#now I’m rambling into different things oops lol I’ll stop

[mochindayo]

Not snz!

I just, wanted to share a piece of me that has been around since I was 5. Uh, by that I mean playing piano xD. But this song is just so pretty and uh got excited now that I’m closer to having it down! It’s still choppy and not quite up to speed, mistakes here and there still >.> but overall, significant progress -- ALSO THE PIANO IS INSANELY OUT OF TUNE becuase it's been 3 years since tuning it :') so sorry it's so out of tune

actually can we just ignore the last 2/3 lolol

[devouredbyflame]

Good morning! It’s Ari, again.

I might drop by to DM sometime, but since I’m about to work, I didn’t want to be rude and just DM/start a conversation to throw questions at you and run off lol I’d rather DM to get to know someone if that makes sense. I thought it might be more appropriate to drop little questions here if any really drive me nuts while I’m reading your blog in the meantime.

If I ever ask anything you don’t want to share, feel free to say so! I’m trying to understand what I’ve read you say about finding your path yourself and avoiding echo chambers when you should be learning from the Divine, so I’m gonna try to limit my questions, but between my having ADHD, anxiety, and just generally being kind of detail-oriented, I still find myself fixated on specific details a lot

So with that ramble out of the way (sorry, I’m kinda long-winded, I’m sure you noticed in my email lol) my actual question(s) for today!:

(I see how long this got, so for a summary, this jumble of questions is about the likenesses of Deities you mention putting on altars)

In your first post about altar creation, I saw you say one of the things you need is a likeness of the Deity you’re making it for. It might be a silly question, but what really counts as a “likeness”? Is it just anything made with the intention of being His likeness? Or are we supposed to make an intuitive guess? I could see maybe going by personal UPG, but assuming we’re just starting out and not confident in anything like that, trying to make the altar to connect in the first place, I’m wondering how we know what we’re looking for.

Since I’m not able to practice openly at home, but my family knows I was a bigger fan of Hiddleston Loki than the MCU itself, I was thinking of finding a good/affordable figure of MCU Loki. So if the owner of the household rifles through my things, as she’s prone to do, and she finds a candle, a marvel figure and a couple of (to her) random things in a box, she’s more likely to think it’s just a box of knickknacks. But I’m afraid this will be seen as some kind of joke, I don’t want to be too familiar, in case I’ve been wrong about my connecting to Him so far.

Final thought- do Deities even really have human-looking appearances? I see Loki appearing differently to different people, especially as a shapeshifter, but is it really a thing that any of Them look a certain way? Like I’ve read you talk about meeting Him face-to-face when He has possessed people in front of you, and how He’s your roommate/in-and-out-of-your-body way of being with you now. But is there a way you “see” Him? And is that a way He’s appeared to you, in a dream or meditation or something, or is it just kinda a creative idea of how He looks?

Sorry for the length, and any errors! I’d stop to edit it down and fix run-on sentences, but I’m already kinda late starting work (oops). So I hope you have a good day! Hopefully I’ll have time to actually chat this weekend, if you’re open to that!

Hi Ari! You're totally fine. I love answering questions so give me what you got and I can do my best to further clarify for you. And also, I am ADHD so I 100% understand the need for detail-oriented clarification. My numerous questions is how I got to where I am today because I would ask Loki so many things about how stuff works so I can better grasp the nature of the concept. I am more than delighted to share what I've learned, how it works, and why it's been successful and that's kind of the point of my being here.

My answers are also really long-winded and mostly because I have a lot of knowledge and experiences and very few places to share it so bear with me.

So, in regards to the likeness question, I would say anything that is made with the intention of it being the Deity in question would be the best point of reference. However, it doesn't necessarily mean it has to be an obvious representation, just something that is synonymous with Their energy. Like, if you had a candle vaguely in the shape of the Deity in question or a clay model, a doll, or a picture that reminds you of Them, that also works. The purpose is to draw the energy of that particular Deity into the shrine which means you would need to "open the door" to both sides. Like, the Deity would need to know it is for Them as well as you so you can look at it and go, "ah, yes, that is the God in question." You would think They wouldn't care because They know your heart and your intention, but it is easiest when the object is designed with the God in mind.

That being said, I personally had MCU Loki on my altar for a year or two when I first began, knowing Loki probably was aware of my situation and that I needed to be closeted until I had my own place to live. I don't think it would necessarily be a problem if you have Tom Hiddleston instead of Loki Himself. When I got my own place, I got Him a statue carved out of wood and quite a bit of art by various artists I've found who I think draw Him really well.

The whole debate about whether or not Loki cares for MCU Loki itself is complex and I can possibly get into that in more detail if anyone is ever interested. But based on my experiences with Him, He has indicated that no, He doesn't really care for it to be on your shrine. It's fine if that's what you need to be conspicuous. He only really seems to care if you don't ask Him if it's okay. The point, I think, He wants to make is that by asking Him His opinion, He will make it okay because you gave Him your reasoning and didn't just assume. Which makes sense considering a shrine is a Deity's possession and not a devotee's after the point of making it a shrine. So, as long as you're asking His permission to use it on His shrine, I think that's absolutely clear with Him.

I cannot speak for Him, but I sincerely doubt He would ever wish to put you in the way of any danger when it comes to His shrine being made. However, I know Him to be very possessive of His belongings and prefers giving His consent with certain things. If you invite Him when creating a shrine, He will more than likely give you a sense of what you need to be doing for Him and whether or not it's okay. If you don't trust that, using a pendulum, flipping a coin, or other "yes/no" random generators are helpful. I wouldn't worry too much that you are afraid of insulting Him just because you don't have an option.

Just don't ask Him multiple times the same question because that's when He starts giving false answers. It can get aggravating but typically He doesn't like having only one-sided answers and would prefer to say both "yes" and "no" because He tends to swing both ways when talking about the nature of Himself as well as the Gods since it's never only ever just one single way.

I think He does mind Tom Hiddleston being used as His likeness if you have no reason to hide your shrine and if you don't ask His permission to so so He may say "no" but then "yes" later on given His consent and an explanation of your reasoning.

Now, I don't know your situation, obviously, and there's no reason for you to get into more detail about it to some random stranger on the internet but I will point out that having a shrine is a lot less obvious than you would think. People won't know what they are looking at if they are not pagan. I kept my shrine on my desk for the years I was closeted and my ex who was an atheist as well as my Christian parents did not know what they were looking at unless I specifically told them what it was. Even then, they were confused. I think unless the people you live with know what a pagan is or what a shrine should be, you likely are going to be fine even if they go through your belongings.

I recommend keeping it in a shoe box somewhere or an even smaller box that's tucked away somewhere no one will get to it even if they are looking. It's probably for the best regardless because it would keep other energy from getting to it that would be less than savory and could interrupt the energetic transaction between Loki and yourself.

Also, in regards to appearances, no, Loki does not have a physical appearance whatsoever. He is energy and energy does not have a form that we can see clearly with our two eyes. He likes to call Himself an "orb of light" and that He "floats around all day and does not do much of anything on this physical plane except wait around for stuff to happen."

I have seen Him manifest physically before but it is not human-like nor is it remotely something that is a common occurrence. It looks like glimmers of golden light that shines in the corner of my eye and flashes before it can ever be seen fully. My cats see Him all the time, actually, and watch as He zooms around the apartment and plays with them since cats have a keener sense of vision than we do.

So, no, He does not have any actual human-like qualities. However, it is my understanding that the way we perceive Him is translated by various triggers in our brain. Just like how we visualize a person as they are described that we haven't seen before, Loki essentially has a means to assist people with seeing Him who may have trouble recognizing who He is so He gives a common appearance. He's explained to me that when it's important for someone to know who they are looking at, He will appear to them as a lanky ginger with long red hair, golden eyes and pointed ears. But if it's not, then He can show up as anyone He wants to in any way.

So I suppose it's both the way He wants to be seen and also our own brains piecing together visuals that He triggers and we conceptualize as vaguely human but very obviously not given the amount of energy that resonates off of Him. So it's both intentional that He looks the same way to a lot of people while also being intentional when He doesn't. Regardless of where, how, and why He manifests, though, He feels the exact same way all the time and you'll know who He is just by being in His presence. So, I suppose, also, it doesn't truly matter about what He looks like on your shrine.

I hope that answers your questions (probably more info than you ever asked for) but I'm always open to clarifying things here and otherwise and that goes with anyone who stumbles on my blog. That's why I'm here. Also, yes, please DM whenever you want! I love meeting people. It's my favorite. Talking about this shit is my jam.

[causticsunshine]

Heyy whatcha been getting into lately? Alternatively, what have you been enjoying being a hater of lately?

okay first hello i love how this question is phrased hajdks very on brand for me and two uhhh oh boy a lot of stuff tbh!

so to preface. over the years i’ve had many phases where i get out of some irl person based media (usually 1d or some random tv show) and back into animated series, then the inverse happens, the cycle repeats, etc.? so i’m currently back into animated stuff as well as fully leaning into kpop everywhere instead of what i was doing before, where i was trying to limit my posting in general or limiting it to twitter under the guise of trying to seem slightly Normal™️ but now i’m fully leaning into whatever makes me happy and inspired and if that makes me annoying so be it

anyway—in terms of animated shows i’ve been watching one piece for almost a year now as for some reason i couldn’t get into it when i was younger and then was deterred by the series length, but i’m really enjoying it! i’m about to start the long ring long island arc if that means anything to anyone lol. i’ve also been watching and loooving dungeon meshi, and i’m currently reading it as well! i tried reading it a few years ago and stopped a few chapters in (idr why) but now i’m hooked and am struggling to pace myself…. i might try and do some fanart soon 👀

with kpop mmmm i’ve actually been a casual fan since like 2010 (listened to some 2008-2009 but it was mostly early shinee and random kpop compilations on youtube lmao) but have gotten in and out of it several times? now though i’ve been pretty Involved consistently since 2019/2020, although the groups i follow the closest are ateez, oneus and nct (127)!

i saw oneus in seattle last month after missing them twice and had such a good time (i still haven’t finished sorting my pictures though and haven’t posted like. any oops) and i am tryyyying (like. praying on my hands and knees lighting candles talking to the moon levels level trying) to get my hands on VIP1 tickets for ateez in tacoma and tickets go live next week so wish me luck as i will definitely need it with how pricey it’s likely to be… but also i will proudly commit heinous deplorable acts for ateez barricade sooo either way i’m determined to get my way? aka: i want and need my own y/n moment ahfksksn

also to clarify i’m not a shipper or whatever when it comes to kpop! i may enjoy the odd fic or will cringe read things with my friends but it’s nothing like HL for me; it’s a very different dynamic overall and i don’t get those kinda vibes in a serious way from any groups i follow? although with ateez… i can kinda see why they attract some of those kinds of fans i’m ngl

and on the side, i’ve actually been working on original content again! the one group of ocs i tend to pick up and put down has been temporarily sidelined for a pair i dumped a few years back but am currently reworking and actually have a story for now! idk if i’ll do anything proper with said story as comics are exhausting so rn i’m mostly word-vomming into docs and trying to nail down my character designs. when i’ve got things worth sharing though i do plan to share here as well, if anyone would be interested 👉👈

alternately when it comes to my haterism… i still greatly dislike and am exhausted with miss swiftie for numerous reasons and my god my art twitter is swathed in h*zbin h*tel content?? like actually plagued?? otherwise though there are just things i wish i saw less because i’m simply just not interested right now (aka 1d stuff) or in general and don’t want to start disliking those things because i’m seeing them too much

ok def rambled more than i meant to oopsie doopsie but yeah uhh that’s kinda it! anon i hope you are well and enjoying yourself in whatever you are doing rn 💕 and feel free to share if you feel so inclined to!

[justmeinatree]

is it weird for me to say it's adorable how much you had to say about Faith In the Future? i love rambling about the albums i love so it's to see someone else doing it too 😂🫶 and even though there isn't a bad song on the album, all of your choices were fantastic!! i also really connected with the album but for me Silver Tongues and Holding On to Heartache were my two favorite songs (not that you asked lol)

okay...i'm going to cheat a little because i can't pick just one. my two favorite songs on Heartbreak Weather are Put a Little Love On Me because and Everywhere. i love a good angsty song and Everywhere is one of those songs i can listen to on loop for hours and not get bored. i also have to give a shout out to Cross Your Mind because...looking back, it's not great that i connected it with for the reasons that i did, but it was super relevant to where i was/what i was going through at the time that the album came out and it was kind of a weird comfort song for me during that time. the same thing goes for Bend the Rules, which i can't believe i forgot to mention first. it's the same type of thing as Cross Your Mind, where i really connected to it because it described the situation i was in almost too perfectly and it was a comfort song for me lol. i didn't immediately connect with Arms of a Stranger on such a personal level (although i did still love the song from the very start) but it ended up being the perfect song for where i ended up after the situation that had me relating a little two hard to the previous two songs finally ended 😂 so that ended up becoming a personal favorite a few months after the album dropped. anyway now i'm the one rambling so i'll stop before i list the album's entire track list. you asked me to give you one song on the album to listen to but i can't pick just one, sooo...my recommendation is to pick any one of the songs i just listed because you really cannot go wrong with that album in my humble opinion.

(totally unrelated but i'm too excited not to mention this...i started writing a fic last night so there might be some new Niall content soon...👀 i haven't written fic in forever and have never done anything with reader being a character but i've been so in my Niall feels because of your blog and couldn't help myself lol)

-🤘

ahaha, to be fair, if you catch me when i’ve smoked, i can’t shut up 😅 talk to anyone that knows me and they’ll say it’s blatantly fkn obvious when i’m stoned because i literally just ramble on about anything and everything 😂

i have some very interesting views when listening to the lyrics of put a little love on me. i see the song differently than other people tend to 🤷‍♀️ i know it more because it’s a single, and i don’t hate that song. probably the only one i’ll willingly listen to from heartbreak weather 😬 you know it’s bad when you’re naming songs off the album and i’m like 😳 have never fkn heard of that song title lmao. OOPS i really didn’t give that album the time of day 🫣 tomorrow i have the entire day to work, so i’ll be sure to play each one that you mentioned while i’m working and i’ll come back tomorrow with my thoughts 😂

YOU STARTED WRITING A FIC !!! woohoo i love that ! can you give us some crumbs ?? would you ever pop off anon (even if just for me) to send it so i can read ? 🫶

[celestialrry]

oops

1.5k

summary: You didn't mean for this to happen and neither did Harry. 

warnings: a little angsty but gets fluffy, mentions of sex, crying

You didn’t mean for this to happen. You did not mean for this to happen. You stared at the two red lines on the test that sat on your bathroom counter. This was the third test you had taken, after thinking the first positive was a fluke, but then the second one was positive and you just got another test because you were currently going through the 5 stages of grief. Denial was the stage you had been at when you started throwing up in the morning, and after all three tests, it seemed you skipped to the depression stage. 

