#nothing worth staying up for at least 😂😭

[chirpsythismorning]

STRANGER THINGS COMING UP!

[reverie-verse]

Hello! Can I request a Azriel x Reader angst? The reader and Az are mates but Az was too infatuated with Mor, and after years of waiting the reader moves on with an OMC. They’re finally happy and feel loved and all Azriel can do is watch as his mate gets pulled from him completely. The reader tells him it’s too late. (The reader isn’t bitter)

The Mate That Got Away- Azriel x Reader

Note: There will be a ball, and the outfits are going to be vague. So you can picture what you’d like, if you prefer ethnic traditional clothing, great! If you like modern clothing that’s also great too. The style is up to you! However the color of the outfit will match the male character. So whatever color his court is, whatever color he represents the reader will have.

Ooooooo I almost forgot! I pictured Lestat from queen of the damned as Eris. I’m sorry it is what it is. Thats where my brain 😂😂. I do hope this meets your expectations and I’m sorry if it doesn’t. All I know is I was breaking my own damn heart writing this 😭 💔.

—————————————————————————

You left a note pinned to your bed. You had changed into all black clothing. Your bag packed with most of your belongings slung over your shoulder, your hair pulled back a black hood pulled to cover your head. You were perched on the window seal taking one final look around the precious space of your room. You saying one last goodbye, you were leaving your home, you were leaving Velaris. Your heart cracked into a million pieces, but it was the right thing to do. You had too. By the time they would return from their trip and stumble into your room you’d be long gone. Some part of you wished that things could be different and that it didn’t have to be this way. The bigger half knew better, you had to do this. It was the only thing you had left, and you had endured enough pain to last you hundreds of life times. It was time to say goodbye. You turned away hopping off the ledge and down the River house. You landed gracefully and quietly.

“ Are you sure about this?” A male voice whispered to you. You looked up to your old room and the rest of the house. Your heart heavy, you turned to the male who spoke to you. Fiery red hair and a golden eye stared back at you, his face expressing that of sadness. Lucien was the only one who you talked to about this. He was your ticket out. Everyone was too close, he never asked too many questions only when he figured you needed consulting that he bombarded you with them. You two were close enough to consider one another as good friends.

“ Yes, Lucien. We’ve been over this a hundred times. We are burning moonlight” You sighed quietly walking over to him.

“ I know, but I think you should stay. Everyone will be devastated. I’m sure you can speak with Rhys and Feyre, tell them the truth-“

“ That won’t change anything. It doesn’t matter what I say, nothing will change the fact that I need to leave. It’s just easier that way” You tell him while the two of you walk further away from the home.

“Did I ever tell you how I knew this young human turned high fae who instead of running away from her mate she ran towards him '' He says as the two of you come to a halt, realizing that you both were far enough from the home to make traveling much easier and more discrete. He scoops you into his arms. He braces himself so that he can winnow you.

“ Lucien I’m not changing my mind”

“Right, well it was worth another attempt”

—-

You were gone, with no traces left of you. Everyone had panicked, they searched the entire home, the house of wind and the town house. There was nothing. Standing in the foyer of the river house everyone’s gaze shifted to Azriel. They knew of the mating bond between you two, however what they didn’t know was that he rejected the bond. Azriel was hesitant and he did almost accept it but his mind kept drifting to Mor. He couldn’t let her go even if he tried. He didn’t want to either. Yet every day much like Lucien you strived to at least to get to know him and you did. What he didn’t know was that you loved him. No one knew except Lucien. You two shared similarities more than you realized. The only difference was Elain was beginning to come around. Azriel was never going to come around.

Azriel attempted to reach you through the mating bond only to find a cold numbness. You both couldn’t exactly break the bond but you could block each other. Azriel considered that as one possibility. While his mind went to a dark place, where someone could have kidnapped you and dosed you with faebane, it was his job to assume the worst. Azriel couldn’t take his mind off you, for a moment he was searching for his friend, then the next his mate, then back to his friend. His eyes searched the room for Mor finding her near the fire place, her expression filled with pain and sadness. She had lost one person she was close to. It broke his heart to see her in that state. Feyres voice broke him from his train of thought.

“ Did any of you find anything?” Feyre asked, looking between each member. Rhys pinched the bridge of his nose. His body is rigid and tense.

“ Not a thing. She covered her tracks well” Cassin crosses his arms as he rocks himself on his feet.

“ That’s because she does not want to be found” Lucien says as he walks through the threshold of the living room. Everyone was standing except for Elain and Nesta. All of their pointed gazes turned directly towards him. Lucien looked past everyone, his eyes landing directly on Azriel. His shadows danced around him furiously. He was hurt, angry, confused. He didn't know what to say or what to expect from you.

“ Why would she not want to be found?” Mor asked as she turned away from the fireplace. She couldn’t understand why you would make such a drastic move such as this one. This was out of the ordinary for even you, there had to be a reason why you’d disappear without a trace, it just wasn’t like you. The strangest part was that you had asked Lucien to take you wherever you went. “ Why would she bother asking you to take her?” She asked Lucien as she stared him down while he started Azriel down.

“Because she trusted me more than she trusted the rest of you” He says simply.

“ She’s only known you for half a second. Why would she put all her faith into you? ” Azriel bounced off of Mors questions. She was right , it was rather odd for you to take off the way you did. This wasn’t normal behavior which meant something was extremely wrong. Azriel was your friend first before your mate, he will always be your friend first, right now as your friend trusting someone like Lucien was always questionable. Again his gaze shifted to Mor who was biting her lip, she began to pace, her mind must’ve been racing a mile a minute. He wanted to reach out and hold-no not right now he can’t not when you were gone.

“She had her reasons. I did not press the issue because she did not wish to talk about it.” Lucien glares at Azriel.

“ So you simply let her walk away with no questions of your own” Azriel challenged.

“ You want an explanation for a question that I can’t give you”

“ Why? Because she has sworn you to secrecy” Mor hissed. “ You know something. She must’ve said a word, a phrase, anything!”

Cassian asked, arms still crossed. “Is it possible she could’ve left a note?”

