#nothing beats seb around taller men

[driveitlikesebastianvettelwould]

Sebastian Vettel staring dreamily into Travis’ eyes interviewed by Travis Pastrana at ROC 2023.

X

[chain-unchained]

June 17

(Just a heads up, this is entirely a filler chapter with Ashe, Sebastian and Sam-- and this is where I reeeaally start taking creative liberties with the game systems.)

“Ugh, it’s too hot to practice…” Sam groaned, as he and Sebastian walked away from Alex’s ice cream stand, cones of creamy frozen goodness in hand. “And it’s too hot to do anything else today...”

“You say the same thing every year.” Sebastian pointed out, raising a brow at Sam’s drama. “Why don’t you ever ask for an air conditioner for your birthday present? Or just save up and buy one yourself?”

Sam’s expression became quite sheepish. “Well… I know how expensive they can be, especially when it starts heating up, so I’d feel bad asking Mom to spend that kind of money.” He admitted, hastily licking up a trail of melted chocolate ice cream as it ran down the side of his cone. “And my paychecks aren’t usually that big, y’know? With what I have left after giving half to Mom for rent, I’d have to spend a whole year saving to afford one. It’s like…” He gestured with his hands, “I can either be a penny-pinching miser for something that I’ll only use for a couple of months a year, or I can have fun with my money and spend it on stuff I’ll actually use all the time, like strings for my guitar or a new amp.”

“Or you could work more than once a week.” Sebastian was deadpan in his delivery, crushing his friend just a little; it was a playful jest, of course, one meant in good fun. “Even if you picked up just one extra shift every week, it’d give you more to work with.”

“Yeah, I know…” Sam hung his head a little in defeat. “Can you blame me, though? I don’t want to work at that awful place! Even if it does have air conditioning, it’s not worth it. I don’t know how Shane puts up with Morris for forty hours a week, every week.” He looked thoughtful as he took a bite, using his tongue to lick up some that got on his upper lip. “Y’know, speaking of Shane… he seems different lately. Like, he seems more… I dunno, clear-headed? Maybe it’s just me, but…”

Sebastian ran his tongue around his own ice cream to keep it from melting too quickly. “He’s stopped ordering beer when he comes to the saloon on Fridays.” He pointed out, much to Sam’s surprise. “… You didn’t notice because you never turn around when we’re playing pool.”

“Cos the last time I turned around, you hit the 8-ball into the back of my head.” Sam pouted a little; amongst their little friend group, he was definitely the most oblivious. “I wonder if he’s trying to stop drinking. If so, that’s gotta take some serious willpower.”

“Why don’t you ask Ashe and find out?” Sebastian pointed over Sam’s shoulder. “He’s right over there.” It was pretty common knowledge in town at that point that Ashe and Shane were close, so it made sense to ask a question like that of him rather than going directly to the source.

“Huh?” Sam turned around and followed Sebastian’s finger; sure enough, Ashe was heading up through the north of town, past Harvey’s and Pierre’s and up towards the mountains where the Carpenter’s was. To their surprise, he was carrying quite a large, empty burlap sack, with a pickaxe strapped across his back. “Oh, good idea. Hey, Ashe! Ashe!”

Faintly hearing his name being called, Ashe paused, looking back over his shoulder curiously. “Oh! Hey guys!” He turned around and waved, waiting as Sam and Sebastian made their way towards him. “Happy birthday Sam~ I was actually heading to the mines to get a birthday present for you.”

“Aw, that’s real nice of you.” Sam was touched by his thoughtfulness, but he couldn’t help but be concerned. “Aren’t the mines dangerous, though? I wouldn’t want you to get hurt on account of me.”

“I dunno, I bet it’s a lot of fun to go exploring in them.” Sebastian shrugged his shoulders a little. “It’s got to be more exciting than anything else you can do here in town.”

Ashe just smiled, adjusting the strap of the sack slung across him. “It can be a little dangerous, but there’s a rescue team on standby in case things go wrong. Even though they’re technically Joja employees, they’re really nice. And it’s really exciting to see what you can find down there~” An idea struck him, making him press his palms together in delight. “I know! If you guys don’t have anything else to do, why don’t you come to the mines with me? I bet we could find a whole vein of valuable gems.”

