#not to dox myself (because I don’t live there but drove in for the fair) but this was in Orlando | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

branch--chief--faba · 5 years ago

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Branch-Chief--Faba

It's me, the former owner of branch-chief--faba.

Someone I know pointed out the post @trash-troll made and after reaching out to them they did imply me with their post. So let's start out with the obvious; me writing this post means I'm alive. Though I should add 'barely' to that.

Trash-Troll showed me screenshots of people talking about me. And after them convincing me to do it I've decided to write my version of what happened or more importantly.. how I feel about the whole thing. I am not here to debunk anything.. because it will become a he said/she said thing. Let’s just go into this wall of text by saying both parties fucked up.

The end of 2017 and all of 2018 were pretty bad for me, mentally. I was hurt and lost and I didn't know what to do. A year prior to that I made the blog. It was fun! I never had so many people reaching out to me and willing to spend time to me. That was a whole new experience and in hindsight I didn't know how to deal with it. This isn't me debunking or saying something did or didn't happen but I guess I was in over my head. I had never been popular or even had friends before. Or friends who weren't forced to hang with me because of college or them being co-workers. You know how proud I was that people found me cute or pretty when I posted a selfie? Yeah that never happened before. It boosted my self esteem sky high.

I did some things that in hindsight weren't smart or downright stupid. I let people play me. I fought battles for people I should have never fought. I was just so afraid that if I didn't do it- they leave and I'd be alone again. I didn’t purposely stick my nose in other’s business. I just wanted to help and now i feel that some people really took advantages of that. In that sense this blog was both a blessing.. and a curse for me. I was so obsessed with keeping everyone happy that I forgot my own happiness and I forgot to look further than the tip of my nose and to please some people I hurt some others, unintentional at the time.. but I understand now and I’m sorry.

I can only apologise for it now. I am to blame for my actions even though they were inspired by others and sometimes it was peer pressure. I admit that I should've been stronger when i was in a discord made to slam a group of people. I've been a fool and absolutely stupid. You know those PSA’s when they tell you doing nothing is as bad as the bullying? Yeah. At times i was the bystander... and I wish I could undo it but I can’t.

I feel like (now that I've seen screenshots..) that sometimes I was set up to vent about a person only for it to be shared. Was it fair for me to vent? Yes and no. In my eyes- I was hurt by a few people and I thought the person i was talking to (this venting only happened one on one, never in a group.) was someone I could trust. I know better now and I feel stupid. I said things in pure emotion and in confidence. I was angry and hurt and I just wanted to vent those feelings. Again, I'm the fool for walking into such an obvious trap. I don't blame anyone but myself. I should’ve know better. I really should. However, this isn't just about me.

There are things people did that are wrong too. Things that hurt me. I will never forget me finding the courage to call someone out on how their actions harmed me mentally and them saying that 'It was my own fault for being too emotionally attached to them'. That's painful and that hurts, even today it haunts me to my core.

I won't forget that I was doxxed, that i got daily anons to kill myself, that they wish I had cancer, etc. Even though I enjoyed writing Faba up till that point I just had to slow down. I had up to 1000 asks at the end of it and a lot of them were nasty anons. I deleted one and two came in it's place. Eventually I just had to stop for my own sanity. I know people suggested and would suggest now that I just should’ve turned the anons off but again. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I thought that turning them off would mean people wouldn’t like me anymore, because there were good anons too! I figured ‘why should they suffer because of a few’ and in hindsight.. I should’ve just turned the anons off. I know hindsight is 20/20 but..

It was around that time almost everything went sour and I still don't know why. This is not me being a idiot, I really don't know why. I am still so socially awkward and figuring out human emotions is hard for me. Sometimes I don't understand until someone tells me 'Hey I'm mad at you because you did X or Y' I'm working on it though but it's not easy.

I won’t forget how a duo of a cis man and a cis woman reached out to someone and pretended to be a gay couple. And I will never forgive myself for not stopping it. And if you were the victim of this and if you read this then I’m so sorry. Know that I am absolutely disgusted with myself.

I will not forget how a new discord was made without me.. and the reason I wasn’t welcome? I was a supposed transphobe. I am not. Since deleting I’ve had A LOT of time to myself and I came to few conclusions about my gender and my sexual identity. DO NOT even think about use my dead name. I can’t believe someone would say that about me.

