#not sure if I conveyed my idea as well as I hoped but I’m mostly happy with this!!

[grumpzone]

so I was really inspired by @musicallyseducingallthehotties idea of designing Sexbang outfits so here’s what I came up with! Something inspired by cyber y2k fashion. Huge baggy pants, slutty crop top, and a jacket to tie it together! I imagine that the pants + jacket are made out of that futuristic, super reflective fabric, and the shirt is all sparkley and sequins

I think cheesy outdated futurism fits his vibe really well :]

and bonus!! here’s how I imagine the jacket looks when it’s zipped/open

[marengogo]

Are You Sure ?! - #4: I Hate that YOU Love Hate You but, I Love YOU, so ...

I’m listening to a Mellow/Angsty Love playlist - (yes) it has BTS/ solos BTS songs as well

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

Hello My Sentimental Girls, Bois and Enbys,

Please be kindly warned that I am going to be overpoweringly sensitive as I write this. Not necessarily because Are You Sure?! has unfortunately come to an end, but because, as I try to write this post, as always, “through” my TwinFlame’s JK emotional lens, the last two episodes really were so full of so many feelings that I am trying my best to order my thoughts and do them justice. Like, let me tell you, this boy really felt plenty, or better yet he allowed himself to truly feel a lot hence, as always, through respectful speculation and educated guessing I’ll try my best to convey my related observations. 

Towards the end of the post I’ll also have a little confession to make about something that I have been so determinedly ignoring, because the mere thought always makes me so uncomfortable, sad, and a tiny bit scared, so there’s also that.

All that being said, here I am, concluding this physical/sentimental journey, with my unrequested thoughts but with a hopeful sense that perhaps writing this down will somehow lessen my emotional weight, because let’s be for real, I am going to have AYS withdrawals on Thursday. So, is this post going to be long?  … 🤡 I mean, you should know me by now. For those who don’t know me, yes, it will be a long post 🙏🏾.

Truly free things are hard to come by nowadays. Undoubtedly, money has effectively found its way into our everything. Yet, there is one thing that hasn’t changed in its acquired value as in, how you get by it, and how you get it, etc. This one thing is still available free and you can find it anywhere, LITERALLY. However, whether or not you’ll be able to acquire it, and eventually keep it, is, to this day, one of the most debated, discussed, joyed over, cried over, mused over, etc, topic. 

Yes, you’ve guessed; it’s Love. 

I don’t believe I was actually ever taught about just Love in all its forms. Not at home, not at school school talked about famous people in love, sexual education, popular love … basically they beat around the bushes 🙄, or amongst friends, and if I had, I do not recall it, at all and y’all, I have one heck of a good memory, I will not be humble about that. I think that my first notions and ideas I formed about the concept of Love came through books and films, and let me tell you, there is an infinite related archive out there, which can be as exciting, as much as dangerous. Regardless, even though it was never really explained to me same for everyone most likely, as I grew up, EVERYONE loooved to talk about it, ALL THE TIME, so somehow, I made my own understanding of it. 

One of the things I understood was that some day, when I would become a woman, I would find an adult man, have a family, children, and live happily ever after because I would fall in love and some man would fall in love with me. I understood it as a given; Everyone, of a certain gender, falls in love with someone, of the opposite gender, because there is someone out there, of a certain gender, for everyone, of the opposite gender, just waiting to find you or to be found. Basically, Everyone will eventually find, and forever keep, mutual heterosexual romantic Love.

Spoiler alert: It wasn’t not true.

In fact, the true state of things is actually the very opposite. The minority of people on this planet, heterosexual or not, will experience, and live with true mutual romantic love, and will be able to keep it for a very long time, and even fewer others will be able to take it all the way to the day they die, those are at the Legendary Level ones. And I am not saying this because I am jaded or bitter or any other hurt and/or hater-inclined-behaviour, you can really miss me with alla dat. This is just that one very helpful, and hard, to accept and you don’t have to accept it by the way! reality that should hit everyone at some point, but not always does. When it doesn’t hit, people may end up tormenting themselves sometimes to death when and/or if they can’t “find love”, wondering if they are unloveable, what is wrong with them, etc etc etc.  

Reason why, it is paramount to love yourself first and foremost. 

Because it might be true that someone is “unlovable” or that there is “something wrong with them” but, if true, this is principally hindering one’s well-being because, finding and trying to fix whatever might be amiss with one's self, may not guarantee a successful mutual romantic love, but it does guarantee a happier life in general. I mean, listen, if in the scope of things, you might end up having to spend the rest of your life without a mutual romance, meaning, you have to spend infinite time with you, yourself & YOU, how is that going to work, if you don’t love yourself …? And, just in case it wasn’t common knowledge, Loving Yourself is not easy, like any other relationship, it takes work. The reason why therapy ain’t cheap ✌🏾💰💋but needed, honestly.

So, let’s make no mistake; alas Love, in any of its forms btw, if it is harmful, it is not Love is needed. In fact, as it turns out, human beings were “programmed” in such a way that having it in one's life would make their existence progress less painfully, or even painlessly. In addition, self-love is one of the purest, satisfying, and incredibly useful types of love out there.

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID, for those lucky enough to find & keep romantic love regrettably, thus far, I am not one of those, trust me when I tell you, it is not at all smooth sailing. There are just so many factors to be factored in and the bear thought of it all can honestly be enough to make anyone not want to be bothered by it.

Yet, my beloved and most precious, TwinFlame seems to have found it. Now, I can’t guarantee it to be romantic as always, despite me believing it to be so but he sure as hell is fighting his darn life to keep it. So, yes, hm, I think

JK is in Love.

If it wasn’t clear enough in episode 1 all the way to this finale, JM is a person whose presence JK particularly wants in his life, and whose absence kinda makes him feel sort of … unsettled? … but I’ll dive deep into this, later on in this post. For now, it is important to point out that my TwinFlame not only actively looks after JM, but he actively seeks JM’s attention, he actively wants to be sought by JM, he actively tries to make JM happy, he actively wants to level with JM, he actively wants JM to be comfortable around himself JK and for JM to be comfortable with himself JM. Basically, JK cares, in his own way, quite loudly for JM. And I say “his own way” because I believe JK’s emotional intelligence (EI) to be somewhat different from the common ones. I actually received an ask about his EI, which I plan to answer very soon 🙏🏾, so for now, I will not dive into that in this, cos I really ain’t trying to compete with the length of dictionaries with this post 😬. 

Japanese people, traditionally, have a fascination for sad love stories, and ever since I got into 875, I’ve been wondering if Koreans feel the same way but in their case, it is likely to be just Sadness period. You see, in the West, we “all” love a heartbreaking and passionate love story, the reason why Romeo and Juliet will probably be eternally famous. Yet, we don’t believe that true love is love, because it is brought about by unbearable suffering, so it must be real. We are more of the true love, is love, because it leads to immeasurable happiness kinda style. Basically we Westerners love Romeo and Juliet because of what they could have been, but Japanese and maybe Koreans would love Romeo of Juliet because of what they were to each other. So when a person like me watches a movie like 5 Centimetres per Second and swears to never watch it EVER AGAIN which I haven’t and refuse to, a Japanese person might think that is probably one of those movies they’ll find themselves watching over and over again and let me tell you, it was great, I just don’t think I can handle a second viewing, no thanks.

So if I am correct in thinking that Koreans feel similarly as Japanese in this matter, JK, like many other Korean folk, loves to sing sad/angsty/melancholic songs. Either by himself, or in company, like he used to with Tae probably they still do as well as watching sad movies, like JM’s favourite being The Notebook and JK’s being Titanic. Yet, here is where the glitch in the matrix happens; JK was most likely not that serious but wasn’t he? 😬 when he brought this up however, he seemed to be a little bothered by the fact that JM really liked “Hate You” out of all the song in his album. JM sang Seven, 3D and Standing Next to You this particular one he kept bringing up like there was no tomorrow, throughout all 3 trips, yet, when he played Hate You in the car, for the second time because he had as well in episode 6 JK was like; “Why?”. 

Let me tell you something.You know how I usually skip Spring Day, cause I can’t really handle it? Before AYS Ep. 8 I used to skip Hate You as well for the same reasons as Spring Day; it was too sad for me to bear as it felt closely related him singing it alone makes me relate it to him in my flowed brain, even though he didn’t write it 🙃 to people I love, people being the Tannies. Lovely by Khalid and Billie Eilish in comparison is MUCH SADDER but because I am in no way emotionally connected to either Khalid or Billie I don’t mind listening to the song at all I love that song. 

Anyways, Long story short, it looked like it bothered him a tiny bit. It felt almost as if “Sure, we are Koreans and we like sad love songs, this being an excellent one, but I don’t want MY love story to be sad” kind of bothered “also this better have NOTHING to do with the fact that Shawn Mendes wrote this song!” - perhaps nervously thought JK 🤡🤣😂. In fact, there are a few situations that came up, involving him and JM, which “bothered” him and he had no qualms in bringing up with JM right away, which by the way is healthy AF. JK seems to be the type of partner that wants to confront you right away and will not let it be until he hears the words that make him know that the “conflict” is cleared to his own satisfaction, or until he senses you don’t want to talk about it any further in that particular moment.

Those are all examples, during AYS, where JK was satisfied with the answer that JM gave him to the legit concerns/silly questions he brought up. JK’s reaction right after all of those answers was him being content/happy, by laughing, singing along, or something else, hence moving on. Below is an example where he wasn’t satisfied with the answer:

Did he just drop it? Did they talk it out? As always, we will never know, as this part cuts into another scene. Only JK, JM and the editors will know and this is a fact we should never forget. Never forget about editing limitations, and this is a very good moment to add that even though whoever translated this show did a shitty ass job, the crew that went with them, to film in Sapporo specifically, seemed to be quite familiar with them, their dynamics almost like friends, which I think contributed with JK and JM feeling as comfy as they did in Japan.

Japan.

By the looks of it, this is the country that holds special meaning to both myself and my TwinFlame and, NGL, this kinda makes me happy and feel special LOL 😜. BUT, I DIGRESS! Didn’t JK seem a bit more … relaxed? Besides the very romantic fact that he wanted to go back to Tokyo because it was their first trip, didn’t JK seem a tad flirtier, a tad cuter, a tad more annoying, a tad comfier and just so fucking happy? He, and I’d dare say JM as well, truly let their guards down, even if just a tad. The fact that JK & JM wondered how the crew would have edited the content tells me that they were fully aware about the fact that they were being filmed, but didn’t want to think too much about it, because they wanted to also have a sense of freedom. Because of that, perhaps, they tried to give us as much realness as they could, restraining themselves in some instances, while also saying Fuck it! in few other cases during which they perhaps forgot about the fact that they were being filmed, confidently relying on their trusted crew to properly edit the footage in the best way possible. But back to the main point,

JK is in Love.

JK is probably the type of person who wishes he could have an answer, and/or remedy, to any problem his significant other may have. Yeah, he is probably the type of man that wishes he could take away all their pain, or feel it for them instead, and it is exactly because he seems to be willing to do anything for his loved one’s well-being that I think that sometimes he does struggle with some of their societal boundaries, such as; age hierarchy. Without getting too much into his EI, the part in episode 7 where he brings up how things would have been if he and JM would have been born the same year really stood out and stayed with me.

In this particular instance, for the first time I finally got to see him kinda mind about their age difference, almost troubled and not because he might think it to be a lot which it isn't at all, but because according to their societal practices, he theoretically should constantly be mindful about it, limiting greatly the actions he can do, not that he’s ever heed to them, but the fact is that he should, and in certain situations, he must. If we think about it properly, right from their debut years, JK has struggled a lot with referring, and treating, JM as a hyung, which is actually quite weird considering that the person he treated more like a “chingu” friend of the same age in this context was is Tae, even though, to my knowledge, he’s never dropped honorifics with him and had no desire in doing so, as explained during the first In The Soop which in hindsight, I’m sure must have confused Tae a lot who has been trying to be his cool hyung for as long as I can remember  (the following pictures are not from In The Soop, but Festa 2021). 

Like, it is honestly so peculiar how, back in the day, JK had never really treated JM as your typical “chingu”, nor a hyung, yet found himself sticking by JM’s side a lot, off cameras, filming him a lot, acting stand-offish just to apologise right after, staring at him a lot, learning all his likes and dislikes, studying his body and habits, doing questionable things such as focusing rather often on his lips and butt through a camera lens, which eventually evolved into JM being the first member he’s ever bought a gift for, as well as being the first member he’s ever travelled alone with… basically, as I’ve stated, JK has really never seen JM as his hyung or friend though he does try to remind himself of it. 

So if JM is not a hyung, or a “chingu”; then what is he? 🙄… 

Wanna know what’s even funnier? JM clearly cares about JK enormously and though he likes most of all of his sides cos JK can be annoying when he wants to 🤡✌🏾 the side he likes the most is his cute side; but here comes the catch. It would seem that from their debut days, JM truly became fond of that cutesy, happily skipping, side that JK shows with his hyungs in particular and the fact that they are ALL his hyung, including JM, just made writing this sentence so weird NGL …, that cuddly, super-maknae aura he has many a time, with literally everyone but the 95s, because Tae, as speculated, he seems to see as a chingu and JM as a … charming person?? Whatever that means.

Now JK does give JM “cute”, sometimes, but it is not the little brother kind of cute. It’s that “don’t go without me…” kind of cute, “let’s buy the same one” kinda cute, “you didn’t show me first, so I am hurt” kinda cute, “how do I look?” kind of cute “I can film you, but don’t film me” kind cute, “... spend time with ME!” kinda cute … you get the jist, don’t you? Cause, repeat after me; He a simp, he a simp, he a simp! And there is nothing wrong with being a simp tbh, as long as you own up to it, and JK does own up to it marvellously 💋.

And remember when I mentioned about him feeling sort of unsettled when JM isn’t around? I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days but doesn’t it almost feel like a sort of … separation anxiety? Through the whole episodes it sometimes felt like he tried to do as much as possible, of anything, with JM as if he would just take off and leave at some point. This could also explain him always popping up on WEVERSE whenever JM took a flight, or trying his darn best to get him to come around even though they had just spent so much time together in the US. But who knows right? Perhaps he just really loves to spend every hour, every minute, every second with JM because, like crazy,  

JK is in Love.

So in love that he thought it important for himself to drive them to the airport, hence he didn’t drink that last beer I know he was dying inside, as well as taking a flight to Korea with JM, when he really could have just flown to the US from Japan. So in love that out of all the trips he's been to in his life, Are You Sure?! is the best trip he’s ever been on and he wishes to reboot when they come out of the military, where, by the way, they presently are together 🤡 . So in love that he wasn’t going to have JM get sad and lost in his own thoughts while in his presence, no, reason why, like a knight in shining armour, he “went and saved” him from his slump and not because JM was a princess in distress, but because prince charming also needs saving every once in a while If you ask me, the main “princess” in this relationship is my TwinFlame, no doubt, cause I also fo happen to think that they do take turns, for sure. Hence, the main “prince charming” is most definitely JM, and btw, frequency of a certain behaviour is not a factor that determines who is “main” 💋. 

Marengo Confession-Time!  😬- here it goes: I love watching people react to ANY 875 content, but I haven’t been able to watch anybody react to Are You Sure?! Because to put it plainly I am scared. I’m scared that people will question their relationship, or have homophobic reactions, or feel uncomfortable watching them when they do what they do. I just don’t want them to be hated for something they can’t help and are comfortable with. For the most part I am sure they would maybe nt comment, or chalk it up as “brotherly behavior", but what if they don’t? In fact, I am also so apprehensive of the reaction the world would have if they are a couple if they ever came out, it genuinely terrifies me.

I don’t want them to be looked at like freaks, or worse, so I am not able to bring myself to watch people react to them, in the same way I turn off when people have unwarranted shit to say when reacting to 875’s music. If they are a couple, I truly want them to be happy, safe, and become part of the Legendary Level ones. So, even though the world may not be fully ready to want their chapter in their history books, I hope it will someday,  because theirs would be such a motivating and enthralling chapter at that. 

I don’t know what will await them when they come out of ME. It is interesting though that JK made all these memories during the trip to take with himself and think about while serving. The snow he watched with JM, the restaurants they ate at, the time they tried skiing for the first time, the antics in the sauna and the “scuzzi”, the tuna-mayo gimbap he knew JM would love, the good afternoon and good night whiskey, and more. Now that I think about it, in some way, JK has a similar Love background to mine, he most likely wasn’t taught that romantic Love can come from someone of the same gender and he wasn’t exactly taught that not having children or a traditional family can be okay. 

Yet, I have a feeling that just like me, through movies perhaps, songs, or other means he’s figured out a thing or two. I have a feeling that he will decide for himself what Love is to himself, all the forms of Love he will need, who embodies Love for him, and what role Love will take in his life, and whether or not JM turns out to be that person MAKE NO MISTAKE: JM is an incredibly important person in his life. So, it is a strong feeling I have, but then again when has JK ever not taken control of his own life? When has he ever not followed his instincts and/or succumbed to what people want him to do? Same for JM really. 

These are two boys who found themselves in Seoul even though they were born in Busan, like, the universe wanted them to meet. They are two boys, who, along with the other five, made the phrase impossible Is Nothing feel real. After all, these are indeed two boys who really can’t be told to do anything. There is a very famous quote, which kinda makes me think of them:

I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my Soul.

So yeah, the future is uncertain but one thing is for sure, no relationship that took so long, so much care, and so many trails to build, can be so easily destroyed. So, fighting TwinFlame, whatever it is you want, you got this! 👊🏾.

Always respectfully yours 🫰🏾💜,

Marengo.

PS - Dammit! I miss them so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[bypandoramaxum]

journey through the reefs [an atwow series] chp. 1

summary: after the sudden death of your parents, your life soon turned upside down as the RDA took drastic measures to advance their colonisation of Pandora, which led to you being used as their guinea pig in their sick games.

[next]

pairings: ao’nung [25] x fem!human!reader [20]

word count: 3.4k

warnings: depictions of death of parents, swearing, abduction, restraints, manipulation, coercion, human experimentation, surgery, reader wanting out and everyone else being a dick to her.

a/n: it’s been so long since I last wrote a fanfic, let alone a series. I’m feeling confident about this one, as the ideas keep flowing in my brain. hope you’ll enjoy this first chapter!~

»»————-　.　————-««

It was almost as if the universe itself was mourning with you, conveying the deep sorrow that had longed settled within your weary heart through heavy raindrops against the windowpanes as you watched the two cardboard caskets that laid both your parents were slowly being transferred into the crematoriums for a final send off.

This was not the goodbye you expected to bid to the two most prominent figures of your measly life. It was almost too sudden, too hasty, unbelievable really. Your tearful gaze numbingly watched as the doors of the crematoriums slammed shut, but still leaving an opening for you to witness the golden flames erupting around the caskets, which oddly helped in allowing you to process and acknowledge the gravity of the reality you were experiencing.

