#now i wanna watch jjk again.. i think i might be using it to cope atp lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aetherin21 · 2 years ago

Text

An Image of my last spring

Pairing: Getou Suguru x Reader

Genre: Angst with comfort, small fluff

Notes: Reader is a sorcerer turned office worker just like Nanami :) if I ever see mistakes here I'll change and fix it in my Ao3. This has been in my drafts for like 3 weeks I think and I just wanna post it now before I forget hahaha also this is inspired by Dr. Park's words of Suguru being Satoru's last spring of youth and the Promotional art of the Season 2 of JJK :)

5:35 PM

February 3, 2017

Shibuya Station

Soulless is the sound of steady tapping that echoes through the air while the floor gently vibrates to where I currently stood. Its constant rhythm encloses the area in its own little bubble, creating an ecosystem far beyond any person's reach.

At the corner of my eye, I could see the sight of rushing bodies reaching the depths of where I hid as I waited patiently for my train to arrive. Like a glorified aquarium, splashes of muddy white, blues, browns and black mixes in with the current school of people. It's not hard to miss their colorful forms as they slowly turn into a raging tide of their own. Their gradual awakening signals the beginning of the evening rush hour. And soon, without a doubt I'll be caught by that wave of meat.

With that thought, being unable to escape from its nauseating grip could make me kneel and pray to no one in particular. Dragging my vessel to its epicenter, fully engulfed by the unpleasant sensation of rubbing flesh and hot breath fanning through the tiny bumps of exposed skin; consumed by its awful flow. It's much easier to swallow the idea of being executed in a horrific fashion than to be judged by their so-called righteous mallet and scornful eyes. Forever condemned by its world court and abandoned with no other island besides my own. Is what I initially thought anyway.

"Maybe I should have done some overtime again…" I mumble to myself.

Deciding to Ignore the countdown of my impending doom, I exhaled the bitterness within me. Fiddling at the small screen I held. Distracting myself had become a ritual of mine, a sort of coping habit that developed through the decade that was so unkind. Letting myself submerge to another aether, not allowing a single thought or emotion leak through the cracks of my stone shell. Pumping the veins etched in me with calm adrenaline as if I am in a state of a passing nirvana.

Funnily enough, it reminds me of that film Rocky. Particularly that famous scene where the protagonist trained intensely while the song 'Eye Of The Tiger' plays in the background. Capturing the essence of his perseverance, strength and hardwork. Just like him, I'll be entering my own very montage except the loud music blasting through my ears will astral project my soul to another dimension as my body turns into a human sandwich. Very dramatic. I know but I would rather meet my end in style than to... Huh — Weird. That last line sounds awfully too familiar. Ringing unusual bells in the depths of my mind.

Did I used to say that? It feels out of character. Out of place. It's too cool and somewhat edgy for someone like me to say. Yet it tasted a little foreign and familiar at the same time. Scratching my chin in place of a brain, I could only conclude I might have gotten it from someone else. But where exactly?

Think, think, think…It can't be from my coworkers nor from my family. They're all too normal and boring to say something like that. I don't have many friends to begin with either so that’s out of the question.

With how tingly my tongue is, the answer seems to be at the edge already. Maybe it came from an action movie that I had watched before? It is rather cliche in format. If I repeat it, will it come out?

To meet my end in style. To meet my end in style. To meet my end in —

Chanting it like a spell, I summoned what lies beyond those lines. But all too quickly, the grinning image of a boy flashed before my eyes. Both falling and burning way too fast as it reached the ends of my fingertips. Only its ashes remain before I could even hold it in the palm of my hands.

The lighthouse that often watches over me, sensed my growing sorrow within. Casting a stream of yellows beyond the horizon, it guides my sight towards the answers I seek. I remember where that line came from.

Satoru, the annoying gigantic furby, used to play good cop and bad cop with another boy his size. Both of them were enamored by western films they constantly watch a lot. Sometimes they would often repeat every written dialogue like some new gag. Meticulously pushing every button they can to see what tickles our funny bones. It was annoying to deal with but also endearing nonetheless.

How could I forget something like that?

Looking at the station clock, its hands seemed to move painfully slow. Taking lifetimes to reach the five thirty-eight mark. On the other hand, the esteemed crowd from earlier had displaced themselves where they were supposed to be. Leaving me lost and jaded at a memory that had long since faded.

Truthfully, I no longer have the courage and strength to pick every bit and piece that used to be a part of me. I let it all wash away from the lonely shore and let it erase what used to be who I am. Yet from time to time, a photo would emerge and greet me as I stood in the infinite sands alone. Images of old crammy classrooms, buildings and statues mock me in silence as I had forgotten everything. Only to remind me once again of what I used to cherish and the foolish thinking of everything lasting forever. That and also the free rides the assigned windows give.

Now, it makes me wonder if it was ever like that to that estranged boy in those photographs? The commute, I mean. I am curious to know; Was he able to dodge the mangy currents of limbs easily? His height seems to suggest so. Towering so much at such a young age. It gives this sense that he was unreachable, untouchable and unattainable especially to someone like me. The aura he gives off as he perches above exudes mystery, intimidation and a strange selfish holiness. I imagine being that tall has a lot of privileges. To be able to see the world that no mortal could have. Or just easily avoid any unwanted circumstance if he wished to. It's unfair, really. Both him and Satoru.

But God does not play favorites. In some way or another, in any shape or form it will come for you. To balance the rules of this reality, judgment will strike at any possibility. Cutting down both the fair and the unfair, continuously hunting down anyone it deems to be worthy of such. From the station platform where I stood to the streets of Shibuya, the supermarkets from the residential district and any place it wishes; there was no way to hide from it. Just like the sea of meat that ogles its new victim. But I guess he already knew that. Right?

