#now i’m 29 and in grad school again. i gotta get back to the club

[nicole-kidmans-wigs]

It’s crazy that i was just 23 and in grad school. I should have been at the club

[bisexualoftheblade-old]

how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast 

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang​

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang​

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

[tempestshakes01]

jan 1

WOW, WHAT A NIGHT. 

My dad drives me out to the strip because of my eye infection. I can’t see; thus, I cannot drive. Grace Alex shows up about 15 minutes after me. 

The strip is EMPTY. Where are all the people??? It was almost 10pm at that point, so it’s not like we were too early. We walk around a bit to double check, but yeah--everything except The Mix is CLOSED. I even check Bonha/m Exchange and they’re closed too. A GAY NIGHT CLUB...CLOSED...ON NEW YEAR’S EVE. 

Confused, Grace and I drive to Southtown and Blue Star. Things are happening there. The first cocktail bar is too dark for Grace. We go to Halyco/n for a coffee cocktail instead and by that time we’re just gonna drink to loosen up because Lily invited us to a party at someone’s house. We just needed to bring beer. 

So we chat and drink our drinks. Then we head out to find a convenience store where we buy a pack of some sort of IPA that Grace likes and cheap-ass Merlot for me. 

We roll up to the house party and knock, but no one notices. So. We walk in. 

IT’S A 1920s COSTUME PARTY. 

Now, this is a Southtown house so it’s this really lovely vintage Craftsman home that’s updated BEAUTIFULLY. It was a gorgeous home and it was lit by dozens of candles and everyone was dressed magically. People turn to look at us (dressed in street clothes) but don’t say a thing. We drop off the drinks on the kitchen counter and pop open some beers. Weaving through the house, we try to find Lily but she remains elusive. Outside they have a little firepit going and they’re cooking oysters and smoking cigars. A guy in white linen suit, a girl in a big fur coat, and a dude in a vest and suspenders immediately introduce themselves. They’re all varying levels of drunk and the girl is obviously not into the guys, but she seems cool. 

We converse with them for a while, and dance for a little, before growing uncomfortable again at the fact that Lily is obviously NOT at this party and we stick out like a sore thumb. I get a text from Lily asking for our ETA to Travi/s Park...so she’d ALREADY LEFT. 

Making our way back to the front of the house, I hear Grace repeatedly say some guy is cute, but I’m fucking blind. I don’t know who she’s talking about and I think we’re leaving so I wait for the perfect timing to...STEAL THE WINE. And then I book it with Grace at my heels. We make it outside where she immediately regrets following me out because of the cute mustache guy...but I just made a scene so we don’t go in again. 

The beer is nasty and I dump it. 

We text Lily and she says that two very nice homeless men named Josh and Chad are saving spot 29 for us when we’re ready. Uh. 

Grace texts her friend Danya for her NYE party plans and she’s having an apartment party at her tech boyfriend’s (actually greencard husband but SHHHH (he’s from Nigeria and she’s Eduadorian/American)) super swanky place near The Pear/l, right on the river by The L/uxury (beer garden/Costa Rican food). BUT she says we gotta pick up 2 packs of beer for beer pong. 

By this time it’s 11:30.

Grace and I have a history of accidentally missing the count down cause we’re stupid.

Driving with open containers, yikes!

So we go BACK to the convenience store, bemoaning that the 20s party was so fucking cool and goddamnit Lily. I buy $30 worth of beer. We head to the apartments, but by the time we arrive, it’s 5 minutes till midnight. 

Grace grabs her beer and I grab the wine, and we sprint to the river where it’s lit up by twinkle lights and a giant lit Santa. We try to pop open the wine with Grace’s pocket knife, but with 10 seconds we give and countdown with the swanky apartment people screaming from their balconies. We scream back and then head back to the car cause Danya coming down to take us in. 

We follow Danya (whom I met this summer when I had dinner with Lily (and then Grace crashed it)) and she’s awesome. Love her. We meet her boyfriend, Valentine, who’s super chill and a total sweetheart. The rest of the party is a fancily dressed mix of a crowd. Some people are swimming in a pool on the balcony. Some people are smoking and taking in the view. 

My wine gets opened and I drink a full red cup pretty quickly while we talk on the balcony. At one point, in the kitchen, a man introduces himself and we start talking, but Grace is visibly not into this guy, but I feel bad cause he’s alone and he’s obviously not hitting on either of us. All of sudden she exclaims, “Oh my god, we totally forgot to take that picture, you know, on the balcony...god, bye!” It was obvious, but I went along with it cause I didn’t want to be a shit. We did take pics with the view. 

By 1pm, I’m nice and drunk. I’m reimbursed for the beer as we set up another game of beer pong. We all fucking suck though, but I get super competitive. We end up grabbing the party stragglers--a real random assortment of fantastic people--and play a big game of flip cup which after a couple of rounds, I bow out of rounds cause I’M WASTED and I become “judge” or whatever. I’m really flirty with the guy next to me who is sooo my type (tall, dark, reedy, and cute), but that’s when the apartment security comes up and tells us we need to clean our shit and shut the party down. 

Everyone cleans up and Valentine is laughing his big laugh saying, “I bet you all did not think you’d have to clean when you came here.” But I’m such a happy drunk, that I dance as I clean, and it’s super fun, and everyone takes random pics (especially on someone’s phone they left behind). Lovely ending. 

Danya offered to let us crash at her apartment earlier because I expected to stay at Lily’s, but by the end of the night I just drunkenly followed Grace to her car. We tried to figure out what to do with me (she didn’t want to drive “all the way to Austin” to drop me off (she ~apparently was sober enough to drive) because I live way out in the country, so it takes a hot minute to get home). My brother, miraculously, responds to my text about the house code, and when I ask if he can pick me up...says yes?! 

Nick...being unselfish and so generous???

He says he’s leaving right away and he’ll get there (Grace’s parent’s house...cause her living situation is out-of-whack at the moment) in 30 minutes. 

The perfect amount of time to smoke some of Grace’s dad’s weed.

She shows me how to roll a joint (yeah, I don’t know how to do any of that because either someone packs or rolls for me, or I buy edibles or pre-rolls), and we smoke outside. It’s good shit and makes me so, so . happy. Happier than even before. Giggly. We talk about love and shit. 

Nick arrives and he’s still at that weird level mood. He never emotes more than just...chill calm. Which isn’t bad! It’s just...not what the first 21 years of my life with Nick felt like. Nick was crazy and just such a...boy. Obnoxious. Loud. Charming. Hilarious. Annoying. Wild. Silly. A total weirdo and my best friend. Sorry, sorry. I’m still angsty about this change cause I don’t understand it, but I’m grateful he went all the way into city to pick me up. 

The whole way home I’m chatting and laughing breathlessly. Nick doesn’t seem annoyed even though I know perfectly well that I can get super obnoxious when stoned. Also, I learned two nights ago that I slur? 

We get home. I eat some leftover chicken cold. I lie down for a minute, scrolling through instagram when I get a wave of dizziness. Calmly, I get up and go to the restroom with my phone where I chill by the toilet until I inevitably puke my guts out. Then I clean up, brush my teeth, and head to bed. 

Great night overall. A+

New Year’s Resolutions: stay focused. get into grad school. stop feeling so angsty about vituem/oir and come what may. stop feeling angst about nick and his personality change that i wasn’t around to witness. stop feeling angst about how things ended with N. and be proud of the extraordinary person used to be my best friend and whom I still love. start working out. write. paint. travel. kiss new people. continue therapy and building self-confidence. be kind to myself every day.