#not pictured: Mr. L making fun of him and making chicken sounds

[alovelylonelygoodra]

Dimmy, how in the world did you manage to lay that massive egg twice your size?

“Leave me alone.”

He’s super embarrassed rn. Let him sulk in his corner of shame.

[slashhinginghasher]

Your writing is so awesome!! You’re doing an amazing job. :) Would you write a fic if a female reader trying her best to ask Asa our on a date and him just not understanding why anyone would want that?

Thank you so much!! Sorry Asa is barely in this, I got caught up in the banter bc I miss my friends :(

PItfalls of Modern Technology - Asa Emory x Female Reader

“Hey, Cas, you’re pretty oblivious, right?”

Cas choked mid-sip and narrowly avoided spilling his drink over the pile of student drawings on the coffee table. You had invited your best friend over to watch scary movies, greet trick-or-treaters, and get wasted, as was your long-standing Halloween tradition. Now, with the candy bowl and the pitcher of spiked punch both half empty, you finally felt sufficiently drunk to bring up the issue that had been on your mind all day.

“I’m not that oblivious!” Cas protested.

“You didn’t realize Alex was flirting with you until six months after they gave up and started dating someone else.”

“Touche, and also fuck you. What’s on your brain?” You sighed and tore open a fun-size pack of M&Ms.

“How the hell do I ask out a guy who doesn’t even seem to realize that I like him?”

“Have you tried flirting with him?” You glared at Cas and popped a candy in your mouth.

“Yeah, no shit I’ve tried flirting with him, dummy. It just bounces right off. Also it’s hard because he’s so serious and I wanna stay professional, and I don’t know how to professionally say ‘I want your dick’.” Cas tossed his head back and laughed.

“How a woman who writes for a living can be so bad with words is beyond me…” He shot upright, eyes lighting up. “Wait, are you talking about Bugman? You’re trying to hook up with the Bugman?”

“Oh my god, stop calling him that!” you screeched, pelting Cas with a mini Twix bar. “You make him sound so.... un-sexy.” You tossed back the rest of the M&Ms like you were taking a shot. “But yes. And for the record, he’s an entomologist with a PhD.” Cas held his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay. So if you wanna seduce Dr. Bugman--” He effortlessly deflected the Butterfinger you sent flying at his head. “You have a graduate degree in scientific communication, how do you suck so much at this?”

“It’s different!” you protested. “I don’t wanna fuck the science. Also, I can sit down and re-write it however many times I need to.” For some reason, this sent Cas into hysterics. You raised an eyebrow and sipped your punch until he was able to choke out a few words.

“Send… him… an email…” 

You pictured sending Asa a letter like some lovelorn Victorian debutante and immediately cracked up.

“God, could you fucking imagine?” You reached for your laptop and opened your email. “‘Dear Dr. Emory, I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to you about an issue of utmost importance: specifically, your dick.”

By the time you and Cas had finished composing your imaginary letter, you were both wheezing. You tossed your laptop to the side, leaving the message in your drafts alongside several other emails. Over the next few hours, you handed out candy, watched Tippi Hedren scream her head off, and polished off the rest of the punch. Rather, you, specifically, polished off the rest of the punch. Cas had backed off, saying he needed a clear head if he was going to decipher six-year-olds’ chicken scratch.

“Does that say ‘Mr. Uncle Cas’?” you slurred, looking over his shoulder at one of the drawings. Cas groaned and put his face in his hands.

“Livvie’s got almost half the class calling me that now,” he said mournfully.

“I knew I liked that kid,” you cackled, mentally high-fiving the administrator who had placed Cas’s niece in his first grade class.

“Of course you do; she’s a horrible little gremlin,” he said fondly.

The rest of the evening passed quietly, the two of you just enjoying each other’s company. Cas finished grading the rest of his students’ assignments - the prompt was “If I was a monster,” which had resulted in some extremely entertaining drawings and stories - and you slowly melted into your couch. Around midnight, you declared the stream of trick-or-treaters officially dried up, and Cas headed out. He paused in your doorway, one hand on the knob.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Hmmmm.”

“...Mister Doctor Professor Bugman.”

You threw the entire candy bowl at his head.

***

***

You were almost sick with nerves when you walked into Asa’s office on Monday morning. I am an adult, I am an adult, I am an adult. The mental chant did not make you feel very adult-like.

“Dr. Emory? May I speak with you for a moment?” You had been hoping against all hope that Asa hadn’t even seen the email, but the icy look in his eyes told you he had. He nodded. Once.

“I…” You twisted your fingers together nervously. Just get on with it, Y/N. “I wanted to apologize for the email you received over the weekend. I was trying to send you a portion of the article for review and clicked the wrong button. My friend and I were a bit… overzealous with our festivities on Friday, it was never meant to be sent.” The words came out in one long rush. Asa remained silent the whole time.

“And do you often mock your work associates when you are intoxicated, Ms. L/N?” he asked at last.

“Do I…” Lost in the depths of his dark eyes, you found yourself scrambling for words. And you noticed something else in his expression.

Hurt.

“Dr. Emory. Asa.” He started slightly at your use of his first name. “The tone of that email was unfortunate,” you forced yourself not to wince at your incredible understatement, “but I can assure that the sentiment was completely honest. I like you. I find you attractive. I would have liked to go on a date with you, but I supposed I’ve demolished my chances of that happening now.” Your courage began to fade as fast as it had appeared. “I’m sorry again. I acted very unprofessionally.” You turned on your heel and fled his office before he could respond, cheeks burning.

***

You received an email from Asa that evening. No subject line, not even a sentence long, but it sent your heart soaring.

Friday. 8:00 pm.

[dammn-dean]

Ready or Not

I wrote this as a part of @propertyofpoeandbucky‘s Mystery Writing Challenge, I hope you like it! 

My Prompt: Single Parent AU, You’re one of the daycare helpers and I absolutely adore how well you work with my child.

