#not sure if i want to take a benadryl for sleep again or if it'll just make me too tired

[dashiellqvverty]

lack of sleep puts stress on my body stress causes tummy to feel bad tummy feeling bad makes it hard to sleep causes more stress on my body keeps tummy feeling bad

[harryconcepts]

part 73

getting a text from fwb harry one day and you just really haven't been in a great place lately but he always makes you feel good and you figure maybe that'll help you forget all the family issues you're having for a while. so you go over to his place and right away he notices your eyes are a little red but he doesn't mention it, not wanting to push any touchy subjects 😔 he would definitely say something vague like "you alright?" and you brush it off, nodding and saying "of course" and he looks into your eyes for a few seconds trying to gauge if you're telling the truth 😔 you look away and say "I'm fine, can we just..." and he says "yeah, sure, we can do whatever you want" and you kind of get into things, but right away he can tell it's a little off and you aren't feeling great 😔 you're kissing at his neck but he puts his hands on your face and pulls you away so gently 😔 he says "hey, we don't have to... we don't have to do this if you're not feeling it" and you shake your head, taking his wrists in your hands and saying "I do, i need this" and he just looks so hesitant 😔 he says "I don't think... it's just not a great idea when you're upset" and the way he clearly cares so much is making you tear up a little 😔 but you're worried he doesn't want to hear about your problems so you start to get up and say "I should just go, I'm sorry for ruining the mood" and he catches your arm, he pulls you back against him gently and says "you don't- you don't have to go, you know? you could stay, tell me about it?" and you're about to just say no and go home but he really looks so sincere 😔 before you can stop yourself you're tearing up even more and he's gathering you into his arms 😔 he quietly says "your parents again?" and you nod against his chest 😔 he sighs a little "I'm sorry" 😔 he moves you over to the couch so you can sit with him and he more comfortable, and he rests your head on his chest 😔 he says "you can tell me about it, hm? I know we... we don't usually talk about stuff but we could, I'm your friend and I care about you" and that's the day your relationship really changes and you realize how much you care about each other😔

having a little allergic reaction to some lotion Harry would be so worried 😔 you're telling him it's fine your skin is just a little irritated but he would be so mothering 😔 he would probably call his mom asking her what to do 😭 he finds the gentlest soap you have and washes the area off so gently for you, giving you little kisses everywhere bc he knows it stings 😔 he would have you take some Benadryl so it'll stop hurting and you'll be able to sleep, and he's so nervous to sleep he just wants to stay up and watch you just in case 😔 you're trying to be nice bc it's sweet but he's going a little overboard so you say "i promise I'm fine, i'm fine, i just need you to lay down with me" and he can never say no to you 😔

the way Harry loves edging more than anything else.... he loves getting you so worked up and needy and then just teasing you 🤕 you know he's big on "ask nicely and maybe I'll say yes" so you always beg so sweetly for him, and when he pulls away just at the last second you cry out and say "I asked nicely" and he smiles against your cheek, giving you a little kiss and saying "and I'm saying no" 🤕

do you ever think about overstim with asterry and just get so 🤕bc I'm thinking... thinking very much 🤕 he would be so soft but so filthy 🤕 when she's already cum three times and everything is so sensitive and swollen and he reaches down again she's crying so much and she grabs for his hand saying "I can't, I can't" and he pouts at her, he uses his other hand to wipe the tears off her face and says in such a gentle voice "do you really want me to stop or are you just being whiny?" and that just does something to her 🤕 she's all sniffly and can barely breathe right but she says "i don't... you don't have to stop I just need a minute" and he kisses her forehead 🤕he murmurs "my dramatic girl, aren't you?" and that only makes her whine more 🤕 when he can tell she's calmed down a bit he says "ready to give me another one?" still so soft and close to her face and he tips her head up to look in his eyes 🤕 she nods and he smiles saying "such a good girl for me, even when you get all whiny" 🤕 the whole time he's working her up again she's crying just a little and he keeps wiping the tears away for her 🤕 he's giving her little kisses on her pouty lips and telling her how good she is and how much he loves her 🤕

