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juminsmysticmc · 6 years ago

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Okay im not sure if requests are open, but if so can you write about what would happen if the mc got pregnant by accident but she doesnt really want to be a mother/doesnt tolerate children/isnt ready for that responsibility and they sorta get in an argument?

RFA make MC pregnant and she doesn’t want to become a mother/ doesn’t tolerate children/ isn’t ready

Perhaps trigger warnings

To be honest I was really troubled. I didn’t know what to write. I wanted you to be happy with the Headcanon but also a happy end. So, an argument and then a pregnancy. But then I thought, other people (I know my fandom…) will complain about this. I was sure they would say something like ,,It’s a woman’s body, a woman shouldn’t let herself persuade!“ so I didn’t know what to do….to be honest I still don’t know. I love pregnancy….so…..I decided to do both. An ,,bad ending“ and a ,,happy ending“ (well….I don’t think there’s a happy or bad ending in that situation but still….) I hope you guys are happy with it.

Btw I had my exam in pregnancy and I‘m pregnancy obsessed. I know everything about it.

I wrote the RFA boys and left out Jaehee because it wouldn’t do no sense if not both of them would agree….please Request for the minor trio if you want.

Jumin

It wasn’t that you disliked children.

You just didn’t want to become a mother now.

When you found out that you were indeed pregnant, you had mixed feelings.

You were just afraid and thought about aborting the baby.

,,Jumn’’ you called him.

,,What can I do for you, my love?’’ he asked you with his kind eyes resting on you.

,,I need to go to the hospital.’’ you told him.

His first reaction was to get up and check on you.

,,I need to get an abortion.’’ you told him with a trembling voice

,,What?’’ he asked you with big eyes.

,,Why?’’

,,I’m not ready for children yet….we aren’t’’ you told him.

His eyes showed no emotion.

At least for now.

You waited for his response and then he looked at you.

,,Mc, you are much more important than a baby, but don’t you think we should give it a try?’’ he asked you once again, gaining a no from you.

,,Ok…..I love you….If this makes you happy….I already told you to put yourself….over everyone...’’ he mumbled and looked at you with hurt eyes.

,,I am sorry…’’ you mumbled and kissed him.

,,Mc….’’ he whispered once again before seeing your shape of body taking him away his child….

Alternative ending:

,,I am sorry….’’ you mumbled and kissed him but then he took your hand.

,,Who told you that I’m not ready?’’ he asked you with a calm voice, wich made you shiver for a moment.

,,Well….I know that-’’

,,You aren’t but I am…and I’m sure I could support you. Look at what we gained. Just say a word and I will make it real for you and the child.’’

,,That’s whatI hate the most about you!’’ you began to yell.

,,Don’t yell!’’ Jumin told you even louder.

,,Don’t tell me what to do and what t-’’ you stopped.

Jumin looked at you, now totally concerned.

,,What?’’ he asked you.

,,We need to get rid of it before-’’

,,You felt it, right…?’’ he asked you.

You nodded and leaned your head on his chest and began to cry.

,,I’m not ready…’’

,,You are more than that…’’

Zen

Your eyes stayed on the pregnancy test you were currently holding in your hands.

Your heart was beating crazy, your hands were cold and you were sweating.

You already were sure that you didn’t want to become a mother.

Not yet, not now.

You were already sure to get an abortion.

You didn’t want to leave your currently live in the hands of a baby. You wanted to enjoy life a little bit longer.

But still you thought that you should tell Zen, who was the father.

,,Zen.“ you called him serious.

,,Yes jagi? My beautiful princess?“ he asked you with a beautiful smile.

Would you become a queen if your baby would be a girl…? No, you already decided.

,,I just wanted to tell you that I have to go to a labor. I have to get an abortion.“ you told him.

His eyes got bigger and his face got pale.

,,Abortion…? Why??“ he asked you. What happened?

,,I got pregnant but I don’t want to become a mother yet. I don’t want to spend my time like that…I want to enjoy time a lot more…an besides we‘re not even married.“ you told him.

That’s when a discussion started…

,,If it’s because of marriage, then let’s marry! Please Mc!“ Zen begged.

,,That’s what I mean! Haha! We‘re rushing time because of a baby! And I still don’t want to live my life like that….not yet. In the future yes but not yet...“ you told him and went out leaving Zen like that.

Zen didn‘t even ask if you wanted him to come with you…and you needed him right now.

This abortion was something hard for you too….

,,I will tell you about the abortion…“ and so she told you, your doctor.

And so she told you that there was a probably that you couldn’t get pregnant anymore.

You always nodded, but weren‘t listening anymore.

When every ended you walked to your car. Everything seemed so ugly…and every where you looked you saw children.

Babys, Patents….

,,Mc….“ Zen approached you. You didn’t even notice him.

,,Zen…“ you mumbled and then hugged him.

,,Zenny!“ you cried into his arms.

,,We will go through it together….don’t worry…“

alternative ending

you told him and went out leaving Zen like that.

While you went to the labor you cried, the whole feelings just had to go out.

You couldn’t believe it, Zen didn’t support you….wasn’t that somehow really selfish?

,,So, you must be Mc.“ the woman in white said.

You just could nod.

You looked at the pictures on the wall.

Everyone sent their babies picture.

,,It’s not an easy decision.“ the woman told you while you looked at the picture.

,,To be honest, if I watch you right now, I don’t think you could bear with the burden of an abortion.“ she told you and gave you a faint smile.

You were about to give an answer but then you heard something from the outside.

,,Sir! You can’t enter that room please-“

,,Mc!“ you heard Zen calling you. Your heart began to jump. You looked to the door and then you saw your prince.

Zen came and kneed beside you.

,,Please marry me….don’t….don’t do that to our love…we can do it together….we won’t rush things…just let me support you…just like you did for me…..“

,,Yes….okay….“ you mumbled and cried into his arms.

Yoosung

Your husband waited so long for this notice.

He always told you that he wanted to make a baby quickly to show you that he wasn’t a child himself.

And he was always sure that you agreed with him.

Well, he didn’t know that he was really wrong with that.

Because you on the other side, even when you kept on smiling at him, didn‘t really agree.

Because you didn’t want to have children.

And you didn’t want to give birth to them either.

Your mother died while giving birth to your younger sister.

And because of that, you and your father gave her the fault.

You made her feel unworthy and devil.

The two of you were so mean to her, that she decided to end her life with 15 years.

And so, when your little sister died and your dad began to drink, you decided for yourself that children were no good.

You didn’t want them.

,,Shit.“ you mumbled when you noticed that your period didn’t come for about two months.

You were angry with yourself.

But you quickly reacted and bought a pregnancy test.

And after this one showed you that you were positive, you didn’t wait long to call the gynecologist and ask her for a meeting.

But just when you were about to leave the house to do what you just had to do, Yoosung came home.

Well, nothing happened. But after he went into the bathroom and came out…..

,,MC! ARE YOU PREGNANT?!“ he asked you and hugged you.

Your arms didn’t hug him back, you just stayed like that.

,,Yes.“ you told him cold.

,,Where are you going? Buying baby stuff?? I want to come with you! Mc, you just made me the-“

,,Yoosung I‘m getting an abortion.“ you told him and finally rejected hus hug.

His eyes were filled with fear.

,,Why…?“ he asked you.

You looked at him.

,,Yoosung….the truth is that I really don’t want babies. I can’t stand them.

Having something like that in my body….no I can’t.“ you whispered.

Yoosung was shocked at the thing you just told him.

Why were you like that?

He let go of you.

He didn’t even dare to say you that this child was also his.

He didn’t understand you, this wasn’t like you at all.

A few hours you came back, Yoosung noticed that your face had more colors now.

Yoosung was crushed.

He didn’t understand how you could still smile like that….

But he came to accept it since his love was really big.

but he just couldn’t stop himself to smile at children with a sad smile….

Alternative Ending

Why were you like that?

He let go of you.

He didn’t want to say anything.

He just wanted to cry.

It hurt so much.

You looked at him. His currently behavior made you break apart.

But you were just too afraid.

Afraid that you could die and that your child could end up like your sister…and that Yoosung would break apart too…you wanted to prevent this.

But Yoosung….it seemed that he would break apart just because of your decision.

,,Yoosung….the truth is that-”

,,Even if it isn’t mine…“ he mumbled.

,,What? No! It is yours! It’s just that….“ and then you told him your past.

What happened and how you had to deal with the situation in the past.

,,Don’t worry…“ he sobbed after you told him with a trembling voice.

,,Nothing Mc-Nothing like that will happen because I will protect you. And if this should ever happen I promise you, I will love this child so much…and I will tell them how amazing you were…mothers don’t die because of their children but for their children. Please be aware of this fact….“ he told you and made you change your mind.

Saeyoung

You were sure that Saeyoung felt the same like you.

You just were sure.

Sure, that your soon husband would share your opinion, that children are too loud, troublesome and uncontrollable.

You didn’t know when you got this opinion, but you had it.

You didn’t want children, you were busy enough to look after Saeran and make sure that Saeyoung wouldn’t get hurt with anything.

There was simply no time for a baby.

And it was way too dangerous for now.

You weren’t really sure if you could leave a baby with Saeyoung.

He had to work and so on.

You just imagined him with a baby in his room, the baby crying and Saeyoung working on….yes, that could be him.

You tried to convince yourself as you looked at the pregnancy test you just took.

,,Okk…‘‘ you mumbled and got up and approached Saeyoung in his room.

You called him twice and his only answer was ,,Mhh?“

When you asked him to look at you, he asked you if you couldn’t tell him what you wanted to say like that.

,,No, it’s okay. Thank you. I have the perfect answer now.“ you told him and went out again and took your jacked.

,,Where are you going?“ he asked you when he heard the door.

,,To the hospital.“ you called and were about to rush out.

But then you heard a chair crushing and Saeyoung was by your side.

,,Is something wrong with you?“ he asked you scared and checked you.

,,No silly“ you laughed.

,,I‘m going to get an abortion.“ you told him.

,,Huh? Why?“ he asked you.

,,Because I‘m pregnant.“ you told him.

,,But an abortion is….you do it if you want to kill the baby...“ he whined.

,,It’s not killing. It isn’t a baby yet.“ you explained as you rolled your eyes.

,,But why?“ he asked you.

,,Saeyoung, we don’t have enough money. Just look at the situation a few minutes ago! You completely ignored me.

Imagine our baby is crying like that and you can’t look at him or her because you’re working! It’s still not safe enough. What if Rika comes back?“ you asked him.

,,You’re safe from Rika, she won’t-“

,,I‘M NOT INTERESTED WHERE SHE‘S STAYING!“ you yelled making Saeyoung flinch and Vanderwood and Saeran rush out of their rooms.

,,Fuck! Imagine your crazy dad comes and takes my child!! DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE IN SORROW?!“ you yelled even louder.

,,Mc, please calm down! Nothing of this will-"

,,Of course! OF COURSE IT CAN HAPPEN!“ you cried.

,,I will protect this child! And us! Saeyoung, I‘m going to get this abortion.“ you told him and left the apartment, leaving him alone like that behind.

,,Why….?“ he mumbled once again before crying.

Alternative Ending

,,Saeyoung, I‘m going to get this abortion.“ you told him and were about to leave him.

,,No..“ he sobbed and stopped you.

,,Please don’t. It‘s my task to safe the both of you.“ he told you and got on his knee.

,,Please don’t get the abortion. I will become better… I promise.“ he tried to beg you, making you cry too.

,,But we….“ you mumbled.

,,We’re a family…let’s go through it together.“

MASTERLIST 1MASTERLIST 2

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hcrris · 6 years ago

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can ….. i come in ????? have been watching unbreakable kimmy schmidt for 3 hours pretending time isnt passing , life isnt real and in fact.. i am dreaming (-: lajdfksl hey <3 im jay im 21 and i love those instagram profiles of hamsters in little clothes ( when they got little purses? ???? dont talk to me im cryin. ) below u will find info about jane harris aka literally the vine of the little kid scribbling hard like his life depended on it. shes a mess ?? but a semi enjoyable mess. a mess with good intentions. if u want to establish some connections, LIKE THIS and i will come annoy u <3 alternatively u can ease my social anxiety and msg me here or through my discord sencha tea#4035 (و ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و♡

( lily collins, cis female, she/her. ) — jane harris has been a medina complex resident for three years, now. they’re twenty-three years old, and they tend to avoid making eye contact. sometimes when i walk by B06, i hear cherry-coloured funk by cocteau twins playing. lately, i’d say they’re pretty effervescent, but sometimes that’s overwhelmed by the fact that they’re neurotic. i mean, they usually pay their rent on time, though, and that’s most important fact here.

repeatedly fixing the apartment number on the door when it swings down to a nine, a split moment of shadow after the radiance of laughter, carl sagan’s pale blue dot, a life of frequent minor accidents, constant hunger for balance overshadowed by emotional turbulence.

