#now i cant wait to see what vecna thinks of bug đ
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âYouâve come to know what fear is. How it can blind a person, leave them stricken with such raw anguish. Fear takes whatever air is left inside you and it poisons it with sulfur and leaves you choking. â
oh my god.
episode three: the monster and the superhero
âBreaking and entering into the school to retrieve confidential and extremely personal files.â You wince. Itâs as bad as it sounds. Tapping Dustinâs shoulder, you break him away from the walkie. âWait, we wonât need my files, right?â Steve eyes you up and down, shrugging indifferently. âWellââ Hitting his chest, he sputters at you. âWhy do you keep doing that?â âYouâre not reading my files, Harrington.â
Summary: you and steve can never have a normal conversation, dustin threatens nasa, eddie sadly eats his cereal because youre mean to him, youre once again nancys biggest fan, dustin and steve have an awkward heart to heart, and you and max become felons together and trauma bond (again) !
Rating: general, some swearing
Warnings: swearing, fem!reader, use of y/n, mentions of blood, trauma lol
Words: 13.5k
Before you swing in: hi hi hi !! so so so sorry for the wait. this chapter was a pain to write and i was so busy with school and work :( promise updates will become more regular soon. i was just simply in the trenches for a hot few weeks. things in the story are heatin up, so get ready gamers. anyways, enjoy !!
â
Itâs quiet in Steveâs car.Â
Streetlights glow faintly, lighting the way home. The windows are down; the thick late spring air fills the car with the bittersweet scent of honeysuckles in bloom. In the dim of the car lies Steveâs faint outline as he drives. His hands rest against the steering wheel, his chest rises slowly as he inhales all the fear that settles inside the car.Â
No one speaks. The tension is suffocating you.Â
In the backseat resides Robin with Dustin and Max. The oldest sits in the middle, her fingers drum nervously against the head of your seat. Dustin stares out the window, he hasnât looked at you ever since promising Eddie youâd be back for him tomorrow. He hadnât wanted to leave him, he begged you to let him stay in the boathouse, but you wouldnât let him.Â
Max stares out the other window. Her eyes are closed, sheâs pretending to be asleep. Youâve come to learn what she looks like when she pretends. Her nose pinches slightly, her eyes can never stay still enough to convince you sheâs asleep. Itâs what she does whenever she doesnât want to face your questions, your concerns and your fears.Â
Tension builds in the back of your skull, a dull throb rings within your ears. Exhaustion washes over you, fear pierces her nails into your skin. You canât get Eddieâs terrified eyes out of your head. The way his voice trembled, the sticky blood on his fingernails from the skin he picked at.Â
If theyâre back again, we need to know.
Vecnaâs curse.
The static Eddie felt, Chrissyâs trance-like state. Her bones, the morbid angles they snapped. Barbara Holland, daughter and best friend. Bob Newby, superhero. Billy Hargrove, dearly missed son. Jim Hopper, renown chief and beloved father.Â
Youâre the best of them, kid.
If the gate really has opened once again⌠Thick molasses grief coats your tongue and fills your mouth with remorse. There has been so much loss, so many funerals youâve had to attend. Too many bodies buried without answers, without closure.Â
Over and over again.Â
âWeâre here, Robin.â The gravel of Steveâs voice cuts through the endless dread. He parks the car in front of her driveway, the lights are off inside and you know that Robin is afraid of the dark.
âNeed me to walk you in?â You ask her, quiet, but unyielding with all the love you have for her.Â
She shakes her head. âNo, itâs okay. Iâm brave, aren't I always brave?â
âThe bravest,â Steve smiles at her, soft and unbroken. âGet some sleep, yeah?â
âIâll⌠Iâll try.â Her facade slips, the fear that grips everyone tightens its hold. How could anyone sleep at a time like this? She shakes her head again, her smile returns, albeit forced, tired. Then she messily crawls over Dustin to exit the car, ignoring his cries of annoyance and pain when her elbow catches his ribs. âSorry, little Henderson!â
âI donât even let Steve call me thatââ
âToo late, Iâve already decided to call you little Henderson,â Robin climbs out the car, lands with a soft thud on the pavement. She shuts the door with a glint in her eyes before poking her head through your passenger window. âHey, uh. Y/N?â Her voice drops low, her eyes skirt to Steve, whose cool gaze meets her weary one. Robin clears her throat, you nod your head at her with slight concern. You know that she knows about your argument with Steve. He adores her, what he doesnât confide in you, he confides in her. Knowing that Robin means well, you soften your voice. âYeah?â
Robin hesitates, caught between her two favorite people in the entire world. Steve sees her hesitancy and sighs, turning away to provide some semblance of privacy. Relieved, Robin ducks her head down and whispers into your ear, âTalk to him.â
Sheâs gone before you can exhale.Â
Steve starts the car again after Robin has safely made it inside her home. Max and Dustin are quiet in the backseat. As Steve drives, his fingers absentmindedly play with the frayed edges of his leather bracelet. It had been a gift from you, the word constants etched into the material.Â
Constants. You were Steveâs constant, he was yours. Through everything youâve been through together, all the heartbreak suffered in order to fall into one another, heâs the constant within your life.Â
Now youâre afraid that youâre losing him.Â
Thereâs still so much Steve doesnât know. There are stories about your father that you still need to tell him about. Words Jonathan told you last night, the dangerous what if he brought into your life. Youâre terrified of how Steve will react, heâs always been so trusting of you and Jonathan even after knowing the history you share.Â
And yet Steve also doesnât know that the future you see involves him, that heâs in it with as much certainty as the sky is blue; you just donât know how to tell him this, how to articulate the abandonment that sits heavy within your chest that prohibits you from getting what you want in the end.
You have to talk to him. Steve deserves to know everything, all heâs ever asked of you is to be honest with him.Â
The broken lamppost in front of Maxâs trailer greets you. Steve slows the car, puts it into park. His eyes find hers in the rearview mirror. âThis is you, Mayfield.â
âThanks,â Max responds quietly. She goes to open the car door, but you turn in your seat and stop her.Â
âHey, look at me.â Your tone leaves no room for arguments. She listens, her blue eyes meeting your gaze. For a moment you see Billyâs eyes reflecting within hers. Itâs only for a brief second, it ends before you can even realize whatâs happened. Startled, you momentarily choke on your words. âIââ
Max raises an eyebrow at you. Youâve been acting strange all night, she doesnât understand why. âYou look like youâve seen a ghost.â
Her words couldnât be more ironic, more painful to hear. âI-Iâm sorry.â Billy is dead, heâs gone. You shake your head, try to get his eyes out of your head. âJust⌠promise me youâll call if anything happens, please?â
You know that Max isnât in any danger, sheâs safe at home with her mother, but across the street resides yellow caution tape and boarded up windows. Eddieâs trailer is across from Maxâs, the proximity makes you uncomfortable. Itâs an eerie feeling, Chrissy died here last night.Â
Max seems to understand your concern, and she allows herself to nod. She doesnât want to fight you, not tonight. âI will, promise.â
Squeezing her hand, you leave Max with a soft reminder to get some sleep. She smiles, a hidden joke between the two of you. Both of you know that there will be no sleeping tonight.Â
Once sheâs gone, itâs just you, Steve, and Dustin remaining in the car. Tension creeps slowly upon the three of you. Dustinâs never ending annoyance towards you clashes with all the unspoken words left floating between you and Steve.Â
Dustin coughs awkwardly. Steveâs fingers tap anxiously on the steering wheel. You keep your head down, your fingers pick at the skin between your nails. The ten minute drive from Maxâs house to yours is unbearably long. Stuck at one of Hawkinsâ only stop lights, Dustin canât take the silence any longer.
âWell, this is awkward.â He says to no one in particular. âLots of tension tonight, huh?â
Neither you nor Steve laugh, and Dustin rests his head against the seat in defeat. He understands why you and him arenât talking, heâs still angry with you for holding a knife to Eddieâs neck. What he doesnât understand, however, is why there seems to be so much distance between you and Steve tonight.