Ah, since we're on that topic. What kind of sandwich would everyone be anyway? I just think it's funny since I am going to be one in a few minutes. I think, for one, I am probably like those cheap konbini ones that sometimes dupe you with no filling. Leaving you disappointed as you take your first and last bite. Why that of all things? Guess I am too small to even fill up the space, too insignificant but still ends up getting squished by the bread.

Shoko would probably be like those freshly homemade ones. The type that rejuvenates the soul as they take a mouthful. The feeling of home that dawns on the crevice of their bones while gnawing on the crunchy lettuce and juicy tomatoes. And once the last bite takes place a sudden realization of life struck. They jolt back from their wake and once again walk to another reprieve. Ah, I miss her. I wonder if she still has that bad habit of smoking.

Satoru, on the other hand, would be those luxury ones that cost a fortune but leave you with a thought, 'That's it?' A wasteful value or some popular commodity that's hard to reach. Beautiful, intricate and praised all while the dreaded guilt binds the person in an awkward greed as they throw money away for just a simple taste. Sprinkle in gold and baby blue, they'll feel they mattered. Even though it's just a sandwich. Although, to carry such high prestige, one could only be proud for there is no replica that can copy such material. Thus becoming the greatest snack of all. I can't believe this guy is the same age as me.

But the question is, what about him? The dark haired boy that lingers behind the shadow of the one and only Gojo Satoru.

I suppose with his size and sense of morals, he would be one of those premium fast food chicken sandwiches. Where the bun can't hold him in place cause all the limbs will spill out from the sides along with its special sauce, creating such a goopy mess on your hands as you eat. But due to being the cheaper alternative than Satoru, hands are more eager to devour what it has to offer. Blinding and burning everyone who tasted his tender meat. Along with myself. Ha! It suits that boy, right? Right…

Giggling to myself, these silly little ideas brought genuine joy to my lips. The foreign warmth that spreads through my cheeks as my eyes form into crescent moons. I can't help but think, how long has it been?

Too busy investing in drawing crude pictures of human comparison to wheat delicacies, I had failed to notice the shadow of the looming casket over my very being. The cries of its brakes scratching at the conch of my ear ripped me from la la land all too suddenly. As if it was demanding my attention like a dog and their favorite toy. Except, instead of such an adorable view, it's replaced by a pristine, well kept wagon that regurgitates passengers from its belly. Of course, everyone around me had waited in anticipation for this moment. Too eager to leave this dreadful place and confine themselves in the better space of their home. Except for me.

With the same sentiment, I too readied myself as the last person left the metal doors. Lowering my gaze and refusing to meet any watchful eyes, I let my legs move in autopilot. After all, the thing that I have dreaded since the very beginning is coming to a climax. I could only pretend to be a criminal waiting for the noose and prostrating myself to an ever exaggerated ruin. But amidst such a forlorn play, a scent had caught my foot mid step.

Candies, cigarettes, incense, and sandalwood.

Such an odd combination painted the air like a wretched canvas and brought cold sweat onto my skin. The colors of red, blue, violet and yellow blurs around my vision while accompanied by a distinct joyous laughter, seemingly mocking me in my wake. The faint words of goodbyes and farewells also catches my attention as I suffer from gut retching nauseousness.

As if I knew whose voices they were.

I covered my face with my own two hands as a hint of bile threatened the edge of my throat. Knocking me into a hunching posture, heaving in sudden agony. The raunchy taste of sharp yet tangy acid covered my palette in a short amount of time that it had me in tears. It did not help that I could feel onlookers watch with both worry and annoyance at my blocking form towards their so-called freedom.

Forced to wave a feign OK, I unwillingly apologized for the mishap I had caused and stepped away momentarily from the line. Letting myself recuperate and expel the visceral sensation from my body with much cleaner air. Although, I can’t help a part of me be annoyed as well. Does this person not have etiquette at all?

Bugged by my consciousness, unable to let it go. I searched for the origin of such a revolting smell. Looking left to right not moving from my spot. Hoping to give a piece of my mind to their disturbing work of art. An artwork that for some reason I couldn't help but chase in strange yearning. But of course, with my luck, there was no one attached to its disembodied stench. The culprit had already fled the scene of the crime. Leaving me, the victim, vexed and perplexed.

But based on the contents of the stupid fragrance, that person probably had an ingenious idea to spray such a strong perfume to get rid of the cigarette and incense attached to their person. Still, regardless of reason, my head lingers in the direction to wherever it may have come from. Even foolishly imprinting it in my lungs like a masochist. After all, it's absurd for that boy to —

“Be here with you?”

April fools is still two months from now. I am not sure if I know anyone who celebrates such a childish event other than Satoru. I doubt he’ll come for me in advance either. Our relationship hasn't been the best in these god awful years. The last notable conversation we both had was around December.

Surely this is just a small bout of insanity. A figment of my wild imagination conjured from my exhaustion. After all, weeks of overtime can do wonders to the brain. It explains my sudden obsession with sandwich analogies and weird feelings of extreme melancholy. Or…Wait. Don’t tell me the strange smell came from a curse? Was I afflicted by it?

The more the people, the more negative emotions spill out. This platform is a perfect den to give birth to such abominable creatures. Especially with the amount of impoverished salarymen and women who often take this train, spilling their unwanted frustration and bitterness onto the floor tiles. That must be it.

Confronting the glass window of the train, I braced myself for the sudden encounter. Clutching my sling bag close, a small cursed tool can be found deep in its pockets. Carefully tucked away for emergencies just like this.

