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ificanthaveu · 5 years

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Make It To Christmas || Shawn Mendes

Description: Christmas is right around the corner and Shawn is nowhere to be found. You start to doubt if this was all even worth it and if you’ll even make it to Christmas. Based on the song by Alessia Cara.

A/N: I am OBSESSED with this song so naturally I had to write this and so sorry it’s late bc I was out of town and tried to do this from my phone and almost threw it out a window but here she is :)

Word Count: 3.2k

12 Days of Ficmas

We were warm and wonderful

Once upon a time

But now we're frozen, hanging by a thread

The sun started to rise past the edge of the ocean as you sat on the edge of the beach, feeling the water hit your feet every few minutes. The soft wind blew your wet hair back as you drew shapes in the sand next to you.

You heard footsteps behind you, and shortly after Shawn sat down next to you, handing you a mug of coffee. You set it in the sand next to you and rested your head on Shawn’s shoulder and his rested against yours.

“I don’t wanna leave,” you mumbled.

You could feel Shawn’s shoulders shake as he let out a laugh before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Our flight leaves in two hours, love,” he whispered.

“Let’s just cancel it,” you responded.

“Ok,” he said simply.

Silence came across you again as you shut your eyes, grabbing your mug and taking a sip.

“What if we did just cancel it?” Shawn said after a moment.

You sat straight up and gave him a look.

“Are you serious?” You asked with a slight smile.

“I don’t technically have to be back until Friday,” he started. “I mean, we could stay two more days.”

You leaned your chin on his shoulder and smiled up at him as he returned the look.

“Sounds perfect,” you said softly before resting your head on his shoulder again, and his arm wrapped tightly around your waist, your flight long forgotten as you admired the waves crashing against the shore.

You ran your finger along the edge of the frame that showed a picture of you and Shawn curled up on the beach just barely six months ago.

Your house felt cold for it being in California. It was dark, and you didn’t even bother turning any lights on in the house. Not even the Christmas ones.

Shawn had been gone for just over two weeks with the promise of being home exactly a week before Christmas, so the two of you could fly home to your family by December 20.

But it was December 18th, almost the 19th, and his flight was pushed back, and as you checked the weather in New York, you had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t the weather.

You sighed and walked away from the picture, not wanting to make yourself any more upset. You sat down on the edge of the couch and pulled out your phone.

The newest message from Shawn made your heart drop.

Flights are canceled. Won’t be home until the 20th.

You buried your head in your hands and willed yourself not to cry. This was becoming everything you never wanted it to be.

You debated between calling your parents, calling Shawn or just ignoring everyone for the time being, but before you could make that decision, Shawn’s name popped up on your phone.

You hesitated before grabbing your phone and hitting the green button.

“Hello,” you said with little emotion in your voice.

“Hey, babe, I’m so sorry this is happening,” he said with just the right amount of sympathy in his voice.

“No, I get it. It’s fine,” you say plainly.

“Can we push back our flights to your parents?” He asked.

“I really don’t want to, Shawn,” you said as you ran your hand down your face.

“I don’t know what else I can do.”

“You can get on a plane, and get back home, Shawn,” you said sternly.

“Flights are canceled. It’s snowing a ton. I can’t get back,” he tried to explain.

“It’s not snowing,” you said with your anger starting to show. “I’m not stupid, Shawn. I can check the weather in New York.”

All you received on the other line was silence. You heard some rustling before it got quieter, and you heard a door shut.

“I can explain,” he said softly.

“I really don’t want to hear it,” you said before he could say anything else. “I’m flying to my parents’ on the 20th. Come or don’t. I really don’t care at this point.”

“[Y/N], I just have so much to finish before the album comes out, and -“

You cut him off.

“I’ll see you later, Shawn. Bye,” you hung up before he could say anything else.

Darling, I know that our love is going cold

It's just something 'bout the snow this time of year

That makes us lose our way, just say we'll make up

And hold on a little longer

Don't have me spending it alone

This time of year is precious

Please, can we make it to Christmas?

You sat in silence for a moment. The last of your love for Christmas was quickly slipping away.

You held your phone to your ear as you called your best friend.

“36 hours until I get to see you,” Charlotte practically yelled as she answered the phone.

You didn’t say anything.

“What’s wrong?” She said when she realized.

“Shawn’s not coming,” you said.

“What?”

“He’s in New York, won’t be back here before we can get back home,” you said, feeling your throat get scratchy.

“You’ve had this planned for months, how can he not be here on time?” She said, getting angrier about this.

“His album, I guess,” you responded.

“That’s not an excuse.”

“I know, Char,” you snapped. “I don’t know what the fuck to do.”

She went quiet, and you sighed.

“I can’t say I didn’t see this coming, but it just hurts a lot more than I thought it would,” you said quietly.

“Has it been bad?”

You shrugged your shoulders and leaned back into the couch.