The two taller males could practically see the gold coins dancing in Ashe’s eyes at the notion. “Well… I mean, it’s better than anything else we could have thought of.” Sam admitted, glancing over to see Sebastian’s own eyes glinting a little. He knew his best friend hated the mundanity of life in Pelican Town, and was probably extremely keen on the idea. “The mines have gotta be cooler than out here, right?”

“Oh, definitely.” Ashe nodded enthusiastically. “The mines stay super cool—sometimes a little too cold, but that’s when you get warmed up with some mining~”

That was enough to sell the still-reluctant Sam, whose ice cream at that point had already half-melted from the humid heat around them. “Alright, count me in. What about you, Seb?”

“Definitely.” Sebastian tossed what was left of his ice cream into the nearest trash bin as the three of them began up the path towards the north; on their way there, they passed Robin, who was on her way to Pierre’s for Caroline’s weekly aerobics class. They played off their passing casually, as Robin would definitely protest them heading into the mines if she knew what they were up to—even though she was a mother only to Sebastian, she had that motherly ability to cow any unruly teenagers if she felt like they were doing something dangerous. Since she had only just left for the class (the class that Jodi also went to every week), that gave them a solid three hours to explore before their folks got suspicious.

Right off the bat, the interior of the mines was noticeably cooler—it was easily a ten to twenty degree difference, making the trio sigh in relief. Having never really been inside the mines before, Sebastian and Sam were surprised to see a sort of ‘base camp’ setup right past the entrance—it was a small setup, to be true, with a little first aid station and a portable restroom. Usually the rescue team was comprised of two Joja employees, but that day only one was present, a mousy ginger-haired girl with huge glasses.

“Hi Ellie~” Ashe greeted as the three of them approached; the sudden sound of his voice made the meek girl practically jump out of her skin, having been so absorbed in the book she was reading that she hadn’t heard them enter the cave. “Are you working alone today?”

“A-Ah, hello Ashe…” Hastily, Ellie put down the book and fixed her now lopsided glasses, thoroughly flustered by that point. “Y-Yes, it’s just me today. You know h-how it is during the week…” Looking to the unfamiliar young men with Ashe, she asked hesitantly, “A-Are these your friends?”

“Mmhm.” Gesturing to Sebastian and Sam, Ashe introduced, “This is Sebastian, and this is Sam.”

“Hey, nice to meetcha.” Sam greeted with a friendly smile, while Sebastian raised his hand in hello. “So uh, how does this whole setup go exactly?”

Ellie got to her feet. “W-Well… You sign your name into this logbook, just so we have a record of you coming in should anything happen.” She gestured to the crate with said book on it. “Th-then we get you fitted with some safety gear and weapons, and you go off and… do your thing.” She seemed to recall something and looked to Ashe. “U-Unfortunately, you’ll have to stick with the left path; P-Percy signed in a-about an hour ago and reserved the right path for the day.”

“Drat.” Ashe scuffed the toe of his boot into the ground with a pout. “The right path is always loaded… Oh well, it can’t be helped.” It always felt like his rival was one step ahead of him; just when he thought he was catching up, Percy managed to widen the gap between them even further. “… The mines split off into two different directions.” He explained to his friends, who both looked slightly puzzled.

“F-From what we can tell,” Ellie added as she retrieved some safety gear for them to put on, “the left path is from the hey-day of the mining operation; the right path was started when the left path started running out of resources, but due to a cave-in, the whole operation was shut down before much p-progress was made, hence why it tends to be more resource-rich. B-But I’m sure you’ll be able to find plenty all the same.”

She helped the boys into the gear—nothing too grand or complex, considering it was a setup that Joja realistically made very little money on and thus had no incentive to do anything more. Helmets with headlamps, gloves, some rather dull-bladed swords. She did give Sebastian and Sam their own pickaxes, before strapping what seemed to be some kind of monitoring devices to their wrists. “Sh-Should anything happen, these alarms will send a signal to me to come get you guys. B-Be safe in there, and good luck.”

“Thanks, Ellie~” Ashe smiled merrily and proceeded onward, with Sebastian and Sam quick to follow; the path into the mines was straightforward for a short distance, before it diverted sharply into two distinct paths like a forking road. “I still can’t believe Percy beat us here.” He couldn’t help but pout, giving the right path a longing look before he led the two to the left.

