#notacuntjusteupd

[bpd-and-writing]

JOBS... #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #politiciansdontgveafuckaboutyou Want to turn part of my writing into a limited company, me writing comedy which keeps me alive and another 2 directors to handle social media and finance. I hope that one day I see something that I'd written performed, its why I get out of bed in the morning. I can organise a performance https://www.instagram.com/p/B-2JXRWDH8b/?igshid=vhjxbg24g6wd

[smogsvillenews25]

Ladbrokes are offering me 10-1 that it will be less than a week before someone with mental illness who is being quarantined and bombarded with messages of "stay at home" from TV and social media, slaughters their whole family. I challenge the stigma of mental illness #smogsvilleproductions #smoggy #darkhumour #darkcomedy #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #mentallyill #notacuntjusteupd #politiciansdontgiveafuck https://www.instagram.com/p/B-MkMKUBOgC/?igshid=dltuka1c8cd0

[bpd-and-writing]

Sometimes a lightbulb moment...today its an arse. #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #politiciansdontgveafuckaboutyou https://www.instagram.com/p/B-2H6XfjHYS/?igshid=1rbhi0v3dga8w

[bpd-and-writing]

HUNG UP ON CRISIS Learnt today, for Instagram to link properly to Twitter hashtags come first. #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #polititiansdontgiveafuckaboutyou I put the phone down on Crisis this morning...worst phone support ever...tried to use guilt on me, sounded like my bloody mother. She tried the "think yourself lucky" routine...I don't have corona virus, I live with my children so be grateful wtf? https://www.instagram.com/p/B-ukRssDXeB/?igshid=1j6ssbdlpdzcx

[bpd-and-writing]

Waving goodbye not drowning After a quick scrawl through who I followed on Instagram I unfollowed several accounts. They were the accounts that posted positive quotes and little else. I realised I could not relate to many, yes the occasional one but... I sometimes find that people who post nothing but positive quotes nay not truly understand mental illness. I will try to post my progress and stuff I read and maybe therapy ideas, just reciting positive quotes has never worked for me. Love and peace and stuff. #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #polititiansdontgiveafuckaboutyou #psilocybinmushrooms #psilocybintherapy #psilocybinart #psilocybin https://www.instagram.com/p/B-rtNkaDKb4/?igshid=jei2a0n2ubc6

[bpd-and-writing]

Psilocybin trials Bugger, not accepted on Psilocybin drug trials. Depressive periods meant I was good but highs associated with probable #bpd meant I was not suitable Should I source my own Psilocybin and conduct my own trial? #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdwarrior #eupdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #polititiansdontgiveafuckaboutyou https://www.instagram.com/p/B-rp5l_DoOf/?igshid=1uxi6dd86hutx

[bpd-and-writing]

SOCIAL MEDIA.. BUGGER IT Every morning I have a debate in my head, what do I work on first, writing or social media? Writing is my therapy, my sanity but not having earned since 2010 need for money to pay for a new idea sometimes screams for social media. Today social media won. BUT good news, instead of being angry with myself, I shrugged my shoulders and got on with it. Still wish someone who actually enjoys social media would do it for me. #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdwarrior #eupdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #polititiansdontgiveafuckaboutyou https://www.instagram.com/p/B-rpgRdD7H9/?igshid=1sldzarfqjyju

[bpd-and-writing]

Every day i have to battle write comedy vs evil social media. I love writing comedy, I love making people laugh BUT I HAVE to do social media as BPD means I have only a few acquaintances and they can't turn my words into a production. I can't organise a party in a brewery. Recently I been able to say fuck social media and write first but not always. I last earned enough to support my family in 2010 so I have incredible guilt and my 'shoulds' tell me I must earn. Started Patreon but social media makes me die inside. I love the friends I've made on Instagram, you keep me strong. #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdawareness #eupdwarrior #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #polititiansdontgiveafuckaboutyou https://www.instagram.com/p/B-kMKN9DorA/?igshid=1hznu3bwwfc8g

[bpd-and-writing]

ARTISTS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS THANKS So I've read in a responsible and respectable book that incredible art, photos and music stimulate the same parts of the brain as Psilocybin, active ingredient in magic mushrooms I've noticed since following more artists and photographers on Instagram I seem calmer and I'm definitely writing more. Thanks so much for astounding images that help my brain Hope I get on the Psilocybin trial at Newcastle #psilocybinmushrooms #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdwarrior #eupdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #polititiansdontgiveafuckaboutyou https://www.instagram.com/p/B-hTt32jDmF/?igshid=kw1op6fge90a

[bpd-and-writing]

