#noted hot man bobby cannavale

[critical-chris]

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

Who let the title of this movie get so damn long?

Here we go again. Another post-Endgame, superhero film capping off a trilogy of movies featuring a loved lead character. If only Thor took notes and ended at a trilogy too, maybe the Marvel franchise wouldn't seem so tired and exhausting at this point. I myself am nearing the end of my rope when it comes to watching new installments in another phase of Marvel. The last notches on the belt I've been looking forward to were Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 3 and, due to my own love for the lead character and actor, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantamania.

I feel like I've always been a fan of Paul Rudd. I don't even remember the first movie I saw him in, but I had to have immediately loved him and kept that same energy over the years. It doesn't hurt that he never had a real drop-off either. Looking back through his acting career, he hit the ground running with Clueless three years after his first credit (I haven't seen it, but people like it and I trust he was great in the movie). Then he hits you with Wet Hot American Summer, what used to be a cult hidden classic until Netflix brainwashed everyone into thinking that it was a star-maker when it was released.

He's a key, hilarious figure in one of my favorite comedies all-time Anchorman, a long running guest star on Friends, simps his way through 40 Year Old Virgin, dips a toe in Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Role Models, I Love You Man, etc. etc. The list goes on and on. My favorite Paul Rudd moment is in one of his more mediocre films funnily enough, Wanderlust. The scene where Rudd hypes himself up to a mirror before expecting to hook up with Malin Akerman's character made me laugh harder than I ever had before. Whether it's a cameo, a guest starring role, or being a leading man, Paul Rudd has given us countless performances and years that are laugh out loud funny and memorable.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is the third installment in the Ant Man story and the i-can't-keep-count-how-many movies in the Marvel saga. Scott Lang has been through a lot coming into this movie. He's been to prison, defeated his mentor's protégé and came to terms with Bobby Cannavale marrying his ex-wife, a phasing supervillain and a trip to and from the Quantum Realm (I had to look up the synopsis for Ant-Man and the Wasp because I remembered very little from it despite enjoying it), the blip from Endgame which aged his daughter to a teenager, and the threat of Thanos. The thousand plotlines of the Marvel universe are becoming tired at this point, and you really don't have to remember every little detail, but these events converge and lead us to this new, and hopefully last, adventure for Paul Rudd in the superhero multiverse.

At the start of Ant-Man and the Wast: Quantumania, Scott is living a B-list celebrity life, having meals comp'd by businesses unsure which Avenger he is, slipping in as many Baskin Robbins' plugs as he can, and relishing in his newly released book The Little Things or Don't Count Out the Little Man or whatever little pun they made. His daughter Cassie is an activist rebel for good who also has somehow caught herself up on quantum physics with the help of Hank and Janet Pym (Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer). A convenient point as Cassie has been building a device that can map out and contact the Quantum Realm. Janet Pym loses her shit when she hears of this device and, when attempting to deactivate it, ends up getting the whole clan sucked back into the Quantum Realm. Oh what sights they will see and unusual characters they will meet.

The opening moments are okay enough, there are a couple laughs delivered by Paul Rudd's narration and odd family dynamic, but there is one problem that begins to present itself and sustains throughout the whole movie: the film has no soul. I don't know what it is, these characters I personally really liked and was interested in from the first two movies and Avenger appearances fall flat and seem generic and frankly uninteresting in moments. I should care what happens to these people, but I just didn't. I guess the positive I can glean from the opening is they get to the Quantum Realm rather quickly.

Scott and Cassie (The Langs) get split up from Hope, Hank, and Janet (The Pyms) and each try to find their way back to each other for a decent chunk of the movie's midsection. The Langs battle a couple amoeba and sun monsters before being captured by a group of humanoids and creatures. The Pyms follow Janet on a quest to find someone who can lead them back to reunite with The Langs.

The biggest issue I had when our group of heroes are dropped in the Quantum Realm that lasted throughout the runtime of the movie is the fact that every background, setting, action piece, etc. is computer generated. Obviously I understand you cannot reasonably create most of these effects practically, but when every single rock and speck of dust is CGI the movie loses its texture and I find it hard to emotionally connect as much to people interacting in front of a green screen in a studio. That has always been an issue with Marvel films, but feels like ever since they dove into the multiverse pool it has grown more and more evident.

Scott is dragged into an encampment at night (is there technically a day and night in a Quantum Realm?) where all these crazy creatures circle around him giving the impression he is about to be tortured or killed. Cassie runs into the scene out of nowhere, a red liquid dripping around her mouth, and urges Scott to "drink the ooze". Alright, am I the only one that felt this scene was eerily similar to Star Wars: Episode 6 at the Ewok village? Yes? Okay then, I'll move past it. Scott drinks this red ooze the creatures give him and suddenly he's able to understand the many languages they all speak. They tell him they are rebels against this unnamed 'Conqueror' and he is definitely going to be searching for Scott and Cassie being newcomers to the realm.

The rebels are pretty generic characters. You have the female warrior with a cool staff that disintegrates foes (a lot of disintegration in this movie) but otherwise has no personality, a brute with a sun head with no other discernable personality, and an ooze creature obsessed with how many holes everyone has (I'm not joking) who I guess has a goofy personality, and then just cannon fodder all around.

Meanwhile, the Pyms barter for a manta ray looking thing that allows them to travel to what looks like a hotel rooftop bar to meet a mysterious figure from Janet's past when she was stuck in the Quantum Realm. Turns out, it's Bill Murray. I read a report that Bill Murray was really interested in joining the Marvel franchise, but you could never tell from his performance in this movie. I mean, this guy is SLEEPWALKING through his role. It felt to me that he was on set for a day, maybe two at most, and maybe had a Benadryl or two because he is snoozed out. Anyway, he reveals Janet used to be in a romantic relationship with him but instead of helping the Pyms he has sold them out to the 'Conqueror'.

The Pyms escape, and while on the way to find The Langs, Janet finally comes clean on her past in the Quantum Realm. She found a man named Kang (The Conqueror) who she thought crashed in the Quantum Realm and needed to repair his ship's core which would allow them to escape back to the real world. Janet helped him find the formula to recharge the core, but when they install it and she touches the fully powered ship, she glimpses into Kang's mind and sees that he was actually banished to the realm after going on a conquering spree where he murdered billions of people across different multiverses and timelines. She used the Ant-Man tech to explode the ship's core to a magnificent size which stranded Kang.

The rebel camp housing Scott and Cassie is found out and attacked by the Conqueror's minions and the duo are eventually captured by a flying, mechanical death machine with a golden face and miniature arms and legs. Yes, that's right, miniature arms and legs. So let's talk about MODOK...

I can't lie, the first time MODOK (Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing) pops his helmet off and reveals the stretched out face of Corey Stoll, I laughed. It is inarguably a funny sight and gag for a movie that is inherently supposed to be a comedy. Paul Rudd is at his comedic best in the moments when he talks with MODOK since he can play the 'holding back a laugh or joke' face extremely well. However, I think they go back to the gag waaaaaay too many times and it would have been better served for MODOK to have his helmet down more often than not to keep him menacing and seemingly dangerous. Instead, you never feel anyone is in real danger when he's around because of how ridiculous he looks.

Scott and Cassie are locked up when they first meet Kang the Conqueror, who details to them his master devious plan to shrink his ship's core to normal size with Scott's help, escape the Quantum Realm, and continue his conquering ways. Scott of course refuses, but upon threat of his daughter's death, he relents rather quickly and agrees to help. I do want to make a quick note that I love Jonathan Majors and think he plays a great character in Kang the Conqueror, perfectly captured in the Loki series, and if I wasn't so tired of this franchise I would be looking forward to seeing him more. Alas, I will stick to watching the upcoming second season of Loki and likely bail out from the rest.