Harry had been working on promo for his new album and upcoming tour, as well as finishing touches on the album, and you spent the last day together before he left for New York and  L.A., going at it like bunnies, you wanted to give him something to remember when he was gone for the next two months. Of course you were on birth control, you had been on it for years and only a few months after you met Harry you both decided condoms weren't necessary, because you were on birth control.You stopped taking it after the first test, just in case, Harry wasn't here so it wouldn’t affect him. It was supposed to work, the two of you were dependent on it, you had never had any pregnancy scares before and never had to take the morning-after pill. God, you wish you had after you saw the results on the first test. 

You were still looking at the lines when your phone rang. You looked down on the screen and froze as you saw it was a  call from Harry. You quickly left the bathroom and shut the door, scurrying into the living room. You slid the bar across and smiled as you heard the voice your boyfriend of two years 

“Hello, m’love. How are you?” He asked, smiling even though you couldn’t see him.

“I’m fine H, how are you? How’s L.A. been?” You deflected, relying on your boyfriend’s tendency to ramble. He had been gone for about 7 weeks now and was coming back next week and you weren't so excited anymore. 

“It’s been good, I miss y’though.” He said gently into the phone like he had to keep his voice down. “I miss you too H, can't wait to see you.” 

“You won't have to wait any longer,” He said, and you raised your brow, turning your head to see the door handle turn. Oh no. The door swung open, showing Harry with a massive smile on his face, placing his bags on the floor. He hung up his phone and stuffed it in his pocket. “Honey, m’home!” 

Your jaw dropped and your mind immediately went to the test on the bathroom counter. The bathroom connected to the master, where all his toiletries would go as he unpacked. “Harry?” You asked, the thoughts in your head overwhelming you. 

He exclaimed your name and shut the door behind him, arms out as he rushed over to you on the couch. You stood up and wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around your torso, lifting you off the ground by a few inches. “Was able t’come home early, so I did.” He mumbled, kissing your neck a few time before pulling away and connecting your lips. You kissed him back before pulling away sooner than he thought you would. You looked into his eyes and your lips turned into a pout before you pulled him into another hug, deciding not to show your face until you collected yourself. 

Harry didn't seem to mind as he accepted the hug, rubbing your back and telling you how much he missed you and loved you. “Okay love,” He gently pulled away. “I have t’pee, so let me go and then we can catch up.” He teased. Your heart clenched in panic and you watched as he walked away. “Wait!” You called as he made his way to the restroom. “Let me go first okay? I’ll be done in a sec.” You quickly said, patting his chest before hurrying off the the restroom. You opened the door and shut it immediately behind you, your breath speeding up.

Your eyes found the test and you stared at it, not knowing what the hell to do. If you tossed it in the trash can there was a probable chance he could see it, but there was no where else to put it. You wrapped some toilet paper around it and stuck it in your pajama shorts waistband, pulling Harry’s Rolling Stone’s shirt over it, flushing the toilet and turning on the faucet as if you washed your hands. 

You opened the bathroom door to see Harry standing right in front of it, his brows furrowed a bit. “Okay, your turn.” You forced a smile at his as you attempted to walk around his frame without brushing up against it. He instead smiled back at you, grabbing your hips with his large hands and squeezing there as a joke. He did that all the time and yet something about your body felt different. 

You tried to step away but he pulled you back and felt the plastic again. “What’s this?” He asked curiously, tugging up at your shirt as you tried to pull it back down. “Um, it’s a present, for you?” You said, annoyed at how bad of a lie that was. He successfully lifted up your shirt and looked at the bunch of toilet paper tucked halfway in your waistband. 

“Wrapped in toilet paper?” He joked, still smiling a bit. You just shook your head, tears now falling down your face and you pulled away from him, falling to the floor with you back against the wall, head in your shaking hands.

His eyes widened, this wasn't what he was expecting from his girlfriend when he got back. Regardless he sat on the floor in front of you, his hands finding your knees. “Baby, what's wrong?” He asked gently, thumbs rubbing your skin. 

You shook your head, refusing to uncover your face as you cried out. “I’m so so sorry Harry, I’m so sorry.” Your whole body was shaking now, as sobs racked your body. 

“Why are y’sorry, pet?” 

“It’s not a present.” You sniffled, still hiding your face. 

“I wasn't expectin’ one, pet,” He said, squeezing your knees. “Seeing you is more than enough f’me.”

His words just made you sob harder. How would he feel the same after you ruin his life? Harry was throughly confused, if whatever in the toilet paper was this bad, he needed to know what it was. He truly had no idea what it could be either, pregnancy not crossing through his brain at all. 

You sighed, trying to calm yourself down and placed your hands on his, lifting up your head to face the ceiling, taking a breath before looking at Harry. He had to try so hard to give you a comforting smile, his heart was breaking in two seeing you so upset. He flipped his palms up and held your hands, squeezing them. 

You let go of his left hand with your right, and reached into your waistband, pulling out the toilet paper covered stick. You silently placed it in his hand as more tears rolled down your face, mumbled “I'm sorry”’s repeating over and over. 

He took it, one hand still holding yours as he started to pull away the toilet paper. As the stick was revealed, his heart started to beat faster. He flipped it over, to see the two red lines. He looked at it for a moment, his brain processing what this meant. He knew the two lines meant you were pregnant, but he wanted to be positive. 

“You’re pregnant?” Harry asked you gently, grabbing your hand again. You looked up at him and frowned while nodding. “It’s the third test I've taken,” You sniffled. “And they were all positive, I was gonna go to the doctors while you were gone to be sure.”

He knew the consequences, he knew he would have to postpone his tour, or cancel it completely, but he couldn't care less. You were 99.9% positively carrying his child, and the girl he loved came before work any day. 

“Why are y’sad, lovey?” Harry asked, letting go of your hands to cup your face. “Because you have tour, and you shouldn’t be dealing with all this, and-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” He interrupted you. “You know y’take priority, and this isn't something t’deal with, it’s something t’love and enjoy.”

He was grinning up to his ears at this point, and it brought a smile to your face. “We can deal with everything else later, but I just wanna love on y’tonight. And our baby, because I will be here for you.” He said softly, leaning froward to kiss your nose. “M’gonna be a dad and you’re gonna be a mum.”

You kissed him softly and arranged yourself to sit in his lap as you hugged him. “We’re gonna be parents.” 

I always hate my endings but I didn't want to rewrite the whole thing lol. Thank you all for reading, you have no idea how much it means to me <3

[mytwinklelights]

A Reunion - Part 1 | Peter Parker x Stark! GN Reader

A/N: Remember over a month ago when I wrote this preview and didn’t post again? Oops sorry, I had to take a little break from tumblr because I was reading way too much fanfic. But now I’m back, just to post, still no reading for a while! Umm but yeah, here’s the first part! I can’t guarantee when part 2 will be posted but it’ll definitely be within the next 2 weeks! I hope you like it, please let message me with any feedback because I need validation to stay motivated lol

Summary: Y/N is an Avenger, the youngest Avenger. Then, Peter Parker comes along and they’re happy to finally have someone their age to hang out with, even if it was the boy they spent their senior year of high school crushing over.

Content Warnings: I don’t think there are any - let me know if I missed any though!

Genres: Friends to lovers, Stark! Reader, Frequent cameos from Avengers and them being cute, Slow burn, Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 2019

                                                             ----

“Alright gang.” Tony begins, standing in front of all the Avengers at the end of a large oval table in the conference room.

“I’m sure you’ve seen these ‘viral videos’ of this Spider-Boy kid swinging around the city and being a friendly neighbourhood vigilante. Well, Happy and I have managed to track him down and he’s agreed to join the team”

“Viral videos of superheroes?” Steve exclaims, looking at Tony whilst tilting his head and looking genuinely exhausted. “I’m still catching up on these keyboard cats and kids biting fingers”.

I giggle. Having Steve around was just the same as having an uncle you saw once the year who lived of the grid. He was extremely sweet, but utterly clueless to anything other than his job. But I mean, that job does include fighting evil aliens.

“Anyway…” Tony continues as the other Avengers chuckles die down after Steve’s outcry “he arrived not too long ago. Happy is next door giving him all the T&Qs and they should be done now. Let me just check and I’ll introduce you all.” Tony then leaves the room, and the other Avengers start to talk among themselves.

I pull out my phone and type ‘NYC spider boy’ into YouTube clicking on the second search result with 20 million views. I have seen this video before as my friend Michael sent it to me around a week ago.

“Do you think there are many other super kids wandering around the city?” Sam asks, whilst looking at the video of my shoulder. Currently the hero is stopping a city bus from off-roading into some confused tourists by building up a wall with his web.

“I doubt it, I mean I guess he’s the only one going viral” I answer, moving the angle of my phone so the others who have gathered around me can see “but it would be cool to be able to meet some people my age who do what I do, no offence guys”

They all laugh. Being the youngest Avenger and hanging out with 30+ year olds all the time can be kind of isolating, but it’s like having a super close family. A family who also happen to be in life and death situations regularly together. But that’s a great bonding experience I would say.

“Guys, this is Peter, the Spider-Boy” Tony draws our attention away from my phone to the door where he has just entered.

“Spider-Man” Peter mutters as a lame attempt to correct him.

“Peter?” I question and the boy stood in front of me was not who I expected. I didn’t expect the masked vigilante swinging through New York to be someone that I knew.

“Y/N?” He responds, looking even more confused than I am “What are you doing here?”

-

“So Tony Stark is your dad?” Peter asks.

After seeing a guy from your school who you shared a chemistry class with last year, walking into a super-secret meeting for superheroes where he will be now joining your team. It is understandable that Peter and I were now talking this out to figure out how this state could be so small.

“Yep” I answer. We were sat next to each other on bar stools at the kitchen island. Wanda made some of her famous fruit smoothies for us and we were both stirring them around with our straws whilst conversing alone in the main living space.

“But your last name isn’t Stark, or Potts?” He continues, genuinely really confused about this whole situation.

“Yeah, well you can’t have the daughter of a billionaire and superhero couple walking around New York City alone, going to a normal school, having normal hobbies. It’s like asking for me to be taken hostage. So, I don’t have either of their last names and the general public doesn’t know I exist. It’s for my safety” I continue, reciting this memorised answer I’ve had to say to multiple people once they find out my existence.

Peter nodded as if he was understanding everything, he probably was, but I guess this wasn’t the conversation he planned to have today.

“And you’re the great Spider-Man” I continued, wanting the change the subject from me to him. “How did that happen? Wait… were you Spider-Man when you sat behind me in Chem last year?”

He began to explain to me the story, it happened to him on our school trip to OSCORP we took last year for our Chem class that happened just before the end of the semester. Something about a radioactive spider. It was strange, kind of the weirdest superhero transformation story I’ve heard. And I’ve heard quite a few.

My story was nowhere near as interesting. I guess having superhero parents who were always around weird alien technology and contaminated substances led to some weird epigenetic alterations of their reproductive cells and then when they had me, I could turn invisible.

They didn’t know at first, I was seemingly a normal baby. Then at my 2nd birthday party when they surprised me with a freaky clown, I was so scared that my body just decided to turn invisible. They weren’t expecting it, the clown definitely wasn’t expecting it and they had to cover up with a very convincing lie.

From then, whenever I was embarrassed, scared or essentially in a situation where I wanted to disappear. I did. Literally. It wasn’t entirely effective though as even though my body tuned invisible, the clothes I was wearing didn’t. I spent the majority of my preteen years of being a walking hoodie and jeans with no head or hands protruding from the gaps. For my 13th birthday Bruce and I got to work on a suit which responds to the activity of my skin cells, when I was invisible, my suit was invisible. It made it a lot more effective for me to actually be invisible when I turned but it also meant my dad let me start training to become an Avenger.

Training was fun, I worked with Nat a lot in our gym in order to become an efficient fighter. ‘Just because people couldn’t see me, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know how to serve a mean right hook’ she always said. I also spent a lot of time with Wanda, trying to manage my powers. Now I am able to actually turn invisible and visible again on demand. And it only takes extreme embarrassment now to turn me invisible against my will, which is great because mum and dad finally let me, after my years of begging, attend Midtown High and stop being home school. This is where I met Peter last year and now I’m at Columbia studying genetics and engineering. A double major, I know but when you’re around the top geniuses in the world everyday, there is no such thing as too much learning.

“So, I guess we’re the only Midtown Alumni to have these crazy powers huh?” Peter finishes. After a long ramble about his becoming a superhero story. I guess he wanted to ease the tension after I couldn’t really think of what to say after “that’s super cool”. It wasn’t like I wasn’t interested, I really was, but when I wanted to have another person my age to hang out with, I didn’t expect it to be the boy I spent my senior year of high school obsessing over. I had turned shy, like really shy, like my normal levels of shy times 50. I couldn’t think of what to say.

“Sorry, if that story was too long and boring, I’ve only gotten to tell it to one person before, my best friend Ned so I was kind of excited to be able to tell it again.”

“No, it wasn’t boring, it was genuinely really cool!” I say a little too loudly and enthusiastically. I cringe at my tone of voice and speak normally again as I continue “It’s just I didn’t really expect the new Avengers recruit to be you, you know, like someone I know. It’s just kind of weird, but nice? I don’t know, now I’m rambling”

Peter chuckles.

“Umm, so are you going to be staying with us whilst you train or are you going back to Queens?” I ask, hoping this new question will miraculously erase Peter’s memory of what I last said.

“A bit of both, my Aunt is back in queens and I don’t want to leave her completely alone, but this upstate facility is a little too far for an everyday commute. I’m here just for today but once I start training on Monday, I think I might stay for the whole week.”

“Well, I can give you the tour! Since you’ll be staying with us soon, I guess you’ll want to know where everything is!” I say whilst jumping of my bar stool and putting my half full smoothie cup in the fridge. I noticed peter has just finished his, so I grab the glass and put it in the dishwasher for him. He thanks me as I do so.

