#not sure how to feel about how quick that sold out like. hope it wasn't scaplers? cautiously optimistic for more fun tie ins?

[starlit-mansion]

was not able to get loot dicebag plushie unfortch but my partner did get me the kellan playmat so a little guy like me can have one son

[echantedtoon]

Still Not Over You

Xmas Gift for @lavenderdropp I know it's really early but I have so many projects planned for the next three months that I have to get these done early.

Kimetsu Gauken Kokushibo x Reader x Sanemi

*You didn't exactly know how or why it happened but somehow you ended up getting divorced within a year and a half of you both getting married.

*You both met in highschool and had hit it off immediately. Dating ever since you both were fourteen and upon graduation got married at eighteen. It seemed perfectly natural to do at the time. You both were madly in love with each other, and you got along with his entire family. So imagine your surprise when he asked you for a divorce almost two years into your marriage.

*It was heartbreaking and came out of no where but no matter how much you cried or how much you asked why, he refused to elaborate on why insisting you both just sign the papers he brought with him and be amicable about this.

*What he hadn't told you was that he was forced to divorce you by nature of the dangers of his job. Working as a spy and secretary for Muzan meant lots of enemies surrounding the corrupt politician trying to take over Japan. I'm order to protect you, he had to divorce you and he it hurt him just as much as you.

*He made sure to leave you everything he could in the divorce. The house, car, and most of his money was handed over as compensation as he moved out to begin his new profession and new life. He later hears that you had sold the house you both used to share and moved away. He's heartbroken but not surprised really. He only hopes that in time you'll forgive him.

*Three years passed. He's now working as Muzan's personal secretary and security. He hasn't seen you in forever. The last he heard, you had graduated from college and was looking for a job. So he really wasn't expecting you to show up at a meeting between Muzan and his cousin Kagaya. Both of them brought their secretaries to take notes during the meeting. 

*He was shocked to see you there and vice versa staring at each other.. before you remained professional and just kept your focus on the meeting. Seeing you there was whiplash enough but seeing you working for Kagaya? A feeling of hurt and betrayal festered in his heart. He makes sure to ask Nakime about you , and she reveals that you're her secretary and was Hired by Kagaya about three years ago now.

*Heart pounding he tries to contact you again. Getting your number from Nakime but finding out he's blocked on there and your other social medias. He understands that you don't want to see him but he can't help himself. He ends up taking a day off and waiting for you to leave. Well he spots you and surprises you by blocking your way and stopping you 

*You immediately get angry. The calm conversation he tries to have devolving into an argument with you yelling at him. The yelling attracts looks and the attention of a white haired man around the corner. "Oi, Y/n! This asshole bothering you?"

*The man who came around the corner was Sanemi, the school's math teacher.. Kokushibo recognized him from the information Nakime gave him. However what he wasn't expecting was for the smaller man to come up to you and wrap an arm around your waist in a protective stance. "Is this guy bothering you, Honey?"

*HONEY?! WHAT?! "What?"  "This is my boyfriend. We've been dating for two years." It turns out once you started working for Kagaya, Sanemi fell for yoh at first sight. You were just so kind, sweet, and treated him with respect. He wasn't used to it 

*You both became quick friends however you weren't ready for another relationship yet which he respected. You hadn't really met a man like Sanemi before. Despite his outward appearance and generally brashness, he was actually a super sweet guy who loved kids and respected women. You saw that in the way he treated the lady staff and how passionate he was about teaching.

*You were slowly getting over your heartbreak of Kokushibo and fell more and more and MORE for Sanemi who didn't look down on you for being a divorced woman. He treated you no differently than everyone else. You finally agreed to go on a lunch date with him and you two have been together ever since 

*SANEMI quickly put two and two together for who Kokushibo was and he was not having it. He's grip tightened up on you, viens popped up along his body, and the urge to just pummel the taller man in front of him was high but he restrained himself. He didn't want to make a scene in front of you and the kids.

*Kokushibo is deadly calm but he's restraining himself as well because his fists are shaking as he stares at Sanemi. Eventually it ends when you grab Sanemi's arm and start pulling him away after sending your ex a glare. "He's not worth it, Nemi. Good bye, Michikatsu. Don't try contacting me again."

*His heart breaks in two seeing you cling on the arm of another man, fists tightening before he leaves. You best bet that this wasn't over because both men aren't willing to give you up so easily.

[lucy90712]

Hii how are you? I saw your post about sending in requests soo here I am haha :)

Could you write smth with Marc guiu and like long distance relationship (reader is from another country, I'd love Germany cos I'm from there but any country is okay) and like her surprising him with a visit, maybe she comes to a game and like waits for him after as the 'surprise' kinda. Feel free to adjust or change things if you want :)

Thanks so much in advance and I hope you have a great day!

Being in a long distance relationship is hard especially when there was a time that you weren't long distance it becomes hard to separate yourself from the person you love but sometimes it has to be done. This is exactly how it is for me and Marc as a few years ago my family moved to Barcelona which is where we met and became friends for a few months before we started dating. For a year we were so happy together until my dad lost his job and got a new one back home in Germany so we had no choice but to be long distance which was so hard at first but we have made it work as best as possible but I still miss him a lot. 

A few weeks ago Marc got a move to Chelsea which he was really excited about and I was really happy for him. Between his move and preseason we haven't seen each other in like two months which is the longest we've gone without seeing each other. This weekend is supposed to be Marc's first game which he thinks I can't make it to but I've been lying to him so I can surprise him. It's not all a lie originally I didn't think I could go as I was supposed to be going to a family event but things got moved around and I just didn't tell him as I thought it would be fun to surprise him. 

Getting tickets to the match wasn't easy as they were all sold out and I'm not as familiar with Marc's new Chelsea teammates as I was with his Barcelona teammates. In the end I was brave and dm'ed one of his teammates to ask for help getting tickets and he was so helpful and gave me a way to get hold of tickets and offered to help me surprise Marc which I took him up on as I have no idea how to go about things. His teammate made sure that I knew how to get to the stadium and where would be the best place to stay the night before the game and he sorted things out so I'd be allowed into the back of the stadium with the rest of the players friends and families so I can actually surprise Marc after the game. 

Now things are all set in place and all I have to do is keep this hidden from Marc which won't be easy as we always FaceTime every night and I'm scared he'll notice that I'm not in my room as I'm staying in a hotel close to the stadium. Marc is quite observant he always notices when I've had my hair cut even if it's just a trim and he can always tell when I've changed my skincare or makeup routine so fooling him isn't going to be easy. I thought he'd have caught on before I even got here as we quite often text throughout the day and I had to have my phone off while I was on the plane but luckily I was able to say that I was caught up with something and didn't check my phone which he believed. 

As soon as I arrived to the hotel and dropped my suitcase off I went back out onto the streets to go the the Chelsea store which is close to the stadium to find a shirt with Marc's name and number on. He said that he would send me a shirt but he hasn't been able to yet as he hasn't got an official game day shirt that he can part with. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't wear his shirt especially for his first game at a new club so I took matters into my own hand to try and find a shirt for myself. The store was much bigger than I expected it to be and it was filled with people but I managed to navigate my way around until I finally found a shirt with Marc's name on it which I bought and got out of there as quick as possible. 

Like clockwork Marc FaceTimed me at 8pm and I had to do my best to try and keep the camera on me and not show much of the room so he wouldn't get too suspicious. To start with Marc seemed confused and was looking at my surroundings but he didn't say anything so neither did I. We had a normal conversation about what we had done today and I had to completely make things up which he just believed as he trusts me enough to not question anything I say which is really sweet and helpful in this specific situation. We talked for hours until I had to pretend to need to go as I was supposed to be up early for this family event he still thinks I'm going to so we said goodnight to each other and I just hoped and prayed that Marc wasn't too suspicious about my surroundings. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to my alarm and a few texts from Marc telling me to have a good time with my family so I wished him luck at his game before getting up and getting ready. Once I was ready I still had hours until I needed to leave for the game and I had no idea what to do with myself. I was so nervous for Marc, I always get nervous before Marc plays but for some reason today I'm extra nervous for him. Playing for a new club in a different league especially such a competitive one like the premier league is nerve wracking and playing at Chelsea comes with another level of competition and pressure that I know Marc can handle but that doesn't mean I can't be nervous for him. 

Eventually the time came for me to leave so I changed into the shirt I bought yesterday and grabbed all my things before calling a taxi to get to the stadium. There was so much traffic on the road but I allowed plenty of time to get there so by the time I arrived there was still enough time for me to find my seat and take in the stadium before the match started. I have been to all sorts of stadiums to watch Marc play but most of them don't compare to Stamford bridge even though there was a lot of empty seats the atmosphere was amazing people were really in the spirit and ready for the first match of the new season. 

Soon enough the players came out to warm up and as always my eyes were drawn to Marc as he ran across the pitch and kicked a ball around to get himself ready. He wasn't in the starting line up which wasn't a huge surprise to me but I'm hoping he can play in the second half as I'd love to see him actually play. Watching him out there made me so excited to surprise him after the match I know he wished I could be here but he would never say that as he doesn't like to make me feel bad when I can't make it to big matches. In just under two hours I can finally hug and kiss him again which I've missed so much while we've been apart but for now I have to wait a bit longer. 

The match didn't get off to the best start with Chelsea conceding within the first 20 minutes then they had a few good chances which unfortunately they weren't be able to convert. Half time came around and not much changed but 66 minutes into the game Marc finally came on. He received a loud cheer from the crowd which really warmed my heart as I know he was worried about being accepted by the fans but that doesn't seem like it's going to be a problem. Marc played well trying to make runs and get close to the goal to help the team but ultimately it didn't make a difference as the match ended 2-0 after an 84th minute goal from Kovacic which wasn't well received by the home fans but in the end they didn't care so much about that and more about the loss. 

I wasn't thinking about the loss I was thinking about Marc, the players were still out on the pitch but as soon as they started making their way off I left my seat and headed towards the back parts of the stadium so I can finally see Marc. Security let me straight through and directed me to where I needed to go to find the locker rooms. Just as I made it down there the players started to head towards the locker room and I was able to spot Marc down the corridor as he was talking to Sanchez so he hadn't noticed me yet. The closer he got the more I wondered if he would even notice me as he was so in his own world but luckily Marc looked in my direction at the right time which caused him to stop in his tracks as he tried to figure out what was happening. 

It wasn't long before Marc realised I was actually stood there and he ran towards me and picked me up in his arms to hug me tightly. He was all sweaty from running around for the last 30 minutes but I couldn't care less it just felt so good to be in his arms again. When he put me down one of his arms stayed around my waist while his other hand went to my jaw to pull me in for a kiss. It didn't stop at one kiss he made sure to make up for at least half the kisses I've missed out on over the last two months by pressing kisses all over my face. 

