#not rlly a vent but my mouth hurts pls god help

[dove-skulls]

Wisdom tooth recovery is so awful bc u just wake up in blinding pain and at that point you don’t know if you’ve messed up one of the Secret Tooth Rules and you’ll never recover or if this is just a normal part of the process

[irresponsiblereader]

tw: suicide mention, disordered eating

its been a rlly long few weeks, obvs for everyone bc of like,,, evsrything, but my god the past like 2 weeks it feels like everything in my personal life has crumbled. i cant answer like any messages and ive been spiraling into guilt abt it, ive felt like shit and have a p much never ending headache for over a week now and now have a sore throat/mouth that make eating harder which is Not what i need like my eating is disordered enough and it rlly has caused mt thoughts for eating to spiral Badly and like school is horrible, i specifically dont do online classes bc i alrdy kno i cant focus or do work and now im forced too and if i drop itll push my degree back a year and like fuck that but i also havent done like any work in 1.5 week. sleep schedules shit too and ive been gwtting to bed way too late and then sleeping forever and not feeking rested anyway.

like im just,,, so over it,,, too much stress not even counting worrying abt the virus itself and how ppl wont listen to the rules like i have 2 neighbord who do Not listen to the shelter in place at all and i hate it, one of them keeps askig me over too and i think theyre mad at me bc i wont go over and like i kno im.doing the right thing but i hate the guilt im feeling. also the uncertainity around everything rlly makes it worse and just

id like to do the unalives pls. ive been actually like fantasizing abt it the most i ever have been since my attempt at 15 and like i Kno its bad but i dont kno how to get help, esp now and ive never been good at asking for help anyway. like i kno i wont actually do it, or even hurt myself bc i live with family and have no way to hide it but the fantasizing is still fucking me over even more and its rlly not a fun cycle.

anyway ignore this i just needed a place to vent but i deleted my twitter and feel like ive been venting to ny friends too much lately so the void it is.