(I also got an anon request for something similar.. Anonymous said: Bucky x reader. Bucky is the single father of a 4 year old. Reader is the kid's preschool teacher? Bucky is smitten from day 1)

As usual it’s unbeta’d, so all mistakes are on me. My tags are open, let me know if you want to be tagged in upcoming fics. I love feedback, so be sure to let me know what you think! 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 2.6k+

Warnings: fluff, Daddy!Bucky, Single Parent AU

“Good morning ladies, sorry we’re late.”

You and your co-worker Wanda stopped talking with the children already in the classroom, looking into the doorway to see Paige and her dad, James Barnes, standing in the doorway. He held a sheepish look on his face, like he was embarrassed about the tardiness, even though it happened more than often than not lately.

“That’s alright Mr. Barnes. Good morning Miss Paige.” You smiled at the little girl as you made your way over to the pair and dropped to your knees to be on her level.

“Mornin’ Miss Y/N!” She just about shouted your name as she gave you a big hug, like she did every morning. You returned the hug, smiling up at her dad. You took in his appearance, long hair pulled back into what probably used to be a tidy bun at the nape of his neck, but now a few strands fell down around his face. Wearing his usual suit only his tie was a bit crooked, clearly he didn’t have the best morning.

He held a soft smile looking down at the two of you, he loved how you were with Paige. You’d been her preschool teacher the past year, he honestly didn’t know what he’d do with out you most of the time. It was the most stressful year of his life, becoming a single father, running a law firm, it was a lot for him and you were always there going above and beyond for the both of them. He shook himself out of his thoughts, remembering he was already running late, he had a meeting in 15 minutes.

“I’m sorry Miss Y/L/N, I gotta go,’ he muttered. Dropping to his knees as you stood to hug his daughter goodbye. “Bye peanut, I love you. See you soon.” He pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Bye daddy, love you too!” She responded running off to join the other kids with a laugh.

You laughed as your eyes followed the little girl, turning back to meet her father’s steel blue eyes. He stood there a moment, smile on his lips and you matched the look.

”Shouldn’t you be going?” You teased him.

“Of course! I’m sorry, I am running late. As usual,” he laughed. “I’ll be back around 5, see you then?”

He wanted to wait for your response but he couldn’t and of course he’d see you then like he did every day. He shuffled out of the doorway, down the hall and started a brisk walk to his car.

“Mr. Barnes!” You called out to the long haired man.

He quickly stopped and turned to you, eyebrows drew together in question. “Is Paige okay?” He advanced to you, eyes looking behind you for his daughter.

“Oh! Of course, she’s inside with Miss Maximoff. This is actually about something else.” You sent him a warm smile, hoping to convey that everything was indeed okay.

“What is it?” He ran his hair through his hair before remembering it was in a bun, messing his hair up even further than the stressful morning had. With a sight he tugged the hair tie from his hair and started to redo the bun.

“Uh- you know what? We can talk about it later when you pick up Paige.” You chickened out to say the least. You’d been telling yourself you would invite him and Paige to dinner this Friday all week. Well it was now Friday and you still hadn’t gathered up the courage to ask him. “I know you’re running late Mr. Barnes, sorry about that.”

“It’s Bucky,” he corrected you for what seemed like the hundredth time. “You can call me Bucky.”

You sent him a big smile, “Okay Bucky, I’ll see you this afternoon.”

Bucky sent you a grin back and then he was off, a light jog until he made it to his car. You shook your head with a laugh as you made your way back into the building. Wanda had all of the kids at their desks coloring, you walked around the room making sure everyone was doing alright before sitting behind your desk with a soft sigh.

“Did you do it?” Wanda asked as she leaned against the desk, smile on her lips.

“Of course,” you started and she sent you a look. “I didn’t. He’s too handsome Wanda! I don’t think I will ever be able to. Besides, what if he said no? I would be mortified, I want what’s best for Paige and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable dropping her off here with me every day.”

“He wouldn’t say no, he’s over the moon for you! You should just see the way he looks at you, especially when you’re with Paige.” Wanda tried to reassure you, but you just shook your head as it fell with a small thud to the desk.

“What’s matter Miss Y/N?” It was Paige, she was after all the sweetest and most understand kid you’d ever met.

You lifted your head quickly and gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s nothing Paige, what did you color?” You changed the subject and grabbed her drawing from her.

“I drew somethin’,” she said shyly, holding the picture for you to see.

You took the paper from her tiny little hands to look over the drawing, and considering she had recently turned 5 you were impressed. There was a big house and beside it a litle stick figure with crazy hair, Paige, next to her was a tall stick figure, tie around the neck and long straight hair, clearly Bucky.

“Wow Miss Paige, this is great! It’s you and your daddy, and is this your house?” You asked, your smile matching the little girls.

“Yep!” She responded loudly, obviously very proud.

“You did such a good job! Why don’t you go draw something else? Maybe something special for me.” You handed her back the paper and patted her head as she ran off with a giggle.

“You really adore her, huh?” Wanda pushed off the desk to make her way around the room. “I think it’s time you suck it up, you deserve to be happy Y/N. Just ask him if he’d like a home cooked meal, I’m sure Paige would love it as much as him.”

“Stop always using your reason to make sense of everything!” You joked and stood from behind the desk, ready to get through this work day.

The day breezed by and parents were showing up, kids slowly drifting out into the hallway and you bid them farewell, although it was an easy day you were grateful that the weekend was here.

“Bye Miss Y/N!” A little boy named Johnny called out, and you waved a goodbye to him and his mother.

Leaving only one kid, Paige. She was standing by your side, backpack on and waiting patiently.

“I’m all done in here Y/N, mind if we go ahead and lock up so I can head out?” Wanda asked, from the doorway.

“Of course, let me grab my stuff. We can wait for your daddy outside, sound good Miss Paige?” You smiled at the little brown haired girl.

“’Kay!” She tugged her backpack straps, reading herself to go.

You let out a small laugh at her, making your way behind your desk you grabbed your bag and shoved a few things into it. You felt for the lanyard around your neck of keys, phone in pocket, checking to make sure you hadn’t forgotten anything then made your way into the hallway, pausing as Wanda locked up the room and you three headed out towards the parking lot. Paige and you took a seat at the steps, waving to Wanda as she gets into her car.