"I'm so happy you're here I've missed you so much" Marc said 

"I've missed you too you were amazing out there by the way" I said 

"Thank you I was sad that we lost but now none of it matters as I've got you here" he said 

"Wait weren't you supposed to be at a family thing how are you here?" He asked 

"That got moved so I decided I'd come surprise you at your first match as I just couldn't miss it" I said 

"Well I'm happy you could make it and I like your shirt how did you get that?" He asked 

"I battled London after I got here yesterday and went to the club store which was packed but I managed to find this as I thought I couldn't come here to support you without wearing your shirt" I said 

"You are so cute but now you can have this shirt so you've got a fully authentic one" he said 

"I look forward to showing that off to my friends" I laughed 

We talked for a bit longer before he had to go and get changed so he left me with a few of his teammates who he introduced me to while he showered and changed in record time. All of his teammates were lovely and they made me feel welcome which is something I was worried about as I got along with all of Marc's Barcelona teammates really well so I didn't think it would be the same here but so far everyone has been really nice. Soon enough Marc came back and it was time for us to go so we headed to my hotel to grab my things so I could stay with him for the next few days as my flight back isn't until Wednesday as I thought we could spend an extra few days together. He doesn't have a proper place yet but he's staying in an actual apartment so we decided we would stay there. 

Once we made it back to Marc's place we settled in on the sofa and didn't move from there. He ordered us food for dinner and we had on our tv show that we only ever watch together as we have a lot to catch up on. All we really did was sit and cuddle but that's exactly what I've been missing while we've been apart so today has just been the perfect day. 

[betweenbreaths]

So, can I request number 14 or number 17 with Rafayel? Whichever sparks your interest. I'm not asking for both, btw! 😭 Just can't choose between them. Thank you :)

A/N: Hi Anon! I went with number 17 ("Suck on my fingers") for this one. Gotta love 'em fish sticks~ Hope you enjoy!

Rating: M

Prompt list

++++++++

You'd be lying if you said you weren't curious.

Rafayel's hands have always been attractive to you. Not that the rest of him isn't already drop-dead gorgeous (you can already hear his dramatic complaints in your head), but his hands are particularly beautiful somehow. It could be that you've spent an unhealthy amount of time staring at him while he paints (while on duty as his bodyguard, of course), eyes zooming in onto his long, slender fingers wrapped around his paintbrushes. You'll trace the contours of his knuckles, the veins in protruding from his skin, wondering how it would feel like to the touch.

Despite disliking physical contact, every now and then you'll have the chance to hold his hand, whether it's to forcibly drag him out of his studio to attend an event or to pull him aside to safety when you sense that he's in danger. Then there are instances when Rafayel just asks to hold your hand because "it's cold" when it's really not, and you get to feel the warmth of his palm seeping into yours and spreading to your cheeks.

Soooo yes. You might have a little crush on your employer.

It wasn't at all part of the plan originally. You had gotten closer to him only because you needed him to cooperate and give you the name of the suppliers that sold him that peculiar red coral stone; it was purely for work; for the safety of Linkon City.

Which meant that accompanying him on day trips to various scenic locations in search of inspiration for his next masterpiece, fetching him late-night snacks for his sudden cravings and accompanying him as his bodyguard to the many events he'd attend, was all for the greater good.

But now, you're not so sure that even this can be justified as part of your job.

"Suck on my fingers."

Yeah, there's no way you're including this in your work report.

Rafayel has you cornered on the edge of the couch in his studio, one hand on your lower back while you lean as far back as you can against the soft cushions, and his other hand raised so that his index and middle fingers are pressed to your lips.

You're not sure what to make of this. Just five minutes ago you had been celebrating your win at arm wrestling and Rafayel had complained about his fingers hurting. As always, he rejected your offer to take him to the hospital, and insisted that you administer emergency first-aid before his hand became unusable and he was forced to retire from his job.

And apparently, Rafayel's idea of first-aid measures is sucking on his fingers.

You push his hand away, freeing your lips to speak.

"That's not how first-aid works," you tell him with a pointed glare to mask how flustered you're getting, but he's quick to grab your chin between his thumb and index finger, trapping you in place before you can run.

"But when children get hurt, don't you humans always 'kiss it better'?" There's a mischievous glint in his eyes as he smirks at you.

"That's not the same as sucking, is it?"

"And the injury to my fingers is far graver than a typical knee-scrape for a human child."

"The grip you have on my chin suggests your hand is perfectly fine, Rafayel."

The veteran actor's grip on you loosens right on cue, and he feigns a pained expression.

"What a barbaric city we live in. I guess deepspace hunters are in the habit of wounding innocent civilians and leaving them to die."

Rafayel continues to ramble on, and his words fade into the background as you consider your next move here. There's really no winning this man-child, and your only way out of this is to beat him at his own game.

"Fine."

"—Thomas will never let you hear the end of— Wait, what?"

"I said, 'fine'," you repeat, before removing Rafayel's hand on your chin and uncurling his fingers, much to his visible bewilderment. He starts to panic when you open your mouth, bringing his hand closer and closer. He watches without uttering a word as your tongue darts out, licking up the length of his index finger before enveloping it with your lips, teeth grazing his skin.

Your eyes don't leave his face, and you watch with some satisfaction as his eyes seem to darken and his ears begin to turn bright red.

Without warning, Rafayel withdraws his hand.

"H-Hey, I was just kidding. Since when did you take me so seriously?"

"Since you claimed you were gravely injured, I figured I should take you seriously."

Rafayel is momentarily at a loss for words, and he pauses to search your eyes, perhaps to see if you're actually mad at him for taking his joke too far.

"Besides," you add, "you seemed to like it."

You're not sure where the courage to utter such provocative words are coming from, but the expression on the usually chatty artist's face is priceless.

Rafayel's lips are parted, but no sound is coming out. His dumbfounded state continues for a few more seconds that feel longer than they should, until he finally asks a question in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

"And you... Did you like that too?"

He already knows the answer; it's not like you're making much of an effort to hide how turned on you are at this point, not with his body pressed against yours and your breaths growing shallower by the second.

Your hand finds his, and raise his fingers to your lips once more. His fingers are long, slender, beautiful...

And they taste so good.

"I don't know. I guess I'll have to try again to be sure."

[sturnstvs]

the smallest man who ever lived - matt sturniolo

warnings: super sad, no happy ending, toxic matt, mentions of drugs

summary: in which being best friends with benefits doesn't turn out they way either of you would have expected

note: also quick thing I don't know if im doing the song justice I hope you like it. this is just my take on it. also I'm bad at grammer and spelling so sorry about that

bold - lyrics

matt x reader.

was any of it true? gazing at me starry-eyed

you wernt sure when It happened. deep down you knew this would ruin you but you still went with it. you wondered if the words he muttered and they way he looked at you was real. you knew it wasn't real but you also knew you couldn't get enough

in your jehovah's witness suit

matt dressed well. everyone who came in contact with him knew that. he had a style that was like no other. even when it was lying on the floor of your room. he cared what people thought of him sometimes but being in the influencer industry he couldn't

who the fuck was that guy?

you didn't recognize him sometimes, it was like he had different personality's for different people. or maybe just everyone else and then you. one time you were at a party for some influencer and nick had invited you, being their best friend and all you accepted their invite. you being who you are didn't go to party's often especially with the boys. so when you saw matt in his natural party state lets just say it more then shocked you.

he was all over girls. dabbing people up like he was best friends with everyone there. maybe he was, you didn't know. you vividly remember you asking nick where matt got all this random confidence from. nick just brushed it off saying matt was just being himself, however to you, you couldn't recognize him.

you tried to buy some pills from a friend of friends of mine

it came back to you one day from some people that you knew that sold drugs, that matt had tried to buy something to calm his nerves. apparently he asked one of his friends not knowing you were also friends with some of them. you knew he was having some trouble however you didn't think that it had come this far.

they just ghosted you

they didnt give a reply back to matt after you told them about what had more then likely been happening. it probly wasnt your place but you did care about him and you didn't want him to spiral.

now you know what it feels like

the first time matt ghosted you, you kept wondering what you did wrong. when you confronted matt about it he shrugged it off as it was nothing. making it up to you in the only way he knew how. sex. you thought he wouldn't ghost you again but you were wrong. at this point you were used to it. he was probably balls deep into another girl for all you know. when matt came to you after he couldn't get the pills you couldn't help but feel no remorse. you had been ghosted before and it didn't feel good, and now he knew what it felt like.

and I don't even want you back I just want to know

reflecting back on what you once had was always a challenge. it brought up painful memories. he had fucked up once again and it was your last straw, you were done. a few months later though you had to go back you couldn't resist

if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal

your summer was great. hanging out with your best firends when they were in their glimmering prime. hell you where even talking to a guy. you decided that summer you were going to start taking care of yourself more. you where having the time of your life. however when you and matt slept together for the first time that summer it was like it became something bigger. something that you couldn't get enough from.

and I don't miss what we had

you knew you shouldn't. you knew you where going to regret it but you couldn't help it. his touch was mesmerizing. he made you feel safe and welcome. but at the same time when you guys were away from each other you didn't miss him. you didn't miss him completely ignoring you after the amazing sex you had the night prior.

but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived

when nick and chris found out that you wouldn't be around for a while they where beyond confused. they didn't think any of them had done anything wrong. but after all you said was "ask your brother" and hung up the phone they knew he had done something to fuck it up.

they didn't know. they didn't know you to were hoking up, all they knew was you were best friends. they yelled at matt telling him how fucked up whatever he did to you was, it was like your words were the ones shooting daggers in to his heart. but it wasn't you, it was your message.

you hung me on your wall stabbed me with your push pins

when matt hooked up with other girls you hated to say it but it hurt. it hurt like hell because you knew that one of those girls could eventually be his, even if the sex sucked. with you the sex was great, but that's all it was.

in public showed me off

in public weather it be a party or just simply around his brothers he acted like you guys where strictly friends. you knew deep down you weren't, but that also didn't mean he felt the same

then sank in stoned oblivion

when you to weren't having sex though and were alone, he acted like you weren't there. like you meant nothing to him but then when you came home with a mark on your neck he would ask where you got it from and that only he could mark you like that.

cause once your queen had come

he found is dream girl. you knew it was never going to be you, even though you wished it was. they clicked so well, like they were matches in the missing puzzle of life

you'd treat her like an also-ran

you found out the hard way he treated her like he did with you, just as her girlfriend. which in terms was way worse. you felt bad for her but at the same time, it was matt. this shit always happens with people like him

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man

matt wasn't a man. he wasn't a gentleman you would see in disney movies. he was fully grown and had the appearance of one, but he just wasn't actually one. he treated girls like they were a piece of gum. he was still in his douche bag phase

he kept repeating the same cycle with you over and over again. it was never ending.

you guys hooked up, he treated you like shit after, said you where friends to everyone, fucked something up with you, you would say you where done telling his brothers you wouldn't be over, and they would yell the same shit to him once again. he still however didn't seem to take the message to change.

you hated to say it but you wanted more, you wanted to be something to him but all your friends told you, you were crazy and you knew they were right. he wasn't going to change.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

you always wondered if the world was against you. nothing seemed to go right in the endless void that was your life. you knew you had enemies. being attractive your whole life, getting guys peple wanted you knew you might have had enemies especially being friends with so many influences, so when matt started acting this way towards you, you thought maybe this was a clap back from someone who hated you.

