#not to mention you have been homeless on our couch for almost year without paying so much as 1 grocery bill

[maironsbigboobs]

my dad is actually pissing me off now like dude you have to solve your own problems at some point!!!!

[jj-ktae]

Papers, III

Title : Papers Pairing : Park Jinyoung x Fem!Reader Genre : Victorian Era, Romance, Fluff, Angst, smut-ish, Words : 4881 Summary : In the merciless 1850′s, Park Jinyoung finds solace in tiny pieces of paper and their owner.

Will be updated every Wednesday at 9 p.m CEST. (I will probably have to change the schedule because of tumblr.)

Thank you @jaebeomsmullet​ for the amazing banner ! 

Prologue - I - II - 

III, 

You feel odd. Your encounter with that gentleman is still printed into your head, the words repeating and causing a whirlpool of unusual anxiety.

Why did he sound so indignant? What caused such a hatred toward rich people when he obviously studies in an expensive school?

Maybe he is one of these rebellious kids, preaching peace and equality around the country. You’ve seen them in your neighbourhood, all kind and sweet with people like you who “are as deserving as the rest of the population”. They are usually from wealthy families and try to fight for what they think is right.

Maybe he is studying while fighting inequalities.

Vivienne quickly kills your theories as soon as you go back to work the next day. No one seems to mention the incident, even though you both came back home feeling paralysed from shock. You thought you were going to be yelled at, but it is like nothing happened.

“Aunt told me there are students who aren’t rich. It is now common for rich people to do charity.” She explains. Her arms are getting sore from the intense scrubbing in the offices but she works harder, eager to get it over with. “She mentioned it is usually directed toward homeless children.”

You stop sweeping the solid oak floor, head tilted to the side. “These people help random children in the streets? Why would he hate them, then?” It doesn’t make sense, this gentleman sounded like he was about to burst.

“I thought so too…” Vivienne continues, before taking a deep breath and stretching her arms. “but then Aunt said these actions were not made upon real kindness of heart.”

You aren’t surprised.

You finish working quietly, your mind troubled with theories about who that gentleman could be. Your peacefulness isn’t as lovely as what you predicted and upon realising your mind cannot forget about him, you enter yet another room.

--

Jinyoung is unable to erase the memory. It is so unlike him to lose his temper. He knows himself, he knows he can be choleric but control had always been his strongest weapon, especially in that jungle they call society.

At the same time, he hates having to keep himself composed.

“That is a very barbaric way to greet a young lady.” Jaebeom utters. He lifts his head to peak at his silent friend before leaning against the wall.

Jinyoung snorts, eyes opening to find a rotting ceiling. “You are unbeatable at consoling people.”

“You tend to function with admonishment. If no one tells you where to stop, I’m afraid you’ll end up killing someone with your hatred, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung knows. His anger is swelling along the years, probably because with age comes realisation. What was unfair back then is unbearable now. He turns around abruptly from his spot on the dirty couch, his face aiming for Jaebeom’s composed presence. “She looked exactly like we used to when we were frightened of being beaten to death. You should have seen it, how she was expecting me to destroy her whole existence with the back of my hand. Is this what life is supposed to be about?”

Jaebeom thinks for a minute and almost seems moved; he knows too much about that fear he has yet to exorcise.

But he shakes his head, too slowly to announce he is going to agree. “Only us are responsible for our fortune. No one is going to take us out of here. Charwomen and maids have enough to do, they do not need you to add to their misery.”

“How are you suddenly taking everyone else’s side?” Here it comes again, the wrath. Jinyoung has no idea how it became to uncontrollable.

“Jinyoung, I am on your side. I, too, have been beaten, have lost my parents, have been trying to survive. No one else understands you better than I do. Jackson has been working for us and all I can do is watch him kill himself and for what? Look at this room, look how disgusting it is. Nonetheless, we cannot hate everyone. We can blame the rich if it pleases you, but we cannot hate the poor for following them. We are on our own already and I don’t want to end like a recluse.” Jaebeom parts from the wall, his hands now into the pockets of his stained jacket. “Hatred is going to destroy you more than it will build you.”

He pats Jinyoung’s shoulder before leaving.

From his spot on the dirty furniture, he closes his eyes again as he hears his friend utter about the bread being mouldy again.

--

“I will definitely pay you back for your help! Thank you!” Vivienne has other things to do today. She mentioned her aunt being very sick so you decided to stay and finish cleaning in her place. Only a couple of offices are left so it shouldn’t take long. You are thankful for that; your back has been in pain for the past weeks.

It happens a lot when the weather is humid.

Being a charwoman is hard, but it is easier than any other occupation available. It is convenient for you don’t have to meet with anyone but your direct superior and it is quiet. The school is always empty whenever you arrive, making the tasks more peaceful and bearable.

That is, until someone makes a scene for no acceptable reason.

Come to think of it, it is ridiculous for someone to be mad at you for not despising the rich. How did he expect you to react? Doesn’t he know how easy it is to maim one’s life? You brush the thoughts away when you’re finished. It’s a little mistake bound to never happen again. Everyone has their own worries and you have plenty already.

After all, there is so little you can do to change things.

You feel your bones crack when you stretch lazily, your neck now stiff and hands burning from the strong detergent. You are thirty minutes away from bed and board - it sounds less pitiful that way - and you cannot wait.

The evening is moist and warm, adding to your damp skin and tearing shivers down your spine. You grab your holed cardigan, letting it swipe the floor as you pass the big wrought-iron doors and stop when you find him, again.

He wears no sign of resentment for his face is relaxed, lost even. He takes a few steps toward you when he finds you staring.

“Good evening.”

His voice is deeper than you remembered, but you don’t have the time to ponder on his tessitura. Your hand hurriedly goes to your stained dress in order to bow respectfully. You don’t know who he is and you would rather not risk it a second time.

He seems to have quite the bad temper.

“There is no need for such greetings.” He stops you mid-way, a careful hand prompting you to abandon the useless movement. “I am of the same...social standing.”

You blink at him, Vivienne’s words echoing at the back of your head.

“Is there…. anything you need?” You try carefully, your face straight. You cannot let the incident affect you.

Jinyoung looks around the building, expecting to see your friend arrive and silently hoping she would come just a bit later. “I wish to discuss...about our previous encounter. Do you happen to have time to spare?”

He seems too careful to be that gentleman who almost barked at you. Still, you don’t feel like pushing him away. Despite all the commotion, his eyes captivate you whole.

You nod, turning around when these same orbs appear to be restless and looking for something.

“My friend is already gone.” You explain, sensing he might be looking for the person who is too familiar to be a mere workmate.

Jinyoung nods, reacting quickly before someone walks by. “There is a garden, this way.”  He takes a step back and nods toward an empty bench between trees; the one you oftentimes find when your legs hurt too much to walk back home just yet.

He lets you lead the way, his hand into his pockets and looking prudent.

You sit without waiting, the thought of him being of same class enough to erase all plans of acting according proper etiquette. You see he doesn’t mind, or probably doesn’t care for he sits slightly away from you, his legs and arms now crossed. He leans and turns, his face now on full exposure and absorbing all the clouds’ hues.

He is surprisingly gracious, even wrapped into miserable clothing.

“I would like to ask for forgiveness. I didn't mean to be such a brute and speak so harshly. I lost my temper. If anything, I am relieved you are the one I have been corresponding with. Before you ask, I knew it was you as soon as I saw the way you were looking at the notes.” He begins, his tone steady.

“Why do you...speak this way?” You ask. He seems awfully polite for someone of the same background; god knows how uncommon it is for the lower-class to be so conscious of each-other.

Jinyoung doesn’t understand. “How do I speak?”

“Like I am of high upbringing.”

“What is a high upbringing?” Jinyoung cannot help but ask, his face now genuinely confused.

You sigh, not grasping the situation. “I am poor. You can speak comfortably.”

“I am only respecting you. Everyone shall be addressed with respect, regardless of upbringing or whatever you want to call it. Do you not agree?”

It doesn’t surprise you. You’ve heard enough of him to understand his intentions. It matches with his previous words and actions. This gentleman can’t abide this society.

“I do. I do but it doesn’t matter nor changes anything.” You answer, turning around on the bench to face him.

Jinyoung hums, before the hint of a smile blooms on his usually stern features. “It just did. While I am sure no stranger ever treated you with respect, it just happened. How does it feel? Do you not want it to happen every day?”

“It is unusual. I am not sure whether I feel comfortable or not.” You admit, quite amazed by his tricks.

“I wish everyone would. Do not misunderstand; I am no idealist but I wish for things to change.” Jinyoung continues, his arms now relaxed as his hand finds his cheek to let his head rest on it. “It is why I acted the way I did. My passion is bigger than my brain.”

You chuckle at the comparison. Passion is something you’ve lost long ago. “You’re not the regular type of student.”

“When I see my fellow classmates, I can definitely take it as a compliment.” Jinyoung hoped for a serious conversation. He had prepared a ton of sentences, full of apologies. Now everything is gone and he is left with only himself and your rather composed self.

“But, what makes you so different?” You question, eager to know more. Maybe it is because he looks and sounds mysterious.

Jinyoung hesitates and takes a proper position on the bench, before clearing his throat. “Background. It makes a big difference and it is not a story you wish to hear but I am willing to share if you do the same.”

You nod, adopting the same posture on the bench. You have all the time you need.

--

This gentlemen’s name is Park Jinyoung and he is an orphan. It is the first sentence he uttered when he recounted his story. He probably left a lot of gruesome details aside but it looks detailed. From the burning of the building where he lived to how he ended in coal mines like every kid. He mentions a man who paid for a couple of the kids’ education as the reason he ended here, before explaining how he wishes to become a famous writer. He is smart, brilliant even, from the way he speaks to how he expresses his emotions.

He looks nothing like the enraged gentleman in the amphitheatre.

“When I put that first piece of paper under the table, I was convinced I would correspond with another boring and over-mannered student.” Jinyoung finishes, glancing at you.

“I might not be as entertaining.” You admit, eyes glancing back but unable to hold the same intensity.

“What is entertainment anyways…If anything, I am glad it was you.”

You freeze, the mere thought of being sufficient to anyone enough to block your every joint. No answer leaves your mouth, but Jinyoung doesn’t need any.

“How about you share your story now, art student?” He even jokes, his smile building wrinkles around his eyes.

You cough.

Jinyoung listens, looking really absorbed when you explain how your father left your family when you were a kid. You try to say as much as you can think at the moment. It is difficult to gather the information but you succeed, deliberately keeping some things to yourself and mentioning only the bearable details too. This gentleman doesn’t need to know everything right now, he has enough to be able to leave the stranger zone, but too little to be a confidant. You refuse to admit you are actually ashamed of sharing the darkest part of your life.

Jinyoung isn’t surprised. He lets you finish and claps his hands two times, speaking about unlucky people and misery. He insists on walking you home and you agree. He who was so out of reach earlier is now close at hand and relaxed.

And as you expected, you enjoy his company.

Jinyoung does, too. He was supposed to find you and apologize before disappearing but his literary personality brought him beyond borders. He doesn’t try to explain it, not in the mood to resolve the enigma.

Deep inside, he knows.

You are leaving when he stops you, his voice slightly quivering as he asks for another encounter. You tell him that he knows where to find you and he promises to show you something at school the next time he sees you.

When Jinyoung gets back home, he greets Jaebeom with a smile. The latter is surprised but not shocked.

That night, he lets them eat his share of food.

Sleeping is impossible despite your level of exhaustion. The evening repeats, endless and replaying Jinyoung’s careful composure. You let it invade you, captivated and curious to know more about him. You fall asleep to him and his unexpected ideas about a world where no one should suffer.

--

“Vivi, stop saying such nonsense!” You don’t want her to imagine things. Vivienne is into romance and fairy tales so it is normal to see her squeak in delight when you tell her what happened.

“Are you going to see him again? When?” She is ecstatic, her agitated hands doing a poor job covering her high-pitched voice. You shake your head, unable to find the answer to such a simple question.

You don’t know when he will find you again. You know nothing about his whereabouts but he knows your schedule and that makes it all extraordinarily exciting. You are almost eager to head to work in hope he will appear magically, at any corner.

But for a whole week there is no sign of Park Jinyoung. Even though you walk back home with heavier steps, even though you stay longer than usual, he is nowhere to be seen.

Maybe it was just common courtesy. He did act like quite the gentleman so he probably wanted to make it up for that first encounter. That must be it.

“Patience is a virtue.” Vivienne speaks one night upon arriving where you live. “He will show up.” she seems confident with her tiny smile as she leaves you by your door. She has obligations she cannot postpone.

“Y/N?” You hear when you close the door, a heavy smell filling your nose. You rush toward the voice, gasping when the horrifying scene appears before your eyes.

“Mother, what happened?” You almost cry, kneeling in front of a bleeding woman. Her face is soaked with tears and her body is so rigid it is almost impossible to make her move.

“A rough...client.” She speaks through gritted teeth, her split lip painting a red line on her chin.

It happens sometimes. Your mother would come back abused and hurt.

“Why don’t you stop, mother? You don’t have to- You don’t-” your tears are heavy with remorse when you find her, gasping for air that isn’t going to rip her probably broken ribs. “I can do it; I will do it so stop working there.”

She glares at you, looking more pitiful than threatening. “Do not think about setting a foot in that nightmare ever again. I will not let my daughter...sell her body.” She finishes, torn between rage and sorrow. “I am sorry for not being able to give you what you deserve.”

“It’s fine, mother. It’s fine.” You help her lay down properly and sit by her side, not reacting when she mentions she wasn’t able to bring money today.

It is the darkest point in your story. You like to think you can live with the thought of your mother working in a brothel but you don’t. She always does her best to show you a positive side of herself, celebrating when she brings enough money to buy two miserable sausages and silent when younger prostitutes are preferred to her company - leaving her without a single coin. She never talks about her occupation in hope it’ll be forgotten in the middle of hardships but you see it; you see the blood-stained fabrics and hear her cries deep in the night.

It is a common occupation. Prostitution is the easiest way to have sufficient money and a lot of young ladies and women resolve to work into brothels. The ones who wander the streets alone never end well, their encounters ending badly more often than not. Therefore, brothels are so busy; no one wants to sell themselves without any sort of support.

But for what? Brothels do not care about their workers; the women are abandoned when deemed useless and fired without any consideration. You hate that world, you hate how easy it is to lose all humanity for dirty money.

You have to survive although it hurts is what your mother said while taking your place in the brothel. She gave her dignity away upon seeing her daughter deprived of her innocence and ordered you to find a proper occupation.

She must have had enough of you coming back smelling like alcohol and tobacco, limping until your body would crash on the floor, shaking. You were never mad at her, it was your decision, as stupid as it was. You feel guilty now, guilty for letting her take your place and deteriorate her body even more.

“I will bring something to eat tomorrow mother, I will be paid.” Your income is ridiculous but it is better than nothing.

She answers incoherent words, her head lifeless on the dirty bed. You look at the blood stains on her dress and close your eyes.

You hate it here.

--

Jackson is exhausted. He walks with difficulty, his cough getting worse with every night he spends at the mine. He cannot attempt his training sessions anymore but he jokes about it being useless and not worth his time. He also refuses to let Jinyoung or Jaebeom go, pretending he prefers working there anyways.

Both Jinyoung and Jaebeom have to force him to stop.

“You can take care of him better than I will. I’ll take his place tonight.” Jinyoung says, already aiming toward the door when he hears Jaebeom begging him to be careful.

“I will try.” he answers, before leaving.

“You two shouldn’t go there…” Jackson speaks, his voice even raspier than usual. “You two have the potential to make it out of here. I have nothing but thick skin. I can do this.”

“You have to stop saying this.” Jaebeom looks mad but he is merely trying to hide his fear. “We can’t make it out of here and even if we do, we won’t sacrifice you. Stop being so stubborn and let us work, too. We won’t break.” He finishes, ignoring the flashing memories.

Jackson brings him back into reality. “Don’t be dumb. I haven’t been sacrificing myself all these years for you to fail now.  We all know I am lucky to be breathing. You two better become famous or I will haunt you in the afterlife.”

“I promise I will kill you myself if you ever joke like this again, Jackson. Just sleep, I’ll wake you up when I’m done with the potatoes.” Jaebeom orders, walking away before he starts sobbing.

Life is too messed up.

He knows he has always been the weakest one. Jackson has a strong body; he endures everything and never gives up. Jinyoung has immense willpower; his determination makes him the toughest. Unlike Jackson, he doesn’t cry.  

But what about him? He was the quietest as a kid; the one who would follow without questioning. He had the weakest body because of an accident where he fell right on his head and hurt his back in the process. He is the oldest but can barely support his own brothers. His eyes find his notebook, filled with poems he wishes to show the world. One day, maybe, he will consider himself as a man.

As Jaebeom pokes a potato he hears Jackson, way too loud to be considered in bad shape.

“You better not be thinking about negative things, I’m warning you!”

He chuckles, the tears stopping from falling into the boiling water.

“I’m not!”

--

“Hello.”

You jump, the broom falling from your hands and hitting the floor. Jinyoung is standing against the opened door, his arms crossed and a tiny wound visible on his eyebrow arch.

“Hello…” You trail of, bending to pick the fallen object.

“May I wait for you to be done with work?”

You blink, observing Jinyoung’s face which looks puzzled when confronted to your silence. He balances himself from one foot to the other.

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung insists, tearing you from your trans. You nod clumsily, barely able to answer before Jinyoung turns around to greet someone.

Vivienne appears from nowhere, sweaty and looking like she has been running around the building

“Oh- Oh! You are the gentleman from the other night!” She stops next to Jinyoung, her eyes communicative in a not so subtle way. “We are almost finished but,” she walks toward you and grabs the broom, wrapping her arm lazily around your shoulders. “I can do it by myself!”

You look at her, then at Jinyoung who snorts, looking slightly surprised to see such an upbeat person standing next to you.

“If you are free, I would like to show you something.”

“This young lady is totally free to go.” Vivienne bows, her arm now pushing you violently to make you react. “I will see you later!” She then turns around, signalling there is no way to escape your fate.

You look at Jinyoung with a timid smile which he answers quickly before taking a few steps back. “After you.” he almost chants. You thank him, still at a loss of words. You have to wake up at some point and try to hold a conversation but it is as if your brain stopped functioning.

You hear Jinyoung’s steps next to you, echoing in the halls as he proceeds to tell you where to go. The walk is silent but none of you mind; you both have issues you need to ponder over.

The school is filled with marvellous places and gardens. You never dared wandering at its heart but you couldn’t help but notice the few rooms and plants, full of flowers blooming in the thick nature. It’s an old but elegant building.

Jinyoung makes you turn a couple of times but it’s enough to take you to a new aisle, one you never set a foot in. It looks like it isn’t used because it is empty.  He takes the lead and stops in front of a door before opening it.

“It is my favourite room. I don’t come as often as I used to.” Jinyoung lets you enter, his hand revealing a big and illuminated room. “It’s the perfect time to come here.”

it is indeed. The room is filled with paintings, from the walls to the floor. Some of them are dusty, others look new. The colours are melting together perfectly and are drinking the last traces of the sun which invites itself behind the windows.

“This is where they store the paintings from the classes.” Jinyoung arrives behind you but doesn’t stop and aims for the windows. he opens the thick glass and takes a deep breath. “It is so quiet around here.”

There are only trees on that side of the school so no one walks by and Jinyoung is thankful for that. You watch him lean against the window frame, the wind sweeping his hair and for a second he looks like that gentleman in romantic books.

You join him quickly, his aura attracting you unconsciously. “Why did you want me to see this room?” you try, both glad and hesitant.

“You seem to be in need of peacefulness, just like me.” The gentleman explains, finally turning his head to find your distraught orbs. “Today more than anything, I want to pretend only I exist. Or maybe I want to disappear.” he chuckles.

“I feel the same, without the room to hide myself into.” You joke, raising a hand to hide yourself behind the last sunbeams.

“Feel free to use this room when needed. Once the school is closed you are free to wander these walls.” Jinyoung offers, his eyes not leaving your face as you start playing with the lights and their warmth.

How much of waste is it to look this stunning but to be considered like dirt.

He finds a tear falling down your cheek and it makes him speak faster than intended. “What is the matter?” he presses, leaning to arrive at your level and inspect your face.

You shake your head, observing his features and noticing a couple of tiny cuts signalling he must be shaving regularly.

“If someone were to be hurt while trying to make your life better, would you feel guilty or enjoy what you have as a token of gratitude?”

The question takes Jinyoung off-guard. It hits so close to home that it hurts for a second, the images of a Jackson wheezing and coughing already haunting. He opens his mouth, not noticing the proximity as he picks the words carefully before he ends in the same state as you.

“I would want to enjoy, but guilt would take over. Knowing me, I would be blaming the whole universe instead of doing something useful. there is so much I worry about, so much I can’t find the force to face.” He speaks words which are true. Jinyoung doesn’t know how to deal with the guilt so he fights. He haunts, in search of a new element to hate so he doesn’t end up despising himself for being so useless.

“What is worrying you? I personally don’t do any of these. I do not enjoy nor do I fight. I live through the days, ignoring the pain of my own blood which is too often spilled.”

“Is it about your mother?” Jinyoung knows this much. You mentioned living with her and your eyes are too bloodshot for it not to be about someone as dear as a parent.

He understands he got it right when you start crying. You cry so loud it almost scares him but he quickly recovers, his face turning toward the nature outside.

Unfortunately, he knows too much about the sacrifice of a parent not to understand your sorrow. “There is nothing a parent isn’t willing to do for their infant. I discovered this at a young age.”

It makes you stop crying instantly, remorse taking over once again. “I’m so sorry- I didn’t mean to-” you sigh, muffling more pitiful noises because you are being completely insensitive and complaining about your mother while he is an orphan. “I shouldn’t be so childish when there are people who couldn’t-”

Jinyoung’s head appears, almost like a whip. “Don’t. Don’t speak like you are pitying me. If you want to cry go ahead, I promise it will not make much difference. You have the right to worry about your mother and feel like you are useless. You are no dead weight though; you are alive and breathing and it is the most important thing for her. Parents want their kids breathing, let it be air or dust.”

You feel even more sorry when you hear his resilience. You nod furiously, melting in numerous tears as Jinyoung grabs his sleeve to wipe your messy face. He cleans it as thoroughly as he can, from the salty drops on your eyelash to your runny nose. He brushes your sticky locks away from your face before patting your head softly.

“Let’s leave my worries for another encounter, young lady.”

[canttelliotte-blog]

Incredibly long, overly detailed post I spent too much time on.

Tl:dr AITA for telling someone they were coming off as an ungrateful, privileged asshole who didn't seem to recognize or truly appreciate what they have? I blew up after a series of encounters, they seemed oblivious to their lifestyle and support and how truly different life could have turned out without it. I called them out after weeks of trying to be empathetic but couldn't take how helpless they were acting when I would kill for the kind the support they were complaining about and taking for granted.  

I should use a throwaway because I know this person will probably see this but I don't have the energy. I'll try to keep this short (actually super long sorry) I feel like I already know I was sort of harsh and out of line. This whole thing has just been sticking with me and I feel really messed up about it.  

Alright, so context, back story. I had a breakdown in February and tried to kill myself. By some miracle, I got a bed at one of the best mental hospitals on this side of the east coast. After a long history of chronic mental illness, being on disability for years with medicare, getting an opportunity like this was amazing. I had been on waiting lists for months before my attempt, but fate, acuity, and availability all lined up. A true miracle. Unless you have a family with money or amazing health insurance, getting a bed is just extremely difficult at this particular facility.  

The reason being, they provide real treatment. Comprehensive, attentive, life-saving treatment. They actually provide real care with empathy, actual therapy, psychiatry, and groups, with educated staff, real food to eat, world-renowned providers, and treatment teams that listen and work with you to come up with effective long-term solutions/aftercare plans that set you up for long term success.  

Out of pocket, this place is unfathomably expensive. The more exclusive programs on-campus are for the ultra-elite/ ultra-wealthy, taking celebrities like Selena Gomez. The institution itself is known for its education and research. It is not funded by the state like almost everywhere else. Most state-run facilities are atrocious. a disgusting holding cell, where you're stripped of your clothes, dignity, and rights, fed prison food, overmedicated, physically and chemically restrained, only to be thrown back on the street in 3-5 days with no aftercare, med refills, or plan. Been there, done that, many times, not the point. The point was, I got some really helpful expensive ass treatment by the luck of the draw.  

While I was there, I met someone lovely. We instantly connected and expressed interest in one another. They seemed really cool, we talked at length about income inequality and how unfair it was that this kind of treatment wasn't the norm or easily accessible and how unfair that was. They seemed passionate and bright and we got along great. They were set to discharge only a few days after I got there, so we exchanged info before they left. We talked a bunch while I was still there (my discharge was a couple of weeks later) and decided to go on a few dates after I got out.  

A few days after I got out, I unintendedly overdosed, confused about my meds, and was incoherent by the time I got to the ER. I was restrained and chemically sedated. I was confused and fought so was deemed severely acute, and got sent to a state-run facility similar to what I described above. It was all very traumatic and I shut down once I got home. I was lucky I made it out semi-okay, that they let me out at all.  

I wasn't replying to anyone's messages but the person I had met kept reaching out wanting to hear from me and make sure I was okay. I was embarrassed but it was really sweet and soon we starting talking a lot again and really connecting.  

As I got to know them, I definitely thought they were very cool, we seemed to have a lot in common, they made me laugh and we got along really well. I was really digging them and saw us potentially becoming a thing.  After talking for some time, we decided to anxiously have our first date. It went okay but something was off.  

I didn't really pick up on it at first but the more we talked, the more privileged they offhandedly revealed they were. I know it's judge-y and lame, but that kind of put me off. I've been poor my whole life and struggled hard for everything, it's a whole different world living in poverty, so it made me a bit uncomfortable.  I still live in poverty, on disability, with food stamps, and can barely hold it together enough to have a part-time job, but I have no choice. It's rough. I've been homeless, lived in institutions, went through foster care, and have no familial support. I have one of the most serious debilitating mental illnesses. It's been very very hard.  

I am biased but I haven't met anyone well off who gets it. Some people don't realize how hard things can be when you've really had nothing, and had to work hard for everything. Even simple things are taken for granted, not understood, or there are miscommunications or assumptions made due to the lack of understanding. That's just my personal experience, it's hard trying to explain things and it's invalidating sometimes, it can be hard to relate or connect due to the lack of understanding.  

Honestly, though, it took me by surprise. We had both talked passionately about the struggles of being on disability, the importance of income inequality, how unfair the system is set up, the barriers against the poor receiving adequate mental health treatment. They explained how they advocated for social justice and regularly went to protests. I felt dumb because I did meet them at higher-end facility, but I assumed they ended up there by dumb luck as I did with how they presented and initially came across.  

They made it seem like we were in the same boat, poor af, chronically mentally ill, and 4 ever struggling. It was just a surprise because that was very much was not the case.  

They moved up here from Florida, (where admittedly their life was much harder and different), but since moving, they were being supported by their aunt and uncle, who were very, very well off. They had a very expensive private practice psychiatrist, multiple treatment providers, and an apartment in a very well-off area, that their aunt owned, so they paid no rent.  Their car/insurance/phone everything was paid for.  

