#now i know everything and it isn't as mysterious and alluring anymore

[that-wildwolf]

hey, remember being 18 years old and playing mass effect for the first time and it's got this like intense aura of being very small and very insignificant in a very big, very empty galaxy? remember playing mass effect for the first time and everything all of this is so new and mysterious, and it's 2am and you're sitting in a dark room in the light from your tv and you're playing through feros for the first time and you feel that this is someting very old and very ancient and you are somewhere you shouldn't be and you don't know what's going to happen or where you're going but you keep on. there's a tingling in your stomach and you're playing mass effect for the first time. the thorian is a milennia old sentient plant being. the rachni queen is old and telepathic and a hive mind and in pain. sovereign is an ancient machine that has not been built but is, and has always been, and this is something so alien and so unlike and beyond anything your human mind can comprehend, and this is something unexplainable and huge and as uncaring and indifferent as the empty galaxy around you. you're playing mass effect for the first time and you're walking on the surface of an almost completely empty planet with nothing but your two companions silently walking beside you and everything is so huge and empty and silent and you're so small and insignificant and it's so beautiful and so scary and you feel like you are on a rollercoaster about to drop down. you are playing mass effect for the first time and you're playing the mission on the moon and you stop and just look up at earth visible in the sky. you know this. this is home. you are playing mass effect for the first time, and the galaxy is so big, and you are so tiny, and everything is about to change for you.

[myoddessy]

the eyes of jonathan byers. the perfect girl miniseries part three.

series masterlist

the eyes of robin buckley, eddie munson, maxine mayfield, y/n l/n.

note —this is my least favourite part of the series so bare with me 😭

the playlist

i didn't understand her. deep down, i don't think i wanted to. it was part of her allure i think. the fact that i didn't know anything about her. isn't life better that way? when you don't know anything about someone, they can be whatever you want them to be. but when you've met them, spoken to them, then they're set in stone. you like them, or you don't. she could have been anything. she could have been smart, or dumb, or kind, or a total bitch.

she was everywhere, and i mean that literally. she wasn't part of any clubs, but she was always in the background of pictures i took. sometimes i look at them, spending an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why she was there. trying to figure out anything about her, really.

she smiled when it rained. and when i saw it, it was like my world had turned on its axis, however disgustingly cliche that may sound. it was small, it was sweet, it was perfect. i wonder if she'd noticed me staring those days. in a way, i hope she did. it would mean she knew i existed, even if she never spoke to me.

is it weird to miss something you never really had? because when we moved i missed her. i missed seeing her, passing her in hallways and sidewalks, feeling the wave of french perfume she enveloped herself in whenever we brushed close to each other.

she was cerebral. she moved with too move confidence to be accidental, but she never betrayed her nonchalance. the grey area between the black and white swan. not as innocent and daisy-fresh as the swan queen herself, but not as lustful and envious as her sister. she was beautiful and elegant and raw and the pinnacle of all things desirable. no lies passed her sugar lips because nothing passed them at all.

she was a doll, perfect and delicate. like one of those antiques you see displayed proudly through frosted windowpanes. the ones you smile at intrigue before catching sight of the monstrous price tag tied to its leg. i wonder what her price tag was, what could possibly hang at risk of chasing somebody away. i'll never know, and i'll never be able to guess either because i know that, if i had the chance to know her, nothing could make her seem unworthy of complete adoration.

i can't look at my music collection anymore. not after all the mixtapes i made with the intent of her listening to. the ones full with the beatles and the ink spots and any other remotely romantic songs i could think of in hopes of her knowing how i felt without actually having to say it. i don't think i'd be able to say it. not just because she rendered me speechless, but because there wasn't any words that could show how i saw her.

she was everything the world could offer. the good, the bad, the upfront, and the mysterious. she was everything. my everything. even now, in whatever happens after death, she remains the same. still everything. still my everything.

[thetaoofbetty]

I just think it’s funny because just when Vanessa posted that caption with "River-Verse" alluring that they are for sure going with multiverse stuff and a lot of things point to this Riverdale not being the real one either BAs are starting to panic and commenting "it’s not an AU!" On every post making this theory but they should’ve seen this outcome since 606 when superpowers, the devil and Tabitha legit being Doctor Strange 2.0 came into the plot on "Riverdale". The way every character is acting, the similarities with Vale, the random things that happened in 605 that got not explanation. It’s "River-Verse" because it’s not Dale or Vale, but another one in between. It’s a repeat on the special. It’s like when they were so sure everything on Vale was going to be real only for them to be proven wrong. All that confidence now but I know they’ll be crying by the finale for a story line we saw coming miles away.

let us all take a moment for the b/as who told us that rivervale was just the name of the town now.

