#note i haven't watched the leaked eps

[kitkatmonsterfox]

Some ninjago sketches for the day

[13thdoctorposts]

I hate that RTD and Tennant and crew can't leave the show alone, that not only does RTD act like his formula is the only/best and not only is Tennant incapable of fucking stepping back from the role even after a grossly egotistical first run in the 00s, but a generation of fans only recognise/like Who when its in that image. And that hurts the show massively, it hurts other actors both in the sense that they aren't allowed from out of his fucking shadow and in that literal workplace abuse and media smear campaigns are excused when it happens around them.

Yeah, considering the most questionable things seem to happen under RTDs watch but the media never has anything to say negative about him compared to the level of shit levered at Moff but then even more so at Chibs, especially when Chibs seems like the most humble of the 3 is crazy.

I've read a lot of comments that Chibs wasnt good enough to Showrun as big a show as Doctor Who he didnt have the skills for it, but lucky RTD is back because he has the skills to do it, the cope from people is crazy!

Especially considering the shit show that seems to exist now, leaks, upon leaks, upon leaks, Ncuti's announcement almost instantly being over shadowed by Tennant's announcement, and the fact that Ncuti's happened on a red carpet... they would have known it was about to be leaked and couldn't have come up with something a bit better even if it was on a short deadline? Didn't really matter I guess Tennent coming back and being announced the following week seemed more important to them. The Bi-regeneration, which within the show lore I don't care about, do canon braking things, but of course that left the 14th Doctor out there doing his own thing with his own TARDIS completely overshadowing Ncuti, the number of comments I've seen about 15th not being the 'real' Doctor or being a clone Doctor etc. and for what to keep Tennent around off camera? So that people would question 15th legitimacy? To make sure Ncuti couldn't have his time alone to shine? Then we have the recent articles saying Millie was dropped/axed... with no evidence spread across the internet and front pages of papers across the UK saying she was dropped/axe for inappropriate behaviour with no elaboration, just trying to ruin a 19 year olds career with nothing to corroborate or evidence given and neither Bad Wolf or The BBC bothered to come out and clarify anything even though these stories also unofficially announced a new companion... one that even Mandip Gill said she has kindly messaged and Radio Times has spoken about, but Bad Wolf and The BBC haven't even announced her and given her that moment. And a side note to that is the new white companion got introduced with the TARDIS by the New Doctor as an official announcement the woman of colour companion got announced in a bunch of papers bad mouthing the former companion, guess like Ncuti not everyone gets to have the same treatment. So Chibs wasnt good enough to Showrun?! No one knew Jodies casting announcement that didnt get leaked, even Dan got his own video announcement as a new companion, nothing to do with his writing but Showrunning the show with the limited BBC budget he had even though he was able to keep his house in order for over 5 years while RTD, with his big BBC/Disney budget doesnt seem to keep anything in order, and Chibs is the one who supposedly doesnt have the skills to Showrun.

I think we really did need a brand new show runner and Tennent should have only returned for the 60th if it was a multi Doctor story, Multi, not as in just with 15 in the last ep but with previous Docs. All the 60th did was give the 10th Doctor a happy ending that was seriously weird for all the Doctors who came after him, so narratively was just a WTF, like you just told a companion you had feelings for them and couldn't settle down and 3 days later settle down with a friend from 1000 years ago (in the doctors time) talk about jarring to watch, the episodes were not celebratory in anyway, wasn't written any better then 13 era despite what we were told we would get and left 14 there so people could make countless videos and write countless blog posts about how 15 isnt legitimate. what a celebration!

I think we needed a brand new show runner, no having 10 and 14 to make Tennent even more special by putting him in every Doctor line up from now on twice and had Ncuti come in. I understand He couldn't film for the 60th, but they managed to put a Christmas Ep out with him 3 weeks later maybe instead of the 60th and Christmas ep it could have been a movie length ep with Ncuti so filming could have started later.

Thats a pretty long rant sorry. But in conclusion we should have just moved forwards instead of bothering to look back, and given the new actors the lime light in the way they deserved.

[justanerddummie]

I really wanted to make a post about about Viktor, he's one of my favorite characters after all but then I always spiral into a bunch of extremely clichè morality questions to which no one has the answer to. So I guess I'll just talk about a bunch of stuff that really hit me during ep 6.

