#not only is she so fucking sad and misses thomas so fucking much

[jennaajoseph]

ㅤㅤㅤ ❛ Home. ❜ ⸻ Holden Worther x F!Reader.

── ﹙౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ MASTERLIST&INFO.﹚. ☆

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ SUMMARY. ⸻ Holden comes home after a long time at the mental hospital.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ PAIRING. ⸻ holden worther x fem!reader.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ CONTENTS. ⸻ fluff, kinda sad if you ask me, bf!holden, generally sensitive topics, mentions of: mental hospital, drinking, rehab, failed suicide attempt, female reader.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ A/N. ⸻ an universe where Holden got help he deserved tbh. Can y'all write more fics for Holden pls??

This one has quite sensitive topics, feel free to correct me if it's needed! Thank you!

Also it took a longer time for me to upload smth cuz someone requested Holden and I wanted to post it first!

(also I think about doing a part two on that, we'll see.)

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ CREDITS. ⸻ photo - pinterest (cropped by me) , divider - @/cafekitsune.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ﹙©jennaajoseph﹚

After a failed suicide attempt caused by Holden's drinking problem, he finally agrees to get proffesional help. You were happy that he finally went to the mental hospital, where he was slowly getting better, going to rehab and therapy. Even if that meant not seeing him a lot, you were still happy that he was willing to work to become a better version of himself.

When Holden was in the hospital, he wrote you a lot of different stories. Your desk was always filled with sheets of paper. As time passed, his stories began to be less dark than before, and you took that as a good sign.

Sometimes he wrote you letters, writing about how he's feeling, and asking how you are feeling, how much he missed you, or how much he finally wants to finally see you and "kiss your pretty face". From the letters, you also found out that he started to really enjoy crafting. He sent you his every work; drawings, origami or small paintings made with acrylic paint.

Your room was full of things from him, and every time he sent you something new, you missed him even more.

⭑⭒⭒

Finally, when it was time for Holden to come back home, you couldn't hold your excitement. You were willing to help him with everything he needed, and support him all the time.

You and his parents drove to the hospital to pick him up. Of course, you were way more excited than them, but you were still glad they helped Holden get the help he deserved. They didn't show much emotion to anyone anyway, even themselves.

All of you were in the waiting room. Your leg bounced anxiously as you bit your nails. A bad habit of yours. Holden's parents were reading a magazine, not really caring about the world around them.

"Here for Thomas Worther?" A doctor appeared in the room, looking at some papers. Your head immediately jolted up when you heard his voice. Holden's mom confirmed, the doctor nodded, disappearing from the room the second after.

You let out an anxious sigh, but also a small excitement washed over you, finally being able to see Holden after a long time was something you were looking forward to for a long time. You couldn't visit him because of the policy. Only family members were allowed to, which was also quite limited because of his condition.

The door of the waiting room opened again after a while, Holden and a nurse entered the room.

"Okay Holden, wish you luck!" She smiled at him, and he nodded. The nurse turned to his parents and gave them some papers to sign, also talking about his therapy and rehab that he's still supposed to attend.

Holden quickly dropped his bags on the floor when he saw you. "Oh God, y/n" he quickly rushed in your direction. You stood up from your seat, and he wrapped his arms around you squeezing you tightly. You hugged him back as he hid his face in the crook of your neck. "I missed you so fucking much."

"Oh, Holden." You tried to hold your tears back, it was the first time you held him in almost 4 months. "I missed you too." You whispered, running your hand in his hair.

"I was scared that you won't be here." He gave you a pleading look, and your heart broke even more.

"Holden, I've been waiting for all this time." You cupped his face with both hands.

"I wanna go home..." He whispered, pressing your hands on his face harder. "...with you."

"Okay, we are going home soon, I promise." You reassured him.

"Tom," You both turned your head towards his parents and a nurse. "I think it's time for us to go home."

He quickly nodded grabbing your hand, and picking up his bags, everyone was ready to leave when the nurse spoke again. "Take care of yourself, Holden." She looked at him, then at you. You smiled at her gently.

"I will." He responded softly.

The car ride was filled with Holden's stories from the hospital. He sat very close to you, tightly holding your hand the whole time. He told you everything. What was his routine, his doctor visits, how his therapy looked like, what he learned. You couldn't stop listening. You missed everything about him.

⭑⭒⭒

"Let me grab this." His father said, when Holden wanted to pick his bags up from the car.

"Thanks." He said quietly.

His father carried his stuff into the house. When Holden stepped inside he didn't quite know what he should do with himself now, so his eyes just wandered around the house.

"Do you need something, Tom?" His mom asked from behind.

"No, no, i don't need anything." He replied.

His mother quietly nodded. His father stood next to her and sighed, placing his hands on his hips. "If you need something, we will be downstairs." He said.

"Okay."

There was a quite long silence afterwards that was interrupted by you stepping into the house. "Let me help you with the bags, Holden." You grabbed his backpack.

"Oh, right." He grabbed the rest of his stuff and slowly headed upstairs.

You took the last look at his parents and smiled gently. They returned the smile.

You went upstairs, right after Holden. He placed his bags on the floor and looked around. You quietly placed his backpack in the same spot.

He said turned back to look at you as you stepped closer to him, cupping his face with both of your hands. He gave you a pleading look again, and went silent for a second. "Did you cheat on me when I was away?"

A shocked look appeared on your face. "What? Holden-"

"Please be honest with me, you don't need to lie." His voice was getting cracky as a few tears rolled down his cheeks

You furrowed your eyebrows in sadness. Your heart broke at his words. The thought of cheating on him didn't even cross your mind. "Holden I could never do that to you."

"Please just tell me if you did." He buried his face in the crook of your neck as he broke down crying.

You held him, gently caressing his back, holding back tears. "I swear to God, baby I didn't."

"I was away for almost 4 months, how could you not." He sobbed against your neck.

"Because I promised that I'll be here for you, and I love you with my whole heart." You grabbed his face gently to make him look at you. This time you gave him a pleading look. "You are my home."

His bottom lip quivered as he pulled you closer to him.

"I promise you, I would never do anything like that."

He nodded his head slightly. You two sat on the bed as you helped him calm down a little.

"You promise?" He whispered.

"I promise, my love." You kissed his lips gently, and he held you tightly by your waist.

"I can't express how much I love you." He said, his grip getting harder on you.

"Easy, Holden, you are gonna crush me." You chuckled quietly, wiping his tears.

"I'm sorry, I just need you really really close." He said in almost begging tone.

"We can cuddle for a bit, is that okay?" You brushed your thumbs against his cheeks. He nodded instantly.

You both cuddled on his bed, his face buried in your chest, his hands holding you around your waist, this time not that hard.

"Did you saw the gifts I sent you?" He changed the subject, looking up at you.

"Of course I did!" You smiled.

"Did you like them?"

"I love them, Holden." You caressed his cheek with one of your hands, and he blushed. "You are very talented, you know that?"

"Maybe..." He murmured against your chest.

You rolled your eyes playfully, and placed your head on top of his. "You are."

"Okay" He grinned slightly. "I have something I didn't send you."

"Really?" Your eyes widened.

"Do you want to see what is it?"

"Of course I do!" You sat on the bed excitedly.

He smiled and grabbed his backpack. "I made it in one of my art therapy classes."

"Show me, please."

His hand was searching in his bag, after a second he pulled out two colorful bracelets. "I hope you'll like them." He held them up for you to see.

"You made that?" You took the bracelets from him, smiling. "They look wonderful!"

"They have yours and my name on it." He pointed at the beads with letters.

"Oh, that's right!" Your smile got wider as you saw that one of the bracelets has "Holden" written on it and the second one "y/n". "That's the cutest thing I have ever seen."

"Really?"

"Yeah!" You said, sliding the bracelet on your wrist. "I'll keep the "Holden" one and you'll keep the "y/n" one." You slid the second bracelet on his wrist too. "Now we match!"

He smiled widely, and held your face to give you a kiss. You quickly returned it.

"I'm so lucky to have you." He mumbled between kisses.

You smiled into the kiss. "I love you, Holden."

"I love you too, y/n, so, so, so much."

You giggled as his kisses got all over your face. "Easy baby, I'm not going anywhere."

"I know I just, I missed you so damn much." He pulled you closer to him, panting slightly as he stopped kissing you.

"I missed you too." You gave him a soft smile.

"Do you think you can stay for the night?" He gave you a sad puppy look. Begging you to stay with him. "I know that you have work-" You quickly cut him off.

"I can stay for how long you need." You whispered kissing his forehead. "My home is right there, with you."

⭑⭒⭒

After two weeks, Holden got more comfortable being at home. You drove him to therapy once a week to help him with his mental illness, and after that he went to alcohol rehab, helping with his drinking problems. These days were the most busy, you just sat outside the room he was in, and waited for a couple hours, but it was worth seeing his big smile when it was time to go home.

He also needed to fix himself a new routine, which you helped him with. You always reminded him to take his meds every morning.

He also didn't quit his hobbies. Every day he did something new for you, a drawing, story, poem, painting, bracelet or small origami. You always were excited to see what he did, and he was always excited to give it to you.

Holden was basically glued to you all the time, from the moment you woke up, to the moment you went to sleep. On the days when you had work, he woke up at the same time as you, made you breakfast and helped you get ready. Sometimes, in the morning, you two took a shower together which usually led to heavy make out session before work, or even sex when you had more spare time.

He always told you how much he appreciates that you are still here for him after what happened, and he tried his best to make you feel loved and safe, showering you with kisses, hugs or literally any physical contact — his favourite way of showing affection.

His parents were also glad for your help, even though you didn't really talked to them, you knew they were happy with your presence. They didn't really mind you staying for that long, but to be honest, you wanted Holden to move into your apartment when he finds himself a job. Your money from working at Retail Rodeo wasn't much to cover up for you two, and for safety reasons you wanted Holden to stay with his parents a little longer.

⭑⭒⭒

You finished showering, and dressed in your pajamas, quickly went on tip toes to Holden's room.

"Okay I'm done, you can go now." You closed the door behind you and saw him lying on the bed, smiling sheepishly. "What?" You grinned at him.

"Come here." He opened his arms, suggesting for you to cuddle with him. You quickly jumped into his arms and he rolled you over so now he was straddling you.

You sighed with a smile. "We are not fucking."

"Who said that I want to fuck?" He grinned and started kissing your cheeks.

"I know you Holden, you are a very horny person." You giggled.

"It's hard not to be around you." He looked into your eyes. You gently ran one of your hands through his hair and smiled at him. He stared at you for a good couple minutes before finally speaking. "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen."

You rolled your eyes platfully. "C'mon, I'm not that beautiful."

He rolled his eyes, mocking you. "Yes you are, at least for me."

You smiled softly and caressed his cheek. "You are very handsome to me too."

He grinned widely. "Thank you."

"For what? Complements?"

"For simply existing, you helped me a lot." He tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear. "I'm very happy it was you."

You couldn't help but smile. Holden appreciated literally everything you did for him, even if it was something small, he would be head over heels for you, and it's allways been like this. He would always return the favour with something bigger than you usually did for him.

You grabbed his face gently, and pulled him into a kiss. "I'm very happy it was you too." You mumbled into the kiss.

"I'm excited for our future together." He smiled sheepishly when the kiss ended.

"You have no idea how excited I am too."

[gold-rhine]

Inazuma Rewrite Act Two

Please read part one before reading this. It will make no sense otherwise.

In part one I did setup for the vision hunt conflict, changed Raiden’s motivations, added Rebellion \ Resistance interaction and Teppei setup, added setups to the arcs to Ayaka and Yoimiya. And more!

In this installment:

Let’s Make Player Give A Fuck About Rebellion and Teppei

Kokomi Is Not An Idiot

Delusions Are Not The Aging Beach

Ayaka’s Arc Pay-off

and more!