“You have any plans for the weekend Paige?” You asked, adjusting yourself to maybe be a little more comfortable on the hard concrete.

“Dunno. Daddy probably has work.” She shrugged with a small frown.

“Well you never know, could end up doing something fun.” You tried to cheer her up, but in reality you were talking to calm your own nerves.

You told yourself all day, that you would come out and say it whenever James, er Bucky, shows up. If he turns you down then so be it, at least you would shoot your shot.

“I wanna go to the ‘quarium,” she smiled as she spoke, clearly something she’d been thinking about.

“The aquarium? I love the aquarium!”

“You do?” Surprise and excitement took over her features and you couldn’t help but giggle at her giddiness.

“Of course! All of the different fish, sharks, jellyfish,” she was nodding at every word. “But do you know what’s my favorite?”

“What?” Paige practically squealed.

“The turtles,” you whispered.

“Me too!” Her hands clapped together. “I love tutles!”

“You sure do peanut!” Bucky suddenly appeared in front of both of you.

You’d been so wrapped up in talking to Paige you hadn’t noticed Bucky’s car pull up.

“Sorry I’m late Miss Y/L/N,” he said with a apologetic smile.

“Miss Y/N loves the ‘qarium too daddy! You have to take us, pwease.. I want to see the tutles soo bad,” she begged tugging on his hand.

“I’m sure Miss Y/L/N has other plans this weekend peanut,” he assumed.

“I don’t actually,” you interjected, biting your lip nervously.

Bucky was taken back by that, he wasn’t sure what to say. He had thought about asking you out for dinner or something many times, but going to the aquarium with him and his daughter, that didn’t seem like a date. Surely people don’t go on dates with their children there? All that he knew is that you looked like you were wanting him to invite you with them, but would it be a date? Bucky had no clue how to date, especially as a parent.

You could sense his panic about being put on the spot kind of and before you started to panic as well you decided to spit it out.

“I was actually wondering if maybe,” you cleared your throat some. “Do you two have any plans tonight? I was thinking of making my mothers recipe for spaghetti with bolognese sauce, always makes too much food and well,” you nervously bit your lip again. “I was wondering if you’d like to come over and have dinner.” You ran your fingers through your hair nervously, tucking the strands behind your ear.

“I love sketti daddy, we haave to go!” Paige’s enthusiasm soothed you some, but your hopeful eyes never fell from Bucky’s.

“Miss Y/L/N,” he started.

You interjected, “Please, call me Y/N, school’s out after all.”

“Y/N,” Bucky softened. “I have more work to do tonight,” he watched the smile falter from your face and he felt a a pang of regret in his chest, making him change his next words moments before they came. “What if you come over to our place instead?”

“Yes! I have to show you my room!” Paige let out a sudden gasp like she had a terrific idea. “We can play hide and seek!” Her hands where tugging your skirt excitedly.

You eagerly nodded at her, smile both on yours and Bucky’s face. She was just about thrumming from the prospect of it all and her joy was spilling out and effecting the both of you as well. She finally calmed after a moment, a quick yawn taking over her face. Bucky patted her head gently and pulled her to lean against his leg.

“You’d have to bring whatever ingredients you need for the meal,” he noted. “But I have pots and pans, a pretty great kitchen to be honest, it’s just never used. You could cook as I finish up work, I haven’t had a home cooked meal in quite some time. And who knows maybe we could talk about making plan to go to the aquarium as well.”

It was Bucky’s turn to seem nervous, he hadn’t let another woman into his home since Paige’s mother. He shook the thought from his head, no sense in doing this to himself right now. If there was anyone worth trying this with, it would be you.

“Oh- uh, okay. I’d love that,” you smiled at him. “I’ll have to run to the store but I can come by after to everything ready?” You couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

“I’ll text you my address.” He pulled his phone from his pocket, unlocking it and holding it out for you to type your number in.

You took it with a shaky hand, slowly typing your number in and saving it under your name before handing the phone back to him. You two stood there a moment, with matching silly smiles, until an impatient Paige tugged his hand, pulling him back to reality.

“We better head home, but I’ll text you the address when I get in the car. Text me when you’re heading our way?” Bucky slowly picked Paige up her tired head falling onto his shoulder, still he paused for your answer.

“Yeah okay, see you soon,” you answered quietly.

With that Bucky turned towards the car, sleepy little girl in tow. You couldn’t help but smile as he softly put her into her car seat, making sure she was buckled up well. He had told the truth, the moment he was in the car your phone buzzed with a text. You tugged your phone from your pocket and saw a text from a foreign number, Bucky’s, with the address followed by a simple question. ‘Do you prefer red or white wine? Can’t have Italian food without a little wine right?’ You felt your cheeks heat up, you saved his number to your phone as you turned to make your way towards your car.

You typed a simple, ‘White’ followed by ‘You are right about that.’ You couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over your face as you clutched your phone to your chest. You took a moment or two to soak in the feeling that this was actually happening. You made your way towards your home so you could change and grab a couple things before you went to the grocery store. You had a dinner to make after all, no time to waste.

 Perma Taglist:  @mannls @msruchita @ashdownbloodline @his-paradox @mamaraptor @sophie-barnes26

Marvel Taglist: @wishingforahome @josiejosie0 @technolilly @gabby913 @sonotalice @bexboo616 @gigistorm @just-trying-to-survive-marvel @doublephoeenix

Bucky Taglist: @hiddles-rose @givemethatgold

(If you want to be tagged in anything, just shoot me an ask or message!)

[obfuscateyummy]

@sweetcannolicarisi and I are back at it with a new Dacee collaboration!!! :)

TW: self harm, postpartum, and depression.

Damian: 8

Dominick: 3

Myra: 3 months

Macee awoke and untangled herself from Dante. She looked at the clock and saw she had a few minutes before Myra would wake up. She headed to the bathroom. She splashed some water on her face. She looked at herself in the mirror. She stared at her reflection, flashing back to a week ago. Today was her therapy appointment and she was terrified. She wanted herself back. She missed who she was. She looked next to the sink and saw a picture in a frame. Dante had put pictures around their house the last week, to remind Macee of her happy life. Her and Dante when they first started dating, after one of his high school soccer games. She was wearing his jersey. They were so young then, so happy. Macee longed to be that happy again.