“So this is the kitchen, where we make our food, different from the kitchen where the chefs make our food for occasions, charity events blah blah blah. And also, this seating area here is kind of the main seating area where we’ll sit throughout the day. Lots of sofas because there are lots of us and this is Bucky’s armchair. Don’t ever sit in Bucky’s armchair.” I say, stopping behind the chair and resting my hand on the headrest.

“Bucky, scary guy with the metal arm right?” Peter questions whilst following me at a slight distance around the room as I show him around. I nod. “Yeah, don’t worry, I won’t be sitting in his chair” he laughs.

I continue to show him the rest of the complex, the gym, the labs and finish up on the floor with all our rooms.

“I’m not sure which one of these rooms will be yours because we have a couple spare ones, but they all have the same layout. Look I’ll show you mine” I walk into my room, then hold the door open for Peter so he can follow me in.

“Uh, so this is my room. Obviously, yours won’t be decorated like mine but It’ll be the same size and have an en-suite attached with a full shower and tub and stuff. You know, the basics” I say, whilst sitting on the edge of my bed.

“I like your room, it’s cosy” he adds whilst looking around and then heading for the bookshelf as soon as he spots it.

“Ah thanks, I mean it’s cool, bigger than when we were in the tower in the city so I can’t complain” I say whilst also looking around. What is it about someone else being in your room that makes you see it with fresh eyes and make you super self-conscious that there is going to be a rogue piece of underwear on the floor? Even though I know I tidied my room this morning.

“Holy crap, Vision you scared the life out of me” I say on an exhale whilst holding my hand to my chest after the large gasp I just made as he enters the room, through the wall.

“Sorry, but your door is open” He continues, “Mr. Stark has told me that your car is here to take you back home Mr. Parker. If you would just follow me, I can lead you there” Vision continues, as if him just floating through my bedroom wall and speaking to the boy from my chemistry class now turned superhero was a normal thing to happen on a Thursday evening.

“Oh… thanks Vision” Peter says with some hesitancy, you can see that this is a weird circumstance for him too. “Well, I’ll see you on Monday then” he says smiling at me and walking towards the door. Which vision doesn’t use to exit.

“Yeah, see you then” I smile as he closes the door and I’m left in my room listening to him shuffling down the corridor.

Part 2

[ptgigi]

Ramble about PBFP

So my Pokemon Bracket Fusion Project is nearing the end of the first generation of fusions! That will officially mark the halfway point for this project, as each next generation of fusions will shrink by half as they get combined. I’m super excited and looking forward to it!

Since it’s a pretty big moment I’ve been mulling things over and wanted to ramble a bit. I’ve put in a table of contents not because I expect my rambles to be too long (edit: oops?), but if you aren’t too interested in reading all the ramblings you can just look at what interests you.

1. Alola Dex data mistakes strike again (third or fourth time now??) 2. What I would have changed about this project in hindsight 3. Other fusion challenge ideas (please steal)

1. Alola Dex data mistakes strike again (third or fourth time now??)

So people who have been following this project from when Alola dropped might remember I had to reassign a few fusions to add the Alolan PokeDex. This was near the start of the project, so only about 10 fusions needed to be redone. But rushing to get that data in as it was being dropped proved... problematic. I mean, who could have predicted Pokemon would add evolving Legendaries!?

So part of that was me adding color data. I used whatever artwork was available at release rather than the Dream World artset I used for the rest of the project. Recently (last week or so) I rediscovered this decision and corrected all the colors, thinking it wouldn’t cause any problems.

I was wrong.

A Pokemon may have been previously entered as off-white [RGB(250,253,252)] but was corrected to pure white [RGB(255,255,255)]. A few small changes like this over ~127 Pokemon broke about 25-30% of the existing fusions. I decided I’d like to finish this project sometime before I die so I opted not to throw out a fourth of my progress and just keep moving forward.

I’m also not going to correct the stats like Score or Best Match to account for this change either, I’m just going to leave the pairings are they were last generated (else things might look a bit off).

2. What I would have changed about this project in hindsight

Stopped at Kalos, no Alola. All the data errors I’ve endured from that rush job O_O

But more, as I’ve been doing thing project for a few years now (May 2016 wow) I’ve had time to think of things I might do different if I could hop in a time machine and warn myself what journey I was about to embark on:

Individuals rather than families While I like the crazy results of fusing families, doing a bracket of individual Pokemon vs a whole family would allow me to include more data for the formula and presentation (base stats, movesets, etc) and remove wonky data due to evolution:

Color data, think of a family like Eevee, where each individual is a wildly different color. Their “average” color is a weird light brown, but that causes Espeon’s purple, Vaporeon/Glaceon’s blue, and Umbreon’s black to be “ignored”.

Same with body shape data: Cosmog’s line in my formula has 0.5 wings...because only Lunala has wings (average of 0,0,0, and 2).

Forms/stages not getting the spotlight: Sandshrew (2 stages + 2 forms each) was fused with Trapinch (3 stages). Mathmatically, this worked out to be a 2 stage line where the final stage has 2 forms. That made the resulting fusions:

Trapinch + Kantonian Sandshrew + Alolan Sandshrew

Vibrava + Flygon + Kantonian Sandslash

Vibrava + Flygon + Alolan Sandslash

This is an extreme example, but individual fusions would have let each of these evolutions/forms shine in it’s own fusion and not have to also deal with another member from it’s own line.

Region by Region instead of “all” Pokemon

Yeah, big oops here. TPC makes new Pokemon regions faster than I can complete this project, so I had to stop adding new Pokemon. If I had instead done this by region, I could have continued this project into new regions seamlessly.

It would also have the cool end result of comparing what each region’s final fusion looks like! Especially with how Pokemon has changed their design formula over the years, it would be neat to see how these regional final fusions differ.

3. Other fusion challenge ideas (please steal)

So when I eventually complete this project I’ll have drawn 420 (yes, lol) Pokemon fusion families. The final individual fusion count is unknown until the end, but it will likely be over 1000 fusions. I’ll likely not want to draw another Pokemon fusion for a long time, lol, but I’ve come up with some other fun fusion challenge ideas. If any strike your fancy (not even necessarily as a full project, but just to try for a handful of Pokemon) please go ahead and share!

As mentioned above:

Fuse individuals based on similarity rather than whole families. It would let individual Pokemon’s attributes shine through better

Fuse each region’s Pokemon and see the results. Easy to extend for new regions added and lets you see a comparison of different regions at the end.

More ideas:

Base the brackets on dex number, not similarity. Easy to extend for new regions (just add the new Pokemon at the end of your bracket).

Choose subsets based on other criteria. Region was one idea, but what the ultimate Fire Pokemon fusion? Legendary fusion? Eeveelution fusion??

Always fuse the best match. Instead of choosing all pairings at once, see who’s the most similar (ex. Plusle and Minun), fuse those two. Throw that fusion back into the pool. See who’s the next best fusion. The next best fusion could be something like Pikachu+Minusle. This would more match up with my Tree of Life/Evolutionary Tree inspiration for this project.

But yeah, feel free to steal those ideas and share with me if you end up doing any!

[kaetastic]

PRINCE CHARMING

pairing: Luca Changretta x Reader

summary: Luca brings the Reader to a fancy family gathering, except, he can’t take his hands off of her when she’s in a fiery red dress, displaying her tattoos  [requested: @supermegapauselouca​]

word count: 3.4k (oop)

warning: slightly ??? nsfw lol couldn’t help it (’m horny for the man), a lot of interruptions

note: i’m so sorry this took long! i had to finish up history unfolds and was writing trouble on the side. bless you and your freaking amazing ideas 🥰 i hope this is alright :) also, i wanted to post this for my 2,000 post but nvm lol

Chattering and stifling of expensive giggles swirled in with clanking of metal on ceramic. Shufflings of polished shoes paced on the marble floors which had been drowning in shimmers of iridescent glimmer from the dancing flames huffing from the candles. The ball of hovering fire resided on the stick of wax. Beads of sweat poured to puddle on the silver tray.

With a smile, Y/N incessantly nodded her head at the woman who had been persistent on firing up a conversation. The mirror dangling from her neck blared sparkles of cerulean blue and innocent white under the howling moonlight. Although her mind directed to flickers of other thoughts, the hostess couldn’t help but stand and entertain her guest.

The woman had been rambling on and on about the origin of the diamond necklace that was up for display on her neck as if a museum. The gem was colossal, almost inhumanely possible to be sold as a worn necklace. The hostess wasn't uncomfortable with the elderly woman's declaration of the necklace's background which sounded it had a more complex, entertaining past than Y/N. It was slightly embarrassing. Every time her head had pulled her out to the abyss, the woman inquired questions like: What do you think about it? or What gem looked good on me? It felt like Y/N was tugged back to school. The elderly woman would raise her arm into the air, sparkles from the gold rings wrapped around her arm sung a choir of clanking with every jab of muscles. The amount of gold she had worn was enough to halt worldwide human hunger for at least a month.

“Zia Gianna,” The familiar English interjected the conversation. Luca’s voice was mellow honey poured over a freshly plucked out plump peach. The viscous sweetener glistened over the fruit, seeping into the minuscule pores to branch valleys of the sticky liquid. However, the Italian in his voice embedded a piercing gem on the peak of the fruit. Well, that was the popular comments quirked up towards the Italian, all sourced from his Italian family members.

Although most of the males did not bat an eye at the slightly toned-down accent, it did not pass the females without them darting a glance. His aunts were the one quirk up the English poking from his Italian. Even though he hoped the two aunties from his father’s side were the last ones to comment on his accent, hope was not enough as it went on with the night, “I see you’ve met my wife. Are you pestering Y/N about the necklace?”

The woman let out a laugh, causing her head to be thrown back, her neck nearly snapping in half. With her white silk-gloved hands on her chest, the elder woman grinned of glee after she recovered from his words. A charmer even towards his family members. Luca’s arms snaked around his wife's waist to brush his thumb gingerly over her hip as if she was a fragile plucked out flower. With the signature quirk of his lips, his pearly white teeth shot a sparkle towards his aunt, “Oh, Luca, of course. I will never stop talking about it until I die.”

The Italian shook his head, “Zia Gianna, you live under the same roof with Zio Giovanni, you’ll surely live longer than I will.”

Grinning from the mention of her hard-working (maybe over-working) husband who sacrificed his sleeping hours for the late-nights for the organization, the elderly lady clasped her hands to gawk at her nephew as if he was a hero who had saved her life, “Thank you for giving that man a day off. You don’t know how many times I've annoyed him to eat dinner at home.”

“Now I just need to give Gabriele vacation,” Gianna bopped her head, nodding in agreement with her nephew’s words. Although the woman had familiarized herself enough with the infamous mafia, she never had her sweat coated over the organization. However, the woman with prominent wrinkles can approve of the recent bustling days which was a fluctuated period of time since it was just a calm breeze before. Overhearing her working sons and husband during their rare days of consuming breakfast at home, she had picked up enough information from their ranting. Some problems that were rising in some ports had caused a rattle in the foundation of the business. “Well then, I’ll steal my wife back.”

“Of course, congratulations on the wedding once again and remember Luca,” Dragging her silk glove-covered index fingers down her cheeks, she flicked it in his direction, “Don’t lose her.”

A flicker in the aunt’s eyes was shot at the man before she left the room, strutting out of the main room to converse with her other cousins. 

“I like that,” Y/N mumbled, fingers furled around her husband’s arm, clumping up his suit while he guided them out of the crowds. The scent of lingering wood and expensive whiskey swirled into her lungs, the odour that smeared over their bedsheets. She continued. “You calling me your wife.”

“Yeah?” With a clench of his fingers, she jumped back at the abrupt feeling. A satisfied smirk sported on his lips, happy with her reaction. “Get used to it.”

Rolling her eyes, Y/N couldn’t believe this was the man she ended up marrying. Although the pair had been together as couples for a long while, nearly three years, it wasn’t until he had brought up the ring. Which then led to the necklace wrapped around her finger, its diamond sparkling under the chandelier light. The wise man who was in his late thirties believed they should see how well the boats rock over the raging waves. 

After caressing his eyes over the party, he craned his neck down, hot lips puffing warm air into her ears as his eyes darted onto her inked skin that always managed to quiver his knees. A powerful woman with painting over her skin (even though he believed he could make better art on her), “Remember what you told me before?” Slightly confused, the quirked up eyebrows loosened once she understood what he had meant. Y/N couldn’t help the appearance of the satisfied smirk plastered across her face. A coquettish hum echoed into his ears. “It’s true?”

While his close cousins paced past, Luca gave a silent bop of his head as an acknowledgement of their presence. The woman peaked on her toes, whispering over the cross on his neck, “Why don’t you find out?” 

Tongue grazing his bottom lip, Luca's eyes beamed at his wife. The strings of wanton mumbling stood on the tip of his tongue, ready to flick into her ears. All that clogged in his head was pictures of her bare. His fingers trailed down, further from the appropriate position that was on her hip; down, closer towards her bare legs. 

“Luca!” The Italian yanked his hand back in a snap, fingers scratching the nape of his neck while he cleared his throat. Approaching the pair of the night was his uncle whose hair twinkled of stardust, neck drooping with the hefty golden chains that were the size for docking boats. An amused giggle brushed her lips. It was always amusing to see Luca get riled up even though she had to face the consequences which were then followed by days of resting. 

“Zio Federico.” The curled up corner of Luca’s lips etched a barely noticeable twitch, one only his wife could see. The dancing wine lapped against the glass flute as the middle-aged man hopped towards the married couple. Y/N wasn’t sure if it was because of the incessant amount of chains he dragged upon, but the head of Luca’s uncle shot forward, shoulders too slow to meet a middle-ground.

There was one thing Y/N had learnt during the ride with Luca’s life, well, more like inspect. It would be the first thing for eyes to graze upon but their lips would be sealed shut. And now that she was officially Luca’s; it will always be the elephant in the room unless there was no article of clothing on him. Every man in the party wore suits. A fortune for those outside of the blood pool to purchase. A walking advertisement for those who wore it. The grey-blue of his waistcoat contrasted with the dying black jacket, his tie of a peculiar dotted pattern that nearly resembled that of a canvas painted by birds shit.

Trekking with a slimy gait, Federico’s arms were wide open for the boy, well, man. Even though they work in the same organization, the elderly man was positioned on a different station, somewhere lower of New York. Not so secretly, Federico had a soft spot in his heart for the youth, his nephews and nieces. It felt like days ago when Luca was no more than a 12-year-old boy. Visioning it wasn’t hard as Luca had been one of his favourites (also not a secret because it had been pointed out by nearly everyone) since the boy never matched up with the rest of his troublesome cousins. The man still remembered when the meddling boys sneaked out of their classes while Luca had remained, completing the whole school day. He was much easier to control. Well, Y/N wouldn't be able to agree.