“ There may be a possibility, Cass check her room see if you find anything that might give us an idea of where she headed or why she took off” Rhys ordered his brother turned general. Cassian gave him a curt nod heading off to your room.

“ Elain is there a chance you could’ve seen this in your vision?” Feyre asked her sister as she walked over to her.

Elain shook her head. “ No I can’t get a read on her, she won’t allow me into her mind. Her future is blocked from me”

“ I can’t get a read on her either” Rhys says as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “ Azriel? What of the mating bond?”

Azriel’s sharpened gaze stayed trained on Lucien “Nothing, it’s quiet on her end. Too quiet.” Even as Azriel rejected the bond he still remained protective of you, though his heart yearned for Mor. Lucien tightened his gaze on Azriel the two stared each other down. Cassian bounded down the stairs quickly as he reached the threshold a piece of paper tucked into his hand. “ She left a note. It’s addressed to you Feyre” He walkes over to her handing her the folded paper.

“ Me?” She looks between him and the paper hesitantly taking it from him.

“ What” Mor gasped “ She-let me see the note”

“ No, Mor I don’t think you should see this”

“ Let me read the note” Azriel says, if anyone should, he prefers it was him who witness it, you were his mate. It had to account for something. Even if his heart belongs to Mor and not yours. Was that selfish, to want to still take ownership of you but be in love with another. No, it was deeply wrong. Yet he found himself hurt and curious.

Feyre however needed time to think and with a note that could possibly explain your whereabouts and why you specifically chose her to read it. She could only assume that you had figured out Azriel’s love for Mor. If that was the case then the entirety of the situation would start an internal conflict for Mor herself. A conflict of a truth that could be forced out into the open. Tonight would not be the night for that. As if Rhys had peaked into Feyres mind he says “- As much as we all are curious about her note I suggest everyone take the evening off, we can deal with this tomorrow.-“

“You can’t be serious?! She could be in trouble! She could be hurting and you want to wait until tomorrow!” Mor growled.

“ Easy Girl” Amren says as she moves from the window to stand by Mor. Mor turned to glare at Amren, her chest heaving up and down furious.

“Our friend is out there, somewhere, possibly hurting, and you want me to take it easy. You have some nerve-“

“ Girl you watch your tongue before I rip it out of your blonde head-“ Rhys and Cassian jumped to action moving the women away from each other. Nesta and Elain standing up from the couch, Nesta made quick work to push Elain protectively behind her. Rhys held his second in command away from everyone, to which Amren was rather calm but more or less annoyed at the theatrics. Cassian wrapped his arms around Mor holding her close to his chest.

“ It was my fault. I didn’t want it to be this way. Not like this-“ Azriel starts his shadows becoming droopy and hidden behind him. This was because of him, he hadn’t realized it until now, the note, the fighting, the way he wanted to recuse Mor, instead of searching for you. Shame itched at him.

Mor pushed against Cassian to let her go. “ What are you talking about?-”Mor asked as she struggled against Cassian who made no move, only holding her tightly. Everyone held their breath, this was becoming a reality. Mor shook her head. When Azriel made no move to explain his own eyes flickering to meet hers. The information fits together like puzzle pieces. There was no need to read the note because everything they needed to know was right in front of them. “- No-you- didn’t- Why would you risk the bond?! You idiot!” Mor continued to struggle in Cassian's arms. Elain places a hand over her mouth as it hung open. Nesta frozen by the words she heard mulling over the meaning.

“ I did it because I love you! Mor I fell in love with you, since I first saw you, I have always loved you. This wasn’t how I wanted to do this-“ He tells her as he steps towards her, Mors body sags in defeat, this was her last straw.

“-You-You ruined everything” Mor whispers softly, gentle tears streaming down her face. Cassian let go of Mor slowly as she pushed away from him. She moved towards the living room crossing the threshold and to the front door, she planned on staying anywhere else but the River house.

“Mor!” Azriel called out after attempting to go after her but not when Rhys stopped him. He had removed himself from Amren, placing a hand on Azriel’s shoulder.

“ Let her go” He tells him, Azriel listens and remains in his place, but his heart ripped in half, two people had walked away from him in the same night, and both were his fault.

“ She’ll come back, she always does” Cassian says as he stands on the other side of Azriel.

—

You rolled onto your side staring at the man who laid next to you. He was laying on his stomach, his arms buried beneath the pillow, his cheek resting against it. His wine red hair in a wavy mess plastered to the pillow. His hair paired well against his tan skin, a lighter color than his brother. Your heart swooned at the sight of him. You reached over caressing his cheek. You moved your hand away pushing him over to the side so you could tuck yourself under his arms. He follows suit and gives you the space to do so. You had a feeling he was awake, you could feel the rumble of a chuckle in his chest. You snuggled into his bare chest basking in his warmth. His eyes remained closed as he held you close. You shut your eyes as the two of you began to fall back asleep.

A knock was heard on your shared bedroom door. The man holding you groaned, it was your turn to giggle at him . “Eris! Y/N!?” Lucien’s voice called out to you both.

“ I am going to murder him” Eris growled.

“ No you’re not, he's my best friend and your brother.” You tell him, as he sighed roughly making you smile though you knew Eris would never harm Lucien, the two have grown closer as of recently, all thanks to you. Their brother bonds stronger than before.

“ I am coming in you both better be decent when I open this door!” Lucien says as he opens the door stepping inside. Thankfully you both were already decent. You slept in Eris’s tunic while he slept shirtless and in pants. You untangled yourself from Eris’s arms even though he protested. Eris sighed as he propped himself against a few pillows, resting an arm behind his head. You sat up cross legged under the blankets. “Oh good you both are decent”

“ What is it Lucien?” Eris asked as his amber eyes stared at his brother.

“ The ball” He tells him simply.

“ What about it?” You asked.

“ All courts are attending, including the Night Court. They had just decided and sent a reply to Helion. Elain was the one who told me '' Lucien says as Eris who was already looking at you noticed the nervous expression on your face. Lucien has turned his attention towards you.