“That’s one of my favorites,” Dante said. Macee jumped and stared at him.

“Mine too. We were so happy then...I was so happy.” Macee whispered as she set the frame down.

“You okay, doll? Did something..” Dante said.

Macee shook her head. “J-just nervous, for t-today.”

“I’ll be right th-“ Dante spoke as he was cut off by the sound of Myra crying. “You want me to get her?”

Macee shook her head, “I got her, she’s probably hungry.” Macee took off down the hall to Myra’s room.

Dante sighed as he ran his hand through his curls before going to wake up the boys. Popping his head into Myra’s room, he saw Macee sitting in the chair by her crib, feeding her. A small crossed his lips before he rushed downstairs to let the dogs outside. Once the rest of the family joined Dante downstairs, he was setting the table for breakfast.

“Why do we have to go to nonno’s today?” Damian whined. Macee came into the kitchen, Myra resting against her chest as she gently rubbed her back.

“Mami has a doctor’s appointment. You three are going to have so much fun at nonno’s house!” Dante smiled at his kids as he quickly filled plates and placed them at the table. Dom smiled as he giggled softly.

“Nonna make cookies!” Dominick was always happy to see Sonny and Sophia. Sophia always made them cookies while Sonny would let them eat anything they wanted.

“Your parents are going to make our kids fat.” Macee laughed softly as she placed Myra in the baby rocker by the kitchen table.

“But I want to stay with you guys.” Damian whined as he pushes his refs around the plate. Dante sighed and shook his head.

“I’m sorry, champ, but this appointment is only for adults. No kids.” Dante said as Damian began to pout. “If you’re good for nonno and nonna today, I’ll buy you ice cream.” Dante bribed his son as Macee glared him down. He brushed it off before sitting down with the family to eat.

In the waiting room at the doctors office, Macee impatiently tapped her foot. Dante put his hand on her knee. She looked at him. He smiled at his wife. “Mace..”

“Don’t.” Macee said as she looked away.

“What’s wrong?” Dante asked.

“T-the way your parents looked at me. It-it’s like they knew, but they didn’t say anything…” Macee said as she looked at Dante. “Babe, I just want to get better.”

“I know. It’s going to be okay, doll.” Dante said.

“Carisi?” The receptionist said. Macee and Dante stood up and followed her back to a room. She said the doctor will be in shortly and left the two alone.

“Dante, what if...what if they can’t help me?” Macee asked.

“They will. It’s their job.” Dante said as he kissed her forehead.

“Mr. and Mrs. Carisi, what brings you in?” The doctor asked.

Macee looked down at her feet, “S-since I had my daughter, 3 months ago, I-I haven’t been myself.” Macee mumbled.

The doctor nodded. “Your first child?”

“No. Our third.” Macee said.

“Was the birth any different than the others?” The doctor asked.

Macee looked at Dante. He held her hand tightly as she spoke. “Yes. I-I kept having this pain, after my water broke. It wasn’t like the pain when I had the boys. T-they took Dante out of the room and doctor rushed me in for a c-section. Something w-went wrong a-and they also had to perform an emergency hysterectomy.” Macee said. Dante let go of her hand and began to softly rub small circles on her back. He forced a smile at Macee. They were both holding back tears.

The doctor wrote some notes down on his notepad before he looked back up at the couple and spoke. “Have you ever harmed, or tried to harm, your children?”

Macee gasped. “No! I could never harm them.”

The doctor nodded. “That’s good, that’s a good answer. Have you ever harmed, or tried to harm, yourself?”

Macee bit her lip. The tears she was holding in came flowing down her cheeks.

“Mace, doll, it’s okay. He’s gonna help you.” Dante said.

“L-last week. Dante and I got into an argument and I wanted to be alone.” Macee started as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. “After the c-section I just.. I hate how I look in the mirror a-and…” Macee couldn’t finish her sentence. She turned and began to cry against Dante. He held her close with a frown.

“I got to her right before she tried to.. cut her stomach. I never noticed things had changed in her. Sure, she was always tried and in a mood, she was like that for the boys. We rarely got sleep or time to ourselves. I-I never thought something was wrong..” Dante held back his tears as he gently rubbed Macee’s back.

“Some mothers going through postpartum depression don’t seek help. You’re getting help today and I’m glad.” The doctor said as he write a few things down on his paper. “I write down your prescription for antidepressants. There is a pharmacy around where you two live I will send it too. I suggest coming back in two weeks to see me. If we need to change your prescription at all, we will. I have you both have a wonderful day with your family.” The doctor smiled as he shook each of their hands before Dante and Macee left.

“See, doll. That wasn’t too hard…” Dante said as he continued to wipe tears from her eyes.

“B-But what if something happens?” Macee whispered softly. Dante kissed her forehead and slowly walked out of the building with her.

“I’m here for you, doll. I can take some personal time away from soccer.” Dante said. Macee looked at him and frowned.

“No.. I don’t want you missing practice and games because I’m not.. I’m not myself. Please, Dante. I’m fine.” Macee said. Dante shook his head and kissed her forehead.

“Just the first two months, okay? I’m going to be with you everyday, every step of the way. Now, let’s go get lunch. Wherever your heart desires love.” Dante smiled as they made their way to the car.

“How about chicken wings?” Macee said.

“Chicken wings it is, doll.” Dante said as he drove off towards the restaurant.

Macee was strangely quiet on the way to the restaurant. Dante sighed. “Macee..”

“Dante, I’m fine. I’m just tired, okay.” Macee said.

“If you’re not okay, you’d tell me, right?” Dante asked. Macee looked out the window and didn’t respond. “Mace?”

“Yeah…” Macee said as she looked at Dante.

“Did you hear me? You’ll tell me if you’re not okay, right?” Dante asked as they pulled into the restaurant.