How Viktor doesn't simply heal people, but also the land, the place when he first arrived was barren, no plants, no water, no sun, no nothing, now it is blooming, plants grow high and healthy in full cooperation with hextech and the sun shines non-stop. We can see some of them even have the purple lines like the ones that kept dying in Viktor's lab. I guess I really did enjoy the duality of Viktor needing shimmer to force hextech to work with nature, but having to sacrifice his morality to do so.

The way Viktor's comune was portrayed into such a positive light was quite jarring, at the end ep5 we see it in a very ambiguous way and now it seems that it's just a force of good. Like this is a hive-mind situation, then why does this place feel so warm and cozy? I blame it all on the warm colors and the light fortiche used to lull the viewer into a sense of safety.

Vi, baby, I know you feel the same, I know the promise of forgiveness has lured you in, but seriously except for the mistake of hitting your sister in the worst moments of both of your lives, which isn't justifiable but understandable you haven't done anything wrong ever since. You need to stop blaming yourself for everything bad in your life and start putting at least part of the blame on your sister and your gf 'cause seriously they fucked up way worse than you.

Why was Jinx's color palette clashing so much with the environment? I mean, Vi and Isha seemed to blend in just fine, fuck even Warwick felt fine at some point but Jinx felt like a thumb in a sore eye the entire time they were in the comune.

Singed I love you, I also really loved the way this episode felt more like a clash of his and Viktor's phylosophy more than anything else. The only thing I'm sorry about is how in the end he is always right.

I enjoyed Vander's flashback sugarcoated as they were, as they turned into Vi's memory. I guess that's the whole point of nostalgia so no notes here.

I guess that placing this episode at the end of act 2 was a really smart move, we've just come from five episodes of darkness and smoke, everything from the situations to the art felt oppressive and the moment it started I asked my self if I was watching the same show as five minutes before. Putting a breather right before the situations plunges back into darkness destroys the viewer's heart way more than keeping the tension high the entire time.

Ambessa doesn't look like your typical villain, and honestly I don't really recognize her as one. She's framed constantly as nothing but a warmonger, yet she rarely ever leads sword first. Is it because of her situation as a destituted Noxian looking for allies across sea? Is it because she fancies herself fox and wolf? Guess we'll see next act, hopefully.

Isha, I've been side eyeing that little girl since the begging of the season, everyone knew she was going to die, and we all cried like babies. I really do hope that they don't go the way the leaks have suggested, because seriously then what's the point? Other than that I want to watch act 3, because right now I'm honestly speechless.

[dangermousie]

So much plot to be had!

This is amazing! (Side note, this was an ACTUAL plot in Nic Tse's Handsome Siblings, where evil secondary girl tried to pretend to be Nic's character's dead wife to get laid by wearing the woman's clothes. I haven't watched that drama in close to two decades but I still remember that bonkerness!)

This is epic. Short dramas are where it's at, baby!

I had to stop 13 eps in because I could feel my brains leaking out my ears and it was an uncomfortable feeling...

[wishheroes]

Weekly K-pop Round-Up (20240601-20240608)

hello and welcome to another weekly k-music release round-up! today we will be reviewing releases from the first week of june! hope you enjoy

BADVILLAIN - BADVILLAIN

this is a great example of an amazing instrumental put to waste. i think they could've made something way better with this rather than your typical 3rd gen girl crush sound. i'm not really a fan of the girl crush concept in general, so this isn't really to my liking. the girls are very talented though so i will be looking forward to future releases. congratulations on your debut!

Boy Comics - XDINARY HEROES

i don't think there will ever be a time where i get disappointed in a xdinary heroes release. their music is incredible in every aspect. i think this is one of their best releases to date. they should've made this their title track for their first full album and little things the single, even the music video is more interesting than their latest title track. but at the same time i think having a slower song was a good fit for their first album and the whole album got me very emotional as i ult them. anyway, going back to boy comics, i love everything about it. people need to pay more attention to bands!

Celestial Night - W24

continuing with another band, we have w24 with their new ep "memory making moment" with celestial night serving as the title. i love this song so much. it immediately went into my playlist. i think everything just works wonderfully. the instrumental is beautiful, and the vocals match perfectly. i seriously love songs like this a lot. i like it so much that i don't really have anything else to say. it's a great song.

Hero - AKMU

what a pretty song! it's so easy to the ear yet so beautiful. what i really want to talk about is the music video. it's stunning! i haven't seen such a well done music video in a while. not only was it visually pretty, but it also had a storyline which made me feel like i was watching a movie or theatre play. the best way to describe both the song and mv is pretty. as always akmu didn't let me down with this amazing release.