Thankfully, it's been drilled into my subconsciousness on procedures regarding random contacts: First, always confirm the target. Second, never forget to put a curtain. Third, exorcise it with caution. If worse comes to show, then there's the fourth option, run away and call for the real professionals. Whatever this creature is, even at my grade, I can handle it. Is what I believe.

Yet, it seems nothing can prepare me for the familiar silhouette staring back at me.

Slightly obscured by the reflection of sandwiched passengers, there he stood in his full glory. Hair tied up in a neat knot with only a few stubborn clumps falling above his eyes. Ears pierced by deep black gems that glimmer under the artificial lights. Soft lips, ever so curtly forming into a thin smile as his obsidian eyes contorted into a tender gaze. Seemingly admiring the reflection of the both of us finally beside each other. He didn’t change at all. Still the same as I remembered.

“It's been a while hasn’t it?”

Beep

I knew from the bottom of my heart that this isn’t an amalgamation of people’s negative emotions. As foolish as it sounds even with Ms. Tsukumo’s explanation about curses and sorcerers, I knew with one look this is mine. I am cursed and this is my haunted house. Because here you are with me. Alone. Together on this platform, purposely making me miss my train home.

“You never said goodbye.”

Humming a low playful tune, he linked his slender finger gently with the small of mine as the subtle wind blew over us. Just with that small gesture, the orchestra nestled within me didn’t know what sheet to read. Too confused about what to play in front of its single audience. So Instead, to appease the lone watcher, it chooses to perform all of it at once. Anger, joy, sadness and everything in between. What a laughable performance.

“I guess, I owe you an overdue apology.”

The drumstick hits the surface harder than it should, resonating through every crevice of my flesh with a loud bang. My head sharply turned to his direction, controlled by the awful strike. His nonchalant and unremorseful response baffled my consciousness. “Guess!? Am I a joke to you? Is that the only reason why you’re here? To give me pity?”

Ten years, that’s how long since I’ve last seen his face. And all he could do is mock me with his boyish smile while giggling at my sudden outburst. How cruel can he be?

Filled with distrust, my body flinched as I watched his hand delicately tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. His eyes still filled with never ending adoration even as my body betrayed him. “So this is what you look like after ten years.” he said as he now traced my cheek, holding me in the palm of his hand as if time never separated us. "You haven't changed at all. Still very pretty."

I hate this. I hate the feeling of such soft bass melting my skin into nothing but putty. Smoothing the creases of my face as I plead for more. How even such a simple yet cliche string of words dulls my senses and becomes high just from its mere echoes. Furious, I wish I could be at this moment but furious I was not. “You're insufferable, you know that?”

Chasing foolishly his warmth, my head leaned into his touch. Too starved from his affection. All while the course of the symphony in my heart changes its tune to match the sudden drops of tears from my very own lashes. "And I hate you." I said to him bitterly.

Unfazed by those petty words, he only laughed again but this time more softly. “I know and you still love me for it.”

With a small step, the boy hovered his immense stature over me with ease. Casting a long shadow on my form as if it was a cage I can’t escape from. I already know what he’s about to do so I only stood patiently like a good girl, ready for him to consume.

“I miss you.” He prayed on my forehead. “I really miss you.” He whispered next, on top of my nose. “I really did.” He continued to edge at the corner of my lips, drinking my silent cries away. “And I still do now.” He said as he finally took my lips with his own.

There we mended and molded back to each other's heated embrace. Hands desperately closing the space till there was none as we spoke in a language we both knew how to communicate.

Ever so gentle that he is, his tongue asks for my permission as we move further than just a simple dance of mouth. The wet sensation that swipes at the entrance had me reeling through my core as I let him do as he pleases. Basking in the warmth of him, the boy smiled as he conquered me. He knew I was easily intoxicated, how easily I get addicted and he knew the power he has over me. A special privilege only he could have. A privilege of having me.

However I am not the only one. The way his hand desperately moves over from my front and on to my back, rubbing at whatever clothed flesh he can latch on too. Dying for more skinship. Even the way his breath hitch and moan vibrated through my being, I could tell he too is drunk from this public display of debauchery.

We were both hungry and that's the truth. But not in the sense of lust or desire but rather a deep yearning of forgiveness and loss of affection. Even our fervent moans turn to songs of devotion under the cathedral of us. My cries are the wine that cleanses his soul and his touch is the communion that renews my heart. Of course, such intensity always has an end. Too much and one could have drowned at the pits of insanity.

So the second our lungs sync in need of oxygen, we parted our ways. Yet both our eyes still linger where our lips were once connected. Shamelessly wanting more than just a kiss but too embarrassed to share another. Instead with a compromise, our foreheads remained pressed together in content.

“Wow, public indecency? Really? You’re better than this.” The boy scolded mischievously, voice dripping in sweet childish passion. Very romantic.

Rolling my eyes, I broke from the intimacy. Just to slap his shoulder in retaliation. Knowing full well what his sense of humor is like, I laughed at his stupidity. “You’re the one who started it!” But even so, my cheeks couldn’t help turn into cherries as we continued our banter just like old times.

“Ow! Now, you're hitting me? That’s assault!” He whined, deliberately rubbing the harsh contact for emphasis. “I don't remember you being this mean!” Even adding a sprinkle of a pout to top off his shenanigans. Not gonna lie, it was cute to look at. But I won't let myself be swayed by his charming looks. So with gritted teeth, I said whole heartedly in jest. “I wish I could hit you more, you dumbass!”

After hearing that the plastered smile on his face seemed to grow playfully. My words had lit a fire within him. Laying down the school bag he carried on the ground, he spread his arms and puffed his chest for me to see. Apprehensive by his actions, I took a small step back and waited for his next move. Unsure what his true motives are. “Alright. I’ll let you. If you kiss the wound after.” He said jokingly.

