#not tagging this because i don't want to get bullied by the spn fandom again

[stackthedeck]

hi!! I was wondering what happened to your t4t butch dean and trans cas fic?? Im really interested to read it if you still have it! butch dean is WAY to close to my heart. anyways have a nice day! <3

this has been in my ask box for literal months but I've decided to rewatch Supernatural (I'm not well) and I remembered this fic and this ask so... I'll probably never finish the fic or post it on ao3, but I did write this one scene and I like it a lot even though I like to think I'm a better writer now, but I wanna post it.

So for context this is happening in early season 5 where Sam and Dean are separated and also the plan for the fic as a whole was that Cas's complete separation from heaven was also mirrored by her gender journey, so Cas in this doesn't think of himself as a man, but has accepted that people view his vessel as a man and has excepted it. Basically, her egg hasn't cracked yet.

The road has been lonely since Sam left. Good lonely. For the first time in… well ever, Dean’s not playing mom or big sister. She’s just a hunter. A hunter who doesn’t have to look over her shoulder every second to make sure her baby brother isn’t getting maimed or hooked on demon blood. It’s good lonely… kind of.

It’s just that the front seat of the Impala is so empty and no matter how high she cranks the volume, the car just feels so quiet. The road just goes on and on forever. It sucks not having back-up on hunts, but Dean’s capable. According to the angels, she’s too important to die so she’s been pushing her luck lately.

The road hasn’t felt this empty since Dad went missing.

Dean’s pulled from her thoughts by a buzzing in her pocket. She pulls out her phone and sees a familiar number on the screen. The last time Dean ran into Cas, she gave him a burner phone so that they could keep in touch.

“Hello?” She says, phone wedged between his ear and shoulder.

“Dean, it’s Castiel,” Cas’s voice says from the phone, “where are you?”

“On the road.” Dean looks around for a mile marker, but it’s in the dead of night and there are no streetlights. Dean rambles off the interstate road she’s on and takes a wild guess at what mile she’s at. “I can pull off at the next exit if it’s important.”

A woosh of air and a flap of wings reverberate through the car. Dean looks over and Cas is in the passenger seat. “You don’t need to pull off,” Cas says into the phone as he stares at Dean.

Dean huffs and hangs up the phone, shoving it back into her pocket. “Any updates on God?”

“Nothing since the last time I saw you-” Cas sighs and looks out the windshield “-but I’m still looking.”

“If there’s nothing new—” Dean drums her fingers on the steering wheel “—then why are you here?”

Cas does his head tilt and Dean pointedly keeps her eyes on the road. Sure, she finds Cas’s clumsy attempts at expressing emotion cute, but it’s cute like a baby or a puppy. “I sensed that you were lonely.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “Whatever happened to not perching on my shoulder?”

“Things are different now.” Cas’s words hit Dean’s ears with such certainty and finality, but she doesn’t feel like they’re true. Things are exactly the same. She’s still saving people, hunting things. It’s the family business, just without the family. Okay well, maybe things are different.

Dean does her best to keep her eyes on the road, but the highway is empty at this time of night. It’s so easy to let her eyes drift to the angel in her front seat, silhouetted by moonlight. His face is stone, that typical neutral expression, but Dean can see in his eyes that something is eating at him.

“So sitting here in silence is your grand plan for making me less lonely?” 

Cas shifts in his seat, his tie suddenly becoming very interesting. “Can I ask you a personal question, Dean?”

Dean does her best not to sigh. This better not be a chick-flick moment or worse yet, a Christian movie moment. “I thought you already knew everything about me? What with the rebuilding my soul and all.”

“I want to hear it from you.” Cas drops his tie and meets Dean’s eyes.

Dean nods, pursing her lips. “Alright, shoot.”

“How did you decide to…” Cas hesitates “...decide to… not look like the other females of your species?”

Dean laughs. If Cas had asked her that a month ago, she’d assume he was trying to get her to grow her hair out and start wearing pink. But she trusts Cas, trusts that he likes that humans don’t perfectly line up with God’s vision. “You mean, why am I a lesbian?”

“No, I understand that,” Cas says, “women are very pleasing to look at.”

Dean smiles. She’s surprised that the strip club incident didn’t turn Cas off of women or just humans in general.

“So, why am I butch?”

Cas nods. “Yes, I believe that is the term.”

“I don’t know, I just am.” Dean drums her fingers against the steering wheel. “Sam took a gender studies course when he went off to college, he probably gets this stuff more than I do.”

“Well, I want to hear it from you.”

Dean sighs and rubs at the back of her head. “I don’t know, I guess Dad was a real traditional guy. From what I remember, Mom cooked and cleaned, took care of me and Sammy and Dad went to work. I don’t remember much of Mom, but I remember being in the kitchen with her and her handing me baby Sammy to hold while she was busy. I didn’t mind those things because I was with her, you know?”