I know people think I’m just some money hound and out for that but I’m not. I don’t give a single shit about money. I care about happiness and I’m not getting it and because of it I’m not growing as a person.

I won’t forget how hurt I was by the actions of a few. And I can’t forget because I feel it .. even today. It consumes me and I already hear people laughing about it. Because ‘haha look at this dumb fuck, right? It’s been a year.” but I just can’t. It’s etched so deep inside me that it makes me sick.

I know you know who I'm talking about it. And I know you know it's you. I’m doing a favour and not tag anyone I’m going to leave the responsibility to owe up to your actions to you and if you don’t.. then that also speaks volumes about you as a person. And those people I'm talking about need to take a good hard look at themselves. Instead of posting that 'the evil is defeated' gif or celebrating someone deleting out of despair. Because this is not the only story to tell. There are LOADS more. Trash-Troll showed me. Please just be kinder..

I cannot change the past and I will never deny myself having some part in it.. but no one should feel like I do over fandom stuff. NO ONE. And no one can really help you if you see someone get doxxed, bullied or threatened and you sit back thinking 'eh they deserve it' no one deserves it. I know we live in an age where internet is part of our lives. But for many the internet is a safe space where they can just be a little looser than usual. Just block people.

What happened after I left this blog? I started by deleting my Discord, there were too many bad memories attached to it so I just dumped the whole thing out. I send a message explaining why I did it and send a few people who I thought I could trust my new discord. That not a single soul accepted my new friend request.. yeah that stung pretty hard. So, after keeping it up for two months and resending the friend requests.. I just deleted that one too.

I stopped using my other socials, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I had to quit my job. If you can recall it wasn't a job that required a lot of thinking so my thoughts were allowed to run wild. Sometimes I started working and I just didn't know how I got to the end of my shift. It was just.. there. I'd black out thinking about the whole mess. I was feeling numb for months, nothing would bring me joy or sadness. It was like I was stuck in the ocean. Just below the surface and not being able to reach out. I could see people on the shore and I could swear they could see me too, but it was safer to let me drown.

I deleted all my tumblrs too. All of them. I didn't want anything to do with this place. I moved to twitter for a bit when I got lonely but that didn't stick. I had a few odd conversations but Twitter isn’t really the best place to talk about things I figured.

I tried to get myself to draw and write again but I couldn't.. I just couldn't. I tried but every time I opened a word document or put pen on paper I'd get antsy and panic-y. I couldn't bring myself to create anything at all. Not writing, not art, nothing. Even drawing original characters or other fandom stuff. I couldn't.

I was and still am too afraid to share anything with anyone. My brain goes through a whole series of 'what ifs' when i'm trying to write or draw. "What if they like it and we get talking and I mess up again." or "What if I put a lot of effort in a work and people will ignore it on purpose because they know it's me?" those kinds of thoughts.

My whole memory is warped. What really happend and what did my brain make up. I am not saying I’m not to blame for things, either partly or wholly but I NEVER had the intention to hurt people on purpose. I’m not hiding behind anything but fact remains that I am socially malformed. I don’t understand things. I spend the first 16 years of my life basically talking to no one and when I did.. I was the ‘weird kid’ or I heard my peer saying ‘Don’t talk to the freak.. so weird!’ I was never raised to be social and then I was dropped in a very social group full of very colourful people.I didn’t know how to handle it and it drove me literally nuts.

I feel into a deep depression and the last two months of 2018 are a haze for me. I barely remember anything. I don’t remember Christmas, I don’t remember New Years. It’s a blur. I almost died a couple of times, it's no secret. And for that I have the permanent reminder... I'm glad I didn't do it though.

Now it's 2019 and 2019 is almost over; how am I doing now?

Not much better. I still have the fear to create. I want to but I can’t. I still barely touch my socials because of my paranoia of people finding me and the whole circus starting again. I use my instagram because of cosplay commission stuff and I only use my Twitter to support some artists on there. Even then I keep this ‘neutral-someone-everyone-can-like-persona’ just this safe ‘brand type’ posts.

I'm only back on Tumblr for this and I won't be coming back. This isn't a revival tour. It's like one last song to send everyone on their way.