🇧🇦🇨🇰🇬🇷🇴🇺🇳🇩

TW ALCOHOLISM EMOTIONAL ABUSE DEPRESSION & ANXIETY !!!!! ok moving on

her parents met in art school in paris.. her mom is french and studied art history while her dad was an exchange student from california with a skewed artist mentality. it was that saccharine, toxic sort of love. her mom always felt like she needed to be the guardian angel in the relationship who would always hold him up when he was feeling down and he was feeling down….. a lot. because she was putting all that energy to save her relationship, she was drowning too but never enough to walk away. there was a lot of love there but it was twisted and uncomfortable at times

when they found out jane was on the way, it felt like they needed to suddenly grow up. her mom was ready to make changes, adapt to the new lifestyle. her dad, on the other hand, urged they rethink if this is what they want but he didn’t push for abortion.. he understood it was jane’s mothers choice to make and reassured that he would be there for the both of them no. matter. what.

but ??? the reality was he felt trapped by the idea of a child and he struggled to acknowledge and accept how quickly his life was flipping upside down and how he lost all control of it. he wanted to travel around europe ???? soak in nature, daydream and make art . but jane’s mom wanted to settle. instead of embarking on adventures after graduating, they decided to move to california.

things just seemed to fall apart like domino from then on. janes mom was lead astray.. thinking that what california would bring them was stability but instead, it was all chaos. they rushed to get married .. turned out janes father wasnt on good terms with his parents. he was irresponsible financially, put both his parents in huge debt, was blinded by his ego to ever realise his mistakes. lied constantly .. convincing janes mom that there’s light going forward. that once he finds a sponsor for his art .... once he sells his first piece ... once they see in him what he always saw in himself , he was going to make it right. and he reassured he would make it right for jane.

janes mom was so pathetically in love that she pushed through .. living in a sort of imagined world, believing that things were better than they actually were. and her dad was good at persuading that narrative. he would come home with a pocketful of cash and the bills paid. oftentimes, it was all an act. his art wasn’t selling and a lot of what he bragged about was borrowed or stolen. behind the curtain, he was absent and unmotivated. he would come home in the evening claiming that the whisky breath was celebratory but in reality, he was complaining to the barman two blocks away about how his life feels monotone .. like a french black and white movie.

the day of jane’s birth was a whole mess. her father decided to drive her mother to the hospital, knowing he had one too many. they were caught for speeding and while janes dad spent the night at a nearby station for driving under influence, her mom was at the back of a cop car, crying for one too many reasons .. jane decided to hang on for a little while longer and was born at 3am the following night. cradled in her mothers arms and her dads voice humming on the line

jane would only ever hear the romanticised version of this story from her mother. this ??? fucked up sense of security that no matter what, love conquers all. that love means supporting each other, loving each other extra when everything else falls apart. but truth is.. her mother was forced to give up her own dreams, lost all connections to her past, worked days and nights at a nursing home to support her family and pitch in to her husbands alcoholism while she’s at it. making excuses that jane was too young to contradict. all while the only source of happiness for her father was the haziness of his evenings, when he felt like floating and he could barely hold onto to his paintbrush. he was a stranger living in their basement .. more than he was ever a father

growing up, jane watched her mother mask her depression. carry empty bottles out from the basement, trying to hide it from jane .. it brought her shame. she was doing the same thing to jane that he was doing to her for all these years .. consistently expressing a certain attitude, this unwavering satisfaction for the life they are living and so ... it hardens. you start to believe it. except unlike her mother, jane was observant.. she had other lives around her to compare to her own, voices of reason that pierced through the skewed perception her mother drilled into her skull. when jane grew into her skin, she felt so ... disgusted and angry. she tried to pull her mother out of her fantasy but nothing worked.

through her high school years, she felt helpless .. her home life was a nightmare and she made every possible attempt to stay out of it for as long as possible. she took on jobs and extracurriculars .. stayed at her friends’ house until she couldn’t. and she would think.. think so hard, she would start crying. pushing her own problems away .. in her head, she would imagine herself in a different skin, a different place. it was the only way she could calm her breathing. only to have to battle the same thoughts the following morning

after graduating high school, jane went to community college for product management got a job offering after her placement at a big company and moved out shortly after ( and MOVED IN to medina... can i get a yee yee ) .. she got insurance for the first time in her life and eats too many of free pizza slices at work to save up on groceries every week <3

she doesn’t visit her parents bc she no longer feels like her mother is on her team. she’s lived a maddening and terribly draining life and living alone has brought her deserving peace.. although she’d rather keep contact with her mother to a minimum, its obvious that jane is her mothers anchor. if she feels as though her daughter is not fighting for her, she breaks down.. as much as jane wants to run away from her past, it always seems to catch up

if ur still reading literally who are u lafjdkl. ill be done schoon ..... oof

🇨🇭🇦🇷🇦🇨🇹🇪🇷 🇹🇷🇦🇮🇹🇸

if they are friends ... jane. will. talk. ur. ear. off. but probably not for the right reasons lol .. she has never been assessed by a professional, isn’t taking any treatment but she definitely needs it :( shes a chronic overthinker.. the voice in her head keeps chattering away most of the time which gets a little nauseating. she hates silence and feels like she needs to fill it with words. she often says the wrong things .. to the wrong people ... at the WRONG time and she is very aware of it. its the culprit for her self doubt and struggle to open up emotionally to the people shes close to. shes very critical towards herself, she micro analyses everything from the way she acts, the way she looks and what she says. shes also not a fan of confrontation !!!!!!!BUT!!!!!!!!!!!

she is a FIREBALL when she stands up for others. i dont know how she hasnt gotten into a physical fight yet. she would literally rip ur side mirror off ur car if u didnt wait for an old lady to cross the street. is intense in every possible way. if shes angry, shes angry and impulsive and out of control, when she is in love, she feels it in her bones and simultaneously wants to rip her hair out, when she’s passionate about something, she is persistent until she isn’t and when she loses motivation, everything feels bleak .. theres never any emotional balance, even though she fights so hard for it every day

likes sci fi movies .. literally when they are Floating in space ???? SIGN! JANE! THE! FUCK! UP! letterboxd is probably her favorite app. sometimes she will post a review, read it over and over, find something wrong with what she said and then delete it. shes very neurotic. she either has good days where she can comfortably be herself or bad days, when it feels like everyone is judging her every move when in reality. ... it is always .. all in her head.

and she is mostly in her head. she creates fantasies of her life, relationships platonic and romantic and as a result, nothing ever seems to measure up. she feels secure in her fantasies but oftentimes when it hits her that they are just that, fantasies, she ... feels really alone.

will trip over her own feet . has like 5 bruises from washing the dishes </3

she works as a part of a product design team in a big company.. probably has the knowledge to move up the tier but does not have the courage to stand up for herself . she doesnt believe in herself and is kind of a pessimist .......

got high one night and decided she wants to start an uber ....... only for women. but doesnt think its a good ide a (its a good idea. id like to think in 10 years time ... bitch made it)

really weird. likes eating broad beans and frozen strawberries .. will literally eat a lemon.

she will have different interests every week but never seems to be any good at anything ???????????? makes her sad.

claims tidying up with marie kondo changed her life LAKJDSKLDJ

*draws curtains* anybody else tired?

#mediocre.intro #»-.-°-ỽ-⸰-ｓｈｕｔ-ｕｒ-ｔｒａｐ-⸰-ỽ-°-.-«#4 hrs ago : yea ...... i could finish this intro in like 2 hours :) why not. whats gonna stop me ???? writing doesnt take that long.#it takes literally ?? 2 miliseconds. lol .......#im shtupid !!!!! have to take a shower. this is longer than all shakespeare plays combined.#if u read this im manifasting a good year for u.

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shanteldtc · 4 years ago

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Multimodal Analyses 1

In 2020, seeing a claim on Facebook or any other space is not unheard of. It is more apparent on social media due to accessibility, but taking information at face value can be applied to any space. Upon reading about the NGram, the immediate thought in my mind is that the reason an Ngram can be taken out of the context is the same reason any information can be taken out of context, and is apparent in “fake news”, or the spread of misinformation.

Text from previous discussions observe patterns of NGram usage (A graph that displays the use of a word over the years in writing) and other algorithms, and it reminded me of how facts cannot be simply taken for what is it, but need context and critical analysis, and a big consequence of not doing so is the spread of “fake news”, which is very common on social media sites such as Facebook.

Ben Zimmer of The Atlantic uses the example of an NGram observation taken at face value, versus a nuanced approach,

“I expect that one salutary effect of the new wildcard searches will be to encourage more nuanced searching, instead of simply running the numbers on individual words and phrases devoid of context. Some of the scholarly work in the burgeoning field of "culturomics" has relied on Ngram data without bothering to dig much deeper than relative frequencies of single words. For instance, an article appearing earlier this year in the journal Psychological Science purported to demonstrate that "individualistic and materialistic values" are on the rise simply by looking at the changing fortunes of word pairs like give vs. get. While get has become more frequent relative to give, does that mean we're becoming more selfish? As Mark Liberman suggested on Language Log, the rise in get usage could be due to phrasal patterns that have nothing to do with acquiring material possessions, since get can be used with adjectives (get sick) or passive verbs (get acquainted). And sure enough, with wildcard searching we can quickly see increases in "get + adjective" (like get better, get ready, and get drunk) and "get + verb" (like get married, get involved, and get started)” (Zimmer 2013).

One of the main reasons I believe this is an important topic when analyzing data, is that spreading misinformation can be extremely harmful depending on said subject, and can even impact our finances. Like explained above, context is everything.

“Fake news creators “aren’t loyal to any one ideology or geography,” said Tessa Lyons, the product manager for Facebook’s News Feed tasked with reducing misinformation. “They are seizing on whatever the conversation is” — usually to make money” (Fowler 2018).

Not to say that fake news is strictly for financial gain, politics and personal agenda as well, which is so often raw data that is taken out of context or just not nuanced enough. A real life example of this is the spread of anti-mask rhetoric on social media.

“The About section of the public group Unmasking America! — which had more than 9,600 members — described it as “here to spread the TRUTH about masks!” It made several claims which have been widely debunked about masks obstructing oxygen flow and having a negative psychological impact. “It is a psychological anchor for suppression, enslavement and cognitive obedience. When you wear a mask you are complicit in declaring all humans as dangerous, infectious and threats,” the post stated. It is one of dozens of such groups easily found in a search for “unmasking” on Facebook. Some of the groups are private, meaning a group admin has to approve new members before they can join. But the theme is the same: the groups oppose the public health intervention championed by medical experts. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends people wear masks in all public areas, which should limit the spread of the virus. These Facebook groups are for people who don’t want to wear masks, and there are a lot of them” (Lyons 2020).

The groups are infamous for sharing misinformation, or even true facts but out of context for their agenda as a way to sway readers into believing they did not need it, and that their “freedoms” outweighed the presented facts, and did not highlight the alarming number of deaths associated with that one percent death toll in the time frame of its existence.

A significant factor to this echochamber culture worth noting is how ads contribute to someone narrative whether it be positive or negative. Taking the example of anti-mask groups, once joining said group ads related to “liberation of masks” may pop up, and that’s how a cycle begins to develop one’s narrative. This is explained in our reading by Berlinquette:

“The Redirect Method was a Google-incubated project that used redirect ads to deradicalize would-be extremists. In the first eight weeks of 2016, some 320,000 people — all of whom were believed to harbor sympathy toward the Islamic State — clicked on ads designed to reflect an interest in extremist content. Instead of arriving at a page that supported their views, Islamic State sympathizers who clicked the ads found themselves directed to a playlist of videos debunking the terror group’s recruitment narratives. Most of the visitors stuck around. Together, they watched more than half a million minutes of video.” (Berlinquette 2019).

I tend to check on the WHO and CDC semi often, so because of this my algorithm thinks I am a pro mask person and science believer in general, I get recommended “corona myth debunked” videos because of this, just like anti-mask algorithms try to debunk WHO and the CDC.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWpjc1QZg84

(View 3:25-6:10)

YouTuber and physician “Dr. Mike” is an example of a video that I got recommended, and is a direct response to claims done on the documentary “Plandemic”, hosted by another physician, making the claim that the Bayh-Dole Act is one of the problems in medical research, including Covid-19, and Dr. Mike takes the information in the claim for a more nuanced approach, and after hearing from both sources, there is a more complete analysis that can be made from the opposite viewpoints, and one is less likely to believe all pandemic posts at face value moving forward, and there is more education.. The point isn’t to believe Dr. Mike at face value or “Plandemic”, but to not believe everything you see at face value on the internet and learn to look into multiple sources, and use critical thinking skills to access the information. This video above demonstrates Dr. Mike practices nuanced research by taking information claims of “Plandemic”, and giving further context.

Another popular “fact” spread on social media is that masks are harmful due to the co2 levels when wearing one.

There are various reasons that there is a “anti-mask” space on social media, both claiming health and political freedom reasons. A lot of reasons solely due to opinions, but there is one fact that is easily considered fake news, and that is that it is harmful to wear a mask due to co2 levels.

https://youtu.be/hCRKlu8VfBQ

Intensive Care Unit physician Greg Schmidt, MD, from the University of Iowa, and also is an example of nuanced researching. It is a fact that co2 can be harmful, and that it is what we breathe out, but the claim that it reaches dangerous levels in the mask is taking the fact that we breathe it out so therefore it must be dangerous at face value, and this video dives deeper.

It can take just one ad, post, or whatever online claim to persuade you, consciousness and nuanced searching is vital from there to not spread misinformation which can potentially cause harm. This does not only apply to the current pandemic, it applies to anything spread online, or anywhere really. Fact check, not only for yourself but for the wellbeing of those with access to that space you are in.

Sources:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2018/10/18/i-fell-facebook-fake-news-heres-why-millions-you-did-too/

https://www.theverge.com/2020/7/20/21331060/anti-mask-groups-facebook-misinformation

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/07/opinion/google-ads.html

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/10/googles-ngram-viewer-goes-wild/280601/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWpjc1QZg84

https://morningconsult.com/2020/07/01/the-mask-debate-isnt-just-about-saving-face-adults-who-wear-them-and-those-who-dont-explain-why/

https://youtu.be/hCRKlu8VfBQ

https://uihc.org/health-topics/do-face-masks-make-you-retain-carbon-dioxide

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footbaliimagines · 7 years ago

Text

green light (an antoine griezmann imagine)

these are intended to be like snippets of a relationship between two people who <3 each other from the start but cant quite get their timing right. Idk it’s all a bit random and jumbled but i like the idea and the individual bits and the song and i hope you like it!! (p.s. the timeline is not 100% nailed tbh there isnt really much of a coherent timeline at all oops but let’s just go with it and not overthink it too much LOL SORRY) also it is ridiculously long so its allllll under the cut down there and also i have basically just lifted and edited one of my other drabbles in here so yeah

I know about what you did and I wanna scream the truth

You’re 18 and you hate him so much that you’re sure you never want to see him again.