Ah, I forgot how horny teenagers were…

Exhaling between my palms, a part of me wished to scream in silent frustration but that would honor him a win in this childish endeavor. Rather turning the tides to my favor, what better way to do than just simply comply to his own whims.

Winding my arm as far back as I can, there I summoned all the strength this body could muster at the edge of my fists. Fair and square I punched him straight in the face. Landing a mark on his apples while his pair of peaches lay splat on the floor as a look of utter shock adorned his sharp features. Of course, never in a million years the boy would think I could pull such a punch. After all, that wasn’t my forte to begin with. Jokes on him though, that was me from before and not the me of now.

Before I could let him say a word, I crouched down to his level and left a tender kiss on his wound. Licking it for good measure. “Two could play that game.” I whispered, leaving a gentle blow to his now reddened ear.

Putting a small distance, I observed my precious win. His face all heated up like a boiling kettle. It was his turn to cover his face. Gaze unable to straighten, looking anywhere else but me. It's such a delicious sight seeing him come undone by just mere strength alone. “Wh– when did you learn how to hit like that?” Oh, was that a stutter?

A new sense of pride swells within as this is the first time I had an upper hand on him. Pursing my lips in feign innocence, I batted my lashes as cutely as I could. My head rested on the palm of my hand as a finger tapped in thought. “Who knows? It's been ten years since the last time we saw each other. A lot could happen.”

“That’s fair.” He sighed.

Rosy lips forming a thin line, he shuffled on the floor. Finding a more comfortable position sitting crisscrossed in front of me. Mimicking my earlier pose, his hand rested on his palm as well. Contemplating something within him as a tiny glint nestled its way to his marbles. Suddenly staring intensely at my figure, I blinked twice to decipher his actions. I presume it's another challenge? Or perhaps sulking under the weight of my victory?

Yet a minute has passed by and no signs of unusual movement can be seen. Only continuing his unwavering gaze at my form. Still, I won’t back down for the next fight. That is, until a loud horn and the sound of grinding wheels distract me from my spot.

The next train had rudely arrived and it announced itself proudly in front of us, lowering my guard completely. To the scheming boy, this was his perfect opportunity. It was natural after all, when one sees an opening one would attack mercilessly. And that’s what he did. Stealing a small peck from my lips and holding two peace signs in front of my face. My eyes could only dilate from his actions as the grin grew as large as the half moon. “Gotcha. I win!” he said proudly.

Too dumbfounded, I ended up bursting from laughter. Nodding my head I unanimously agreed to his victory and accepted my own defeat like a proper adult I am. “What do you want as a reward?” I asked, adoring his boyish facade that seemed to light up from something so trivial. “I’ve been giving a lot of kisses lately, I think it lost its value.”

Humming in thought, the boy turned his head towards the train. Inspecting the unusual empty shell as if searching his deep darkest desire in its exterior. The bangs that covered his eyes gently sway from his movements as the glowing light from the fluorescent light cascades his porcelain skin. Framing his youth in a portrait that won't last. “Tell me a story then.” He said, looking back at me with the answer he had found. My palms could only turn to puddles as I anticipated his next words, a strange nervousness washed over me.

“I want to hear everything that happened to you when we were apart.”

“Okay.”

Is what I said as his hands now intertwined with mine while we sat properly on the platform bench. Our surroundings have long been abandoned ever since I missed my last train. I am not sure how many more passed by but there was no next wave of crowd that came from the entrance and exits. The whole area felt like it was our own little domain. Our own little ecosystem.

“Where do you want me to start?” I asked timidly. Knowing where all this was going. I am not a fool. It had already gnawed at the back of my head since the scent of his wafted through the air.

“How about when you left the technical school?” he asked curiously.

“Alright.” I said.

The moment I opened my mouth, stories flowed into the space we occupied. Transforming the scenery into a dream-like state found in one of those shoujo mangas. Blabbering this and that, and that and this. The text bubbles were empty yet its meaningful conversations reside in its containers for only our ears to hear. As pages turned to the next, our expressions filled each panel with comical laughter, shock, anger and tears. Together we both laid each other bare as our bodies mimed the years of what could have been.

A part of me wishes this moment could last forever. But I knew that was impossible. God never plays favorites. All I could do is make the most of what was given. Savoring the comfort that is him. An image of my last spring.

So I paused my words mid sentence, my body moved closer to his. This time it's my turn to trap him in my own little cage. Kissing his lips with the same intensity as the scorching sun. Biting, marking and clawing my way through a never ending longing, wishing more than I should. As words that are never spoken but only lingering between us leaves my mouth, I pray to his exposed skin: cheeks, ears, neck, wrist and palms all my shameless I love yous.

With the wit of a hawk and sight of an owl, The boy had already noticed my silent fears dressed in growing affection. Manifesting them into words, he could only ask softly. “Tell me. Why won’t you say my name?”

Frozen in place, I searched through his eyes what he had just said. As it sinks in, my brows furrowed, hoping for him to not inquire further. Yet what reflected back was his own silent plea. You are so cruel, you know that.

“I know.” he leaned in to whisper while his sharp nose nestled under my jaw. Always the mind reader this guy. “But I want to hear it from your lips.”

With such a request, I bowed my head in utter humiliation. Unable to look him in the eye. My lips quiver as I silently confess my sins to him. “If I say it, I feel like you’re gonna disappear again.”

A faint touch raised my head to meet with him once more. The quiet desperation and the childish eagerness from earlier had disappeared. This time our kiss felt much slower and much sweeter. “Please look at me.” He begged.

Yet I still refuse.

