#not rzally comfort

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Goodbye for now

Summary: Maybe one where Eddie breaks up with Richie while he's out by leaving a note because of the ugly fights they've been having and he goes to stay at one of the loser's house, but Richie finds out where he is and begs Eddie to take him back?

A/N: I’m not sure this is what you hoped for but I really hope it was! Let me know what you think!

How Richie discovered he was staying over at Bill’s Eddie has no clue, but he’s here and his eyes are red-rimmed, skimming over the paper Eddie wrote and left on the dinner table before packing his shit and going in the middle of the night, his keys to the house sticking the paper in place. He can recite it word for word, letter by letter, forwards and backwards, top to bottom.

Dear Richie

Hey Richie

Richie,

I’m staying one of our friends for a little while, until the dust settles around us. I’m sorry to let you know via this note, but if I wait for you to come home we’ll argue about it and I can’t have that right now. I think time apart will do us good, and help us clear our minds. We both need it. Please don’t hate me for this Rich, know that I’m really doing this with our best interests at heart. I will call you after I’ve had some time to think.

I love you

Eds.

He’s been stressing every possible way Richie could have reacted to it, by yelling at the dead, empty air in the house, crying in his palms on the kitchen table, drinking himself out of the world, head far above the clouds, but nothing could have prepared Eddie for the seeing the noxious, sullen outlook of his face. His beard is untrimmed, hair wildly sticking in every odd direction, making Eddie question if he even brushed through it in the morning.

He’s holding a coffee mock, the one Eddie claimed as his own after moving in, a peace offering to lure Eddie out of his hiding spot. There have been no door rings, are sneakily peeking in the house via the blinds, just what Eddie considers to be an ambush.

The most mundane thing exploits Eddie’s fortitude, the primal urge to surround himself with Richie pressing deeply in his core. But his mind, the logical part of his brain, rapidly deflects the notion. Eddie knows this it this right choice, though it’s not the easiest, being apart from Richie is like missing a limb, but they survived twenty seven years apart, they can abide a few months.

This is a delicate situation, partly due to Richie’s insecurities, and his mindset, and Eddie feels very under-prepared on what to say to prove to Richie this isn’t an issue about him, more about personal growth.

The care and deliberation Eddie has to enforce to ensure Richie avoids spiraling back into the person he was pre-coming out and entering a relationship with Eddie is a lot to handle. It frightens him, the power he hold over someone the way his mother and Myra had and the responsibility to not abuse that is stressful.

The note was a good alternative to that, but Eddie is starting to realize that what it really was, was a cop out. His own predisposition may have altered the decision, the fear of Richie manipulating him to stay as was the case with Myra hitting too close to home.

Richie, and Eddie too, deserve better than that.

So, after adjusting his tie again, Eddie grasps his suitcase and storms to his car, his head held up high. The gravel on the ground crunches and lodge themselves in the rim of his shoe, plastering shut and releasing in Eddie’s expensive car, the little bastards.

Richie perks up, speeding to match Eddie’s pace with his coffee mock. In the middle of Bill’s driveway they collide, both a little too eager for different things, Eddie hurrying the conversation along, and Richie for a heart-to-heart.

The lickings off the pure black coffee drip down the sides, Richie narrowly averting the stream to drizzle on the ground, not Eddie ridiculous expensive suit.

‘I bought you coffee,’ Richie lamely laments, flipping the cup upside, but no liquid is left to spill out. ‘I lost some on the way over here so.’ He says, so weirdly cheerful and faked that Eddie’s knows without a doubt that the note achieved to opposite intent.

Richie’s face is constructed, a mask that Eddie to this day has trouble wiggling off, the ability to disguise his emotions is something Richie got practically spoon fed.

‘Richie’, Eddie begins a pre-practised speech, pinching the bridge of his nose to stop any tears before they’re even formed.

‘I’m sorry,’ Richie blurts out, and Eddie’s heart drops all the way from his chest to his stomach.

‘I’ll change okay, I’ll get therapy and I’ll work on bettering myself just please give me another chance.’

‘Richie, this isn’t about another chance or not. I swear it isn’t.’

‘I saw you die. I saw your guts get ripped out and dangled in front of me like a chew toy for dogs and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I never wanted to be like your mom, or treat you like you’re delicate,’ his voice breaks on the last word, a kicked puppy couldn’t come close to the way the words inflict an anguish in Eddie.

‘You don’t think I know that? Richie for the longest time all I tried to do was convince you that I’m alive and breathing, and it was all I was ever focused on. I can’t continue this way. We need some time apart or there’s a chance we might not even be friends anymore. I can’t lose that with you Rich. It’s great you’re considering going to therapy, but you need to do that for you, and not on my account.’

Eddie’s dispensing for a counteract, a plea to alter his decision, but what he witnesses is a tearful apology from Richie, fumbling to translate the thoughts in his head to real life sentences.

‘I can’t lose you Eds. I can’t.’ His hand lifts up, non-verbally requesting their trademark sign. Eddie blissfully parrots him, the palms of their hands resting flat against the other. It’s like coming home, and the meer idea that they might lose this forever is too foreign to entertain.

‘You won’t lose me Rich. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.’ Eddie tilts his head up, nosing against Richie’s jaw, connecting their lips in a kiss. Their kiss is desperate, a goodbye mixed with an declaration of love, no, a departure mixed with a declaration of love, for this isn't the end.

It's not to Eddie, and it's not to Richie either. They adore each other too much to ever let go of the other completely, but if they ever hope to Exide above the trauma Pennywise and Derry forced upon them, they first have an obligation to work on themselves. Separately, before either can even think of forming a union again. Conquering their past and present demons, Eddie on how to live independently, and Richie who is and learning to care for that person, should be forefront now, yet Eddie is sure Richie will still cross his mind on the daily.

‘I’ll call you okay?’ Eddie promises, dislodging himself from Richie to get to his car. At the click of the cardoor, Eddie turns around, and claims with the upmost passion, ‘ I love you’, because he means them.

He chickened out of writing in the letter, terrified Richie’s dismay for him would be too large to accept the truthful confession, but Richie needs to hear them. He needs to know that Eddie will never let him fall the way people in his old life did. He loves him.