#not ususally one to post song lyrics

[thesebright-lights]

“Because you were the first one to show me the stars

And they don’t mean much to me, but I still wonder where you are

Some nights, I still try to find you relative to constellations”

Downhill, by Lincoln

[kaddyssammlung]

This is in relation to this post from the ST confessions tumblr.

I answer this in my weird way / meaning from what I learned over the years.

The question that so many have...”who hurt Vessel?!”

Trigger warning: abuse

First of all...Vessel does not say who hurt him. You can listen to every song that he ever wrote and dissect it into tiny little pieces and connect every little dot there is but you will never figure it out. I love that!

And yes I have done that because of BPD. Which kind of well...idk where to begin XD

I'm someone who was stuck in an abusive relationship for five years. I could not see the forest for the trees. I was not aware of what was going on until a few years ago. The problem though: the abuse went both ways. I was the victim but also the perpetrator. I don't want to go into details but I have written about a friendship that broke into pieces and I did the same thing so I just put a link in here if someone is interested.

The reason why I did not recognize abuse as such is because I was used to it from childhood. I still don't remember most of my childhood and I only remember little pieces of the abuse that I was put through. I ended up in an abusive relationships because the universe tried to remind me of what I had blocked out. (At least that's how I would describe this because it kept happening.)

The thing is....it could be the same for Vessel. My memories about the abuse only started coming back to me when I was already 32 years old. The years before I went through life thinking “all my addictions and all of this is just my fault....why can't I just behave?! Why am I so weird and broken? What is wrong with me?!" When I was asked about abuse in therapy I said that there was none. I had no memory of it. Now that I have the bigger picture I can understand why things happened or what caused my addictions. But also...it's not an excuse. I acted like an a*shole. “Hurt people, hurt people”....that is very true. So I've been working through the BS so that this not happen again and also so that I don't fall back into addiction.

Bottom-line?! Someone who is “healthy” (mentally speaking) recognizes abuse and walks the other way. The lyrics give us the impression that (“addicted to the pain”) he was maybe aware of it but let it happen anyway.

My last girlfriend was also abusive and I was more aware of the whole abuse topic in general. I did let her use me anyway until I walked the other way. “You're not worthy of something better....you are never finding anyone like her again....you end up alone....you have BPD that means you're crazy....” things like that. So.....

The theme of tolerating abuse is in the lyrics and also of being unworthy.

But all of this is my interpretation of the lyrics. BPD has been with me since as long as I can think (which is around 12 years old btw...the rest is gone). So....hmmm...idk.

That's a short attempt of trying to explain something that I can't really explain because I don't know Vessel or anyone he ever made music with.

Books...I could write books about this...not about Vessel but BPD and how it f*ed with me. Now I managed to “write” myself into a weird mood or rather become of my weird mood so I stop now.

Idk if that helps?!

Or well...I forgot to answer the question: Vessel who hurt you? Only he can answer this. I don't have a problem with not knowing who it was.

And also, from my experience, it's ususally not just one person but many.

The ones that hurt me most where ones that were closest to me...my parents.

In case someone is bored...I actually went through the Sleep Token lyrics and pickt them apart based on my BPD. This kind of fits this topic. Idk...

[alias-levi]

check in tag

thanks go out to Dru (@dru-reblogs-stuff)! I know it's been forever since this tag but it looked fun so here you go 😌

1. Why did you choose your url?

well, this used to be a writeblr and i chose the name Levi to go by online a while ago and that's pretty much where it all came together. since writers sometimes use an alias, you know 👀

2. Any sideblogs?

yes! since this is my main, i have just recently decided to post my writing on a side blog that can be found here - @i-go-by-levi (i'm very creative when it comes to naming blogs as you can see haha)

3. How long have you’ve been on tumblr?

with my current active blogs since April 2019, and before that on and off since like 2016 or 2017 but those accounts have been deleted by me since.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

i used to! it was #ps i love queue but i am too lazy to add it anymore

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

back in the day before i joined the writeblr community i had a song lyrics quote blog that actually posted up to three times a day (all queued of course) but i got tired of that so i abandoned Tumblr for a while and then came back with a changed url, template and idea

6. Why did you choose your icon?

i change my icon every few months actually and it used to be some stock photo of a typewriter but in the past months since i moved out from home and been changing personally, i decided i can go with a picrew as well. i'm ususally changing my icons between some fantasy type of way to portray myself and rather realistic ways, often adding aspects to my appearance that i do not have in real life

7. Why did you choose your header?

up until my last blog updates and re-designs like a week back i used to put great thought to the choice of my header and making it the source of my color palette for the blog - i gave that up because i didn't really feel like doing that anymore and i am also trying to work on my perfectionism so... no header for me anymore haha

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

one time i decided to share my thoughts about needing someone to listen while i ramble about a plot i am planning but i don't need them to contribute anything "hm" and "yes" and "okay" - and then i got 284 notes for that

9. How many mutuals do you have?

hard question, i haven't been active in the past six months but counting who i interacted with rather often back then i can say about four 🤷‍♀️

10. How many followers do you have?

honestly, looking at the notes my posts got, more than i thought i would have

11. How many people do you follow?

96, i recently sorted that out.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

i don't think so. reblogged, yes. written myself, probably not.