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

everytime you guys finished and you fell back to bed he seemed tense like their was a monster hiden under the bed.

were you writing a book?

you always wondered why you fell into this situation. it was something that you would read in a book. you never thought that you would live it. was this research for him. was it a book?

were you a sleeper cell spy?

was he doing this because it was his job? there was no way, the matt that you grew up with would ever do this to you but here he was doing this to you.

in 50 years will all this be declassifed?

you often wondered if he would ever tell you why he was doing this to you but you soon found out that it wouldn't be for years if he ever did say something.

and you'll confess why you did it

he finally told you after about the sixth time of the back and forth that he did it for you because he loved you and he didn't want what the fans would say to ruin that.

and I'll say "good riddance"

when he finally told you this you where happy, he finally told you the one thing that had been hanging over your shoulders. but you weren't happy with the way he planned it out.

cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden

you could see it in his eyes, though you knew that he was still worried. a relationship wasn't seen in the near future and you both knew that. once he had confessed why he did what he did, it didn't make you immediately awe at him like he thought it would. he hurt you deeply and he was paying for it. and he was an idiot for thinking it would end well.

i would've died for your sins instead I just died inside

if you where to ask younger y/n if she would take the heat for matt she would've instantly said yes but if you were to ask present day y/n she would say "no he hurt me to much" her heart died with all the love she had for matt stored in it as well.

and you deserve prison but you wont get time

she thought after what he did he should be locked up for all the damage she knew he caused on her heart. unfortunately for her, however you don't go to prison for emotionally hurting someone.

you'll slide into inboxes and slip though the bars

he tried so hard to contact y/n once she ran out of his house that night but it was no use, she just left him on read. he even tired going to her house but she wouldn't answer

you crashed my party and your rental car

you had a party after your argument with matt wanting to let off some steam. nick and chris were invited but their brother was not. he was the reason you had this party, he was the reason you had changed. somehow (probably from his brothers or social media) he found out about the party and came to try and apologize but you wouldn't accept it. he left extremely annoyed at himself for causing you the pain that he did. he ended up crashing the car that he rented while his was in the shop, on the way home. and when you heard about it the next morning you just said it was karma

you said normal girls were "boring"

he always told you when you guys would have sex that you were very adventurous with the things you did. other girls before you weren't as exciting as you were.

but you were gone by the morning

he would leave instantly early the next morning. going from your house to his before his brothers woke up. leaving extremely late at night and in the early hours in the morning, he would always tell you that he did it so you wouldn't get caught but you were never 100% sure that was the reason.

you kicked out the stage lights but you're still preforming

he dropped the act he pulled when you were sleeping together but he was still trying to get you back even though that was the last thing you wanted.

and in plain sight you hid

it was hard to show his face after what he did to you but he had to put on a brave fake smile to the camera for his job. but you could tell he was trying to hide the shame he brought upon you.

but you are what you did

you could never forgive him for the pain he caused you. he wounded you so deep you had to cut off your childhood best friends because it was too much to even look at him. every time you did look at him you were just reminded of the heartbreak.

and I'll forget you but I'll never forgive

you moved on as soon as you felt ready enough to. even though it took a while to heal after the cut matt had dug deep in your chest, you were eventually able to move on. a year later you saw him again and you made eye contact, but you turned away quickly walking up to your boyfriend. you could never forgive the man that hurt you, while also hurting himself in the process.

the smallest man who ever lived.

note: some parts in here might be a little confusing and I'm so sorry about that. like taylor i dont know what you mean by some of these lyrics.

sorry this might be bad. I'm not great at writing.

make sure you check out my other one shots and my delilah series!

requests are open! so feel free to send me some! just make sure to look at my restrictions

[eddiemunson-fanfic]

Hey Girl!!! I MISSED YOU!!

Now here me out if your willing/want to I have the filthest one shot idea 😏 I just need your masterful mind to make dreams come true...

Older Eddie needs a prostate Massage and reader is more then willing to help 😏

Hey giirl! That's so sweet 🥺💚 I'm gonna do my best and hope you enjoy it. 💚 My masterful mind? 😭💚 Giiiirl I love you (I forgot the "Older!Eddie part, but hope it works nonetheless <3)

I'll take care of you.

Eddie Munson x Plus Size!FM!Reader

Warnings; oral, prostate massage (clearly), body worshipping(?), sub!Eddie, modern day!Eddie, rockstar!Eddie.

Summary; Finally your boyfriend was home again after being on tour for a while, you knew he had been stressed for that period of time and he needed to relax, so what would be better than to try something you have heard would make him relax and feel euphoric at the same time?

"Shhh, it's okay, just relax baby, lay down, and let me take care of you" you cooed against Eddie's lips, straddling his lap as his hips slowly bucked into you, a small whimper leaving his lips as you pushed him down with your hand on his chest, smirking against his lips as he wrapped his arms around you to pull you down with him as his head fell down on the pillow again.

"I need you" he whimpered against your lips, bucking up into you again, making you moan as you felt his clothed erection press up against you. Trying your hardest to not lose all focus that you currently had on him and his own pleasure, because god knows how fast you would pull off his boxers if you lost focus just for a second.

You wanted to make him feel good after finally being home again after being on the road for a month. You loved that his band was finally getting the recognition they deserved and that they sold out every concert in every town they traveled to, but god have you missed kissing him, touching him and being near him like this.

Sure, you were facetiming from time to time when it wasn't too late for you during the day considering where he might have been that day for the tour they were on, and you needed to go to work the upcoming day. It got spicy a few times, and you got your fix of seeing him and hearing him as often as possible, but having him so close to you again, feeling his skin on yours, his hands on you, kissing him again. It was euphoric, and you couldn't seem to get enough of him, ever.

Even if you just got done showering together, you still wanted and needed more of him. You wanted to try something new that you've heard was euphoric for guys.

"I wanna try something" you smiled as you sat up, your hands on his chest, holding him down softly as he whimpered from the loss of your lips on his. He pouted slightly and huffed.

"But" he whined, and you chuckled, leaning down to peck his lips before you sat up again, stroking his chest with your nails, which you knew he loved for you to do.

"Just say the word, and I'll stop right away, okay?" you stated, and he looked at you with curiosity, wondering hard what you were thinking about doing to him, and you could see the horror in his face for a quick second, his mind going straight to something much worse than what you were thinking about doing.

You leaned down to peck his lips again, as you chuckled against his lips, kissing his jaw as you worked your way down to the side of his neck, dangerously close to his earlobe as you nibbled on it slightly, making him buck his hips up into you again, catching you by surprise as you let go of a loud moan, making him whimper hearing the effect he had on you.

"Fuck baby, you're making me feral here" he whispered, his voice going that pitch of low that made you wet in an instant. That low growl deep down in his throat, and you knew he was about to cum in his boxers if you as much as just let out a small moan.

"Baby, please" he moaned, his moan muffled from biting his lips as you worked your way down his neck, leaving a mark in your journey down his chest, kissing down his stomach until you came to the hem of his boxers, your nails traveling up his chest, scratching slightly as he hissed from both pain and pleasure, gripping a the sheets as he cursed under his breath, his hips bucking up against you again as you smirked against his skin, pulling down his hem just slightly to place a soft kiss to the skin just above on both sides, sitting between his legs as you looked up at him, palming his erection, his pre cum already soaking his boxers as you smiled up at him, making him look down at you as his eyes rolled back, a gasping moan leaving his lips by the sight of you between his legs like that, and your touches leaving goosebumps across his entire body.

"These.." you stated, pulling at his boxers with your fingers as he bucked his hips upwards, helping you pull them off, making you smile as you didn't even finish your sentence for him to eagerly help you get them off.

You placed soft kisses to each side of his inner thighs, working your way upwards, nails digging into his thighs as you worked your way up, kissing his inner thighs sloppily as you hummed against his skin.

"Remember what I said?" you asked him, making sure you still had him with you and he wasn't completely lost in pleasure.

He nodded, and you tsk'd at him.

"Words, baby, I need words"

"I gotta say the word if I don't like it" he pushed out, trying to keep from moaning as he spoke.

"And the word is?" you asked, stroking his thighs as you placed a soft kiss to either side of his hips.

"Banana"

"Good boy" you cooed, making him whimper. You smirked slightly by his reaction, knowing being called a good boy like that made him weak, and you had him just where you wanted him. At this point he would do anything you told him to without even as much as blinking an eye or asking a single question. He was totally relaxed right now, which is exactly what you needed and wanted him to be.

His breath caught in his throat when you placed a soft kiss to the tip of his dick. You knew how much he had missed this, because he talked about it daily how he imagined your lips wrapped around him when he touched himself as you facetimed. You knew this would turn him into a needy mess, and you loved to play with him like this.

"Please" he begged, making you smile as you looked up at him, teasing him by stroking his shaft softly up and down with one finger, making him more needy by the second, his dick pulsing and twitching under your touch.

"Please what, baby? Use your words for me"

"Touch me" he whined.

"I am touching you, tell me what you need baby" you encouraged him, making him use his words as he got more and more needy and desperate underneath you, wiggling slightly as he tried to get more friction from the grasp you had on his dick.

"Please touch me, make me feel good, I need your lips and hands on me, please, please just.." he started, choking on his words as your hand squeezed him slightly, testing his patience.

"Can you please just give me a blowjob, please? I need it, I need you"

"I'll give you everything you need, baby" you cooed, wrapping your lips around his tip, taking him by surprise, a loud moan escaping his lips as your tongue circles around the tip, stroking his length soft and slow, making his hips buck up into your hand, searching for more friction.

"Fuck, just like that" he whimpers, making you smile as you deep throat him without hesitation, taking him by a bigger surprise as he hisses slightly from the sensation of hitting the back of your throat, your eyes watering as you pump your head up and down his shaft, him hitting the back of your throat hard with each thrust as you massage his balls softly, making him moan out your name in the process.

"Fuck, I've missed this" he hisses, his hands tugging at your hair, making you moan from the pleasure.

You pulled him out of your mouth as you licked on a finger, wetting it for what was about to happen, as you locked eyes with him, smirking mischeviously as you sucked his balls into your mouth, massaging them with your tongue and sucking lightly, making him moan in pleasure, your finger slowly going down, circling his opening softly as his lips was in a big O, his eyes big as saucers as you smiled against his balls before you stopped licking them, placing a soft kiss to them before you kept your eyes on him, inserting your finger slowly, his entire body twitching in surprise, but he didn't stop you as his eyes locked with yours, his dick twitching by the sensation too as you started to pump your finger slowly, making him gasp and moan, his eyes screwed shut as he focused on the pleasure, biting his lip.