“Ciao, Luca,” He let out a boisterous cackle, yanking the taller man by his neck to smack his lips, cheek to cheek. “Look at you, married.”

With a quivering smile, Luca became the temporary slapping victim for his uncle. The once grimacing clapping of skin died down when the man had enough of his teasing, “Said it yourself, wasn’t rowdy as Alessandro.”

“That boy will never settle down,” Inhaling in the liquid, Federico shook his head at the issues riled up by his nephew. “At least Alessandro didn’t get her first.”

Y/N wore a tight lip as Luca’s frigid hands rubbed her bare skin. Although slightly debatable, she was sure the creeping smirk on his lips was not because of the amusing rumours spiralled by his cousin but because he noticed the bulging bumps and her shuddering, “At least Alessandro didn’t get her first.”

“We’ll catch up later, I’m sure you two are busy. If you want to see Luca baby photos in his diapers, I can pass ‘em around.” With a wink, the elderly man stomped away from the pair to boisterously yank his cousins in a hug.

A sigh fell of Luca’s lips, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose at his uncle’s antics. Although he was annoyed at the man, Y/N couldn’t stifle her amusement at the thought. Luca Changretta in diapers? She will need to see that.

“Were you in baby nappies?” Y/N whispered as giggles weaved through her words. While pacing down the long side of the table, she shot a sparkly smile towards one of Luca’s many aunts who returned the same gesture. Arms locked tightly, the pair sauntered around the room, gazing over the party with hidden pride flared in them.

Humming at her words, Luca halted once they were in a dim corner before his fingers found its way up her neck. All he needed was to get the idea of his uncle introducing his wife to the embarrassing childhood pictures of him out of her head and out of her creative thinking. A shudder zipped down his body at the thought of her seeing him in the train-patterned pinned diapers. Oh, he could only imagine the days of her taunting. The area of skin his calloused fingers trailed over bulged with bumping hills at the cooling sensation. To be a mafioso, Luca’s hands were often smeared with a frigid kiss of a gun’s metal. Something she had grown to adapt to.

“Luca,” Y/N hissed at her pesky husband. With a hum, his fingers laid on her cheeks, his lips were nudged to the crook of her neck, nose swirling in her intoxicating scent. “Your family’s here.”

Another hum rumbled from him, albeit, it was just to give an indication of acknowledgement. Even though her fingers were clutching onto the lapels of his jacket to nudge him away, her staggering exhale said otherwise, “How ‘bout I check now?”

With no reply but faint moans, Luca’s fingers descended at a languid pace. Caressing his skin with frigid kisses was the silk fabric of her dress, “Fuck. How can I keep my hands off of you when you look ravishing, especially with this?”

Gently nipping his teeth on the smeared trail of a slithering snake tattoo, all he could imagine was ending the party so they could get out. A dark smear hazed over his already dark iris when he couldn’t feel the usual presence of the garter. Before he had the chance to inquire her, she exhaled an explanation, “Took it off before we arrived.”

Luca’s jaw clenched, teeth grinding over one another at the thought of her bare, ready for him, “All I can think about is just having you on the desk,” Luca mumbled. While the words puffed over her neck, the flesh of his warm lips caressed her with ever so feather touch. “Can you imagine? If we were at home right now? I would just tear this dress apart.”

A gulp plunged down her throat, warmed by her deadly acid. Luca was a tease; unfortunately, she had to learn it the hard way, “Are you wet?” 

He was so close. So close to dragging her out of the party to validate it himself, but, of course, what better night than a family gathering. After his name was once again called out, he reluctantly sauntered away.

As the night aged, Luca had been yanked into countless conversations, hurling him from one side of the room to the other as if he was a throw pillow. He could feel the gurgling acid ascending his throat at the dizzying motion. However, there was one thing his mind couldn’t wipe off and that was his wife. People were rambling on about work or meeting again at a café, but his focus was not set on them. Y/N was in the same room as him. He couldn’t help his mind but divert to the silk red dress she wore. Occasionally, his eyes would steal discreet glances across the room where she would be accompanied by an aunt or his. 

He wouldn’t snap his neck towards her direction if he didn’t know what laid under the sheer fabric. The dress she wore was the exact colour of the brassiere and lace garter she wore. Well, had worn. The Italian knew this because she walked in his studies while he was finishing up some papers, in only the two undergarments. If only they hadn’t have to be rushed. And fuck was it difficult for him to maintain his twitching. Despite them being the couple of the night as they were the one to host the party, the two barely spent time together while she was dragged into gossiping about God knows what.

Cutting off the water supply with a squeak, Y/N paced out of the powder room after she was satisfied with her fixed appearance. Even though her locks of hair had been poking out of its usual, organized manner, the absence of her comb gave her only one option and that was to tolerate the mess throughout the night. As she sauntered into the empty hallway, the sharp clicking of her heels resounded off the brick walls. A buzzing sang from the flickering lights who was starving for electricity. The location of the party might’ve been in an exquisite ball but the powder room had to be underground.

Y/N knew everyone was busy munching on the meals that were being served; however, she felt eyes brushing over her figure. Having ties with the mafia was one thing, married to a mafioso was another. There had been instances where she had let her guard down at situations like this. Thankfully, Matteo or Frederico had been present. It never ended without a smear of blood on her dress. No one could get in, right? The whole mafia was present in the building. As she sauntered down the dim hallway, her shoulders were tensed, eyes set only onto the open arch that led to the ascending stairs.

Steps after steps, she could hear her breathing overlapped by her thrumming heart. A few more and she could glide over the shimmering stairs. Just a few more.

As a chilled hand slammed over her hands, the scream she stressed clogged in her throat. Thrashing in their grip, faint slamming of her unsuccessful attempts to produce at least frantic clicks of her heels whispered. Her clenched arm was ready to plunge her prodding elbow into the figure. That was until a familiar musk trickled into her head; the familiar fabric of a suit made way into her peripheral. With a toothy grin, Luca craned his neck down. Y/N didn’t feel the same way. 

After a smack to his chest and an amused chuckle, his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her body onto his, “What're you doing?” Y/N hissed, annoyed at the stunt he just pulled.

“You were gone for too long.” He mumbled as his fingers gripped on her waist. His lips pressed chaste kisses on her neck. 

“I was gone for five minutes..” The woman stammered as the frigid bricks kissed her back. Luca’s mouth rested on the spot he knew too much of. The area of her sensitive skin he loved to mark. All she could see was a white haze smeared over her vision at his teasing pecks. Neck angled for better access, the Italian grazed his teeth over the tattoos trailing on her skin. Fuck. If there was one thing that can ruin Luca Changretta, it would be his woman and her tattoos. Too indulged in the ticklish feeling of his kisses, Y/N didn’t notice his hand lowering until it slipped to squeeze her inner thigh.

“Luca...” Y/N moaned, lips pressing one another as she tried her best to suppress the wanton sounds. There was one thing she didn't want. And that was to not be caught by a family member of his in such a public place. Chuckling at her bucking of hips, Luca retracted his fingers. An exasperated sigh brushed her lips, head slamming into the wall at his antics. Eyes blurred with the smeared scribble of his cross tattoo, her breathing puffed over the sole patch ink. At an agonizing pace, he pushed his fingers up. Heat radiated over his skin. Oh, he was close to the mess she had created.

A clearing of a throat trickled into their ears, snapping through the warmth that was shared between the two. Pulling away with flushed faces as if teenagers who had been caught, Luca feverishly sleeked his hair back. Still in shock, Y/N’s cheeks were smeared pink at the sight of her mother-in-law. 

“I know I said I want grandchildren, but I didn’t mean to conceive the poor soul at a family gathering.” Even though her words weaved with disappointment, there was a glint of amusement flickering behind her eyes. After her soft voice seeped through the cracks of the walls and she was no longer in sight, Y/N finally realized what had just happened.

Luca chuckled, head shaking before he burst into strings of laughter. He didn’t know what was funnier, the fact that his mother had nearly caught him fucking his wife or his frozen wife who had still yet to regain from her rigid stance.

Yanking down the hem of her dress, a frustrated groan brushed over her lips. Y/N shot irritated glares at her husband who was in a spell of laughter. Audrey Changretta just saw the hands of her son in her daughter-in-law’s dress, “What?” 

After a faint smack against his chest, Luca noticed her furrowed eyebrows and narrowed eyes, “What?” The woman hissed, mocking him as she clawed through her hair with her fingers in a makeshift comb. “Your mother just saw your fingers in me.”

“Well, technically, it wasn’t in yet,” Another chuckle fell off his lips when she slapped the same, sore spot. Y/N rolled her eyes. “What was I meant to do?”

Having enough of Luca, she let out a huff bnefore stomping away from the scene, “Luca!” The Italian grinned at her squeak once a boisterous smack of his hand against her back echoed through the tranquil hallway. Y/N didn’t even bother to shoot a glance at his words. 

With a matchstick dangling on the corner of his lips, he yelled out as she faded away, “Don’t get too tired, Amore! We’re not done!”

[karajaynetoday]

clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose | ashton irwin

image source 

hello friends! yes it is after 2am in my timezone, OOPS. But the inspiration struck, and the writing gods blessed me with motivation and words, so here’s part 3 of charlie rose, ten fingers, ten toes. apologies for any typos, i’m a lil delirious right now. Thank you so much to everyone for their lovely feedback and shares with the previous parts. Also shout out to any Friday Night Lights fans who got a lil kick out of the title of this one lol. Enjoy!

Read Part 1 here | Read Part 2 here 

Word count: 4.1k

Warnings: none

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

After your quiet moment of togetherness on the beach that evening, you felt more comfortable around Ashton than ever before. Previously small touches were held for longer; instead of accidentally waking up in each other’s arms, you purposefully went to sleep that way; and Ashton’s hand slipped into yours whenever he could manage it.

Charlie Rose still crept into your bedroom every morning for her favourite snuggles, and then she began joining her Uncle Ashton out on the deck for some morning yoga every day as well (which was possibly the cutest thing you had EVER seen). Charlie tried her best to follow all of his poses and stay as quiet as she could, but her favourite part was when the yoga was over and Uncle Ashton used her as a body weight for his push-ups and bench presses, bopping her nose between each rep and earning a giggle in response. Again, a contender for the cutest thing you’d ever seen. 

You spent your days on the beach or relaxing in the villa, and your nights eating out and then stargazing on the deck. You were getting far too used to paradise, and you had to keep reminding yourself that the holiday would soon come to an end. You noticed Ash spending more and more time looking at emails on his phone as your time in Maui progressed, and it started you thinking about how busy his life was about to become. Tour was kicking off a few weeks after you were due to return from Hawaii, which meant Ashton would be criss-crossing all over the US for a few months, before a short break and then heading to Europe and eventually Australia. 

As you watched him build yet another sandcastle with Charlie on a lazy afternoon, you realised just how much effort Ash was putting into spending time with Charlie and making memories with her. Of course, you’d had a lot of Charlie Rose quality time as well, and spent some nice one-on-one time with Alice that you hadn’t really had since Charlie had arrived (naturally, Alice had tried her best to pry information from you about exactly what was going on between you and Ashton, but you didn’t quite know yourself yet, so you’d brushed it off the best you could). But Ashton had barely gone a few weeks without seeing Charlie her entire life, and especially now that she was a little bit older, she was definitely going to know that he was away, and you weren’t quite sure how she’d take it. You also weren’t sure how you’d take it, either. 

Your mind was running into overdrive with increasing anxieties, and you just didn’t know how to voice any of them. On your final night in Maui, after another incredible beachside dinner and a trip to get Charlie’s favourite ice cream, you were folding clothes from the dresser into your suitcase quietly while Ashton was in the shower. You know you needed to talk to him about how you were feeling, but not quite knowing what that even was was driving you up the wall. You hated the overbearing sense of uncertainty. Did Ashton even want something more than a holiday romance from you? You’d only kissed again a handful of times, and despite increasing tension between you, the only thing happening beneath the sheets of your shared bed was some very wholesome spooning (not that you were complaining). Was more-than-friends even on the table? Did you want it to be on the table? Could you handle months of Ashton being away on tour, and the critical eye of his fans and the media? Were you reading into everything too much? Oh god, why were you like this?

You were snapped out of your trainwreck of thoughts by the bathroom door opening, and in your peripheral vision you saw Ashton step out with a fluffy white towel wrapped around his hips. You busied yourself with folding more clothes, but your hands faltered as you felt Ashton come closer, and you sucked in a breath when he slipped his arms around your waist and pulled your back against his bare chest. 

“Why are you packing already, darlin’? We’ve still got the whole night to enjoy.” Ash whispered against your ear, before pressing soft kisses down one side of your neck. You closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation, before all of the anxiety you’d been grappling with came flooding back into your mind and without meaning to, your entire body tensed up. Ashton immediately sensed the change in your demeanour, and stopped what he was doing. He let go of your hips, and gently tilted your head to face him.

“What’s on your mind?” He tried gently, knowing that you hated confrontation (Ashton’s love for it was a huge part of what intimidated you in your first few interactions all those years ago). 

You sighed, before turning around to face him completely as you perched on the edge of the bed. Ashton sat down next to down, and loosely linked his hand with yours. 

“What… what are we, Ash?” You whispered, not wanting to meet his gaze as your heart started beating faster and faster.

“What do you want us to be?” Ashton countered, squeezing your hand softly.

“I want…” You trailed off, closing your eyes and inhaling deeply. “I want us to be as close as we are, always. I want to have you by my side, while we get to be Charlie’s godparents and watch her grow up and support her achieving her dreams. I want everything we’ve had in Maui, and I want more, but I just… I don’t know how this all works, once we’re back in LA and I’m stuck working a 9-5 while you’re touring the world meeting incredible, probably attractive people, and then I started thinking about what would happen with Charlie if we didn’t work out and I… I don’t know how to make this work. “ Oh god, you were rambling now, but every anxiety that had crossed your mind in the last few days was tumbling out and you couldn’t stop it now.

Ash waited for you to stop talking, and took your other hand in his. 

“That’s all valid, babe. I don’t know how this works either. I’ve had relationships while I’ve been on the road before, sure, but this is different. Because it’s us. You… You mean more to me than anyone else, but I know it’s scary. For both of us.” Ashton said softly, raising your hands to his face and kissing them. 