All disclaimers from part one also apply, I’m not gonna copy paste them.

Raiden Shogun First Duel 

I think we can keep the duel itself mostly unchanged. The cutscenes are pretty good and very cinematic, I don’t see reason to fix things which are not broke when there are already so many broken things

so, Traveler comes to Thoma’s rescue, gets taken to raiden’s plane of euthemia

also mb let’s cut i hate all minorities dialogue and instead like. open disobedience of the traveler to raiden shogun is i think enough to be used as a cause for the duel

The dialogue with raiden changes, we add banter with Traveler where traveler is like but you were pro-change before! and like cites some Transience things we talked about in the part 1.

Raiden gets mad in response, yells “Don’t you dare to mention her against me!” and that’s when she throws Traveler out of  euthemia and prepares the boob nuke

yeah, it’s foreshadowing of Makoto reveal

then the cutscene is the same, Thoma chucks a spear in her face and escapes with the traveler

thoma goes into hiding, traveler goes to join rebellion. bc they’re already in contact with gorou, we skip meandering around and go straight to the goal

First battle

and we arrive directly to the battlefield

there are several problems with rebellion pacing and kokomi characterization, which i elaborated on before. Like, Kokomi in canon only has one battle, which she wins because she hired mercenaries with fatui money. which like! invalidates this whole thing and makes her naive enough to be duped by the bad guys. So we need a battle win which is decidedly due to Kokomi’s genius.

so like in canon, Kujou Sara demands rebellion give her the traveler. Teppei, whos also there, is like no, fuck off! he’s embarrassed to speak out of the order but determined.

Gorou of course gives a speech about not giving up comrades, the fight starts, we have cool battle animation blah blah, and then suddenly!! Kujou Sara has reinforcements coming from behind some cliffs, oh no!! Teppei yells there’s too much of them! We will be overrun! Close up of Gorou’s snarling face, eyes darting, ready to call retreat, close up of victoriously looking Sara, Tenryou reinforcements are running to the battle... 

The water bubbles start rising up and Kokomi appears. She smiles at Gorou reassuringly and does some cool water animation. The hidden spring\waterfall bursts up with water and crushes into the reinforcements, washing them away. Rebellion rejoices, Kujou Sara curses and calls retreat.

i’ve seen people demand kokomi to have like a cool battle transforming into a dragon or smth bc of her origins and draconae constellation, but like this is missing the narrative pacing. the vishap origins only make sense after enkanomya where we learn about watatsumi history AND on the subversion of “oh its pink pastel kokomi who is smart and sweet :3”. Like we need to know her like that first, and THEN the dragon reveal will be cool and interesting.

Rebellion and Teppei overall setup

so, the Rebellion act wanted to accomplish too many things and didn’t structure them efficiently:

make you feel comradery with rebellion

make you like teppei

make you feel like a leader of your own squad, but like you EARNEd it, bc at first soldiers are distrustful and make you prove yourself

establish delusions and that delusions are bad bc teppei died, which is sad bc p.2

 in canon it’s like - have one scene with teppei, do some useless fetch errands for rebels, have another scene with teppei, be assigned swordfish captain and have two quick scenes with two dudes you will not remember

so obviously no one gives a fuck with this kind of pacing

instead, we will combine all of this and more importantly, give it narrative throughline so it doesn’t feel so disconnected and erratic

traveler is already known to Gorou through resistance meet up, he vouches for them, and Kokomi immediately names Traveler as captain of swordfish 2

Teppei is here and he excitedly volunteers to join that squad too

Gorou is like hey its a high risk squad that’s deployed on front lines, and you don’t have combat experience like, at all

Paimon and Traveler step up to be like yeah its fine, we’ll look after him, teppei is like omg thanks you guys :3

turns out he has problems fitting in with the rebels. they are all great ppl, sure, but they are warriors bonded in fights for years and most of them are from watatsumi. 

and he’s like a merchant or a clerk from narukami island. he feels like an outsider and a burden

but now the Traveler is here! they are already buddies from that resistance meet up and Traveler is an outsider too. They can stick together!

Swordfish II

So you go to meet up with your swordfish squad. You are greeted by a buff butch woman who is v no-nonsense and skeptical about your ability to be leader and another woman who is more friendly, but still kinda keeps distance and is snarky

their code names are Xena and Gabrielle for no reason other that we need buff female models like blacksmihs, hoyo. The point is that we need some memorable NPCs to represent swordfish, bc these two dudes that give you shit in canon for 3 second? I couldn’t remember them if my life depended on it

anyway, you learn that the previous captain just died and everyone loved and was very loyal to them, and now they are hostile to anyone who tries to take command.

So we do couple of battle to prove we’re strong blah blah, teppei is useless during a fight and Xena makes fun of him for this, and he’s super embarrassed

after that we walk around with teppei. Swordfishes camp is kinda shabby, they just took a bad hit. So we help the wounded, repair some tents, etc, but most important, Teppei uses expertise he’s got from his civilian job to solve problems

like he knows how to make a great painkiller potion bc he used to sell them. Or he gets an idea to use empty bags from used supplies to cover holes in tents, etc. 

Point is, he contributes.

After all this, Xena and Gabrielle are walking around, and Gabrielle is like wow captain, did you do all these improvements, and Traveler is like yeah, but it was all Teppei’s solutions, and Xena doesn’t say anything, but you can see she’s surprised and appreciative that you’re not only strong in combat, but care for the squad

she nods over the campfire at teppei like “i guess you’re not so useless after all, narukami nerd”

he protests, everyone laughs, its Bonding Time

Kokomi is not an idiot\ Fatui

We’re summoned to go see Kokomi. She’s in deep thought. Rebellion is in dire situation, supplies are running out, she’s sure they will not be able to win another open confrontation, even with her strategic tricks

But there is a new development - she’s being offered a huge anonymous donation. With that money, she could hire mercs to help. But to accept money without knowing the source is too risky, it could be a trap or setup

so she asks us to investigate these mysterious benefactors. bc also there are some vague rumors about some way to get boost to power going around and thats very sus too

bc like no, I cannot get over supposed genius Kokomi just taking fatui’s help blindly and letting them spread delusions around

so we go to the quest to investigate clues, with the swordfishes, its our first srs mission as the captain.

its couple of fights, blah blah. we find some clues and then its the Leader Decision time.

like there are two camps and we need to strike both at the same time, or the other one will destroy evidence and run, but we don’t have enough manpower. traveler is like  can take one camp by myself, and Xena at first is skeptical, but we’ve proven ourselves yesterday so she’s like okay I trust you, boss

everything goes well, both camps are taken and we find evidence that these donations are in fact, from fatui! and they are trying to spread delusions, which are bad and can kill you!

Delusions

I’m not a fan of Delusions working like the aging beach from that movie Old. Like first of all, if that’s how it worked, Childe should at this point look like this

and Diluc. And Signora. Like I get that these are like low quality delusions, so effect is worse, but you can’t be like wow Teppei turned 90 in 2 days and Diluc stayed babyfaced after 4 years.

second, how is that no one noticed Teppei aging 20 years after each fight. Like it had to happen in front of other soldiers.

And like, why change the mechanics at all?? You use delusion, you get burst of power and take huge hit to the health, that’s it. Low quality delusions take more out of your health, so people using them die faster. They don’t need to age faster at the same time.So that’s mechanics I’m using here.

Anyway, while swordfishes discuss delusions finding (and Xena loudly condemns them), camera shows Teppei being quiet, kinda sus and looking away

Kokomi Mini-Arc\ Swordfish Bonding

we go back and report to kokomi. She’s distraught. The battle is so soon and she doesn’t know what to do!

from pure strategic, emotionless perspective to win the battle she needs to take fatui’s money and close her eyes at some soldiers using delusions. She can trade their lives for the voctory

But as a Watatsumi leader who cares about her people she cannot do that!

Traveler comforts her, but leaves without any obvious decision made and with a heavy heart. 

the night before battle, we gather at campfire with the swordfishes

everyone is kinda doom and gloom bc it’s obvious Rebellion doesn’t stand a chance

Traveler stands up and makes a motivational speech about fighting together, about how they’ve faced seemingly impossible odds before and prevailed, bc everyone worked together, like with Ossail fight

Xena suddenly stands up to support us, she’s like yeah, I didn’t believe in you before, but now I see you’re worth it, Captain!

everyone cheers, Xena punches Teppei into shoulder and he almost falls over like “Even this narukami nerd is not as bad as I thought haha!”

Final Rebellion Battle

So, cinematic cutscene. Sara on one side with obviously more soldiers. Kokomi and Gorou with rebellion on the other side. Traveler is with the Swordfishes and Teppei. Kokomi and Sara shjare some snappy banter. 

mb there’s a duel, but only if combat designers can figure out way to make it cool. Traveler whacking NPC in a row who can do nothing back with a sword 5 times in a row like in canon is fucking boring. Mb incorporate like challenge with Inazuma mechanics like the thunder zoomies or smth.

the battle begins. Rebellions fights fiercely, close ups of our swordfishes.

Teppei is fighting Surprisingly Good For Him. Xena comments on this and he beams up

but the difference in numbers is too much. Rebellions starts being overwhelmed, and then!

Suddenly Beidou and the mercs join the battle! Kazuha is here too. Traveler looks worriedly at Kokomi, does this mean that she’s accepted Fatui’s bloody money??

But Kokomi smiles back. No, she’s had another trump up her sleeve

trail of snowflakes runs through the ground and suddenly, Ayaka appears on the battlefield. 

animation cutscene plays, Ayaka is shown in the past, after Traveler leaves, feeling restless and trapped in the estate. She’s still reeling from Yoimiya’s words and the fact that she couldn’t even help Thoma herself. She feels powerless, a pretty helpless figurehead princess that she didn’t want to be

letter from Kokomi arrives, telling about Rebellion’s dire situation and asking if Ayaka can help

Ayaka is in turmoil, she wants to help so bad, but she can’t steal money from Yashiro commission, that’d be stealing from people of Inazuma! 

She glances at her dancing fan and suddenly, a solution comes to her.

Looking determined, she goes to the Kamisato estate treasury and opens the chest of her parents’ inheritance

She sells some of her family heritage jewels and silks to get the money, deciding to use the same privilege that kept her trapped to finally help people 

she also officially announces that she’ll be in religious solitude meditation ritual or smth and instead sneaks off and travels to Watatsumi

she’s wearing that carnival mask that hoyo puts on models when they want to do “disguise”. Listen, if Diluc doesn’t get recognized in this gay little mask, then it can work for Ayaka too

anyway, animation ends with Ayaka springing from the ground on the battlefield and starting her burst, which transitions to her in-game burst animation

Her burst shreds through Tenryou forces.

Ayaka freeze with Kokomi and Kazuha is one of the best meta teams. Sara realizes it’s fucking JOVER for this battle and calls retreat.

Teppei death \ Delusion factory

Rebellion overjoices, Traveler and the swordfishes hug or whatever our animation department can handle in celebration, when suddenly!

Teppei falls down! Everyone gathers around and see delusion roll over from his hand!

oh no! He says he secretly picked up delusion from the fatui camp we cleared during investigation. This is why he’s fought so well today.

We tell him that he shouldn’t have done it, the fool!

He says he wanted to be useful. He just wanted to finally be one of the rebels!

Xena sits down next to him and says “You were already one of us.”

He dies holding her hand, with all comrades all around, instead of alone behind a shed like a sick housecat

Gorou and Kokomi walk up.Kokomi says that this is exactly why she refused Fatui’s help, but this happening even to one of the soldiers is a tragedy

Traveler and Swordfishes of course demand revenge. But we don’t know where the delusions are coming from! we already cleared fatui camps we knew of, we just don’t have any new leads!