Please leave others alone. I truly am not on Tumblr and do not plan to come back not now or ever. I do not have a sneaky hidden blog. All the blogs I used to own are either dead or I just gave it to people who used to own blogs with me.

It's very painful for me to write this all out. I know I'm missing a lot of parts. To summarise; while I did some things that I'm not proud of. I cannot believe the lengths people went to to make me feel horrible about myself.

I cannot believe you guys would share some things about me that I wanted to keep private. That I thought was pretty private and you would understand. I'm sickened by the lies told about me and disgusted that it's still going in 2019, almost a year after I deleted everything.

I gave my new discord to people and those people never accepted and that's fine, it hurts but it's fine. I never bothered them or sought contact. I will admit that I once accidentally send a snapchat to someone.. but I promise that was an honest accident. I didn’t mean to. But I just don't get the feeling the same thing is happening and I have proof from people that I'm right.

Can you not post my trauma for all to see? That's not justice that's just being a dick... I have no other word for it. Being an evil dick. I never spoke badly about any of you after the whole thing. I will admit that .. in my anger when it all was going on, I did vent to people and TRUST me I regret that. I thought it would stay between us but it leaked..

Do the same for me and please have the decency to apologise for the things you did and just.. stop putting my private shit online without my consent. What I shared, I shared because I felt I could trust people. It was never about sympathy because I do not want it.

You gain nothing except the satisfaction that you gave me a kick again by sharing it. Which is a horrendous move. You’re not getting even, you’re winning at being a dick..

I want to be left alone. I want that confirmation of 'hey we're leaving you alone now'. I want to go back before I was paranoid. It’s not a fun thing. It’s maddening to think something behind EVERYONE’s action. Deep down.. I know better but I can’t stop. It’s a problem and I’m working on it.

I want NOTHING to do with Pokemon OR it's fandom. I won't be purchasing games or other media from it. I just gave away my copies of the 3DS games to people who wanted them. The whole thing is too triggering to me.

I wish I could pick up a pencil or pen and draw and write again without having a panic attack and I wish I could show myself on my private social media again without people watching me.

I know you guys doxxed me before using my Facebook- It's not weird of me to think people could do it again.

I don't mind it, if you hit me up and talk to me via this blog. You can reply to this post or just us DM. My only rule is to be civil. I am being civil too even though I feel empty, numb and sick.

And finally.. I apologise for EVERYONE who people thought were me. You don’t deserve that. No one does.

Well I guess this mystery is solved, what happens next is wholly up to you. I am not going to reach out myself. I made that promise.

I’m posting this because I have nothing else left to lose. Please show me you’re capable of human decency. And some things only God can forgive. That goes for me too.

And just to proof it’s me; I will be tagging this post as I always did; using my old tags.

#branch-chief--faba #spring bean text #faba #branch chief faba #pokemon #pokemon rp #pokemon rp community #aether foundation

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theextraspoon · 5 years ago

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Remember Pewdiepie? The Swedish Youtuber once had a slip of a racial slur cost him his YT Red Series, cost him hundreds of thousands of followers and changed the way we use Youtube and Google. Thanks to the media, we've moved from cancelling people, to getting them fired, and when that doesn't work, we call the papers because we know they're the types to give us that feel good by default narrative that sent my view into the spiral of media puppetry. It baffled me that Youtube would want to throw it's poster boy under the bus like said to the advertisers summit in 2015. Since then Youtube ran ad campaigns for some really sketchy places, like the data-mining of Candid to the exploitation of mental health through Betterhelp yet denied completely legal ads from hemp cultivation. That's where we step in.

Last night I was watching one of my favorite streamers, Hyphonix, when it suddenly became clear that he was one of the owners of the businesses stuck in the cross-hairs of the media wars attempting to contact me and he was upset with me for being upset with him, understandable. However, he didn't dox me and he didn't dox my dad. He just didn't. I've tested it. People tried to convince me he was poison and stealing from me.That he was a "literal Hitler." He's not though. At least, I've not seen it.

He's a dick, sure, but most of us are dicks too. I think he's funny. Next to another streamer whom I found humorous outside of gamer gate for his delivery was, Jim "Metokur," whom we've mentioned before here. I like the kid. He didn't dox me. So when I apologized for wrongfully judging him, it was then his chat gave me the name I needed.

