#now im seeing so many mistakes in this like objects just not having shadows lol and being afraid of doing bgs

[ketzzzel]

ohh this is so cheesy 😭😭

[tintinwrites]

i’d rather be lonely | Javier Peña x Reader | Part Nine

A/N: I’m guessing y’all enjoyed the previous part!

Rating: 18+

Warning: Oral (F receiving). Naughty words. Mentions of a scar.

Word count: 2,849, apparently!!

Summary: You and Javier talk about what the two of you are doing.

Masterlist

GIF credit: @damerondjarin​

Tags: @thedevilwearsvibranium​ @bisexual-space-slut​ @thirsty-flygirl​ @shadow-assassin-blix​ @damndamer0n​ @huliabitch​ @damerondjarin​ @perropascal​ @mylifeliterally​ @no-thanks-lol​ @dee-vn​ @jenniferdaniels12​ @cinewhore​ @lokiaddicted​ @justabeautiful-letdown​ @shakespeareanwannabe​ @lackofhonor​ @katialvi​ @fangirl-on-bitches​ @im-an-angel-of-the-lord-you-ass​@darkbluenovember 

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You woke up to lips pressing slowly down your side and you smiled, knowing full well who was in your bed and being happy about it.

You and Javier had so much to make up for that you invited him back to your place where you fumbled in the dark then laid there in a tangle of limbs where you fell asleep together.

It was the first time in a long time that he’d stayed when sleeping with somebody, but you were different.

His eyes were hooded with sleep and lust when you turned your head to look at him, immediately trailing down to your breasts the moment you moved from your stomach to lay on your side.

“Good morning,” you said pleasantly, perhaps you would’ve been uncharacteristically giddy if you weren’t thinking about how you were going to need to talk about why you’d slept with the man you supposedly hated.

“Morning.” He leaned in to kiss you and even with your worry, you couldn’t help but kiss him back because he was good at it.

When his lips trailed down your chin, along your jaw, down your neck, moving towards your chest, you reluctantly put a hand on his shoulder to push him back. He obeyed the command without hesitation, but there was something in his eyes; concern, maybe, that you hated him again and it was just some sex to put all that pent up emotion somewhere.

Fuck, why did that make his chest squeeze like that when he’d done this with so many women before?

“I’ve been...I know I’ve probably been really frustrating to you and I want to talk this out with you to see what...what are we doing?” You finally asked, sitting up and grabbing the sheet from your lap to cover the breasts he’d been sucking on at one point.

“I don’t know...every time I think we’re doing one thing, you turn it around on me.” He propped up on his elbows, not meeting your eyes because he knew this conversation was necessary, but it was still awkward and something he didn’t often do.

“That’s what I mean, and I think I owe you an explanation that...that...when…” You closed your eyes for a moment, then looked at him even if he wasn’t looking at you. “When I was...shot...I saw the side of you that I didn’t want to, I saw that you were caring and thoughtful, and I liked that. I started thinking about how much of a mistake it was to assume things about you, how it might be nice to try and be friends or more, and then I went to your apartment and…”

“Ah, fuck.” He ran his hand through his hair, sitting up a little bit more. “I was wondering if that’s what this was about, because you saw me with her and I showed myself to be the jackass you knew I was.”

“No, Javi...seeing you with a prostitute when we were growing closer hurt and I...instead of letting myself be hurt, I went back to hating you because it was easier.” You picked at the finely sewn threads of the sheet awkwardly.

“Oh.” Javier simply didn’t know what to say to this, though there was something about you being hurt by the idea of him being with someone else that made him almost happy in a stupid way, knowing he was right when you mentioned more with you and that you genuinely wanted him.

The two of you fell silent for a long moment before he asked you,

“So, you wanna go back to hating me?” It was partly a joke and partly a genuine question.

“No, I don’t, but...I know this is usually a one time thing for you, so if you want to pretend we never did anything, then that’s fine, and I promise to be civil to you because I understand sex doesn’t make you a bad person seeing as I—” Your eyes widened when he pressed his lips to yours, then you slowly let them flutter shut as you kissed him back.

He pulled away after a moment and just admired the passion you put into the kiss, how your lips were still slightly pursed as if waiting for more. “I’m not that much of an asshole and...fuck, I don’t know, I want more than one night with you.”

You looked at him with a dreamy look in your eyes like you’d longed for him, which a part of you did, and you reached up to run your thumb across his chin. “Be straight with me, Javi, and tell me what you want out of this.”