“Are you really so strapped for money that you need those resources to sell?” Sebastian asked as he too came to walk beside Ashe.

“Well, not really…” Ashe admitted meekly; suddenly, a fire lit up in his eyes, and he pumped his fists in determination. “But the more money I make, the more I can improve the farm, which means more money, which means more improvements! I absolutely, absolutely, absolutely have to make my farm better than Percy’s.”

Sebastian and Sam shared a look around the short male. “Why is that so important?” Sam couldn’t help but inquire slowly. It just seemed so out of character for Ashe to be so money-hungry and so competitive, when usually he was one of the friendliest folks in town.

“…” Ashe’s arms fell to his sides. “Because if I don’t, Joja will take grandpa’s farmland and turn it into factories.” He murmured, his shoulders slumping as he came to a stop.

“Joja will—wait, come again?” Sam’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Seriously?!”  

“Mmhm.” It was all Ashe could do to simply nod his head in confirmation, leaving Sebastian and Sam somewhat speechless. “I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. So…” He clenched his fists for a moment, before thrusting his finger outward dramatically. “That’s why I will build a farm better than anyone’s ever seen before! And to do that, I need lots and loootsa G, so let’s get to mining!”  

It was such an abrupt about-face that it practically gave the boys whiplash. They’d had no idea of the kind of pressure that Ashe was under, but it wasn’t exactly their fault; despite how nosy the farmer could be, he was pretty tight-lipped about himself and his goings-on at the farm, as though he preferred to endure his burdens all alone. Whatever the reason was, Sam and Sebastian had gained some pretty horrific insight into just how depraved Joja was.

“What gives them the right to try and take your grandpa’s farmland?” Sam tried to press, jogging to keep up with Ashe who had picked up a quick pace in search of treasures. “That can’t be legal, they can’t just take what doesn’t belong to them cos they feel like it. And I knew Percy was kind of an ass, but I didn’t think he was a Joja stooge.”  

“It’s a long story.” Ashe seemed perfectly content to leave things at that, smiling that carefree smile of his as he marched resolutely onward. “We’re starting to get kind of deep now, so we might end up seeing a few slimes here and there. They’re harmless—actually, they’re really cute and squishy, and they seem to like attention. Sometimes, they even lead me to where a good ore vein is~”

Clearly, the boys weren’t going to get much more than that out of him; one of Ashe’s more deserved reputations was of his unyielding stubbornness. “… Wait, slimes?” Sebastian repeated, as what Ashe had just said sunk into his brain. “You mean like, the kind you fight in Dragon Quest?”

“Yup.” Ashe looked over his shoulder and grinned. “In fact, I’d say the ones in here are way cuter.”

Almost as if on cue, a little green blob bounced into view from around a large jagged boulder, its little antenna swaying too and fro as it merrily went along its way. “Oh, there’s one now!”

Completely startled by this revelation—that creatures much like the ones they’d slain in video games existed in their world, in these mines not far from town—Sam let out a startled yelp, tripping over his own feet in his haste to step back; he was, of course, horrified when dozens of the little round blobby beings popped out of nowhere and swarmed them, drawn from their hiding spots by the sound of activity and voices. Just as Ashe had said, they were completely harmless, simply bouncing uselessly off of their legs like a thrown pillow or stuffed animal would.

“…. Is this real life right now?” Sebastian crouched down and dangled one by its squishy skin; it felt kind of like mochi without the rice flour coating. The slime wriggled and squirmed a little, looking up at Sebastian with an expression of overt curiosity mixed with a desire to be freed.

The sound of Sam’s raucous laughter filled the mine; Ashe and Sebastian looked down to see the slimes practically converging on him, jumping and crawling all over him as he tried in vain to push them off. “I-It tickles when they move!!!” He wheezed, the weight of all the slimes on his upper body pinning him to the rocky ground. “D-Don’t just st-stand there! HALP!”

“Welp, RIP Sam.” Sebastian tossed the slime he was holding into the slime-pile and began to walk. “He lived a good life.”

“If we find a neat gemstone we’ll be sure to leave it on your grave~” Ashe chimed as he traipsed off with Sebastian.

“H-Hey, where are you guys going?!” Sam sputtered, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head once more—before another slime happily squished onto his face.