Normally youâd be all over one another by now. The two of you can never keep your hands off of each other. As much as Dustin hates it, heâs grown used to the way your hands are always intertwined with Steveâs. Whenever heâs in the car with you guys, your hand always rests against Steveâs arm as he drives. At red lights Steve will always turn to you, pulled in by your smile.Â
Except tonight Dustin doesnât think heâs seen Steve look at you once during the drive home. Your hand rests softly at your side, balled into a small fist. Thereâs a coldness between the two of you, one Dustin is ashamed to admit that he hadnât noticed before.Â
Then he remembers last night. Heâd been too lost in his anger towards you to recognize the tears in your voice. He hadnât even stopped to consider that you wanted a code blue for any other reason besides lecturing him. His stomach twists with guilt at his own selfish actions.Â
Something happened between you and Steve, and you had needed your brother last night. But he had abandoned you, denied the code blue youâd needed so desperately.Â
When Steveâs car pulls into your driveway, Dustin runs out as soon as the vehicle stops. Heâs frantic to escape his guilt, to escape the chasm that surrounds you and Steve. Slamming the door, he shouts, âTalk to each other!â Then, as an afterthought, he adds, âGood luck, Steve!â
The slam of the door echoes into the night.Â
Itâs just you and Steve, now.Â
The air stills between you, reminiscent of the night you drove him home from the Halloween party. A year has passed since then, itâs been so long since Steveâs presence made you feel anything other than peace. The strings that have always followed you constrict against your throat.Â
âWe need to talk,â Steve says, but at the same time you say, âWe need to talk about Jonathan.â
The words come tumbling out of your mouth, slipping through the grooves of your teeth before you can stop them. Theyâd been building within you all day, fizzling to the surface. And now they spill out into the silence of Steveâs car.Â
His head turns to you, the street lights illuminate the shock and confusion on his handsome face. It pinches with bewilderment, he doesnât understand. He had been ready to apologize to you, despite still not being able to comprehend how you donât see a future with him. Steve doesnât want to fight with you anymore, he was ready to just forgive and forget and hold your hand without the weight of guilt behind it.
Steve had been ready to salvage your relationship, and now you want to talk about Jonathan?
âJonathan?â Shamefully, his voice cracks. He feels like a helpless little kid again, his stomach twists with the foreboding nausea that something bad is about to happen. âWhy⌠why do you want to talk about him?â
The raw frailty on Steveâs face almost kills you. Heâs drawing into himself again, preparing for the final blow that will decimate him and everything he knows.
You take a deep breath. This wonât be easy, nothing youâve ever had to do has been easy. But Steve deserves to know. To hide something from him feels foreign, to lie to him feels like a betrayal.Â
âJonathan, heââ Your voice shakes almost as violently as your hands do. Steve is looking at you but you canât bear to face him just yet. âHe called me last night, after our⌠after our fight.â
âWhat did he say, Y/N?â Steve knows, even before you tell him, where this is going. The light in your eyes whenever you talk about Jonathan is gone. His name doesnât grace your face with a smile. Instead, the grimace of guilt replaces it. Steveâs stomach twists into tighter knots. Itâs happening again.
Inhaling, you close your eyes and try to commit to memory the before. How Steve looked at you with such adoration before tonight. How his soft hands, laced with trust, felt against your skin before tonight. His open gaze, one filled with vulnerability, stared into you before tonight.Â
Opening your eyes, you exhale. Nothing will ever be the same again. âJonathan asked me if I ever wondered if⌠if we made a mistake. Him and I.â
âA mistake?â Steveâs jaw tightens.Â
âI think-I think he was asking me if I ever⌠thought about what couldâve happened between us. If somehow,â you swallow, the words cement in your mouth. âIf-if somehow we made a mistake, choosing you and Nancy.â
Steve is quiet. The muscles in his body pull tightly together. He fills with venom, anger and jealousy and hurt; so much hurt. âAnd you think heâs right.â
It isnât phrased as a question.Â
Immediately your body turns to his. âNo! God, no,â your hands search for any expanse of his skin you can find. Steve doesnât lean into you, he doesnât react to your touch. Panic overwhelms you, suddenly all you can do is talk and plead and beg. âSteve, I donât think Jonathan even knew what he was saying, okay? H-he was high, and heâs been so lonely and-and he kept saying things were easy between me and him but-but thatâs not how love is supposed to work and I know heâs just scared. Heâs scared and heâs never been so alone before and I think-heâs just lost, okay? Heâs lost andââÂ
âWhy are you telling me this, Y/N?â The hardness in Steveâs voice cuts into you, stings your skin. He isnât screaming, not like he did last night, but you almost wish he were. The way his voice is leveled, cold and hard, scares you even more.Â
âWould you rather I didnât?â Youâre helpless against his anger, you know he has every right to be, but you donât know how to fix this.
Steve laughs bitterly. âIâd rather you not make shitty excuses for the asshole.â
âIâm not making excuses for him, I just wanted you to understandââ
âYou are!â His voice raises slightly, almost imperceptibly so, but you hear it anyways. Steveâs chest rises and falls quickly. His hands fly wildly everywhere, he doesnât know what to do, either. Then, almost as quickly as the anger surfaced, insecurity replaces it. âIs⌠Jonathan why you donât see a future with me?â
Your fingers tighten around his wrist, almost as if youâre afraid heâll slip between your fingers any second now. âI do see a future with youââ
âPretty fucking hard to believe when youâre wearing the goddamn necklace he got you.â The words drip with acid. Theyâre hissed out with a jaw clenched so tightly youâre afraid heâll somehow hurt himself.
The words startle you, catch you off guard. Your hand slips from Steveâs wrist. Heâs never once insinuated any jealousy regarding you and Jonathan. Heâs always been so trusting of you two together, heâs always been kind towards him. He always knew that he could never touch what you guys have, and yet his gaze now flickers cruelly to the bee pendant that rests against your neck.Â
What Steve has said hurts you, deeper than he ever intended to. He knows how you love, how deeply you care for others. Itâs who you are. Regardless of the hurt he may be feeling right now, it doesnât give him the right to throw this crucial part of you back in your face.Â
âIâm made of pieces of everyone Iâve ever loved, Steve. You know this.â The bee pendant rests against your skin as heavily as the charm bracelet does.Â
And Steve does know that youâre made of pieces of everyone in your life. Itâs what he loves the most about you. His eyes follow where your fingers reside, skimming the silver chain that encases your wrist. He hadnât meant to say what he did, the words had slipped out before he could stop them.Â
âY/NâŚâ Your name is spoken as an apology, itâs all Steve can manage in his shame.Â
But the moment is ruined, youâre exhausted and all you want to do is go home.Â
You shake your head at Steve, try to hide the tears in your eyes. He sees them anyways. âCan I leave, please?â
The way you ask so delicately to escape breaks Steve. Something in his chest shatters, his mouth fills with the taste of a broken promise. You donât need his permission, he hates that you feel that you do.Â
âYeah,â his voice is softer than itâs been all night, but itâs too late. He knows this. Swallowing, all Steve can do is be gentle with you. âYeah, of course you can leave, angel.â
Angel.
You nod at him; if you try to speak youâre afraid youâll break before him.Â
No other words are spoken between you. Steve watches as you leave.Â
âÂ
The next morning you sit hunched over a mug of coffee, more exhausted than ever before. You havenât slept properly in days now. Dustin finds you with dark circles under your eyes and a pathetic bowl of cereal before you. From the dazed look in your eyes, he knows you havenât noticed his arrival, and he awkwardly clears his throat to get your attention.
âSo, uh.â He scratches the back of his neck, your eyes are slow to look up at him. Pointing to your coffee, Dustin raises his eyebrows. âRough night, I take it?â
You nod, too tired to say anything else. The cereal goes uneaten. Dustin doesnât think your coffee is even warm anymore, he hadnât heard you wake up this morning. Heâs worried that you never even went to bed last night. Youâre pale, sickly so, and Dustin hates that he hadnât noticed the signs sooner.Â
âHey,â he pulls a chair beside you, sits down with a playful shove to your shoulder. Heâs your brother, itâs his job to take care of you just as much as itâs yours to take care of him. Itâs how the two of you have always been.Â
For Dustinâs entire life youâve looked after him, kissing his scraped knees and warding off monsters hidden underneath his bed. When your father left, the depression your mother fell into afterwards left Dustin clinging onto you. You were all he had left.Â
Dustin leans against you, he used to do this when he was a little kid and could still fit between your arms. Resting his head against yours, shoulders pressed together, the angle is awkward and uncomfortable, but itâs safe. âIs it too late to have that code blue?â
Itâs a peace offering, an extension of an apology, and you canât help but smile at your brother. Hand finding his mess of curls, you ruffle his hair and laugh softly. âYeah, guess we can have a code blue now.â
âGood, you know I always love to shit talk Steve.â Dustin says with humor. You both know he admires the boy.
âLanguage,â you remind him as you always do. Dustin knocks his head against yours in response and the two of you break into laughter; laughing with your brother again feels good.