Seeing him like this was euphoric for you, and you knew and could tell it made him relax, even if his entire body was shaking with pleasure, you could sense he was relaxed. His moans became more constant, his breathing getting heavier with each soft pump you did, and he lost it completely when you searched for that sweet spot, and you know you found it when he couldn't control himself, his moans coming out as breathless staggers, his body shaking uncontrollably, his tip leaking, his dick pulsing, and his eyes getting watery as he tried to look at you, biting his lip. The look he had in his eyes and on his face was something new. But you knew he was close. He was so blissfully high on pleasure, and the smile he created made you chuckle.

"Feel good?" you smiled at him, and he just nodded his head eagerly, letting out some whimpering "mhm's" towards you, making you know that you were doing everything right.

You started sucking him again, and he lost it even more.

"Fuck, I'm gonna.." he started, choking on his own words as he couldn't hold back anymore, his dick pulsing in your throat as you shoved him down your throat, making him hit the back of it as he came down your throat, your eyes watering just slightly, taking you by surprise by how much he came, but you swallowed everything you possibly could, letting him ride out his high.

Once he came down from it, you licked up the few drops of cum that managed to escape before he pulled you up softly by your hair, eager to kiss you to show appreciation for what you had done for and to him.

"Come here, you" he spoke softly, his voice a bit raspy from how loud he moaned, as your lips crashed against his, pulling you as close to his body as possible, making you smile against his lips as he kissed you hungrily.

When he pulled away, his eyes were watering as he smiled at you, brushing some hair away from your face as he drank in your entire face, making butterflies appear in the pit of your stomach.

After all this time, just by looking at you like that, he could make you swoon. You don't know how he did it, but you wouldn't have it any other way. You loved that he looked at you like this, and the fact he still had the same effect on you as he had the first time he told you he loved you.

"You are amazing, you know that, right?" he spoke softly, pecking your lips again as you giggled from his compliment.

"I just want my boyfriend to feel the best he ever could" you stated, matter of factly. Because it was true. You would do anything for him, no matter how fucked up it might seem to others, you would do absolutely anything to and for him, just to see him happy. Always.

"One day I'm gonna put a ring on that finger" he stated, clear as day as he pulled on your ring finger, pulling it up to his mouth as he placed a soft kiss to your finger.

"Can't wait to call you Mrs. Munson, my queen"

Fuck, those butterflies turned into a zoo by now.

"And I can't wait to be Mrs. Munson, my king" you smiled, and he didn't hesitate to turn you around with all force he had, no matter how many times he showed you how strong he actually was, it always made you giggle like crazy as he hovered over you, taking you by surprise every single time as he was smirking down at you before his lips crashed to yours again.

"Mine, and mine only" he growled against the skin of your neck as he sucked a mark into it, making you moan, your fingers tangling in his hair as you gasped out his name.

"Yes, only yours" you moaned, surrendering completely to him in the moment.

Credit for divider: @silkholland

Taglist: @eddiemunsonfuxks, @jadeylovesmarvelxo, @anaisweird, @marsmunson86, @readsalot73, @sherrylyn628, @sammararaven, @sllooney, @warmaidensrevenge, @eddiethesexy, @salenorona23, @screaming-blue-bagel, @sheenastark22, @lil-quinnie, @erinsingalong, @emmalee-01

[theresawritesstuff]

First of all, you are such a talented writer! Love all your work!

My prompt is as follows: Joel and Lenny meet, and Joel slowly realises how much Lenny really means to Midge.

Thank you!

Thank you so much! This was the sweetest message to receive ❤️ Sorry for the delay. Hope it's worth the wait!

It was another packed house.

Ever since she went rogue on the Gordon Ford show Midge had been drawing in crowds all over town. It seemed like every one of her sets, no matter the venue, was a guaranteed sold out show.

The Button Club was no exception. 

Two weeks later and Joel still had Mrs. Moskowitz turning folks away at the door so he didn't have the fire marshall breathing down his neck.

He'd had worse problems, that was for sure.

The crowd was eating out of the palm of her hand tonight. It used to bother him but now…

Now he mostly just felt proud. 

Mostly…

He looked out over the crowd from his place at the bar, watching the smiling faces watching her with wrapped attention when he noticed a man enjoying the show from the back of the room who'd managed to sneak in late.

He was about to tell him they were at capacity when the man turned for a cigarette and he was able to better to see his face.

Wait. Was that…

Holy shit it was Lenny Bruce! Lenny Bruce was in his club. The Lenny Bruce! At the Button Club! His Button Club!

Holy shit…

Joel poured himself a quick shot at the bar to drown out his nerves before rounding the bar to go talk to him.

Lenny Bruce was in his club!

He cleared his throat. "Mister Bruce? Hi. Joel Maisel. I'm the owner."

Lenny turned to acknowledge him at his elbow, cigarette dangling from his mouth. "Oh hey. Got a light I could bum?"

"''Course! Of course." Joel cleared his throat as he fumbled in his pocket for a lighter. "Thanks for joining us tonight."

"Sure."

"Are you enjoying the show?"

Lenny smiled to himself, taking a drag. "It would be hard not to. Midge is really on her game tonight. Then again, she's always sensational."

"Yeah. Yeah, she is, isn't she?"

Joel nodded along, looking off at the stage with what could surely only be described as a dopey grin.

Lenny Bruce was in his club!

Then it hit him.

"Sorry…You know Midge?" he wondered, confused.

Lenny shrugged. "I did once upon a time. It's been a while. Hope to again if she'll let me…"

"Right…"

Joel's brow furrowed as he puzzled the cryptic reply.

He didn't have long to mull it over however, as Midge made her way across the room, her set finished for the evening.

"I thought that was you I saw lurking," she teased, greeting Lenny with a warm, if somewhat surprised smile. "What are you doing here?"

Lenny chuckled. "Well I heard a rumor some cute uptown chick shanghaied Gordon Ford's air time and has been killing it in every club she goes in ever since. Seemed like something I should check out for myself."

Her smile softened as she raised a brow. "Called me cute, huh?"

The comedian shrugged almost sheepishly, holding her gaze with equal softness.

Joel cleared his throat, interrupting whatever moment was happening between the two performers.

"Well we're certainly glad you could join us," he interjected, feeling the need to remind them he was still there. 

He couldn't say why, exactly. It wasn't like she and Lenny were close or anything…

Right?

Midge shook her head, her attention still on Lenny. "It's funny. That set almost didn't happen but…"

Lenny cocked a curious brow as she hesitated, looking at her shoes.

Wait, was she blushing?

"I remembered what you said that night," she confessed.

"That you're more important than God?" Lenny wondered with a smirk.

Midge rolled her eyes fondly. "Not that."

She glanced up at the comedian, then away as she pulled a little slip of paper out from where she had been keeping it tucked within the neckline of her dress. "I,um… I found it in my notebook just before. Took it on set with me for luck. It worked so…"

She shrugged lightly, folding it back over carefully in her hands.

Joel blinked, looking from her to Lenny and back again.

She'd been keeping it, whatever it was, with her for every performance since the Gordon Ford Show. 

Not just with her, but in her dress!

Because of something Lenny had said to her.

Because it was from a time, a night, that they'd shared…

"Glad to see you found your spotlight," Lenny murmured.

Joel felt his hands grow clammy, his throat go tight.

He knew from the talk around the club scene that Lenny hadn't been in New York for quite a while.

How long had this been going on?

"Can I buy you a drink? Catch up?" Lenny asked her, sounding tentative but hopeful.

So hopeful.

Just what exactly was there to catch up on?

"I'm actually kind of hungry," Midge admitted. "You wanna get out of here? Get some sensationally mediocre Chinese food?"

Lenny smiled. "I know just the place. You remember our deal?"

"Yes. I'm buying," Midge laughed, turning to Joel expectantly, suddenly remembering he was there. "Think I can get my payment now instead of later? Sounds like I've got a date."

"Y-yeah. Sure…" Joel stammered, glancing between the pair.

"Great! I'll just grab my coat and we can go," Midge promised, touching Lenny's arm.

Joel watched her walk off towards the back room, looking back at Lenny utterly baffled.

Lenny shrugged, patting his shoulder as he moved to wait by the door.

"Thanks for the light. Nice place you got here."

"Y-yeah…S'cuse me."

Joel took off to follow Midge into the back, shaking his head.

He watched her a moment from the office doorway as she put on her coat.

"So. You and Lenny…" 

She shrugged in reply, but her smile said it all.

Fuck…

"Were you ever planning to tell me?" he wondered.

"Nope." She picked up the envelope with her money inside from his desk, strolling out of the office. "Have a nice night, Joel. See you Wednesday with the kids."

"Later Midge," Archie greeted, popping into the office for more bar napkins. "Great set tonight."

Archie turned to him. "Hey did you see the guy who looked just like Lenny Bruce?"

He heaved out a sigh.

Midge was fucking in love with Lenny Bruce...

"I'll be at the bar."

[peachymilkandcream]

Break Me Slowly|Part 23|Yandere Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: I just finished the dub of the finale and man am I in tearsssss, but I'll press on regardless. Part 23 here I come, hope you enjoy and comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

=============================================

For the sake of humanity, differences had to be set aside. No matter how much Reiner and Levi despised each other, they had to come together on this in order to stop the onslaught of Eren. Their method of coming together was simply ignoring the other person as much as humanly possible.

Reiner remained quiet since he returned from clearing his head. Something was off about him but no one could quite put their finger on it. Granted, Evelyn knew it was because of her, they hadn't had a chance to speak privately and now she wasn't sure if she wanted to. He was clearly upset and hurt that when everything had the chance to be presented she chose to be cowardly. What had caused such an unexpected show of loyalty he was dying to know. A new threat perhaps? He must know about Evelyn's unborn child by now, surely that was his latest threat. With Reiner's savior complex of course he wanted to save her from this fate, he would do whatever it took to ensure she would be safe and free from Levi's oppressive rule. What did Reiner have to live for if not helping the weak? That was his entire identity.

Awkwardness had infiltrated their camp. It was tense enough with former enemies all reluctantly coming onto the same side, but Reiner's accusations silenced even the forced chatter among the group. The only one who seemed unaffected by the mood aside from Levi was the enemy Marley commander Magath, since Reiner's outburst he eyed Captain and wife with seeming curiosity.

"I never thought I'd live to see the day when a spy could slip past my net. And to come up with such an elaborate story that we all bought hook, line, and sinker. Your husband must be proud of all the stories you were telling about his character."

Neither took the bait, although Evelyn did look visibly uncomfortable.