“ I guess that means it’s time” You tell them quietly.

“ I’m afraid so” Eris replies. You both stare at each other, Eris reaches over and takes your hands in his.

Lucien had left the room, claiming he needed to get dressed and that Elain would need some help picking a matching outfit. It’s been two years since you’ve left Velaris. Two years since you last saw him. Since you left your friends. You wondered if they resented you for it. You wondered if Elain told them about you already. Lucien always reassured you that she never did even when they asked questions about her visions. You never asked him questions though, you never asked how they were, how Azriel was nor about Morrigan either. You assumed they lived happily ever after. You guessed that today would be the day where everyone would find out about one another.

You climbed out of the bed getting ready to go to the closet, Eris reached out a hand grabbing your arm pulling you back to him. You sighed, turning to look at Eris who had a mischievous smirk on his face. A silly smile slipped on your face as soon as you realized what he was going to do. “ Oh no, No-No-No we are going to be late!-Eris!” Eris yanked you back down onto the bed. Trapping you under him in attempts to kiss you.

“ Eris!” You warned him as you tried to squirm away.

“We’ll be quick I swear!” He watched you hesitate, your half on the bed and half off the bed. It was his chance to grab you again.

“That’s what you said last time!”You squealed your back landing onto the plush bed. Lips attach themselves to yours drawing you in, consuming you whole.

—-

The ball was organized as a birthday party for Helion, the Day Court planned to celebrate him. Each court was sent an invitation; this was the biggest ball of the year. It has been a long time since the courts have ever gathered together unified enough to be in the same room. Everyone was mingling amongst themselves as different courts arrived at various times of the evening. The night court had made it before Autumn. The inner circle spoke with different court members all except Azriel.

The night after you left Azriel spoke with Mor alone, he had learned the truth, about her and himself. He realized that he had made a grave mistake. For the past two years he spent the time he had searching for you. Only to come up empty each time, even Mor vouched to help him find you and there was nothing. No word from anyone. Eventually she had given up on the search, Rhys and offered for Azriel to take some time away from everyone including the search for you but he refused. Everyone had given him space and the time he needed to grieve but it made no difference.

He was haunted by the memories of you regardless. You were all he could think about for the past two year, and with the help of Mor, you were a permanent marking. Everyday he spent time working on the bond hoping to connect with you, and if he succeeded he could find you. The only problem was you were strong in blocking the mating bond. You made it near impossible to find you, to connect, to be linked to you. He admitted that you were well trained in that department. It was a task you were always good at. Still he continued with his quest on finding you. His eyes scanned the ball room, hoping and wishing for your presence, hoping to hear your voice, maybe offer you a dance while the two of you talk and ignore the crowd… But that was wishful thinking. Music played in the background as couples danced on the floor, Mor walked over to Azriel handing him a glass of wine. “ I think you’re going to need this more than I do” She tells him softly, taking a drink from her own cup.

“ What makes you think I will?” He asks, taking the glass, holding it in his hand not bothering to touch it. He eyes the crowd before eyeing the cup in his hand.

“If she isn’t here you’ll be spending the entire night in heartbreak watching all these couples, you might as well be drunk for it”

“ Maybe I don’t want that-“ Mors gasp caught him by surprise, his eyes looking at her following her gaze. There you were. As beautiful as the last time he saw you. Your hair styled perfectly, your skin glowing, you had a smile on your face so bright and full of life, your laugh echoed hitting his ears turning into a wonderful melody. Time truly seemed to slow down. Your hand was intertwined with someone else’s, a ring on your wedding finger, your outfit you had worn colored in reddish orange, the colors of autumn. It couldn’t have been Lucien, he was already waltzing on the dancing floor with Elain. Which only left one highlord Eris. He too was smiling as he spoke with Cassian and Nesta. Mor growled at the sight. Rhys and Feyre approached Azriel and Mor. Amren, as quiet as ever appeared next to her with Varian by her side, soon enough the rest of the inner circle gathered together.

“ She looks happy” Azriel says as the group turns to look at his saddened face. He had lost the one chance at happiness after he lost his first, a mistake he regretted more than anything. Had he known that Mor had never felt for him the way he had for her, then you would be in his arms now. You would be with him and not Eris.

“She does,” Rhys acknowledged Azriel’s comment, watching his brother closely. Nesta and Cassian had hugged you before leaving to head to the dance floor. You looked so relieved that they embraced you, you had turned to your husband, with yet another smile. Eris shared that smile with you as if to say I told you so. He took your hand back in his as he pulled you to the dance floor, as if he had done it many times, you fell into his arms melting into them as if you two were mated from the beginning. You swayed with him, your arms wrapped around his neck and his arms wrapped around your waist. You two spoke to each other, laughing and sharing sweet nothings. Azriel wished that it was him holding you that way, to watch you smile, and laugh effortlessly. He wanted to be Eris. He wanted to be the one wearing the wedding band that you gave him, he wanted you to wear the wedding band he gave you. He wanted what Eris had.

Nesta and Cassian had crossed the dance floor and headed to the group. Cassian had seen the pain in his brother's eyes, his own heartbreaking. He wasn’t sure what he could say that might ease Azriel’s suffering. He placed a hand on Azriel’s shoulder giving him a soft squeeze. Azriel had made up his mind “ I’m going to talk to her” everyone looked at Azriel questioning his motivation. Walking away from his friends he walks towards you. He could smell the two of you, how your scents intermingled, it was repulsive to him, he couldn’t stand the smell, instead he wished it was his smell on you. Yours on him. But it was too late for that. Eris had taken your hand and twirled you around, pulling you back to him swaying again, you giggled at his feeble attempt to flirt with you. As Azriel got closer he fought the urge to kill and maim him right where he was. Azriel reached you both and cleared his throat. You and Eris looked towards Azriel, the smiles slipping from both of your faces. Azriel wished he hadn’t been the one to make your smile fall.

“ Do you mind if I cut in?” He asks.