(Never want to speak to him again, never want to look at his stupid smile, never want to set sights on another football match again in your entire life.)

He left you, alone, sad, single and still pining, after pledging his commitment to you and your relationship only to have his head turned by a stupid football team.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

It was all so god damn stupid.

“You’re not stupid,” Your best friend rolls her eyes and nudges you with her elbow.

You hum unresponsively, and silence envelops your bedroom once again. Rolling onto your back, you scrunch your eyes shut and groan, “I am. I’m stupid for believing him, and stupid for falling in love with such a stupid guy and I’m stupid because I’m here whining and crying and feeling sorry for myself while he’s out having the time of his life.”

“You’re not stupid.” This time, she laughs at your stubbornness, and flops next to you on your bed. “You’re in love. That’s not stupid. That’s life.”

She looks at you knowingly, and you hum again. It feels like your world is crumbling around you, but her words are probably the wisest you’ve ever heard. “I still feel stupid.” You mumble.

Before you’re about to burst into tears again, she wraps her arms around you and murmurs into your shoulder, “You can, and that’s valid. But you’ll be okay, you’ll move on and in a few years’ you won’t even remember his name. I promise.”

thought you said that you would always be in love

“Wine? Beer? I have some whiskey somewhere if you’d prefer that?”

You shrug, “I don’t mind. Whatever you’ve got open already.”

He pours you a gin and tonic and waits expectantly for you to speak up.

But you don’t.

You stare, fixated, at your glass, and swirl your straw around in the ice with one hand, fiddling with the zipper on your jacket with the other, waiting for him to make the first move.

It feels stranger than you can imagine to be sat here in silence next to Antoine. You want to speak, you feel like you should speak, but the words can’t quite come and there’s an insurmountable lump lodged in your throat. You haven’t seen each other in months, and it feels like there’s been a hole in your heart ever since he left.

(A huge, horrible Antoine-shaped hole.)

It’s not like you don’t see him at all, but his visits have slowly become less frequent and university has begun to occupy more and more of your time, and you’ve inevitably drifted. Awkwardness was never something you feared with Antoine, but now the atmosphere couldn’t be any more uncomfortable.

You cave after a few more minutes of strained silence. “How have you been?”

He’s grateful that he didn’t have to be the one to make the first move, and nods quickly. “Good, good. How’s home?”

“Home’s good too.”

“And yourself?”

“All good.”

(You want the ground to swallow you up.)

“Hey- you know that you can tell me anything, right? You don’t have to hold anything back.”

“Bit difficult when you’ve not been around, but sure.” You say, and there’s a bitterness in your voice that you don’t bother to hide. “And maybe if you bothered to call every once in awhile I’d feel a bit more comfortable spilling my guts to you.”

“Don’t be a dick about this. Calm down.”

He leans back on his seat, sipping coolly at his water. He’s cool and casual and acting like he doesn’t give a single fuck, and the arrogance of it all, the way he swans back home and acts as if he’s the bees knees just because he can kick a ball about for a bit makes you seethe.

“Fuck you.”

Then he laughs - he has the audacity to laugh - and salty tears threaten to spill from your eyes. “What’s so funny?”

You place your glass down on the table with extra force and stare him down, dead in the eye. “I’m sorry- hey, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t treat me like I’m a joke.” You scold him. “You’re the one that left and created all of this. You’re the one who has to pick up the pieces. Not me.”

And with that, you sweep out of the room, only for Antoine to lurch forward, clasping your hands in his and looking at you intently, his blue eyes flaming wildly, begging you, persuading you to stay. “I’m sorry.”

You slow to a stop and bite your lip.

“I think I’m just nervous. Not seeing you in so long - you’ve- you’ve changed. You look so, so beautiful. And it threw me off. I’m sorry. I swear, I’m sorry.”

You glance around his apartment. It’s empty, save for a pile of video games and dog toys. There’s nothing there, nothing of substance, and it feels empty, soulless, not like a home. A pang of sympathy burns through your heart as you realise you can’t leave him like this.

Whispered apologies and breathless ‘i-miss-you’s’ lead from one thing to another.

You pull him in and try not to overthink too much as he leads you to his room.

did it frighten you how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?

You’re 22 now, and Antoine’s taking on San Sebastian by storm.

(Or at least, that was what you told everyone.)

It’s the end to his first proper season, and the club are hosting a summer party at a swanky hotel in the city centre. You’ve been flown out specially and introduced proudly to his teammates and coaching team, and the way he looks at you makes your stomach tumble.

(It’s like you’re seventeen again.)

He spins you around on the dancefloor with glee, and his parents and siblings are laughing at his goofy behaviour as you twirl with him to whatever was top of the charts in 2012.

(You’re too giddy to be seeing him again to remember properly.)

“I’m so happy for you.” You’re practically shouting to be heard above the music. “There’s no one who deserves success more.”

He smiles bashfully and blushes, before dipping his head and pressing his lips to yours. It’s a quick, short kiss, and probably looked much less romantic to outsiders than it felt to you, but it winds you and makes the blood rush to your head. “I love you.”

You tell him, in a hushed, breathy voice that you love him too.

I whisper things, the city sings them back to you

Now, it’s 2014 and Antoine’s just completed his transfer to Atletico Madrid.

“How’s life treating you in the capital, Senor?”

He laughs, and it’s only then that the amount you miss him hits home. His laugh is homely, it’s comforting and melodic and rumbles through his chest, and you can’t help but grin. “Life is great.” He chuckles, and a pang sears through your heart.

You want him to be happy, of course you do, but you’d be lying if you told yourself that it didn’t hurt to know he wasn’t just coping, but flourishing without you. “I’m glad to hear that.” You say gently. “You deserve it.”

“The city looks so beautiful at night.” Antoine observes, tipping his glass and nodding in the direction of the Madrid skyline in front of you two. “Doesn’t feel like home yet, but the view doesn’t hurt.”

You smile, and nod in agreement. It’s chilly, and before you know it he’s draping his jacket around your shoulders, speaking softly, “I miss you. And I think about you every day.”

His words knock the air out of you, and your face breaks into a smile. You want to reach over and link your fingers with his, but you swiftly compose and refrain yourself.

(You’re over him, completely 100% over him, and it wasn’t worth going back to square one again for one night, only to fly back to France the next morning and then not speak for weeks again.)

Antoine laughs again, and places his wine glass down on the side before gesturing at you to do the same. You down your champagne in one swift gulp and the bubbles rush to your head, making you burp- and subsequently, making Antoine laugh even harder. He entwines your fingers together, tugging you to the middle of the rooftop space. His steps mirror yours and wobble slightly, wavering as the alcohol works its familiar magic, and he pulls you in. You can’t help but let yourself get pulled along, and your hands link between his neck.

His black suit is stiff and ironed, and fitting tightly around his neck, and you press down on the material as he draws you closer. The music from the Atleti Christmas party is faint in the background- some playful, piano sonata serving as little more than ambient white noise- and you can barely make out the notes, never mind the beat, but Antoine starts to dance with you.

(Well, slowly wandering in circles because you’ve both consumed far too much alcohol to dance properly, but the sentiment remained the same.)

“You’re the most beautiful girl in the world to me, you know that, right?” He mumbles into your shoulder, as you slow back to stillness.

You roll your eyes and shake your head, trying to pry yourself out of his grasp to no avail. His arms around you tighten, as if he can’t, won’t, let go, as if you’re the most precious thing in the world and letting go could have disastrous consequences. His voice wobbles, and all of a sudden he’s that small, scared, nervous 18 year old boy you said goodbye to at the airport so many years ago.

“You’re a massive liar.”

He shakes his head determinedly; your quirk your eyebrow at him, challenging him. “The most beautiful, the silliest, the most annoying-.” He continues, and he smiles playfully at you.

“Sorry, do you want me to throw you off the roof, or-?”

He laughs, and his grip eventually loosens.

Antoine follows you as you walk back inside the party, and doesn’t let go of your hand for the rest of the night.

sometimes I wake up in a different bedroom

You’re 25 now, older, wiser, more mature.

Shaped by life as a working woman with a house and a mortgage and a new swanky job in Paris.

(The fact that seeing photos of him continues to make you swoon to this day and that you still fall victim to his blue eyes whenever he visits makes you kind of hate yourself.)

(God, it’s all so cliche and messy that you can’t even recognise yourself anymore.)

“I don’t know what it is, but I always go back to him.” You mumble.

Your best friend smiles sympathetically. She’s been there for you every step of the way of this horrible, drawn out convoluted Antoine-saga that she’s basically become the third person of your relationship.

(If you could even call it that.)

“He was your first love, your first boyfriend, your childhood sweetheart, if you will.” She reasons.

“Of course you’re going to think about him. He’s not just an average, normal ex.”

“I think he was it for me.” You admit, in a tiny and quiet voice. “Which makes the fact that I don’t know if we’ll ever work so much scarier.”

Years have passed and life has changed, but there’s one thing (well, one person) that remains constant.

You’re not sure if you’ll ever get over him.

I hear sounds in my mind

brand new sounds in my mind

You pick up the bottle of champagne from the bar, letting the heavy glass bottle rock in your hands. The liquid inside warms from your touch, and you sit gingerly at the end of the hotel bed while he lingers by the window. You feel like an intruder invading somewhere where you don’t really belong, but he calms your nerves by smiling reassuringly and reaching out to sling an arm around your waist. “Congratulations.”

It’s the night after the semi-finals of the EUROs, and Antoine’s face is fixated with a rapturous grin, blue eyes fixated on you and scanning your body hungrily.

You haven’t seen him in months’; it feels new and nervous and kind of exciting. “Stop looking at me like that.” You narrow your eyes at him.

He laughs, leaning his head back and tipping up his chin before gently lifting the champagne bottle out of your hands. “Looking at you like what?”

“Like you,” You struggle for the words. “I don’t know, like you like me.”

He replies emphatically, “I do like you. What do you want me to do? Give you evils? Chuck you out of my hotel room, which you rudely barged into with no invitation, as a matter of fact?”

“Very funny.” You roll your eyes.

“You’re my best friend. Of course I like you.”

“I like you too, then.” You take the bottle of champagne back off of him and pad to the side cabinet to deftly pick up two flutes, as he spins you around to hug you from behind.

You can feel his lashes tickle the back of your neck and the smell of his aftershave drifts to your nostrils. The lights are dim and there’s music playing from his phone in the background; he takes your hands and spins you around, laughing maniacally.

There’s nowhere else you’d rather be.

honey I’ll be seeing you down every road

The next time you see him, it’s his summer break and you both return to your hometown. Despite your insistence to everyone that this time, things would be different and you wouldn’t go down that same stupid route again, it’s Friday night and you’re in his old bedroom, lying on the floor with a bottle of red wine sat between you.

“Love is stupid, and confusing, and I hate it.” You moan.

You’re spilling the details of your latest breakup to him, and the wine is making your blood run hot and your view foggy.

“I’ll cheers to that.”

He clinks your wine glasses together and mirrors your body language as you down the rest of it in a rapid gulp. “And breakups are shit. And men are shit, and I hate-”

“Hey, hey, hey.” He interrupts. “I’m not shit. Don’t tarnish me with the same brush.”

You feel a chuckle bubble up in your throat and choke out indignantly, “Oh Antoine, believe me, you’re the shittest. The absolute worst.”

He feigns indignation, but you leap to your feet and point your finger at his face before he can argue back. “You made me think that we were in love, when I was naive and gullible and 18, for Christ’s sake, and you lied to me and told me we’d always be together and all that bullshit.” What had started as mere joking had escalated to something bigger, and your voice seethes with poison and spite.

(You would later come to blame liquid confidence for your outburst.)

“And then we see each other and every now and then, and you tell me again that you love and miss me but you do absolutely fucking nothing about it.” You rub your eyes with your hands and feel them sting with tears. “I’m sick and I’m tired, and I’m so, so fed up. And I can’t do this anymore, being your bit on the side, you know, your convenient fuck buddy because you know I’d do anything for you and that once you go back home you don’t have to deal with the consequences.”

He nods numbly, shellshocked, and can’t bring himself to look at you. For once, for you feel like you have the upper hand.

(It’s a refreshing, empowering, satisfying feeling.)

(So why do you still feel so shit?)

“I understand.”

“I really fucking hate you sometimes, Antoine.” You say, in a small voice. “For what you’ve done to me- for what you do to me. How I’m strong and capable and I have my head screwed on until I see you, and then I’m a mess with no control. And how it happens every single fucking time.”

“Stay.”

One word, like it’s that simple, like it’s that easy, like you’re that stupid.

Like you’d believe a single word that came out of his stupid, piece of shit mouth.

He’s begging and he jumps to his feet, and the look in his eyes and the way his hands tremble is nearly enough to make you crumble again but you stand strong. Because you’re selfish - as you should be, for once - and you refuse to accept it this time.

You’re resentful, selfish and you’re bitter as hell.

He mutters, “You’re all I have these days. Please don’t leave.”

“I can’t be what you need me to be anymore.” You shake your head and back away. “I really can’t.”

It hurts more than you can imagine to reject him at his most vulnerable but there’s a feeling of accomplishment and adrenaline running through your veins as you leave.

honey I’ll be seeing you wherever I go

After that night, you go without seeing Antoine for a good five months, and you’re doing fine.