Give Me That - WAYV

would you guys hate me if i said this concept matches them way better? in the sense that it really suits the members. i was a huge fan of their older concept and my favourite title track of theirs is on my youth, but this concept really brings out the best in them! i think this is such a fun release and i enjoyed the whole mini! i think this is really a turning point for wayv, a lot of people seem to be enjoying this release and considering this has the same amount of views as phantom and 2 million more views than on my youth only 5 days after release, i think this concept could really finally get them somewhere. that is if of course, sm gives a shit and actually promotes them well. the song itself is really fun and my god i really have no clue what it is but it really screams wayv at my face! the only negative thing i could say about it is that i wish the music video was a bit more interesting since the sets are really boring, but nonetheless it's great all round. i really hope wayv can get even more popular than they were with this comeback and i hope they continue this sound in their future releases (and not only b-sides).

Shooting Star - Kep1er

oh how i'll miss yeseo and mashiro in kep1er.. on another note, this is their best song they've ever released for sure. it's so pretty. can't believe it's the 9isbandment song. however, i'm happy we can at least still have kep1er with us, even if it won't be the same kep1er we were used to. but anyway, the song is really beautiful. the instrumental is very dreamy and it really gives me those loona vibes. you could tell me this was a leaked artms title track and i would full on believe you. and that's a huge compliment, by the way. i really hope the best for the girls moving forward, and i really hope wakeone wakes up and finally starts treating the girls right now that it's official they're staying with us for good.

SHOW OFF - CRAVITY

fantastics from exile tribe is that you???! this is cravity's newest japanese single titled show off and they sure are showing off good music! this is nice. there's not much to say about it except, oh yeah, this is nice. it really reminds me of fantastics and their music. and i love fantastics. it's a solid japanese track.

Moonlight - NCT DREAM

even though the youthful and bright concept is slowly fading from the dreamies discography, we can always count on their japanese tracks to revive it. this is such a pretty song. it's really the perfect concept for nct dream. it makes me emotional in a way, it's just so 7dream coded and really really beautiful. i hope we can get a korean title track like this in the future, but whatever concept they might do ill still always be here supporting them.

BONUS: Stupid Cupid - NCT DREAM

i don't usually review b-sides in my round-ups but i just had!! to mention this song! this song is so fun!! it's like if you combined the quirky weirdness of neo songs with a sprinkle of red velvet in there. it also reminds me of deja vu a bit which is my favourite nct dream song of all time along with 1,2,3. if you're into the neo sound and experimental goodness you NEED to tune into this!

Deeeep - SPIA

well that's definitely a whole new different vibe from their debut. they truly did a whole 180 with one comeback. there's not much to say about this release, it's your typical cutesie nugu song release with a "newjeans" type of vibe. except the quality of it is actually good! the mixing isn't terrible like a lot of songs by nugu artists, it's actually quite good! and the quality of the song in general really isn't that bad. same goes for the music video.

hey! hey! - TWS

tws is like the resurrection of kpop for me. this is just a pre-release yet it's so good! something really shifted after tws debuted, it's like kpop is getting fun and lively again. if they ever change their concept i think i'll be mourning for years. the song is really cute and fun, as expected from tws. can't wait for what they have in store for us with the actual title track!

no part two this time around, the other releases didn't catch my attention and im having burn out :')

as always thank you for reading and see you next week!

[decks-writing-blog]

The Borealis: Chapter One: How Do You Know That?

Summary: Gordon and Alyx go to the arctic to find the Borealis.

[A/N] First a disclaimer: I haven't beat Half-Life Alyx yet. I started it the same day I started writing this fic but then I got Covid and injured my side coughing. Thus there was a solid 3 week span in which I couldn't play it because I was too physically unwell to do so, thus I finished this fic without having finished the game. I know how it ends though (I accidentally got spoiled before I even started playing) but because I don't know the context surrounding that, I chose to go about achieving the same thing in a different way. Especially since said different way allows for a good opening to this fic and lets me treat the other 2 Gordon focused HL fics I've written to be canon to this fic (you don't have to read those to understand this one though). So basically, if this fic contradicts something in Alyx, that's why. I'm able to play again though (thankfully, I've been itching to continue because I love the game) so I might be able to catch some of that in editing but we'll see because I play VR games quite slowly.

