shrugged and tossed one leg over the other, staying relaxed despite the hot fumes emanating from your upright and angered figure. You paused momentarily to look him in the eye.

“Emphasis on the student,” you clarified.

“Emphasis on the executive, Y/N.”

Baffled at how he was defending your greatest archnemesis (well, more like your greatest frenemy), you ignored his rebuttal and started pacing again. Your steps slowed as you envisioned the sensations you experienced just minutes before, back when you, Kevin, and Hyunjae were at the indoor pool to report for your school’s broadcasting channel. Technically, you were the one reporting and filming while Hyunjae was the subject of interest, and Kevin was there for physical support.

Chills latched onto your skin as you remembered what it felt like to have Hyunjae’s bare torso looming over you, his eyes peering over your shoulder to glance at your footage. While staring at the camera, his gentle, irregular breaths would continuously hit your skin. Water from the pool would trickle down his hair and into your shirt, reaching your backside. When it happened, you could barely comprehend Hyunjae’s ‘advice’ and instead focused on feeling every cold droplet travel through the crevasses created by your spine. You winced at the thought of that happening again, yet somehow you could still hear his irritating voice near your ear, telling you all the reasons why your B-roll of his lap swimming was ‘trash’ and ‘unusable.’

For a moment, you stood there in the hallway frozen, unsure of how to move, before realizing you were just reliving a moment from earlier and that Hyunjae was still in the locker room changing.

“I’m going to make a complaint,” you declared, turning back towards Kevin for his encouragement. Alternatively, you were met with the sight of your best friend completely failing to conceal his judgment and disapproval towards your suggestion.

“Against Hyunjae? You gotta be kidding, right?”

“Yes,” you answered confidently. “Wait, I mean no, I’m not kidding, but yes, against Hyunjae.”

Kevin eyed you skeptically, trying to decipher why you felt threatened enough to report someone like Hyunjae. You may not have spent all your previous years in high school with an affinity for Hyunjae, but it wasn’t like you hated him either—not in the way you truly loathed others. If that were the case, you wouldn’t spend nearly every day with him, bickering until the sun chose to set.

“Sure, maybe my B-roll was trash, I can attest to that, but that does not give his bitchass the right to not only shit on how ‘awful’ I was doing, but also yank the camera out of my hands and delete all the footage I got because they weren’t ‘perfect enough.’ What kind of psycho is that?” You glanced over at Kevin, trying once again to get him to back you up, but the most he gave was a slight nod. Everything you were spurting was half-mindedly being decoded because he had ended up placing more significance on inhaling protein. Regardless, you continued.

“And you would think, hey! As the student executive producer of a high school broadcasting team, he would understand that no! I indeed do not record half-naked people swimming in a pool, whether it be for a career or a hobby. He should also at least have the decency to not swim seven hundred miles per minute while I’m recording. Of course I’m not going to catch up, especially when he barely told me how he wanted things to be recorded? Isn’t he fucking insane for that? Not to mention all the goddamn splashing because of how fucking long his limbs are—”

“You’re explaining this like I didn’t witness the whole exchange,” Kevin grumbled.

“And you would think he knows, right? That Mr. Executive-slash-Captain-of-the-Swim-Team should either be more considerate when, A, he’s kicking water in my direction when he’s swimming or, B, station me away from the edge of the pool? Just a thought, but fuck me, I guess.”

“Well yeah, but the—”

“Also! Not to mention the camera has the fucking ability to zoom in, so why was there even a need for me to stand by the pool anyway?” You scoffed at the absurdity, almost tempted to cackle like a villain because of it. “The least he could do was tell me how to record it or find a way to adjust and compromise without occasionally soaking me with water on purpose, which I know damn well he was—”

“That’s just how-”

“But even then, who the fuck wants to see him swim anyway? We’ll probably only need like…what? A minute of the footage for the B-roll? So why the hell is he treating it like it’s about to be nominated by the goddamn Oscars for Best Picture? He just loves to nitpick and control me like a fucking puppet—”

“Keep talking and you’ll potentially strain your throat,” a new voice interrupted.

You jerked around to find Hyunjae, the culprit of your rant, exiting the locker room with a small duffle bag that contained both his swim gear and his school clothes from earlier in the day. His brown hair was only halfway dry, some strands still stuck to his forehead as he approached where you were pacing.

You halted in your path and stared him down. Hyunjae immediately caught onto the mood you were in, and instead of being shocked or hurt, he grinned.

“You.”

Your attempt at threatening him with one word made Hyunjae laugh.

“Hey, I’m just looking out for you.”

As a mutual friend of yours and Hyunjae’s since middle school, Kevin understood the frenemy dynamic better than either of you. Eventually, over the long years he had known you both, he learned to leave you two be.

“What about me, though? Are you going to try and tattletale on me?” Hyunjae feigned sympathy as he gave you an exaggerated pout, tilting his head like a puppy’s. “C’mon. I’m just doing my job.”

“Sorry, but I don’t remember ��being a dick’ being listed under the requirements for your oh-so-important position of power.” You huffed at him and crossed your arms, choosing to face elsewhere as you rooted the soles of your feet to the ground.

Hyunjae furrowed his brows, his eyes never leaving you, as he addressed the third party within the shared space.

“Kevin, was I being a dick, or is Y/N exaggerating?”

Kevin glanced up at his phone and scrunched his nose at Hyunjae in annoyance.

“Don’t even try to bring me into whatever…this mess is.”

“No, tell him,” you demanded, now looking at him. Your glare was enough to burn Kevin into ashes, but it was nothing compared to Hyunjae’s gaze piercing into your back. Knowing that he never looked away made you shiver, hating how fixated he seemed to be—and seemingly without reason too.

“Listen, I wasn’t being a dick. I was treating you the same way I treat everyone else. I’d honestly argue that you’re just narcissistic and think everything is about you when—”

“Oh wow, thank you for admitting that you’re a dick to everyone else!” You tossed your hands up for dramatic appeal as you spun back around to look at him. He scoffed, but his demeanor was quickly shadowed by a smirk that appeared on his lips, testing you with the arch of his brow.

“Oh really? Do you see anyone else complaining?”

“I’m complaining,” Kevin muttered.

“People don’t complain because they’re scared of you, Sherlock,” you retorted. At this point, Hyunjae had already caught onto your bullshit of making evidence up, and it was why this exchange ended up lasting for as long as it did. Nevertheless, his ego continued to build the more you spoke.

“You’re not scared of me?”

And you keep falling for the bait.

“Why should I? You’re nothing.” You approached him and pressed a finger into his chest, taunting him as you stared straight into his eyes.

Suddenly a competition seemed to have materialized because now you both were locking eyes, too stubborn to look away.

“One day you’ll wake up and realize your position doesn’t mean shit. You take it too seriously and make everyone’s job your job when this should be a learning experience for the rest of us.”

“And who exactly is ‘us,’ babe?”

You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Don’t call me that–”

What you despised most was how well Hyunjae knew and provoked you to get under your skin. He was a raging flame, making your blood boil from both irritation and excitement. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but after nearly six years of banter with Hyunjae, you knew damn well you enjoyed every second of it. It was like a nonstop competition, and you were always on the edge of winning.

Maybe it was also because you were so used to him constantly being above you. He was the president of the student council, the swim team’s captain, and specifically the one who snatched the executive position away from you in the broadcasting team, yet somehow you were still able to compete at his level of arrogance and egotism.

Even though you may never be able to top him in the foreseeable future, you at least knew how to match his fury—his fire, with your own.

“You’re pathetic.” You took a few steps back to gain some distance while his eyes flickered back up to yours. He bit his lip playfully, his smile only growing even wider.

“Woah, Y/N. Exposing my degradation kink so soon?”

“I-...you- w-what?!” you sputtered, your jaw falling slack as Kevin’s head snapped up, staring at the two of you in disgust.

“Get a room—!”

“I’m going to make sure you get degraded from your position, you freak!”

“Not exactly how that word works, princess, but I’m glad you’re at least passionate.” His cooing made you want to slap the living shit out of him, your eyes protruding from their sockets are you glared.

“Are you fucking bricked up or something right now—?”

“Hey guys,” a woman’s voice called out. Your heads turned to look at the end of the hallway, catching one of the recreational center’s workers waving in your general direction. She pressed her lips together and smiled, attempting to be as professional and understanding as possible. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but is it okay if you guys turn it down a notch?”

You and Hyunjae both nodded and whispered apologies, feeling like kids who just got scolded for shoving paintbrushes down the drain. Fortunately, the worker’s smile radiated genuine warmth and consideration, providing you some sort of reassurance that you guys weren’t too much of a disturbance (even though you guys totally were).

“You two are the most childish fuckers I know,” Kevin deadpanned, finally shoving his phone away as he switched between looking at you and the man by your side. His eyebrows bunched up.

“And apparently horny too.”

“I would move across the country if it meant I never had to see him again,” you grumbled, striding back to the pile of equipment to pick up your backpack and the bag with all your reporting necessities (boring script, stationary, and a couple of notebooks shared with all the broadcasting students to collect notes and inspiration in).

“Hello? I’m still here.”

“Look at that. He already misses me.”

“I’m going to hurl,” Kevin unnecessarily announced, and Hyunjae’s face soured.

“Ew.”

“Exactly. That’s how you two make me feel whenever you guys are together.” Kevin got up on his feet and grabbed the wrapper to shove into one of his pockets (no littering, kids) before outstretching his limbs dramatically.

“I swear I developed back pain from always listening to you guys bicker.”

“Or, hot take,” Hyunjae interjected, “maybe it’s because you’re always sitting with your back arching forward like it belongs in the Arches National Park–”

“Yeah yeah, shut the fuck up.” Kevin waved him off with his hand and rolled his eyes. “I came here to help carry stuff, not listen to your bullshit.”

He picked up the bag that contained the camera and passed it to Hyunjae. He offered to hold one more thing, but with only his backpack and the tripod left, Kevin didn’t see much need for his friend’s assistance.

Kevin then faced you, his face stern and rid of emotion.

“You too, Y/N,” he stated seriously. “None of this ‘he said this,’ ‘he said that,’ ‘please fuck me’ bullshit from you either.”

You gaped at him, arms wrapped tightly around the crew’s bag.

“Now why the hell do you think—”

“Zip it.”

Without giving you much of an opportunity to continue, Kevin sped off in front of you, ready to leave the building. You couldn’t even look at Hyunjae as heat rushed to your cheeks, struggling to trail after Kevin’s speedy steps.

Despite carrying heavier items, Hyunjae caught up to you with ease. You wanted nothing more than for Hyunjae’s feet to either slow down or speed up tremendously, but of course he purposely chose to walk by your side, attached to you by the hip.

“He sees it,” Hyunjae sing-songed. “Everyone sees it.”

“Sees what?” you snorted, oblivious to what he was indicating.