“I feel like we’ve been distant. Ever since Florida, I just feel like I’ve been second to everything. And I understand that these things are important, but it’s Christmas. I thought at least we would make it until then,” you said feeling a tear roll down your cheek.

“You don’t want to break up, do you?” She asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know right now. I just think I’m wired on emotions. I can’t think straight,” you said. “I just need to be home.”

“Have you thought about moving your flight up?” She asked.

You went quiet before grabbing your laptop and pulling up your flight information and searching the next flight out.

“I can leave tomorrow at 8:00 in the morning,” you said as you booked your flight.

“Need me to pick you up?”

“Yes, please.”

Your packing was done haphazardly as you threw your planned outfits into your suitcase. You folded them as best you could before zipping up your bags and setting them by the front door.

You glanced at the clock before climbing into bed. You had to be up in four hours.

But you didn’t care, you were going home, with or without Shawn.

Well, without Shawn.

The flight home was shorter than expected, your time being occupied with thinking too much.

Charlotte waited for you at the front of the airport, wrapped up in a winter jacket and hat. You practically dropped your bags as you ran up to her and hugged her for the first time in six months.

“Holy shit, I’ve missed you,” she said against your shoulder.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” you said back.

She grabbed your bag and started walking you to her car.

“Do your parents know you came early?” She asked as she started the car.

“No, thought I’d surprise them.”

“They’re going to have questions,” she said cautiously.

“Yeah, I know. Guess I’d rather deal with it sooner than later,” you said with a sigh as you rested your head on the back of your seat.

Charlotte pulled up to your house sooner than expected. She helped you get your bags out before pulling you in for another hug.

“You got dinner plans?” She asked.

“Chipotle?” You asked back.

“Perfect,” she said before climbing into her car and waving as she drove away.

Don't know what I'll say to Dad when he sees the empty chair

Don't want to hear my mom say, "Told you so"

Waiting for Santa in my bed is no fun if you're not there

And I don't want to be angry at mistletoes

You took a deep breath as you walked up your driveway to the back door. You bumped it open with your hip and dragged your bags in, setting them just beyond the door.

You walked into the kitchen and looked around, seeing no one. You walked into the living room next to be met with the same thing.

You took a seat on the couch and tapped your arm against the couch.

You assumed your parents probably ran to the corner store, explaining why the back door was still open.

You leaned back and pulled your phone, half expecting to see something from Shawn.

But nothing.

You bit your lip and took a deep breath, flipping your phone over and staring at the ceiling.

You didn’t even notice your dad walk in.

He didn’t say anything at first as his jaw dropped. He looked to the side of you, just to see that you were alone.

“What are you doing here?” He said through a laugh after a moment.

Your head snapped up and smiled at your dad.

“Thought I’d come a little early,” you said as you crossed the room and your dad pulled you into his chest.

He rocked you back and forth as his hand held the back of your head against his chest.

“Where’s Mom?” You asked as you pulled away.

“[Y/N]?” You heard your mom from behind you.

You hugged her next as you could feel her start to cry, only holding her tighter.

“I was just about to make lunch. Let’s have lunch,” she said quickly as she squeezed your hand and grabbed the ingredients she needed.

No one said anything about the clear missing piece. Your dad asked about your new job while your mom wanted to know about your redecorating you just did at your house.

You sat around the table meant for four. You all dove into the food and continued to make small talk and catch up.

Your dad left right after he was done eating to finish his last-minute Christmas shopping, leaving you alone with your mom.

The two of you sat quietly at the table before she finally said something.

“Honey, where’s Shawn?” She said softly, resting her hand on top of yours.

“New York,” you said simply. “He won’t be coming this year.”

“Is everything ok?” She asked as that look came across her face. The look you’ve been dreading.

“It’s going to be fine, Mom,” you said just a little too sternly.

She sighed and stood up, taking the dishes to the sink.

“This is what happens when you chase a rockstar across the country,” she said quietly.

“Mom,” you warned.

“I’m just saying that you had a great job here. You had a condo you loved, and friends and family around who loved you. But instead, you went and moved to California to be with him, when you hadn’t spent more than a week together at a time before that,” she tried not to yell.

“You don’t know the half of it, so please, don’t start this right now,” you said in as calm of a tone as you could muster up.

“I’m just saying-“

You cut her off, “Enough.”

You walked out of the kitchen before she could start anything else, grabbing your bags and bringing them to your room. You fell back on your bed and pulled out your phone to check Instagram just to be met with a post of Shawn in the studio with a big smile.

You threw your phone on the floor next to you as you tried to take deep breaths to make the feeling in your stomach go away.

But it was no use.

—

Shawn unlocked the front door and pushed his way into your home.

“[Y/N]?” He yelled as he dropped his bags in the living room.

He ran up to your room, opening the door just to be met with a few clothing items on the bed.