Scott's mission is to shrink himself down to find the core of the massive ship's power core (yes, a core of a core) which creates what they call a "Probability Storm". How do I remember the term? Because they repeat it like six times in a five minute sequence. Scott beings to multiply into different versions of himself that would have existed had he made different choices in life, similar to the paradox of Schrödinger’s box and cat. However, we don't get wildly different versions of Scott, rather a million copies of the same version asking what is going on. Oh, and one in a Baskin Robbins uniform, a company that must be bankrolling these films for how much they reference it in a two hour runtime. It stopped being funny the last movie, enough already.

After enduring this sequence, Scott is able to shrink down the ship's core, but is betrayed by Kang (shocker) who steals the core without freeing Cassie and shuffles away to his grand kingdom to prepare to leave the Quantum Realm. The Langs and Pyms regroup, Hank reveals that a few of his ants were also sucked into the Quantum Realm, and prepare themselves to storm Kang's empire city. Something something something, they rouse the rebels in the realm, who cares who cares who cares, and they get to the city with Scott growing himself to a giant size and he breaks down the walls to Kang's kingdom.

Scott Lang and the gang (why hadn't I used that term before now?) face off against Kang and his millions of minions until they finally prevail when Hank Pym's ant army come to the rescue in a pretty cool ending battle. You see a glimpse of Kang's power as he disintegrates fleeing rebels, although conveniently doesn't kill the one with the cool staff as I'm sure they'll get some half-assed Disney+ show out of her, before he is overpowered by the army of ants and eventually destroyed along with his ship's power core.

And here we find two major issues I have with the ending of this movie:

Kang is defeated by ants

Kang the Conqueror is supposed to be the next baddie that will stretch the next several Marvel films in the same vein as Thanos. They spend the whole movie alluding to and then explaining that Kang has innumerable variants (clones, basically) across timelines but this version was so ruthless and awful that the others banished him down to the Quantum Realm. In my mind, he should be the one leading this multi-movie onslaught of trouble for the next generation of Avengers. And yet, he is defeated by Ant-Man, The Wasp, a teenage girl, and two older scientists with telepathic ants. How am I supposed to believe that this guy, or his clones, pose any threat to a collection of superheroes when he can't beat a couple of the lesser ones?

2. Scott's "Sacrifice" is immediately worthless

I thought the ending of this movie may actually work well and be impactful when Scott and Hope seemingly stay behind in the Quantum Realm to keep Kang from escaping despite the rest of their family jumping through a portal to the real world. However, after destroying Kang, it takes all of 20 seconds for the portal to be re-opened and Scott and Hope to escape. I don't know if they're planning on making more Ant-Man movies (I hope they don't) or keeping Paul Rudd around to pop up in future stuff as a cameo (I won't see it if he happens), but it would have been a perfect way to wrap up the character by having him live in this world with Hope. Instead, they ruin it and there is no emotional moment at the end of this after all.

Overall, I'm pretty much done with Marvel and this movie did nothing to reinvigorate my desire to stick with this universe through another dozen films, although I think the negative reviews around it are a little much and more representative of Marvel exhaustion rather than it being a terrible movie. The film is okay, but I wouldn't shit on it. The best word to describe it, and a word I've come to love in the last couple years, is Meh.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - 6.0/10

[newshirtonlines-blog]

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It is unknown Float Like Frybread Sting Like Hot Grease Skoden Ali shirt . if Peña's Luis will return in Quantumania, but previous reports could dim his chances for a comeback. Ant-Man and the Wasp actor David Dastmalchian confirmed that he won't be appearing as Kurt in the threequel, but he did tease that "they’re making something incredible." Following a slew of accusations of sexual abuse, actor T.I. will also not be reprising his role as Dave in Quantumania. Meanwhile, Bobby Cannavale revealed that he hasn't heard if he will reprise his role as Paxton in the upcoming MCU flick, noting that "it doesn't look good for Paxton."Float Like Frybread Sting Like Hot Grease Skoden Ali shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt

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[rubyanjel]

[romyr4]

A hot flash or just hot?

Rating: Not under 18

Warning: a little smut and a lot of fluff

A/n: I wanted to do a fanfic a day, but here I am already with the second one today. Enjoy!

Frances knows she can’t leave her room at night but she sees no other way possible. Her hot flash is burning her up and she needs some kind of cooling down. The cold shower that she took for thirty minutes isn’t enough.

She sneaks down the hall to get to the glass door that leads to the outside pool. Seeing the shiny blue pool she sighs in content. With her nightgown still on she walks into the pool, following the steps down. Her toes get wet and she feels a shiver going down her spine.

She exhales a long breath as she feels the water creep up her legs and cools off her hot flesh. Her fingertips ghost the surface of the water as it wets her nightgown up until her breasts. She feels her nipples tighten from the coldness and she closes her eyes as her arms go into the water as well.

She sighs audibly and walks towards the edge of the pool to look over the beautiful and dark landscape. The hot flashes have become worse ever since she and Tony have been fooling around. The kiss they shared under the tree has undone her.

Her feelings for him have been growing exponentially and her body reacts every time she sees him. The thought alone makes her hot again and it feels like she is in a hot tub. Her breathing starts to accelerate. She can now only inhale as exhaling hurts her lungs and the panic creeps into her mind.

She walks through the water towards the stairs as her throat constricts and she loses the ability to breathe altogether. Now in a full panic, she tries to scream when she feels the water move, not being able to hear because of the ringing in her ears. She turns around and Tony is swimming towards her.

He wraps her into his arms and kisses her hard. She stops trying to breathe altogether as she gets sucked into the feeling that is Tony. She envelops her arms around his neck and pushes her whole body against his. His tongue swipes her lower lip for entrance which she happily gives.

When they part ways they are both panting. She feels lightheaded as she looks him over and smiles shyly. “What happened?” He asks her as his hands lower to her back just above her ass.

She can see his face just barely in the dark, but she hears his concern in his voice. She sighs and lowers her head that then rests on his chest. “I don’t know exactly. I had a hot flash and then I started to panic.”

He rubs her back as she relaxes against his body. His shorts and t-shirt are as wet as her nightgown. Her hands are now resting on his chest. He smiles at her and pecks her lips gently. “You shouldn’t be here, you know you have a shower in your room right?”

His teasing answer makes her relax even more and she giggles while slapping his upper arm lightly. “I know, it wasn’t enough okay? It felt like being cooked inside my own skin.” He winces at her description and he tightens his grip.

Now she is getting hot for another reason. He feels her tense up again and he looks at her. “Do you feel better now?” It is very dark, but if he sees it right she is blushing. He smirks at the thought he makes her shy, which he knows doesn’t happen that often with a woman like Frances.

“Uhm… yeah I just… you uhm… you make me feel hot.” He laughs at that and she slaps his chest. Her head bangs against his chest and she grunts.

“I do? I didn’t know I had that power over you.” He feels her laugh as well and he smiles as he puts his head on hers.

“You are such an ass. Maybe you could… you know let me go?” When he puts her at arm's length he can see she is worrying her bottom lip and it is the cutest sight he has ever seen in his life.

He lets his hands drop and the connection is missed by both instantly. “And does it help?” She shakes her head violently and he walks up to her and cups her head with his hands on either side of her face.

He kisses her fiercely and she melts into him. He plunges his tongue into her mouth and she gasps at the bold move. Her hands are on his back as she pulls him even closer to her. He breaks the kiss and grabs her hand. He gets out of the pool and she follows him.