Second: Half-Life 3 confirmed! Yeah, yeah, old joke, but it's relevant to me now so I'm making it again. Basically I was super frustrated that we're never going to get a canon conclusion to the Half-Life story (the Epistle 3 doesn't count, it directly contradicts what is now canon thanks to Alyx and would've changed drastically during the development of the game, so it doesn't satisfy me at all) so I thought it might be fun try to write a conclusion to the story myself. I didn't write it as a 'video game story' because it's not a video game, thus it's not really me trying to write Half-Life 3. Just me taking where Ep 2 left off and continuing the story, focusing more on the characters and their relationship because character focused writing is my strength and what I enjoy writing the most. That being said, this fic did actually push my writing skills a bit, I feel like I've improved because of it.

Also Content Warning for the fic as a whole but it also opens with Temporary Major Character Death. (Which is why the Keep Reading cut is right under this author's note.) Time resets and Gordon comes back when he dies, he Kills Himself a few times to accomplish this. Also, another far less severe warning but potentially still important: OCs pop up throughout the fic as the plot demands so if you're hard against OCs in fanworks, maybe this fic ain't for you.

~

Alyx sobbed over Eli’s body, pressing on his chest rhythmically… or attempting to be rhythmic, she was too frantic, sobbing too hard. Not that that mattered; the blood pooling on the ground, leaking from the hole in the back of Eli’s head made it clear just how futile that effort at resuscitation was regardless of how good it was. One couldn’t be expected to think rationally after watching a loved one die.

Shaking off the last of the dizziness, Gordon sat up. He fumbled along the ground until he found where his pistol, usually magnetized to the HEV suit’s leg, had fallen to. Lifting it, he pressed it to his forehead. Killing himself was in ways worse than someone or something else killing him but that didn’t make it any less necessary. If he had this power, he was obligated to use it for good.

Closing his eyes, he focused. Right after the rocket launch, before they stepped outside would be a good spot to return to. He pulled the trigger.

As always, he blessedly didn’t hear the gunshot or feel the bullet enter his brain; it was too fast for human senses to register, making it in other ways the best way to reset time. Instead, one second Alyx was sobbing desperately, the next everyone was congratulating themselves and each other on the successful launch of the rocket. Again to Gordon but to them it would be the first time; he was the only one who ever remembered.

Opening his eyes, he stood in front of the rocket’s command console. Through the window the trail of the rocket was still visible, the portal already dissipating. A victory for sure, one he wasn’t going to let be ruined by Eli’s or anyone else’s death.

He knocked on the desk with the metal part of the HEV suit’s glove, getting everyone’s eyes on him. Not something he did often, it was easier to let people talk even if he’d heard it before – it often gave him time to rest, even if it was only for a little while and not a proper sit down or nap – but given where the Advisors had come from it might be possible to get the jump on them instead of the other way around.

“Two Advisors are coming,” he signed. “Or are already here, waiting on the hanger roof.”

The smiles on everyone’s face dimmed. “How would you know that?” Eli, blessedly alive and well again, asked. “Not that I doubt you but… I suppose I perhaps shouldn’t ask.”

Gordon had considered telling them about his dying and resetting thing several times now but… there was no need to burden anyone else with his suffering or the news that he’d watched them die. And so it was indeed best not to ask how he knew because he wasn’t going to answer.

“I don’t see how they could possibly be here and us not know about it,” Mangusson said. “But fine, I’ll send someone to go look.”

“Send Dog.” If he could get the jump on one or both of the Advisors again, their chances were better. “I’ll go too. You,” Gordon indicated Eli, “stay with here with him.” He pointed to Kleiner.

Before Eli could try to protest or agree to the order, Alyx cut in. “You should listen to him, Dad. He knows things sometimes. It saved our lives on the way here more than once.”

“I’m inclined to agree,” Dr. Kleiner said, stepping up next to Eli. “Gordon did just kill a whole armada of striders after all. So if he says there’s danger and you should hang back, it’s probably wise to listen.”

Whether Eli even wanted to try to voice a protest or not, Gordon was already headed through the door. Alyx wasn’t far behind. As she paused to whistle for Dog, Gordon continued forward to the hanger. Upon stepping into it, it looked just as innocuous as it had before. No mental pulse, bringing a headache and distorted vision. Perhaps the Advisors were getting better at reigning that in. Unfortunate in that it meant it wouldn’t be as easy as Gordon had been thinking to know when one was nearby.

Continuing forward, he kept his eyes glued on the window the Advisors had seemingly come through. Not bothering with the elevator, he vaulted over the railing, landing with a clank on the hanger floor. He approached the helicopter.