They seemed to have money to burn, dancing around being well taken care of and not really having to worry. They were on disability though receiving payments and food stamps in addition, not reporting the assistance from their family. When I lightly inquired, they said their grandmother mostly controlled their finances and they didn't deal with bills etc. They spent freely, getting take out almost every night, etc. enjoying all the pleasure of life without a second thought.  

I was uncomfortable with this like I said, but they did seem cool and understanding, we did get along and I wanted to give them a chance. I put my biased experience aside and tried to give it a go.  

First example that really blew me away was their dog. They had several animals, including a cat and two dogs. Even for someone working, three animals is a huge expense. I only have one cat and while she's my world, it gets hard sometimes. The vet is expensive, litter, food, treats, it adds up. And she's only one animal!!! I provide for her and take care of her, but a $350 vet bill still packs a punch. Of course, I pay it, she's my baby, but it might mean only eating sandwiches for a few weeks. I love her, so I sacrifice, she is worth it in every way, but animals are expensive and a lot of work/responsibility.  

When this person and I first started seriously talking, they mentioned the dog they were closest to was very sick with a rare condition. I don't know the full details, but I guess it took a while for the vet to figure out what was wrong, he was on a lot of medications, needed loads of tests and scans. There were weeks of extensive treatments/ blood transfusions, all in a long, painful, and strenuous attempt to save him. They tried for a long time in the hopes he would get better.  

He, unfortunately, passed away a few weeks after we started talking. It was devastating to them and I tried my best to be supportive and help them grieve. They were understandably at a huge loss. Their mental health tanked. Their dog meant the world to them, I understand that completely. Pets are family.    

A few weeks after he passed. They were talking a little about the course of treatment and how hard it had been and what a long, painful road it was. They kind of casually remarked that his treatment cost over $20,000.  

I honestly thought I had misheard. I had to ask twice because I thought they meant $2,000. No. $20,000. $20,000.Holy shit.    

I just...$20,000 is what I make in a year. A year. Dogs are family, I totally, totally get that. People will do anything to save their loved ones. A pet is like an uninsured child, even with pet insurance, it can be expensive. I get that. If you have that kind of money, you pay it, without a thought, no problem.  

I just... wow. I still couldn't even wrap my mind around it. My cat is my world but it breaks my heart to say, if anything happened to her like that, it would kill me, but I would be forced to put her down. I just couldn't believe, $20,000. And they said it like, no big deal, of course, like anyone would/could afford that, it was obvious, a no-brainer. I just...wow.  

Next, kicker. I  came over to hang out one night and watch movies. I had never been to their apartment before. They claimed it had been super messy and they made a big deal about how they had cleaned for me. Sweet, but unnecessary, I get mental illness is tough. It was two bedrooms, all to themselves, decent space and light, but definitely scattered and cluttered. They had a huge king-sized bed, a bidet in the bathroom, and a super nice living room set up. Big comfy couch, loads of nice blankets, and honestly the biggest tv I had ever seen. They joking bragged about having all the streaming options. No kidding. Hulu, Disney plus, Netflix, Amazon, HBO, Paramount, and at least half a dozen more I hadn't even heard of. It just seemed crazy and excessive paying for that many streaming services every month.  But to each their own I guess.

We were both huge fans of anime, and they sort of decided to venture to studio ghibli. They asked if I had seen a particular favorite of theirs. I hadn't. They searched and it was only available to rent. $17. I nearly had a heart attack. I was like no way, we could definitely find it streaming for free somewhere if we look, or watch something else, shortage of options. They were like no it's no biggie that's what I want to watch and clicked rent. Like no problem *sweats intensely* Anytime I spend money, I have a heart attack and second guess it, it takes me like 10 minutes to click buy and my heart always drops when I do. I overthink, whether I really need/deserve it/whether there's a cheaper option, or if it's truly necessary. I know that's a poverty thing. It's just like we could have easily found it somewhere for free with a little effort!  

We go to order food, we both have celiac so finding takeout is a chore. They knew the area better so I was trusting them. They were very adamant about ordering expensive sushi. It was $36 for just one of the things they wanted. Not including delivery or tips or fees or anything else, which included appetizers and drinks, the whole nine. I wasn't feeling sushi. They were like fine, we'll order from two separate places then. Double the delivery fee, not something I ever do, it would be cheaper finding a place together, I could get something small and affordable but they wouldn't budge. I didn't really have money to order a big thing on my own, I wanted something small, but I felt pressured. I figured anything I got would be cheaper than having to split a big sushi order I didn't want. I was like okay fine.  

They kind of seemed annoyed that I didn't just give in and get sushi. They were a little short with me, didn't give me many options of other places, and were weirdly controlling, not letting me look at their phone to find something. I kind of gave up and said like just a burger is fine. I figured it would be cheap and filling, probably $20 max. I didn't take into consideration that they live in an extremely expensive area. It ended up being almost $30, plus tip. For a burger. I almost wanted to cry. I would have picked somewhere else cheaper given the option. They didn't even tell me the price until after they ordered it. I was like oh how much like $15 and they were so casual like oh no, $30 with tip. When it arrived, it was cold and disgusting, really inedible. I picked at the fries, which gave me a stomach ache as they were not gluten-free friendly and had been cross-contaminated in the fryer. I assumed they picked a place that they knew was safe.  

When I wasn't eating, they asked if it was bad. I said yeah and they were like oh well just order something else. Like no, I can't afford anything else, it doesn't work like that. I was like no it's fine I'm not really that hungry. I wanted to say, I trusted you, and you kinda fucked me. I guess they picked that place because there was a gluten-free brownie sundae (prepackaged and not cross-contaminated) on the menu that they really wanted. Obviously more important.  

My stomach ached all night. They ate their food happily. No big deal to them, $30 wasted on food I didn't really want, that I couldn't end up eating and got me sick. If it were them, they would have just ordered something else. No big deal to them. It was more important they got their brownie sundae and expensive sushi than making sure I was able to get something edible. Didn't matter that was half my grocery money for the week. Bologna sandwiches it'll have to be then. Awesome.  

We spent the night talking, I didn't let on to how sick I was or that I was upset about not being able to choose food. They picked all the movies. I wanted to go home, but it just got later and later, one more movie I just *needed* to see. I asked them several times as the clock was ticking if it was getting too late to drive me home. No, no they were fine. Let's just watch another one. Then casually, they went to their room and brought out their night meds, threw 'em back, and settled into the couch. I started to panic. I asked again, you're taking me home, right? I guess they decided they weren't. I was miles away from home, no public transit running or close by. They were like oh I'm so tired, it got so late. Just order a car. I pulled up uber, $25. That would definitely overdraft my account.  

Thankfully, after they saw me sweating and looking panicked, they were like, oh, I feel so bad, I'll order the uber for you. (If they hadn’t, I would have had to explain like, getting home on my own wasn't the plan nor was staying the night. If they thought I would be cool with just staying, they should have said something, if they wanted me to stay, it should have been a discussion, not a surprise.)  

I just felt really disrespected. I was simultaneously hungry and sick from dinner, broke and unprepared to stay over with no prior discussion. I didn't have meds, my cat didn't have food out, I was blindsided and essentially stranded/put in an awkward position. They didn't consider that it might be stressful or beyond my limitations to get home. Being able to just roll with punches isn't financially feasible for everyone. It just felt like they were self-centered and inconsiderate. The whole night was what they wanted, what they wanted to eat, where they wanted to order from, what they wanted to watch, changing plans to what was convenient for them without any regard toward how it might impact me. Just inconsiderate and self-centered behavior.  

We did keep talking though, I just sort of chalked it up to miscommunication and sort of beat myself up for not speaking up. It was weird though, kept just casually mentioning shit that was so privileged and complaining about shit that made them sound so ungrateful. I don't think they realized how it came across, just completely oblivious to their access to resources and not appreciating their position or supports.  

They started talking about starting ketamine treatments to combat their ongoing depression. They had received them in the past and went on about how life-changing and helpful it was, and that everyone should try it. Now, being on disability (and even with most insurances) the treatments are not covered. The clinics that administer them are all out of pocket, bougie as fuck, and extremely expensive.  

They talked about having several rounds in the past like it was nothing. It's easily $250-400 a pop and they were going 1-2x a week for a long time. They kept talking about all their options like what a painstaking burden. Should they start with lozenges and work up to IV clinic or ask for patches, and start that way. They wanted to work up to twice a week again but their family was giving pushback. They wanted me to agree with them, saying it was so unfair and lame and unreasonable/closeminded of their family for not immediately agreeing. The same family that would be footing the bill.  No, not unfair or unreasonable at all. You sound privileged as fuck.  

I was super bothered they were endlessly going on about it and complaining about pushback and asking me to agree with them. My treatment-resistant depression hasn't responded to anything, I've been on every waiting list for MDMA-assisted treatment whenever they pop up but never been selected due to demand and availability. Even ECT is too expensive and not covered. I'd kill for an opportunity like that! And it wasn't even like their family was saying no, they were discussing it in family therapy and seriously considering it.  

They talked about it so nonchalantly and kept going on and on about how amazing it was. Like great, tell me all about something else I'll never be able to afford. I'm sure Paris is great, and backpacking across Europe is awesome, like please do tell me more.  

I finally mentioned like okay that sounds great, will never able to afford it, glad it's so helpful They told me that I could just buy it off the street. That's what they used to do occasionally. It's only a couple hundred dollars and you get way more. Like oh okay. Let me just not pay a third of my rent in the hopes that this jam band kids ketamine isn't fentanyl or some shit and maybe have a shot at not wanting to kill myself for a week, you know on the off chance it works. Sounds great, super safe, much more affordable. And like as ridiculous as it was to offer that as an alternative, that still wouldn't be something I could afford! They just came off so clueless and privileged and oblivious.

What really got me was how they eventually talked about their family. They did weekly family therapy with their aunt and uncle and occasionally their dad since moving up here. They stayed with their aunt and uncle (lived down the street) more often than not so they weren't alone. This was encouraged/appreciated/welcomed. They did activities together regularly to help with depression and loneliness/ managing symptoms. They had their grandma and brother, whom they saw often and cherished greatly. They portrayed the relationships as really solid and important. I thought wow, truly wholesome and wonderful.  They seemed so loved, close, connected, cared for, and supported. Across the board, they had support.  

But then tables would turn. They complained often their family was too close, too conservative, and not understanding. They didn't want them so involved in their life, their treatment, decision-making, and recovery process. They resented the support, complained they weren't a kid and were capable/in sound mind to make decisions/have control of their life. I tried to listen and be understanding but I didn't get it. They came off almost like a spoiled, ungrateful teenager.  

You're getting help, love, and support all around, everyone wants to support you and see you do well and will give whatever that takes. Like legitimately whatever ?!?  You don't have to work, pay for anything, and it is made sure you don't have to struggle for anything. Anything you need, you've got.  

I get the concept that having family so close/involved could be crippling or invasive or just downright unproductive. But it was such a slap in the face they would complain to me of all people about having that kind of support.  

Family/support is such a foreign concept to me personally. Like I said, I grew up in foster care. I've never had family involved, healthy relationships, or any sort of support like that. The concept of calling your aunt when you're sad and she offers kind words, support, and tells you to come over to do something fun? Like, can't relate. I could only take so much of them complaining about being taken care of.  

Living with extreme mental illness, not being able to work for periods of time, living solely on disability paychecks and food stamps is damn is impossible to survive, especially where we live. Without the help they were being given, they wouldn't be able to survive. The cost of living is out of control, you can't even rent a room with a single disability payment. I know, I'm doing it. It takes everything for me to keep a part-time job, barely making enough to make ends meet. But if I don't. I'm homeless again. No matter what, no matter how bad symptoms get. And I have one of the hardest, most debilitating mental illnesses. I don't have any other choice.  

Their aunt would pay for them to go to school or learn a trade or anything they wanted. They have a world-renowned private practice doctor that prescribes them literally anything they could want or need to help and they have a great bond/ working relationship. I have a psych who can barely remember my name and sees me for 5-15 minutes maybe once or twice a month. I was asking for medications recently to get through a hard time, nothing serious, but my state-assigned psych does not prescribe benzos. Period. Neither does my PCP. It's state rehab or psych facility for me or bust. Another thing they take for granted. They almost bragged to me about immediately getting two heavy-duty benzos and another maintenance medication,  just by saying their panic attacks were slighting increasing. Meanwhile. I was at risk for DT's after relapsing and begging for basic Librium to maybe not die and was denied.  

The real reality of being on disability is the bare minimum or bad treatment. My psychologist is thankfully amazing but it took 10 years and hitting absolute rock bottom and being homeless to find her. She's a diamond in the rough but only works with the sickest of the sick. I would be in a state institution right now if it weren't for her and I avoided it by the skin of my teeth.  

So here's where I'm probably the asshole. After weeks, I broke. We were texting as usual and they started to sort of mope and complain. They were venting about having a hard time again and how symptoms were bad and there was just nothing they could do and it was so hard. They started going on about how helpless they were and how there was no opportunity to get better and everything was just super hard and impossible for them and how rough they had it. Their family was checking in on them too much and they were annoyed at them for being concerned and that they had no options and no chance and everything was just so hard and impossible.  

I understand, that's depression. I'm pretty empathetic and understanding and have been up to this point but it just felt like the rich person complaining to the homeless guy sleeping on the street, how awful it was they forgot their umbrella that day, and how unfortunate it was to be getting wet. I just wanted to scream. If you're anxious take your benzos, take your other meds! Call your aunt. Text your on call therapist. Call your fancy psych who answers night and day. Utilize any of the resources you have and all the support you are given!    

I was just tired of it. Things in my life have been super difficult, especially lately, and I have to figure it out alone. The voices were getting loud again which lead to a bad relapse that went off the rails, which I had to pull out of completely unassisted. I am in between jobs, my housing isn't stable, my bank accounts are low, my mental health is chronic and very severe, my treatment team was threatening to section me if I didn't reel it in. Things were bad. But I deal with it, alone.    

I know it was wrong of me, but I couldn't take it. They have everything to help themselves!!! They could go to a fancy hospital, they could ask all their supports for help! They would receive the best care. All the medicines, the best treatment. Anything.  

I basically kind of spelled it out for them. You have privilege, you have support, you have money, resources, a great treatment team, family, everything... please for the love of God, USE IT! You wouldn't have to worry about losing your job going into treatment, you wouldn't lose your housing. You wouldn't have to worry about falling behind on bills. You'd be fine.  

How can you not see or appreciate all you have and or see how oblivious and privileged you come across and how hurtful that is? You're complaining to the wrong person.

I went on a bit too long. I was definitely coming from a place of hurt, mental illness, and jealousy. I wasn't trying to make them feel bad, I just wanted them to understand. That kind of support would make all the difference for so many that are struggling. They are sitting with gallons of water around them, complaining to be inconsolably parched and that don't know what to do, all while sort of offhandedly bragging about how much water they have and how they can easily get more. I've been carefully conserving a 16 oz Poland spring bottle, rationing for weeks not knowing if/when I will be able to refill. They aren't alone, expected to make it on just disability. They weren't recognizing their position, how they were coming across, how hurtful that was. I didn't get anyone to catch me, love me, support me. This is the real reality of living with extreme mental illness on disability looks like without that opportunity or support. This is hard fucking work. We are not the same. You got lucky. Now do something with it.

They ended up calling me a dick, saying I didn't understand, that I was being cruel and mean for no reason. We haven't talked since. I do feel bad, I just couldn't take it anymore.  

So if you made it this far, lay it on me, AITA?      

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It: Part Five

Jensen x Musician!Reader; Nathan (OMC)

Also featured this chapter: Jared Padalecki, Gen Padalecki, Rob Benedict, Briana Buckmaster, Dee Harris, and mentions of Kim Rhodes, Mark Pellegrino, Jason Manns, Richard Speight, Jr.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part five is from Y/N’s POV. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.  Series Playlist: “When You Least Expect It” (Spotify). Two songs linked in this chapter, “Do I Move You” & “Up Cripple Creek” go back directly to this playlist. 

A HUGE shout out to @closetspngirl​ for putting together Jensen’s & the reader’s gorgeous wardrobe for the NYE party. Also for not only being my beta, but helping me write the G-D thing. Your input, suggestions, and overall inspiration has been a game changer.

Chapter Summary: Reeling from a visit with her Ex while home for Christmas, Y/N goes back to Austin to get ready for the Padalecki’s New Year’s Eve party. That event turns everything upside for both Y/N and Jensen.

Chapter Warnings: Language, Talk of Break-Ups, Angst, Fluff, 

WC: You don’t wanna know... Trust me.

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online

Y/N stood at the kitchen counter, her fingers gripping the butcher’s block so hard it was turning her knuckles white. She tried to regulate her breathing, which would help slow the relentless pounding of her heart being fueled by the adrenaline rush of seeing Nathan again after so many years.

“It’s really good to see you,” he started, the tenor of his voice instantly drowning her in memories. The quiver that lived beneath it wasn’t lost on her either. In fact, she relished that he was nervous. Y/N hoped he was scared as hell.

“What do you want, Nathan?” she asked, finally turning to face him.

“Just to talk. To—”

“Bullshit. If you wanted to talk, there are phones for that.”

“You would have taken my call?”

“Probably not,” she shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest.

“See. Figured the drop by was better.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and began to slowly walk around the bungalow. “Wow, the place still looks exactly the same. It's crazy…” he trailed off and snorted a laugh when he gazed at the pictures along the walls. “I actually miss it.”

“What?”

“The bungalow. You. Our life.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and felt the urge to scream at him to go. Her fingers crawled up and once again clutched her charm. “I won’t ask again, Nathan. What do—”

“…I want… yeah, I’m getting there. This isn’t easy, okay?” He sighed dramatically, something he had always done and plopped down onto the couch.

“I couldn’t care less how hard, whatever it is you wanna say, is for you to say. You ran out of sympathy from me when I came home and found every single one of your belongings gone. Hell, even before that. Because of you and your debts that you left me with, I had to borrow ten grand off of Leo. I’m still paying that back!”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m working now and I promise I’ll repay you. I was such a dick for leaving how I did. I was fucked up, babe. I was gambling and drinking and using—I was a mess.”

“I remember,” she sighed, exasperated and tired. She wanted him to go so she could melt back into the happy state she was in just after getting off the phone with Jensen. “So last chance to tell me why you’re here and bringing back those bad memories.”

“They weren’t all bad,” he said with that crooked smile. “We had some good ones.”

“Nathan… if you don’t get to the fucking point, I will call the police and remind them of the restraining order—”

“Ok, ok… I came to try and make amends. I’m twelve stepping my way back to a better life. It’s taken a while, but I’m finally in a good place. I need to apologize for all the terrible things I’ve done. Especially to you. I’ve hurt you—”

“You have,” she interrupted. “Honestly, I don’t know what hurt worse. When you left without a word or when you broke my nose.”

“Y/N—I…” he trailed off again and shrugged pathetically. “I was a horrible person then. I know it’s not an excuse. If I could go back in time and change everything, I would. We’d be married, have kids… we’d have a life together here.”

“Well, thank God you can’t. Look, Nathan, I’m glad you got yourself straight. I am. But my life right now is good, and I wouldn’t want to change a thing.”

“I heard. Got yourself a fancy new job,” he said with a smile, but Y/N knew him well enough that behind that smile was a fit of pure, seething jealousy. It was always there in him; lurking.

“Who spilled the beans?”

“Leo. I ran into him last week when I got back. I asked about you, and he said that you had moved to Austin temporarily for work.”

“Did he?” She reminded herself to thank him for that later. “Well, then you know I’m busy. I’m only home for a couple days—”

“He said a week.”

“Leo was wrong. I’m cutting the trip short. I have an event to go to on New Year’s that I need to get back for.”

“Oh,” he replied. There was a lot packed into that ‘oh’. “Y/N, I know I don’t deserve to ask you for anything. But for a long time, we loved each other. We’ve been together since we were kids. Me, you… Dave. We were a little family, especially after your mom left.”

The mention of her mother and brother turned her stomach.

“If you want to apologize, bringing up my mother and dick of a brother isn’t the way to go.”

“Dave isn’t a bad guy. I know he did some shitty things, but babe, he’s your brother. He loves you.”

Y/N finally moved from where she was frozen in place and slowly walked into the living room. “You still talk to him?”

Nathan nodded. “I do. He misses you, asks about you. A lot.”

“Good. I hope that shit for brains realizes now that I will never talk to him again.”

“I still don’t understand why.”

“You don’t understand... Nathan, you were here for the bullshit they put me through after dad died. That bitch swooped in and took my entire inheritance! If not for Leo buying the bungalow from her, I would have been homeless. Then, to find out later that my so-called loving brother, HELPED HER?!” Y/N was shaking now. The act of dredging up these memories was not exactly how she wanted to spend Christmas morning; especially not after it started so well.

“Babe…” Nathan consoled and rose from the couch to come closer to comfort her.

“STOP CALLING ME BABE!”

Nathan froze in place and swallowed hard. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I just came here to try and apologize. For everything I’ve done. I was supposed to be the one person you could trust, who protected you. I’m sorry that I failed you.”

Much to her own surprise, Y/N didn’t cry. She wanted too, but she wouldn’t in front of Nathan. There had been enough tears shed for him over the course of twenty years. Her phone began to buzz from deep within her robe’s pocket. She tried to ignore it, but just before it stopped ringing, she pulled it out and saw Jensen’s name flashing on the screen.

Without hesitation, she answered the call. “Hey,” she greeted and hoped there wasn’t any residual tension in her tone. “Miss me already?”

Nathan’s head picked up, his gaze intense and curious. But he saw the warning look Y/N passed him and forced himself to stay quiet.

“If I did?” Jensen asked playfully. “No, I was calling to tell you that as soon as we hung up, Jared called me to say Merry Christmas and all that. I asked him about the party and his exact words were ‘whatever makes you happy, doesn’t matter so’s long as you’re there’. So there’s your dress code.”

Despite her current mood, she laughed. “Well, that doesn’t help at all.”

“Yeah, I know…” he hesitated for a beat, “are you alright? You don’t sound as chipper as you did twenty minutes ago.”

“Um, yeah. I’m fine,” she lied and tried to put herself together. “Just getting ready for the day, you know.”

“Sure? If you wanna talk, or—I can find a quiet spot and—”

“No, Jay, it's fine. Really. I do gotta run though. Few things I need to wrap up,” she said and hoped he would take it as wrapping last minute gifts for the holiday.

“Ok.” She could tell instantly he didn’t believe her. “Well, you know where to find me if you change your mind. Talk soon?”

“Yeah, definitely. Enjoy your day and if you talk to Jared again, or Robbie, tell them I said Merry Christmas.”

“Will do, bye, Y/N.”

“Bye, Jay.”

She ended the call and kept the phone hovering near her mouth, almost as if she was trying to hide from Nathan.

“Who’s Jay?”

“Jensen. He’s my boss,” she answered then slipped the phone back into her robe.

“Jensen? Some name,” he sneered. “And he calls on Christmas morning? What a pretentious dick.”

“Fuck off, okay? You don’t know him.”

“I do though. He sounds like every rich, asshole Bennie that tears up our beach every summer. Comes down with his crap, his money and thinks he gets whatever he wants—”

“Nathan! You wanna apologize, make amends? Attacking my friend will not help accomplish that.”

“Your friend? I thought he was just your boss.” Realization dawned on him then, and she noticed his body stiffen. “You have a thing for him, don’t you?”

She didn’t expect that and stammered before she could find the words she wanted. “I—no, he’s been a good friend. It's business. That’s all. Besides, you put me through enough. I couldn’t deal with anyone else after you.”

Nathan cast his eyes to the floor. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I never intended for you to be hurt so badly. I never wanted for you to hate me.”

“Yeah, well. Your intentions don’t mean shit, Nathan. Look, I should hate you… but I don’t. God only knows why, but I don’t. You’re right, we did have some really great memories. Being friends since we were little kids and all the years we spent together as a couple; it’s not lost on me. Even though you left like a coward after you hit me—”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you… I needed the money and—” he stopped himself from going down that path. “It’s not an excuse. I should never have touched you, especially not at the club. Mama Mia nearly put me in the hospital that night.”

“You deserved it.”

He nodded and let her continue.

“Anyway, all that aside, I’m just in a place where I don’t want to be with anyone, Nathan.” Y/N paused and realized now she was not only lying to him, but to herself. “I appreciate your wanting to make amends. I’m glad the twelve-step thing is working for you, and that you’re here for your mom for Christmas.”

“But?”

“But, nothing. I am honestly glad for you and for your mom. She didn’t need to lose you.”

“What about us?” he asked hesitantly, bringing his bright blue eyes to meet hers. For the briefest moment, she could see what she used to see in them; kindness, compassion, and hope making him look more like the first boy she ever loved.

“Us?” Y/N laughed and sighed all in one breath. “Nathan there is no ‘us’. That ship sailed years ago. But I am glad that you’re getting your life back together.”

His phone pinged from down in his jeans pocket. “That’s probably my mom wondering when I’ll be back. She’s got breakfast waiting.”

“Then you should go.”

“Do you wanna come with? I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

“No, I promised Leo I would be there today.”

“When do you go back to… Austin is it?”

“Yes, Austin. In a few days. I have some work to do while I’m here…”

“So, in other words, you aren’t free on this trip to make any plans with me.”

Y/N nodded. “I’m sorry. Maybe another time.” She once again crossed her arms over her chest. It was a mannerism Nathan knew well; she was putting up her wall, and while he couldn’t blame her, he felt his hopes of any reconciliation being quickly dashed.

“Could I, maybe, call you from time to time?”

She exhaled slowly, expelling the breath through pursed lips. “Nathan…” pausing when she saw the seemingly honest, pleading look in his eyes. “Sure. But, if it becomes obsessive, or intrusive…”

He held up his hands in relent. “I promise, it won’t. I just…” he took a few tentative steps closer to her. As he approached, she took one step back and he stopped; afraid he was scaring her. “I just want to get to know you again. This you. I still love you, Y/N. I know you don’t love me, but at least give me the chance to prove to you that I’ve changed. That I can be the guy you used to love. Or at least the one you used to like.”

His phone pinged again.

“You should go, Nathan. Tell your mom I said Merry Christmas.”

Nathan nodded and went towards the door. “I’m not gonna ask you to wait, but maybe you don’t rule me out completely.”

“Rule you out of what?” she asked.

“Your future.” He lingered for a moment longer, then left and quietly closed the door behind him.   

The daylight hours of New Year’s Eve was packed with errands, including trying to find something appropriate to wear to Jared and Gen’s New Year’s Eve party. Jensen didn’t exactly help with his recon efforts; having the perimeters of “whatever makes you happy” to go by wasn’t much to go on. Finding nothing while in New Jersey, she frantically searched for any shop that was open in downtown Austin on her way home from the airport.

Finally, in the very last shop, she found the perfect one. The moment she laid her eyes on the turquoise colored dress with a lace overlay from the neck to the hem, she fell in love. It was a little fancier than she’d normally go for, but attending this party in one of the most beautiful Country Clubs in Austin seemed like the occasion to do so.

Once all the accessories had been chosen, Y/N rushed back to her townhouse to shower and get ready. As the hot water cascaded down through her hair, she closed her eyes and thought about the last few days back home. She had finally gotten to a place where her life didn’t feel so suffocated, where she could have reconciled her past while looking towards the future. Now she was uncertain if she would be able to ever really move on from Nathan, or if she would always be scared because of the marks he’d left on her heart.