Eris looks at you first ignoring his request. You sighed, you knew this time was going to come, Eris tightened his hold on you. Your heart smiled at his protectiveness. You gave Eris a nod of approval. He looked at you for a little while longer, leaning down and kissed your cheek. You offered him a sweet smile as he reached up and caressed your cheek. He turned away from you heading off in another direction, he glared at Azriel who returned the stare down. Azriel smiled gently to which you had taken his outstretched hand. You kept the hold simple, placing your hands on his shoulders. His hands remained on your waist. You were hesitant, you shifted uncomfortably.

Azriel cleared his throat “ How are you?”

For this you smiled, your eyes traveled to Eris who was speaking with Lucien for a moment before looking back to Azriel. “ I am better. And You?”

“ I-it could be better-” He admits. “There is something that I’d like to ask you”

“ Alright”

“ What drew you away from me?”

“ Azriel I don’t think-“

“I would like to know”

You sighed the weight returning to your chest. “ I-I left because you were in love with Mor. The way you looked at her was the way I wished you’d look at me. I waited for you for years, and you never-it was never going to work. You love her, she is the one you wanted. I wasn’t going to get in the way of that.-” You shrugged lightly. You shook your head at the old memories that were embedded in your mind and heart. “-You told her how you felt and she said no to you didn’t she?” You looked him in the eyes. The bond may have been blocked but you were still able to read him like an open book. You knew him better than he knew himself. Azriel looked away, he came to you for a second chance because his first rejected him. You stopped moving, not bothering to sway with the music any longer.

“ I can explain myself-“ His heart had no more pieces to break, it was already shattered.

“ Unrequited love can be painful, can it not?” You tell him your voice pained.

“ Yes, but I understand now what it feels like-“

“ You think that you do but you don’t Az. Its different when you reject a mate, that bond is sacred. And you threw it away.” You tell him with no cruelty in the words only the truth, the reality. He was expecting you to shout at him, hit him, yell at him, but you did none of those things.

“ Y/N-“ his own voice cracks.

You shake your head “ No, Azriel. I am happy-I-I have a family that cares for me, A husband who loves me, and I love him. You can't ask me to leave them because I won’t”

“I understand…” Azriel’s gaze drops from your eyes to the floor, completely broken and defeated. His own eyes pricked with tears. You wrapped your arms around Azriel’s neck pulling him in for a hug.

“ You deserve to be loved Az. Never forget that.” You whispered to him as you held him. Azriel wrapped his arms around your waist holding onto you tightly. He never wanted to leave your embrace, but it was too late for that. It was something he would keep with him forever. You pulled away sliding from his embrace, your hands slipped past each other one last time. Azriel watched as you made your way back to your husband who smiled once your gaze settled on him. He extended his hand towards you and you took it with no hesitation. You had not looked back once as the two of you left the hall wrapped in each other's arms. Azriel watched you walk right out of his arms into another. You were right, it was a different feeling, more painful than anything he had ever experienced. You were bonded to him but you fell in love with Eris. This was the pain you felt when you had watched him fall for Mor as you were bound to him.

He truly understood the weight of the bond and it’s worth.

[kankuroplease]

speaking of the uchiha + senju brothers, what would they be like if they had a sister?

I assume you mean in my founder au?

It’s a little difficult to tell with the wording, but I’ll go with that I wouldn’t envy any girl with them as brothers tho😂

Uchiha Sister

Madara - protective, not just anyone would be allowed to approach her. Also the type of brother to tell her to not be a push over because he’s not going to hold her hand through life. Toughen up.

Inari - exactly the same. Gender doesn’t change how he treats his siblings. He’d be her shoulder to cry on when she needs it and cheer her on with her pursuits.

Kota - overly protective and annoying with it. “Where are you going?” “Who’s going to be there?” “Cover up”, etc. definitely threatens any guy he thinks isn’t worth her time. Might ask her for girl advice when he’s drunk, just depends.

Tenko - “girl” talk bestie. would help her with her makeup, hair, as well as point out the potential suitors with money and good hearts (also who doesn’t have a receding hair). Nothing but the best for his sister. She needs a cover story for any reason? He’s got her. She needs to cover up some love bites? He’s got the perfect powder trick for that.

Izuna - as long as she’s not an idiot, he’ll treat her like the others. Even if she is an idiot that only cares about vanity and flowers, that’s his sister and only he can call her that 💀 literally her first bully.

Senju Sister

Hashirama - he’s still the fun older brother, but she’s definitely going to have to hear about possibly marrying for the better of the Hidden Leaf at least once. Definitely the type of brother to instantly pick up when she’s in a bad mood fast and ask what’s wrong/if he can do anything to make it better.

Tobirama - practically her built in etiquette tutor as well as sergeant. She wouldn’t get out of difficult training just because she’s a woman. He would give her an awkward but reassuring pat on the head and a quiet “sorry” when she’s actually having a hard time because of him. He wants what’s best for her and that includes being able to adapt well to warfare and social situations.

Kawarama - he’d encourage her to live her own life and live it boldly. Don’t let anyone tell her who she should be, y’know? But when he’s not being the cool brother, he’s probably stealing food off her plate and barging into her room just to annoy her.

Itama - gets her a lot of pretty gifts just because and would try to convince her that being a scholar or a housewife is where she’d be happiest in life. ESPECIALLY if she looks like their mother, please just stay off of the battlefield and live a LONG happy life 😭

[hughungrybear]

****Late to the party because I managed to fail my driver's licence test, so I'm going to cheer myself up and binge-watch the series on my list 😔****

Me watching Only Friends Ep. 8:

1. Based on the preview, this episode's title (Save Me) seems very apt to what is about to happen.

2. Cheum looked like she swallowed a lemon, but I guess her concerns are nothing compared to what is Sand's feeling as Mew and Ray grind drunk on the dance floor 😔. After all, the shittiest feeling is knowing exactly what is causing your heartache, but are powerless to do anything about it - except walking away that is.