Dean stares through the windshield, watching the landscape blur as the car speeds past. “And then Mom died and Dad still went to work. And suddenly it was just me and baby Sam alone in motel rooms for days. I think Dad was so caught up in his revenge that he forgot that Sam and I needed a dad and a mom. So I started cooking and looking after Sam because if I didn’t we’d starve.”

Dean can feel the words spilling out of her like a busted dam. She’s never told anyone any of this, but now that she is, she can’t stop.

“I think Dad expected me to be the new mom. He’d come back to the motel rooms from hunts or from bars and be furious if there wasn’t something to eat. And it’s not like he ever went grocery shopping. He’d just leave a credit card—that barely ever worked by the way—or cash and expect me to figure it out! I couldn’t stand that he treated me like his little wife. Then, Sam started looking at me like I was his mom and not his big sister.

“It didn’t help that I looked like Mom. I have her eyes, you know. And when I was younger I had long curly blonde hair. Sam liked to brush it, which was good because I didn’t. I think it was soothing for him or something, but that’s probably why he keeps his hair long now.”

Dean’s rambling. She knows she is and she’s doing it on purpose because she doesn’t want to say what comes next. Cas’s eyes are fixed on her, but Dean’s not taking her eyes off the road. She could stop talking, change the subject, or give an easy answer. But if she doesn’t tell Cas right now, she’ll never tell anyone. And it’ll just keep festering and rotting inside of her.

“Dad would run his hands through my hair and tell me how pretty I was when he was drunk. It creeped me out, always made my skin crawl. He never… you know… did anything. He’d look at me the same way he looked at old pictures of Mom. I know it’s not true, or at least I don’t believe it’s true, but I feel like he only saw Mom when he looked at me. I wasn’t his daughter, I was the ghost of his dead wife. A ghost that he couldn’t salt and burn.

“And he treated me like I was going to go up in flames like Mom. For god’s sake, Sam learned to shoot a gun before I did! Dad wouldn’t take me on hunts, wouldn’t train me because if I was alive he could pretend she was too. One day I couldn’t take it anymore. I stole Dad’s clippers and buzzed my head.

“And boy, was Dad mad.” Dean winces, squeezing the steering wheel until her knuckles turn white. “He was really mad. But suddenly, he didn’t care if I went up in flames. He put a gun in my hands and took me on hunts. And it felt amazing.”

Dean smiles at the memory of the first time Dad clapped her on the back and bought her a slice of pie after a successful hunt. She can still feel that warm swell of pride after her first ghost, first vampire, first demon.

“My hair started growing out and it looked bad, like so bad. But Dad started hiding his clippers so I just had to let it grow out. Then one day he dropped me and Sam off at Bobby’s place and he took one look at me and gave me my first crew cut.”

Dean looks at herself in the rearview mirror. It’s kind of embarrassing that she’s had the same haircut since she was fifteen, but if it ain’t broke. “I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, that’s me. I didn’t look like Mom anymore, I was just me for the first time.”

Dean feels wetness on her cheek and realizes that she’s crying. They’re not tears of sadness but of relief. Man, it feels so good to get all that off her chest. But still, she always ends up crying around Cas and she really can’t make a habit out of this.

“Thank you for telling me that, Dean.” Cas’s eyes aren’t trained on Dean but on his own reflection in the windshield. “I suppose I just have one more question.”

Dean shakes her head but smiles. Might as well continue this chick-flick moment. “Go ahead.”

“How does Dorothy shorten to Dean?” Cas tilts his head. “I’m unfamiliar with the nuances of human languages.”

Dean laughs at that, a good hard laugh that echoes through the car. “It doesn’t, not really.” Dean claps a hand on Cas’s shoulder, unable to stop grinning. “Sam was a little shit when I buzzed my head and he called me random boy names to get under my skin. I always liked those old cowboy movies so, whenever we’d play cowboys, Sam called me James Dean. The joke stuck and now I’m just Dean.”

“Huh,” Cas says, “you’ll have to show me those movies sometime. I’ve never seen a movie.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Cas,” Dean says, “we’ll have a girls’ night, paint our nails and watch cowboy movies.”

He’s joking but Cas doesn’t get jokes. “I would like to do this girls' night with you.” That’s a hint of an excited smile on Cas’s face and it makes Dean’s heart flutter. In the same way that puppies or babies make her heart flutter, of course.

“It’s getting late,” Cas says, turning towards Dean, “you should stop and get some rest.”

Dean shakes her head and sighs. It is late, really late, and she’d kill for a bed right now. “Wish I could Cas, but there aren’t exactly a lot of motels around.”

Cas frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. “I could drive,” he says after a moment of thinking, “and you can sleep in the backseat.”

Dean cocks an eyebrow. “You ever driven before?”

“No,” Cas says, “but I’m an angel of the lord, it can’t be that hard.”

“Tell you what,” Dean chuckles, “you give me an angel blade, and I’ll let you drive.”