For the next few days, she went on an emotional journey that she knew had to be done, but not one she expected just then. Nathan had been such a big part of her life since she was a kid; he’d been there through some of the worst times to comfort her and support her. It was also true that he was the root cause for a lot of bad times, and though he was the one that made the bad choices, got wrapped up in things he shouldn’t have… wasn’t there a part of him that was still the same boy that held her through the night her mother left, then her brother and again when her father died?

Y/N turned off the shower and wiped away the steam on the mirror. As she watched her reflection in the glass, Jensen’s face floated into her mind’s eye. His beautiful green eyes, full, round lips, the way that he smiled at her made her breath hitch and her skin tingle in ways that felt extraordinary. Mostly, it was how he made her feel calm and in control; like she could accomplish anything she wanted. Yet, whenever she allowed herself moments to daydream about him, and what it would be like to be with him, fear set in and she would pull away.

“You’re a fucking mess,” she accused at her reflection. “Seriously, get your shit together (Y/L/N). You have a gorgeous, generous, amazing man about to pick you up for a fancy party. You got a new dress, new shoes and a wonderful night ahead. Don’t self-sabotage before you even get in the car.”

She gave herself an affirmative nod, tightened the towel around her chest and moved away from the mirror to get finish getting ready. Halfway out of the bathroom she paused and went back to the mirror.

“Also, don’t let Nathan and his bullshit ruin a good night. He’s not here, he won’t be here. It’s just you, Jensen and a hundred of his closest friends. If anything is going to freak you out, it should be that.”

Y/N hung her head dramatically and sighed. No matter how hard she tried not to think about Nathan, he was just there now, living somewhere in the recesses of her mind and slowly inching his way back to the forefront.

Two hours later, when Y/N heard the knock at the first door, she looked over at the stove clock and realized it could only be Jensen. Seven on the dot… Mr. Punctuality. Y/N took a deep, calming breath, nerves quickly igniting as to how things may change if she opened that door. She froze with her hand on the knob.

You should say you’re sick… jet lag? No, stupid, it’s only an hour time difference, jet lag wouldn’t--

He knocked again. Stopping the freight train of doubt that ran on a constant loop, she exhaled slowly and opened the front door.

“Hey!” Jensen greeted upon seeing her. “You ready to…” he trailed off as he noticed how she looked and took a moment to drink her all in. Jensen was dumbfounded, as his eyes glazed over her from how her hair was twisted up off her neck, to the color of the dress and how it hugged her just right, flowing out to a skirt that fell a few inches above her knees. She was wearing heels, and as he admired how her legs looked while wearing them, he realized he’d never seen her in anything but her old sandals.

“Wow… You--you look amazing,” he breathed. “I--that’s not even the right word. You--”

His gaze softened the longer he looked at her; and the more he looked, the more she was becoming affected by his stare.

“Ok, ok. Easy tiger. It’s just a dress,” she laughed but was barely holding it together as she noticed how good he looked, as well. Jensen showed up dressed in a black sport coat and slacks, beneath it, a nicely fitting shirt that complimented his strong and lean figure. The color of which, just happened to be a shade off of matching her dress perfectly.

“Hey, we match!” she smiled, lighting up her whole face. “People are going to think we did that on purpose.”

“Fuck ‘em,” he said, the corners of his mouth pointing down. “Besides, no one in that whole place will even notice me once you walk into the room.”  He waggled his eyebrows and moved aside so she could walk out.

“You’re such a dork,” she teased and rolled her eyes. “Though, I gotta say,” she paused and spun back around for a minute to face him, “you do clean up pretty nice yourself, Hollywood.”

 Heading towards the party venue, Y/N was quiet. She could feel Jensen continuing to steal glances in her direction. He had never been shy before about asking her something when it was on his mind, but now he hesitated. She finally caught his gaze and sighed.

“You want to ask me something, so ask,” she said, startling him with her accuracy.

“Alright… what happened on Christmas?”

Boy, he’s blunt, she thought. She furrowed her brow and tried to play it off like she didn’t know what he was talking about. “What do you mean?”

“C’mon Y/N. I talked to you and you were… you. Twenty minutes later I called back and you were completely different.” Jensen’s eyes flickered back and forth between her and the road. “Then, I don’t hear from you all week. Just seemed like maybe something was wrong.”

Y/N could just brush him off, she thought about it. She didn’t want to get into a big conversation about Nathan solely because it would lead back to their past and she didn’t want to go back to that headspace. She also didn’t think brushing him off was the best idea. Jensen was more than just a colleague now, he was her friend; a friend that she had come to care about very much.

She swallowed nervously, her tongue darting over her polished lips. “I had an unexpected visitor after I hung up with you. Just an old… someone, that I wasn’t expecting to see.”

“Oh,” he replied, his eyes now transfixed on the road ahead. “A recent, old, someone?” he asked, and thankfully she caught his meaning.

“Yes. Sort of. It’s been a few years.”

“Oh,” he said again, this time as more of a sigh of relief. “How did it go?”

“It went. He just wanted to catch up. He was in town visiting his mom and had run into Leo. I guess Leo told him about Austin, and he wanted to say congrats on the new gig.”

“Ah.” Jensen’s gaze drifted to catch her expression. Y/N appeared unaffected, but there was something in her eyes that told him that maybe wasn’t the whole truth. “Exes… huh?” he quipped and tried to get her to smile. “I got one, too.”

“An ex?”

“Yup.”

“Don’t we all?”

Jensen laughed. “I guess.”

“How recent is yours?”

“Last Spring. I got back from a con and came home to an empty house. She was just, gone.”

“Ouch,” Y/N winced, knowing the pain of that feeling. “Did you ever find out why?”

His reaction took her off guard. Jensen smirked, then it faded and his eyes seemed to drift a million miles away. She saw him force the lump in his throat down to a place where it wouldn’t stop him from choking on the words that he tried to say.

“She… uh,” he snorted a laugh, “she met someone else.”

“Oh,” she breathed, waited for a beat, then muttered. “She’s an idiot.”

Jensen’s lips formed a tiny little grin of satisfaction and gave Y/N the hint that he heard her after all.

“Well, I’m sorry your Christmas was ruined by an ex,” he said, turning the subject back to her.

“It wasn’t ruined,” she replied quietly and cast her gaze out of the passenger side window. Her hand went to her neck, to where the necklace had resided since she clasped it around there Christmas morning. “Got to open the best present I ever received while watching the sunrise over the ocean.” Turning her attention back to him, her features softened as she lifted the charm from her neck. “That’s what I’ll remember most from this Christmas.”

The Country Club was far larger than Y/N thought it would be. Even in the shadows of the evening, she could see how beautiful and expansive the grounds and golf courses were. It was lit up in soft whites and golds, and there was a buzz of activity in and around the entrance.

After the valet parked the car, Jensen linked his elbow with hers and escorted her inside. Her nerves were starting to show, barely, but they were there. She’d been to more than enough events like this for Leo’s business, and she’d played the boardwalk stage to a crow of a few hundred people. Somehow, this was more nerve-wracking, and Jensen could feel it radiating off her.

“Hey,” he whispered but kept his eyes focused ahead. “You know this is low-key, right?”

“You mean despite the fact that the party is in Wayne Manor? I swore that was Alfred who parked the car.”

Jensen laughed. “Yes, despite that. These are all just friends, wearing fancier than normal clothes.”

“Your friends. I know them through Skype or email.”

“They’re gonna love you. Alright? Robbie already does. He won’t shut the hell up about meeting you tonight.”

“Says you. I feel like I’m going on an audition and this is my call back for the role of Celebrity Assistant…”

“Hey,” Jensen interrupted and pulled her to a stop. “You know that’s not what you are, right? It’s important to me that you know that.” Using her own words against her made her relax a little. “You’re not my assistant. You work with me. And as for tonight, well darlin’, you are simply my date and easily the most stunning woman in the room.”

His features relaxed, the small bunches of wrinkles deepening around his eyes and the peek-a-boo dimples on the corners of his mouth showing themselves. “Relax, have a drink, dance a little and have a damn good time.”

“I thought we established that me dancing is hazardous to everyone’s health,” she joked, feeling her nerves dissipate a little.

“Hey, it's New Year’s Eve. If you can’t do something new and out of your comfort zone on a night like tonight… then you never will. Besides, I am way worse at dancing than you. I’m more than happy to prove it. After a drink or two, that is.”

Y/N exhaled as steadily as she could and straightened her shoulders back and tightened her linked arm around Jensen’s. She was going to make the most of the night and go in with her head held high; ready to push herself well beyond her limits.

They breached the entryway and stepped into the main room where the Padalecki’s were hosting a jam-packed New Year’s Eve party. Faces were floating by at a rapid pace, some she recognized, some she didn’t. Names were thrown at her, and she smiled at each one, shaking hands with those who offered and returning polite smiles to those she didn’t. It was overwhelming and yet exhilarating, especially when Jensen was introducing her as the Music Director for FBBC’s Hometown Music & Brew Fest. For the first time in her life, she was being looked upon as someone respected; someone who was spending their time trying to make a difference; not slinging drinks, not pushing papers or hustling pool just to make ends meet. What made it even more special, was having him be the one who helped her find this place in the world.

“Well it’s about time!” a woman’s voice squealed over the music piping in through the generously spaced out speakers. As you both spun around, you saw a beautiful, petite woman with long dark brown hair and eyes the color of dark chocolate. “I was starting to think you were going to be late, Jensen. You’re never late!”

“C’ mon Gen, you know better than that,” he laughed and released her arm to embrace Gen and leave a kiss on her cheek. “Where’s the big jerk you married?”

“Oh, mingling, you know him. I’m sure he’s got half the place in hysterics already,” she laughed. When she turned her attention to Y/N, her eyes grew wide and she clapped in excitement. “You must be Y/N! It’s so good to meet you in person! This one doesn’t shut up about you or the festival. I think he may have imploded if you didn’t come on to help.”

“I’m just glad I could contribute something,” Y/N replied. ‘It’s nice to meet you, Gen.”

“Have you met everyone else yet?” she asked excitedly, taking Y/N’s arm much the way Jensen did and led her away into one of the rooms that jettisoned off the ballroom. “I think they’re all hiding away in here.”

She led Y/N in, with Jensen following closing behind. The room Gen lead them into was large enough to fit approximately twenty people comfortably, with a baby grand piano at the center. There were windows along the back wall that overlooked the deserted golf course, but the cream and deep beige draperies were pulled and hid the view from the party goers. In each corner, was a tall, potted decorative tree, with hanging white lights that cast an ambient glow over the room. Scattered throughout the room were overstuffed armchairs and a few leather love seats. A perfect place to sit and listen to someone play on the baby grand while enjoying the view of the grounds.

Y/N searched the handful of faces that were standing around the piano but none were too familiar. The moment Gen spoke, the man at the keys stopped playing. When he stood, Y/N smiled wide, instantly recognizing Robbie as he started walking over to them.

“Hey man!” Rob greeted Jensen excitedly. “Was getting worried about you! Thought you were gonna stand me up.”

“I could never do that to you, Rob. You know I love you too much,” Jensen teased, giving Rob a wink. “But, if I tell you Y/N is here to finally meet you, do you forgive me?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” he grinned and reached out for Y/N’s hand, bringing the back of it to his lips and giving it a barely-there-kiss. “It is a pleasure to finally see your face sans computer screen.”

“It really is,” she said, trying not to giggle at his overindulgent greeting.

Robbie kept her hand and began to move her away from Gen and Jensen. “Here, let me introduce you to the whole gang.”

Jensen just shook his head, his arms open wide and mouthing, “Really?”

Ignoring him, Robbie pulled Y/N around the room and one by one introduced her to people from both the show and the regular con circuit. Y/N’s head spun as she met Jason Manns, Kim Rhodes, Richard Speight, Jr., and Mark Pellegrino among others. It took nearly twenty minutes to make the rounds and by the time Rob had brought Y/N full circle, Gen and Jensen were no longer alone. Jared had just joined the small group, drink in hand and a smile that was more forced than genuine.

Jared leaned closer to Jensen’s ear just as you sidled up next to him. “Hey, I need to talk to you,” he whispered.

Jensen furrowed his brow and snapped his gaze up to catch Jared’s eye. They had a silent exchange, one that could only happen between two people who knew each other explicitly well. When Jensen turned back to Y/N, she waved him off before he could even speak.

“Go, I’m fine. I have Rob to keep me company,” she said, not without a little spunk.

“Hands above the waist, Rob. Remember you’re with a lady, not one of your women of the night,” he warned and gave Y/N’s shoulder a little squeeze before he was whisked off by his best friend.

“I should go check on everything in the kitchen. Will you be alright?” she asked Y/N.

“What am I, chopped liver?” Rob interjected.

Gen shook her head and gave Y/N an apologetic smile. “Welcome to our weird, little family. Please don’t judge us solely on our Robbie.” She patted Rob’s arm lovingly before turning and heading back out through the ballroom.

“She’s one hell of a lady. Throws a damn good party, too. Come on, let’s mingle.” 

Jensen followed Jared down the long clubhouse corridor and down to the double doors that led into the game room. Once inside, Jared shut the door but didn’t bother with turning on the lights.

“What’s up?” Jensen asked. “I barely got in the door, didn’t even get a drink yet.”

“Here, have mine. You’re gonna need it.” Jared held out his glass of bourbon. “I tried to get a hold of you earlier--”

“Why?”

“Because man, Gen invited Dee. She’s coming, and she’s not coming alone.”

Jensen sighed heavily, his head rolled back on his neck and his mouth hung open. “Fuck. Really?”

“Mhm. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I mean, I know they still talk and hang out, but, I didn’t think she was going to invite her.”

Jensen gulped down the rest of the bourbon from the glass, wincing at the burn as it hit his throat. He turned abruptly and headed through the game room to the small bar that was kept there. Rummaging through the bottles, he found a bottle of Jim Beam and refilled the glass.

“Is he here with her?”

Jared nodded. “I don’t know. I just know she’s coming.”

“Does Dee know I’m here?”

Jared shrugged. “Gen and I… we try not to talk about her with each other.”

Jensen considered this and shrugged, too. “I hate that what happened between me and her put you guys at odds.”

“It really didn’t, not until times like this.”

“You know what? It’s fine. Not like I’m here alone, right?”

“Right. About that… You’ll have to introduce me properly when we head back.”

“I will,” he said, and just knowing that Y/N was out there waiting for him, suddenly made the Dee situation seem somewhat tolerable.

“What was that?” Jared asked, looking at him curiously. “What did you just do with your face?”

Jensen scrunched his face in ignorance. “What… face?”

“That face! That face you make when you get all dreamy and shit.”

“Dreamy fa--” Jensen scoffed. He was getting flustered, so he drained his glass. “Shut up.”

“Ha!” Jared laughed and clapped Jensen’s shoulder. “So, you gonna be able to be cool with Dee?”

“As a cucumber,” he promised.

Jensen had disappeared with Jared, Gen had disappeared back into the crowd of people in the ballroom, and Rob had just disappeared. Somewhere in the middle of crossing the big room’s dance floor, Y/N had lost him and when she broke through the sea of people, she didn’t want to go back in. Meandering alone through the party, she felt suddenly out of place and all her earlier nerves settling back in for the long haul.

She wished Jensen would come back from wherever he disappeared too. But as the minutes ticked by, Y/N found herself back in the room with the baby grand. It was completely empty now that the music had stopped; for this, she was suddenly grateful. As she slowly walked along its side, she ever-so-lightly dragged her finger against the ebony lacquer of the lip then followed along the edge and down to the keys.

Y/N hadn’t seen or touched a piano of this caliber for a lot of years. Guitar had been her true love since she was five years old, the piano came later. When she was little, and her mother was still around, she would take her to the most luxurious of all Leo’s hotels up in the wealthy area of Spring Lake. These were the ones with professional piano players in the lobby and a bellhop that came when you rang. Y/N would sit for hours, watching that old man with the sandy blonde hair play the keys like a magician, and pulling some of the most glorious melodies she’d ever heard.

Her mother was a maid back then, cleaning and stealing from most of the rooms upstairs. Leo would find Y/N a lot of times left alone, sitting in the lobby and listening to the piano and felt sorry for her. On her seventh birthday, Leo bought her a small electronic keyboard to practice on. She took to it easily, and by the time she was ten, was recording tracks on the keyboard, they play along with them on guitar.

She exhaled softly as she slid onto the bench and smoothed out her skirt. Just as she hovered her fingers over the keys, and pressed the first few, she was no longer alone in the room.

“Found you! Took me damn long enough…”

Y/N’s head snapped up, to see a beautiful blonde woman, with long, wavy curls approaching her. Her big, dimpled smile lit up the room the second she entered, and Y/N couldn’t stop admiring her.

“I tried to wrangle Robbie before when he was parading you through the room, but that little man is too fast for me!” She sat down on the bench beside Y/N in an exasperated huff. “Woo! I’m beat and it isn’t even midnight yet! I’m Briana, by the way. Briana Buckmaster. You’re, Y/N, right? Working the music side of Brewfest? I’ve heard a lot about you from Robbie.”

“He’s one hell of a cheerleader,” Y/N said. Something was familiar about her, but she couldn’t put her finger on where. “Are you doing work for it as well? You just seem so familiar, but I can’t…” as she trailed off, it hit her why. “You have an album of covers out, right?”

Briana was taken aback, her sweet smile dimpling as it grew. “I do! You’ve heard it?”

“Hell yeah! Back in Jersey, I was a musical director for a burlesque group. Some of the girls were playing it for a routine. It was hot. Your voice is seriously magic.”

“Burlesque? How fucking cool are you? Did we just become best friends?” she roared with a throaty laugh and threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “And here I was just coming over to ask you about Jensen. Had no idea I’d find a fan and a new friend in the mix!”

“You definitely have a fan in me, Briana.”

“Oh please, call me Bri, everyone does. This dress, gorgeous, by the way. And please tell me that Jensen matched you on purpose because I will both love him and tease him for eternity because of it!”

“No! It wasn’t on purpose. But I knew someone would think it was.”

“I guess you two are just on that wavelength, huh?” she wiggled her eyebrows and poked Y/N’s arm with her elbow. “I did see you guys when you walked in together.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm. So, you gotta tell me something,” she said and leaned in a little closer. “How good a kisser is he? Cause, I may be married, but I ain’t dead. And that boy is… mmm mmm!”

“I don’t--I haven’t… We’re not…” Y/N laughed nervously shook her head slightly, trying to shake the embarrassment off and form a complete sentence. “We’re just friends, we work together on the festival. That’s all.”

“Oh, I see,” Bri said and cleared her throat before turning back to Y/N. “You guys are in the denial stage! Ok, I get it.”

“What? No! It’s…” Y/N searched for the right word. Damn this woman is perceptive, she thought before finding the winner. “It’s complicated.” she sighed, surprising herself that she gave any kind of real answer.

Y/N was instantly comfortable with Briana. Her spirit and fiery personality felt familiar, and something she’d been lacking in her life since leaving New Jersey months before. She felt that she could say something like that to this virtual stranger because she felt like Bri wouldn’t be a stranger for much longer.

“Yeah well, complicated can work itself out,” she nudged her shoulder into Y/N playfully, then motioned down towards the keys. “You play?”

“I do,” she replied, relieved Bri moved the subject off of Jensen for the moment.

“What do you like to play?” she asked, but not in the way where one is curious. She asked because she looked like she was scheming.

“Just about anything really. Why?”

Bri slid out off the bench and walked around to stand in the curve of the piano. “You sing, too, right?”

“I do,” Y/N replied and started to play with the keys around middle C. Finding the melody of something soft but familiar. “Robbie tell you that?”

“Nope. Jensen did. Did he tell you that he sings as well?”

Y/N’s fingers froze and her breath caught in her chest. “No… he didn’t.”

Bri’s face light up as she leaned against the piano, letting her hands slide along the edges in each direction. “Oh, he does. And he sings, goooood.”

She forced her fingers to continue playing the song. As she played on, she didn’t realize the song that she’d been playing just then was the same one she had been strumming on the guitar the morning Jensen shared her sunrise.

‘Ooo-ooo-ooo honey, you’re the one that I want...’ Y/N sang silently along to the melody in her head.

“I know this one… I did a stint as Rizzo at the Citadel Theater,” Bri squealed excitedly. “This was a fun one to perform.”

“Pink lady here,” Y/N laughed, and quickly changed up the melody, not wanting that one to get wedged in her head again. After she played it that morning, it stuck with her for days after. But instead of it making her think of the play, now it just reminded her of sitting on the floor with Jensen and talking through the night.

“But I wanted to play Rizzo,” Y/N continued. “She’s clearly the most relatable.”

“We really are kindred spirits! So, new friend…” she brought her arms back to center, and rested her elbows on the piano, cradling her chin in her palms. “Play me something.”

Y/N thought for a moment and began to pick up a melody. Bri’s eyes lit up as she recognized the beginning notes to “Do I Move You.” They exchanged a knowing glance; Y/N knowing this had been one of Bri’s covers, and Bri realizing that Y/N chose it for that reason.

Starting it acapella, Bri sang the first line, “Do I move you?”

Y/N played, finding the groove of the song. It wasn’t hard for her, all she needed was a place to start and she could slide right into it.

“Are you willing? “Do I groove you? Is it thrilling? Do I soothe you? Tell the truth now… Do I move you? Are you loose now? The answer better be…” Bri drew out the last word, soft and sultry and looked to her accompaniment to finish the first verse with her.

“That pleases meeeee….” They sang together.

The song played on, just the two of them at the moment. The party noises were all but a second thought, as these two new friends found an easy rapport with each other through the music. With every few lines, Y/N increased the tempo of the melody, her fingers beginning to move across the keys with speed and accuracy. She was ensconced in playing and vibing with Bri, relishing in the rich grit and tenor of her voice. Both of them solely just going with the song and building it from an intimate conversation to an all-out war cry with the depth, and fullness of Bri’s bravado.

“When I touch ya? Do you quiver? From your head right down to your liver If you like it, let me know it Don’t be psychic or you’ll blow it The answer better be…. Great God Almighty, that pleases meeeee….”

Bri hit the last note in her full voice and a roar of applause ripped through the room. If Bri had seen the people funnel in, Y/N didn’t know; but she hadn’t. Getting so lost in playing freely, not worrying about anything more than feeling the song at that moment, she had no idea that the small music room had filled up with at least twenty different people. Among them, Jensen and Rob, whistling and clapping along with everyone else.

Jensen stood at the opposite end of the piano, holding Y/N’s gaze as the small crowd began rumblings of play more, something else, keep going… the way he watched her made her nervous, yet euphoric. Y/N could feel him beaming with pride, and while she didn’t play with him in mind, it made her feel good to know he got to see her play.

“Hot damn, girls!!” Rob shouted over the crowd. “I knew this was gonna be a good night! You’re amazing!” he ran over and planted a big kiss on Bri’s cheek, then Y/N’s. “I’ll be right back, don’t move!” He was excitable and bouncing all over the place, then finally disappeared back into the crowd.

Y/N took the chance to slide out from behind the piano. Bri grabbed her the minute she was upright and pulled her into a hug.

“That was fucking fantastic!” she squealed and gave Y/N a squeeze. “We have got to hang out and do that again sometime.”

“I am down for that anytime. Your voice… that rasp you have. I’d kill for that.”

“Don’t let her fool you Bri,” Jensen said, rejoining them. “This girl has got some soul when she sings.”

“Oh, I believe it,” she said, “I just can’t wait to hear it.”

“Another time, maybe? Come by my place here in Austin. We can sit around and gig all day if you like. I am happy to spend an afternoon like that.”

Jensen opened his mouth to say something, but Rob’s re-entrance into the room caused some commotion. The moment he walked in with two guitars in hand, the chatter grew again. Rob handed one of the guitars off to Jason and someone else had already slid behind the piano. Stopping at a handful of the guys, including Jensen, he whispered something quick in their ear and went back to stand near the piano.

“Be just a second,” he said as he placed a hand on each of Y/N’s shoulders as he slid around behind her through the people, giving her a gentle squeeze as he did.

The guitars started, piano joined in, and Y/N picked up the first few beats of The Band’s “Up On Cripple Creek”. Bri squeezed in close and tapped her arm.

“I love when they do this song,” she whispered. “Just wait, you’re gonna love it too.”

The moment Jensen’s voice filled the room, Y/N’s mouth fell open at the sound of it; completely in shock with what she was hearing. He sang the first verse, while his friends picked at the guitars and played along on the piano. Jensen kept up with them effortlessly, though his attention was fully on Y/N. From the first line, he locked eyes with her, keeping a grin at bay while he sang his verse. He had a soul and a tone to his voice that tickled the deepest part of her, arousing both the creative and the lustful sides of her. Y/N didn’t know what to expect when Bri told her Jensen could sing, but it certainly wasn’t that.

The song went on, but Jensen just continued to sing along with the chorus, letting each of the other guys take another verse. When it was over, the crowd once again strongly approved of the impromptu performance. Y/N subtly backed her way through the crowd and back out into the corridor to get some air, still reeling from how good Jensen could really since. She saw him shaking hands, making pleasantries and small talk as he made his way towards her.

When he broke through the barrier of people, his arms were outstretched low and he was smiling. “You’ve been holding out on me, Trix. You can play…”

Y/N snorted a laugh. “You can sing!”

Jensen shrugged, not just with his shoulders, but his entire face. “I guess we’ve both been holding out, huh?”

“Looks that way,” she loosely crossed her arms under her breasts and gave him a challenging look. “Feels like maybe we should rectify that.”

Jensen thought about it for a minute, then held out his hand for her to take. “Come on. Let’s get a drink.”

“Good God, yes please…” she sighed and took his hand without hesitation, happily following along beside him as he whisked her through the ballroom.

The next hour or so was spent drinking and eating with people coming and going from the table. Around the third whiskey sour, and multiple helpings of the barbeque pork potato cups, apple brie crostini and mini beef wellingtons, Y/N needed to stand and stretch, allowing the food to settle.

“You alright?” Jensen asked, standing up too, reaching for her elbow to hold her steady.

“Yeah, fine. Just head rush from the booze. Also, this dress wasn’t made for gorging oneself on whiskey and crostinis.”

“Lightweight,” he teased.

“Hey, I don’t live in a brewery, okay? It doesn’t take much to get me--”

“Drunk?”

“Unencumbered,” she corrected.

Jensen leaned closer. “Does this mean I could maybe convince you to dance with me now?” his voice was low and raspy as if it had been denied water for days.

“Let me venture to the ladies’ room first. It is getting close to midnight after all. Then when I get back, we’ll see…” she narrowed her eyes at him.

When he narrowed his eyes back at her, mimicking her expression, she felt her breath begin to get shaky. “Hurry back. Or I’ll tell them to play the Macarena.” Jensen began to do the dance, but subtly, just enough to tease her with.

“Don’t think for a second I wouldn’t whip out my phone and record you doing it,” she warned. “It would be a nice addition to my video collection.”

He stopped cold and stood still. “So, that’s a no, on the Macarena?”

Y/N patted his cheek lightly and let it linger against his stubble for a moment. “Good boy. I’ll be right back.”

She turned to go, and just before she was out of earshot, he called out. “Don’t take too long, or it will be the Chicken Dance!”