“Charlie’s going to be important to both of us for the rest of our lives. We’re going to be there for her, like you said, and that means we’re also unavoidably going to be around each other. If we date and it doesn’t work out, we can’t let that get between us being the best godparents Charlie Rose could ever have, because I know we both love that little girl more than anything… but, I also don’t want to let the fear of us not working out hold us back from even trying, you know?” 

Damn it. Why did he always have to be so wise? A wordsmith, of sorts. 

“I know, Ash. I know it shouldn’t hold me back, and I’ve let fear hold me back from a lot of things, too many things…” You paused, as your mind flashed back to the last time you had a serious conversation about a relationship with someone. Someone who’d ripped your heart out and stomped on it several times over. You shook your head, trying to shake away the memories. 

“But I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to give us a chance. I do. But I’m a little out of practice at this, and the last time I tried, it didn’t go so well.” You grimaced, as the flashbacks continued no matter how hard you tried to block them out. 

“And I respect that you’re going to need time to feel comfortable with whatever this is. I can’t promise to wait forever, but I can tell you that right now I’ll give this a chance, if you’ll let me.” Ashton spoke firmly, ducking down to meet your eyes.

“Okay. But slowly, right?” You looked at Ash properly for the first time all night, and his hazel eyes gazed back at you steadily, with a glint of excitement at your agreement. 

“Slowly. I will cancel the romantic beachside dinner with a string quartet, and put a hold on asking you to move in the minute we land at LAX.” Ashton said solemnly, before cracking a grin at what must’ve been a slightly panicked expression on your face. 

“I’m kidding, you dork. We’ll take it slow. I’m going to be gone for a while anyway, so we’ll have to kind of take it slow thanks to circumstance anyway. But you’ve got to let me take you out a few times before then, deal?” Ashton stuck his hand out, and you shook it, rolling your eyes at his antics.

“Pleasure doing business with you. Now then, I should probably put some pants on…” Ashton murmured, looking around the room for his clothes and getting up from the bed to pull some shorts out of his suitcase by the door. You were, quite frankly, ogling his toned back and shoulder muscles, when a knock at the door snapped you back to reality.

“Charlie wants both of you to come read her bedtime story, please!” Alice’s voice sounded through the door, sounding tired and a little on edge. For a tiny human, Charlie sure knew how to make a big performance out of bedtime. Ashton finished getting dressed, and he tugged your hand into his as you made your way over to Alice and James’s room where Charlie was snuggled into her cot. Tonight’s book of choice was from the Little Feminist collection you’d bought Charlie when she was a baby, and you read all about Malala, and Ruth, and Frida, and Rosa, until her little eyes closed and her breathing steadied. You and Ashton took turns to lean into the crib and kiss Charlie’s forehead silently, before making your way back to your own bedroom for one last sleep before your scheduled return to Los Angeles. 

Leaving Maui felt much harder than arriving - not helped by the tantrum Charlie threw when you explained there was no time for yoga or sandcastles. After James had calmed her down and negotiated one final quick walk on the beach while the rest of you checked out of the hotel, you made your way to the airport and onto the first flight and then the second with ease. You’d learnt your lesson from the previous long-haul flight, and Ashton had downloaded a few more Charlie-friendly apps onto his iPad that she happily engaged with. She barely left Ashton’s side for the whole flight, and you started to wonder if she’d sensed his impending departure on tour. Sure, Charlie was only small, but her emotional intelligence was remarkable (I mean, as her godmother you were maybe a little biased, but maybe you had a child prodigy on your hands, who knows?!) and you weren’t looking forward to seeing them bid each other farewell in a week or so. 

You and Alice shared an iPad and watched a few episodes of Friday Night Lights. It was one of your favourite shows that you’d binged watched together one summer, and rewatching it brought you comfort (and a fair dose of fangirling over Tim Riggins, and a recurring debate on whether or not he should’ve ended up with Lyla or Tyra). It was an emotional rollercoaster, and the small town of Dillon in the show reminded you of the one you’d grown up in (albeit a little more Texan, and a bit more enthusiastic about American football specifically). After landing at LAX and disembarking, you made your way to the long term parking garage and helped James and Alice load their luggage and Charlie into their car. You were about to get in yourself, when Ashton cleared his throat behind you.

“Can I give you a lift? You’re just around the corner from me, it’s not out of the way.” Ashton said brightly, pre-empting any excuses that you were about to come out with about you being a bother. You agreed, and he took your suitcase from your hands and led you towards his car that was parked nearby. The car ride home was quiet, and when Ashton pulled into your driveway, you didn’t want to unbuckle your seatbelt and get out of the car. Because that would mean that the magic of vacation was truly over, and you didn’t like that idea at all. 

“Come on, slow poke. I’ll help you carry your stuff inside.” Ashton tapped your nose, disrupting your internal dialogue. You reluctantly followed his lead and got out of the car and headed inside, groaning to yourself about the idea of having to do laundry and all of your unattended life admin the next day, to ready yourself for a return to work on Monday. Ashton pulled your suitcase into your bedroom, and laughed when you flopped down onto the bed and moan in annoyance into the pillow.

“Post-holiday blues, gorgeous?” His tone was teasing, and you could hear the stupid smirk on his face. 

“Not all of us have the luxury of a rockstar lifestyle, Irwin. No more late nights or sleep ins for me. Back to the daily grind.” You sighed, pushing yourself up onto your elbows at the edge of the bed.

“Well…” Ash crouched down so your faces were level. “How about I make it a bit less of a travesty by taking you to brunch tomorrow? Just us.” He shot you a wink as he spoke.

“Just us?” You felt yourself smiling, and oh yes, there were those butterflies again.

“Just us. Pick you up at ten.” Ashton beamed as you nodded, and he quickly pressed his lips to yours before you could say anything in response. You reached up and linked your hands behind his neck in an attempt to deepen the kiss, but Ashton caught onto your arms and untangled them, before pulling away.

“Slowly, remember? Gotta keep something up my sleeve for you, darlin’.” Ashton smirked, pressing one final kiss to your lips and standing up to his full height. “I’ll see you tomorrow at ten. Sweet dreams, babe!” He shot you another wink, and strolled right out of your bedroom without another word. Damn, he had you good. 

Brunch was delightful, there was no other way to describe it. Conversation between you and Ashton flowed easily, but there was also comfort and content in the silences you shared as well, sipping coffee and eating your smashed avocado. Ashton had a few days of final rehearsals and meetings this week before flying out for the first tour date on Friday. On Thursday, you were scheduled to babysit Charlie, and you’d suggested to Ash that perhaps you could go to the nearby park and play on the playground. He’d agreed, and was going to see if Calum wanted to come along and bring Duke. Charlie Rose loved her godparents, but she also loved dogs, especially ones that were a little more Charlie-size friendly. She did not love Calum (yet), but that was mostly because he liked to rile her up with arguments about who Ashton’s best friend was (logically, it was Calum, but emotionally, Charlie was definitely giving him a run for his money). 

On Thursday the sun was shining, so you headed to the park with a bubbly and chatty Charlie Rose in tow (once you’d ensured you’d both slip, slop, slapped for sun safety, of course). Charlie had insisted on wearing her brand new overalls that Alice had hand-embroidered her name and a series of colourful roses onto, and a bright yellow sunhat to match her seemingly sunny disposition. The park was fairly empty when you arrived, and you easily spotted Ashton and Calum resting on a park bench by the swings. Charlie spotted them also, and tugged on your hand for permission to run over, which you gave her.

“Charlie Rose! How’s my best girl?” Ashton’s voice boomed across the park, as he lifted Charlie up into a hug and then swung her around, causing Charlie to shriek with excitement. You reached the park bench and set down the tote bag you’d brought along, and Cal stood up to hug you hello with Duke in his arms. 

“Thank god you’re here, mate. We were starting to get some weird looks from the mums over there.” Cal muttered, pulling away from you and setting Duke down on the ground.

“Duke! My best puppy!” Charlie yelped excitedly, wriggling out of Ashton’s arms to greet her favourite furry friend, who patiently stood still while she petted him softly and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Gentle, Charlie,” You reminded, crouching down to her level. “Did you say hi to Cal? He brought Duke to the park, just for you.” You gently prompted, smiling encouragingly at your goddaughter, who eyed you suspiciously before fixing Calum with a glare. 

“Hi. I guess.” 

You had to stop yourself from cracking up at Charlie’s blunt tone in greeting Calum, and you could see Ashton doing the same. Cal just smiled at Charlie, before producing a tennis ball from his back pocket and offering it to her.

“Wanna play fetch with Duke, Charlie? I’ll let you have the first throw…” Cal offered cautiously. Charlie grabbed the ball from his hand and bounded off with Duke on his lead, and Calum scrambled to follow her. 

“You got it, Cal?” Ash called after him, half-serious, half-laughing.

“Yep! Got it! We’ll be best friends in NO TIME, just you wait!” Calum called back, as Charlie stopped a few metres from him. She liked to push the boundaries sometimes, but Charlie Rose also knew the rules, and not to go too far from her grown ups when you were out and about. 

Countless rounds of fetch, a few turns on the swings and one too many trips down the slide (both Calum and Ashton almost got completely stuck) later, it was time to take Charlie back home so that James could come by after work and collect her. Ashton offered to walk you back, and Charlie clapped her hands in delight when he let her climb onto his back for the journey home. She kissed Duke goodbye and mumbled some sort of farewell to Calum (which was progress), and you headed out of the park towards your house.

You’d noticed that Ash had grown reserved on the walk, but he was still listening intently to the story Charlie was telling him about how proud she was of Duke for learning how to play fetch. When you arrived home, he set Charlie down on the couch with an exaggerated groan and a kiss to the forehead, before heading into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. You followed, sensing that something was up. Ashton was facing away from you at the sink, but he didn’t flinch or react when you brushed a hand along his shoulders reassuringly.

“You okay?” You asked quietly, trying to meet his gaze.

“Yep. Just gotta do the pre-tour goodbyes to my two favourite girls. Sucks, but no avoiding it.” Ashton said, his tone laced with sadness. He gulped down the rest of the water in the glass, and set it on the sink, before turning to you and pulling you into a brief hug.

“Time to rip the bandaid off.” Ash whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head before heading back into the living room.

“Charlie Rose, can I talk to you for a second?”

Charlie looked up from where she was playing on the floor with a teddy bear you kept here for her, and cocked her head to one side, eyeing Ashton curiously.

“I suppooooose.” She drawled out, making you chuckle. This child had a flair for the dramatics. Ashton crossed the floor of the living room and picked up Charlie, sitting her on his lap as he settled onto the couch.

“Do you remember how I get to play my drums with Calum, Luke and Michael?” He asked slowly, brushing the hair that had come loose from Charlie’s pigtails out of her eyes. She nodded, looking up at him curiously.

“Okay, good. So, there are lots of people that like to hear us play, all over the world. And that means I have to go away for a little while, so we can play our music for them.” Ashton continued, and you could tell he was struggling to keep it together. 

“Oh! So we get to go on more airplanes, like Maui?” Charlie said, excited at the prospect of another adventure.

“You don’t get to come with me this time, Charlie Rose. Maybe you and auntie, and mama and dada can come visit me for a bit of it, but I’m going to go by myself for a little while. But I promise I’ll still FaceTime you lots, and read you stories, and you can tell me all about your adventures with auntie, okay?” Ashton was trying to keep his voice calm and steady, but it was starting to waver, especially as the realisation dawned on Charlie Rose and her bottom lip began to wobble. Ashton noticed, and pulled Charlie in close, whispering reassurances into her ear and rubbing her back as she began to sniffle into his shoulder. 

“What about auntie?” Charlie asked, her voice muffled into Ashton’s shoulder. You sat down on the couch next to Ashton, and rubbed a hand along Charlie’s shoulders.

“What about me, Charlie Rose? I’m not going anywhere, lovebug.” You coaxed reassuringly, giving Charlie a small smile when she turned to look at you and rub her face.

“Yeah, but… but won’t you b-b-be sad that Uncle Ashta’s gone too?” She hiccuped, looking at you with worried eyes and a frown, as her tiny mind tried to process everything that was happening. You saw Ash glance at Charlie in wonder, but then admiration, when he realised what she was trying to say. 

“You’re right, lovebug. I will miss him,” You began, pausing to note the flicker of a smile that crossed Ashton’s face. “But, just like you, I’ll get to call him on the phone heaps, and then maybe we can go and visit him on tour, won’t that be fun?” You tried to speak as brightly as you could muster, but you could feel the anxiety and emotion starting to build in your own chest. If only you could get away with throwing a temper tantrum, but alas.

“Mmm, fun. But… how will you sleep?” Charlie asked, confused.

“What do you mean, bug?” Ashton asked, bopping her on the nose which made her wrinkle her face in confusion. 

“How will you sleep without snuggles?” Charlie asked so innocently that you had to stifle a laugh and partly a cry, because honestly, you had no idea how you were going to cope with the next month or so apart from Ashton. It seemed silly, given you’d been friends for literally years before this, but something had shifted in those close moments you’d shared in Maui, and the sense of content you’d found with Ashton at brunch and the park and other places in between was going to be hard to go without.

“It’s going to be tricky, Charlie, you’re right. But remember, you can always feel your loved ones and how much they care about you, even if they’re not with you, right? And you can do anything you set your mind to, can’t you?” You said softly, as Charlie reached over to you for a hug and pulled you closer to Ashton in the process.

“Yes, we can.” She mumbled, giving you and Ashton slobbery cheek kisses in response.

“What does mama say to auntie when I get frustrated or sad, can you remember?” You prompted, returning Charlie’s kiss on the cheek.

“Oh! Clear hearts, full eyes, can’t lose!” She exclaimed, proud of herself for remembering. You laughed, and Ashton joined you, throwing his arms around you and Charlie in one warm embrace.

“Almost, lovebug. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.” 

You knew getting through these next few months was going to be a challenge, but in that moment, it felt like you were ready for anything that the universe was going to throw your way. 

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[castiel-kline]

KitKat’s Random Rewatch (part 2)

The Man Who Would Be King (6x20)

For, um. Obvious reasons.

Ahhhhh this monologue is so fucking good

“But come on, dried dung can only be stacked so high.” Cas should do a stand up routine ngl. This line is some kind of comedic genius

He looked RIGHT at the camera. I remember the first time I saw that I was like hello, this ep is going to destroy me. Spoiler alert: it did. And does.