(Fine. A-okay. Great, even, depending on the day.)

Life, football, the Champions League, your new job - you name it - they all get in the way, and as if following a routine, your friendship returns to sporadic text messages, occasional email exchanges and promises to meet up that never really pan out.

You’ve realised you don’t care as much about the football, and sometimes find it difficult to even hear the word Madrid in conversation, but it’s okay, and all is good and happy and constant in your life.

Change is good, and Paris is incredible. And you’ve discovered a bunch of new shows and singers and artists and you remind yourself constantly that broadening your horizons is beneficial and necessary and nothing bad could possibly have come from it.

Sometimes, you think you spot him in the corner of your eye. A flurry of dark hair in front of you in the street, a broad set of shoulders ordering coffee, a man speaking Spanish lilted with a French accent, a booming laugh and a twinkling smile. You see him and it’s like a switch has been flicked within you, it’s him, you know it’s him immediately, and suddenly it’s like you’ve stepped into a time machine and you want to approach him and say hi, hey, how are you, you look great, we should grab coffee.

(Or something. You can’t guarantee that it would be a friendly exchange, and knowing your temper and the sour way you last left things, the likelihood of an amiable reunion was very slim.)

Then it dawns on you, that it’s not Antoine at all. It’s another man, a complete stranger, and you’ve been staring at him like an idiot for no reason at all.

You think sometimes that you could have simply got it all wrong. Antoine’s invaded your brain, marked his stamp and presence in your head and ruined every other man on the planet with brown hair and a handsome grin and a deep laugh. In fact, if you were never able to form a healthy relationship with another man in your life, he’d be to blame, you often muse moodily. He’s trapped you, preventing you from moving forward, because it’s like you’re stuck in this vicious cycle where everything comes back to him and you see him everywhere you go.

The man you’ve been staring at for the better part of the last 10 minutes’ flashes eye contact with you briefly when he gets up to leave. You’ve been imagining this man as him, projecting a story and a life and a plot onto a random stranger you would never see again, all of that potential.

The possibilities, the what-ifs and all the what-could-have-beens, how your life could have been so different if you’d accepted Antoine’s offer to move out with him so many years ago.

You try to push these thoughts as far as possible out of your mind.

honey I’ll come get my things, but I can’t let go

You’re sitting in the waiting room of the dentist when you spot the glossy cover of Closer in the corner of your eye, photographs of Antoine splashed across the front. He’s holding hands with a mystery brunette, shielding her from the paparazzi’s glares.

You pick it up and it feels like watching as an outsider to a parallel universe, like sitting on the wrong side of a glass enclosure or like a spectator at the zoo watching on. He’s thriving, prospering, blossoming in Madrid, partying with the world’s elite and living the life that you always knew he would get to one day. You should feel happy for him, but there’s an uneasy, gnawing feeling in your gut.

You toss the magazine back onto the table.

I wish I could get my things and just let go

The streets of Paris are beautiful and picturesque, you muse, as you walk home. It’s been a long day at work, and there’s a tempting bottle of chilled pinot grigio waiting for you in your fridge, and a bath calling your name. You stretch your neck, digging out your keys and glancing back up to your front door.

He’s sat there, waiting patiently, fiddling around doing something or other on his phone with his hood up. It’s dark by this point, and if you hadn’t recognised his shadow you’d have been ready to whip out your pepper spray and pounce. He’s in casual wear, presumably after his spontaneous flight out to Paris, and takes his hood off. It’s probably to deter any potential fans or paparazzi, but gives off an awful impression nonetheless. “Hey.” You call out.

Antoine jumps before looking up at you. “Hi.”

“Is there a reason you’re sat on my front step?”

He laughs nervously. Your first glance at him makes your throat dry up and your heart stutter, and suddenly you regret your decision to put a spectacular lack of effort into your appearance today. “I wanted to talk. I was in town and just thought I’d drop by.”

“What, you were just casually in Paris?” You raise an eyebrow at him questioningly and he shrugs in response. “You shouldn’t wait around at people’s doorsteps in all black with your hood up. Could give off the wrong impression. You’re lucky I didn’t attack you or call 911.”

He smiles cheekily, “Duly noted.”

He aligns his steps next to yours as easy as anything, and follows you into your hallway when you unlock the door. The lights slowly flicker on, and it feels like you’re sat on a knife’s edge.

Why was he here? What did he want? Why didn’t he call beforehand? Who told him that blonde and blue highlights would seriously be a good idea?

Your mind fizzes to the brim with unanswered, desperate questions, but you are determined to keep your cool. “I don’t know what to say.” Is what you mumble out instead.

Antoine smiles softly, that ridiculously, perfectly photogenic smile, and your heart starts beating incessantly already.

“Let me speak, then.” He clears his throat. “I just want to apologise.”

“What for?”

He cuts you off, “And I want to explain some things to you.”

“Go on.”

“I’ve been a dick.”

You smile and shrug. “Can’t say I massively disagree.”

“But I’m ready to stop that now.”

“So honourable. Jeez.” You mock, and he gives you a look.

(As if to say, shut up, i’m trying here, let me finish my god damn sentence.)

“Because I’m ready now. I know it’s taken me so long but I know now, it’s dawned on me. It’s you, it’s all you and it always has been you. You deserve the best, not just with this, whatever this is, but with everything in your life, and I haven’t been able to give you me at my best, not until now. That’s why I’ve been so hesitant, that’s why we’ve always been so unsure, because I could never give you what you deserved. But It’s so clear to me now. God, I love you more than I ever thought was possible, I love you so much that when you’re not here it’s like I can’t breathe, and food has no taste and it’s all so pointless. I love you. I think deep down I always have. And I want to make the plunge now, because I’m all in. All, 100%, completely, truly, unfailingly all in.”

He offers you a hand which you take, pulled in like a magnet. “I never want to be without you, ever, ever again. Not a single day.”

You gulp, your eyes welling with tears. “Flying out to Paris was probably unnecessary, I know. But- hey, just give me a call when you get the chance, okay? When you’ve made a decision, thought about it-”

“I don’t need to think about it.” You interrupt him eagerly, and you cup his face with both hands.

His chest is heaving with deep, nervous, shaky breaths, mirroring yours, and when you smile it takes over your face.

(You’re probably terrifying him because you’re pretty sure the smile on your face makes you look like a lunatic, but you don’t care.)

His hands find your waist like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and he kisses you roughly, like no time has passed. His lips are soft and familiar and they feel like coming home.

You breathe, “I’m yours.”

“Hm?”

Antoine swings you up and your legs wrap around his waist, as his arm hooks around you with ease and he continues to press kisses to your neck.

“All yours.”

I’m waiting for it, that green light, I want it

“Til death do us part.”

You opt for an intimate, cosy reception, but the music resonating soundly around the hall, your guests’ chatter and laughter, and the never ending clinking of cutlery and glassware makes it sound like you’ve invited the whole population of France. Antoine grips your hand so tightly that his nails leave marks on the back of your hand and before you can even blink (or, as the cliche goes, have a slice of your own cake), you’re whizzing round, saying goodbyes.

(It’s the happiest day of your life by a mile.)

Antoine presses a line of kisses down your neck, marking a pattern from below your ear to the base of your neck. He murmurs, “God, I feel like I’ve been waiting to marry you for the whole of my life.”

“Maybe we should have just eloped when we were like, eighteen.” You laugh. It’s a tongue in cheek comment but you can’t help but feel like there’s some truth in your statement. “ It would have saved lots of back of forth-”

“And lots of pain, crying- the latter, mostly on my part.” He chuckles, and you laugh again, like it’s something infectious and like your entire body has just been taken over by bubbles and champagne and all things light and fizzy.

(It feels like you’re floating on air.)

(And for the first time, you start to think that maybe, all the heartache and the fighting and the angry pledges you made that you would never speak to him again, were worth it.)

(Love did weird things to you.)

“Now, would you like to join me in our wedding suite, Mrs Griezmann?”

It rolls off his tongue like honey and you bite your lip in euphoric anticipation, nodding emphatically. The sound of your shared laughter (there it is again, that hyperactive, constant bubble of laughter) echoes around the empty hotel corridor as you follow him to your suite.

There’s a twinkle in his eyes when he looks back at you.

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decodervon · 5 years ago

Text

(Disclaimer: I am writing for myself. I know nothing I can say or do will persuade anyone who reads this in or out of any situation they are in. I come here to take off my kid gloves and let my actual emotions swing. I say whatever I want here, with no filter or expectation of any sort of rebuttal or communication. I do not write to change any opinions, save for that of my own.)

Writing as if I'm talking to you.. helps. I have this.. concept of you.. one that never really existed. And if it did? Only for moments. This idea that you really honestly cared about the thoughts and feelings coming out of me. The concept of wanting to hold my hand and help me sort out what my problems were. Basically how I would act when all the stress and anxiety and panic hit you. I dont exhibit those emotions the same way. THIS is how I have a panic attack. This is how I deal with anxiety. I can feel it welling up, building.. and this is my teapot whistling. This is how I pour myself out. This is self-care. Not just some indirect way to contact you. As I made mention in my disclaimer, this is for me. It's not for you. I dont think you fully understood that this was all a window into my mind. Just for you to peek because I trusted you, and only you, enough to see into my extremely personal thoughts.

So talking to this.. imaginary version of you that still cares about me.. helps. You dont know how to care about me anymore in real life. You gave up on me a while ago. Your actual version of care never went past yourself. Your version of "above and beyond" was sticking around when I was terrible to you. That's not what that is. That was just.. stupidity. I was always wrong to treat you that way, but you were stupid to let me treat you that way. We look back on the timeline and the only thing that broke that? Shock. Leaving me. Helping me understand that you /wouldnt/ stick around through me beating you down emotionally. I was in a place that was so dark, I couldn't even see what I was doing or how I was treating you. You were suppose to be the one to reach into the muck and pull me out by my ears. Instead you let it drag you down with you.

I'm not blaming that all on you, mind you. Two to tango. But it was like trying to put out a fire by waiting patiently for it to die out. That was never going to work. But you arent the type of emotionally intelligent person to know, understand, or figure that out. Sorry. That was always your weakest point. That was something I had to help you develop literally our entire relationship. I'd even say "train" if I was feeling more malicious. Do you understand that I've been this emotionally adept since I was 15? Do you get how hard it is to SEE someone flounder with it a decade later and then have them not believe you know what you're talking about because they just don't understand it? I was right about so much stupid shit it makes me sick. I was right to stop trying after you starting treating me badly. I was right about Tom. I was right about you distancing yourself from me. I was right about you not having faith in me. and even going farther back into our open relationship and thinking you would burn past my boundaries with little to no regard and Kenny. It felt like I was a psychic and no one would believe me.

This is all just idle commentary. This isnt the heart of my anger or where my anxiety stems. These are the facts. You were never good with my emotional things. Sure, youd let me cry into you chest when it all hit, which was correct first step... but that's not the full scope of what an adult needs. Adults need to be reassured. They need to know that you're ready to help them, even if you dont actually. Adults need to be loved and calmed and talked to and made to understand that you'll be there for them when the worst hits. This was how I treated you when things were okay. How I took care of you during your attacks. After nearly all of mine, I was always found wanting. Like I was some sort of.. obstacle. Like taking care of me was a hassle. Like you were doing it only because you felt obligation. I dont know if that's how you actually felt, but it's how you came off. It made me feel like you just wanted me to stop crying because it was annoying. and god. what a feeling that is. not wanting to share your emotions with your significant other because you were scared they resented your feelings. it doesnt matter. I shouldnt have to explain to another grown-ups adult. you should be emotionally capable by 30. you've had a lot of opportunities to practice.

no relationship is without emotional labor. not one. not even the one you're in. you just haven't quite got there yet. you dont know their dark sides, you dont know when the other shoe is going to drop. you keep your walls up, but it's only a matter of time. you will deal with their damages, with their flaws, with everything that makes up that human being because that's what every human being is: a bunch of flaws and merits rolled into one mess. so enjoy your honeymoon phase, because everyday is one day closer to it being gone.

These are tangents. this isnt even why I wanted to talk here. Maybe the lack of emotional intelligence thing. that was one. always so shocked to see I'm hurt or surprised to see that my feelings well up and cause me to burst. that's what new years was. I regret saying anything more to you than "happy birthday". I was in a horrible way. we werent talking. I felt used. I felt like I did back in middle school when the occasional pretty girl would lead me around by the nose until she got bored of me. I felt like you had used me for attention for the last 3 months. letting me plan all the things you never wanted to plan. put in all the effort to try and see you. knowing secretly that you didnt want me, but loved the attention of being wanted. I was so angry. Part of that anger remains.. but not for that reason. That's just the logic of what lead to my explosion on new years. And let me make this clear: this isnt an excuse. I'm not asking for forgiveness. I'm not claiming the devil made me do it. these were my own actions which, even by myself, I am shameful and regretful over. These are the reasons that led up to it. I had just stood up to you and said I didnt want to be treated badly once I realized you were, in fact, doing that. And you were just fine to drop me. you didnt care. you didnt care about any of it. those months and time? you didnt care. so I said monstrous stuff. I said really horrible shit and even when you tried to stop me, i doubled downed on it. I wish I coudlve been logical. i wish your words could reach me while i felt that much anger. but they couldnt. not paired with the feeling that made me most angry: feeling emotional used by a pretty face.

You do understand that sharing my emotional experience isnt easy, right? If I was a good masseuse, it doesnt make massaging take any less effort.. in fact, probably more. Like talking to you, helping you decompress, trying to get you to understand better emotional habits? That was HARD. REALLY HARD. And then for 3 months I tried to have a relationship alone. Why let it drag on if you werent giving me a real chance? This is where I started to figure out where my true anger was coming from.