A vast array of emotions swarmed you intensely, trying to overtake each other, making your head spin in the process, not knowing which one to feel.

But one thing was for certain.

Loneliness.

Never again would you hear your mother knocking on your bedroom door before entering, telling you good morning in that gentle, soothing, hush voice of hers, paired with the soft strokes of her hand against the flow of your hair.

The sounds of sips coming from your father drinking his morning cup of tea would soon become a distant memory soon. His usual question of how you slept last night can only be heard within the confines of your recollection.

The day ended with you being escorted out of the crematorium by your parents’ scientist colleagues, who, for the record, did not seem too upset by the events that played out for the day. It almost seemed as if the whole funeral was just another tedious task that had to be carried out before they could move on to their next one at hand. Well, it wasn’t like that wasn’t obvious, considering they couldn’t even get proper coffins to lay your parents to rest, as if common decency was a thing of the past.

Truthfully, no one really held proper funerals anymore, not in this current millennium at least. With the Earth flooded with overpopulation, people are dying at a larger and faster rate. Something quick had to be done to make room for others more.

“Well, let’s get back to business, shall we? We’ve stalled long enough, thanks to the cry-baby over here.” a man huffed as he straightened his lab coat, ready to get back to work.

Dr. Kurtis Aragon. The man who had your parents serve as his apprentices, unfortunately. You had overheard countless stories of him from them, mostly of how he had no problem blatantly mistreating his staff into obeying his every order, no matter how detriment the consequences might be of said actions, as it was either his way or the highway.

His views of the surrounding world were black and white, leaving no room for doubt. He truly believed his words held gravity compared to the opinions of those around him, and he made sure people knew their places in the lab.

“Since your folks have proved themselves to be fairly incompetent in their roles, I have no choice but to have you continue their work for me.”

“After all, you are the offspring of two rather gifted individuals despite what happened. I’m sure you won’t disappoint me too quickly like they did.” he added.

You could feel your blood boiling, face flushing with anger. Begrudgingly, you held back and replied,

“Since when was it decided that I’ve signed up for any of this?”

“Since your parents signed a legal contract stating that if anything were to happen to them, guardianship of you shall be transferred over to me.” said Dr. Aragon as he pulled out an envelope from his lab coat, handing it to you.

You snatched it from him, tearing the envelope urgently and began reading through the contract. Fresh tears started brimming at your eyes as you read the terms and conditions of said contract. There was no way. Your parents wouldn’t have entrusted your well-being to this man, knowing how much misery he brought to them.

“This is all bullshit! There’s no way they agreed to this. You must’ve threatened them into signing it.” you yelled as the tears ran down your cheeks, balling up  the contract before chucking it to the ground. “I don’t care what this contract says. I rather be dead than work for you or your sick cause.”

“Now, it’s not up to you, now is it, little girl? Doesn’t matter whether they agreed to it or not, what’s done is done. With their signature sealing the deal, I have the willpower to do what I wish with you. You possess great qualities and potential for the RDA’s future, and I plan on fully utilising it.” Dr. Aragon paid no heed to your outburst, lighting a cigarette as he spoke.

“Looks like we’re going to have to do this the hard way, little one. Boys, you know the drill.” Dr. Aragon mumbled before gesturing to his men.

“To hell with the RDA! You all are the reason why my folks are dead in the first place, and now you’re looking for your next guinea pig to continue the colonisation of that beautiful moon. Well, count me out! Screw you all.” you declared before storming off into the heavy rain, allowing it to wet the black dress you wore.

“Yes, sir.” they obeyed before marching to you, surrounding you.

“Move, assholes!” you yelled as you tried to push through them to no avail.

“Listen, you are coming with us whether you like it or not.” said one of the men cladded in military gear.

“I don’t have to do jack shit for anyone. You can’t make m-“ your rage was cut short when you felt volts of electricity surge through your being, making you fall to the ground before knocking you unconscious.

The men wasted no time in restraining you and throwing your drenched, sleeping body into the readied vehicle, waiting to bring you to God knows where. Dr. Aragon just stood there, watching the whole thing unfold with a smug smirk on his face, simultaneously taking puffs from his cigarette.

“Seems like she’s going to be a handful, huh?” one of the scientist next to him uttered.

“She’ll learn to comply soon enough. We just need to give her the right push, that’s all.” Dr. Aragon replied as he took one last puff of smoke before throwing the cigarette to the ground, stepping on it to put out the flames.

“I’ve got one good trick up my sleeve that’ll surely get her to obey.”

“And just what might that be?”

“We’ll have to get her to Pandora first. While she’s in cryo-sleep, we shall get everything ready to perform Operation: Lab Rat. Our next project will be targeting the reef clans.”

Dr. Aragon let out a wicked chuckle, almost as if understanding where this plan was going.

“I knew I could count on my best student.”

»»————-　.　————-««

Five years later…

Waking up had never felt so draining before. Sure, a little sleepy and drowsy, perhaps an urge to fall back asleep just to bask in a few more minutes of comfort, but this time, it came with a throbbing headache. You tried your best to fall back asleep, in hopes to be rid of it, but you found your attempts futile.

Looking around, blue light surrounded the little space you were in. Your body was strapped in by safety belts, and you could feel yourself floating slightly. It didn’t take long for the panic to start setting in, as your hands started wandering, looking for any possible escape from wherever you were in.

All of a sudden, you feel yourself being ejected from the claustrophobic confinement, white light shining directly onto you. As you looked around, you were met with a figure floating in front of you, cladded in medical wear.

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.” the man said, in an attempt to joke lightly.

“Where am I?” you asked hesitantly, fearing the possible answers.

“We’re on our way to Pandora. Almost there, in fact.” he replied, patting your shoulder comfortingly.

His words stunned you, eyes widened in true shock. You looked around you to see others being ejected from their sleep capsules, unbuckling themselves from the safety restraints, which prompted you to do the same.

If what that man said was true, then that could only mean…

No, there was no way. This had to be a nightmare. All you had to do was close your eyes again and fall back asleep. You would be right back in your childhood bedroom in no time.

“I need everyone’s attention! It has been 5 years, 7 months, and 13 days since departure. You will feel hungry and weak to the bones. Please rehydrate yourself immediately with the water bottles in your lockers.” one of the staff announced to the room.

The look of dread on your face was no secret at this point. You didn’t care to hide your worries and panic anymore as your frantic outburst alerted everyone in the shared space, startling many of them.

It took a group of five men holding you to get you under control. That didn’t stop you from voicing your thoughts out loud, making sure your problem was now everyone else’s as well.

“Let me go! Take me home! Get me out of here! I’ll send you all to hell myself if it’s the last thing I’ll ever do.” you screamed at the top of your lungs, empty threats being thrown around, mostly directed to the men restraining you.

“Sedate her immediately!” Dr. Aragon called out to the men; frustration painted his expression. “Can’t have this little bitch causing a goddamn ruckus on my ship.”

“You! You’ll be first on my hit list, motherfucker! Be glad they’re holding me back, ‘cause once I get the chance, you’ll be begging me for mer-“

You felt something sharp pierce your arm, halting your verbal assault. You tried fighting against the drowsiness, but it soon overtook you easily as you succumbed to the effects of the sedation, putting you to sleep once more.

The men were then instructed to bring you to a holding cell while the scientists bunch had an impromptu meeting together, with Dr. Aragon fuming.

“What did I say about waking her up with the other crew members? Do you imbeciles just not listen to anything I say? Her antics could’ve costed us our only chance at getting the operation running smoothly.” Dr. Aragon lectured his team sternly, his being shaking from anger.

“We are terribly sorry, sir. It seems there was an error in communication with the medical team. We’ll ensure nothing of sort will occur again.” Thomas answered apologetically, gesturing to his fellow colleagues to do the same.

“I expect better from all of you, especially you, Thomas. You’ve been with me the longest so far and this is the work being presented to me?”

“It was never my intention to disappoint you at all, sir. All I want is to provide a better life for all of humanity and serve the RDA. Please, allow me to prove it to you, and I’ll be sure to give my very best to our current cause.”

The glare that Dr. Aragon was giving Thomas was deeply unsettling. It didn’t allow him to read through his boss’ emotions at all. He couldn’t predict what his answer could be towards his pathetic plea of proving himself worthy in the eyes of the RDA. Despite that, his eye contact never faltered, hoping his determination will overshadow his nervousness.

“Once we land, notify the sterile team to have a room prepared immediately. I don’t wish to delay Operation: Lab Rat any longer. The medical team better be ready to get their hands dirty.” Dr. Aragon broke the uncomfortable silence before leaving his team.

“Yes, sir!” everyone shouted in unison, scampering to get ready for landing.

»»————-　.　————-««

The shuttle soon landed on the far east of Pandora, nearby a fleet of ships that were waiting, ready to transport the newcomers to the outskirts of Pandoran reefs. Neighbouring the Metkayina and Ta’unui clans, but still hidden enough to not alarm any of the natives. Stealth was required to ensure the colonisation of the area ran smoothly.

Soldiers geared up marched into their respective troops, the sound of combat boots synchronising. Dr. Aragon and his team were escorted onto one of the ships, with the medical team behind them pushing your once again unconscious self, secured on a stretcher with an oxygen mask. Once everyone boarded, the ship set sail and the journey to the nearby RDA base began.

“Let’s not waste any more time than we already have! Medical and sterile, gear up and get to work!” Dr. Aragon instructed with a stern tone.

“Yes, sir!” his team responded as they directed your stretcher to one of the readied surgical rooms.

»»————-　.　————-««

Doctors and nurses were busy prepping your body for the experimental procedure, while at the same time sick with worry, but not for you, however. Knowing that any failure on this would end up with someone within the base being the next test subject. The unspoken dread seems to spread all across the room as it was dead silent other than the sound of surgical tools clanking against each other.

“Jesus, just thinking about what could happen if we fuck this up again makes me want to throw up.” one of the nurses whispered.

“Well, gee, you sure know how to set the mood, huh?” another nurse replied sarcastically.

“You’re really not worried one bit? We’ve been at this for God knows how many times, and there’s not been one success case in our books.”

“Of course, I’m worried, goddamnit! I’m just trying not to think about it at the moment. So do me a favour and shut your trap!”

“How about we stop all this bickering and focus on the task at hand? It’s best not to anger the big boss of the ship.” the head nurse, Tori, intervened before a bigger argument could set off.

A few minutes had passed before Dr. Aragon entered the room, cladded in a surgical suit. Everyone stood frozen in their spots, awaiting their next order to be given.

Dr. Aragon strode over to the surgical bed, giving the marking drawn onto your sternum and just below the diaphragm a quick study before picking up a scalpel that was laid on a tray.

“Your sacrifice shall not go unsung, kid.” he said before gesturing to his team to follow his lead.

»»————-　.　————-««

Twelve hours later…

Most of the staff collapsed onto the cold vinyl flooring of the room, some of them shedding tears after a long, torturous procedure on you. The ones left standing were finishing up the stitches from your successful surgery. In fact, you were their very first and only success case ever since the RDA deemed the avatar program too expensive to continue and started their lengthy and experimental respiratory enhancing surgery on countless unwilling participants, with the hope that these test subjects can breathe Pandoran air with no need for an oxygen mask. None of them ever saw the light of day again.

Except for you.

Little did you know that this was just the beginning of your brand new existence. Your current purpose was to serve and be loyal to the RDA, and that sooner or later, you would learn to obey and do as you were told.

»»————-　.　————-««

Two weeks later…

As your eyes struggled to open, you were forced to shut them again as a bright white shine blinded your vision for a moment. Once your eyes have adjusted to the light, you looked around your surroundings to find that you were in a well-conditioned room. The softness and comfort that you felt yourself lying on signalled to you were most likely in the hospital. Have you been rescued from the RDA? Were you back on Earth? Or was all of it just a bad dream and all of that never even happened?

You were about to relish in sweet relief, only for it to be cut short when you went to raise your arm to rub the sleep from your eyes, but it was stopped short by a handcuff that was linking your wrist to the metal bed frame. You looked over to your other arm to find that it was cuffed as well.

The violent clunking that you caused had alerted a group of nurses as they rushed into the room to calm you down.

“Now, dear, I know you must be confused and terrified, but you must calm down.” one of the nurses reassured.

“Where am I? Why am I here? What have you people done to me? ANSWER ME!” you cried out angrily, continuing your struggle.

“Call the doctor in! NOW!” the head nurse ordered.

The room stared in awe and shock as Dr. Aragon walked into the room. Next to him, stood an almost ten foot tall avatar wearing a green tank top and camo cargo pants. Your eyes were immediately drawn to the figure next to the doctor, the fear and anxiety evident in your eyes.

“So, this one here was a success, huh?” the avatar voiced out while staring down at you menacingly.

“She is the first one. But not to worry, as I do plan to continue producing more test subjects.” Dr. Aragon responded. “Sooner or later, humans shall be taking over this moon without needing the aid of these dumb masks.”

The avatar chuckled at that statement before striding over to you, kneeling down to speak to you directly.

“I’m Colonel Quaritch, commander of the first Recom Squad. Just thought you should know the face of the person you’ll be taking orders from.”

“And why would I be taking any orders from the likes of you?” you spat while grimacing at the colonel.

Quaritch lips pulled into a smirk, as if he was expecting this sort of response from you. He then gestured to the other humans in the room.

“Take a good look at every single one of them. All masked up.”

You looked around the room, scanning every human face in there. They were all, in fact, masked up. You however…

…could breathe with ease.

“H… How?” you stuttered.

“Let’s just say we gave your respiratory system a bit of an… upgrade, so to speak.” Quaritch replied nonchalantly. “Financing the avatar program is getting a little too hefty for our budget, so we needed a more affordable project to continue our operation.”

All of this was getting too much for you. The stress of everything that had happened finally took a toll on your poor soul. Tears started flowing down your rosy cheeks as you sobbed pathetically in front of your audience. Everything that has happened up to this point had sealed your fate forever.

You would never see Earth again.

You would never be able to sit at your parents’ graves for a chat.

Your education could never advance.

You would never experience another day of normalcy in your pitiful existence.

“Why are you doing this? Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Please, just let me go. I promise I won’t tell anyone about this. Let me go home, please.” you begged sorrowfully, any ounce of dignity thrown away at this point.

“I’m afraid we can’t do that, sweetheart.” Quaritch responded, moving to sit at the foot of the bed.

“You’re the first one to ever survive this dangerous and risky procedure. Your value here is far too important for us to just let you go. With your help, you’ll be giving mankind another chance at a better life. Treat this as a fresh start for yourself.”

You knew there was no backing out from this situation in anyway, shape and form. Your only choices on the table were to either die, possibly painfully, or follow the lead of the RDA. You weren’t exactly thrilled to be alive at this point, but entertaining the idea of death so soon wasn’t something you were up for either.

But maybe you could get yourself out of this, the only thing you needed was patience and hope, and you prayed that you would be able to stay loyal to those traits.

You allowed yourself to relax back onto the bed before turning to face Quaritch, looking him dead in the eyes.

“So, where do I start, Colonel?”

»»————-　.　————-««

a/n: that’s the end of chapter one! let me know what you think and stick around for chapter two.

like and reblog if you enjoyed!~

© bypandoramaxum. do not steal, modify, repost or translate any of my work.

[becki-here]

Today I’m going to talk about my thoughts and headcanons about 7212

The main idea

I didn’t come up with something very original, I just wanted to shove them in somewhere together just to see how it would work. So I thought about some AU where the Оnce-ler 72 is the big boss in his big Thneed company and the Once-ler 12 is somebody like his main assistant or even right hand.

And at first, before the main plot, the 12 was very inspired by 72’s inventions, and he wanted to be a part of all this. So he rose from the very bottom of the company to the top until 72 himself noticed him.

And 72 did not take him seriously at first but then changed his mind, because saw his potential and something between them happened.

I was thinking about what 72 could teach 12, what to show him, how to influence, what ideas to convey, what conflicts would arise, because they are very different at some points and have big age gap, so I guess they would have disagreements but also very interesting interaction. (I guess that here the 12 is 20-25 and the 72 is around 40, I'm not sure about this).

About the Once-ler 12

I imagine the situations when the 12 has some troubles or feels disappointed in himself, 72 just silently help him or comfort him, because 72 feels like he’s not that good with words (that’s why he has 12 here, 12 deals with the press, journalists and everything related to the face and reputation of the company).

Also, I have a headcanon here that the 12 just likes men that are older than him so he REALLY likes the 72, I mean he would simply melt in 72 hands, well that's how he looks to me.

About the Once-ler 72

I want to really try to base the 72 on his version from The Lorax (1972). And in the movie I can see him as a clever, a bit sarcastic, greedy but silly man. He is still a bit emotional, he easily becomes happy or annoyed and expresses his feelings. Although I think that during the working process he is mostly calm and serious about things that happen. Because he is the CEO of his company, he just has to be like this, he needs to keep everything under control. So he needs to resist himself.

BUT with the 12, he feels like he can behave freely and genuinely too. Because the 12 reminds him of himself in his youth, all enthusiastic and sincere, so he feels better when he spends time with the 12.

Thank you for your attention!

It's not that much, but I'm going to work on it and hope I can develop these ideas and write a fanfic or do some other content.

[presidenthades]

So... 😳🤯

What did you think of episode 3?

I’m starting to realize I have a pattern in my general opinion of the episodes. When you look at scenes and dialogue at an individual level, it can be pretty great. The writers are churning out a lot of moments that are destined to become screenshots, quotes, GIFs, and memes that get reposted a lot on social media. But if you step back and look at the big picture, you realize it doesn’t make sense and there’s a lot of inconsistency/lack of logic.

I’m still enjoying the show more than not, but that’s mostly because of the acting, set design, costumes, music, etc. The writing is the weak spot, and it’s disheartening. But that means the show is prime material for fanfic, so silver linings? Maybe? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not a fan of the show’s consistent theme of “women are good, men are violent and want war.” That ain’t feminism, and feminism isn’t supposed to be the moral lesson of the Dance anyway.

I like that Rhaenys is generally level-headed, but I don’t like that the show wants us to pretend like her mass-murdering a bunch of smallfolk at the Dragonpit is no big deal, or that somehow it’s supposed to look bad for the Greens instead of the Blacks. If nobody rioted over Rhaenys’s actions, then nobody should be rioting over the hanging of the rat-catchers. And yet it’s only the hanging of rat-catchers which catches flack. 🧐

Alicent and Criston are unofficially having a fight. TBH I think they’re more interesting like this than when they’re just having sex all the time. I do love that Gwayne seems to realize something is up between them almost instantly; definitely Otto’s son.

Speaking of Gwayne: he’s a smarmy rich kid, and I kind of love him. I would loathe him in real life, but he’s just so fun to watch.