Nothing… nothing… A loud clatter came from the roof. A moment later one of the windows shattered as Dog, clutching one of the Advisors came spiraling through it. Dog’s spare claw ripped at what looked like its face, pulling bits off, thick oil like blood oozing out.

“Holy shit.” Alyx’s voice came the right, seemingly by the entrance. “Gordon, you were right. Get him Dog! Fuck him up!”

Gordon pulled out and unpacked the rocket launcher. The second one had to be… Ah, there it was, floating through the broken window, perhaps giving chase. He loaded a rocket, aimed, and fired. With how close it was, there was no way it didn’t hit. … Except, moments before contact, the rocket veered, curving off to just barely miss instead. Damn it. Fighting these things wasn’t going to be easy, huh?

The Advisor’s trajectory changed, coming quickly towards him instead. Pain pulsed in his head, his vision blurring. The rocket launcher landed at his feet with a clatter as a now familiar force pushed on his body. It locked his limbs to his sides as it forced him up against the wall once more. Struggling was futile but he did it anyway, thrashing as much as the telekinetic force holding him would let him. Which wasn’t much.

Somewhere Alyx shouted something and a gun went off. The Advisor made a pained sound as just for a moment, the force holding Gordon vanished. It came again before he could even finish falling, pressing into his chest and making it hard to breath.

He slid along the wall, his HEV suit scraping loudly against it as the Advisor moved toward the entrance and thus presumably Alyx. A moment later she was crying out again as she was pushed up next to him. And then they were moving again, the Advisor holding them against the wall as it moved towards where Dog was seemingly finishing off its companion.

Said counterpart Gordon couldn’t see particularly well from this angle but it was on the floor, partially deflated, its blood pooling around it as it twitched and shuddered. Atop it, Dog, seemed to deem he’d done enough before turning and… too late, the second Advisor was in range. Dog’s attempted leap towards it ended abruptly, leaving him hovering in the air, held so tight, he couldn’t move.

His form shuddered and shook for a second before with a ear piercing screech of tearing metal, his body tore apart and crumpled. The light in his eye dimmed and went out before he was dropped to land in a crumpled heap of metal and still sparking wires. No sign of movement.

“Dog!” Alyx screamed, struggling just as uselessly as when she’d tried to save Eli.

With a sigh, Gordon gave up, going limp as the Advisor’s supernatural grip would let him. He’d messed up again. For how much everyone revered him, he did that a lot. If anyone knew even the half of it, they likely wouldn’t look up to him so much. Hopefully his death this time would be fast.

The Advisor turned its attention back onto the two of them. It pulled Gordon towards itself. Good; watching Alyx die was always hard.

“Don’t you dare! Leave him alone!”

If the Advisor was even capable of understanding human speech, it showed no sign of it as its tentacle slipped out of it head towards Gordon. He would’ve told Alyx to look away but well… he couldn’t. Perhaps closing his eyes would be wise but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do that either.

It turned him, eliminating the temptation to look anyway by making it impossible to as it nosed at the back of his neck. Wet and slimy, he shuddered a moment before something sharp and needle like extended out of it, forcing its way through skin and bone. His whole body jerked with it, spasming in the Advisor’s telekinetic grip. Only for a moment as as all sensation vanished, leaving him utterly numb. A pressure built in his head, almost like it was about to…

Blinking open his eyes, he was back in the rocket control room. He flexed his hands, working the shakes out of them as he took deep breaths to steady himself as best he could. Curling up in a ball and crying about it never helped anyone. If anything, with how respected he now was, it’d make it worse. Also, he just plain didn’t have time to freak out about dying for the umpteenth time even if it was a new an awful way to do so. He had to stop thinking about it.

He’d failed again but he had learned something. The Advisors could be defeated and their telekinesis had a range, a seemingly fairly short one. So he just had to get the jump on both of them and stay out of their range otherwise. Easier said than done but it was far from the first time he’d had to do something seemingly impossible. With infinite tries anything was possible. … Hopefully he wouldn’t need infinite though. Dying sucked.

Once he had himself as in control as he could make himself, he knocked the back of the desk again, once more interrupting the chatter around him. “Two Advisors on the hanger roof,” he signed. “I need Dog to help take them out. You and you,” he indicated Eli and Kleiner, “stay here.” He turned and headed for the exit.

“Wait. How do you know that?” It was Magnusson who asked this time.

Gordon didn’t bother to respond.

“We should listen to him,” Alyx said as he paused at the door, holding it for her. “He knows things sometimes. It saved our lives on the way here more than once. So we’ll handle whatever it is, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m inclined to…” Kleiner began, the rest of his sentence being cut off as the door closed behind Alyx.