In between sips of cold coffee and bites of soggy cereal, you tell Dustin about Steve. You explain the original argument a few nights ago, how he didnât understand why you wouldnât want him to follow you to New York.Â
âItâs what mom did with dad,â Dustin says, looking down at the table.Â
You nod at him, you knew heâd understand better than anyone. âThatâs what Iâm afraid of.â
âDoes he know what happened with dad?â
âNo, and I know I should explain what he did, but thereâsââ You cut yourself off. Dustin would kill Jonathan with his bare hands if he found out about the phone call. Even though it technically goes against the rules of a code blue, you canât tell Dustin about Jonathan. Not yet, at least. Clearing your throat, you continue. âThereâs⌠other things that have prevented me from explaining dad to Steve.â
Dustin narrows his eyes. âOther things?â
âOther things,â you look pointedly at him, standing your ground about not elaborating. He denied your original code blue. Youâre allowed to lie this one time. âAnd now Steve thinks that I donât see a future with him.â
âWell then heâs an idiot.â Your brother scoffs. Anyone with eyes can see how much you fawn over Steve. Dustin has watched you fall for him for years now. âYouâre practically ready to marry the guy.â
Taking a bite of cereal, you grimace slightly. âOkay, marriage is a little muchââ
âTell that to mom, sheâs already started planning the wedding.âÂ
Of course she has. She wouldnât be Claudia Henderson if she wasnât already planning the names of her grandchildren from Steve.Â
The bite of cereal turns into cement, your heartbeat pounds against your throat. With everything going on with Steve, the hurt the two of you have brought down upon the other, youâre not even sure there will be a wedding at the rate things are going.Â
As the days go on, you can feel Steve slipping away from you more and more.
Dustin must sense that the subject is hurting you, so he stands from his seat and claps his hands together. âAlright, I feel like weâve covered our bases for a code blue. Checked all the boxes, felt the feelings needed to be felt.â
âI donât like the feelings being felt,â you mumble, shoving your bowl away. Youâre still drawn into yourself, pale and frail and unlike the lively girl your brother has come to miss. He knows things have been difficult between the two of you, a strain that canât quite be loosened.Â
Dustin falters, his bravado fades. He sighs again and his hand settles against your shoulder. He looks at you with sincerity, his expression softens. âLook, you and Steve will figure things out. You guys always do.â
And he truly believes this. Steve loves you with such a ferocity that rivals your love for him. Dustin canât imagine a world in which youâre no longer with Steve, where heâs let go of you and allowed you to walk away.Â
Except Dustin doesnât know how to express this to you, but you can understand him anyways. Placing your hand over his, you squeeze it. âThanks, Dustin.â
He smiles back at you and the code blue is over. The moment lingers for only a second longer before he frowns and sits back down next to you. âDo you think Eddie will be okay?â
And there it is. Eddie fucking Munson again.Â
Shoving down your annoyance, you force yourself to focus on the situation from last night. As hurt as you are that Dustin wants to talk about Eddie right now, you can understand why he would. Chrissy died in front of him, heâs being accused of murder.Â
Youâre just being childish, easily irritated from lack of sleep and the stress of it all.Â
âI donât know, I meanâŚthe cops will be looking for him.â With ease you fall back into strategizing, putting the situation above your own thoughts and feelings. Your mind spins with everything you need to do, trying to come up with whatever you can do to help. âIf we have any shot of protecting him, we need to figure out what they know.â
Dustin nods, following along. âCerebro can tap into the Hawkins PD system, we can easily get intel from there.â
âIt terrifies me that Cerebro can hack into our townâs police system.â
âBe grateful I stopped there, Suzie wouldnât let me use it to tap into NASA.â
You learn two things after using Cerebro to gather information.Â
One, the radio is far too powerful to reside in your fourteen year old brotherâs hands. Heâs able to access the PD system with incredible ease, almost as if heâs done so before. Itâd be impressive if you didnât know the horrors that went on inside the kidâs head.
Two, Eddie is well and truly fucked.Â
Heâs the main suspect. They think heâs killed Chrissy and have every man in the force scouring Hawkins to find him. Her death was gruesome, you understand the manhunt that unfolds. Dustin, however, nearly loses his mind when he hears chief Powell instructing his men to search Eddieâs neighborhood for the teen.Â
âWe have to go warn him,â Dustin scrambles to his feet, the chair almost toppling over in his haste. âWe need to leave, now.â
There isnât time to argue, Dustin is already ringing Steveâs number. Either heâs already forgotten about your argument with the teen, or maybe he just doesnât care. Regardless, the thought of seeing Steve again so soon after last night makes your stomach churn. You want to stop Dustin, make up some excuse to him about why you canât help Eddie, but you know it wouldnât matter. Your brother would only beg you to come, your worry for him would force you to listen.Â
All you can do is drop your head into your hands and sigh.
âÂ
It was your idea to stop and get Eddie food.Â
Steve had arrived at your house within minutes. Dustin immediately went for the passenger seat, which was more than okay with you, and Steve had mumbled a soft âhelloâ to the two of you. His greeting went ignored by you, still trying to find your breath around him, and Dustin, who promptly demanded that Steve pick up Robin and Max before returning to the boathouse.Â
Halfway to Maxâs, the silence in the car was thickening rapidly, so you offhandedly suggested stopping at the local grocery store to get Eddie some food and water. You figured he would appreciate the small act of kindness, especially considering the grime news youâd be delivering to him soon. That, and itâd give you an excuse to leave Steveâs car for a few moments and steady your breathing.Â
The boathouse isnât nearly as creepy in the daylight, but still you make sure your knives are in your pocket before approaching it. Robin walks beside you, helping you and Dustin carry the groceries, while Max and Steve walk silently behind.Â
âThink we got him enough?â Robin asks, holding up one of the grocery bags. âI mean, donât stoners eat a lot? Munchies or whatever?â
Rolling your eyes, you undo one of the buttons on your sweater, allowing the crisp spring air to soak your body. The sun is too warm to be worrying about whatever stoners eat. âIf he complains, then he can starve.âÂ
âCatâs got claws today,â Robin nudges you with her arm. Turning to make sure Steve is far enough away so he doesnât overhear, she lowers her voice. âGuessing the talk didnât go well last night?â
âOh, it was just peachy,â you grit out through a forced smile. âBut we have to focus on harboring a murder suspect right now.â Because nothing in your life can ever be simple. If you arenât hunting monsters, youâre protecting the town. If you arenât protecting the town, youâre fighting alternate dimensions.
Robin opens her mouth to say something, but Dustin shoulders past her and bursts through the boathouse doors, ending your conversation. âDelivery service!âÂ
Eddie nearly has a heart attack at the abrupt entrance. He jumps out of his skin and clutches at his chest after letting out a very unmanly yelp. The reaction is almost enough to brighten your foul mood, momentarily forgetting that Steve stands behind you.Â
âSomeoneâs jumpy,â you sidestep your brother and walk over towards the table. Setting the groceries down, you begin to unload them. âWe got you some food, but please donât eat it all at once. I really donât want to spend any more money on you.â
âThanksâŚ?â Eddie slowly approaches you, both relieved for the food and offended you seem so begrudged to have gotten it for him in the first place. From his few interactions with you since last night, heâs coming to learn that youâre far from the girl who showed him such selfless kindness all those years ago.
Eddie doesnât think you even remember what you did for him. He had been at such a low point in his life, one failed exam away from dropping out of high school and disappointing his uncle, until you appeared. Itâd been your sophomore year, Eddieâs failed one, and you had given him your pencil.
The action had been small, meniscal, yet it saved Eddieâs life. He hadnât brought his own pencil for some stupid English exam. Heâd been too nervous for it that he had forgotten his, and Mrs. Greer, the teacher who couldnât have cared less whether or not Eddie died, threatened to fail him.Â
The threat sank deep into his bones, freezing his intestines with dread. Eddie had promised his uncle heâd try harder in school, that heâd graduate, and yet he couldn't do something as simple as bringing a pencil to an exam. Close to tears, embarrassed and overwhelmed, Eddie almost hadnât registered your softly whispered voice.
âHere,â you tapped his shoulder. Eddie remembers turning around, surprised you were even talking to him, and he remembers the immediate relief that sagged his bones when he saw the pencil extended in offering. He had nodded curtly at you before frantically rushing to begin the exam. Heâd already wasted five minutes, he couldnât afford any more.Â
It would only be later that Eddie learned you willingly failed the exam because youâd given him your only pencil, just so he wouldnât fail. In the end, he passed. It was the first exam Eddie had passed in a long, long time; his uncle had been so proud of him that he bought him his electric guitar.
Eddie never thanked you for that.Â
And now you stand in front of him, once again extending your arm out to him with yet another offering, but your eyes are cold. Your body is tense around Eddieâs, he doesnât miss the wide berth you seem to always give him.Â
âThanks,â he says to you again, clearing his throat uncomfortably. He accepts the box of cereal you offer him and he wills himself to smile. âI, uh. Appreciate it. Iâd offer to pay you back, butâŚâ
âYouâre wanted for murder.â You finish for Eddie.Â
He drops his head. âYeah, it kinda ruins a personâs life, ya know?â
âI donât, actually. Never been accused of killing someone.â
Eddie blinks at you. He doesnât know what to do with the disdain you display towards him. âRight.â He looks at Dustin for help, silently begging the kid to step in before you gut him with your knives.