Kujou Sara who watched this scene from afar suddenly speaks up

She has intel about possible location of Fatui factory, that she didn’t have time to explore. It’s on Tenryuo territory, but she’s willing to let Traveler pass. Fatui betraying and harming Inazuma people like this is unacceptable to her, even if they are enemies for now.

We’re like but can we trust her?? What if she just captures us?

Kokomi has long eye contact with Sara. It’s very Yuri. 

She finally says “No, we can trust Kujou Sara’s honor”

Sara only lets Traveler pass, so we have a scene of swordfishes wishing us luck and then we leave

Delusion factory quest goes the same. It’s okay, again, not fixing what’s not broke.

We confront Scara, he rants about mortals being bubbles, blah blah

The only dialogue change is when he bullshits about like oh, these mortals are weak and useless, of course they have to pay for power, Traveler argues that Teppei was already useful, he helped with the camp in a way others couldn’t, and he didn’t have to die to prove anything or “pay” for power

Otherwise it goes the same, Traveler passes out, Yae shows up to trade the gnosis

we’re moving to the Act 3!

PART 3

[pxndorasdream]

Experiment 101 — Part 1

AgedUp! Neteyam x Fem!Human! Reader

Words: 3K

Warnings: Mention of neglectful parents, kidnapping (I’m still learning on how to tag these, so please tell me if I’m missing something)

Summary: Y/N is kidnapped by the RDA and then brought to Pandora where they use her and three other people as lab rats, but can they escape the sky people? And what if some Na’vi brothers find her unconscious in the forest?

Notes: Heeey, sooo this is the first story I post here, I hope you like it <33 English is not my first language so have mercy on me. Also, Neteyam and Lo’ak doesn’t appear till the end, this is more of like an introduction to Y/N and what happened to her. I’ve already planned a few more parts, so let me know if you’re interested ;)

3rd Person POV

Proofread ig

Life on Earth was harsh. There was no bright colors, only the gray of the concrete surrounding everything. It was sad. The place that had been once paradise on Earth, was now pure concrete.

War was something people were used to, fighting over anything. Like I said, it was sad.

But sometimes life wasn’t that bad when you have a loving family around. Sure, the lack of nature and the constant war surrounding humans was depressing, but once you’re with someone you love -and loves you back- all the problems seem smaller.

But unfortunately, that was not Y/N’s case. She was alone. She had no one. Well, she still had her parents, but they meant nothing to her. They were both just strangers to the girl.

They didn’t even noticed when their daughter disappeared for several days, only returning home to grab a few things and made her way out once again.

They also didn’t noticed the bruises that formed all around her body, like I said, they weren’t parents of the year.

The truth is, she was kidnapped by a group of men. And not only her, there were a few other people in the same situation as her.

There were two boys, maybe around their late teens, and another girl that seemed a bit older than them.

“What the hell do you want from us!?” One of the guys asked, the blonde one, more specifically.

The masked men that kidnapped them didn’t say a word. They just remained quiet, causing fear on the four hostages.

“Can somebody tell us what the fuck is happening?” The oldest girl said this time.

But again, nobody answered.

A few minutes later, the men left the room, leaving the four victims alone. The other boy stood up and tried to open the door, but to no one’s surprise, it was locked.

“Hey” Y/N heard the blonde boy talking, but she didn’t pay much attention, being consumed in fear of what possibly will happen to them. “Hey” She heard again, turning her head to meet the boy’s gaze.

“Yeah?” She replied a bit uncomfortable.

“What’s your name?” He asked. The girl looked at him in disbelief. Is he seriously trying to make small talk while being kidnapped? “C’mon, I mean, we’re all locked up here against our will, so maybe we should at least know each other's names, right?”

She looked to the others, noticing they were paying attention to the blonde guy. She sighed. “I’m Y/N”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N, I’m Cameron” He said, then looking at the two people left.

“My name’s Madison” The oldest girl said, looking a little afraid.

“Well, I guess that only leaves me… I’m Thomas”

Soon enough the men were back, but with a new person joining them. It was a woman. “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, I’m General Ardmore, and I have an offer for the four of you” She said with no expression on her face.

“And for that you had to kidnap us?” The blonde boy, now known as Cameron, replied with a mocking tone. What on Earth is this guy doing?

“Shut it” The woman demanded. “You’ll be grateful that I took you out of your shitty lives” She paused for a second. “I assume you have heard about some planet called Pandora, am I right?” The four of them nodded. “Well, we need some… volunteers, if you want to put it that way. We have some experiments we’d like to try”

“By volunteers you mean us, I guess” Y/N dared to speak for the first time.

“You’re correct, miss Y/N” Ardmore responded with a sarcastic grin. “The four of you are alone. You have no one, so I guessed you won’t be missed if we take you to Pandora”

What a bitch, Y/N thought to herself, but the woman was correct, at least in her case, no one would notice she’s missing.

“And what will we have to do?” Thomas asked.

“Don’t worry about it, for now, we leave in 24 hours, in the meantime, you’ll be granted the opportunity to go back home and grab a few personal things for your survival up there, but don’t even think about escaping, because we will found you and you won’t like what’s next, am I making myself clear?” All of them nodded, but the woman wasn’t satisfied. “I will repeat myself one more time and I want you to answer me right… Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes ma’am”

“Fine, escort them to their homes and bring them back to me in less than 12 hours, okay?” She then asked the men guarding the place.

“Yes ma’am”

A few hours later, they were boarding an actual spaceship, every little kid dream, but it wasn’t in a way they enjoyed.

Everything surrounding them had the initials ‘RDA’, making the girl wonder what that meant. Y/N then walked towards some strange looking thing, it kinda look like a modern coffin.

“Alright, this is a cryosleep capsule, you’re going to get in one of these and sleep till we get to Pandora, okay?” A scientist explained to them what was going to happen next.

“So, how does this exactly work?” Madison asked with curiosity.

“These things basically freezes you and that maintains you alive and well for long periods of time, when you’re in cryo state you don’t dream, and don’t need food or water, it’s like you’re being put in pause” He explained. “It basically keeps people in perfect shape, they don’t age a second, it’s quite awesome”

“And why do we need to be in one of these?” Y/N asked.

“It’s because the trip to Pandora last about six Earth years, and we don’t want our people being six years older that when they left”

“Six years?!” Cameron asked in shock.

“Yeah, blondie, don’t you know how space works?” Y/N asked him and a small laugh slipped through her lips.

“We’ll, then, hop in.” The scientist told them, the four of them doing it. Y/N laid down in the cryo capsule, the only thing in mind was hoping her life in Pandora would be a little better than on Earth, but oh, how wrong was she.

It seemed to have been only a blink of an eye for her and the three others, but after six years of traveling —which felt like a second to the four young guys—, they were arriving at Pandora.

Well, not exactly. They arrived at the RDA base, which was exactly like Earth, the gray color predominating the place. But surrounding that boring looking facility, a huge forest was in sight. Seeing the color green for the first time in quite a while, Y/N thought maybe life in Pandora wasn’t going to be so bad.

She was wrong. Life in Pandora was hell, no, it was worse than hell. Or at least on the RDA base. She would rather be sent to hell to serve Satan himself than stay there for one more day.

Being an experiment to the RDA people was horrible. She was in a dark room with 5 cells, one for each person, and one free. They were glass cells, and someone was always watching them. If it weren’t the scientists trying to observe the effect of the serum they previously injected in them, it was some guard.

They were never alone. It was hell. They didn’t know what that serum was supposed to do, but they came to the conclusion it wasn’t working, every three days some new serum was injected into their body, and each one had different side effects. It was torture. They were in pain for the next few days when the serum entered their body. They were just torturing them, there was no effective serum, so they kept going on. It was killing them.

But one day, after 2 years in Pandora, the serum seemed to have worked. The scientists seemed happy, and so did General Ardmore. They wanted to try and confirm the serum was finally correct, so the RDA organized a trip to the forests of Pandora.

A few days later, the soldiers were getting ready to enter the deadly forest, some scientists came as well, just to assure the well-being of the four people, well, not their well-being but to control the effects of the serum on them.

The four of them were given a mask, which someone later explained was for them to be able to breathe outside.

“I feel like fucking royalty walking with all these guys protecting us” Cameron said to Y/N while walking toward the forest.

She raised her eyebrow at him. “Are you for real?” She asked. “They are not protecting us, they are just making sure their little lab rats are ok with the serum”

He shrugged. “I’m just trying to lighten the mood, jeez”

Y/N rolled her eyes but a small smile escaped her lips. “Sure, whatever”

Their hands were handcuffed in front of their body, just to make sure no one tried to escape, so they had limited mobility. “Ok, we’re here. Let’s get it done.” Y/N heard a soldier talk. Then they all stopped walking, all of them with their eyes pointed at the four people. “Take out your masks” He said again.

“What? No!” Thomas replied angrily. What the hell, aren’t these supposed to be to not die while outside?

“There’s no way we’re taking these off, we’ll die!” This time it was Y/N talking. “You said Pandora air is toxic to humans, and that just breathing it for a second will make us faint, and in four more seconds, die?!”

One of the scientists sighed. “Get to your main mission, we will take care of them” She told the soldiers accompanying them, "We'll see you back here in 20 minutes, okay?”

The soldier rolled his eyes. “Yes ma’am” He said and later they went further into the forest, only leaving the four guys with some scientists and a couple of soldiers.

“Do you know what the serum is supposed to do?” The scientist asked. The four of them shook their heads. “This serum is supposed to make humans breath Pandora air without any fatal consequences, and you just happen to be our test subjects” She grinned. “So please, do as I said so and take. of. the. masks” She said losing her patience.

None of them obeyed. They weren’t idiots, what if the serum doesn’t work? “Take their masks off.” The woman now said to the soldiers. They obeyed and they walked towards Y/N and the others.

“Please, don’t” Madison said with fear in her voice.

“Shut it” The woman replied.

The men took Thomas and Cameron masks first, and it seemed like they were holding their breaths. Next, they took Madison and Y/N’s. The two girls doing the same as the boys.

“Breathe” She commanded. Neither of them did it. “Breath. Now!” But still, no one obeyed. But humans can only hold their breath for a while. After one minute, Madison took a breath, followed by Thomas, then Y/N and finally Cameron.

We’re going to die, Y/N thought, but after 30 seconds, they were still alive and felt okay, whatsoever.

The scientists started to cheer, still with their gazes on the four people in front of them. The serum had worked. Finally.

But the sound of gunshots followed by some screams wiped the smile off their faces.

“What is happening?” the woman asked the soldiers, but they only shrugged, pointing their own guns to the source of the sound.

“Withdrawal, withdrawal” They heard someone shout, shortly after, the soldiers from before were running towards them. “We have to go, now!”

“The natives found us! Withdrawal!” Another soldier shout just before being pierced by an arrow.

The sound of gunshots and screaming stunned Y/N, who was only looking at what was happening. She didn’t know what to do. A hand grabbing her forearm caught her attention. It was one of the scientists, but she didn’t want to go with them.

What was worse? Going back to the RDA base and being a fucking lab rat for another two years, or getting lost on Pandora’s forest and maybe being killed by an animal or some natives? She definitely didn’t want to be trapped on the base for one more second, so she freed herself from the scientist's grasp.

The other three saw this and tried to do the same, but only two of them were successful, Madison couldn’t lost the scientist that held her, and she was taken once again.

A few seconds later, no RDA people were left there, only Y/N, Cameron and Thomas. The gunshots and screaming stopped, the silence was restored and the only sound that could be heard was the wind going through the leaves of the tall trees.

“So… I guess we’re free” Cameron started the conversation.

“I think so” Thomas replied.