I’m glad that Rhaena finally gets dialogue!!! I love that we see her complicated emotions about being sent away because she’s the only non-dragonrider. The leak about her and Sheepstealer seems more and more likely…but I really am hoping Nettles remains in the show. I would prefer if Rhaena’s arc demonstrates that you don’t have to be a dragonrider to have a good story and be of value to the war effort, and her hatching Morning is a great moment in the book.

I also prefer the theory that Daenerys’s eggs came from Dreamfyre, but it’s not a hill I’m gonna die on.

I LOVED Harrenhal. Spooky vibes, Simon Strong just being like “we don’t want trouble,” Daemon’s hallucination sequence, first glimpse of Alys Rivers. It’s giving me ideas for more Joff adventures. Honestly, I would love if HBO produced some kind of Westerosi horror ghost story anthology.

This is a very minor scene in the episode, but it baffles me so I’ll chat about it a bit. When Rhaenyra is worth her council and they suggest “go somewhere safe while we conduct the war effort,” she calls it treason.

Why is it treason?? They’re literally telling her their ideas to her face. They’re not hiding anything. And it’s basically what happened in the book: Rhaenyra sat out of most of the war while other people conducted it. I feel like this particular scene/dialogue was forced to showcase that Rhaenyra is a woman in a man’s world.

Rhaenys and Corlys’s scene was very sweet. It’s also definitely foreshadowing Rook’s Rest.

I’m not sure I like Helaena’s scene. I read comments that she’s hyper-rationalizing as a coping method, but that doesn’t come across the screen well. I think it’s because Helaena isn’t getting the screentime necessary to convey a lot of this stuff, so we have to resort to BTS commentary to get confirmation that yes, Helaena does actually mourn Jaehaerys, she hasn’t just moved on after a few days.

I enjoyed the vulnerability that Aegon shows during his armor fitting, and his discourse with Larys. I don’t necessarily like Larys, nor do I like him manipulating (?) Aegon, but it’s fun to watch.

I can understand Aegon’s thought process to go out with The Boyz as his own coping mechanism, but like many things this season, it’s thanks to the acting. TGC’s face shows a series of emotions as Aegon realizes what a mess he’s in, then ultimately he decides he might as well go out on the town to get a semblance of normalcy. Without that degree of acting, it would be easy to dismiss Aegon as not caring about anything.

It was fun to follow Ulf’s perspective on the streets of KL. His dialogue was a bit clunky because the writers are trying to set up the dragonseed plot. He and Hugh are going to be an interesting pair to watch, with show!Hugh being the serious guy while Ulf is the clown.

No surprise here, but the brothel scene definitely gave me a lot of emotions. 🥲 I like to think sober!Aegon wouldn’t have been as much of an ass to Aemond, after all the times that Aegon has indicated he’s strongly relying on Aemond and Vhagar. Alas, Aegon was very drunk and said a lot of things he shouldn’t have said. Ewan also had phenomenal face-acting in this scene, where you could see him going from horrified and embarrassed to Stone Cold Badass™️.

HOWEVER. If the E4 leak I’ve heard is true, that Aemond tries to kill Aegon because of this brothel scene, I’m gonna be very pissed. We got a scene in E2 where Aemond says he regrets killing Luke…and now he’s gonna kill his own brother in cold blood? 🧐

Septa Rhaenyra… I’m sorry, but this whole sequence was unintentionally hilarious to me. The whole idea is kinda ridiculous. If you forget for a moment that Luke and Jaehaerys are dead, the scene with Alicent and Rhaenyra gives the vibes of two former besties having a spat over something unserious. Honestly I might use it as inspiration for some Alicent and Rhaenyra interactions in my fics, but the big difference is that nobody’s kids have been murdered (yet?) in my fics.

Overall, E3 was a setup episode for future episodes, so it feels like nothing much happened. I’ll still be here next week for E4, but I’ll probably be grumbling about the writing again. 💀

[jichanxo]

hiii jichan, long time no senseific asks from me... am kinda interested why you’ve thought the first kiss scene you wrote several says ago will have such, uh, destructive impact to the other plot points. i mean, it suddenly felt natural for them to kiss earlier than you planned them to, or 👀 (sry i’m awkward, can’t think of another way to convey that i. really appreciate your work)

(context for everyone else. my complaining was in the tags)

hi againnnnn :D well the short answer is that i'm probably being over-dramatic, but since a kiss is a big deal i gotta look over the stuff after that scene with new eyes and make sure all of it checks out with the new context

(more under the cut + general senseific updates for the curious)

it's their second kiss (so far), and i threw it in around the middle after shuffling around some plot points (the plot point shuffling is definitely going to be more, uh, destructive than the kiss is anyway, so i am just being over-dramatic), but uhhh... well it's an early release of tension and expression of yagami's frustration towards kitakata than i originally intended so... that's gonna change how their dynamic is going to feel afterwards until the tension is resolved completely (i.e. they sort their shit out)

i'd just placed those plot points in their new spots and saw a gap in the middle of my fic and was Struck By An Urge so now this kiss scene exists with only a vague idea of what the context behind it will be. ...well, i'll write it when i get to it, i suppose. but it was a lot of fun writing something exciting and new for senseific!

but now i gotta get back to the stuff i actually have to do 😔 which is mostly dance club stuff right now. i am thankfully actually making progress on that front. and later i also gotta check some stuff with the robotics club for a short part in chp 1 and 2. and just give everything a general look for cohesiveness.

chp 1 is, by my judgement, very close to its finished form (i just need to do that short robotics club part and general tweaking)

chp 2 still has quite a ways to go, but i've got big chunks of dance club where i want them now, alongside the existing kuwagami stuff (which is the other focus of that chapter). i also need robotics club stuff here but it's pretty minimal rn

chp 3 is.... well the front half has a direction (resolving the dance club), and then it gets a bit lost. (on a related note, those re-homed plot points start to get placed around here). my focus right now is to get the dance club stuff done and leave this problem to be solved later. when i move onto the robotics club, i'm hoping to see what comes up naturally. for now, i gotta focus on the immediate tasks and all that.

[tenuous separation between chapters 3/4 depending on where 3 ends naturally when i finish writing it]

chp 4 is where the new kiss scene is. and a bit of old writing of where i am generally expecting kuwagami stuff to go. around this point is where things get even further away from a readable state, so i won't go on. ....if their second kiss is in this chapter, feel free to take a guess at when their first will be. hehe.

senseific currently has a working title. chapters 1-3 have titles that i think are not gonna get changed, cause i'm attached to em (but you never know, right?)

general senseific update aside, since that kiss is around (what is currently) chp 4, i am eventually going to have to go over the older writing around that point and make sure it all matches the vibe

[streamafterlaughter]

Fundamental Differing

Chapter XIV: Away To Nowhere Plains

nav | master list | playlist | pin board | chapter XIII

summary: a welcome home party in hawkins, a break from the whirlwind of rock n roll fame.

tags/warning: flirting, consumption of alcohol, weed, swearing, normal chill stuff nothing insane, LOTS of use of Y/n sorry guys nicknames are for couples!!!!! slow burn, mutual pining, tension as per usual

a/n: I MISSED YOU GUYS. i’m so sorry this took so long to update, i was following paramore around the east coast for a few weeks like a crazy person. should be posting waaaay more regularly now. please enjoy! Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated. please reblog and comment to support the author!

—

December 1986

You rub the sleep from your eyes as you wake, Eddie’s pretty face slowly coming into focus. “Hey, sleepyhead. How’re you feeling?” His voice is soft, soothing to your ears.

“Better this time around. I think you chased the nightmare off, I dreamt of you instead.” You weren’t planning on telling him, you blame your fatigue for the confession.

“Yeah? Was it hot?” He jokes, and you bite your bottom lip because yeah, it definitely was. “It was, wasn’t it?!” Eddie hops out of bed and starts pacing the floor. “Let me guess, we were somewhere cool, like the woods. We were camping! Yeah, and you forgot your tent, so we had to share, and bing bang boom we’re waking up the wildlife.” He looks back to you, eager for your confession.

You cackle at his guess. “Not even close, man. You were a fucking rockstar. Got up on stage at The Garden, and everyone was there for you. Kicked some fucking ass, might I add.” You leave the part where you jumped on stage out, not wanting to give Eddie any ideas for future Corroded Coffin shows.

“Can I tell you something?” He plops back down next to you, shaking the bed. “Remember the party? When you told me the band could be something, and I told you that was never really the plan?” You nod, and he sighs, “Well. I was lying. It’s been the only thing I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid. What you said meant a lot to me, and I wanted to believe you, but we’d just met, and I wasn’t sure if you were being serious or if you wanted to get in my pants.” He grins, and you know he’s joking.

“It was both, obviously!” You backhand him, and he fakes being hurt. “But mostly the former, I really meant it. I do mean it! You’re talented, you’ve got a great group of friends.”. You open your arms, and he scoops you into his, wrapping his legs around your waist like a koala. He mumbles something into your neck, sounding embarrassed. “What was that?”

He removes his head from your shoulder. With his legs still curled around you, he grasps you by the shoulders, as if to steady your already unmoving frame. He looks deeply into your eyes, and though he looks exhausted, he is absolutely stunning. You fight everything in you to jump him there, forget about a night out with friends, and just ravage the boy in your arms all night instead.

“I love you.”

You swear your heart stops. In fact, you are definitely dead. You died, flew into some deluded version of Catholic Heaven where you get everything you want, no consequence. Eddie tries to read your expression, and you hope to god he can because you sure don’t know what the fuck to feel. “You don’t have to say it back, in fact, don’t. Not yet. But I mean it.”

“I-“ Eddie cuts you off with a kiss, and you let him. You close the tiny gap between his chest and yours, and kiss him to convey all the feelings your words aren’t capable of.

“Now, put on something sexy, we’re going out tonight.” Eddie rolls off of you, snatching his towel from his chair on the way out of the room.

Holy shit.

-

Your POV

“Is anyone here to pick us up?” You ask, linking your arm with Steve’s as you exit into the terminal. The airport is bustling with families on their way to Disneyworld and Martha’s Vineyard for their summer vacations, meanwhile you’re about to spend a week in one of the most traumatizing towns of your young adulthood.

“Yeah, Nance and Jonathan are- and speak of the devil!”

Nancy and Jonathan approach from the other side of your gate, and you take off running. Nance catches you in her embrace, squeezing you tightly as you fall into her arms. “Hi, baby!” You squeal, keeping your old friend close.

“Hi, honey! It’s so nice to see you!” When she lets you go, you move to hug Jonathan as Robin and Steve say their hellos. Eddie and the guys are further back, sending waves to them. Nancy doesn’t accept that, though, and throws herself into Eddie. “Hey, Ed.” She mumbles into his shoulder.

-

Eddie’s POV

“Hey, Nance. Long time.”

“Too long!” She separates herself from him and backhands his chest. “Visit more!”

Eddie scoffs. “Hey, you’re in Boston now, don’t give me that shit!”

“Sure, but I come home every summer. I know you’re big and famous, but this is still your home!”

“How is the big guy?” He’s talking about Dustin, eyes betraying a glimpse of who Eddie used to be.

“He’s good. He misses you. We didn’t tell him, or any of them actually, that you were coming.” Nancy’s shy, suddenly.

“Because we weren’t sure if you actually were.” Jonathan explains, and Eddie nods, pressing his lips together. It makes sense, he’s made plenty of empty promises to visit already, only finally pulling himself together because of you.

“But you did! You came! Both of you came, which is even crazier. But it’s great! We’re having a party tonight, Steve’s hosting, we can all drive over together.” Nancy blurts, her mind moving faster than her mouth can.

“A party?” You ask, voice raising an octave higher than it usually sits. You sound nervous.

“Well, what us casual folk consider a party. You guys will probably see it as a pathetic attempt at one.”

“Oh, please!” Steve interjects, “My parties are never pathetic. I was the king!”

Eddie groans dramatically. “Yeah, yeah, man. We know, you peaked in high school.”

“I did not.” Steve crosses his arms, and your laugh draws Eddie’s attention back to you.

“I for one would love a Hawkins style party.” You add finally, a real smile spread across your face. “It’ll be nice to see everyone.”

Nancy nods, taking your carry on from your grasp. “Great! Let’s get you settled.”

“Did you book us a hotel? Eddie asks, surprised. That’s above any level of friendship he’s had with these two specifically.

They both laugh. “A hotel? You’re staying with us!” Oh, fuck.

—

Your POV

“So, my parents happen to be away for the week you’re all here,” Nancy starts, unlocking the door to her childhood home, a building that housed many a party, many a D&D game. “so we have it to ourselves! The couches up here and downstairs, the guest room, and obviously Robin and Y/n will be sleeping with me, to catch me up on the Hollywood Gossip.” Nancy winks at you, and you smile. You’ve missed her, missed Hawkins, despite everything.

“When are the kids getting here?” You ask. You mean Max, specifically. You owe her some money. Eddie and the guys make their way downstairs before Nancy answers,

“They’re at Dustin’s, they’ll be over later today. Something about needing to catch up on the news?”

You bring your palm to your face. “Shit. I was gonna tell you over drinks, lots and lots of drinks, but uh, there’s a rumor flying around that Eddie and I are, y’know,” You trail off, fidgeting like an embarrassed child.

Nancy brings her manicured hand to her open mouth, quick to hide her pity. (It doesn’t work.) “Oh, god. Are you? Sorry, that was rude. How are you handling it?”

You laugh, unfazed by her curiosity. “I don’t really know what we are right now,”

“So you’re something?” She smirks.

You roll your eyes. “We’ll always be something.”

She shrugs, a truce. “What are you gonna tell them? Tell Dustin? You know how he gets.”

You shake your head. “That’s Eddie’s problem.”

Nancy chirps a laugh, placing your suitcase at the end of her bed, and Robin’s backpack beside it. “Fair enough. But didn’t Max bet you the break up wouldn’t last?”

You snort, “Yeah, I owe the kid fifty bucks.”

“If I’d known we were putting money on it, I’d be freaking rich!” Robin teases, and you try to smother your grin. She’s right, she’d been betting on you and Eddie reconciling for the past two years.

“Sorry, Bob. Ya snooze, ya lose!”

“Speaking of snoozing, I need a nap before this party. Pretty sure I broke my neck on the plane.”

-

Nancy rouses you and Robin from your slumbers gently, shaking your shoulders while whispering that “It’s time to get up, rockstars!” The time on her old alarm clock blinks 4:15PM, both you and Robin had slept the day away. You take your time getting up, stretching your limbs slowly as your eyes adjust to the sunlight, streaming through the blinds. Your stomach growls loudly, and Nancy chuckles. “Pizza’s on the way! We’ll eat before we go to Steve’s. For now, though, go get dressed. Remember your bathing suits!” She’s in Mom mode, taking care of you and Robin while running around like a crazy person.

You dig through your suitcase, coming up empty handed. “I don’t have a bathing suit.”

Robin rolls her eyes. “Yes you do!” She takes your suitcase from you, pulling out the skimpy bikini from beneath your piles of clothing. It’s black with cherries on it, and teeny tiny. You bite your lip in embarrassment. It’s a cute bikini, but it’s super inappropriate to be wearing around the kids.

Robin seems to read your mind, though. “They’re all adults now, y/n. You don’t need to walk around in a mumu. Plus,” she wiggles her eyebrows teasingly, “we both know who’ll love this number.”

You groan, snatching the fabric from her grip. “Fine! But you have to wear your yellow one. I’m not gonna be the only one walking around almost-naked.”

She giggles, agreeing. “Doesn’t bother me!” She finds her suit in her backpack and leaves the room to let you change.

-

Eddie’s POV

“So, why are we staying here if we’re having the party at your place?” Eddie asks before biting into his pizza.

“Because Nancy insisted on staying here, but she can’t host a party to save her life. Plus, I have a pool.”

“Your parents have a pool. You live in a tiny apartment in Seattle with two other people.”

Steve shoves Eddie’s shoulder. “Man, shut up. At least I have friends to live with.” Eddie’s face falls, and Steve notices immediately. “I’m sorry. That was too far.”

He shrugs. “It’s alright, you’re not exactly wrong.” He’s glad he’s not home right now, it gets lonely there. The thought of seeing all of his friends again, though, is still overwhelming him. He has no idea what he’ll say to Dustin, or worse, what Dustin will say to him.

Before Eddie can panic further, though, you and Robin enter the kitchen. You’re in shorts and a tight black t-shirt, the strings of your bikini visible underneath. Your short hair is clipped to keep it out of your face, the vibrant color having faded since the beginning of the tour. You send a small smile his way, melting Eddie’s insecurities, even temporarily. He can’t seem to peel his eyes from you as you walk over to the counter, helping yourself to a slice of pizza. He has to fight the urge to walk over to you, wrap his arms around your waist, rest his head on your shoulder. It practically pains him, when you’re out of his reach.

“Eds?” You snap him out of his trance, waving a hand in front of him.

“What?” He shakes his head, as if to rid the image from his brain. “Sorry.”

You grin shyly, and Eddie could melt at the sight. “I asked if you’re ready to go?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m all set.”

Your smile widens, and you hold your hand out for him. He takes it, expecting you to drag him out to the car, but you pull him hooking, hooking your arm around his. “Okay, then. Shall we?”

He can feel the eyes of the room on the pair of you, his cheeks warming. You don’t seem to notice, only looking up at him, your eyes shiny and warm.

-

Mere hours later, Steve’s parents’ house is full and loud, music bumping through the surround sound speakers. Eddie’s in the kitchen nursing a beer when Dustin enters. He’s grown taller and more muscular since the last time Eddie’s seen him, and the beginnings of a beard pepper his face, making him look more like a man than the last time he’d seem the boy. Susie’s on his arm, smiling kindly when she meets Eddie’s eyes. “You wanna drink, Dusty?” She asks sweetly, and Dustin nods. She exits the kitchen, leaving the boys alone.

“What’s up, Dusty?” Eddie tries to joke, extending his hand for Dustin to shake. He swats it away, instead pulling Eddie into a much needed hug.

“Hey, Eddie.” His greeting is muffled by Eddie’s shoulder, and Eddie returns the hug without shame, wrapping his arms around Dustin’s shoulders. The two stay like that, long lost brothers seeing each other for the first time in years.

“Missed you, man.” Eddie finally says when Dustin breaks the hug, holding Eddie at arm’s length. “You're lookin’ great.”

“I’ve been hittin’ the gym a little, check this out,” Dustin flexes a bicep, the beginnings of muscle protruding from his arm. Eddie chuckles, nodding an approval.

When the small talk dies, neither speaks at first, unsure of where to take the conversation besides the elephant in the room. “How’s tour treating you?” Dustin finally asks, taking a seat at the kitchen island. Susie returns with two sodas, handing one to Dustin and sipping the other.

Eddie shrugs, taking another sip of his beer. “It’s been alright, pretty standard stuff.”

Dustin chuckles, and the sound is deeper than Eddie’s used to. “Standard, huh? Touring with the ex love of your life?”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Right to the point, huh?”