"But what might be more intriguing is how quickly you sold out humanity and just now that your friends agree genocide isn't the answer you're quick to switch sides."

"It was an accident." Came her hushed reply.

"Condemning billions of people to death is hardly an accident."

"That's the truth, whether you believe me or not."

"Is that right. And how do your friends feel now that you've doomed the world and betrayed them over and over."

Evelyn glanced at her friends, noting how each of them refused to meet her gaze, but she forced a look and tone of nonchalant. "What they do with that information is their own business. I did what I had to do in the moment. Eren tricked me into thinking he would just destroy Marley, clearly he lied."

"So the death of the entirety of Marley was the acceptable genocide, one that you could get behind."

"Yes." Her reply was sharp, stern. In fact those gathered all looked up in slight surprise, in her entire military career Evelyn had been friendly and kind no matter what. They believed since her marriage she had become more depressed and aggressive but this was the first time they had heard a tone change like that, even Magath raised a brow at her honest and quick response.

"The deaths of innocent women and children is appealing to you."

"Yes."

He seemed slightly frustrated with her simple answer. "That's all you have to say? No explanation of excuse? Just what you believe should go is how the world should be run."

"If all of Marley including the Eldians there believe that we should be wiped off the face of the earth then they deserve death. Start afresh, the Eldians are all so brainwashed there liberation would make no difference."

The Marley Warriors seem slightly stunned, Gabi tearing up at the thought of her beloved family crushed under a Titan heel.

"Tch. You're one disgusting Eldian if that's how you value human life."

"Then it seems we're in the same boat Commander."

He takes half a second to respond, analyzing her. "Yeah." His tone implies he's through with the conversation, most likely tired of arguing with such a lost cause.

Levi's arm around her waist tightens. "From now on you'd be smart to not talk about my wife that way."

"I know you sleep together but that doesn't mean you have to kiss her ass and defend all of her opinions, especially one so cold-hearted and ridiculous."

"I agree with her. It's been a hard won battle but my wife has finally learned that life is cheap. If it's for the greater good, it's worth spending all the blood we can muster."

"And what is the greater good oh wise one?"

"Whatever works out best for me."

"You selfish son of a bitch."

"I guess you could say that. My life and that of my wife's is more important than anyone on the face of this earth. Marley was a threat to that life, they made me their enemy so they got what they fucking deserved."

He scoffs. "At least you're consistent."

"I try to be."

"So even if it came to your friends dying, you'd still do whatever it takes to have this perfect life with her?"

"In a heartbeat. My comrades have always known they came a low second to my wife. Their deaths wouldn't bring tears to my eyes, it's for the greater good."

The Commander shakes his head. "If Eldians think this way then you truly are devils. Unless you're going to tell me no one else shares this belief but you."

"Of course not. Commander Erwin is big supporter of this way of thinking. His own soldiers are just fodder to be used as he needs." The horrified looks of his comrades gives Levi pause, but only for a moment, annoyance making his eyebrow twitch. "Don't act so upset, you're in the Scouts, do you think any of your superiors can afford to get attached to even some of the strongest? For all I know you'll be Titan food tomorrow. I can't get attached to anyone who at the end of the day is replaceable."

"What a nice way to think, our own Captain thinks of us as nothing more than future Titan feces." Jean's tone drips with venom.

"You don't have to like me Kirschtein, if a soldier likes their superior then that superior is too soft and will just get them killed. You all can hate my guts, but my leadership has kept you all alive."

"He's got a point Jean," Armin gently puts a hand on Jean's arm, getting him to relax. "We don't have to be a fan of the Captain, but his skill and leadership is unmatched. Once this is all over I'm sure we'll all be taking a leave to relax and you can get some distance from Captain Levi."

"I guess you're right." Jean shifts in his seat. "Wouldn't hurt you to be at least a little likeable, that's why guys like Reiner accuse you of being a heinous monster."

Levi and Reiner exchange a loaded look, one on the verge of saying something the other threatening him to keep his big mouth shut.

"I'll add it to my life lessons." Levi picks at a bit of loose bandage and lapses into silence.

"Well now that we've aired out our grievances I suggest we all get a good nights sleep so we're refreshed for the morning." Hange's attempt at lightening the mood is almost laughable, but appreciated nonetheless. Her positivity welcome in such a tense environment.

"I think you have a point Hange, let's just rest and get on with the mission at hand." Armin rolls over on his bed roll to feign sleep and escape the hostile circle.

One by one the group follows suit, facing away from each other so no one can see the other awake. And while the Scouts believed that Reiner was overexaggerating his accusations of Levi, they couldn't shake the feeling that in order for his lie to be coherent it had a bit of truth to it.

What exactly was truth kept their eyes open well into the night, all silently watching their respected and feared Captain while he slept.

==============================================

The ride to the docks consisted of more forced small talk and suspicious glances towards those in their unstable truce. Those from Marley eyed their Paradis devils, waiting for them to show their true colours. The Island devils met the Warrior's gaze, silently preparing for them to unleash their master plan of wiping out their race. But all focused on the Captain, Reiner's threats and speech fresh in their minds. All looking for any sign of this behavior Reiner had been a little too sure of.

Trust was a luxury those in war couldn't afford. Friends, comrades, lovers, all were under close scrutiny, waiting for one slip up to pounce. There was no one to trust but yourself, everyone in this group had been betrayed by another that they believed was a close friend and ally so all walls were up.

The tense nature of the trip was mercifully put to an end as Connie shouted that he could see the Cart Titan just over the coming hill. Each of the carts stopped as Pieck bounded over to them and quickly dismounted from her Titan.

"It's the harbor-" She began. "The Jeagerists beat us there, they've captured it. They must have gotten one of the trains up and running. There are tons of soldiers posted all over the port, in full anti-Titan gear."

The Scouts glanced at each other, knowing that the time had come where they had to choose between their comrades and the fate of humanity.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Watchlist Tag Game!

Another unexpected tag game! This time from @waitmyturtles

Currently watching

A Boss and a Babe: Wasn't sure if I was going to watch this one because I'm not a huge fan of boss and subordinate as a positive romantic plot (looking at you GAP, sorry). But started watching it after seeing some of @respectthepetty's posts about Episode 4.

Bed Friend: If I were being accurate, I would have put this show down like four times in a row because I have rewatched all available episodes about four times, and honestly will probably watch the whole thing again. I love it so much, I do still think that Moonlight Chicken is my favorite show of the 2023 line up so far, but goddamn if I don't get overly attached to traumatized men.

Breaking Bad: Fun Fact! I have watched the first season of this show three times and never made it beyond that! So my friend set out to fix it and now we are trading one season of Breaking Bad for one show of my choice with a comparable number of episodes. Traded season one for Moonlight Chicken, and I'm trading season two and three for Word of Honor.

The Eclipse: Can't put my finger on why but for some reason I am obsessed with this show where the main character is a emotional repressed gay boy who has difficulty accepting himself and feels pressured to perform actions far outside what a teenager should be allowed to do because adults put pressure on him and because he doesn't want people to be disappointed in him...Anyway, with the Our Skyy 2 release date coming up how could I not rewatch this show I have already seen approximately six times?

The Eighth Sense: Have to thank @bengiyo for writing about The Eighth Sense, and everyone else that I follow that started watching this show immediately and started writing beautiful things about how queer it feels. It's my first Korean BL TV show (I did watch Wish You a few years back) and I am thoroughly enjoying my time so far!!

Unintentional Love Story: Don't have a lot to say about this show yet, I'm only two episodes in, but I think it's good so far!

Word of Honor: Rewatching this with my friend to try to get him to branch out of American television. I figured the costumes alone in this show would keep his interest, but let's be real, I was dying to see his reaction to my favorite little war criminal Wen Kexing who has done absolutely nothing wrong ever in his life, m'kay? This is my completely unbiased, objective opinion (do not look at my username).

Looking forward to watching soon

*ahem*

That is all...

...just kidding!

Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves: Somehow, my tumblr blog accidentally turned into a primarily BL based blog, probably but actually before I was introduced to Word of Honor and then rapidly and descended into the Thai BL world from there (I know WoH is a cdrama, but I found KinnPorsche through a masterpost of queer asian media that was on the woh tag) my hyperfixation and truest love is playing Dungeons and Dragons. I've been in a campaign for 6 years now and recently started another campaign with another group! I wanted to see this movie when it came out but I had COVID and only now am freed from my self isolation! Heard it was good and fun and worth seeing in theaters so I am hoping to go soon!

Our Skyy 2: I just miss my boys, okay? I'm only human.

Only Friends: If the fact that I have watched KinnPorsche 14 times is anything to go by I love messy bitches, and this seems like a show full of messy bitches! Any show that requires a fucking flow chart to know their relationships to one another? I'm in! Also, I listened to the playlist that Jojo posted on Spotify and I was sold. This is definitely my most anticipated of 2023.

Still deciding if I’m gonna watch

Succession: I follow at least one person who has been posting a lot about Succession as the fourth and final season airs, and it sounds really good! I was actually convinced to start the first episode but I kinda fell off of it pretty quick. I think I was tired and I know like with any show the pilot is not the episode to judge something on.

Beef: Only putting this on here because I felt compelled to look it up in the tumblr tags today just to put some feelers out.

and that's it lol, I finsihed Shadow and Bone Season 2 and The Owl House so I don't really have any other shows that I am thinking about watching at the moment. If anyone who reads these block paragraphs has suggestions I'm all ears.

Well, anyone I was going to tag has been tagged by wmt so uhhhh, if you wanna do this game, take this as me officially tagging you!

[theacedragon0w0]

Sage's Ex part 2

WARNING: IMPLIED ABUSE, BODY SHAMING, PANIC ATTACK

Both Hazel and Velvette were watching Sage cook dinner, they both knew a lot of things were wrong.

To start, Sage suggested that they should order take out which made no sense, she loves to cook! Not only that, she had a completely different aura around her, usually she would be bouncing all over the kitchen with reckless abandon, humming some tunes while doing it like it was a performance and she alone was the dancer

But now she was still, quiet, the only sounds that escaped the kitchen were only the sizzling of the pan and the shrill from the cutlery. Like she was a husk of herself.

Sage, feeling somewhat satisfied with the plates appearance, carried them to her lovers, who had looks of concern, which Sage tried to ease with a masked chipper tone "Hope you're hungry! Sorry this took longer than usual."

Hazel was quick to cut Sage on that notion

"Bluebell your cooking is always worth the wait." Hazel didn't forget the promise that Sage made but knew that only Sage will be the person to initiate the conversation.

Velvette whipped out her phone to snap the picture of the plate as it was almost tradition at this point. Sage went behind Velvette and rested her head on her shoulder to see the results. It was only a minute but Sage saw it, in a selfie picture of a all too familiar face.

It was her, someone who sage would pray to never see again.