sometimes I think about having a threesome with Harry and another girl and i want to throw up 🤕 thinking about him telling her what you like and how to make you moan 🤕 them kind of teaming up on you and focusing on you and making you feel good 🤕 he would have you sit with your back against his chest and hold your legs while she goes down on you 🤕 he's whispering in your ear asking you if it feels good and holding you still so she can work 🤕 telling you how pretty you are and how good you're being for them 🤕 he would lean over your shoulder and give her instructions, and theyre both talking over you almost acting like you're not even there 🤕 he says something like "she really likes it when you use your fingers" and he smirks when you cut him off with a moan 🤕 they're both just giving you all their attention and doing everything they can to make you cum 🤕 and harry loves it because he gets to watch your face and kiss you while she's making you feel so good 🤕

him turning your head to give you a filthy kiss while the girl is touching and kissing all over your body 🤕 he gets a little jealous seeing how she makes you moan so he has to make sure he's making you feel good too 🤭

after the girl goes down on you he would be all "that wasn't quite right... usually I can get her to make a mess all over the bed when I do it" and you're blushing so hard but the girl just kind of raises her eyebrows and says "oh really? show me then" and he looks at you asking if you're okay to go again, you nod bc obviously 🤭 he says to her "switch spots with me, she'll be sensitive and probably squirm around a bit so you have to hold her tight" and they're talking over you like you're not even there 🤭 and he's trying soooo hard to prove that he can eat you out better than she can 🤭 and he would be so cocky if he did get you to squirt, he would have the biggest smirk and say "that's what it looks like when you do it right" 🤭 and okay maybe.... i think he would tell her to get between your legs again and he would say "we'll go until you get it right" and you're basically boneless in his arms 🤭

okay but talking with Harry about what he likes 🤭 your relationship is a little new so you both just want to figure out what each other likes and one time you ask "have you ever... been with more than one person" bc you're still a little shy about using specific language and he's smiling so big when he pulls you closer and says "you mean have I ever had a threesome?" and you blush soooo hard but nod 🤭 he says "I have.... have you?" and you say no, but he doesn't let it go and he has the biggest dimply smirk when he says "do you want to?" and you can barely look at him bc you're blushing so hard it hurts but he takes your chin between his fingers to make you look at him 🤭 he says "answer me pretty girl, do you want to?" and you shrug with a little "maybe? I don't know" and he says "that's okay... just let me know if you're ever interested 😌" and he's soooo smug knowing this about you 🤭

harry after you have a long day at work 😔 you would have a text from him asking you to call when your shift is over so you do, he picks up with a little "hiiii baby" and he's asking how your day was 😔 you're a little more quiet than usual but you say "good... I'm just tired" and he's worried right away saying "not too tired to drive are you? I can come get you, I'll leave right now-" and you thank him but say you're fine 😔 he agrees but asks to stay on the phone with you just to make sure 😔 so the whole way home you stay on with him, he does most of the talking which is perfect because after such a long day you missed his voice 😔 finally you're home and when you get inside you see he's set up a little dinner for the two of you 😔 probably on the couch bc he knows you'll be tired and ready to sit down 😔 he gives you a big hug and says "want to shower or eat first?" and you decide to shower, so while you're in there he gets some candles lit and your favorite show queued up 😔 you come out all fresh and clean and he just wants to kiss you over and over 😔 he would just love to take care of you 😔

harry would always be able to tell when you've been crying 😔 no matter how well you think you're hiding it he always knows 😔 when he sees you he would be all "😔 come here baby" and give you a big hug 😔 and even if you hadn't been crying he would just be able to tell when you're sad 😔 all he wants is to make his baby feel better 😔

shaking and sweating thinking about harry wanting to take care of you financially....... you're all 😭 I have to go spend all my money on textbooks😭 not asking for anything just ranting to him and then while you're getting ready he calls ahead to the bookstore and pays for them all for you 😌 when you get there they tell you it's all been paid for and you're like ??? thinking they just put it on your account or something but then they tell you what card was used and you know it's Harry's 🤭 you get home and you're a little upset that he didn't tell you but he's all "just wanted to do something nice, you work so hard you deserve to spend your money on fun stuff not school" and you know he's right and he's just so cute you can't stay mad at him 🤭 then you make sure to show him just how thankful you are later that night 😌