She whistled for Dog as they came to a stop a short distance away. He came bounding over from wherever he’d been waiting for her. “They’re on the hanger roof, you said?”

“Yes. I want Dog to throw me at one of them while he jumps the other.”

“Uh… that sounds dangerous. Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Dog had proven twice now that the Advisors couldn’t use their telekinesis when too distracted. Gordon just had to do the same thing Dog did and they could kill both… theoretically.

Alyx frowned. “How do you know that? I mean… you were right about other times the Combine jumped us, yeah, but this is awfully specific. Not that I don’t trust you but… you know.”

If Gordon were to ever tell anyone, it’d be her. Her knowing would be helpful in some instances but… as long as she continued to trust him and would do as he asked without an explanation, he wouldn’t burden her. Dying over and over to prevent the true death of others was his trial to endure, not talking about it made it easier to bear. So… “Trust me.”

“Okay.” She sighed and turned to Dog. “Dog, there are two Advisors on the hanger roof. Gordon wants you to throw him at one of them while you jump the other one. Can you do that?”

Dog shuffled as he nodded, seemingly eager for action. Hopefully when all this was done Gordon would get a chance to finally chat with Eli about Dog’s construction and how sentient he was. Such peace seemed impossible to reach but… hopefully one day it wouldn’t.

Reaching back Gordon unhooked the crossbow from his back and unfolded it before handing it to Alyx. “Stay back. Shoot from a distance.” He handed her a bundle of bolts next.

“Got it. Good luck.”

“You too.” He turned and climbed onto Dog’s back. He locked the fingers of one hand in place just in time to not fall off as Dog took bounding off towards the hanger.

~

Another death and then another and another. It was not the most painful of deaths to have his brain sucked out but the violation brought its own horror, making it among the more unpleasant ways to die.

The next attempt ended with both Advisors dead but Dog was busted and broken beyond repair too. A robot, yes but… how sentient was this robot? Enough to be worth saving? Seemingly so. But more importantly, Alyx was fond of him, reason enough to save him but also, said fondness had rubbed of onto Gordon and thus he lifted his pistol and shot himself to try again.

It was three more attempts before finally, finally the Advisors were both dead without bringing anyone else with them. As with many battles, victory had largely come down to luck.

Panting for breath, Gordon shot the deflating body of the Advisor beneath his feet a few more times, emptying the rest of his loaded shotgun shells into it. Its blood was thick and in the context of being in a hanger looked not unlike motor oil if not for its source.

Reloading the shotgun, he strolled over to the other side of the helicopter. Dog was atop the other Advisor’s body. It was pounded flat already, clearly dead, but just because he was mad, Gordon emptied a few shells into what looked like where its face had once been anyway. These things sucked, pun intended.

“Holy shit, Gordon, that was awesome.” Alyx said as she ran up, still holding the crossbow.

Gordon took a hand off the shotgun to give her a quick, “Thanks.” Not for the compliment though, it hadn’t felt awesome in the least, but because this attempt wasn’t a flop solely due to her getting into position just in time to to hit the Advisor and break its telekinesis before Gordon could be forced to drop his gun again. Having a companion was endlessly a thing to be grateful for. He would move the world for her if she wanted him to.

Her having no idea the depths of what she did for him though, he didn’t express that sentiment as he instead started back for the hanger exit. He had to double check and make sure everyone was alive and thus he was free to continue.

~

Cleaning up the Advisors’ bodies took some time as did sending teams to patrol the whole of the White Forest base, making sure no more unwanted surprises had made their way in somehow. But once done with that, there was a rush to start getting the helicopter ready for Gordon and Alyx to leave as soon as possible before something else went wrong that might jeopardize their mission.

No time to waste with proper rest, there never was. It was always one thing after another, endlessly. They had a whole alien army to fight, a world to save. And it had to be Gordon because in everyone else’s eyes he could consistently do and survive the impossible without much issue. But even if everyone knew the truth, he was still the best one for the job based solely off the fact that with infinite retries he could ensure the outcome he wanted even if he had to suffer for it.

But if Eli, Kleiner or anyone else Gordon cared for died while he was away, he couldn’t undo it, not as easily anyway. Something that had always been the case but after watching Eli die, it now seemed more of a prevalent threat than ever before. Making the prospect of leaving difficult. But alas, this power of his gave him the best shot at reaching the Borealis and then hopefully using it to get the Combine off Earth. Or to follow Eli’s warnings and destroy it before someone else, such as the Combine, could use it. He would decide when he got there. Regardless, he had no real choice but to roll with it and let Eli bundle him and Alyx with enough supplies and equipment to hopefully get them to the Borealis.

