#not posting this on my art blog bc. idk it doesn't feel totally like it fits

[taffy-glitch]

worst crossover concept imaginable. two godawful women having brunch together

[strangegutz]

Idk if you need to hear this or not or whatever but I like your art. All of it.

I love hearing about your ocs, seeing your drawings, and your dolls once you finish them! I don't know why a big chunk of your audience just... doesn't care about your drawings, but I hope you know that it ain't all right to me.

I think some people see you as this doll-creating machine when you're not. I think it's mostly because the attitude towards art and posting art online has been super tainted by tiktok and such. Viewing art as something to just look at for a moment rather than taking just a little more time to think about even just the work that goes into it.

Anyways I think you shouldn't have to take that, and you do not need to apologize for just making other art. It's your blog and you're a grown man, post whatever you feel like, if people really don't like that they can just kick bricks.

I guess I don't know you in full, but I guess you have posted about sometimes needing the money that comes from your art, so I suppose that sometimes it could be hard to apply the same mindset that an unemployed dropout that has the stability of their parents to support them has. But I guess I'm saying that it isn't right, people's attitude towards you sometimes.

Anon you're totally right, should say it, I do need to hear it, and I completely agree, and also hear everything u say in the back of my head.

Instead of an angel and devil on my shoulders I have "it's so over" and "we're so back" fairies and the "it's so over" one is really loud and makes me anxiety post online and apologize profusely for drawing beefy dudes when most people are just waiting for more orange slices LOL

I really don't have any ill will towards people that like one over the other (though I do feel relief when people prefer my OCs bc I'm thirsty for it) but it does make me sad when people straight up unfollow over it (that's why I tag things!) because I love them so much. And I get a tad frustrated when the dolls I really like are overshadowed by ones I really don't care for. That's just how it is on this bitch of an Earth, people will like what they like and can curate their experience however they want though. The frustration is personal and nobodies fault

I do assume that everyone is being fair and understands how much time art takes, but yeah some folks crawl out of the woodwork not realizing These Things Take Time. I can only go so fast, everything is sculpted and sewn by hand!

But yes, at the end of the day this is just straight up my art blog, and I post my art here. I appreciate every single set of eyes on my art, I'm thankful for love I get, and I am especially grateful to everyone that just wants to see whatever the hell I have to offer

[d1s1ntegrated]

okay guys so. here's some updates!

-my grandma died. (not sigma.)

-i got the infinite hours glitch at work (im working sm now)

-i'm broke af still cause i honestly genuinely truthfully laurv grocery shopping too much (the horrors of the economy are incomprehensible)

-i love homicipher!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways. that's basically it. i'm trying to get back in here cause i feel so bad for all the unanswered prompts and asks in my inbox. i know i kinda flopped. im doing my best!!

also small announcement below the cut!!! especially considering ive been experimenting more with dead dove/nonconventional topics and themes.

first thing; i made a side blog for my dead dove and other extreme fics. the reason why i'm doing this is bc some people don't want to see that kind of stuff- and that's totally okay! and ik the filtering/blocking tags thing doesn't always work, especially for more "niche" topics.

i plan on branching out my repertoire by writing about topics that are "scary" or "new" to me- so this little counterpart to my blog will make it easier for me to post things that aren't typically sought after by the gen. pop. things like sickfics, whump, noncon, and other graphic or heavy themes.

in addition/addendum to that:

idk if this is common knowledge for any of my followers, moots, etc, but i have a severe phobia of vomit. like. huge. and at my big ass age of 21 (lol) i think it's time to start...getting through that fear. i've struggled with contamination OCD for a really long time and it's something i never thought id even try to overcome- but then i came across a creator on here who makes fetish art- which def wasn't something i was looking to encounter. but like a car crash, i couldn't stop looking at their work and i ended up coming across a post of theirs where they explain that they do what they do to get over their fear. at first i was fucking baffled as to how they couldn't manage to do that, but i get it now. taking something innately fucking horrifying and flipping the narrative so casually can be cathartic, and i finally after over a year of contemplation, gave it a whirl in my own writing. i mean, what better way to get over something by attacking it from my best angle??