âOkay, why donât you crack open that box of honey combs while we all gather around for a fun story time!â Dustin sets down the remaining groceries and ushers everyone to spread around the boathouse.Â
ââStorytimeâ?â Eddie asks him, looking around in confusion.Â
âY/N and Dustin did some detective work,â Robin offers him, trying to make her voice sound as cheery as possible. âThey-uh. Well they found-I mean,â she doesnât know how to break the news to Eddie, she feels awful for the guy. Deflating, she mumbles, âTheyâre definitely good detectives.â
Eddie only looks more confused by this, and Dustin sits down awkwardly on a stool next to you. âSo, we got, uh. Some good news and some bad news.â
You snort at your brother. Steve stands next to you, his body angled away from you so that your skin doesnât touch. The distance is small enough to go unnoticed by anyone, yet itâs a chasm that your stomach drops into. âThatâs really how youâre gonna break it to him?âÂ
âWhat are you guys breaking to me?â Eddie asks, eyes wide.
Dustin hits your leg and gets the teenâs attention. âIgnore her, look at me, alright? Now, how do you prefer it? Good or bad first?â
âBad news first, always.â Eddie doesnât even think about his answer, he responds immediately while shoving cereal into his mouth.Â
âThe bad news is that youâre pretty fucked.â You inform him, arms crossed over your chest. Thereâs no easy way to lessen the blow of what you overhead from Hawkins PD. The news is bad, itâs all bad.Â
Dustin snaps his head towards you, âY/N!â
âIâm not going to lie to the guy or sugarcoat things!âÂ
âWould you just let me handle itââ
âDustin,â Eddie hasnât moved from his seat. His hand remains in the cereal box, his voice jagged and defeated. Heâs tired. He just wants to go home. âJust say it.â
Your brotherâs shoulders drop, the anger in his eyes extinguished. âWe⌠We tapped into the Hawkins PD dispatch with our Cerebro, and theyâre definitely looking for you.â
âChief Powell thinks you killed Chrissy.â Unable to look at Eddie, your eyes trace the ground. As much as you hate him, you canât help but feel awful for the hand heâs been dealt. No one will possibly believe heâs innocent. âHe ordered all his men to track you down before word gets out that youâre the prime suspect.â
âWhich leads us to the good news: your name hasnât gone public yet.â Robin continues for you, her own expression pitying. âBut if Y/N and Dustin could find out about you during breakfast, then itâs a matter of time before others do, too.â
âAnd once that gets out,â you shake your head, you know how cruel a small town like Hawkins can be. âThereâs going to be a lot of angry people who know your name.â
Eddie clenches his jaw. You can see tears forming in his eyes; youâre not sure if theyâre from frustration or fear. He inhales sharply, licks his lips in disdain. âHunt the freak, right?â
Itâs the way he says it, with so much despair and venom in his voice. The look of resignation on Eddieâs face breaks your heart. He knows his odds, heâs been tormented and abused his entire life by the people in Hawkins. Youâve heard all the stories. The exile he faced because of how he looked, who he would hang out with, the music he listened to and the drugs he smoked.Â
Eddie Munson, the freak. The moment the town finds out heâs wanted for murder, youâre afraid heâll never come out of it alive.Â
The ice-hot contempt you feel for him begins to melt. Heâs only a year or two older than you, still just a scared kid with no place to call home anymore. Despite the protests of your body, you step towards Eddie and place a hand on his shoulder. Your hand is tense, your fingers scratch on the rough material of his denim jacket, but he seems to calm at the touch.Â
âHey, weâll protect the freak, alright?â You mean what you tell him, your hand warms his skin. Whatever history you have with Eddie, good or bad, it doesnât matter right now. He needs you, heâs lost and alone.Â
Eddie looks up at you, your kindness startles him slightly, but he doesnât move away. Instead, his eyes find yours. Theyâre brown, almost doe-eyed, with a vulnerability within them so intense that it leaves a lump in your throat.Â
âWe wonât let anything happen to you, Eddie.â Dustinâs voice cuts through, reminding you of where you are. Stumbling slightly, you remove your hand and walk back over to Steve, who gives you an odd, confused look. You ignore him. âWe have to find Vecna, kill him, and prove your innocence.âÂ
âThatâs all, Dustin?â Eddie mocks, he doesnât stand a chance and he knows it.
Dustin draws into himself, uncertain, before letting out a feeble response. You allow yourself to smile, enjoying his wallowing. You understand where Eddie is coming from. âIt is a lot that we have to do in order to clear his name.â
âOkay, I know that everything Dustin is saying sounds totally delusional, but weâve actually been through this before.â Robin tries to reassure him. Sheâs leaning against a doorframe, sheâs trying her best not to let her own uncertainty show.Â
âWeâve been here before,â you say with slight bitterness. âYouâd be surprised how many times weâve almost died.â
Robin laughs nervously. âWell, mine was more human-flesh-based, theirs was more smoke-related. I didnât necessarily almost die, but Y/N has some pretty sick scars on her body and Steve has been concussed more times than heâs had girlfriendsââ
âGet to the point, Robin.â Steve finally speaks up, no hint of amusement in his voice. His hand rests besides yours, his fingers ache to curl against your skin. Youâre wearing a soft blue sweater, tucked into your skirt, and your eyes shine against the spring cold. He doesnât want to be here right now.
âRight. The bottom line is, collectively, I really feel we got this.��
Unable to bear the itch in his skin to touch you, Steve brings his hand to his face and rubs at his jaw to distract himself. âExcept we usually rely on this girl who has superpowers, but-uh. Those went bye-bye, soââ
âAnd sheâs in California, hundreds of miles from here.â You add on, picking at your nails. The topic makes you uncomfortable. With California comes the reminder of Jonathan.
Robin points at you and Steve. âBoth good points, so I guess you could say weâre more in the-in theâŚ?â
âBrainstorming phase.â Max supplies, which Steve snaps his fingers in agreement and Dustin hums thoughtfully.Â
âThereâs-uh. Thereâs nothing to worry about!â Your brother says unconvincingly, voice high pitched and full of lies.Â
Eddie stares at everyone around him, studying the collective mess that he somehow must place all his trust in. None of you can give him a straight answer about what will happen next, and as you listen to Steve and Dustin try again to make sense of whatâs going on, you recognize how hopeless it all sounds.Â
âWe may not sound like much,â you interrupt the boys, trying again to ease the hopelessness Eddie must be feeling. âBut weâre kind of your only option right nowââ
The distant wailing of sirens drown out your words, loud and piercing. The sound sets everyone into a panic. Robin instructs Dustin to cover Eddie with a tarp while you, Max, and Steve run towards the window. Squished together, you watch as multiple cop cars fly down the street with an ambulance following them; your breath catches.Â
The last time you saw this many cop cars speeding through Hawkins, they had been a dead body in the quarry. It had been Willâs body, lifeless and pale. You had watched as his body was pulled from the water, you held Lucas and Dustin as they cried.
Only this time Will is in California, far away from danger. The onslaught of cars can only mean one thing.Â
âI thinkâŚâ Your mouth fills with syrupy dread, coating your tongue with grief. Breathing becomes difficult. You hope, more than anything, that youâre wrong. âI think someone else died.â
The moment the words leave your lips, Steve grabs his keys and instructs everyone to get into his car. He doesn't ask any questions, he doesnât question how you know. Dustin quickly tells Eddie to stay in the boathouse while you leave.Â
Your eyes squeeze shut as Steve drives, your hand clutches the seat in terror. Every second that passes, your body becomes heavier and heavier from dread. Steveâs knuckles are white against the steering wheel. Robin canât look at you, Max and Dustin donât say a word.
The white blanket draped over a body is what you see first. A horde of police surround it, there are lights flashing everywhere. People crowd behind a barricade, necks straining to get a look at the body on the ground.Â
Then you see who the cops are talking to, and your heart drops.Â
âNancy,â you breathe out, already opening Steveâs door before he can even park the car. Something terrible has happened. Nancy stands in front of the officers, her arms crossed against her chest as if to calm herself down. Sheâs never looked so weak, she needs you.
Standing outside the car, the others join you. Steve has parked as close as he can to the crime scene, no one moves. Nancy releases a shaky breath when her eyes find yours. Raising her hand, she waves at you, unsure, and you wave back. She smiles, timid but genuine, and a pit forms in your stomach.