He walks into the house. “Where are we going? You know we are making the floor all wet.” He chuckles at her concern about the floor as he walks into her room. She swallows audibly when she sees where he is going.

They haven’t had sex before, but if that kiss said anything sex would be more than amazing. Her nervousness is back and she stops dead in her tracks. Tony looks behind him and sees her panicked face.

“It’s not what you think, although I’d love to we need to take this slow.” He closes the door behind her and strips out of his shorts and shirt. Frances watches him, still biting her lip as he strips in front of her.

When he is in his boxers he walks towards her and instinctively she steps back. There is a hint of hurt in his eyes for a second. “You need to get these clothes off or you’ll get sick.” His caring nature makes her heart ache for him even more.

He pulls one strap off her shoulders and she just stands there, unable to move. He pulls off the other strap and her nightgown falls around her feet in a puddle. His face is focused on her as he guides her to her bed. She sits down like an obedient child as he goes through her things.

He finds a clean nightgown and dry panties. He returns to her and pulls the gown over her head. When she is fully dressed he gives her the panties. “You need to do this one.” He whispers as he blushes. He can’t look at that part of her body without wanting to make her feel good.

She smiles and grabs the panties from his hand. Without warning, she gets up to quickly and loses balance. He catches her and she feels dizzy. “You okay?” He looks her over as she nods.

Finding her balance again she pulls down her wet panties and throws them into a corner. Tony looks at the change and tries not to focus on where her hands are going. When she is done she sits back down. He grabs both her ankles and gets her into bed.

He pulls the covers over her as she lies down. He turns to leave, but she grabs his wrist. “Stay.” She says in a breathy tone and he looks at her. Without saying another word he gets into the bed on the other side and pulls her close.

They are spooning as he hears her breathing has a steady rhythm, indicating she is asleep. His arm is around her waist while her hand rests on his. He smells the shampoo in her hair as he kisses her head.

He shifts and gets comfortable and falls asleep as well.

----

A/n: Maybe this shouldn’t be a one-shot... let me know what you guys think? Shall I get another chapter in to see what happens in the morning?

[writergirl719]

Okay, before I dig into Masha’s ending and all my feelings about it, I’m gonna go through the montage:

-I really love that Frances is writing

-I really love Tony going to call his daughters. I wonder if they saw what went down on the news and were like, “Is that...where Dad is? WTF?”

-I cannot fucking believe that Delilah took Yao back. GIRL I KNOW HE’S HOT BUT YOU CAN DO BETTER.

-I hate the implication that Lars wrote some glowing profile of Masha and her work. I was counting on you, Lars!

-I really like Carmel’s ending, letting go of the past and helping others to do the same.

-Okay, Ben and Jessica. Uhhh...I don’t think it’s too weird that Ben and Jessica took over Tranquillum but DEAR GOD I hope they’re running it more ethically than Masha did. (Friendly reminder that psychadelics are still illegal in America.)

-THE MARCONIS ARE OKAY AND THEY’RE TOGETHER AND THEY’RE OKAY AND HEATHER AND NAPOLEON ARE STAYING MARRIED AND I LOVE THEM

-Tony and his daughters!

-Tony bought pants!

-Who talked Noted Hot Man Bobby Cannavale into that mustache? I feel like a beard or clean-shaven or just some stubble is the way to go for him, but maybe I’m just biased against mustaches.

-I find the cut back to the dinner very interesting. Like, are we supposed to call into question the reality of everything we just saw, whether that was the real ending for each person, or was it just so we could have a cut from Frances writing to the finished book?

-This is the smallest of my complaints, but we should’ve gotten a wedding. Ben and Jessica were talking about a vow renewal and the book had Tony and Frances’s wedding, but the show wimped out and didn’t give us either.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: AVENGERS - ENDGAME

You guys can you believe I saw a Marvel movie within like 5 days of its release? I DID IT! AND NOW I CAN WRITE A LOT OF SPOILERS - READ ON ONLY IF YOU HAVE SEEN THIS 3 HOUR MARVEL OPUS TO ITSELF! But what about the wigs? OH GURL. LET’S DISCUSS.

We begin in the Mid-waste (I think?) where Hawkeye has been taking some time out of the fight and hanging by a sleeping tree, Bran-style (oh get ready for a lot of GoT crossover comments as I saw this right after the Battle of Winterfell episode and I might get my nerdy details conflated). Anyhoo, did you know that Hawkeye is married to Linda Cardellini? Is she just the supportive wife in everything? Side note: this fact might have existed in an earlier MCU movie. To be fair, I have seen MOST MCU movies (except Thor 2 and Spider-Man and I’m not correcting that) and only saw the other ones like once so I was going into this movie like most of America: vaguely confused about former facts and really exhausted about where this 3 hour movie was about to take me. ANYWAY, Hawkeye’s entire family vanishes like at the end of Infinity War and ugh I see what you’re doing Endgame: this movie is gonna be a BUMMER.

Iron Man of course lightens the mood with some cute banter with Nebula but also: they’re fully about to die in the space void and did RDJr lose a lot of weight or is this just that Marvel technology they used to make Chris Evans look spindly in the first Captain America? Anyway, things are looking BLEAK but then our girl Captain Marvel shows up and saves the day.

Back on earth, the Avengers are really bummed out about half the population being gone (but not so bummed out that ScarJo and “Best” Chris Evans haven’t taken some time to get haircuts - they look great!) But no time for  hair maintenance talk: Brie Larson is ready to go back to space! Also her hair looks good! This movie was made before Captain Marvel and it looks like they just used her real hair and it’s so much better than her wig in that movie. 

Anyway, to space! Wait, now Brie is wearing a wig. UGH. Dammit, space! However, I think this is ScarJo’s real blonde hair (a more natural look than her blonde bob wig seen in Infinity War) and what a long strange trip it’s been since Black Widow’s first perm to her mall hair in Age of Ultron and beyond. Thank the lord for this lewk. 

So the (remaining) Avengers land on whatever planet Thanos is living on now and apparently he’s using old Avengers costumes as Scarecrows? Ok I know we’re supposed to hate this guy but he’s all for population control, gardens, AND now recycling are we sure we hate him? The Avengers definitely still hate him and after learning that he destroyed all the jewelry he spent all of Infinity War finding, they are PISSED. Thor is so pissed he kills him! Which is a super hot-headed thing to do and is basically as bad as “worst” Chris Pratt’s behavior with Thanos in Infinity War and will these alpha males ever learn??? How are they gonna reverse this whole half of the population missing thing now?

Spoiler (haha these are all spoilers!): THEY DON’T. FIVE EFFING YEARS PASS. And in real movie time, at least like 45 minutes? In which we’re supposed to believe that Black Panther (and other notable Avengers but mainly Black Panther) are going to remain dead. GET ON WITH IT MOVIE. Even more damning: Black Widow is now a sad sad lady making sad sandwiches alone and with THIS HAIR LEWK. I was so damn happy for ScarJo to be wigless and THEN THIS. WHAT IN OMBRE HELL. I think (?) what we’re supposed to think is happening here is that she’s so damn sad that she’s failed at hair maintenance and let her blonde highlights grow out into this mess? Here’s the thing, this wig is actually fine - it looks like real hair - but with A TERRIBLE DYE JOB WHY UGH. 