“Obviously, man! I haven’t seen you in years, and the one time you come back, it’s with all this new information I’m not aware of! You know I hate being out of the loop!”

“I know, and I owe you a lot of information. Trust me, I wanna tell you everything,” Before Eddie can continue, you’re stumbling into the kitchen, giggling drunkenly with Robin as you wobble to the coolers in the corner.

“Hi, boys! Oh my god, it can’t be. Is that Dustin freaking Henderson?!” You gasp dramatically, pulling a big smile from Dustin as he approaches you. You swing your arms around his neck, having to get on tiptoes now to reach him. He wraps his arms around you, and you sway as you hug him tightly.

“Hey, Y/n.” He greets warmly, then releases you to hug Robin with the same welcoming arms. “Hi, Bob.”

“Hey, buddy.” Robin hums, rubbing Dustin’s back as she hugs him closely.

“Sorry to interrupt, I know you guys have a lot of catching up to do. But we’re about to play chicken, and I need a partner.” You look from Dustin to where Eddie is, leaning against the counter, opening his fourth beer of the night.

“What, me?”

You roll your eyes. “Obviously, silly. C’mon! It’ll be fun.” You’re wasted, eyes glazed over and posture loose. It’s impossible to say no to you.

“I’ll be out in a second.”

“Okay!” You sing, hooking your arm through Robins again. The two of you exit the kitchen, into the back yard. Eddie can’t look away as you peel your shirt over your head, revealing a tiny black bikini top.

“You haven’t changed a bit, Munson.” Dustin taunts as Eddie pulls his stare from your silhouette.

“What are you talking about?”

“Seriously? You can’t tell me that is how friends look at each other,” He mimicks Eddie, staring open mouthed at the wall, eyes wide and unblinking. “It’s pathetic!”

“This is why I haven’t come back here, Henderson.” Eddie teases, backhanding the kid’s stomach. “Can’t deal with your know-it-all bullshit.”

Dustin snorts a laugh. “Hey, man, I'm just callin’ it like I see it.”

-

Your POV

You dip your toes into the cool water while you wait, letting the feeling contrast with the alcohol induced warmth of your body. You feel a presence sit next to you, another pair of feet meeting yours under the water.

“Hey, kiddo.” You greet her, leaning your head on her shoulder.

“What’s up, big shot?” Max leans her head on yours, her way of hugging you without committing to it. She looks the same, despite being a little taller, and maybe her hair’s gotten a little longer.

“Oh, y’know. Same old.”

She snorts. “Word on the street is you owe me some money.”

You groan, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll get that to you this week. Nice to see you, too.”

“Hey! It is nice to see you! I haven’t in a while, I’m sorry.” Max wraps her arms around your shoulders. “I missed you, y’know.”

“I missed you too, Maxie. How are things?”

“They’re alright. I don’t live here anymore, that’s a big plus.”

“Oh yeah?”

She nods. “Moved out after college, got a place in the city with Lucas. I’ll show you some time this week maybe?”

You nod. “For sure.”

“But enough about my endeavors, how are you? Y’know, with all this shit going on?”

You shake your head. “I dunno, dude. Weird, I guess. Everything’s weird.”

“I take it you and Eddie aren’t officially back together, then?”

“Not exactly. But not, not together. Does that make sense?”

“Not at all. Good to see you two haven’t changed too much.”

You giggle, nudging her shoulder with yours. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, c’mon! You two used to dance around the idea of dating before you started. You think we didn’t notice? I was fifteen, not stupid! It took you so much time to admit you liked each other, then even more time to figure out you needed to break up. Now here we are again, watching Eddie and Y/n tiptoe around their feelings for each other.”

You sigh, the alcohol not letting you fully grasp what she’s saying. “I hate when you’re right.”

She grins smugly. “I know, and I’m sorry. It happens a lot.”

Before you can respond, Eddie throws the screen door open. “Who’s ready to play some chicken?” He’s very drunk, but not in the sad and angry way you’re used to seeing him lately.

Max gives you another grin, and you roll your eyes before getting to your feet. “You’re in for it now, team Scoops.” You point across the pool, where Robin and Steve stand in their bathing suits discussing strategy. Eddie shoves his pants to the ground, revealing a too small pair of swim trunks you're sure have belonged to him since freshman year. He tugs his shirt over his head, discarding it with his pants in the grass. You do your best not to stare at the tattoos scattered on his torso, littering his arms. You refuse to look further than his chest, not risking even a glance at his waist, his hips. Instead of gawking like you want to, you pay close attention to undoing the button of your cutoff shorts, shimmying out of them and tossing them onto the chair beside you.You’re completely exposed, standing only in the tiniest bikini you own because it was the only one you could find before leaving.

As much as you don’t want to draw his attention, the feeling of Eddie’s eyes on your body surges your confidence. Without looking back, you get into the pool, taking each step slowly to adjust to the temperature. It’s fairly warm, and you say a quick thank you prayer. You definitely cannot be walking around with pointy nips right now. Eddie wades in behind you, splashing you in his wake, steps clumsy. Once he’s settled, he turns to face you, squatting so the water reaches his chest.

“You ready, sweetheart?” You try not to seem fazed by his slip. He stopped calling you that after you broke up, and the only times he has since then, he’s apologized for it. Now, though, with his guard down and his judgment obscured, he smirks at you like he knows what he’s just done. You pretend you don’t get it.

“Sure thing, Munson.” No pretty boy, not even this drunk. He’s not yours, not now.

If he notices, he doesn’t let it show, keeping the same expression as he motions you forward. You’ve done this hundreds of times, over the course of the few summers you had in Hawkins. You and Eddie used to drive over on Fridays and stay the weekend with Rob, Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan, babysitting the kids and enjoying your time as immature adults while you still could. It feels the same, even after all those years have passed, you’re still in the same small town, with the same group of friends, playing the same stupid games. You climb onto his shoulders, and try not to react when his hands grasp tightly on each thigh, locked on either side of his head.

“Alright, listen up!” Dustin has gathered the rest of your friends beside the pool, while scattered guests you barely remember from your semester in high school crowd around to spectate. “This is Drown The Chicken. The first person to fall off of their partner loses. There will be three rounds, each one five minutes. A shot of liquor will be taken by the loser after each round. If both opponents fail to knock the other off of their partner, a tiebreaker will take place. Today, the tie breaker will be…” He pauses for dramatic effect, and Mike takes the opportunity to slap his legs in a drumroll. “A shotgun race!” The whole backyard cheers, and you groan. The worst thing about these kids being in college, is that they’re too young to realize drinking is not the only thing adults do. It is one of the most fun, though.

“Both members of each team will shotgun a malt beverage of their choosing. First one to finish wins the tiebreaker for their team, and therefore the round! At the end, the losers will have to drink a shot of the winners’ choosing!” The four of you nod in understanding. Regardless, you know you’ll have to drink at some point. “On your mark, get set, GO!” Will clicks his timer, and the party guests start cheering, egging you on. You hear shouts of, “I’ve got ten on Munson and L/n!” and “Kick his ass!” and Robin reaches for you suddenly, catching you off guard. The music is cranked through the speakers, giving the match a soundtrack of Pixies’ Here Comes Your Man. Steve wades toward you, Robin clutching a handful of his precious hair to keep her balance. You take advantage of his winces of “Ouch, Rob, not the hair!” and shove, sending Robin almost entirely backwards. Steve catches her at the last second, wobbling as he tries to keep her out of the water.

“Lucky shot!” Robin shouts, stretching her arms out toward you. You lean back, and Eddie catches you, gripping your thighs tightly on his shoulders. He moves with you, saving your equilibrium, and you stretch towards Robin. The two of you tangle your arms, while the boys below you swat at each other, hurling meaningless insults and taunts. Finally, you gain the advantage, shoving Robin’s shoulder with enough force to send her backwards, slipping quickly from Steve’s grasp. She splashes into the water, submerged up to her neck. “Shit.”

“That’s one for team Hellfire!” Dustin claps his hands loudly as he hands your opponents each a shot, and you giggle as Robin struggles to climb back onto Steve’s back, their skin now slippery with pool water.

“Nice moves.” Eddie cranes his neck, and you meet his eyes. His face is soft with intoxication, his guard lowered. Yours is higher than ever, though, and you look away before he can reel you in any further.

“Round two!” You repeat the motions, this time while Smells Like Teen Spirit blares from the radio, and your former classmates yelling and cheering for their preferred team. Robin catches you by surprise, kicking one of your knees enough to throw you off balance, then shoving you to the side. You topple off of Eddie’s shoulders, into the cool water. You stay there for a second, keeping your eyes closed to avoid looking at Eddie’s surely disappointed expression.

But when you dare to peek through one eye, the other still tightly shut, he’s smiling at you. Not his usual toothy grin, the one he gives to his friends. His smile is soft, lips pressed together as if to stop them from quivering with a rogue giggle.

He’s drunk, you remind yourself. You have to remember he’s drunk.

“What now, Munson?!” Steve sends a splash at Eddie, and he scoffs in mock disgust.

“Boys, please, you’ll have plenty of time to play mermaids after Eddie and I kick your ass.” Eddie giggles as you climb his back, repositioning yourself on top of him. It’s more difficult, now that both of you are soaked from the neck down. Dustin hands you both a shot, Eddie’s whiskey and yours vodka, and you both down them easily.

“Final round, people! This round wins it all! See Max to confirm your bets. Are the teams ready?” The four of you give variations of a confirmation, and Dustin shouts, once again, “On your mark… get set… GO!” You square your body to hold better balance, as Eddie and Steve approach each other slowly. Eddie’s hands grip your thighs tightly, and you hope he can’t feel the heat growing between your legs. Not now.

You continue to dodge and dance around each other, narrowly missing one another as you swing your limbs, stretching and reaching for Robin as Eddie tries to sneak around Steve’s guard. After five long minutes, Dustin startles you with the newly found volume in his voice. “TIME’S UP! WE HAVE A TIE!” You can hear the conflicting emotions of the crowd, probably correlating to their own predictions. “Y’all know what that means!” The four of you sulk as you leave the water, defeated by the dreaded tie breaker.

Lucas passes you each a can and a miscellaneous tool to puncture it with. You’ve barely grown to like beer, even after months of being surrounded by it, but it’s the only thing available that you’re physically able to shotgun. You’ve chosen a Red Stripe, in honor of your teammate.

“The rules of the tiebreaker are as follows: You will puncture your can when I say go, and you will chug for thirty seconds before opening the top. The first person to finish their beverage wins the tiebreaker for their team. Got it?” Eddie groans a confirmation, while you and Robin nod and Steve taps each side of his face lightly to psych himself out. Dustin counts you off again, and you each stab your cans, quickly rushing the liquid into your mouth. Will counts from 30 out loud as he watches the timer, and the crowd is eerily quiet, focused on the race in front of them.

“30! Crack ‘em open!” You do as you’re told, quickly snapping the tab of the can to relieve the pressure. You can tell you’re slowing down, grossed out by the bread flavored piss water sliding down your throat. Luckily, though, Eddie is devouring his own, his head tilted to make sure he’s getting all of it. The feeling between your legs has returned, and you quickly shoot your gaze to Robin, who’s also struggling to finish her beer. In reality, this is a race between Steve and Eddie, winner takes all. All in this case is bragging rights, and probably a horrible hangover.

Eddie is the first to finish, lifting the can above his head in celebration. Thank god, too, because you definitely shouldn’t consume another shot.

“We have a winner!” Dustin runs between you and Eddie, hoisting each of your wrists to the air as the backyard guests cheer and boo and yell. You chance another look in Eddie’s direction, admiring his whoops of victory as he high fives his bandmates.

_

Eddie’s POV

It’s 3AM as the party starts to die, and people he’d never spoken to in high school approach him to say their goodbyes. Eddie is pulled into hugs, handshakes, and conversations with his former bullies, and girls that never looked at him twice. Though his eighteen year old self would be relishing in this sudden change, he’s tired. He knows it’s not real, that none of these people even care about his art. They care that he’s famous, and that they know someone famous. But the only person in this room that knows him is behind him, falling asleep on the basement sofa.

“Hey, Y/n?” Eddie is finally able to approach you, after breaking away from another pointless conversation. “You wanna get going?”

Your eyes slide to his face, glassy and warm with inebriation. “Aw, you’re leaving?” You pout, staring up at him, and he could melt. You’d been talking about going home not five minutes ago, but it’s clear your brain has stalled.

“Only if you wanna. We can stay as long as you want.”

“I can come with you?”

He can't help but laugh, you’re so cute like this, so soft. “Of course you can.”

“I thought you were sick of me.” Your face slips slightly, lips twitching into a frown.

“What?” Eddie shifts so his whole body faces you. “I could never be sick of you.”

You shrug, clearly not understanding the gravity of his words. “I dunno, we’ve been in close quarters since tour started, I don’t mind giving you space if you need it.”

It’s Eddie’s turn to feel his own drunken insecurity surface. “Are you sick of me?” It’s barely a whisper, but you hear him.

Your eyes widen quickly, shocked at his words. “No! Eddie, of course not.”

“Okay, good.” He flashes you what he knows is an unconvincing smile. “You wanna go home?”

You shake your head. “Can we go for a walk?”

-

Predictably, you end up back at Hawkins High, the parking lot pitch black in the buzz of a summer night. Even looking at it, Eddie feels the chill of his memories washing over him. This is where he was stuck for six years, where Steve had shoved him into a locker their freshman year, where Jason Carver had made his final senior year miserable. It is the building that harbors Eddie’s darkest thoughts, where the seed of his shame had sprouted from. Where he had to deal with Chrissy’s death, and being framed for it.

But it was also where he met you. Where he’d introduced you to some of his closest friends, where he sat with you at lunch every day, dancing around each other until after midterms. As much as Eddie still hates to admit it, and as horrendously tacky as it sounds, high school is where he’d fallen in love.

Eddie lets his eyes wander in the darkness, knowing you won’t catch him in your hazy state. Your arms hang limply by your sides as you stare up at the school building, seeming to admire it. He wonders how being here must make you feel, as someone that left as soon as they could. It hadn’t been easy for you either, restarting your entire social life in your senior year.

“Do you ever miss it?” Your words catch him off guard, your voice almost inaudible even in the quiet.

“Hell no,” He scoffs, and feels you shift beside him. “I spent way too much extra time here to even think of missing it.”

“Okay, maybe not the actual, physical place. But, don't you miss how easy it was?”

“You’re joking, right? We fought an underground of Hell Monsters, Y/n, that wasn’t what I’d call easy.”

You groan, and he chuckles at your drunken frustration. “Christ, okay, I mean how small our world was, before all that hell monster shit. We didn’t have to worry about people outside of Hawkins, outside of the little bubble of our friends.”

“And you miss that?” He’s genuinely curious. You had always been looking to move, spread out beyond the small town your parents dragged you to. He never expected you to miss it.

You shrug. “Sometimes, yeah. Despite everything that happened, I was happy here. I had a home.”

Eddie’s vision blurs with the implication of your words. Of course, you’d had a physical home, but you'd also had him. And Steve, Robin, Nance, the kids. You’d never had a solid friend group in Boston.

“I miss parts of it,” He finally confesses, turning his head to fully look at you again. “Some more than others.”

You look for him, finding his eyes easily in the dark, and he adjusts quickly to see you better.

“You think things will ever be that easy again?” There’s a hint of optimism in your voice, and it begs him to join it, just for a second.

“I really, really hope so.”

-

Your POV

Somehow, you and Eddie find your way back to Steve’s, tiptoeing clumsily through the front door to a mass of passed out Hawkins alum. Steve is sprawled on the couch, while Dustin and Mike are on the floor beside him. In the basement, Will and El are cleaning the empty bottles and red solo cups from the absolutely destroyed basement, bobbing and weaving around members of Corroded Coffin and DDA, and they inform you Lucas and Max have gone back to Nancy’s already. Upstairs, the rest of your friends are in respective bedrooms, sleeping to prepare for their unavoidable hangovers.

“There’s one room left.” Eddie leads the way to Steve’s parents’ bedroom, the only one left untouched by party guests.

You peel the heavy comforter back, shimmying off your shorts, so tired and so absolutely plastered at this point, you don’t realize he’s watching as you untie your bikini top, letting it fall to the floor.

“Whoa! Um,” Eddie spins himself to face the window, losing his balance as he does. Even though he can’t see you, he still smacks his hands over his eyes. “I, uh, I’m gonna go find a spot on the floor.” He begins to sidestep towards the door, still refusing to look at you without a top on.

“Eddie,” You know the alcohol is making you flirty, and you’ll probably regret this tomorrow, but fuck it. You’re on vacation. You tug on Eddie’s shoulder, turning him to face you. He keeps his eyes glued to your face, barely blinking, definitely not letting them wander. “Stay here.”

He clears his throat, wincing. “Y/n,” Your pout cuts him off. “What’s that face for?”

“It’s weird, hearing my name out of your mouth. It was always sweetheart. Or baby, or pretty, or love. Now I’m just Y/n.” Your words slur together, exhaustion taking hold. You let your fingers dance up his bare arm, his shirt still somewhere in Steve’s yard. Still not daring to move his eyes from your face, he has an answer almost immediately.

“You’re not just Y/n, you’re Y/n! The Y/n, actually, a songwriting, vocalizing, rockstar badass. I’ve seen it firsthand.”

“Well then, the Y/n wants the Eddie Munson in bed with them.” It’s a bold choice of words, but you don’t care. You need him right now, even through the thick fog of the liquor.

“I want to, you have no idea how badly i want to, Y/n, I promise you that,”

“Then why won’t you?”

“Because I shouldn’t. I can’t.” He’s blunt. There is no arguing, he’s made up his mind.

And still, you prod him with inquiries. “Is it because we’re drunk? Because I trust you. I know you wouldn’t hurt me, Ed.”

He sighs, his hand finally moving to caress your burning cheek. “It’s because we’re drunk, but not because I'm scared of hurting you. I can’t let our first time together in two years be something you’ll regret tomorrow, but I also can’t chance either of us forgetting it.” He says it quietly, like he’s had the volume on himself turned down. You’ve heard him anyway, but it takes you a second to digest what he’s said.

“Okay,” You accept his answer, and before he can turn to leave you add, “Can you just sleep next to me?”

Eddie hesitates for a second, searching your expression. He must find an answer, because he nods. “Okay, sweetheart. But I gotta have you put a shirt on. For my own sake.”

You giggle, the satisfaction of hearing your nickname making you malleable to his words, nodding in agreement. Eddie exits the bedroom, and returns a bit later with a piece of fabric in his hand. His shirt. Of course it’s his shirt, what was he gonna do, give you Steve’s to sleep in?

You’re surrounded by his smell, his warmth, instantaneously. You crawl into the king sized bed, pulling the covers up to your chin. You hear Eddie’s pants drop to the floor, before he climbs into bed, hoisting the covers to slide underneath them. You scoot back, and he knows now to wrap his arm around your waist, without the weird hesitation and awkward shuffling before you give up for the sake of comfort. Eddie rests his face behind your neck, the warm exhale of breath tickling your skin.