“That you want me,” he replied nonchalantly.

The moment you two stepped outside the doors of the center, you stopped to face him, trying to confirm what exactly he was implying.

“You can’t be serious.”

Hyunjae, who also stopped with your steps, shrugged.

“You’re the one in denial.”

Realizing that he was serious, you felt every muscle in your body tense up.

“Hyunjae,” you stated firmly. “I have a boyfriend, remember?”

Instead of receiving something witty from Hyunjae like normal, his relaxed facial features suddenly scrambled into one that expressed remote shock. His lips were slightly parted, eyes searching yours for any hint that indicated you were lying or messing around with him, but you were serious.

The aggressive playfulness from earlier had evaporated faster than boiling water, and you watched as he became stilled. Your heart started pounding, anxiety creeping up within you due to not being able to read Hyunjae like you normally do.

“Since when?” he asked. His voice was quiet, his tone firmer, and by now, Kevin was already by his car, too far from the two of you to understand what was going on. Hell, even you could barely understand what was happening.

“Earth to Hyunjae?” you joked, nervously laughing in an attempt to eliminate the newfound tension looming in the atmosphere. “It’s always been Jiwoong, remember?”

For a moment, Hyunjae could feel his mouth drying up. All his thoughts were held captive in his throat, and his lips remained parted as if they weren’t meant to collide at all. He stared at you like you had just teleported in front of him.

“Y/N,” he stated calmly, “he cheated on you.”

Your initial response was to get defensive, claiming that you already knew that because hell, it was your relationship, but then your brain acknowledged the true elephant in the conversation.

“How-...how the hell do you know about that?”

“I- You know word just-…That doesn’t matter. What matters is why in the world—”

“It was a mistake, okay?”

“A mistake?” As Hyunjae’s brows raised, so did his tone. “You know, people—decent people, don’t make mistakes like that.”

Seeing how Hyunjae was gritting his teeth, how his eyes were locked on yours, built up a foreign frustration within you. Something about the way Hyunjae was behaving felt like he was trying to control you.

All the rage from before had now returned, yet this time, there was no more leniency from you—not when Hyunjae was being more condescending than he had ever been.

“You know nothing, Hyunjae, so frankly, I really don’t care about what you think about my relationship with my boy-”

“You’re still with him??”

“Look,” you snapped. “Just because you have the luxury of crushing my hopes and dreams on a daily basis, it does not give you the right to dictate what’s wrong or right about my love life and my decisions. Understood?”

And just like how you always are, Hyunjae refused to shut up.

“How is it dictating when it’s common sense to dump a shitty person?” He dropped the bags onto the ground, and not once did he look away from you. “He’s never treated you well either, and you know that—”

“It’s not your decision to make,” you repeated. You could feel the three key elements of creating a fire stir up within you. You had the fuel, the oxygen, and the heat, and Hyunjae was the chemical chain reaction that would set it off. “How dense can you fucking be to not back down?”

“He cheated on you,” he reasserted, and there was a rage in his eyes that you had never once encountered. “He’s done so many shitty things, and he hasn’t changed–”

“Again, none of your fucking business–”

“And I’m pretty sure I saw—”

“I am not going to repeat myself-”

“Can’t you just listen to what I-”

“Drop it.” You were seconds away from yelling at him, ready to unleash all your anger because never once has someone threatened your love life—Jiwoong, the man you considered your soulmate. Your flame had officially engulfed his, and all Hyunjae could do was stare at you in disbelief and disappointment.

Turning to look away, you gazed up into the sky and scoffed, not understanding why tears had begun to pool up in your eyes. At the end of the day, Hyunjae meant nothing to you—you didn’t even consider him a friend.

After moments of experiencing what it was like to be suffocated by a tension so unbearable, you eventually found a way to ground yourself.

“I can’t blame him, you know,” you whispered, using the back of your hand to wipe away your tears. “We were angry. He just–...he needed an outlet, and at that time, that outlet happened to not be me, okay?”

Hyunjae stared at you, his mouth desperate to say something, anything, to make you see what he sees—a relationship that isn’t meant to be. That you didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Maybe you were no more than an acquaintance to him, but he knew you have always deserved better.

“He isn’t someone worth fighting for.”

“And that’s none of your business,” you scowled.

“It isn’t right—”

“Stay in your fucking lane, Jae.”

Hyunjae clamped his mouth shut, and the sight of you completely breaking down tore him apart. Possibly it was all the years you spent together growing up, constantly arguing, yet he knew he was always one to look out for you.

You sucked in a cheek, gnawing at it as your chest urged for you to forgive him, to apologize for lashing out without much notice, but in the end, you prioritized your pride over him.

Not only was Hyunjae’s persistence a stab to your heart, but you suspected that Kevin was the one who told him. By spilling your secrets, it was as if Kevin saw the knife that impaled you and yanked it out of your chest, causing you to bleed to your death.

“I’m done with this conversation,” you muttered, dropping the bag in your arms to the ground by his feet. Your plans had changed to you walking home alone, wanting nothing to do with the other two boys for the next hour or so.

When you turned around to walk away, you knew Hyunjae was going to try and say something. You knew him best whenever he was at his worst, so you spun around to face him for the last time that day to cut him off.

“Never fucking cross that line with me again, got it?”

And with that, you left.

Kevin apologized to you the morning after.

He normally drove you to school, and you debated getting into his car when he showed up. Thankfully you chose to do otherwise because the second you stepped inside, Kevin was apologizing profusely. He talked about how anxious he was all night when Hyunjae told him what happened, and he wouldn’t have known what to do if you didn’t forgive him. Obviously you did, and the rest of the car ride was spent with him explaining his side of the story.

According to Kevin, he only told Hyunjae about how you got cheated on because it seemed like Hyunjae already knew. As Kevin recalled the whole scene, you two assessed the signs, such as how Hyunjae didn’t provide any sort of reaction when Kevin dropped the news. In fact, it had seemed like Hyunjae had brought it up to Kevin instead.

Regardless, it became the last of your worries because all that mattered was that you were back to being on good terms with your best friend.

But avoiding Hyunjae felt like lighting a match in the rain.

It was your agonizing reality for the next two months, and although you could argue that you had gotten closer to your boyfriend during the supposed ‘Hyunjae Drought,’ you were still plagued with him being everywhere around you.

He was in all your classes, and you never truly processed the extent of how involved Hyunjae had always been throughout high school with you. You weren’t on the swim team, but you were stuck with him during meetings for both the broadcasting team and student council.

Yet it all felt so different.

Unless he was called on, Hyunjae would talk much less unprovoked and would never look at you during meetings. When he would address the entire team, he would glance at you for a split second before looking elsewhere, no longer watching you like a hawk.

You had also gotten quieter because without Hyunjae to banter with, you recognized that you barely had friends in any of those classes either.

There was no longer a fight between your flames, and you two kept as much distance as possible. You were thankful that there hadn’t been an instance that interrupted that, such as being forced to record more B-roll with him, and you could only hope that the rest of your senior year would remain the same.

Then you would never have to see him in college.

Now you were back to being the mediocre student that faded into the background. People knew your name at best, but none have ever tried to become your friend aside from Kevin. No matter how involved you tried to get, the closest you were to anyone was a classmate.

Hyunjae had always overshadowed you too, and for the first time in years, you were detached from his fumes—yet somehow, some way, the smoke from his fire would remain in your lungs, continuing to suffocate you even more than it had before. It didn’t give you that breath of fresh air of new friends or a better life; instead, it helped you realize that you didn’t matter. It was a miracle that you even scored Jiwoong as your boyfriend.

But then that begged the question: why did Hyunjae bother spending his time ridiculing you?

He never shrugged you off like you were nothing or shut you down because your emotions were invalid. He entertained you each time with ease, and most importantly, he knew when to respect your boundaries. Hyunjae was probably the most mindful person you knew and could often tell when you were distressed or needed another form of reaction from him.

He knew when to stop.

Yet when it came to the one instance involving Jiwoong, he crossed the line multiple times. Why?

“Hyunjae isn’t here today.”

“Huh?”

“Didn’t show up for a single class.”

Kevin watched you play with your food with a fork, rolling the cold, barely spherical peas around and into the stale rice.

“That’s not like him,” he replied.

“Yeah.”

“I wonder why.”

“I wonder too.”

After the driest possible conversation in existence, you sighed and dropped your fork into your tray.

“I need to stop forgetting to pack myself lunch. This shit makes me lose my appetite, I swear. We should call the police and tell them the food they’re serving is illegal and a disgrace to this country.”

“Keep it away before I lose my appetite too.”

You didn’t react nor respond to what Kevin said, letting the conversation rot as you pouted at your food. The cafeteria was unusually louder today, making it easier to space out into thought.

Kevin took out his sandwich with a wide grin and started eating, grateful he never had to deal with what the school was feeding thanks to his mom, but eventually his eyes shifted over to you. You were unmoving with your gaze locked onto an empty spot on the table, so after moments of debating between asking you what’s wrong and ignoring you to devour his lunch, he opted to set his sandwich aside and stared straight at you.

“Why are you thinking about him?”

That was enough to garner your attention, your head snapping up to stare at your best friend like he was the craziest person you knew for mentioning Hyunjae, much less suggesting that your mind was wrapped around him.

“What?”

“Hyunjae. With his perfect attendance, a day without him should be a blessing, yet you brought up how he didn’t show up today and then moped harder than anyone I’ve ever seen mope. You should be over the moon, dancing on the tables and stealing people’s food, not-...” Kevin waved a finger at you, “whatever this is. You seem out of it.”

“Well it’s not because of Hyunjae, I’ll tell you that,” you snorted. Your eyes fell back down to your tray, and the more you looked at it, the more nauseous you got. You scrunched your nose. “If anything, it’s probably because of this shit food.”

Kevin rolled his eyes before tearing his sandwich into halves. You perked at the sight and ogled the half Kevin taunted you with. You were about to thank him and take it into your possession before Kevin jerked back his arm, making you whine.

“Throw away your food, then I’ll give you it.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. As Kevin returned to his delicious, most scrumptious, packed lunch you had ever seen, you picked up your tray and walked it to the nearest trash can. As you dropped the whole thing inside, you heard your name being called.

“Y/N!”

You whipped around to check to see who it was and smiled at the sight of Eunseo waving at you. You wouldn’t consider her a good friend, but you knew her well enough since she was the vice president of the student council.

She ran over to you with a stack of paper in her arms, relieved to have caught you.

“Y/N, hi! I’m so glad I found you. I was scared I wouldn’t because of how packed it is.”

She flashed you her usual glowing smile, and you noticed that she was a bit more giddy than usual, making you question why she was choosing to talk to you in the first place. All your conversations normally took place before, during, and after student council meetings, so this was slightly out of character.

“What’s up?” you asked. As you looked at her, you noticed how her outfit was slightly more put together than it normally was. She had on a cute top that suited her chest perfectly and a skirt that you had never seen her wear.

