#not to mention my depressive episode has been lasting lomger than id like
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#mental health progress#rambles#as much as i hate to admit it#i think i am going to need to start going to therapy or something#i keep having signs pointing to that#not to mention my depressive episode has been lasting lomger than id like#i wish it could be as simple as putting on good music or eating good food like it usually is#but in general i feel like im stuck doing the bare minimum to survive and not let my body rot away#hell the not eating thing keeps getting worse to#its not that i have anorexia or anything#if i have food that is easily accessible i will eat it#but it feels like i dont have the energy or motivation to make food i#or even to go to the grocery store#like i havent been able to check my weight#but sometimes ill put on clothes and it freaks me out because it feels like ive shrunk#like i get a lot of people would like to have that problem#but i didnt exactly have the weight or body fat to lose?#idk it is scaring me but i also feel like i don't have the energy to stop it#its especially frustrating because i feel like i cant even eat any ready made food#because my body last summer decided it doesnt like fructan#so its like if i want goid food i need to cook it myself#and not only that but i need to make sure that im putting enough meat and veggies in so i can actually get nutrients#and because so many naturally high fiber foods contain fructan i need to actively add fiber stuff to my food so i dont have problems#idk#it makes it hard to wanna cook#whatever#i do have an appointment with my doctor coming up soon#i think ill ask her about finding a therepist that takes my insuranse#ugh i really dont want to do this#i have a hard enough time being emotionally vulnerable
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