“Dean, we’ve talked about this.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

…

When God created the angels he named them. Each name was unique and divine, but it also gave God power over the angels. The angels did not have the power to create, to choose so they took the names with gratitude. When Lucifer rebelled, he took new names: Satan, Morning Star, The Evil One, and many others. Castiel has not rebelled against God, just against heaven. When he finds God all will be set right. Castiel is keeping his name as a promise. He has not fallen…just questioning.

Castiel may see the importance of names, but the Winchesters do not. Sam is not Samuel, the name his mother gave him to honor his grandfather, he’s Sam or Sammy, or a million other strange words that Dean hurls at him. Dean is not Dorthy, the name her father gave her to honor her grandmother, she’s Dean. Cas is not Castiel anymore, he’s Cas and so much more.

Dean’s been calling Castiel Cas since their second meeting, it’s just a shortened version of his name; it��s not a big deal. But then… Cas is sitting in a diner with the Winchesters late one night, trying to track down the horsemen. The siblings are eating burgers and Cas has one in front of him too. He doesn’t need to eat, he's an angel, but he’s curious. He’s curious about a lot of things lately.

“Pass the ketchup, Cassie,” Dean says through a mouthful of food.

“What?” Cas looks up from contemplating his burger to stare at Dean.

“I said pass the ketchup?” Dean frowns, but then just reaches across Cas’s chest to grab the bottle at the end of the table. “Never mind, I got it.”

“No-” Cas swallows nervously “-I mean what did you call me?”

Dean and Sam put down their food and exchange glances. “...Cassie?” Dean says slowly.

Cas still doesn’t understand facial expressions. Humans read so far into a tiny movement of facial muscles. So he keeps his face very still. When Castiel was just a fledgling, Gabriel, Balthazar, and the other older angels would call him Cassie. Fledglings weren’t ready for the full responsibility of their names, so it made sense. But Gabriel continued to call him that well into his adulthood. It was sweet, made Cas feel seen and seen by someone so powerful and important as an archangel. And then Lucifer fell and angels got much more serious about names.

“It’s like Sammy,” Dean says, awkwardly bumping her shoulder into Cas, “are you good with that?”

Cas looks between Dean and Sam, unsure of what to say. He’s created tension, he can feel it, but he’s not sure how to fix it.

“Hey don’t worry about it, Cas,” Sam says a little too loudly, “you’re a grown man and it’s weird to be called something like Cassie or Sammy.” He shoots a tight-lipped frown at Dean.

“Bitch.” Dean reaches across the table to steal fries off Sam’s plate.

“Jerk!” Sam attempts to swat Dean’s hand away, but misses and Dean ends up trying to stick her tongue out at Sam and eat fries at the same time.

“I’m not a man, I’m an angel,” Cas says, looking toward Sam. “But, it’s fine,” he says, mostly to prevent any more petty squabbling. The nickname is a sign of sibling affection, both in heaven and on earth. It doesn’t matter that the way Dean said it makes his heart race and his mind reel. “Cassie is fine.”

“Well, Cassie-” Dean smiles at him “-are you going to eat that?” She doesn’t wait for a response, just snatches the burger off his plate.

And the things Dean calls him only got worse from there.

…

When Cas first met Dean, she accused him of being a “prince charming” and at the time Cas wasn’t sure what that meant, but he’s starting to get the picture. Something about saving someone only to be rewarded with a relationship. That’s not Cas.

He’s in the far corners of the globe looking for God, when he hears Dean’s voice. It’s a quiet voice in his head, but it is powerful and desperate. A prayer. Cas is close to God, he can feel it. If he just keeps going a little longer, he’ll finally make it. But Dean’s voice is in the back of his mind, calling, pleading.

Cas flies to Dean without another second of hesitation. As he gets closer, the details of the situation flood into his mind in an instant. From a human perspective, Dean and Sam are in the basement of an abandoned mansion, surrounded by people, baring gruesome smiles with knives and fists drawn. From Cas’s perspective, Dean and Sam’s souls shine in a haze of demon smog. Dean’s the brightest, familiar in it’s golden hue.

“Cas, we could use some angel mojo down hear!” Dean shouts, voice thick with blood. “...Please!”

The demons laugh like in a chorus of gnashing teeth. One steps forward, kicking Sam—who’s barely clinging to consciousness on the floor—as he moves to grab the front of Dean’s shirt.

“Scream all you like, little girl,” the demon whispers, his breath hot against Dean’s face. “The angels don’t take calls from the likes of you.”

Cas appears suddenly, hand on the demon’s head, smiting the creature inside its meat suit. Dean actually smiles when she sees him, not even looking at the shell of the demon that falls to the floor.

“You came,” She says, unaware that it holds the same power as a prayer.

Another round of hideous laughter comes from the gaggle of demons. “Oh, how the mighty fall,” another demon cackles.

Cas’s stomach drops. He’s not fallen, he’s still doing God’s will. How can protecting Dean not be his purpose?