Y/N watched the two men. “I wouldn’t call this ‘being free’, we’re just lost in the forest. What are we supposed to do now?”

A new sound was heard by the girl. It was something moving on the trees. “We are so dead” Cameron said, he also heard the sound. “It was nice to meet you, guys, although I would’ve liked more to have met you in other circumstances”

“Yeah, maybe meeting you while being kidnapped and used as lab rats wasn’t the best, but it is what it is, now we’re going to die in some weird animal hands, so I guess we lived a shitty life and we’re going to die in a shitty way” Thomas replied.

Y/N looked at them annoyed. “Guys, stop making things even sadder!” She wanted to say something more but her chest started to hurt.

“Y/N! What is happening?” Cameron asked worriedly, but soon his own chest started to hurt too. Thomas was in the same situation as them. The three of them grabbed their own chest with their hands still handcuffed, trying to breathe, but it only hurt more. They began to lose consciousness and soon enough, they were lying unconscious on the ground.

It seemed the serum didn’t work once again.

From the top of the trees, two young Na’vi watched the humans lying unconscious on the forest floor. “Bro, we have to go there” Lo’ak said with his gaze still on the humans.

“Are you mad? What if they wake up and try to kill us?” Neteyam asked, looking at his little brother like he was crazy.

“C’mon bro, haven’t you noticed? They don’t have an oxygen mask, they are unconscious! They won’t wake up, and if they do, we knocked them out again”

“Fine, let’s go!” The oldest said, making his brother smile. “But…” Lo’ak’s smile faded. “We call dad right after” Neteyam said.

Lo’ak rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine, whatever, lets just go”

The young Na’vi came closer to the three human bodies lying unconscious. They were quite curious. They saw them surviving more than half a minute breathing Pandora's air, there was something weird about them.

“Did you hear when they said they were kidnapped?” Lo’ak asked his older brother, who nodded.

“Yeah, and that they were lab rats or something like that” Neteyam replied while looking closely at them.

“We definitely should call dad” The youngest said. “Even if he gets mad for not returning with the others right away the soldiers left”

“I’m on it” Neteyam touched his communicator. “Dad, we have some humans here, they are unconscious”

“What do they look like?” The oldest asked through the communicator. “And why are you still there?”

Lo’ak rolled his eyes. “I told you'' He whispered to his older brother.

“There are three of them, two guys and a girl, they look young, maybe like 19 or 20, and they’re handcuffed”

“What? Handcuffed?”

“Yes, and we heard them talking right before they were knocked out, they said some things I think you’ll find interesting” Lo’ak intervened.

“Fine, what’s your location?” Jake asked his sons.

“A few miles away from the base” Neteyam replied.

“Fine, I’m coming, do not move and make sure they don’t wake up” Their father ordered.

“Copy sir” The two youngest Sully boys replied. “What do you think lab rats meant?” The youngest asked. “I mean, I know what lab rats mean, but what do you think the RDA was testing with them?”

“I guess we’ll find out sooner or later”

Jake Sully arrived with a few other warriors at the spot his sons were waiting for him. “We’ll talk later” He said, both boys knowing they were in trouble for not going back home after they attacked the sky people. “They look young”

“I told you” Lo’ak said, gaining a bad look from his father and a hit in the head by his brother.

“We’ll take them to our base, have Norm and Max check on them, and when they wake up, we’ll question them” Jake said to his warriors, who nodded. “They aren’t wearing oxygen masks, are they even alive?” He seemed to finally notice the obvious.

“They are pretty much alive, sir. We’ve heard them saying they were kidnapped by the RDA and that they were just lab rats to them, I guess that has something to do with them not wearing a mask” Neteyam replied with a serious face, gaining a mocking look from his brother.

“Fine, take them to the base” Three warriors lift the sky people and started to get back. “And you two are coming with me” Jake said to his sons.

He was angry at them for not following direct orders, but he was more intrigued by the unconscious humans he just saw, and he wasn’t the only one. Neteyam and Lo’ak couldn’t leave their minds either.

Let me know if you want Part 2! ;)

[babybemydownfall]

things that shimmer in the dark Part IV: Rhys ( Part III ) There was no point denying it so I kissed her instead, hard and demanding. I wanted her tongue on mine, her body melting, opening for me; wanted to make love to her, to feel her surrender - to us, and everything we could be.  AKA An all night love-fest in the Archeron manor. Definitely NSFW. Read on AO3 or under the cut below. (Also, I only recently realised that my avatar, which comes from a poem by Iain S Thomas and which I've had for 10+ years, is Rhysand: There you are. I've been looking for you. How spooky.)

II

By the time we retired to bed after finalising our letter to the Queens, it was gone midnight. Feyre was tense and exhausted. I’d felt her all afternoon and evening, her shield weak, her emotions pouring out across our bond. She’d been anxious and angry; frustrated and forgiving. And whenever she looked at me, she burned.

I had worn a mask all my life, ingrained in me from a young age. And I had very rarely let it slip, despite times when I’d felt overwhelming rage or fear or despair. But it turned out that the most powerful distraction of all was lust. Whenever Feyre turned her beautiful blue-grey eyes on me, I struggled to stay composed, to keep my expression neutral and my breathing even. When her awful oldest sister questioned whether she was too good for human food anymore and Feyre replied that she could eat, drink, fuck and fight even better than before, my fork clanged to my plate as everything inside me went taut with desire. I wanted her so badly, so immediately, that it took every ounce of my willpower not to grab her and winnow us straight back to my house.

And later, as we wrote and rewrote the damned letter, the four of us arguing over each word and punctuation mark, her closeness was certainly a hindrance. When she leaned in to read what I’d written, I felt her long hair brushing my neck; the curve of her breast against my arm. The scent of her skin, of her arousal, was intoxicating. I would not let Cass and Azriel suspect a thing but whenever I was sure they weren’t looking, I touched her as much as I dared - my finger brushing hers on the page; my thigh shifting on my chair so it pressed against her knee. I loved the way her body reacted: a soft, short inhale; a pulse of longing down the bond.

I found myself thinking multiple times that I was so glad we had had each other in the kitchen earlier. I couldn’t imagine how difficult the rest of the day would have been without that release. And I had meant what I’d said to her there: this thing between us was a bad idea, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I had spent the previous day avoiding her, my mind constantly churning over what I should do. Getting drunk hadn’t helped - I only ended up sad and missing her. I had barely slept afterwards, thanks to the alcohol and my racing thoughts and the memories of our first morning together which left me with a very persistent erection.

When she found me in the kitchen, I still didn’t know what the right thing to do was. But as soon as I scented her, when I saw how fucking stunning she looked and how she went slack with longing for me, I realised there was no actual choice here. I couldn’t just bare myself to her - literally and emotionally - and simply walk away. She was my mate. This was bigger than both of us: it was what the Cauldron had destined; a bond more sacred and permanent than any other. It was inescapable. Undeniable. And Feyre didn’t know the truth, but I knew she felt it too: that we were something extraordinary.

And now, finally, we were alone together once again. She hadn’t reacted when I’d said we would share a room - a room I had immediately shielded, to keep loud sounds in and bad things out. But she did turn to me in surprise when I made my own bed appear and sat down on it.

“What are you doing?”

I looked up at her, still dressed in her stunning turquoise outfit. She wore it like she belonged in the Night Court. Or perhaps it wore her. It wanted her - just as I did.

“Being on my best behaviour,” I replied evenly. “We’re in your father’s house. I didn’t know if you’d want to…”

“I’ve spent all evening trying to keep my hands off you. And now you don’t want to touch me?”

She sounded like she was annoyed with me, which made me smile. “Oh, I do want to touch you, Feyre darling.” My voice was low. “Every single inch of you.”

There was a fire crackling in the hearth across the room and it shone in her dark eyes, in the golden waves of her hair. I leaned back on my outstretched arms and her gaze travelled down my body. I was still fully dressed but she knew what lay beneath now; and if I hadn’t been wearing black, she would have been able to see my cock rise in my pants.

“The last time I was in this house,” she said quietly, “I left to run after Tamlin. To go under the mountain and save him. And yet here I am, barely any time later… with you.” She tugged at her sleeve, looking around the room. “That’s wrong, isn’t it?”

I waited until her eyes met mine again. She seemed so vulnerable, so young all of a sudden. “I don’t think it is,” I told her honestly. “I don’t think time is what matters, in our case.”

“Then what does matter?”

I held out my hand. “Come here.”

Slowly she moved towards me and took it, standing between my legs. I may as well have been kneeling before her again, such was her position of power over me right now.

“What matters, Feyre, is how you feel. What makes you happy. What helps you heal. And I think I can speak to that, because you are all those things for me. Already.”

I felt her tremble in front of me. She was scared. And I knew why - but I couldn’t hide the depth of my feelings from her. I didn’t want to.

“Why does this seem so… inevitable?” she whispered.

Because I am your mate.

I could have told her then. No doubt it would have helped ease the guilt she still carried over Tamlin, the confusion she felt over us. But this was not the place: not in the human lands, in her family home; not when there was danger out there, lurking beyond my Court’s protection. And not when it meant I would have to face her rejection - because she wasn’t ready yet. Wasn’t healed, wasn’t strong enough. And neither was I, to have her push me away.

For now I would take whatever she was willing to give - her friendship, her smiles, her body - and not think too far into the future. As she had so wisely said: we might all die soon. And I would be a fool not to enjoy every moment with her, because I had known from the second I first saw her that she was the light in my eternal darkness.

Instead of saying any of that, I lifted my hands to her hips and guided her to straddle my lap. She did so without hesitation, settling halfway along my thighs - not near enough to feel how hard I was for her. Not yet. But having her this close, all to myself behind a locked door, I felt my soul sigh.

There you are. I’ve been looking for you.

“Perhaps it is inevitable,” I said softly. “The question is, what do you want to do about it? You are in charge here. I will follow your lead.”

I had never uttered those words before, outside of battle when I fell in line behind my commander. But I trusted Feyre with everything I was. I saw her, with all her broken pieces and her courageous human heart and the magic she contained which had nothing to do with her powers. I wanted it all.

And she wanted me too. It was in her beautiful eyes; written all over her face. I couldn’t stop myself from leaning in and pressing a lingering kiss to the side of her neck. I felt her body melt in my arms, her head tilting back. My name rose from her lips to the ceiling, like a prayer.

“Rhys.”

I kissed her there again, the scent of her blood filling my senses; moved up to her ear where I breathed: “What do you want, darling?”

Her fingers slid into my hair, drawing me back so she could look at me. At the same time, I took hold of her hips and pulled her into me, connecting the heat of her core with the raging hardness of mine.

The air sparked around us and we both groaned.

“You,” Feyre murmured, her breath on my mouth, her gaze filled with nothing but lust - that most powerful of emotions, sweeping everything else aside. “I want you. All over me. All night long.”

A smile started to form on my lips but she kissed me before it got there. And from that moment on, we were lost. Our hands slipped beneath each other’s clothes onto warm, sensitive skin. I had never had the pleasure of physically undressing her before, of slowly revealing her exquisite body inch by inch. I followed the fabric of her top with my lips, from her navel to her ribcage to her bare breasts, so pert and full and ready for my attention. She moaned so headily when I circled my tongue over her nipples and I could smell her arousal as it flooded her underwear, as she ground herself against my length.

The top disappeared over her head and then we worked together to remove mine as well. As our mouths found each other again I slid my arm up along the column of her spine, my hand splayed between her shoulder blades, and drew her further into me so her bare chest pressed against mine. Her kisses were voracious, her moans constant as she rocked her hips and took her pleasure from me.

Untamed Feyre was the hottest thing I had ever encountered.