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

not as much as i would want to. i am currently at like two times a week, maybe three.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

none i would know of haha

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

they do catch my attention but ultimately i decide situation and topic dependent if i really "need to reblog this".

16. Do you like tag games?

i really really love them with all my being! though sometimes, with uni and life and stuff, it's a bit hard to everything asap but i really enjoy being tagged!

17. Do you like ask games?

same as the tag games. i love them! though it might take me a bit to come back to all the asks and properly answer them.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

that's a tough question for someone who hasn't been properly on here in six months. i think i'll pass on this one, sorry.

19. Do I have a crush on a mutual?

no i don't.

20. Tags?

i am tagging @liz-pooh (to let her know that i am waiting for her return to Tumblr), and everyone who sees this and feels like doing it. i am not confident enough yet to tag other people again 😬

[celestialceci]

author interview tag

tagged by @thatsnotrelevant <3 ((makin a new post cuz threads bother me lolz))

name: cecilia, aka celestialceci, on like every website

fandoms: right now we’re deep in ATLA, but also i would say i’m still pretty into miraculous ladybug as well. in the past, i’ve also written for sherlock, harry potter, and teen titans

where you post: i’m an og ffn user, but now i only post on ao3 and i post snippets on tumblr

most popular oneshot: out of all my ones on my main ao3, an old ml oneshot featuring trans!adrien coming out to ladybug as chat noir. but i think it only has the most hits/kudos because it’s old, lol. my actual most popular one is on my alt harry potter account.

most popular multichap: once again the actual most popular is one on my alt acc probably beyond that it’s my 3 chapter ml au where marinette and adrien are both bank robbers

favorite sorry you’ve written so far: probably the aforementioned ml fic, because i loved writing it, and i’m still really proud of it. also the action was super fun to write and still slaps to this DAY.

fic you were nervous to post: like none of them. lol. no shame lads.

how you choose your titles: ususally it’s a song lyric or it just... appears in my brain. my zukka one is a song lyric. red moped was just based on marinette’s getaway vehicle. it kind of varies.

do you outline: um YES for almost everything i write, even oneshots pretty much if it’s over 3k, it gets an outline, however bare-bones it may be.

complete: oh god like 15 maybe? 20? including some old works and my other little one shots on my hp side tumblr.

in progress: technically 2, but unfortunately probably only one of those will ever be finished. the other is pretty dead.

coming soon/not yet started: i’ve got a couple of atla wips and an even longer list of ideas i may or may not write. i also have an entire long harry potter fic outlined but she may also never see the light of day (f in chat)

prompts? i do like getting prompts but if it doesn’t spark something in my own imagination i can’t make it happen.

upcoming work you’re most excited about: probably my western au, because i’m doing world building, making maps, drawing art... it legitimately lives rent free in my mind and i think about her all the time.

taggin @ohmyzukka @drawlfoy @silentexplorer18 @zuzulord @socontagiousimagines

[threecheersforsweetrevenge]

10, 20, 30, 40 and 50 for the oc thing!!

idk which set of questions so im just gonna do these one. also im gonna use wyatt and dj bc im extra.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?Wyatt: Children irritate him a lot, and he honestly would never have kids for a while (maybe inthe future? i havent thought much abut his future yet) mostly because he believes hed be a horrible father. He’s actually really gentle with kids bc hes not That much of a dickDj: He doesnt mind them, but is mostly annoyed by them. He at first swears he’s never gonna have kids but eventually he does and hes a Great Dad

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?Wyatt: He’s probably never seen a musical, but as for music in general he reallt likes it. When his favorite song comes on he cranks up the volume and shouts the lyrics (and his singingvoice is Not Good) and its adorable.Dj: he likes musicals casually I guess, but as tor music ingeneral its his Favorite. He really wants to be a musician, and when his favorite song is on he ususally sings along, and he has a nice singing voice
 
30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?Wyatt: never.Dj: not really
40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?Wyatt: he literally lives off of energy drinks and coffeeDj: he usually has a morning coffee. He also LOVES sweets

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?Wyatt: cigarettes, food, clothes, a lighter, moneyDj: clothes, his phone, a notebook, food, headphones

[dangerouslygay]

2/3/37/38

2 - already done it lol

3- a song that reminds you of a specific moment in your life

oklahoma from the musical oklahoma - we did it as our school musical this year and it was one of the best experiences of my life. the specific song is one of the most powerful in the musical and performing it on the last night with the cast just felt really special. 

37 - a song you’re ashamed to have in your music library

holy mountain - noel gallagher (i’m religiously # team liam ususally but it’s a banger ok) 

38 - the song you were too ashamed to post for 37 

freeek! - george michael (listen to the lyrics and you’ll see why, but its a fucking tune so) 

ty anon!