“Dean Winchester,” the demon continues, “damsel in distress waiting for a prince to save her.”

Dean, despite three broken ribs, a twisted ankle, and several lost liters of blood, sprints at the demon, burying the knife in his chest. She moves to attack the next closest one, limping as the adrenaline wanes. Even so, she’s a machine and Cas watches her with aw.

“Cas,” Dean shouts, “a little help here!”

Cas bolts into action, smiting demons almost as fast as Dean can stab them. Once they’ve killed all the demons, Cas stands with his arms pressed to his side, watching Dean pull her knife from the final demon’s throat.

“I’m sorry,” Cas says.

Dean places a hand on her chest, cradling her broken ribs. “For what? You totally saved our asses there.”

“I do not wish to belittle you,” Cas says, “what that demon said, if I ever—”

“Can it, princess,” Dean says, “it wouldn’t be the first time a demon tried to get under my skin.”

Cas nods then steps forward with his hand raised to heal Dean. She nods back and that’s all the permission he needs to press his fingers to her forehead, healing her instantly.

Sam groans from the floor.

Dean jumps away from Cas, staring at her brother. “Umm, maybe take care of him too.”

“Yes, please,” Sam gasps, weakly wiping blood from his mouth.

Cas leans down, healing Sam as well. Sam stumbles to his feet, glaring at Cas. 

“Did you seriously heal her first?” Sam scoffs. “After she called you princess?”

“I did not!” Dean says.

“You totally did,” Sam says. “Cas, you’re just going to take that?”

Cas cast his eyes downward. He didn’t take any insult from it, but it seems he should have. “I am still unaware of human social rules, but Dean has made it clear that I am not to be her prince charming.”

“Yeah don’t be friggin’ sexist, Sammy.” Dean walks over, swinging an arm around Cas’s shoulder. “Cas is our princess in shining armor.”

“I believe I am wearing a trench coat.”

After the incident, Dean teases Cas by calling him princess. It’s just another nickname that makes its way into the many the Winchesters use for him. For the first month, Sam tries to get Dean to cut it out, but eventually, he gives up. Cas thought that Dean would drop it once it no longer annoyed her brother. It’s only when he has this thought does he realizes he doesn’t want her to stop. 

But she never does.

…

“Hey, angel,” Dean greets, shoving his shoulder the same way he shoves Sam.

“I don’t understand,” Cas says, “I do not call you human.”

“She’s flirting with you,” Sam shouts from over the impala.

“Bitch,” Dean shouts back.

“Jerk.”

Cas looks down at his vessel. He doesn’t like it being called angel, there is nothing divine about this meat suit—as Dean so often calls it—it simply carries his grace while he’s on earth.

“Cas? Earth to Cas? Cas?”

Cas startles, looking up to realize he had tuned out another Winchester argument. “What?”

“You don’t mind when I call you angel, right?” Dean says with a smirk. “You think I’m funny right?”

Cas stares into Dean’s eyes, swallowing thickly. A part of him knows—no, hopes that Dean does not see his body as him. Perhaps she knows better than anyone that what body one happens to inhabit does not define them.

“I don’t mind your nicknames, Dean,” Cas says, “but I do not find them funny.”

…

“Dean, I feel ridiculous,” Cas says through the door.

Dean waits in the hallway outside of Cas’s room.

“No you don’t,” she says, “you’re just worried I’ll think you like ridiculous.”

“What’s the difference?”

Dean chuckles at that, shaking her head.

“How do you feel, Cas?”

The door opens and Cas steps out.

“...I feel good,” she says.

She’s dressed much the same way she did when she thought she had to present her vessel as a man. But now with all the angels locked in heaven and Cas is very human, her body isn’t a vessel. It’s her. They’ve traded the slacks for a pencil skirt and nylon tights and replaced the shirt and tie with a white blouse. She’s been growing her hair out since she turned human, mostly by accident, it’s still not as long as she’d like it, but it will be. Dean’s been helping her get a smooth shave every morning and showing her what lotions to use to keep her skin soft. But Dean was never great at being a girl, so what perfume and makeup to use has been left to Google. They’re working on getting her on HRT, but it’s not like they have insurance. They have also considered a couple of spells too.

And she’s still wearing the same trench coat.

“How do I look?” Cas asks.

Dean steps forward, taking her hands in hers. She plants a kiss on her lips, soft and sweet with lipgloss.

“Like a baby in a trench coat,” Dean says, “my baby.”

[starsarefire824]

Normally I keep to basic tags or empty reblogs for this fandom, but I'm gonna open my mouth for this one. Sorry if you don't want this in an ask but I felt it was more appropriate to send it here than as a comment on your post.