“Why don’t we just try this out and see where we end up?” He knew you were using his nickname a lot more and it sounded so natural, so beautiful. “If you hate me, then we can break things off, or maybe it’ll be something more. No pressure.”

“No pressure. That means if you realize it’s too much commitment, you can run away.” You smiled, though you honestly were a bit worried that he would be scared and decide to leave you and you might be in love with him at some point.

Could you fall in love with Javier?

That was an idea you would’ve laughed at until there were tears in your eyes not long ago, but now it seemed like you could.

Like you would.

You understood being afraid of relationships in this line of work and maybe you’d put those things off because of more than independence, but it would break your heart if he treated you the way he often treated other women, the very thing you’d hated him for without seeing the man beyond the womanizing.

You were afraid too, obviously, of being hurt, whether it was by abandonment or…

You tried not to think of how dangerous this could be even if DEA agents weren’t supposed to be touched. You’d been shot, for fuck’s sake, which could easily happen again or happen to Javier.

You were afraid of pain or being taken advantage of or being seen as an object or many other things for so long that you ignored so many advances and now you were opening yourself up to the very man you’d hated for making them, which was terrifying itself.

Javier noticed the look in your eyes, smirking slightly. “I know I said no pressure, I didn’t think you’d leave that quickly.”

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts of being afraid yet wanting this that it took you a moment before you realized he said something. “Huh? Oh...no, I, um...I was just thinking about how…”

“About how…?” He prompted, raising an eyebrow high.

“I thought it was better to be lonely and angry because I wouldn’t be hurt that way, to lash out because I didn’t want to be seen as just something to fuck or...something to leave. It was easy to hate you because I wouldn’t let you hurt me, but you still did because I wanted this and...and, I don’t know, I thought I was okay being alone because of my job, but…” You met his eyes. “I think I realized when I thought of more with you that I’d rather not be lonely, you know?”

He chuckled, understanding you even if he wasn’t going to admit it.

You weren’t even sure you made any sense with your emotions being terrified even though you wanted this, realizing how lonely you’d really been now that you’d let yourself want someone.

“No pressure,” you reminded him softly, then looked down. “Can we...keep this between us for now?”

“—sure.” His hesitation made you look up to quickly reassure him.

“I’m not ashamed of you, okay? I know you’re a good man, it’s just that I don’t really know if this is allowed, and we don’t even know what we are. I don’t wanna know what Steve will have to say about this. Fuck, or Alvarez.”

“Hey, it’s fine, you’re probably right that we should keep it a secret for right now.”

Both of you fell silent again because that was that; you wanted to try this out, no pressure, you’d figure it out along the way, and you would keep it a secret for now to avoid any unnecessary drama.

With that conversation out of the way, Javier was able to focus on the aspect of your relationship you’d indulged in.

“I think we can agree we’ll be having sex as we figure all this out, right?” His hand moved under the sheet, finding your bare hip.

“Uh, yes.” You couldn’t blame anyone who’d ever slept with Javier because he was as good as he made himself out to be.

“With all the shit we did last night, I don’t think we looked at each other.”

“—you’re right.”

Both of you definitely groped and fucked certain parts of each other, but you’d been mostly dressed at the office and you didn’t turn any lights on when you went back to your apartment.

“Show me.” He tugged on the sheet and you made a noise of protest, tightening your grip on it to hold it to your chest.

“No, you show me!” The idea of being naked in front of Javier Peña was nerve wracking because he’d been with so many people, and there was still some part of your brain that insisted you weren’t supposed to show yourself to this man even though you didn’t hate him and you’d let him inside you...and there was also this fear to show him that you weren’t...perfect.

He rolled his eyes and moved out of the bed with no shame whatsoever, standing there for you to see with his hands on his hips.

His shoulders were as broad out of his clothes as they were in them, yet the rest of him was fairly slim and you would guess fit since he ran so much. Your eyes were immediately drawn to the patch of hair between his legs that led to a part of him you knew was sizable when it was inside you, your eyes still widening at the sight anyway.

That look made his lips twitch into a lopsided smile, chuckling softly. “You know, you’re a lot more flattering when you don’t hate me.”

“Unfortunately you were sexy even when I thought I hated you,” you said without really thinking of your words, almost wistful as you let your eyes roam over him.