typically this isn't something i'd ever consider doing. but...here we are. and i feel like im doing myself, and other people who feel the same way, a disservice by hiding this type of content in my notes app, never to be seen by anyone but me.

my blog has always been a safe space for the freaks and weirdos, and i want to keep facilitating that space while also keeping it enjoyable for all crowds. so by keeping a little separation between the two blogs, it'll ensure i feel comfortable, and others do too. i'm not gonna force everyone who follows me to come across some crazy fetish content they didn't sign up for, especially when previously i'd stated i don't write that kind of stuff. but alas people change and grow and i don't want to stifle myself from writing good things because im too afraid of judgement or my own insecurities.

i think kink is a very important thing in the fanfic world, because it allows the writer, as well as the audience, to connect on an even further level through the delivery of fetish content. as someone who hyperfixates on the development and accumulation of fetish and kinks, especially from a psychological level, this is something i was considering in the past- but not to this level, yk? like yeah, i could continue to just write sweet little hcs of softgaraki, and i love doing that, but also...like, i need these freak ass men to live their truths, and i need to live mine.

with that all being said, @compendiumofdecay is where these nasty fics will be for any and all who are interested.

[sillydeimos]

I have a Sanford confession (that I also posted on my blog but I feel the need to also say it here since we've been on a Sanford roll)

I kinda don't like when people draw Sanford like a bodybuilder.

Like okay I TOTALLY get it. It's aesthetically pleasing (to a point) and we all enjoy drooling over him. I'm by no means mad about the usual portrayal.

But that's not a healthy representation I dont think?

Like.

Okay.

That bodybuilder physique that you see in movies etc. Is usually obtained through very target training focused on looks and not function, and also plenty of dehydration and/or starvation.

That makes their endurance horrible.

Does that sound practical for a guy who needs to consistently fight for his life and throw people around for hours at a time? No!

More people should draw Sanford like a strongman. Give him some tummy. Some actual meat on his bones besides muscle. He doesn't need to look like a movie star to be stronk as fuck!!

-🌌⭐

i totally agree! i think i kind of draw him with the bodybuilder body type cause i just kind of like...assumed thats accurate? but i think ur more right abt the actually strong build and i should draw that more. thank u anon

though i think in my art i kind of soft play the muscles bc i. fucking look at them

idk how to draw all that....

[ridl]

the entire reason why i followed you in the first place is because i thought your art was a breath of fresh air in the many repetitive depictions of ganqing where they both simply look ethereal and exist next to one another. Its not that I haven't enjoyed that type of art from time to time but your works have always felt full of personality and grounded in a way I find very hard to come by--on top of the fact that I genuinely enjoy your artstyle.

Your blocky yet sharp lines are genuinely so captivating and distinctive (if i hadn't seen it first hand I wouldn't believe Ganyu would look so pretty like that!) and your alternative version with smoother lines manages to feel simultaneously professional and yet cozy at the same time--a crazy feat to achieve perfect harmony with the Ganqing vibe. Every time your work comes across my dash I instantly know its you and i'm genuinely glad i've been able to keep up with your progress over time (and then being surprised by how many cool games you keep track of on your blog) its been a serious delight.

But despite my parasocial proclivities, another aimless comment praising your art doesn't fix much of anything. You think your art is bland. You think yourself is bland. It wouldn't really matter if the entire world was in love with what you make if you, yourself, were not. So if you don't like the way your art currently looks, why not change it? And if you don't like the way you are, why don't you change that? And if that fails to sate you, change it again? And then again and again and again in search of your ideal. Why would you stop here, being disappointed while only knowing half of the person you could be?

i'm not sure what your answer is... but i'm wishing you the best.

thank you, i'm actually very happy (as much as i can be despite the mental torment lol...) that u think that way abt my art! that's like, a big honour that u think its full of personality and grounded. i try to make it that way bc that's what i like and want to see with ganqing. maybe i don't always succeed and sometimes it's just random doodles of my blorbos bc i have so little energy i need breaks between my actual "big" ideas. but ig i succeed often enough for u to think this way. so i'm glad you like my depictions of ganyu and keqing, whether it's their... personality? or the artstyle i use. and that you don't mind my game posting lol, cuz i rlly just dump all my interests on my one blog, for the better or worse.