I didn't even know what vore was until today (how tf did I dodge that coming from the spn fandom lmao). One more thing to filter out I guess. Anyways. I assume it's implied that the anon was asking about vore as a sexual kink, otherwise they'd have used other terminology. In this fandom, yes it apparently incriminates people that age up characters. That is a no-no here since the characters are canonically under 18. There's also an assumption in this fandom that minors are not the one creating and/or consuming this content.

"I'm confused, do teenage boys not get hardons?" Apparently in this fandom, no. They don't. Or they do but you can't acknowledge it. (Also, just want you to know that when I read this I legit lol'd. The problem at that age is usu preventing boners. Getting one is easy.)

For some reason, this fandom has deemed violence is more morally/ethically appropriate than even a hint of sexuality. They view that sexualizing characters under 18 in any way, including even kissing (idk if you were here for that), is unacceptable. That being said, that difference in moral/ethical correctness might be marginal. There's still some backlash against violence and dark themes.

It doesn't make sense to me since the show literally has scenes with sex and sex jokes with teenage characters as well as physical and sexual violence against children. Yet. If someone points out or analyzes these things, they will be bullied sometimes to the point of leaving (idk if you were here for hosegate or when people were being called out for analyzing the rape metaphors in s1 and s2). The environment here is such that it is impossible to have a good faith discussion about these topics... And if you can't discuss it bc it's so taboo then exploring these things in writing or art, even if it's just implied, is also taboo. And these are just for the topics already in the show.

Yes like you said it's purity culture. It is funny to me that in this case, cannibalism is OK but vore isn't. And it's also funny to me that a love scene would be less acceptable than cannibalism since sex is not OK (graphic or implied) but violence is OK (graphic or implied). And if fiction tastes reflect people irl (not my belief, but has been a repeated topic of fandom discourse) then the fandom is more OK with cannibalism irl than making love. It's wild.

Sorry for writing so much and getting a bit off topic there 😅

Uhm, THANK YOU SO MUCH for dropping this in my inbox. I completely agree with all of your points.

And pretty much sums up the entire point I've been trying to make since I've been in this fandom. I will never, ever, understand, the very American pov I might add, that approves of violence, lets their children watch violent films and play M rated violent video games, but then won't let those same kids go see the PG 13 or R rated movie because tHe ChAraCteRs HaVe sEx for fifteen seconds. And if it's a movie about a person experiencing sexual violence? Forget about it. That's the only kind of violence they won't let their kids see.

I've seen it time and time again with people in my life, my parents themselves to an extent, and definitely extended family were like that when I was younger.

[hologramcowboy]

I just have to agree with that anon who responded to the rude ask you got who was clearly an AA. I wanted to share my own AA experience with you and that anon because that anon is one hundred percent correct, and that anon, you, and I are not alone in these types of AA experiences. It is the AA's that drive real fans away.

I have been a fan of Jensen for years, I saw him in other projects he did before and then outside of SPN. I never got into the SPN fandom though. Not until recently when I started coming on here more. I also thought I was surrounded by pretty easygoing normal Jensen fans until I made the mistake one day of saying respectfully that I didn't like how he told the story about Jessica Alba in the IOY podcast. It just didn't sit right with me. It had a very frat boy type of vibe to it to me (and I have known guys like that who turned out to be real dicks and it just sounded way too familiar) and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I said it on my blog, thinking it was my blog and I could share my thoughts that most likely people were going to ignore and I even thought I could tag his name on it on here because that's how I was organizing my blog at the time. As you can imagine, big mistake. Huge.

It was like I got a running start and punted a coked out hornet's nest. I couldn't even keep up with the asks I was getting. I got a few civil ones explaining to me why they didn't agree with me or maybe I could look at it another way which is fine, but the rest. The rest were just awful. I got called all kinds of names, and when I say names I'm not talking elementary school 'you're a moron'. I'm talking really nasty names, and almost targeted attacks. I was told how dare I side with a bully and abuser like Jessica Alba and Michael Weatherly, that I must be a bully and abuser myself, that I must be a misandrist, that I was a fake Jensen fan who was only pretending to be a fan of his to bait people in when really I must be a Jared fan (which is a hilarious thing to say because I've been equally critical of Jared in the past as well and ended up just being uninvolved in anything with him and Misha and the cast, Jensen was really the only one I followed since I had followed his pre-SPN career), how dare I tell Jensen how to feel and how he can share his stories of abuse (I was then called an abuser again), that I better take down the post or else (I didn't), that I should change my blog name since Jensen's heavily featured on my blog (I also didn't; fuck them), that I should be ashamed to be saying such things, there must be something wrong with me, and on and on and on. Some asks I responded to, some I just outright deleted because they were so awful.