might be the same people who have told me that riverdale has switched genres before so this makes total sense (i have questions about their definition of genre now tbh). or that it would parallel the vale but would obviously have the baby and wedding for real (and you guessed it, i don't think they know what parallel means either).

the thing is, i don't really know what the people who think the vale isn't or won't affect the dale people are thinking. they're having deja-vu, tabitha just heard the call to betty over the radio. it's clearly leaking through. that means that it's not fixed. something went wrong when they tried to fix it.

oh lord, i'm about to give this more thought than the writers ever will but listen, they were oddly specific about calling it a pocket universe, right?

here's what i know about pocket universes. they're not parallel universes. ha.

nah, okay i'm sorry. i vote we use what i learned from dr who about them and call it what he did: a distorted echo of our own (universe). and that they never lasted long? which makes sense for the event but they had jughead try to save them all. and i believe they looped too.

i think they have an entry and exit point? which makes sense since i feel like that would be the point where they're overlapping? maybe? going off memory here so good luck to me.

like, obvs, they're going for something here and adding in the comics, the clear time travel, the bomb (the mystery of it and how pocket universes are supposed to have their own big bang (am pretty sure on that but not 100%) along with vale archie talking about the bomb being the creation of rivervale, i feel like those pieces can all be picked up and looked at even if not everything fits perfectly.

especially when you consider how popular it is to have different laws of nature in other universes (superpowers/supernatural stuff).

no idea what my point is anymore tbh. just that you can be confident in your ship and still see how the vale is messing with it. i mean, i don't remember the last time i watched or read anything that messed with time and universes that didn't try and fix the point where it all went wrong but if you don't think anything went wrong, why care what others are talking about?

like, yeah, i'm leaning towards riverdale finding a way to handwave all of it away with no real long term consequences because i expect them to do what they've always done. they did it in the event. they did it in s5 for the mystery portion of the show. they did it in s1-4. and them bringing in sabrina again?👀

[definii]

Tommy walked across the shopping district, it was nighttime, dim, and empty. No hermits to be seen, No fireworks being set off usually but the dim winds brushed against the young brit's coat.

"Where is everybody?... Hello?" He called out, walking around the district on the lookout for anybody however the silence whelmed his sense of safety yet strangely, there were alluring subconscious whispers that started to get louder and louder in his mind to ears.

"You'll see him again"

"Nobody's here again..."

"You know the reason why they let you stay, Tommy"

"He's waiting at the waters"

Tommy knew that this is probably a trap or some sort of cruel prank but, the voices soothed him numbingly, he'd been submerged in those voices before, the shallow warm welcome with open arms liced with self-doubt and degrading hate that made his chest heavy, his head filled with static that soothed the months of exile.

No matter how many times he tells himself that it isn't his fault, there will be a lingering hand that reaches out to shake hands with those deprecating voices.

He walked along with the voices like a loose puppet on strings, inside his mind might be loud but the deserted district certainly made the atmosphere quieter almost deafening.

Yes, He heard blades clanged, Bombs exploded that rippled the ground, Arrows harshly plopped onto flesh and, Screams that became a hoarse cry...but silence? Is something that he isn't accustomed to.

He hummed a familiar tune, eventually, he started to quietly sing. "I heard there was a special place..." he turned a corner, he can see the portal's glow from a distance, it called for him.

"Where men could go and emancipate..." Hopping over a few twigs and glancing at the bits of mycelium that mixed with the grass. "From the brutality and tyranny of their rulers..." the wind blows by softly, cold and mellow.

He looks up at the portal, the transparent purple hues with the small particles coming and dying out like a firework. The feeling a bitter nostalgia came in, pressing against his chest, he could feel his heart beating visibly along his limbs stiffened.

"Well, this place is real...you needn't fret..." He slowly stepped into the portal, not knowing what it is but the subconsciousness convinced him vaguely.

Warping into the nether, there was a strange pathway leading up to another portal that he'd never seen before, his eyes hurried to inspect the place...Where's the upside-down? Everything is unfamiliar.

And moreover, Why's it cold in the nether?

The Red-ish hue mixed in the blue darkness, making it into a purple mute atmosphere. It gave him mixed signals, although everything seems to be strange, Tommy was unconcerned...more likely unbothered with it.

"You're almost home..."

"He's waiting by the sand"

"Rest well there..."

"You weren't meant to be here anyways..."

"Why get more people involved in your problems when you can just leave"

Aimlessly heading to the portal, he continued his tune "With- Wilbur, Tommy...Tubbo...Fuck Eret..." He sang, no longer quiet, reaching the mysterious portal and slowly traced his fingers down at the side edge of it.

"It's a very big and not so blown-up L'Manburg..." Closing his eyes as he's footed into the portal, His head felt light-headed nonetheless Tommy was blindly untroubled by it since his mind was already occupied.