My true anger is something that time will not change. No matter what happens in our lives, the true anger is a permanent judgement against your character. it's a black mark I cannot forgive. It's a change of perspective in how i see, acknowledge, and respect you. It is the truth. And it all stems from Faith.

"What do you mean?" you ask. My eyes turning away from whatever I had been longing at to face yours, unblinking.

"Faith. It's a simple word with a very complex meaning. Very unique to each person who says it. Like Love or Sex."

"You remember the day I caught you. I came over and sat across from you, much like this. I watched you flail and cry and beg.. I watched you reach for me. In those moments.. You were the most honest you had ever been. In our relationship, perhaps in your life. You gave yourself up and wept. You wept for me to stay. You told me all your secrets and threw yourself to my mercy." I said, looking away mournfully.

"I had never.. seen such honesty." my tears teared up as I kept talking,

"I didnt know how to approach it, as angry as I was. I was so mad.. but seeing you be... actually honest was... disarming. I had no defense. I saw you for who you were. In all your flaws... in all your pain. You begged me. You exposed yourself and gave me everything and asked for another chance." my tears subsided slowly as I made my small side-glance back to your unwavering eyes.

"Faith. You were honest, but you were honest about being a cheat and a liar. No one in their right mind would want to enter into a bond with a self-admitted liar and cheat. But I had... Faith." the word being almost spit from my mouth, my face gently contorted at the thought.

"If there was one truth I knew about you, it was that you were a hard worker. I had faith that you would take this seriously. I had faith that with your sins laid bare, you could only ascend from that point. And so.. I made a choice." a light shrug followed by the ritual of removing a cigarette from my silver case. a smooth light and a pull later..

"I went against every fiber of my being. every angry bone in my body. every brain cell halting me. I said....'Okay' and that was that." Another long pull and my eyes drifted off to the wall, looking through them to that space that only exists in between everything else.

"And the worst part of all of this? I was right to do it. I watched you turn your entire life around. You started to dance again. you started to work out. and so your body issues became farther and farther away. You started down your burlesque career path. You started looking for better jobs. You found them and you got them. You became the girl I always saw and looked for. I was right to believe you and have faith." a quick laugh and another pull later, I adjusted myself in my seat, shooting a look back at her.

"You werent without mistakes, mind you. you had your stumbles. I couldn't tell you the exacts of them, because that was part of Faith too. It was the idea that I knew you could stumble, but those were to be forgiven if the rest of your progress was noticable enough to warrant it. And it was! You were turning it all around, slowly but surely. Who would I have been to get in the way of your progress by bogging you down at every little thing? I was happy to see you change from this secretive, gaslighting monster into.. into someone happy." the tears streamed down my face faster than I expected. I pulled my cigarette as if fearing the water would put it out. I cleaned myself up quickly, in a meek attempt to conceal it.

"But something we didnt account for was.. how far the damage of betrayal went. It coursed through my veins. it haunted me like a ghost. it STILL haunts me. I was betrayed by who i had loved the most. it was my most venerable covenant with myself. I hated you for it." I took a long drag while looking at her dead on.

"I /hated/ you for it. I was still honestly happy to see you grow and change. but I had a darkness to me that was inconsolable. so much resentment. It was like seeing your favorite, most friendly friend... and knowing they accidentally killed someone over the summer. it was this duality of love and hate. you were my heaven and my hell. I didnt know to negotiate the two." I cashed the end of my cigarette and sat my elbows on my knees, chin on folded hands.

"My true anger. Once it all hit critical mass. once you pushed yourself beyond. after the death. after I started to really abuse your emotions, you measured me. I pushed my last time and much like the man before me, you agreed. I left you and you finally agreed. I was found wanting and it slapped me in the face. In that moment, I saw myself. I finally admitted and saw what I had become. a shadow of myself. a ghost of a kind man grown cold. It was like putting on glasses or a hat that fit. I was shocked. I was cowed. I was ashamed and I was repent. So many feelings at once strangled me and the one that erupted over them all was the loss of you. You were the trigger. You were the harsh truth I needed to hear. I shoot myself through the foot and you were the smoking hole that let me understand I wasnt okay." my eyes looked away shamefully, moving back in my seat. with an uncomfortable adjust, I continued.

"I...begged you. I found myself on the other side of that table, so long ago. caught within my own impulses and my worst behaviors. a victim of my own design. that person i loved and cared for so close and so far. I cried and I pleaded. I admitted my guilt and my sins and threw myself to you like you had shown me." my face contorted in what started as sadness, but transitioned into a crying glare.

"I asked you. with all my shit laid bare. I asked for another chance. I asked for your faith!" my eyes turned away, shaking my head, looking down.

"I dont know why I thought you had the emotional acumen to do what I had done. to give me the honest chance i had given you. hell, I helped develop those skills in you and that was my HARDEST emotional choice. thinking that you would.. that you COULD do that was irresponsible of me. But you said, 'yes.' maybe just to mirror me, maybe because you werent ready to lose me. whatever the reason, you signed a check your heart wasnt ready to cash."

"every misstep I made sent me right back to start. you didn't care that I was making progress. you didnt care I was taking better care of myself or moving towards the things o wanted. none of that mattered. you were done before you knew you were done. you let me.. twist and writhe and letting me make a fool out of myself trying to beg you to allow me the priviledge of courting you. Do you understand how fucked up that is to do to someone you've known for that long who is trying their hardest? I know I had a hard time trusting you originally, but I knew that was /MY/ problem and not yours. I worked on it in my own time and figured it out. you put all of it on me. you FOUGHT ME ABOUT TOM." I was yelling at this point. I tried to calm myself and take a deep breath, but those words rang over and over in my head.

"....you even admitted I was right to think what i thought. that means you admit my warning my legitimate and that means you were wrong to fight me and defend him. that was one of our last fights. and you never realised it wasnt really about him. it was about how you would more likely defend a friend that didnt deserve it, than believe someone who earnestly loved you. you have a Stockholm syndrome with your friendships and I'm tired of pretending you dont. It is not a strength and if you were smart, you wouldnt give away so much power to people you dont fully know. But whatever. I'm not here to advise anymore." another breath. another sigh. the last tirade.

"You gave me a chance without faith. you had no plan to work with me. you had.. no faith in me changing. because you needed me to change in a way that you understood, not in a way that actually benefitted me. Many people have come up to me unprompted to tell me they were impressed by what they had noticed. they still do. they talk about how much better off i am without you. how stronger I am." quiet tears cascaded down. soft, gentle ones. truer than the angry ones.

"...then why dont I feel strong? why dont I feel better off? you didnt.. didnt understand how to have faith in someone. you didnt believe in me. you saw me at my lowest and you turned away from me. all you ever understood was what could benefit you. even now. even with him. it's all about what you can take from it. you're a narcissist. the thing you loved most about me was what I could do for you. how I could take care of you. you monster. you used me. you used my infinite heart and blackened it. I learned nothing from you. that's my true anger. you looked away when I needed you most. you were there for better, but not for worse. I gave you an honest, real chance. what you gave me? it was nothing. I tore your stupid poster down. threw away your stupid clothes. our last talk? you wanting my body and still getting his. I am still the cake you want to eat while already having one. I just exist as someone to take from. I will always exist in your mind as a place to only take. if Death finds you? You will call upon me to take emotional solace. if Chaos finds you? you will call to take stability. I do not exist unless I benefit you. unless I serve. I had served you enough."

everything I was put through after Magnolia was hell. I know I complained about it, but I loved going to Magnolia every time. It was my first home. I loved exploring and going different ways.. seeing my old homes. the old streets. That was where our happiness died.

I forgive you for all the other things, but I can never ever forgive you for losing Faith in me. I forgave you after cheating on me and seeing someone behind my back. you couldnt forgive me after my heart was destroyed and my family died. you are self-centered. In the end, you dont care about others, you just care about how it affects you.

must be nice.

ps. I'm considering leaving her. not for you, but for me. I need something light and meaningless. youd probably fit the bill if you werent so embroiled in your own selfish gains. but I'm sure the feeling of anyone filling up that space in your bed in your wrecked room is good enough. whether you know them for a few months or 8 years.

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blake-bet · 5 years ago

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Cleo glared at being called a twat, "I said- ugh Mum!" She slammed her hands on the table then looked at Lucinda with slanted eyes and a slow, sarcastic tone, "I am so bloody sorry."

Blake looked over to Callan's mother as she finally spoke up, observing her uncomfortable manner. She could tell that she was looking her over as well, so she waved at her politely, "Hola Mrs. Kowalski, are you alright?" She wasn't distracted by Cleo's behavior like Calliope was, so she sat back in her chair to observe everything else going on.

Aflyn's eyes crossed as he attempted to watch Ellie wipe away some of the blood. As more poured out as a result, he covered his nose with his hand, "That feels weird." His attention returned to Ellie, "Hey, what's that tone for Sunshine? This will be a great story to tell! Maybe I'll even get a cool scar," he said light-heartedly, hoping to extract another smile from her.

A curious eyebrow was raised by Blake at Rolf's next outburst. She leaned over to Callan, "And that's why I'm not the Mafia Peacemaker." She looked at Rolf, "Well isnt that nice, totally worth knowing," she said sarcastically.

Aflyn was trying to stretch out his back, then paused in an odd position as Rolf began to yell. He straightened up instantly and gave him a weird look, "What does that mean?" He then turned to Blake as she replied, "What does that mean? Who wouldnt want to know!" He held up his arms in a showy manner despite the blood on his face and beamed. His eyes clouded over with confusion and his arms dropped. "Uhm, tell me what? Mother, Father, what is he talking about?"

Nick's gaze hardened as he focused on Rolf, "Theres nothing to tell," he said calmly, with a hint of warning behind his words. He sighed and shook his head as Rolf continued his dramatic act the rest of the way to his room.

Cleo remained silent the whole time, not wanting to ruin the moment. She reached up and shoved Callan's head, "Move! Your stupid big head is in the shot!"

Producing a slight pout, Aflyn stopped talking per his mother's request. His anger ebbed away as she brushed his cheek. As she brought out her wand, he knew it was for a healing spell and he scrunched up his face to brace for the weird feeling. Once the spell was done, he nodded his head and lifted up the ice pack to the bridge of his nose, "Thanks mum, but what was Rolf talking about? You guys seemed to get defensive."

Nick patted Aflyn on the shoulder, "I dont know what he was talking about. He probably just made something up to stir up a little extra trouble. Dont worry, he'll calm down soon enough."

With a shrug Aflyn agreed, but Blake wasn't as easily persuaded and she furrowed her eyebrows, "Nick can lie, but I know Rolf is telling the truth." She turned to Callan, "Do you know?" She noticed he had zoned out and she snapped her fingers in front of his face, "Callan. You there?" She gasped as his grip tightened on her hand and she gripped his in return, "Cal? What's wrong?" Following his gaze, she looked at Calliope, and was slightly disheartened as she turned away. She wrapped her arm around him comfortingly, waiting to see if he would tell her. Blake knew why the whole twins ordeal would pull this reaction out of the Maxes, but she couldn't understand why it made Callan turn so pale. Her eyes traveled to the Maxes at the thought, and she watched them with sympathy, not wanting to go over to them until she knew Callan was okay.

Aflyn layed his head against Ellie's and chuckled along with her, "Blasted! Oh well." He found himself getting lost in her eyes, and any of the pain leftover from the fight and worry left him. His eyebrows came together, "Oh, my apologies then," he said while glancing over his shoulder at her parents. His eyebrows then raised as he wasn't expecting Ellie to lay against his chest. He massaged the back of her head, "Dont worry darling, unlike your father said, I wont run away from you. We can do this, afterall, you are one of the strongest women I know." He spoke in regards to her bearing twins, oblivious to what had happened within her family. With a soft sigh, he swayed slightly to calm both of them.

Cleo leaned her chair back on two legs, "So you guys are having two babies. Who cares?! This sappy rubbish is ruining my appetite!" She felt the chair slip out from under her, and stood before she fell with it, dropping the camera in the process, "Bollocks.." she muttered, picking up the camera before anyone noticed.

With a soft sigh, Nick watched the other couple take a seat on the couch. He remained standing, motioning to Heidi to take a seat as well. Focusing on Lucinda as she mentioned the prophecy he offered, "Indeed we do. And now that we know it is coming true, we can prepare for it and protect them. Perhaps we should tell them?" As Heidi took the liberty to try to calm the Maxes, Nick stood behind her chair with a hand on her shoulder. "You have our word," he added in, then a slight smirk pulled at the corner or his mouth as she finished her statement, "Do you know where your father is now?"

Blake calmly observed the little Cleo and Callan dispute with cheerful eyes, then stood to walk over to Ellie, "Hey girlie, how're you holding up?" She turned to Aflyn, "What about you mandamás?"

Aflyn tilted his head, "Did you just call me a mandala? I mean, I am a work of art," he smirked.

Her head peered around the corner, but Cleo still couldn't see what was going on. However, she was able to pick up a few words. "Oh, belt up Callan!" She yelled at him in return. As he got closer her voice lowered to a whisper, "I think I heard them say 'prophecy' or something. I heard their names," she said, motioning towards Aflyn and Ellie. She shot him a weird look, "Doesnt matter? Hey!" She exclaimed, trying to bat him away, "No! Let go of me you pillock! Ugh!" She groaned and plopped back down into her chair, crossing her arms out of frustration.

Aflyn's attention was easily taken away from his conversation as Cleo began shouting, and he chuckled along with Callan when he returned, "What can I say mate? Although my nose still hurts," he said rubbing it tentatively, then smiled, "This has been one interesting Christmas."