“Your outfit’s really cute today.”

“Really?!” Her bright demeanor then faded into concern. “Wait, is it too noticeable or out of the blue? Is it bad?”

“No, no. Not at all!” you reassured. “It’s just the right amount of perfect.”

“Great! God, that means the world coming from you. It’s because!...” She stopped to glance around, making sure that no one was eavesdropping, before taking a step closer to whisper. “It’s because I was finally asked out on a date by my crush!”

She could barely contain her excitement, holding back a squeal with her bottom lip latched between her teeth. Her sunshine-like energy made you grin.

“That’s great! I’m glad you’re making progress.” Your eyebrows pinched as you tried to recall the last time Eunseo had updated you about her crush. “You’ve been pining after him for so long—whoever ‘him’ is, anyway.”

The question of who Eunseo liked had always gone unanswered. She never told anyone, not even the ones who knew her best, but she loved gushing about her mystery crush to everyone she knew. All people really knew, you included, was how down bad she was.

A part of you wondered if it was someone you knew—someone pretty like Juyeon or well-known like…Hyunjae.

“Oh, I wish I could tell you, and maybe I will if things go really well and we become official!” She squealed and hopped in her spot, unable to resist giving you a half-hug with her free arm. “This is so exciting, Y/N!”

“I’m really happy for you.” Your smile was genuine until you thought about why she was looking for you, starting to doubt that she called you over just so she could tell you about her date.

“I’ll let you know how it goes, swear. But! That aside, I also have something for you.”

You knew it.

Your brows raised, and when you didn’t catch on, she gestured to the papers in her arms with guilt.

“I know this is kind of a dick move, and I’m really really sorry, but I promised to put up fliers for prom today. My date is right after my last class.” Her frown had deepened, and for a split second, you found yourself sympathizing with her because who wanted to let down such a cheerful personality, especially when this was life-changing for her?

“So you want me to do it?”

“Exactly! Please, that would be great. It shouldn’t take too long, too.”

You thought about how you would have to give up an evening of playing on your switch or extra time to study for an upcoming exam, but you knew it was your duty as secretary to help out whenever needed.

Not to mention that it would also make you a decent friend not to hold Eunseo back from her soon-to-be love life despite her poor date planning. If you were in her shoes, you would have wanted her to do the same for you too.

“Sure,” you accepted. “Why not?”

“You’re the best, seriously!” She handed you the fliers as she began to fill you in on the extra details.

“I already told Mr. Barajas that I wasn’t feeling well and that you were going to do it, so he said it all worked out and to not worry about it,” she rambled, happy to give the extra weight (both literally and metaphorically) to you. “I just printed these out, so everything should be perfect to go. Oh, and don’t worry about any extras! Just set them on Barajas’s desk when you’re finished. Hyunjae will also be in 142 with tape ready for you.”

The mention of the forbidden name nearly made every cell in your body halt.

“What?”

Eunseo tilted her head at you, confused, before finally realizing.

“Oh crap, I forgot! I’m so sorry, I really did forget you guys weren’t on good terms. I hope it’s okay that he’s helping you out. I mean, he’s supposed to, but it was meant for him and me to do it together, not you two, so…God, I’m really sorry Y/N.”

Before you could even react to the newfound information, she continued.

“I really have to go now. Thank you again! I promise I’ll make it up to you!” And with her rosy pink cheeks and a stunning shade of red on her lips, she basically skipped away and waved goodbye to you with a smile, so you reciprocated it with an awkward one of your own.

When she turned her back, your smile immediately dropped and you sighed heavily.

“Have fun on your date,” you mumbled, your eyes falling to fliers in your arms. As you skimmed the one on top, you noticed it was to promote going to prom while also including a big QR code to vote for who should be your school’s prom king and queen. You expected it since it was the last meeting’s topic of discussion, but what you weren’t aware of was who were listed as nominees.

There were eight names listed under ‘Prom Court,’ and while you expected Hyunjae’s, Eunseo’s, and your boyfriend’s names on it, your jaw nearly hit the ground at the sight of your own.

With every passing class period, your anxiety would kick up a notch.

The dread of talking to the face you had been avoiding for two months engulfed you, and it caused you to develop the urge to ditch your current class to go hunt for Jacob, the student council’s historian. You wanted nothing more than to dump the stack of fliers into his arms, and knowing Jacob, he wouldn’t ask any questions. Hell, you were certain that if you asked him nicely, he would do it for you because of how naturally sweet and endearing he was.

But the guilt of ditching your secretary duties kept picking at your skin, and besides, all you had to do was treat Hyunjae like a colleague. That should be easy, right?

As you suffered through the last few minutes of class and your teacher’s incessant ramblings about the upcoming exam, your thoughts drifted over to what would happen the moment you stepped into room 142.

Hyunjae hadn’t shown up to a single class all day, yet he was expected to set up fliers after school. As your thoughts snowballed, you arrived at the baseless conclusion that maybe Eunseo wasn’t aware that Hyunjae was absent today, therefore someone else (like Jacob) would take over.

Suddenly, your back had straightened with feigned interest in your teacher’s last few words. Something about Jacob being there instead of Hyunjae had excited you; it felt like you were free and that the universe was listening to your prayers. The gamble of seeing whether it would be Hyunjae or Jacob (or literally anyone else) had your right leg bouncing, eyes on the clock, and when the bell rang, you shot up from your seat, backpack over your shoulders and fliers in your arms, before dashing out of the classroom.

You sped down the hallway to 142, Mrs. Zhang’s room for Chemistry, bug-eyed, before having your delusions crushed at the sight of Hyunjae’s stupidly large height leaning against one of the counters. Your feet stood glued to the ground by the doorway, your eyes locked onto him.

Covered from head to toe in sweats, Hyunjae was immersed in whatever was on his phone, scrolling through something as his brown curls peeked out from inside his hood. Without any hint of him acknowledging your presence, your shattered hopes slowly began to rebuild.

Maybe if you were quiet enough, you could sneak out with the tape and do everything on your own, avoiding him at all. Actually, scratch that. You didn’t even need the tape. All you had to do was go to another teacher’s room, steal their tape for half an hour, and then return it with ease.

The plan was effortless, and you mentally smacked your forehead for not thinking of it earlier. Right as you were about to execute it, your backpack slammed against the doorframe as you turned on your heels.

“Nice try.”

You groaned out of embarrassment (and slight pain) and forced yourself to turn around. Hyunjae’s phone was now face down on the counter, and his arms were crossed over his abdomen. His face remained stoic as his eyes met yours, wielding a tension you didn’t recognize.

Now that you could properly look at him, you noticed a few details that you hadn’t before, such as the small tear on his lower lip and the bandaid on his cheekbone. If you looked long enough, you could catch light patches of purple across his skin, and the sight hindered all your thoughts, your brain too occupied with piecing together how he ended up like this.

“What happened?” you blurted, your gaze shooting up from his lips to his eyes.

Hyunjae staggered at your suddenty, but he managed to keep himself stilled, his brows pinching.

“What do you mean?”

Even if Hyunjae didn’t mean to, his question became an invitation for your unfiltered thoughts to spill out of your mouth.

“You didn’t show up for any of our classes today,” you began, “but now you’re here? For some stupid fliers? You’re barely dressed properly like you normally are, your hair isn’t straightened, you look pale, Jae, and what’s up with the bruises or the bandaid on your cheek–”

“Are you seriously psychoanalyzing me?” he asked with a scoff. There was no humor in his tone. Instead, it looked as if he was irritated, perhaps even more than you were.

Hyunjae barely met your eyes, and his arms closed himself off from you.

“What–?”

“You’re evaluating me like I’m some sort of lab project, Y/N.”

“No, no I’m not,” you rejected. “I’m just saying things are a little off.” You kept your eyes firm on his, even as he pushed himself off the counter with his phone and made his way over to you. “And you know, you really can’t blame me for being somewhat worried when one, you don’t show up, and two, you look like a whole mess—”

“Just hand over the fliers—” he interrupted, gritting his teeth as he outstretched his arm in your direction. You dodged him by turning your body 180 degrees and stood your ground.

“What happened?” you repeated, this time more firmly.

Hyunjae looked at you, a blank expression on his face, before turning back around to grab the roll of tape left on the teacher’s desk. When he returned, he shoved it into your arms while simultaneously stealing half the stack. You protested with an exclaimed ‘Hey!’ yet he didn’t bat an eye and skimmed over the contents of the flier on top.

Bothered by his lack of response, you frowned and made sure to block the doorway, refusing to let him leave until you received answers.

“Why are you acting like this? Pretending that I’m not even—”

“I’ll do upstairs, you do downstairs,” he muttered.

“Did you get into a fight? Why weren’t you here today? Why are you here now—”

“You’d think you’d know,” he finally answered, pushing past you like you weighed none less than a feather.

Your brain had fully malfunctioned at that point, unable to decipher what he meant as Hyunjae walked off to the nearest staircase. As his footsteps echoed down the hall, you thought about what he was implying yet came to no resolution. Did he assume that you were caught up in your school’s latest gossip? Or that you were the main admin for his biggest fan page on Instagram?

The idea made you snort, and you scowled bitterly at his childish attitude. It wasn’t like you were a complete stranger intruding on his personal life—hell, you felt like you deserved an explanation because of how you were forced to do this with him.

As you stormed off past the remaining lingering students to the nearest bulletin board, you questioned how you were going to do this on your own.

You had put up fliers countless times in the past few years yet never alone. Luckily, you had a general idea of where the fliers should go when it came to the school’s hallways, but as you approached your first destination, you struggled with ripping off pieces of tape while holding the stack at the same time. It would’ve been easier with a partner by your side, one who either did the tape ripping or placing of the fliers, but you weren’t desperate enough to fall into the role of a helpless princess in need of her pretty (useless) prince.

After some trial and error, you found a method that consisted of setting the stack on the ground occasionally so you could rip off pieces of tape. Then you would slap said pieces of tape onto your wrist, having them readily available as you put up a few fliers at a time.

Although slightly time-consuming, it was working well and kept you at a steady pace until you heard crashing footsteps behind you from afar. Without paying any mind to it, you bit back your curiosity in order to focus on the wall in front of you, but then you made the mistake of taking a step back, bumping into the person who was sprinting.

You lost your balance and fell forward before catching yourself shortly after. However, the fliers had already flown out of your arms, scattering across and down the long hallway.

Ready to curse out the offender for running down the hallway, you were surprised when you saw that it was Eunseo behind you, pouring out apologies while a loopy grin was smacked onto her face.

You steadied your anger and told her it was okay, getting down onto your knees to collect all the fliers. Her ‘sorry’s could only go so far with her smeared lipstick, a dazed gaze, and her hair holding the mold to someone else’s (presumably her crush’s) hands in them, but you still excused her, knowing that she was over the moon right now.