thinking about angel having a hard time lately just with school and her parents and stuff and aster can tell but he doesn't bring it up, he's just trying to support her however he can 😔 then one day they're kissing a little and she starts to get kind of stressed, just with everything that's going on she's not feeling too good and it's hard to take her mind off everything and he can feel her start to get a little shaky 😔 he pulls away to look at her and says "pretty girl, what's the matter?" and that's all it takes to have her crying 😔 she's apologizing for "ruining the mood" but he shushes her right away saying "you didn't, I promise you didn't and I'm not mad at all, I'm just worried about my baby" 😔 she has her face tucked in his chest but she manages to sniffle out "I'm just having a really hard time, I don't know" and he puts his arms around her 😔 saying he's so sorry and how he wishes he could make it better for her 😔 she's still so worried he's mad at her for interrupting them but he reassures her as much as she needs that he's not upset at all, all he cares about is making sure she's okay 😔 and he would hold her so close, turning her head so she can hear his heartbeat and doing everything he can to help her feel better 😔🤕

harry making you cry during sex 🤕 maybe when you're all dolled up with pretty makeup after a date night with him 🤕 your sparkly eyeshadow is running down your cheek and he can't help but smile a little bit, using his thumb to wipe the shiny tear away and coo "you're so pretty when you cry for me" 🤕

okay bc I'm on mine rn and feeling literally so feral 🤭 thinking about being on it when your relationship with harry is a little newer like maybe you've had sex before but not a lot of experimenting or anything but one evening you're kissing on the couch and you're starting to get a little worked up 🤭 and you're always more sensitive during that time so that doesn't help 🤭 soon you're grinding on him a little basically just moaning into his mouth 🤭 after a few minutes he grips your hips to stop you and says "wanna go upstairs?" and you realize you can't do that, or at least you need to have a little conversation so you sit back and say "yes" with the biggest pout because it's kind of annoying, he's all "what that face for sweet girl?" thumbing other your bottom lip 🤭 you sigh and say "I want to but I'm- I'm on my period so we can't" and he nods, he's quiet for a second then says "why can't we?" and you're a little surprised, but he says "I mean if you're okay with it, I'm down" and you basically melt right then and there 🤭 he picks you up and carries you, kissing you the whole way 🤭 he drops you on the bed and says "I'll be right back" and he comes back in with a dark towel and you're like 🫢 because you realize this is actually about to happen 🤭 he gets it all settled then has you lay on top of it and he leans in for a kiss 🤭 he can feel you're a little tense so he's running his hands over your body saying "no reason to be nervous, I just want to make my baby feel good" and you're basically whining into his mouth bc you're so worked up from all the kisses and little touches 🤭 he would work your shorts down your legs and then kiss back up them to have you squirming 🤭 his fingers would trace over your tummy and you grab a handful of his hair bc you're already so turned on it's driving you crazy 🤭 finally his fingers are so close to where you want them and he only makes you wait a few more seconds before he moves to rub at your clit 🤭 you're tensing up and pulling at his hair right away and he's so cocky about how easy it is 🤭 he's all "that feel good? you're so swollen, baby, I bet it's sensitive isn't it?" teasing you so much🤭 he would lean up to kiss your jaw and murmur "want my fingers inside?" and you're nodding desperately before he can even finish his sentence 🤭 he would smirk again and move just enough to slip his fingers inside 🤭 you're so warm and wet and everything is so sensitive you're just both losing your minds 🤭 he curls his fingers up to find your g spot and he knows he found it when you gasp and your back arches so pretty for him 🤭 he starts kissing at your neck and jaw again and soon he can feel you tensing up even more so he whispers "gonna cum for me?" and you gasp out a little "yes, yes I'm close-" and cut yourself off with a moan when his fingers dig a little deeper 🤭 and okay this might be too far but why can i picture him saying "such a needy little thing, letting me touch you when you're bleeding like this" and that's all it takes to have you cumming on his fingers 🤭 he would work you through it until you're pushing his hands away, then he would go to clean himself up and get a cloth for you 😔 he'd clean you up so gently, shushing you softly saying "i know, I know" when you whine 😔 he would switch from disgustingly filthy to absolutely soft so fast 😔 i cliterally need him so bad 😔