Most of this book went over my head, especially quantum physics, brain ache. Final chapter on psilocybin, active ingredient in magic mushrooms made me think. Psilocybin opens areas in the brain for calm and creativity, no wonder the fucking government want it banned, wankers. Trying to sign up for study in England to see effects of Psilocybin. #mentalhealthawareness #mentallyill #mentalillness #mentalhealth #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdwarrior #eupdawareness #depression #anxiety #art4calm #notacuntjusteupd #polititiansdontgiveafuckaboutyou https://www.instagram.com/p/B-g7nCujT7G/?igshid=1vzicoovjbsrq

[bpd-and-writing]

Another day another sticker...trying to use CBT to identity why I'm able to add my comedy writing to faecesbook but sadly not working #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdawareness #depression #anxiety #anxious #notacuntjusteupd #polititiansdontgiveafuckaboutyou https://www.instagram.com/p/B9wj-oSAsKj/?igshid=s3rslokvwa7b

[bpd-and-writing]

In order to tackle global warming, obesity and reduce the risk of catching corona virus I'm selling my car abd buying 2 Zorbing balls, no petrol, good exercise and you can't get within 2 metres...any one want to spare? Okay being flippant but just a mood lightener. #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentallyill #bpd #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdawareness #depression #anxiety #anxious #notacuntjusteupd #polititiansdontgiveafuckaboutyou https://www.instagram.com/p/B9wZzCUgnKa/?igshid=tz7akhfj1ud0

[bpd-and-writing]

I gave myself a sticker. I have #bpd or #eupd if you prefer. I've been a self employed writer (procrastinator) since 2010. I last earned any money on 7th May 2010 apart from last year when I earned £1,000 supported by handouts from family. I have no friends due to my mental illness and I don't find it easy to talk to actors and directors due to no self esteem or confidence. I know about 2 actresses. In 2016 I was told about Patreon, which is crowd funding for creatives. The level of anxiety I felt today when I knew I'd HAVE to put some of my writing on Patreon was intense but I did it.... I deserve my sticker cos I stepped right out of my comfort zone.... Wow. People with confidence and without a mental illness have no idea how much strength that took. #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #anxious #bpd #bpdawareness #eupdrecovery #eupdawareness #eupd #notacuntjusteupd #politiciansdontgiveafuckaboutus https://www.instagram.com/p/B9uUzoAAssu/?igshid=wfdaftpxuop6

[bpd-and-writing]

Fuck, fuck, fuck stepping way outside my comfort zone...I fan feel the anxiety in my stomach and chest, breathing not helping, heart tight. I have to do Patreon as i am unable to find a 'proper' job, self employed failure for 10 years doesn't look great on a CV. Modern society tells me to Google, "how to use Patreon" but no one will take anytime to show me. I have no self confidence except in my ability to write comedy BT its one thing to write it and a total other to sell it. Fuck I'm tense, chest tight, foot tapping, anxious "what if's". Fuck, I hate my #bpd and total lack of confidence. Stomach joined in and getting louder, chest, why is there an elephant on my chest, where did that fucking elephant cone from. Its 3.00 pm and I've managed to procrastinate thus far today.....fuck, wish me luck and vibes and hugs and likes. Will someone please take this fucking elephant off me. I have a load of hash tags before I have to face patreon. #bpdawareness #eupd #eupdrecovery #eupdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #middlesbrough #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #politiciansdontgiveafuckaboutus https://www.instagram.com/p/B9uAKbBAMhP/?igshid=1az0zo551e6g8

[bpd-and-writing]

Faced a fear today and may have won. Patreon is crowd funding for creative people that allows patrons to contribute on a monthly basis. I found out about this platform in 2016 and finally, 4 years later I built the courage to really go for it today. Not sure but think I had a good plan of what I was doing, spent 24 hours painstakingly planning and I think I've done well, pleased with myself. I will be adding script's over the next few weeks as I try to build myself up... Scared that due to my #eupd #bpd I get excited and high only to crash when nothing happens...like so many of my plans and schemes over the last 10 years since I last worked in employment. Adult humour as it makes me smile and I don't know any better #eupdrecovery #eupdawareness #bpdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #depression #anxiety #notacuntjusteupd #politiciansdontgiveafuckaboutus https://www.instagram.com/p/B9r4R_DAhxu/?igshid=rpr07750c7zn

[bpd-and-writing]

Front row at Peter's Playhouse. Comedy a speciality... Organising not so.... If you can organise an evening feel free, I've got all the scripts you'd need. #eupdrecovery #eupdawareness #eupd #bpd #bpdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentallyill #notacuntjusteupd #anxious #anxiety #politiciansdontgiveafuckaboutus https://www.instagram.com/p/B9rGbrHAawP/?igshid=1kngnn7vq15cb