“It’s okay, Eunseo, I promise.” You forced out a chuckle as you crawled to scavenge for the ones that flew a few feet away.

“I really didn’t mean to,” she pouted, but it was shortly followed up with bubbly giggles. “God, Y/N, can you believe this? Oh, it’s going so well! I think I love him, I do.”

“Good for you,” you grumbled, hoping that she didn’t hear it as you continued to move down the hallway, hating how far the fliers had escaped from you. You also hated how she just stood there without intent on helping you at all.

“I have to really go now. Got volleyball practice soon, but I think I’m seeing him tomorrow too!” She waved you goodbye.

And just like that, she continued running off.

You stared at how you were only able to collect half the mess, hating how Eunseo had somehow managed to delay you even further from being in the comfort of your bed. You were also salty at how her date was taking place at the school, wishing she could’ve dragged him around while she taped stuff up before getting dick-downed of some sort.

Deciding that she and her business weren’t worth your time, you continued to pick everything up as quickly as you could, wanting nothing more than to go home.

When you finally finished collecting every last flier, you were prepared to get back into the groove of things before feeling your phone vibrate in the side pocket of your backpack. Wondering if it was something important, you took it out and beamed at the idea of it being a new message from Jiwoong.

Dating him felt like falling in love with him all over again whenever he texted. Your heart would pound in your chest when you thought about him and explode whenever he gave you his attention and time. You were addicted to him, especially knowing that he was yours after liking him since middle school.

So to say you were disappointed was far worse than an understatement. It was from a number you hadn’t saved yet always recognized and undoubtedly remembered by heart.

Of course it was Hyunjae.

You had Hyunjae’s phone number due to previous class projects and group chats, but you had never once saved it because you thought he was undeserving of being a contact in your phone. Nonetheless, with how the years have passed and how much his number infiltrates every group chat you were in, it was only fair that your brain had unintentionally memorized all ten digits.

The message he sent consisted of him saying that he was done with the fliers, and you rolled your eyes. Even after the way he treated you earlier, he still chose to let you know and brag about how fast he was.

You shoved your phone away vigorously, ready to return to your slapping-fliers-on-walls duty, before perking at the sound of footsteps behind you once more.

Automatically assuming it was Eunseo or another student staying after for a club or sport, you were stunned when you heard his voice.

“You’re not even halfway yet?”

In no fucking universe are you turning around; not for him.

“Go gloat somewhere else,” you snapped. The next flier you taped up was nearly slammed onto the wall, but Hyunjae was left unphased by your sudden outburst. He stood next to you and remained quiet, even when you left to place the next flier a few feet away on the opposite wall.

When he didn’t follow, you sighed out of relief, yet somehow you couldn’t help but peek at him, eyeing his hands that were tucked into the pockets of his sweatpants. He was staring straight at the lopsided flier you had put up, and when you decided you had enough of peering at him, he was back by your side.

“What are you doing?” you grumbled. He was the one who pushed you away, yet now here he was, glued to your side like how he was two months ago.

“You’re taking too long.”

“I had a mishap,” you explained, “but that’s none of your concern.” The lines on your forehead bunched up, and you waved him off, bending down to place the stack on the ground. Figuring it wasn’t weird at all, you continued your method of ripping off pieces of tape and slapping it onto your wrist.

And Hyunjae was totally judging.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Just go home.”

Despite being on the ground and sitting on your heels, you could physically feel the heat on the back of your head due to his eyes burning a hole into your skull, and for a split second, you knew exactly what he was thinking.

“I can do it myself,” you explained.

“What are you even doing?”

“Can you just go?” You picked up the stack once again as you rose to your feet, doing your best to avoid whatever look was on Hyunjae’s face. He was probably stifling a laugh or keeping his expression smug, but when you did cave and peek, his face was still solemn, his eyes on your wrist with concern.

“You’re struggling.”

“Thank you for your observation, Mr. Obvious,” you retorted.

“Let me do it.”

Taken aback, you whipped your head over to his direction.

“You’re kidding.”

“You don’t even want to be here,” he reasoned through gritted teeth. “Just go, and you can thank me later.”

“Thank you?!” Appalled at his audacity, you couldn’t help but laugh out of disbelief. “Seriously, Hyunjae? You want me to thank you for stealing my job? Again? You can’t be fucking serious.”

“Because you can’t take any criticism ever, or in this case, any form of help, so just let me do it.”

Hyunjae was eerily calm about the whole ordeal, his energy far from matching yours.

“I do take help,” you refuted. “I just don’t take yours, and neither do I need it, too.”

“You’re so goddamn stubborn.” And within a blink of an eye, he had managed to snatch the stack of fliers from you.

“Hey!” you yelled, feeling as if it was deja vu from earlier (you really needed to step up your defense), and reached out to take them back, but he was quick to turn his body, shielding them from you.

“Give me the tape and go,” he urged, emotionless. The Hyunjae in front of you now was someone you truly didn’t recognize because the Hyunjae you knew would have made fun of you and held the fliers above your head, teasing you for being so weak.

Yet he stood still, creating a barrier between you and the duty that was forced upon you. You didn’t want to be here anyway, yet you were so insistent on making sure Hyunjae wasn’t stealing your work again. You weren’t incapable, and you hated how he always managed to be faster.

Even now, he was miles away from being playful with you, and yet he still had a way to shove it in your face.

“Hyunjae, I swear—”

“Give me the tape, and you can run off to your little boyfriend waiting for you by the entrance.”

Your lips parted at his words, eyes wide as you worked to comprehend his words. You questioned how he knew about Jiwoong’s whereabouts, how he knew that Jiwoong was waiting and that you didn’t, but knowing that he was serious, you reluctantly gave up and dropped the roll of tape on the ground, forcing him to pick it up.

You were sick of constantly arguing with him, and even if he was lying about Jiwoong, at least you would be away from Hyunjae. There was no point in fighting for your dignity anymore, not when Hyunjae’s narcissism was insufferable.

By walking away with heavy and quick strides, you hoped he felt humiliated by how poorly he was treating you—how he had always treated you like this.

As much as you wanted it to be true, you hoped Hyunjae was lying just so you had more evidence against his self-absorbed and shitty personality, but alas, you found Jiwoong standing precisely where Hyunjae said he was.

Regardless, all stress and frustrations had lifted from your being, and you called out to your boyfriend with a smile that would make your cheeks ache in minutes.

“Woong!” You waved your hands with a small bounce in your steps as you rushed over to him.

Your boyfriend’s head shot up, surprised to see you. His utter shock quickly switches to one of sheer happiness, tucking his device away before opening his arms for you.

“Hey, baby!”

You tossed yourself into his embrace, hugging him tight after pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“What are you doing here?” With your face in his neck, your voice came out muffled, and it made Jiwoong laugh.

“Had to stay after to discuss my grades with a teacher, then I decided to stay back a bit for you.” He cooed and kissed the top of your head, holding you incredibly close. When you pulled back, his hands had moved from behind your backpack to your hips instead, holding them as you stared up at him.

“You were waiting for me?” you asked, eyes wide with stars in them.

“Of course I was, baby.”

You were radiating, feeling happier than ever. The last time you saw Jiwoong was a week ago, and with your clashing schedules, you two very rarely get the opportunity to make plans. Your hands rested atop his shoulders, and when he pulled you in for a kiss, you smiled.

But then it fell.

Something felt off.

If someone were to inquire Hyunjae about who his heart belonged to, your name would be his answer—whether he intended to say it or not.

Hyunjae had always been considered the school’s favorite. His intelligence may not be up to par with others, but his authority was what made him a prominent member of your high school. Some blame it on his looks, but most were aware enough to know that wasn’t the case.

Hyunjae knew how to think on his feet, and his problem-solving skills outwitted everyone within his grade level. Reaching tranquillity had never been an issue for him, allowing him to be levelheaded while making decisions. He emitted an aura that made classmates truly listen to him and the ideas he shared, and overall, it made him a great contender to lead every group and organization he was in.

Additionally, Hyunjae’s heart was what won over most people. His lack of vulnerability seemed to be his only flaw, but it was an obstacle he could overlook when it came to empathizing with others. By actively being involved in the community through volunteering and holding fundraisers, everyone could recognize Hyunjae’s devotion to hope for humanity.

All these traits were what led Hyunjae up onto the pedestal and the public eye, a household name for all families in the district. Titles and awards naturally gravitated towards him throughout the years, resulting in him winning the vote as president of your school’s student council and enough scholarships to provide him a full ride at most universities.

It was safe to say that competition against Lee Hyunjae was sparse, and you were no different.

Your grades would teeter around his standard, hence how you two collectively ended up in the same classes, but aside from that, you had nothing else that could compare to what he was capable of.

Except for one thing; your fury.

There was an inferno inside you at all times, and instead of your body shielding off your heart with steel, people around you would come to find out that your heart was the reason for that large blaze of fire, possessing a passion unlike any other.

Hyunjae had never once seen a peer with as much fight as you. It was a trait only you encapsulated, one that you weren’t afraid to express. You stood up for yourself and your beliefs, and it was easy to pick fights with him when he had been troubling you from the very moment you two were assigned to sit next to each other in seventh-grade algebra.

Hyunjae yearned for you ever since, his only want being your attention. You gave him the drive to succeed in high school and thrive in his senior year, and he was positive that he wouldn’t be doing this well without a reason to show off in front of you. He wanted your praise, your acknowledgment, but he loved the chase the most.

Unfortunately, that was the exact reason he ended up here.

The chase was what made him fall for every part of you, wanting nothing more than your lips on his and the ability to have you by his side at all times, but it was also what landed you with your current boyfriend.

It was like his life was a video game with God giving him the hardest difficulty setting by making sure you were obsessed with someone undeserving of all that he wanted. There wasn’t even a chance of you two possibly being friends in your eyes. Meanwhile, Hyunjae would argue that you two had more chemistry than any other couple in your class, but that hope was crushed, shredded, and stomped on when he found out you still devoted your love to Jiwoong.

Regardless, it didn’t change who you were as a person. Your heart was still just as large and beautiful, and your drive to succeed hadn’t lessened. The bickering never faltered, and it wasn’t like Hyunjae was opposed whenever you expressed disgust at the thought of him being turned on because of you (and that was because he found the idea of you thinking about him hot—yes, his expectations were that low).

So it was why after two months of almost zero to no contact, you treating him as if those months didn’t exist created the largest dilemma he had ever faced. He spent the next week thinking about your intentions and why you seemed to care so much, specifically right after when Hyunjae had willed himself to believe that he meant jackshit to you. You effortlessly toyed with his heart, leaving him in everlasting misery, while you seemed to do completely fine.

What was a typical and ideal lifestyle for you was a nightmare and tormenting hellhole for Hyunjae. He didn’t just crave the warmth and comfort from your undying flames.

He wanted to burn.