Of course, they went back once the joke had run its course, if only out of pity for the guy who seemed completely incapable of getting the slimes off for fear of hurting them. It was a good introduction to what the mines were like, though, especially once Ashe told them that the only threat slimes posed was thanks to their tendency to swarm like that—it was easy to get into some real trouble if there were other monsters lurking about.

 “Oh yeah, I completely forgot.” Sam suddenly recalled their original reason for wanting to talk to Ashe some time later, as they were chipping away at a vein of silver ore—it wasn’t a gemstone, sure, but silver was still valuable in its own right. “We wanted to ask you something, Ashe.”

“You wanted to ask him something.” Sebastian corrected as he gave Sam a pointed look. “Don’t drag me into your nosiness.”

Ashe swung his pickaxe hard enough to chip a good chunk from the vein. “Me?” He asked, giving Sam an inquisitive look as he knelt down to pick the chunk from the ground. “What is it?”

“Is there something going on with Shane?” Sam wiped a bead of sweat from his face with his shoulder and leaned against the handle of his pickaxe as he spoke. “He seems different than usual, and we noticed that—” A small pebble struck him in the back of the head; he jerked his head around to see Sebastian casually sifting through a pile of chipped fragments, humming in that kind of ‘innocent’ way that was a dead giveaway that he had chucked it. “…. Sebastian noticed that he stopped ordering drinks at the bar. We figured asking him directly wouldn’t work out too well, and you’re one of the people he’s closest to, so…”

“I just want to clarify that I have no part in this.” Sebastian announced bluntly, leaning around his friend to give Ashe a dead serious expression. “Sam was the one who wanted to stick his nose in Shane’s business.”

“Dude, why are you trying to throw me under the bus?!” Sam whipped around again to fume at his friend. “Admit it, you’re curious as hell too! Otherwise you wouldn’t have said anything in the first place! And why are you acting like it’s such a big deal, anyway? It’s a small town, everyone knows everyone’s business eventually!”

As Sam ranted, Sebastian looked away with a smirk and cleaned some dust out of his ear with his pinky finger; it was way too much fun to rile up his friend like that, especially since Sam had the tendency to go way over the top as he was then. “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.”

“What does that even mean?!” Sam threw his hands up in defeat.

The sound of Ashe giggling brought Sam’s energy back down; the two looked towards the farmer and found him nearly doubled over with repressed laughter. “It’s not a big deal, guys.” He managed to giggle out, straightening up and wiping a tear from his eye; he was almost jealous of the kind of friendship that they had with one another, the kind where you could sit and insult one another for hours just to see who could come up with the most creative shit talk. “Shane decided to quit drinking, that’s all.”

It was the confirmation that they had suspected, but to hear it was still a surprise, considering how much of a beer hound Shane had been up until that point. “Damn. What do you mean, it’s not a big deal?” Sam asked. “That’s kind of huge for him, isn’t it?”

“Of course it is.” Picking up his pickaxe again, Ashe gave it another good swing, sending bits and pieces of rock and silver everywhere. “But I… I think he’s kind of embarrassed about it. He said the last thing he wants is for the whole town to start bringing up how glad they are that he’s not a drunkard anymore. He just wants everything else to stay the same…” Another swing revealed little flecks of red embedded in the rock, and he set the pickaxe aside to crouch down and get a closer look. “Change can be really scary, so having something normal to cling to can make it less scary… right?”

Sam and Sebastian exchanged a look. “A match made in heaven.” Sam stated with a sage nod of his head.

“I can already hear the wedding bells ringing.” Sebastian agreed, making Ashe’s face turn red.

“H-Hey, what do you mean by that?” He demanded, becoming quite flustered by their casual comments. “It’s not like that with us at all. We’re just good friends. Besides, Shane… Shane needs to focus on getting better. Something like that would just get in the way. Yeah, it would just distract him from his recovery!”

His adamant protests and excuses made both males snicker. “The lady really doth protest too much now.” Sebastian teased with a smirk. “Oh, calm down and listen.” He added, when he saw that Ashe was getting even more worked up than Sam had been a few moments ago.