i get what u mean abt ur comment not fixing anything, but i really am thankful for all the positive feedback i get. it'd feel extremely lonely otherwise, i draw things i like but in the end i post it to seek some sort of connection, or validation. like everyone i suppose. that's why i'm being nervous abt reposting stuff on bsky lately lol, sometimes i get comments, other times i don't. i don't blame ppl for not commenting but i rlly have to fight the thought of "nobody will care, why bother posting" again bc it's a new place, as i mostly already got used to it on tumblr/twt.

now, the 2nd part of my vent was very vague, and i totally get what ur saying and i'm thankful for ur message. unfortunately it's just a bit more complicated 😅 i don't exactly... hate my art i think. i want to get better ofc, but i know it's always gonna be imperfect and i have to just keep going or else i would never finish anything. some of it is better, some worse, there are pieces i like a lot and i'm genuinely proud of. but i don't know if other ppl feel the same and remember the art i made, even if i like it myself. in my head there's a difference between "art that's good enough for a like" and "art that's actually memorable". idk

then there's me and my social problems. won't get into details but some things are just out of my control, and it's kinda nobody's fault either, i can't rlly do anything abt it. there are things i wanna change and i think i can with time, but certain things are just part of reality we live in. it's just how humans and relationships work, i'm aware of it and i understand it. but it doesn't stop me from being sad abt it tho. making friends can be painful.

but thank you so much for this message and for the good wishes nevertheless!

[emepe]

hiii!! i just wanted to ask you a question. your writing seems so mature and it’s beautiful!! one of my favorite authors and that’s not sugarcoating. so i was just curious around what time or age did you start writing? you don’t have to answer if you aren’t comfortable!

i started writing at 12 years old (i’m pretty sure you can imagine how terrible that was 😭) and now that i’m 18 i feel like i have improved a lot, but sometimes i feel like i revert back into my middle school cringe writing style 😭 does that ever happen to you where you feel as if you can’t write well?

hope you are having a great week <33

Hi, bub! First of all, thank you so much for your kind words <3 I'm immensely flattered that you have me in mind as one of your favorites.

To answer your question, I'd say I was around the same age. Though if we count the whole creative writing sessions I had in elementary school then maybe just a tad earlier? Because I did participate in competitions and such but I feel like that doesn't really count lol. Then I switched schools but because nobody in that place motivated people to read or write and you're solely focused on non-creative subjects (my new school didn't even have art haha, we were just STEM robots), I pretty much just forgot about it until I started my blog almost a year ago.

And I totally get what you mean! I'll look back to what I turned in for language arts in 8th grade and of course, at the time I was very proud of my work but now I'm like 😖 Why did I think I was doing something by acting mysterious and edgy in my writing? (idk if you've seen snippets of their interview with GQ (?), but think Megan Fox and MGK level cringe). But that's good bc it means I've improved! (and that change doesn't always apply just because you get older). So if you look back to your old stuff and think that it's not that great, it just means you're getting better :)

Also I'm metaphorically in flames bc there's so much I have to do for school, but thankfully I'm at a point where my mind is just like 🙂 and my body's relaxed even though I know I have a lot to get through. So in a way, I'm stressed but not sick-to-my-stomach stressed like I usually am. I hope that makes sense 😅

Thank you for checking in, bub! I hope life + school are going well for you and you have a great weekend. I also see that you're one of the people enjoying Jean's story so you'll be happy to the know the next chapter will be posted tomorrow :)

[kae-karo]

Since you mentioned being in the mood for asks: I think I like my best friend. She knows I'm not straight. But has never actually said she's not straight but has discussed possibility of her sexuality being fluid? She doesn't open up to anyone. And so it's really hard to understand her feelings and I am always afraid of crossing the line by asking her too many questions? So I just avoid asking a question twice. I know our friendship will be ruined if I let her know about my feelings ( 1/2 )