Opening his eyes, he saw sand and an ocean shore...A beach that wasn't far from a grassy plain. "My L'Manburg..." The shore called for him with the ocean winds greeting him in, his body wasn't even in control anymore by wariness but muted dullness.

"My L'Manburg..." His legs moved blindly across the sand with eyes unfocused, Is this even real? He doesn't know either.

"My L'Manburg..." His eyes caught a blurry silhouette at the waters of the shore, It was hard to see since the skies are still night with the stars reflecting the water and the moon illuminating from behind.

His steps became desperate all of a sudden and squinted his eyes at the figure, trying yo identify who and then the voices stopped all the sudden.

"My...." The figure looks back at him, revealing his face that was now shined on by the water, he was smiling at Tommy warmly...A smile that he so long haven't seen on a beloved's face.

"Tubbo?".

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXVI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

You are the one in my heart (Part II)

(11x13)

Hello! I bring to you another meta from this collection – the second part! We will keep talking about broken hearts and how in love Dean is with Castiel. I know you love this topic. And I just decided this will have a third part because I have so many things to say...

First of all, I want to say thank you to @destielle , she's the beta reader of this mess. Thank you for making my meta look so pretty 😘💕💕

Cheating and love triangles

Episode 11x13 is titled 'Love Hurts' and it fits perfectly because, remember how Dean felt so hurt when Casifer tried to use him as bait? Okay. We all agree he suffered a heart break then, and that’s why the Banshee could get to him. Now, this episode talks about broken hearts, too… but also about a cursed kiss: Amara's kiss.

The episode opens with a husband cheating on his wife with their babysitter. It’s a love triangle functioning as a Destiel mirror, but they add in some spicy confusion to the subtext: Melissa (the depressed wife) is the Cas mirror, we have Stacey, the babysitter, for Amara and Dan as Dean.

So when we have Stacey saying: "Ew, I can taste her mom lipstick…you’re telling her tonight, right?" we get the mirrored thoughts of Amara after kissing Dean, who is, too, already taken, compromised – bonded with Castiel. 

And when Dan says: "I told you it’s not that simple. Mel and I…we’ve been together since we were your age. We have a house, a baby…we have a whole life together." He's talking about marriage, a serious commitment, which works as the perfect parallel to Dean and Castiel’s long-term relationship.

So when the Qareen appears in the form of Dan and rips Stacy's heart out from her chest (and vice versa a little further into the episode), we are still talking about broken hearts. But we get confused because Dan admits his love for the babysitter, and therefore could never hurt her. Because you don't hurt the one you love (obviously if Dean had listened a little closer to Dan, he surely would have recalled that nefarious chat with Casifer where he proposed to put Dean in danger).

So, going with the assigned roles, let’s say if Dan is Dean and Stacy is Amara, does that mean when Dan is saying he loves Stacy, not his wife, that Dean loves Amara, and not Cas? No. Not at all. Because the upcoming scenes and what Dean says by the end of the episode will clarify: THE KISS AMARA GAVE HIM IS A CURSE AND HE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH HER.

Now, I want to share with you my beta's clarifying thought, that calmed my shipping heart...

"Hi, destielle here, rudely taking advantage of beta’ing to add a thought: I think the babysitter merely posed as a temptation, something Dan tried out because it’s kind of forbidden and dangerous and therefore exciting, plus conquering a girl stimulates his self-worth but - breaking up with his wife never really was a heartfelt intention. Because getting it on with the babysitter is not only a clichée, but also only fun for a little while, because everything, in the end, will lose its newness and therefore allurement and so I suspect he knew that sticking to what he has, a long-term thing that lasts, is the better road to go by far. Plus there’s a difference between true love and excitement induced infatuation. The ladder will fade, love will last and grow stronger bc it’s built upon a solid foundation."

This is so true, and couldn't be more agreed! Thank you Hannah! 😚💕

The Cursed Kiss

This was a very blatantly straight forward episode, because first it was opened with a recall to AMARA's kiss to Dean. And then they showed us how the Qareen’s curse jumped from one to the next victim via kiss. So, you have a deadly kiss, a cursed kiss… The mark of Cain’s kiss, darkness’s kiss, AMARA's kiss… that wasn't love, that wasn't good. AMARA's kiss is dark, bad, cursed and deadly.

AMARA's kiss poop? 🤣

Who's in Dean's heart?

We already know the answer, but let's dig into it anyway…

The first scene with the Winchester brothers takes place in the Bunker's kitchen the morning after Valentine's day and Dean is having a hard time trying to restore himself… he's walking funny on his way to the fridge… if you know what I mean. But mostly we wonder why that is. He's not the guy for a one-night-only-girl anymore, so what was the matter? And immediately after that question we asked ourselves Dean says this to his brother…

Sam: Is that a hickey? (Dean spits out his food)

Gif set credit @spnwhenever

Dean: And? It was valentine’s day. I can’t help it if I’m a hopeless romantic.