Speaking of new lewks, ScarJo still skypes with the remaining Avengers (bless her heart!) and Captain Marvel went ahead and got THIS HAIRCUT WHAT. I guess the internet can stop talking about how much she needs a scrunchie? I think that this is actually truer to her comic book self but also is giving me all the Lilith Fair vibes (IN A GREAT WAY!) It is still a bad wig in a man wig way (the back taper is a mess) but you’ve gotta love the 90s gelled sideswept bangs for pure nostalgia. 

Speaking of nostalgia! Ant-Man is back from the quantum realm and damn am I happy to see Paul Rudd (ALWAYS). He is shocked to learn that five years have passed while he was gone (this storyline is very Flight of the Navigator) and goes to find his now teenage daughter even tho he looks exactly the same (tho this would be true regardless - Paul Rudd doesn’t age). However, she’s all alone in her house with no Judy Greer or Bobby Cannavale in sight and does this mean they’re vanished or just not in this movie? Is this daughter being raised by Michael Pena now? Also why isn’t he there? EVERYONE IS IN THIS MOVIE I DEMAND ANSWERS. 

So anyway, Paul Rudd is all: why don’t we just time travel through the quantum realm and get those damn jewels and fix this whole Thanos situation? Best Chris and ScarJo are in, but Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer are the real pros at this whole quantum realm thing but are definitely vanished (as is Evangelline Lilly) so they go find Iron Man since he’s smart, right? Unfortunately, he is now living in a cabin by a lake and has a daughter (mazel! but this is def gonna throw a wrench into the time travel thing). Also Gwyneth is around looking tanned and vaguely ginger. Her wig is basically a more expensive, highlighted version of Nicole Kidman’s wig in Big Little Lies which is to say: MUCH BETTER BUT STILL PRETTY SHITTY. There is also a “joke” (?) about Gwyneth reading a book about composting which I think was supposed to be a Goop dig but honestly: WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT THIS MOVIE IS ALREADY SO LONG CAN WE JUST GET TO SAVING BLACK PANTHER AND THE OTHERS?

Iron Man def is like: dudes I’m not time traveling - I’m gonna do this whole dad thing WHICH IS FAIR so they go find the like #5 smartest person they know: DR. HULK. There are no pictures of this (that I could find) but Bruce Banner is now living life just AS the Hulk (but not an angry one) so he’s basically a bulky green guy in glasses which is fine but where does he buy those huge cowl sweaters? Asking for myself. Also ScarJo finds Hawkeye in Tokyo being some sort of hooded vigilante with a fauxhawk and guyliner and jeez someone is not dealing well without Linda Cardellini. 

Also not dealing well? THOR! #2 Chris is off in Asgard living life with the best supporting characters from Thor: Ragnarok (TAIKA WAITITI 4EVR) and LETTING HISSELF GO. Oh also, Tessa Thompson is there too being a fisherman (?!?!?!) even tho she’s an effing valkyrie how did she get this job?!?! But I have to give full credit to Chris Hemsworth for fully embracing the deglam life here and for the next several hours of this movie. DEGLAM THOR IS EVERYTHING. 

However, the wig is obviously terrible. ZZTop beard aside, the wig is these weird dreadlock tendrels which I’m guessing Thor wouldn’t have had time to maintain between playing video games, drinking beer, and eating pizza. Side note: I was really disappointed that he wasn’t eating Billy’s Pan Pizza (Lisbeth Salander’s #1 food choice in Sweden through all of those terrible books) which I actually tried in Iceland once and spoiler alert: original flavor INVOLVES HAM. Just saying: the devil’s in the details. Anyway, Thor and Iron Man decide to give this whole time travel thing a try (why not?) AND YES ONCE REASSEMBLED, IRON MAN’S FIRST POINT OF BUSINESS IS MAKING A BIG LEBOWSKI JOKE.

Iron Man somehow whips up some time travel gps bracelet and holy shit all of the Avengers movies are literally about jewelry. Then it’s on to making some sweet new time travel suits, Hawkeye gelling up that fauxhawk, and away we go to the quantum realm! Nothing bad can happen!

First stop: the first Avengers movie! OH GOD I SEE WHAT THEY’RE DOING HERE. The MCU literally made a plot where they could journey back to all the other MCU movies like a greatest hits tour and THIS MOVIE IS ENDLESS. This also involves journeying back to the ghosts of wigs past AND GURL I’M SHOOK. I guess I have to give credit to the MCU for wig consistencies - these wigs are as shitty as the originals! - and I guess they saved a lot in the already nonexistent wig budget. Also TILDA EFFING SWINTON IS THERE. This cast, dudes. Dr. Hulk and Tilda have a whole Back to the Future (which they make fun of in this movie, btw and I wasn’t here for it) discussion about time travel that I pretty much zoned out on until Tilda was just like eff it: here’s the jewelry you want, you seem pretty chill now, Dr. Hulk. 

Oh and Tom Hiddleston’s shitty Loki wig is back! Jesus Christ this wig. Also, Robert Redford is back? How do I not remember him being talked into the MCU?? Anyway, the jewelry Iron Man and Best Chris were looking for is DEFINITELY snatched by Loki so they have to figure out a new time travel scenario.

Oh and Best Chris and Iron Man totally made up after being at odds for the last 2-3 Avengers movies. Also what do we think the hairspray budget was for these two? There is also a LOT of talk about Best Chris’s ass in this movie (they literally refer to it as America’s Ass) and I feel like this could very much be its own movie with maybe some added Best Chris badass twitter wars. Just saying. 

Meanwhile, back in olde timey Asgard circa Thor 2, RENE RUSSO IS BACK (also Natalie Portman LOLOL everyone is in these movies). However, Sir Anthony Hopkins is definitely not wasting time on this nonsense and: fair. Also omg this wig on Rene. GURL. I don’t know what GoT prostitute dayplayer they stole this from but regardless: it’s a mess. Also apparently, Rene is about to die (I didn’t see Thor 2) and Deglam Thor is a MESS about it (also still very much a drunken mess also). He almost effs up the plan by going and crying on his mom (don’t worry - Bradley Cooper in his best work to date as Rocket Racoon got the jewelry!) And Rene tells Deglam Thor it’s ok to not be who he’s supposed to be an just be HIM which is very good advice OMG I LOVE RENE RUSSO. 

So speaking of parents, Iron Man decided to go find some Infinity Stones in the 70s where his dad, John Slattery is! Apologies for the quality of this picture - it’s the best I could do. Anyway, John Slattery was made for period piece witty repartee tho his man wig (like all man wigs) is a friggin’ mess. He and Iron Man have some fairly emotional dialogue despite the fact that John Slattery doesn’t know that he’s talking to his son and also someone refers to RDJr as Mungo Jerry so I was really down with this whole section of the movie. 

OH AND MICHAEL DOUGLAS IS THERE (again apologies for photo quality). What Marvel does best is face deaging technology (I still demand this be used for more 80s movies Michael Douglas wasn’t able to make at the time) but what Marvel consistently does worse is: wigs, specifically man wigs. WOOF. Regardless, they got all the jewelry they needed from the 70s! Moving on! 

Over in Thanos town (probably what it’s called), nice Nebula is reunited with her former shitty self and also her sister. Jeez this whole part of the movie is family reunions. Anyway, Gamora’s wig is still a Hot Topic mess. Also a mess: Nebula let Thanos into the whole time traveling jewelry snatching heist which will definitely ruin everything.