He slowly walked back downstairs to the kitchen, seeing a note on the counter.

Don’t know if you’ll even see this. If you do, I left early.

His heart dropped as he read the note over and over again.

He ran his hands through his hair and tugged at the ends, the guilt hitting him.

He grabbed his phone, logging into his account to see if he could find an earlier flight, but everything was booked.

He had already canceled his flight that was supposed to leave tomorrow.

He contemplated calling you, but he knew you wouldn’t answer. He also contemplated texting Charlotte to confirm that you were there, but he knew she wouldn’t respond either if she knew even half of what happened.

All of his questions were answered when he saw your Snapchat story of Charlotte at Chipotle.

He grabbed his laptop and tried to figure out how he could get to you within the next few days, and after hours of searching, he discovered he could take four different flights just to get to you in two days from now.

And he was going to do it.

—

Your next two days went perfectly as you shoved the thought of Shawn to the very back of your head. You visited your old job and high school, made cookies and went ice skating with your best friends and had dinner with your family.

It was almost perfect, but something was missing. You knew the answer, but you refused to say it out loud.

Your parents had left for the night, going to your dad’s office Christmas party. Tonight was the night that you and Shawn were supposed to go to the Christmas play at your high school, but that was out the window.

You curled up on the couch and turned on a Christmas movie. You wrapped a blanket around you and tried to focus on the movie, not wanting your mind to wander to places you didn’t want it to.

As it started to wander, a knock came from the front door.

You kept the blanket wrapped around you as you shuffled to the front door. You swung it open without much of a second thought.

You dropped your blanket when you saw Shawn standing in front of you. One hand held onto the top of his suitcase as the other gripped onto his backpack strap.

“Shawn,” you said under your breath.

“Hi,” he said back just as quiet.

“Why are you here?” You asked, willing your voice to stay steady.

“Because I promised to spend Christmas with you and your family,” he paused. “And because I’ve been an asshole.”

You didn’t say anything as you opened the door wider to let him in. He dragged his suitcase behind him and set it next to the door, along with his backpack, as you grabbed your blanket and sat back on the couch. Shawn sat next to you and stared straight ahead.

“Shawn, I-“ you started before Shawn cut you off.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. He turned to face you, pulling his knee up onto the couch. “What I did, was something I never imagined I would ever do, and I’m so sorry I did that to you before Christmas. I shouldn’t have lied to you like that, and I should’ve just told you that I needed to stay a few days longer. Hell, I could’ve just met you here and flown from New York, but I didn’t even think of that. I can’t stand the thought of you not enjoying Christmas because I was too self-centered.”

“You could’ve just told me,” you whispered.

“I know, and I’ll regret it forever that I didn’t.”

You finally turned to face him. He felt his heart sink as he saw the tears brimming on your eyelids.

“Do you know how hard it is to have to tell my parents, who were looking forward to you being here, that you’re not coming? Or trying to explain to my friends who I showed up to our plans alone?” You croaked out. “Shawn, I get that things haven’t been the best lately, but I figured we could at least get through Christmas.”

“What do you mean things haven’t been the best?” He asked with confusion on his face.

“I mean that you’ve been so caught up in everything else going on, that I sometimes go days without so much as a text from you,” you said. “I know how important this album is to you, and I know you’re on a deadline, but I just want to know that you still love me.”

“Of course, I still love you. I’m just as crazy about you as I was on my first date and as I will be for the next hundred years,” he said as he reached for your hand.

“It doesn’t feel like that lately,” you said as your tears finally fell. Shawn reached up and brushed one away with his thumb.

You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes as Shawn pulled you into his chest without another word.

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea I was even doing that. And it’s the worst excuse ever, and I hate that I didn’t realize it. I’ve been too in my head lately,” he said against your hair as he kissed your head over and over again. You could hear the strain in his voice.

“I fall more and more in love with you every day,” he said. “And I know I’m spending the rest of my life with you. And I’m going to show that so much more now.”

You lifted your head up to look at him again. His eyes were red, and you could see the slightest quiver in his lip. You gave him a soft smile, hoping it’d give him enough reassurance.

“We’ll get back to how we were a few months ago. I promise,” he said as he looked you in the eyes.

“Ok,” you said just above a whisper. “I forgive you, but I can’t keep forgiving you if you’re going to keep doing this.”

“I know, and I’d never expect that from you. You’re my priority, and I’m going to start acting like it.”

“I love you,” you finally said.

“I love you, too. So much,” he said before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You stayed silent, curled up in his chest and praying that this was the argument that would make everything better.

“Hey,” he said softly.

You looked up at him, resting your chin on his chest.

“We were always going to make it to Christmas. We’ll make it to every Christmas for however long you keep choosing me,” he said.

Your eyes fluttered shut as you took a deep breath and nodded your head.

“I know. We’ll make it to Christmas.”

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