Cleo sneered, "Its hurting you? It hurts me just to look at it, all twisted and swollen. Disgusting."

Quickly, Aflyn covered up his face, "Really? Bloody hell! Wheres a mirror?" He asked, looking around the room frantically.

Blake was going to tell him that there was nothing wrong with his nose, but the whole scene was pretty entertaining. She stifled her laugh along with Cleo as he freaked out. Blake then gave Callan a smile, "Finally!" Then she thought for a moment, "Should we wait for the rest of the Scamanders and Maxes?

@elsamaxx

potions-princess‌:

Callan turned towards Blake in a way that put cleo behind him and nodded to her profusely “please” he mouthed before leaning in closer “I’ve needed help with her for about 12 years now” he said peaking back at cleo as she turned her attention to the maxes. When Callan turned back he stifled his laugh as Blake set up the camera discreetly, but started to feel guilty after seeing Ellie, aflyn, and the maxes reaction to the news.

Ellie placed her hands on each side of the table, gripping the table cloth in anger “that’s the thing Af” she began aloud for everyone to hear “if my parents cared about me even in the slightest they wouldn’t hate either of us” Ellie let go of her grip on the table cloth, afraid she would pull it down and ruin Christmas dinner for everyone, if she hadn’t already. “Maybe for once in your life you could be more understanding? At least it’s with someone I love, and might I point out someone you picked out for me!!” She said with tears dripping down her face

Lucinda scoffed and rolled her eyes as she leant in towards Ellie still seated “oh so we don’t care about you? Obviously you have no idea what it’s like to be a mother which is one more reason why we’re upset.” She crossed her arms and sat back further her lips becoming straighter and straighter as Ellie continued as if she was holding back words of her own. “I thought I raised you better. To think before you acted. Do you even have a plan Elle? What are you going to about school?” She blurted out as archer continued his attack towards aflyn. All her daughter could do was shrug which made lucinda even more visibly angry. She shot a glare at the kowalski girl as she came out with the camera. “Do you mind?” She snapped

Callan went red in the face as he looked at cleo “how would you even know that cleo?” He turned towards Blake again and covered his face. Though when Rolf spoke he uncovered his face and his mouth opened with shock “Rolf, that’s dirty…” Callan knew that he and Aflyn didn’t exactly include him in much, maybe picked on him a lot but even then he didn’t think it was cool to throw Aflyn under the bus like that. He was already at rock bottom. He shook his head as Rolf continued, and stood up to interject what archer was implying about Aflyns love for Ellie. Aflyn has done a lot of girls, but he knew for a fact that Elsa Max was different. From the moment they met Aflyn changed his usual ways, but it was too late. Callan jumped back as Archer Max leaped over the table like a mad man to attack Aflyn. He took Blake’s hand and his eyes widened as she said it was just like her Quincenera “what?! Oh no” he looked back at aflyn with concern as Ellie came in and managed to get her dad off of him.

Archers eyes left his daughters and went straight back to aflyn as his anger returned “oh you need much more than just scolding and blaming kid and you don’t get to tell me what’s best for my daughter. You think you can really be a father? I know your type, you’ll run the moment things get tough, your only saving grace is your family.” Archer didn’t even flinch as Nick apperated over to him, and he ignored his wife all the same “kinsman” he said pushing his hand away “I’ll leave when I’m ready, and when I do ellie is coming with me”

Ellie stroked Aflyns hair as he leant against her. She felt so bad, if only her father was more like his, more understanding rather than a hotheaded idiot with no impulse control. She looked at Blake and gave her a look that said she knew she was right but didn’t want to admit it. She kissed as Aflyns head as Heidi walked over and held back her tears as well as her words.

During Aflyns speech Callans eyes filled with tears, he noticed Ellie’s smile, Archers roll of his eyes, lucindas straight lipped face as she tried to figure out if it was genuine, but Callan knew it was. He gave a small applause whenever he finished glancing over at Rolf to see his reaction.

Rolf shook his head and laughed coldly “way to flip the script Aflyn, but I don’t accept your apology. I know that as soon as everyone leaves and it’s just me and you, you’ll say what you really want to say.” Rolf pushed back in his chair “merry chirstmas guys” he stormed out of the room and went upstairs with his grandfather newt following behind him.

Heidi let out a frustrated sigh as Rolf stormed out of the room, but listened as aflyn spoke and rubbed his shoulder proudly. She looked down at Ellie’s sad tortured face and couldn’t help but feel for her. She looked over at lucinda and archer “look guys what’s done is done, we need to accept this and be supportive, and Ellie, as crude as your father may be he’s right, we will be here for you, for both of you” she said looking at aflyn giving him a nod “I believe you guys will be great parents okay? We will figure this out” heidi stopped as Callans girlfriend interrupted them but went wide eyed as aflyn spoke and she looked at Nick “purple?” She repeated “you’re having twins Ellie.” Heidi dropped her hand from Aflyns shoulder and brought out her wand repeating the spell just to be sure. “Magenta means a girl, navy a boy, Hot pink means two girls, baby blue means two boys, purple means one girl one boy”

Suddenly Lucinda fell into archer weakly, her usually stern unchanging face looked at the aura over Ellie’s stomach with horror and deep sadness. Archers eyes did the same and no one seemed to understand but heidi. Heidi ended the spell and put away her wand. She went over to lucinda and archer and whispered to them discreetly “guys it’s gonna be alright, come on. Let’s talk” she said pulling them softly into the sun room away from everyone else. Her husband nick followed and Heidi let him lead the rest of the way as Heidi went over to her mom Tina “mom can you make sure everyone eats? We will be done before presents, just don’t let anyone in” Heidi walked back into the room and gave her husband a rather serious stare. She had a feeling that this was the beginning of something they had long been dreading. The beginning of war.

Blake tilted her head a little to catch Callan’s words as he moved in closer. She let out a small chuckle, “But isn’t she twelve?” She elbowed him as he tried to stifle his laugh, “Don’t give it away,” she whispered. Bringing her fork to her mouth, she took a bite of the sweet potatoes, “So when do we open presents?” She asked casually, unphased by the drama surrounding her. Family scenes like this were normal for her, except they had some more weapons involved.

Cleo shot them a look, “Shut up already, wait- why are you asking about presents right now? Are you seeing this?” She motioned around the room dramatically.

Blake shrugged and took another bite, “What? It’s not like they are killing each other.” The volume picked up and she couldn’t help but look over. Things were definitely getting more aggressive, and she wouldn’t be shocked if a more physical fight broke out.

The table cloth began to slide and Aflyn placed one of his hands on top of Ellie’s, the other one gripping another part of the cloth in an attempt to keep it in place. "Ellie,” he began, “I’m willing to bet,” he glanced over at Archer, “That he only dislikes me because he loves you, and I’m alright with that.” As she released the table cloth, so did he. But he didn’t release her hand and continued to hold it underneath the table. Flyn massaged the back of her hand as her tears trailed down her face, and he cast her parents a quick glare. “And at least it’s with someone who genuinely cares for her and how she feels.”

Blake watched them wearily, taking a sip from her glass. But her attention increased as Ellie clearly became more upset, and for once, she was grateful Aflyn was there to comfort her.

Nick butted in as Lucinda leaned in towards her daughter, “Excuse my intrusion, but your daughter shouldn’t know how to be a mother. Perhaps have an idea, but you can’t expect any woman to know before their first child. Please, try to see things from her perspective and not argue or insult each other on such a lovely Christmas evening.”

Then it was Aflyn who interrupted Lucinda, becoming more fed up with the couple across from him, “Do you expect easy solutions to just appear? We’re working on that right now, and have already come up with a few ideas. Don’t worry ma'am, we’re trying our best.”

Cleo started laughing at the other end of the table, “Did you just say ‘ma'am’? Ha!” Her face easily transformed into a disgusted glare as she looked at Lucinda, “Uh, actually, I do. Could you look away from the camera? Your face is ruining the video.”

Blake nearly choked on her drink in an attempt to cover up her laugh and coughed a little with a hand over her chest. “I’m okay,” she finished, wiping her mouth with her napkin.

Cleo responded to Callan with a bored tone, “What do I not know Callan?”

Smirking as Callan covered up his red face, Blake forced him to face her, “Come on Cal, don’t be embarrassed. I still love you.” She looked at Cleo at the perfect time as she produced another look of disgust and purposefully aimed the camera away from them. Blake looked up at Rolf and raised her eyebrows curiously. She understood Rolf’s distaste towards his brother, but to expose him in that manner in front of everyone? At a moment like this? Blake studied his body language and let out a sigh as she was able to see why. “Rolf?” She asked, “I’m not sure you fully understand the definition of ‘unadulterated evil’. I know evil. Aflyn does annoy me, but so do you. So you two need suck it up and stop whining all the time! Dios mío, quería escapar de este drama,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

Aflyn caught himself chuckling a little at Cleo’s reply to Lucinda, but he hoped no one, mainly Archer or Lucinda, noticed. He started Hoping that Blake’s cough distracted them. He leaned over to whisper to Ellie, “I would respond, but I have no clue what that last part was.”

Blake watched Callan as he stood, then hardly glanced over once Archer tackled Aflyn.

Cleo’s mouth dropped open as Aflyn was thrown to the ground, and she jumped up in her seat. “Oh my god, this is awesome! Kick his arse, Archie!”

Casting Callan a look of confusion as he gripped her hand, she pulled him back down into his seat with a smile, “He’ll be fine.”

With his rising anger increasing the force of his magic, Aflyn struggled to hold it in his wand, “Whilst you don’t get to tell me what I deserve!” He shouted at Archer, “Do you expect everything to be bloody perfect? How can you say that I will be a terrible father when you are doing a horrible job yourself? I know how I will respond. I know what my saving grace is. You don’t get to tell me,” he concluded with a challenging glare.

Nick’s features hardened at the mention of his former name, and he allowed his hand to be pushed away simply. He looked over his shoulder at Aflyn to urge him to calm down, raising his eyebrows at Elsa to convince her to pitch in. His attention returned to Archer, “Well you seem pretty ready to me. Are you waiting for your coat?” With a flick of his wand, Archer’s coat appeared in his arms and he held it out to him, “Happy Christmas.” He sighed, “Although, I think it would be good for the young couple to spend Christmas together before they have to worry about a little baby running around.”

Cleo’s groan interrupted the arguments, “Ugh! So much talking! Just punch each other, it’s not that hard.”

Aflyn gave a harsh whisper to Cleo, “You’re not helping anyone.”

Cleo leaned over the table towards him, “That’s the point idiot.”

He made a move towards her, but feeling Ellie’s hand in his hair calmed him down. He sighed and turned away from Cleo, letting out a nearly inaudible grunt from the pain in the center of his back. Aflyn looked down at his shirt, “Is this blood? Am I bleeding?” He asked, looking back up at Ellie. He brought his hand to his nose, and stared at his red fingers with wide eyes as he pulled them away, “Don’t tell me I broke my nose again.” Flyn’s soft smile returned as she kissed him, and he opened his mouth to say something, falling silent when he saw his mother. “Mum-” he said, just before pausing and beginning his speech.

Blake smirked at Elsa’s acknowledgment, then returned her attention to her food. She could hear Aflyn talking, but didn’t quite care. When she heard clapping, she turned her head to find Callan with teary eyes. Quickly peering around the room to see everyone’s reaction, she could see Nick giving Aflyn a proud, but small grin. Her shoulders relaxed, even though she never noticed they were tense. Things finally seemed to calm down for a moment, and with a cheerful realization, Blake determined that this gathering was nothing like hers. She waved to Rolf as he left, “Feliz Navidad.”

Aflyn was trying to figure out a good position for the icepack, constantly turning it around or flipping it over. Once content with it across his nose and part of his left eye, he glared, “Oh yes, it makes total sense to lie in front of everyone right now. I’m not that stupid!” He continued to speak even as Rolf left, “I’m trying to fix things with you. You are the one who told me to be more mature, and now look at who’s walking out on Christmas dinner.”

Nick intervened with a commanding tone, “Boys.” Then sighed with frustration along with Heidi as Rolf went upstairs. He gave a quick “thank you” nod to Newt as he followed him, then turned to listen to his wife’s deduction.

At this point, Aflyn was shaking the ice pack. Mainly out of curiosity, but also to avoid everyone staring at him. When his mom began talking, he dropped his hand and met her gaze. He nodded to her in return, a slight smirk framing his lips, “Thank you, mother.”

Blake rested her head in her hands with a content smile. She loved the way the family before her tried their best to repress possible violence. Mistakenly, she thought that bringing up a baby girl would assist in lightening the mood.

Aflyn watched as Heidi performed the spell for herself with wide eyes. Twins? He definitely wasn’t ready for one, but two? At once? “Tw- twins?” He took a deep breath, holding it in until seeing the result. His mouth dropped open and he turned to hug Ellie. The abrupt motion shocked even himself, but he felt that she would need some sort of comfort or stability. Frankly, he definitely did. “I guess we can name one Callantron after all,” he joked. He could see his mom talking to Ellie’s parents, then leave with them and his father, “Is something wrong?” Flyn asked, pulling away from Elsa.

Nick smiled as Heidi spoke with Aflyn, but his look quickly changed to serious when they mentioned the spell’s color. He locked eyes with Heidi without saying anything, then watched the spell take place. As he saw the result his head lowered with a sigh. He patted Archer on the shoulder, “Come on mate, let’s go into the other room and work this out.” Nick picked up on where Heidi was beginning to lead them, then took them the rest of the way. He offered Archer and Lucinda a seat on the couch that faced the sunroom windows, “You can sit if you want, I’ll stand.” As his wife entered the room, he returned her gaze, and turned to look back at the Maxes with a sigh, “Are you alright?”