Meanwhile, over by the cliffs of sorrow (also definitely official name, probably), ScarJo and Hawkeye and their upsetting hair looks are trying to get that one piece of jewelry that can only be gotten with human sacrifice, which they somehow had forgotten since Infinity War when Thanos sacrificed Gamora to get it. Maybe they just weren’t that tight with Gamora and forgot this? Anyway, the most important thing is that ScarJo gave herself these highlight braids which make this whole look slightly better but it’s still really bad. Also bad: one of these characters has to die! In the end it’s ScarJo I think because she doesn’t have a Linda Cardellini to go back to (or 3 kids) but I don’t really like what the MCU is implying here about the value of single ladies but regardless: goodbye ScarJo and your wig! You are probably better than this whole mess anyway!

Anyway, all the (remaining) Avengers time travel back to present day (aka 2023 just go with it) and everyone is so stoked that they got all the jewelry but then bummed when they hear about ScarJo. Side note: I forgot to talk about Iron Man’s highlights and feathered lewk. It’s upsetting! Moving on! Linda Cardellini calls Hawkeye which means this whole time travelling thing worked and they brought back half the population and also most importantly probably Black Panther so go team! But before we can talk to Linda Cardellini, Thanos crash lands into the Avengers HQ AND DAMMIT NEBULA.

So then everyone is somehow transported (?) to Thanos town aka Fightsville which feels like a great place to probably die in the apocalyptic fight FOR JEWELRY. All the Avengers yet again suck at fighting computerized Josh Brolin aka Thanos and then he calls in all his evil space backup army and everyone is definitely effed. It’s a lot like the part in the Battle of Winterell when the Night King does a Nancy Pelosi clap and reanimates all the dead people to fight the living and Jon Snow cries.

It doesn’t even help when Deglam Thor gives hisself the most wild lightning based makeover. Seriously, he surrounds himself with lightning, gets those badass Total Eclipse of the Heart eyes, and somehow is able to use lightning TO GIVE HIMSELF A HALF UPDO AND BRAID HIS BEARD HAIR AND NO I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP. The lightning fails to remove his beer belly and again: I’M HERE FOR #2 CHRIS COMMITTING TO THIS DEGLAM BODY. I don’t know the hows and whys of lightning makeovers - I guess it’s just restricted to hair. Which still looks like crap, beard braids or no. Moving on: Best Chris can somehow use Thor’s hammer now and did I miss something? I think it’s a Chris thing and I’m glad that everyone agreed that Worst Chris wasn’t invited to it. But also he’s not there. YET.....

BUT THEN. Dr. Benedict Cumberbatch who I definitely forgot about (and who has the most hilarious American accent) creates all his sparkler circles. Also his whole wig/goatee lewk is like that one adjunct professor you had who kept office hours at a coffee house and/or a part-time vampire. Anyhoo, he BRINGS. BACK. EVERYONE. Black Panther (and all of Wakanda!) Spider-Man! Guardians of the Galaxy! ETC! THE JEWELRY HAND CHANGED HANDS MANY TIMES. THERE WAS SO MUCH GOING ON. Everyone starts kicking ass but it’s still not enough until Captain Marvel and her 90s pixie cut show up and I swear to god all the lady Avengers made a protective barrier around her like the Lilith Fair is serious getting back together (I WISH!) It was all the ladies you love - Valkyrie on a flying horse! Wakandan warriors BUT NOT LUPITA BECAUSE US IS BETTER THAN THIS! Elizabeth Olsen in that terrible red wig! Kate from Lost! Gamora and Nebula I think! - plus also Gwyneth who I totally forgot had an Iron Man suit too but sure! It was a very girl power moment that almost worked but very did not. In a final moment we all saw coming since before Infinity War, Iron Man sacrificed hisself for the jewelry hand (also: humanity). Thanks for your service: the jewelry was saved! OH MY GOD THIS REVIEW IS SO LONG. Am I still writing this? Are you still reading this? THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.

In the end, everyone is saved and reunited...to have a sweet funeral (apologies again for picture quality)! I shit you not: they gave Iron Man’s electric heart a viking funeral at his cabin. Really! And all the other prestige actors you weren’t sure would make it to this movie were there: Marissa Tomei in some sweet beachy waves! Michelle Pfeiffer in some not so sweet beachy waves but whatever: I’m always happy to see her! Michael Douglas! The Winter Soldier in his somehow shittier than Loki wig! That chick from How I Met Your Mother! Other people! Samuel L. Jackson! Oh and I think Iron Man’s daughter is now being co-raised by Jon Favreau? Ok! It was also a funerary co-production for ScarJo and I guess (?) Elizabeth Olsen’s computer boyfriend (aka Paul Bettany) who somehow wasn’t able to be revived by jewelry for reasons unknown. Oh and  where the eff were Bobby Cannavale, Michael Pena OR GODDAMNED JUDY GREER I DEMAND ANSWERS!!!!!

SO THEN. Captain America has to go back in time to return the jewelry because Dr. Hulk promised Tilda Swinton and I still don’t get how time travel works in this movie. Also Dr. Hulk is still running the time travel machine even though the whole Ant-Man crew specializing in this technology are back but ok? It all goes great until Captain America returns IN OLD AGE MAKEUP WHAT. Turns out he took a detour to have a life and get married and huh? He then tells Anthony Mackie that he can be Captain America now - officially making the MCU America of 2023 on the level of real America in 2008 and I can’t believe they didn’t cut to a weeping Jesse Jackson (or at least Don Cheadle?) However, Deglam (still!) Thor makes Valkyrie the King of Asgard which officially makes MCU Asgard of 2023 definitely way better than the America of 2019 (yeah I went there) and then he decides to be a Guardian of the Galaxy which means we get to spend an agonizing 3 minutes with Worst Chris. Then they cut to the 1940s and a slow dancing Best Chris and Hayley Atwell and truly: if you can just time travel and be happy can’t we bring back all the dead Avengers too then? HUH? Whatever: THE END! Oh and there’s no post-credits scene but still watch the first like 5 minutes of credits to enjoy the truly mind boggling way that the MCU chose to credit the 5000 people in this movie. Are we please done with Avengers movies now?

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ (BUT NOW I WANT A LIGHTNING MAKEOVER)

[blackleatherjacketz]

Carlos de Columbia

Here you go, Anonymous. I was writing this simultaneously with the Dodds/Amaro Fic, and this just happened to finish itself first. I’m sorry.

Nick Amaro x Original Male Character

Warning: NSFW

Note: This male character is based off of Bobby Cannavale, because I’m trying to quit him, but it just won’t happen. 

Tags: @stunningstasis @hardcore-flower @fortheloveofallthingsraul @chasing-vvaves @chmedic @unfortunately-isserley @dominick-carisi-jr @amaroforpresident @smalldiosa @hot-cheeto-nevada @acutecupidity @lucifersass @skittle479 @sonnshineandrainbows @bullet-prooflove

Sal stood up and waved his hand at his men, shooing them away. “Not you, Carlos.” He looked up at him from his desk. “You stay… have a drink with me.”

Have a drink with him? Just him? In his office? Was he serious? In his six months undercover as Carlos, Nick had never been alone in a room with Sal.

“Do you like gin?” He walked over to the bar cart against the wall.

“Y...yeah…” Nick stammered.

Oh God, he’s found him out. He found out that he’s a cop somehow, and he’s going to murder him right here in this office. Does he have a gun in the bar cart? In his desk? Is it hidden somewhere on his person? Nick looked his boss up and down without trying to be too obvious.

“You really need to loosen up a little… relax.” He brought two gin and tonics over to where he was standing.

“Sorry Sir, old habits,” He took the glass from his boss and took a sip. It tasted like gin, no traces of anything other than what belonged in the signature drink. He took another sip and smiled at Sal. Maybe he wasn’t going to kill him after all. Maybe he was just going to test him.