And then she suddenly pulled back to look at me, her eyes so dark with desire, her voice husky as she commanded: “Take me to bed, Rhys.”

I could not have refused her if my life depended on it.

I carried her there, drawing back the duvet and laying her down. I had already warmed the sheets and she looked surprised, grateful. But she didn’t speak - couldn’t, perhaps - as she grasped at my shoulders and pulled me onto her, reclaiming my mouth, touching every part of me within reach. I covered us again, burying down with her into the softness of the bed as we kissed on and on. I had never known how thoroughly arousing it was, to be half-bare and writhing around by the light of the fire, our sounds hushed and urgent. Despite my shield, we were both aware of my brothers just next door, of Feyre’s sisters down the hall - but that only added to the mood.

This was secret and sacred and ours.

I eventually trailed my lips down to her breasts again, and then further - kissing her centre through her trousers before kneeling between her legs and slipping them off entirely. She was wearing the same lacy white panties I’d watched her put back on in the kitchen, and they were wet through. I heard myself growl as I pulled them off too, the urge to taste her impossible to resist, but she stopped me from getting anywhere near her with her bare foot on my chest.

I stared at her, unable to fathom why she would deny me.

“I’m in charge, remember?” she said firmly. “Lie down.”

Giving up control was not natural for me - but Feyre was a goddess and I obeyed.

She made very quick work of my pants and underwear, and then slid all the way down the bed and wrapped her hot mouth around me. I had never known anything so good before: the sight of her there, the brush of her hair and her hands on my thighs and abdomen, the way she sucked and licked and bobbed up and down-

I reached for her after barely any time at all, tugging on her shoulders, groaning her name. But she ignored me and carried on. Her eyes met mine and I imprinted the image in my mind, of the lust and determination in her gaze, of my cock disappearing between her lips over and over again, her rhythm faultless, bringing me closer and closer to the edge.

“Feyre,” I gasped, “I’m-”

She scratched her fingernails all the way down my torso and I came, so hard I lost all of my senses for the longest, most ecstatic moment. I felt her fingers cover my mouth, to keep me quiet, but there was no fucking chance when her tongue was still swirling over me, when my hips were still bucking and I was still coming. It was unbearable and heavenly and I never, ever wanted it to end.

Eventually I did return to the present; felt Feyre retreat and opened my eyes to find her looking down at me with a very satisfied smirk. I was too dazed to speak, to tell her how fucking amazing she felt and what I wanted to do to her next - but it didn’t matter. She had let her fingers drift down onto my chest; I took her wrist and brought her palm back to my lips, licking the tattooed eye there in a single broad stroke. Her smirk disappeared as she felt me in her very core.

I tugged on her hips, pulling her up my body until she was kneeling over my face. She braced herself on the headboard and I inhaled her incredible scent, all her muscles trembling, her breathing shallow, ragged. And then I feasted on her, gorging myself on her softness and her taste, eating her gorgeous cunt until she was all over my face. I kneaded her ass, explored her thighs; slid two fingers inside her and fucked her like that while I sucked on her clit. She came in no time at all, with a muffled scream and a gush of wetness which I lapped up like I was dying of thirst.

When she collapsed onto me, I gently drew her back down into bed to lie by my side so we were facing one another, our limbs loosely entwined. I took half a second to clean my face with magic, but left her taste on my tongue. It would be sacrilege to erase that.

She smiled, gazing at me through heavily lidded eyes. “You are very good at that,” she said, and she shivered - an aftershock. It made my cock ache for her.

“You taste fucking divine, Feyre. I can’t get enough of you. And your mouth…” I outlined her lips with my thumb; they parted and I traced over her bottom teeth too. “So pretty, yet so wicked. I’ve never felt anything so phenomenal.”

I pressed my lower body into hers, letting her know I was ready for more. She looked straight at me and bit down on my nail, firm enough to hurt. Beneath the duvet I felt her hand wrap around my length. Flames roared to life in my blood once more and I hissed, like the wild beast I was.

“So eager,” she teased, licking the sensitive pad of my thumb.

There was no point denying it so I kissed her instead, hard and demanding. I wanted her tongue on mine, her body melting, opening for me; wanted to make love to her, to feel her surrender - to us, and everything we could be. Without thinking I reached for her down the bond, needing her closer, even though physically there was no space between us. As I felt her grip onto me, an embrace around my very soul, I rolled on top of her perfect body and thrust inside her: back where I belonged.

She cried out at being so full; hooked her legs around my waist, inviting me deeper, and I moved slowly at first, trying to be restrained until that became impossible. She felt so good, so right, that I just couldn’t contain myself. And she wanted it: I felt her desire envelop mine inside my mind, where we were intertwined; swallowed the words she gasped into my mouth - “Harder… More… Rhys! Fuck… Yes, more…”

I tilted her pelvis with my hand and reached new depths, and she broke away from my kiss to let out the most guttural sound as she clenched and shook and stretched around me. I dipped my head, sucking on her neck, her right breast, her nipple; kept rolling my hips, fucking her faster and harder than ever before. We were both grunting, moaning, sweat on our skin, her nails digging into my back - and then we were coming, together, a crescendo of movement and sound and rising, cresting pleasure that felt like it would never end.

It didn’t, for a long time. I might have drifted off to sleep briefly, for when I next opened my eyes I was lying on my front on the bed, the duvet over my lower body, feeling more relaxed than I had in decades.

I reached out for Feyre down the bond, checking she was okay; felt her in the adjoining bathroom and closed my eyes again, letting myself doze. Eventually I heard her footsteps on the carpet and then the bed shifted as she sat beside me. Her fingertips traced lightly down my spine and I groaned at how nice it felt.

“I didn’t know you had tattoos here,” she said softly. “And your wings…” She touched the strong muscles of my upper back. “I want to see you with them.”

My voice was so low it made my ribcage vibrate. “You have.”

“Naked,” she clarified.

I smiled. “One day. Not here.”

She leaned in, surrounding me with her scent, her hair; pressed gentle kisses to my ear, my cheek, the corner of my lips. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had touched me with so much tenderness. The last time anyone had cared about me like this. It made my throat hurt.

When I finally opened my eyes her face was all I could see, so close to mine, our every breath shared. She smiled and sat back up, and that’s when I realised she was wearing my shirt. It was unbuttoned, and she was still completely naked beneath. I had never seen anything so sexy.

My emotions were forgotten in an instant.

“Feyre.”

I rose up, kneeling in front of her, taking her in.

“I was cold,” she said, a little defensive, a little surprised by the strength of my reaction.

“You look…” I reached for her, pulling her against me. I had thought I was completely sated - I was wrong. “Let me warm you up.”

This insatiable need for each other, this wild passion - it felt endless. Frenzied. We fell to the bed and she straddled my waist, discarding the shirt to the floor. As she began to kiss me all over, the small part of my brain which remained functional wondered what would happen if she ever accepted the mating bond. How we would survive.

Then it gave in as Feyre washed over me, as I let myself drown in her once again.

When she rode me she held my hands, our fingers interlaced. I could do nothing but stare at her. The way the firelight danced over the planes of her body as she moved; the flush on her skin, the dark desire pouring from her eyes. I was no painter, but she was a piece of art.

“Feyre darling,” I breathed, grazing my palms along her thighs, feeling my climax building slowly, deliciously. “Will you touch yourself for me? I want to watch you.”

Her dream of me was only a night ago - it felt like a century.

She put her fingers in my mouth and I licked them, my desire rocketing at how fearless she was, how unembarrassed. If I had thought she’d be hesitant in bed or perhaps shied by our age gap, by her relative lack of experience, I was wrong. And yet she was not a sultry, confident vixen either. I could only conclude that she really did trust me, enough to be herself, to show herself to me - to be bare in every possible way.

And that made me more hopeful for our future together than anything else we’d said or done.

Now she circled her clit, her left hand holding her breast, pinching her nipple. Her tattoos were a stunning contrast to the rest of her pale skin. When the sensations became too much, her head tilted back and her spine arched, her long messy curls almost reaching her bottom. And still I watched, my hips now thrusting of their own accord, meeting her movements. I was already at the edge; could have let myself fall at any second. But I held on, waiting for her, completely awed by how fucking incredible she was.  

If things had been different, I would have told her I loved her. The words were on the tip of my tongue, filling my mind. I let the smallest trickle of that golden feeling travel down the bond to her. Even though she didn’t know its name, I knew she liked it - saw the smile on her lips, felt her clench and tighten as I pounded into her harder, faster, as she peaked and then shattered.

It was too much. I lifted her off me, turning her onto her front, pulling up her hips. She was weak, boneless; still in the throes of her pleasure. “You have to be quiet,” I rasped and then I thrust inside her again, deeper than ever before. Her hands fisted the duvet and she bit it, her screams subdued but still there, still heavenly to hear.

“Feyre,” I groaned, the sweetest sound in the world. “Fuck, Feyre. You feel- I’m so- ”

I spilled inside her with a roar, breaking my own rule but utterly unable to care. I felt her coming too, a continuation of her last orgasm. Endless, all-consuming fulfilment.

This time we were both thoroughly done. I fell to her side, bringing her body with me so I was spooned up behind her, quickly cleaning us up with half a thought. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to move again. I didn’t want to. I pressed my face into her neck, inhaling her, wishing I could disappear into her forever. If there was nothing else but this, I would die happy.

Our breathing gradually slowed. The fire had burned low, the moon now illuminating us through the uncovered window. I ran the fingers of my left hand along the ink on Feyre’s arm, watching as the soft blonde hairs stood on end in my wake. I knew the bond that tied us together wasn’t the bargain that had been written on her skin: it was the mating bond. That’s why we could communicate, why we could feel so much of each other. I wondered how it would change if we were ever truly mated. How much more of her I would feel, how deeply I would know her. I wanted her to be mine so badly it made my soul ache.

The bond was another secret I kept. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold it inside.

“What time is it?” she asked, her words merging into a yawn.

“Fuck knows.” I was tired and emotional, which always made me swear more. That and having sex with Feyre.

I pulled the covers over us and then looked outside. The air was still and crisp. There had been snowfall earlier, but it had stopped now. “Usually,” I said, voicing my thoughts aloud, “I can feel the night. The coming of the dawn. But the darkness is different on this side of the Wall. It’s not… mine.”

She turned her head towards me. The moonlight caught her eyes, making them shine. “I love your darkness,” she said quietly. “I feel it, under my skin. It soothes me. Of all the powers I was given, yours is my favourite.”

You were made for me, I wanted to tell her. Wanted to shout it, for the whole world to hear. It’s so obvious. Can’t you see?

And then she went on sleepily: “The nights feel longer here. I was born on the longest, actually. The Winter Solstice.”

I was stunned. Totally speechless. She must have mistaken my silence for fatigue, because she whispered goodnight and in less than a minute, she was asleep.

I held her, wide awake, heart hammering. I kissed the point of her ear and murmured, so softly it was almost inaudible: “You are my mate, Feyre Archeron. And I fucking love you.”

II

TBC...

[yuri-is-online]

Damn I'm really like the storyline of this game.But FUCK Leo,if I ever get a chance to smacked the shit out of him, please Chancellor one chance.He fucked with the Mc head, how Alan and Thoma didn't kick him out that car if beyond me, there better than me honestly.Sho isn't much better because he's going along just because he's isn't mean.

Just because there isn't cruelty that doesn't mean kindness.But he's the lesser evil.Makes me sad for Alan.

Let's talk about Lucas I wonder if the soul system is like JJK,like if your twins you share the same soul and that's why the demon took his brother.

Also which character did you pick for your first

-🤡

I picked Thoma first, but I didn't take screenshots of the opening. Probably gonna use my emulator to take a crack at screencapping all of the boys intros because I am insane and want to pick it apart for lore research.