Sam: You got half of that right.

Dean: Just doing my civic duty. Helping all the single ladies. You know the best thing about February 14th. You don’t have to be Mr. Right. Just Mr. Right Now

Sam: That’s classy

Is this the old Dean talking? Nope, definitely not. It’s Mr Dean ‘Broken-hearted’ Winchester talking. And we get it now… Saint Valentine's day, he wasn't with his Mr. Right (Cas)... He just took what was right in that moment. It’s very very sad. But Dean needs to frame it more classy, to make it more cool.

Now, I want to talk a little about Melissa. When she realizes she maybe went too far with her spell, she turns to Dean and Sam, and she says this…

Melissa: yes. A return to love spell. All I had to do was chant it and seal it with a kiss. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I swear. I just wanted my husband back.

This is sad too, and gives us, if we take that as a feeling mirrored from Cas, a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he said ‘Yes’ to Lucifer in the cage. And again it’s the motive of the CURSED KISS, one with dark intentions… we already learned AMARA's kiss is bad and not good, but now we get even more confirmation of this when Dean kisses Melissa, taking the curse on him that way. WE GET IT WRITERS!

Gif credit @clairvoyantsam

Sam: So the curse is transmittable?

Just like Cain's mark, the curse, the kiss, the love spell, all of them are transmittable.

Sam: Apparently not in him. The person who holds the Qareen’s heart is the one who commands it.

Sam is giving us a lot of clues here: Who has AMARA's heart? Dean. But who has Dean's heart? Castiel. So Dean can direct his own will to reject AMARA's offer. And this is the secret why DEAN CAN RESIST HER.

So, with this statement in our heads, let's analyze the Qareen’s and Dean’s encounter…

The Qareen takes the form of people’s darkest desires. So… he took AMARA's shape.

The Qareen sensed Dean's longing in his heart, but it failed in personifying it. Because Dean's darkest desire is not dark, it’s full of light, but is hidden, because it’s so repressed. His deepest is a secret, it’s his love for Castiel.

Amara: Who I am doesn’t matter. The real question is who are you?

Dean: What do you mean who am I?

She can't read him, Dean Winchester is a mystery, she can't get to his true feelings, she can't reach them. Dean has them sealed away very, very deep down in his soul. Like a treasure.

Amara: You’re a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except it’s cloaked in shame. When it comes to this, you can’t help yourself, so why fight it. Just give in.

When she says Dean Winchester is a mystery it’s because she really can't read the truth in him, but she knows it’s somewhere in there. She feels it, but can't quite grasp it. And she says 'it's clocked in shame.' Because it is, because Dean Winchester is ashamed of his feelings for Castiel. He knows he shouldn't feel how he feels for his best friend, for a ‘man’, for an angel. He thinks he doesn't deserve him. So, when the Qareen touches herself saying 'when it comes to this, you can't help yourself, so why fight it. Just give in.' It’s simple when it’s about women, when it’s about a curse, a love spell, the attraction is there, the curse is there, he knows it, but they're not Mr. Right. They're just there… the girls on Saint Valentine's Day are available and Amara is almost irresistible because of the curse. But Dean Winchester doesn't give in to that because he loves Castiel.

And then, Qareen!Amara can’t rip Dean's heart from his chest. Because she is not the one in his heart.

We need more evidence? What about this last dialogue between Sam and Dean…

Dean: It was Amara

Sam: That surprise you?

Dean: That doesn’t surprise you?

Sam: Honestly?

Dean: Honestly? You seriously think the sister of God is my deepest darkest desire?

Sam: She isn’t?

Dean: No! She can’t be!

Gif credit @samwinchesterlesbian 👇

Dean puts all his fierceness into these words, BECAUSE HE IS SURE! HE KNOWS POSITIVELY IT CAN'T BE, BECAUSE HE LOVES CASTIEL.

Sam: Why not?

Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m…

Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?

Dean: For starters, yeah

Dean is afraid of the power Amara has over him, that’s it.

Dean: Standing here right now, every bone in my body wants to run her through. Send her back to that hole she crawled out of. But when I’m near her, I don’t know. Something happens and I can’t explain it, but to call it desire or love…it’s not that. I’m screwed man. We wanna kill the darkness. We need to kill the darkness. And I don’t think I can. I’m sorry to do that to you, ya know, but when it comes right down to it…

The most important thing here is that Dean is aware of the curse, of the power, he knows what Amara does to him, and he is sure that it is NOT LOVE. How can he be sure that it’s not love? BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT LOVE IS, BECAUSE THERE'S SOMEONE IN HIS HEART ALREADY, AND THAT'S CASTIEL.