Y/N didn’t turn, she just shook her head and kept walking. She didn’t want him to see how much he made her smile.

 Just after drying her hands in the ladies room, Y/N was about to leave and bumped into Bri as she was coming in.

“Oh, hello new friend!”

“Hi Bri, having fun?”

“Yes! I love being with this group. You and Jensen should come over to where Kim and I are sitting. She’s a fucking blast, I think you two would get along fantastically. Just give me a sec, I’ll walk back out with you.”

Bri was quick and within minutes she and Y/N were heading back out towards the ballroom. The music was still playing and people were still dancing and having a blast. The music room was still full of passersby, and a different mix of faces at the piano and playing the guitars and singing. Y/N scanned the area where she had left Jensen, but it was now vacant. She tried to search the rest of the room for him, but there was no sign of him.

“Oh shit,” Bri mumbled, then pulled on Y/N’s lace sleeve. “Looks like you might need to go save your boy, there.”

“What?” she asked, her head whipping around to where Bri was motioning. Just past the bar, she found Jensen, talking animatedly to a petite redhead in a shimmery dark green dress. She was also being over-animated in talking back to Jensen. “Who is that?” she asked, but deep down she already knew.

“That’s Dee. Jensen’s ex-girlfriend. I knew they broke up last year, didn’t realize they still talked.”

Y/N’s stomach dropped and she remembered their very quick conversation about her in the car. “I didn’t either.”

Bri and Y/N watched from a distance until Jensen laughed at something she said. It wasn’t a genuine laugh by any stretch. Glancing pensively at Bri, Y/N bit on her lower lip. She didn’t know if this was a case for her to interfere or simply let the man work out his own business. The longer she watched and saw his body language change to stiffen and defensive, she knew she couldn’t be complacent.

“Maybe I should…” she trailed off and looked to Bri for some kind of sign.

“You probably should.”

Y/N gave her a small, appreciative smile and nod before she began to approach Jensen and his ex. The closer she got, the more of their conversation she could hear, and when she finally was standing beside him, they’d already found an argumentative pit and had fallen in knee deep.

“Well, well. Good to see you still make bad decisions,” Jensen scoffed at Dee, his voice slightly louder and more accusatory as it needed to be.

“Just stop, Jensen,” Dee pleaded. “It’s enough, alright?”

“You knew I was gonna be here. You had to know that. He had to come with you, right?”

“We’re together, Jay. I’m not going to hide that.”

“I wish I could… hide it… from my face,” he muttered.

“Not like you’re here alone,” she retorted and motioned to Y/N.

Jensen finally saw her standing there, and moved closer to her, exchanging his scowl for a grin. “Hey, you’re back.”

“I am. So, whatcha say we go get some air? Uh, Hollywood? I think some fresh air will do you good.”

“I’m good, Y/N. I swear. I got a few things I wanna say--”

“Nope, no, not gonna happen. Say, Happy New Year and let’s go,” she encouraged and tried to pull him away.

“You know who that is, don’t you?” he asked, in what he thought was a whisper, but everyone could hear.

“Yes, I know who it is,” she replied and looked up at Dee with a wan smile in greeting. “Hi, it’s nice to unofficially meet you.”

“Hi,” Dee replied with an apologetic smile.

“Then you know she’s a bit--”

“Don’t,” you warned, cutting him off. “I don’t care who it is, it is not like you to talk to anyone like that.”

“But—"

“Doesn’t matter Jay, you don’t. You’re better than that,” she said, her eyes pleading with him to just follow her out.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this,” Dee started. “I didn’t mean to upset anyone. He just can’t let this all go.” Her tone was genuine but her words were enough to make Y/N turn around and glare at her.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I just mean that--”

“Maybe, if you hadn’t treated him like a piece of shit, he wouldn’t be this way. Maybe, if you had the balls to have had a conversation with the man instead of just walking out, he wouldn’t want to call you a bitch. So, if I were you, lady, I’d scoop up the boy toy over there and move along.”

Dee’s mouth was agape, but then it seemed as if she may fire back some offhand comment or quip. Instead, she turned, linked her elbow with her man’s and walked off to the other side of the room.

She could feel Jensen’s lips by her ear before she actually heard his words. “You’re my hero,” he rasped.

The feeling of his hand on her shoulder only fueled the adrenaline that was coursing through her. The incident didn’t sober her up, but it definitely put a mild damper on the good feeling she had before.

Y/N went up to the bar and asked for two shots of bourbon.

“You wanna talk about what just happened there?” she asked Jensen and watched as he leaned both elbows on the bar, and rubbed his hands over his stubbled cheeks.

Jensen shook his head and finally looked her in the eye. “Nope. Not right now.”

The bartender lined up the shots, and Y/N passed one to him. Without a word they touched glasses and threw them back down their throats. Once the burn wore off, Jensen’s smile returned.

“One more?” he asked.

“You may have to carry me out of here if we do,” she chuckled.

“That would be my pleasure.” Jensen motioned for one more round.

From the corner of her eye, Y/N could see Dee and her companion off on the other side of the room, but continuing to look over in their direction. She didn’t want to spend the rest of the night exchanging accusing glances from across the room.

“Hey, you wanna take a walk? Get out of here for a minute?” she asked Jensen, just as the bartender refilled the shots.

“More than anything,” he said and tossed it back, Y/N doing the same.

Y/N was the one to take his hand this time and led him away from the ballroom.

It was mere minutes to midnight by the time Y/N had pulled Jensen away from the party. He was clearly more than a little buzzed when they stumbled into the elaborate game room and Y/N quietly closed the door behind them, so as not to draw attention to their departure.

She found the light switches on the wall, and turned on a few, illuminating the four corners of the club’s game room. The soft glow of the neon-lighted beer signs gave the space a warm, rich burst of color. In the middle, was a large pool table, made of dark mahogany wood and blue felt. The pockets were made of netted silk twine and gold inlaid etchings around the bumpers. On the far side of the room was a string of videos games with lifeless screens, and foosball table half draped with a soft leather cover.

More pool tables followed that, along with a collection of high top tables and chairs, a small bar that was fully stocked and four dart boards along the wall. One of which was open with all the darts still stuck in the corkboard target.

“Wanna play?” he asked, unbuttoning his jacket and shrugging it off before laying it on the pool table. He walked over to the board and removed the darts before she could answer.

“I gotta tell you, I am no good at darts. So, you best steer clear when it’s my throw,” she warned.

“I can teach you.” His smirk wasn’t even trying to be subtle as he approached her, four darts with red tails in his outstretched hand. “I’ve played a time or two.”

“Oh, I imagine you have. Something tells me you’ve done everything a time or two.”

Jensen stood next to her, leaning against the one pool table where the billiard lamp’s soft lights lit up the midnight blue felt. He rolled his neck to the side where she was and leaned down close enough that she could smell the hint of bourbon on his breath. Normally it wouldn’t be enticing, but on Jensen and in her own partially inebriated state, she let her mind wonder how it would taste off his tongue.

“Not everything,” he rasped, then gave her a wink.

Three minutes to midnight…

Pushing off the mahogany, he took a proper throwing stance and explained how to plant her legs. Y/N chuckled as he swayed a little before launching the dart at the board, striking the edge of it instead of the middle.

“That’s just a warm-up,” he scoffed, waving it off. “Let’s try that again.” He glanced over his shoulder to see her expression before launching a second dart.

Normally this is when she would look away. The more time they spent together, the more she found herself avoiding making eye contact in situations like this. She knew that one day she wouldn’t be able to look away, and unless she’d been reading the signals wrong for the entire span of their partnership, it would end up turning into something else. As much as she may want that, she didn’t know if she was ready for it.

“Ok Trix, your turn,” he said and took her hand, pulling Y/N off the edge of the table and positioning her to face the dart board. He made sure she was holding the dart correctly. “Pinch it here between these two fingers…” he configured her pointer finger and thumb on the dart. Gliding his hands down the length of her arm, she could feel him on her skin through the lace of her sleeve. When he paused at her elbow to bend it back at the right angle, his other hand gingerly touched the outside of her left leg. “Move your leg back, just a little,” he instructed, and as she did, he left his hand there, and despite the fabric of her dress between them, the heat of his hand felt warm and inviting.

Hyper aware of all the sensations her body was experiencing, she could feel herself simply melt back into him. The day’s earlier concerns weren’t gone but being wrapped up in the night as it had gone so far, Y/N pushed it all away to enjoy these quiet, close moments with Jensen. She needed it, and she suspected he did, too.

“Now, pull back your arm,” he continued, “almost like a slingshot. Okay? Then eye up on the board where you wanna aim for.”

She did as he said, closing one eye and targeted the bullseye. “Okay,” she said, biting down on her bottom lip in concentration.

One minute to midnight

The partygoers out in the rest of the clubhouse began to get louder with their anticipation of the stroke of midnight building. Y/N tried to block them out and launched the dart at the board. It wasn’t lost on her that Jensen’s hand was still hovering over her leg, and the other was now resting against her back where the dress she chose was bare of fabric.

The dart hit just off center, and she jumped up, arms raised in the air in triumph.

“Yes!” Jensen cheered and clapped as she danced around victoriously. “See that!”

“Well, the things you can do with a good teacher,” she shrugged.

From beyond the game room doors, they could hear everyone start counting down.

20...

19...

“It’s not too late to go join them,” she said and motioned towards the door.

17…

16…

“Here’s good,” he replied, the smile fading from his lips. He took a few steps towards her, and when he reached out for her hand, she gave it willingly.

14…

13…

12…

“Here’s very good,” she breathed.

Their eyes were locked, as the countdown continued from the other room. Y/N felt what he wanted from her, and despite any of the worries she had, she wanted him; denying that any longer would just be self-inflicted torture. But still… it could hurt.

10…

9…

8..

They were counting it down together. As the numbers dwindled down towards one, Jensen cupped her cheek and let his fingers slide down her jawline and onto her neck. Ever-so-lightly, she could feel his fingertips brush against her hairline at the nape of her neck, sending waves of electricity to course down every vein.

5…

4..

“Happy New Year, Y/N,” he rasped.

“Happy New Year, Jensen.” Her voice was shaking in anticipation of…

2..

1.

His mouth drifted the last couple inches to hers. By the time the rest of the party goers were hootin’ and hollerin’, shooting off poppers and kissing everyone around them, his lips touched against hers for the first time.

Everything faded; the party sounds, the soft hum of the circulating air in the game room, the fireworks going off in random places throughout the city… all either of them could sense was the other. Jensen’s fingers began to press into her neck, encouraging her closer, as her lips opened to accept more of him. A soft moan escaped her, as he walked her back up against the pool table. More than just a New Year’s tradition, this was months in the making and neither of them wanted to pull away.

Jensen’s lips were as soft and luscious as she dreamed they would be. She relished in how they formed against her own, how easily she moved along with them, and how well she fit when pressed against his body. His hand stayed gripped on her neck, while his other ran roughly down the length of her body; coming to rest just about where it had when they were throwing darts. Now, inch by inch he began to lift up the fabric of the skirt, bunching it in his hand until her flesh was exposed to the heat of his hand and the coolness of the air.

Lips parted, and the sensation of his tongue on hers was dangerous. Her head was fuzzy from the alcohol and his touch. Little gasps and moans came from both of them, as the kiss continued to deepen, finding more fuel the longer his hand pawed at her thigh.

His teeth grazed her lip and it was enough of a rush for her to break free of him and slowly roll back at the heat of his touch. Jensen didn’t waste a second and sunk his teeth into her neck while she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, dragging her nails against his skin. He nipped at her and trailed his tongue lightly up towards her ear, then peppering wet, lingering kisses back down towards her collarbone. Waves of goosebumps rippled beneath the lace of her dress and brought on a flush of heat between her legs.

Y/N mewed deeply, which pulled a soft growl from deep within his chest. His fingers continued to creep up her leg as the fabric now fell down around his hand, covering it. He reached the edging of the lingerie she wore beneath it, he brought his fingers to follow the hem around back to the swell of her ass, cupping it gently. Y/N felt him there and slowly raised her head back up, making him do the same.

“Jensen…” she whispered; unsure herself whether it was a plea to stop or to keep going.

Jensen closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers, desperately wanting to kiss her again, but not here. He wanted to be home, his or hers, with no onlookers or distractions. He wanted more… he wanted all of her…

He was about to go in for more when the doors opened behind him, the sound of which made them jump apart like two teenagers getting caught in the dark. She had a moment--it couldn’t have been more than that, though it felt like an eternity--where a very clear voice screamed in her head to run. This was wrong, she was drunk, he was drunk, they were in a public place, and she had no business starting something up with him.

The flood of anxiety-riddled doubts crashed into her and physically caused her to step back from him. She didn’t have time to register the hurt and confusion on his face before Y/N was turning and bolting for the door. Little hot pinpricks of tears stung at the corners of her eyes and by the time she reached the door and saw that it was Bri standing there, she could barely see anything at all.

“What happened?” Bri asked, her brow furrowed in concern when she saw how upset Y/N was. She looked across the room to where Jensen stood, still staring in confusion.

“Nothing… I just… can you please take me home?” Y/N’s voice was small, and her entire demeanor was far different than it had been ten minutes earlier.

“Uh, I--” Bri paused and looked back to Jensen again, who just shrugged. He started walking towards them and Bri just held up her hand to tell him to stop. She gently shook her head, silently asking him to give Y/N space. He stopped but Briana could see he wanted to go to Y/N. “Sure, honey. Let me just get my stuff.”

Bri wrapped an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and left the game room, and left Jensen standing there alone in it. As she walked with her new friend down the corridor, Y/N was aware that running out like that wasn’t the best plan; but she needed to get out. What happened with Jensen wasn’t anything like she expected it to be. It was far more intense and meaningful than she thought it could be. The way he touched her, kissed her… It was a game changer.

“Leaving so soon?” Gen asked as they passed her near the coat check.

Y/N tried to reply, but she was still trying to process what almost happened.

“She’s not feeling good,” Bri covered easily. “And I think stud muffin in there has had one too many to try and drive home. Would you and Jared take care of him? I got this one.”

“Of course! I’ll let him know you got Y/N home,” Gen said with a sad smile. “Hope you feel better!”

“Thanks,” Y/N replied quietly. “It was an amazing party, thank you for inviting me.”

Once the pleasantries were passed, Bri quickly shuffled Y/N to the valet stand and handed him the ticket. While they were waiting for her car to come around, she put an arm around Y/N’s shoulder.

“So, did it just get a whole lot more complicated?” she asked.

Y/N rested her head on Bri’s shoulder and sighed. “That, is the understatement of the New Year, my new friend.”

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[thesoundofaghost-mp3]

Sal Mustela fanfiction.

So, I've noticed there are no fanfictions about Sal Mustela from Need For Speed Carbon and decided to write one of my own because he's my favorite and I've got a small (huge) crush on him.

Enjoy!

TW: mentions of abuse, reckless driving, car race.

Sal and I have always been a good team. Winning almost every race we take part in, leaving everyone wondering how we do it. We've lost a few races, a few times because of the other contestants cheating, but this is how it is, there's no way of playing fair in illegal car races. There's also no way of proving it when it's not a huge race. Other times, we weren't on the same race.

It's only been 9 months since I took him in. Compared to Neville, who's a childhood friend, and Nikki that I've known for 5 years, he's quite new to the team and we know a lot, but surely not everything about him. I know more, as he and I are the ones who stay at the safe house the most. Now I almost only do races with him.

When I say I took him in, it's because I quite literally let him live in our safe house. I didn't know him until Nikki introduced him to me, and Neville's been trying to hide his jealousy because I don't run with him anymore, by being overly nice. Sal's told me a few times he felt he was being fishy.

I don't think I'll let Neville know I initially gave Sal a chance simply because I thought he looked cute, and he's around the same age.

You see, there's plenty of young people running races, but they're all way below us on race wins and popularity. Sal's the only one on our level. Lots of posers, like he said when my team and I came back, and it proved to be true. He's 19 and I'm 20, Nikki's 22. Neville's 27 but we get along because he has the mentality of a 15 year old.

The fact most guys only respect us when they realize we're racing too only makes it harder to find someone who isn't an asshole around women. That includes young guys, ofcourse. Sal and Neville are part of the few who don't see us as pieces of meat, although there's often random flirting between all of us, even me and Nikki. There isn't necessarily anything more to it than it being harmless fun. Sal doesn't flirt much with anyone except me though, but I think it's more because he's only more himself around me, although he's shown he can get quite mad at Neville if he starts annoying him.

He's usually nice and chill, and he's pretty funny when he's in a good mood. He's got lots of reasons to be in a bad mood usually though.

The reason he's moved in the safe house and occasionally stays over at my house if I go back there, is because he got kicked out of his parents' house at 16. So he stole his dad's car to race with and drove as far as he could, and heard about this place, and now he's been racing for 3 years around here. He's straightedge and doesn't take or drink anything, and so am I. If he wasn't, chances are he wouldn't have survived this far, judging by the other young racers around here.

Thing is, he left a sister there to be on her own with his parents. She's 2 years younger, and asked to leave with him but knowing the dangers of racing and being homeless, he decided not to take her and he's been feeling guilty about it since then. He doesn't ever tell anyone, but I've heard him cry himself to sleep a few times.

I heard him do it again yesterday night when everyone else left the safe house. I waited until I couldn't hear him anymore, meaning he was asleep, and got into his room and left him my second keys with a note telling him to come over to my house if he ever needed company.

"Hey, hello you there?" Neville was standing in front of me, waving his hand in front of my face and I looked up at him.

"You seemed lost in thoughts" he continued his phrase now that I was bakc to reality.

"I was -

"Why won't you leave her alone, Neville, give her a break, she doesn't need to always be alert if we're not racing" Sal had come in the room, and stood at the door.

He shifts on his feet and smiles slightly at me. The keys are hanging at his belt, meaning he read my note. He comes and plops down on the couch next to me, while Neville goes back to his car, tinkering as usual.

Nikki isn't here yet, but she'll be coming soon.

Sal turns to look at me and whispers a small thank you and gives me his dorky smile. My views on him have't changed at all. He's still as cute as he was 9 months ago, maybe even more now he's more comfortable around us, and me peculiarly. He shows us his goofy side as well even if he's still shy. I guess that's just him, he's shy and he'll never stop being shy most of the time. I can't complain though, as he really is one of the kindest people I know, and his shyness makes him adorable.

"By the way — he lowers down his voice when he realizes he's a little loud — could I ask you a favor? I know you're the boss -

I cut him off at the mention of boss, "Team-mate. I hate being called a boss, I'm just racing with you."

"But you pay me. And Nikki, and Neville."

"I'm aware. And I know you'd do it for free too but I refuse to let you race without having anything to win from it. Please, just call me by my name or anything but not boss okay?"

He chuckles and looks down at the space between us on the couch. "Alright, sweetheart, — he stops for a second, looks at me and realizes I'd lift my eyebrows, and starts laughing along with me, shyly hiding his - now red - face in his hands.

"I don't know why I said that — he chuckles, avoiding my gaze — but that was not what I wanted to ask you about, Lei." He pauses, as if he's struggling to look for words.

"I, uh I know you've already got a race today, with Neville, but there's this race in which — a loud thud and the noise of some tools sound from the corner in which Neville was tinkering.

"I'm fine! All fine, don't worry, it ain't nothing!" Neville shouts from behind his car.

"Let's head outside, shall we?"

Sal smirks and nods as we stand up.

As we both stand against the wall outside the abandoned hangar beside an abandoned house we personally made our safe place, or safe house, as most people would call it, Sal stays silent for a few minutes.

He seems to be thinking about something, and by the look on his face, I can tell he's thinking about his sister.

"Is it about her? What did you want to ask me? What has the race to do with her?"

He looked up into the distance.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I can't help but think he's hot as he concentrates. I've seen this look before, at the start of a race before he starts driving. His eyes look dark and beautiful. I don't think he can really see anything around him, it's as if he's looking into the void and nothing surrounding him is visible to him.

"I found her myspace page. She wants to go to Duke uni in Durham, in North Carolina, I think. She's posted about it, and her phone number is aslo on her profile."

He turns to look at me, with glowing eyes.

"Listen if we win this race, you can keep 25000 dollars and I'll have 25000 too... I'll give it all to her. I'll contact her and tell her I can't come back but I can visit, and I'll give her all the money. I've saved up  from my pay for the extra gas, and you don't have to come if you don't want to, I'll be back as soon as I can."

He looks at the ground and shakes his head.

"If I do this, it might be my only way to make her ever forgive me for abandoning her with those assholes that are my parents. There's a lot you don't know about my family. We weren't just rebellious teenagers hating their parents or their poor family. We were -

He sighs and I put my hand on his shoulder as I feel myself tearing up slightly and fight to not let the tears stream down my face.

We were abused, you know? My dad... he..." He takes a long breath again. This time his voice cracks as he tries to say what his dad used to do to them.

"You don't have to tell me. I understand. That's where you got the scars on your back from... Right?"

He looks at me and nods. He hesitates for a minute but finally goes into a hug. We stand for a few minutes before Neville comes outside and opens his mouth before closing it again, realising he just stepped in on a private moment. We break away from each other and turn to look at him.

"Uhhh.. I was just uh.. gonna tell you I finished fixing my car, and I'm ready for the race for this afternoon."

"Alright, Neville, that's great."

Neville smiles sympathetically, nods and heads back inside.

Sal and I turn back to each other.

He tries to say something but nothing comes out and he just looks at the ground again.

"We'll win that race. If you don't, I'll win it for you and your sister. When is the race?"

He looks up at me and smiles brightly, hugging me again, although this time he backs off quickly again.

"Thank you so much, thank you so, so, much! The race is this evening at 10pm."

He proceeds to tell me the location and how many drivers there'll be, excited as a puppy seeing his owner again after a day of work.

He's adorable. I hacen't seen him like this in a while, but last time, he was in his car and I couldn't see him, only hear him shouting in my car when he managed to win a very difficult race with me. He doesn't know it, but his driving skills might even be better than mine. He's confident, but when he's down he tends to think he isn't that great of a racer even if he knows shortcuts all around and is one of the fastest drivers in the area.

"Hi guys, Neville's inside, yeah?" Nikki just arrived at the safe place.

Sal immediately started blushing and shut up, slightly embarrassed by his over-excitment.

"Yep. And so are we, now."

Nikki gives us a questioning look but heads inside with us.

Preparing ourselves for what races we've got, Nikki asked us if we had any races this evening.

"No"

"Yes"

Nikki looked back and forth between me and Neville who had given different answers, smiling like she'd caught me doing something secretely.

Which wasn't completely false, actually.

I glanced at Sal who was already looking at me, slightly amused by the situation.

"Don't you laugh you dork!" I playfully tossed a piece of cloth I used to clean my car with before.

He giggles while looking at me and my heart skips a beat.

"What is happening between you two?" Nikki looked at us, still smiling with a confused look in her eyes.

"We're doing a race this evening." I said, knowing Sal wouldn't really want to explain anything.

"Well that's not new, why was this a secret? Am I missing something?" Neville stepped in.

"I... Didn't choose this one, we're doing it for him."

"Can't we help? Or something?" Nikki asked, intrigued as to why they weren't invited or even talked to about this.

Sam had shyly stepped closer.

"I'd.. Rather only have Lei help me for this race. No offence to you guys, you're great racers but... this is personal."

He almost whispered the last part.

"Well I wonder why it's so personal between you two, it's almost a if this isn't about a race..." Neville says jokingly, with an undertone of immense innuendos.

"Shut up, Neville." Nikki says as she's laughing.

Sal tells me he's thankful I didn't tell them about the details, before I get into my car to race with Neville.

Seeing him this happy puts me in the best mood for a race.

                                                        - Later that same day. -

After winning this race, I head to the safe house to be there as soon as possible, to meet up with Sal. Neville barely had the time to congratulate me, but he knows the race with Sal seems important to both me and Sal, so he doesn't ind it. No matter how much shit we give him, Neville is still a good guy although he's clumsy and has a talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and arriving at the worst time possible.

Either way, It was a quick race, but it's 8pm already, so I'm just dropping by the safe house to tell Sal we're going there directly, no time for a break.

I arrive at the safe house and see Sal is ready to go. I stop by his car window and open mine.

"Ready to go, champ?"

He laughs.

"I wouldn't call myself that. You're the one who just won a race."

"How did you know?"

He's taken aback by my wondering.

"I always ask Nikki or Neville if they know how good you did in your races."

He realizes how this sounds and immediately continues, not letting me answer.

"I'm not a stalker! I swear I don't stalk you when we're not racing..."

"You never ask me how the others did, or do you ask them how the others did?"

He avoids my gaze and avoids my question as well, which, in all honesty is quite amusing to me.

"I just think it's important to know how the rest of the team —

"Alright angel face, it's fine, I don't mind at all."

He blushes when I call him angel face and turns away, gripping at his steering wheel, trying not to smile.

How can he be so cute?

He keeps looking at his steering wheel for a few minutes and I keep watching him.

Eventually he turns to look at me. I don't bother making it look like I wasn't looking at him the whole time. And he definitely notices, but doesn't say a word about it.

"We should go."

I nod and we start driving to the location. It's a long drive and we arrive about 10 minutes before the race starts.

He seems both nervous and excited as he lines up behind the starting line next to my car and a Nissan Skyline GT — R 34 with a beautiful, confident woman at the wheel obviously eyeing him, to which he doesn't pay any attention to. Instead, he turns to smile brightly at me and gives me thumbs up. Over the intercom, he tells me good luck.

Sal drives with a perfect start, and I follow in his steps. Or wheels, more accurately.

A Lotus Elise effortlessly passes me by and tries to get in front of Sal, but I speed up and hit it on the back side, making it turn into the opposite direction unwittingly.

"Wow! Nice job Lei! Thanks!"

Multiple times the driver of the Lotus Elise tries to give me payback by hitting my car but without succeeding.

"Wait let me get rid of that guy!"

I barely have the time to yell out "Wait Sal what are y -

When he suddenly brakes and the other car slams on the breaks and loses control, crashing into the nearest wall.

"Go ahead, I'll catch up!"

"What the fuck Sal, that was so dangerous!"

"I know what I'm doing, just keep driving!"

I clench my jaw but keep driving without a word for most of the race.

"You be careful, Lei, I wouldn't want anything to happen to you.We've gotta win this race."

My heart starts beating faster as I know he's gonna do something I wouldn't approve of.

I look in to my rear view mirror and see him speeding up into a small alley going up on a hill, and exiting the road to jump over all of the cars, back into the racing .

I gasp and stop breathing for a few seconds. As he is mid air, for a split second I swear I can hear him say:

"Lei if I don't make it out alive of this, give the money to my sister and just know that I love you."

I scream and slam on the gas pedal as I see Sal's car land harshly on to the ground, but I can breathe again as he starts speeding up again, meaning he's alive and able to race. He crosses the finish line before anyone and shortly after him and a few other cars, I do too. I slam on the breaks and get out of my car as soon as I can, running towards him. He gets out of his car, busted lip and barely standing and I immediately embrace him in my arms, hugging him as tight as possible, tears streaming down my face.

I whisper between my sobs: "I really thought I had lost you for a few seconds you idiot!"

"I'm so sorry..."

We pull back and realise everyone is around us, cheering on Sal.