do not think about cockwarming with harry 🤕 he would be so mean i fear... having you sit on his lap while you watch a movie and he would help you move around so he can slip inside 🤕 you're whining right away because it feels so good but he just shushes you and says "I'm watching the movie, baby" 🤕 when he feels you start to rock your hips a little he would grip them with his big hands and whisper in your ear "I'm not helping you until the movie is over" and that makes you feel even more desperate 🤕 every time he feels you clench on him he squeezes your hips a bit and says "if you distract me I'll have to back it up to see what I missed, you're only making it take longer" 🤕 if you manage to be really good and stay still he would get a little meaner and reach up to run his thumbs over your nipples 🤕 he knows that's the fastest way to get you squirming for him which just gives him another opportunity to smirk and say "just can't stay still for me, hm? you've made me miss a lot, I'll have to rewind to watch it again" and he would reach for the remote but you whine and say "no, please don't, i promise I'll be good just don't make it any longer than it already is" and he pretends to think about it, then says "well I guess if you promise to be a good girl for me and stay still..." and you're nodding, begging with your eyes 🤕 he gives in and gives you a little kiss on your forehead saying "I'll be nice this time" 🤕 he would still be touching at your nipples though, but just like you said you're being good and staying still 🤕 you just tuck your head in his neck and let out the most pathetic little moans knowing there's nothing you can do about it 🤕 and finally fiiiinally the movie is over, harry would barely give you three seconds before he's flipping you over and fucking into you 🤕 he's praising you so much saying "did such a good job for me, my good girl, my best girl, did everything I told you and didn't complain at all, did you?" and you absolutely can't respond, your eyes are rolling back because it feels soooo good 🤕he doesn't mind though, he knows it was so much for you so he's okay with whatever you need to do 🤕 he reaches down to rub at your swollen clit and says "gonna be such a good girl and cum for me?" and it's barely two seconds before you're doing just what he asked and he's not far behind 🤕 and you both know you have a new little movie-watching tradition from then on 🤕

he would always be so horny for you 😋 if you're literally wearing a big puffy winter coat and sweatpants about to go out in the cold he's all "give me a kiss first😋" and you're like 🙄 how is this turning you on 🙄 and he goes "can't help it 😋 you know that 😋"

okay but telling harry you want to call him daddy 🤕 he's always saying "tell me what you want and I'll give it to you, i promise I'll give you anything you want" but you've been too shy to bring it up 🤕 then one day he's giving it to you sooooo good and he can tell you want to ask for something so he slows his hips down to tease it out of you 🤕 he all "tell me what it is sweet girl, tell me and I'll make you cum" and you're so out of it squeezing your eyes shut and gripping at his shoulders bc you're so close and you know he'll keep you there until he gets what he wants 🤕 finally you break and say "i want-" and cut yourself off with a moan when he drags so slowly over your g spot 🤕 he's so smirky at how you can't even talk and he says "what is it baby? what do you want?" and he reaches down to run his fingers over your inner thighs, so close to your clit you can almost feel the warmth of his skin but he just won't touch 🤕 you move your hips up a tiny bit but he just moves his hand away and gives another deep grind and finally you gasp out "daddy, please" and he's sooooooo cocky 🤕 he's all "yeah? that's what you've been wanting to try?" and you nod, moaning so loud when he finally presses his fingers onto your clit 🤕 he says "such a sweet girl for me, keep calling me that and I promise I'll make you cum" and you know he always keeps his promises 🤕

about to take my cute little self care shower and I'm thinking about angel doing one of those 🤕 maybe she's had a rough day with classes and work so she gets home and harry can tell right away so he says "why don't you go take a nice shower? I'll get some supper for us" and when she goes to the bathroom she sees he bought her a little lotion and shower gel set 🤕 when she's in there harry puts his fluffiest towel in the dryer so it'll be warm for her and he runs to put it in the bathroom as soon as he hears the water turn off 🤕 when she comes out all fresh and comfy and feeling so much better they sit on the couch together and watch a show and he holds her all night 🤕

[nathank77]

5/27/24

7:50 p.m Added to/Edited

Last blurp: I am worried that if I drug myself with 2mg of Melatonin, 25mg of Hydroxyzine and 1mg of xanax at 3:30 a.m I'll struggle to sleep bc by the time maximum effectiveness hits it'll be 6 a.m and I'll have only been up for 12 hours and 30 minutes... I shouldn't have let myself oversleep.