“Think about it.” Sam took the opportunity to sit down beside Ashe for a break, gesturing for the smaller male to join him as Sebastian did the same. “Shane’s been set in his way for years and years, right? Everyone in town knew what a bad place he was in; we just didn’t know how to get him to see that. But then you showed up, a total stranger, and within just a few months Shane decides that he’s gonna call it quits with booze. Now why would he do that for someone he hasn’t known for very long, and not for the people he’s lived with for years?”

Ashe didn’t say anything for a moment as he pulled his knees up to his chest. “… I didn’t have anything to do with that.” He insisted emphatically, once he had given some thought to what he wanted to say. “All I did was pester him until we were friends...”

Even as he said the words, he knew deep down that he was lying to himself. If that were really true, then why was he letting all of this bother him so much? “….” Catching the look that the two were giving him, he quickly added, “E-Even if what you’re getting at is true, there’s no chance anything would happen with us. Absolutely zero. Shane isn’t into guys, and surely it’d make people in town feel uncomfortable…”

“How do you know he’s not into guys?” Sebastian dug around in his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. “Did he ever say that, or are you just assuming?”

“…. It’s a pretty safe assumption.” Ashe mumbled, his face only turning redder.

“Thought so.” The flame of Sebastian’s lighter lit up the space for a moment, followed by the sound of the end of the cigarette smouldering as Sebastian took a drag on it.

“We’re not trying to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable.” Sam assured Ashe as the farmer buried his face in his hands. “We’re really not—”

“Oh I am.” Sebastian corrected, earning himself a smack on the shoulder from his best friend.

“—We just wanna help you out a little.” Sam continued, after giving Sebastian one hell of a stink eye. “You’re our friend, after all. And it’s pretty obvious how much you care for the guy, and how much he cares for you.”

For a long moment again, Ashe didn’t say anything. It felt strange, to have the ‘because we’re friends’ card played against himself for a change. “… I don’t want to ruin what we already have.” He finally murmured, resting his chin against his knees; for once, none of his characteristic bubbliness was present. “And it would feel like I’m just taking advantage of him when he’s vulnerable… I really appreciate what you guys are trying to say, but…” He lifted his head up and looked to each of them in turn, putting on the best, most convincing smile that he could. “I’m really happy with letting things stay the way they are~”

It was painfully obvious what a lie that was. But before either Sebastian or Sam could say anything more, they felt a faint rumble in the ground. “Uhh… that wasn’t me.” Was the first thing that Sam could think to say as the three of them looked around for the source.

“I think we’d actually die of oxygen depravation if it was you.” Sebastian quickly snuffed out his cigarette. “It was probably a minor earthquake or something—” That explanation began to fall apart as another rumble, then another still followed, each growing slightly stronger than the last. “… Ashe, should we be worried?”

“Uhh, maybe?” Ashe scrambled to his feet and cranked up the light on his headlamp as he looked around; a rumble strong enough to nearly knock him over seemed to come from the direction of where they had been coming from. Slowly, all three of them turned their heads to look, their headlamps illuminating upon a massive, deep purple slime as it came to loom over them—unlike the little ones they had encountered before, this one glared down at them with terrifying eyes, its little deely-bopper antennae swaying back and forth in agitation.

“I-Is this one harmless too?” Sam stammered as he and Sebastian also hastily got to their feet, staring up with jaws hanging slightly at the monstrosity before them. “What the hell even is it?”

Ashe swallowed nervously. “S-Slime EX.” He answered, suddenly finding his mouth quite dry. “And, uh… it’s not harmless. If it squishes you, it’s game over.”

Sebastian could picture what being crushed by that thing would be like—moist, heavy, suffocating, and thoroughly unpleasant. Definitely something to avoid at all costs. “Any advice on how to deal with it?”

“Yeah.” Ashe grabbed onto each of their arms and began to backpedal, practically throwing them in the opposite direction of the slime as he shouted, “RUN!”

That was it, they were all done. Screaming at the top of their lungs, the boys fled, with the enraged slime giving chase—it could move pretty damn fast for a squishy amorphous blob. “This is not how I want to go out, man!” Sam wheezed, pumping his arms as hard as he could to get some more momentum in his running. “I’m too young! I haven’t even had a girlfriend yet!!”