Sal looks at me in disbelief.

"We won... We won!"

"No Sal, you won." I smiled at him proudly, tears still in my eyes.

"I wouldn't have done it without you. Lei."

He pulls me into his arms again.

Surprised by the feedback, he signs autographs, smiling.

"I never thought I'd have to do this..."

"You deserve it, Sal. Besides, you'll get used to it soon."

After getting paid 50000 in cash, sirens start blaring and everyone starts panicking.

Someone screams. "The cops! Everyone fucking move!"

A cop car slams into my car I had parked in the distance.

"No! Fuck, my car!"

Before I even start heading towards my car to beat up the cop who did it, Sal pulls me away and we run to his car, and he starts speeding up as soon as I get in.

barely making the turn without crashing into the wall, Sal concentrates on the road, never slowing down until we're finally atleast 100 miles away. He pulls over to the side, after making sure we've lost the cops.

"I'm sorry about your car. It's my fault, if only I hadn't asked you to do this race, maybe I wouldn't have won but it's at the cost of you losing your car..."

He looks on the verge of tears.

"Sal, don't blame this on yourself, this is all the cops."

"Please don't fire me, don't leave me like I used to be befo -

"Sal, stop, I won't fire you, I won't leave you alone, you're still in my team, and you can keep the 25000, I've got other cars. In fact yours is beat up too, so I've got one car and you've got a second one until you've fixed this one, as soon as we get to the safe house."

"You don't have to, Lei, but thank you. But I don't want to head back right now."

"Neither do I. Call your sister, tell her we're coming tonight or tomorrow morning."

He looks at me in disbelief, but soon nods and gets out of the car, pulls out his TMobile and calls a number he wrote down.

I can barely hear what he's saying, so I can't make out if it's going well or not.

He opens the car door and plops into his seat.

"So?"

He looks in a daze, confused, and I cant read anything on his face."

"She... She said she'll be waiting, and she forgives me..."

"Well, aren't you happy?"

"I am, but I thought she'd never forgive me and I could only give her the money, and leave, but it turns out she's been waiting for me to find her some day..."

He starts the car and pauses. He turns to look at me and stares at me for a few seconds, before caressing my cheek with his right hand. He smiles gently at me and puts his hands back on the steering wheel.

He smiles to himself while I put my hand on my cheek, processing what just happened. My heart is beating fast, and for a second I wonder if I'm okay. I notice I, too am smiling to myself. Sal keeps driving, this time like any other person, calmly, unlike in races, and we barely say a word except for the occasional joke.

He glances at me every now and then, making me feel a certain type of way.

At some point, the radio blasts New Found Glory's "Hold My Hand" and as he taps my hand twice gently and tells me he likes this song when I turn my head to look at him, I feel there's more to it, but I don't mention it.

After more than 2 hours of driving, we finally arrive. There's a beautiful younger girl standing in front of a tall building.

"That's her. Oh my god she's grown so much..."

"Let's go, don't let her stand there any longer."

We take off our seatbelts and the girl keeps standing. She seems to be unable to move, most likely because she's so nervous to meet her brother again. "Alice..."

She couldn't speak, but when he got closer to her, she immediately hugged him.

"Bro where have you been! You missed my coming out!"

"I — what?"

"I live with my girlfriend in a flat up there." She points at the building behind her.

"Oh, okay, well that's cool! How did mom and dad react to that?"

"Well, it seems they've got a thing for kicking out their own kids. As soon as I told them I was bi, which I'm not by the way, I'm not attracted to guys, but I thought I was back then, they told me to find another place to stay at because "all my stuff would be put out the door by next week"..."

"Oh... That was even more unnecessary than it was to kick me out..."

"Is that your girlfriend? She's the girl you told me was coming right?"

Sal turned to me, blushing, not knowing what to say. I smiled and answered for him.

"I guess that's the easiest way to explain it." I winked at Sal and he turned away, smiling slightly and blushing more than ever.

"Do you guys wanna come in? It's kind of cold outside."

We follow her inside and take the lift to get to their appartment.

"It's not much, but it's our appartment" she says as she shows us the livingroom with an open kitchen.

"Oh Amy, there you are, here's my brother, Sal and his girlfriend, — she paused and looked at me questioningly, to which I answered my name — Lei. Sal, my girlfriend, Amy."

Every time she mentioned I was apparently his "girlfriend", Sal became redder than the lamp next to him.

"So they took it well huh? That you're a lesbian?" Amy asked.

"Surely not like my parents." we all laughed and everyone proceeded to tell eachother what we'd been doing, where we had been, etc.

After catching up, Sal handed Alice a stack of money, telling her to take it.

"What? I can't just take that much money from you, Sal, you're not rich, I can't just take 25000 from you!"

I realize he hasn't told her about the money before. He only told her about visiting.

But Sal tells her he won the race for her and he still has money and a place to sleep at and she, with reluctance accepts the money.

We say goodbye after staying multiple hours, and they ask us to stay and sleep here as they're going to sleep too, but with the excuse of the adrenaline due to today's events to not sleep, Sal and I take off in his car, going even further in the opposite direction of the safe house.

We have no races tomorrow and a day off wouldn't hurt. We evnetually stop in the middle of deserted country roads, parking on the side and getting out of the car. Sal opens the trunk.

"I always keep snacks in here." he laughs and takes out a box of random cookies and candy.

He takes a candy out of it's paper and tells me to open my mouth and aims at it, throwing it, missing the target and making the candy fall on the ground. We both laugh and he asks me if my eye is okay while I dramatically shout "Oh no I am now blind!" and fall on the grass.  Sal laughs and helps me up.

"Hey, the sun's coming up, let's sit on the roof of my car and watch it going up!"

We jump on the roof and start eating some candies and cookies. We finish them as soon as we start and end up just throwing the box in the trunk before sitting back on the roof of the car.

Both of us are lost in thought and I think about the race.

"Hey, Sal, did you mean what you said when you jumped over the ledge of the hill?"

He stays silent for a moment and looks at me.

"It's what I've been trying to tell you for a while, and even though the adrenaline spoke for me, there's nothing I mean more than that."

This time, he doesn't hesitate. He takes my head in his hands softly and leans in, and as my heart seems to almost beat through my chest, I lean in too, meeting his lips slowly moving in a perfect kiss. The kiss deepens and my arms slip around his body, pulling him closer as he does the same. Soon enough, I'm laying on the roof as he continues to kiss me as if he's been craving it for his whole life. My hands run across his back and we stop for a few seconds to catch our breath. He lies down next to me and takes my hand in his. There's not enough space to lay down comfortably but neither of us want to move. We watch the sun go up, shoulders touching, holding hands and lips still warm, as we feel like both of us are the only people awake right now.

"I love you."

Sal looks at me and smiles.

"And I love you, Sal."

[lncw-blog]

The Crooked Government: Social Security Disability

           It has long been a fact that the various departments of the U.S. Government have been corrupted, and actually harm the citizens more than helping it – this is evident in the fact that the 16th amendment and the Federal Reserve Act actually were passed, but today my focus isn’t on these or the Internal Revenue Service. Today, my focus lies on Social Security Disability and mistreatment of citizens by this organization. It is perhaps easiest to simply relate my story in regards to this organization and my personal experience in order to help others gain a view of the way this agency is destroying lives.

           It started in January of 2013. I was in a car accident and my calcaneus was shattered. I couldn’t walk, even worse, I couldn’t even stand up straight when my foot wasn’t touching the ground, because by standing up blood rushes to one’s feet, and the pain caused by this was like someone slamming concrete blocks on my foot over and over again. It was excruciating, but in addition to this, parts of my foot were paralyzed. I could not move my toes or bend my foot, or do many of the things we take for granted every day. Even taking a shower became a complicated task as I was told I could not get my foot wet. The doctor’s assistant was overheard saying that she did not think I was going to ever walk again. One thing was for certain, my life would never be the same.

           About 6 or 7 months into the surgeries and rehabilitation therapies, I applied for Social Security Disability. I was sent form after form to fill out and told to mail them back to them. At one point, I received notice that they needed supplemental information before approving my disability and I had just a few days to get that information to them from when I received the notification. I filled out the paperwork immediately, and mailed it to them and waited to find out if I would be approved. The same day I mailed the supplemental information to the Social Security Disability Office, was the day they rejected my claim. I received a letter dated that it had been mailed that very same day. I was disheartened. I couldn’t work and was running out of money, living on pennies and about to be out on the street. That is when I learned that they had denied my cousin, who was a teenager at the time, a cancer survivor and an amputee. They informed him that he did not meet the eligibility under their guidelines for disability – the same thing they told me.

           So, as it goes, Social Security Disability is generally known for denying everyone the first time they apply – amputee or not. I decided to write them a letter disputing their decision, and informing them that I was aware that they denied my claim without reviewing all of the relevant information, and that when the case came before the judge that I would be sure to mention this issue. Suddenly, I was approved for disability. Suddenly, a year and three months after my accident. I also, they said, would be qualified to receive Medicaid for the remainder of my life due to the nature of my injury, and if I wanted to go to work at some future time that I could go to work. At this point I had lived on my brother’s broken couch in his tiny apartment for just over a year.

           But, some good news came. My brother was accepted to Yale University. I had to forge out on my own again, and the disability check was not quite enough to eat and pay rent somewhere, so I had to start working. At first I was part time, but a hospital visit that did not get covered by my Medicaid would soon change this. I found out when a hospital visit did not get covered that they had taken my Medicaid away from me. I reapplied, and was told to watch the Florida Access website to see any updates, and that it would eventually be reinstated. It never was, but further, all the paperwork I filled out to get it reinstated and handed in, in person, just vanished. It disappeared and allegedly there was no record of its ever having existed.

           Still, I needed to see doctors, both for issues related to my foot and for other health issues. Trying to figure out what to do about this situation, I went in person to the Social Security Disability Office in Tampa, Florida and asked them about working. They informed me in that office that I could work. I could make $1,800 a month in addition to my Social Security Disability. This sounded wonderful to me, because in all my years of working full time I never made that much with the exception of 2006, where part of the year, working 80 hours a week, I made a bit more than that after taxes. Also, returning to work full time would allow me to get the insurance I needed to once again see the doctors that I needed to see. This was the important part for me as it was a matter of my health. I made contact with an old boss who made accommodations for me and created a mostly sit down job that was not previously in his payroll.

           Returning to work full time, I thought little else of it, as I never made more than the amount that the Social Security Disability Office informed me that I was allowed to make. Then early 2017 came. I am in a cheap run-down apartment because rent has increased so much in the Tampa area, and this only following a brief homelessness of a few months, when I get the letter from Social Security Disability, claiming that because I am working full time I was no longer eligible for disability and have to pay nearly the entire amount back: $20,000 in 30 days. This prompted a new visit to the SSD Office in Tampa, and me explaining that I never made over what they told me I was allowed, and that I had no choice but to work because of them taking away my Medicaid. There response: “$1,800 is only the amount for blind people, I don’t know who told you that, but you are not blind are you?” My response: No, but that does not change the fact that I was misled by your office.

           So now, it is almost a year later. I am getting bills from them. I have filed a plea to have a meeting with them so that I will not have to pay it back. Essentially, I paid into this system my whole adult life, often from incomes from two jobs, and when I needed it they used it to hurt me. After 3 months of not hearing back from my initial filing of the plea, I went back to the Tampa Office and was told there was no record that I ever filled out any such paperwork and that I have to fill it out again, and collect all current documents pertaining to my situation anew. While in the process of doing this, I received a letter that they received my plea and will be setting up an appointment for me to come make my case. I waited, and waited, and waited, and received another bill for repayment as well as one that claims they are increasing the amount of my SSD checks – this must be the checks that I no longer receive.

           Finally, one day out of nowhere I get a call and am told that they have my appointment for the next week. I go to the appointment location and it is a doctor’s office. A doctor that works with disability and generates nearly all of his business by doing so. It is not the appointment they told me I would get, and it is not to make my case about why I should not have to pay them back, but rather it is so the doctor can make a case that I do not need disability. Sure, he asked my relevant questions, but then only recorded half answers.

Doctor:           “Do you experience any pain here and does it prevent you from working?”

Me:                  “I experience pain every day, but have had to push through it to survive.”

Doctor’s Notation: Patient is able to work a full time job.

The next letter I got from disability was to inform me that they no longer consider me disabled.

           A few months have gone by again, and now I just received a new letter to inform me that they have adjusted the amount I owe, and added $3,000 to the total, and that they have explained this in a previous letter which they sent me, and which of course they did not. Now I am contacting attorneys, all of which pretty much tell me the same thing, that it is a losing case, but that if I want to hire them to fight it there will be a $3,000 or more retainer, plus any other fees. I don’t have it. I imagine soon, Social Security Disability will begin garnishing my wages and I will be left homeless, unable to pay my rent. Because I was once the young naïve man that believed our government to be just and because I believed in the programs it offered to help the down trodden, not yet realizing that these programs are in fact there not to help the down trodden, but to trod them down further!

           At the time I am writing this, I do not know what will become of me. I do not know that I will be able to survive another year with the weight of the government bearing down on me and ready to heartlessly devour me at every turn. Am I angry? You bet I am. Just tonight I was yelling into the wind, “Fuck Social Security!” Did it do me any good? Probably not.

           Tonight, I will probably go to bed, wishing I could still cry at how my life was ruined, first by an accident, and then by a greedy government that discards its own citizens and tramples their rights. I will go to bed realizing that I will never be able to qualify for the best jobs in my field because of an injury, and never be able to pay this fictitious debt our government now says I owe. I will never be able to support a family, and my life actually ended in January of 2013.

          Did I mention, I had decided to go back to school about a year before the accident. The student loans by themselves where able to be managed, but when combined with what Social Security Disability is doing to me, I will die in debt one day, at this rate, likely sooner than later.

��ۂ��

[dansiddons1-blog]

Unedited one thought at a time...

I'm not happy... that night I was sleeping on my friends couch never to return to my bed. I decided then to take my life. What's happening oh the pain and I piss blood another kidney stone. Kim I need a ride to hospital I am having a kidney stone. The medicine calmed me for days without the medicine I would not be writing to you for I would have taken my life. Danny want to go to beaver dam...life as I knew changed for ever. I was raped on the trip to dam in a boat did I mention I was 5 years of age. A child force to become an adult to protect my father. I was told tell your father I will kill him. This story is about my life I will be jumping through a variety of topics. I will spell words incorrectly and not be grammatically correct. Why? Because I want it to be real as possible. Not some book that has been edited and rewritten in an editors words or some ghost writer. I will not even reread what I wrote. I want you to experience the thoughts of a mentally disabled person. I make no apologies for my writing don't care if you like it don't even have a plan outline or intention. Just my thoughts as I they fire away sometimes tormenting me others bring joy. I have never written a book and don't consider this to be a book more of my thoughts at real time on paper... that is enough for tonight my medicine is making me drowsy Time for bed but it is so hot and tomorrow...see how the thoughts never stop a flywheel in my head I want to rip out. Time to prepare myself for bed and shut the flywheel off for a few hour. Tomorrow I pray it doesn't come but as sure as the sun will rise I will to. Oh tomorrow please don't come allow me the pleasure of eternal rest. Let's see what thoughts I write tomorrow twitter trump terror ptsd happiness pain pleasure investing writing starting a business writing a paper see how fast they come and their range how can I use commas worry about spelling. If you are reading you can relate auto correct is off and my thoughts are now flying fast...BAM. Tried to save found a word counter that was word 406. I thought I was going to bed. So much to accomplish how can I retire to bed. Voices won't stop words are blurred from tears. No I won't edit it. Fine don't publish it I will keep it for myself but what about others Suffering what if they can relate like I do to other books of the mentally ill but you said you had no intent Now I do I want to save people create meetings like aa for mentally disabled. See reader how they just keep coming. Wow 498 words. How many thoughts did I miss what if I miss a good one. Good one Dan what are you trying to write. Goodnight for now 10:03pm 7/17. I must keep writing the curse of the flywheel. Maybe that will be the title. Maybe I should stay up a start a blog about what...anything you have read so much pick I topic a blog away. Folly. Still going need to put iPad down fuck them I won't change iPad I would rather it not published then to edit my thoughts...can you see how the thoughts go it is crazy. My name is Dan siddons and this is my life unedited one thought at a time. If you read this far keep reading and add you unedited thoughts along with mine and together we can all help ourselves. THE MENTALLY ILL Breakfast... What is this how you are treated in a mental crisis hospital ward? The walls are cold and old made of cider blocks. How Am I going to get better here. This is not what I thought. I am freezing so cold so cold The dining room is dirty writing on the walls oh but so great full to be here away from family. The pressure they we're applying put me here. How family misunderstands us. Back to my first Backer act at a different time Streaming videos is the future should I open a website and conquer digital content market. Why must my thoughts go towards winning? I don't like jobs I want to build a business a news platform. Streaming news...maybe I will call it TJN after my parents. Or should I post this book and see where it falls... I am off to program. Investing has always had a hold I me yet I have yet to invest funny ironic. To much debt and no money. Debt the mantra for the mentally disabled. We flush our lives away when illness flares up. The countless homes relationships money lost to this terrible illness. Most mentally ill do not know anything is wrong until homeless jobless or in jail. I though want to die was normal way to think. I was so very wrong the intangibles of mental illness is devastating. No one can see it I didn't even know until my break up with Kim see how my thoughts go back to the trauma that shattered my life...why? I want to gain control of thoughts but they are smarter than me. Back to Backer Act 1 does your family know the power of your depression. I begin crying... Panic attacks are incredibly painfully you cry want to die become paralyzed with fear. Those you have can relate. Backer Act 1 this is not the way to be treated. How can I get better here. Boot camp I can see but not a hospital. They tell me I don't want to kill my self. Oh how I want to snap his neck. Some suit I meat daily behind a desk. What does he know... or is he right oh well fuck you I am going to my room and don't call for me tomorrow suit. I glance at CNBC and see a golf course. I love golfing but STOPPED. why would I stop something I love. The plight of the mentally ill. Btw I am bouncing from Backer Act 1 to present time. Read on follow my crazy thoughts. No pattern just torture back and forth past to future impossible for me to stay in present. Oh god please help. That is how my life was before medicine. My name is Dan and those were how my thoughts controlled my before medicine... Ok back to thoughts No this is how the format needs to be. No structure like how my life was. If you edit it you write it put your name on it but no one will read you are not mentally disabled. My thoughts as they happen. My name is dan I am mentally ill and want to share what I went through. 1 thought at a time before medicine before medicine before medicine b4 medicine. Read on dear reader and add your thoughts with mine to help us the mentally ill Fast forward to present day I am stabilized with the help from doctors and medicine. Without medicine I would have taken my life. Take medicine dear reader or seek help if your thoughts are how mine used to be. Yes I can write properly but why? I am no author. I am only a man writing maybe I will keep this or erase it but edit I will not. My name is dan here are more thoughts as I turn off and let flywheel spin. My life as a mentally ill person one thought at a time. Fast so fast I can barely write them Did I mention... no I will save it for another time Fast Fast Fast Faster If only I could connect brain to iPad can you imagine. It would never make sense. But to you dear reader you know how they thoughts can be. I can STOP right now and you will now my next words because our thoughts consume us control us kill US. please pick up phone and call for help I did. Tom it's dan I am about to do something stupid... Danny you are my brother and I love you. The beginning of getting help. I am on a plane heading to Miami hoping plane crashes so I can die. So let me begin my story of getting help... As the plane is taxing to the gate I am wondering who will pick me up or will I take a taxi? A text from my brother John is waiting for me. We imbrace in a hug and the tears begin to flow something I have been doing lately and will continue for the next few months. Tears tears tears. Driving to his house he questions me about using drugs and if I continue I am not welcome at his home. He searches my bag. Drugs? I don't use drugs what is going on what did I get myself involved here... Back to the thoughts the flywheel of my youth. I am no go worthless. I failed first grade almost failed a second time out of fear of being raped I faked sick and stayed how. I was sick mentally sick but no one knew I didn't even know. So I dive into reading and sports. I know everything in sports. My dad brings home a Nintendo we love it. I spend hours to escape from the thoughts. I am the neighbor hood Tecmobool champion. I stop writing for today. This is boring not convening anything. My reader I apologize. I refuse to edit or start again. I want this to be me dan siddons one thought at a time. I slept in today may my depression is about to pick up and I have no desire to continue to write as of now. You relate and please accept my apologies. I am crying because I am providing no content. I STOP....wandering if I will continue? Only time will tell. Dan siddons my existence one thought at a time. I am continuing writing I can't stop but nothing is making sense. Maybe that is good because when the thoughts get going do they make sense? Dear reader relate don't give up on me I need you right now. We need to unite to help the others suffering. See my thoughts are of helping building. Why can't I be normal get a job pay my dues retire and wait to be called home? But I am constantly driving I read many books a month I build a website just to get followers then close it. Fear no. Competition I win I am better I dive in kill the opposition then STOP. To begin a something new. My fellow reader I know you do the same. WHY? Mental illness is fickle. Isn't it. We build then flush. Build then flush. And the process repeats... Now the thoughts are flying. I said I was done for the day but the drive keeps me typing. Making sense no and yes. Read into the thoughts my new friend. They are all over. Run on sentences. Crazy punctuation. Isn't that how your mind goes when you let it. So maybe it is making sense. Either way I don't care. I am writing unfiltered unedited as they come. Not a journey not a book. Not anything just words. Maybe one writing I will be deep rich with meaning maybe not. Maybe I will erase like I do everything in my life. I have never put words on paper. As you can tell. Haha. I make no apologies I am not an author. I am dan siddons unedited unapologetic. A mentally disabled man sharing his life and thoughts. Will I provide advice no never I can't I don't know what you dear reader or going through. As I write I realized earlier I said pick up phone. I take that back. Do what you will. If your life has been like mine you consider dying as a pleasure not a loss. When things are good in the back of you mind we we know that pain will come back. I was hospitalized for 2 years maybe I will tell of that maybe not. See just my thoughts. I make no apologies for my jumping. Beginning I was going to share my beginning of getting help. Then I said I was done for the day and I am stil typing fast fast fast. Now I can't Stop. I know I am not making sense but to you dear reader I am for you go through same process. Why bring up hospital and not share that experience. Why you ask editor because I don't want to. This is raw my thoughts as there come Break in point dear reader I found skills to control thoughts but not to control my desire to die. I can write this correctly. In a more of a story form but that is not how are life works when the illness kicks in and takes over. So I will continue to write one thought at a time as I ALLOW them to come through. See allow. I have control of the thoughts. But that's a boring tale written by many. Accept for know my style for someday I may writ correctly to show I can but why? I want this raw my thoughts unfiltered unapologetic I am who I am. Yes I have written papers on investments this is not the place for that. Forgive and read and see how I let the thoughts to TORTURE me. Dan If loved ones are reading. You are my reason for writing and also the reason of this chaos. Chaos your loved one is going through or went through. The thoughts are fast and uncontrollable and torturing. Why didn't I put this in the beginning because. A point needs to be made here right NOW: rember no outline no plan. Yes the statement is contradicting I know because I am sounding like there is a plan. The thought hit me now to address you the loved one of the mentally ill. And I will not edit or replace to fit better or read better. So I guess I do have a plan. It is a plan of the Chaos of our the mentally ill thoughts. So again I make no apologies for my mistakes in English writing style. It needs to be this way because our thoughts are not fair they just come drive some to kill them I want to make a serious thought out statement. To the loved ones please I plead with you to learn about the illness of your suffer. Why? During a moment of irrational thought people of every make and model have taken their life's. Think with me for a brief moment. Jumping out a window or off a building or cliff to stop the pain yet knowing their life will not continue is counter intuitive. Evolution has not remedied this epidemic of suicide. To many are taking their lives because of unacceptance from loved ones. You loved one are our heroes... My fellow reader how is your Day? Tell me. Email me. dsiddons2016@gmai.com Let's come together and begin a crusade to help US the mentally disabled. Idk maybe a blog maybe a channel... suggestions? I will share a little story of being in the South Florida State Mentally Hospital. People are walking around like a college dorm. Are they comfortable here? I wasn't but then I ecame like them comfortable a shift happened. Funny but I enjoyed being there. I took advantage of all the help I could get. I had two of the BEST doctors. I was very fortunate for them. I thought I was going to be there for years. I feel in love with jumping in front of a train while being in jail. In jail without medicine. Did I mention I was arrested. I'll come back to that at a different time. That is all for now about the hospital. Today would be great if I went away called home by god. God allow me to live today according to your will. A prayer I repeat throughout my day. As much as I can write about mentally illness. I won't that would be boring and many have. I will continue one thought at a time. Read fast read fast. You know the thoughts they fire and they are off to the races. Maybe I will end here. Keep only for me. That can be good or bad. Only time will tell. Time. Man made and it controls us. Folly. Leave time for others let's get better together Should I just unleash the thoughts... Can you handle them. I know you can but your thoughts are hard to handle they just come and won't stop. I remember how draining they were. Some days I just selt from the mentally anguish of the thoughts. Other times I would not sleep for days. Manic maybe. I don't like this session forgive me please. Raw my thoughts should I... no lets keep these ones to me. I hated school did you? But I love to learn. I have a desire for knowledge and a willingness to earn it. Do you? What is your addiction? What drives you? Learning drives me I read I read I read I read I read I read... I currently live in a group home crazy. I started with hospital then school now living. situation make sense? Yes to us the mentally ill. The thought come in all different angles. Funny right I will have to self publish for no publisher can understand this book. But you dear reader you can I feel it. Your thoughts go and drive you MAD!!!!!! The pain? Go through it. It makes you stronger. The mantra of those who never experienced mental pain. Look at the sunshine. Fuck off. You look at it leave me the fuck alone. Be grateful of life. Fuck off I am getting serious. Walk away. Some dip shit tech in the hospital that sits on her ass all day. You don't know my pain because you sat in a training that you didn't pay attention TO!! I was just sucker punched... as I come to refocused my arms are protecting my head. As a good at him blood everywhere I thought my ear fell off. Tech graphs him. I want to knock him into another world. I walk away put my fist through the wall one of many times. I press charges police tell me I was hit 32 times fell over bench got up procecting my head. Nothing happens for 3 weeks we walk by on another. Should I snap his neck break his arm kill him... I do nothing for 3 fucking weeks I restrained myself. I am told they are moving me to another unit. Dead focus glare at doctor I say nothing. She is uncomfortable with my stare Minutes pass... Dan Dan Daniel I hate that name. What? I am not moving to another unit. She tells me to call my father. 3 hours later Cory is moved to another unit. Sad pissed off I had to have my father call to get him moved. Another hole in the wall. I was attacked 18 times fought back once. Here is why. I will come back at different time to explain not ready yet... Let's laugh at my writing style hahaha. My fellow reader. This is how it must be RAW Scattered like our lives thoughts actions feelings emotions relationships jobs... Why write any other way. I am writing to you. I feel your thoughts I know them. I went through them. Not so much these days. MEDICINE. Thank you GOD for my medicine. My name is dan siddons I have a mental illness and I am happy to share about it. The release feels so good. What take medicine away?! Ok prepare a funeral because I Refuse to go through that inner pain again. I am not happy she says with tear falling down her beautiful face. 6 month pass I cry a lot many times during the day. My friend did you cry do you cry now. I start drinking heavy to kill the pain. From morning until bed I consume alcohol Was not a drinker. Will I become one? Idk just want the pain to subside and feel relief. Present day I don't drink MEDICINE has given me life purpose direction. Not every day is good. But those pre med days I don't know how I didn't kill my self. My bedroom in Chris's house had a gun. Why I never used it I can't answer. I think the booze worked. Where should we go know? I stop writing but my drive continues to type. You fellow reader the thoughts drive you made. Family? They don't understand me. Friends I have none. Girlfriend? They hear of my past and run Run run My name is dan siddons I am not an author I am a man who suffers from a mental disability and I am sharing my life to you one thought at a time as they enter and as I remember them. Dan Dan dan I continue writing no I will stop but I can't my drive won't allow me. Dear reader the thoughts are consuming aren't they? Don't they ever tire. Their energy is incredible they even enter our dreams. Stop stop stop coping skills. I will spend the whole day replacing them. So I take medicine for quality of life Quality Of Life Yes!!! If you don't like it fuck off I will find a publisher See I as I write I am have an imaginary argument with a publisher. Oh how fun and fickle this life is. Why won't it end? My drive thoughts say I am here to impact. Impact I can't even get out of bed. How am I supposed to impact? Any sane person would have me hospitalized after reading only a few sentences But they don't understand mental illness I don't understand it. How can "they" Embrace this style write your own In your own way We will come together a help us the mentally disabled bam bam bam. The thoughts bouncing off my skull. Oh my friend I pray for you to get better. Is there a getting better or just surviving this terrible illness. Fuck it right yes FUCK IT!!!!