As the stubborn man that he is, he continued haunting my lips. Tender touches became pleading ghosts and the blowing air cursed my trembling. “I need to hear it.”

I could only peek from my lashes while my mouth shivers from the eerie peck that landed ever so lightly. Constantly being tempted like this just to adhere to his whims, I couldn’t help counting each one as he tried to make me submit.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

And at the seventh kiss, he deepened it.

My mind instantly went blank with the constant edging and the sudden ferocity of the kiss. All sense of control washes away, unable to restrain myself any further. I moaned his name in finality. The twist, the turn and the tap of each syllable at the chambers of my mouth felt freeing. I couldn’t hold back the tears that ran through my skin. Bawling like a lost child in front him. But he only embraced me in his arms, gently rocking us back and forth as I repeatedly called him over and over again.

“Suguru. Suguru. Suguru.”

“I am still here.” he said, breaking the evil spell that tormented me for such a long time. Catching all the photographs scattered in the ocean. One by one giving them back to me. It hurts. It hurts so much.

“Why did you leave me?”

“Why didn’t you say goodbye?”

“Why only Shoko and Satoru? Why not me?”

“Why didn’t you take me with you?”

Questions after questions flowed, aching for answers that I already knew but I wish I could hear from his own lips too. Punching him over and over his chest, I can’t seem to hate him. All I can do is accept what he has given. You’re so selfish. So unfair.

Grabbing the next hit, he forced me to look him in the eye. The image that greeted me isn't the boy I once knew. Replaced by a man sculpted in righteous reverie, cloth cut from the edges of apathy. This man’s eyes are filled with never ending desires that seem to want to drown me in it. A strange thirst and hunger different from a beast, that no flesh and water can calm its currents.

This is a Suguru who I don’t know of. The Suguru I feared the most. The Suguru that I wish would turn back as I reached to him in my youth. But nonetheless the Suguru who I still ache for.

“I didn’t regret it. Only you.” he desperately professed as his fingers twitched at my skin. Seemingly wishing to touch more with the him of now and not the one from yesteryears. “I love you.” he said as he smiled from the bottom of his heart. “I still do and will continue to do so.”

“Suguru.” Was all I could say. Not knowing what else to confess.

I had been afraid to see the twenty-seven year old Geto Suguru till now. Too scared to confront the feelings that scattered on the lonely shore. Too scared that I would fall together with him too. I am too scared that my love is so deep that it will swallow everything in its path. But you’ve always known that, right? Of course you do. Cause you feel the same way too.

Rubbing my eyes, tears still continued to fall. My snot also boldly joined along my skin. Mixing in with the currents under my lashes. It's so embarrassing to cry like this in front of Suguru but I can’t help it. Everything is too overwhelming and all I want is to be pampered in his loving arms. “Once again, you’re so insufferable and I love you so much.”

Caressing my cheeks, he wiped my tears gently with his sleeves, even roughly getting rid of the sticky mucus that spilled out. He teased my whining. “You’ve only realized it now? You’re such a slow poke.”

Ten years ago, he knew I would follow him to the ends of the earth. He knew we’ll both crash and burn. He knew it will be till death do us part. “But I didn’t want that to happen.” He said. “That would be too cruel even for me.”

“You already are cruel, stupid.” Still sniffing away the sobs, I couldn’t help but retaliate the way I know how.

“Oh? Says the girl, who’ll literally die for me.”

“Says the guy who already did, Dumbass.”

Mouth forming into a thin line, Suguru sighed in defeat. “Touché.”

Giggling childishly, even at that age he’s still the Suguru I love. The way his handsome face stayed the same, only this time more mature. His same old earrings are still there hanging tightly too and so are his stubborn bangs. Even when clothed in those sacred robes, it's undeniable that he’s still him. “My tall and very adorable dumbass.”

“Your tall and very adorable dumbass.” He lovingly repeated back.

Really, this is such a mess of a reunion. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Beep

Jolting back from my seat, I woke up from the sound of train doors signaling its final call for passengers. Hurriedly, my body moved towards it. Hoping to finally leave this place. The smell of sandalwood that once surrounded me fades gently through the air along with the cold harsh winter. In the next month spring will come and the Sakura trees will finally bloom.

You really did meet your end in style. Fading like the last snow of winter.

Farewell my beloved Suguru, I love you and happy birthday.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #getou x you #getou suguru x reader #getou suguru x y/n #getou suguru x you #geto suguru #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jjk x reader #jjk angst #I love my baby girl so much that I write fics for him for the nth time #I should be writing a band au for Choso or F1 au for the whole jjk but urghhh #baby girl ur too much :(((

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stanurines1mp · 3 years ago

Text

I Wanna Be Yours

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x Fem!Reader (she/her)

type: slight angst + fluff.

an: IM BACK. Finally. Also, i just started watching Jujutsu Kaisen and I am now a whore for Satoru Gojo. Might start a few oneshots for JJK boys, who knows. Anyway, this took me long enough. i miss writing. here's part 2 for the Eren oneshot. Inspired by the song I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys. Let me know if you have any requests. More stuff coming soon :)

warnings: slight angst, Eren and Y/N being stupid, a few curses here and there. I think that's all. so uh, yeah :)