You havenât told Nancy about Jonathan.Â
Steve looks away from her, gaze turning towards you, and heâs thinking the same thing.Â
âÂ
Nancy guides everyone to a park bench at the trailer park. She doesnât say anything as you all walk, her eyes are exhausted. The police hadnât wanted her to leave just yet, they had more questions for her, but youâd quickly spoke with the men to let her go.Â
Sitting around the table, a bitter cold creeps into the air. The sun is out yet winter still lingers. Nancy sits across from you with Robin and Max next to her. Youâre with the boys, Steve pushes his weight against you while Dustin sits stiffly beside you.Â
Seeing Nancyâs sunken cheeks and glass eyes, you reach across the table and grab her hand. âWhat happened, Nance?â
Tears well in her eyes and for once she doesnât wipe them away. Nancyâs hand twitches in yours, she doesnât hold onto you like you do her. Sheâs grieving, youâve come to learn all the signs of someone who has lost a friend. âIt-itâs Fred.â
She explains what theyâd been doing, investigating Chrissyâs death at the trailer park. Guilt laces her words, she didnât think anything would happen to Fred. Heâs always been sweet to her, his crush obvious to you but unknown to her. A shiver runs through you; Fred was smart, he was nice to you whenever you spent your days in the yearbook room.Â
He didnât deserve to die. Neither did Chrissy.Â
âThat makes two deaths in two days,â you say out loud, voicing what everyone else is thinking. Death is common in Hawkins, an inevitability of what lies underneath it, but thereâs never been such gruesome deaths so close together. âItâs happening again.â
âWhatâs happening again?â Nancy shakes her head. âI-I donât understand, you guys already know whatâs causing all of this?â
âWe have a working theory, but itâs⌠not great.â Dustin slouches down, he isnât sure how much he can explain to the girl with all that he still doesnât know. âWe think itâs connected to Chrissyâs death, something killed her in Eddieâs trailer. He told us she had gone into some sort of trance before her bones snapped and her eyes exploded..â
Nancy grimaces at the gory imagery and you squeeze her hand again. âIâm sorry about Fred.â
She gives you a tight smile before turning to your brother. âA trance? Like El? You arenât⌠do you really think this has something to do withââ
âThe Upside Down.â You and Max say at the same time.
ââItâs happening againâ,â Nancy echoes your words from moments ago. She understands, now. âSo this-this thing that killed Fred and Chrissy is from the Upside Down?â
Steve nods at her and Dustin sighs heavily. âWe think he attacks with a spell, or maybe even a curse.â
âBut we donât know if heâs under the Mind Flayerâs control,â you point out. âFor all we know, he could just be someone with Elâs powers. We know the lab tested on other kids, right?â
Max looks up at you and her face twists with apprehension. âI donât know, something feels different about this, itâs almost like itâs something new. I donât think itâs anyone like El.â
âIt doesnât make sense.â Nancy mumbles.
âNo, I think Max is right. Something feels off about all of this.â Your arms draw together, itâs impossibly cold for late March. The chill has set into your bones.Â
Nancy nods at you, but thereâs something else on her mind. âBut Fred and Chrissy also donât make sense. I mean, why them?â
âMaybe they were just in the wrong place? They were both at the game.â Dustin offers, and you shiver again.
Billy had been in the wrong place, too. Itâs how the Mind Flayer got him. Heâd just been unlucky and alone.
âAnd the trailer park,â Max adds.
Steveâs eyes widen slightly, he shifts against you and unconsciously moves you closer to him. âWeâre at the trailer park, should we⌠maybe not be here?â
The wind picks up and a crow cries overhead. The barren grass rustles as shadows fall against it. Your spine prickles with nerves. Steve is right to be worried. Thereâs something eerie about the trailer park, the caution tape that guards Eddieâs door is still too fresh.Â
You wrap your sweater tighter to your body, cold with unease. Nancyâs eyes flicker around the park as the wind rustles the leaves. âFred started acting weird the second we got here.â
Robin asks what she means, and when Nancy begins to explain how scared and on edge Fred had been, a dull throb slowly creeps up the base of your neck. The sensation builds until itâs a roar of nerve endings exploding against your temple, and you wince in pain.
Steveâs fingers skim the crest of your wrist. âHey,â heâs lowered his voice so the others canât hear, he knows you never like to worry others. âYou okay?â
âIâm fine,â the concern in Steveâs eyes burns you. He hasnât spoken to you all day, but still his skin warms yours and he wants to make sure youâre safe. Comfortable. Okay. Even with the anger between you and all the unspoken half-truths, he still cares about you.Â
You want to tell him that you havenât slept in days, that the nightmares are back and that theyâre worse than ever before. You want to rest your head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. Itâs the only way youâve been able to keep the migraines at bay.Â
But you donât tell Steve any of this. Instead, you lie through your teeth. âIâm fine,â you reassure him again. There isnât time for you not to be okay. Two people have died already, your migraines can wait.Â
Steve doesnât look convinced. He knows you, he knows how you are and how much you push down for the sake of others, but before he can press you further, Robin interrupts. âHey, lovebirds, weâre trying to solve a murder case here.â
âIâm listening,â you roll your eyes at her, skin flushing a bit with embarrassment. âAnyways, what if Fred and Chrissy saw something that made them go catatonic? I think we should be focusing on the trace-like state more, itâs a trauma response.â
âWhat, so theyâre insane asylum patients?â Dustin asks with slight displeasure. âI mean, I guess that makes sense. But Vecna can cast spells, at least in DnD. I donât think they just âsawâ something.âÂ
Steve scratches his nose. âIf I saw some freaky wizard monster, I would mention it to someone.â
âWould you, though?â You donât mean for the question to come off as condescending, and you quickly try to alleviate the offended look on the teenâs face. âWhat I mean is, who would you go to about something like that?â
âI⌠I think I know who theyâd go to.â Max stares down at the table, her eyebrows furrowed together. Sheâs deep in thought, remembering something. âI saw Chrissy leaving Ms. Kellyâs office. If you saw a monster, you wouldnât go to the police.â
âTheyâd never believe you,â you bear your weight against the table. Nostalgia wraps around you at the memory of how scared youâd been to tell Hopper about El, the years it took for you to trust him. âThatâs why I never went to Hopper when I first found El.â
Max nods, sheâs relieved you get where sheâs going with this. âExactly, but you might go to yourââ
âShrink.â Robin finishes, sending you an apologetic smile for the offensive language against the profession you hope to one day go into. âNo offense, Y/N.â
You roll your eyes, feeling defensive. âAgain with calling Ms. Kelly a shrink. Sheâs not a shrink, sheâs actually really nice.â
âYou sound like you know her personally.â Dustin narrows his eyes at you. Nothing goes unnoticed by him.Â
All eyes turn to you, and you sink down in embarrassment. âIâve⌠had a few meetings with her.â
Simultaneously both Steve and Dustin widen their eyes. They hadnât known you were seeing Ms. Kelly. Nancy looks at you curiously, Robin bites her lip, and Max nods solemnly. Itâs a large range of reactions, one that makes you anxious to deal with. âCan everyone stop staring at me, please?â
Steve lets out a quick breath and runs a hand through his hair. âYou didnât tell me you were seeing the schoolâs guidance counselor, Y/N.â
âShe didnât tell me, either.â Dustin mumbles bitterly. Youâve never hidden anything from him before. He wonders, distantly, when you started to.
âI didnât want to worry you guys, it really isnât a big deal.â When both boys bristle at this, you hold your hand up to silence them. âNo, I donât want to hear it. Itâs not like I was seeing Ms. Kelly for anything serious, okay? Sheâs the guidance counselor, so I just. You know. Needed some guidance.â
Itâs a horrible lie, you know that no one believes you, but they take pity on you and move on. Originally you really were seeing Ms. Kelly for college admissions help, but after a few sessions you slowly started opening up to her about the sleepless nights. The image of Billyâs lifeless body. Maxâs screams.Â
Nancy clears her throat and changes the topic. She comes up with what to do next, creating a plan to ask Ms. Kelly what she knows, and you sit silently. Youâre relieved the attention is finally off of you. Within minutes a plan is formed: you and Max will talk to Ms. Kelly to try and get more information.
Steve agrees to drive to the house. As youâre walking to his passenger side door, he notices that Nancy isnât following. Instead, sheâs going to her own car. âHey, Nance. Whereâre you going?â
Nancy turns around, a guilty but determined look on her face. Her eyes land on you, knowing youâll be the hardest to convince of her plan. âThereâs just-thereâs something I want to check on first.â
Predictably, your shoulders tense and your eyes ignite with worry. âPlease donât make me remind you that there are people dying right now. You canât seriously think itâs safe to be on your own.â
âI can protect myself, Y/N.â Nancy reminds you gently, understanding your concern but knowing it isnât needed.
âYou care to share with the rest of us?â Dustin calls over to the two of you.