[fesahaawit]

A handful of SUPER clever ways to spend $100 this holiday season :) PLUS: Our Christmas Stimulus winners!

‘Sup sup!

J. Money Claus here to spread the wealth, both literally and figuratively! ;)

Just spent three solid hours reading and responding to all the great entries from last week’s Christmas Stimulus giveaway (over 800+ comments!), and WOW was it fascinating! You guys are so freakin’ creative!! We had the usual “I’d pay down debts” or “I’d bank it/invest it” or “I’d give it all away to charity” responses of course, but I was blown away by the level of thought that a lot of you put into this too.

You’re good :)

But since I can’t give $100 to *everyone* who made me smile today (and also because I made this a *randomized* drawing vs hand-picking the winners), I wanted to showcase a lot of these gems I came across in case they help you with your OWN ideas for the upcoming holidays, but also just to show these commenters some love too. Perhaps the fame you get off it today will amount to more than $100 over time? I mean, this IS the most fantastic blog in the world, you know!

Before we get to all that though, let me announce the 5 people who DID win the contest so you’re not biting off all your nails and annoying your co-workers.

So drum roll please…. dum ditty dum ditty dum…

The 5 lucky winners of $100 a piece are:

Nicole P.

Maisie

Sarah P. 

Danny (Commenter #633)

Mike (Commenter #756)

Woo! Congrats! I’ll be reaching out to you on the side to get your money, and be sure to not be strangers the rest of the year as if this was some sort of Church where you only pop over on the “important” days ;) Free education is better than free money, damnit!!

Now to the fun ways to use $100 this holiday!

(Or really, any time – because why only be nice once a year?)

We’ll start with the ones that made me laugh the hardest, and then go down the list to those that were just clever as hell, and then finally right into the ones that make you say, “awwwwww….”

Runners up to the people who mentioned: Chuck E. Cheese’s, doorbells, monks, manatees, accordions, tacos, sensory deprivation tanks (?), pickles, cabin escapes, tequila, fruit roll-ups, marijuana stock, escape rooms, “dutch ovens” (hah!), lunch tables, baseball cards, greenhouses, livestock water troughs, and finally to the one who almost made me spit out my coffee with their “Careergasm courses” line, haha… *goes to turn browser on “private” mode*

Now to the ones we’re paying in fame:

*******

The Prankster

I’d take it to the bank and ask for all quarters, and then take the quarters and glue them to the sidewalk and sit on my porch with my phone filming all the kids so excited to see 400 quarters on the ground, and then me laughing at them because they can’t pick them up.

Then I’d start a YouTube channel with my daily videos and take my millions of dollars from my massive subscriber growth and buy a cabin up in the mountains and buy all the turtles from pet stores to start training them to fight terrorism and then set them free all around the world. – Lance

*******

The Jeffersonian

First I would ask to be paid in $2 bills! Then I would stack those Jefferson’s as high as they would go and just admire them a bit. Then I would hop on my electric bike and head downtown handing them out to anyone in need, ending up at my favorite watering hole with just three of them left. I would then order my favorite IPA and drop my last three Jefferson’s on the unsuspecting waitress and call it a day! – bmiles62

*******

The Convert

I’d convert the $100 all into pennies and leave noticeable and various pennies around the house to drive my brother crazy. – Kevin

(Editor’s Note: I don’t know why that would drive him crazy? It’s FREE MONEY!!! :))

*******

The Goldbug

I would buy gold. Then, I would ask my friends what they would do if they had $100 worth of gold. The best response gets the gold! – Meghan

*******

The Kidder

I would use the $100 on hookers and blow. Just kidding. Something boring like saving for my kids education. – Josh

*******

The Original Zac Efron

I’ll buy 2 MyHeritage DNA kits at a discount. One for myself and another for Zac Efron. I wanna prove everyone wrong that he’s not my twin brother :) – Menard

(Editor’s Note: I actually DO want this kit! It’s pretty cool!!)

*******

The Gamer

I would throw a $100 party. It would consist of me and my girlfriend maybe a brother or cousin in there randomly sitting on the couch at my place drinking crown royal (750ml) $22.97. I would eventually get off the couch, and cook up some ribs (3 racks $38) that had been marinating in the fridge over night (spices and various ingredients $10). After the food is consumed we would partake in a intense game of drunkin-go-kart on the Nintendo 64 (24 pack of Bud Light of Coors Light $20). With the remaining $9.03 we would donate it to a random homeless person. – Heath

*******

The Gambler

Put aside for buying lottery tickets in all of 2018, because someone once said “Is $1 a week worth a chance to win $100,000,000 or even $1,000,000,000?” For me it is. – Nitin

*******

The Adventurer

We’re looking to convert a school bus over the next year and then take a leap year to travel with our 5 kids (ages 4 months-18yrs) all over the US. I’d add it to our school bus fund! – Aden

*******

The Stealthy Kleenexer

I will exchange them into 100 $1 bills and treat my 10 friends with a box of Kleenex each for Christmas. And after the first couple of Kleenex, there will be surprises waiting. – Kim

*******

The Money Oozer ;)

I would use an extra $100 to buy a bottle of Chanel Mademoiselle perfume. My kids love it when Mommy smells good and it makes me feel sexy – LIKE $$ MONEY $$! – Rebekah

*******

The Dollar Tree Fan

I would get 50 $1.00 bills and hide them around the Dollar Tree with my granddaughter. Then take her to lunch and leave the rest for a tip. What a fun day! – Rose

*******

The Financial Gabber

I would use it to pay you $100 for a 30 minute phone call for some financial advice. This would be the biggest gift of all. I feel like the hardest part is talking about money with other people (no one want’s to hear your problems) and it’s driving me crazy because I really want to talk about it and get good sound advice on how to get out of the mess I’m in. – Mike

(Editor’s Note: This is actually a REALLY good idea and there’s a big need for this in our community! Unfortunately I don’t do coaching anymore, but here’s a list of other people in our space here that do – in case anyone else is looking for a good money coach: http://ift.tt/2jvY42T)

*******

The Brainstormer

I have 2 Ebay stores that have been running for a few years now and need to know how to increase our sales… I would use this for a brainstorm session at our local Panera or Starbucks hoping to find someone that could help me with promotion of our sites – or run a contest online for the best idea. – Kate

*******

The Quitter

I will put in my 2-weeks notice at my job for early/mini-retirement on Friday! – JP

(Editor’s Note: I sure hope $100 isn’t the only thing stopping you from doing this! :))

*******

The Self-Promoter/Do-good-er ;)

I’d buy 49 copies of my book, Success: For Minority Teens (& Their Friends) at $4.99/copy, defraying the cost of taxes, and I’d give these to 49 of my most needy 8th grade students at school. So many need a book like mine but can’t afford to buy on Amazon. – Carlos Gomez

*******

The Gardener

I would buy $100 worth of seeds, plant them and go back and give them out to all of my elementary school classrooms. Learning how to tend to a garden, getting your hands dirty, keeping plants alive and getting to enjoy the result of your hard work is one of those timeless lessons that is hard to recreate in our candy crush obsessed society. – Alicia

******* The Compassionate Knitter

If I won the money I’d use it to buy yarn to knit a blanket for my mother-in-law. The yarn is sort of expensive, like $70 per blanket, and it takes about 15 hours of knitting (so not a smart time or money investment) but it is a handmade blanket, and relationships with the in-laws are important. – Hannah

*******

The Knowledge Pusher

I’ll use the money to buy books related to Investing and give them away to my coworkers. I have given 2 books away for my coworkers In the past years: Total Money Makeover, The Millionaire Teacher. – Vielka

*******

The Tree Gifter

I’d use $100 to purchase a bike for a little boy – there’s a giving tree at my local wellness center with tags listing gift wishes from local children in need. This particular tag has been languishing as it’s a request for a larger gift. I’ve purchased a few gifts to match other requests, and saw this tag when I delivered the gifts. It’s been weighing on me since – I’d hate for this little one to go without and will find a way to get a bike to him – Heather

*******

The Perfect Wife ;)

I would use the money to buy my husband 10 movie tickets so he could get out of the house, take a break from the kids, and treat himself to a movie about once a month! – Kayla

*******

The Fiscal Librarian

I’d use the money for books that I want to read. Then I’d donate the books to my local library so everyone else will have a chance to read them too. Not a big choice for money management, retirement, investment, or financial books available and I’d like to change that. – Michelle

*******

The Best Christmas Game (Not really an entry, but still a fun idea!)

Every participant puts in twenty bucks cash. The wad of money is wrapped in paper, then more, then a box, then more paper, another box, etc. until you have a large box wrapped. You set a timer or play music and you have only so many seconds to unwrap. When the timer dings, you have to pass the wrapped wad of cash. Whoever touches the cash first wins it all!!! One year I used my teeth – she said it wasn’t allowed but I say house rules. – Victoria

 *******

And lastly, The Boobie Award

I’m not going to lie, I’d probably blow the $100 on food and drink for Christmas day… Probably why I’m in debt and reading this blog… – Kate

And that’s why they pay me the big bucks ;)

Happy weekend, y’all!

****** Links to Amazon products above are affiliate links, and I want you to buy 1,000,000 of those books/DNA kits so I can give away another $500 and keep being entertained by you all… Make it happen!

[Photo by Dakota Corbin via Unsplash]

A handful of SUPER clever ways to spend $100 this holiday season :) PLUS: Our Christmas Stimulus winners! posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[heliosfinance]

A handful of SUPER clever ways to spend $100 this holiday season :) PLUS: Our Christmas Stimulus winners!

‘Sup sup!

J. Money Claus here to spread the wealth, both literally and figuratively! ;)

Just spent three solid hours reading and responding to all the great entries from last week’s Christmas Stimulus giveaway (over 800+ comments!), and WOW was it fascinating! You guys are so freakin’ creative!! We had the usual “I’d pay down debts” or “I’d bank it/invest it” or “I’d give it all away to charity” responses of course, but I was blown away by the level of thought that a lot of you put into this too.

You’re good :)

But since I can’t give $100 to *everyone* who made me smile today (and also because I made this a *randomized* drawing vs hand-picking the winners), I wanted to showcase a lot of these gems I came across in case they help you with your OWN ideas for the upcoming holidays, but also just to show these commenters some love too. Perhaps the fame you get off it today will amount to more than $100 over time? I mean, this IS the most fantastic blog in the world, you know!

Before we get to all that though, let me announce the 5 people who DID win the contest so you’re not biting off all your nails and annoying your co-workers.

So drum roll please…. dum ditty dum ditty dum…

The 5 lucky winners of $100 a piece are:

Nicole P.

Maisie

Sarah P. 

Danny (Commenter #633)

Mike (Commenter #756)

Woo! Congrats! I’ll be reaching out to you on the side to get your money, and be sure to not be strangers the rest of the year as if this was some sort of Church where you only pop over on the “important” days ;) Free education is better than free money, damnit!!

Now to the fun ways to use $100 this holiday!

(Or really, any time – because why only be nice once a year?)

We’ll start with the ones that made me laugh the hardest, and then go down the list to those that were just clever as hell, and then finally right into the ones that make you say, “awwwwww….”

Runners up to the people who mentioned: Chuck E. Cheese’s, doorbells, monks, manatees, accordions, tacos, sensory deprivation tanks (?), pickles, cabin escapes, tequila, fruit roll-ups, marijuana stock, escape rooms, “dutch ovens” (hah!), lunch tables, baseball cards, greenhouses, livestock water troughs, and finally to the one who almost made me spit out my coffee with their “Careergasm courses” line, haha… *goes to turn browser on “private” mode*

Now to the ones we’re paying in fame:

*******

The Prankster

I’d take it to the bank and ask for all quarters, and then take the quarters and glue them to the sidewalk and sit on my porch with my phone filming all the kids so excited to see 400 quarters on the ground, and then me laughing at them because they can’t pick them up.

Then I’d start a YouTube channel with my daily videos and take my millions of dollars from my massive subscriber growth and buy a cabin up in the mountains and buy all the turtles from pet stores to start training them to fight terrorism and then set them free all around the world. – Lance

*******

The Jeffersonian

First I would ask to be paid in $2 bills! Then I would stack those Jefferson’s as high as they would go and just admire them a bit. Then I would hop on my electric bike and head downtown handing them out to anyone in need, ending up at my favorite watering hole with just three of them left. I would then order my favorite IPA and drop my last three Jefferson’s on the unsuspecting waitress and call it a day! – bmiles62

*******

The Convert

I’d convert the $100 all into pennies and leave noticeable and various pennies around the house to drive my brother crazy. – Kevin

(Editor’s Note: I don’t know why that would drive him crazy? It’s FREE MONEY!!! :))

*******

The Goldbug

I would buy gold. Then, I would ask my friends what they would do if they had $100 worth of gold. The best response gets the gold! – Meghan

*******

The Kidder

I would use the $100 on hookers and blow. Just kidding. Something boring like saving for my kids education. – Josh

*******

The Original Zac Efron

I’ll buy 2 MyHeritage DNA kits at a discount. One for myself and another for Zac Efron. I wanna prove everyone wrong that he’s not my twin brother :) – Menard

(Editor’s Note: I actually DO want this kit! It’s pretty cool!!)

*******

The Gamer

I would throw a $100 party. It would consist of me and my girlfriend maybe a brother or cousin in there randomly sitting on the couch at my place drinking crown royal (750ml) $22.97. I would eventually get off the couch, and cook up some ribs (3 racks $38) that had been marinating in the fridge over night (spices and various ingredients $10). After the food is consumed we would partake in a intense game of drunkin-go-kart on the Nintendo 64 (24 pack of Bud Light of Coors Light $20). With the remaining $9.03 we would donate it to a random homeless person. – Heath

*******

The Gambler

Put aside for buying lottery tickets in all of 2018, because someone once said “Is $1 a week worth a chance to win $100,000,000 or even $1,000,000,000?” For me it is. – Nitin

*******

The Adventurer

We’re looking to convert a school bus over the next year and then take a leap year to travel with our 5 kids (ages 4 months-18yrs) all over the US. I’d add it to our school bus fund! – Aden

*******

The Stealthy Kleenexer

I will exchange them into 100 $1 bills and treat my 10 friends with a box of Kleenex each for Christmas. And after the first couple of Kleenex, there will be surprises waiting. – Kim

*******

The Money Oozer ;)

I would use an extra $100 to buy a bottle of Chanel Mademoiselle perfume. My kids love it when Mommy smells good and it makes me feel sexy – LIKE $$ MONEY $$! – Rebekah

*******

The Dollar Tree Fan

I would get 50 $1.00 bills and hide them around the Dollar Tree with my granddaughter. Then take her to lunch and leave the rest for a tip. What a fun day! – Rose

*******

The Financial Gabber

I would use it to pay you $100 for a 30 minute phone call for some financial advice. This would be the biggest gift of all. I feel like the hardest part is talking about money with other people (no one want’s to hear your problems) and it’s driving me crazy because I really want to talk about it and get good sound advice on how to get out of the mess I’m in. – Mike

(Editor’s Note: This is actually a REALLY good idea and there’s a big need for this in our community! Unfortunately I don’t do coaching anymore, but here’s a list of other people in our space here that do – in case anyone else is looking for a good money coach: http://ift.tt/2jvY42T)

*******

The Brainstormer

I have 2 Ebay stores that have been running for a few years now and need to know how to increase our sales… I would use this for a brainstorm session at our local Panera or Starbucks hoping to find someone that could help me with promotion of our sites – or run a contest online for the best idea. – Kate

*******

The Quitter

I will put in my 2-weeks notice at my job for early/mini-retirement on Friday! – JP

(Editor’s Note: I sure hope $100 isn’t the only thing stopping you from doing this! :))

*******

The Self-Promoter/Do-good-er ;)

I’d buy 49 copies of my book, Success: For Minority Teens (& Their Friends) at $4.99/copy, defraying the cost of taxes, and I’d give these to 49 of my most needy 8th grade students at school. So many need a book like mine but can’t afford to buy on Amazon. – Carlos Gomez

*******

The Gardener

I would buy $100 worth of seeds, plant them and go back and give them out to all of my elementary school classrooms. Learning how to tend to a garden, getting your hands dirty, keeping plants alive and getting to enjoy the result of your hard work is one of those timeless lessons that is hard to recreate in our candy crush obsessed society. – Alicia

******* The Compassionate Knitter

If I won the money I’d use it to buy yarn to knit a blanket for my mother-in-law. The yarn is sort of expensive, like $70 per blanket, and it takes about 15 hours of knitting (so not a smart time or money investment) but it is a handmade blanket, and relationships with the in-laws are important. – Hannah

*******

The Knowledge Pusher

I’ll use the money to buy books related to Investing and give them away to my coworkers. I have given 2 books away for my coworkers In the past years: Total Money Makeover, The Millionaire Teacher. – Vielka

*******

The Tree Gifter

I’d use $100 to purchase a bike for a little boy – there’s a giving tree at my local wellness center with tags listing gift wishes from local children in need. This particular tag has been languishing as it’s a request for a larger gift. I’ve purchased a few gifts to match other requests, and saw this tag when I delivered the gifts. It’s been weighing on me since – I’d hate for this little one to go without and will find a way to get a bike to him – Heather

*******

The Perfect Wife ;)

I would use the money to buy my husband 10 movie tickets so he could get out of the house, take a break from the kids, and treat himself to a movie about once a month! – Kayla

*******

The Fiscal Librarian

I’d use the money for books that I want to read. Then I’d donate the books to my local library so everyone else will have a chance to read them too. Not a big choice for money management, retirement, investment, or financial books available and I’d like to change that. – Michelle

*******

The Best Christmas Game (Not really an entry, but still a fun idea!)

Every participant puts in twenty bucks cash. The wad of money is wrapped in paper, then more, then a box, then more paper, another box, etc. until you have a large box wrapped. You set a timer or play music and you have only so many seconds to unwrap. When the timer dings, you have to pass the wrapped wad of cash. Whoever touches the cash first wins it all!!! One year I used my teeth – she said it wasn’t allowed but I say house rules. – Victoria

 *******

And lastly, The Boobie Award

I’m not going to lie, I’d probably blow the $100 on food and drink for Christmas day… Probably why I’m in debt and reading this blog… – Kate

And that’s why they pay me the big bucks ;)

Happy weekend, y’all!

****** Links to Amazon products above are affiliate links, and I want you to buy 1,000,000 of those books/DNA kits so I can give away another $500 and keep being entertained by you all… Make it happen!

[Photo by Dakota Corbin via Unsplash]

A handful of SUPER clever ways to spend $100 this holiday season :) PLUS: Our Christmas Stimulus winners! published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B

[the-fiction-portal]

Home is Where the Heart is

Summary: Vivian Heartfield is a 26 year old down on her luck, losing her job and home in one month. Who else would she reach out to than her old college buddy Eren Jaeger, the end result she moves in with Eren and Armin and uses this time to catch up from her college days. She learns not only do both of them work for the Survey Corp Publishing Company but Armin is the editor of the infamous H.S. How will her life change when she meets her favorite author.

Levi Ackerman is an aloof and snarky yet a successful author. He’s Humanity’s Strongest, H.S but he likes his privacy almost as much as he likes to keep things tidy. His snarky personality and colorful language is a successful repellant at keeping most people away. He has a small group of people he can tolerate and even a smaller group of who can fully trust, what happens when a bright eyed, curly red head who’s a decade younger appears before him. How will his life change?

Notes: I’ve been reading AOT fanfiction lately and I just have to give it a shot. My crush on Levi has been renewed so of course this is just my way of letting it out. Again this is Levi with an OC so if you aren’t about that, then I apologize.

AO3

Life couldn't get much worse. 

I sigh as I made my way to Trost thinking back to my life at this point. Over the past few months I lost my job at the magazine publishing company I was in. While I struggled to live and contribute to the apartment I shared with a roommate, said roommate drops the bomb that she wants to move out and live with her boyfriend. I know it's to be expected but did she really have to do it right at this time? Jobless and would soon be homeless when the lease for the apartment was over.  I wasn't sure what was going to happen but I decided to call a few people I knew in hopes they could help me for a while. Luckily I got what I needed, and I had a roof over my head while I would hopefully find a job of my own. 

I came to a halt in the apartment complex, my gps saying I've arrived. It was a nice place, a nice modest size. I had to make sure I didn't put them out. I grab a small duffle bag to begin with as I go up the stairs to their apartment number. Once I ringed the doorbell I stood still wondering if I should have called beforehand. However the door opened suddenly revealing a familiar blonde, crystal blue eyes staring down at me and when he broke into a smile the breath I didn't know I was holding was released. 

“Armin!” I gasped at the sudden hug I was greeted with. 

“Vivian! You made it, Eren and I were wondering when you would get in. Come in.” Armin ushered me inside but before I could get in good I hear more footsteps. 

“Viv!” Eren’s voice boomed loudly and I look up to see his messy brown hair and teal colored eyes shimmer as he spotted me. 

“Hi, Eren.” I hardly had time to place my bags down before he slammed into me with a crushing hug. 

“Eren! Come and help me get her things in!" Armin called, cutting our reunion short. 

“Wait! I can't ask you to-“

“Nonsense! Your room is down the hall to the left. Take it easy, you traveled pretty far right?” Eren was already giving me a gentle shove further into their living room and he was already going out the door. 

I sighed as my protest fell on deaf ears, both of them managed to haul my belongings into the spare room. I look to them gratefully and smiled. “You two are amazing, I can't thank you enough for this. I can't afford much right now but as soon as I get my feet on the ground I'll help pay for rent. In the meantime I can help with cleaning or cooking. I'll do what I-“

“Woah, slow down Viv!” Eren exclaims and making me realize I must have been rambling. 

“You don't need to thank us. We wanted to help out, how could we not when you were in trouble?” Armin answers eyes trained on me. 

"But...I mean..." I couldn't believe how nice they were. I got along with them in college and the moment we graduated it sort of fell apart. I could have tried to keep in contact but I didn't. All of a sudden I contact them asking for help, they had every reason to ignore my message or to say no but they didn't. I absolutely owed them. 

“Though this isn't my idea of a fun meet up for the first time in forever.”

“Armin!” Eren exclaims a moment later as if to protest against Armin but I found myself giving a shrug. 

“Armin is right. I haven't spoken to you guys in a long time. I'm sorry....but it just means I'm even more grateful to you for opening your home to me,” I answered. 

“I was only playing around. I mean this means we can hang out like we used to,” Armin smiles at me and I try and return it, the knot in my stomach had yet to disappear just yet. 

“But you guys have work and I couldn't ask for such time. Hanging out does sound nice though, but no pressure.” I became concerned once again about me being here will interfere with their work and daily schedule. 

“Hey, we got till the weekend. Then we can hang out without worries.” Eren’s voice was reassuring as if everything would indeed be alright. I didn't have to feel nervous about being with them. 

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up as I stared into energetic eyes. “Sounds like a plan,” I answer. 

“There's the smile! Alright I say we order pizza and we relax this evening.”

At Eren’s suggestion my stomach seem to resume eating itself, grumbling what I hope was lightly. They didn't seem to hear it so I placed my hand over my stomach. "I think that sounds like an idea," I answer. 

“Alright. I'll order and you can shower and get comfortable. Be prepared for talking,” Armin answers picking up his phone. 

“Alright.” I managed to stand up from the couch and make my way to the room to dig through my suitcase. I would start slowly unpacking tomorrow but for not I grabbed all the necessary things for the shower. 

Hot water was welcomed and I sighed the moment it touched me. My body that was tense from the loading up and the long drive was eased almost instantly. I dive further in to give my hair a wash, all the stress and worrying meant I didn't have time for self-care and my hair was a mess. A soft floral scent filled my senses as I applied the shampoo and I left the condition in for a bit as well but then my stomach growled once again. Remembering the promise of food I quickly rinse off a final time before getting out the shower. Drying my hair was quite the task it was curly, particularly my bangs that were kept to the side and the shorter hairs tend to curl even more. I rubbed vigorously with a towel and combed through it a few times, since it was summer still there was no need to make sure it was dry. I placed on some loose fitting pajama pants and an old t-shirt and made my way out the bathroom. 

“Viv, you don't mind pepperoni do you?!” Eren called out as if waiting for me to leave the bathroom, the suddenness nearly startled me. 

“That's fine!” I answered back as I went to put away my clothes. I found the phone I abandoned nearly dead on the bed and I was quick to plug it in before I left to join my old friends back in the living room. 

“Hey guys, sorry for the long shower. It was so relaxing,” I commented as I flopped back on the couch beside Eren. 

“You do look tired, maybe we should save catching up for tomorrow,” Armin answers. 

“No it's fine. You guys have worked hard as well and they’ll be no time for us all to be well rested unless it's the weekend. So we can talk a little. I'll have more energy once I get food in me, I literally had a small bag of chips and water today, I got up moving and I didn't realize I haven't eaten till now,” I answered. Sure I was tired but getting to know the people I once knew was a priority. What were they up to? What jobs did they have? Are they happy? How are the others? These were what I was curious about. 

“We can start till the pizza arrive!” Eren exclaims excitedly. 

“Can I ask how things are going? Last I checked Armin, you had that internship lined up after graduation. Well you had several offers you lucky duck,” I asked out of curiosity. What path did he go through? He seems very successful.

“Oh I ended up working for the publishing company that my cousin runs. I worked as an intern at another place but I found I didn't like it so I gave this one a chance.”

I searched my memory for a moment, seemed like I recall he was making a choice between jobs. Before, but I didn't know he had a family member working at a publishing company. Where was this information when I was looking for a place to work?