Cas called Sam being in the cage “a great cost” and immediately went to get him. 🥺 And did he seriously imply his overconfidence gave him the strength to fight his way into the cage? Damn. Confusing, but go off I guess

“Sometimes we’re lucky enough to be given a warning. This should have been mine.” AHHHHH

Cas, come on. You’re smart enough to pick up on when Dean’s being sketchy

Dean said Satan Jr and I forgot this was season 6 for a sec and was about to get mad because that’s not a nice thing to call Jack, Dean. Um, yeah. Turns out they’re talking about Crowley lmao

I have MISSED Crowley’s shouting. He’s so dramatic.

Cas is so done with Crowley’s shit ahaha

The colors of his preferred Heaven are so beautiful

Cas being happy to see other angels will never not make me sad. He’s literally smiling so big considering it’s his s6 self ahhhh. AND THEY’RE HAPPY TO SEE HIM AND HAPPY HE’S ALIVE MY EMOTIONS HURT AHHH

“Freedom is a length of rope, and God wants you to hang yourself with it.” One of my favorite Cas quotes right there

“You never look like you’re joking.” I love Cas’s sense of humor so much. Also, Raphael, kindly stop being an asshole. We do not need to restart the Apocalypse, thanks.

When did Cas stop doing the invisibility thing? Bc that could have come in handy later. Can Jack do that?

Bobby said he doesn’t want to be right about Cas being sketchy. Aww. I wonder if Bobby would have considered Cas one of his boys like Mary did if Bobby had... you know. Lived to see Cas soften out a little bit.

‘I’d die for him, I would.” Aww, Sam.

“That makes you Lois Lane.” Did... did Dean just say Sastiel rights?

I’d be more touched about Dean defending Cas but like... after this he doesn’t ever really give him the benefit of the doubt again, so. I’m a little upsetti spaghetti.

What was up with this demon Bobby guy. He’s funny but like. This is the only time we ever saw him lol

Cassss smite them demons bby. Get em.

All of their smiles at him are so cute. And Cas is just standing there like oop

“I’m still just Castiel.” YES YOU ARE HONEY. AND WE LOVE IT.

Cas is such a bad liar but like he’s also so good at it. Buddy, you’re so complicated. Wouldn’t have it any other way <3

Protective Cas! We love to see it.

OH SHIT he slammed Crowley into the wall so hard it broke the tile. King shit, Cas.

“I’m an angel, you ass.” Another iconic line. This ep has so many.

So it IS official canon that angels don’t have souls. Well, that sure sheds a lot of painful new light on the soulless Jack situation later.

I know Dean says later that Cas could have asked him for help while he was with Lisa, but tbh I’m pretty sure if Cas had actually asked Dean would have said no. I’m in a psychology course right now, and that makes me marginally qualified to say that Dean was definitely experiencing some major hindsight bias.

What happened to Hell being an endless line? When did you stop that, Crowley? Because that would have saved Bobby and Kevin and Eileen so much unnecessary pain.

“Big bald patriarch” is now the only acceptable way to describe Samuel Campbell. That was hilarious. Thanks, Crowley.

I should also mention it’s weird to see Crowley without the beard. Does anyone else get that upon rewatch?

Did Cas actually take 50000 souls from Crowley just to throw Raphael out of his chair and make a statement? Honey, no. But also, king <3

The trap they set for him... Sam looks so sad about it. Ahh.

Okay but one of Bobby’s reasons not to trust Cas being that Bobby didn’t buy that Cas could be effectively tricked by Crowley is pretty cool. At least someone appreciates how smart Cas really is.

The Sam and Cas angst in this scene is immaculate. When Sam asks, “did you bring me back soulless on purpose?” Cas looks HORRIFIED. I don’t think we see him look that level of horrified again until... the end of 15x15 maybe? With that whole whammy Jack unloaded. Which is... wow. Much to unpack.

“I was there. Where were you?” I think we all know Dean is a little bit of a hypocrite. Because this entire season he most definitely didn’t care about Cas’s problems, and I’m pretty sure he did ask for help one time and they said no. So, you were there, but you weren’t a helping hand. You gotta practice what you preach, Dean-o

I know it was a complicated situation but leaving him in the holy fire is still pretty shitty. Come on, guys

“Get out of my sight.” I’m grinning during an intense scene because GO OFF CAS YOU TELL HIM

“The difference between you and me is I know what I am.” Crowley, kindly stop exacerbating Castiel’s self worth crisis. Please and thanks.

Does Bobby have a guest room? Where’s Sam? Why is Dean sleeping on the couch? Did he just want to? I’m sure Bobby has more comfortable places to sleep. Or maybe Bobby’s couch is just really comfy, idk

God, Dean, don’t be so rude. Don’t call Cas a child. I do not approve of this interaction.

Again, Dean. Practice what you preach.

“You’re like a brother to me.” In light of, uh, recent events, I’ll just leave this here.

Also in light of recent events, this is the second time in this episode Cas said the boys taught him free will. They taught him choice, not feelings. And it was CAS who chose to feel.

“I’m an angel. You’re just a man.” You tell him, Cas

Lmao Cas dipped out before the convo was over. Iconic.

The ending on the bench.... Cas. Sweetie. HE SAID FATHER AHHH. And he looks so SAD. Also, the way it was shot was really cool. I can’t believe I didn’t notice that before.

The way it ended with him just hanging his head. Oh, my heart.

Anyway, this episode is a 10/10 for Cas, obviously, but we’re bumping it down to 8/10 because there was such an imbalance in Dean and Cas vs. Sam and Cas interactions. Didn’t remember the show was doing that crap this early. Also, the plot of season 6 low key still doesn’t make sense to me. Oops 🤷‍♀️

HOWEVER, it did me feel slightly better during my current crisis because Cas slays in this one. So, we’re gonna count it as a win.

If you read this thing all this way through, thanks for being here lol. I hope you enjoyed my ramblings. :)

[master-sass-blast]

Weekly Wrambles

...Hi.

(Yes, I know that’s not how you spell “rambles.” It’s for humor.)

So, uh, I know I’ve been pretty quiet for a while. That’s mostly due to needing to take time away from Tumblr so I can actually get things done, and also injuring my arm/shoulder/back when I my laptop’s ‘c’ key went out, forcing me to move to an external keyboard, which threw everything out of whack in my body -yeah.

I have a functioning laptop again, and it occurred to me that I should probably try to interact more with my followers here, generate some content, and practice talking about my projects instead of just posting them and then disappearing.

Bear with me. I’m very shy. (Putting the rest under a cut so it isn’t an assault on the dash.)

CHC Updates: The CHC is still going. I had to stop basically all writing and computer things when I hurt my arm -which was TORTURE--so I haven’t made near as much progress as I wanted. However, I’m still working on stockpiling fics on the weekends. Right now, I’m working on Children of the Gods Part Three, and I’ve got about... four (maybe idk I’m not gonna try and count right now) filler fics done, too.

Do you guys want update posts for word counts/how many fics I have stocked up? I might try doing something like that anyway, but I’m curious to know what y’all want to see.

E-Reader Stuff: I am going to try and make some E-Readers that I could put on Amazon for $2-$3 to earn some passive income. Dunno when I’ll fit writing them into my schedule but... yeah.

I think the ones I’ll start introducing first... are probably the Wild West Magic Using Cowboys/Cowgirls/Cowthems Steampunk thing, the Futuristic Steampunk Cruise Ships in the Sky Love Story that’s Sorta Ala Titantic but Not Tragic, and “DOLLS” (the only one I have a title for oops), which is a dystopian futuristic fic about beauty influencers/entertainers if it was a competitive “class” where they were filmed 24/7 for content... yeah.

A lot of my stories (fanfic, e-reader, or otherwise) are queer focused or inclusive. I’m working on educating myself so that they can be racially inclusive as well (but in a positive, respectful way, of course). If that appeals to you... cool.

(Idk what to say. Why was I made so awkward.)

Novel stuff: I’m also working on a novel series, of which the first book is called “Game On.” It’s kind of a fantasy/sci-fi fusion thing, or as I like to call it, “thinly veiled political/social commentary.” It’s got a main series that’s probably around eight to nine books and some sides series/spin-offs that focus on other prominent characters in the universe, too. I’ve actually got some art of the first main character/narrator (the main series is broken up into two mini parts that have two different narrators, don’t ask me why I did this to myself):

Her name’s Lola -and, yes, she has purple hair and silver eyes. This is because I designed her when I was fourteen, and, honestly? I stand by it. CHARACTER DESIGN SHOULD BE F U N!

She also has special powers.

I can already hear the Mary-Sue comments coming lol.

(She’s a “Glitch,” which --in the universe--means that she gains experience and abilities quickly and has some select abilities; in her case, that includes empathic abilities (her strongest ability) and abilities to make a basic “shield” around her body and fire some energy bolts from her hands (more “defensive” abilities, ala snakes having venom or hedgehogs having spikes).

Anywho. This is just me... trying to be less shy about my various projects. I normally don’t like to share things before they’re completely done because... it feels rude? Somehow? Like, I’m somehow promising a certain product, and then if I can’t deliver it in the time frame or to the scale I promised, that I failed?

I don’t know. But I do know that I want to share my stuff more. So here I am.

Yeah

Tagging my friends and CHC taglist for this to try and get a little traction on this. Want to be added or removed? Just DM me. (If I missed you, I’m sorry; I’m very tired lol.)

@chromecutie​, @marvelhead17​, @marvel-is-perfection​, @leo-writer​, @ginghampearlsnsweettea​, @lolofangirl​, @emma-frxst​, @dandyqueen​, @super-darkcloudstudent​, @girl-obsessed-with-things​, @sadstone-s​, @rovvboat​, @candle-light-writings​

[yoon-kooks]

Witch Hazel- Pt.3

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 2.7k

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: i made an unintentional dragon ball z reference at the end of the previous chapter, and now this chapter is loaded with anime references LMAO dont worry if you arent familiar with dbz or sailor moon though!💖

As you approach the entrance to the mall, you have but one wish: Taehyung better show up before Jungkook. Not because you prefer Taehyung, but because you’re terrible at handling small talk and conversation—especially with a timid introvert like Jungkook. You’d rather leave it up to talkative Taehyung to prevent any awkward silences.

Unfortunately for you, however, your wish is not granted. Instead, you spot a bespectacled boy in a bucket hat and white shirt (not a hoodie for once!) sitting on a bench and taking pictures on his phone right outside of the mall. He doesn’t seem to notice you until he looks up from his phone and you’re standing right there with a tiny wave hello. Flustered, he adjusts his glasses and waves back, but that’s the extent of your greetings to one another.

So for the longest thirteen minutes of your life, a huge gap of nothingness sits between you and Jungkook on a wooden bench outside of the mall, waiting for Taehyung to show up. The boy resumes taking photos of the blue sky and the mall itself. You don’t get what’s so photo-worthy about an ordinary sky and the generic architecture of the mall. But then again, this is a boy who also probably has 256GB of storage space dedicated to pictures of his favorite idol (one of which is his lockscreen)��and you certainly don’t understand the appeal of Snow. Therefore, you do not bother asking the boy about his reasons for wasting storage space on certain photos. You wouldn’t understand anyway.

And since Jungkook is too busy using his phone for photos at one end of the bench, you decide to use your phone to text the missing boy from the opposite end of the bench.

10:13AM Y/N “Taehyung, it’s past 10. Where are you??”

10:14AM Taehyung “On my way baby. And don’t worry, I promise I’ll make it worth the wait 😉”

As both a desired and disliked idol, you’ve been called a lot of things: beauty, bitch, babe, ice queen, slut, witch. And you’ve put up with it because you feel like, to some degree, you brought it upon yourself. But you’re wondering what you did to deserve a “baby” from Taehyung. Because the last thing you want is for someone who’s kind-of-not-really your friend to make any sort of romantic advances on you when they know nothing about you.  

10:15AM Y/N “Who are you calling baby.”

10:16AM Taehyung “?”

10:17AM Taehyung “But you were fine with it the other night 🍆💦”

10:18AM Jungkook “monkaS”

10:19AM Taehyung “Wait”

10:19AM Y/N “What’s a monkas”

10:20AM Taehyung “Oops wrong chat LOL”

10:21AM Taehyung “Anyway I already told you guys yesterday that I wasn’t coming to the group project thing. I’m busy.”

He sends a screenshot of the group chat where he very clearly had said he wasn’t free. You must’ve missed that text somehow—a fatal mistake on your end because now you’re alone at the mall with Jungkook and it’s damn near impossible to talk to that kid when you can’t even relate to him. At least Taehyung could’ve broken the ice, but of course he’s too busy getting laid.

10:22AM Y/N “Can’t you fuck around later?”

10:23AM Jungkook “poggers”

10:24AM Y/N “What’s a poggers”

10:24AM Taehyung “Sorry I need at least 2 business days to cancel or change an appointment. I’m a man of my word, not a monster ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

10:25AM Taehyung “But have fun on your date without me~”

10:26AM Jungkook “it’s not a date”

10:26AM Y/N “It’s not a date.”

At least you and Jungkook can both agree that it isn’t a date. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re stuck hanging out with him for a few hours to “get to know each other” for your stupid art project. How are you even supposed to get to know the boy when there’s nothing to talk about?

“What’s a monkas and poggers?” you ask, because your antisocial mind can’t think of anything else to say once the spam of text messages ends.

“Oh that…” Jungkook looks back down at his phone, scrolling through the text conversation to track down his cryptic messages. “It just means like oh my god and stuff.”

“In what language?” you attempt to keep the small talk going. But from the look of Jungkook’s shifty eyes, it seems you’ve probed too far.

“Gaming... language…”

“Oh.” As far as you can tell by his brief responses, the boy would rather not elaborate further. So you let the conversation die.

Instead, the two of you begin wandering around the mall, hoping it’ll spark any sort of conversation. Of course it doesn’t.

At least not initially.

For exactly 16 minutes (you would know because you’d been checking your phone every other minute as if time would pass any faster that way), you and Jungkook aimlessly walk around the mall without saying a word. And it isn’t until a new shop fills Jungkook’s eyes with sparkles that you spot an opportunity to make something happen.

The shop window is decorated with the cutest recognizable characters: Pikachu, Totoro, Naruto, Sailor Moon, and all their friends. The boy appears to have his eye on the green dragon summoned from seven Dragon Balls. He doesn’t say anything, but it’s obvious he’s interested.

Knowing him, he’d say no if you asked him if he wanted to go inside, in fear of being a burden and wasting your time. So you find a loop hole.