Twins sharing the same soul/being seen as the same person is very common in Japanese folklore if I understand correctly? But that might just be me overthinking the plot of Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly. So yes that's my assumption too, the demon likely took Luca's brother in his place since they technically share a soul.

Now. Let's talk about Leo. The main reason Alan and Thoma didn't immediately kick him out of the car was to not make a scene. Thoma specifically seems to respect the opportunistic sort, and thinks that Leo shows promise if he shapes up. He's skilled with tech, good at reading people, quick on his feet, all of those things are arguably good traits that Vagastrom, and Alan, could really use! Besides it's not like he has enough on either of them to get in their way yet, best to play it cool and walk away with the upper hand. Another thing we learn from this conversation that might be easy to miss is that unlike Twisted Wonderland where each dorm has rules about who should be the leader, Darwick's Administration picks the Captain and Vice Captain of the dorm, and grades seem to be more important to them than say. Whether or not the person has a good character, as we have seen from both Thoma and Leo, is significantly less important.

But if there is one thing I sort of have to point out that I think Alan gets and tries to call him out on, Leo is incredibly short sighted. He sees MC's power as worthless not because it doesn't work but because he already used it and got what he wants from it. He doesn't see anyone other than himself, and maybe Sho, as a person so he doesn't feel any guilt about using MC to get what he wants and then trying to get her kicked out of the school. He's also the only bitch in this house that completely ignores that MC can't leave, he doesn't mention her curse once when talking about her and honestly I don't think he was paying attention enough to remember that she can't leave because of that. Allan makes a point at the end of the Vagastrom book that I really hope is followed up on:

I sort of read this as applying to his friendship with Sho and his own reputation. Sure, it's all fun and games now while he snatches up the Vice Captain role and still has Sho doing his bidding, but well. Sho does occasionally do what he wants, he didn't go along with Leo's plan, not completely. He didn't outright lie about MC's power, and he hates how Leo keeps asking about why the ghouls made their wish on a demon. He thinks it's wrong, he hates it. Leo's treatment of MC did bother him, and I know he doesn't want MC to die. I don't know how far you or anyone else has made it, but something happens in Book 3 that makes it seem like MC has gone missing, and according to Hyde all of the Frostheim, "and one or two" of the Vagastrom ghouls have to be talked out of going to look for her.

As of right now Leo's only real ally is Sho. If Sho gets fed up with him and stops covering his ass, then Leo has no one, and I don't think that's occurred to him since according to Sho's bio they've been friends since long before Darkwick. Anyway I hope they get divorced and Sho gets to keep his food truck. Like I said, we can run Leo over with it for the insurance money.

Have some Side Notes:

The ring of Solomon, or the ring of wisdom, granted Solomon the power to make demons do his bidding in the original myth. Since ghouls powers come from demons, in some way, shape, or form, my theory is that the ring is likely enhancing the demonic part of them.

The "like doves" supposedly appear when someone is thinking of you positively/likes you. The first people to make these doves appear around MC are Luka and Kaito. The second is Sho, which is honestly why I am a bit softer on him then I should be. The third time it shows up is at the end of Jabberwock's book with all three dorm members present, meaning literally the only bitch in this house who does not respect MC is fucking Leo that dick-

while it isn't specified, Professor Dante appears to be the advisor for both Frostheim and Vagastrom, something I think is more or less confirmed by Hyde being in charge of both Jabberwock and Sinostra. Anyway the point I want to make is that we are missing a dorm if we follow the rule of each advisor being in charge of two, and no I don't mean the two missing characters from Obscuary I mean a whole dorm that seems to have specialized in exorcisms (perhaps of curses 👀):

My personal theory is that their dorm used to be in the Cathedral we are staying in and that it was destroyed during "the Clash" that's been alluded to in the first part of the story, we don't know much about it other than 1) it was between ghouls, perhaps exclusively 2) there is a spy of some sort Thoma and Alan are looking for that might have had something to do with it and 3) a Frostheim student behaved very badly during the Clash to the point Thoma seems to think they should take some responsibility for it. But that's just my speculation, don't know how much of it's real.

[petals2fish]

1. Fortnight - functioning alcoholic 🥲 YOUR QUIET TREASON. All my mornings are Monday stuck in an endless February. POSTIC GENIUS. Magical move on drug YIKES. I love you you tis ruining my life. I touched you for only a fortnight but I touched you. “My husband is cheating I want to kill him.” MOOD. I love you it’s ruining my life. I’m calling ya but you won’t pick up. Went to Florida?!?! 🫡🫡🫡 thank you post Malone for your service.

2. The tortured poets department: “I’ve seen this episode but still loved the show.” Aka I THINK IVE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE AND I DIDNT LIKE THE ENDING. “Who’s gonna love you if not me.” Lol “We’re modern idiots!!!!” JUSTICE FOR CHARLIE PUTH!!!! “A tattooed golden retriever” made me laugh out loud. “I chose this cyclone with you.” Is so Jily plz. “You’re not Dillion Thomas and I’m not patting smith.” Okay Tay. NO FUCKING BODY: 👍🏼 “Sometimes I wonder if you’ll screw this up with me.” Spoiler ‼️ he did. “Everyone we know understands why it’s meant to be.” I didn’t thanks. “Because we’re crazy.” Okay mood. HE PUT THE RING IN HER RING FINGER?!?! “CLOSEST IVE COME TO MY HEART EXPLODING?!?!” PLEASE?!?! “You left your typewriter at my apartment straight from the tortured poets department.” Five stars!!

3. My boy only breaks his favorite toys: ‘I’m queen of sandcastles he destroys.’ Jumps out at me. “Cause I knew too much.” WHAT DO YIU KNOW TAYLOR. “Should have known it was a matter of time.” Taylor is the queen of ignoring red flags. 🚩 This is a fun beat though besties. “Once I fix me, he’s gonna miss me.” YEAH. TELL EM BESTIE. “Stole my tortured heart and left all these broken parts. Told me I’m better off.” Sorry Taylor you were better off babes.

4. Down bad: NICER BEAT OKAY. “Dawn bad crying at the gym.” Mood. “Fuck it if I can’t have him I might just die.” No why is this so FUNNY. Like this is Matty we’re talking about for sure. “Everything forms out teenage petulance.” I mean yeah cause you were still developing a prefrontal cortex when you met him. “So fuck you if I can’t have us.” HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS PART. Honestly I feel you Taylor, I’ve been dumb for a dumb boy before too. It’s okay.

5. So long London: EXCISE ME OPENING WITH A CHORAl. THESE KYRICS WHATLFHAKRHS FUCKKKKK. How much sad did you think I had??? Oh the tragedy?! So long London, you’ll find some one???? “You left me at the house by the heath.” “I stopped CPR”?!?! 😿😿 “YOU LET Me give all that you for free?!?!” SHE GAVE YOU A FUCKING GRAMMY YOGURT BOY AND YOU DIDNT EVEN WANT IT. “too graves, one gun?!” Good for you baby girl. “I’ll find someone” SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m gonna throw up. Fuck fuck fuck. Taylor 😿😿😿😿 “I DIED ON THE ALTER” ALDBSKAHDBSJSKS NOOOOO. I’m crying. My Shakespeare queen. You’ll find someone RIPS at my heart.

6. But daddy I love him: “bedroom eyes like a remedy.” Fuck how many matty songs are we getting. This reminds me so much of a faith hill song. No I will not elaborate right now. Very country narrative. This one will be fun to scream in concert just for the “I’m having his baby…no I’m not!!!” Very chaotic. 4/5 stars.

7. Fresh out of the slammer: daily disappearing just to see him smile?!?! Girlie pop you really do lie to yourself don’t you??? “He was with her in dreams” I mean it’s really joeover. This song is fun, I like it, very chaotic as well. 5/5 stars.

8. Florida!!!: Florence my queen you make this song beautiful, I need more listens to deconstruct it though:

9. Guilty as skin: girl just write self insert fanfic if you want to fuck someone this badly (can’t wait to write and read fics based off this one hahahaha) 5/5 stars 🌟

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?: shit I’m crying. Fuck fuck fuck. She truly hates most of the new fans huh. Lmaooo SHE SINGS THIS IN ALL HER REGISTERS OMGGGG. It’s all her past selves screaming at us!!! Aldhaksjdka she’s so fucking clever

11. I can fix him no really I can: AHAHA THE ENDING KF THE SONG ALDBSKAHDKAJDHAKDHW SHE REALLY SAID “OH SHIT DAMN I FUCKED UP DIDNT I” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

12. Loml: Joe Alwyn you need witness protection

13. I can do it with a broken heart: oh god this was hurts me more than so long London because it hits home for every damn time I had to preform on stage and then go cry in the shower between shows 🥲

14. The smallest man who ever lived: 🚨🚨🚨 found at the scene of the crime: Joe Alwyn's Small Dick

15. The alchemy: AHHHHHHH!!! HOLY FUCK WE GOT A TRAVIS SONG ALDBSLAHDBSKSJDBWKEHDBAKWJD HE GOT A SONG FUCK YESSSSS

16. CLARA BOW: the outro. The OUTRO. THE FUCKING OUTRO. I’m dead. 😵

Overall: I love it. I love it. I love it SO DAMN MICH. you can tell how much time and effort she put into production and story telling. FUCK. I love this album as much as I loved Folklore the first time I heard it!!

[loisfreakinglane]

What are your top 5 new opinions from your current suits rewatch?

oh god i don't know if i have any NEW OPINIONS but things that morph slowly over time. lettuce discuss what's at the top of my mind!

read more cut for everyones own good

SHIPPING THOUGHTS: i love mike/rachel waaaay more on rewatch, i find myself dissatisfied with the relationship arc trajectory that donna/harvey takes in a way that didn't hit me watching the first time (i wish they'd happened way sooner OR put way more effort into the buildup to them finally getting together in s8. s7 rly took the wind out of my sails with that kiss that they both said MEH at. after that i needed waaaaay more work in s8 for them to just throw themselves at each other), i looove harvey/mike the exact same amount, louis/sheila is the epitome of a SOMEBODY GONNA MATCH MY FREAK ship, i love jeff/jessica a lot but i really really wish that they'd fallen for each other onscreen after she hired him, harvey/scotty makes me SAD bc i love scotty and she deserves someone just as invested in her as she is in them and even tho i love their competitive vibe sfm harvey never puts the energy in that i want him to, paula is vile and should not be allowed to date anybody ever, donna/sam should have been a ship, sam should have been a lesbian or at least canonically queer, katrina is a queer ace enby to ME AND MY SOUL. harvey and jessica should have been a thing. alex and harvey should have been exes. i was veeeeery into the mess that was logan/rachel to the point where i'm like....... in another life..... in fic.......... rachel should have gone that route i'm SORRY. i don't think mike/trevor ever happened but if trevor had opened that door mike would have gone thru it, EVEN THO TREVOR SUCKS. louis/tara was the biggest waste of screentime and one of the worst parts of s6 bc it was so boring and perplexing?? like. why. donna/thomas was an immediately good vibrant ship and i wish they hadn't dropped it so abruptly. or at all tbh!!!!!! i was very into them! at the very least i'd have liked it to go for all of s8 instead of just the very end. i'm good with all canon endgame ships, i'm very happy with how the series ends. i love my ot4 besties. but this is my truth lol

i like sam so much more on rewatch! i went back and forth on how i felt about her the first time around- she IS a very polarizing person. but she's a messy bitch and i appreciate her. i think they flop on a lot of her plots (whyd we get a road trip to meet birth dad but not actually see her meet birth dad. why did we spend so much time on the absolute ickiest ex boyfriend. why was i supposed to think it was cool she did an illegal thing to win the case against mikes client trying to cut ties with a sweatshop. why was it everyone elses problem to save her job for that)

why wasn't robert a series regular in season 8..... he was there the whole goddamn time. also gretchen should have been a series regular starting in season 5, but ESPECIALLY in s8/9. she was there the whooooole time. i also think its incredibly annoying that robert got disbarred because of donna shenanigans. like. both jessica and robert, the only two black name partners, got disbarred to save the jobs of white ppl who fucked up. it's a bad fucking look. but it makes even less sense for robert. at least i get why jessica would want to save harvey. robert has noooooooooo allegiance to harvey or donna. and they twisted it into being robert saving sam somehow? idk that was such a bad choice imo it really sticks out.