“Goodnight, baby.” He mumbles into the fabric of your-slash-his shirt, and your body vibrates with glee.

“Goodnight, baby.”

-

tag list: @children-of-the-grave @five-bi-five @wiildflower-xxx @beebeerockknot @champagne-glamour @xxgothwhorexx @therensistance @chonkzombie @brxkenartt @sidthedollface2 @gaysludge @poisonedluv @eddiesguitarskills @kellsck | send a message to be added🫶

[noodyl-blasstal]

After the aftermath - Blupjeans Week day 8 (weeks are longer now, sorry)

My @blupjeansweek prompts are part of a story and this is a little ficlet to tie it all off! Find the others here: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 or on Ao3

When people asked for the proposal story Barry never really knew what to say. They didn’t want to hear “one day Lup said it’d be baller if we made our wedding rings out of bone and I had some at home, so we did it, and look here it is! She did that cool twisty thing here first try. Isn’t she great?” Most people outside their immediate family just did weird squinchy faces about it or looked sympathetic. Barry had no idea why, as far as he was concerned it was perfect, mostly because Lup wanted to marry him and he wasn’t really bothered about anything else. 

“How about the bone church, babe?” Lup asked, stretching her legs out in front of her on their picnic blanket. 

Barry stayed cross legged and hidden from the midday sun in the shade of Lup’s parasol. “I know it’s what your spooky heart longs for, and I want you to have the perfect day, but bones or not it’s still a church.”

“And?”

“We’re not in any way religious? Or, well, the right kind of religious, church religious, obviously I worship you.”

Lup snorted. “Bad. Awful. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Said Barry, and squeezed her hand. “How about the university?” 

“So we don’t have to take leave?”

Barry laughed. “Yeah, we’ll just get Dav to use his captain powers and do it in the 10 minutes between lectures when we rush past each other in the hall on Fridays.”

“Taako would have to be there.” Lup said thoughtfully. “But  I think we could make it work… the drama of the time limit sounds kinda hot.”

“I… No, I mean… that wasn’t a serious suggestion, Lup. I was thinking more like the library, or the fancy hall? We could shove everyone round one of the big dramatic bench tables. Plus, we’d get staff discount. I bet they’d let us decorate it however we want as long as we put it back again after. We’re fire wardens too, so that’s the safety certificate sorted.” 

“Ooooh, we do have all those skulls to en-candle. They can’t stop us from having flames if we’re qualified about it.” Said Lup, sitting up a bit straighter. “And we could wrap twinkly lights round the beams…”

“... oh! And we could probably steal the flaming carpet from the office and see if Taako would be able to transmute something longer.”

“Pssh, he’ll be offended if we imply anything other than unfailing confidence in his ability to do it.” 

“Good point. I’ll let you bully Taako into doing a lot of manual labour.”

“He’s got Kravitz for that. Goth boy will be on carpet rolling duty as soon as Taako asks. He’s got it bad.” 

“They both do.”

“Yeah, they do.” There’s a long pause, a comfortable one. “I wasn’t sure I’d ever have this, you know?” Lup said. Barry didn’t dare say anything yet, Lup didn’t talk about the past a lot. He knew it was a hard topic and he wanted to let her get the thoughts out without interruption so he just squeezed her hand and hoped it conveyed ‘I’m here’, ‘I’’ve got you’, ‘I love you’. “There was just a time in the middle there where I wasn’t sure how we were gonna climb our way out of the shit pit life dropped us in.” 

“But you did.” Added Barry, unable to hide the pride in his voice. Sure, his life hadn’t been a walk in the park, but he’d always had Marlena.

 “We did.” Lup nodded. “And now we’ve built a whole family, and Taako has Kravitz, and I have you.”

“Forever and always.” Said Barry, nodding firmly. “You can’t get rid of me now…” He winced. “Okay, wait, no, that sounded creepy, but you know what I mean.”

“I do.” Said Lup, and leaned over to kiss him on the nose.

[subskz]

Hi hi again! 🫧 back just to say a few things !

I just wanted to say that I love your writing style, it just always makes me feel so immersed in the story! I also love and adore how sweet you are on your blog, it makes me feel rlly comfy and makes me look forward to your uploads even more!! Lately I’ve been struggling with motivation to continue writing and actually post more frequently, and I was just wondering if you had any tips for motivation! I’ve lacked motivation and time and I mean I know you can’t help on the time aspect but I was hoping maybe you had some advice for motivation! 🫶🫶

helloo welcome back angel! i hope you’ve been doing well ^_^

first off thank you so much u flatter me 😭 that’s smth i value a lot so it means a lot to me that you think so! and i’m so glad you feel comfortable here as well! you always have such sweet things to say, i really appreciate you n all your lovely words of support ♡

abt the struggles w motivation, i definitely understand where you’re coming from. i think it’s pretty natural for everyone who writes to go through periods where you're either overflowing w ideas, or you have to drag yourself to your wip kicking and screaming 😭 in my experience, the hardest part is almost always just getting yourself started. once you encourage yourself to begin writing, even if you only get a little bit done, it’s still progress! more often than not, you’ll end up naturally gaining momentum and before you know it you’ve written way more than you’d anticipated!

a smart way to go abt it may be to tell yourself that you don’t have to complete a lot in one sitting, just write what you can without any expectations and eventually you’ll find your rhythm. if you’re having trouble getting through a certain scene or section, a trick i sometimes use is to write out lines of dialogue or actions that i know for sure i want to include later on. if there’s a part you have planned that you’re really excited to write, try writing it out first and then ask yourself how you’ll get from point a to point b. this method can be super useful bc if you’re very invested in the scene, it’ll be much more enjoyable for you to write and you may feel more compelled to fill in the gaps surrounding it afterwards!

other forms of media can also play a big role in getting you motivated! music especially is one of the best ways to get yourself excited abt the piece you're working on in my opinion. listening to songs where the lyrics match really well with the scenario you're writing and/or the feelings you're trying to convey, or even listening to instrumentals that cultivate the right atmosphere, can work wonders for your drive to write and even provide you with new ideas. music is one of the most powerful motivators for me!

another thing i want to mention is that a good chunk of my fics were requests from my old blog! if you’re the type of person who might benefit from knowing that someone is waiting on a fic from you, then taking requests from ppl could be worth a shot! it can also help stimulate your creativity if the requester has a specific thing in mind they’d like you to include in the work. ofc, if you feel like it would only stress you out to have the expectation of completing it hanging over your head, then definitely avoid doing that to yourself. all in all it should be a (mostly) fun experience so don’t push yourself too hard if you’ve tried everything you can and still feel no inspiration to finish a certain wips. if there’s a story you’ve been dying to tell, focus on that and be as self-indulgent as you want! whenever you’re enjoying yourself, it often translates into the writing 🥰

apologies for the colossal response 😭 but i hope it makes sense and can help you out somehow! best of luck babe i’ll be cheering for you <3

[youhideastar]

I'm still thinking about Concord (so! compelling!); I saw your post about Lan Qiren, and I'd love to hear similarly about Lan Xichen. Early on, he thinks WWX will be an asset to the sect, so if he's fine later with not letting WWX contribute, does he think he was just mistaken? Has LXC already seen that WWX won't be allowed to parent, and is fine with that (vs that being a breaking point for LWJ), or has LXC just not thought ahead that far? (Or did he have some other hope for their future?)

Oh, man, such a good question, and thank you for asking (and for your kind words about the fic): my answer could be many thousands of words! Lan Xichen is such an interesting character, and I want to acknowledge that there are many ways to interpret what we see of him in canon, and that Concord deliberately takes the least sympathetic of those interpretations. But even so, he has reasons for what he does… and what he doesn’t do. I’m way more comfortable commenting on the writing process than writing meta, so forgive me any infelicities! But here are some overall forces at work:

Lan Xichen doesn’t know what’s going on with Wei Wuxian. He views his brother’s relationship with his husband as their private business. He doesn’t know what Wei Wuxian does with his time; for all he knows, Wei Wuxian has found some way to be useful other than teaching. In fact, he has! And in the back half of the fic, he sees Wei Wuxian in the library, sees him sparring and night hunting and going on cute little dates to Caiyi Town with Lan Wangji – things look normal. Nothing to be concerned about. So in response to your question about whether Lan Xichen is okay with Wei Wuxian not being an asset to the sect—the truth is, Lan Xichen doesn’t see it that way. After all, Gusu Lan Sect already has a head disciple. They weren’t expecting Wei Wuxian to fill some kind of gap there.

Lan Xichen doesn’t see himself as being in charge (and he may be right). Lan Xichen is the sect leader. But he’s also Lan Qiren’s nephew, and his duty as a filial nephew is to defer to Lan Qiren—and perhaps to the Lan elders as well, who are, let’s remember, mostly Lan Xichen’s older relatives. Officially, he has the final say over Gusu Lan Sect; but as a matter of filial piety, it’s arguably not appropriate for him to overrule the elders or his uncle. On this point, consider the scene in the drama when he tries to send Lan Qiren away with the books when Cloud Recesses is under attack – this is actually very irresponsible on his part! As the sect leader (as Lan Qiren points out!), even if everyone else dies, he has to survive… but instead of acting like a sect leader, Lan Xichen prioritizes the role of the filial nephew.

Lan Xichen is all about avoiding conflict. The side of Lan Xichen we see in Concord is the go-along-to-get-along, sure-I’ll-drink-that-wine-Jin-Zixun side. For most of the fic, he’s presented with situations where defending Wei Wuxian would cause conflict (with the elders or other sect members), but not defending him won’t cause conflict (because there’s no one on the other side standing up for Wei Wuxian). His choice is easy.

Lan Xichen is justifiably disturbed by Wei Wuxian’s resentful-energy speech. This is an area where I think I, as the author, failed. I’ve heard repeatedly from diaspora fans that Wei Wuxian’s ideas about heretical cultivation are intended to be understood as, in the words of one excellent post, “many levels of holy shit that’s not okay my dude.” So I tried hard, in Concord, to get across how horrifying Wei Wuxian’s ideas really are in the culture in which he’s operating. I wanted to convey that suspending Wei Wuxian from teaching in response is kind of harsh but totally justifiable. Like, it’s probably not what I would do, and it shouldn’t be permanent, but the ideas he proposed are truly awful. Like if a high school biology teacher got up in front of class and was like, “I think medical experiments on unconsenting human subjects are actually fine, because it advances the cause of human knowledge!”

But I can tell from comments that I largely did not succeed. (Which I appreciate! This is one of the great things about getting comments - you can LEARN from them! 🥳) Many of those who commented clearly believed that removing Wei Wuxian from his teaching responsibilities was an overreaction at best and cruelly punitive at worst, which then affects how those readers view the Lan elders and Lan Xichen (and Wei Wuxian) throughout the rest of the fic. I took a risk in trying to change readers’ view of an interaction they’ve probably seen/read/thought about a million times, and the risk didn’t pay off – that happens! But as a result, I think most readers view Lan Xichen in a more negative light than I intended.

All that being said… Lan Xichen needs to pull his head out of his ass. You asked specifically whether Lan Xichen has played the scenario out to realize that there’s no way Wei Wuxian would be allowed to raise Lan Wangji’s children. He hasn’t. (If he had, he’d be a lot more active in trying to change Wei Wuxian’s situation, because the thought of re-enacting their mother’s fate is just as horrifying to him as it is to Lan Wangji.) But he should have. The reasons I’ve outlined above are real, and hopefully understandable. But I don’t mean them as excuses.

Being so conflict-avoidant that you fail to stand for your principles or protect those who are being harmed is not okay. And if Lan Xichen is such a poor politician that he can’t figure out how to advocate for Wei Wuxian without violating the rules of filial piety, he has no business being sect leader. Wei Wuxian expressed some horrifying ideas… but, like, once, and it’s not like he said them as a teacher. Ignorance is not an excuse: Wei Wuxian is a member of his family (and the family of a key political ally), and Lan Xichen should be taking an active interest in his welfare.

But Lan Xichen is going to do better. The fic ends where it ends, and after that, it’s a choose-your-own-adventure! But in my mind, the “Wei Wuxian locked up and visited by his kids once a month” endgame, when Lan Wangji lays it out for him in the near future, is as much a wake-up call for Lan Xichen as it is for Lan Wangji. Lan Xichen isn’t just a collection of flaws: he’s empathetic and kind, unusually flexible for a Lan, and he loves his brother very much. When Lan Wangji seeks allies and advocates for Wei Wuxian, Lan Xichen will be the most important member of that group.

I hope that answered your question, and thank you again for asking!

[jacquelinemerritt]

Dragon Ball Z: Abridged Episode 56 Review

Originally posted September 4th, 2018

A somewhat overstuffed, but still delightful and funny, episode.

“Deities, Devils, and Doing the Dirty” is easily one of the most tightly packed episodes of Dragonball Z: Abridged, mostly by necessity, since it has to cover all of the remaining events that take place before the start of the #CellGames. How effectively it manages to fit all that plot into its relatively short 16 minute runtime is questionable, but while the pace feels a bit blindingly fast at points, Team Four Star here ultimately still manages to fit it all in without making the episode feel overstuffed.

Picking up where the last episode left off, is the continued story of Chi Chi trying to get pregnant with Goku, and this is easily the funniest story with the clearest progression. We see Goku vent about his sexual exhaustion to Krillin, who is still the perpetual virgin, and try to come up with clever ways to get out of having to meet his wife’s intense sexual needs, only to ultimately realize that the best way to deal with this issue is to confront her directly.

By that time though, Chi Chi has already gotten pregnant, something which excites and baffles Goku, who had no idea that sex is how you get pregnant. Goku’s foolishness here feels completely in character, as does his initial willingness to rise to Chi Chi’s “challenge” even as it exhausts him, and the constant stream of sexual innuendo sprinkled throughout his dialogue is genuinely delightful to watch.

We also check in with Bulma as she continues to work on fixing Android 16, and discovers an old video clip in his memory files, playing it back for her father. This video is a bit of original animation to Dragonball Z: Abridged, and it tells the story of Dr. Gero’s son, a member of the Red Ribbon Army, as he records a brief video message for his father just before being killed by Goku. It’s a dark and tragic bit of storytelling that helps further humanize Gero, as well as Android 16, and on its own, it’s quite well done, subtly conveying the relationship between this boy and his father.

In the context of this episode though, it feels a little jarring, and the lack of gravitas to the rest of the proceedings is a major factor. I’m also not sure there’s a better place to include this bit of storytelling though, since the show needs to move on to the #CellGames, and the show is certainly better off for having delved into 16’s origins this way. I just wish that the tone of the episode was better suited to this tragic reveal, as the constant jokes surrounding this video leave it feeling out of place.

Thankfully the other two stories match the episode’s overall tone far better, even if the biggest story feels rushed. After escaping up to Kami’s lookout, Goku has a discussion with Piccolo about recreating the Dragonballs, and ends up teleporting to Namek and kidnapping Dende in order to have him remake them, and take up the mantle of Kami on his own.

Having Dende back is easily my favorite part of this episode, as there’s no other character in this show whose level of sass matches his, nor is there another character who plays off Gohan so well (except maybe Piccolo). Dende all too eagerly signs up for taking up the role of Earth’s God, and all the horrifying responsibility that comes with that role, and he even shows a level of brash confidence that can’t be rivaled by any other character, as he blatantly threatens Popo’s life for calling him “Little Green.” I felt exactly as much delight at this arrogance as Popo did, as he twisted his mouth up into a smile, and I genuinely hope that we get to see more of Dende as Earth’s God in the future.

Unfortunately, as great as having Dende’s character back is, the way the episode blows through the story of him recreating the Dragonballs and taking up his divine mantle feels rushed, like we’re seeing this story displayed in its briefest form, and I feel like adding a little more time in between each beat of his ascension would give this story the time to breathe that it needs. As for what we needed more of, the obvious answer is to try and fit in more Dende crushing hard on Gohan, since it only accounts for less than a full minute of time as it is now, but I’m not able to say whether that change would have been possible given the footage and time they had.

The last story that takes place in this episode does not feel rushed or out-of-place, thankfully, and it’s quite the clever gag as well, as a group of reporters interview Cell, who proceeds to regale them with the entire story of Dragon Ball, from the beginning of the original series to the #CellGames here. It’s a very well executed joke that we see in very short snippets throughout the episode, and it ends perfectly, with Cell murdering his interviewer for forgetting to call him “Mr. Perfect Cell.” That’s the story beat we end the episode on, serving as a perfect slice of the entertainment terror yet to come.

Rating: 4/5

Critical Eye Criticism is the work of Jacqueline Merritt, a trans woman, filmmaker, and critic. You can support her continued film criticism addiction on Patreon.

[giantroboticplatypusbutt218]

Oversight

This is Part 3 of the Magnetic Attraction series. 

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Content Warnings: Fantastic Racism, Internalized Homophobia, Suggestive Content, Mild Language, Canon-Typical Violence.

Summary: Rev receives some friendly advice from Tech after a mistake of his is brought to attention. Desperate to prove that he took Tech’s words to heart, he seeks the aid of his other friends to improve himself before the evening is over.

Unfortunately, he missed the most crucial piece of advice that Tech tried to convey.

Word Count: 27,277

Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (Link to Chapter on Ao3)

~

Chapter 2

Word Count: 5651

Notes: Here's a reminder that the suggestive stuff is here if you care about that. It mostly regards the lyrics to a fake song that I didn't write actual lyrics for. Still, the content of the song is implied to be pretty spicy, even if it's sweet on the surface. (I'm just making puns, don't mind me.)

Anyway, I hope you have as much fun reading this chapter as I had writing it.

~

As it turned out, Lexi was in the opposite direction of where Rev took off, as she and Slam were at the eastern supply closet a bit down the hall from the lab. If he had noticed all the noise they were making it might have saved him a few seconds of looking, but he didn’t have time to worry about that right now. As Rev came to a stop behind them, he saw Lexi standing on Slam’s shoulders, her upper half obscured by the wall above the door frame.

“Okay Slam, just a little higher and I think I’ll be able to reach the top.”

With an affirmative grunt, Slam stretched a little further.

“Awesome! Now we just- WOAH!” 

Slam teetered and fell back. In his scramble for purchase, he grabbed Lexi’s ankles and pulled her down with him. 

“WAAH!” 

“OUCH!” 

They landed in a pile, disoriented and aching. 

Upon getting their bearings, they looked up and noticed that the precariously stacked gymnastic supplies had started to tilt. Thinking quick, Lexi jumped up and slammed the door shut, hearing a thump against it just a second later. 

“Phew!” Wiping her forehead, she brought her attention down to Slam and smirked. “I know you used to be a wrestler, but you didn’t need to yank me down into a finishing move.” 

Slam scratched his neck, chuckling sheepishly before pushing himself to his feet. 