Back in the dining hall, Cleo was pressing buttons on the video camera repeatedly, “Callan! This stupid thing won’t work! Aflyn’s stupid speech and all the crappy sentiment probably drained the battery!” She looked up to find Aflyn ignoring her, and Blake approaching Ellie. With the lack of attention, she slammed down the camera and made to leave the room and spy on her aunt and uncle.

@callans-okk

#rolf scamander #heidi scamander #nick Scamander #aflyn scammander #newt scamander #callan kowalski #cleo kowalski #archer max #ellie max #lucinda max

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heartsoftruth · 7 years ago

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until now i thot Ney@PSG was just a way for him (and his pai) to get more money/advantages from barca by using PSG as a pressure point ... But now, after what Geri and Masche said, he apparently really considering leaving ... It's not just a mind game with barca's direction, he is actually serious. I still don't know what to think about it ...

Anonymous said:“Do you wane be someone who we hear of when you play in the CL only or one we also wants league matches live?” This got me thinking, maybe PSG could bring him a little more peace. Less media exposition, less pressure. On a personal level, i think it could be good for Ney … On a professional level, Barca is way more competitive of course. I understand why he take his time to truly think about it even if for the fans it is a hard time.

He wants to win the BdO. If he wants to win it in France he or has to score 40+ but especially win the CL. That will be historical.

Anonymous said:I want him to leave. I think he needs it for his growth. But not like this and not PSG 😭

@imahighfunctioningdisaster said:I just really don’t see what’s appealing in going to PSG. (Except maybe for the money, but that what’s interest NSr, not NJr.) Ligue1 is so bad, like there is nothing spectacular or interesting to play in french football. There aren’t good opportunities or way to make yourself more famous, no good club (bc PSG is not a good club, not at all). (And it’s coming from a french person who doesn’t follow la Ligue 1 because of how bad it is.)

I dont see the appeal either tbh. I really dont see it. STAY!

Anonymous said:Neymar, it doesn’t get any better than Barca. You are a part of the best trio in football. You’ve won cups & you get praised for how incredible you are. But you’ll throw it away for money? A Brazilian friend persuading you too? If he leaves to PSG he goes to a shitty league with no competition. No one will care how many goals he scores. He won’t be alongside some of the best players in the world. But at least you got that money right? What a disappointment. Even if he stays, I don’t care.

Anonymous said:Ney will be hated by the fans bc of thinking about leaving. Ofcourse he’s thinks about leaving his dad wants him to go to psg. But I think Ney should man up and tell his father what he wants for once.

Anonymous said:I’m mind blown at how his father is sitting back and letting all this backlash happen, why is he ruining his sons reputation. Money is great and all but as a father your child should come first, his happiness should come first always.

Anonymous said:The damage is done already, Cules don’t want Neymar to stay even the once who really liked him are turning their backs on him. At this point he might as well just leave. I don’t know if he’s even aware of it. But he will be when the Camp Nou welcomes him with boos and whistles.

Exactly, it doesn’t get better than Barça and hell to the no at P$G…

I hope he stays. I’m keeping positive. I hope tonight will be a good came again and maybe some stay Ney chants and he will see what he can achieve with this team.

He will just have to make up a lot with the fans.

Anonymous said:Hi i’m sorry to bother but why would JB fans be mad at him? Did something happen? Again sorry for bothering youHi, you don’t bother me. I just dont remember what I said about JB… Anonymous said:hey ash well am a madridista but i wanna say that i really wish ney to stay although this will harm and threaten real Madrid but i want him to stay bec i love him and if he stays within a couples of years he gonna be the best player in world and 2nd its amazing to see such a unique talent in la liga :) am sorry if i interfered in barca issue while i am a Madrid fan good night all xoxox

Aaawh thank you! Thats very nice of you to say! I didnt know RMA fans visited my blog, but your words are too kind! It;s great to see how you appreciate him

Anonymous said:I feel like Geri messed up, meant positive about Neymar, but some things he said come out negative, he made him sound like incompetent child who can’t think for himself, and made it sound like he’ll never lead club cuz he’s not Messi. Not a good msg to send out there. I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that but it came out like that. We all know Ney is still under influence of his dad but he made big choices against him in the past and hes not a compete idiot, I think ppl underestimate him too much

Geri spoke his mind and the truth. I know what Geri means with the child comment and it isn’t as negative as it may seem. I thought he said some interesting stuff in a time where the subject of all this drama isn’t speaking.

Anonymous said:watching stories from Neymars friends pisses me off even more, they really are such fucking parasites! he does all the work, in the middle of this hot mess they’re just fucking around, partying in messy hotel rooms, all just follow him around and live of of him and his success like leaches, they are no use. How can he be grown up surrounded with ppl like that 24/7?? Are they gonna still sit in his living room when they’re 50? pathetic….

I hvae no idea. I hope they tell him fucking stay at Barca idioto.

Anonymous said:If its abt leadership eventually ney will leave cos lio is the undisputed leader here&he fought his way to be here. Its not like he randomly became the leader over the years he has cemented his place. At the start it was a struggle even for him and right now tbh it would be extremely disrespectful and wrong to ask leo to step down because why should he he isnt declining? Or has shown any signs of it either even at the juve game both goals he was the starting point of it his inch perfect passes

True. He knows Leo won’t step down and is the natural leader. That;s why he might wanna leave.

Anonymous said:It’s not lio imposes himself on others infact last season he played in the midfield and became Europe’s top scorer he didn’t exactly took away chances from others but rather he is that good he can play in all positions. He by his talent is the natural leader of the squad. He is the best player in the world. Some people try to make it look like lio is a dictator hence ney is going& nobody acknowledges that even messi on his part sacrificed his play to suit msn. He isnt exactly self centered

Exactly! Leo shouldn’t even be brought into this discussion. Every player knows to what team they go to and who the natural leader is. Leo is a team player, not selfish but everyone respects him as the leader.

Anonymous said:Sorry…. he said that his making this very clear he loves Neymar more then Barca and better then being with the best player in the world and that he won’t find this somewhere else, and that he needs to enjoy the team, the city which is Barca and he won’t find it anywhere elseAnonymous said:Nah Neymar has massively dissapointed me! Is he really that stupid that he will lose whatever goodwill he has left with fans even his teammates for carrying this on WAY too long. If it was a silly brumar rumour or something to do with Bruna he would be the first person calling out the journalist or posting some silly posts to end the drama but with HIS own life and career and the integrity and respect for a club that has done their best to accommodate him he keeps mute! He should leave tbhAnonymous said:Okay bye Neymar 👋🏽😒!!! I’m sorry if he really wanted to stay as Barca he would have said something by now, which just shows that his actually considering leaving Barca for a club where he’ll only be recognized in the Champions League?! I’m done he has strung everybody along far too long! I’m disappointed in him!!

I get the disappointment because same, but I still want and hope he will stay. Lets hope he makes the right decision.

Anonymous said:I’m soooo tired of this Neymar drama. Thank God for Lewis, at least one of my faves is treating me right.

Well Lewis also has a lot of drama surrounding him always haha.

Anonymous said:Neymar’s father did the impossible…Congratulations 👏👏👏*sarcasm* A majority of FC Barcelona fans (90%) now hate Neymar.he Can’t really say anything??This situation is so annoying.If he wants to leave, he need to SAY. EVERYONE is tired of this waiting.

It’s such a mess…

#and I still have asks...#anonymous

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optimisticpoetrypost-blog · 7 years ago

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I was hit from behind on Wednesday evening heading to work. The driver was ticketed by the police and their insurance company has admitted full liability. Injury wise, I have whiplash which thankfully, is going away now. My car, according to their adjuster, is going to be claimed as totaled. So, my car is valued at 7400, and repairs just from visual inspection, are 7015. So they are going the totaled route as its cheaper for them. After they buy the car from me, they will sell it to salvage, expect to get 2k from it, and only be out 5400 instead of a full cost of repairs. So I've had the car for a year and half, taken out on a 5yr car loan. I still owe 12k on it. After they cut a check to the lean holder, I'm still responsible for 5k on that loan. The bank and my insurance at the time didn't offer gap insurance. Stupid of me, I let my current policy expire to search around for a more affordable policy. I kept procrastinating, and the accident happened with me having no insurance. Lucky he hit me and is at fault. I'm trying to see what my options are. I've gone to the liable company's website and see their basic plan for my state, law requires 25k in property liability for at fault accidents, plus medical etc. So I'm wondering what should I expect from the lady handling this claim. I'm not fooled when she called me yesterday and said that she is here to work with and for me. Saying that there is probably a lot of talk about lawyers, just know they will take 30-40% of you settlement. Know that I'm here to work for you, try to work with me I'm thinking my head total bull crap. 1, she works for her insurance company first, and will have their interest first, 2, she works for their client and to protect them from me in a suit. In the end, I'm not stuck with a car that they will not fully pay to have repaired, and will still owe 5k after they pay the loan holder the value of the car. My credit is damaged and getting a new loan is probably not going to happen easily. I really don't want to get a lawyer but I now have a car sitting in my driveway that I can't use plus a balance in the end. Anyone got some suggestions as to what I should realistically expect. The lady mentioned a liability settlement, repair settlement, medical expenses settlement, and personal injury settlement. I'm not out to make money on this as that just will not happen. But I have no car and will owe 5k still. I'm just like...f**k""

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Hi, I am 30 years old and my wife and I had a combined income of approx $62,000 for 2006. In august of this year I will be quitting my full time job and going back to school full time. My current salary is $50,000. I anticipate making no more than $20,000 while in school and not being able to get health insurance through work. My income for 2007 will screw up my chances of getting most federal aid for the first year and will probably exclude me from healthy NY as well. Insurance through school is about $600 a month. I've gotten quotes of $513 to $1200 a month for my wife and I. All I want is catastrophic coverage in case either of us have any major problems or I have an accident while riding my motorcycle (a means of transportation, not a toy). These online quotes are driving me crazy. Where is the best place for me to look for something that will cover these specific conditions and how much should I expect to pay? Thanks in advance!!""

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I just bought a car (used). bought from the previous owner. AND NOW IM STUCK....? i dont have my licence yet; i am 18 though. im going to register the car in my name and the title and all that stuff. i also need to do emissions testing. I know i need to do all of that be for i take my drivers test. My thing is with the insurance. The car needs to be ensured for the test. Q: can i get insurance with out a license?

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Motorbike insurance quote 1202 (UK)!?

Could someone please let me know as to why my motorcycle quote is so high? I'm 18 years old and have recently passed my CBT. The bike I am purchasing is a 2009 YZF-R125 with a value of 3000. My friends bike, a CBR125, only costs him somewhere around the 400 per year mark. I don't understand it... Thanks for any replies.""

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I am pretty sure that I totaled my car yesterday. I hadnt even had it for a month yet, but I had got an auto loan from my bank to purchase the car. Since I only had it for such a short time, I hadn't even begun to pay on the loan for the car. If it is definitely declared totaled by the claims adjuster from my insurance company, is it likely that my insurance will pay off the whole loan? I have full coverage insurance, and had made no major changes to the car from When I got it to yesterday when I wrecked it so the value should be about the same.""

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Hi thanks for taking your time to answer this question... I have geico right now, but dont think its the cheapest insurance company I have... I dont really care if customer service is bad, as long as its cheap!!! so please tell me... WHATS A CHEAP INSURANCE COMPANY??? lol""

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My 125cc bike has seized?? the garage have told me there is no point in repairing it :(. I dont have a lot of money, and am trying to do my test would it be worth trying to fix it? Would the insurance company be able to help me? Would they be able to provide me with transport until i get a replacement? What engine size bike can i get if i pass my standard bike test?""

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I'm a first time driver over 25, used car 2001 ford focus, central fl. how much should the insurance cost?""

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My car was totaled and the insurance is only offering me $11,500, but the same car (year/make/model) with same mileage on it ranges from $13,500 - $15,000 in my area. Can I haggle with them to give me more? I have not yet accepted the $11,500, I tried to tell them, but they keep saying they won't give me more, shall I ask for a supervisor, I don't know if insurance companies are starting off low and you can drive it up a bit?""

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I just got my Drivers License earlier this second quarter and I'm going for my motorcycle within the next month or two. My birthday is in February and I am currently 23 years of age.

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Hi. I was involved in an at-fault car accident while driving a rental. Here is the rental situation: The rental car was not insured through the independent rental company. My insurance won't cover it either. I was never offered rental insurance and there was no contract signed regarding the car in question. The owner of the rental company has a rent-to-own business as well, and priced the car at $6,000, but is letting me pay just $4,550. According to Blue Book, the car is worth anywhere from $2,100 to $2,900. I'm willing to pay for the car. My question is, do I pay what he is asking or pay what the car is worth according to Kelly Blue Book? If I would have bought the car before the accident I would have never paid $6,000. It was only in fair condition when I got it. Thoughts? Thanks""

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I live in Florida, I'm 24years old. So you know my insurance would be sky high. I was wondering if I could register my car in my name but have the insurance in my husband's?""

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Health insurance???

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/whats-cheapest-car-insurance-sharie-noena"

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topsolarpanels · 7 years ago

Text

Al Gore: ‘The riches have subverted all reason’

With the sequel to his blockbuster documentary An Inconvenient Truth about to be released, Al Gore tells Carole Cadwalladr how his role at the forefront of the fight against climate change eats his life

In the ballroom of a conference centre in Denver, Colorado, 972 people from 42 countries have come together to talk about climate change. It is March 2017, six weeks since Trumps inauguration; eight weeks before Trump will announce to the world that he is withdrawing America from the Paris Climate Agreement.

These are the early dark days of the new America and yet, in the conference centre, the crowd is upbeat. Theyve all paid out of their own pockets to travel to Denver. They have taken time off work. And they are here, in the presence of their master, Al Gore. Because Al Gore is to climate change well, what Donald Trump is to climate change denial.