3. Ray admitting he is so "damn happy" when he is with Sand, but still thinking that Mew is the one he loves is so frustrating. I want to reach out and shake this baby boy hard to see some sense. 😤😤😤

4. Wait, why are Yo and Plug fighting??? I thought they were already lovers? <after five seconds> Oh. Oh. Yo, if you are not ready for a relationship, then you should have never started at all. I'm with Plug on this one. 😔 Sidenote: P'Jenny's silent tears in this scene is heartbreaking. 😭😭😭

5. It looks like Mew will be losing everything he worked hard for if he doesn't stop his downward spiral. Although, I'm not sure if Top is the one who can save him. Truthfully, I just want these boys to be able to save themselves.

6. Okay, so at least it looks like Top's intentions are good. Unless he is lying to Cheum (about not caring if Mew comes back to him or not, as long as they save him), I guess there's a glimmer of hope for this character.

7. Gosh, Papang is simply everywhere. Does not matter whether it's BL, comedy, thriller, or your garden-variety lakorn. Papang must be the most tired actor in GMMTV for 2023 😂

8. It sure looks like Nick was summoned, not only for his tech skills, but also to become his senior's next boyfie 😅

9. "If licking your a** can get me this job, I will do it". ~ Nick

Oh. My. Gawd. I do think Papang's character will literally take you up on that offer, Nick. 🫣🫣🫣

10. Oh, at last, Title is here. I have been wondering about his role for this series.

11. Ngl. I just want to slap both Mew and Ray. It is pretty obvious how they are forcing themselves to look like they are having fun with each other's company. My head hurts just by looking at these kids.

12. Oh, Nick. Listen to Sand. STOP MOVING IN CIRCLES!!! BOSTON AIN'T WORTH IT. 😑😑😑

13. Ray, make up your damn mind. Either you love Mew or you want Sand. Pick an effing lane. Good for Sand for shutting that sh*t down.

14. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Atom (Title) and Cheum are siblings??? And Atom is interested in Boston? And if Boston take Atom up on his offer? What then??? Wtf will happen?

15. Sand still worrying about Ray despite everything is just depressingly sad.

Still not convinced that leopards (Top) can truly changed their spots. Looks like Sand will not be able to stay away from Ray. And Boston literally screwing Cheum's lil bro will definitely not go well. Gods, now I'm even more depressed after watching this episode lol. 😅

[lordrandreaming]

Hii❤ I love how you draw Geto and I'm absolutely frothing at whoever you have paired with Toji 🙏 Is he involved with the Zenin clan?

Hi hello!! Im so glad you love how I draw Geto!! I love him so much 😭 💙 he means the world to me and MORE so I am absolutely required to draw him with all the love my feeble mortal body can muster and beyond ✨

With kind words like that I'll draw you all the damn Geto you'd want holy shit im smiling so hard!! 😭

And that would happen to be my OC Tsunayashiro! Tsuna for short! He's 27, while Toji is 20 himself! (In that image) In the canon of JJK and not the Arranged Au terms, Tsuna is actually 37 in 2006! He and Toji meet and end up being a short fling because Tsuna is too good to pass up, Tsuna is a Celestial! He doesn't have cursed energy, nor can use Jutsu. It's a third, more complex thing what he does 😆 But anyway- Tsuna just brings out the good in everyone! He's understanding and patient, just a super sweet guy all together!

He's also a push over. Toji gets whatever he wants out of Tsuna, who lives his life bouncing place to place. He tries to be unnoticeable- but being 6'7 with mousey blond hair and those amethyst-sapphire eyes of his makes it difficult to not stand out 😂

He's on his own for the most part and lives the minimalist life. He has a small house he occasionally stays at, that Toji crashes at more often then not lol

I'm very complimented your frothing over him!! I WILL create more content of him!! I will gladly turn feral with you if you wanna shoot me a DM so I can share more of him with you :D

Im gonna ramble for a bit about him x3

In the Arranged Marriage AU (AM for short) Tsuna and Toji meet way earlier! Toji basically is considered useless to the Zen'in and his only use now is to marry someone worth something. That happens to be Tsuna!

Short and sweet tidbit about Tsuna and why he happens to be so valuable- Celestials are basically Oracle's, with the ability to copy anything they see, see into the future and the past through visions (in Tsuna's case *very unwarranted*), and are very rarely born anymore.

Tsuna in the MA, has a creepy 'uncle', who is just a man that was assigned a role. His uncle wants nothing more than money, and Tsuna knows this, after all.. He's seen the future! He knows the jist of what's going to go down, at least.

At 27 years old, 'Lord Tsunayashiro' is a very quiet, soft spoken man who occasionally goes out of his way to help someone. But more often then not, he's just too nervous and sits there quietly.. Sometimes it's for the better.

Tsuna proved his celestial prowess to Toji's father, (his Uncle really pushing the aspect of Tsuna being 'special' so he can tap into that sweet sweet Zen'in money) by speaking of the past. The things Toji's father had told no one about. Tsuna isn't happy being here, because he 100% knows why he's here.

He can feel the despair of the Zen'in household, and Toji is no different. (Might be asking why the Zen'in who are a bunch of horrible people, are marrying Toji off to a man.. I thought it would be interesting, do i really need a reason? Out of everything they've done, this is probably on the better side of the scale 💀)

Tsuna gets involved with the Zen'in only because he knows his uncle is about to get murdered. He tells Toji's father all he needs to know, and the next day he's poised to meet with Toji.

Toji is not at all stoaked about getting hitched to a complete stranger, without even being asked! Not like his opinion would matter, let alone would he even be given a choice about it!

Toji figures he's just gonna hate Tsuna, but he's more frustrated about the circumstances than anything. Imagine his surprise when he meets Tsuna for the first time!

Tsuna is introduced by Toji's father, and his 'Uncle'. Though they call him 'Lord Tsunayashiro', he says hello himself and tells Toji to just call him Tsuna :>

Toji fights with his father a bit, of course being stubborn and being a pain in the ass 😆 his father quickly gets sick of it when Tsuna's uncle persistently asks if there is a problem- which Toji promptly replies yes to.

Toji's dad threatens to lash Toji, and asks Tsuna's uncle to join him, and the lil greedy old man agreed of course. Well, he gets murdered by Toji's dad who could care less lol

When Toji's dad leaves, telling Toji 'he better start getting to know Tsuna', They talk a little and get to know eachother more, Tsuna revealing the whole Celestial thing, Toji doesn't really believe it until Tsuna makes a statement about his scar.

