#not remotely in any detail. but y'know to be safe.

[pinkinsect]

going insane over shidou ryusei recently and seeing your posts about him being connected to hide songs are making me even more crazy. can i know more about your thoughts.. maybe what you think his backstory will be like.. (<- i have clinical shidou disorder)

hi sorry to hear about your shidou disorder. as a fellow sufferer i have to say it doesn't get better.

i don't have a set backstory in my head for him, just conclusions of things it's like from all of the supplemental info we've gotten for him. to succinctly sum up my thoughts about what his backstory will be like: Not Great!

tl;dr: there's so many dots to connect that anything could happen at this point. but i think that possibly, shidou's backstory is one of deprivation; either deprivation of physical needs, self-determination, or both. though i don't have a set idea of how exactly that may have happened, there's a few options—poverty, an abusive household, family members with too many expectations, too many restrictions on himself or his behavior. i wouldn't be surprised if he'd been arrested at some point (it's happened before. it could happen again) or if he had been in the foster system, where the aforementioned conditions occurred, given there's absolutely no mention of any immediate family members in the egoist bible—and he seems to really hate santa, though that could be for other reasons.

the rest of this is basically explaining why i think so—it ended up being awfully long (it turns out i cant Not summarize rocket dive/pink spider/ever free) so the rest of this is under a cut. let's go!

there are plenty of people view shidou as someone who is Just Horny And Violent; Born A Freak Forever A Freak. and you know what? i fuck with that type of character, but i think there's more to shidou than that.

during the U-20 match, he has his trademark "football is a biological phenomenon" speech (which is probably quickly overshadowed by its last line, "right in the womb," and i can't blame everyone. it is baffling), that gives us some of the first deeper insight into shidou.

"Every human on the planet wants to leave proof of their own existence behind. The act of passing on their own genes has been programmed into all living beings. They connect with others, wound others, do things that make them persist in the memories of others. Those who create something, those who want to become something, and of course, those who make children. They're doing something that leaves behind proof they existed."

shidou often says he wants an explosion, but another way to think about it is freedom. he wants the freedom to play the way he wants, to live the way he wants. and for soccer, that's through finding people he can create an explosion with—people he can play freely with.

(i think this has been acknowledged by other characters too; given shidou's placement on the Isagi Yoichi Type Indicator compass and noa telling kunigami to "take away [shidou's] freedom" by marking him. i choose to look into individual word choices in blue lock since kaneshiro seems to like making specific word choice relevant later)

shidou is all about freedom, and i think that could come from being deprived of it, in some ways.

a lot of the supplemental info we're given about him could be described as "things someone does just because they can." people often go through their lives taking certain things for granted, until it's taken away. once it's returned to them, you'll see a sort of appreciation that might seem a little out of the ordinary.

(personal experience, so it might not be great evidence, but plenty of people who've spent a lot of time in prison seem to gain a newfound appreciation for couches and making food late at night.)

his morning routine consists of "going onto the balcony naked and soaking up the sunlight, dancing however he likes, and yelling whatever comes to his mind ("stuff like capillaries and flesh rupture!!")." is it strange? yes, but to me it's an appreciation of freedom; one's free will to do and say anything, and to let the sun hit you while you're doing it.

something else that sticks out to me from the egoist bible is his favorite and least favorite foods; yukhoe and bean sprouts respectively. i normally wouldn't mind it, but the juxtaposition of something that can be so indulgent and really cheap produce is interesting to me, especially because of his reasoning for hating bean sprouts: 「フォルムが貧弱で萎える」, which I would translate as "They look weak and wilted," but the words used for weak and wilt can also mean "insubstantial" and "to lose passion." that extra translation detail could be a reach and extraneous information, but similar to my earlier point, kaneshiro seems to really like using words with multiple meanings instead of more clear cut synonyms. the top of shidou's scale being a rich, fatty dish of raw meat and the bottom being bean sprouts is interesting to me, and fits this picture of shidou that isn't necessarily hedonistic, but is "living deep and sucking the marrow out of life" in a very explosive way.

now a section specifically for hide songs because there's so much

as you mentioned, i really think that the hide songs will tie into shidou's backstory; an awful lot of the characters' favorite songs represent their character in the past or present. pink spider is his favorite song, and rocket dive is mentioned in chapter 253 in regards to shidou's goal.

for those less familiar with hide's work, pink spider was written as an answer to rocket dive, and the cd for the single contained a third track: five minutes and twenty-seven seconds of silence, then a short clip of ever free, the titular single released several weeks after his death.

all three songs deal with a desire for freedom, and to break out of the monotony of one's surroundings for something new—but with varying tones and approaches.

rocket dive has an endlessly encouraging tone, ending happily with a new star being seen in the sky (and this is a reach, but shidou's given name—ryuusei—is a homophone with the japanese word for meteor/falling star, ryuusei).

pink spider, shidou's favorite song, is about a spider so trapped in its surroundings it kills anything that comes close, until it learns there's more. and to reach it, it steals a butterfly's wings and flies and fails and tries again, and we never know if the spider succeeds at its second attempt at flight, or is resigned to watching the sky from the ground.

ever free's speaker is trapped on the ground, and faced with the questions "how much does love cost?" "can you eat a dream?" in response to their own questions about how love feels and what it's like to feel their dreams. but still, they dream of flying toward freedom, of escaping. like pink spider, and unlike rocket dive, we don't ever know if they make it off the ground.

despite the order of songs released being rocket dive -> PINK SPIDER -> ever free, i think that the order the songs represent shidou may be the opposite. he started, trapped, wings closed, uncertain, but had the dream of freedom inside of him. and though he may have hurt someone—or lost someone—in the process, he seized that freedom, and the expanse of the future awaits him to live in and make a name for himself.

something specifically about love being something that could be bought, or a dream being something that could be eaten, makes me want to think that shidou had a lot of expectations, or restrictions, placed on him as well.

hide in general is shidou's favorite, though, not just that one song of his. hide's live performances are high energy, and he's just really funny when talking to the audience between songs? it fits the massive amount of his songs are upbeat lyrically and about sex and desire, but an equal amount are about difficulty controlling unhealthy behaviors, cynical, or reflecting on one's own flaws and the loss of others.

the duality there makes me think of shidou's other favorites, chainsaw man and a clockwork orange—both media that can be, and often are, interpreted on the surface as simply spectacles of violence and sex, but are also acclaimed for their deeper themes. it could be like shidou, in a way. there's layers.

to sum it all up. i think shidou probably was in foster care. maybe was sexually abused. probably also saw a lot of bad things happen to other people, so it's nothing personal to him on a surface level, at least. he's out of that situation and deciding to enjoy the hell out of life. probably repressed and that's why he cries when alone at night (possibly nightly ?) for reasons he doesn't know.

[ifyouknowme-stayaway]

So, @nagisushi, i got you for the secret santa! hope you like this!

♡♡♡♡♡

It was December 22nd, three days away from Christmas. Karma had invited him and Sugino over to his house after realizing in horror that Sugino had never watched a Sonic Ninja movie in his entire life. The three of them were going to binge watch the movies and then sleepover since they probably wouldn’t be able to finish catching Sugino up to speed in just one day.

With Christmas coming up, his mother’s job had become just about busy enough that she’d rather have him go away until she had less on her plate. Honestly, Nagisa was glad she wanted him away for a while. He didn’t want to have to walk on eggshells around her either.

And so, here he was. In front of Karma’s house, Sugino beside him, and a backpack with his toothbrush, pajamas, and a spare change of clothes.

"Watch your step," Karma warned, stepping aside so they could come in. "Don't step on the tripwire," he pointed out a thin piece of string rigged over the floor at ankle-height.