Part one

~~~

Eren gave up. After watching you being your happiest self, Eren gave up.

You've met your match.

And it just wasn't him.

Eren thought that this guy, your boyfriend, he's the one you'd marry one day. Because knowing you, there was no way you'd ever break up with someone. And because this guy is actually a good guy, Eren knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt you.

Unknowingly to you and your boyfriend, your happiness was hurting Eren.

But Eren loves you. And he didn't want to stop being your friend even if it was hurting him. So you'd always invite Eren to hang out with you and your boyfriend. And he'd always say yes.

Because what if?

What if your boyfriend actually was a bad person?

What if your boyfriend actually was planning to hurt you?

But every time that thought occurred in Eren's mind, it would fade just as quick as it came. Eren remembered one of the nights when it happened.

You and your boyfriend were going to watch a movie at the cinema and kindly, you had invited Eren along. Your boyfriend didn't mind it at all. Eren accepted because again, how could he not?

So you and Eren went to the cinema together because your boyfriend had a late class. You two arrived at the cinema at the agreed time. The night air was cold as you and Eren waited long for your boyfriend to show up.

Eren began to grow angry because how dare he hurt you after making you so hopeful and happy?

Your body shivered in a coping mechanism against the chill breeze. Your knitted cardigan was not thick enough for the fall night.

Noticing your discomfort, Eren took off his jacket and wrapped it around you. In a smooth movement, completely unnoticed by you, Eren pulled you closer into his side with an arm.

Being nuzzled against Eren was always comforting to you. He was warm, even when the cold weather tried to tear through.

And you liked how Eren smelled like. His aura wore one that reminded you of cinnamon, something so equivalent to the scent of one's childhood home.

You were beginning to suspect that your boyfriend was standing you up. Your once excited heart was beginning to sorrow. Eren could hear your breathing growing more nervous and shallow.

Eren was about to just take you into the cinema but the sound of a car engine approaching snapped him out of his daze. He followed your gaze towards the street and well enough, your boyfriend's car was put in park.

While your face lighted up, Eren's face was washed over by the darkness that had loomed over him. Your boyfriend got out of the car, a flower bouquet in his left hand. He rushingly jogged towards you two, his face tired and guilty, his breathing short and panting.

"I'm so sorry, love. I was going to text you that I'd be late but stupid Ackerman took my phone like I'm in high school or something. And then he kept me behind, getting another stupid lecture that I shouldn't use my phone in class. I'm so sorry," he babbled, handing you the bouquet.

Eren noticed that you were just happy he didn't stand you up. That night, you all went in to watch the movie. And again and again, Eren thought your boyfriend would do something.

He would mess up your relationship, break your heart and you'd come crying to Eren. Because Eren wanted him to be your ultimate destination. But your boyfriend was literally so fucking perfect.

You barely fought with your boyfriend and even if you did, it wasn't too bad that you cried. Your relationship was going steady for more than a year.

You thought nothing would cause a breakup in your relationship. Your boyfriend really didn't seem like he would ever hurt you.

Little did you know you were the cause of another heartbreak.

You and your boyfriend were together for almost two years when it happened. You were supposed to meet him at a diner he liked to go to.

You sat across him in the booth, your plate of food in front of you, untouched. He was growing worried because you weren't eating.

Your body was there with him but your mind was completely elsewhere. He saw through that. Your eyes were gazing into a void of nothingness over the window.

"Is everything okay?" he questioned carefully, frowning with worry. "Y/N?" He called again when you didn't answer.

"What?" You turned your head back to meet him, your fingers that were toying with the straw of your iced tea stopping abruptly.

"Is everything okay? You seem distracted," he queried gently.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," you shrugged dismissively.

"You're not eating," he quirked a brow.

"Oh, sorry, I-"

"Y/N," he sternly sighed, putting down his utensils. "It's okay," he suddenly said.

"What is?"

"I know you've been thinking about it," He softly said, eyes looking up at you.

"About what? What are you talking about?" You furrowed your brows, confused but at the same time, you knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Y/N, you know what I'm talking about," he sighed deeply.

"If I want vague shit, I'd go to literally anyone else. So cut the crap. What are you talking about?"

At this point, you were losing patience. You had no idea why but again, you knew exactly why.

And it hurt you. Because you didn't like what you were feeling. What makes it worse is that you had no idea why you were feeling that way.

But then again, you knew damn well why.

"Y/N," he called firmly.

"You're right," you exhaled sharply. "I know."

"It's okay," he smiled rather sadly.

"I'm sorry," was all that managed to escape your lips.

Then there it was. The breakup. You actually liked him.

How could you not? He was kind, smart, caring, and actually a nice fucking guy. He was the definition of perfect.

Just not in your eyes.

It actually hurt you to do what you did. Because you did care about him. He was a good person and he was nothing but kind to you. So why couldn't you love him?

Why did you have to be so dramatically in love with Eren fucking Jaeger?

That night after breaking up with your boyfriend, you did cry. You didn't mean to hurt him and you really didn't want to lose someone as great as him from your life. And all you wanted to do was go to Eren and cry.

But you couldn't.

Because if you did, then he'd ask you what's wrong. And what's wrong is that you've been absolutely fucking infatuated with him since the first moment you had accidentally bumped into him.

Oh shit, sorry.

Your first words that you wished you could take back.

You wished you could meet him in a more polite and formal way. You wished you could be a damn beauty when you first met him.

But not a single part of you ever wished to not have met him. Even though you knew he held zero interest in you that way, you still wouldn't change a thing about having him in your life.

You tried your best to avoid Eren for the next few days since your absolutely unproblematic breakup. You kept ignoring his calls, saying that you were busy. Or that a Professor was holding you back about some work or something.