But idk what to do with all these pent up feelings :( she gets close to me but then seems to be very distant after a while. Back and forth. Idk what to do. Especially with all this time in my hand during quarantine all I do is overthink about everything in my life including her. Oh no I'm ranting. Sorry have a great day !!! Love you Katie !!! 🖤🖤🖤 :) ( 2/2 )

hello dear!! 💜💜💜 okay first and foremost never never feel like you have to apologize for sending long/multi-part asks/rambling/etc i adore getting asks and it is never something you should feel bad about!!

now, onto advice here...there are a lot of different options ofc for what you could do, and i won’t say that there’s one right answer or one thing that’s better than another. i am and always will be an advocate for communication and honesty in relationships/friendships/etc, but i think the first thing that needs to happen is you need to decide what route you want to go

the kind of key directions would ofc be to 1. explain your feelings and see if she feels the same 2. decide that you do Not want your current friendship with her to change and that you would rather move on from being interested in her without mentioning that you have feelings or 3. keep on the same path you’re currently on and sort of just...wait it out

uhhh i will say that option 3 is usually...one to avoid, if you can. specifically bc this will probably leave you feeling Bad and that’d be something that’s uhhh not good lmao

so say you want to try telling her how you feel, naturally this comes with the risk (as you mentioned) that she might not feel the same/that you might ruin the friendship by saying something about it, but unfortunately...there’s not really much of a way around that risk. that said, and keeping in mind that idk her or how she tends to act/react to certain situations, there are probably ways to go about this that mitigate some of the risks

if i were in your shoes and decided i wanted to go this route, i might genuinely try to keep it as lowkey and casual as possible, and try to avoid making it some Big Thing™. i’d probs just say smth like ‘hey y’know i think i might have feelings for u beyond just friendship, i wanted to just let you know in case you felt the same, but if not, no worries! it doesn’t change that i still want to be friends with you, and i obviously am not gonna act any differently toward you if you don’t feel the same.’ like. i would try to make it clear that 1. i wouldn’t want anything to change if she didn’t feel the same and 2. that i have no expectations of her

especially since it sounds like she’s still figuring out who she might be into, i might also add something like ‘i totally understand you’re still figuring stuff out, i don’t want you to feel any added pressure, just wanted to be open and honest with you’ (sometimes being open can help others open up too!)

now, that said, it sounds like you might be erring more on the side of wanting to move on and get over your feelings for her - which is totally valid! or, ofc, if you tell her and she’s like ‘yeah man sorry i’m just not into you!’ then u would naturally want to move on without making things uncomfy. in that event, i have one very major recommendation: distractions

i get it! it’s hard with quarantine to keep your mind occupied with other things/people/etc, but unfortunately, moving on isn’t something that can just be done, it requires practice and patience and time

one thing you can try is choosing something you already enjoy and finding an aspect of that to dive deeper into. for example, fan of a show/book? go search for fanart or fanfic if you’re into that! come up with an oc just for fun in whatever universe that piece of media is in, even if u never show it to anyone. pick a few blogs you’ve seen who post a lot and check them out, maybe follow if they seem cool! write fic or draw art, whether it be of an oc or existing characters or even just scenes or something! especially try this out even if you’ve never done either of those things before - and don’t get discouraged if those things aren’t perfect, just give them a shot and you might find something you really enjoy! grab a character or ship you usually don’t give much attention to/haven’t seen before and go check out their tag!

along this route, i speak a lot about fandom/fictional media bc that is what i personally use as an escape, but the same goes for activism/politics/languages/animals/other subjects/literally anything that is of interest to you! there is almost always an unexplored aspect of something that you can dive into. but! in the event that you can’t or don’t find anything interesting...

another thing is to find something new! a show you’ve heard about but never watched (or a show you’ve literally never heard of before but like just keeps popping up on ur netflix page), a book you’ve been putting off reading, a youtuber that seems p cool, a skill or language or craft or really, literally anything you haven’t done, and trying it. invest a bit of time and energy and just see where it takes you, let yourself think about this new thing and follow your line of curiosity. some of the best (and worst/dumbest/most cursed) ideas i’ve ever had came from just. randomly following the line of curiosity in my head and seeing where it takes me. hell, that’s what led to me writing fic in the first place!