The real person who've been behind digging into my personal information, doxing me, doxing my biological and adoptive family and even stole their identity so they can't be held accountable for their actions. This person, PPP, Pepe, AP, Adonis Paul or whatever name he give himself today, decided to claim a gang affiliation with the hells angels (whom he's never met in real life or even spoken to) in an effort to threaten people into or out of working with select sponsors and other streamers. However, I DO know a few angels and they don't take kindly to this behavior and blamed me directly for it putting me in quite a bit of danger I had worked 2 years to get out of. However when I came to ask Adonis Paul to stop, he began to poorly gaslight me. I tried to tell him I could hear a girl by the name of Riley, roleplaying as my uncle Irish (by the same name even) in GTA. For years, my life story has been Riley's online persona and it began to catch up to me, but I had no idea what the hell was going on or why everyone was claiming I was crazy and gaslighting me with "schizophrenia" which wouldn't be the correct diagnosis anyways. It's been terrifying and cost me a lot of money just to feel safe. You see, Adonis Paul drove me away from sponsoring youtubers and twitch streamers due to the threats, alleged theft, sponsored parties pulling and haven't even made a streamlabs donation since 2019 because someone named "FT WORTH, TX HENDERSON" frauded our card for $400. Since my dad was doxed and my child threatened which, as a victim on protection order with a missing child, no youtube channel or stream herself, no public non-business socials it was a very real perceived threat. I went to police. I NEVER go to police, for obvious reasons. This person terrified me that "he and leaf had kidnapped my son to raise themselves" and not having seen him in a year, I was forced to go to police. Since this began, at least once a day, I've been followed into chats mocked for being raped in jail when wrongfully arrested and laughed at for my kid going missing and then mocked for going to the police for it.

Ironically the same guys were still there playing GTA, which you can only watch really if you want to get in on pixel. They suddenly knew I was there. Obviously. They'd been role playing with the online version of my identity, according to someone else, for YEARS. Before you ask, no, I have no idea who this person is. I know who they are now, but I've never met or spoken to this person and many don't even refer to them as Riley but as Lucy or Lara.

You know what was happening today? Live?

We had just lost George Floyd, the entire country is in protest and getting looted after being shut down for months from Covid-19. The internet socialites were pulling everyone in all types of ways. From God, to Godzilla, Satan, to political parties. Everyone is hurting everyone and I've been watching it get worse and worse for months.

The gamers were investigating in game after a year of my crying out to no one hearing me. By now, the Youngsliving organization was doing "movie reviews" in regards to... me? The lion tribe had copied and stolen my website. Aiden of Hemp City literally copied my site word for word. It was an attack. So I stopped and I let them start to get the back up and overwhelming stress that comes with my job and... because I would be at a halt, they get no more free work while they harass me.

The pixel server was already familiar with who I was because it's where the identity was being used most and how everyone kept hearing my info to report me. The GTA cops were investigating for me. Like legitimately talking to real characters that also appeared in real life, because this was real crime being done... in game. It's the wildest thing I've seen. With the zoo, the review channels, the political channels, I honestly was surprised again, not by identity but to see police in a video game behaving better than the real police outside my home during the riots. They were investigating. Who took her? How did they know her? What's she look like? They speculated as much as I had. This was an insane situation and suddenly I realized all of us were placed into this by someone else like a chain reaction online. Hurt people, hurting people. I was taken back and many people told me they had no idea this was happening or they thought it was all in game. They forgot people were watching.

That's when I heard the chatter over the radio.

You can read chat. We can hear her now. Today's nature's law! It came from Metokur. He said it's Nature's birthday!

I heard a two game cops say and that's when I believed it was kind of over.

That brings me back to the level guys, on the floor. They could hear me and you know. I was so hurt by these people that I didn't for one second think "why are they doing this to me?" I automatically assumed they did it to cause me harm, so I was hurting others in conversation with the ways I lashed out against it.

Hurt people, hurt people.

Everyone has shat on my favorite streamer. Everyone said things so vile against him, I wouldn't have looked twice at his stream if that came first. He was being hurt... right now. Today, in this moment, he was being hurt by not being given a fair shot at business like I had not gotten a fair shot before. I KNOW that feeling.