in general my biggest gripe from s8/9 is not mike and rachels absence (tho i dearly miss them, and ofc i still miss jessica!), it's that the entire cast is upper management. everyone is a name or senior partner or the coo or managing partner. and the recurring characters are like..... 2 associates and gretchen being everybodys secretary. it's absurd to have everyone be a name partner immediately (and a copout to give it to both alex and sam at the same time just to quit their whining) and it makes the firm feel so small. nobody even has a secretary who's not gretchen anymore. it just feels divorced from reality in a very specific way that the first 7 seasons weren't bc we're locked in battle for the tippy top, with almost nobody at the bottom or middle. (i also think donna should have become coo in season 5/6. everyone jumped ship when mike got arrested and went to prison. they were like...... a 5 man office. that would have been the peeeeeeerfect time for donna to rise the ranks organically. as is i don't love how her becoming coo works plotwise)

i think on rewatch it's easier to see how much mike and rachel are meant for something else career-wise. like obviously they're both amazing at corporate law but their hearts just aren't in it. they badly want to fight for the little guy but there aren't little guys to fight for when everyones arguing over millions of dollars. their choice to leave the way they did was very abrupt, and i still think they could have put way more work into the season 7 finale (not splitting it between new york and chicago would have been lol A GREAT START, and this is coming from a massive jessica stan who otherwise would have been thrilled to see a jessica-heavy episode with flashbacks). we saw mike struggling for a long time with his priorities, and he couldn't devote his whole career to corporate law purely to make harvey happy. i think canon landed on the right endgame anyway. harvey hit the pinnacle of his career, everything he ever worked for, realized he didn't actually want to be managing partner, and said alright now i'm gonna follow mike and rachel to their passion project, so we can work together again. PERFECT ENDING. tho now i'm like......... suits la better be really goddamn careful with what they say about harvey and his life postseries...... BLEH HANGING OVERHEAD

[evita-shelby]

Incantatrice

Chapter 18

Cw: some sex, death synbolism, minor infidelity🔞

Taglist:@thegreatdragonfruta @zablife @wandawiccan60

It was quite fun ruining his life.

Taking stock of the things that held him up and kicking each leg of the stool down, so he gets strangled by a noose of his own making.

Jessie Eden had been so horrified when she learned about Elizabeth Stark’s murder.

He needed the communist for his plans to become a politician and to get his companies back in order.

He would fuck her to get her under his spell like he did with the rest and then toss her out when he has no use for her.

Not that he needed to do much after Kitty Jurossi wove beautiful tales of the beautifully sad boy Tommy was.

Oh, it had been beautiful to see her idea of Tommy Shelby be torn to shreds when Eva gave her a strangely plausible lie.

He is not the man he appears to be, Miss Eden, the witch had said as she spun her web of half lies.

The witch shouldn’t have stayed, but she wanted to relish the destruction of Shelby a while longer.

It shouldn’t have surprised her for him to find her and demand to know why she was ruining his fucking life.

He and Polly are not so different, shoving her against a crumbling wall thinking they have what it takes to kill her and faltering in the last minute.

“You ruined mine. We had the perfect life and you just had to kill his father and brother the second we got it, Shelby.

Had you only used your reason, we wouldn’t be here.” She said as the man drunk on pain and whiskey keeps her there as if waiting for a man to shoot him for touching her.

“Yeah, well I had it too.” He said as if he hadn’t felt trapped every second he was with Grace after she told him she wasn’t leaving.

“Then why were you fucking Lizzie before your wife’s body was even cold?” she asks, tasting the alcohol and cigarettes in his breath.

Been a while since she smelled that on Luca, he’d quit smoking when Leonardo was born and their poor little lion would get coughing fits from the smell alone.

Eva remembers with fondness when she’d kiss her man and take the smoke from his mouth like she was stealing his soul kiss by kiss.

She shouldn’t be thinking this, she has a husband who is more than she ever wanted.

But here as the lamplight colors Shelby like a tragic hero and she the wicked witch, she knows in another life this man was hers.

And Shelby knew that too.

Why else would he lean in to kiss the poison on her lips instead of leaving?

Why else isn’t she stopping him?

“You could kill me right now and I would let you.” He said pulling back finding the poison sweet and addicting, just as she did.

“Isn’t it wonderful, in one life I am yours and in this one I am your enemy.” The witch said as he fights the urge to kiss her again and up the ante in this vendetta.

Luca is none the wiser when he returns home.

She feels some guilt over her kiss with Shelby. But not enough to tell him.

Not when he smells of alcohol and Polly Gray’s perfume. There was some lipstick in his collar from where he held his former flame close as he warned her about coming near her again.

“We should go dancing sometime, have the night off and enjoy our new kingdom.” He stripped as he joined her in the bath.

“We should, your poor wife has to settle for ruining a man’s love life for fun.” Eva said, enjoying the sight of her husband in all his nude and scarred glory lowering himself in her steaming hot bath.

“Where the fuck did you get this?” her husband asked as he took the cigarette in her hands and took a drag from it.

She had gotten the urge to smoke and had pilfered Tommy Shelby’s cigarette case when he had been kissing her.

“Shelby, picked it out of his pocket when I saw him leave the communist’s flat with balls as blue as his eyes.” She grinned, showing her the silver case with his initials: TMS, Thomas Michael Shelby. “He looked so pathetic; I just couldn’t help myself to take another of his comforts.”

A nice little trophy to add to her collection.

Luca laughed and gesturing for her to come join him and enjoy her spoils together. “The things you do, mia strega.”

The witch doesn’t hesitate to straddle him, to tease him and remind herself Luca is the only man she wants.

She strokes him and rubs against him as she aches for him to fuck her so hard she won’t even remember she kissed another man.

He rewarded her with a cigarette kiss while she lifted herself up slightly to let him guide his magnificent prick inside her.

The sex was always good, but it’s been a while since they were given the time and space to be as wild as they were before the children came along.

Even Paris hadn’t let them have this much fun.

“I bet Shelby wouldn’t kiss you like that.” He said as she exhaled for him and he kept his grip on her hips tight enough to keep her from moving.

So he knew.

“So you know, huh.” Eva should’ve expected that. Of course he’d have someone keep an eye on her. “Shelby’s got too much bad luck, he even tasted salty. Had to steal his cigarettes to get the taste out of my mouth.”

It is a half-truth, yes she could taste his bad luck in his tongue, but he was damnably good kisser.

No wonder Lizzie Stark had been such a doormat.

“If you see him again, maga,” Luca’s hand moved lower until he found just what he needed to drive his point home and have her forgetting entirely about this other man who stirred her desire like he did, “I’m going to kill him for putting his hands on my woman.”

“Can I watch, daddy? Can I watch you kill him?” she begs as he continued to drive her fucking insane with those pianist’s fingers of his.

“Only right for you to watch, Evuccia, you already gave Thomas Shelby the kiss of death. “ he answered as he dealt her the best punishment in her life.

Eva was out of breath and winded from the combination of her orgasm and seeing their victory as clear as crystal.

“February 5th. The day Thomas Shelby dies by your hand.” Been so long since he triggered a vision like that, she’d almost thought it had been a fluke last time. “Don’t forget to run out of bullets tomorrow. Polly won’t join us if you kill her son.”

Tomorrow wasn’t about killing anyone, all they needed was for Thomas Shelby to lose the person he trusts most and remind Elizabeth Gray, she and her son are either with them or dead.

It will have another purpose too, Linda Shelby will realize her baby son cannot grow up knowing one day someone will come and collect any outstanding debts his father and uncles have.

She will remember how he killed that boy and how he hurts her with those same hands.

Arthur Shelby will return home tomorrow evening and find her long gone.

Who knew karma wanted a piece of them too?

[vincent-frankenstein]

talk to me about Thomas ur oc I wanna hear the rambles

my silly guy :] I am always happy to talk about him!!!! here's the basics for folks who aren't familiar with him, and I'll ramble under the cut bc I have SO . many thoughts about him

so Thomas spent so so so long devoting his entire life to taking care of his brothers that he like... fully did not have one of his own. He didn't have space to really develop an identity outside of that. Tristan and Jasper had their own friends and problems and activities and Thomas was just. the driver, the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on. He had to work to support his family and outside of all that he had no time to figure out who he is.

so coupled with the fallout of his baby brothers being horrifically frankensteined into one being, and dealing with that grief and his father's renewed grief, he's gonna have one hell of an identity crisis. because like, he can't bear to look at Rose, his father is actually taking responsibility to care for Rose, and Rose is also able to take care of themself, they're happy to exist, they're just chilling. So suddenly Thomas has all the time in the world and absolutely zero solid facts about himself beyond the fact that he failed. He's a Molotov cocktail of anger and grief and panic, because what does he do now, who is he now, without people to care for, without his brothers? They were inextricably connected to the point that Thomas didn't know where he ended and his brothers began and now that connection has been violently severed. the first chunk of time between Rose coming into being and Thomas meeting Mallow is the darkest time of Thomas's entire life.

So I've been thinking a lot about that, but also the process of him healing from it. It all starts with Mallow, she's the first person to really meet Thomas - like, he had "friends" in school but they only met good ol' Tommy Hart, the ray of sunshine who will absolutely help you with your homework, he'll absolutely give you a ride, he's a delight to have in class, so helpful, always so helpful. Mallow is the first person to see him grieving and not leave him to do it alone. For the first time in his life, Thomas has a shoulder to cry on.

I like the idea of Thomas eventually discovering how much he loves to write. Because Rose is literally a born poet - Jasper and Tristan both wrote poetry - and I think that after a lot of processing and grieving and learning to accept that Rose's existence isn't Thomas's fault, I think they could bond over that. Thomas is like, the last "loose end" of Rose being completely happy to exist, because like. they like being Rose, and Sonja treats them like their own person, and they've got all their arena friends who never even knew Tristan and Jasper, and their dad is... struggling, but he was never there to begin with, but Thomas was there every day, and Rose was born loving him with an intensity that leaves them breathless. That's their big brother, he watched over Tristan and Jasper every day of their lives, and yeah they argued sometimes and yeah it wasn't always smooth sailing but... Rose misses him. And they know Thomas misses who they used to be. They notice every time he flinches when they enter the room. They notice the way he's never once made eye contact with them.

And like, they're not gonna push that. They miss Thomas but what the fuck are they supposed to do, force him to hang out with them? They're not grieving, but he is, and they get that, so they throw themself into arena fights and they dump their own sadness into a shitty little notebook and they show it to Sonja, sometimes, but otherwise they just deal with it. And meanwhile Thomas is finally starting to feel like a person, and switching out Beating Shit Up with writing out his feelings to cope. And writing out his feelings to cope turns into just. writing, and I feel like he'd turn more towards writing fiction than poetry but they both write to vent, and they both write for fun, and after a long time they're able to meet on that equal ground.

It would be... hard for Thomas. Even as he starts to heal, Rose is like a walking open wound, and seeing them is like dumping salt into it. And Rose wants to like. flop across him like Jasper used to, or go sit in his room and Exist together, like Tristan did whenever he got stressed, but they're not gonna push him, they don't think they can handle him outright turning them away, or worse letting them stay and being uncomfortable the entire time. So it would take forever for either of them to reach out, but... I feel like Thomas would find Rose writing, eventually, maybe while walking home from hanging with Mallow, and instead of turning around or walking past he asks to join them.

