#now i need a psychotherapy because i started crying while finding these screencaps

[microwavebeeep]

IM SO SORRY FOR THIS BUT I NEED TO COPE IT ALL SOMEHOW

I am hyperfixated on that one Castiel's death in 12 season for no reason and I overthink it too much (I can't even think about rewatching it rn, it's painful, so I'm sorry, if I didn't remember something), but I just realised one thing...

It's not the first, when Cas dies, but all other times he more like. disappeared. or was soon resurrected (like in the end of s5 or when he was a human). There was no time to grief or no body to cry on, so a small chance of Cas being alive was there. And Dean did believe in it, keeping his trench coat in Impala. But this time... It's different.

For the first time Dean had to deal with Cas's dead body. He saw, how he died. There was no chance he might be alive. No place for faith. God didn't answer. Nothing changed, when he returned and put up the blanket. The dead body was here and that was the end.

For the first time Dean had to arrange a real funeral for Cas, had to look how his body was burning. He lost two people he loved, and one of them had gone forever... And now he had to deal with that fact and his grief. He was completely broken.