Insanity engulfed him on the days spent without you, leaving him to wonder why you had to make things extensively worse by pointing out his absence or how he had put less effort into his hair. Why did it seem like the concern you expressed was genuine? Why pretend that you cared for him as much as he cared for you?

He was going insane—so insane that he drove to a college party with three other friends in his sedan on a Wednesday night.

It was being held by a fraternity he and his friends were far more than familiar with thanks to Jongin, an upperclassman he met in his sophomore year and remained friends with since then. The beginning of the senior year marked the origin of parties and hook-ups in weak sporadic attempts to get over you.

At this rate, Hyunjae could argue that he was more experienced than half of the current college freshmen class. Getting girls in bed was the easiest part; the hardest part was forgetting about you. From what was a method created to move on from you became one that prepared him for when you wanted sex with him.

But with your constant longing for Jiwoong, Hyunjae made sure that this party would be different.

Although accustomed to having sex with various women, Hyunjae had never been one to drink. This was a fact about him that raised brows, specifically Jongin’s when he first tried urging Hyunjae with a drink, but tonight he vowed to change that. He was normally their designated driver, but when Hyunjae informed Sangyeon of his plan, the elder was more than delighted to remain sober so Hyunjae could get a taste of alcohol.

“Hey, man! It’s about time!” Jongin exclaimed the instant he found out about Hyunjae’s willingness to drink, pulling a fresh bottle out of the cooler specifically for his friend.

“That’s what I told him!” Sangyeon projected his voice over the music, giving Hyunjae a supportive pat on the back.

Hyunjae rolled his eyes at his friends’ remarks and thanked Jongin for the beer, hanging around by the counter as the three conversed and caught up. The two laughed at the way Hyunjae’s face scrunched up at the taste, Sangyeon shoving him lightly with the claim that Hyunjae was being overdramatic.

With his earlier mindless decision of tossing on a mesh long-sleeve shirt over his black tank top, Hyunjae had attracted another partygoer by his side momentarily after his first sip. She wrapped her arms around one of his and inserted herself into the conversation with hopes of getting Hyunjae in bed by the end of the night, and crazily enough, he considered it for a moment before feeling his phone vibrate in his back pocket.

Normally it would be something he’d ignore, but it remained persistent, signifying that he was receiving a call. He didn’t know who would be calling at this hour—well, aside from Minghao and his usual complaints about Hyunjae partying as a high schooler on a school night.

After setting the glass down on the counter to grab his phone, any urgency to intoxicate himself as quickly as possible vanished the very second he saw your name glowing on his screen. With an awkward retraction of his arm and a forced cough, Hyunjae excused himself and answered the call.

“Hello?”

With music pounding inside his ear canals, it was expected that he couldn’t hear anything you were saying. He navigated through various crowds to reach the entrance of the house, his heart replicating the booming vibrations from the loudspeakers as he prayed that you wouldn’t hang up on him.

“Okay, I…I should be free now,” he stammered after stepping outside. The sudden stillness of Mother Nature was a drastic change from the party scene, coercing him to focus on his racing heartbeat and the anxiety accumulating in his tightening chest. He was breathing heavily, both from pushing through people in a rush and also because of you.

You never failed to render him weak and helpless, leaving him like a puppy longing for their owner’s guidance.

There was a silence, but he could hear your gentle breaths hitting your phone.

“I need a ride.”

Hyunjae blinked, his body tensing up, as the many thoughts in his brain scrambled to make meaning of what you meant. However, it didn’t matter because you hung up shortly after, leaving him alone to revel in your words.

Your bluntness and suddenty made Hyunjae malfunction, his thoughts leading him to question if he had even heard you correctly. Rarely did you ever reach out to him, and what could you need him for? Especially after lashing out at him and ignoring him for two months? Of course, there was that one day a week ago when you two were forced to talk together, the day he was given a one-day suspension, but you two returned to treating each other like strangers like it was natural.

He stared at his phone in hopes of receiving more information, that you’d perhaps call again to reconfirm or say you had the wrong number. He felt like he was dreaming—that the person he had wanted for so long needed him for once, but he couldn’t help but also believe that this may be the beginning of another nightmare.

But it was you, and Hyunjae was willing to risk it.

After checking his call logs to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, he rushed back into the fraternity house, thankful he didn’t proceed with drinking any more than he did.

He found everyone exactly where he had left them (the girl included) and announced his departure. The girl made sure Hyunjae knew how disappointed she was, but that was his last concern as he grabbed the beer bottle and handed it to Sangyeon, giving him a pat on the back.

“Drink up and find an Uber.”

“No fucking way you’re leaving us this soon, man.” Jongin shook his head in disapproval, his forearms resting against the countertop.

“Another time, I promise, yeah?” Hyunjae started walking away, waving to them as his heart continued to thrum in his chest.

“He’s lying,” Sangyeon snorted, taking a swig before bidding Hyunjae a bitter goodbye. “You owe me!"

Hyunjae ran out of the house, his legs making quick and long strides as he ran to his parked car down the block. His newfound adrenaline made him think about what he was sacrificing to be with you. Was leaving the party and betraying his friends worth spending even a second with you? What if you were asking him to drive you and your boyfriend somewhere? Could his heart even deal with being used like that?

But as much as Hyunjae hated it, he knew he was making the right choice. The self-respect he had for himself was buried six feet deep beneath the surface of the earth when it came to you.

God, he really hoped he wasn’t hallucinating.

For a split second, Hyunjae truly debated what he was doing after getting into his car. He was already driving, but he didn’t know where to go. Luckily, it didn’t take you long to send him a text with your location, and it was a place he was familiar with.

It was a park that he often frequented as a kid since it resided by his old neighborhood, and he was thankful he knew exactly where to go because he knew he would’ve definitely crashed the car while pulling up your location on his GPS. Hyunjae was doubtful it was the alcohol in his system making his fingers shake and his mind uneasy. He blamed you for his hysteria, one that had developed over years of endless longing.

Luckily the drive wasn’t long thanks to the roads being mainly void of other vehicles (and maybe he did speed a few times, but he considered it justified). Before pulling into the parking lot, he spotted a lone figure curled up on a nearby bench. A small weight had been lifted off of him, relieved it was just you, and he parked aimlessly while his eyes rested on you.

You seemed unphased by his added presence, your arms unmoving as they stayed wrapped around your legs. The bench you were sitting in was facing away from the parking lot, but with his headlights illuminating the view in front of you, you certainly had to know he was there.

In an ideal world, Hyunjae would leave his car, join you by your side, and, if he was lucky, he’d pull you into his arms and hold you close against his chest. He wanted to be there for you in whatever way he could, but he ended up being a deer in headlights, too afraid to make the wrong move and lose you again.

He sat there for a minute, watching you, and as soon as he received the confidence to reach for the handle of his door, you were up on your feet. His fingers paused midair as he traced your movements, his arm eventually falling to his side as you approach his car.

Despite how slow his mind was working, Hyunjae knew to unlock the car right as you opened it (he would’ve died out of embarrassment if he had forgotten), and neither of you greeted the other.

Without any explanation from you, Hyunjae refrained from staring at you like he normally would, but your outfit made it incredibly difficult. It wasn’t much, just an oversized long-sleeved shirt that reached your thighs, but it was far from the usual clothes he’d seen you wear, like jeans and a nice-fitting blouse. For a moment, he believed you had no pants on, but then he knocked some sense into himself, realizing that you were probably wearing shorts that were hidden.

While Hyunjae attempted to keep his composure and respect your boundaries, you were eyeing him shamelessly, once again analyzing every detail about him. Beads of sweat pooled up on the back of his neck, and his hair was straightened yet fuzzy. As your eyes trailed downwards, you noticed how the mesh hugged his biceps, catching every crease that defined his muscles. He was quiet, his index finger resting against his lips.

Where did he even come from?

And why was he so quick to listen?

You held back your tongue from dumping out your thoughts, knowing your questions would end up unanswered like before. Your body instinctively rested against the divot between the car door and your seat, keeping your distance from Hyunjae. He was meant to be a stranger, perhaps someone you loathed, yet there was an odd comfort that encased you from him just sharing the same air as you.

You cleared your throat, turning your head to look away when he flinched and snapped his gaze towards you.

“Drive.”

Your demand was no louder than a whisper, but Hyunjae picked it up effortlessly and was already backing out.

“Where to?”

“Anywhere.” Hyunjae raised a brow at your answer, and you buried yourself further into his seat, directing your gaze out the door. “Just-...anywhere, Jae.”

The nickname had his throat tightening and his chest leaping, nodding in your direction as he drove on autopilot. With no destination in mind, he strolled through familiar roads, his fingers tapping against the wheel.

You stayed silent, creating a tension that was unbearably thick, yet none of you felt the need to leave; neither of you wanted to leave the other, even if it meant having to deal with the looming elephant in the room (or in this case, Hyunjae’s car).

After spotting the recreational center from afar and its empty parking lot, he instinctively pulled in. There wasn’t a proper explanation for why he decided it’d make a great destination, especially when it was the place that created a rift in your relationship with him, but it felt right.

It was empty, open, and serene—a perfect place to stay as the moon shined.

Hyunjae stepped out of the car after parking in the middle of it, and when you didn’t follow, he moved to your side and opened the door. He was hesitant but took the risk of offering his hand to you, a warm, nervous smile on his face. He wanted you to know he was there to listen, to be there for you, because, Lord, he would hand you the world if he could.

“I’m not in the mood for walking,” you mumbled, but Hyunjae shook his head.

“We’re not going to walk, I promise.”

Your eyes flickered up to his briefly, skeptical of what he had planned, but ultimately caved. You ignored his hand, and he pulled it back with regret. When you stood there, your eyes on the sky, he closed the door behind you and guided you to the hood of his car.

Without a second thought, he sat on top of it and gestured for you to do the same.

“I sit here all the time. Helps me think.” He leaned back against his windshield, his hands holding the back of his head as he kept his eyes on the sky. When you didn’t move, he started to feel stupid, wondering if you two were better off in the car, but then you joined him.

You copied his position, staring upwards as your hands rested over your abdomen.

Hyunjae opted to keep to himself, deciding that he didn’t want to make this worse for the two of you. Instead, he fixated his thoughts on the stars in the sky.

There were only a few, but it was a rare sight due to the constant air pollution in your city, so he considered it a miracle. You, on the other hand, were spacing out in thought, and Hyunjae could tell through his occasional peeks. Without much control, his eyes started tracing down your arms. They then landed on where the hem of your shirt rested, now looking at your bare thighs.

Feeling as if he just reverted back to being the shyest virgin in the country, he gulped and immediately looked elsewhere, trying to get you off his mind despite you being right next to him. His racing heart was all that he could hear, and now he wondered if you could hear it too—if you knew how much you affected him.

And your voice broke the silence.

“How long have you known?”