"Why do you have a tripwire at your front door?" Sugino looked at him in disbelief. "Actually, why do you have a tripwire at- y'know what? I'll ask you that some other time,"

"Never know when someone's gonna break in. Come on, let's go watch Sonic Ninja,"

Nagisa laughed nervously, and followed Karma to another room, ducking under a rubber spider hanging from the doorway by a thin string.

Once they got into the room, Karma promptly launched himself onto a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor in front of a TV. 

Nagisa and Sugino sat down next to him. It was comfy, though small enough that the three of them had to squish together a little.

Karma took a remote out from one of the pillowcases, and started playing the movies.

Nagisa had watched them before, but it was still interesting to see the characters react and change as the story progressed.  Besides that, he always noticed a little detail he'd dismissed before that made the plot twists seem so obvious. Sonic Ninja really did have good replay value, even if it had a few somewhat cliche twists, they made sense in the plot after rewatching it.

Something else that made this time exciting was that it was Sugino’s first time watching Sonic Ninja ever.

Seeing him quickly take a liking to certain characters, disliking others, dismissing some details while looking too far into others, it was refreshing to see Sugino react from the series. 

Sugino also had a habit of grabbing onto his arm during the jump scares. It was a little surprising at first, but after a while, Nagisa ended up holding hands with him during the tenser moments. Sugino’s hand was strangely warm, but it felt nice since it was a little cold.

As for Karma, he had a bit of an annoying habit of keeping a running commentary during movies. It was just something that happened while watching them, though it certainly led to having a peek into his thought process if he was focused hard on the scene enough to say things without a filter. For some reason, he didn’t do it as often this time. Every few minutes, he’d open his mouth, start to say something, and then close it again.

Plus, despite how mischievous he usually was, he wasn’t a bad host. He’d been awkward when he, Sugino, Kayano, Okuda, and Kanzaki had shown up without warning when Karma got sick, but give him a clear idea of what would happen and he would be fairly prepared for the day. Karma kept them well-supplied on snacks and drinks, passing around bottles of soda, boba drinks, along with popcorn.

At some point, Nagisa ended up with Karma’s arm slung over his shoulder, with both him and Sugino leaning gently on Nagisa. It was warm and comfortable, and felt strangely safe.

And somehow, between the familiar storyline, Sugino’s hand in his, Karma’s arm over his shoulder, and being tired in general, he fell asleep. He was vaguely aware of movement, whispers, and what might’ve been the sound of a photo being taken, but he managed to sleep through it.

When he woke up, it seemed that some time had passed already. The TV was off, for one thing, and when he checked his phone, it was already 6.30 pm.

“Hey,” Sugino said, with damp hair and soft-looking dark blue pyjamas. “You fell asleep earlier, do you wanna go take a shower?”

Rubbing his eyes, Nagisa stood up. Sugino took Nagisa’s bag. “I’ll help you take this to the bathroom, apparently there's a trap on the door handle. Karma’s off picking up some food. We already ordered for you earlier, since we didn’t want to wake you up,”

"Oh, thanks," Nagisa said. He wasn't sure why Karma would have a trap in his bathroom, but it was nice of Sugino to take him.

While he was drying his hair, Nagisa heard Sugino talking to Karma, who had probably gotten back while he was showering.

"Hey, do you have the stuff?" Sugino asked.

"Yes, I have the drugs,"

"Karma, you know what I mean,"

"Yeah, of course I have the stuff, don't forget what we have in common,"

Curious and nervous about the potential chaos that could happen based off of that exchange, Nagisa opened the door.

Karma had probably taken a shower while he was asleep, since he was wearing a black hoodie and a different pair of pants.

He also had two plastic bags in his hands, both with a very familiar brand on them. 

"Nagisa!" Sugino said, surprised. "We, uh, got you sushi," he rubbed the back of his neck. "We weren't completely sure which one was your favorite, so we just ordered a ton since it's on Karma. I'll take whatever you don't like,"

For just a moment, Nagisa just stared at them.

He broke out into a grin. "Thanks, both of you,"

Both Sugino and Karma's ears went strangely red, and the two of them smiled as well.

"Yeah, we really are great," Karma joked. "C'mon, let's go eat. You mentioned the place we got the sushi from once or twice and it really does look good,"

The sushi really did taste good as well. Karma and Sugino had ordered a few different kinds, somehow managing to have chosen most of his favorites. But then again, his favorite did consist of almost all of the different kinds.

Over dinner, the three of them talked about Sonic Ninja. They were only about halfway through the series, according to Karma. 

Sugino was trying to predict what was going to happen, and how issues would be resolved based off of the story he'd seen so far. While his theories were pretty off on what actually happened, Nagisa had to admit they would've made good storylines, and that they made sense as well. 

Karma on the other hand just seemed to be enjoying trying to confuse and trick Sugino on what was actually going to happen. He was half encouraging Sugino's theory, while also pointing out how it could be wrong. 

The rest of the night passed by in a happy blur. Eating, watching, talking, and eventually, Karma and Sugino drifted off to sleep. Sugino was hugging his left arm, and Karma had somehow managed to lay his head across both his and Sugino's laps.

Nagisa noticed a slip of paper with writing on it sticking out of Karma's hoodie pocket. Curious, he cautiously slid it out, and started reading

He covered his mouth, suppressing a laugh.

It was a to-do list. It had the words "operation: Nagisa has a Good December 23-24" written in Karma's fanciest cursive, with little doodles of him that Sugino must've drawn around it.

Nagisa noted how cute he looked in Sugino's doodles.

Under that, there was a list of things the two of them must've been planning for the day and the next. It included giving him presents (descriptions on where they were hidden were next to that step), a hoodie (Sugino and Karma had written each of their names, crossed the other's out, and ended up just writing "whoever gets the chance first"), buying him sushi, and talking to him about Sonic Ninja.

And at the very bottom of the paper, in Sugino's big, blocky handwriting, underlined twice, was "DO NOT TELL HIM!!! DON'T RUIN PRE-CHRISTMAS!!". Nagisa felt guilty for reading, though he wasn't completely sure why it was so important to keep it a secret. The amount of effort they had put into it made the whole thing a lot more touching, in his opinion.

Sugino's head fell on Nagisa's shoulder, breathing softly and steadily.

They've put so much effort into all of this, Nagisa thought, absentmindedly leaning his head on top of Sugino's. After all that, the least I can do is let them think I don't know how much planning they did for me.

Nagisa slipped the paper back into Karma's pocket. Karma's hand curled around his subconsciously.

Surrounded by two of his best friends, Nagisa smiled, and felt himself drift off to sleep as well.

Thank you, both of you.

Bonus headcanons since this is a mess:

Karma and Sugino both have a crush on Nagisa

they found out about their own crush from Okuda and Maehara respectively

Nakamura found out and added them into the “Nagisa Simps” group chat

the group chat plans little events or things to make Nagisa happy

they also lowkey tease each other of their crushes, take turns being jealous occasionally, yet sometimes wingman each other

the goal is Nagisa’s happiness, not their own relationships

the  "DO NOT TELL HIM!!! DON'T RUIN PRE-CHRISTMAS!!" part of the note was about confessing their crushes. they didn’t want Nagisa to have any bad memories tied to before Christmas because of them

Karma’s handwriting is either insanely fancy cursive, or complete chicken scratch

Sugino doodled Nagisa smiling on the plan as decoration

[xomiri]

Another Chapter? No Way!

Chapter 3, Baby. Decided to upload the whole thing this time idk.

A/N: Heyo! I'm super sorry for how long it took for this chapter to come out. I sometimes have motivational issues when it comes to doing things, and it impacts even the things I really enjoy doing. Nonetheless, Within time, I finally finished it, and it motivated me to keep going. So don't worry! hopefully the next chapters won't be as slow as this, but if they are, please bear with me! I don't want to give you sloppy writing, so I do so when I feel my best. Love you, and thank you for reading :)

"So finally, at the end of the interview, I tell him - Guess what I tell 'em?" Nick asked, snickering throughout the explanation of his joke.