I debated deleting my blog after that because I just didn't want to deal with that type of toxic and vile behavior. But I chose not to because I actually do know what it's like to be bullied, even before this incident, and I refuse to give those assholes what they want. So I kept the post up, kept it tagged under Jensen's name, kept my blog, and refused to back down to these Jensen groupie wannabes. I am allowed to say what I think. Just like everyone else. When I tell you that when I made that post, I was the most polite and respectful of Jensen that I could be while saying what he said and the way he told it didn't sit right with me. I never once was negative towards him and some of those asks claimed I said things that I didn't, which showed that they hadn't read the full thing, they only saw "Jensen" and "I don't agree with what he said" and they flipped their shit and just went into immediate attack mode. It got to such a point that I turned my asks off and I didn't want to see anything Jensen-related show up on my dashboard, I didn't want to go into his tag to see any new content related to him, I didn't want to see his face in anything or hear or see his name, nada. That was nothing against the man himself, it was all of his "truly dedicated fans" aka the deranged AA's who have taken their parasocial relationships way too far. (and they think they know the real him; newsflash people, no one knows the real him outside of those closest to him, everything else is a public persona)

When I didn't delete my blog and slowly started to come back on here, I started checking out the Jensen critical tag and even the anti tag more and more. Not because I hate the guy or want to be negative about him but blogs like yours actually allow safe spaces for people to civilly talk about if he says or does something that they don't agree with or even if they just want to ask your opinion and maybe have a discussion about it or get a second opinion. Jensen's actual tag on here is so full of the blind worship and objectification of him, it's sickening. It might be a decent fan making a decent post about how Jensen looks good at a con that weekend, but I end up automatically sneering at it or rolling my eyes which is obviously not his fault or that one fan's, but it's the Jensen is a god crowd that I can't stand.

I'm telling you all of this because ever since that incident I have been keeping up with your blog as one of the few I keep up with regularly as well as the tags (especially during this prequel business) just to see some differing perspectives that sometimes closely echo my own, and I can absolutely say that while you might share your opinion no matter what (which you have every right to do, this is your blog), you have been very fair and you have made it obvious that you do hope for his wellbeing and success if they come through healthy routes. So this accusation from this AA is ridiculous. Because anyone who follows your blog with some regularity knows that's a bullshit claim they made.

And a little food for thought, I've encountered some extreme Jared stans before when I was critical of Jared in the past, and while they were not nice messages I received and there was some namecalling (more of the elementary kind), I never once felt so attacked to the point that I felt I might need to delete my blog and get off this site. If anything, I laughed it off but also stood my ground, stated my opinion, and told them if they didn't like it to block me. Not justifying their behavior at all, but now having dealt with extreme Jared stans vs AA's, I can tell you that the AA experience was absolutely worse, and I find myself gravitating towards the pro-Jared minded people (not the stans, I stay away from all self-proclaimed stans now as much as I can, no celebrities should have stans in my opinion) and trying to get away from the pro-Jensen minded people. Especially now that the scales have been removed from my eyes let's say and the AA's really do make it all about how Jensen needs to conquer everyone in Hollywood and how hot he is, and how badly some of them want to be Danneel that they'll overlook her own bad behavior and stan her too. Standom of real people is a slippery slope, I really do believe that especially now.

I'm still a fan of Jensen's, just like you, but I don't look the other way when he says something problematic or does something that has me questioning what is going on behind the scenes. It also doesn't make me want to attack anyone for having those very same valid questions and thought processes. So regardless of whether Jensen continues on this current path he's on or not, it absolutely is the AA's that drive the real Jensen fans away, if not into the shadows like myself. I wish the best for Jensen (even if say he stopped acting altogether or got out of the limelight for a while or decided he just wants to run the brewery for his life or whatever) and the guy is human, but so are we and if we have to take accountability for our mistakes, learn from them, and grow, then so does he, no matter his name or his looks or his career. I don't think it's a hateful statement to say that. Isn't that where we've been moving as a society these days? Holding people in power accountable for their words and actions? I don't know, I'm just rambling now I guess. But regardless, your opinion is not wrong and it's legitimate. That's my whole point. And AA's can sincerely fuck off into their hateful mad little corner where Danneel will never thank them for drooling over her husband while pretending to support her or be in love with her or whatever and Jensen will never thank them for fighting imaginary battles on the internet and attacking others in his name.

Keep being amazing, doll.