and be forgiving of yourself too, don’t associate thoughts about this person with any kind of ‘oh shit i’m not supposed to be thinking about her’ kind of reactions, just gently redirect your thoughts to that one episode you just watched, or the question you have about the universe it exists in, or what crocheting pattern you want to try out first, etc etc etc. again, this kind of thing takes time and patience and won’t happen overnight, but you absolutely can get there!

the last ‘distraction’ i tend to go for is revisiting old interests! that fic or book you read a long time ago but still have/still have bookmarked as a fave? pick it back up and give it a reread - the cool thing about stories is that, over time, our perspectives change, and the way we experience the story and the emotions we feel over it change as well. same goes for old shows, esp if it’s been a minute! you can even do this in tandem with the first distraction type and dig back into fandoms you haven’t seen in a while!

it can be hard to remember sometimes - esp while we’re in quarantine! - that worlds exist outside our current interests and spheres of influence. whatever you decide to do, dear, just remember that things will be okay in the end (even if they’re not okay at first) so long as you try to do what’s right for you and be thoughtful and caring along the way. i hope this helped at least a little!

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Replies under the cut:

@aeide-thea:

i mean tbh third person is ALSO unrealistic bc like. who is this unidentified narrator that knows all this stuff in such intimate detail and is like. hovering invisibly in private rooms etc. imo 'realism' in this sense is just like. a totally irrelevant metric tbh.

Haha yes, that’s true. (I wish I could remember more about the post that inspired me to write this, because maybe “realism” wasn’t quite the framing it was going for, but I saw it ages ago and I think only skimmed at the time.) But yeah I would say first person in general is much more “realistic” than omniscient. 

@miseriathome​:

People think first person present is an issue? Isn't that just like. How people talk? Like epistolary? If real people can write blog posts in first person present tense, I don't see why a character couldn't be written as such either, even if the narrative isn't meant to be epistolary. idk I always liked first person better in non-fannish fiction because it brings out the story-ness of stories. I've never had a preference for past vs present, and I write in both

idk I always liked first person better in non-fannish fiction because it brings out the story-ness of stories. I've never had a preference for past vs present, and I write in both

This is actually reminding me of a discourse analysis seminar I took in my last semester of undergrad, where one of the readings we did was on conversational storytelling and the use of the present tense in that context. I don’t remember the details, but I think I remember something about the present tense being used in more detailed, action-based parts of the story, to add to the immediacy or suspense of it (which I think most of us have observed in casual conversation).

I think your “isn’t that how people talk” point might actually be helping me understand why I’m not a fan of the present tense in writing, though. Because in speech, when someone’s telling an anecdote or whatnot, they generally switch back and forth between the past and present tense - the immediate action in a story might be relayed in the present, but there’s usually some context or framing that’s given in the past (i.e., “two years ago, a friend and I were out hiking”... “then a man comes up to us”, etc.) A story told conversationally likely wouldn’t be told entirely in the present tense, which I think explains why it feels unnatural to me personally in written fiction, because written fiction doesn’t have the same alteration between tenses. 

(Also interesting to think about how the past imperfect can accomplish a similar effect to the present, and also how French has a past tense that’s almost exclusively used for literary purposes...)

The point about fanfiction is also interesting, because I know it’s common for people to dislike first person in fanfic, even if they don’t mind it elsewhere. I actually also feel that way, though it’s hard for me to parse why - possibly because it shifts the scope and approach of the story so much that it feels jarring as a choice? (Whether if it’s a book that’s in third person, or visual media.)

@literarymagpie:

I think first person present has its place but it's difficult to do well. I also reject that "realistic" is the measure of any sort of writing style. That's not always the goal. I know a lot of people deride the common use of 1st present in YA, but I think there it can also capture the immediacy of being a teen where even little things feel extremely heightened and important. A writer friend and I have also discussed how useful it is for traumatized narrators because it can feel very claustrophobic. Or, for example, even if the reader is sure a character will survive the novel, it sometimes benefits the narration if the narrator doesn't know they'll survive. Again: hard to do well. But it's not necessarily bad or lazy or not artful. Hashtag STRONG EDITOR OPINIONS. Like, again, it doesn't have to be anyone's favorite, but it has its place.