“Old habits leave little room for growth…” He put the glass to his lips, taking a quick swig. “No opportunity for new experiences.” He licked his lips as a drop of gin landed on them, his chocolate brown eyes locking onto his. He placed his other hand on Nick’s shoulder, squeezing the taut muscles in the base of his neck.

Nick let his eyelids fall halfway down, his black lashes obstructing his view of the man in front of him. Sal’s hand was strong, his thick fingers pressing and rubbing the tension out of his right side. He’d be lying to himself if he said that it didn’t feel good; that he hadn’t wondered what Sal was like when he let his guard down.

He’d seen Sal kill a man with a broken beer bottle, set someone on fire, shoot them point blank in the forehead, and beat someone else to death with his bare hands. There was no doubt in Nick’s mind that if he wanted to choke him out here and now, that he would. He could use anything: his tie, his hands… it wouldn’t matter. No amount of martial arts or police training could counter Sal’s sheer size and ferocity. Or maybe Nick just didn’t want them to.

“You’re a good man, Carlos.” Sal gave his shoulder one last squeeze and let go. He finished his drink in one final gulp and started back towards his desk. “And good men are hard to find.” He set his drink on the coaster of his work station and sat next to it, pushing his cup of pens toward the middle of his desk.

“Thank you, Sir.” Nick said, following suit and chugging his cocktail. Jesus, this gin is bitter.

“Sal.” He winked, scooting back on the desk. “You can call me Sal when it’s just us.”

“Yes, Sir.” Nick smiled and bit his lip. “Sorry… Sal.” He swallowed hard as he felt his boss’ eyes burn into him like hot coals. He wasn’t trying to kill him at all.

“Do you like working for me, Carlos?” He clasped his hands together and set them in his lap, spreading his legs as far as they could go.

“Of course I do.” He cleared his throat, finally realizing what he wanted. “I can’t imagine doing anything else.” He started slowly towards Sal, his fingers barely holding onto the empty glass at his side.

“Really?” Sal straightened his back, sitting up higher as Nick approached. “So you want to keep your boss happy, then?”

“Yes.” Nick had been warned about relationships within cover assignments. He took a crash course about fear, and how bonding with people during that time can usually lead to a false sense of love or affection. He didn’t love Sal, but he was definitely attracted to him. His endorphins were always pumping through his veins when he was around him, his hair standing on end when he stood close. And now this.

“Would you do anything I asked?”

“Yes.” Nick whispered, stopping in between Sal’s legs. “Anything.” He placed his glass on the desk behind him, giving him an excuse to press his hips into Sal’s folded hands.

Sal closed his eyes as his lips parted. He felt Nick start to grow against his praying hands as he moved them up between his legs. His black dress pants held him back, but Sal could tell that he had a lot to offer. He unclasped his hands and cupped Nick’s balls with his palm, slowly sliding it up his now fully erect shaft. He opened his eyes and looked at his hired muscle. A confident smile crossed his beautiful, plump lips as he rocked his hips into his grasp.

“Get on your knees.” Sal whispered.

Right. Of course. Why did he think he would ask for anything else? Nick took in a deep breath as Sal stroked him through his pants, pulling and tugging with a grip unmatched by any woman he’d encountered before. He sighed and reluctantly did as he was told. He felt the warmth of his hand leave his crotch as he knelt down before him.

“Good boy.” Sal smiled, standing up. “Take off my pants.”

Nick looked up at him and nodded, undoing his belt buckle before unfastening his gray slacks. His erection rivaled his own… darker, thicker, longer. Jesus Christ, it was a monster just like him. No wonder he walked and talked like he did. He could have anyone he wanted, and today he was lucky enough to want him.

Nick licked his lips before praying to God that he remembered some techniques from college. What if he wasn’t any good? What if he couldn’t make him come? What if he isn’t satisfied with him, and decides to snap his neck? No, he can’t think like that. Stay in the moment, Nick, just do to him what you like having done to yourself. It isn’t that difficult.

“Don’t be shy now.” Sal ran a hand through Nick’s jet black curls, pulling him in a little closer.

Nick opened his mouth and licked a perfect circle on the tip of his penis. He slid his hand down the crack of his ass, tracing a line from his backside to just under his balls. He pressed his knuckle into the muscle between his two organs, drawing out a quick gasp from his employer.

Nick smiled as the bigger man hissed and bit his lip, looking down at him with those sultry eyes. He opened his mouth wider, sliding his lips and tongue across most of his length. He tasted like anyone else, despite his power and intrigue.

“That’s it, Carlos.” Sal breathed out, barely whispering his words. “Use that pretty little mouth of yours.”

Nick wrapped his fingers around Sal’s base, using his saliva as lubrication to squeeze up and down. He played his boss’ dick like a trombone, sucking and stroking as different sounds came out of his mouth. He kept his pace strong and steady, feeling his hips press into his mouth with every other stroke.

Sal’s thighs were drenched with spit and sweat as he pressed himself into Nick’s throat. That tongue that often got him into trouble was getting him out of any future predicament he may find himself in. Sal tugged on his onyx locks as he unhinged his jaw and took him all the way to the back of his throat.

“Oh, fuck, kid,” he bellowed, feeling himself start to twitch.

Nick knew he was close to coming undone, and started fondling his balls as he slicked his shaft with more spit. He kept his eyes on him while he took his entire length into his mouth. His fingers juggled his balls back and forth as his tip had a boxing match with his uvula. The sound of fluid and skin sliding into each other echoed in the otherwise empty office.

“Jesus!” Sal pulled Nick’s head against him, forcing him to gag on his appendage as he released his orgasm into his mouth. His muscles clenched tight with his release, sending his eyes rolling back into his head.

His grip on Nick’s head slowly loosened as his eyes fluttered open. His thighs twitching, his chest heaving, he looked down at his employee. He licked his lips and let go of his hair.

“Thank you.” Sal muttered, leaning back against his desk.

Nick swallowed the last of his semen and licked his lips. He took his time standing up, making sure not to ruin any power dynamic Sal was still trying to play.

“You can go now.” Sal pulled up his pants and started fastening his belt. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nick rose his eyebrows in exasperation. “See you tomorrow.”

[ryanmeft]

Ant-Man and the Wasp Movie Review

Avengers: Infinity War wanted us to take grown people in tights very, very seriously. Ant-Man and the Wasp has different ambitions. It marries superhero-ing and parenting, scales the stakes down to a personal level, and tosses in a dollop of 1960’s gee-whiz fun on top of it. When it works, it’s a trick-a-minute heist caper that makes great use of the franchise’s signature size-changing gimmick. When it doesn’t, it’s often trying to being funny.

At this point you can’t pick and choose Marvel franchises, and this sequel picks up not after the original Ant-Man, but after Captain America: Civil War. Scott Lang (Paul Rudd), the now-former Ant-Man, is in the last days of two years of house arrest for his role in that movie. He spends his time learning drums and magic tricks, soaking in the bath, and creating indoor amusement park attractions for his precocious daughter Cassie (Abby Ryder Fortson). He’s out of contact with former allies Hank (Michael Douglas) and Hope (Evangeline Lilly) Van Dyne, who are a wee bit miffed that he accidentally made them fugitives. Reconciliation is inevitable, of course, and it comes when Scott has a dream of Hope’s long-missing mother Janet (Michelle Pfeiffer), who is trapped in a void-like place called the Quantum Realm. For mysterious reasons, a person named Ghost (Hannah John-Kamen) in a white suit who can walk through anything wants the tech they need to rescue her. Helpful against the new villain is that Hope is now the Wasp, with a suit that can shrink like Scott’s but can also fly and, well, sting people. Lilly and Rudd have considerably more chemistry here than in the first go-round; Douglas’s paternal hits to Lang’s ego also feel natural and amusing.