âI donât want to waste your time,â Nancy shoves her hands into her jean jacket. âItâs⌠a real shot in the dark.â
You frown at this. âIf itâs something you think is worth looking into, then it isnât a shot in the dark. Youâve always been right.â
Nancy blushes at your words, but Steve silently fumes beside you. He canât believe what heâs hearing. âAre you guys out of your mind? No way is Nancy flying solo with Vecna on the loose.â
âI never said that she should fly solo,â you say slowly, not at all liking how heâs twisting your words. You had been complimenting Nancyâs intelligence, restoring her faith back into her work. You donât understand where this protectiveness from Steve is coming from. âI know itâs too dangerous, thatâs why I was going to suggestââ
âYouâre right. Itâs too dangerous. Bottom line. She needs someone to-Christ.â Steve isnât listening. Heâs too caught up in his head as tosses his keys to Robin, who only barely manages to catch them. âHere, Y/N and I will stick with Nance.â
You cross your arms and glare at him. âIâm sorry?â
Steve doesnât look at you, heâs too busy staring at Nancy, and for a brief second you truly believe that thereâs something soft in his gaze when he looks at her. Theyâre friends, you know this. Thereâs a history between them that rivals your history with Jonathan. Nancy was Steveâs first love, and now he loves you, and you try desperately to shake the insecurity that you feel.Â
If youâre being completely honest, youâre not even sure why youâre suddenly thinking all of this. Youâve never been insecure, at least not in your relationship with Steve. During the almost year youâve been with him, thereâve been times girls have flirted with him or old flings that have tried to vie for his attention. But through it all your trust in him never wavered, you knew that at the end of the day it was your bed he was crawling into.Â
And yet thereâs a voice in the back of your head telling you that the way Steve is looking at Nancy right now is different; itâs how he looks at you. The voice is darker, more cruel. Itâs one you donât recognize, and yet you do.Â
Steve seems to come back to himself and turns to you. âRobin can go with the kids to the shrink. Max can talk to her alone, itâs no big deal.â
Robin holds the keys away from her as if theyâre poisoned. âI donât think you want me driving your car.â
âWhy?â
âI donât have a license.â
Steve shakes his head with impatience. âWhy donât you have a license?â
âIâm poor,â Robin shrugs, and you laugh slightly.Â
Max raises her hand. âI can drive.â
âNo!â You and Steve exclaim at the same time, both of you getting war flashbacks to when Max had driven you after Billy had knocked you guys unconscious. Itâd been a rough night and waking up to a thirteen year old driving a sports car definitely hadn't helped.Â
âPlease,â you look at Max with genuine longing. âNever, ever drive me ever again.â
âLiterally anyone but youââ Steve sees Dustin make a face, offering himself to drive, and the older teen snaps his fingers at him in annoyance. âNo chance.â
You shake your head as well. No way in hell are you allowing the kid to drive either. âAbsolutely not, Dustin. You couldnât even drive a golf cart properly.â
âI did a decent job!â
âI still think youâre the one who gave Steve his third concussion with your horrible braking.â
âWe were being chased by evil Russians!âÂ
Robin steps between you and your brother, holding her hands up. âAlright, this is stupid.â She grabs Dustinâs walkie from his backpack and marches to Nancy while handing Steve his keys. âUs ladies, sans Y/N, will stick together. Unless Steve thinks we need him to protect us?â
She raises her eyebrows, challenging the teen, and you watch him. He shuffles nervously, ducks his head down. Steve is guilty and ashamed and embarrassed. Your stomach clenches.Â
âHe knows better than to doubt you guys,â you step in for him, saving him. âRight, Steve?â
Nancy laughs at the look of fear on his face and Robin smirks. Satisfied, they turn around and start to head towards Nancyâs car. You wish them luck as they leave, tell them to be safe. They wave back at you, and although you wish you could join them, you know that Max will want you by her side while she talks to Ms. Kelly.Â
Once the girls are gone, you hit Steveâs chest. âNice one, buddy.â
He lets out a pained huff, but he doesnât say anything. He knows he had it coming. With a sigh he follows you back to his car and gets into the driverâs seat. Dustin stares at him through the rearview mirror with a shit eating grin on his face. Tired, Steve glares at him. âNot a word.â
âI didnât say anything.â Dustin defends himself.
âNo, but you were going to, and-hey,â Steve turns in his seat and glares even more at your brother. âDid you make sure to wipe your feet?â
âYes,â Dustin says at the same time as you and Max say, âNo.â
Steve pinches the bridge of his nose and starts the car angrily. His movements are jerky and uncontrolled. âAlways the goddamn babysitter!â He exclaims, resentment marring his face.
You jump slightly at his raised voice. He hates being sidelined, you know this. Similar to you, all Steve ever wants to do is help. He does whatever he can, he tries harder than anyone. Itâs what you first fell for, back when Steve originally crashed into your life.Â
Itâs because of his kindness and devotion to others that you reach for Steveâs hand. His skin is cold, goosebumps raise at your touch, but you interlock your fingers through his and slowly, piece by piece, Steve relaxes.Â
Heâs missed your touch. Youâve missed his, too.
âÂ
Ms. Kelly, to her credit, tries to mask her surprise when she sees you and Max standing at her door. âOh, hello, girls.â
âHi,â you smile kindly at the woman. âWe really hate to bother you over spring break, but do you possibly have a minute to talk?â
âWith the two of you?â Ms. Kelly knew that you and Max were both grieving Billy, but she hadnât known that you knew each other. âY/N, Iâm sure youâre aware that this is highly unusual to request.â
You wince. âYeah, Iâm definitely aware that this is a pretty strange thing to ask. Itâs just that I was the one who convinced Max to start seeing you in the first place, and now that Iâm also seeing you, we figured we could⌠talk to you together?â
Itâs a horrible excuse. The lie is vague and too transparent to believe. Neither you or Max had a lot of time to come up with a convincing cover story during the drive here.Â
âI donât know,â Ms. Kellyâs face strains with contemplation.Â
Max softens her eyes and does her best to look small, pleading. âPlease?â
You try to appear troubled as well, though it isnât hard. Your headache hasnât left. The pounding in your head has only intensified since leaving the trailer park. Ms. Kellyâs gaze flits between you and Max, reading for any signs of lying or ill-will, before her resolve crumbles.
âOh, alright.â She opens her door wider, ushers the two of you inside. âCome in.â
Steve and Dustin watch as you disappear inside the house. Theyâve parked across the street, opting to be the lookout in case anything happens. You spare one last glance over your shoulder, eyes meeting Steveâs, before Ms. Kelly closes the door.Â
âOkay, theyâre in.â Steve states the obvious, slightly unsettled to be stuck in the car while youâre inside.
âIâm missing collarbones, not eyes.â Dustin snorts. He expects Steve to say something snarky in response, but then he notices that the teen is still staring longly out the window, tracing Ms. Kellyâs door. He looks pathetic, waiting for you, and Dustin sighs. âSo⌠we gonna talk about it?â
Steveâs eyes linger on the doorway, a far off look on his face. When he realizes that Dustin has spoken, he turns to him slowly. âHuh? Sorry, talk about what?â
âYour temporary insanity earlier today when you basically threw yourself at Nance? In front of my sister?âÂ
âOkay, first of all, thatâs not what happened.â
Dustin glares at Steve, defensive over you. âOh, really? Iâm pretty sure it did, there were a lot of witnesses. Y/N included.â
âWhat are you implying, little Henderson?â Steve rubs his face, too tired for the kidâs mind games. He knows he was being weird earlier with Nancy, but he would never do that to you. Ever. He had simply been overwhelmed and confused and feeling a multitude of things that he still isnât ready to face.