So I've decided to be the one to stop the cycle. I know, I know. I'm such a lame, loser, boomer. Thing is when you act out as a real life identity you effect their life and the lives around them. You take more than sales you take away the persons security, safety in their own home, freedom to exist. You hurt everyone around you and if it's bad enough you'll do it to someone like me who will hunt you down and track you like the best GTA cop pixel.

This is what happened with Pewdiepie. His fair chance was taken from him while people like Jake and Adonis Paul literally threaten SPONSORS, friends, family, jobs and eventually, the papers until they get what they want and all they want is submission and like Pewdiepie, I'm a stubborn Scandinavian who won't apologize if she doesn't mean it and won't say sorry if I'm not. These types of manipulators don't like that, so they attempt to control the narrative on your name. It should be illegal. Look at what the media does RIGHT NOW. Turn on the news and just listen for a few minutes. Isn't that insane?! The reason I bring up Pewdiepie is that he's in this game I'm somehow dragged into as well. You can catch it with the right bot or knowing what to look for with the out of context statements and the random, repetitive words. It's those words that trigger the mind (or A.I.) into the game. Point is, I had it done to me and I was about to turn around and do it AGAIN to Pewdiepie, the very man I quit the ad program for in the first place. The very one they threw under the bus. This woke me up.

I'm not going to say the words or things Pewdiepie says is okay or stand by his thoughts and ideas, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to make fair what was made wrong in the first place. It's the whole reason I went private sponsorship and here I am, angry that he's involved, blaming him and even Markiplier of doxing and threatening me simply because they're using the same words in the same game at the same time unbeknownst to one another. I was online, threatening the Wallstreet Journal to Pewdiepie and that is the most disgusted I've been with myself all year. I was hurt. I was going to hurt someone else because of it.

So, all of these thoughts in my mind, I've been awaken. I've been humbled. I saw myself in the mirror becoming the very same monster I was hunting and collectively, in a way, the "game" these youtubers were playing actually made me a better person. It woke me up. I honestly feel if Adonis Paul had not doxxed me, my biological father, the man who took me in, my fathers motorcycle enthusiast group whom I finally had gotten away from and was now literally handed back to, threatening me, my youtubers and my son, I think the game would have ended much sooner. I had to come to the end myself though or I wouldn't learn.

No, what happened to me wasn't fair and no, it probably will never be made okay but in time maybe it will. All I know is I will NOT become one of them and I will NOT become the monster I hunted to hurt the people I protect.

I've decided to let the streamer and his business in. I've decided to stop the cycle. I like the streamer and watched as a fan but right now, men are being censored and taken down, presented as nazis and literal Fuhrers. If I let him him sit and watch his friends and accomplices be accepted and moved out of the city it wouldn't be fair as he would have been first. It wouldn't be fair because as long as his labs are legit and not stolen, he deserves to go up like the rest of us or it will feel like he's singled out, attacked, and he will take it personally. It will hurt, he will hurt others, the cycle continues.

I believe in checking for thorns in the paw before condemning the beast. I honestly see good in these streamers the media has labeled and thus, cost their jobs and finances. I've watched them struggle, yell out for help, have families in need, and now go through a pandemic with not so much as a squeak from the big dogs at Youtube. I almost missed an important video myself clearing a lot of this up by my dog/pig, or youtube friend in the game that guided me a bit, knowingly or not. That pig knows who he is and I don't want to risk his current position in the game by exposing him. I'm not the media, but thank you for exposing the bootlegging in the gulf of our brand lines as they think we own all 150. If you're reading this, you helped all the way to Pewdiepie. That's an impressive reach we can have, guys.

So, I hope you all understand my stand on this. The cycle needs to stop. We can't leave people behind. This is a movement for all of us. Whether you believe in freedom or you believe in karma, green or light, our future will be grim if people are left behind. We can't build on cracked foundation.

Please stop a cycle.

We'll keep everyone updated as we reopen and upload products for our customers, our sponsored creators, our friends and families and as promised, are looking forward to working with unexpected our new friend and partner soon!

Not everyone is literal Hitler. Some are hurting from the thorns of the past. Pull them out and you tame the beast.

via Natural Healthy: Latest News

#IFTTT #Natural Healthy: Latest News

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