Maybe I'll take it at 4:30 or 4 a.m. I should pass out regardless but I mean I want to make sure. I don't want to have to take a second Hydroxyzine or one 25mg of Benadryl.... I don't want to be overly sedated. I mean I already overly sedate myself on the 1mg Xanax days cause when I see myself falling asleep at 8:30 a.m... it's like my circadian rhythm is getting worse... I got to be asleep by 7:30 the latest... I don't want my life to become more dysfunctional. I got a lot of phone calls to make and I can't be waking up at 5 p.m although I don't think that'll be a long standing issue. It's just between yesterday and today, I woke up yesterday at 4:48 and today at 5:15... also I fell asleep closer to 9 a.m both days... tomorrow I will probably wake up around 2 p.m or 3 and it should help reset everything.

I won't have another 1MG Xanax day until my t-shot next week. Everything should go back to normal tomorrow.

Beyond that I wish my family did something for memorial day. My family is so fucking dead. We have a pool and everything and we planned nothing. I'm going to get ear plugs on the 1st so I can swim. Whenever I decide to do that which won't be often but- when I want to if I don't have ear plugs I get water stuck in my ears and it drives me crazy! So I wont swim until I get them.

On Thursday after therapy I plan to watch movies with my mom. Wednesday I'll go grocery shopping if I don't tomorrow and then I'll have therapy at 7 p.m on Wednesday. I prob will wait on the gym. Once I get the oil change out of the way, my next big thing is the apple store for apple care cause of my quicktime player taking years to add videos together.

I don't want to get ahead of myself. All I have to do this month is the oil change/car wash, my t-shots, bloodwork for my thyroid, the dentist on the 11th assuming he doesn't cancel again and get the estimate on teeth sealant cause I want to move on that and then the cardiologist on the 26th. The gym is going to fit in nicely and I'll have time to game at least once or twice a week. Of course I want to move on glasses but the money makes me want to wait... I'll consider the teeth sealant Cost versus the glasses... if I could get the bad tooth done for 150$ or less tbh it's more important than my glasses...why? It's fucking BROWN in the corner and nothing gets it off. And it's significantly cheaper than glasses...

Of course I could game after therapy or something too but I care about immersion... and tv time and sleep is my only escape from this shitty hallucination. Despite that I want to game and I figure if I cut out a day or two a week I can enjoy it...

I really want to go up 3000mg of white mulberries a day but I'm waiting until the 13th of June cause it'll be a month as of that date since I went to 2000mg and it has been well tolerated...

I got to get cbd on June 1st which I'm not happy about but I said I'd give it to June 26th at least 2 months on 100mg... I may give it to July 26th cause I feel the need to up my white mulberries. They really do seem to work as an antipsychotic.

I also got to call about disability a few times this month so I can either keep my appt in July or reschedule it depending on my dad cause I want my backpay as soon as possible but another worthless phone appt to accomplish nothing makes no sense. So I should call prob every week until I hear he is receiving disability and cancel/reschedule depending on that.

[pbandjesse]

So i might be mildly allergic to hazel nuts?? I had a chocolate bar with hazelnut in it and my face and chest got really itchy and splotchy and hot and red. It was kind of scary. I went to the bathroom and wash my face. I got a paper towel and just kind of held cold water on myself for a while. But nothing was helping. So I kind of went over to Tiffany and was just like help?. And she went totally mom mode on me. Which is exactly what I needed in that moment. And thankfully everyone in the room was very concerned. I don't know why I was so anxious just to ask if anyone had a Benadryl but thankfully someone did and I took that and felt better. But now I guess I got to watch out for hazelnuts?

The rest of the day wasn't nearly as interesting. I mean it was still a good day but nothing terribly exciting happened. I slept okay and woke up early. I got dressed and left here around 8:15. I went over to CVS to pick up needle and thread and then went over to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. The bus is supposed to come at 9:05. The bus actually came at 9:35. So another day where I waited almost 40 minutes for the bus. And that was after sitting in Dunkin' donuts and eating my bagel for 15 minutes. So I was not terribly pleased.

But because I was excited about winning some money last night I bought munchkins for everyone and no one cared that I was late. We were just working on lesson plans. But I got to tell everyone what happened and they were all very excited for me and it's cool being able to talk about some of the stuff went went down when I lived in Minneapolis. And then it was just a good working morning.