The duo made their way down the hall, Judy trying not to murder the fox in cold blood. She entertained Nick as she scrambled her book-bag for her apartment keys.

"What'd you tell 'em Nick?"

she asked, almost, no, exactly like she'd been talking to a fourth grader.

"I told the guy that he didn't have the right Koala-fications! Eh? Eh?"

"Heheh.." She let out slowly, still rummaging through her book-bag.

Nick poked at her sides.

"Ah!" she flinched, swatting away at his paws.

"Yeah, yeah, it would've been funnier had this not be the fortieth time you've told me!"

They stopped at the end of the hall. Judy still shuffled through her bag, begging and pleading that she could find her keys, so she'd no longer have to tolerate his wisecracks.

"You wouldn't know comedy if it killed you."

He leaned against the doorway, and began to pick his claws.

"If it's your kind of humor, I hope it does." Judy mumbled, letting the jingle of her apartment keys mask the jab that she threw his way.

"I heard that." Nick nudged Judy's ear with his free elbow.

The creaking of the recently departed door welcomed them into the familiar darkness. Nick took Judy's bag, and turned to pick up his own. Judy walked into her safe haven, wiping the day off of her face. She looked around, not really knowing what she'd been looking for. It'd been a long day, so there'd be no surprise if she was daydreaming.

Her apartment had its own charm, convincing you to drop a memory each time you entered and exited. Some of her fondest memories were made here, even fonder ones to come.

Lights on.

Her home oddly contradicted her personality. You could see the months slowly engraving themselves into the bleak dark walls. The lavender undertones that emanated from her body, pervaded this new, cold air, making it as pungent as it's ever been before. It was intoxicating. This, along with a noticeable clean smell in the air. The way this cutesy rabbit made her bright, pastel mark upon the bleak, light grey space around her always made Nick smile. You truly couldn't miss it. Instances of magenta's and pastel blues, light pink's, yellows. Whether it be a notebook, a pillow or a shirt, it stood out, just like Judy; A blatant, yet unexpected aberrance. It was rewarding how much he could garner from something as simple as a color in her living room.

With a groan, Judy dragged herself to her room, unbuckling her utility belt.

Nick took the entirety of the home in. Although he'd been there before, these feelings could never escape him. She closed the door and left the rest of the space to Nick. The fact that she trusted him enough to leave her whole home to him for even a couple of seconds, made him feel warm inside. Someone finally looked at him for what he actually had been, rather than the species he'd been stuck with. The light ringing in his ears took over his thoughts, recovering him from his daze. Silence without Judy was silence he couldn't stand. He walked in and dropped the bags to his right, keeping eyes on the city-scape that made itself known through the wall-wide window on the far side of the room. As he inched forward, the notch of soft carpet that collided with his toes broke his concentration once more. His eyes flickered to the carpet, and back up to the window. Bedroom door, Kitchen, then the TV.

"Can't hurt."

He snatched the remote from the wood stained coffee table that sat close to him. He switched the TV on, allowing the incessant rambling of the news anchors on screen to fill the emptiness. Placing the remote on the arm of the couch, he let his head fall back and took a deep breath.

A door opening. His ears moved with the creak.

The bunny moved from the shadows of the room, entering the living room with her eyes closed, attempting to adjust to the abundance of light.

"Oh! Uh.."

Nick raced towards the light switch. He pressed it, and watched as the green dot danced up and down, as the lights began to dim.

"Better?"

The bunny did nothing but nod.

She made her way to the couch, light bouncing off of the folds of her flowy nightgown. She plopped down and slid her upper half sideways until her head eventually came in contact with the cushions of the couch. She let out a long sigh, that would soon be abruptly cut off by the sound of her remote hitting the ground.

The gong of the plastic remote resonated within the apartment walls, accompanied by yet another groan from the fluffy, agitated mass.

"I'll get it, my damsel in distress." Nick japed, before preening the kitchen of it's snacks and drinks.

Judy and Nick had the next day off. When they'd first become partners, Judy thought their friendship could blossom more than it had, in turn making their workflow easier to deal with. They'd been friends, even before Judy asked Nick to become her partner, so evidently, Judy wanted to do "friend things." Whatever that meant. This list included all the regular "friend things" that "friends" did. Walking in the park, visiting famous city monuments, going out to get food on select days of the week, and having movie nights. However, as time went on, and work became tougher to manage, some of these time consuming, albeit fun, activities came more and more scarce. Today had been one of those days. Usually, when both of them had the day off, they'd arrange a movie night. Scary movies, Comedies, Rom-Coms, Tragedies, you name it. Nick would come over, they'd laugh and joke, watch a couple of stupid movies, and he'd leave in the morning. Nothing more, nothing less. But this time was different. For the first time in a really long time, Nick felt...awkward. He didn't know if it'd genuinely been a long time since he'd been over, or if time just passed painfully slowly when he was alone. Time flew with Judy after all, there'd never be a dull moment.

"Nick. Please. Hurry.

She groaned, the gravel in her voice becoming more prominent.

"ZNN is on, and I can't stand to listen to this moose talk any longer."

"Whoa there, hot stuff, what's wrong with the news?"

He set two cups onto the counter, and turned to look into the fridge for a smoothie. Judy always made the same kind. It lasted from the beginning from the week until the weekend, and when the time came, she'd make another. With both hands, he slid the large glass container out of the fridge and onto the table. He held the container with one hand, the glass in the other, and leaned it just enough to where the smoothie came out ever so slightly..

"There's some pretty interesting stuff sometimes."

Judy rolled onto her back and shot her arm up.

"Riiight, 'cause who doesn't love listening to news anchors rub other people's tragedies in their face? Who doesn't love having the idea that someone is in danger right now shoved into conscience? I could be out there doing whatever I can to help the people in need, but my stupid brain wants to give me problems. God, I shouldn't have told Clawhauser my head hurt. Aah, That snitch!"

She clasped at the air before letting her arm drop onto her chest. Her eyes fell shut, hoping the sigh that she'd let out would drown out the voices that bombarded her ears, forever. Nick noticed the genuine distress in her voice. He looked up, with a furrow in his brow.

"Carrots..."

"Nick, we're police officers. That's what we do. We save people, not watch them get worse. If I can't do something to fix it, I don't wanna know about it."

She shuffled, turning to lay back onto her side.

A cold sensation reaching his fingers.

The cup is overflowing.

He quickly pulled the container away, and set it down. After drying his hands, he sidled over to the couch, picking up the remote on the way there.

Silence filled the air. An animated moose flung his arms around, detailing all sorts of presumably important things.

Nick sat down on his knees in front of her, Wishing he'd pay more heed to the headache medicine on the coffee table. Confused on how he didn't notice it beforehand, he gave the topic little thought. He dug his elbow into the space that she left over and let his head rest in his hand, while he let his other hand rest on her forehead.

"You're gonna get another headache." He rubbed his thumb back and forth on her temple.

Her eyes tightened. Nick stared at her, brows still furrowed. It was moments like these that confused him on how much she trusted him. He wanted to do as much as he could to make sure that she was comfortable. He wanted to do as much as she can so she can live her life as content as it possible could be. Being a police officer obviously didn't make it easy, but if he could make her smile even once, it showed promise for the future. A lot of mammals like to say to take things with a grain of rice, but Nick took every mannerism to heart. He couldn't help it. He really couldn't help it.

He kissed her on the forehead.

Judy's eyes fluttered open. She stared into Nick's eyes, shaking him down for everything he knew.

"You're so selfish, y'know that?"

"Nick, I-"

"You're right. We are police officers. But… He paused.

"But it's dumb to think you can save everyone." His words took the air out of her chest. Her eyes widened and her lips parted.

Nick moved Judy's ears in front of her eyes. Her eye contact made him nervous.

The hand he once had on her forehead, gravitated towards his lap.