He undoubtedly noticed my struggle as he started to explain. “You probably forgot. It's been a whole, but when my grandfather passed away my junior year a lot of people showed up to the funeral. Including some family members I never met before, they offered their condolences but the son, Erwin, asked me what I was doing and if I needed funding for school. I had scholarships so I was fine, not to mention I already had a place to live off campus so I wasn't in any serious financial need. But he did offer to help with this job opportunity after I graduated. I wasn't sure at first, this family I never knew swooped down and offered to help me. It was weird...when I graduated I didn't take it but I regret the other choice because the environment was horrible, I reached out to him and he gave me a job. Entry level stuff but it was a job and it paid better than my old one.”

Then it started coming back, he did come back from the funeral and mentioned it. I never talked about it again since it was linked with memories of Armin's grandfather's funeral. I never met him but I knew he meant a great deal to Eren and Armin. “I remember now. I always regret not being able to support you,” I remembered sad Armin and I was terrible at comforting others I just froze. But then I felt it wouldn't be good enough, he had Eren who understood him and their other friend who called and texted him often, though her name escapes me. 

Before anything could be said the doorbell chimed throughout the apartment. I looked as Eren excitedly jump up, “Finally the pizza is here!” Armin shakes his head and the two of us get up to grab things like plates and cups. 

We had our dinner at the couch even though they had a kitchen table as well as an island in the kitchen. Not that I minded, finding the comfort of sitting on the couch to converse with people that was actually enjoyable to listen to. We sat with various slices of pepperoni pizza and the conversation started up again.

“You got to tell her about your rise to power in the Survey Corps. Without you I'd be out of a job.” Eren suddenly breaks the silence after happily shoving two slices of pizza in his mouth, clearly as hungry as I feel but I could only reach that level of comfort when I'm alone. I realized the story had indeed stopped so I glanced to Armin who had already paused to drink his cola. 

“Well it was only expected I do basic stuff. Make copies, organize things, and help out when needed. However I was tasked doing things like reading over works and assisting with planning events. Eventually Erwin trusted me with the work of one of his friends. Or rather he trusts me, so I've been an editor for this author's work for some time. Only recently I've been put in charge of a few other authors. I get to read future books for a living. I love it!” Armin said color gracing his cheeks. 

“You're a hard worker. Always have, any authors I might know?” I asked wondering if I knew any. Though with my job I haven't had time to read like I used to. 

Armin listed the few as well as a recent title and I apparently didn't know them. He got stuck with new writers. However it was one author I knew off. “H.S.? You edit H.S 's work?! I thought the company name sounded familiar. It's because it publishes H.S's work,” I commented in awe. I usually loved books that end well but H.S always had endings that ended openly, provoking feelings of longing and deep thought. I once thought about their book for a week, providing me the most unproductive week. However I had fallen behind with even that author. 

“Armin got trusted with a hot shot actor and because he did such a good job and even won over the grumpy old man. It's only natural Armin got even more opportunities!” Eren sounded like a proud parent boasting about their star child. 

“Wait you've met him?!” I found my excitement increasing, heart thumping to life. H.S is private, no one know anything about them and has had few book signings. Unfortunately I never could go and even then I heard it was strict regulations about photography. I would be happy to see them once in my life. “Armin, I've been in love with this author since high school. Is there some way I can meet them?” I found myself asking before I could help myself. I know Armin may not have that ability but it didn't hurt to ask. 

Armin frowns at Eren, “He's not a grumpy old man, and he’s just....particular. He and Erwin are friends after all.” He scolds Eren as if he were a naughty child, Eren just shrugs and gets up and gets another slice of pizza. 

“Somehow your cousin is friends with that guy.” Eren responds with a laugh. 

“Sorry, Vivian. I do know what he looks like, I go to pick up his work because he doesn't trust sending things over email. However...well as you figure he really likes privacy and doesn't see people unless he wants or has to. I don't think I could get him to meet a fan outside his rare signings. And he knows Eren because the company has a party once a year and you can bring a guest, and because I don't want to die of boredom I end up bringing him and it was only after he got used to Eren did he allow me to tell Eren that he was H.S. The only thing I can say, thanks to Eren, is that H.S is a guy and he's older. But I need to clarify he's not a grumpy old man like you picture, he's not even that old." Armin explains to me. 

I sigh softly both being full and defeat. I didn't want to let my disappointment show, Armin is doing his job. "Yeah I understand. I really will have to wait for a signing,” deciding to do it the old fashion way. “Sorry for asking, that's probably why you don't let people know who you work with,” I added a moment later. 

“No it's okay! I shouldn't have said...but I remember you liking this author. He probably wouldn't show it, but if he knew he'd be honored. I'm sorry I can't let you meet him,” Armin was nice as always, considering my feelings. 

I glance over to Eren who was munching on pizza crust. “So how did the successful Armin save you Eren?” I asked to push the conversation along, feeling awkward when it came to people apologizing to me. 

“I didn't have luck like you or Armin. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I got this major that my dad wanted me to do in order for him to pay for college remember?” Eren asked, pausing in his story. However this was something I needed no backstory for. Eren's dad is an ass, family struggle was something I could relate to for sure, perhaps us venting is how we got close to become friends. 

“I remember. You still like art though right?” I asked recalling he loved some art and painted and sketched when he could. I still had some work he gave me. 

“I do. But I don't have time to really do what I like. But anyway. I ended up getting a job at a coffee shop. I was going to wait till I get call backs for things involving computers but the thought of me spending the rest of my life doing something I hated sickened me. I didn't pursue it and wasn't upset when I got rejected. I was content working at the shop. But one day some asshole came in and started looking for trouble. And they directed their assholery at me and I decked him in the face. Even though the few customers in the shop all agreed that guy was an ass but the fact the guy was some rich asshole that threatened to sue they had to fire me to save their ass.”

“Eren...” I was speechless. I knew how reckless and angry Eren would get, he had a fiery temper and would get into conflict with people a lot. 

Eren sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, color tinging his tanned face. Of course he was embarrassed. 

“Yeah. Everyone lectured me when they found out. But it was hard to get a job with that stain in my work record. But Armin ended up talking with his hot shot cousin Erwin. He got me an opening at an entry level job. Not to mention my computer skills did come in handy because if I got paid with how many times a computer malfunctioned I'd be rich,” Eren laughs.

“That's quite the story. So you both been working at Survey Corps since then?” I asked and they both nodded. 

“So tell us about what you were doing.”

I paused, thinking of where to start. “Well, I worked at the bookstore for a while till I found a job at a magazine company. Did grunt work for the longest time, fetched coffee for superiors, paper work, I got put in charge of some articles at last. I finally got to write something and I thought I was doing good work. However the company fell on hard times. And they had to let some people go and of course it's the newbie with no powerful connections even though they should have let go of those sleazy folks who cuts corners. But oh well not my company.” I shrugged briefly explaining my situation again. They only had the gist of it from before. “Seemed like I couldn't find work. Places magically had no openings and before I knew it my roommate drops the bomb of moving with her fiancé, it just put me in a bad spot. But you guys know the rest," I replied.

“You know....” Armin's brows furrowed in a way I recognized. It was when he was forming an idea. “Perhaps I could talk to Erwin...” he paused and glanced up at me. 

“Armin! That's a great-“

“-Thank you but I couldn't do that.” I shut down the offer instantly. This would be a chance for me, I knew it. I could finally push for the career I really wanted. But even if I published my book would have to do well and as of now I am on my last leg of cash. Not to mention it didn't feel right relying on Armin like that. I could see him doing it for Eren, they've been friends since childhood and I could justify this Erwin person doing his family member a favor. 

But I'm no one. 

I'm a person that Armin knew in college. I just appeared into their lives suddenly in the form of a Facebook message. They didn't owe me anything. I am already invading their home, I couldn't ask for more. If I got the job I would have to earn it. I looked at their shocked faces, “I appreciate the thought. But I'm in a new place. I'd feel bad asking that of you, I'll try and search for work on my own first.”

“But Viv....” Eren had a slight pout I knew he was concerned for me. 

“I understand. Perhaps talking about jobs when you just got here is a bit much. Take it easy for a little while before job hunting. I'm sure there other publishing companies. If you want I can read over any drafts you've written. Some good editing could increase chances of getting published,” Armin suggested, finalizing the conversation before Eren could make a fuss. 

The corners of my mouth moved before I could help it. That was a nice idea, having a professional eye read and give me pointers would be a great help. “Thanks Armin,” I tell him and of course the sunshine child smiles in return. 

Soon the guys realized how late it was getting and they've yet to have showered. I was full and with the heavy topic of work being settled I felt drained again. I found myself wishing them goodnight before going to my room. I flopped into bed but groaned when I realized that I fell on top of the covers. Somehow I wiggled around and got under the covers. “Tomorrow I start to look for work,” I tell myself with determination. I refuse to burden Eren and Armin for too long. 

Get a job, save, help pay rent, save enough to move out. Sounds like a plan.

[fesahaawit]

A handful of SUPER clever ways to spend $100 this holiday season :) PLUS: Our Christmas Stimulus winners!

‘Sup sup!

J. Money Claus here to spread the wealth, both literally and figuratively! ;)

Just spent three solid hours reading and responding to all the great entries from last week’s Christmas Stimulus giveaway (over 800+ comments!), and WOW was it fascinating! You guys are so freakin’ creative!! We had the usual “I’d pay down debts” or “I’d bank it/invest it” or “I’d give it all away to charity” responses of course, but I was blown away by the level of thought that a lot of you put into this too.

You’re good :)

But since I can’t give $100 to *everyone* who made me smile today (and also because I made this a *randomized* drawing vs hand-picking the winners), I wanted to showcase a lot of these gems I came across in case they help you with your OWN ideas for the upcoming holidays, but also just to show these commenters some love too. Perhaps the fame you get off it today will amount to more than $100 over time? I mean, this IS the most fantastic blog in the world, you know!

Before we get to all that though, let me announce the 5 people who DID win the contest so you’re not biting off all your nails and annoying your co-workers.

So drum roll please…. dum ditty dum ditty dum…

The 5 lucky winners of $100 a piece are:

Nicole P.

Maisie

Sarah P. 

Danny (Commenter #633)

Mike (Commenter #756)

Woo! Congrats! I’ll be reaching out to you on the side to get your money, and be sure to not be strangers the rest of the year as if this was some sort of Church where you only pop over on the “important” days ;) Free education is better than free money, damnit!!

Now to the fun ways to use $100 this holiday!

(Or really, any time – because why only be nice once a year?)

We’ll start with the ones that made me laugh the hardest, and then go down the list to those that were just clever as hell, and then finally right into the ones that make you say, “awwwwww….”

Runners up to the people who mentioned: Chuck E. Cheese’s, doorbells, monks, manatees, accordions, tacos, sensory deprivation tanks (?), pickles, cabin escapes, tequila, fruit roll-ups, marijuana stock, escape rooms, “dutch ovens” (hah!), lunch tables, baseball cards, greenhouses, livestock water troughs, and finally to the one who almost made me spit out my coffee with their “Careergasm courses” line, haha… *goes to turn browser on “private” mode*

Now to the ones we’re paying in fame:

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The Prankster

I’d take it to the bank and ask for all quarters, and then take the quarters and glue them to the sidewalk and sit on my porch with my phone filming all the kids so excited to see 400 quarters on the ground, and then me laughing at them because they can’t pick them up.

Then I’d start a YouTube channel with my daily videos and take my millions of dollars from my massive subscriber growth and buy a cabin up in the mountains and buy all the turtles from pet stores to start training them to fight terrorism and then set them free all around the world. – Lance

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The Jeffersonian

First I would ask to be paid in $2 bills! Then I would stack those Jefferson’s as high as they would go and just admire them a bit. Then I would hop on my electric bike and head downtown handing them out to anyone in need, ending up at my favorite watering hole with just three of them left. I would then order my favorite IPA and drop my last three Jefferson’s on the unsuspecting waitress and call it a day! – bmiles62

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The Convert

I’d convert the $100 all into pennies and leave noticeable and various pennies around the house to drive my brother crazy. – Kevin

(Editor’s Note: I don’t know why that would drive him crazy? It’s FREE MONEY!!! :))

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The Goldbug

I would buy gold. Then, I would ask my friends what they would do if they had $100 worth of gold. The best response gets the gold! – Meghan

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The Kidder

I would use the $100 on hookers and blow. Just kidding. Something boring like saving for my kids education. – Josh

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The Original Zac Efron

I’ll buy 2 MyHeritage DNA kits at a discount. One for myself and another for Zac Efron. I wanna prove everyone wrong that he’s not my twin brother :) – Menard

(Editor’s Note: I actually DO want this kit! It’s pretty cool!!)

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The Gamer

I would throw a $100 party. It would consist of me and my girlfriend maybe a brother or cousin in there randomly sitting on the couch at my place drinking crown royal (750ml) $22.97. I would eventually get off the couch, and cook up some ribs (3 racks $38) that had been marinating in the fridge over night (spices and various ingredients $10). After the food is consumed we would partake in a intense game of drunkin-go-kart on the Nintendo 64 (24 pack of Bud Light of Coors Light $20). With the remaining $9.03 we would donate it to a random homeless person. – Heath

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The Gambler

Put aside for buying lottery tickets in all of 2018, because someone once said “Is $1 a week worth a chance to win $100,000,000 or even $1,000,000,000?” For me it is. – Nitin

*******

The Adventurer

We’re looking to convert a school bus over the next year and then take a leap year to travel with our 5 kids (ages 4 months-18yrs) all over the US. I’d add it to our school bus fund! – Aden

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The Stealthy Kleenexer

I will exchange them into 100 $1 bills and treat my 10 friends with a box of Kleenex each for Christmas. And after the first couple of Kleenex, there will be surprises waiting. – Kim

*******

The Money Oozer ;)

I would use an extra $100 to buy a bottle of Chanel Mademoiselle perfume. My kids love it when Mommy smells good and it makes me feel sexy – LIKE $$ MONEY $$! – Rebekah

*******

The Dollar Tree Fan

I would get 50 $1.00 bills and hide them around the Dollar Tree with my granddaughter. Then take her to lunch and leave the rest for a tip. What a fun day! – Rose

*******

The Financial Gabber

I would use it to pay you $100 for a 30 minute phone call for some financial advice. This would be the biggest gift of all. I feel like the hardest part is talking about money with other people (no one want’s to hear your problems) and it’s driving me crazy because I really want to talk about it and get good sound advice on how to get out of the mess I’m in. – Mike

(Editor’s Note: This is actually a REALLY good idea and there’s a big need for this in our community! Unfortunately I don’t do coaching anymore, but here’s a list of other people in our space here that do – in case anyone else is looking for a good money coach: http://ift.tt/2jvY42T)

*******

The Brainstormer

I have 2 Ebay stores that have been running for a few years now and need to know how to increase our sales… I would use this for a brainstorm session at our local Panera or Starbucks hoping to find someone that could help me with promotion of our sites – or run a contest online for the best idea. – Kate

*******

The Quitter

I will put in my 2-weeks notice at my job for early/mini-retirement on Friday! – JP

(Editor’s Note: I sure hope $100 isn’t the only thing stopping you from doing this! :))

*******

The Self-Promoter/Do-good-er ;)

I’d buy 49 copies of my book, Success: For Minority Teens (& Their Friends) at $4.99/copy, defraying the cost of taxes, and I’d give these to 49 of my most needy 8th grade students at school. So many need a book like mine but can’t afford to buy on Amazon. – Carlos Gomez

*******

The Gardener

I would buy $100 worth of seeds, plant them and go back and give them out to all of my elementary school classrooms. Learning how to tend to a garden, getting your hands dirty, keeping plants alive and getting to enjoy the result of your hard work is one of those timeless lessons that is hard to recreate in our candy crush obsessed society. – Alicia

******* The Compassionate Knitter

If I won the money I’d use it to buy yarn to knit a blanket for my mother-in-law. The yarn is sort of expensive, like $70 per blanket, and it takes about 15 hours of knitting (so not a smart time or money investment) but it is a handmade blanket, and relationships with the in-laws are important. – Hannah

*******

The Knowledge Pusher

I’ll use the money to buy books related to Investing and give them away to my coworkers. I have given 2 books away for my coworkers In the past years: Total Money Makeover, The Millionaire Teacher. – Vielka

*******

The Tree Gifter

I’d use $100 to purchase a bike for a little boy – there’s a giving tree at my local wellness center with tags listing gift wishes from local children in need. This particular tag has been languishing as it’s a request for a larger gift. I’ve purchased a few gifts to match other requests, and saw this tag when I delivered the gifts. It’s been weighing on me since – I’d hate for this little one to go without and will find a way to get a bike to him – Heather

*******

The Perfect Wife ;)

I would use the money to buy my husband 10 movie tickets so he could get out of the house, take a break from the kids, and treat himself to a movie about once a month! – Kayla

*******

The Fiscal Librarian

I’d use the money for books that I want to read. Then I’d donate the books to my local library so everyone else will have a chance to read them too. Not a big choice for money management, retirement, investment, or financial books available and I’d like to change that. – Michelle

*******

The Best Christmas Game (Not really an entry, but still a fun idea!)

Every participant puts in twenty bucks cash. The wad of money is wrapped in paper, then more, then a box, then more paper, another box, etc. until you have a large box wrapped. You set a timer or play music and you have only so many seconds to unwrap. When the timer dings, you have to pass the wrapped wad of cash. Whoever touches the cash first wins it all!!! One year I used my teeth – she said it wasn’t allowed but I say house rules. – Victoria

 *******

And lastly, The Boobie Award

I’m not going to lie, I’d probably blow the $100 on food and drink for Christmas day… Probably why I’m in debt and reading this blog… – Kate

And that’s why they pay me the big bucks ;)

Happy weekend, y’all!

****** Links to Amazon products above are affiliate links, and I want you to buy 1,000,000 of those books/DNA kits so I can give away another $500 and keep being entertained by you all… Make it happen!

[Photo by Dakota Corbin via Unsplash]

A handful of SUPER clever ways to spend $100 this holiday season :) PLUS: Our Christmas Stimulus winners! posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[fesahaawit]

A handful of SUPER clever ways to spend $100 this holiday season :) PLUS: Our Christmas Stimulus winners!

‘Sup sup!

J. Money Claus here to spread the wealth, both literally and figuratively! ;)

Just spent three solid hours reading and responding to all the great entries from last week’s Christmas Stimulus giveaway (over 800+ comments!), and WOW was it fascinating! You guys are so freakin’ creative!! We had the usual “I’d pay down debts” or “I’d bank it/invest it” or “I’d give it all away to charity” responses of course, but I was blown away by the level of thought that a lot of you put into this too.

You’re good :)

But since I can’t give $100 to *everyone* who made me smile today (and also because I made this a *randomized* drawing vs hand-picking the winners), I wanted to showcase a lot of these gems I came across in case they help you with your OWN ideas for the upcoming holidays, but also just to show these commenters some love too. Perhaps the fame you get off it today will amount to more than $100 over time? I mean, this IS the most fantastic blog in the world, you know!

Before we get to all that though, let me announce the 5 people who DID win the contest so you’re not biting off all your nails and annoying your co-workers.

So drum roll please…. dum ditty dum ditty dum…

The 5 lucky winners of $100 a piece are:

Nicole P.

Maisie

Sarah P. 

Danny (Commenter #633)

Mike (Commenter #756)

Woo! Congrats! I’ll be reaching out to you on the side to get your money, and be sure to not be strangers the rest of the year as if this was some sort of Church where you only pop over on the “important” days ;) Free education is better than free money, damnit!!

Now to the fun ways to use $100 this holiday!

(Or really, any time – because why only be nice once a year?)

We’ll start with the ones that made me laugh the hardest, and then go down the list to those that were just clever as hell, and then finally right into the ones that make you say, “awwwwww….”

Runners up to the people who mentioned: Chuck E. Cheese’s, doorbells, monks, manatees, accordions, tacos, sensory deprivation tanks (?), pickles, cabin escapes, tequila, fruit roll-ups, marijuana stock, escape rooms, “dutch ovens” (hah!), lunch tables, baseball cards, greenhouses, livestock water troughs, and finally to the one who almost made me spit out my coffee with their “Careergasm courses” line, haha… *goes to turn browser on “private” mode*

Now to the ones we’re paying in fame:

*******

The Prankster

I’d take it to the bank and ask for all quarters, and then take the quarters and glue them to the sidewalk and sit on my porch with my phone filming all the kids so excited to see 400 quarters on the ground, and then me laughing at them because they can’t pick them up.

Then I’d start a YouTube channel with my daily videos and take my millions of dollars from my massive subscriber growth and buy a cabin up in the mountains and buy all the turtles from pet stores to start training them to fight terrorism and then set them free all around the world. – Lance

*******

The Jeffersonian

First I would ask to be paid in $2 bills! Then I would stack those Jefferson’s as high as they would go and just admire them a bit. Then I would hop on my electric bike and head downtown handing them out to anyone in need, ending up at my favorite watering hole with just three of them left. I would then order my favorite IPA and drop my last three Jefferson’s on the unsuspecting waitress and call it a day! – bmiles62

*******

The Convert

I’d convert the $100 all into pennies and leave noticeable and various pennies around the house to drive my brother crazy. – Kevin

(Editor’s Note: I don’t know why that would drive him crazy? It’s FREE MONEY!!! :))

*******

The Goldbug

I would buy gold. Then, I would ask my friends what they would do if they had $100 worth of gold. The best response gets the gold! – Meghan

*******

The Kidder

I would use the $100 on hookers and blow. Just kidding. Something boring like saving for my kids education. – Josh

*******

The Original Zac Efron

I’ll buy 2 MyHeritage DNA kits at a discount. One for myself and another for Zac Efron. I wanna prove everyone wrong that he’s not my twin brother :) – Menard

(Editor’s Note: I actually DO want this kit! It’s pretty cool!!)

*******

The Gamer

I would throw a $100 party. It would consist of me and my girlfriend maybe a brother or cousin in there randomly sitting on the couch at my place drinking crown royal (750ml) $22.97. I would eventually get off the couch, and cook up some ribs (3 racks $38) that had been marinating in the fridge over night (spices and various ingredients $10). After the food is consumed we would partake in a intense game of drunkin-go-kart on the Nintendo 64 (24 pack of Bud Light of Coors Light $20). With the remaining $9.03 we would donate it to a random homeless person. – Heath

*******

The Gambler

Put aside for buying lottery tickets in all of 2018, because someone once said “Is $1 a week worth a chance to win $100,000,000 or even $1,000,000,000?” For me it is. – Nitin

*******

The Adventurer

We’re looking to convert a school bus over the next year and then take a leap year to travel with our 5 kids (ages 4 months-18yrs) all over the US. I’d add it to our school bus fund! – Aden

*******

The Stealthy Kleenexer

I will exchange them into 100 $1 bills and treat my 10 friends with a box of Kleenex each for Christmas. And after the first couple of Kleenex, there will be surprises waiting. – Kim

*******

The Money Oozer ;)

I would use an extra $100 to buy a bottle of Chanel Mademoiselle perfume. My kids love it when Mommy smells good and it makes me feel sexy – LIKE $$ MONEY $$! – Rebekah

*******

The Dollar Tree Fan

I would get 50 $1.00 bills and hide them around the Dollar Tree with my granddaughter. Then take her to lunch and leave the rest for a tip. What a fun day! – Rose

*******

The Financial Gabber

I would use it to pay you $100 for a 30 minute phone call for some financial advice. This would be the biggest gift of all. I feel like the hardest part is talking about money with other people (no one want’s to hear your problems) and it’s driving me crazy because I really want to talk about it and get good sound advice on how to get out of the mess I’m in. – Mike

(Editor’s Note: This is actually a REALLY good idea and there’s a big need for this in our community! Unfortunately I don’t do coaching anymore, but here’s a list of other people in our space here that do – in case anyone else is looking for a good money coach: http://ift.tt/2jvY42T)

*******

The Brainstormer

I have 2 Ebay stores that have been running for a few years now and need to know how to increase our sales… I would use this for a brainstorm session at our local Panera or Starbucks hoping to find someone that could help me with promotion of our sites – or run a contest online for the best idea. – Kate

*******

The Quitter

I will put in my 2-weeks notice at my job for early/mini-retirement on Friday! – JP

(Editor’s Note: I sure hope $100 isn’t the only thing stopping you from doing this! :))

*******

The Self-Promoter/Do-good-er ;)

I’d buy 49 copies of my book, Success: For Minority Teens (& Their Friends) at $4.99/copy, defraying the cost of taxes, and I’d give these to 49 of my most needy 8th grade students at school. So many need a book like mine but can’t afford to buy on Amazon. – Carlos Gomez

*******

The Gardener

I would buy $100 worth of seeds, plant them and go back and give them out to all of my elementary school classrooms. Learning how to tend to a garden, getting your hands dirty, keeping plants alive and getting to enjoy the result of your hard work is one of those timeless lessons that is hard to recreate in our candy crush obsessed society. – Alicia

******* The Compassionate Knitter

If I won the money I’d use it to buy yarn to knit a blanket for my mother-in-law. The yarn is sort of expensive, like $70 per blanket, and it takes about 15 hours of knitting (so not a smart time or money investment) but it is a handmade blanket, and relationships with the in-laws are important. – Hannah

*******

The Knowledge Pusher

I’ll use the money to buy books related to Investing and give them away to my coworkers. I have given 2 books away for my coworkers In the past years: Total Money Makeover, The Millionaire Teacher. – Vielka

*******

The Tree Gifter

I’d use $100 to purchase a bike for a little boy – there’s a giving tree at my local wellness center with tags listing gift wishes from local children in need. This particular tag has been languishing as it’s a request for a larger gift. I’ve purchased a few gifts to match other requests, and saw this tag when I delivered the gifts. It’s been weighing on me since – I’d hate for this little one to go without and will find a way to get a bike to him – Heather

*******

The Perfect Wife ;)

I would use the money to buy my husband 10 movie tickets so he could get out of the house, take a break from the kids, and treat himself to a movie about once a month! – Kayla

*******

The Fiscal Librarian

I’d use the money for books that I want to read. Then I’d donate the books to my local library so everyone else will have a chance to read them too. Not a big choice for money management, retirement, investment, or financial books available and I’d like to change that. – Michelle

*******

The Best Christmas Game (Not really an entry, but still a fun idea!)

Every participant puts in twenty bucks cash. The wad of money is wrapped in paper, then more, then a box, then more paper, another box, etc. until you have a large box wrapped. You set a timer or play music and you have only so many seconds to unwrap. When the timer dings, you have to pass the wrapped wad of cash. Whoever touches the cash first wins it all!!! One year I used my teeth – she said it wasn’t allowed but I say house rules. – Victoria

 *******

And lastly, The Boobie Award

I’m not going to lie, I’d probably blow the $100 on food and drink for Christmas day… Probably why I’m in debt and reading this blog… – Kate

And that’s why they pay me the big bucks ;)

Happy weekend, y’all!

****** Links to Amazon products above are affiliate links, and I want you to buy 1,000,000 of those books/DNA kits so I can give away another $500 and keep being entertained by you all… Make it happen!

[Photo by Dakota Corbin via Unsplash]

A handful of SUPER clever ways to spend $100 this holiday season :) PLUS: Our Christmas Stimulus winners! posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[heliosfinance]

24 Ways to Spend $100 This Holiday Season :) (Plus: Our Stimulus Winners!)

‘Sup sup!