Velvette whipped around when she felt Sage tensed up, trying to figure out what startled her fearless guard. And when Hazel reached out towards Sage's arm Sage flinched away.

The air in the dining room was thick, Sage knew that she had find a way to reduce the damage.

"Sorry I got a little brain fog for a second, how about we eat dinner?"

Hazel and Velvette knew that they weren't going to let this slide, Velvette scrolled back to the photo that cause her love to recoil and showed Sage to confirm her suspicions "Sage, darling, who is this?"

Fuck Sage was not going to avoid it any longer, she was hoping she had more time to make light about her past, with all the ugly parts that stained it. "That cunt, is my ex."

"Ex?"

"Yeah, and the reason why I look like this" as Sage gestured her body, highlighting the scars that weren't from the exorcist escape, including the one that stretched acrossed her nose bridge and the waving of her amputated arm suggested her hand as well.

Oh, oh no

Someone hurt her

Someone took Sage's love and made her suffer because of it.

Sage broke the silence again, "You know what's funny about my hand? It wasn't able to grow back because she thought that an angelic blade will keep the meat clean as she sold it to the cannibal company and the nose bridge was when she threw a plate at me for not serving her food that wasn't from an already prepared box."

Neither Hazel or Velvette laughed, their faces began to redden with both their hands curling into fists.

"But you know what the worse part is? I made this adorable denim jacket with these patches that I hand stitched myself and I wasn't able to wear it, she called me a "chubby bunny" and slap my stomach and would often, often, she, w-would, she would often-"

The tears weren't able to stop, Sage was trying so hard to not cry, especially not about talking about that insignificant fact that she was taking advantage of. Her thoughts came to a halt when she felt the safe embrace from both of her girls, Hazel being the front and Velvette at the back.

At that moment Sage melted to incoherent sobs and her body was shaking, with both Velvette and Hazel rubbing her back and arms to comfort.

After a minute of rocking back and forth, Sage was able to compose herself to talk, "I love you guys so much, I didn't think that I could have this hung over about this"

Hazel cupped Sage's face and lifted it so their eyes would meet, " Bluebell you are so strong and you are ok to feel this, both the boss and I love you and we will make sure that nobody hurts you like that again."

Hazel was still holding on to Sage as Velvette was aggressively typing her phone, both of them gave the look to call everyone in

We'll make that bitch pay.

OH BOI WHO'S READY TO THROW HANDS YALL? Anyway that's how Sage got those scars that weren't from the exorcist escape and oh boy it's going to be a fun time for the squad

Hazel belongs to @puffymucher

[3615rose]

Γαμώτο - Lu Four x Reader

Γαμώτο is pronounced gamoto, and means "oh sh*t" and i use french minish to sound more... mysterious

reader is afab, i'll write for y'all my amab friends, its in the boxes.

The day was eventless, Wild, Twilight and Wind went hunting as the local cook prefers fresh meat to the one that were sold in shops. You decided to continue shopping with your friend Four for cheap ores to make sword for Wild AGAIN.

Both of you didn't know how he was able to destroy swords after swords, and the new idea was to make cheap swords that he could keep and break all he wants. Or he should keep his bow. He was terrific with a bow.

"Let's go, only one shop and we'll be back at the camp in no time!"

Four seemed happy for one time. It was rare to see him genuinely smile, even more being excited for finishing shopping.

"Yeah... We should hurry, those clouds are up to no good."

You had training in weather reading with the clouds, and big mushroom grey cloud would mean two things : heavy rain and thunder. With metal and ores on you, you both would be rotisserie before going back to the camp.

You hoped that the boys already went back from hunting, Wild has a good weather nose. Or his sheika slate would have told him to flee any thunder appearing.

"Oh it will be okay, if a storm arrives, we'll take a place somewhere safe."

Why wasn't he thinking of "we should go quick back to the camp"? Maybe he had something else in mind. He was quick. Too quick sometimes to follow.

Like four tiny creatures running in every direction while you try to capture one.

~

"I told you so! There's more water pouring from the sky than in the entire ocean now!"

You were angry at him now. You were right, and the typical smell of thunder approached.

"Oh it's okay, I'm sure there's still place in the inn two houses away. We'll get there in no time if you run."

Running? And slipping? Was he crazy?

Well, he was already running. The sneaky little man. You followed, cursing with every word you knew in your vocabulary.

"Γαμώτο Four! Now I am soaking wet from head to toes! If i don't get sick from that it's a miracle!"

He laughed again, his hood up on his head dripping.

"But it was quick, wasn't it? Let's check in and get you dry before you kill me like one of those lizards."

In the inn itself, the hall was full of people seeking refuge from the raging rain outside, strangely no one at the desk of the inn keeper.

"Leave it to me little guy, I'll speak to him."

Four didn't like when you called him small, or little. He was even older than you, but the height wasn't a given.

"Hello there! Do you have any room left? Thank you good sir."

Boy does it annoys him when you do your honey like tone, being the cutie to anything to anyone. You reminded him of Time that usually do that to any female vendors.

"Uh... I only have only one room left, is it for you two? I can arrange to get some blankets to make a makeshift bed if you need to miss."

The charm trick worked. But only one room left no intimacy for any of you two. It was still better than running under the storm during the night.

"Well, I take it, thank you good sir! Don't worry about the blanket, we'll find out a solution. We will be leaving tomorrow morning."

You gave him the 40 rupees for the room and took the key.

"I hate when you do your little girl for having stuff you know that?"

You smiled, twirling the key in your hand.

"I know Smithy, but we need a place to rest before going back to the camp, and I wont take any risk to end up cooked by a lightning strike."

He went silent, you felt him boiling. That's a point for you.

You opened the wooden, it cracked a little, revealing a somewhat decent bed with a desk and a new candle to lit.

"There's plenty of room for us both, you see! I'm going to see how I can stop feeling like a wet sponge."

He removed his tunic, staying in his white shirt, and put it on the crochet, hoping it will be dry for tomorrow. Then he examined the room itself in more details. He didn't see how you would put him if it wasn't in the bed, or maybe you'll sleep on the desk, writing in your book like most of the time.

The closed door would go to the bathroom where you were hiding, trying to dry at least your hair and the bottom of the skirt. You removed your corset to let the shirt itself dry underneath. Then you glanced though the mirror, your shirt revealed a lot underneath while it was wet. And you doesn't have anything else to wear right now.

Well. You don't have a lot to loose, and in the worst of case, you'll teach him some curse words in greek, talking about other things and forget about this embarrassing moment.

"Are you okay in there? Do you need help to dry your hair?"

You ruffled your hair in the towel then opened the door.

"It'll have to do, sorry I took a little long."

He entered the room just to take the towel and ruffled his hair in it too.

"Well, it's not that problematic, it's only water. But as you said it would be stupid if any of us caught a cold because of that."

You put your bag next to the desk and looked through the window.

"Well, we have some time to kill before tomorrow, do you have any idea of what to do?"

Four searched in his bag, he didn't take much with him as it was only a two hours shopping spree.

"Yeah, what did you say when you arrived at the inn? I know it must be greek, but you have such a new language. Who knows, I can teach you some minish if you want."

You smiled, lying down on the bed.

"I said Gamoto, you can translate it quickly to 'oh sh*t' if you want."

He laughed hard, something so vulgar from his friend was surprising.

"Well, you can now say 'Gamoto, my shirt is see-through'"

Oh. He saw.

Sh*t.

But he learns quick.

"Okay, let's not talk about this, you told me you will teach me a word in minish. I want to know now."

"So... Since Gamoto would mean what you said, I would say that in minish it would be 'edrem ho' "

You laughed too. It was some interesting language, feeling almost magical next to your poor greek language.

"With this language you can make some magic like Hyrule! I love it though, it's musical."

With a yawn he laid back on the bed next to you, removing his green bandana.

"Yup, I like it too. It's more interesting than hylian, even if it's tricky to learn."

His yawn was contagious, you looked briefly at the window.

"Well. We can talk all night, but the sun is set, and sleeping is what awaits us."

You stretched your arms and grumbled a little.

"Hope you don't move too much, if I end up on the floor this night you'll regret it."

And with a laugh, you two ended up sleeping closer than expected, not to annoy both of you.

[imagine-knb]

Hi can I request a matchup :)

My nickname is Ibti, female pronounces are she/her.

When I'm surrounded with people that I feel comfortable with I can be loud, outspoken and goofy, but with people I just met or don't feel comfortable with yet I can be reserved and quiet.

My likes: Jonathan Joestar 🤣🤣🤣, food, trash reality tv

Dislikes: Bugs especially spiders and bees (have a huge fear for both lol), people who behave like snakes

My hobbies: Gaming, watching/reading anime/manga, drawing

Team preferences: GOM + Nijimura captain 🥺, Seirin, Rakuzan, Kaijō, Vorpal swords

Type of Romance

Strangers to Friends to Lovers

How You Two Met

Before Kiyoshi healed enough to begin playing basketball again, he often frequented stores that sold books, playing cards, and the like. On a whim one day, he decided to go through the manga section and that's where he walked into you.

Literally.

It wasn't until after he'd apologized and you walked away that he realized he recognized you from class. After that day, he made it a routine to find you at least once throughout the day to say hello.

"Ibti-san!"

You startle as a loud voice interrupts your thoughts, nearly dropping the book in your hands. Looking up from the pages, you notice the guy from the day before — Kiyoshi Teppei — entering the room with a wide smile on his face. He's waving at you, walking directly into your bubble.

"I knew I recognized you from yesterday. It's good to see you again."

How He Fell For You

Initially, Kiyoshi thought it was just in your nature to be softspoken around people and he didn't mind it in the slightest. When the two of you would hang out at first — his insistence, not yours — it was more often than not that a quiet game of cards was played. Or perhaps he'd ask you about the manga you were currently reading, always curious what you were up to and making polite conversation.

As things naturally go, you would eventually open up to his presence more and reveal more of your outgoing nature. It came as a surprise to Kiyoshi the first time you began joking around with him, showing more of your sillier side. But it's that slow burn of getting to know you better that has him falling, though he doesn't realize it at first.

His confession was actually an accident.

"You're always fun to be around, Ibti-san," Kiyoshi says behind laughter, the joke you had previously told him still bouncing around in his mind. "I really like being with you."

The way he had phrased it doesn't go over your head and it makes you pause to look at him. At your silence, Kiyoshi also goes quiet, re-evaluated what he'd said. It dawns on him then all the feelings he had for you that had been building up.

Tentatively, he repeats himself. "I really do like being with you. Could we do it more?"

What a Relationship with Him is Like

He's really good at reading the room, despite his own lax nature about certain things, so he's quick to realize when you're uncomfortable or shy around strangers. Thankfully, he's a naturally outgoing person no matter the situation, so he's often the one talking for the two of you when new people are involved.