"They gave you that scar, on the right corner of your mouth.. By throwing you into a pit full of curses, expecting you to die.. But you didn't, did you?"

And Toji is basically: 😶

Also Tsuna opens the door Toji's dad left from and shows Toji that his uncle is dead. Neither are bothered about it really, Toji was expecting it sure, but Tsuna knew it was coming.

From then on they get a good 4 days to know eachother before being seperated for a week! It's a Zen'in tradition marriage headcanon that you spend 4 days together for courting and bonding purposes, before spending a whole week apart.

Well, Tsuna and Toji both know better than to do what the Zen'in want, and secretly sneak around and make their escape plan for after they are married.

I think it's just a fun and interesting little adventure and exploration of character! :3

If you want more Tsuna content, don't hesitate to send me a dm :D

[1d1195]

SAM MY LOVE IM BACK!!!My feedback is going to a bit jumbled so i'm sorry if none of it makes sense lol

OKAY SO I LOVED DING  ROUND 3!!!!! Ngl I was a tad bit frustrated with Harry in this one but only because my guy is just a bit impatient when it comes to her lol And I know he means NO harm when asking her about what happened the night of her date and why she ended up in the classes like he truly just CARES about her so I get him! Plus with knowing his backstory of how he has always been a “protector” and his whole deal with how he processes his own emotions, it makes sense his behavior! But Cupcake is also going through it and it’s clear that they are on opposite spectrums on how they deal with things. AND it is something very hard to process no matter the outcome of it and it’s harder to say it out loud because it feels like it makes it ‘real’ if that makes sense lol. Anyways TELL ME WHY THAT GROSS MAN IS AT HER BAKERY?!?! I WANT TO SCREAM AND SCARE HIM AWAY FROM HER!!! BUT I'm glad that this was a nice way to lead Harry and Cupcake to have their own vulnerable moments! BUT AHHHH I LOVED IT SAM! YOU DID GREAT AS ALWAYS!!

NOW THE NEIGHBORS EXTRA 😭I LOVE RORY SO MUCH😭I think last month or so (i have no concept of time anymore) I re-read the whole story and extras in one go… I have no idea why my brain does this but it was worth it lol ANYWAYS ugh i loved it! I do love that bit of angst and once again it makes sense for Harry to feel like that! Was it the best way to react, not really but given the circumstances it was kinda the only option aside from talking it out lol But I really was NOT worried because they are END GAME! It was so cute! I just love them so much! But that's nothing surprising since I love everything you put out lol

Now my reasoning for my slight disappearance lol I have had two midterms this week and basically from now until the end of the quarter it’s mainly exams! I think I will end somewhere in June, I'm starting week 5 out of 10 next week! And I fear I will be taking summer courses :( I really fucked up my second year so that’s kinda why I need to take some courses in order to graduate on time lol . But I've only had a few TAs where I personally have been attracted to which have all been from my psyc courses lol and Ugh I MISS  MY HOT PROFESSOR 😭 I LONG for that man and its pathetic😭 and literally if you did call me an idiot, I would NOT blame you because I am one the majority of the time 😂 oh I wanted to be on my knees when he gave his lecture lol

And it really was nice! I got a limited edition Paramore/David Byrne vinyl and Lauefy’s A night at the symphony vinyl! And some other classical records! My main reason for waking up early was to get a Paramore poster and Sam when I tell you I CALLED all the stores within my city/county and only ONE had them, I wanted to cry! I didn't get it because the line was HUGE and the moment I found out they ran out I wanted to jump off a building 😀 But overall i had a nice time! And ooo what color is your record?

I totally get the shopping part! I too have my fair share of body image issues so I don’t blame you for feeling like that. But I'm glad you were able to find some clothes that you feel at least okay in! I'm sure you’ll look lovely in your choices! And I'm glad you had a nice break! You for sure have earned that little break! And don’t ever feel bad about not staying on top of your writing schedule, it’s a BUSY season for high schoolers and if you're helping with senior activities it’s so stressful! So be kind on yourself and if you need to miss a day or a few weeks of posting that’s okay💗

Hope you had a nice week back! I miss you! Hope you have a lovely weekend! Love you!!!-💜

So glad you liked Ding and Neighbors! I was a bit worried about Neighbors--I struggle with angsty stuff sometimes but I guess maybe it's the whole it's coming from my brain thing again. Maybe I'm biased but I love Ding a lot 😭 I'm really excited about it (so excited that I may have written the last part before parts 4, 5, and 6 lol)

ANYWAY.

OMG JUNNNNNEEEEE?! Ma'am I'm so sorry that seems so far away--I'm sure you'll crush it and it will be here before you know it (I'm VERY excited for June--I can't last much longer in my classroom I'm going out of my mind. This week felt endless and exhausting and I keep thinking every week is going to get better, less tiring and they're just NOT. Idk what the problem is.) I miss your hot professor for you 😭 I'm glad you have hot TAs you can sub in for him--def not the same but will help for the next five weeks.

There are no wrong paths in college. If you take extra time (or have to take summer classes) it's where you're supposed to be and it's not a big deal. You'll get it done and do fantastic 💕

So cool about your records! I love that for you! It's so funny you called stores for a poster 😭 (Fun fact: I HATE phone calls. Like an OBNOXIOUS irrational fear) I'm sorry you didn't get it, I hope you can find it at some point in time! I'm glad it was enjoyable overall and you got the ones you wanted. My one lonely record is bright yellow and kinda see through--it's really pretty! I'm not sure why I'm surprised. Everything Harry does is pretty.