"If you were expected to save everyone you come across, you'd be the only one on the job... I know how hard you work, God, everyone knows how hard you work. It's almost selfish to think that there aren't other people that work as hard as you do… It's okay to not…"

He paused. Would she understand what he was saying? He didn't want to make it seem like he was belittling her or downplaying her emotions, but he didn't want her to dwell on something that she couldn't fix. It didn't make any sense. Judy's overwhelming selflessness annoyed him. He wanted her to not care about things, like he did. Otherwise she'd be aching every day of her waking life. Even though he had everything laid out for her, It'd still been hard for him to tell her these things. What if she did understand? What if she understood a little too well, and decided to change completely? He wanted to convey the right message, without trying to force an entirely different mindset onto her.

His brow furrowed.

Judy sat up, bringing Nick back to attention. She grabbed his cheeks, and kissed him on the forehead.

She pulled away, looking at him with worry.

"You're gonna get another headache." Judy mocked him.

His ears drooped, but not out of sadness.

I get what you mean, it's just a little upsetting, is all. I promise I'm not freaking out over things I don't need to be."

He smiled.

She understood exactly what he meant. Deep down, he knew that she'd understand what he was saying. He knew that she was going to take everything he wanted to say the way he wanted her to. Although he knew she understood him better than anyone else did, there'd still always be this inkling of doubt. When it came to almost everything, there was always an inkling of doubt. Sometimes he reprimanded himself for not being as open with Judy as she had been with him.

How can you call her selfish, when you're more selfish than she is?

His newfound thoughts rattled his brain, but he decided to push them away. For another time...always for another time.

Their smiles shone. Judy booped his nose, but couldn't shake the tinge of worry from her face.

Once more in this scenario. Eye to eye, nose to nose. But this time, it was more comfortable. No sand brushing against the side of their ankles, no wind attempting to drown out the sounds of their hearts. It was an ever growing and shrinking silence. A silence that spoke softly and nonchalantly. A silence that seeped from the walls and echoed throughout the rooms. A silence that made its way through all the creases and crevices of the floors.

"Thank you for your work today, Nick."

She met her forehead with his.

"You know me. Always here for ya." He spoke with a smoky tone.

Judy broke contact and pushed him, knocking him backwards.

"Aah!" He caught himself with his elbows.

"My favorite."

Judy scoffed, stepping around him and making her way to the kitchen.

Nick couldn't help but stare, the way her hips swayed ever so slightly when she walked. He could feel his heart begin to beat throughout his entire body. Her hourglass figure, made prominent by the kitchen light that bathed her. He thought of her every feature. The curves, the dips, the arches. But most evident, her eyes. He fell in love with those faux apathetic eyes. Although her half lidded eyes had usually been to mock Nick, sometimes she used them to her own volition. He couldn't stand it. Those eyes, attached to a mind that he couldn't read. Residing within a body he couldn't explore.

Nick stood and brushed himself off, attempting not to lose himself in thought. He shook his head, and made his way to the bar.

"You aren't very slick, Slick."

She began to clean the smoothie spill.

"Who's to say?"

She couldn't help but giggle at the finger guns he shot at her. She folded the towel she used over the handle of the oven, and began to rummage through her fridge, no longer letting hunger get the best of her. The squeak of the bar-stool Nick sat in, prompted her to turn back around, to which he whisked his head in a random direction, until he found a focal point. He began filing through a cookbook her mother gave her before she moved to the city. As expected, nothing but carrot recipes.

"Staring again?."

"Gasp! Me? No way! Whatever could you mean?"

He let the book cover his face, and after a a millisecond, slowly moved the book down to see if she'd still been facing him. Once his eyes met hers, he shot the book back up in front of his face.

Judy shook her head, a sly grin on her face.

"What's for dinner, Slick?" She asked, leaning onto the counter and pulling down on the book. The movement of the book moving Nick away from the nothingness he'd been staring at for the past minute.

He thought out loud.

"Well...We've been picking up lots of fast food on breaks, so how 'bout something healthy?"

"My, My! Look at you wanting to be healthy! Good for you, Nick!"

Judy gestured for a high five, but when the fox went for it, she swiped her hand away, turning to get to work on the food. A turn of a knob here, and the filling of a pot there. She'd been so tired, but within seconds, it seemed as if it all went away. Maybe the meds were finally kicking in. Nick watched her cover up her struggle with a hum, dancing atop a step stool as she set the carrots into a pot with water. She was so quick to assume responsibility when it came to just about anything. It just goes to show that she'll never really learn, even after that semi-serious conversation that they'd had a couple minutes ago.

Nick hopped off of the stool he'd been swiveling back and forth in, and made his way to the kitchen. He stood behind Judy, and lifted her to where she could place the carrots into the pot with ease.

"Oh! Thanks!"

"Nothin' to it. Just… hurry up, I ain't got all night."

"Way to ruin the moment." Judy scoffed.

"Hey, it's what I do best."

After a tedious couple minutes of swapping between holding her up and grabbing seasonings that might not have been supposed to be there, he set her down and grabbed the carrot she'd been holding, out of her hand.

"I'll take it from here. All that "headaching" you've been going through all day must have you begging for some rest, huh?"

"Oh...yeah…"

Judy hopped off of the stool, and made her way back to the couch, She sat, and began to flip through the channels, separating interest and disinterest in mere seconds. Time passed. Not too fast, but not too slow. Nick didn't want to take too much time making food. To be completely honest, he wasn't hungry, but that wasn't going to stop him from making sure she was comfortable. The tapering scrape of cooking utensils, along with the short lived syllables of different voices that shot out of the TV, made for an oddly peaceful environment as it fought the tranquil silence that previously filled the room. After what she deemed too much flipping, Judy decided to switch to a pre-recorded soap opera that she'd reminded herself to watch earlier.

"Oh boy, pawgliacci? Nick muttered.

"What? It's good!"

"That's what they all say, until you get about forty-five minutes in.."

The food, prepared, and the mammals hungry,

Nick dished out the food as quickly as he could, speaking in an obnoxious French accent.

He imitated,

"Ahh yes, cahrraht noodles weeth speecy zai peanut sauce fahr ze

beauteeful bunny!

Giggling, she took the bowl. There wasn't anything better than hearing her giggle. Hearing her laugh made his heart flutter, he wouldn't even begin to explain what her smile did to him.

He flashed her a smile, and a little giggle of his own. He turned back to the kitchen and announced as he walked.

"Eef you dahn't like eet, mahney bahck! Guarahntee!"

Through snickers and chuckles, they'd finally been together on the couch, attempting to watch the soap opera that'd been on for about twenty minutes already. It hadn't necessarily mattered, considering how they'd been chatting the whole time, paying little to no mind to the TV.

"What were you saying about the history of your farm, was it farm or family? Something like that."

"What are you even- Oh! I don't even remember, how'd you pick up on that?

"Well I was curious, so I kept it in the back of my mind. Nothing this big brain can't handle.."

He rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn't nervous, but quite the opposite. He'd been way more comfortable that he was in a long time. A tick, maybe?

"Well, I appreciate it, but it'd take way too long to go into detail about."

"That's just fine, I like long stories anyway." He gazed at the invisible watch on his wrist.

"I've got just about…. All night."

He smirked before setting his bowl down on the small table to his left.

Leaning into the couch, He tucked one leg underneath him, and laid his head into his fist. He wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon.

Judy smiled, but the smile faded slowly. Not because of his smug attitude, but because of how much he cared for her and the things she cared about. She loved and hated how he'd be satisfied just being around her. Why couldn't he be a lowlife, apathetic narcissist through and through? It was only once you got to know him that you found out he was so much more than that. It was only then did you find out that he actually is more than some dumb fox. He had character…substance. He cared about things.

Although, deep down, she wanted much more than to watch this movie, she knew that that'd probably been what he was there for. Nothing more, nothing less.