He's the type of boyfriend to want to make sure you're taken care of, so if that means chasing away a few creepy crawlies even if he thinks they're not a big deal, he's gunna do it (though he might tease that you'll have to be the one to chase away any rats).

He takes interest in your hobbies and likes, though he might not understand a few of them, and he hopes you'd do the same in return.

"My grandparents wanted to know if you'd like to come over tonight?" he asks you one day, scratching at his cheek while he gave a sheepish smile. "That show you all like is on tonight, right? They wanted to watch it with you."

The way he seems to have a slight pout to his lips and furrow to his brow tells you that there's more to his request. When you press him to continue, he gives you a hopeful smile.

"Well, I was hoping maybe afterward I could show you how to play some games with my hanafuda cards? I'd like to spend more time with you, too."

Match Up Requests are Closed

[yellowmagicalgirl]

Tried to write this for Battleship Bingo, but couldn't figure out how to make it fit tags properly so it goes here instead. Hope you enjoy this angsty Star Trek AU Nuts and Dolts sickfic.

~

It had been a year since the synth ban had taken hold. It had been three-hundred sixty-four days since Penny and Ruby had last seen their families. They couldn't risk it, not with the Federation - especially Admiral Ironwood and Captain Watts of the USS Atlas - out for Penny all because she was made of nuts and bolts instead of squishy guts. They probably wouldn't have made it if Mantle wasn't on the edge of Federation space, if Penny hadn't been there with Ruby on a humanitarian mission.

"I think we should go back to Mantle. Your fever isn't breaking. This isn't normal, Ruby. It isn't healthy." She would be taken apart, but at least that death would be quick.

"You can't!" Ruby argued. "They'll ki-"

Her argument was cut off by another coughing fit. It had been two weeks since their ship had been damaged, since they had lost their medical hologram. It had been six days since they tried to go on a supply run, only to learn that the parts had been sold to another buyer less than a day earlier. It had been four days since Ruby came down with the cough and the fever.

The Federation would kill Penny. But watching Ruby die was killing Penny all the same. At least this way, Ruby would live.

"Get some rest." Penny kissed her girlfriend's forehead. She wasn't as sensitive to heat as the humans she was built to resemble, but even she could feel heat radiating from Ruby's feverish skin. It was surprising Ruby wasn't delirious by now. Surely this was too hot for a human like Ruby, but maybe Penny's scanners were faulty. It had been over a year since her last tune-up with her father. There would never be another. "We can talk about it more in the morning."

Penny swallowed a hiccup. She waited for Ruby to fall asleep, and waited more to make sure she wouldn't wake up too soon. Then, Penny got up and made her way to the pilot's chair of the ship. She looked back towards where Ruby rested. "Forgive me."

[chxckandmxte]

@mcmcntomorii || Thread Move || Continued from here ☣

💘 - Mukuro

「I have been meaning to tell you the truth, honestly I have, I just don’t know how to bring that up in conversation and I didn’t want to just blindside you with that sort of sudden information。」 But it looks like someone beat her to it, now she could really understand why he was so upset with her。 He was upset with her and that was the reason this conversation was happening。

  Mukuro wrapped her arms around herself, her mind working at the speed of light convincing herself that this was the end of a perfect relationship all because of herself. Leon had divulged secrets and other information to her, unbeknownst that he was talking to someone who sold those types of secrets。 She’d retain eye contact with him despite feeling so ashamed of herself。

「I mainly work with Yakuza, so information like you’ve told me wouldn’t really garner any interest and if they did, I’d never sell that information。 I love you too much to ruin this,」 but I fear I already have, was what Mukuro wanted to add on。 If Mukuro was anything, she is and will always be fiercely loyal, someone could pry all her nails off and she still wouldn’t divulge anything that’s been said to her by Leon。 

「I'm unsure of what all Hunnigan told you, but I’ll also add that while it’s not my main job, I do have experience as an assassin,」 Mukuro spoke in a soft tone, she might as well rip that band-aid off while she was at it, 「it’s mainly within Yakuza and crime syndicates like that。 I’ve never had a major political head as a target before or anything like that, and those types of jobs are very, very few and far between。」

「You’re right, you shouldn’t have to had find out like that, and I’m sorry I hadn’t told you sooner, I do trust you, I really do, I promise with my whole heart that was the only thing I’ve lied to you about and I understand if you don’t believe that but it’s true。 And I understand that you’re very upset with me and that if you--」 she tightened her arms around herself for a moment as tears slowly began to trickle down her cheeks, she couldn’t get herself to finish her sentence but it was rather clear to what she assume the end result of this conversation was going to be。

「I’m really sorry,」 she’d whisper again, Mukuro didn’t know if this was something he’d find forgivable or not, and so again, she’d brace herself for hearing either the words ‘ we’re over ‘ or tell her to start packing and leave tonight。

[{ ☣ }] - "Blindside me? You had five years. If it took my contact and her initiative just to get you to finally tell me, it sure doesn't seem like you had plans of telling me. If it hadn't been for Hunnigan, I'm pretty damn sure I still would have no clue."

Leon sat back a bit as he listened to her plead her case, as mad as he was, he was going to be fair and give her as much time as she needed to explain her reason for keeping that secret for so long, there had to be a good reason for it right? He just hoped his thoughts on the matter were wrong, and that she did trust him. It was hard not to be a bit hurt for Mukuro keeping her real occupation to herself for so long, maybe even longer if it hadn't been for Hunnigan looking into Mukuro out of her own volition.

Crossing his arms, the agent listened to her continue to explain more about her job now that it was finally up in the air, and what exactly the kinds of people were that she worked with, and when she mentioned Yakuza, the expression on Leon's face became more understandably disappointed, further proven by the quick shake of his head when she revealed the organization she was usually involved with, he wasn't too happy with what he heard, but despite this, he let her continue.

A scoff at her statement that the organization she collaborated with often having no interest, she might be right for the most part, but at the same time, she was also very wrong. Information to most, didn't seem like much besides the general exchange of details, but information was much more powerful than people thought.

While some organizations like the Yakuza might not be interested in his line of work, but it didn't mean it was the same for every single clan inside the Yakuza, there were several different branches of families connected to the criminal underground, all it took was one member to decide on using that piece of knowledge with sinister intent. Or even someone connected to the Yakuza through business potentially getting ahold of that intelligence, that and many more, there were far too many risks.

[{ ☣ }] - "It doesn't matter. Information like that in the hands of any kind of criminal organization could do a lot of damage, especially if they have a special hatred for old Uncle Sam. I work in the Division of Security Operations, an agency that responds to calls worldwide. So someone would find a use for it one way or the other, and the result wouldn't be a good one."

Because of how important that piece of information was given his own occupation, he just couldn't understand why it had been so hard for her to tell him, especially after half a decade of nothing but one-hundred percent honesty on Leon's side of the relationship, he only hoped there were no more secrets buried within her that she also hadn't told him about, one lie over five years, was already bad enough, though at this rate, he wouldn't be surprised if there was anything else, he only hoped they involved her career and nothing else.

The moment when she mentioned her time as an assassin, he gave a nod, a small sense of relief as she told him. Hunnigan had mentioned that too, but he didn't want to say anything to her about it, as a little test to see if she would bring it up herself, and thankfully, she passed.

[{ ☣ }] - "I know, Hunnigan said that too, glad I didn't need to be the one to bring that up."

Slowly registering everything Mukuro had said to him, eventually he was able to garner up some sort of understanding as to why she couldn't bring herself to tell him. Maybe he could chalk it off as anxiety since things had become more serious over the years, perhaps there was some sort of fear of ruining it by telling him, he could see that much from her expression of body language. Maybe, he was being a little too hard on her, at last she explained it to the best of her abilities. With how she trailed off her sentence, and came back with a sorrowful apology.

Letting out a sigh as he saw tears begin to trickle down Mukuro's face, Leon's expression softened up, instead of saying anything, he shook his head and just pulled the woman into his arms for a warm embrace, one hand wrapped around her frame while the other hand on her head, index fingers gently brushing her hair as he held her, Leon speaks, his tone now more gentle and calm.

[{ ☣ }] - "Don't worry, we're just fine Mu. I just wish you told me something so important so many years sooner. Then we could have avoided this whole thing."

[fuxuannie]

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | kenji sato x gender neutral reader

love mail — reallllyy quick req from a friend (this took 20 mins pls bear w me) ヽ(o´3`o)ﾉ i love u all chu chu, this is an OVERLY done trope with this song but guys please let me 😞 be delulu

︰꒱꒱ YOU AND KENJI USED TO BE BEST FRIENDS. you met when he transferred to america, and it was mostly due to connections. it was around the time he had gotten popular, but not quiet there yet — and you had been part of an underground band that began gaining traction as well. you two got along well, late night banters, him listening to you sing while he would practice baseball.. you became each others routines. his practices would feel empty without your presence, and your singing wasn't as fun without him.

when he had to move back, you were devastated. you were both at the highest points of your careers, and you relied heavily on each other during an equally difficult time — so to hear him have to leave, and not even sure for how long.. it scared you. he'd likely be missing so many of your milestones, and it's not like you could beg him to stay either. you two were.. just friends. nothing more. even if your heart screamed at you to be something more, to tell him that as you dropped him off at the airport, — when he turned his back away from you and was about to enter.. when he actually looked back before going inside. regret finally settled in when he was no longer in view, and you crumbled, feeling lost as you realized you couldn't see him anymore.

years have passed since that day, and you eventually had to move on. life gets busy, after all. bu5 it wasn't like you weren't keeping tabs on him, though. you had his games livestreaming during rehearsals and you would even watch some of his interviews in japan. one of these days, however — you had accidentally kept a live interview running as you entered the room of your makeup department, preparing for your third live performance of your big tour. not getting to see the rest of the stream as the question for ken sato followed; "with the giants big comeback season coming to an end, do you ever plan to return to america?" the journalist asked curiously, and kenji only laughed — feeling rather excited to answer the question. "yes, actually. i'll be attending a concert with a few old friends, and i'm looking forward to that."

he looked straight to the camera, his smile soft, — he was hoping, praying that you were watching. "i'm coming back, sweetheart."

the fifth night was the biggest one the whole tour, it had completely sold out tickets — and that made you worry. not only that, but now the rumors of ken sato coming back to america were going around.. and the coincidences — they seemed to align a bit too well. but you shook your head, deciding something as trivial as someone from your past be a distraction was something you weren't about to let slide, so you close your laptop and meet your bandmates back stage, chatting away about how exciting tonight was going to be.

on the other hand, kenji arrived in america yesterday. missing just the fourth night of your tour. and decided to plan a little surprise for you, with the power of connections — he had gotten in touch with your manager and bandmates, and it was going to be the most memorable performance of your career.