It's heartbreaking that AAs are so extreme that they end up mobbing people like you who genuinely love Jensen. I don't think you can truly love anyone without also being in touch with their not so perfect traits, AAs run on mania about Jensen instead of grounding themselves with balanced views so it's no surprise they become so irrational, their amygdala is hijacked by infatuation so they get super triggered whenever someone contradicts the perfect (and fake) image they created in their heads. What's worse is their expectations reach Jensen who might suffer greatly because he has to live up to unreachable standards. We've seen him make so many self-aggrandizing comment about himself because he's buying into his own hype but living up to that image people created isn't easy. I don't even care what those fans wanted they had no right to bully you like that, your blog is under no obligation to live up to their model of reality. They need to mind their own business and stay in their own lane, all they are doing is creating toxicity. AAs and hellers keep trying to demonize Jared fans by making up all sorts of lies, in my experience, Jared fans are very open to discussion and love Jared's flaws but also call him out when needed. They defend him due to death threats and stuff like that but even if they get into misunderstandings with you, they know how to discuss things in intelligent ways. Perhaps I am lucky, I know some amazing Jared fans who genuinely love him and do so in balanced ways. I am very grateful for that. I don't care what group people belong to as long as they can treat others with humanity so I hope one day to be able to interact with Jensen fans the same way I can interact with Jared fans. For now, I keep my distance from Jensen groups for the very same reasons you mentioned. "I wish the best for Jensen (even if say he stopped acting altogether or got out of the limelight for a while or decided he just wants to run the brewery for his life or whatever) and the guy is human, but so are we and if we have to take accountability for our mistakes, learn from them, and grow, then so does he, no matter his name or his looks or his career. I don't think it's a hateful statement to say that. Isn't that where we've been moving as a society these days? Holding people in power accountable for their words and actions?" The above paragraph is so far from rambling, Anon, it's pure brilliance, we're shifting as people and evolving, I hope AAs get in line with that someday instead of holding others back. I hope Jensen listens to the voice of reason within him and not to their empty praise which is full of objectification because that will lead him away from his inner wisdom and into ego which is extremely off-putting in any setting, let alone in HW. I loved reading this and thank you so much for your moving words. Sending you so much love.

[orionsangel86]

I love your blog, you are so cool! I'm very interested in your little experiment, have you gotten any answer yet? I tried to do that once, only two persons talked to me and both said the same (they just don't like misha) one of them spend 3 days trying to convince me to stop shipping destiel but it did't work.

Thanks! I have got quite a lot of responses now since its been a few days since I posted and I have basically not been on Tumblr since then. 

Some of the responses are... interesting... others are just... well, sweeping statements that I will never ever agree with no matter how often they are repeated. Some of the responses had me grimacing. Serious YIKES. I promised I wouldn’t argue against anyone’s opinions though and I don’t intend to.

I do understand people who are put off the ship by the fandom though. I am aware that there are certain Destiel shippers who are... um... passionate? To be polite. Especially since joining Twitter.

But having said that, having spent enough time browsing the standard Supernatural tags, and viewing responses on official SPN social media, I can say for absolute certain that Destiel shippers are NOT the most aggressive, hateful, forceful and bullying fans in this fandom. Oh no. That title belongs to the cereal club for now and forever. I have never been more horrified at the vitriol coming from that little group of W*ncest/J2 tinhats. I have NEVER and I mean NEVER in all my years in this fandom now, come across a single Destiel shipper that has come even remotely close to the disgusting behaviour displayed by that group of people. So anyone claiming that Destiel fans are the worst of SPN fandom? Oh boy, they clearly haven’t come across cereal club.

I can see why a non shipper would find lots of Destiel related comments on official SM annoying, but it is in no way comparable to the behaviour of other fans towards Destiel shippers IMO. Then again, I guess I’m biased. 

Quite a few people seem to repeat the false “facts” that Dean has stated he is straight, and that actors and writers have also all confirmed Dean’s supposed straightness and/or confirmed that Destiel isn’t happening. The standard arguments that we have seen time and time again and very clearly proven false now for years have cropped up as I expected, though at this point these arguments make me roll my eyes. 

What fascinates me the most are the ones who simply state they don’t see it. Never have, never will. Don’t see any chemistry or romantic connection between Dean and Cas at all and are baffled by those of us that do. Those are the people who I want to sit down with and go through each and every Destiel moment that has convinced me of the love story over the years and ask them to explain it from their point of view, because how the hell else am I meant to understand how we can both be watching the same scene and seeing two completely different things? It’s like that bloody dress from a few years back. Was it black and blue and white or gold? I saw it first as black and blue, but I spent hours just staring at it forcing my brain to see white and gold so I could at least understand half the bloody population. Eventually I managed to see it, and of course, the white and gold was a trick of the light. But I felt somewhat satisfied in knowing that half the people on the internet weren’t completely bonkers.

It’s an interesting experiment and I do like getting opposing viewpoints just so that I can validate my own. So far no one has been able to present me with an argument that is strong enough to make me waiver on my own opinion. I consider that a success.

[alwaysfortracer85]

Thank you for reaching out. And I totally get you point about bullying. I was bullied as a kid too because my father was an arab. You know, kids can be cruel when they meet someone who is different from them. Sometimes it goes away when they grow up. Sometimes it stays forever and they become grown up bullies. Since school days I can't stand bullies and when I smell bullying I won't stay shut. I still rememeber the ask from spn fan saying "with you it feels safe in fandom". Until today I can't forget it. If this CC made at least one person feel better, then all that I did here was not in vain. And for those who don't like it... You know, even for people who follow me, there is a safe way to avoid this CC. Since I always make sure to put # curiouscat while answering. Mute the tag - and my CC disappears from your life for good. If my whole existence is insufferable - block button exists on twitter until today. There is a mute button too. I actually used it on few mtjj. I try not to block mtjj (I think I have only one blocked, idk who is that even tbh, they had me blocked so I just mirror blocked) since we represent the same fandom and if they want to have access to my tweets - they have it. But it doesn't mean I have to see them on my TL so I muted. And I don't understand why while I am able to respect people's boundaries quietly removing them from my life without loud announcements feeding haters and without harrassment, they refuse to respect my boundaries in return Anyways, have a good day and thank you once again