She continued,

"You said you didn't have all night when we were in the kitchen. What happened now?"

"Eh, my arms were tired. a life of hustlin' cute fuzzy-wuzzy bunnies takes a lot out of y- Ow!" Another strike, landing clean on his arm.

Judy cleared her throat.

"Well…"

She trailed off about the history of her family and the farm she grew up on. The different types of crops and botanical "this's" and "that's", her family tree, and surprisingly, the names of every single one of her siblings. All...275 of them… Big brain for a little bunny.

Judy stretched her arms, letting out the sigh she'd been holding in for who knows how long. She grabbed both bowls and made her way to the kitchen.

Nick's eyes followed her until she'd been out of his peripheral. His eyes then meandered until they came across the carrot charm she'd recently added to her phone case. He fiddled with the charm, then spoke up.

"With a nickname like Carrots, I would've expected you to eat more than two bites."

"Hey, Hey! Keep your eyes on your own food! I can eat this later, Okay? I like to savour my food. Not wolf it down like some savage beast." She mocked him.

"Woah, woah! Be careful, this savage beast is still hungry, and rabbit would be delicious right about now!"

"Then come and get it." She teased. Setting the plates down into the sink. She walked to the edge of the counter and leaned onto it with one hand, sinking into her hip. She dropped her head slightly, letting her eyes fixate on him. Letting him know that she was nothing short of serious.

Nick chuckled. She gave him permission. Nothing more, nothing less. He wasn't sure what she'd been hinting at, but he wasn't going to give up this opportunity, not just yet. He strolled over to her.

"Hehe, y'know you surprise me sometimes Carrots. I never seem to know what's going on in your head. One second you're all tired and brazen, and the next, you're…"

He swooped her up in his arms before speaking, but the bunny cut him off.

"I can be as brazen as I want."

She pulled on his collar, her breath flirting with the fur on his neck and ears.

"Scratch tired of the list, then?

He whispered in her ear.

"Hm, my arms were just tired."

"Hm.."

A contagious smile grew between the both of them. The passing of time fell short and unnoticeable. They once again slipped into the same void of space, filled with a calm, pleasing silence, neither of them daring to interrupt. Until they did.

Seemingly at the same time, their lips imitated magnets, and slowly but surely, they met.

ff account :) 

here

[naromoreau]

Blind Date

Thank you so much to my amazing friend @outranks for betaing this and encourage me in every step to write this. Also a big thanks to the lovely @starsandskies for giving me her insight of John which I greatly appreciate.  _________________________ Pairing: Rook (Not a Deputy yet) x John Seed Rating: SFW, no warnings.  Pre-Game events

To abandon her old life was the hardest decision she'd taken knowing fully well it was the only way to get out of that shroud of toxicity. David had sworn with words that had punched her in the gut, not to leave her alone until she'd finally forgive him, something Rook knew was not gonna happen in the next month. Year. Hell, probably never. It wasn't as much the act as the treason, the lies and deceit that now felt like venom sluicing down her throat. It was wrath and it was consuming. It shouldn't hurt like this, she was better off, yet head tripped over heart 99 times out of 100. 

Not knowing where to go, calling Kim had seemed a brilliant idea. Much to her chagrin they hadn't seen each other in a long time, despite have been partners in crime in school, and pretty much sharing the tiniest detail about each other’s life once they were away. Those phone bills had been sky up high. Even after she married Nick, who was everything Rook could’ve asked for Kim, they were still as thick as thieves. 

So, in seconds Mrs. Rye had had everything decided, coaxing Rook to move back to Montana where they’d be waiting for her. It sounded like the perfect set up. Away from the constant hubbub and chaos New Jersey was. 

Her old Chevy roared up the highway, as the corn fields passed in a blur. It’d been a hell of a long trip but somewhere between the sight of the far away mountains and the mauve streaks of the sky, Rook felt a bit more at ease. She spotted the sign of Fall’s End at the distance and decided to drop by the closest grocery shop to buy the stuff she needed to prepare her killer spaghetti bolognesa to thank Kim and Nick to allow her to stay with them. Her mouth watered at the thought. 

The car skid to stop just outside the only visible store Rook could find. The place was small, crammed with supplies and the man in charge was attentive and polite. She glanced around. There was just another person aside her, who now fidgeted with something standing next to a pile of toilet paper. Rook looked at him as she passed by and her brows arched. He was definitely the most handsome man she'd seen. Just a little taller than her, trim and lush beard and brown hair slicked back. When he tipped his head up, a breath caught in her throat. Blue eyes clear as country sky stared back at her, icy hue making her words stutter in her mind. 

The corner of his lip quirked slightly in a smile that she decoded as a form of remote acknowledgement of her presence, so she nodded and made an stately retreat. 

Right. Pasta. 

It was ridiculous. The way her knees trembled a little when she finally seized the pasta and the tomatoes. She didn't know the man. For all Rook knew he could be married, engaged, or plainly not into her. And really. She was just tangling her thoughts when the reality was they were nobodies to each other. 

Rook sighed.

The only thing left to pick was the parmesan. Memories of her mom's recipe huddled in her mind once she stood in front of the cheeses and picked the one she remembered. 

"You don't want that, darling, it's nearly… inedible." 

It was that man. His voice was sinfully sweet, a tinge of pleased satisfaction falling thick from his tongue. 

"Excuse me?" 

The fact that he just called her 'darling' before insulting her childhood memories, kicked her sudden infatuation to the back of her mind. 

"That… cheese you just picked-- it's definitely heinous, a crime to use it in a good bolognese," he said, looking inquisitively at the ingredients she carried clutched to her chest. "This one on the other hand…" A tattooed hand offered her a different one, as she watched a smug grin come alive on his face. 

"Thanks. But I think I'll go with this one."

A wave of annoyance was starting to shatter her polite smile, as she sidestepped him, walking to the check out. 

"Suit yourself, dear."

Rook knew it was far better to ignore the taunt, but again, she wasn’t known for being the smart type. “Are you a professional cheff perhaps?”

The man just laughed. A short, sharp sound that made a shudder wrack her spine despite her best efforts. “I’m a lawyer.”

Huh. “Ah, well, yeah-- thanks.”

“I’m not wrong, dear.”

She clenched her jaw, waving a goodbye as his final words brushed her on her way to the register. 

She was about to leave the store, when the same honeyed voice greeted her from the store’s TV. 

"The salvation is within your reach, join us at Eden’s Gate--" 

‘Lawyer my ass’. The man was a fucking preacher. 

“Fucking televangelist.”

Apparently you couldn’t trust people in this town. 

___________________

Hope County was as idyllic as a bucolic painting but far more interesting. Her life in Rye's household was proving to be oddly cheerful even if half the time Rook was forced into the pleasant inaction of a well-tended guest. The grey dawns creeped one after the other and slowly, slowly, she started regaining a little of her previous balance. Thick amounts of anger, heavy as tar, fizzled out with every day she spent trudging across golden barley fields. 

That was, whenever Kim and Nick had to go to business in town, leaving her on her own. Otherwise, Rook was always hedged by activities ranging from helping Kim to administer the property, to assist Nick with never ending tuning and 'reparations' of his plane. Which Rook suspected had a bit more mileage than was safe, not that she would’ve voiced that thought in front of its owner. The man was head over heels for Carmina, the seaplane. 

"Pass me the torque wrench, Rookie.” 

Rook heard Nick’s huff from beneath one side of the plane, where he was bent trying to determine the source of the jarring sound of metal scratching metal everytime he turned on the engine. 

She fumbled in the tool box until it produced what she was looking for. "Here."

"It was just routine crop-dusting," he mumbled more to himself than Rook, "dunno what coulda got wrong."

"Bet you'll figure it out soon enough."

"I'm fuckin' counting on it, tell you that-- A friend and I go on testing flies on the weekends, y'know?" 