“I-I think I would. I-I when I feel like that, I’m not myself.” Macee said as Dante parked the car. He turned it off and looked at his wife. He took a stray hair and moved it out of her face. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. “Dante…”

“Don’t cry, Mace. Let’s get some lunch, okay?” Dante said as he got out of the car. He ran around the front of the car to open Macee’s door for her. She smiled. “There. That’s what I miss, my girls smile.”

Once they were seated and ordered their food, Macee looked at Dante. “You know, this is the first time we’ve been alone since Myra was born.”

“Yeah, it is.” Dante reached across the table and softly grabbed Macee’s hands. He rubbed a finger over her wedding and engagement ring. “I remember the day I gave you this ring...god I was so nervous.”

“You should have known I’d say yes. I’ve always loved you.” Macee softly smiled at Dante.

“We’ve been through so much together, Mace. We will get through this too. I promise, doll.” Dante said.

Macee felt her eyes tear up. She went to speak when the waiter arrived with their lunch.

The two ate in silence before Dante quickly paid the bill and the two left. Macee plugged her phone into the AUX cord and began to play her favorite playlist. The two sang all the way to Staten Island to pick up the kids. Once Dante pulled up to his parents house, he shut the car off and walked to the door and opened it.

“Ma? Pop?” Dante called out. He heard the faint crying of Myra from one of the rooms as Sophia came from the kitchen.

“Your father just set the boys down for a nap and he’s trying to get Myra to sleep. You two hungry?” Sophia asked as she headed back to the kitchen. Dante and Macee followed her as Dante shook his head.

“We actually just ate. Thanks for watching the kids for us, ma. I owe ya one.” Dante smiled as he noticed his mother check something in the oven. “Are you making focaccia?” Dante smiled as Macee raised her brow.

“You’re thinking about food already? We just ate.” She said with a smirk as Dante wrapped his arm around her waist.

“You don’t get it, doll. My ma makes the absolute best focaccia! Is there anyway we can take some home?” Dante asked his mother as she quickly nodded.

“It should be done here within a few minutes but it has to cool before I can’t give you some. You two can go relax in the living room.” Sophia said as she watched the two walk away to the living room to watch some TV.

Dante and Macee sat down on the couch. Myra was still crying as Sonny tried to get her to sleep.

“I’m going to go see if I can get her to sleep, doll,” Dante said as he kissed Macee’s forehead when he stood up.

Macee smiled at Dante as he walked away. As soon as he was gone, she frowned. Sophia watched Macee as she sighed. Sophia had been through it before and wanted to help her daughter-in-law.

“Macee, you okay?” Sophia asked.

Macee smiled softly as she spoke, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I’ve known you since you were a kid, I can tell...Mace, you’re not alone.” Sophia said as she sat next to Macee.

“What are you talking about?” Macee asked as she turned to Sophia.

“I-I had it too. After Ren and Alfie. It was worse after Alfie.” Sophia said as she put her arm around Macee pulling her close.

“I had no idea.” Macee said as she looked at Sophia.

“I could tell something was off this morning. I wanted to say something...Macee, if you need anything, day or night, you know you can call me, or Sonny.”

Macee smiled. “Thank you. I might take you up on that sometime.”

Myra’s crying had stopped. Dante and Sonny appeared in the living room.

“Hey Mace.” Sonny said.

“Hi Sonny.” Macee said as Dante walked up and sat on the other side of her. Sonny and Sophia went back into the kitchen to pack up some focaccia.

Dante wrapped his arms around Macee as she relaxed under his touch. “What’d you and ma talk about?”

“Just...girl stuff.” Macee said as she yawned.

“Myra just fell asleep and the boys will probably sleep awhile. If you’re tired Mace, close your eyes and rest for awhile.” Dante said as he began to play with Macee’s hair. She fell asleep almost instantly. Dante closed his eyes and was soon asleep, too.

[svu-stories]

.86

Characters: Barba/Female Reader Warnings: TW: Suicide Mention; TW: Psych Unit Setting Word Count: 2,165 Note: So, I’ve been doing a lot of processing of my short stay in the psych unit a few months ago. I’d started this shortly after…and it didn’t get finished. This was a cathartic outpouring this morning after a sleepless night. It’s not exactly what happened, but there are pieces. Pieces of the emotions. Pieces of my story. And it’s rough around the edges. I don’t know why I’m posting it. It was mostly for me… but maybe it’ll help someone. I don’t know. 

You groaned, gripping the plastic fork they were kind enough to give you in your hand as you pushed food around the paper plate.

“No glass dishware,” Your roommate had informed you that morning. “They think we’ll break it and use it to off ourselves.”

They didn’t trust you with anything - even a plastic knife. You attempted to cut the roasted pork they’d slopped on the plate in the kitchen with a spoon, but it hadn’t budged and you weren’t that hungry. Women’s voices floated around you, making jokes about the 15-minute checks staff made to find out your location and activity. One commented on how her room smelled awful after taking a shit and you silently mourned the fact that you’d lost the right to a fully enclosed bathroom. The rooms, instead, each had an individual stall with a slanted door so you couldn’t hang yourself in the dead of night.

Oh, how the mighty had fallen.

“This shit is nasty,” you mumbled, shoving the tray away from you after only a few bites of bland broccoli and a couple of small nibbles at the pineapple that you’d so delicately chosen upon your arrival at three o’clock in the morning. Your reaction to the hospital fare earned you a few chuckles from the other presumedly crazy people that were sitting around your table.

No one said your stay would be fun, but you’d certainly hoped it would be better than this.

Tears filled your eyes as you picked up your lunch tray and drug yourself through the pepto bismol pink halls, shoving it onto the cart with vigor. The nurse glanced your direction, but said nothing as tears silently fell down your cheeks and you walked into your bedroom, plopping onto an uncomfortable hospital mattress.

Images of the night before flooded your head - Olivia holding your hand as a slightly too peppy nurse poked her head in the observation room in the ER and informed you that the psychiatrist on call wasn’t comfortable discharging you. Your cries as you buried your face in your supervisor’s shoulder echoed through the silent room as the sobs began again. Stripping out of your attire had come next, adorning the hospital gown they insisted you wear until your intake assessment had been completed.