But there was always a something that denied him of hearing your voice through the phone. You still replied to his texts though. You tried your best to conjure the same energy you always had when texting him and you thought you did a pretty good job.

But you were absolutely wrong.

Because Eren saw right through.

"Did I do something wrong?" Eren fumbled, his fingers playing with the hem of his hoodie while he talked to Armin through facetime.

"I don't think so. Maybe she really is busy?" Armin queried, trying his best to support his best friend.

"There's something wrong, though. I just know it. It's like she's avoiding me or something," Eren groaned, his fingers moving from his hoodie to his temples, slightly massaging it.

"Why don't you talk to her? You have the same class tomorrow, right?" Armin suggested, quickly lighting up Eren's eyes due to hope.

"Yeah. I'll talk to her tomorrow."

Though Eren displayed a slightly more calm demeanor in front of Armin, he was internally panicking, absolutely fucking worried that he did something wrong to hurt you.

His head was hurting, thinking again and again for anything that could explain your sudden behavior.

He was so scared that he hurt you, his eyes were kept open all night because the gears in his head wouldn't stop turning. He was thinking about you. Like he always does.

You, you, you.

When the next day arrived, he was getting ready to ask you, confront you. But most of all, he wanted to see you because he missed you so much. So fucking much.

Knowing that, one could surely imagine the devastation that darkened his entire being when he walked into class only to see your seat lacking the beauty that should be you.

Frowning, he took his seat next to where yours should be had you shown up to the lecture. His right hand quickly found the edges of his phone as soon as his pants hit the cold seat in the lecture hall.

Eren could feel his heart beating in anticipation while his ears were intoxicated by the sound of his phone ringing, his entire being awaiting the sound to be replaced by the one of your sweet voice.

Much to his dismay, he hadn't the chance to hear the sweet vocals of yours because the ringing stopped only to be replaced by the call going into voicemail.

Rubbing his temples in frustration, Eren swiped the screen of his phone to enter his home screen which soon turned into your texts. His fingers made quick work into typing a message for you.

Eren: Hey, is everything okay?

Eren: You're not in class

Eren: I'm worried.

You: I'm fine, Ren.

You: just a little sick

You: I already told the lecturers today

Eren: shit, i'll come over after class

You: no need i'm highly infectious

You: I don't want to get you sick either

Eren: okay then

Except it wasn't okay. Not to Eren. Questions filled the confines of his head throughout his entire class. Questions of you. Because again, all Eren ever thought about was you.

You, you, you.

Were you really sick?

Were you okay?

Did he do something wrong to you?

Did he hurt you?

Did your boyfriend hurt you?

Did you hurt yourself?

How did you get sick?

Why were you avoiding him?

Eren sighed, his brain already making a decision for what was to come between your friendship with him. He tried his best to focus on literally anything else other than you.

At least until his classes for the day ends. He was also praying that you'd get your rest, enough to feel better and heal from your fever.

But you didn't have a fever to heal from.

Unless you count being in love with Eren a fever.

But it was more like a virus.

A virus that you didn't want to heal from. A virus that you'd let fully infect you. A virus that you wished would grow bigger because the feeling was just absolutely euphoric even if Eren could never reciprocate.

You let out a sigh, your back laid softly against the gentle fabric of your bedsheets. Your left arm draped over your eyes, blocking the familiar view of your white ceiling.

Your eyelashes tickled against your tired skin, your heart heavy with lies that you have conjured lately. The lies weren't what's bothering you. It was the person you lied to.

The guilt was overpowering you. You were feeling shitty about yourself, your life. God, you wished more than anything to have Eren beside you.

To have his scent fulfill your senses. To have his warm touch igniting all your goosebumps. To have his arms embracing your body.

You wanted to feel him. How his palm would be at the back of your head, slightly burying your face in his chest. How his calloused fingers would feel against the strands of your hair.

How soft the sound of his voice is when he'd whisper the most comforting things to you. How sweet his skin would feel against yours when he touched you.

How mesmerizing his green eyes would be to look into, lifting you into a universe where everything you wanted to come true. In that universe, it would be him and you.

Your head was voicing out your thoughts, the words splayed around the walls of your brain;

The secrets I have held in my heart.

Are harder to hide than I thought.

Maybe I just wanna be yours.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of knocking on your door. You sighed, your body screaming for you to lie back down on your bed.

But you ignored it as you walked towards the door. You didn't bother to look through the hole so you just opened the door, revealing your tall best friend.

Speak of the Devil and the Devil may come.

Any coherent words you could think of faded in your throat as your eyes stared with shock at him. Didn't you specifically tell him not to come?

"Eren, what are you doing here?" You managed to say.

"I wanted to see you," he gaped blankly. But soon, his unreadable expression turned into one slightly angry. "Thought you were sick," his voice was almost condescending and daring, head tilted to the side, words laced poisonously with sarcasm.

"I-I'm feeling better," you squirmed, arms moving to cross over your chest while your eyes uncomfortable looked away at literally anything but his eyes.

Because you knew that once he looked at you, he'd know damn well that you had lied.

But right now, it already seemed like no matter what, he knew because he caught you.

"You've been avoiding me," he stated, straightening his head again.

"No, I haven't," you weakly defended, eyes darting to him.

Yes, you have.

"Cut the crap, Y/N," he huffed quite angrily as he walked past you into your room.

"Oh come on in, why don't ya?" You blurted out with slight annoyance.

You had no idea why you were also feeling angry. Was it because Eren's anger was infecting you? Maybe.

"Did I do something wrong? Is that why you've been avoiding me so much lately?" His brows furrowed bitterly, eyes turning around to meet you.

"I haven't been avoiding you-"

"Come on, Y/N," he groaned. "Did I do something wrong?"

His voice lowered into a soft plead. His green eyes were almost teary as he gazed into your orbs.

"No, you didn't."