"More like dick measurement contests, but with planes, you mean." Kim chided in carrying a tray of sandwiches and three beers. 

Nick almost jumped on the spot, hitting his head with the open door of the plane. "It ain't like that, Kimmie, you know that."

"Yeah, right." Kim rolled her eyes an sipped her beer, an amused smile tugging her lips. 

"John's a good guy," Nick said. 

"Who’s John?" Truth was that Rook wasn't as interested as to actually want to know, but she didn't want to seem rude, after how amazing they'd been with her. Asking didn't cost anything. 

"A guy who moved here 'bout couple years ago," Nick said, "nice guy but keeps pretty much to himself except for--" 

"The dick measurement contests," Rook and Kim offered in unison with devilish twin grins, the words a slap on Nick's face. 

"Very funny you two," Nick groused. 

Kim sauntered to Nick and kissed him, softly, nothing more than a chaste peck on the lips. The way Nick clung to her waist, receiving every bit of what she was giving with complete rapture, as if they hadn't  kissed almost a hundred times already that day, struck Rook right in the middle of her current train of thoughts. Even in their best moments, David had never been like that, had never shown an ounce of the joy that reeked from Nick every time he held Kim. 

He'd never loved her and now she knew it. Suddenly Rook felt ill. 

"C'mon," Kim said with a dreamy smile, holding Nick's hand, "let's have some lunch."

-------------------

A month went by in a heartbeat and Rook started thinking about getting a job and settling there. Coming back to her roots, in a sense. 

“I’m glad to see you smiling again, honey,” Kim said after putting in the oven the result of their hard work.  

She had been trying for the last half hour to teach Rook how to make the perfect crust for an apple pie, after she ate six slices and demanded to know the magic behind it. Now they both sat at the isle, sipping two cold ones. 

“Yeah, kinda hard not to in a place like this-- I mean it’s… breathtaking.” 

Kim smirked. “It has its ups and downs, like every place I guess. You never meet too many new people.”

“But I mean that’s good in a way, right? You get to deepen your relationship with the ones you already know?” 

It was so different from the rhythm of living in New Jersey. Always fast. A ceaseless flow of new things that after a while were always not enough. Like David. And maybe that’d been the problem. 

“You thinking about that asshole, huh?”

Rook just sighed. “I mean-- maybe that was the problem, we moved in together too fast, I don’t know--”

Kim set her beer down, and placed one hand over one of her own. “No, sweetie. The guy was always an asshole, trying to pretend he wasn’t one. Knowing him more-- less, it wouldn’t have made any difference.”

Rook let out a soft, dry chuckle. She knew that, but trying to understand how all went to hell in a handbasket was helping her to realize this time, she wasn’t the failure. 

“I should’ve listened to you, Kimmie.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not your signature move,” Kim said, voice tinged with amusement.

Rook laughed, the joke unspooling the frayed, worn out tension curling up inside her. 

“How do you meet good people?” Rook asked, not really expecting an answer. 

“I guess-- I guess it’s a matter of you know-- just knowing people.” Kim arched a brow. “Do you wanna start dating again?”

“See, I don’t know. Yes? No? I don’t--” Rook sighed. “I just wanna know people, like you said, and maybe then-- who knows.”

Kim nodded along her stuttered monologue, her eyes glinting with what Rook identified as a sudden idea. She knew Kim’s ideas were to be feared or celebrated. “What about John?”

“Who’s John?” It took Rook point-three seconds to realize who Kim was talking about. “Nick’s weird plane friend?”

“He’s not weird and he’s a good man.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about that. I mean--”

“He’s really good looking,” Kim said, pointedly.

“So you think I can be convinced with the promise of a pretty face, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Seriously, Kimmie, you think so little of me,” Rook said with faux offense, sporting a half-grin. She wasn’t totally opposed to the idea and she trusted Kim above all. Maybe this could be a good onset, and it didn't matter if things went sideways or if the guy ended up being a self absorbed prick that just took a swim in a barrel of cologne: it was a step in the right direction. “Fine, but make sure he’s into this too. I don’t wanna spend time with a guy who feels I ambushed him.”

“No worries, honey. I’ll take care of everything.”

__________________________________

 She admired the view in the mirror for a few long seconds, trying to convince herself it was not such a bad idea. Rook had never considered herself beautiful, but she was pleased by her reflection. The plain navy blue dress she'd packed almost without thinking, seemed fitting yet comfortable which was exactly what Rook wanted. She didn't want him to think she was trying too hard, especially if he wasn't going to return the favor. The silky fabric caressed her fingers as she glided them over the skirt, trying to fix any visible creasings. The nervous squirming in her stomach intensified as she went down the stairs, to meet the Ryes. 

"Ain't you a sight for sore eyes, honey," Kim chirped, with a big grin on her face. 

Rook tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear, painfully conscious of her own blushing. "You think so?" 

"Bet your money on it." Kim gave her a reassuring smile, before holding her hands. "Nick's gonna take you there-- John insisted you two should have dinner at his ranch which I think is nice, 'cause the Spread Eagle is good and Old Gary is a nice guy but the place isn't suited for a proper date."

Rook quirked a brow. "He has a ranch?" 

"Yeah, I think you'll like it."

This was it. The physical display showing she was kicking her past to the curb, ready to start anew. Rook blew air hard, shaking her head and her carefully combed curls.

"It'll be fine, honey, and you can always call either me or Nick if you want an early pick up for whatever reason, m'kay?" 

Rook nodded before hugging Kim. 

"Thanks, Kimmie-- for everything."

Kim's eyes glinted, smiling warmly. "Go have fun."

-----------------------------------

Rook shivered when a current of wind blew up, her dress whipped around her body by it. The night sizzled with warmth, suiting for the end of July, yet Rook clutched her arms as if it was freezing before stepping through the threshold of the house. 

The door had been left open, a clear statement of how peaceful and quiet this side of the County was or of how much John trusted his neighbours. She could feel her heart drumming under every inch of skin, from her toes up to her temples. Her eyes swiveled down to the perfectly set table at the side of the great living room, and she let out a small gasp of surprise. It was definitely far more intimate than any scenario she'd expected. 

The room was dimly lit and she almost missed the man standing next to the fireplace with his back turned. 

When she took a step forward, the click of her heels against the floor seemed to snap him out of his silence and he swirled to face her. 

Oh. Oh no. 

"Ah, Rook, it's such a pleasure--" 

The words were cut in a dry halt, while a glaze of confusion set on his face. Apparently he was as dumbstruck as she was. 

Rook was trying her best to not let her jaw hit the floor, because "plane John" was the "parmesan guy", as she referred to him in the abridged version she'd given to Kim. In Rook's book the guy was a total jerk and a liar. Definitely not someone she wanted to spend the evening with. 

He recovered quicker than her. "I didn’t know you were staying with the Ryes," he said with a saccharine voice. 

"There was no reason for you to know it,” she said with her chin held high. "I'm sorry-- this was a mistake--" 

"On the contrary, my dear," he said, taking a few steps in her direction, his eyes drinking in the sight of her, "I believe this is a very right encounter." 

Rook gulped despite herself. He had no damn right to be this handsome: perfectly tailored black trousers and white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, he could've passed for a model if he wanted to. She bit her lip to cut the spell. 

"You lied to me," Rook blurted out. 'And insulted my choice of cheese,' she wanted to add but it didn't seem like a proper claim. 

His brow creased. "I beg your pardon?" 

"You told me you were a lawyer but I saw you on that televangelical infomercial." 

She didn’t know what she was expecting but it certainly wasn't him huffing a laugh. "So you jumped to the conclusion I should've been lying because lawyers aren't men of God?" 

Rook wasn't feeling as confident in her assertion as a minute ago, nevertheless, she retaliated. "Actually the opposite, I think."

John finally broke in an honest, clear, ringing laugh that was as annoying as it was enticing. What a contradiction this man was. 