“Let’s go in here,” you say. He nods, obediently following you in but keeping a safe distance. While he’d say no to his own desires, he has a hard time saying no to what everyone else wants. Sounds familiar.

The first thing you see when you walk in is the magic girl section. As someone who grew up admiring Sailor Moon, you would’ve liked to have scouted out that section for nostalgic purposes. The only thing stopping you is the hoard of weebs in that corner. Jungkook, on the other hand, goes right in.

As he joins the frenzy over waifus and body pillows, you shake your head and make a U-turn towards the section with ninjas, pirates, dragon slayers, and Saiyans. The seven plastic Dragon Balls call out to you, just as they had to Jungkook before he got distracted by pink-haired heroines. If you could have one wish granted with the magic of the Dragon Balls, what would you even wish for? There’s not much that you want, except for maybe a life you don’t feel ashamed of. But not even magic would be able to help you with that.

Sighing, you pick up a display model of one of the Dragon Ball fighters and replace his natural black hair with spiky blonde hair to transform him into a Super Saiyan, an almighty hero to protect the world.

“What exactly is the science behind turning blonde when they unleash their Super Saiyan strength?” you mumble to yourself… and the quiet boy next to you. He has a tiny shopping bag with him, so at least you know he didn’t splurge on a body pillow.

“From an artist’s perspective, it makes it easier for people to distinguish between different power levels. Especially in the comics where it’s black and white, so…” Jungkook’s rambling fades out when he realizes you might not be interested in his weeby-artist mind.

“That makes sense,” you say, still fumbling around with the Super Saiyan’s spiky blonde hair. You’d thought maybe it meant something more significant. As if changing one’s appearance could make them stronger by hiding who they really are. “But I suppose not all plot details need to be that deep.”

He nods and picks up another Dragon Ball character, the bald kid with six dots on his head, and wiggles it in your direction. “Is this the kind of anime you’re into?”

You can’t help but sneer at the random but mysterious six dots on the bald head. “This and Sailor Moon.”

Jungkook’s magic girl radar goes off when you mention Sailor Moon. “Oh, so like heroes and stuff?”

“I guess,” you answer, though you’ve never really thought about it that way. It’s not like you intentionally sought out for anything involving superheroes, but it’s something you’d always been naturally drawn to. “Though it seems a bit childish to say it out loud, doesn’t it?”

“I’m sure everyone has wished to be a hero at some point in their life,” the boy says, glancing back at the seven Dragon Balls. “After all, heroes give us something to admire and believe in.”

“Exactly.” You set the Super Saiyan back down on the shelf and stare at the glammed-up Sailor Moon beauties from afar. For just a split second, you’re reminded of your fateful decision to become Snow. “Kind of like idols, right?”

Jungkook flinches, clutching onto his shopping bag as if you’re lowkey judging him for being obsessed with not only pretty idols, but also pretty magic girls. You weren’t planning on bringing up the topic of idols because it can be quite toxic for yourself, but it somehow slipped out of your mouth in the presence of the biggest Snow fanboy. Oops.

“Yeah, kinda…” He lets out a half-laugh, but it sounds forced, only to fill another round of awkward silence as you both exit the anime shop. Great, you’ve brought up another touchy subject and now the boy’s back on lockdown. And just when the two of you were starting to get on the same page.

“I mean… I used to look up to the Sailor Moon characters… because they were my idols… my heroes…” you stumble over your words in an attempt to salvage any momentum you had built up with Jungkook. Surely this is something the weeb can relate to and not feel bad about now that you’ve exposed a bit of your dark past.

“Really?” He tilts his head and eases his grip on the shopping bag. “Who’s your bias—I mean favorite—of the Sailor Scouts?”

You assume he’s asking because your favorite can say a lot about you. Do you prefer crybabies like Sailor Moon, smarties like Mercury, hotheads like Mars, muscles like Jupiter, or perhaps the one who fantasizes over becoming an idol? “Sailor Venus.”

Before responding, Jungkook shuffles through his shopping bag and pulls out a tiny keychain of Sailor Venus with her pretty long hair and orange sailor suit. “Me too.”

You wonder what that says about Jeon Jungkook.

-

By the time lunch comes around, long silences still follow into the food court but somehow you feel less pressure to fill in the gaps. You’re simply okay with being in the boy’s company. Something about it is almost as refreshing as the iced tea you’re sipping on.

As you down your drink, you stare intently at the tall stack of pancakes across from you. The boy’s plate of fluffy delicacies has to be quadruple the size of your tiny salad bowl that you ordered out of habit.

“Um… do you want some?” Jungkook points to his pancakes, but his eyes are glued to your lips—probably because of the drool and not because you share the same pout as Snow.

“No thanks, I’m trying to eat healthier, and I already splurged on pancakes the other day,” you sigh. Even though you've taken a step back from idol life, you feel the need to maintain your image and health for the sake of fans who may worry about you. It’s in your blood, and sometimes you hate yourself for it. “But honestly, you’re really tempting me, you know.”

“Here.” Before you can refuse, Jungkook plops one of his pancakes onto the rim of your salad bowl. “It kinda defeats the purpose of dieting if it makes you unhappy, right? But that’s why cheat days exist~”

“That’s true.” You take a single bite of your pancake, savoring its subtle sweetness. You can’t remember the last time you found pure bliss in something as simple as pancakes without worry. “Thanks, Jung-”

You’re cut off by the fact that the boy’s stack of pancakes vanished, only leaving traces of syrup on the plate and a cute little crumb on the corner of his lips.

“Did you just inhale all your food while I took one (1) bite?”

He swallows the food in his mouth and takes a sip of his milk. “Maybe.”

You don’t know whether to be shocked or impressed, but it made you giggle either way. “You’re a funny guy, you know that?”

Flustered, the boy scurries off to dispose of his food tray. You rarely hand out compliments, and maybe this is why. It probably seems too out of character for someone like yourself, and Jungkook’s fragile little heart can’t handle it.

You punch yourself in the face until Jungkook walks back to the table. Seeing as you’ve only started making a dent in your lunch, he captures a few more photos on this phone, this time of the mall interior and food court. Then he pulls out his sketchbook.

He begins by mapping out a blank page with light lines and dots. Little by little, he adds in the tables, the people, the food. And before you know it, he has the whole food court sketched out and you haven’t even touched your salad yet.

“Are you into architecture? Or like exterior & interior design?” You don’t exactly know the proper art terms for whatever Jungkook’s drawing, but it would explain why he always seems to be taking photos of wherever he goes.

“Yeah, architecture and design are cool.” He shrugs and doesn’t sound all that convincing. So he diverts the spotlight back onto you. “By the way, I mean this in the least offensive way possible, but you’re not an art major, right?”

“Are you saying that because I’m shitty at art?” you pretend to be offended, but you know he’s not the malicious type. “Or because I’m always carrying a guitar to class?”

“The latter.” You see a tiny smirk on the boy’s face as he continues to add in details to his sketch. He’d never say it, but you can tell he’s also thinking your art is complete trash. “Is it music theory? Or just guitar? Or songwrit-”

Bing! Your phone notification saves you from a potentially loaded question about an uncertain future in music, and you couldn’t be more grateful. It’s a new Witch Hazel update from jk.seagull.

You glance over to Jungkook, expecting him to have the same notification on his phone. But he doesn’t. “I would’ve expected you of all people to have notifications turned on for Witch Hazel.”

“Really? Is it because you think I’m that in love with Snow?” It’s Jungkook’s turn to pretend to be offended. You’re glad to see him lightening up and not taking things to heart.

“Are you not in love with Snow?” you tease. Jungkook freezes and so do you. Why the fuck would you ever ask him if he’s in love with an extension of yourself? You don’t want to hear the answer because it’ll hurt you either way. “Nevermind, don’t answer that.”

You quickly skim jk.seagull’s beautiful comic-style artwork and stop at a panel of Snow and the new bunny boy character squaring up.

“But doesn’t this look like something right up your alley?” You flip your phone around to let the boy see the cute art.

“Does it?” Jungkook looks up from his sketchbook and puts down his pencil.

“Yeah, it feels like it would be more your style than realistic architecture would,” you say, although his sketch of the food court is somehow more gorgeous than the actual food court itself. “But I don’t know… You’d be fine with anything in the art field, to be honest.”

To your surprise, the boy shakes his head at your phone screen. “I’m not cut out for something like that.”

“Coming from the best artist in our class,” you say unconvinced. He has to be joking. Or maybe just overly modest. “Obviously I don’t know how you are with storytelling and stuff, but your art is undeniably incredible. And you have a lot of passion and knowledge for comics and anime…”

“Thanks, Y/N, but I don’t think that’s the problem.”

[sheepishlyshippingsheep]

30 aaand weird as it may sound, 32? ;3

Hi Rex! Thanks so much for sending an ask and joining this ask game, because I am certainly looking for a distraction right now haha! Good timing. Anyway, let’s go!

30. Do you accept prompts?

Currently, I don’t. Because last September, my birth month, I accepted prompts and unfortunately, I still have 4 pending ones I haven’t worked on (both fic and art oops). More than that, I’m writing a fic right now for an event, three gifts, my main multi-chaptered, a new multi-chaptered I’m planning, and three one-shots. When I clear the major ones and actually stop my brain from getting more stuff LOL, I’ll accept prompts for drabbles again.

32. How do you feel about smut?

Well, look at the timing of you asking me this! I can’t say I’m a fan because I’m quite picky with this as a reader and it’s kinda the same with writing. Honestly though? I haven’t published anything in my years of fic writing. I think I’ve drafted for two different fandoms/ships before just to try and practice? But I never had the courage to publish them and they just got lost haha.

BUT it’s funny that you ask this because I actually drafted an IzuOcha one I think two weeks ago? It was a spur of the moment kinda thing and I’ll publish it when I do finish it (70% done anyway). I kinda hesitate though because I’m not sure if my subscribers/readers would be comfortable seeing something like it in their e-mail so I made a Pseud for these kinda fics. But guess that’s useless since they’d still get an e-mail just under a pseud PFFT. SO ANYWAY, I rambled haha. Bottomline is as a writer, I think I’ll try writing some of it but only when something inspires me.

Anyway, thanks again for asking!!

[huntertales]

Hi beautiful!! I just wanted to say I absolutely adore your series and I’m so scared about this last episode. Maybe as a pick me up before everything goes downhill, can you remind me either the first time the reader and Dean had a “moment” or the first time they realized they had feelings for each other? I can’t wait!! Love you!

First off, love you too!!

So I know this finale is kind of heavy for some, so I took it upon myself to write something ‘cause why not ignore the second part I’m supposed to be writing?? Along with some a lot of favorite rewrite episodes of mine you can enjoy that aren’t necessarily Dean/Reader oriented:

Route 666 (Some good old Dean/Reader huh?)

Tall Tales (Shocker right? This is my favorite episode of all time)

Folsom Prison Blues

What Is And What Should Never Be 

A Very Supernatural Christmas

Dream a Little Dream of Me

Ghostfacers! 

Monster Movie

Yellow Fever

Wishful Thinking

Swap Meat

Live Free or Twihard

The French Mistake

Southern Comfort

Hunteri Heroici

LARP and the Real Girl

I know this is a lot but these are probably my personal favorite/I think is the most enjoyable of the episodes to read. And I’ve got that Demon!Dean little rewrite you can enjoy as well…Hell, I’ve got so many other stupid things I’ve wrote over the past couple years you can enjoy to mend your broken hearts.

Also I sort of wrote a little Dean related thing like a year and a half ago. You can read it here.  But I always get this question and I never really explained it in the rewrite SO HERE WE GO.

I feel like Dean and the reader slowly fell in love with each other. Right around season three is really when it hit them out of nowhere that they can’t live without one another. This sort of turned into a drabble so you’re welcome. (This is only for Dean. Oops. I was gonna write it for the reader but I got super lazy tbh. If you guys really want something like this for her maybe I’ll do it. Is this at all good? Lol no. So you’ve been warned.)

He heard it in songs. He witnessed the act in movies. Saw it on the street with couples holding hands and looking at each other with a look in their eye nobody really gave him before. Like the person was their entire world.  They’re the first thing they think of in the morning. And the last thought to cross their mind before they went to sleep. It was weird how someone can make you act stupid with how you stumble over your words and while you feel stupid, they make you happy at the same time. The feeling has been looming in the farthest part of him mind without even realizing it was there. Slowly it reared its head out, but only now he did figure out what the feeling was that was making him act this way.

Dean had only experienced this once before in his life, a handful of years ago, but even then it wasn’t as bad as it was today. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. How stupid she was for doing what she did behind his back. How stubborn she was for not listening to his warnings and appreciating the life she had. What hurt the most was how she did something like this for him. She was so much better than him. In so many ways.

She was smarter than almost everyone he knew, sometimes beating Sam in that department. Which he didn’t think was even possible considering his brother was a walking encyclopedia. It wasn’t just book knowledge she stored in that big brain of hers. Despite how she looked when she rambled on about some lore she remembered reading about back in the day. How she stared at him with this look on her face, how much concentration and passion she had for the things she wanted to learn about. Now she was hunting them. And she was damn good at it. It was pop culture references she got as well. The knowledge of Baby when she watched him fix the car up after the accident, wanting to see how things were going. Even though he knew she wanted to check up on him. 

Dean’s possibly favorite thing was how she sang along to every single song that came on, every lyric she memorized at this point after hearing dozens upon dozens of times over. She always complained about how he needed to update his cassette tapes to something of this century. But the way she belted out the song she supposedly grew tired of told a different story. Dean would sneak glimpse in the rear view mirror to see the smile on her face, how free she looked with the wind blowing through her hair when all the windows were rolled down to take advantage of the summer afternoon. How the sun made her eyes sparkle even more. Dean would do anything to capture her face into a picture and look at it forever.

Or the way she looked when she was growing annoyed with his humor she claimed was childish and perverted. She always said she didn’t find it funny. And yet she would giggle at the jokes he made when he cracked one, just to hear the sound that was music to his ears. He loved it especially when she tried to contain a laugh when Sam got angry at his brother if he was the butt of the joke, biting her bottom lip despite the smile giving it away. Best of all was when she let out a true, throaty kind of laugh at some story he told her about his childhood that was a million years ago. The smile on her face. He loved it when he got to see it. Even if it wasn’t often as he liked.

