#not putting down hobbysist but man I occasionally wonder why I bothered to do so much | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mekanikaltrifle · 1 year ago

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i know notes numbers aren’t a sign of success or anything and I don’t actually like the thought of being really hugely known but. sometimes I feel a little down that I’m sucha small presence inverse to the amount of work I put in. :( Shit ain’t a meritocracy, I know.

#and you can't just go chase fandom highs or whatever #change your shit to be more 'broadly palatable' and I never would #but once again I am looking at my work and wondering why I put so much fuckin effort in #I'll get over it I'm sure #but very occasionally... I look at my 10+ years and two fucking academic degrees #and am bluntly amused that it looks the same as #like. any hobbyist who put in enough time #not putting down hobbysist but man I occasionally wonder why I bothered to do so much #when the pandemic very firmly shut all the doors on me and stopped me getting any contacts in the comics industry #and then mum dying suddenly meant I can't really follow that anymore #gotta help co-parent now (I'm not gonna elaborate but thankfully I am in an okay position there. it's just... restricting)#strange isolating way to be making my art #well in any case those of you who are here: thank you #I'll have to get past this new manifestation of my grief somehow #it will take time. it all does.

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