Rev finally spoke up. “Um… hi?”

Lexi and Slam brought their attention to him. 

“Oh! Hey Rev! Slam and I were just putting some stuff away. Do you need something?” 

“Actually, yeah. I wanted to talk to you.” 

“About what? You’re not still sore about when I knocked you out of first while we were playing Cosmic Karts 14, right?” 

“I couldn’t dodge your attack because some dust got in my eye, okay? -Wait, no. That’s not what I wanted to talk about. It’s uh…” Rev shrunk a little. “It’s… kinda personal, actually.” 

Slam took that as his cue to leave, sharing a quick glance and wave with Lexi before heading to the lounge. 

“So… what’s wrong?” 

“Well…” Rev rubbed his arm. “I kinda wondered if you could… help give me some ideas on how to boost my confidence.” 

Lexi tilted her head, giving him a funny look. “Confidence? I’ve never taken you as someone particularly lacking in confidence. What kind of confidence were you thinking?” 

Rev hummed in thought. “I think… maybe I need to be more confident about… myself?” 

Lexi crossed her arms. “That’s still pretty vague, and also sounds like you made that up because you’re not even sure what you’re looking for.” 

With a loud sigh, Rev hung his head back, then rolled his head back down and let out a frustrated groan. “Okay so I maybe don’t exactly know what kind of confidence I need but I know I need it and I know you’d have a good chance at being able to help me.” 

“Why do you think you need confidence in the first place? If you’re more specific, I’d probably be able to help you out better.” 

“Uh…” Rev donned a fake smile. “It’s just a feeling I have. No particular reason.” 

“Yeah… I’m not buying that.” 

In a flash Rev dropped to his knees and clasped his hands, staring up at Lexi with pleading eyes. “PLEASE! I know I’m not being particularly specific but this is the most important thing to me right now and you’re the person I trust most to help me with this!”

“What about Tech?” 

“UHM-!” Rev looked away and coughed. “He’s… too busy. Taking a shower. Doing work. Relaxing. Other stuff. You know.” 

Lexi raised a brow. “Uh huh,” she hummed with not a hint of belief in her tone. 

“Come on! I’m sure you can think of something that might have a chance of helping me out at least a little! Please? Please? PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PL-!”

“Alright! Just-! Ugh. Follow me. I think I have at least one idea.” 

Rev got up and started following her. “Thank you so much! I owe you one! You’re awesome! This will help a lot I’m sure!” 

“Don’t get your hopes up,” she said, taking him across HQ. 

~

“Uhhhh… I don’t know about this…” 

Lexi huffed in annoyance and set down her phone, which she presumably hooked up to the speaker system. When she turned around, she wore an unimpressed glare. 

“Hey, you get what you pay for. Or, more literally, you get advice based off of the vague request you gave me.” 

Rev cleared his throat awkwardly. “I guess you have a point…” His eyes were everywhere but on her, scanning across the sparring hall as if he hadn’t been there a million times by now. “Any reason we have to do this here and not somewhere else? Somewhere more private where nobody could potentially walk in and see me?” 

“The only other areas with enough space are the lounge, which Ace and Slam are currently relaxing in, and the 2B storage room, which neither of us can get into by ourselves.” She leaned to the side and smirked. “That is unless you’d like to try this outside, where it’s eighty degrees and any random citizen could snap a pic without you knowing.” 

“I’ll… pass.” 

Chuckling, Lexi turned back around and picked up her phone. 

“So, how much do you know about interpretive dance?” 

“Well I know it’s a style of dance attributed to Isadora Duncan circa 1900 CE characterized by its aim to express various emotions and circumstances through dramatic expression and natural movement as opposed to the rigid structure of traditional concert dance popular around that time.”

“I mean how much do you know about how to actually do it?” 

“Oh. Basically nothing.” 

“I figured, but that’s okay. Great, actually.” Lexi tapped her phone and music started playing throughout the sparring hall. An orchestral mix of powerful percussion and triumphant trumpets set a bold tone filled with pride. After giving the music choice a nod, Lexi set down her phone and stepped into the center of the room. 

“Alright, I’ll give you a demonstration, and then you’ll give it your shot.” 

“Do you really think a single lesson is going to give me all the skills I need to master a completely unfamiliar style of dance?”

“Of course not! But don’t worry about that. Now, pay attention.” 

He nodded, keeping his feet planted and eyes on her. 

To start, Lexi sat on the ground with her knees slightly bent upward in front of her. She held her arms out straight ahead, hands clasped into inward-facing fists. When a strong clash of cymbals played over the speakers, she rolled forward and sprang up in a graceful leap. 

From there, the foundation of her routine involved running across the sparring hall, leaning into wide turns and dashing at the straightaways. It was only after a minute of this that Rev noticed her path took her in a figure eight, punctuated by her ducking and leaping at the imaginary cross section. 

Then, suddenly, she began to move faster. An urgency to her expression, and a severe look of determination. Tighter turns and faster dashes. The center of the room approached quickly. She leaped into the air, but this time, spun into a flying kick. She landed smoothly and continued on. 

Not long after, she leaped again, this time spreading her arms out and hanging her head back toward the ceiling. After landing, she went through one more circuit, skipping playfully and blowing kisses at the walls. 

When she returned to the center of the room, she struck a prideful pose and bowed. Rev took that as his cue to clap, though it was somewhat awkward with him being the only one there. His hands slowed to a stop as Lexi made her way over. 

“Alright! So, what’d you think, Rev?” 

“Well… that certainly seemed to follow the typical conventions of interpretive dance. And since interpretive dance generally tries to express some sort of idea, I have to ask what you were trying to convey. All I can really guess is that it was something happy.” 

Lexi smirked. “It represents when I beat you at Cosmic Karts last week!” 

Rev groaned, crossing his arms. “It was dust in my eye,” he muttered.

“Sure it was, Rev.” 

“Ugh.” He wiped his face, then let out a breath. “Did you only do this to gloat?” 

“As a matter of fact, no, actually.” Lexi walked past him to her phone, stopping the triumphant music. “I really did want to give you a general idea of how this works, and I did! So now, it’s your turn.” 

“My turn?” 

“Yep! So, what kind of music do you like?” 

“Oh that’s difficult to narrow down as there are plenty of wonderful genres out there like jazz, rock, disco, classical, metal, ska, and obviously a ton of others, though I’d be here all day if I got to listing them all which I could but won't. I guess if I had to pick a favorite I’d go with electronic and in particular techno which is great to have in the background while I’m working. But I also have a certain soft spot for the music of my youth- and aw now I’m getting happy memories just thinking about it! In particular there was this one song I used to sing while running around my house driving my parents mad that went something like across the interstellar void are a billion asteroids in-”

“Let’s go with indie pop.” 

“Um.” Rev stopped his rant, smiling sheepishly. “I don’t usually listen to pop.” 

“I figured, and that’s why I’m choosing it. If you want confidence, you have to do things outside your comfort zone.” 

“I… guess that makes sense…” 

She scrolled a bit more before stopping with a snicker. With a couple of taps, music once again began playing through the sparring hall. A base thumped in the background for a few seconds before being followed by a simple drum pattern. As a vocalist joined in, Rev thought his voice sounded familiar, but he wasn’t sure if this artist just happened to sound similar to other male pop singers, or if he’d heard his songs while out in public. Though, as the singer moaned out a lyric about the delicious shape of someone’s curves, Rev wondered if this song was even appropriate enough to have been played in public. Though to be fair, he knew a lot of pop music made money specifically off of that kind of appeal, and that most people didn’t bat an eye at more suggestive lyrics. 

“You ready Rev?” 

“Uh…” 

“Good answer!” 

Lexi gave him a light shove toward the center of the sparring hall, with Rev stumbling the last few steps. 

“Okay! Now, take all those unconfident feelings you have, and express them through movement!” 

“What movement? I don’t have any training, I’ve only got a surface-level understanding of the art form, your demonstration practically embodied the opposite of what you’re asking of me, and there’s no way I can do anything without screwing it up!” 

“You just need to move in a way that feels natural! The only way you can screw up is by not trying! …And by accidentally hurting yourself. So try not to do that.” 

Rev let out a whine. 

“It’s fine, Rev! Whatever movements come to mind when you think about lacking confidence, just do those!” 

“I… Okay…” 

Rev took in a deep breath, then let it out sharply. Off to the side, Lexi simply motioned him to start as he stood there helplessly. With a weak smile, he looked to his feet, thinking of what to do. 

Well, he could jump. So, he jumped. Straight up. One singular jump. Up and down. 

A bit of anxiety crawled up his spine as he realized that his jump didn’t really symbolize much. He was already screwing up. Even the thought of looking at Lexi was starting to make him nervous because he might look and she might be disappointed. 

No. She said he could only screw up by not trying. If he tries, he won’t screw up. 

Rev took another deep breath, then a step forward. That didn’t really symbolize anything either. Okay, maybe a spin- but that also wouldn’t mean anything. Rev whined under his breath as the speakers blasted a lyric about the singer desiring his boyfriend’s savory eclair. Okay he wanted to cover his eyes now, so he did. And he hunched down. And he got on his knees. And he curled up. And he covered his head. And he stayed there thinking about how all of this would have been better if he had a few days to do some research on the general practices and intricacies of interpretive dance before he was thrust onto a figurative dance floor and forced to improvise and screw up horrendously in front of his friend who was an expert in the area. 

He barely heard footsteps coming toward him as the chorus rang out about the sweet taste of frosting.

“Uhhh… Rev…?” 

Letting out a pathetic whimper, he refused to look up at her. 

“I’m… guessing this isn’t a part of the act… despite definitely being a representation of what lacking confidence does to you.” 

“At least I didn’t screw that up…” Rev mumbled. 

“Okay… How about we try something slightly different.” 

Finally, he looked up. “Different?” 

“Yeah. Clearly this isn’t working out.” 

Sighing sadly, Rev stood up and brushed himself off. “What’d you have in mind?” 

For a moment Lexi hummed in thought. Then, she grinned. “How about, instead of trying to act out what lacking confidence makes you feel, instead pretend like you’re in a battle with your shyness or unassertiveness or whatever thing you think you need confidence for.” Shifting her weight, Lexi looked around. “We are in a sparring hall. It’s the perfect place to act out a battle taking place inside your mind.” She smirked. “If it helps, maybe you could imagine fighting the music that you won’t stop blushing at.” 

“I’m blushing?!”

Just then the male singer breathed out a lyric about stuffing his face with cake. Rev was one hundred percent sure it was meant to be taken as a metaphor.

Yep. He could definitely feel his face heating up at that. 

Lexi chuckled, patting him on the shoulder before heading back to the spot she had been watching him from. “Just take those feelings, and kick their butt! Symbolically. Through interpretive dance.” 

“Okay…” Rev replied uncertainly. 

At the very least, he did have quite a bit of experience in kicking butt. Putting combat moves into his dance should work out, especially since Lexi illustrated that it was possible earlier. 

One last deep breath. He could do this. 

He sprung into action as the second verse hit, leaping forward in a long stride that masked how much he dreaded the upcoming onslaught of dessert-based euphemisms. Technically, the phrase ‘fake it ‘till you make it’ could apply, and Rev was hoping that this was how he was going to succeed. 

Upon landing, he turned and performed another leap, this one a spinning kick similar to the one Lexi performed earlier. Kicking was good. Rev loved kicking. He was very good at it. 

Next, he performed a few low sweeps. There was nobody to knock onto the ground, so it probably looked like a very boring break dance performance. Still, cool looking or not, Rev was doing something. And if he was doing something, by Lexi’s rules, he wasn’t failing. 

Since he was already low to the ground, Rev performed a forward roll into a few dramatic punches. By now, the exercise was actually making him feel pretty good; So good he could almost ignore the embarrassing music. Almost. 

Another forward roll and he was back onto his feet. He ran a few steps and leaped again, punching toward the sky, possibly mimicking his desire to destroy this music that was making him think too much. 

The middle of the verse was punctuated by another long donut analogy and a fake slurping sound, which was enough to throw Rev off his rhythm for a moment. He landed his next jump less gracefully but at least didn’t hurt himself. That was the only other way he could fail according to Lexi. 

Speaking of Lexi, when he glanced in her direction, she seemed pretty happy about his performance so far. She gave a cheery thumbs-up, and Rev felt invigorated enough to jump right back into motion. 

He performed a spinning leap, which wasn’t really a tactical move, but Rev was feeling it regardless. Right after he did another forward roll, but instead of punching he dove forward and performed a few more rolls in quick succession. When he sprung out, Rev performed a forward flip followed by a backflip, then a backward roll. Then he got up and spun on one foot. 

The chorus kicked in, and even though more cake talk was inevitable, Rev didn’t care. Why should he? The singer loved his boyfriend’s metaphorical cake and Rev felt that he shouldn’t judge. Good for him! He thought it was wonderful that the singer loved his boyfriend so much he wrote a song about it!

Unshackled from the embarrassment the music brought him, Rev let his limbs spread out as he performed more leaps and spins. Each leap went further, making each spin last longer. A smile had crept onto his face and the fact it didn’t bother him only made him smile brighter. 

He leaped into the air but didn’t come back down. Instead, Rev let his arms spread out and he twirled above the ground. Excitement filled his chest, so he flew around performing various spins, rolls, and flips expressing it. 

Was this the confidence Tech was talking about? It had to be because he felt amazing! And by all of Lexi’s definitions, he was performing this interpretive dance flawlessly! Heck, he was even starting to think the music sounded pretty good! Both Lexi and Tech were going to be proud of him! Everything was perfect and nothing could go wrong! 

“ACK!” 

His heel smacked the ceiling during a poorly executed flip, briefly leaving him flailing in the air. Quickly he evened out and began hovering in place.

Oh no. Everything was actually bad and he was powerless to stop it! The music was terrible and shouldn’t be played in public! Lexi had only given him two rules and he broke one of them! His dance was a failure and was probably never good in the first place! Why would it have been?! He needed to do at least a few days of research before even attempting it! Lexi was going to be disappointed and Tech was going to be disappointed and even giving it his best wasn’t good enough and HE WAS BREAKING THE ONLY OTHER RULE BY JUST HOVERING THERE!!!

“Uh, Rev?” 

“It’s fine! Just all part of the act!” 

Desperately he tried to course correct. He did a forward roll- Wait did that symbolize something? A swoop- That didn’t mean anything either. Maybe a twirl? What was he even doing?! 

Focus! He had to focus. Metaphorical cake began blasting out of the speakers again and it was awful. No! Focus! He had to stop screwing up. He had to start doing moves that symbolized how he felt. 

And he felt like escaping. 

But he couldn’t escape because then that wouldn’t be trying.

At breakneck speed he flew in circles around the sparring hall, often twisting and turning to avoid running into pillars and walls. 

This counted as a dance, right? He wasn’t doing as many moves as Lexi was when she was running across the sparring hall. How about a few twists and rolls? Rev certainly felt like curling up but was not landing to see how disappointed Lexi was any time soon. But he was going pretty fast. Maybe he should use his positioning sense to avoid things. 

He moved down to swoop through the air just as his eyes lit up- Wait maybe he’s going too fast- Wait was that- Wait why was- Wait was he- Too fast! TOO FAST-!

“AHHK!”

“OOMF!” 

THUMP!!!

Yeah… that hurt. Rev groaned as he lifted his head, pushing his torso off of the flo-

Was the floor softer than usual? 

Oh no. 

Rev opened his eyes to see Tech wincing below him, rubbing the back of his head with one hand and keeping the miraculously intact light bulb elevated with his other. Tech opened his own eyes, and Rev froze completely. 

He wasn’t in uniform. Rev supposed it was getting late so it’d make sense he’d just change into something more comfortable after his shower and an orange tank top would be more comfortable. And woah his fur was so smooth and soft looking and his golden eyes really shined beautifully in the light. Actually Rev had been meaning to ask why Tech chose for his cowl to hide his natural sclera and if that made it any harder to see while-

“Uh… Tech to Rev… Are you there? Hello?” 

As Tech smiled nervously Rev realized that HE WAS LITERALLY RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM!

“UH-!” Rev threw himself backward, landing upright and sitting on his knees. “Uh, sorry! I didn’t mean to fly into you! Obviously. And sorry if I weirded you out! I know I was just kinda lying there staring at you and that is pretty weird but it wasn’t for a weird reason! It’s just that I noticed that you’re wearing something more casual which is kinda rare since we’re all usually in uniform- I’m not saying it’s bad you’re not in uniform- Actually your fur is looking pretty nice after your shower-! Wait, that’s kinda weird to say-!” 

Tech smiled bashfully with a soft chuckle. As Rev continued to talk, he propped his head up with his free hand and rested the bulb-holding hand on the floor behind him. 

“-What I meant by calling your fur ‘nice’ is that it looked healthy. I was just a little taken off guard by your clothes and your fur and your eyes- Not that your eyes have anything to do with your shower like with your clothes and fur- Though technically I’m only really seeing them because of the change of clothes- Anyway I’m just not used to seeing your eyes like this-! I also don’t mean that in a weird way! It’s just that your eyes are pretty beautiful and I always wondered why you-! Did I just say-! Oh my god.”

A light blush dusted Tech’s cheeks, his now much more bashful gaze drifting away. Rev also felt himself undoubtedly blushing, though more intensely, especially seeing Tech’s expression and relaxed pose sprawled underneath- OKAY! Rev wasn’t ready to think those thoughts any time soon! He needed a distraction! Right now!

“Haha! Anyway! When… exactly did you get here?” 

“Uh, around the middle of the second verse.” 

They both looked up as a long howl blew through the speakers, drawing attention to a repeat of the chorus in a different key, typical of many final sections of pop songs. And with that howl, Rev finally recognized the singer; A wolf named Randal… or… something similar. 

Wait… Tech had been watching him for that long?! 

Letting out another nervous laugh, Rev scratched his neck and brought his focus back down to Tech. “I don’t suppose you’d like to see any of those amazing moves during your hypothetical congrats party.” 

The area behind Tech’s head lit up, a warm silhouette of light glowing off of his soft fur. 

Rev was once again rendered speechless, besides a soft gasp at the stunning sight. 

Tech’s smile momentarily grew, before his face fell into a shy expression. “Ah… that… was sarcasm. You were joking. Funny. Heh heh…” 

The light behind Tech dimmed, knocking Rev out of his trance. 

“Uhh… yeah. Yeah.” 

“I wouldn’t be able to dance with you in the air anyway,” Tech uttered softly.

“Wait… What?”

Another voice spoke up above them. “Uhhh… guys?” 

“WAH!” 

Rev flailed backward once again, this time shooting up to his feet. Tech too scrambled upward and quickly composed himself. 

“Lexi! Hi!” Rev said with a sharp wave. 

She smirked. “Am I interrupting something?” 

“No! Nope! I just kinda sorta ran into Tech by accident. I was flying around and Tech was suddenly in my path and I was going too fast to stop it and that’s what happened! I ran into him. And running into him just made me a little- quite a bit disoriented and it just took a while to be reoriented and-”

Tech’s hand twitched as he side-eyed him. “Rev.” 