"Well, normally you'd be right, but it does happen that I am both," he said, walking to the table and reaching a hand in her direction. "I can tell you all about it if you stay with me for dinner."

Rook weighed the options in speed mode and agreed. After all saying no over the parmesan, would've been a whole new level of petty even for her. 

She took the hand drawn in her direction and her cheeks flushed when he closed his fingers around it. It felt warm, and a little rough, and something wild fluttered in her stomach at the contact. It'd been ages since she'd felt like that, like the central focus of attention, like he was the lucky one having her there. 

Her heart tumbled again when he reluctantly let go of her hand to pull the chair for her. A small gesture done with the ease of something that came natural, not just for show. 

"Thank you," she said. 

He nodded and flashed another dashing smirk in her direction. Thank God she was sitting because by now her knees were jello, courtesy of those striking blue eyes. 

"I have to say I wasn't expecting my date to be the beautiful stranger I met a month ago," he said in a frank tone, sitting at her side. "I often wondered if you were still around."

Rook almost let out a goofy giggle. She shouldn't have let it rattle her that much but the fact that he called her beautiful, aside from making wonders for her ego still hurt by the betrayal, in that matter of factly tone, just brushed aside some of her doubts about him. 

"Do you say the same to all your dates?" She quipped. 

By some magic trick her question made his composed manners crack a little. A light blush spread over his nose and cheeks. "I haven't had a date in years if I have to be honest." 

For the first time that night, she smiled at him. "Then we're in the same boat."

"Better to say, the same plane," he said serving her a slice of a handmade lasagna, the smell making her stomach rumble of hunger. 

"I bet you are as head over heels with your plane as Nick is with his," she scoffed. 

"Not true, darling," he said, "as much as I like Affirmation, my plane that is, things are just meanings to an end." He leveled his gaze with hers, almost breathtaking under the candlelights. "I reserve love just for people."

Rook shuddered under his veiled words and for a moment found herself wondering how would it be to be loved by him. It was silly, and utterly naïve. She was floundering in spirals of ifs when the truth was he was only being polite and she was being delusional. 

"Shall we?" She asked gesturing to her plate, swallowing her inconvenient thoughts. 

John's eyes lingered for a few seconds on her, his mouth quirked in a smirk. "Of course."

-------------

By the end of the meal Rook had learned everything there was to know about John Seed the lawyer and PR of Eden's Gate Project. 

She wasn't a woman of faith, considering herself mostly a respectful audience rather than willing participant but John had been so convincing she'd agreed to join him for the Sunday service next week. 

A pang of regret assaulted her for thinking bad of him for so long when in all honesty he seemed a good person, if well, a bit overeager about his beliefs, culinary and religious alike. The whole night had left her under the impression than despite his candor on the questions she asked, there were a lot of things unsaid especially surrounding his upbringing. 

She knew he had siblings, part of Eden’s Gate as well, and that his whole life now revolted around it. He seemed too perfect to be truth and when the night was over, she found herself wanting this wasn't just a one time thing. 

"I had a really great time," she said taking her phone out of her purse to check the time and dial for Kim. 

"It was a pleasure-- no, a delight, to have you with me tonight and I hope is not a bold assumption to think this was not a one time only thing-- or am I wrong?"

Rook's heart pounded heavily in her chest. "No, you’re not," she said with a soft smile. 

This man was certainly in his own league.  When her eyes finally fell to her lockscreen, she bit back a scream. It was 2:00 a.m. 

Probably seeing the distress on her face, John leaned forward, a hand placed over hers. "Is something wrong? "

"It's-- it's 2:00 in the morning!" she yelped, "I can't -- damn, I can't call Kim right now, it'd be so rude."

He huffed a short laugh. "Don't worry, darling. I'll take you there."

He stood up, offering her a hand that she took quickly, thinking about how inconsiderate she'd been with the Ryes. At least she had her own key. 

"Thank you, so much, I don't -- I don't wanna bother you though, it's quite far."

"Nonsenses, my dear. It's my pleasure."

She hadn't realized he was still holding her hand, when he stopped right at the threshold of the house. 

"I know--" He chuckled, and cleared his throat, clearly nervous, and Rook's knees bucked at his proximity, "I know I have no right asking this of you, but-- may I kiss you, Rook?" 

There was a slight waver in his otherwise confident request, Rook found endearing. She would've been lying if she said she hadn't toyed with the idea more and more as the night progressed, imagining the scrape of his beard over her chin, the hard press of his mouth over hers-- 

"I'd very much like that," Rook answered, thanking her stars she wasn't croaking out of pure nervousness. 

She felt her cheeks burning as he closed the distance between them, painfully slow, blue eyes delving into hers as if to pry into her soul. 

His hand slid up, thumbing at her jaw, fingers resting against her neck, warm and gentle. Rook's heart galloped when he leaned in, not diverting her eyes from those magnetizing blues. Her breath came in shallow exhales when finally his lips brushed hers, soft and slightly damp. Tentatively first, shy eagerness that untethered with every second passed. 

Rook closed her eyes, taking in the sensations, flitting and stark, careening through her. Kissing someone hadn't felt like this in a long time if not ever. A kiss capable of send jolts of pure exhilaration and new-formed vertigo to the farest corner of her being. She could feel every inch of his chest pressed to hers, warm and solid, his tongue sliding along the seams of her mouth, and every movement drove her further away from heartache, further away from the feeling of hollowness. So quickly, so effectively. It felt so right. And it was scary. 

She broke the kiss, gauging the impact of how screwed up she was. 

"Is everything alright?" John asked, lips swollen, breathing coming out in small puffs. The whole sight and the pitch of his rough voice wreaking havoc on Rook's gut. 

"Perfectly." She allowed herself a genuine smile that he promptly returned, holding her hand and finally guiding her to the black SUV parked at the garage. 

"Thank you for that, my dear," he said with a pitch that made her half-formed hopes, gain reality. "Now, let's take you home."

Hope County looked beautiful and daunting at night. Dark blue scattered with silver glimmer of distant stars.

Sitting at John's side Rook felt alive. She could even say she forgave David. She didn't care at all about it anymore, because if it meant coming here, and coming here meant meeting John, then it wasn't all tragedy. 

Living here was going to be perfect, and she was going to seize every second of it. In that moment John turned his head to look at her and she was struck by the sheer glee waving back at her from those clear blue pools. A light squeeze of her hand as a silent reassurance. 

Of what? Rook wasn't sure yet, but she was determined to find out.

[the-innocent-papyrus]

ENTRY NUMBER 4.4

((Lazy and Orion sit down to translate some of G’s old notes, and get briefly sidetracked by a displaced king complaining about his temporary accommodations.))

((Muses involved:

Orion, from here

Lazy, @sans-nyan))

lazy

[knockknock......  he's Here.]

Orion

*come on in, z.

lazy

[in he slides... he's brought a Pencil. and many papers from his own gaster. actually, he has a lot of pencils.] hey, 'rion. i wasn't sure what all to bring, so... i figured it was better to be safe than sorry. i'm a little rusty on this, so...

Orion

*it's cool.

[Orion is sitting on his bed, surrounded by a pile of papers. There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to the arrangement at first glance. Upon closer inspection... yeah there really isn't much of an organizational system apart from maybe original notes on this side, translations on that side.]

lazy

[HE UNDERSTANDS. he approaches, studying the papers that are all about for a few seconds before he climbs up onto the bed, sitting on the edge of it.]

what've you got so far? i've mostly brought my own notes as some comparison stuff, just, y'know.  make sure they write sort of similarly.

Orion

*well, mostly it's been stuff about the core so far. i mean, makes sense. was kinda his life's work and whatnot.

lazy

yeah, that's fair. hm.

[he interlaces his fingers together.]

didn't ever think to look at those papers. i just figured since it was finished and all... well...

[in he leans to try to read it anyway.]

