#note to self stop letting yourself on tumblr when you're in a meltdown girl it ain't a good look LMAO

[itstheelvenjedi]

Okay wow this post blew up (and rightfully so!!) Anyway I did want to reblog this and clear the air & also apologise because jesus if I could punch younger me for writing this I would. What the fuck Elven lmfao. I’ve written a TL’DR version in the replies section which I’m going to paste here for clarity’s sake and also in case someone doesn’t want to read a hella long post (even tho I really think all the replies here should be read, 100%! ): OP here! I don't have enough characters to tag everyone, but hopefully this still gets seen lmao Thank y'all for the feedback and I do appreciate it. Admittedly I'd forgotten I even queue'd this post and I wrote it at a time where I probably...should not have been on the internet LMAO so I take full responsibility for it being yikes, and I am sorry. I'll be adding this into a reblog in the hopes more people will see this. 

(also I’m sorry, I would LOVE to be able to like, reblog this individually to every reply but that might be not only annoying but repetitive and maybe even condescending?? so I’ve attached it to the longest RB chain I can find with the caveat that I think you should absolutely look at and read the other reblogs not in this chain bc they are very correct and have made some very good points!) Aaandd I’m going to (try to) elaborate more here where I have unlimited “room” to babble, not because I want to excuse my shitty post but rather I do want to explain and I have seen a couple tags in rb’s wondering whether this was an “oversight” on my part so this is my attempt to answer that question with “yes, sort of”. Still doesn’t mean I wasn’t ableist myself and still doesn’t mean I wasn’t a fucking asshole. I was both of those things, but here is (as far as I can figure out) some of the context and maybe a thought process behind this post that might shed some light on the ranty part sjhdjkdg I genuinely didn’t even remember I’d written this so I cannot 100% remember the context behind this or even when exactly I wrote it, but I can almost guarantee it was written about 2 years ago, when I was going through a very rough time in my life ON TOP of dealing with supposed family members and friends being ableist and all the rest of it so I genuinely cannot even pin down which interaction or situation it was that set this off. It doesn’t excuse what I wrote and I’m not trying to say that at all, I know I fucked up here and I will 100% admit to that and take the L. But I would like it to be known that if I had known this post was in my queue (I have memory problems as a result of some of my own mental health issues that were caused during this period, I’m not just trying to be like “Oh woopsie daisy I’m not responsible bc I didn’t remember I wrote the post lol!”) I would have deleted it before it even got out there. I’ve not actually looked at the queue in my main blog for 2 years and for that as well I’m sorry. Believe it or not, I’ve gotten to a better more emotionally matuire point in my life now and I can say with full confidence that I would not have made this post now, today, ever. I would have screamed into a pillow about the person or situation that set it off (I can’t tell you exactly what it was because I cannot remember, I’ve had so much bad things happen in the past 2 years and because of that I’ve developed memory “holes” so to speak) and been done with it. I certianly would not have said...that.I’m not perfect and I do vent here sometimes, but absolutely not like this and I’ve been learning to pull up problematic thought processes like this! Again, not trying to excuse my actions or say I’m not respsonsible, I am. I just don’t want people to think that I’m saying this right now because holy shit I re-read this and I’m horrified. To the people who added onto this and who called me out, genuinely from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You are all 100% valid and it needed to be said. I’ve never had a post blow up this big so ig my closing question is, if I delete the OP post is that a) in bad taste? I definitely don’t hold those viewpoints anymore but I also don’t want to seem like I’m trying to hide the fact that I made a mistake and I feel like if I delete it, it might come off that way?? and b) if I did delete the OP post, what happens to the reblogs attached to it? Will they still be readable? there are a lot of good points and good reads in the reblogs and I don’t want those to disappear if the OP post does. Not gonna do anything with the OP post just yet in case I get some feedback on this, but yeah, I just wanted to both apologise and clear stuff up. Moral of the story: check yourself before you wreck yourself and stay off the internet when you’re in the middle of a meltdown bc you’re only going to embarrass yourself at best or make yourself look like a total prick at worst.

The thing that gets me about the "oh wanting a cure for the incurable disability that ruins my life is not ableism ACSHUALLY!!!" crowd is

Yes babes, yes it is. That's a lil nugget called ✨internalised ableism✨ and ya know something? ITS STILL ABLEISM

You can put a pretty red bow with polka dots and frills on a pig as much as you like but it's STILL A FUCKING PIG and NOTHING You do will change that

But most of yall aren't ready for that conversation ig.

It's hard. It's a very hard thing to confront, realise and accept but it IS. and ableists EVERYWHERE will use that as a pro-eugenics gotcha. You're not just hurting yourself you're hurting other disabled people too.

ABLE BODIED PEOPLE DO NOT ADD ANYTHING TO THIS POST. YOU ARE NOT DISABLED AND YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IS OR IS NOT DIFFICULT FOR DISABLED PEOPLE. Able bodied ND people may add stuff if you want but be aware if you try to derail physically disabled additions w/ "buh muh ND ish awso a disabiwity" I will straight up block you. Yall ALWAYS do that and I am tired of it. Just don't be an asshole about your additons if you're going to make any or stay quiet too.