“-Uh! Uh, you get it.” 

Lexi chuckled before her eyes drifted down to the object in Tech’s hand. 

“What’s with the bulb?” 

“I’ve been attempting to use my powers in a new way.” 

Rev blinked. “Wait,” he said, looking at Tech, “I thought you wanted it to be a surprise?” 

“Oh, I…” He cleared his throat, his face heating up as he looked away. “I… really only cared about surprising you,” he answered quietly.

“Ah…” Rev cleared his throat too, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry. I… didn’t realize.” 

The sound of Lexi giggling drew their attention.

“What?!” Rev exclaimed defensively. 

“Nothing,” Lexi said with an innocent shrug. “Well, at least now I know you weren’t lying earlier about why you couldn’t talk to Tech.” 

Tilting his head, Tech looked at Rev. “Talk to me about what?” 

“Nothing!” Rev yelped. 

Lexi narrowed her eyes at him, receiving a pleading gaze. Sighing, she brought her focus to Tech instead, who seemed to have shared her suspicion.

“So Tech,” she said, drawing his attention, “I assume the new way you’re trying to use your powers is by making electricity or something? Hence the lightbulb?” 

“That’s correct,” he replied somewhat proudly. “It’s been a couple of years, so I think it’s about time I really dig into what my powers can do.” 

“Ugh,” the three of them heard near the entrance. They watched as Ace stepped closer with crossed arms. “Don’t you have enough powers already?” 

Tech smirked. “Why? Are you jealous?” 

“Jealous?!” Ace laughed forcefully. “Are you kidding?! I’m the leader of the entire team! My powers are plenty good enough! Well… my one power- But I have an awesome sword given to me by a respected member of a highly advanced alien race! Do you have a cool sword?! No, you don’t! I also-” 

As Ace continued ranting, Rev leaned over to Tech and spoke under his breath. “I think Ace is doing that thing I have a problem with where I rant for so long that I make the opposite point of what I was trying to say.” 

Tech snickered. “Alright. Alright,” he said patronizingly, gesturing at Ace to calm down. “I understand. You’re the amazing leader who holds this entire team together and I’m just the lowly peon that only takes orders. You have convinced me.” 

Ace growled under his breath, staring daggers at Tech rather than doing what he’d like and using his one power to stare something else at him. 

Rev and Lexi both forced back a chuckle, not wanting to push Ace any further than Tech already was. 

“Anyway,” Tech continued, “I’ll be around; Just in case you need the guy who single-handedly builds everything the team needs to save the day.” 

To add insult to injury, Tech gave a satisfied wave on the final lyric of the song just as he departed. 

Rev continued to watch as he walked away, noticing his tail swishing along to the final beats of the music. Wait, looking at his tail was weird, so he stopped. Hopefully nobody thought he was looking at something else. Specifically, something that was repeatedly sung about metaphorically in the pop song. 

Bringing his attention to Ace, Rev was relieved to see that he was too focused on glaring Tech out the door to care about where his eyes may have been. Then he looked at Lexi and… Uh oh… 

She was smirking at him. 

“I uh…” 

Lexi gestured a zip of her lip, giving Rev both a bit of relief and a flood of embarrassment. 

“So, Rev,” Ace said, seemingly cooled down, “what was with the little get-together under the blast of the latest pop sensation? Lexi’s into weird experimental stuff, and I swore at one point I heard you say you’re more into classical and electronic.” 

“Oh, well, Lexi was teaching me interpretive dance and decided to play this music seemingly because she knew I wasn’t particularly fond of the genre. Tech kinda just wandered in later.” 

“Wait.” Ace swung his head to Lexi, face scrunched in amusement. “Didn’t you say he thought Tech wanted to-”

“Shhhh,” Lexi hushed while trying to cover a smirk on her face.

“And you choose to play Tasty by Randal Wolf?”

“Sh-sh-shut u-up!” she said, hunched over and snickering wildly.

Ace let a few laughs slip past. “Subtle, Lex. Absolutely incredible.” 

Rev looked between them, tilting his head. “Uh… what are you guys talking about?”

“Nothing pal,” Ace said, clapping him on the shoulder. “Lexi and I are just having a little fun.”

“Speaking of fun,” Lexi said, “it seems like you had fun dancing for a bit, Rev. Do you think it helped at all?” 

“I… don’t know… I kinda… screwed up pretty badly at the end there… Maybe it helped a little but… I don’t feel all that different honestly…” 

Ace hummed inquisitively. “What were you trying to get help with?” 

Lexi and Rev answered on top of each other. 

“Nothing to worry about.” 

“Just trying to boost my confidence.” 

“Ah!” Ace exclaimed excitedly, “I betcha I could help you with that!”

Lexi’s jaw dropped. “Hey wait a second!” she scolded, pulling Rev aside. 

“What?” 

“You won’t ask Tech, your best friend, for advice, but you’ll accept help from Ace?”

“I’m right here,” Ace stated flatly. 

Rev cowered slightly under her gaze. “Well, I mean, he’s busy so-” 

“No he isn’t.” 

“Are you saying Ace wouldn’t have any good advice?” 

Ace crossed his arms. “Yeah, Lex! You saying I wouldn’t have good advice?” 

“Ugh. That’s not the point!” Sighing, she wiped a hand down her face. 

“Look, it’s all just very suspicious,” she explained. “Out of the blue you become desperate for more confidence, something that you’ve never worried about before now, and for some reason, you’ve decided to skip getting advice from the person who knows you best. To top it off, you won’t explain where you got the idea to work on your confidence and don’t even seem to know what kind of confidence you’re lacking or why you even need help at all.” Her expression grew softer. “I promise, if you just tell me why you’re so worried all of the sudden, I can probably help you out a lot more.” 

Rev averted his eyes, rubbing his arm. “I… think I should give Ace a chance to help me out.” 

“Good choice!” Ace said, already slinging an arm around Rev’s shoulders and pulling him away. “I’m gonna get you all the confidence you’ll ever need! And I think I know just the thing that’ll help put a bit of boldness in your life!” 

Rev smiled nervously. “And that is…?” 

“A makeover!” 

“Hahaha… What?” 

Lexi ran ahead, blocking the door. “Ace, as your BFF and Rev’s good friend, I can firmly say that this is not a great idea.” 

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Ace asked. “I mean, you’re the one who decided to make Rev dance around to Tasty.”

“Yeah but it’s not like he even realized why I chose that song anyway.” 

“Wait,” Rev said, “I thought you chose it because I don’t like pop music.” 

“It’s nothing to worry about, sweety.” 

“Don’t patronize me, please.” 

Ace ruffled his crest. “You’ll get it when you’re older,” he teased.

“You’re both two years younger than me!” 

Chuckling, Ace turned his attention back to Lexi. “Look, he’s in good hands! Whatever it is Rev’s needing confidence for, this’ll be sure to put some confidence in him.” 

Lexi groaned. “Rev, please consider if this is really the best solution.”

Rev looked at Ace, who seemed to be very sure of whatever plan he had in store. He then thought about Tech, who would be disappointed if nothing changed after he promised to take his advice to heart.

“I… still think I should give Ace a chance.” 

“Awesome! It’s makeover time!” 

“Ugh…” Lexi gagged. “I can’t watch this trainwreck.” 

“T-Trainwreck?” 

“I’m going to hang out with Slam,” she said, already turning to grab her things. “Good luck. You’ll need it.” And with that, she walked away. 

“Uhhhhhhhhh…”

“Don’t worry about her,” Ace said, practically pulling him into the hallway. “Lexi’s just being a drama queen.”

“If you say so…”

They started down the hall.

“I do. Trust me, you’re gonna be looking and feeling great once I’m done with you.”

“Okay.”

Ahead of them, they saw Duck, who took the same corner they did. 

“Hey Duck,” the both of them greeted casually.��

“Don’t distract me,” he shot back, continuing to walk as Ace stopped Rev at their destination. 

“Er… o-kay?” Ace said, giving him a funny look before turning his attention back to Rev.

“Anyway here we are!” he said, opening the door. 

Rev looked down the hall at where Duck had decided to stop. He gasped, but Ace pulled him inside the room before Rev could get out a warning. 

Staring at the door in front of him, Duck gave a determined hum. 

“There’s bound to be some batteries in here, right? I mean, it’s a supply closet.”

He opened the door-

“ACK!” 

-and a mountain of gymnastic equipment piled on top of him. 

~

Link to Oversight Chapter 3 ->

[chiruba]

JJK BOYS' REACTING TO S/O IN A BUNNY OUTFIT !

req. hiii bestie !! i can smell potential in this account, so i'm here for a request ! jjk boys' reaction to their s/o wearing a bunny girl/boy outfit (they lost a bet) ?? maybe with... megumi, inumaki and gojo ?? thank you and i give you all my love and support for your work!!!❤️❤️️

an. HII BESTIE!! i loved this req omg and thank u for supporting me!! hope i did this req justice <3

ft. gojo, fushiguro, inumaki x fem!reader

wc. 1.5k

genre. fluff

tw. a lil suggestive but like 99% sfw

► MASTERLIST ► TAGLIST ►

GOJO SATORU ►

— this mf would be so cocky and teasing about it

— definitely the type to whistle and wiggle his eyebrows

— he's probably the one that made the bet with you

— and of course he made it knowing he'd win

"satoru!" you whine from behind the closed bathroom door, thoroughly embarrassed. "are you kidding? i'm not wearing this!" well, to be fair, you were already wearing it, but coming out of your sacred space the bathroom in it? absolutely not.

"come on!" you heard him say, his tone clearly teasing and excited. "you lost the bet, after all!"

"and you cheated to win!"

"baby-"

"no."

gojo let out a dramatic sigh, and you could practically imagine him pressing an exaggerated hand to his heart. "fine!" he said, letting out another sigh, "i guess our bets mean nothing to you."

"it's a stupid bet, satoru-"

"i understand, don't worry." you groaned, rolling your eyes at your boyfriend's usual childish antics. you could hear him shuffling from the other side of the door, "i'll just go to bed." you let a sigh, glancing to the large mirror to your right, your reflection staring back at you. you felt your face get hot at the thought of showing this to gojo. i mean, you could use it to try and get back at your boyfriend for all the times he'd teased you, and maybe even fluster him a bit? impossible, but a girl can dream.

"...fine." you grumble so quietly you're unsure if he even heard it - until you hear the giddy squeal come out of your boyfriend's mouth from the other side of the door, catching you so off guard that you can't help but let out a snort. before you even have a chance to do so yourself, gojo swings open the door and catches you as you stumble out.

he grins at you cheekily, one eyebrow raised and a low whistle sounding from his lips. "you were already wearing it?" he asks, and before you can respond a bright light flashes in your eye, and you realise he's taking pictures.

"satoru!" you go to cover your head, immediately regretting your decision. "i'm changing back right now!" you exclaim and try to rush back into the bathroom, only to be stopped by him pulling you back gently, his chest colliding with your body.

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI ►

— BLUSHY BABY!

— he'd be so embarrassed even looking at you LOL

— doesn't mean he won't look though

— would probably be like "what are you doing?" all grumbly and annoyed

— but his eyes stay trained on you and the outfit

you didn't think last week that your saturday night would be spent waiting on your boyfriend's bed, dressed head to toe in a bunny girl outfit while you waited for him to get done showering. it originally began when nobara showed you a funny tiktok of someone else pranking their significant other while they were dressed in a bunny outfit, and you'd both joked about doing it to your respective significant others. you had teased nobara, doubting that maki would be flustered even by such an outfit, which then led her to tease you about how fushiguro wouldn't even bat an eye at it. and, well, here you are.

you want to blame nobara for this entire fiasco, but you can't help the scratch of curiosity you yourself have about your antisocial boyfriend's reaction. if you're being entirely honest, the thought of making him flustered makes you a bit giddy. you decide to wrap yourself in his bed covers, seeing that fushiguro's designated showering time is ending soon, and then duck your head under the covers like a child hiding from a monster. the door lock clicks, and you hear the familiar sound of the sliding door.

"what are you doing?" fushiguro asks, closing the door behind him as he makes his way over to the mound on his bed. you giggle and hug the covers closer.

"take a guess," you tease, and you were sure if you could see him he'd be rolling his eyes.

"i don't know," he responded bluntly, "are you cold? i'll warm you up." you could hear the slight grumble in his voice at the last part, clearly still getting used to voicing his affections. it made your heart flutter a little, and you decided to stop teasing, mostly because it was the first time today you'd be able to see your boyfriend's face. you quickly pulled the covers back, sitting up on his bed as you stared up at fushiguro with an innocent grin.

"wha?!-" fushiguro spluttered, pink immediately beginning to stain his cheeks. his mouth hang open as he stared at you, eyes rapidly glancing around your outfit. "what are you doing?" he asked, gulping obviously after his sentence.

"what do ya think?" you teasingly asked, deciding to stand up and give a quick spin around, only flustering fushiguro further. "maybe this should be my halloween outfit? oh, we could even match! you could be a magician-" fushiguro let out a noise similar to a growl, and the next thing you knew, you were back in his bed, covers one again wrapped around your body like a cloak.

"no." he said plainly, and you had to hold back your laughter.

"no? no what, love?" he scrunched up his face at the nickname, but you could tell he liked it just by the simple fact that he'd never told you to stop. your teasing smile dropped when he leaned in closer, his breath ghosting on your ear as he whispered,

"i wanna be the only one to see you that way."

INUMAKI TOGE ►

— he got so flustered at first omg

— and said the one word that came to his mind - "wow."

— inumaki has such great control when it comes to his speech, he already knew it would be a safe word

— what he doesn't have great self-control over is, honestly, his love for you

— inumaki's just so amazed at how you're his s/o

— after he gets over his initial flustered reaction, he tackles you in affection <3

you were sure that you've never been more embarrassed in your life than now. nobara had suggested the grand idea of playing 'truth or dare' for girls' night, and sadly, your turn had ended up in maki's hands. you thought that maki couldn't come up with anything too bad, especially not this late at night, and so you went with the dare.

...and now here you are, dressed in a bunny girl outfit, standing in the middle of your boyfriend, inumaki toge's, room. the outfit was bought last halloween as a complete joke between the three of you, and you had completely forgotten about it afterwards, keeping it in the deepest part of your closet. how had maki even come up with that on the spot? damn her brains. your phone pinged, vibrating on inumaki's desk where you had put it, and you glanced over to see nobara's text;

'he's coming!!'

the simple message made your heart pound, your head frantically snapping back to look at the door as you waited for your boyfriend to come through. you held your breath when you heard a key being inserted into the door, and a small noise of surprise when inumaki realised the door wasn't locked. he quickly understood that you were most likely in his room.

"kombu-" inumaki froze, quite literally froze. it reminded you of the times he'd unzipped his collar and whispered the words "don't move,", his enemies bodies going rigid just as his just did.

you began to speak, and then realised, what the fuck were you meant to say in this situation? you'd been so focused on when inumaki would come through the door, you hadn't even thought about what to say when he did. you quite literally felt the way your heart fluttered when you heard inumaki let out a quiet breath, and you heard him whisper,

"wow."

it was already rare to hear your boyfriend's soft voice, even when he was simply speaking in onigiri ingredients, and you were shocked that you had caused this much of a reaction from him.

inumaki finally took back control of his body as he dropped the plastic white bag full of late-night snacks he was out getting, quickly shutting the door behind him and rushing over to you. his arms snaked around your waist, and you stumbled when he pulled you from the middle of his room to his bed.

"toge!" you yelled, arms wrapping around him automatically. you giggled when he began bombarding you in kisses, kissing you on the tip of your nose, the corners of your mouth and continually along your jaw, each a sweet peck full of affection that was more than enough to convey inumaki's feelings. "toge," you whined, now lowering your voice, "maki and nobara are probably right outside the door!" inumaki continues to hold you close while he reaches into his shorts pockets, pulling out his phone and typing a quick message, still giving you sweet pecks as you read his text.

'too bad. ur mine now <3'

ill give u a kiss goodnight if u reblog <3 

©  2021 sinrinyoku — please do not repost, translate, modify or plagiarize my work! i will beat the shit out of u (maybe)

[optimistpax]

@onewingedsparrow I hope you have fun designing some OCs! I love seeing ppls tf OCs they’re always so fun and cool!

 I’m no expert, but I do love character design so I hope you don’t mind if I over share just a little bit about my design process ahaha

TLDR: I like to think about personality, choose what shapes I want to use to convey said personality, and then mold the alt mode design to that rather than starting with the alt mode.

A small essay on tf and general design thoughts is under the cut though if you want examples and entirely too much detail

This is all entirely overkill u do not have to do this to have fun designing a cool character. This is just me dissecting how i micromanage my own design process bc I’m a massive nerd.

For a character design I usually start out by ironing out some of their key personality traits so that I can make sure to keep them in mind when I’m designing! 

For this example I’m looking at Diode (seen above and below), she’s stubborn, loyal, and holds a grudge. A very steadfast, hard to move character. Because of this I want to make her feel very square and bulky. I want her to look like it would be hard to move her physically as well as mentally/emotionally. This also informs details that might be added later (ex. using a visor rather than eyes to indicate her standoffish nature). 

This is the most important part of character design imo! You want the design to really showcase their personality so make sure their personality is solid!

I was mostly noodling for fun here, so I skipped a bunch of steps but I’ll just touch on them briefly here:

Research:

Normally if I was designing a comic character (a design I’d be drawing hundreds of times and want to be solid so i won’t want to change it half way thru the comic) I’d start out with research.

In the case of transformers OCs research would probably entail compiling a folder full of transformers designs. If you want your design to look functional, make sure to check out images of transforming toys in addition to designs from your favourite tf media. By doing this you’ll be able to take notes on what you do and don’t like about these designs, what ideas you might be able to incorporate to your own designs, and decide on what kind of style you might like to use or steal, how complex you want your design to be etc. Some people suggest making moodboards as well but I personally don’t love making moodboards so usually skip that step and just leave my refs in a folder i can refer to for personal projects ahaha

I did a little analysis of why all circle of light bots look the same (imo they should try harder to look different)

And here’s some doodles exploring how they can be shaken up to look different based on that research:

Depending on how familiar you are with human anatomy, research might also include looking up the human skeleton and musculature. I find thinking about how muscles and bones look and work (and then exaggerating them) extremely helpful for designing robots!

There was another post about designing robots i saw a bit ago by a person much smarter than me comparing mechanical joints to anatomical joints (and how those shapes might translate to a robot) so definitely check that out!

Sketches:

After your research, in theory it’s best to do some really quick low fidelity concept sketches to iron out what basic shapes and proportions you want to use for your character. I skipped that with Diode bc I just wanted to turn my brain off and figured I’d come back and do this step later. Most of the time i end up doing this step on paper just bc it’s easier to do wherever. Unfortunately it also means it’s easier to lose so I don’t have any examples.