Orion

*yeah, i'm just sort of. going through everything, since i don't know what's like... important and what's not.

[The notes that have been translated are, indeed, various things about the Core. Theories, plans, random ramblings. There's a couple of random notes about silly things Roan has apparently done.]

lazy

yeah... that's fair.

[oh... his heart. he glances down at his phone, making a nervous face, before tucking it away again, pulling out his substitution code translation. that'd always made everything easier once he'd got it figured out. it was just always working out what had actually been written sometimes. he passes over his translated cipher.]

i don't know if this will help or not, but...?

Orion

*i mean, i've got it more or less memorized but. once the headache really sets in it'll probably be helpful.

[He clears away some of the papers to make room for Lazy.]

lazy

[little sympathetic 'mmmm'. he curls up a little on the bed, propping himself up by the elbows, one hand on his cheek and the other holding a pencil. he reaches for one paper, pulling an average sized notebook out of his inventory. he's ready to translate.]

...are you doing okay? i just, i dunno. figure i should ask.

Orion

[Orion sighs and rubs his head.]

*about as ok as i can be, considering. there's some large version of the kid hanging out downstairs, bro's off hanging with his boyfriend, and i've decided now's a great time to be giving myself a headache.

lazy

...

[little worried look. he leans in to give a gentle headbunt.]

i'll stay with you tonight, like. you know like, even after. this sounds weird. just uh.

[HE CLEARS HIS THROAT!!!]

i'm, sorry. i'm, doing a, bad job at, translating.

[HE'S GONNA. WORK ON THAT...]

Orion

[Orion leans into the headbutt a little.]

*thanks, bro. sorry if i'm a little. scatterbrained.

[He grabs a piece of paper for himself.]

[The one Lazy has is apparently the first thing that's not (solely) about the Core. There's a few token notes on the Core, along the lines of "wouldn't it be cool if there were this type of puzzle room in it". Most of this page seems focused on musings about the nature of souls, and the various "traits" that make them up.]

lazy

no, it's okay.

[he ignores his phone buzz for a little bit as he reads through the notes with some interest; mostly about the traits.]

i've done some writing and have some of gaster's notes on this....

[he's quickly scribbling down a translation for the page in his notebook, before pulling out his phone.]

...crazed cannibals?

Orion

[Orion glances up from his page and gives Lazy a weird look.]

*crazed... what? what is going on?

lazy

uhhh, zax is talking in my group chat, and says that he's in a house with two crazed cannibals.

Orion

*what

lazy

LOOK!!

[HE SHOWS ORION THE CHAT.]

Orion

*...those aren't the bones of the deceased, bucko. we summoned those things.

lazy

i-i think he's calling roan's cooking shit...

Orion

*well. he's not wrong, technically...

lazy

yeah but he's saying that we put in the remains of the deceased in the food... [HES KIND OF LAUGHING IN DISBELIEF???]

Orion

*the day my bro starts cooking with dust is the day i... i'm not sure where i was going with that sentence, actually.

lazy

also dust?

Orion

*yeah, probably.

lazy

except i think i'd dust if i actually ate the pasta.

i'm joking.

i don't mean any offense. but.(edited)

Orion

*bro's cooking sucks.

*or at least his pasta sucks.

lazy

okay. at least we agree.

i can't believe we're crazed cannibals.

Orion

*seriously.

*i mean, it's news to me.

lazy

...well, guess he knocked out.

Orion

*guess that's good, at least.

lazy

[...little sigh.]

...guess it's back to this. i kinda have some info similar to what's on this page... i don't know if i had much that was detailed. like this, i mean.

Orion

*well, it's worth a shot.

lazy

this is soul aspects and stuff. i think... i never got many details, but i know my gaster did a lot of experiments before i was even born. i might have to go digging for the papers again.

[...little nervous look.]

sorry for rambling. i'm just a little, chatty, i guess.

Orion

*no, it's fine. i'm just... probably not much of a conversationalist right now.

[He flops down, raising himself on his elbows and clearing a little space for himself.]

*show me what you've got.

lazy

it's okay.

[he slides over the translated version...]

there's some stuff about the CORE, but it's a lot more stuff about souls. we've got about like, seven confirmed soul aspects. i always kind of assumed there's more, like... this probably can't cover all the types. but seven's a nice number. a real good power number.

Orion

*yeah, seven seems to be a really popular one, heh heh.

[He glances over the notes.]

lazy

and it's not covered on the notes, but i know if you take extracts from the souls-- and, i mean, this might be different from timeline to timeline, but...

[he's jotting stuff down on another paper.]

you can extract the primary personality components of a soul and inject it? and it'll affect people. i think i told-- yeah, i told you about dt. an example, uh... like, my boyfriend, bones... i'm still mad about this, but. he got injected with the aspect of kindness, and-- it wasn't a permanent change, thank the gods, but. it made him care more about others than himself. i mean, he already had that problem anway.

[little laugh.]

i know my soul aspect as a human ended up being determination, but i'm honestly kind of suspecting there's some self-destructive crap in there.

Orion

[Orion listens. He lets out a thoughtful hum and starts going through the papers next to him. He pulls out one page of notes and glances over it.]

*...i think... that's one of the things my bro was toying with. i mean. here, look at this.

[The page is untranslated, and very disorganized. It's like the writer was just jotting down notes on any available corner of the paper as the ideas occurred to him. But the general jist is just as Orion said: G was apparently musing about the possibility of being able to inject or "transfer" traits from one person to another. Of course, the only problem according to this page of notes is extracting them in the first place...]

lazy

[zoinks scoob.]

yeah... 'cause, the whole, you could accidentally absorb the soul. my gast made containers to put them in, and you'd extract it remotely. we also used the soul of the first child to keep... a lot of things in the underground powered. kind of related to the CORE, i think. if you don't absorb the soul or destroy it, it can... sort of regenerate itself, i think.

Orion

*huh... you guys still had access to the first child's soul? i'm not sure what happened to ours.

lazy

yeah, i think, or if it isn't theirs, it's... from the war, maybe. i don't know for sure.

[he doesn't have the heart to explain what happened to the first child, or to asriel.]

Orion

[Orion shall just have to remain in blissful ignorance. He has some idea since he's heard the stories, but...]

*right, yeah. though... the idea of keeping a soul around to use as a power source seems a little... morbid, to be honest?

lazy

[little weird grimace...]

yeah. it... yeah. i just... try to not think about it too hard.

Orion

[Orion nods with a grimace of his own.]

*can't say i blame you.

lazy

we don't really know how to... dispose of the souls without absorbing them. and we still don't really want the humans topside to know what uh... happened.

Orion

*oh. that's. yeah, i can't imagine that would go over well.

*...man. if we ever make it to the surface, i. don't think anyone's gonna be too keen to explain how we got there.

lazy

nnnnope. i'm dreading when it comes to light. i mean... the humans are going to find out about it sooner or later.

it probably won't even matter that we've been underground for... literally over a thousand years.

Orion

*haha, yeah...

[Orion slumps forward a little, glancing down at the papers around him. He lets out a sigh.]

*...i remember having an argument with g at one point. g wanted to come up with a way to break the barrier. i asked him what the point would even be.

*we've been stuck here for so long that the people actively working on the problem now... well, at the time we hadn't seen real sunlight.

lazy

...

[...he goes to lean against orion.]

...yeah. ...i'm sorry.

Orion

[Orion leans against Lazy in turn. He rubs his head.]

*thanks. it's. yeah.

*...i miss my brother.

lazy

...i don't blame you. [little nuzzle... he doesn't know what to say but he knows that feel!!!]

Orion

[Orion returns the nuzzle.]

*thanks. ...but, hey. we've. got work to do, heh.

[Starts flipping through papers, trying to distract himself. Among the pages he flips through is a page with a very familiar image. It looks a lot like a preliminary sketch for the DT Extractor...]