You simply didn’t belong here.

It took you several minutes to leave the room. In fact, it wasn’t until you heard mumblings of other women returning to their semi-private abodes after lunch that you forced yourself to your feet and wandered down the hall to the nurse’s station.

“What do you need, hon?” Vicki, your nurse asked quietly. You frowned, making eye contact with her. She was kind - a few years older than you and kind of plump, her hair curly and glasses reminding you of a quiet librarian. She wasn’t the most charming of people, but she was warm and seemed to care about your well being. At least she didn’t sugar coat the reality like your ER nurse had.

You debated answering for a long moment before you finally let the words tumble from your mouth while simultaneously wiping at your tears with your shirt sleeves, “I was wondering if I could make a phone call?”

Her smile was warmer than the sun on the first spring day and you wanted to bask in it for days, but you knew she kept her distance.

“Vicki, I need a hug,” another patient had pleaded this morning.

“I don’t do hugs, but I can give a fist bump.”

As soon as the phone was being handed to you, you were pulled from your reverie. Your hand gripped the hard receiver tightly, as though they would take it from you at a moments’ notice, and you looked up with a gaze of gratitude. You took the cordless receiver and sat down in a chair in the lounge. You frowned at its cardboard-esque feel as you tugged a blanket from the next chair over your lap. You didn’t know who had used it before, but it didn’t seem to matter.

Your fingers quickly dialed the number you knew by heart and you pressed the phone to your ear. It’s cold plastic made you shiver. No one except your boss knew where you were, and you trusted Olivia Benson to keep it quiet. Of all people, she wouldn’t share your sudden need to be locked up with anyone else. At least, you prayed she hadn’t.

One ring turned into two. The shrill sound was making your head hurt. Two turned to three, and three to four before you heard Carmen’s voice on the other end.

“This is the office of ADA Barba, how can I help you?”

You swallowed hard, your voice suddenly captured by the demons that haunted you every day. Your eyes closed as you counted your breaths.

“Hello?”

“Yeah,” you said, voice shaking slightly. “Is Mr. Barba available?”

“May I ask who’s calling?”

You thought Carmen sounded annoyed - and you couldn’t blame her, you were barely speaking and you knew the office had to be buzzing with activity. After all, as of last night when you started to break down, the squad was just minutes away from breaking a child pornography ring that you had been chasing for nearly seven weeks.

“Detective y/l/n,” you muttered.

“Of course,” Carmen answered, her voice softening. Suddenly you wondered what she knew, “He’s been trying to reach you ever since Lieutenant Benson told him you were out with a bad case of the stomach flu. He’ll be glad you called to check-in.”

You forced a tiny smile, realizing that Olivia had kept her promise and her word. Even when you begged her to take you home and she refused, she also promised to protect you as best as she could. That even meant keeping her best friend - and your fiance - out of the loop.

“Mi amor,” Barba sighed, his warm voice embracing you through the receiver of the cold plastic in your hands. “Olivia said you were sick. Can I bring you anything? Soup? Maybe some tea? I’d be happy to stop by the market and get ingredients for chicken and wild rice-”

“Stop,” you cut him off abruptly, voice shaking. You didn’t want to tell him. You didn’t even know if you could. He was the love of your life. No one understood you like he did. Yet, you weren’t sure how to reveal that you had counted out the pills while sitting on the floor of your kitchen, laying them out in perfect groups of four on a paper plate in front of you. You closed your eyes, a shuddering breath escaping as you felt the cool tile beneath your legs and the feel of blue and tan capsules beneath your fingertips. “Just, stop…I don’t need soup.”

Without even hearing words, you could sense his concern. You hated making him worry. You didn’t deserve his worry. You heard the squeak of his desk chair as he stood up and could envision his deliberate footsteps as he moved to the window in his office. You pictured the way his sleeves looked rolled up, defined forearms flexing and even the perfect outline of his backside as pants stretched with each movement. The corners of your lips turned upwards as you imagined his long hands gripping a mug and pouring a fresh cup of coffee. When the silence broke you mourned the image of normalcy that had overtaken you.

“Then what do you need? I can bring movies, maybe even just come read to you tonight?” He offered, clearly searching for solutions to your ailment. “I’ll even stop by the drugstore. Do they make something for an upset stomach?”

You pursed your lips, sighing quietly, “It’s not the stomach flu, Rafi. I’m…” you paused, swallowing hard and closing your eyes. “I’m in the psych unit at Mercy. Affective disorders wing.”

“You’re…” he paused, too. You could hear the befuddlement that laced his quiet thoughts. He needed a moment, and despite a tear trickling down your cheek and fear that he would never look back filling your heart and mind, you gave him his moment. He knew all about your depression and nightmares, the thoughts you fought off of worthlessness and the constant voices telling you life wasn’t worth living. What you hadn’t shared, however, was the fact that you were coming closer to allowing them to swallow you whole day by day.

“Carino, what happened?”

“Can you just come?” You whispered, forcing back the sob that had settled in the back of your throat heavier than snowfall in times square in the middle of December.

You heard him open a desk drawer and smiled sadly. He was truly your knight in shining armor.

“I’ll see you in fifteen,” he replied. You frowned, knowing it was at least a thirty minute jaunt on the subway. “Te adoro.”

“And you,” you breathed, hanging up the receiver with a clap of plastic against plastic ringing in the quiet unit. A shaky breath escaped you as you cried, your harsh sob ringing through the wing with reckless grief for better days. You retreated to the solace of your room, your roommate playing board games with the other prisoners of their minds. At least you could cry in peace.

—

“Y/n,” you heard. Vicki’s voice called out as her hand rapped on the door three times. The light shone through the crack as she stuck her head in.