Honestly, I think I will def be missing a few posting dates. I don't want to, but I think it's inevitable. I can't wait for summer 😭

No plans for this weekend! Hopefully it will be relaxing but I'm afraid I'll be filling it up with a million things I need to get done that didn't get done during the week. I plan on making sure I read and go for a walk on both days so as long as I do that I think it will be okay--and of course write Ding Part 4. (I also need to fold my laundry and vacuum but those are my fave chores). I hope you have a fun weekend planned--you deserve it after exams and not getting your poster 💕

Love you, bestie!!!!

xoxo

[gaykey]

asher help I need to release some thoughts about the beach scene. the part where ayan says ‘you’re allowed to be weak. at least with me” to akk, I feel like that is something that maybe ayan wished he could have said to his uncle before he passed away. it looks like he is afraid all this stress and anxiety and pain the school is causing will get to akk as well. It makes ayan watching akk go through so much hurt even more painful. you can see when they are hugging as well that ayan does not want to let akk go (😭). I believe deep in his heart ayan knows akk probably doesn’t have the notebook, but I also understand that he really doesn’t want to be alone right now and despite maybe not fully trusting him, akk is the only person rn who he can find comfort with. im so emo they really are just two broken boys and i hope they can be there for each other and stick together through all the hardships. now I need to go into recovery for 3 ~ 5 business days after this ep (and also rewatch the kissing scene 100 times) because holy shit this episode was a LOT.

chan helloooo, yes exactly!

all throughout that scene, i was thinking that ayan is terrified of seeing what happened to his uncle happen to akk.

he's scared akk is at breaking point, and he can't stand by and watch as the school destroys someone else.

that's why he's crying, that's why he's so adamant, borderline aggressive with trying to get akk to listen to him. he knows that the school takes you apart bit by bit and diminishes you, and makes you feel guilty, and wrong. he's trying sooo hard to get akk to snap out of that headspace because it's literally life or death.

and god, it just shows how fucked up what chadok is doing to the prefects is. it's instilled across the whole school, but drilled into those thatvare prefects. he molds these kids, and makes them feel like the school, and what it represents, and it's rules, is the be all and end all, and the only part of them that's worth anything. so, if they stand by, and don't so something to stop the threat to that way of life, they're nothing. he's literally brainwashing these vulnerable teenagers.

i wouldn't be surprised if something awful happned to mes after rhe graduated.

and yeaaah, ayan definitely knows akk doesn't have the notebook. it was a ploy to stay close to him. for himself as much as akk.they've both had an emotional night, and they're the only ones the other can turn to right now.

they need each other.

god, when they start fully leaning on and relying on and helping each other heal????????! i'm going to cry & sob.

yep, i will be coping with this ep for the foreseeable future and i have akready rewatched the beach scene and kiss scene several times 😭😭😭😂😂😂😂

[suga-kookiemonster]

Hi Ashley, i don’t know if you remember a couple months ago i sent you an ask about how i got back into reading and was finding it difficult because i couldn’t help comparing the published books to fanfic writers??

Well many months later and i still think i have yet to come across a published author that has shaken up my whole entire being with their writing the way fanfic writers have done. Maybe i haven’t found the right book or maybe I’m reading the wrong books but nothing gets me when i see a book with high ratings, i buy the book and 5 pages in I’m so annoyed but i push through because I’m sure it’ll get better but NOPE i find myself cringing, whispering “wtf” staring blankly ahead thinking “how?? how was this approved to be published??!?” Also, not to mention the rampant internalize sexism and misogyny and just a bunch of Alpha male bullshit I’m seeing in these romance and the girlies are eating it up!! I’ve yet to read a book where it doesn’t constantly mention how the FL and ML are “so petite” and “so tall” like i get it, she’s 4’1 and he’s 7’8, you’ve mentioned it at least 20x in the first chapter alone, leave me alone please! I also tried re reading the books i read when i was a teen and yeahhhh……they’re even worse 😭😂 I think the only book I’ve read as a teen and re read again as an adult that is worth mentioning, is The Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman.

But you know what, i haven’t given up because although i complain, I’m also entertained 😂 Once I’ve found that book, I’ll come back and let you know!

hmm, from what i can tell, part of the problem is that the authors you're reading aren't selling you on their characters. it's easy to read fanfiction, because you're coming into the story already having a good sense of the characters--though plot may change some things, imo if it's a good story, the characters will stay pretty canon. You have a good idea of their personalities, you already know what they look like, and you already are interested and emotionally invested in them.

with traditional publishing, the author has to start from scratch. they have to make you care about their characters, because you're not coming into the story with some background idea of who the characters are. it's an interesting extra hurdle!

i've never read the dark materials, but i'm really behind on my reading and i'm trying to get back into it, so i'll put it on my list! and yes, please let me know if you find something that's finally caught your attention 💜

[caribbean-ace]

Station 19 5x07 is back folks and better than ever! After a 3 week hiatus we’re now on the road to some interesting stuff happening. Something came up and i couldn’t catch the episode live BUT i’ve decided to stay a little late to watch it. As usual spoiler alert so let’s hit it:

1. I’m so excited omg i can’t even. Now, onto the stuff happening here: badass firefighters + someone hug Jack please :( + someone hug Vic pls :( + lmao Travis ass is hurting + “your better half” YES + ugh the guys at 23 + Duval is just gonna suck it up? + poor Andy she’s being tortured by working there + Travic is the cutest + BRO WHAT I WAS NOT WAITING THAT AND I KNEW IT HAPPENED + “we’re making a baby” when she says it like that it sounds hot + i can’t i can’t i can’t Carina Deluca will kill me + i dislike Dean’s parents so much

2. Can they have Pru? They are such good parents they should raise her + Bailey is one of the best characters of the Grey’s Anatomy ‘verse by far + oh so this is how they mess up the bathroom + Jack is walking a very delicate line, i hope he gets help + now we know where Travis got his temper + i hope Andy makes them run Maya’s drills😂 + that actually looks therapeutic + i’m scared for them

3. OH MY GOD NO SHIRTS + THE FINGER BITE CARINA + MAYA’S BACK AND EVERYTHING WHAT I NEED HELP + it’s hard to switch from the horny scene to this sad scene😭 + oh Sullivan… well i just hope this doesn’t affect Ruiz and Hughes relationship + imagine Ben and Miranda being in love with baby Pru and just giving her all their love😭 yayyy they are fighting for her😭 hopefully they get to keep her😍