The plot mostly consists of those convenient screenwriting obstacles thrown in front of heroes to stymie them from what should be a straightforward goal. These include several Mcguffins; Hank’s machine for reaching the Quantum Realm, as well as the film’s super-suits, seem to keep suddenly needing parts they did not need ten minutes ago. There’s also a goofy FBI agent (Randall Park) whose goal in life seems to be catching Lang out-of-bounds, and Walton Goggins hamming it up as a black market tech dealer. The story, and what all these characters want with which plot device, matters about as much as this stuff ever matters in a popcorn flick. What’s fun is the multi-layered chase these characters engage in while terribly important bits of comic book malarkey change hands.

Like any good heist flick, this game of keep away is given a lot of exciting attention. The powers complement the good old-fashioned steal-and-chase stuff, with less time than usual spent on fisticuffs between super-people. The character of Ghost is a spoiler in the mix, tossed in whenever the action gets a little too stale; her ability to pass through anything basically renders the characters’ powers irrelevant, so they have to outwit her. This all culminates in a big showdown that’s more a car chase than a fight, and includes Ant-Man utilizing a truck-bed as a scooter, cars the size of Hot Wheels, a Pez dispenser used as a weapon against motorcycle thugs, and our three circus acts shrinking, enlarging, flying and phasing around one another as the thingamajigger they are all after changes hands many times.

This is a lot of fun, but the only time Peyton Reed, the five-deep writing team and the army of special effects wizards get to really play around with the weirdness of the character is in the eventual excursion into the Quantum Realm. How you feel about that depends on whether you’re at peace with what modern superhero films are. With the exception of something like Thor: Ragnarok or Logan, truly personal touches are more the exception than the rule, and something as unique as Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man work is probably in the past, for now. While I would have loved to see more wackiness out of Ant-Man’s less grim plot, I go into these movies knowing what to expect, and I got it. Should I knock it for not being something it was never going to be?

Since real uniqueness is off the table, the creative team instead differentiates the film by doubling down on Lang’s parenthood. The original gave us probably the only on screen superhero we’ll ever see scooping ice cream at work, and while he’s got a bit more illustrious job now, Lang’s still trying to balance being a superhero and a daddy. This outing makes that feel less like a set-up for the film’s plot and more like who Lang actually is. He goes to wonderfully ridiculous lengths to entertain and educate Cassie while being housebound, and is visibly frustrated with the Van Dynes when they don’t seem to care as much about him possibly trading in his family for prison as they do about their own family problems. Rudd is perfectly cast for this type of heroism, right down to making dad jokes. This makes Ant-Man a valuable addition to the MCU stable, as the only character in it who feels like he leads a truly believable adult life when he’s not in tights.

There are places where the film falters, and sadly, one of those is Lang’s hyper-active, motor-mouthed partner Luis. He’s played by Michael Pena, a successful Latino actor in a world where Latinos haven’t benefited from outrage at the whiteness of Hollywood, and is one of the few such characters in the MCU. That’s what makes his reduction to annoying comic relief all the more unfortunate. The bottom line is his character just isn’t funny or endearing, and while he fit in the first film’s story, here he and his buddies (David Dastmalchian and Tip “T.I.” Harris) feel like they are around to fulfill a contract. Also in obligation roles are Judy Greer and Bobby Cannavale as Lang’s ex-wife and her husband, respectively. These are five talented actors reduced to trying to break up the tension with awkward jokes. Ant-Man is already one of the less urgent feathers in Marvel and Disney’s massive hat; it doesn’t need more comedy, and in fact could stand to take itself a bit more seriously. Laurence Fishburne is better utilized as one of the Pyms’ old colleagues.

Get past the failed attempts at jokes and the lamentable waste of some high-class acting talent, and Ant-Man and the Wasp is an admirable, family-oriented addition to the MCU. If at times it doesn’t believe in itself as much as it should, at others the dynamic of family relations elevates it. Younger viewers will thrill to see a 65-foot-tall man walking in San Francisco bay, while their parents might smile at the fact this behemoth would rather be coloring and playing house.

Verdict: Recommended

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts. I suppose you could consider each one as adding a star.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

[rubyanjel]

[rubyanjel]

[rubyanjel]

[rubyanjel]

[rubyanjel]

"When I woke up this morning, you know what I thought about? Painting my house. Maybe getting a dog. Definitely taking you out to dinner."

[rubyanjel]

[romyr4]

The swing

Rating: Not under 18 

Warning: FUCKING CHEMISTRY and SMUT

A/n: Another one guys. These two inspire me more than anything right now. So Frances is just chilling in the swing at the end of episode 6 before Carmel comes to her. What if Carmel doesn't come, but someone else...

Frances is sitting on the swing as she lightly sways back and forth. The soft nature sounds make her mind wander to what happened today. The dream she had about Paul Drabble, the terrible kiss between her and Tony, and his confession towards her. She smiles and can’t help but think about that kiss over and over again.

Her fingertips trace her bottom lip as if she still can feel his beard on her delicate skin. The swaying makes her close her eyes as she focuses on the memory.

His breathing accelerated as they part their lips. His brown eyes watching every move she makes. Her fingers brushing through his beard as she bites her lip slightly. The feeling of desire rushing through her veins while she tries to think how it would feel if the kiss wasn’t terrible. His body is on her when they fall over. She can feel his hard shaft poking her thigh as he tries to brace himself with his hands on the ground.

“Fuck.” She murmurs as she can feel her excitement grow again. Her mind going back to the question: How would sex be with him? Her lady parts spring alive as she thinks about his big hands doing unspeakable things to her. His tongue licking every part of her hot skin.

“Here you are.” Her eyes shoot open and she looks at Tony. He is smiling and he is wearing his signature sweatpants and a faded t-shirt. He isn’t wearing his hat and she wants to stroke his head with her hands. She stops swinging and he sits beside her.

“Hi.” She says softly while trying not to look at his face. She is still on a high only from the thought of him being inside her. He pushes his feet off the ground so they are swinging again. He looks her over once… okay maybe twice or more. He has been thinking about her lips and hands all day long.

She shifts as she tries to get the pain in her back to subside. The fall they had together is now getting to her back and the pain is excruciating. “Are you okay?” His voice startles her and she looks at him. His worried face makes her want to cuddle him. She scoots a little closer to him and puts her hand on his knee.

“I am fine, my back is just killing me. I guess the drugs have lost their effects on that.” She blushes as his large hand goes to her back and rubs it gently. His gaze is oozing sex and she needs to look away or she will jump him.

“Can I do anything about it?” He wants to make her feel better like she makes him feel better. Her presence is enough for him to be more relaxed and love life more. He doesn’t have the dark thoughts anymore and he will be forever grateful to her for that.

“Can you massage it gently?” She asks shyly, trying hard not to think about what more he can do with those massive hands of his. She swallows audibly and he watches her every move.

“Sure.” He says and moves behind her on the swing. The huge thing is big enough for the whole group to sit on, but here they are just the two of them. His long legs slide beside either side of her and she can’t do anything but chuckle. He is so much taller than she is. “What are you laughing about?”

She laughs harder and her shoulders shake violently. “How does it come you are so tall and I am this little leprechaun.” She is still chuckling when he settles fully against her backside and she gasps at what is happening between his legs.