To Conclude: 

If the episode with Mildred showed us Dean was pining for someone, telling us Dean is in love with someone, then this one is yelling in our faces that person isn't Amara. And if it’s not Amara plus ��cloaked in shame’, and Dean has gotten his heart broken recently by someone we know, we are talking about the same person: Castiel.

So it’s logical! And we made the equation just like the writers wanted us to solve it: DEAN WINCHESTER IS IN LOVE WITH CASTIEL, BUT HE'S ASHAMED OF THIS FEELING. AND AMARA HAS A DARK POWER OVER HIM THROUGH A TRANSMITTABLE CURSE: CAIN'S MARK. CANONICAL FACTS! But yeah, I'm not discovering a new world here...

I hope you liked this mess. See you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas From s11, here you have the links: Vol. LXII, LXIII, LXIV, LXV.

Buenos Aires, June 16th 2020 18:45 PM

[moonsprince]

and i do wish i could keep your mind interested in me and i know initially i had you interested but i feel like the more you delved deeper the more you saw how i wasn't the person that i put out there. or that i seemed to be. i know you saw me so highly and i ripped it all apart and i do blame it all on me but i just know that these days specifically i cannot satisfy you. you like to have little games with people and to toy with them in a fun way and to tease and to stimulate eachothers minds. and i know this dude is offering that to you. and all the others you have. and i wish i could offer that to you too. i feel like i'm so vulnerable with you to the point where it became hard for me to even like myself with you. and that makes sense. because i hurt you in unimaginable ways. i just wish it didn't affect how i interacted with you. i wish iwas someone who could stimulate your mind, make you want to come back for more, someone whos smart and witty. and knows whats going on. someone who can keep up with your mind, not just sit there and be fascinated by it. because that's what i am. i admire you. but admiration is not enough. you want someone who doesn't just admire you but offers something new to you. you don't want to be with me and it hurts. it's like a direct shot to the chest because you're perfect and i had you once and i fucked up and it fucking haunts me how i hurt you this much. i always say this but i wish i offered something better to you. i wish i was the people you have in your life rn, the ones who you talk to every minute of the day to keep you distracted from life and that stimulate your mind. i feel like i'm just a person who isn't smart this way. i'm not witty. i'm not someone that makes you go wow. i'm a person full of emotion and reactions. i'm not one to come up with things. i'm not a good mind stimulater as much as i wish iwas. i always was insecure about this. i wish i could offer you something you liked. i shouldn't be letting this dictate my entire life choices but i don't even know anymore. i do wish i caught your eye like that person did. and i wish i treated you like this person is now. on top of that they even share all these placements with me. and yet they still are better than me. it hurts. i wish i wasn't myself. i want to be witty. i want to be outstandingly witty and not based on reactions and emotions. i wish i didn'r have bpd that makes me think everything could be an attack against me. i wish i could make you like me. i wish i was happy. i will never be a person anyone takes seriously or thinks of as cool. i'm not cool. i'm not someone mysteriously cool and alluring. like these people are to you. i'm nothing. it hurts so much

[nctaezen]

Happy valentine day aka both the lovey dovey holiday and our bday bpy himself, I saw your gifset and 100/10!! Amazing work, please frame that gifset in a museum pronto!! It sounds like your valentine's day was fun ^_^

But yes I am from Chicago haha, it doesn't seem fancy to me being in Chicago with how expensive downtown can be at times (but then again, when is downtown in ANY big city not expensive?) But it is a lovely place nonetheless, granted don't come now because its cold like the northpole xD but very much recommended the spring time personally! I do hope you have the chance to come to Chicago when things calm down

Ooohh same lol, I can do my nails like a pro but eyeliner ??? I struggle lol. I watched videos on tips but I still can't figure how to not stop my hand from shaking =/ (if any of your followers know a trick do share! Help this noob anon out, i will pay with cookies!) I can do it decent line but its always thick for some odd reason lol. It starts off good in the beginning with a nice thin line but then I go full raccoon mode xD I have big eyes as well so technically not good for my eye shape but it is what it is haha. I do prefer pencil since its easier but I do enjoy the liquid eyeliner look. My current makeup look is eyeliner, mascara and some lip product. I do eyeshadow if I want to be fancy haha but for sure need to look into getting some better products. The ones I do have my eye on are nyx because we love a good mix of free of animal products and cheap, bare minerals is nice as well as well as color pop! For the pricier end fenty and rare beauty are on my list (especially rare omg the lipstick shades are so, so pretty! Especially the color you mentioned ^0^) but ooh we love pinks and orange shades! We love the soft, spring romantic vibes! For me. I like a bit of everything but i do find myself leaning into red, pink, orange shades with a mix of dark tones like a dark wine shade or even black djaksja. My favorite lippie i own is this beautiful orange/brown color? Idk if that is the right way to describe it but it is a pretty color! Jdkandks @ that large lipstick collection, respect haha. I enjoy the old school lip gloss look because i like pretending to feel like an Bratz doll lol.. bb creams are good and I may go with one in the future since it seems a good product to use if you don't want to dive into foundation and such c:

Now skin care wise, I agree! Not all pricey products are better. You can find good products for half the price that works for your skin! It is a trail and error sadly but eventually you will find something that works best for you c: and ooohh i think i have heard of those brands! I'll look at them later to see what they have so thank you for the suggestion!! Lol maybe that's a good thing the brand isn't around where you live xD but true, it is best to not continue with using the products so I will sadly throw them away. I feel bad since I did spend money but if it isn't doing me good skin wise well why ruin my skin more? Garnier is great for sure! I love their micellar water so I may invest in some of their other products! When I will do that, not sure because my parents are a bit strict when it comes to makeup/skin care stuff *sigh*

Oof I do feel like there have been alot of romance plots so we do need a break with some other plot ideas like a good mystery drama for example like let me feel like Sherlock when watching the episodes haha. But ahh it be like that xD sometimes you start off watching a video or two and then you are spending half the night watching funny edits of nct lol and idk how he can be calm like jaehyun is so calm in the most chaotic moments. Like he didn't even flinch when the boxes exploded in nct world!! Teach us your calm ways jaehyun. But I do love his dad ways from the humor he has or his dad sneeze (I will admit some fans do take the "jaehyun dad" narrative a bit too far sometimes or maybe its just me? Thoughts love?)

Oof until april!? Oh no D: I hope the numbers slow down during then, sending good vibes to your family as well during these times! You also stay safe! As for me, yeah just have been staying inside. Not much to do sadly but I'm being well fed with kpop so not complaining haha

Hey hey! How was your week/days so far since Valentines? 

Well I had a lot to do and I was mainly busy with work (once again). I am remodelling/redecorating my room as well and I still have lots of plans on it, let’s see how the things end up because I will do it all alone (wish me luck).

Happy you loved that set and I hope you will anticipate my Ten set as well (it’s a secret, not secret anymore but I still haven’t started with it yet I have lots of notes and ideas saved, I just need the courage and time for it).

Oh yeah I knew it hehe as far as I know Chicago looks very modern and seems a bit luxurious, indeed should be a bit expensive in the downtown, but even in my country, downtown is something I usually avoid for hanging out because it’s super super pricy. 

I came across a few fun videos on tiktok and there was a girl doing her eyeliner in one go, like less that 1 second and I was like?? she’s not from this world. I had the chance to try my new bb cream and corrector from nyx and so far I love it, it doesn’t feel heavy or itchy on my skin, also knowing it’s cruelty free, it’s something that stands on my top buy makeup brand list. I used to love lipgloss when I was a child/teen, but not anymore, I wear my hair down and if go out. Forget about it, especially since I live in a windy area. And now with masks I can only wear a no-transfer lipstick or simply lip balm. A brand I think I will try soon will be Cerave, I heard only good things about it and Wayv also promoted it in the past. At that time the brand wasn’t available in my country, now it become quite popular and if the lockdown ends next month, I’ll go to a pharmacy to test the products and (hopefully) buy some. 

As for my drama experience, I started to watch Vincenzo since it’s on Netflix it’s much easier to watch but I didn’t expect the whole comedy twist, I thought that drama was based on a dark-crime-mafia plot, yet I was once again fooled by the trailers. Anyway he looks sooo good for his age, I thought he was in his twenties, just wow! We’re a decade apart, and man! he looks so young, maybe even younger, insane! I should drink more ginseng tea for infinite youth haha Anyway the drama is a stay because I love him so much, he is a very talented actor and hopefully the plot will change as the history will go on.

About Jaehyun and that dad narrative, well yes. Things go out of hand for everyone else not only for him, especially in cases when these words are shoved right into their faces, I would never dare to comment anything like that under their social media or even on personal-interactions, it just seems uncomfortable on many levels. If someone looks hot and sexy, this is what he is and this is what we call them for, magazines and articles describe idols a lot these days with these words and that is ok because it means they have an attractive image that everyone wishes to have or achieve, yes I do get jealous sometimes even if they are men so 😂 but those type of whatever role-playing words, no, niet, nein, não, non. Out of question.