4. Maddox is going to do something stupid i sense it + i hate they are so defensive for no reason + i get they are hurt but they just disrespect Dean at every turn + go off Bailey! You’re right + Duval is going to learn the hard way her lesson just to play it cool with the “boys”

5. They are so drunk it’s just borderline dangerous + oh boy we’re back with these two horny wives😂 + Carina mocking Maya is the best + i am so distracted by the minimun clothing that is going on here + the look of adoration from Maya to Carina😍😍😍 + i’m crying😭😭😭 they are so in love it hurts + oh chocolate and sex don’t mix that good, infections are real dude💀 + come on andy you can do this! + Travis’ mom is so perfect let’s protect her at all costs

6. Oh my lord please don’t make this a thing don’t + we don’t need more messy love triangles + on the other hand marina has been having mindblowing sex for the last two days + ohhh andy paralleling maya in season 3 + go andy! I love how she finally placed Maddox where he needed to be + ohhhhh noooooo😭😭😭😭 baby Pru already knows she’s so pretty i can’t even😭 + ah marina picking up donors😭 + poor Travis his family deserves better + andy is looking hella fine working out + i dislike Sullivan because he’s only having an angle all the time + oh that came out earlier than expected + for whatever reason i thought he was going to find out some other way.

Anyways that is the end of my rambling while watching the episode! Good comeback from those three weeks, for the marina scenes i’d say it was worth it every second, finally we have them in scenes that feel more intimate (in the physical aspect because they do have that emotional intimacy). Dealing with the angst and the battle that will follow for Pru’s custody is going to be hard plus Dean’s best friends dealing with his loss it can be too much. I don’t even want to think too much about Jack and Vic, maybe it would stay as a slip up and nothing more. Good for Andy and stepping up like her father taught her, Maya and Captain Herrera would be so proud of her now🥲 and last but not least Travis’ family dealing with all those feelings and resentment, it’s hard to someone like Travis’ father to think that being gay it’s wrong only to discover that you happen to be gay too, rejecting your family for something that you thought it was “bad” or “evil”. It’s pretty hard to just forgive someone and pretend it never happened, they just need to own their mistakes and try to move on as slow as they can.

Banger episode i’m so ready for next week’s episode, i’m treating this one as a early birthday gift so i enjoyed plenty, i hope you have enjoyed too!

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Me wo Tojite mo Hikari wa Mieruyo

Title: Me o Tojite mo Hikari wa Mieruyo (目を閉じても光は見えるよ)

Release Date: 2018/07/25

Author/Artist: Marukido Maki

Cast: Hatano Wataru x Saitou Souma

Synopsis: One day, popular AV actor Jin was brought an offer for him to star in a gay video. He meets Hikaru, an actor who plays neko roles and they star in several films together as they found just how compatible they were. The two become so popular together but, other than work they were supposed to be strangers who knew nothing about each other.

Well that seemed to be the case until they found out that they lived in the same apartment complex at least.

Review Proper

WE’RE FINALLY DOWN TO OUR LAST REVIEW FOR MY SEPTEMBER LOG (hopefully nothing comes in the mail yet but I can already smell the August babies from a mile away)

Okay, so I was excited for this because um hello? Saitou Soma voicing a slut??? SIGN ME UP. I was screaming “YAAAAASSSSS BITCH SLAY” the first few tracks and oooh was it so 🔥🔥🔥 but then yo wtf bitch turned a 360 on me and I was pretty sure I boarded the Me o Tojite train but why the hell was I strapped in the Hako no Naka roller coaster again???

BOY??? WHY???? THO???

I CAME HERE FOR THE ASS FUCKING BUT Y’ALL JUST BE FUCKING WITH MY FEELINGS RN.

Thank God I didn’t listen to this right after Ten Count or Hako no Naka because I would’ve been fucking destroyed what the fuck? Why did no one pick the raws up for this because this was definitely going to be a good read. Had I known that this was adapted, I would’ve gotten the raws too and read it along. That being said, I can’t tell you how accurate this is to the original content.

Anyway, plot aside. Let me just dabble a little about the character personalities a bit. Man, I just love how Hikaru and Jin was so teehee about them fucking at work but literal friends off work. I guess that’s just shows how they’re both so professional about everything. Contrary to what other people might say, I didn’t find Jin to be an asshole. I mean, he literally didn’t want to have child esp in that way but that aside, he still takes care of Touma to the extent expected of him. And speaking of Touma, he’s actually my fave character and I would’ve loved it if he had more screen time. 😂 He jerks off to his father and his father’s lover having sex HAHAHA

DOUMEKIIIIIII!!!!

HATANO WATARUUUUUUUU!!!!

IT’S BEEN A LONG WHILE, MY GOOD MAN. Yo, I don’t know if he’ll ever take this as a compliment but, boy you could easily pass as a bonafide AV actor with that voice. God. I really get why he was brought in for that role because it just suits him. I’m really glad that he’s not leaving the BL world because he might be busy with his anime career. With so many vets slowly disappearing from the scene, having Hatano Wataru stay really brings me some hope. 

Anyway, enough of the drama and let’s hop onto my Saitou Soma commentary. How’d we go from seme Hiro to uke Hikaru this fast? 😂 What a chameleon this man is! Now, I’ve just said that I can’t help but hear his Mafuyu in any role he takes whether it be seme or uke but he completely blew that thought out of the water this time. Wow, seeing Saitou Soma improve right before my eyes is just heart-warming. Excuse me as I wipe away these tears. 😭😭😭

We’ve great plot and execution, great casting choice and acting - I guess the only issue that I have is the pacing. Hikaru’s past just literally jumped out of nowhere and they be giving us so much to digest that I had to listen to the last tracks again to get what exactly was happening. I would love to have given the assholes who ruined his life a heavier punishment because they just disappeared into thin air like wtf but it is what it is.

I definitely enjoyed this. It might not be in the running for the top but, it was worth the time and emotional investment. If you’re into twists and drama then I would say that this is great for you. Knock yourselves out. 👍