She might look innocent and act like it at times, but Dean knew for himself she had a tongue sharper than any knife she carried around with her. She knew how to lash out a remark in a fight or take a jab at someone that hit deep. She was tough as nails. And a total smart ass. Dean thought he was sarcastic. She took it to a whole other level. Nothing seemed to faze her much. At least that’s what she showed the world. And to her family to stop them from worrying about her.

Dean saw her at her weakest point. And a little more. She tried her hardest to put on a brave face. All of them. Sometimes it got tiresome. Dean was always there to help her. And she made it her mission to be there for him when the weight of the world got too heavy for him to carr on his shoulders. She didn’t care how many walls he tried to build up around himself. She wealsed herself in there and knocked some sense into his head that it was okay to feel vulnerable at times. To let someone in. And she smacked him upside the head when he felt sorry for himself on the things she shouldn’t. She might have been the only one who he let the darkest parts of himself. And she didn’t run away.

Dean didn’t realize what all of this meant until one day just like any other. He found her sitting in Bobby’s study in the usual position; with her legs crossed together and a book in her hands. The pure concentration of her face as her eyes slowly guided through the pages, her lips mouthing the words. How the sunlight fell through the window and illuminated her. Dean thought to himself how she looked when she was like this. And then the thought slowly creeps on him. How in less than a year he isn’t going to be able to enjoy this sight anymore. Either he will gone…or she will be. Because it was more than just losing someone you care about. 

He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to keep laughing at all of his stupid jokes.. She made his life complicated and a living hell. And yet she made him feel things he hadn’t in years. All Dean knew for sure was that he wanted her in his life forever.

In that moment he realized his feelings were more than out of protectiveness to keep her safe. More than a strong bond they created over the years. Or to do the right thing. The reality came and hit him right in the back of the head. He was falling in love with his best friend. There was no more denying it. How could he at this point? Y/N Y/L/N was the only woman who managed to sneak her way into his heart and steal it. He was falling in love with her. While every instinct was telling him it was wrong, he didn’t care. He loved her. That was the beginning and ending of everything. 

[kyojuuros]

ahh so I’ve been pretty quiet about my chapter thoughts and I’m sorry if there’s anyone who was genuinely curious about what I thought. I started writing up a big post about it but I don’t want to publish it until after we’ve gotten the official translations and/or Japanese raws in case there’s anything I change my thoughts on. I get tired of backtracking when I realize something isn’t the way I thought it was.

I actually quite enjoyed the content of the chapter and have been drowning in a mixture of angst, laughter and relief about a number of things. I’ve been ignoring tumblr purposefully to allow myself the time to let things sink in and genuinely enjoy the chapter rather than get caught up in what I assumed was gonna end up being another serumbowl-style fallout. So I’m not sure what the climate is over here, tbh. And I’m still not going to go seek it out.

But for a really short  oops it got too long bullet point ramble on my initial thoughts:

EMA makes me sad and I really need more backstory on the way Armin and Mikasa are behaving toward Eren. I can’t doubt that they still love him, but they clearly disagree with him and don’t like how he’s changed. I’m looking forward to hopefully getting a flashback or at least some more exposition on this. A panel placement has me excited that my theory about Mikasa’s role in EMA separation might have been on the mark though.

Levi is undoubtedly concerned about Eren and also very upset with him and gave us one of the most pained expressions I think I’ve ever seen from him in the entire manga. I hope to see this further explored. I’m not upset about the kick. I neither think Eren deserved it nor didn’t deserve it. I’m neutral on that. I need more context before I can pass judgement.

Sasha’s death made me feel really hurt but I also had been expecting it since she spared Gabi’s life and also due to her lack of an active role in anything plot-wise. I’m going to miss the shit out of her, though. I’m not upset about her last words, as they seemed in character since Sasha thinks a lot about food due to her history, and they had just been talking about supper. I also saw it as a small tint of Isayama’s dark humor, but mainly I just chalk it up to her suffering massive blood loss and just really lightheaded and not even thinking about the fact that she was just shot. Not everyone’s last words are going to be meaningful, and often I find that kind of storytelling unrealistic. So in a way it was kind of refreshing to see Sasha so out of it before she died that she was still just focusing on what made her happy - food.

I empathize a lot more with Gabi now that Isayama finally allowed her to really emote and show the audience her real thoughts on her situation. I haven’t liked how he’s handled Gabi thus far, so this chapter was really refreshing in that respect. I can’t hate her for killing Sasha. Her homeland was attacked and people she loved died and she wanted revenge for that. It’s no different than Eren, the only difference being that she had a means to actually counter attack immediately where Eren never did. I’m really curious about her story arc and hope that her development can bring me to love her in the end.

Falco is fucking precious as always. I love how he tried to reason with Gabi and shows that he understands a bit more about the bigger picture. He will be crucial in Gabi’s development I think. I’m devastated for Colt losing his little brother though.

Ultimately I’m curious what’ll happen to Gabi and Falco when they get to Paradis.

Jean is MVP and his commentary after Flocke says to throw the kids out being “will this killing stop if we throw them from the sky!?” utterly gutted me. He’s managed to stay so level headed through all of this though it’s very clear how distraught he is. He accepts his role in this war and will kill people if it’s absolutely necessary, but he’s still the same Jean who’s always abhorred the loss of life in war and detests the idea of killing other people. 

Pieck was on point as always. I suspected that she was suspicious of Zeke. My question is why she didn’t act on it sooner or if she was still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since she had trusted him so much until that point. 

Elenna, whatever her name ends up being, has piqued my interest immediately, especially if she’s truly Marleyan. Between her and Onyankopon, I’m really happy that Isayama is putting in Marleyan characters who are siding with the Eldians and want to see change in the system, or to dismantle it completely. The story has been screaming for this since Marley’s introduction, and I’m excited. 

Zeke and his interactions with everyone were gold to me. He was very cold toward Gabi and Falco and I’m left wondering whether he cared about them at all or not. Or if he’s just irritated they got in the blimp. The banter between Levi and Zeke has me dying in all the best ways and I hope to see more banter from them. I also love how when Levi was cornering Zeke, Eren interrupted and spoke of the pros of the plan that took place, and when Hange started cracking down on Eren, Zeke hopped in and did the same. I wonder how much they’ve interacted to this point. Yeagerbros is a relationship dynamic I’ve been dying for since chapter 83.

The way Levi and Jean address Elenna I think shows they all have enough of a history together they can talk interpersonally. So I’m curious what happened after her ship arrived on Paradis and if she took one of the bigger roles in constructing the alliance between Paradis and Zeke. 

Also, as of now, I’m absolutely convinced that Zeke is eager to work with Paradis and give Eldians their freedom. Nothing has given me reason to think otherwise yet. I’m going to do a lot of rereading to try and figure out his character a bit better. This chapter finally gave me the fuel I needed to do so, and I’m really excited. He bumped up a lot on my faves list with this chapter.

Hange was very upset and blunt with Eren and it hurts me, but I understand where she is coming from. Eren used them and that wasn’t okay. I really just need to know what the climate was between Eren and the SC. I felt that her relationship with Eren even before the time skip was strained after Shiganshina, so I wonder if they’d been struggling with each other this whole time, or if they did manage to move past the events of the serumbowl and this instead a fresher wound.

I was relieved to see Eren finally show some intense emotions when he learned that Sasha died. He starts with a quiet laugh and it shocks everyone so Jean calls him out for Sasha’s death (although I disagree that Sasha’s death was Eren’s fault, it was a “miscalculation” as Zeke would put it). But the comment seems to snap Eren out of the odd uncomfortable laughter and starts bringing out some anguish. So he’s been holding back a lot of shit the last few chapters and undoubtedly his own actions have started eating at him. He knows he did something horrible. I’m happy to see him let some of that out and off his chest. The Eren we know and love is still there underneath the newer, colder demeanor. 

I have some theories and other thoughts but I’ll cover those later. 

My bigger post later will probably just sound like this one again, lol, but I felt like getting some of those initial thoughts out there before my brain starts wracking into 50 different interpretations on everything as it tends to do when I have a lot of discussions. Anyway... yeah! I really enjoyed this chapter. Looking forward to 106! 

[heymichaelbuckley]

I stopped drinking alcohol

8 weeks ago, I stopped drinking. It was one of the easiest and best things I have ever done.  You know how much I loved my Vodka and Prosecco so let me explain. I wasn't going to post about is but I do see the value in sharing it so here we go. Also, if I had read this post in 2015 I would have rolled my eyes and said “QUITTER”! Ha! I am fine with any and all reactions to this post.

Looking back, I was never a drinker. I drank very little in college. Maybe a wine cooler here and there. I certainly was never drunk.  Maybe tipsy at a cast party once? Godspell was intense yo! I was not a drinker much in my twenties. I would go out and have a few beers or White Russians but never was alcohol something I thought about or pursued.  I really didn't become a drinker until 36/37years old.

Around 2012 I started drinking heavily and often. We had a house on Cape Cod.  I loved entertaining. I loved drinking.  I had been doing YouTube for a few years and working from home and pretty isolated and suddenly had lots of real life friends and the drinking was a big part of it. I had the time and money and lack of direction that made it easy to fall into.

By 2014, my marriage was ending and my career was boring so I was drinking a lot to numb, to ignore my feelings, to avoid communicating properly with my ex husband. I knew what I was doing. This is not like I woke up this year and realized this - hyper self-aware as always, even while drunk.

2015 the party continued. I was "celebrating" single life and my new independence.  I also was deep in YouTube funk so would much rather have a friend over and day drink vs. make another stupid video about a Kardashian. The online persona I had created taunted and tortured me.

This was the time alcohol really tricked my brain to think it was helping.  Oops! Sneaky alcohol! In my defense, I was on Cape Cod, I could have easily turned to Heroin! Jokes!

By the spring of 2016 I wanted to stop. Maybe? Not really. Or at least drink less. I did. For a week. Maybe two.  All through the rest of 2016, I was mindful of how much I was drinking. Trying to count drinks on my calendar. It was tedious. I hated it. I cried about it. Prayed about it. Journaled about it. Obsessed about it. Took online quizzes to see if I had a drinking problem. Pretty much everyone does if you take that quiz!! HA!!

I really gave so much power to alcohol. Posted on Facebook about it. And when 1 or 2 people expressed they were glad I had stopped drinking so much it totally annoyed me and made me want to drink more. Haha!!!!  Of course I wrote back "thank you for your concern" but I wanted to write back "Go fuck yourself."  HaHa!!!

I was never a drink 1-3 drinks drinker so cutting back was not enjoyable. I didn't want a glass of Prosecco. I wanted a bottle. Or three. I have always been a very fast drinker. Alcohol, soda, water, I am always chugging something.  We would go out to breakfast and the waitress would bring me 2 diet cokes right away knowing I would down them and want more.

And my tolerance for booze was nuts (especially for someone so tiny!......I'm being funny). I could drink so much and was certainly proud at YouTube events when others were hurting and looking at me like "How is Buck not hungover "? Thanks for all the free drink tickets. Love you! Haha!

I started being very aware of people on Facebook who had stopped drinking and quietly took inventory how great their life had improved. Thank you. Many of you know who you are as I have reached out privately. I love Facebook!

By January of this year, life was going very well.  I launched my coaching business. I was making the money and having the success I had not experienced in 3 to 4 years. I was happy, fulfilled and had purpose, yet I was still drinking a lot.

I was behaving like 2015 me but living a very different life so it seemed silly 2017 me was still getting hammered. A drunk YouTuber seemed fine to me. A drunk Life Coach did not.

Alcohol no longer served me or suited me and yet I continued to drink lots.

I knew I was drinking more than I needed or wanted to but my lower brain had full control.

Quitting sounded boring. I loved Bloody Mary's at the airport didn't I?

I would watch Real Housewives and see Kim or Eden talk about being sober woman and I thought ewwww. LOL. That won't be me. Mind you I think alcohol is the least of their problems. ROFLMAO!!!!!!

I was life coaching my clients and all the work I did with them certainly rubbed off on me.  I wanted to show up to each call as my best self and as a role model to them. That person is not a drunk.

I had a client tell me about a book he read called Stop Drinking Now, the Alan Carr EasyWay.  He said he had no desire to ever drink alcohol again.

Two days later I read the book and became a " Happy non-drinker"!  I love that term. I have given up nothing. Nothing.

It has been effortless. I haven't stopped smiling since. If you asked why I stopped I could tell you 20 reasons. I couldn't think of one reason to continue to drink.

Not one.

I continue to go out. I love being the designated driver. I have people over. I make the, drinks. I go to happy hour. I am still the life of the party. Lord knows I never needed alcohol to make me less inhibited. I continue to take my shirt off for no reason and talk about sex with strangers. Haha!!!!

We drove a stranger home the other day who was puking in the parking lot. I was not annoyed. I was grateful i had no interest in alcohol and could be helpful to someone the way others had been helpful to me.  

My skin looks better.  I'm sleeping better.  My weight had gotten up to 170 (I like to weigh 150 to 155 - so yes there was some vanity here!) The quality of my relationships and interactions is better. My self-respect and confidence are at an all time high. Everything is so clear now. My focus, my creativity, my general mood, everything is heightened and joy filled.  

I will save I would guess 10k a year in all the drinks I used to buy. 10k!!!! At least. I am showing up for my life everyday. Drinking was my buffering and truly delayed me beginning my life's great work.

So that's my update.  I have zero regrets. I had a great run! I was mostly fun/totally affectionate drunk. Right? Haha! It suited me to drink for a few years. This was the perfect time to stop. It all lined up just right.

I miss nothing about drinking. Nothing. I'll drink seltzer in a champagne flute to be festive. I liked the festive glass all along more than what was in it.

2017 me has grown and evolved so much. Being a "happy non-drinker" is the cherry on top! I love the semantics of that. It hits my brain in the right spot. I have quit nothing.

I also had given up diet soda so easily my brain had done lots of the work to prepare for this. The pre-frontal cortex is powerful once you get it working! Now I am rambling.....

I would love to write more about the book because it was magical. Truly one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life is stop drinking because of it. But I don't want to be preachy about that stuff but pick it up if you are interested. It's amazing. Feel free to private message me if you want to chat more in depth about it. Happy to answer any questions in the comments too.  I simply trained my brain to be a non -drinker just as easily as I trained it to be a drinker. Easy? Yes. I always tell my clients it is just as easy to think lovely thoughts about yourself as it is to think shitty thoughts about yourself. Okay that is enough.

This is a wonderful time in my life. I am so excited for what is next. I am so excited for you to meet this version of myself- totally authentic and totally not buffering. Thank you for reading. Love, MB