Meanwhile a few comebacks happened and I was excited for it, Shinee’s title song is sooo good and I love the savage lyrics. The rest of the album is also amazing, I have like 3 top favorites. Now I am waiting for Wayv comeback that will happen soon, hope SM won’t disappoint with another low-budget MV, I know we are in a pandemic situation rn but even inside the box, a MV can look stunning. SM take notes from “Make a Wish”, that was simply beautiful and almost everything was shot indoor, stunning effects I want to see again.

And I don’t think I had the chance to ask you, how did you like 127′s Japanese album? I love all the songs and there is non I skip when I play the whole album. I love how different hits from their Korean albums, there is something alluring about it, well the lyrics also suggest that so- I couldn’t miss that huge album that looks like an A3 portfolio so I already ordered one, hopefully by the end of the March I’ll get my hands on it, I can’t wait because the pictures are simply stunning!

Hope so far you have been fine, stay healthy and take care of yourself, and hope to hear from you back soon ❤️

[plusonetm]

I really wasn't feeling up to explain the angst that day huh. Well here's the second part to rokitodo a.k.a me projecting really REALLY hard. None of this will be written-written, so it's honestly just a very brief explanation. Don't expect real angst writing here:

Post merge Shouto isn't...mentally stable (I think we kinda know that by now) Roki and Todo worked well together because they were just pieces of him, his inner conflicts seperated into two people. They worked against each other for all the same reasons. Perhaps it's that they were so cookie-cutter, so obvious in their intentions, that people loved them so much. Roki was blunt, above all else, there were no confusing fronts or lies. Todo, even with his cold exterior, was easy enough to read once he got familiar with everyone.

But Shouto? Now he's a different story.

It's not that his classmates dislike him, they've made that clear. They just...like Roki and Todo better, he supposes. He doesn't have Roki's charm, or Todo's mysterious alluring nature. Roki and Todo were great people by themselves, but merged, they were just as unlikeable as Shouto had always been. It was like mixing red and blue together. The colours seperate were beautiful, but mixing them was a delicate thing. Just a tad bit too much red left a brownish, muddy purple. Too much blue made a strange cool purple that just seemed wrong.

Shouto doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't know who he wants to be, not anymore. At times he feels too much like Roki, burning passion and too much awareness. And other times he felt like Todo, cold and kind in all the ways his mother used to be. He doesn't want to be Roki and Todo, he doesn't want to live in their shadows playing a stupid game of "Who is it?". He wants to be Shouto.

He feels like an intruder in his own skin, like a fake. He feels like an imposter every time he wears his own clothes because for six months they weren't his, were they? Everything he does feels like an imitation and it makes him sick. Every time someone calls him the wrong name, he feels the disappointment and guilt stir in his stomach.

It's easy, concerningly easy, to slip away. Shouto just stops trying to be himself all the time and everything happens in accordance. He stops correcting people when they call him Roki or Todo. He stops trying to open up when he feels the world crashing down on him. He stops trying. He falls back into old habits, into the same destructive tendacies he knew Roki and Todo carried. He falls back, but now there's no other-him to catch him.

Reality slips through his fingers with ease. He can't differentiate reality from his own hallucinations. He sees Roki and Todo when he starts to drift off. He hears the voices when he starts to tune the real world out. It's like there are two people trapped in his body and every day is a fight for control.

He lets them fight.

Some days, he's Roki. On others, he's Todo. It's all pretend, really. He slips into his roles and all is good again. He pretends to be what everyone wants him to be.

From there, it all goes downhill. Playing made up versions of himself does, in fact, chip away at any mental stability he has. It's exhausting and doing it on the daily only makes being alone with himself so much more unbearable. The clear solution? Split again.

He finds the quirk user who started it all and practically gets on his knees, begging for them to just split him back into Roki and Todo. There's really nothing stopping them from doing it, so of course they do.

For a while, it's Roki and Todo again. Everything's fine, and maybe his classmates are just a bit worried, but everyone's happy. It's a good few months, a few more months where Shouto's not playing an balancing game on his identity. But of course the quirk isn't permenant, and they have to merge again.

Post-merge recovery is never easy. Often, it makes Shouto lose his sense of self. He actually does try to be himself during the recovery period, but it's hard. It's hard to be Shouto when he doesn't know who Shouto is anymore.

He sets up a routine. Split-merge-recovery. It's a never ending loop and it only makes each recovery period worse, but Shouto does it all the same. It's...not healthy, to say the least. Roki and Todo only get worse as Shouto spirals into self hatred. It's a lost for everybody.

And then the quirk user goes off and dies. (Quirk user as in the quirk user who splits Shouto) This leaves Shouto without the choice to lug all his trauma onto Roki and Todo, but it also leaves him with more time to actually recover mentally. The recovery period really only covers the amount of time it takes for him to be physically okay for another split, and it doesn't cover how long it takes for him to ground himself back into reality.

This is to say, Shouto doesn't really get better from there.