"how about singing 'still into you' by paramore for our last song?" your drummer suggested, smiling cheekily. "a cover song? a strange suggestion," you respond, only for your guitarist to chime in with an equally endearing smirk. "not at all, we all know the song anyway. i used to play it for my gigs." he shrugged, and you eyed your amazing bandmates curiously. "are you all plotting something...?"

"absolutely not.."

"you're crazy!"

"we just want to play a good song to end the night."

despite their obviously suspicious responses, you shrugged it off. it was a pretty catchy song anyway, and who knows — maybe you'll get to let out those unsaid feelings for kenji through singing.. hoping he'd hear, even if it felt crazy to even imagine that he'll hear, or reciprocate.

the stadium had slowly filled up with people, and in only an hour there were now hundreds of people waiting for your band to show up on stage, — and you still didn't feel any less nervous even after four other shows prior to this. your manager noticed your nerves, and put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "you'll kill it, (name)." she tells you, giving a big smile. "just perform the last song and you'll be able to head home, yeah?" and that helped you feel a little better.. only a few songs, and perform the cover song, and you will be able to rest again. yeah.. not so bad! you can do this. you will do this.

taking a deep breath — you're the first one to enter the spotlight; people cheered your name, and you relished in the feeling. god, you wouldn't trade performing for the world. as you introduced the rest of your bandmates, who received an equal amount of uproar and applause, you spoke into the mic. "thank you, everyone! we're excited to perform here tonight, — and we've got a special surprise for you at the end, so make sure to stick around for that!" you smiled, the crowd going insane with cheers. all your problems seemed to melt away when you were on stage and infront of an audience.

as you performed the last original song of your band, the applause seemed to only get louder after each ending. you had sat down on the stage, dangling your feet on the edge as you tried to get a little interactive with the audience. "tonight, we're going to be performing a.. cover song! a little unusual, but the band seemed insistent on it — and who am i to deny my family?" you stood up, laughing as the crowd began to once again lose their absolute minds as the instrumental of 'still into you' began.

"you know your cue?" kenji couldn't even focus as he hid backstage, his eyes didn't leave you the moment you went out there and started singing. my god, you were as breath—taking as he remembered, and he put no effort into hiding how he felt as your manager rolled her eyes. "wait till the last few lines, loverboy. don't disappoint."

"some things just, some things just make sense and one of those is you and i!"

okay, maybe you needed this. these lyrics almost resonated with you personally, — with the feelings you've held back for years. you sang for someone who will never get to hear these words from you, and you sang with your entire heart, hoping that by some chance — maybe he'd know. (which he definitely did)

"and even after all this time—"

you needed a breather, and thank goodness the crowd started singing the next bit for you. as you were focused on breathing, your bandmates looked at each other, and to kenji hiding backstage. signaling it was almost his time. taking one deep breath, you continued, your smile much brighter and determined as you kept a firm grip on the mic.

"let em wonder how we got this far, cause i don't really need to wonder at all!" kenji felt a quick shove behind him, immediately rushing him to get on that stage behind you. he had a hoodie up and his head down so to the audience members who were far away — they didn't get a good look at the random hooded man on stage. but to the vip members? they were desperately trying to get a closer look, trying to make sense of who exactly the mysterious figure was. "yeah, after all this time—"

"i'm still into you,"

he'll start by lifting his head up as he walked towards you, and almost immediately, gasps erupt from the vip audience, making you a little confused. if only you saw the wide grinned kenji behind you, he looked like he was looking at an angel, and admittedly? you were one to him.

"i'm still into you,"

next to go was his hoodie, and that confirmed to everyone attending that night who exactly was on that stage with you. now the cheers were getting louder, a few audience members were even pointing behind you; did the visuals mess up? a few people seemed to notice your confusion, so the fans began to yell 'turn around!', so this had to be a visual issue. turning around, your heart drops.

"i'm still—" the sight of his smile, in person, after so long.. you felt your heart genuinely skip a beat as thousands of bottled up feelings suddenly came over you. and all you could do was clutch your microphone, needing to focus the song — with that being the very thin rope holding you back from erupting into tears.

"sweetheart." he calls for you, god, that nickname had you weak.

"—into you."

[annieintheaair]

They say, "Teamwork makes the dream work." Hell, I had some help.

They say it takes a village and you need to find your tribe. Lately, I’ve realized how large my village really is and I’m sad I never saw it before.

My village is filled with family, work friends, church friends, yoga friends, and even just ordinary friends. It is said that you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. For me, there are definitely more than five people. I think, these days, that's actually a really good thing because I feel like I have surrounded myself with some great people.

I've been praying to make the right decisions moving forward. I gave up that apartment last week because something about it just didn't feel right. I told my friend Jackie at work the other day that I was really hoping to wait it out to maybe be able to move to the little houses near her instead. Later that day, she drove by and sent me a video of the progress. I felt excited, similar to when I built a house in 2017, even though the end result wasn't me closing on it and moving in. Even my friend Nancy said that she's interested in checking them out and maybe we could be neighbors.

Between the support I already have there from my dog sitters and church friends, I feel like that place might be the perfect location for me. Even Jackie said she and her family would help me with my dogs, which is super sweet.

We were supposed to have a house showing the other day and I was excited thinking that maybe someone would finally make an offer. Instead, long story short, the realtor screwed up so the people came to see the house and couldn't get inside. It was extremely disappointing. In the midst of all of that, even though I obviously wanted someone to buy the house, I was feeling nervous about it happening before August when the little houses were ready. I was working with my friend Kia when I got the showing request and she was so quick to offer for me to stay with her in between if I needed a place to go.

I went to yoga yesterday before Students and George told me that another lady at yoga, Laura, is a realtor and she said she would be happy to help me find a place to live if I need help. He also told me that our yoga studio might be closing down at the end of the summer and condensed into one studio at the Dallas location. It was really sad news to hear that especially considering the Dallas location is further away from where I want to move.

Last night was the last "normal" Wednesday night. Next week is our final Wednesday at Students for the school year, which is really sad. I'm obviously going to miss it but also somewhat excited for a break. Even though my group has plans to get together during the summer, I won't have my regular busy Wednesday like I've had this whole school year. Honestly, looking back over this last year, I'm not sure how I made it all happen. Wednesdays have been incredibly exhausting for me but have also been one of the only things holding me together. It has been a way of keeping normalcy in my life during a very uncertain time and I've been able to surround myself with my church friends who helped me through countless struggles. I really wasn't sure how many Wednesdays I'd be able to be there this year but I made it a priority and I'm so glad that I did.

I'm slowly making progress on selling things on marketplace. I was able to sell a bookcase a few weeks ago and just sold some nightstands the other day. I need to post more things for sale but at least I'm making some progress finally.

This month has been rough with working so much. I used to never sleep in my bed during the day but I've had multiple days this week where I've gotten home from work and crawled into bed or made it into bed for an afternoon nap. My whole body feels like it hurts and I'm glad I'm finally going to the chiropractor next week. I think I'm just holding a lot of stress right now with all the flying I've been doing and this major lack of sleep.

Speaking of stress, I am no longer doing therapy with Jose. I got so frustrated with his constant schedule changes and cancellations that I asked if I could try another therapist but then decided against it. Yet another unreliable man in my life (kidding but also not). I feel like I just don't have the capacity or the energy for therapy right now. I know that sounds weird because it seems like I should need to go to therapy because of all of that but I really feel like I'm doing ok without it. I've spent so many years in therapy that I know how a therapist will respond to almost everything.

While I have my tribe in real life/in person, I also have kind of joined a community of people going through similar things in life. It's like the clubs you never wanted to be part of but life happened and you became part of them anyway due to your circumstances. Life is better when we can support each other.

I'm in a Facebook group for people who are hurting and although I haven't posted anything of my own, I started responding to people last night. I've read many posts in the group and understand the purpose of the group but I also feel like sometimes they're wrong. Losing Dan taught me a lot about withholding your feelings. I read something the other day that said the whole, "If they wanted to, they would" is really a lie. I mentioned that to someone last night. The truth is, aren't there things that YOU want to do or say but you don't? Maybe you're afraid of the outcome, being ignored, or the reaction you'll get from someone. When it all comes down to it, the biggest regret you can ever have is not doing or saying the things in your heart.

Right before Dan passed away, literally 10 days before he passed away, I was in Rhode Island flying back to Texas after my cousin's wedding and a weekend on the Cape. The night of my cousin's wedding, I wrote in my notes app:

"I don't cry at weddings. Maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe I've desensitized myself. Maybe I was just a wedding planner for too long. But what makes me sad isn't witnessing love and happiness but the lack of my own. What we lost and could have been celebrating 15 years later."

I wrote that and was going to finish it and send it to Dan but then I never did. I felt like maybe I just had a few drinks and was feeling emotional so I should let it pass. I wish I had sent that message, I really do.

On the day I was flying back to Texas, I spent nearly the entire day in the airport trying to get on a flight. In a last-ditch effort to get home, I tried Southwest and was able to get on a flight back to Dallas. I spent that day helping other non-revs in the airport find their way to their destinations. When I thought I wouldn't get on a flight that day, I considered calling Dan and asking him to pick me up so I could stay with him and try flying home the next day. Between the text I wish I sent and the call I never made, I felt so much regret when I found out less than two weeks later that he was gone forever. There was literally nothing I could do to change anything but I constantly wondered if that call or that text would have made a difference and if he would still be here. Even if he died anyway, he would have known that I cared.

A little over a month before he passed away, and just a few days after his 34th birthday, I also wrote this in my notes app:

"I think people look for what they want in all the wrong places, which is why they never find it. People aren't trees. We don't have to stay in the same place forever. I think most people are scared of what they really want. They think they know but when it all comes down to it, they don't."

Sometimes, love is right in front of our faces and we're so busy running from it that we don't recognize it when we have it. Everyone has too much pride to admit that they were wrong and try to fix things. Even though I had forgiven Dan a long time ago, I refused to give him another chance because I was too afraid of what everyone else would think of me if I tried to work it out with him. In the end, I was the one who lost out because of my pride. When it was too late, I realized that people just wanted me to be happy and if being happy meant being with Dan, then I wasn't an idiot for giving him another chance.

I vaguely remember asking my mom, not long after I met Dan freshman year, how do you know when you've met the one? My mom told me that you just know; you have no doubts. There were so many times when I tried to tell myself that Dan couldn't be the one but I always knew that he was. Even though he's gone, I know he was my person. I also know that allowing that to be the truth doesn't mean that there can't or won't ever be another person who can be the one. The truth is, we all have our pasts. Loving someone before doesn't mean that you can't love someone new in the future.

While I still believe that you should never withhold your feelings, I also know that you shouldn't waste your time on people who don't care about you or your feelings. If they've done nothing to show you that you matter to them, then they're not worth the added pain you'll feel if you share what's in your heart with them.

Anyway, I ordered Doc B's for dinner and am going to quickly eat that before I head to work for my delayed flight.

xoxo

Annie