#now I want a big fluffy monster to hug 😤 I need a big fluffy monster flush that’s just so cute

[mymelodyisme]

I appreciate your kind words hon as always, and yea im trying to...keep my head up but I'm mainly doing okay. Its just some...bad actions I've done and also weird nightmares been hitting me aswell. I've been saying to myself to never repeat what I did and just don't focus in on it cause if I do it's just gonna be worse and keep going back to it. Be kind to myself as you say, sometimes thats...very hard to do you know? But right now I'm managing and just focusing on other things to keep my mind steady and calm.

Once again i...I appreciate your sweet words and kind personality(also your rants is a bit fun to read too)

Also for your blister I really hope that goes away soon for you cause goddamm does that sound like a pain, I didn't even know you could get a blister like that.

Oh and also I love the forests despite rarely ever going in one in my life...I fantasize about living in one while being a big fluffy scary fantasy monster. I sometimes wish i was one. well I better get going now I'm at work, I'm just going to imagine my face/head is in your hands and on your chest while we're in the middle of a forest...its comforting and soothing.

-❄️☕️

My love!!! Okay. Idk what you’ve done or how bad your actions have been, but we often give ourselves a harder time than other people around us. You might just be being your own bully and you should think about that!!! Being kind I get it, sometimes you hate yourself, be honest about that too. It’s okay to look in a mirror and be say the truth. It can make you cry, and it’s brutal when you realize you’re saying it back to yourself, but I think it’s the first step. And sometimes being kind to yourself is just that. Being honest. And maybe it’s just buying something small like a coffee or a candy bar because you’re at the store anyways!

Maybe I’m just shallow!

I have a very strong worldview obviously, and I think I lean way more in the positive direction, but I guess you could just say I have faith in you, yeah? Also also also I have nightmares too! I, actually, love them! I keep a dream journal on my phone that you can read on here!! Its my tag: dreams as I wrote them. But the weirdest dream I’ve ever had was a pikachu who cut itself that I named emochu 😭

Oh oh and, telling yourself to not focus on something makes it worse. So when I was… 14? I was. A big fan of black butler. I could tell you anything and everything about it. Well because I was such a fan I made my own character who was a half human half demon girl named Melody! For people familiar with me, she’s still around she just exists in new forms, but anyhow, because she was a demon she had her own pentagram I drew. WELL come one random day my mom saw a pentagram where the ciel plushie’s eye should be right? And she had a major freak out. She said I invited the devil into our home and just it wasn’t bad. 🙁 I had to throw out my doll. And it stuck with me all day this idea that I brought evil into our home and when everyone was asleep I took the drawing I made, ripped it u pans threw it away. But I was panicked because !! You have to set it on fire right?? Well I didn’t have fire and I couldn’t do that so I 😭 I poured water all over the paper shreds and then tossed it, because the trash would be going away from our home in the morning. I ended up trying so hard to avoid thinking about what I’d done that it was the only thing I could see even when I closed my eyes. The more we tell ourselves not to think about the things we’ve done, the more our brain feels the need to process it. So, all I can really recommend is keeping busy or just try facing it! 🥺 maybe just think about me thinking faucet water can scare away the demonsTM 😭 the thought process was there. I’ve never told that story before so you’re the first! Consider that an honor. I’m a broken record I’ll tell the same stories over and over again. Also crying helps a bunch of writing down the awful feelings. I wrote my own sadness down in here and I feel better if only for a moment 🥰

Okay but anyways you’re probably tired of me preaching at you. I can’t help it 🗣️ I just try my best to be everyone’s cheerleader. Maybe it’s my own bad habit I can’t just ever be normal but 💅🏽 we push on anyways. My mom says I’m very “dulce” very sweet and candy like. And you know, you are what you eat 😭 but no actually everyone tells me I’m very sweet and don’t get it wrong I am but I’m also human I can be mean grouchy and awful like anyone else. But I am very nice too :) and it’s okay to admit when we do have good qualities (I’m practicing my preaching)

THE BLISTER IS AWFUL AND I WISH FOR ITS ABSENCE. 😭😭😭😭😭😭 maybe it’s feeling a little better today I can stretch my mouth again and tap the spot without too much pain but I also just woke up briefly to pee so who know what it’ll be like she I wake up wake up. (Update as I was writing this i can FEEEL iT)

I almost died in a forest once! 😂 so where I live there’s this conservation camp that kids get to go to when they’re like 12. And I went, obviously, and we finished our hike and activity really early so our leader asked if we wanted to go to one of the last day hikes since it was nearby. Well we went on this steep mountain side and I almost fell off, twice! Onto the running water below. Mm 🤔 that wouldn’t have been ideal so it’s great I didn’t die. And I got to see a waterfall at the end ♥️ you should meet me there, maybe we should be wearing bug spray but.. MEH even the bugs have to eat (I WILL cry if they touch me). We could hold hands and close our eyes while the water fall makes splashing sounds 🥰

They also had this hike (it was 4 special hikes for the last day you could only choose one) where you could collect quartz at the end and we were only allowed to take what fit in our hands and 🥹 I have big hands so I was able to fit like 4 or 5. One was super sharp and I lost it when we lost our house and moved, but it was my favorite and I think about it a lot.

ALSO WHAT TYPE OF MONSTER WOULD YOU BE