The one sketch I did do is maybe a tad cleaner than I usually aim for? It’s important to be able to tell what the shapes are trying to do but you also want to be able to do a whole bunch of them really fast. Speed before quality in this case.

I usually do between 3 and 10 because I’m lazy and am drawing for fun but between 15 and 25 thumbnail sketches is closer to what I do for designs I want to be more polished and solid (like for comics). Sometimes it takes more than that to get it right tho. I designed a table for my grandma for Christmas last year and I did over 90 sketches before I landed on a design I was happy with (yikes!). Of course, this step isn’t necessary if you don’t mind your design evolving each time you draw your character but. you know. It’s an option!

Silhouettes are also a lot of fun to do if you’re making a cast of characters tho! I find them useful regardless, but they can be a really fun way to make your characters stand out from canon characters and from each other!

Here’s some silhouettes I did when @autothotsrollout just got me into tfp and we were tossing around the idea of rewriting exodus/exiles:

And here’s some silhouettes I did analyzing the drift mini series bc all the circle of light dudes look the same and I wanted them all to have different body types lol:

Details and Colour Studies

After getting the general shapes, adding the details is a lot easier! I usually make a base “doll” that I can “dress up” with different clothing or different iterations of mechanical details in the case of transformers.

Finding a real life car/boat/plane etc to steal details off wholesale makes life 1000x easier I highly reccomend it. You could even frankenstein a couple different types of cars together to get a cool alt mode and a cool robot design! This is also where a lot of the research from eariler comes in handy. If you’re designing with a TFP lean, most robots tend to have their wheels in their feet/legs and either as a joint (shoulder or elbow) or rescue bots all have their cabs/windshields as their chests etc! Steal solutions shamelessly.

@autothotsrollout​ said it really well: “If you can figure out where the front of the car is, where the wheels go, and if they have wings where their wings go then you can usually just fudge it from there!”

Digitally that can be done by just copying and pasting a lower opacity sketch layer, but it can also be done traditionally by making your own lightbox!

If you draw your doll on a piece of paper, you can put your phone flashlight (or other bright light) under a glass casserole dish or large see-through tupperware container, and use the light to see your doll drawing while drawing on a seperate piece of paper. or if your shapes are really distinct you can just redraw them each time. But the lightbox is pretty nifty and can definitely save you some time!

once you’ve got a design or two that you like you can test out colours to see what you like and voila! You have a polished and finished character design!

Here’s two of the colour studies I managed to salvage (I am a fool and destructively edit/save things all the time) of my OC Wish!:

And here’s the colours I did for Diode!

I probably won’t stick with these colours, but I haven’t done a lot of transformer design before so i just colour grabbed from the reference it this was a lot of fun! 

[lilblueorchid]

Thought process and easter egg on the Digimon Anniversary Illustration! 

Hello everyone, today I feel like explaining some stuff over my Digimon Illustration, mostly why I drew thing this way or point out some little details and easter eggs you might have missed. ;)

Click on read more if you want a LENGTHLY explanation with a lot of rambling from me, or if not you can just enjoy the process gif. <3 

The Digimon illustration was a special one for me for different reasons. Firstly, obviously, Digimon! It was a show I grew up with, and I find it quite fitting that after a tough year of graduation movie under a pandemic, in which I really experienced the pain of growing up, I ended up finding back Digimon. 

Secondly, as a child, I remember spending HOURS looking for fanarts online! I would save all the ones I found pretty and keep them preciously, i still have the folders actually haha. While pursuing art, I always had in mind thatI wanted one day to make a fanart my child self would have gone crazy over! And, i think I achieved that with that one haha. 

Anyway LET’S START! Shall we? 

First off : the illustration process

When I do an illustration I always do a quick draft first, and most of the time, in colors. I think I’m more of a “color” person than a “line” person, I tend to need to see colors quickly in order to see if it’s ok. 

For this one, I’ve always had in mind it would be a double illustration, with the older Tai’s silhouette acting as a frame for the children illustration. It was a bit tricky, I had to make the children illustration fit nicely into his silhouette, it was hassle around the neck area, that’s why I made little Taichi stand up haha. Also used Mimi’s hat to balance the picture : the bottom part is very heavy and there’s only sky in the upper part, adding the hat helps making it more balanced. 

The character were the longest and the most challenging part by far. As you can see I had 3 different steps : super rough, they’re almost like stickmen and smiley face, a more detailled one in which I figure out their actual pose and anatomy, then a last one in which I fix some proportion, add details and clean. Fun fact I don’t clean over a new layer... i just erase the unwanted part of my sketch. :’D

I did a quick pass over the BG after that, then I colored the characters in flat colors before rendering them. It was a back and forth between the BG and the characters to make sure everything was working together nicely. 

Now was the time to render the BG, I did the tramway first, the flower field after. Fun fact, I did my flower field study in order to know how to approach the flowers in this illustration! If your have the time, i totally recommend finding a photograph close to the kind of BG you wanna do, and make a study of it so you can try your hand at it first and go into your own BG later with an idea of how to approach this.

Adjust colors, add flower petals and butterflies and emotional text, slap over a paper texture, and THERE. You have it! On to the next part now...

The meaningful details and easter eggs

Be aware there will be spoilers for Digimon Adventure 01 (but I assume you already know it), but also for Digimon Adventure : Last evolution Kizuna, which is the conclusion of the first serie. So read at your own risk! 

The tramway is obviously a reference to the end of Digimon Adventure 01. The kids used it to go back to their world, so It was their goodbye to their Digimon at this moment. In Kizuna, Tai and Matt find the tramway trapped in crystal in Menoa’s fake memory world. Hinting that had they been caught by her, their memories would have brought them back here.

Tailmon has Kari’s whistle! At the end of Digimon Adventure 01, Kari gives it to her as a memento. 

When I drew Sora, I had in mind how she was in Kizuna, very stressed out by her mom’s expectation, which led her to neglect Piyomon. She realized it too late, and after that she refused to fight because she wanted to keep Piyomon with her as long as possible. Tragically, she was the first one to lose her Digimon. Here I tried to convey a softness and a kind of “I won’t forget to appreciate you” vibe in the way she holds Piyomon’s hand. As for Mimi and Palmon, in Digimon adventure 01 Palmon was very emotionally affected by Mimi’s departure, so, a hug was fitting. :’) 

The screens on the Tramway display DA for Digimon Adventure, and also 01.08.1999 which is the date of the children’s journey’s beginning. :) 

The little drawings also show the 8 crests. 

There are butterflies flying over the illustration, it’s a reference to Butter-fly, the first Digimon opening, by the late Koji Wada. 

"I'll become a happy butterfly, and ride on the glittering wind, I'll come and see you soon. “

Now, let’s the see the counterpart of the illustration. The one with the grown up Tai from Kizuna.

I made him wear the hoodie he had in his very last adventure with Agumon.... but truthfully the reason is that I think hoodies are cool lol. And the hood’s volume gave me more space in the silhouette, which made it easier for me to do the other illustration inside.

You don’t see it clearly, but he is holding his Digivice, albeit the darkened version once his partner bond with Agumon is broken. The Tai in this illustration has already lost Agumon. (Yes it was painful for me to go fetch the screenshots)

He is also holding his dear signature google he used to wear as a child. Fun fact, I rewatched the older movies, and as a kid he even used to sleep with it, how cute haha. 

Also yes, the crest of Courage over his hand, which is his own. I’m so dumb I realize I should have made the time counter from the movie instead of the crest for a maximum emotional hurt impact. 

And the quote is from one of the trailer for Kizuna, I think.....................

But then you go : Oh that illustration is so depressing then! Well. Yes. But no. but yes. But not really. 

One of my favorite shot of the movie is this one : this is after Tai and Agumon learn their time together is limited. Agumon asks him if they will have to go separate ways once Tai is all grown up. Tai doesn’t answer, and takes him to eat something instead, as Agumon was hungry. In this shot Agumon eats to his heart content next to Tai, who’s not eating at all and just watches him fondly. I love that the framing doesnt show agumon. It’s a foreshadowing of their unavoidable separation. 

At the very end of the movie, Tai write in his thesis about Human and Digimon’s relationship that Agumon was like a part of himself.

In a way, Agumon symbolizes childhood, the carefree days we would spend as a kid, with our big dreams and hopes. When you grow up, you tend to forget those simple emotions because you get swallowed into the stress of studies, figuring out your carreer, your life path. Just like us, Tai forgot this part of himself. In the madness of growing up, he lost Agumon. 

However, it’s not the end. He will pick himself back up. He will move forward in life despite his worries and incertainities, and he will find himself again. Therefore, he will find Agumon again. The kids in the illustration are waving goodbye, but it’s not goodbye, it’s a see you later.  In the meantime, Tai is holding on to these precious memories, until they meet again. 

[aminiatureworld]

Burden

Characters: Xiao, gn!reader

Word Count: 2,261

Warnings: None

Premise: Xiao fell in love with your goodness, with your selflessness and generosity towards others. Perhaps, however, in doing so he had misunderstood your own complexities.

In which the reader feels they are a burden.

Author’s Note: I feel like I should note that there are going to be some relatively extreme emotions, mostly negative. I don’t feel like it’s enough or specific enough to be given a warning, but if anyone wants to tell me to tag it for something I will gladly. That being said I’m pretty proud of this one

Xiao

Ever since your first interaction you had been helping Xiao. It had seemed so natural, even then, even when nothing seemed natural about interacting with a human, those strange people from who Xiao must always be separated. Yet there you were, asking if this perfect stranger was alright. And there Xiao was, suddenly seeing his world opening up before him.

Perhaps it was for this reason that your relationship had developed in the way it had. To Xiao your selflessness, your never ending kindness, the fact that you would stop to help someone regardless of circumstance, all of that was normal. It was innate in your personality, and perhaps that was why Xiao never questioned what effect having that kind of personality might have on you. It is easy to assume that a kind and selfless person is also one with a short memory. After all, how could they stand it otherwise?

So when the first, barely noticeable, traces of that burden which Xiao saw so often began to swirl around you the yaksha’s initial reaction was that of utter panic. Was this not the exact reason that Xiao had chosen to disconnect himself from humanity? Was this not proof, right before him, that the chains he carried could not be contained. Though Xiao generally thought of humans as vaguely useless, deserving of protection because Rex Lapis proclaimed it be so, the idea of harming any one of them with the legacy of his own sins, it was something that he could never stomach, no matter how many times he feigned apathy. That you should be the person upon who his burdens should be transferred, how could he bear it?

Of course a small, more logical, part of him urged the adeptus to stop and think. The miasma that Xiao attracted in such high concentration was everywhere, and humans were not exempt from this burden by themselves. After all, did humanity not channel great evil as well as good? Did not the most ordinary human, dejected by their lot in life, become swarmed by little wisps of evil? Yet those were other, ordinary humans. Ordinary humans couldn’t understand the sheer capability to love that you seemed to possess. No, if Xiao could sense such a miasma around you then it was surely his fault.

Still the idea of leaving you was something quite painful to Xiao, to the adeptus who had so recently learned what it meant to love someone wholeheartedly. He told himself that it was best to leave immediately, best to disappear with the wind and never look back. Yet a part of him couldn’t seem to bear the idea; and that was the part that won out as Xiao approached you later in the day, as if in a desperate last attempt to prove himself wrong.

“Are you alright?”

“Xiao!” You jumped slightly, having evidently been lost in thought. Smiling widely you shook your head. “Of course I’m alright! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I…” Xiao paused for a moment as the idea of telling you what was going on flitted through his head. Almost immediately the thought was squashed. After all, would the knowledge not worry you more? “I was just asking.”

“Well thank you Xiao, it’s very kind of you to think of me.”

“It’s my duty.”

“Still,” your smile never faltered. “You deserve thanks for what you do nonetheless.”

Xiao tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, tried to block out the emotions that crashed over him like great waves as you leaned in to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. Was this not a good thing? After all, if Xiao was what cause this miasma to float around you, then was that not your salvation? Xiao knew how easy it was to drown in the burdens that one must shoulder. He knew how easy it was for humans to sink to the bottom of their despair and never once more emerge for water. Why should it not be a blessing that you would never have to fight to keep your head up, to keep yourself from a life full of burdens? Why, why did it hurt so much?

During the night, Xiao would leave during the night. After all, you deserved one last evening of happiness, if the yaksha could even believe that he brought you happiness. Or maybe it was for his sake that he refused to leave before the world was plunged into darkness. Maybe it was simply that Xiao could no longer imagine a world without you, and that such nightmares came out easier at night. Lying on top of the roof, eyes closed, ears focused on the familiar tread of your feet, Xiao willed himself not to think. He could regret when he was far away from you, when you were once more safe. For now he could only follow that ritual which had so long kept him sane, kept him from joining his brethren. For now he thought only of the contract he had once made.

The sound of your feet on the ground below came all too soon, as the sun finally began its descent across the heavens in earnest. Keeping his eyes closed, as if to stall the darkness for a little longer, Xiao took a deep breath in. He needed to steel himself for this evening; if not, well, Xiao had no wish to cry for the first time in a millennia.

Only once these thoughts finished flitting around in his head did the yaksha finally recognize the change in your footfall. Usually you were very light on your feet, dashing this way and that, stopping to ask Goldet or Yanxiao some mundane question, inquiring after the old lady who had basically set up permanent residence on the bottom floor of the Inn. This time, however, you seemed to drag, as if you were indeed carrying something very heavy. Alarm flashing through him, Xiao willed himself into perfect stillness. He wished to hear more, wished to understand what had caused such a change in you.

What he certainly hadn’t expected was the labored breathing of someone seconds away from tears.

The moment Xiao heard the door to your room close the sobbing began in earnest. Though you certainly seemed to be trying your hardest to hide your tears the sound of your muffled sobs rang through Xiao like a siren, flaring up every bit of alarm he had to offer. Jumping off of the roof Xiao catapulted his way through the hallways of the Inn, not bothering to hide his presence to the few, very confused, residents that were out. Reaching your room he didn’t allow himself a moment’s hesitation before grabbing the knob and opening the door.

Your head snapped up, eyes a mixture of dark emotions as you stared at him. For a moment you seemed ready to flee, to run and hide somewhere, or perhaps to throw him out. However almost immediately you seemed to sink back into yourself, and though Xiao could still sense your distress, at least the initial shock of his arrival seemed to have passed as quickly as it would otherwise.

“Xiao! I, I didn’t expect you. I, could, could you leave? I don’t, I don’t want, I don’t want to be seen right now.” It was all you could get out before another round of sobs wracked through your body.

Trying to remember what you had done for so many people, for himself, Xiao grabbed the pitcher that sat at one of the tables in the room. Pouring some water into a glass he crept towards you as softly as possible, hoping that he could convey his worries in these odd, brusque actions. He knew that he didn’t have the talent you had to comfort people, knew that all his gestures of kindness inevitably came out cramped and awkward. Nevertheless he shoved the glass into your hands, staring just past you as you tentatively downed the water. Taking the glass from you Xiao then reached out one of his palms to you. His relief when you placed your own palm on top of his was indescribable.

“I guess you probably would like an explanation,” you rasped out.

Xiao said nothing, waiting for you to act on your own. If he knew anything the yaksha knew that attempting to force the truth out of anyone would never worked. Hadn’t his own years as a pariah taught him that.

“It’s just,” you finally continued, taking in deep, labored breaths. “It’s just so hard. It’s so hard Xiao, I can’t stand it anymore!”

“Stand it?”

“Stand the… the hurt!”

Your eyes filled with tears, and you went to grab the handkerchief that you left on your nightstand. You always needed one with you, as your eyes stung terribly whenever you began to cry. Xiao said nothing as you sobbed once more, only moving to draw small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.

“It hurts so much, to see other people. To hear their problems. Not that it’s their fault, or that I don’t want to help them. I do, I really do. I look at all the people suffering near me and I just want to take all their burdens and give it to myself, after all they don’t deserve all their sufferings. But it’s so hard Xiao, it’s so hard to take on people’s burdens, even a little bit. And I feel so selfish when I think that, so selfish and so worthless. How can I say that? But it’s true, it’s really, really true. And when I think about that, when I think about all the other people suffering worse than me, it just makes me feel so horribly selfish. Like, like all my problems are so stupid and selfish and telling others would only hurt them, and didn’t I want to take everyone else’s burdens away? I’m so stupid. And it just, it hurts.”

Xiao sat there quietly once more, waiting as you cried. At one point you seemed to collapse in on yourself, leaning against his shoulder as if to support yourself. Only then did Xiao allow himself to move. Carding his hands through your hair he said nothing, he merely waited.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. You already have enough burdens, I know. I shouldn’t be complaining to you of all people. I, if you want you can tell me if something is wrong. I mean, you always can, I, just. I don’t know. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“My burdens are my own,” Xiao replied softly, finally letting the emotions swirling through him try to string together as words. “It has nothing to do with you. It never will. You, you should come to me when you feel burdened.”

“But then I’m only passing my problems onto you!”

“I told you, my chains are my own. They are the payment for my contract. They aren’t what you tell me or push on me. If you feel these burdens then give to me. That is my duty.”

“But Xiao, I, I don’t want to. I don’t want to be a problem.”

“How can you say something so stupid,” Xiao scoffed. Bringing his hand to your cheek he sighed softly. “You will never be a problem. You will always be dear to me. Let me help you. You help so many humans. I want to help you.”

“I, I don’t know,” you spoke, voice faltering.

Though Xiao could still feel the tension in the air, could still see the miasma which swirled around you, there was something fragile about it. It was as if Xiao could reach through the tangled threads and pull them away, if only he could find a way to do so. Stroking your cheek softly Xiao pressed his forehead to yours. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath in. After a few moments he heard you do the same.

The rest of the evening Xiao stayed vigilant by your side, listening as you finally let yourself say all the things that had been weighing down upon you. It was painful, listening to you. Xiao constantly had to fight the urge to tell you how wrong you were, how much you mattered and how far he would go to bring you all the happiness he could possible gather in his stained hands. Still he said nothing, for if you had taught him anything it was that simply listening could do infinitely more than promising to fight or trying to shoulder each burden as you lay them out in the daylight.

Eventually you grew exhausted, a combination of the crying and the talking and the reliving. As Xiao listened to your breath even out, softly shifting your head from leaning on his shoulder to resting in his lap, the yaksha thought about all that had happened.

Xiao had assumed that you were somehow above all the humans around you. Purer, gentler, kinder. He hadn’t stopped to think how that might have affected you. Now that he knew that wasn’t true, now that Xiao knew how deeply you felt, how sometimes your mind too chased after darkness or found itself struggling to keep above water, he couldn’t help but feel as if he’d missed something before. Perhaps you shouldered these burdens and perhaps you were just as human as the rest. You were still kind, kind and selfless and utterly beautiful. And Xiao still loved you in a way that continued to burn brightly through his soul.