Okay, maybe his brain did fall out of his skull because Hyunjae had no idea what you were talking about. He turned his head and caught how you stared up at the sky. Your eyes were glossy, holding the reflections of the whole galaxy within them. They sparkled, and for a beat, Hyunjae had forgotten your question, too infatuated with your beauty.

His silence resulted in you turning your head, gaze meeting his, and that was when he noticed the tears.

“About Jiwoong and Eunseo.”

Your light, your flames, his burning desire; all were gone in a flash.

Your voice was delicate, and Hyunjae knew that with one move, he could break you.

Directing his gaze heavenward, Hyunjae sighed and brought his arms down to rest over his chest. Somehow he was able to feel all the pain you were experiencing, his heart twisting while his stomach churned and sloshed around in his body. He thought about how to respond as he chewed on the inside of his lip, questioning if he should answer at all to avoid hurting you.

But you asked, and as always, Hyunjae delivered.

“I don’t think I ever really knew until last week,” he explained, “but I could always tell.” Suddenly, the fight from a week ago had resurrected, and Hyunjae was forced to relive it all.

The hallways were empty when Hyunjae left the broadcasting room, a backpack strap slung over his shoulder while the other dangled behind him. He was in the middle of scrolling through his emails when he picked up on the sound of Jiwoong’s voice around the corner.

His footsteps halted, and Hyunjae caught Jiwoong’s fatal words.

“How does tomorrow sound?”

Eunseo’s squeals followed after, and Hyunjae stood motionless.

At first, Hyunjae had no thoughts circulating in his brain, but after hearing their lips collide, he started coming up with solutions, such as interrupting or taking a video to send to you. Unfortunately, before he could act on either of them, he heard footsteps dashing off, practically skipping, as the two bidded one another goodbye.

Hyunjae couldn’t pinpoint the reasoning behind his upcoming actions, but he knew how to describe how he felt.

Anger was the first and only emotion to surge up within him, his fingers instinctively balling up into fists. His muscles had tightened while a forest fire ran rampant through his veins, causing his blood to boil.

Then with quick strides, Hyunjae shoved his phone away and made a sharp turn around the corner, tossing his backpack on the ground after spotting Jiwoong against the lockers. The latter had a dazed look on his face, his lips curled into a smirk as he typed away on his phone, but that was changed once he looked up at the sound of Hyunjae’s backpack crashing against the ground in front of him.

There wasn’t a second in between Jiwoong’s face of surprise and Hyunjae’s arm being raised, and before Jiwoong could react, Hyunjae’s fist had slammed into his jaw.

It was a blur from there, but Hyunjae knew he had won even after authorities dragged him off Jiwoong’s body. He had received a few jabs in return, but it was nothing compared to the black eye Hyunjae gave him.

The fact that Jiwoong managed to cover it up with makeup the day after was a miracle, and no one in the school knew about the fight since it happened after school. Hyunjae wanted it to stay that way, but a selfish, cruel part of him wished that everyone knew how sick your boyfriend was.

Well, now he was unsure if he was still your boyfriend.

Hyunjae turned his head back towards you, his cheek meeting the cold metal of his car.

You pursed your lips at his response and nodded slowly. If it were any other day, you wouldn’t have believed him. There was no universe where you’d choose to listen to Hyunjae over Jiwoong, but after a week of investigating and getting your head out of your ass, you found out on your own terms, and all the pieces made sense.

“I didn’t mean to.”

Hyunjae’s voice jerked you out of your thoughts, and as you adjusted to look back at him, you were surprised to still find him staring at you.

“I’m not a violent person, Y/N,” he whispered, an enduring hope lingering in his eyes. He wanted you to believe him, and for once, you did; you truly understood the man you hated most.

“I know, Jae.”

Hyunjae eased at your words, and the two of you fell back into a more comfortable yet aching silence. His fingers drummed against his abdomen, and after a while, he got sick of looking at the same four stars, so he closed his eyes, focusing on enjoying the light breeze instead. His heart was still racing, but it was less alarming. Regardless, he hated knowing that he potentially contributed to how much you were hurting right now.

Maybe if he had done something to prevent it earlier, whether it be telling you as soon as he found out or keeping completely out of your business so you could live in bliss, or, if he wasn’t so scared, he could’ve asked you to be his far before Jiwoong had. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed much, but Hyunjae would never know since he never tried, and now he was going to beat himself over it because now you’re devastated over losing your boyfriend and it was potentially his faul—

You laughed.

Hyunjae snapped his head towards you, his brows raised at your sudden change in mood—but it wasn’t the type of laugh he expected. Your laugh was one filled with pain, and he watched you shake your head, trying to refuse the tears that were rapidly welling up in your eyes once more. You sniffed and wiped the tears away with the back of your hand, choosing to look in the opposite direction because the last thing you wanted was for Hyunjae to see you vulnerable.

“It’s stupid,” you murmured. “This entire thing is stupid. I’m so fucking dumb.”

His lips parted to interject, to tell you that you were, in fact, ‘not dumb,’ but he clamped his mouth shut, knowing that his words probably wouldn’t help. From what he’d learned in the past, you liked it least when he tried telling you otherwise, no matter the situation.

“I should’ve known. I did know. The whole world knew. Even you knew, but it makes me think, was Eunseo just flocking around, flaunting to everyone that she had a crush on my boyfriend and managed to win him over? I just—I…I don’t know-...” You paused to catch your breath, beginning to choke on your tears as your chest shook, “I don’t know what I did wrong, you know?”

You shut your eyes, allowing the pain to engulf you. You knew fully well that your punishment was to deal with the pain, but you felt like you didn’t deserve it—that you deserved none of this. Why was this a penalty for being in love?

It was humiliating having everyone witness the reality you shielded from yourself, choosing hope and love over the truth.

“I just never felt more stupid in my life, and I feel even more stupid knowing that I still love him.”

Hyunjae sucked in his lips, gnawing on them as he bit back all his feelings, from his brain shredding to his heart weeping.

“I love him so much that I would let him do it to me all over again because I keep thinking he’d be better. I know he can be better, so why-...It’s just- Why do I do this to myself?”

Tears cascaded down your cheeks, each one leaving behind a trail for others to fall. They started pouring out of you rapidly, soon sobbing at the heart-wrenching pain of being betrayed by everyone in your life, Hyunjae included, because why, out of everyone, was he here for you when he should be the last person who cared?

You always wanted Hyunjae to be the antagonist of your life story, to have him as your biggest enemy and threat, so why was everyone else but him hurting you? Why was the villain of your fantasy taking the role of your knight in shining armor?

And yet, as much as it pained Hyunjae to process all your emotions, his mind wasn’t running correctly; he had you alone for the first time in months. He wanted nothing more than to pull you in his arms and whisper words of comfort in your ears, knowing you deserved it more than anyone, but he also wanted to shake you awake and slap you out of your misery, praying that you’d forget about Jiwoong; that right now, you being vulnerable was his chance to swoop in, to set whatever you wanted him to into flames, as long as if it meant you’d end up okay.

You sat up because if you lied down any longer, you would’ve started drowning in your own tears. Your sleeves were soaked, and he sat up alongside you, figuring that he should do something about it.

Hyunjae got back onto his feet and stood in front of you. He barely knew what he was doing, but that didn’t stop him from replacing your sleeves with his cold, clammy hands over your cheeks. There wasn’t a time that Hyunjae could recall where he had been this gentle with someone, and when you didn’t push him away, he tilted your head up to look at him.

Even with tears running down your cheeks, you looked angelic as ever.

Each droplet mirrored a star from the sky, and your eyes sparkled as they stayed locked on his.

“Take me,” you whispered, and Hyunjae’s whole world stopped.

“...What?” Hyunjae had only intended to wipe your tears away with the pads of his hands, perhaps whisper something along the lines of him being here for you for the night (and the rest of his life, let’s be honest), yet your first words were—no, he had to have been hallucinating.

Your hands trembled as they reached for his wrist, and although you were severely broken, the grip your fingers created was firm.

“Please.”

Like a moth to a flame, Hyunjae admired how pretty you looked, your lips plump and eyes wide, and he wanted nothing more than to take you into his backseat and treat you the way he’d always wanted to, especially after hearing your pleas, but he knew better. You both knew better.

“What exactly are you implying?” he asked, feeling like you had just inhaled all his oxygen and left him breathless.

You released his wrist and opted to hold onto his sleeve, tugging on it as you tried to get him to understand you.

“I want it to hurt, Jaehyun.”

Your tears were gone, and there was a hint of dominance in your tone that would’ve had him dropped to his knees in front of you. You were also one of the very few who resorted to calling him Jae, and now his actual name. He favored Hyunjae, but after hearing ‘Jaehyun’ from your lips, his preference had completely made a turnaround.

But Hyunjae worked to collect his thoughts, fully aware that this was wrong and he’d have to be the bigger person here. As much as he hated himself for giving up the perfect opportunity to have the girl of his dreams, he couldn’t ignore the large concern over your current mental state.

“You’re not thinking straight, Y/N,” he reasoned softly, his fingers reaching up to brush your hair out of your face, and for a second, Hyunjae swore he felt the alcohol kicking in—or perhaps it was you instead. The thought of being able to have you right now, to touch you and press his hands over your skin, to have you as his for just this night, was so intoxicating that he was seconds away from foaming at the mouth.

“I don’t need to think straight. I don’t want to think at all.”

Everything felt hotter and tighter, but he kept his composure, though with his eyes dropping to your begging lips and then your delicate fingers, he knew he was beginning to lose whatever was left of his sanity.

But he also knew you were using him; you had to be. There was no other explanation. It was only minutes ago when you professed how you continued to feel about Jiwoong—that your heart still belonged to him, and Hyunjae was allowed nowhere near it. He was your backup, your second option, yet that happened to be better than nothing, right?

Especially when he could have you right here, right now.

“You’re using me.”

Your expression didn’t falter.

“But you won’t,” you whispered, your breath hitting his skin. Your eyes landed on his lips, now craving him as much as he craved you. You needed a release, an outlet, to justify Jiwoong being better than Hyunjae. Hyunjae was worse in every way possible, and you wanted him to prove that to you. “You’d do anything I’d say, wouldn’t you?”

“What makes you say that?” Little did you know Hyunjae was crumbling inside, completely melting as his fingers grew weak at the idea of your lips on his. His hands, although wary, traveled to your waist, feeling your curves before trailing his hands down to your hips to grip them.

“You love me, don’t you?”

His heart stuttered, all words caught up in his throat, but he knew there was no defending himself—not when he was practically drooling at every move you made; he was hyperaware of the hand playing with the hair on his nape, the way your lips nearly hovered over his, and how your tears glistened under the moonlight.

His entire existence was confirmation of your words, and you knew it.

“You’d do anything for me, Jae. What’s stopping you now?”

There was a stillness as you two stared at one another. He swallowed and pulled slightly back.