You rolled over in your bed, tear stained cheeks wiping against the sterile hospital pillow as you sighed. Your desire to end your life had resulted in fifteen minute checks to make sure you hadn’t found a way in the locked up halls of the psychiatric ward, “Still alive, Vicki. See you in fifteen more minutes.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” her voice rang. Somewhere deep in your gut you believed her. She wanted you to make it. She hoped you would get out and live a full, long life filled with joy and contentment amidst the struggles. You weren’t sure you there yet, though. “But I’m not here for your wellness check. You have some visitors.”

“Rafi?” You asked softly.

Her soft smile and slight nod almost had you bounding out of the bed, yet the depths of your depression kept you moving almost in slow motion. The plural of visitors hadn’t been lost on you, though. You wrinkled your brow, wondering who he would have brought with him and terrified of what they knew.

You slipped the sweatshirt they had let you keep with you from the night before on over the scrub top they’d forced you to wear and adjusted the oversized matching bottoms before following her out of the room. Fingers felt the holes in the hood where they had cut out the drawstring so you had one less item to wrap around your neck should you feel the need arise. You were makeup free, your hair in a messy bun perched on top of your head, eyes still red-rimmed and cheeks puffy from the tears you’d shed earlier. Your appearance was anything but beautiful. Yet, the butterflies in your stomach had come alive at the realization that Barba loved you enough to drop everything, even court, to be by your side. You checked the clock on the wall behind the nurse’s station - and he loved you enough to make it in eighteen minutes.

Turning the corner, your eyes captured his green ones. You didn’t fail to notice Olivia’s presence behind him, her soft smile and the bag of your belongings in her hands lost on you, though, as you disappeared into the love he held. His expression was still one of concern, but also of strength. He knew you would make it - and his belief might just be enough to carry you through the storm.

“Thanks, Vicki,” you murmured, stepping away from her to fall into the arms of your love.

You could feel his hold tightening as he wrapped around you, your face buried into his shoulder, inhaling his cologne. His lips pressed onto your hairline and the tears fell again. Shame oozed from every pore on your skin as he whispered soothing words in Spanish, but as it dripped away it was replaced only by the shelter of his safety. Olivia led you to a quiet corner, keeping you both out of the limelight before she disappeared for a bit. You barely noticed her absence, but were grateful she had brought him. To make record time, Barba must have insisted on lights and sirens. At the moment, you didn’t care. It was worth it to be in his embrace.

“What happened?” He whispered.

You shrugged, “I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“It was too much and I convinced myself that you deserved better,” you sighed. “Liv called to get me to a crime scene and I didn’t answer. When I hadn’t shown up a couple of hours later, she came to check on me.”

Barba sat you down on a small loveseat and you curled into his frame, head pressed to chest. The beat of his heart comforted you beyond measure, grounding you into the present moment - away from the memories that flooded you.

“She said you tried to refuse treatment,” he whispered, the slightest brokenness shining through his tough facade. “You can’t do that. I need you here, I love you and I want you to be alive with me, breathing and crying and laughing forever.”

You sighed, closing your eyes and gripping his suit jacket, “I don’t know if I can.”

Lips pressed to the top of your head again as his long fingers laced with yours, trying to keep you connected in whatever ways he could, “But I do know it. And when you can’t hold on, I’ll hold on to you.”

“Promise, Rafa? I need you to promise,” you whispered desperately, tilting your head up to look him in the eyes.

Barba smiled softly - the smile that could warm your heart and break down your walls in one single second. He stole a gentle, warm kiss from your lips before nodding deliberately and squeezing your hand tightly.

“Lo prometo, mi amor. I promise.”

[living-for-christ]

The Barrymore High School Witness

    With thick, brown hair and brown eyes, Amelia Barrow was just like any other freshman girl at the local high school. She acted the same as everyone else and tried to blend in as much as possible. She did not want to be bullied; for that reason, she hid the fact that she was a Christian. She wore the same clothes as everyone else, she wore makeup and did her hair a certain way. At home, however, Amelia was a different person entirely. She wore sweatpants and a baggy flannel shirt. She liked to have her hair loosely tied in a messy bun on top of her head. At home, Amelia could let loose, be herself, and do what she loved without anyone judging her every move.

    Amelia lives about ten minutes outside the town of Barrymore, Michigan. Right now, Amelia was sitting in her reading nook in the corner of her room next to the window. Reading was one of Amelia’s favorite passions. It ranked number two on her list, in between baking and riding horses. She heard the door open downstairs and recognized her dad’s voice calling up the stairs. “Hey, Mia, I’m home.”

    Amelia smiled. She loved it when her dad called her Mia. When Amelia was younger and learning to talk, she could not pronounce her L’s. So, when she tried to say her name, it came out “Ameya”. The nickname Mia had stuck, and Amelia was fine with it. Only a few people knew about her nickname, which made it that more special.

“Mia, would you help me with dinner, please?” her dad called from the kitchen below her. Amelia’s passion for baking had partially come for her father’s passion for cooking. He was always trying new dishes, but sometimes they were more than he could handle. Amelia was always more than happy to help, though.

“Sure, Dad,” Amelia said as she set down her book and headed down the stairs to the kitchen.

    Amelia helped her dad make Chinese orange chicken, her favorite homemade dish, and ran upstairs to get ready for youth group. They met every Wednesday night at Barrymore Bible Church, a.k.a BBC, for a Bible study. Amelia’s dad was the youth pastor, so they had to be at the church a few minutes early.

“Mia, are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, Dad, just a sec,” Amelia grabbed her Bible, quiet time book, and verse pack and ran down the stairs.

    The next day, at school, Amelia did the same thing she did every other day. She acted the same way she always had and tried to stay in the background of all the high school drama. As she was walking to her algebra class, though, something told her to turn around. It felt like someone was whispering in her ear, but she knew no one was there. It was this heavy feeling in her heart that kept pushing her and pushing her to turn around. Finally, she stopped walking. The feeling kept telling her to turn around, so she did. As soon as she turned around, she saw Sarah. Sweet, quiet Sarah was small compared to most kids- an easy target for bullies. Sarah was walking down the hall with a smile on her face. It was obvious that she did not have a care in the world. Cody was watching the sweet, innocent girl carelessly stroll down the hall. Cody was a junior on the high school football team and a known bully. He planned the perfect moments to ambush his victims and embarrass them in front of the school. Amelia watched as Sarah walked past Cody.