âIâm not implying anything,â Dustin puts his hands up. âAll Iâm saying is that I know you and Y/N have been fighting lately and that for some stupid reason, youâre doubting your relationship.â
Steve throws his head back against the seat. Of course you told Dustin about last night. âLook, Iâm not-Iâm not doubting our relationship, alright? I mean, I love her, man. So, so much. We just⌠things have been hard, lately. Really fucking hard.â
He isnât sure how much youâve told your brother. He doesnât think youâd tell him about Jonathan, at least not until you know yourself whatever the hell heâd been trying to tell you the other night.Â
Dustin doesnât say anything for a few moments. He stares past Steve, his eyes almost seem to glaze over. âItâs because sheâs leaving, isnât it?â
All the air in Steveâs lungs gets knocked out of him. âYes,â he breathes out. His mouth is dry. He swallows, his tongue feels too thick for his mouth. âSometimes it feels like sheâs, I donât know, like sheâs outgrown me? I-I know itâs stupid, but sheâs going so far for college and Iâm stuck in Hawkins like some fucking moron and she-she didnât want me going with her.âÂ
âDid you know that I cried when she got into NYU?â Dustin asks him, a hurt smile on his face. When Steve shakes his head, the boy inhales deeply. âYeah, cried like a baby the whole night. I mean, I knew she applied, I knew sheâd get in, but⌠youâre right. She is going pretty far. Iâve never,â he wipes at his eyes quickly, embarrassed that heâs crying. âIâve never had to spend a single day without my sister.â
Steve stares at your brother, finally beginning to understand the distance between the two of you. For weeks now itâs all youâve complained about to Steve. How much you resented Eddie for being Dustinâs new favorite person, how much you miss singing with him in the kitchen while you baked. But now here Dustin is, teary eyed, explaining to Steve just how scared he is to be without his sister. âIt feels like sheâs leaving you, too.â
âYeah,â Dustin wipes his eyes again, nodding. âYeah, sometimes it feels like she canât wait to get out of this town.â
âEven though weâll still be here,â Steve says solemnly.Â
Itâs quiet again. A few birds sing in the tree above them. You and Max havenât returned, yet. After a while, Dustin turns to Steve. âShe doesnât mean it, you know.â
âWho?â
âY/N,â the boy clarifies, and Steveâs heart skips a beat. âShe doesnât mean it when she says she doesnât want you going with her to New York. Sheâs just⌠sheâs scared, and she knows that it isnât what you really want. Nothing gets past her, itâs really annoying.â
Steve scoffs a bit, fondness running through him. Dustinâs right. Nothing ever gets past you, you notice and see everything. But then he thinks about what your brother has said, the fear he hadnât known about. âWhy would she be scared?âÂ
Dustin stiffens in his seat, his gaze once again blurs. He twists his hands anxiously, fixes his hat. The atmosphere shifts, Steve can see that heâs uncomfortable now. Heâs about to tell Dustin that he doesnât have to answer, but the kid does anyways. âOur parents, they-um. Met in college.â
Steve sits up as well. You and Dustin never talk about your parents, at least not about your father. Steve canât remember the last time youâve even mentioned him. He thinks maybe the man had called you once, during Christmas.Â
âThey got married right before graduation. Our mom had been pregnant with Y/N, they got hitched and in their marital bliss, our dad somehow convinced our mom to leave Indiana. She grew up here, but our dad was from Virginia and he insisted that she move there.â
Bitter. Dustin is bitter.
âEverything was fine, I guess. I liked Virginia. Y/N did, too. But our mom was lonely, anyone could see that. We lived in a pretty small town, our dad was basically a goddamn Kennedy there. Everyone adored him, but our mom⌠things were different for her. She was always in his shadow, but Y/N and I were too young to notice for a long time.â
Steve swallows. âAnd then⌠the divorce?âÂ
âThe stupid fucking divorce.â Dustin spits out. âIt wasnât a surprise, but somehow we still felt blindsided. One day our dad was charming, cracking jokes with everyone and playing the guitar with us, then the next he just-he snapped. Became bitter, mean. Y/N idolized him, but when our parents started fighting every night and our mom cried over some woman named Carry⌠I lost my sister, for a while.â
âShe told me,â Steve whispers, remembering the rawness in your voice the night you confessed to him that you were once cruel. âI had to remind her that she came back, in the end.â
The corners of Dustinâs mouth turn upwards slightly. âYeah, she came back.â But then his expression darkens, his mood sours. âOur mother almost didnât, though. After having to move back to Hawkins with barely any money to support us, it basically destroyed her. She had lost all her friends by that point, her own parents died while we lived in Virginia.âÂ
âIâm sorry,â Steveâs throat constricts. He hadnât known any of this. He feels like such an asshole now for assuming the worst in you. For allowing his own insecurities to blind him. âI-I didnât know about any of that.âÂ
âYeah, well.â Dustin shrugs. âNow you do. And you need to know that Y/N is being her usual selfless self because of our mom and what happened to her. She doesn't want that happening to you, dipshit.â
Steve exhales through his nose, his head is swimming with so many more questions, so many apologies he wishes he could say. Instead, he stares out the window, waiting for you to return.Â
â
âSo, what would you girls like to discuss with me?â The clock on Ms. Kellyâs walk ticks ominously behind her. Sheâs seated you and Max in her basement den. You can tell by the stack of books and messy desk that she uses the area as her makeshift office.Â
Max slouches against her seat. âOh, itâs nothing too serious, we were justââ
âIâm worried about Max.â You interrupt the girl, not daring to look at her.
Ms. Kelly raises an eyebrow. âOh?â
âI think with all the murders happening, it might be affecting her.â It isnât necessarily a lie. You have been worried about Max and her behavior. Especially these last few weeks. âIt might be resurfacing some⌠memories.â
Max tries to argue, but Ms. Kelly holds her hand up. âYouâve both experienced trauma, Y/N. She lost her brother while you held his dying body.â
A lump forms in your throat, your lungs feel cold.Â
The woman turns to Max, now. âAnd when you keep your feelings in, your pain, bottled up the way you do, it doesnât take much to trigger them again. I can see why Y/N may be worried.â
Max doesnât meet Ms. Kellyâs eyes. She swallows heavily and looks down at her hands. âYeah, I know.â
âYou know you can always talk to me, Max.â You say softly, wanting desperately to reach out to her. But youâre afraid itâll only drive her further away.
She frowns at you. âLike how you talk to Dustin, or even to Steve?â
Her accusation cuts deeply. You hadnât known that she was paying attention to you. That your disguised âIâm fineâsâ werenât convincing her. Max must know this, because she lowers her eyes again and mumbles a quiet apology.Â
Ms. Kelly notices the tension and leans between the two of you. âDo you think youâre ready to talk more about that night?â
Maxâs eyes gloss over briefly, her face distorts with discomfort. An onslaught of memories overtakes her, just as they overtake you. The echoes of her screams for her brother replay in your mind over and over again. The squelch of Billyâs blood trickles down your spine. You were right next to her when it happened. The blood still stains your clothes from that night at Starcourt.Â
âI live next door to where it happened.â Max changes the subject, her voice returning. When Ms. Kelly asks for more clarification, she continues. âNext to where Chrissy was murdered. The cops asked me a bunch of questions. Did they talk to you?â
The woman sits up, apprehensive. She hadnât been expecting to talk about this. You sit there quietly, head still pounding from earlier as Max takes over. She interrogates Ms. Kelly, who does her best to dodge every question, and suddenly the warmth in the room becomes unbearable.Â
âExcuse me,â you stand up, hand clutching your stomach. Nausea swirls within you. You feel faint, the pounding has increased and sweat trickles down your neck. Both Max and Ms. Kelly look at you in concern, but you ignore them.
Blindly you stumble towards the kitchen you remember seeing when you arrived. Too nauseous and overwhelmed to care about niceties, you dig through Ms. Kellyâs cupboards until you find a cup. After filling it with water, the icey coolness of the liquid settles uneasily in your stomach. You lean over the sink, hands clutching the edge. Everything in your body feels unsteady.
Max comes up the stairs and finds you breathing heavily. âYouâre not going to hurl, are you?â
âTrying really hard not to right now,â you breathe through your nose, out through your mouth. âThanks for the concern.â
No response comes. Instead, footsteps walk up behind you. You hear metal clanking against glass, and when you turn around, you find Max holding up a pair of keys. She smirks, flashing you the white keyring attached to them labeled, âofficeâ.
Your eyes bulge out of your head. âNo, we are not stealingââÂ
Except Max grabs your arm and practically flings you out the front door. She shoves you, urging you to start running towards Steveâs car, and all you can do is stumble over your feet and follow after her. When you make it back to the car, panting from the exertion and thrill, Steve and Dustin turn to you with wide eyes.Â
âWhatâd she say?â Your brother asks, noting your frazzled appearance.Â
âNothing, just drive.â Max dismisses.Â
âI just became a felon.â
The girl rolls her eyes at you. âPersonal property theft isnât a felony.â
âJesus,â Steve does a double take, baffled by this entire conversation. âWhat the hell did you guys do in there?â
âSteve, drive!â Max shouts at him.Â
The tires of the car squeal against the pavement as Steve steps on the gas. He steadies the car, a wild look in his eyes. âWhere are we even going?â
âThe school,â Max holds up the keys she stole.
Dustin looks at her incredulously. âAre thoseââ
âThe keys to Ms. Kellyâs office? Yeah.â You nod grimly. âI told you, Iâm now a felon.â
âOh, donât be so dramaticââ
A voice comes through Cerebro, cutting Max off. âDustin? Itâs Lucas. Do you copy?â
Relief washes over you hearing Lucasâ voice. Between tracking down Eddie and dealing with interrogating school guidance counselors, youâd also been slowly worrying yourself to death over the boy. Itâs unusual for him to be quiet for so long, and with all the murders now occurring⌠Youâd been terrified.Â
âLucas? Where the hell have you been?â Demands Dustin.
âJust listen, are you guys looking for Eddie?â
You and Steve share an uncertain look. Why would Lucas be radioing about him? How much does he know?
Your brother tells Lucas that youâve found Eddie and tells him where he is, that heâs safe. Immediately, the boy responds, âYou guys know he killed Chrissy, right?â
Predictably, Dustin doesnât take this very well. âThatâs bullshit, Eddie tried to save Chrissy.â
Lucas presses further, not believing what heâs hearing. Max snatches the radio from Dustin, tired of all the vague responses. âLucas, youâre so behind itâs ridiculous, okay?â
âTechnically we still havenât elaborated on the whole Eddie thing,â you point out, which she glares at you for.Â
âY/N?â Lucas asks, surprised to hear youâre with them.