"Then why?" He queried. "Is it because of your boyfriend or something?"

"We broke up."

Your words left your lips in a painful sigh. Your eyes evaded Eren's sight because you didn't want to look at him.

Because you lied to him. Or at least kept a secret from him. And part of Eren was hurt that you didn't tell him.

"Did he hurt you?" Eren's words sauntered through his gritted teeth, his fists clenched tightly while his nostrils flared with a firey flame.

"What? No, it's not like that," you shook your head, heat and chills crawling up your body at the same time.

"Then what the fuck happened?"

"It's nothing," you mumbled out.

He wasn't pleased with your response. For the first time, he wasn't pleased with you.

"Then tell me what happened," he sternly added.

"Nothing, okay? Just leave it alone, Ren," your right foot tapped anxiously against the white tile of your room.

Eren could tell you were nervous, lying. He could read you like a book. But he just hadn't managed to turn a page to truly see why you're lying or what you're lying about.

"I swear to God, Y/N, if you don't fucking tell me-"

"Because I don't love him!" You shouted, anger suddenly escaping you at his pressuring words.

His eyes were staring blankly at you, unsure for a fleeting moment if you were lying or not. He knew that you weren't.

But he was shocked. Shocked at your sudden outburst. Why were you angry?

"Is that what you wanted to hear?" You snarked, breath scoffed out bitterly. "Finally I meet a decent guy that actually likes me, I can't love him," your lips lets out a humorless chuckle, pity for yourself growing bigger within your body.

"Wh- Why?"

"Jesus fuck, Ren, I don't know!"

You do know.

You know damn well why.

You know the reason you couldn't love that man.

It's because the reason himself is standing in fornt of your eyes.

"You're lying," Eren's firm voice ehcoed your hearing.

"I'm not!"

You are.

"God, Y/N, how stupid do you think I am?" Eren's voice was raising in anger and disbelief.

"What?" You frowned, letting your hands uncomfortably down to your sides. "I don't think you're stupid, Ren."

"Then why are you lying to me?"

"I can't tell you," your words were low in a mumble.

"Why not?" He pressured on, slow strides taken to approach your figure.

"I just can't. Now will you just let it go?"

"No," he scoffed. "I won't 'just let it go'," he spat, forehead creased with worried lines, tone slightly mocking your words. "You've been avoiding me because of it and I think I have a right to know why. So just tell me-"

"BECAUSE IT'S YOU!"

Your words were blurted out in a flash that you didn't realize until after they entered the shell of your ears. Damn Eren and his ability to make you talk.

Your palms clasped over your lips, eyes widened in a shocking manner, taken aback by your own outburst.

Your eyes travelled to Eren's, contact initiated. You could see he was just as shocked and surprised as you were but he was more confused, lacking understanding of your words.

"What are you talking about?"

You let your hands leave your lips, breaking the eye contact. The tips of your fingers massaged your temples, eyes closed with slight frustration towards yourself.

"It's you, Ren. You are why I broke up with him," you softened your tone. "I can't love him because I love you."

You watched as his eyes widened slightly, any anger residing in his body dissipating as your words touched him.

His eyeslashes contacted the bags under his eyes as he blinked a few times, fathoming the words you had just said. He could feel his heart fluttering in the way it did when he first saw you.

Oh shit, sorry.

The scene of your first interaction with him played in his mind. He remembered everything about it.

Because how could he not? It was the blessed day when the universe had allowed him to meet such an angel as you.

He just never knew you felt the same way.

"Can you please say something?" You nervously let out, unsure of the thoughts running through his head at the moment.

"You love me?" His question sounded like a child asking their parents for a confirmation.

"Isn't it fucking obvious?" You let out a saddened laugh.

"No," he scoffed, furrowing his brows. "How the fuck was it obvious? You're always with some shitty guy only coming to me when he hurts you," he spat out.

"But it's you! It's always you! In the end, no matter what, I always go to you!"

He was silent, unsure of what else to say. Unsure whether he should tell you the truth or not.

"I know you don't feel the same way," you added with a devastated sigh.

That got him.

How could you say that?

How could you say he didn't feel the same way when all he ever dreamed of at night was you?

"I fucking love you, Y/N."

Now it was your turn to sound like a confused child.

"You love me?"

"Ever since I fucking met you," he smiled, and neither of you had realized how close he had gotten to you.

You were mesmerized as you stared into the green specks surrounding his irises. You were hypnotized by the beauty Eren had always held.

"Why didn't you tell me?" You quiet tone trembled under his gaze.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He returned, eyes searching yours.

What was he even searching for? Confirmation? Truth? Lies? Deceptions? He didn't know. But he was searching for something within your vision.

"I thought you didn't like me," you whispered out.

"I thought you didn't like me either," he let out a small laugh. It was sincere, happy. "So we agree?"

"Huh?"

"We're blaming miscommunication?"

"Yeah."

Your head nodded, eyes flickering onto his lips before going back to his eyes. You felt his hands swoop to your sides, pulling your body flush against his.

Eren's soft lips pressed gently against yours, the feeling euphoric in all ways possible. It was better than you have ever imagined. And he wasn't even properly kissing you.

When his lips finally moved against yours, heavenly wasn't even a word strong enough to describe the feeling.

Your arms carefully crawled over his chest then shoulders before looping behind his neck, trapping him against you. Because you never wanted to be apart from him. Not again, not ever.

His lips curled into a smile, your skin brushed against the corners of his lips. The sensation was enough to make you push yourself further against him.

Because nothing felt close enough. You wanted to be closer.

But the passionate kiss you two shared left you both breathless. Quite literally. Slowly, unwillingly, he pulled away from you.

But you weren't ready to let go. So you let his fingers linger against your hips just as he let your hands cage him against you. His forehead rested against yours while you both caught air.

The same thoughts that had appareared in both you and Eren's heads had turned into words. Word that you both let out at the same time, briniging much more happiness to both your hearts;

I wanna be yours.

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