There is more to this!! I'm just,,,not very sure if I like where the plot is headed. Very heavy angst. It involves All For One, it involves Shigaraki, and boy does it involve character death!! If you know what I'm referring to, then you know. (I've made a few posts about this potential ending. Credit to @theyeeyeetbois for the character death part. I love you <3)

I'm not very sure if I want to go with the angsty/open ended, not very happy ending for rokitodo. I haven't got a much happier ending, though I guess it'd have to involve Shouto getting some therapy. For now, this is just the vague angst ideas.

Okay but eggsplane rokitodo. Please and thank u

Oop I didn't see this ask, sorry!! Enjoy each and every thing I have about rokitodo, including some new stuff!! Quite a good chunk of this'll be contributions of @theyeeyeetbois (who I love very much. seriously they're great-)

Basic premise: Todoroki Shouto is hit with a quirk that splits him into half, his fire side and his ice side. Fire-Shouto is Roki and Ice-Shouto is Todo! The first time he's split by this quirk is referred to as the initial split, I believe. The quirk's effects last about 5-7 months, thouhh that might change in the future! As implied, Roki and Todo end up dating. After their few months are up, they merge again (which means they go back to being,,,well, Shouto.)

Roki: Roki is generally the more expressive one of the two. He's a bastard and sometimes an asshole, I love him. Personality wise he's spiteful and possessive, but he's also determined and not afraid to speak his mind. Can be rebellious, but Todo keeps him from doing stupid stuff most of the time.

Roki's appearance: He has red hair and blue eyes. He also has the scar across the upper half of his face. Basically Shouto's fire side duplifated and flipped. He doesn't care about what he wears, but he mostly wears black clothes (because black attracts heat, but that's not very relevant so ignore me)

Roki sidenotes: he has Shouto's bluntness and observational skills. He notices things pretty quickly. The few times people flirt or hit on him, he picks up on it almost straight away and well...sets himself on fire. When this happens to Todo, he usually drags the other away or nopes his way out of it.

Todo: As you can guess, Todo is cold. Not very expressive or open. He's closed off and quiet most of the time. He's more passive in his anger and most definitely the type to keep a grudge. He, too, is possessive and sometimes an asshole, just much less so. The asshole part is usually an accident.

Appearance: White hair, grey eyes, no scar no sir. He is peak rich femboy fashion. White, somewhat transparent, floofy shirts. Boot heels. Hoop earrings. Choker (with chains and hoops on it, you know *gestures vaguely*)

Todo sidenotes: he's my himbo son I love him jbswxkjwbisx he's oblivious when it has anything to do with him and very VERY dense. He can pick up on when people hit on his fire boyfriend, and he usually flirts back on Roki's behalf (to scare them of? To passive aggressively hit on them? What is the real reason he does it? I don't know.) He's a sub, which I think is important to note (very loud. I will make a ns//fw post about rokitodo one day)

The scraps of ideas: so post rokitodo merge Shouto is Not Good. At all. This requires a seperate post by itself so uh I'm just gonna give the basics. Post merge Shouto is hyper aware/ extremely insecure. He thinks (knows?) that his classmates prefer Roki and Todo over him. Bla bla lost of identity and he goes begging to be split again. This is the start of an unhealthy cycle of split-merge-recover that I will cover...some day.

FANTASY ROKITODO: HOLY SHIT ITS FANTASY ROKITODO. Okay so uh Roki and Todo come from rival kingdoms in this. Roki is the heir to the Endeavour kingdom's throne. I changed it a little tiny bit so uh yeah. He has an older brother named Touya who was supposedly burned at the stake a years ago, but it's suspected that he survived. This leaves Roki to inherit the throne from Enji. The Endeavour kingdom is allied with the Bakugous' kingdom.

Todo is not the heir to any throne. He comes from Rei's kingdom. He has two older siblings: Fuyumi and Natsuo. Hie mother, Rei, was a kind queen. She was taken in battle by the Endeavour kingdom and most believed they had her killed when no ransom was posted. Todo believes she's still alive, AND SHE IS, but Roki (who's kept far away from Rei and wholeheartedly believes she's dead) tells him otherwise.

Roki and Todo first meet in battle, on opposite ends. They hate each other, and their kingdoms reflect that. Rei's people despise the Endeavour kingdom's people and rulers for taking away their queen. The Endeavour kingdom on the other hand, well...I'm not very sure. I'd say Enji wants to take over Rei's kingdom, as it's so powerful.

The war between these two kingdoms causes many deaths and many sacrifices. Eventually, Enji proposes a deal. In exchange of delivering Rei back to her kingdom and family, Todo has to marry Roki (for status, for peace between their kingdoms, for the power)

Ouch okay so that's most of what I have, though there's a lot more to come. Thank you for the ask!