J. Money Claus here to spread the wealth, both literally and figuratively! ;)

Just spent three solid hours reading and responding to all the great entries from last week’s Christmas Stimulus giveaway (over 800+ comments!), and WOW was it fascinating! You guys are so freakin’ creative!! We had the usual “I’d pay down debts” or “I’d bank it/invest it” or “I’d give it all away to charity” responses of course, but I was blown away by the level of thought that a lot of you put into this too.

You’re good :)

But since I can’t give $100 to *everyone* who made me smile today (and also because I made this a *randomized* drawing vs hand-picking the winners), I wanted to showcase a lot of these gems I came across in case they help you with your OWN ideas for the upcoming holidays, but also just to show these commenters some love too. Perhaps the fame you get off it today will amount to more than $100 over time? I mean, this IS the most fantastic blog in the world, you know!

Before we get to all that though, let me announce the 5 people who DID win the contest so you’re not biting off all your nails and annoying your co-workers.

So drum roll please…. dum ditty dum ditty dum…

The 5 lucky winners of $100 a piece are:

Nicole P.

Maisie

Sarah P. 

Danny (Commenter #633)

Mike (Commenter #756)

Woo! Congrats! I’ll be reaching out to you on the side to get your money, and be sure to not be strangers the rest of the year as if this was some sort of Church where you only pop over on the “important” days ;) Free education is better than free money, damnit!!

Now to the fun ways to use $100 this holiday!

(Or really, any time – because why only be nice once a year?)

We’ll start with the ones that made me laugh the hardest, and then go down the list to those that were just clever as hell, and then finally right into the ones that make you say, “awwwwww….”

Runners up to the people who mentioned: Chuck E. Cheese’s, doorbells, monks, manatees, accordions, tacos, sensory deprivation tanks (?), pickles, cabin escapes, tequila, fruit roll-ups, marijuana stock, escape rooms, “dutch ovens” (hah!), lunch tables, baseball cards, greenhouses, livestock water troughs, and finally to the one who almost made me spit out my coffee with their “Careergasm courses” line, haha… *goes to turn browser on “private” mode*

Now to the ones we’re paying in fame:

*******

The Prankster

I’d take it to the bank and ask for all quarters, and then take the quarters and glue them to the sidewalk and sit on my porch with my phone filming all the kids so excited to see 400 quarters on the ground, and then me laughing at them because they can’t pick them up.

Then I’d start a YouTube channel with my daily videos and take my millions of dollars from my massive subscriber growth and buy a cabin up in the mountains and buy all the turtles from pet stores to start training them to fight terrorism and then set them free all around the world. – Lance

*******

The Jeffersonian

First I would ask to be paid in $2 bills! Then I would stack those Jefferson’s as high as they would go and just admire them a bit. Then I would hop on my electric bike and head downtown handing them out to anyone in need, ending up at my favorite watering hole with just three of them left. I would then order my favorite IPA and drop my last three Jefferson’s on the unsuspecting waitress and call it a day! – bmiles62

*******

The Convert

I’d convert the $100 all into pennies and leave noticeable and various pennies around the house to drive my brother crazy. – Kevin

(Editor’s Note: I don’t know why that would drive him crazy? It’s FREE MONEY!!! :))

*******

The Goldbug

I would buy gold. Then, I would ask my friends what they would do if they had $100 worth of gold. The best response gets the gold! – Meghan

*******

The Kidder

I would use the $100 on hookers and blow. Just kidding. Something boring like saving for my kids education. – Josh

*******

The Original Zac Efron

I’ll buy 2 MyHeritage DNA kits at a discount. One for myself and another for Zac Efron. I wanna prove everyone wrong that he’s not my twin brother :) – Menard

(Editor’s Note: I actually DO want this kit! It’s pretty cool!!)

*******

The Gamer

I would throw a $100 party. It would consist of me and my girlfriend maybe a brother or cousin in there randomly sitting on the couch at my place drinking crown royal (750ml) $22.97. I would eventually get off the couch, and cook up some ribs (3 racks $38) that had been marinating in the fridge over night (spices and various ingredients $10). After the food is consumed we would partake in a intense game of drunkin-go-kart on the Nintendo 64 (24 pack of Bud Light of Coors Light $20). With the remaining $9.03 we would donate it to a random homeless person. – Heath

*******

The Gambler

Put aside for buying lottery tickets in all of 2018, because someone once said “Is $1 a week worth a chance to win $100,000,000 or even $1,000,000,000?” For me it is. – Nitin

*******

The Adventurer

We’re looking to convert a school bus over the next year and then take a leap year to travel with our 5 kids (ages 4 months-18yrs) all over the US. I’d add it to our school bus fund! – Aden

*******

The Stealthy Kleenexer

I will exchange them into 100 $1 bills and treat my 10 friends with a box of Kleenex each for Christmas. And after the first couple of Kleenex, there will be surprises waiting. – Kim

*******

The Money Oozer ;)

I would use an extra $100 to buy a bottle of Chanel Mademoiselle perfume. My kids love it when Mommy smells good and it makes me feel sexy – LIKE $$ MONEY $$! – Rebekah

*******

The Dollar Tree Fan

I would get 50 $1.00 bills and hide them around the Dollar Tree with my granddaughter. Then take her to lunch and leave the rest for a tip. What a fun day! – Rose

*******

The Financial Gabber

I would use it to pay you $100 for a 30 minute phone call for some financial advice. This would be the biggest gift of all. I feel like the hardest part is talking about money with other people (no one want’s to hear your problems) and it’s driving me crazy because I really want to talk about it and get good sound advice on how to get out of the mess I’m in. – Mike

(Editor’s Note: This is actually a REALLY good idea and there’s a big need for this in our community! Unfortunately I don’t do coaching anymore, but here’s a list of other people in our space here that does – in case anyone else is looking for a good money coach: http://ift.tt/2jvY42T)

*******

The Brainstormer

I have 2 Ebay stores that have been running for a few years now and need to know how to increase our sales… I would use this for a brainstorm session at our local Panera or Starbucks hoping to find someone that could help me with promotion of our sites – or run a contest online for the best idea. – Kate

*******

The Quitter

I will put in my 2-weeks notice at my job for early/mini-retirement on Friday! – JP

(Editor’s Note: I sure hope $100 isn’t the only thing stopping you from doing this! :))

*******

The Self-Promoter/Do-good-er ;)

I’d buy 49 copies of my book, Success: For Minority Teens (& Their Friends) at $4.99/copy, defraying the cost of taxes, and I’d give these to 49 of my most needy 8th grade students at school. So many need a book like mine but can’t afford to buy on Amazon. – Carlos Gomez

*******

The Gardener

I would buy $100 worth of seeds, plant them and go back and give them out to all of my elementary school classrooms. Learning how to tend to a garden, getting your hands dirty, keeping plants alive and getting to enjoy the result of your hard work is one of those timeless lessons that is hard to recreate in our candy crush obsessed society. – Alicia

******* The Compassionate Knitter

If I won the money I’d use it to buy yarn to knit a blanket for my mother-in-law. The yarn is sort of expensive, like $70 per blanket, and it takes about 15 hours of knitting (so not a smart time or money investment) but it is a handmade blanket, and relationships with the in-laws are important. – Hannah

*******

The Knowledge Pusher

I’ll use the money to buy books related to Investing and give them away to my coworkers. I have given 2 books away for my coworkers In the past years: Total Money Makeover, The Millionaire Teacher. – Vielka

*******

The Tree Gifter

I’d use $100 to purchase a bike for a little boy – there’s a giving tree at my local wellness center with tags listing gift wishes from local children in need. This particular tag has been languishing as it’s a request for a larger gift. I’ve purchased a few gifts to match other requests, and saw this tag when I delivered the gifts. It’s been weighing on me since – I’d hate for this little one to go without and will find a way to get a bike to him – Heather

*******

The Perfect Wife ;)

I would use the money to buy my husband 10 movie tickets so he could get out of the house, take a break from the kids, and treat himself to a movie about once a month! – Kayla

*******

The Fiscal Librarian

I’d use the money for books that I want to read. Then I’d donate the books to my local library so everyone else will have a chance to read them too. Not a big choice for money management, retirement, investment, or financial books available and I’d like to change that. – Michelle

*******

The Best Christmas Game (Not really an entry, but still a fun idea!)

Every participant puts in twenty bucks cash. The wad of money is wrapped in paper, then more, then a box, then more paper, another box, etc. until you have a large box wrapped. You set a timer or play music and you have only so many seconds to unwrap. When the timer dings, you have to pass the wrapped wad of cash. Whoever touches the cash first wins it all!!! One year I used my teeth – she said it wasn’t allowed but I say house rules. – Victoria

 *******

And lastly, The Boobie Award

I’m not going to lie, I’d probably blow the $100 on food and drink for Christmas day… Probably why I’m in debt and reading this blog… – Kate

And that’s why they pay me the big bucks ;)

Happy weekend, y’all!

****** Links to Amazon products above are affiliate links, and I want you to buy 1,000,000 of those books/DNA kits so I can give away another $500 and keep being entertained by you all… Make it happen!

[Photo by Dakota Corbin via Unsplash]

24 Ways to Spend $100 This Holiday Season :) (Plus: Our Stimulus Winners!) published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B

[fesahaawit]

24 Ways to Spend $100 This Holiday Season :) (Plus: Our Stimulus Winners!)

‘Sup sup!

J. Money Claus here to spread the wealth, both literally and figuratively! ;)

Just spent three solid hours reading and responding to all the great entries from last week’s Christmas Stimulus giveaway (over 800+ comments!), and WOW was it fascinating! You guys are so freakin’ creative!! We had the usual “I’d pay down debts” or “I’d bank it/invest it” or “I’d give it all away to charity” responses of course, but I was blown away by the level of thought that a lot of you put into this too.

You’re good :)

But since I can’t give $100 to *everyone* who made me smile today (and also because I made this a *randomized* drawing vs hand-picking the winners), I wanted to showcase a lot of these gems I came across in case they help you with your OWN ideas for the upcoming holidays, but also just to show these commenters some love too. Perhaps the fame you get off it today will amount to more than $100 over time? I mean, this IS the most fantastic blog in the world, you know!

Before we get to all that though, let me announce the 5 people who DID win the contest so you’re not biting off all your nails and annoying your co-workers.

So drum roll please…. dum ditty dum ditty dum…

The 5 lucky winners of $100 a piece are:

Nicole P.

Maisie

Sarah P. 

Danny (Commenter #633)

Mike (Commenter #756)

Woo! Congrats! I’ll be reaching out to you on the side to get your money, and be sure to not be strangers the rest of the year as if this was some sort of Church where you only pop over on the “important” days ;) Free education is better than free money, damnit!!

Now to the fun ways to use $100 this holiday!

(Or really, any time – because why only be nice once a year?)

We’ll start with the ones that made me laugh the hardest, and then go down the list to those that were just clever as hell, and then finally right into the ones that make you say, “awwwwww….”

Runners up to the people who mentioned: Chuck E. Cheese’s, doorbells, monks, manatees, accordions, tacos, sensory deprivation tanks (?), pickles, cabin escapes, tequila, fruit roll-ups, marijuana stock, escape rooms, “dutch ovens” (hah!), lunch tables, baseball cards, greenhouses, livestock water troughs, and finally to the one who almost made me spit out my coffee with their “Careergasm courses” line, haha… *goes to turn browser on “private” mode*

Now to the ones we’re paying in fame:

*******

The Prankster

I’d take it to the bank and ask for all quarters, and then take the quarters and glue them to the sidewalk and sit on my porch with my phone filming all the kids so excited to see 400 quarters on the ground, and then me laughing at them because they can’t pick them up.

Then I’d start a YouTube channel with my daily videos and take my millions of dollars from my massive subscriber growth and buy a cabin up in the mountains and buy all the turtles from pet stores to start training them to fight terrorism and then set them free all around the world. – Lance

*******

The Jeffersonian

First I would ask to be paid in $2 bills! Then I would stack those Jefferson’s as high as they would go and just admire them a bit. Then I would hop on my electric bike and head downtown handing them out to anyone in need, ending up at my favorite watering hole with just three of them left. I would then order my favorite IPA and drop my last three Jefferson’s on the unsuspecting waitress and call it a day! – bmiles62

*******

The Convert

I’d convert the $100 all into pennies and leave noticeable and various pennies around the house to drive my brother crazy. – Kevin

(Editor’s Note: I don’t know why that would drive him crazy? It’s FREE MONEY!!! :))

*******

The Goldbug

I would buy gold. Then, I would ask my friends what they would do if they had $100 worth of gold. The best response gets the gold! – Meghan

*******

The Kidder

I would use the $100 on hookers and blow. Just kidding. Something boring like saving for my kids education. – Josh

*******

The Original Zac Efron

I’ll buy 2 MyHeritage DNA kits at a discount. One for myself and another for Zac Efron. I wanna prove everyone wrong that he’s not my twin brother :) – Menard

(Editor’s Note: I actually DO want this kit! It’s pretty cool!!)

*******

The Gamer

I would throw a $100 party. It would consist of me and my girlfriend maybe a brother or cousin in there randomly sitting on the couch at my place drinking crown royal (750ml) $22.97. I would eventually get off the couch, and cook up some ribs (3 racks $38) that had been marinating in the fridge over night (spices and various ingredients $10). After the food is consumed we would partake in a intense game of drunkin-go-kart on the Nintendo 64 (24 pack of Bud Light of Coors Light $20). With the remaining $9.03 we would donate it to a random homeless person. – Heath

*******

The Gambler

Put aside for buying lottery tickets in all of 2018, because someone once said “Is $1 a week worth a chance to win $100,000,000 or even $1,000,000,000?” For me it is. – Nitin

*******

The Adventurer

We’re looking to convert a school bus over the next year and then take a leap year to travel with our 5 kids (ages 4 months-18yrs) all over the US. I’d add it to our school bus fund! – Aden

*******

The Stealthy Kleenexer

I will exchange them into 100 $1 bills and treat my 10 friends with a box of Kleenex each for Christmas. And after the first couple of Kleenex, there will be surprises waiting. – Kim

*******

The Money Oozer ;)

I would use an extra $100 to buy a bottle of Chanel Mademoiselle perfume. My kids love it when Mommy smells good and it makes me feel sexy – LIKE $$ MONEY $$! – Rebekah

*******

The Dollar Tree Fan

I would get 50 $1.00 bills and hide them around the Dollar Tree with my granddaughter. Then take her to lunch and leave the rest for a tip. What a fun day! – Rose

*******

The Financial Gabber

I would use it to pay you $100 for a 30 minute phone call for some financial advice. This would be the biggest gift of all. I feel like the hardest part is talking about money with other people (no one want’s to hear your problems) and it’s driving me crazy because I really want to talk about it and get good sound advice on how to get out of the mess I’m in. – Mike

(Editor’s Note: This is actually a REALLY good idea and there’s a big need for this in our community! Unfortunately I don’t do coaching anymore, but here’s a list of other people in our space here that does – in case anyone else is looking for a good money coach: http://ift.tt/2jvY42T)

*******

The Brainstormer

I have 2 Ebay stores that have been running for a few years now and need to know how to increase our sales… I would use this for a brainstorm session at our local Panera or Starbucks hoping to find someone that could help me with promotion of our sites – or run a contest online for the best idea. – Kate

*******

The Quitter

I will put in my 2-weeks notice at my job for early/mini-retirement on Friday! – JP

(Editor’s Note: I sure hope $100 isn’t the only thing stopping you from doing this! :))

*******

The Self-Promoter/Do-good-er ;)

I’d buy 49 copies of my book, Success: For Minority Teens (& Their Friends) at $4.99/copy, defraying the cost of taxes, and I’d give these to 49 of my most needy 8th grade students at school. So many need a book like mine but can’t afford to buy on Amazon. – Carlos Gomez

*******

The Gardener

I would buy $100 worth of seeds, plant them and go back and give them out to all of my elementary school classrooms. Learning how to tend to a garden, getting your hands dirty, keeping plants alive and getting to enjoy the result of your hard work is one of those timeless lessons that is hard to recreate in our candy crush obsessed society. – Alicia

******* The Compassionate Knitter

If I won the money I’d use it to buy yarn to knit a blanket for my mother-in-law. The yarn is sort of expensive, like $70 per blanket, and it takes about 15 hours of knitting (so not a smart time or money investment) but it is a handmade blanket, and relationships with the in-laws are important. – Hannah

*******

The Knowledge Pusher

I’ll use the money to buy books related to Investing and give them away to my coworkers. I have given 2 books away for my coworkers In the past years: Total Money Makeover, The Millionaire Teacher. – Vielka

*******

The Tree Gifter

I’d use $100 to purchase a bike for a little boy – there’s a giving tree at my local wellness center with tags listing gift wishes from local children in need. This particular tag has been languishing as it’s a request for a larger gift. I’ve purchased a few gifts to match other requests, and saw this tag when I delivered the gifts. It’s been weighing on me since – I’d hate for this little one to go without and will find a way to get a bike to him – Heather

*******

The Perfect Wife ;)

I would use the money to buy my husband 10 movie tickets so he could get out of the house, take a break from the kids, and treat himself to a movie about once a month! – Kayla

*******

The Fiscal Librarian

I’d use the money for books that I want to read. Then I’d donate the books to my local library so everyone else will have a chance to read them too. Not a big choice for money management, retirement, investment, or financial books available and I’d like to change that. – Michelle

*******

The Best Christmas Game (Not really an entry, but still a fun idea!)

Every participant puts in twenty bucks cash. The wad of money is wrapped in paper, then more, then a box, then more paper, another box, etc. until you have a large box wrapped. You set a timer or play music and you have only so many seconds to unwrap. When the timer dings, you have to pass the wrapped wad of cash. Whoever touches the cash first wins it all!!! One year I used my teeth – she said it wasn’t allowed but I say house rules. – Victoria

 *******

And lastly, The Boobie Award

I’m not going to lie, I’d probably blow the $100 on food and drink for Christmas day… Probably why I’m in debt and reading this blog… – Kate

And that’s why they pay me the big bucks ;)

Happy weekend, y’all!

****** Links to Amazon products above are affiliate links, and I want you to buy 1,000,000 of those books/DNA kits so I can give away another $500 and keep being entertained by you all… Make it happen!

[Photo by Dakota Corbin via Unsplash]

24 Ways to Spend $100 This Holiday Season :) (Plus: Our Stimulus Winners!) posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[heliosfinance]

24 Ways to Spend $100 This Holiday Season :) (Plus: Our Stimulus Winners!)

‘Sup sup!

J. Money Claus here to spread the wealth, both literally and figuratively! ;)

Just spent three solid hours reading and responding to all the great entries from last week’s Christmas Stimulus giveaway (over 800+ comments!), and WOW was it fascinating! You guys are so freakin’ creative!! We had the usual “I’d pay down debts” or “I’d bank it/invest it” or “I’d give it all away to charity” responses of course, but I was blown away by the level of thought that a lot of you put into this too.

You’re good :)

But since I can’t give $100 to *everyone* who made me smile today (and also because I made this a *randomized* drawing vs hand-picking the winners), I wanted to showcase a lot of these gems I came across in case they help you with your OWN ideas for the upcoming holidays, but also just to show these commenters some love too. Perhaps the fame you get off it today will amount to more than $100 over time? I mean, this IS the most fantastic blog in the world, you know!

Before we get to all that though, let me announce the 5 people who DID win the contest so you’re not biting off all your nails and annoying your co-workers.

So drum roll please…. dum ditty dum ditty dum…

The 5 lucky winners of $100 a piece are:

Nicole P.

Maisie

Sarah P. 

Danny (Commenter #633)

Mike (Commenter #756)

Woo! Congrats! I’ll be reaching out to you on the side to get your money, and be sure to not be strangers the rest of the year as if this was some sort of Church where you only pop over on the “important” days ;) Free education is better than free money, damnit!!

Now to the fun ways to use $100 this holiday!

(Or really, any time – because why only be nice once a year?)

We’ll start with the ones that made me laugh the hardest, and then go down the list to those that were just clever as hell, and then finally right into the ones that make you say, “awwwwww….”

Runners up to the people who mentioned: Chuck E. Cheese’s, doorbells, monks, manatees, accordions, tacos, sensory deprivation tanks (?), pickles, cabin escapes, tequila, fruit roll-ups, marijuana stock, escape rooms, “dutch ovens” (hah!), lunch tables, baseball cards, greenhouses, livestock water troughs, and finally to the one who almost made me spit out my coffee with their “Careergasm courses” line, haha… *goes to turn browser on “private” mode*

Now to the ones we’re paying in fame:

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The Prankster

I’d take it to the bank and ask for all quarters, and then take the quarters and glue them to the sidewalk and sit on my porch with my phone filming all the kids so excited to see 400 quarters on the ground, and then me laughing at them because they can’t pick them up.

Then I’d start a YouTube channel with my daily videos and take my millions of dollars from my massive subscriber growth and buy a cabin up in the mountains and buy all the turtles from pet stores to start training them to fight terrorism and then set them free all around the world. – Lance

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The Jeffersonian

First I would ask to be paid in $2 bills! Then I would stack those Jefferson’s as high as they would go and just admire them a bit. Then I would hop on my electric bike and head downtown handing them out to anyone in need, ending up at my favorite watering hole with just three of them left. I would then order my favorite IPA and drop my last three Jefferson’s on the unsuspecting waitress and call it a day! – bmiles62

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The Convert

I’d convert the $100 all into pennies and leave noticeable and various pennies around the house to drive my brother crazy. – Kevin

(Editor’s Note: I don’t know why that would drive him crazy? It’s FREE MONEY!!! :))

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The Goldbug

I would buy gold. Then, I would ask my friends what they would do if they had $100 worth of gold. The best response gets the gold! – Meghan

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The Kidder

I would use the $100 on hookers and blow. Just kidding. Something boring like saving for my kids education. – Josh

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The Original Zac Efron

I’ll buy 2 MyHeritage DNA kits at a discount. One for myself and another for Zac Efron. I wanna prove everyone wrong that he’s not my twin brother :) – Menard

(Editor’s Note: I actually DO want this kit! It’s pretty cool!!)

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The Gamer

I would throw a $100 party. It would consist of me and my girlfriend maybe a brother or cousin in there randomly sitting on the couch at my place drinking crown royal (750ml) $22.97. I would eventually get off the couch, and cook up some ribs (3 racks $38) that had been marinating in the fridge over night (spices and various ingredients $10). After the food is consumed we would partake in a intense game of drunkin-go-kart on the Nintendo 64 (24 pack of Bud Light of Coors Light $20). With the remaining $9.03 we would donate it to a random homeless person. – Heath

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The Gambler

Put aside for buying lottery tickets in all of 2018, because someone once said “Is $1 a week worth a chance to win $100,000,000 or even $1,000,000,000?” For me it is. – Nitin

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The Adventurer

We’re looking to convert a school bus over the next year and then take a leap year to travel with our 5 kids (ages 4 months-18yrs) all over the US. I’d add it to our school bus fund! – Aden

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The Stealthy Kleenexer

I will exchange them into 100 $1 bills and treat my 10 friends with a box of Kleenex each for Christmas. And after the first couple of Kleenex, there will be surprises waiting. – Kim

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The Money Oozer ;)

I would use an extra $100 to buy a bottle of Chanel Mademoiselle perfume. My kids love it when Mommy smells good and it makes me feel sexy – LIKE $$ MONEY $$! – Rebekah

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The Dollar Tree Fan

I would get 50 $1.00 bills and hide them around the Dollar Tree with my granddaughter. Then take her to lunch and leave the rest for a tip. What a fun day! – Rose

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The Financial Gabber

I would use it to pay you $100 for a 30 minute phone call for some financial advice. This would be the biggest gift of all. I feel like the hardest part is talking about money with other people (no one want’s to hear your problems) and it’s driving me crazy because I really want to talk about it and get good sound advice on how to get out of the mess I’m in. – Mike

(Editor’s Note: This is actually a REALLY good idea and there’s a big need for this in our community! Unfortunately I don’t do coaching anymore, but here’s a list of other people in our space here that does – in case anyone else is looking for a good money coach: http://ift.tt/2jvY42T)

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The Brainstormer

I have 2 Ebay stores that have been running for a few years now and need to know how to increase our sales… I would use this for a brainstorm session at our local Panera or Starbucks hoping to find someone that could help me with promotion of our sites – or run a contest online for the best idea. – Kate

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The Quitter

I will put in my 2-weeks notice at my job for early/mini-retirement on Friday! – JP

(Editor’s Note: I sure hope $100 isn’t the only thing stopping you from doing this! :))

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The Self-Promoter/Do-good-er ;)

I’d buy 49 copies of my book, Success: For Minority Teens (& Their Friends) at $4.99/copy, defraying the cost of taxes, and I’d give these to 49 of my most needy 8th grade students at school. So many need a book like mine but can’t afford to buy on Amazon. – Carlos Gomez

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The Gardener

I would buy $100 worth of seeds, plant them and go back and give them out to all of my elementary school classrooms. Learning how to tend to a garden, getting your hands dirty, keeping plants alive and getting to enjoy the result of your hard work is one of those timeless lessons that is hard to recreate in our candy crush obsessed society. – Alicia

******* The Compassionate Knitter

If I won the money I’d use it to buy yarn to knit a blanket for my mother-in-law. The yarn is sort of expensive, like $70 per blanket, and it takes about 15 hours of knitting (so not a smart time or money investment) but it is a handmade blanket, and relationships with the in-laws are important. – Hannah

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The Knowledge Pusher

I’ll use the money to buy books related to Investing and give them away to my coworkers. I have given 2 books away for my coworkers In the past years: Total Money Makeover, The Millionaire Teacher. – Vielka

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The Tree Gifter

I’d use $100 to purchase a bike for a little boy – there’s a giving tree at my local wellness center with tags listing gift wishes from local children in need. This particular tag has been languishing as it’s a request for a larger gift. I’ve purchased a few gifts to match other requests, and saw this tag when I delivered the gifts. It’s been weighing on me since – I’d hate for this little one to go without and will find a way to get a bike to him – Heather

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The Perfect Wife ;)

I would use the money to buy my husband 10 movie tickets so he could get out of the house, take a break from the kids, and treat himself to a movie about once a month! – Kayla

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The Fiscal Librarian

I’d use the money for books that I want to read. Then I’d donate the books to my local library so everyone else will have a chance to read them too. Not a big choice for money management, retirement, investment, or financial books available and I’d like to change that. – Michelle

*******

The Best Christmas Game (Not really an entry, but still a fun idea!)

Every participant puts in twenty bucks cash. The wad of money is wrapped in paper, then more, then a box, then more paper, another box, etc. until you have a large box wrapped. You set a timer or play music and you have only so many seconds to unwrap. When the timer dings, you have to pass the wrapped wad of cash. Whoever touches the cash first wins it all!!! One year I used my teeth – she said it wasn’t allowed but I say house rules. – Victoria

 *******

And lastly, The Boobie Award

I’m not going to lie, I’d probably blow the $100 on food and drink for Christmas day… Probably why I’m in debt and reading this blog… – Kate

And that’s why they pay me the big bucks ;)

Happy weekend, y’all!

****** Links to Amazon products above are affiliate links, and I want you to buy 1,000,000 of those books/DNA kits so I can give away another $500 and keep being entertained by you all… Make it happen!

[Photo by Dakota Corbin via Unsplash]

24 Ways to Spend $100 This Holiday Season :) (Plus: Our Stimulus Winners!) published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B