You grab the walkie. âHey, howâs your day been?â
âAwful,â he responds bluntly while Steve snorts at your question. âWhy are you guys so sure Eddie didnâtââ
âJust meet us at school. Weâll explain later.â Max instructs, leaning over the carâs console.Â
âI canât,â fear leaks through Lucasâ voice. You sit up now, looking at Steve again. He hears it, too. âI think some real bad shitâs about to go down.â
You feel your heartbeat pick up. âLucas, what does that mean? Are you okay, where are you?â
âSinclair!â A voice shouts, before the radio cuts into static.Â
âLucas? Lucas!â Max shouts into the walkie, but he doesnât respond. She sounds scared, itâs the most emotion youâve heard in her voice in months.
Youâre no better. You sit in the passenger seat, numb. The voice, you recognized it. Youâd know Jason Carverâs voice anywhere. Everything clicks; you remember how Lucas was supposed to go to the party after the basketball game. Chrissy had been Jasonâs girlfriend before she was brutally killed. The cops wouldâve questioned him, they wouldâve told him how her body had been found in Eddieâs trailer.Â
Eddie Munson, the town freak everyone hates.Â
âWhat shit could Lucas get into?â Dustin questions, annoyance twinged with worry for his friend.Â
You try to steady your breathing, nausea returning. You almost donât recognize the sound of your own voice. âItâs Jason. Heâs-heâs angry.â
The words settle in the car, linger in the air, before they crash heavily upon the four of you. The realization dawns on everyone, the inevitability of what will happen next is an unbearable weight.
Steve steps even harder on the gas. He knows the basketball team, how cruel teen boys can be.Â
âÂ
Every time youâve snuck into one of Hawkinsâ schools, itâs never led to anything good. The first two times had been in the middle school for Will. Neither time involved very pleasant memories. This year youâre sneaking into the high school in order to violate your classmatesâ privacy and read their deepest, darkest secrets.
âThis feels wrong,â you huff under your breath, barely keeping up with Steve and the others as they run through the hallway. âIâd hate it if anyone read my file.â
âWould you rather risk anyone else dying?â Max responds, giving you a pointed look.
You frown but donât say anything, figuring sheâs right. As much as you hate to do this, itâs objectively the lesser of two evils. Youâll apologize to the students after this is done. If they question why youâve baked them brownies, youâll simply lie and say you had extra laying around.Â
âDustin, do you copy?â Robinâs voice carries over the radio. Your heart skips a beat hearing her, youâve missed her today. After your brother responds, she starts to explain what she and Nancy found. âSo, Nancyâs a genius.â
âWhat else is new?â You say, and Robin laughs.
âMy thoughts exactly, pretty girl.â She clears her throat. âAnyways, Vecnaâs first victims date back all the way to 1959. Her shot in the dark was a bullâs-eye.â
The new information startles you. Vecna first started killing in 1959? Why didnât you hear anything about it until now, and why didnât El sense him before?
Dustin looks equally unsettled by the news. âOkay, thatâs totally bonkers, but we canât really talk right now.â
âWhat are you doing?â
âBreaking and entering into the school to retrieve confidential and extremely personal files.â
You wince. Itâs as bad as it sounds. Tapping Dustinâs shoulder, you break him away from the walkie. âWait, we wonât need my files, right?â
Steve eyes you up and down, shrugging indifferently. âWellââ Hitting his chest, he sputters at you. âWhy do you keep doing that?â
âYouâre not reading my files, Harrington.â
Meanwhile, Dustin urges Robin and Nancy to meet you guys at the school. By the time their conversation wraps up, Max has unlocked the office door. She heads straight towards the drawers, long familiar with the layout; you follow after her.
Steve and Dustin look around while you and Max dig through the files. They mumble something about Watergate, but you can barely hear them over the rush of blood in your eardrums. Maxâs fingers rest on a specific file. The name printed on it makes you feel sick.
Fred Benson.
âHoly shit,â she exhales, grabbing it.
âFound it?â Dustin stands next to you now, neck peering down.Â
You struggle to breathe. âWe didnât just find Chrissyâs file.â
Dustin tilts his head, he doesnât understand, and Max holds the file up. âFred was seeing Ms. Kelly too.â
Steve and Dustin freeze. You can practically see their heartbeats still. The air in the room goes stale. Their eyes linger on you, they wish they couldnât piece it together. Chrissy and Fred were seeing Ms. Kelly up until their deaths. You and Max have been seeing her, too. Itâs one hell of a coincidence.Â
But thatâs all this is. A horrible, awful coincidence.Â
âY/NâŚâ Steve breathes out, but you shake your head at him.
âPlease,â your lip trembles. Not here, not now. He canât look away from you, but you canât bear to look at him. Instead, you grab the remaining files and hand them to Max. âWe need to go through them. All of them.â
Dustin sits at the desk, Steveâs hand rests on the small of your back as you lean over Max to read the files. He shines a flashlight for the two of you, Chrissyâs file is the first one you read. The image of her once vibrant and alive smile stares back at you. Thereâs a column of writing to the left of her photo, the handwriting is neat, orderly, and it catches your attention.
âAre thoseâŚ?â
âSymptoms.â Max softly answers, eyes skimming down the list.
Past trauma.
Terrible migraines.
Difficulty sleeping.
Headaches.
Maxâs entire body tenses, her muscles pull taut against you. Your own body shakes, the tremors misalign your bones. Slowly, she looks up at you. Her eyes silently beg you to tell her that youâve gotten it all wrong. Maxâs blue eyes plead with you to tell her that none of this is real.
âSteve,â your voice catches, unable to inhale. âCan we see Fredâs file?â
He softly agrees, handing you the file immediately. You take it from him. The paper trembles in your unsteady grasp. Laying them down, you open the file and Fredâs photo burns you. Next to it is a list of symptoms.
Theyâre the same as Chrissyâs.Â
Theyâre the same as yours.Â
The headaches. Sleepless nights. The trauma youâve been through, the nightmares that will never truly go away. Everything youâve experienced within the last week.Â
Nosebleeds is starred, and for a moment your heartbeat settles. You havenât had a nosebleed since you were five. It isnât one of your symptoms; it can all still be a coincidence.
âThis-this canât be right.â You donât know if you say this to reassure Max or yourself, but when you look down at her, you know. She has a far off look in her eyes. She doesnât react to what youâve just said.Â
Itâs only then that you remember her nosebleed from earlier this week; it hadnât been a coincidence.Â
âMax?â You shake her shoulders, tears already in your eyes. You know better than to be so naive, so blindly ignorant. You shouldâve known better. You shouldâve known that something was wrong.
Dustin and Steve try to wake Max, but sheâs already left her body. Sheâs unresponsive, lost in whatever trance sheâs in.Â
âY/N, whatâs happening?â Steve demands, fear in his own voice.
Youâre hysterical, screaming and sobbing for Max to wake up. Her body is so small against yours, sheâs frail and weak and her skin has never looked so translucent. Over and over you shake her, your palms rest against her cheeks and you cry.
Youâve come to know what fear is. How it can blind a person, leave them stricken with such raw anguish. Fear takes whatever air is left inside you and it poisons it with sulfur and leaves you choking.Â
The day Will went missing, the only air left in your body had been blood.Â
When inside the tunnels defending your little brother from monsters, the air in your body had been carbon.Â
Starcourt mall and the fireworks that exploded over Billyâs dangling and bloodied body left only just enough air in your lungs to scream.
But this fear, seeing Max unresponsive to your pleas, this fear doesnât spare you any air.Â
Gasping and choking, youâre a wreck. âMax!â
Faintly you can feel Steveâs hands on you, or maybe theyâre Dustinâs. Someone grabs you, pulls you away, but all you can do is scream.
It all makes sense now, Nancyâs question from earlier rings in your ears. You know why Chrissy and Fred were targeted. Why Ms. Kelly was somehow the center of it all.
The symptoms they experienced prior, the same ones that plague you and Max. You know what it is.
Vencaâs curse.
-
â series masterlist
â i am no longer doing a taglist, my apologies ! however, please feel free to like, reblog, and comment instead :)
#and when I say that this is by far my favorite chapter in this series then what??????#the details! the pain!!!!!!!#oh my god im at a loss for words even though i keep yapping#this was everything and more#vecnaâs curse ouf#now i cant wait to see what vecna thinks of bug đ#like will he show her his plan? what hes planning to do to hawkins????#i feel like henry or 001 wouldve taken a huge liking/showed interest to bug#not in a heehee haha way obviously#ouf i cant wait for the next chapterâ#thank you for this! you did so well#stranger things#stranger things rewrite#steve harrington fanfic
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