He knew better.

“You don’t want me.” He was brokenhearted, a part of him understanding that you’d never be his, yet he wanted you in so many ways, wishing to have your mewls fill his ears and the smell of sex staining his clothes. The bulge in his pants was forming and pressing up against the tight confinement, making him groan.

He dropped his head downwards, his forehead leaning to rest against yours, as he closed his eyes and did his best to regulate his breathing—repeating in his head and out loud, again.

He knew better.

“You’re using me.”

You both knew better.

Yet with your lips ghosting his and your eyes half-hooded, you were prepared to give into the dark side.

“And I say take advantage of it.”

Hyunjae dived and pressed his lips onto yours, hunger driving his every movement. There was no stopping when he felt your lips curling up into a grin, his hands shifting to wrap around your torso to drag you closer. His heart burst at how perfectly his lips molded with yours, and it seemed as if there was fire shooting up into the sky and exploding—they weren’t fireworks, and the explosion was far bigger and more dangerous. It lit the entirety of the sky, the moon and stars included, into flames, a desire unlike any other.

Your left hand pressed firm against the back of his neck while the other traveled through his hair. Meanwhile, his hands had snuck beneath your shirt and felt for your lower back. Heavy breaths left the two of you as desperation crept through your veins, dictating your every movement.

The cold touch from his hands ignited your nervous system, every sense activated and overstimulated by Hyunjae as you released a breathy moan into his mouth.

You didn’t want him, but fuck, you needed him.

When you would pull back, his lips would chase yours, and you two fell into an endless cycle. He couldn’t even fathom how you were pulling away for air when you were his oxygen. Maybe you weren’t oxygen itself, but the fumes you emitted had already replaced his need for air, deluding him into believing that you were what he needed to stay alive.

You were suffocating, toxic, and destructive, and he wanted more.

After retracting from the kiss for the nth time, you turned your head to hold Hyunjae back from continuing. You both were panting, your cunt soaking, and he stared into your eyes like a puppy awaiting their next direction.

“Good boy,” you praised, and he laughed lowly and sheepishly, dropping his head as he processed what happened and the idea of it being potentially over.

“You’re lethal,” he breathed out.

“And you’re pitiful,” you spat. There was a playful grin on your lips, but those words ignited something within Hyunjae. He raised his head and cocked a brow at you, questioning your genuinity.

Just minutes ago you were crying over a guy that treated you terribly, and yet here you thought you had the authority to call him weak.

Perhaps he was; he was falling deeper into your pitless trap, enticed with every movement of yours, but he knew for a fact you weren’t any better than him.

You both were sick in the head for falling for people that treated the other like shit, yet your drive, your fuel, to win over the hearts of the people you loved was so strong, and it made you two unstoppable.

Hyunjae would punch Jiwoong all over again if he could.

Without a second thought, Hyunjae ducked his head down and ruthlessly attached his lips to your neck, eliciting a gasp from you. He kissed your skin fervently, his fingers teasing the rim of your shorts, and your hands shifted to hold onto his shoulders for support. You found yourself tossing your head back, providing him more room to do as he pleased, that if Jiwoong were to see you with marks on your neck, then maybe he’d want you back.

“Bold of you to call me pitiful,” he grumbled, sucking onto your neck until a blot of purple began to form.

“But it’s true, no?”

“You’re just as bad, Y/N.” He licked a stripe up your neck and over the mark, and the sensation made you cringe, disgust itching at your skin due to being covered in his saliva, but you wanted more of it. You wanted Hyunjae to treat you like you were nothing, to treat you worse than Jiwoong ever had, so you could direct your blame over to Hyunjae instead of your unknowing boyfriend.

You turned your head and slotted your lips with his again, already addicted to how perfect they were for you. Hyunjae knew the exact way to kiss you, to keep you on your toes, as your slick pooled up in your underwear at the mere thought of Hyunjae touching you.

The kiss was eager, a fight for control, and when Hyunjae didn’t surrender, you raised your knee, forcing your thigh to brush up against his crotch.

He gasped at the sensation and pulled away, bangs hanging over his eyes as he looked down at the sight. You teased him by keeping your touches gentle, but you made sure to keep your leg moving. Nothing intrigued you more than seeing Hyunjae beg or rut against your thigh, further proof of how pathetic he was for you. You gained a sense of ego knowing that he could have any girl in the world, that he has had every girl, and yet he would always come back to you. Now that you had him, it would be harder for him to return to a life without you under him, moaning his name.

You wanted to be his downfall.

Your nails latched onto the mesh, taking note of how easily it would be to rip the material, before pressing your thigh firmly up against his dick, making him jerk.

“You’re-...oh my god, Y/N,” he gasped, breathless. His eyes meet your devious ones, how you were basically Satan himself, and somehow, someway, he wouldn’t ask for anything different. “You’re playing a losing…a losing- game.”

“What more do I have left to lose?” There was some truth in your words as vulnerability struck you. Your leg then lowered as you regained a slight sense of reality, realizing that you were forcing Hyunjae into being your selfish source of relief. You hated Hyunjae, sure, but you knew this was the last thing he deserved—to use him when he’d been nothing but accommodating to you.

And your sick and twisted plan was that after this encounter, you’d leave him to rot.

Hyunjae didn’t deserve that at all.

But Hyunjae was already too far gone, too intoxicated, to even consider the repercussions of how he’d end up after this. The loss of contact with his crotch was what had him picking you up from his car, the tips of his fingers digging into your thighs, as he led you to the backseat.

Your eyes widened, your senses fully back, but you made him like this, and you were going to pay for it. Although scared for about what’s to come, the anticipation had you drooling, your lips pressing fierce kisses onto his skin while he opened the door with you in his arms.

He laid you down gently and crawled over you, keeping you trapped between his arms.

“This is what you wanted, right? For me to tear you apart until you can run back to Jiwoong and justify how poorly he treats you?”

Your brows bunched up at his words, your legs getting antsy being under him. There was no answering him, not when Hyunjae already knew how you were going to respond.

He brought one of his hands into your shorts and made the aggravating decision to slide his fingers over your underwear, depriving you of contact with his fingers.

Yet even with your underwear being a divider, he found your clit with ease and immediately started rubbing circles into the bud, making you buck your hips with a whine. The friction of the cloth was something you were unfamiliar with, and lord did it mess with you.

“You want me to treat you how he sees you? Worthless and undeserving of respect?” He flicked your clit and kissed your jaw. “If that’s what you want, that’s exactly what my princess is going to get.”

“Fuck,” you moaned, using your hands to push onto his shoulders and force him down. The drive to ride his tongue was strong, and if he kept teasing you, you would have lost it.

“I know you inside and out, Y/N. I know you better than him, and this is how you treat me.” He sucked in a cheek but ultimately decided to comply with what you wanted. He pulled off your shorts yet left your underwear on, and his brows raised. He wasn’t sure how his fingers had missed the texture of lace, but what you were wearing was certainly lingerie.

You looked down to see why he stopped, and when you realized why he froze, heat rose to your cheeks.

“I wanted to feel pretty,” you whispered, shutting your eyes after turning your head. It was embarrassing, now that you thought about it, but Hyunjae’s heart soared, and he wanted nothing more than for you to know how ethereal you looked.

But he shoved the feeling away, allowing his frustrations to get the better half of him.

When he pulled off your underwear, he cooed at how your essence oozed onto the material and raised the undergarment into the air, waiting for you to look.

“Did I do this?”

His mocking tone kept you from looking, but your curiosity got the best of you. You were met with the sight of a large wet, dark patch on your underwear, biting down on your lip as you looked at him with wide eyes. If you thought about it, you couldn’t remember the last time you felt like this, or if there ever had been a time when you craved someone this badly.

He tossed it to the side and his hands massaged your thighs, keeping them spread open so he got a proper view of your core on display for him. The sight truly stunned him, reminding him that this was you he fantasized about and replicated with other girls—no one else.

“Do you normally take this long?” you rasped, tossing your head back against the seat, and Hyunjae rolled his eyes.

“I do you a favor, and this is how you treat me.”

“A favor is a stretch—”

Hyunjae plunged two fingers into your mouth, having them press firmly down against your tongue. He latched onto your jaw and pulled your head forward and up towards him, having your eyes meet his.

“Remind me, Y/N, who was begging for this?”

He dropped your head back down against the seat before you could even respond and used whatever saliva accumulated in your mouth as temporary lube, figuring that your slick would help him with stretching you out. You grunted at the impact, feeling helpless, as Hyunjae finally inserted his fingers inside of you.

Hyunjae’s fingers were enough to have your eyes rolling, but it was the ring that he wore that stimulated you the most. You weren’t aware that he was even wearing one, yet the cold band against your raging wet heat made you whimper and desperately grasp for his hair.

“Jaehyun, please,” you begged.

He chuckled and kept his movements slow, forcing you to fuck yourself onto his fingers weakly. When you did, he was in awe at how stunning you looked, how you seemed to be in your own world, and how you were enjoying him. By curling his fingers, a moan was pulled from your throat, making your eyes open as you looked at him. You continued to pool around his fingers, your voice weakly begging for so much more than his fingers and the cold air that brushed against your skin.

Never had you felt more vulnerable, but Hyunjae never once made you feel like you were doing something wrong, making you cling desperately to him. You forced his face down into your crotch and jerked at the feeling of his nose brushing up against your clit.

“Shameless, aren’t you?” he commented, laughing lowly, but you were too out of it to care.

“Shut the-...F-fuck, oh my god.”

Your whines had gotten more incessant the more useless he became, his fingers now completely stilled inside of you as he watched you roll your hips with a cheeky grin. He wanted to drag this out for as long as possible, knowing fully well that he could last all night.

When he took out his fingers, you were yanked out of your bliss and nearly begged for him to put them back in, but before you could get a word out, he had replaced his digits with his tongue. Your slick was dripping onto his lips, and as he dragged his wet muscle up and down your folds, he made sure to collect a small puddle of you onto his tongue to eventually swallow, wanting to savor you.

“Oh-...Oh my god, Jae—” Your orgasm was approaching, unsure of how it was here so soon, but you recognized the signs from the coil in your chest tightening to losing every sensation to the man beneath you. You rocked your hips continuously onto his tongue, and his thumb attached to your clit, making you see stars with how rapid his movements were.

He pulled his face back and forced his fingers back into you, and the final curl was what made you reach your peak, your hips in the air as you cried out his name.

As you came down from your high, you caught a glance of the way Hyunjae was looking at you; to him, you were otherworldly, and it was a sight he’d never forget. He wondered if Jiwoong ever saw you like this, if he ever made you feel this way, and suddenly his admiration had soured and contoured to something of darkness, rid of any empathy as he now looked at you with some form of disgust.

“All this for me, and you still have the fucking audacity to choose him.”