Sorry here I go again, but to give an example of it very artfully done in YA (I studied editing for YA in particular in grad school): I think The Hate U Give uses it extremely well. In Chapter 1, the MC thinks the worst thing going on in her life is her inability to fit in at a party with her old friends. Extremely typical teenage stuff. In Chapter 2, her childhood friend has been shot by police.

Oooh that’s a very good point about YA! I’ve seen blogging discussion elsewhere about one of the defining traits of YA being tone, and the presence of both intensity of emotion and assigning massive importance to every emotion, and I can see how the immediacy of first person could fit in well with that kind of storytelling. Not to mention a lot of teenagers aren’t in a the most reflective place in their life and haven’t gained the kind of perspective or shift in scope that becoming an adult or moving away from home can provide. The point about trauma is great too. 

And that’s really interesting about The Hate U Give - I actually have that book on my nightstand as one of my next reading goals. (I borrowed it from my roommate, who read it for a class on YA literature years ago.) That kind of immediacy, where you’re following along with a character’s journey and experiencing everything as they do, can definitely be a distinct form of storytelling from when a character narrates something that happened to them in the past, when they’ve had more time to reflect on it or build up a personal narrative around it (cf The Secret History, “this is the only story I will be able to tell,” etc.) Not that there has to be an “in universe” explanation or clear framing device for past tense narrating, but it definitely can have different implications for characterization (and the reader’s relationship to the narrator). 

I myself am not a fan of first person narration or present tense narration, but I think arguing they can’t go together because it’s unrealistic is silly - as if all first person narration doesn’t require some suspense of disbelief!

[bigbrainbiology]

I'd say deffo these 5 main points:

The Tumblr tagging system: I see so many posts where there's no spaces between the words in a tag, and that's kinda unnecessary on tumblr, + how only the first 5 tags will show up when you search tags.

Reblogs, what it means and how they work: some people think it's like reposting content which they're against, but it totally doesn't work like that! Also, I found out when I was new here that sometimes you need to reblog stuff from other people if you're new so that your own posts show up in the tags.

How to look like a Real Person, and not a porn bot: I know too many people who keep everything set to default, but that makes them look like a fake acc/porn acc, and it makes me wanna block on site so I don't get weird comments in my notes.

Interaction etiquette! : Check people's account headers/bios and their pinned posts! For example, I have info in my pinned post saying when my DMs are open to new ppl/when ppl can make art requests, but I've had ppl recently ignore it/who don't read it and go straight to my DMs instead of sending an ask/anon ask, and that makes me just ignore them bc I don't want to start any private dialogues sometimes

If you don't like someone or their content, BLOCK THEM AND MOVE ON: on tumblr, people curate their own dashboards! So if you see someone spamming their newest interest or posting content that you don't like, just either unfollow them so you don't see them on your dashboard (maybe explain what a dashboard is too...), or block them if they're in the tags you like to check in on. Saves so much hassle and stress rather than getting angry or upset when you can just erase them from your tumblr.

Some other points that could be mentioned:

Might be more important than below, but how to block tags and filter content - hate spiders? Filter them out of your tumblr experience by blocking the tag #spider + all it's synonyms. (Note, this will only work if people tag their stuff appropriately here!! So if someone writes #sp1der, filtering it won't work.)

Adding onto/commenting other people's posts is encouraged (most of the time - some exceptions apply) - for example, adding onto/writing your own story based on the prompts that are posted by other blogs

Please don't guilt trip ppl into liking/reblogging your content, it feels gross (eg like/reblog this or else xyz bad event will happen)

Not everyone likes being tagged in those chain meme things (eg tag 5 ppl you follow and ask them what their fave, idk ice cream flavour is)

Don't be afraid to follow/unfollow ppl whenever you want - sometimes someone will have a new interest and might start spamming your dashboard, or an artist might start posting only NSFW stuff after a load of cutesy art

Follower number doesn't matter! - no one but you can see that anyway. Note numbers don't matter! We're all just having fun here

In the notes of this post, tell me what you wish you knew when you first came to Tumblr, or what you think new Tumblr users need to know. I'm trying to make a how-to-Tumblr guide for Twitter refugees as the bird burns down.