[prettyconfusedaspiringautho-blog]

🚫TRIGGER WARNING🚫 ⚠️⚠️I WILL BE POSTING THINGS THAT WILL UPSET YOU. DO NOT ENGAGE THIS ACCOUNT LIKE I DID. I HAVE BEEN A SUBJECT OF HER HATE TWICE AND THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I AM. REPORT. BLOCK. PLEASE. ⚠️⚠️

So I am going to do something many people have told me not to. I am going to reblog dianewinchester. ONLY because I need people to see something.

This woman is toxic. She lies. She baits. She misstags. She "has sources" and she acts like she is the "savior " to the fans who don't like destiel fans or Misha. I have told anyone who comes into contact with her, report and block. Because unfortunately there are people will get very upset due to her content. And if you're reading this, please stay here, and don't go there.

With that being said...

@ go-diane-winchester

I'm sorry, are we comparing notes?

So this is okay?

And this is okay

And THIS is okay

Ope, this too

As well as this?

I mean, if we are comparing notes. Because they have done the same thing. Where are they at on your cute little blog? Nowhere? Ahhh, why not? Oh yes, because this is all fine and dandy unless Misha is involved. Which hey if you don't like him thats your prerogative.

But bullying his fans and posting their content on your nasty little blog that you wrongly accused him of being things that he isnt? Which, darlin, I pray no one important sees that because accusing someone of things like that are illegal. I'm not sure if anyone has told you that but it is. I know no one is telling you these things because you give them the "hellers are evol" content they want but its true. You can cry and scream and thrash all you want but you gotta face that the "lies" you claim I and others have said are the same thing your friends and followers are doing. And lets be honest, no one in the destiel, cockles, J2M, TWF 2.0 side of the fandom believes the things posted are things that have actually happened. No one is claiming to say "THIS HAPPENED I KNOW IT DID." There is no lying going on, sweetheart, just jokes and harmless fun. Also, if you wish to go after people who call Jensen a princess then go after Jared, Felicia Day, the writers of SPN, and Danneel. (I feel like I should clairfy, because I know how you are, I was not ACTUALLY suggesting you do that. It was again, a J O K E . I'm so sorry, I know you think those are lies)

ALSO.

Lets see some REAL hate shall we?

Operation Kill God.

Where we're you when this was happening? Oh but wait this is okay right? He isn't a HUMAN BEING right?

Look at this

Now look at this

Fact is, your hate is made up. Your hate that you fight so hard against is just your hatred of a character and an actor bleeding through and you're getting your ooze on people. You yell and scream at people who "misstag" but you can do it? Tell me how that makes sense. Oh yes it doesn't. You can run your blog however you wish. That isn't what I'm saying. But the SMART people don't put their hate in tags that have no relevance to the point.

Just say you want the attention and go. You arent trying to help anyone. You arent trying to bring awareness to your friends or followers. You just want the attention. How's that anti jared blog going btw?

Look at how I tagged.

Look at it

Janice look

look

How the hellers lie to the destiel shippers and themselves.

So this up and coming migraine actually writes lots of nonsense about Jensen.  The bibro that sent me this found her very disgusting.  She dances ferociously, and with two left feet, to Misha’s off key tune.  Misha called Jensen a princess and this weirdo lies that Jensen facetimed him.  This is what I don’t understand about hellers.  They resort to lying to keep their ship relevant.  And if you point out their lie to them, they call you a hater.  This is something I cant understand about destiel shippers as well.  I always differentiate between militant hellers and destiel shippers.  I argue that hellers are the bad part of the destiel fandom and the destiel shippers are the fans with no agenda.  But sometimes the destiel shippers just confuse me. 

They don’t speak up when the hellers are threatening Jensen.

They don’t speak up when the hellers are attacking Jared.

They feign confusion as to why anyone would get irritated with Misha. 

They don’t think Misha is egging on the hellers, even though they can see with their own eyes, what the hellers are doing. 

They don’t try to speak to Misha either via twitter, his other social media or at the cons, to at least notify him of how dangerous the situation can potentially get. 

If anything, they act like victims because “I cant even ship my ship anymore because of these people”. 

I felt sorry for them once upon a time, by that sympathy is waning.  They are essentially the most useless part this fandom, because they do nothing to bridge the gap.  They don’t bond with the bibros, because that will mean agreeing with any criticism to Misha’s bad behavior and they cant do that.  I am starting to wonder what kind of people they are.