Disaster zone: extermination in the wake of Superstorm Sandy in New Jersey. Photograph: Mike Groll/ AP

Its 10 years since the reason for this, the documentary An Inconvenient Truth , was released into cinema. It was an improbable project on almost every level: a film about what was then practically a non-subject, starring “the mens” best known for not winning the 2000 US election, its beating heart and the engine of its narrative drive a PowerPoint presentation.

When the filmmakers approached him, he explains to the room, I thought they were nuts. A movie of a slideshow, delivered by Al Gore, what doesnt scream blockbuster about it? Except it was a blockbuster. In documentary words, anyway. The careful accretion of facts and figures genuinely shocked people. And its a measure of the impact it had, and still continues to have, that Gore delivers this vignette to a rapt crowd who, over the course of three days, are learning how to be Climate Reality Leaders.

Its the reason why we are all here his foundation, the Climate Reality Project, an initiative that grew out of the film, provides intensive training in talking about climate change, combating climate change denial and the tone might be described as activist upbeat. This is a crisis that is solvable, were told. Trump is just another hitch, another impediment to overcome. And it will be overcome. Only occasionally does a sliver of desperation leak around the edges. You have to stay positive, a man called David Ellenberger tells the audience. Though sometimes, he acknowledges: Theres not sufficient Prozac to get through the day.

Its almost a relief to hear person acknowledge this. Because before there was FAKE NEWS !!! and the FAILING New York Times ! Trump was tweeting about GLOBAL WARMING hoaxsters! and GLOBAL WARMING bullshit! The war on the mainstream media may capture the headlines currently, but the war against climate change science has been in play for years. And its this that is one of the most fascinating aspects of Gores new cinema, An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power . Because if the US had a subtitle at the moment, it might be that, too, and the struggle to overcome fake facts and false narrations shall be financed by corporate interests and politically motivated billionaires is one that Gore has been at the frontline of for more than a decade.

Breaking phase: a huge fissure in the Larsen C ice shelf in the Antarctica. Photograph: Nasa/ John Sonntag/ EPA

The film runs through a host of facts that 14 of the 15 hottest years on record have passed since 2001 is just one. And the accompanying footage is biblical, frightening: tornadoes, deluges, rainfall bombs, exploding glaciers. We find roads falling into rivers and fish swimming through the street of Miami.

The nightly news, Gore says, has become a nature hike through the Book of Revelations. But what his run has shown and continues to show is that evidence is sufficient to. The film opens with clips from Fox News ridiculing global warming. In recent weeks, the New York Times has started describing the Trump administration as waging a war on science, a full-on assault against evidence-based science that runs in parallel with his attacks on evidence-based reporting. And Gore is in something of a unique position to understand this. What becomes clear over the course of several conversations is how entwined he believes it all is climate change refusal, the interests of big capital, dark money, billionaire political funders, the dominance of Trump and what he calls( hes written a volume on it) the assault against reason. They are all pieces of the same puzzle; a puzzle that Gore has been tracking for years, because it turns out that climate change denial was the canary in the coal mine.

In order to fix the climate crisis, we need to first fix the government crisis, he says. Big money has so much influence now. And he says a phrase that is as dramatic as it is multilayered: Our democracy has been hacked. Its something I hear him recur to the audience in the ballroom, in a room backstage, a few a few weeks later in London, and finally on the phone earlier this month.

Popular backlash: protesters demonstrate against the Koch brothers, funders of climate change denial. Photo: Nicholas Kamm/ AFP/ Getty Images

What do you entail by it exactly? I mean that those with access to large amounts of fund and raw power, says Gore, have been able to subvert all reason and fact in collective decision making. The Koch friends are the largest funders of climate change refusal. And ExxonMobil claims it has stopped, but it genuinely hasnt. It has given a one-quarter of a billion dollars in donations to climate denial groups. Its clear they attempt to cripple our ability to respond to this existential threat.

One of Trumps first acts after his inauguration was to remove all mentions of climate change from federal websites. More overlooked is that one of Theresa Mays first actions on becoming prime minister within 24 hours of taking office was to close the Department for Energy and Climate Change; subsequently gifts from oil and gas companies to the Conservative party continued to roll in. And what is increasingly apparent is that the same think tank that operate in the Nations are also at work in Britain, and climate change denial operating the a bridgehead: unifying the right and providing an entry road for other tenets of Alt-Right notion. And, its this network of power that Gore has had to try to understand, in order to find a way to combat it.

In Tennessee we have an expression: If you consider a turtle on top of a fence post, you can be pretty sure it didnt get there by itself. And if you watch these levels of climate denial, you can be pretty sure it didnt merely spread itself. The big carbon polluters have expended between$ 1bn and$ 2bn spreading false doubt. Do you know the book, Merchants of Doubt ? It documents how the tobacco industry discredited the consensus on cigarette smoking and cancer by creating doubt, and shows how its linked to the climate denial movement. They hired many of the same PR firms and some of the same think tanks. And, in fact, some of those who work on climate change refusal actually still dispute the connection between cigarette smoking and lung cancer.

End of the road: the Gave de Pau river overflows after unseasonal storms in France. Photo: Laurent Dard/ AFP/ Getty Images

The big change between our first dialogue in Denver and our last, on the phone this month, is the news that Gore had been desperately hoping wouldnt happen: Trumps announcement on 1 June that he was pulling America out of the Paris Agreement. The negotiations in Paris are right at the heart of the new movie, its emotional centre, and when I watch it in March, the ending still find Gore carrying guarded optimism.

So , what happened? I was wrong, he says on the phone from Australia, where hes been promoting the film. Based on what he told me, I definitely supposed there was a better than even chance he might choose to stay in. But I was wrong. I was fearful that other countries for whom it was a close call would follow his result, but Im thrilled the reaction has been exactly the opposite. The other 19 members of the G20 have reiterated that Paris is irreversible. And governors and mayors all over the country have been saying we are all still in and, in fact, its just going to stimulate us redouble our commitments.

The film “mustve been” recut, the ending changed, the gloves are now off. What changed Trumps mind? I suppose Steve Bannon and his crowd set a big push on Trump and persuaded him that he needed to give this to his base advocates. He had blood in his eyes. Its instructive because Bannon, Trumps chief strategist, is also the ideologue behind Trumps assault on the media. And Bannons understanding of the news and information space, and make further efforts to manipulate it via Breitbart News and Cambridge Analytica, both funded by another key climate change denier, Robert Mercer, are at the heart of the Trump agenda.

And what becomes clear if you Google climate change is how effective the right has been in owning the subject. YouTubes results are dominated by nothing but climate change denial videos. This isnt news for Gore. He has multiple high-level links to Silicon Valley. Hes on the board of Apple and used to be an adviser for Google. We are fully aware of their own problems, he says with what sounds like resigned understatement. Gore has had more than a decade fighting climate change refusal, and in some respects, the problem has simply worsened and deepened.

On the other hand, two-thirds of the American people are convinced that its an extremely serious crisis and we have to take it on, he says. And there is a law of physics that every action makes an equal and opposite reaction. And I do think there is a reaction to the Trump/ Brexit/ Alt-Right populist authoritarianism around the world. People who took liberal democracy more or less for granted are now awakening to a sense that it can only be defended by the people themselves.

Man on a mission: Al Gore in An Inconvenient Truth. Photo: Paramount Pictures

And its in this, his belief in social progress against all odds, that he takes his result from the civil rights motion. The cut of the cinema I see compares the climate change movement to the other great social movements that eventually won out: the abolition of slavery, womens suffrage, civil right. Something profound and disturbing is happening right now, though, he admits. The information system is in such a chaotic transition and people are deluged with so much noise that it devotes an opening for Trump and his forces to wage war against facts and reason.

Is it, as some people describe, an info war? Absolutely, he says. Theres no question about it.

What there isnt much of, in the film, is Al Gore, “the mens”. In 2010, he split from Tipper, his wife of 40 years and the mother of his two grown-up daughters, and what becomes clear is just how much of his life the fight takes up. When I catch up with him next, hes in London for a board meeting of his green-focused investment firm, Generation Investment Management, and I ask him to tell me about his recent travels.

Two weeks ago, I had three red-eyes in five days. Ive been in Sweden, the Netherlands, Sharjah, then lets insure, San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles. Where else? he asks his assistant.

Vegas, she says. We did CinemaCon.

Vegas, we did that. And then, lets ensure, Nashville, on my farm.

Focus on facts: Al Gore in An Inconvenient Sequel. Photo: Courtesy of the Sundance Institute

I assume this sum of travelling is connected to the release of the film, but no. Ive been at this level for the past 10 years and longer. He hesitates to use the word mission, he says, and then use it. When you feel a sense of purpose that seems to justify pouring everything you can into it, it induces it easier to get up in the morning.

He does tell me a bit about his parents though. He describes his father, Al Gore Sr, who grew up poor then became a lawyer and a legislator, as a hero to me. And it was at the family farm in Carthage, Tennessee, that he held the first Climate Reality training, an informal get-together of 50 people that has morphed into the event I witnessed in Denver. Theres no type or demographic, I shared a table with a disparate group including a consultant for the aerospace industry, a French lawyer and an American cook. And they seemed to have almost nothing in common aside from their passion to do something about climate change. Im a gardener so Im assuring whats happening with my own eyes, the cook, Susan Kutner, told me. You cant ignore it.

In light of Trumps fixation with fake news, its fascinating to find. Gore has been fighting disinformation for more than a decade. And, hes developed his educate program counter to the predominating ideology. The answer is not online. Social media will not save us. We will not click climate change away. The answer hes come up with is low-tech, old-fashioned, human. He takes the time to talk to people immediately, one to one, in the hope they will speak to other people who will speak to other people.

The course is run by Gore. He is on stage virtually the entire time over three intensive days. And the heart of it is still the slideshow. One of his aides tells me how he was up until 2am the night before. Hes preoccupied with his slides, he has 30,000 of them and he switches them around all the time.

Tinder dry: changing climate has find an upturn in woodland flames around the world. Photo: Jae C Hong/ AP

In the movie, you consider him perpetually hustling, calling world leaders, rounding up solar energy entrepreneurs, developing activists. Hearing information from people you know is at the heart of his strategy. You need people who will look you in the eye and say: Look, this is what Ive learned, this is what you need to know. It works. Ive watched it run. It is working. And its just getting started. Weve get 12,000 trained leaders now.

How many people do you think its impacted?

Millions. Honestly, millions. And a non- trivial percentage of them have gone on to become pastors in their countries governments or take leadership roles in international organisations. Theyve had an outsized impact. Christiana Figueres[ the UN climate chief ], who operated the Paris meeting, she was in the second training session I did in Tennessee. And, right now, people are get really fired up.

Al Gore shared the Nobel Prize in 2007 for his efforts in combating climate change, but in some way it feels like hes just getting started. The rest of the world is only now cottoning on to the enlightenment battle thats at the heart of it a battle royal to defend facts and reason against people and forces-out for whom its a truth too inconvenient to permit. For Gore, the US oil companies are the ultimate culprits, but its only just becoming apparent that Russia has also played a role, amplifying messages around climate change as it did around the other issues at the heart of Trumps agenda, and we segue into his visits to Russia in the early 90 s, during one of which he fulfilled Putin for the first time.

What did you induce of him? I would not have thought of him as the future chairperson of Russia. I once did a televised town hall event to the whole of Russia and Putin was the one who was in charge of inducing sure all the cables were connected and whatnot.

Revenge is tweet: an image of Trump is projected by Greenpeace on to the US Embassy in Berlin after he declared that America was pulling out of the Paris Climate Agreement. Photo: Michael Sohn/ AP

What does he construct of the investigations into Russian interference? I guess the investigation of the Trump campaigns collusions with the Russians and the existence of fiscal levers of Putin over Trump is proceeding with its own rhythm beneath the news cycle, and may well ten-strike pay dirt. Its also worth pointing out that when someone passed his campaign stolen information about George W Bushs debate research, he handed it to the FBI.

And then he astounds me by pulling out a reference to an interview I conducted with Arron Bank, the Bristol businessman who funded Nigel Farages Leave campaign. Hes been reading up about the links between Brexit and Trump, and Bankss and Farages support of Putin and Russia. He told you: Russia needs a strong man, didnt he? And you hear that in the US, and I dont think its fair to the Russians. I am a true disciple in the superiority of representative republic where there is a healthy ecosystem characterised by free speech and an informed citizenry. I genuinely defy the slur against any nation that theyre incapable of governing themselves.

Brexit, Trump, climate change, oil producers, dark fund, Russian influence, a full- frontal assault on facts, evidence, journalism, science, its all connected. Ask Al Gore. You may want to watch Wonder Woman the summer months, but to understand the new reality were living in, you really should watch An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power . Because, scaring because this is, in some ways the times of typhoons and exploding glaciers are just the start of it.

Al Gore Live in Conversation followed by a screening of An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power , for one night merely Friday 11 August in cinemas everywhere. Book your tickets at po.st/ aninconvenientsequel An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power is in cinema everywhere from 18 August. The cinema also opens the Film4 Summer Screen at Somerset House, 10 -2 3 August, somersethouse.org.uk

The Observer Ethical Awardings: how to enter

To vote, going to see theguardian.com/ environment/ 2017/ jul/ 25/ vote-in-the-observer-ethical-awards-2 017 or email ethical.awards @observer. co.uk with the category title in the subject header. Then tell us in no more than 200 words why you, or your nominee, deserves to be recognised. Feel free to attach paintings, a short movie or relevant connections. The closing date is 15 September. For more information, going to see observer.co.uk/ ethical-awards