“Less bitching, more running!” Sebastian barked to his friend, glancing over his shoulder to see the slime gaining on them and zipping ahead of the two in order to ensure his survival. “Sorry guys! Survival of the fittest, you understand!”

“IF THIS THING DOESN’T KILL YOU THEN I WILL, SEB!” Sam shook his fist after his friend. “YOU ASSHOLE!”

 Collapsed in a big heap, the three began to try and catch their breath; somehow, they’d managed to outrun that thing, though at the expense of going much deeper into the mineshaft than they probably should have. “I-I actually want to die right now.” Sebastian groaned, resting his sweaty face in his hand as he leaned against Sam for support. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done that much physical activity.

On Sam’s other side, Ashe too leaned against him, his head tilted back and his eyes closed as he clutched at his chest. Compared to the other two, he was much more winded, but all of them were too caught up in what had just happened to notice.

“I-I can’t believe… we got away…” Sam coughed, sliding down against the wall he was slumped against; as he did so, he felt something pointy dig into the small of his back, making him yelp and quickly sit back up.

Ashe too straightened up, fanning himself with his hand and doing his best to calm his racing heart. “I’m so sorry, guys.” He apologized, his entire body beginning to shake now that the danger had passed and his adrenaline was wearing off. “Th-that was really dangerous… I-I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

“Wh-what are you apologizing for?” Sebastian shook his head and leaned forward to look at Ashe from around Sam. “We knew the risks from the start. It’s not like you twisted our arms into it; we came with because we were bored.”

“Still….” Ashe let out a long, heavy breath. “I guess I wouldn’t feel as bad if we’d managed to find anything more than a few chunks of silver.” He admitted. “It just feels like this was a big letdown.”

“Are you kidding?” Sam managed to laugh as he got some of the wind back in his lungs. “We got to explore a place we’d normally never go to, we got to see real life monsters, we found some silver, and we almost died! This was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.” For once, Sebastian agreed with his friend, nodding his head as Ashe looked between the two. “… Okay seriously, what the hell keeps poking me?!”

Finally fed up with the sharp jabbing pain in his back, Sam emphatically pushed the two off of him and twisted around to see just what it was. It took a few seconds before his brain registered what he saw, and when it did, his jaw practically hit the floor. “Uhhhh….”

“Whoa…”/ “Holy shit.” Ashe and Sebastian both uttered simultaneously, crowding around Sam as they looked upon a huge vein of jade; what had been poking Sam in the back was a chunk of the gemstone that jutted out from the rest. They had actually just hit paydirt by complete accident. When the revelation sank in, they all shared a long look, before they busted out laughing in disbelief.

They were still laughing and joking about their unreal luck when they finally returned to the front of the cave, hauling the sack filled with jade as it was too heavy to carry properly at that point; what was really the icing on the cake was the look that Percy gave them as they passed, as he had came out from the right path mere moments before them with a much smaller trove.

“Thanks for suggesting that we come with you today, Ashe.” Sebastian thanked, as they emerged out into the furnace that was the outside.

“Yeah, seriously. Thanks!” Sam agreed with the most ecstatic grin. “Man, even splitting what we got three ways, this is gonna be worth like five paychecks~ I’ll be able to get that AC for sure!”

Relieved that things had worked out, Ashe laughed happily. “I should be the one thanking you guys.” He insisted with a merry smile. “If you hadn’t come with, I wouldn’t have made out with much of anything today—”

“Ahem.”

The unmistakeable sound of a displeased mother clearing her throat killed the jovial mood in an instant; to the boys’ horror, Robin and Jodi were waiting for them, both wearing the kind of ‘you’re in so much trouble’ expression that struck fear into the hearts of even grown men. In all the excitement, the three of them had completely lost track of how long they had been in the mines.

“…. Well, it was nice knowing you two!” Ashe suddenly broke away from them, monkey-climbing up the hill to their left up to where Linus’ tent was pitched as he made his grand escape. “I’ll be sure to leave flowers on your graves!”

“ASHE, YOU LITTLE—GET BACK HERE AND SHARE IN THE MISERY!!!” Sam raged, as Sebastian just tugged a cigarette out from the pack in his pocket and lit it, already resigned to his fate. The haul was totally worth getting into trouble for, and if it weren’t for Ashe, they wouldn’t have had arguably the best time of their lives. So just this once, he could get away with it.