The mention of Jiwoong had your eyes wide open, tears reappearing at the mention and while being in your most vulnerable state. Your legs shook from the aftermath, feeling too weak to continue, yet Hyunjae seemed to have other plans.

Instead of shoving his fingers back into either of your mouths, he hovered over you and made sure you saw the way he dragged his fingers around your abdomen, drawing aimlessly over your skin with your essence before dragging a hand up to your breasts, massaging one of them as his other hand rested by your waist.

“Tell me, Y/N, did you buy this for him and never got to use it? That’s why you’re wearing it now with me? Am I your sloppy seconds?”

There was a slight growl under his tone, and while you shook your head subconsciously, he worked to remove your shirt, wanting a better look at your bra, before being met with a necklace you had been hiding; one with Jiwoong’s name.

And Hyunjae took no time breaking it from your neck.

Your jaw dropped, and you snapped out of your daze by sitting straight up, yet as you were about to yell at him for breaking your necklace, he shoved three fingers back into your pussy, shutting you up by having you moan at the intrusion.

“It looked cheap, anyway,” he muttered, forcing his mouth against yours momentarily to nip on your lower lip, tugging on it so your focus remained on him.

“That was—he’s mine,” you forced out, gasping at every thrust he made with his fingers, your sweet spot being abused as your hands latched onto his shoulders. You made sure your nails dug into his skin, wanting it to hurt, before pulling onto the mesh, wishing for it to tear.

“He’s not yours, princess. Tell me, how can you say that when his dick has been up other girls?” With his free hand, he grabbed your face and made sure you were staring straight at him before shoving it to the side.

“You need to fucking wake up and realize that you can dream all you want about how he’d react if he saw you hopping on my dick, but guess what? He wouldn’t care.” Hyunjae pulled out his fingers and left you alone in the backseat.

You sat there, a wreck and vulnerable, as you tried to catch your breath. You lay back on your forearms, curious eyes following his every movement.

“There’s a reason he hasn’t left you yet,” Hyunjae explained, opening the front door to his car to grab a condom and his phone. He tucked both into his back pocket before returning to you, bringing your lips to his before continuing to talk within the kiss.

“He’s stringing you along so you can boost his ego. He knows you will always be there for him, and you allow him to use you like that?”

You wrapped your fingers around Hyunjae’s neck, squeezing it before pushing it away to keep your distance, your frustration starting to grow.

“I’m beginning to think you’re all bark and no bite, Jaehyun,” you muttered, and with whatever strength you had left, you pushed him against the seat and got into his lap. Without hesitation, you started rocking your hips over his clothed dick, hoping your slick would seep in so he could feel you.

He hissed but allowed you to do as you pleased, his grip tight on your hips.

“I-...I think…if you asked me, you’re the one who’s projecting. I’m the one in a relationship, and you’re just a side piece.”

The speed of your hips increased, and Hyunjae felt ecstasy on the tip of his tongue, the confinements of his pants physically paining him the more you continued.

“You’re jealous, Jae. Just admit it.”

You pulled at his hair, loving the absolute control you had over him at that moment, but in one languid motion, Hyunjae managed to push you back down, this time with your stomach against the seats. You could feel your bodily fluids sticking to the nylon, and with how hard Hyunjae was pressing down into you, you were barely given a chance to move.

With one hand on your lower back, he kept you still as he took out both his phone and condom, making sure to place both on top of your bare skin.

“What’s there to be jealous of when you’re here under me? You want to be fucked stupid? Fine. Don’t fucking complain when you want me to be the villain.” You lurched at his words, refusing to let him win, but you were completely unable to do much damage as Hyunjae kicked off his pants and boxers while still keeping his weight on you.

He then picked up his phone and pulled up the camera, making sure to take a photo of you in his car before clicking record and tossing the phone onto the ground, hoping it was close enough to pick up on your sweet noises.

“Make sure to be loud for me, yeah? I’m sure Jiwoong would love it if I sent that video to him.”

“You wouldn’t fucking dare,” you bit back, your hand reaching out in an attempt to grab the device, but Hyunjae was quicker to grab your wrist, pinning it behind your back.

“I wouldn’t because I know how to appreciate what’s mine.” Hyunjae released his hold on you to roll on the condom, giving you the opportunity to move and take his phone as you pleased. To your dismay, there was no more effort left within you, only an ache to feel Hyunjae inside you.

“He appreciates me,” you mumbled, trying to convince yourself otherwise as you waited.

“Does he record you? Jerk off to your moans every night? Because I would, Y/N, just for you.” His voice was now by your ear, and when you turned your head to look at him, he pulled you into another hungry kiss, his dick now grazing against your hole.

“You’re fucking insane,” you bit back into the kiss, and he grinned against your lips, guiding his dick into you as he spoke.

“Psychotic, just for my princess.”

Venom laced his voice, dripping menacingly, and the insertion of his tip had you grasping for something in front of you, anything, and it was only then that you were able to process how thick his cock was.

“Can you take it?” he asked, his voice slightly softer than before. When you gave him a curt nod, he continued pushing in further. Maybe lube should’ve been an option, but you were so wet for him that it didn’t matter, knowing that the stretch probably would have hurt regardless.

“Fuck, fuck—he really doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Hyunjae gasped, his head resting against the back of yours. It was better than anything he’d dreamed of, better than any girl he imagined, because it was you, and your body was made for him.

“When was the last time he fucked you?” He was fully inside of you now, and when you didn’t answer, he decided to take it as a sign to move. With a firm grip on your waist, he pulled out just to slam back in, making you yell as you clawed at the seat, wishing there was something to bite on as you endured the pain that was quick to morph into pleasure.

Every glide pushed you further into the car, your forearms occasionally hitting the door, as his hips moved vigorously, working up to a pace that had you moaning without pause. Tears were flowing down your cheeks at the overwhelming pleasure of being manhandled—of being Hyunjae’s rag doll when he was meant to be yours, and your body seized up, being worked up to your orgasm once more with how precise each thrust seemed to be.

He adjusted to raise one of your legs to his hip, giving him a new angle to pound into you as he worships you with his dick, and you shook out of pleasure, whining as you saw white and reached your second orgasm for the night. You pulsated around his cock, strangled moans ripping from your throat as tears mixed with your drool by your chin.

And Hyunjae showed no signs of stopping.

He made sure to press your face down against the seats, wanting every liquid to fall and stain his car, giving him something to remember you by.

Oh, and there was the recording too.

While kneeling inside of the cramped car, he slowed his movements and inclined his torso towards you. In one swift motion, he wrapped his arm around your neck and pulled you up, locking you inside his elbow as he forced you to look into your reflection in the car window.

“Look at you, the school’s favorite slut. What happens if the recording drops? The whole school would know you’re mine, wouldn’t they?” He pressed his chest against your back, the mesh rubbing against your skin as his lips remained near your ear, forcing you to listen to every word.

You limped against him, your flames completely burnt out, and your fingers tugged onto the mesh around his arm, successfully ripping it after some time, but Hyunjae seemed unphased. In fact, it turned him on even more knowing that he had you locked in, that you were his.

“Look at your pretty cunt taking me in so well. It was so wet for me, wasn’t it? It still is. And guess what? You’re in my car. You belong to me, and my good girl is only now just finding out about it, isn’t she?”

“I-I’m…I’m not-...not yours,” you retaliated, creating red angry marks into his skin with your nails as you endured being used, stifling your moans as you looked at how wrecked you were, how bare you seemed to be compared to Hyunjae. You were much more of a mess, from your hair to the bruises on your neck. Your pussy kept tightening up around his dick, convulsing occasionally with every hit toward your g-spot, and you held onto Hyunjae each time.

Your head drooped down, thinking about how your heart ached for Jiwoong, yet the rest of your body was meant for Hyunjae.

He dropped you back onto the seat like you were nothing, leaving you completely helpless, your throat void of any words as your eyes closed and met the back of your skull, too fucked out to communicate. You tried reaching for the door handle, just something to hold onto, yet you couldn’t.

“You tell me I’m pitiful, that I’m basically delusional when you’re going to be the reason my car will smell like sex for weeks.”

Your face was forced back into the puddle of liquid you created earlier, being shifted back and forth against the seat as if you were made for his dick and not vice versa.

“It’s crazy how pathetic you are, how willing you are to break yourself down in front of everyone just to have him. That-...fuck…that you’re so convinced he wants you and you two are soulmates.” He dragged his fingers through your hair and grabbed your roots. “You called me, you wanted me, and I have you right now, moaning my name, and you have nothing.”

Something about his words kept bringing out your orgasms, each thrust adding to the pleasure immensely. You didn’t know how much you could handle—afraid you may pass out from how much he was using you, from his tight grip around you to his dick hitting inside of you mercilessly.

Hyunjae whispering ‘I won, Y/N’ was what had you losing it, your high this time ending up stronger than the rest. You were fully crying now, and yet he continued as if you were nothing.

He peppered your shoulder with kisses and had the slight decency to slow his pace, but he also took note of your sobs.

“Don’t tell me you still want him,” he began rambling, his lips still on your shoulder. “Don’t tell me after this that your heart still belongs to him, because if that were the case, I’d make you call him right now. Say you wish it was him instead of me, and that he’s the love of your life while you’re stuffed with my dick. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

You could no longer think, and what you hated most was how reactive your body was—how you were just able to come for the third time, but Hyunjae’s dick solely being inside you snapped some other straw you weren’t aware you had, finding that your last high was incoming.

Hyunjae had picked up the pace by then, and by knowing your body incredibly well, he reached down to your sensitive clit to relieve you. You both knew your fourth was arriving, and you held on tight to his arm.

“J-Jaehy- hyun, I’m—”

“Mine.”

You cried out, your entire body shaking, and Hyunjae pulled out, immediately releasing onto your back with a guttural moan after yanking off the condom. He was forced to catch his breath, watching you float in and out of consciousness.

Your eyes were closed, struggling to breathe through your sobs, and Hyunjae consoled you with a kiss on the back of your shoulder.

“You’re mine, Y/N, whether you like it or not.”

He then pressed a kiss to your cheek before leaving to grab paper towels from his trunk. You were heaving, still shaking, and left alone as a mess in his backseat, yet with him gone, you felt even more useless, wanting him back by your side instantly. You weakly cried out for him, your nails dragging against the seat in hopes of being in his arms soon, and maybe he was right.

Maybe you were his.

OUR INFERNO [ M.LIST | TWO ]

NAVIGATION — THE BOYZ

#18+ mdni #okay so #um #this whole chapter was a fucking roller coaster #one moment #hyunjae was a puddle and the second time #he’s being a meanie and he’s all dom and all #like okay???#I see you hyunjae #(he’s so egoistic but I find it so hot)#I never had a thing for that toothless man #but damn this is making me rethink everything #don’t worry Chanhee #you would always be my man #fic rec: our inferno #group: the boyz #member: hyunjae #artist: hcuyk #moot: vae 🥞

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