Cody, seeing his opportunity, said, “Hey, Shortie, the Kindergarten class is in another building” he laughed at his own joke and grinned. Amelia continued watching as Sarah, quiet as ever, put her head down and continued walking. As Sarah passed by, Amelia saw a tear roll down Sarah’s face. This was not the first time Sarah had been targeted by Cody, and it certainly would not be the last. Amelia wished she could help Sarah, but she knew if she got involved, her pleasant life in the background would be gone, and a bullseye would be painted on her back. Besides, Cody was basically the role-model student of the school. How was she supposed to convince the principal that he was a bully?

    Soon, Wednesday rolled around again, and it was time for youth group. All 16 of the teens were eventually seated in the youth room. They sang “God’s Not Dead” by the Newsboys, then “Fix my Eyes” by For King and Country. After they sang, one of the leaders gave announcements, then Amelia’s dad got up to start the bible study. She had been a Christian for several years, and she knew most of the basics, but every time her dad taught, she always learned something new. That was one of the things she loved about reading the Bible- you never knew what you would discover. Mr. Barrow started the bible study with a question.

“Who is the Holy Spirit?” he asked.

Lily raised her hand, “the Holy Spirit is God.”

“Right, what else?” he prodded.

“He’s God, but He is also God’s helper” Lily continued.

“Yes. God uses the Holy Spirit to speak to us. It says in John 14:26 that God sends the Holy Spirit to help us.” Mr. Barrow said.

Stephen raised his hand, “But, if the Holy Spirit is supposed to speak to us, why don’t we hear it?”

“That’s a good question, in 1 Kings chapter 19 it says that the voice of God is quiet, like a whisper. We have to listen closely. It is not an audible sound, it is more like a feeling. When you feel it, you know that God is trying to talk to you.” Mr. Barrow responded.

Stephen raised his hand again, “What are some of the things that the Holy Spirit helps us with?”

“Well, He can help us to know what to say, He can help you to be bold, there are a lot of things the Holy Spirit can help us with.” Mr. Barrow answered.

   Mr. Barrow kept speaking until his time was up. The group went off to play “Human hungry hippos” and ate some Oreos before going home.

    The next day at school, Amelia was walking to her class as usual, when she stopped. She heard the voice again. It was not really a voice though. She could not figure out what it was until her dad’s words from the night before came back to her: “It is not an audible sound, it is more like a feeling. When you feel it, you know that God is trying to talk to you”. Could it be? Was God trying to tell her something? She tried to focus. She waited for a few moments before she turned around. Again, she saw Sarah walking down the hall, the same as last week. Cody was leaning against his locker with a grin on his face. He had something planned. His eyes followed Sarah as she walked. Just as Sarah passed him, Cody turned his back and backed up into her. Caught off guard, Sarah lost her balance and fell to the ground. Her books went flying, and her glasses fell off and shattered against the tile floor. It was obvious to Amelia that it had been carefully planned, but to the hall monitors, it looked like a simple accident. Cody was chuckling under his breath and Sarah was in tears now. Amelia couldn’t watch it anymore. She had turned and started walking to her algebra class when she heard the voice again. She stopped.

“Go back,” the voice told her. She thought, “No, I can’t go back, there’s nothing I can do”

The voice told her again “Go back”, but she argued with it again.

She was struggling against the voice in her head. It told her a third time, “Go back, help her.” She thought again “No!”

Amelia suddenly found herself turning around. She tried to stop herself, but she couldn’t. Her feet kept moving, one in front of the other, until she was standing face to face with Cody. Amelia’s mouth was dry, her heart was racing, and she couldn’t find her breath. “What am I doing!!!” She thought, “What am I going to say?”

As she was thinking these thoughts, she looked right into Cody’s eyes and with a  steadfast confidence like a soldier, she said, “Leave. Her. Alone.”

“Where did that come from?!?” She thought.

Cody, a few inches taller than her, looked down at her and grinned, “What did you just say?”

“Uh-oh. How am I going to get out of this?” she thought.

Amelia held her head up and locked eyes with Cody.

“You heard me. Leave. Sarah. Alone.” Amelia stared him down until he blinked. Cody set his jaw, glared at Amelia, and kicked one of Sarah’s books as he walked away.

Amelia let out a breath and knelt to pick up Sarah’s books.

“Amelia, why did you do that for me?” Sarah asked, tears rolling down her face.

“I couldn’t let you be bullied by him anymore” Amelia scooped up the remains of Sarah’s broken glasses.

“Thank you so much, I never could’ve done that” Sarah gave her a hug.

“Believe me, neither could I. I don’t know what happened, but that wasn’t me. I think it was the Holy Spirit.”

“Who?” Sarah asked.

“Nothing,” Amelia answered, but she had that feeling again.

The voice said, “tell her. Do it, tell her.” “No! She’ll think I’m weird” she argued with the voice once again.

“Hey, do you want to come to my youth group? We meet every Wednesday night and we do a bunch of fun stuff.” Amelia said.

“Oh, great. What is with me today?” She thought, “She’s going to think I’m a lunatic.”

“Sure, it sounds fun,” Sarah smiled her sweetest smile.

“Wait, what? She wants to come?”

“Great, it’s at 6:30 at Barrymore Bible Church,” Amelia told her.

“Cool, I’ll be there,” Sarah smiled again and walked off to her class.

“Did that just happen?” Amelia thought.

    That night, Amelia called her mom and told her everything that happened. Amelia’s mom was in Colorado taking pictures for her job, and she wouldn’t be back for another week.

“I’m proud of you, Mia. You did the right thing. You should probably tell the principal everything that happened, but you did well.”

“Thanks, mom. It was really weird, I couldn’t speak, and then the words just came out. It was like it wasn’t me that was talking.” Amelia said.

“It sounds like the Holy Spirit was speaking through you. Cool isn’t it?” Mrs. Barrow said.

“Yeah, it was” Amelia smiled.