“Your fun-size Frances.” He whispers against her neck as his hands go to her lower back. His breath makes her mind foggy and she holds onto the swing with both hands. He feels her body relax instantly and he tries to slow down his own body from reacting to her soft curves.

“Fun-size huh?” She says with a sultry voice as her head slowly falls back on his chest as his thumbs dig into her sore back. She moans lightly and she can feel his body react to it so she does it again just to spite him.

He clears his throat and shifts a little so he is no longer poking her with his well-endowed stick. “Yeah, you know like snickers.” He says while digging hard into her lower back and she arches her back while she loses her balance. He wraps one of his arms around her and she falls back against him. “Careful there.”

Suddenly out of breath she is having a sense of being secured by this man. His large chest pressing against her back and his large hand balancing her on her stomach. She exhales audibly while she closes her eyes. She can smell his scent and it is pure man. Her head is now half in his neck and she has the urge to lick it, desperately.

“Are you comparing me to candy, really?” She can hear him chuckle and the vibration goes through her. She smiles as her eyes are still closed and his hand leaves her stomach to go back to her back to massage her some more. He is really good at this.

“Well, you are very delicious.” His mouth is dry as he can see her face and her eyes are closed. Her breath is ragged and he loses it a little when she licks her lips. His manhood is growing inside of his pants and his hands want to do far more than just massaging her.

“Do I now?” She knows she is challenging him and she wants to know what he will do if she drives him totally crazy. Her mind wanders off to a hot place and she gasps while opening her eyes. She can see that he is looking at her intently with a wicked smile on his lips. Hmm… those lips.

He smiles when her eyes look into his and he knows what she is doing. I can play that game too. “I can only answer that honestly when I have tasted every last inch of your body.” That does it as she shifts in between his legs and rubs her voluptuous ass against his hard-on. He groans and she smiles.

His hand creeps up around her waist and she slowly turns around to face him. She is now in between his legs on her knees and she can see he is loving her on her knees. She puts one hand on either side of his hips and he swallows hard. She crawls towards him until her face is close to his. “Why don’t you try?” She raises an eyebrow and he loses it.

He crashes his lips on hers as his hands slide up her legs. He pushes against her ass when his hands arrive there so she can straddle him. Her hands are in his hair and she moans against his lips. His tongue forces entrance into her mouth and meet hers in a battle for dominance.

She pushes against his chest and they break the kiss as he lies back down while she sits up fully. She traces her index finger on his chest until it finds the hem of his shirt and pushes it up. He gets his back off the swing and she pulls his shirt off. She watches his broad chest and scratches it lightly with her fingernails. Her eyes darken as her hands follow his stomach and go further south.

He grabs her wrists and shakes his head. “I want to taste you first.” He says and she bites her lip. He guides her face to his again in a searing kiss. When he deepens it he can feel her hips bucking against his erection. He pulls at her dress until it is around her waist. He discovers her soft bare legs and he slides his hands up and onto her ass. He squeezes lightly and he can hear her moan.

She breaks the kiss to look down at him again. He smiles wickedly at her as he spanks her and she gasps. “Move over my face baby.” He whispers, but it sounds like he is in her ear. Her cheeks color a bright red as her knees go over his shoulders and he places both his hands on her waist. She doesn’t lower her body onto him and one of his hands goes to her panties. He moves them aside and stretches his neck so he can finally taste her.

Her breath catches in her throat when his tongue makes contact with her already sensitive hole. He latches his lips on her bundle of nerves and sucks hard. She screams in ecstasy and lowers her body on his face. Her hands weave into his hair and tug on it to get more friction.

His tongue slides back and forth multiple times as her hips rock on his tongue. He slides his tongue inside of her and he feels her walls clench him. His hands go to her butt and he slaps her hard. She braces herself against the back of the swing as she feels the sting on her ass mixed with the pleasure that his tongue is giving her.

“Please Tony.” She begs as she fucks his face. He slaps her again, again and again. The sting making her more aroused. She can feel her excitement building in the lower part of her belly and she knows she is close.

He can feel her walls tighten and he knows she is going to explode any second. He pulls his tongue out of her and he smiles when she whines. He puts his lips around her nub again and sucks hard. She grinds against his face and he bites lightly on her swollen bean and she falls over the edge.

She screams his name as he licks her clean from her orgasm. She spasms against his tongue and he has to keep her steady. Her breath is stocking as she comes down from her high. She looks down at him and moves back over his body. She kisses him sweetly and she can taste herself on his tongue, making her turned on all over again.

When her legs are back beside his waist she breaks the kiss and looks at him. “My turn.” She smirks and he laughs at her as she pulls his pants down and frees his aching member. She licks her lips when she looks at his big shaft. Will that fit?

She descents her head and slowly envelops her lips around his cock. She swirls her tongue around his head and he can no longer look at her as he lets himself fall back on the swing. One of his hands goes into her hair as her head bobs up and down. “Fuck.” He whispers as she goes lower, taking him fully inside her wet mouth.

He can feel her gag a little and he can’t do anything but smile about the size of his sex. Her hand plays with his balls while the other hand strokes him up and down as her tongue moves around his dick. With a pop, he is out of her mouth and he looks up at her. Her hair is disheveled and she has a devilish smile on her face.

Her head lowers once again and she licks the underside of his member from the base to his leaking tip. His hips buck up involuntarily and she smiles again. She comes down again and takes him into her mouth, licking off the pre-cum of the tip. She takes him into her mouth and sucks hard, making him groan loudly as he falls back again.

He tries not to move his hips, scared to make her gag. He is close to his release and when she hums while having him in her mouth he loses it. He pulls lightly at her hair, trying to get her to understand he is coming. When she goes even deeper and hums again he can’t take it anymore.

He comes hard inside her throat and she milks him for everything he has got to offer. She swallows and licks him clean. He is breathing heavily and can’t feel his legs anymore. She takes him out of her mouth and straddles him again. “Give me a moment.” He says breathily and she giggles.

She kisses him sweetly and rubs her wet pussy over his soft dick. He gasps and she pushes her tongue into his mouth. The movement she is making causes him to slowly get hard again. She breaks the kiss and goes to his ear with her lips. “Round two?” She whispers and he rams his hips upwards and his manhood presses against her sweet spot, making her moan.

“Fuck yeah.” He says as she guides him into her. She stills instantly and so does he. He can see that he is big for her and he is stretching her painfully. She breathes heavily as she starts to move slowly. Her hands are on his chest and his hands are on her ass.

He lets her take him in any way she likes. She lowers herself onto him and they kiss. It’s sloppy and sweet. Her ass jiggles every time she comes down on his pole. He squeezes her cheeks as she accelerates her movements. They look into each other's eyes. “Please.” She says and he stills her motion completely.

He looks at her and asks her permission with his eyes and she nods shyly. He guides her so she is pressed against his chest and her ass is up. With a lot of stamina, he thrusts into her and she moans loudly. It eggs him on and he goes faster. Moving in and out of her as he plunges into her.

Her walls tighten around him and he is as close as she is to the sweet release they are both chasing. He drives in and out of her like a madman and she peaks as she convulses around his dick and he can’t hold back any longer. His movements become erratic and he climaxes as well, emptying himself into her. They are both breathing heavily as she collapses on him.

After a minute he envelops her in his arms as he slowly moves out of her. She is now with her head on his chest and one of her legs over his. Her breathing slows down and after another minute he knows she is asleep. He grabs a blanket and covers them both.

“Goodnight, buddy.” He smiles as he whispers into her hair. He closes his eyes and it doesn’t take long before he falls asleep as well with the most important woman in the world to him in his arms.

A/n: what do you think?