“Are you treating me like a sex object?” There was a joking lilt to his tone, mocking your behavior towards him lightheartedly since he understood you were just trying to remain professional in a job that worked against women when you’d railed into him.

“Yes.” It took you a moment to realize what you’d answered and you looked up at him for a moment in a way that made him think he might’ve just made you hate him again, but then you let out a laugh.

“Your turn.” He liked the sound of your laugh more than he wanted to admit, so he decided to change the subject with something he was happy to admit he liked.

You hesitated for all those aforementioned reasons, but it was only fair now that you’d seen him, so you slowly slid out from under the covers to stand on the other side of the bed.

His eyes went to your breasts and lingered for a long moment before moving down the rest of your body, lips parting at the sight of your pussy. It was fun to be inside it, obviously, but it was nice to see the place where he’d pounded into you.

Your hands were on your hips like his, but he noticed that one of your hands was over a little and he knew that was where you’d been shot.

He tried to meet your gaze only to find you were staring off to the side. He thought for a moment and then nodded towards you.

“Come here.” His words made you look at him and he stared hard, telling you he wasn’t kidding and you needed to listen to him.

It took a moment, but you slowly walked around the bed to stand in front of him, and he grabbed onto your wrist to gently pull your hand away from your hip.

You were definitely reluctant, staring down at the floor as he revealed the small scar on your hip that you were so unashamed of for some reason.

He could’ve told you that it was nothing, that you were sexy with or without it, that it would probably fade one day, but those types of things usually sounded like someone was just trying to be polite because they didn’t know what else to do.

So he looked at you until you met his eyes, then he moved to his knees and kept his gaze on yours as he pressed a slow, gentle kiss to the scar.

There were tears in your eyes and he wasn’t sure whether they were happy or not, hoping they were as you gently ran stroked over his hair.

His own hands slid up your thighs and moved to hold onto your hips, gently pushing you down to sit on the bed where he knelt between your legs.

“What are you doing?” Your legs opened wider almost of their own accord when he began pressing little kisses along your inner thighs.

He didn’t answer you, moving his hands down to lay them on the tops of your thighs, his thumbs going to your folds and pulling you open for a good look at your cunt. He let out a low groan at the sight of you, wasting no time in leaning in and pressing his face against you.

His tongue lapped and flicked at you, fast and firm, and you were crying out in mere moments from how good at this he was, knowing exactly where and how to touch you.

He would run his tongue up your slit then stop at your clit for a moment to suck on it, then go right back to licking at you, teasing you perfectly to turn you on that much faster.

Once he’d made you thoroughly wet and you were moaning out his name, he stopped teasing you and dipped his head down to shove his tongue into your entrance, fucking you with it as he nudged at your clit with his nose. It was amazing for those two areas of you to be stimulated at the same time and you tightened your grip on his hair, tugging hard.

“Fuck, Javi!” You couldn’t believe how easy it was for him to make you come even if this was the third time he’d be doing it, so close within a couple minutes when your other partners needed a lot of guidance.

Sometimes you had to do it yourself because they didn’t know what they were doing or didn’t care enough to try.

But not with Javier, who was thrusting his tongue into you with such precision that you were practically lifting up off the bed to press yourself to him.

It only turned you on more when you looked down to see him staring up at you darkly, obviously turned on himself based on the look in his eyes that basically told you how much he wanted to fuck you.

“I’m gonna come…” If anything, your words made him move his tongue faster inside you, one of his hands moving so he could rub his finger against your clit.

Your hips jerked and he groaned into you the moment your cunt clenched down on his tongue, continuing to lick into you as you came for him, lapping you up and letting you know how much he enjoyed the taste of you with little encouraging moans.

The way you jerked his head back when your orgasm faded and his touches were too much made his cock twitch, part of him liking that hint of dominance as he gazed up at you.

His lips and chin were shining from your wetness being all over him and you let go of him because the sight was turning you on all over again.

He smirked, leaning in to press a few more kisses to the scar on your hip.

“I think...I should probably return the favor.” Not only was being eaten out a rare occurrence for you, but he took the shame at your scar and made it go away so easily.

“Seriously?” He didn’t think you were the type, but he’d only really known you as a person who was seemingly always angry until recently and the look in your eyes told him you wanted to return the favor.

You nodded and he was on you, kissing you as you let out another beautiful laugh against his lips, pushing you down onto the bed.

Neither of you could believe you’d wasted so much time.