I wasn't in the mindset to be typing yet. So I spent a little time drawing my dumb Furby tattoo idea. It's not dumb! I don't like that I've been feeling self-conscious about my hobbies lately. I'm trying not to use negative language to associate with them. I'm actually very excited about my little drawing. The idea is that it's patches the clock Furby. And because her screen doesn't work anymore my idea is to have the screen display the word love in digital font. Because love is stored in the Furby. So I think I'm going to get two tattoos in the fall. They're both going to be small but I'm excited about them. My arm tattoo is been feeling kind of like it's missing pieces lately. It'll be nice to have more filling on the half sleeve.

I finished my lesson plan mostly. I want to go over it a little bit more tomorrow just to make sure everything is okay and everyone understands what I'm hoping for in the project. I also finished all of my power points I wanted to make. And got some laughs out of Marcus because on the what we expect for you PowerPoint we created I specifically looked for pictures and clipart of teachers at chalkboards. I found a white lady that had brown hair. And I specifically search for a black man. So that we would have representation on the board of us. And he thought that was so funny. Actually made him laugh a few times today. The other time was when he told me he didn't want to eat any more munchkins because he was trying to look good for the beach. Get his body back in shape. And I told him that the beach is going to get whatever kind of body I bring it, just complete deadpan.

At lunch time we convince Marshall to buy us all food. Me and the other Jessica we're having a dance off and it was all very silly and there was a good time. We walked over to the Chinese place. Then some people broke off to go get Subway. And others to get pizza. It was fun being out with everyone.

We all got back and we ate and then it was to work again. I spent pretty much the rest of the afternoon working on my example quilt square. It's basically a miniature crazy quilt representing what they're larger crazy quilt might look like. First I found pieces I like and I cut them into squares. I sew them together. And then I took all of that and cut it up into pieces. And then I sewed it together again. I'm very pleased. Because there's triangles and squares and rectangles and I think it looks really neat. Once I feel like all of its own together well enough I'm going to go back in and bead some and paint some and embroider an applique some. So that the kids can hold it and kind of have a better idea of what I'm hoping that their quilt will look like.

I stayed for a while. My allergic reaction happen during that time too. But I still got a lot done. I didn't finish showing it. I'm going to have to do that tomorrow but I pinned everything up at least for what I didn't so. We didn't have any straight pain so I had to use an entire pack of sewing needles but that's okay. I've done worse.

We finished up at 3. I cleaned up and then fitsum took me home. I was overheated outside. The humidity and rain this week has been Wild. It just feels very heavy when you're outside. As soon as I leave the safety of the box fan. That's terrible. So when I got here I was kind of uncomfortable. But I got cleaned up and put some stuff away. There was going to be a showing at my apartment at 5 and I did not want to be here. So at 4:30 I left.

I walk to the health food store to pick up new soap and some vegetarian beef jerky. I had a nice conversation about Alexander Calder with the guy at the counter. And then I went to Chipotle for nachos. I was upset when I left you pull it though because I was open the door some idiot on a scooter was right at 5 and I almost hit her with the door. She should not have been on the sidewalk and she specifically should have been that close to the door! I could have really hurt her. So I was a little frazzled when I got back to James.

But I got there and cooled off. I took a shower. And then I worked on Hemming / resizing the jumpsuit that I bought like a month ago. Finally figured out how to take in the legs and the crotch area because it just was a mess. Took me about an hour and a half total to pin, cut, and sew it. But once I did I was very happy. It looks really good now. Not work appropriate but I'm very excited to have it anyway. I did use an entire spool of thread today though. It was a little spool but still.

I laid in bed and watched videos. James got back around 6:30. He took a shower and then he made us Falafel for dinner. He made whipped garlic. Which I can still taste even though I brush my teeth twice. But it was really good and then we just hung out for a while.

I came home around 9. I took another shower. Just to rinse off. And I've just been hanging out with CP since then. I took all of the charms off of my charm bracelet and put them on a necklace. I think that I'm more likely to wear it right now that way. And I think I'm going to get ready to go to sleep now. I feel very tired. Tomorrow's our last lesson plan day as a group. It's been a really nice day though. A really nice week. I hope you all sleep great tonight. Be safe out there. Have fun