“No Dog, I’m sorry, you can’t come,” Alyx said as they stood by, waiting for the helicopter to finish being loaded for their journey. “You have to stay here and help Dad and the rest of the resistance, okay? They need your help and uh, you’re too heavy. We gotta travel light as we can to stretch our fuel as far as it’ll go.”

Dog shuffled and did the robot equivalent of a whine, the panels on his head pulling back as if wilting. Alyx patted his head. He leaned into it, indicating once more that he was capable of feeling in some capacity, even if it was perhaps only emotional. … Gordon would’ve loved the chance to have worked on him with Eli.

“I’ll take good care of him,” Eli said. “And I’m sure he’ll take good care of us.”

“And you two take care of each other,” Kleiner added. Having had time to finish monitoring the rocket he’d come out to the hanger to see them off. “We’ll be in radio contact with you as much as we can but it’s a long way so I’m not sure how much that’ll be. So mostly you’ll have to watch out for each other.”

“Well we made it this far together, so I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Her optimism was admirable. Even if from her perspective everything had gone well, there was still so much that could go wrong.

“And remember, once you reach the Borealis don’t jump right into activating it. I still think its our best shot at winning this war but that doesn’t mean don’t be cautious about it. Try to figure out what it does first if you can.”

“And if you can’t figure out what it does, consider not messing with it at all.” Eli gave Kleiner a pointed look. The two of them were going to argue about this more once Gordon and Alyx left, huh? Hopefully it wouldn’t cause too many problems between them.

“We’ll figure it out once we get there. But I guess uh… this is goodbye for now. Gosh, I can’t believe I’m the one being sent on this. Not that I don’t wanna go but…” Alyx threw her arms around Eli. “I’ll miss you guys.”

“I’ll miss you too, sweetie.”

Pulling back, Alyx hugged Kleiner next. “Uh… yes,” he said, adjusting his glasses as he pulled back. “Be sure to come back safe as quick as you can. Bring Gordon back too if at all possible.”

“Of course I’ll bring him back. What do you mean if possible?”

“Well I mean, after the Black Mesa incident, when he killed the Nihilanth…” Kleiner trialed off as he glanced at Gordon. “You know.”

Grimacing, Alyx turned to look back at Gordon too. “Oh yeah, huh? Um… I know you guys said I don’t need to know but I think I’ve earned the right to be told why and how he was frozen in time for twenty years, especially since I’m going with him on this and thus might have to try to stop it from happening again.”

Damn! That was possible, wasn’t it? To hide his flinch, Gordon took a step back. Once done here, the man in the suit might put him back into the void until he was needed for another job. One he couldn’t refuse because the alternative was death which he came back from. The vortiguants had seemed to pull him out of the man’s hold but… how sure was that really?

He had to take a series of deep breaths to stave off the sudden need to reach for something to steady himself; there was nothing around to grab. That was something best not thought about. He could only hope for mercy at the end of this. Surely he’d earned it, right? The suited man might not care though because why would he? Gordon was just a tool to help accomplish whatever his mysterious goals were. If so there was nothing he could about that so he had to stop thinking about it. He had to finish this first, worrying about what would happen after would only make that task harder. No more thinking about that or anything else. Only what was right in front of him mattered.

“A man in a suit, huh?” Alyx was saying as Gordon focused himself back in the present. Damn it, they were still talking about him. “Does he have a… briefcase?”

“You’ve seen him.” Eli grimaced, more angry with this confirmation than shocked as he was when he’d first learned of it.

“Maybe, I don’t know. It feels like I might’ve had a dream about him or something. What does he want?”

“We don’t know,” Kleiner replied. “We have a few theories but we don’t have time to go over them right now. You two have to get going before something else comes up. There’s no time to waste.”

Another round of hugs between them, this time Alyx hugged Dog too. “We’ll talk more about this once this is all over though, got it?” She then turned and started for the helicopter.

Before Gordon could finish turning to follow, Eli stepped towards him. “Take good care of her, please. Keep her safe.”

“I will, I promise.” Gordon wouldn’t dream of doing anything different.

“Thank you.” Eli took another step towards him, opening his arms for a hug.

Gordon couldn’t properly feel it through the HEV suit but… it took all his willpower not to cling to it in desperation. The comforts of physical touch had become foreign to him. And so even as brief as the hug was, it still almost brought tears to his eyes by the time it ended.

“Take care of yourself too.”

Gordon couldn’t promise that, not with how often he had to turn his gun on himself to reset time to save someone. So instead, before he did tear up anyway, he turned away and headed for the helicopter.

From there, it wasn’t long before they were getting ready to take off. Since neither of them knew how to fly a helicopter and thus couldn’t be trusted flying all the way to the arctic, a pilot by the name of Mori joined them. Gordon was offered the passenger seat but declined, choosing the back instead. There was more room to lay down, something he really needed. Surprisingly Alyx joined him, sitting in the row of seats across from. “In case you need to say something to Mori,” she said in way of explanation without even needing to be asked.

“Thanks,” he signed. Her talking for him was probably wise.

“All right,” Mori said from their spot in the cockpit’s driver seat. “Headsets and seat belts on and then we’re off to the arctic fast as we can go.”

Gordon put the headset on – being able to hear them even when the helicopter was running was important after all – but didn’t buckle in. Instead he lay down, using one of their packs of supplies as a pillow. It wasn’t comfortable but that didn’t matter, he hadn’t had more than three or so hours of sleep at a time since the night before the resonance cascade, technically more than twenty years ago. So he was going to sleep as much as he possibly could on this flight.

~

Next Chapter

[bendthekneejon]

You asked for people who are trying to kee hope?? Yeah I'm trying I really am that list you posted is the only thing that is keeping me going, the leaks just make no sense. So rn I'm hoping they had leaks for ep 3 and 4 and just embellished the rest because I can't deal with those leaks. I haven't even watched ep 4 yet when I was so excited when this season started, now I'm just sick and stressed and not sleeping well and I need some positivity or I will fall into a well of depression, so ty

We’re in the same boat, babe. As I told the previous anon, out of all those bullets on that long ass list, Ramin’s last version of Truth is what keeps me going. Not only that, but Ramin himself said that Jenny’s Song was an analogy to Jon and Dany’s DECISION TO COME (*cough* abandoning the throne?? *cough*). I haven’t watched the EP4 yet, I’m as nervous as you are. But I did watch the scene between Jon and Dany and I can see them getting to this point Ramin is hinting.

I get you. Yesterday morning, I crashed my car, my phone fell on a FILTHY trashcan on a public bathroom, I got my period (terrible cramps lol), my dog got surgery so I gotta take care of her 24/7 and my grandma just fell like REALLY SICK (all of that in ONE damn morning omg). Then I get home, open tumblr, and see this mayhem that, just like you, made me feel really really sick. So I logged out. I can’t handle a single more unfortunate event or I’ll explode. This is why I’m asking for ppl to only dm me if they are still hopeful for a good ending, I don’t want to get intoxicated with all the fear in here. 

SO I had to cancel the GOT watch party at my place and had to take sleeping pills (I never do, only on emergencies) and watched Freaky Friday and The Parent Trap bc noting cheers me up like a good Lindsay Lohan movie. Self-care, anon. Let’s keep our head clear from fear and evaluate the odds that are in our favor instead of jumping into conclusions from leaks that could be false (Javi Marcos has just said on his twitter that there’s no way someone can have info on ep6). I’m not looking at my dash, I’m only logging in to reply to messages rn. If you’re also feeling physically sick I’d highly recommend to log out tumblr as well. Try to focus on work, go out to work out a bit, but try to keep your head clear :)

I’m happy the list cheered you up a bit. I will keep on expanding it, some kind anons are giving me more ideas to add. We only got two more weeks of this torturous uncertainty, anon, we can make it!

[ginalou16]

i love your biblical parallel post! based on those, do you have any speculation for the finale in regards to the leaked script/ spoilers? (disregard the spoilers part if you haven't seen them)

hey there anon!! thanks so much for the compliment :) I’m a christian so when I watch the 100 I just see biblical (and a lot of other religions tbh) references everywhere! 

 in regards to the spoilers if you are meaning the s**** theory I’m pretty divided on that. but the leaks and spoilers I’ve seen convince me that they do try, but I think they will try and plan many different ways of surviving. we will just have to wait and see! I think by ep 10 we will know what the finale will probably look like. do you want any of those theories to be true ?

on another note I’m like 95% sure we’re getting canon bellarke this season so I don’t care how they survive as long as they do tbh :)

thanks for the question nonster!