[scarredhag]

The Whale (2022) dir. Darren Aronofsky

I just watched The Whale and I got so many thoughts about it. Though one thing I can surely say is that I sobbed way too fucking hard. Give me a movie that hits my religion/life issues and my love for poetic/literature shit and it'll be an instant river. This movie gave it all to me. I don't even know where to start. You know what, I'm just gonna blurt it all out.

"In the amazing book, Moby Dick, by the author Herman Melville, the author recounts his story of being at sea. In the first part of this book, the author, calling himself Ishmael, is in a small seaside town and he is sharing a bed with a man named Queequeg. The author and Queequeg go to church and later set out on a ship captained by a pirate named Ahab, who is missing a leg, and very much wants to kill the whale which is named Moby Dick, and which is white. In the course of the book, the pirate Ahab encounters many hardships. His entire life is set around trying to kill a certain whale. I think this is sad because this whale doesn't have any emotions, and doesn't know how bad Ahab wants to kill him. He's just a poor big animal. And I feel bad for Ahab as well because he thinks his life will be better if he can just kill this whale, but in reality, it won't help him at all. I was very saddened by this book, and I felt many emotions for the characters. And I felt saddest of all when I read the boring chapters that were only descriptions of whales, because I knew the author was just trying to save us from his own sad story, just for a little while. This book made me think about my own life, and then it made me feel glad for my..."

This is what Ellie (Sadie Sink) wrote in her English essay during eighth grade. As the movie starts, it wasn't stated who wrote it, but rather was being read by Thomas (Ty Simpkins), a missionary who shares the word of God door to door, for Charlie (Brendan Fraser), who was at the moment, feeling a tight pain in his chest. Charlie pleaded Thomas to read it for him because it somehow calms him, helps him to breathe again. It was like his life source, his life support machine. And the first time I heard the essay, I immediately thought the whale as Charlie. Not just because of his obesity, but also because when I saw him, I thought he didn't care about anything. He let himself be that large, I wondered why, but still thought that maybe he just didn't care. Just like in Ellie's essay, the whale doesn't have any emotions. He only does what he do and have no idea what life can do to him. In Ellie's perspective, this is very understandable. Ellie thought that his dad never cared for her, left her, his own daughter, for a man. Charlie was in love, he told her that at the end of the movie, and being in love caused Ellie to think that he was emotionless.

Charlie was in love with Alan, who was Liz's (Hong Chau) brother, which is Charlie's personal nurse and only friend. Alan was also part of New Life, a church, just like Thomas. When Alan died, Charlie went through more than a rough time, and I guess Liz never left his side. She helps him by buying groceries for him, checking his health, do chores, and advices him to take a health insurance which he refuses to do so because he thinks that there's more important things that his money should go to. Alan's death wasn't an accident. He killed himself by jumping off a bridge, as Liz had said. She said that Alan was having a hard time doing his missionary work, was tired, but didn't want to come home because he didn't want to get married, which their father was already planned it. During this time, Alan and Charlie were already together because Liz said that the first time she went to Charlie's house, Alan was there, looking sick and awful and she was trying to convince him to eat. In the end, Alan gave up, and it messed Charlie up. How much more for Liz?

The first night Thomas, the missionary, came across Charlie's house, Liz met him. You wouldn't believe it if I say they didn't get along. The second day, Liz told him everything about his brother, and how much of a bullshit being in New Life is. I loved how much she hates faith and religion and everything it offers because it's understandable. Their father kicked their family because of it, and her brother died because of it. You can't blame her for carrying this much rage over God when everything around her didn't go as planned, or maybe it was God's plan. Even though she already hated New Life when she was eight and was being force by her father to join, I bet she wouldn't have wanted to hate it more if it meant for her brother to be gone. As their conversation goes on, as Thomas was trying to convince her that Charlie needed saving, she responded before she got interrupted by Charlie, "No one can save him, only I can!" I paused. For a minute. And I teared up. She couldn't save Alan. She couldn't save his brother. And with Charlie, maybe, just maybe, she could do it this time.

But Alan gave up, and it messed Charlie up, to the point that he made himself larger than he used to be. He wasn't even that large before, he said. He let himself. Because he was devastated, and lonely, and the love of his life killed himself. And that's why Ellie thought he was emotionless. She thought he didn't care. Because Charlie left her, without understanding that there's another person that needs him.

And just like the pirate Ahab, she wanted to kill the whale, in hopes that things will be better for her. She'll get his money and she can do whatever she can with it. But then she read the essay she wrote when she was in eighth grade, which is being kept by Charlie, who she thought never cared for her, who she thought never payed attention to anything about her, and remembered what she was glad for. He did, he does. He kept her essay, and keeps reading and reading it as if it increases a minute to his life span. And every time he's on the verge of dying, he still reads it as if it's his god that keeps on saving him and keeping him going. Because at the end of the essay, Ellie said, "This book made me think about my own life, and then it made me feel glad for my..."

She was glad for him. She is glad for him. And no matter how much Ellie got bored from those boring descriptions of whales, she's glad to realize that, there are worst ones. Her dad isn't the best, isn't good either, but he isn't the worst for the very least. And for Charlie, that's what keeps him going. No matter how long he tries to kill himself, no matter how long he longs to die, there's this lifeline that will keep on giving him hope, her daughter is glad for him. And he is glad for her, because she's amazing.

I have so many more thoughts, but I think I already wrote what is necessary. If I unintentionally wrote some things that seem offensive and couldn't quite recognize which, I'm sorry. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the movie. Imagine ugly crying which I barely do. I guess this is my essay.

Edited: I saw a review on Letterboxd asking if Dan the delivery guy was God judging us... HOLD ON-

[messofmoss]

saturday, june 22, 2024

8:31am

i just slept for 11 hours. i got home from work and basically just passed out. my phone is half dead. my whole body hurts. i had a whole handprint on my arm when i woke up lol

there were many times my mind was racing yesterday and i wanted to write here but i was working and couldn't. i feel like writing it down helps a bit because instead of rattling around in my brain, it's pouring out here. like a bit of release and relief.

my head hurts. it hurt a lot yesterday too. i forgot to take my pills. i haven't missed a day in awhile. i was missing a refill and i was going to take them when i got the missing part but forgot about it.

i feel shitty. i don't want to go to work today. or do anything really. slept 11 hours and i just want to go back to sleep. sleep 11 more hours. i hate work. i don't want to go. i don't want to be around humans. i just want to be in my dark cave with my cats and my kindle and my pillow. i didn't even get to enjoy my days off because it was too hot to exist.

i feel like crying right now. i don't want to go so bad. i can't just call out every weekend though. ugh

10:19am

i sent her a minute of voice messages and all she says back is "okayyy" an hour later. really nothing to say at all??? why do i even bother

5:15pm

teary in the car again. i think julia is mad at me for calling her a hater. i was only teasing.

as SOON as she opened my last voice message, she started typing and said she was going to bed. she hadn't even listened to half of it yet. that voice was my attempt to change the subject. i said "i'm going to try to befriend the new girl at work tonight" the one i had told her might be a lesbian. idk i'm just so sad.

lilly told me to back off her and see if she reaches out to me first. i feel like she won't because last night i fell asleep and forgot to send her good morning message and when i woke up, she had read my last message and just... didn't say anything to me.

8:40pm

i can't enjoy my free time because i made a plan and that plan isn't until monday morning but like it takes away future planned free time before work and now i'll have to be out doing something and now i am just in a perpetual state of anxiety waiting for that thing. and it's like when you have a dentist appt at like 2pm so you can't enjoy your morning because you're just waiting for the appointment. i hate transition periods. i used to tell brogan to not tell me if he had to leave in like 10 or 20 minutes or whatever because then i wouldn't be able to enjoy that time anymore because it would feel like we are in a transition phase and it just makes me stupid anxious. the plan for monday is to go to clifton park at 8am to pick up thomas from the mechanic and hang with him til i have to work. i just hate making plans in general. i hate weekends because i have to work. i hate feeling trapped. work schedule makes me feel trapped. making plans makes me feel trapped.

also i have acid reflux/heartburn whatever for the first time in aaaaages and i hate it so much. i think it's because i've had pan pizza two days in a row at work. i need to get back to my diet. i feel like shit. i look like shit. i am shit. i look at my reflection and i don't even recognize my face anymore. like who the fuck is that? why do i look like that?

[camreadsum]

I've been having quite a reading season so I thought I'd do the MID-YEAR Freak Out Tag to document it all since that was the point of this account before I abandoned it. 😬

Anyways Let's Go!! (I will not be going into detail about the books, just how/why they fit the question)

Best Book So Far: A Strange And Stubborn Endurance by Foz Meadows

If ever there was a book designed for me as the target audience, it's this one. This book is everything I want when I pick up a fantasy romance. This is proof that you do not need to abandon or half ass your world building because "the focus is the romance anyway"

Honourable mention :A Taste of Gold And Iron by Alexandra Rowland. Another M/M romantasy with lovable characters in a lush, well realized world of fantasy.

Good fucking Soup!!

Best Sequel: Winter of the Witch.

Third book in the Winter night Trilogy. Historical fantasy. Epic conclusion to an amazing series. Russian folklore, utterly unforgettable MC, old gods vs Christianity battle it out in the unforgiving world of medieval Russia. Full of myth and extreme stakes. Went straight up my top 5 fave series of all time.

Honourable mention: The Long Game by Rachel Reid (book 8). A hockey romance that was just pure fun. Both light and heart-felt. Chaos and Fun. Overall good time.

New Release I haven't Gotten To Yet: Yellowface by R.F Kuang

Most Anticipated Release for the 2nd Half Of The Year: He Who Drowned The World (coming August 24) Sequel to She Who Became The Sun by Shelley Parker Chan.

Biggest Dissapointment : Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas. This was such an unpleasant experience. A one note character who was so removed from her reality and surroundings that I was unable to connect with her or the story. She had no reactions to any of the horrendous things happening to and around her. She didn't care, had no goals, motivations etc. She just WAS! (One would would argue that that was the point given the self medication and trauma, and perhaps they'd be right) I just couldn't help but feel like I wasted my time here. Thinking about this book still makes me angry.

Honourable mention: The Beautiful Ones by Sivia Moreno Garcia.

Several trusted sources hyped this book up as not only a really juicy historical romance but the best from Miss Garcia. And as someone who didn't get the hype behind Mexican Gothic, I was hoping this would be my chance to appreciate Silvia's work. IT WASN'T!! I'm starting to think Me n Silvia just aren't suited to each other. (I will still read Gods of Jade And Shadow since I already own the audiobook but I won't pick up anything new moving forward)

Biggest Surprise: Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe.

This is contemporary fiction featuring sad gays coming of age. I was so surprised by how much I enjoyed and was gut punched by this story. This duology did for me what SONG OF ACHILLES did for the girls.

Honourable Mention: Silver Under Nightfall by Rin Chupeco. I don't even have words for how this book swept me away. Another MC I would lay down my life for. Charming characters, dark world, monstrous creatures and sexy vampires. AGAIN a book designed with ME in mind.

Fave New Author: T Kingfisher.

Technically I discovered them last year with the Paladin Series but I've only gotten to expound on their catalog this year and boy do they keep GIVING!! Their writing style is equal parts Humour, whimsy, vivid and just hits all the beats. Her characterization is obe of my favorites for sure. An auto-read author for me moving forward.

Honourable mention :KJ Charles

An indie author who focuses on queer romantic and historical fantasy. She's yet to let me down

Newest Fictional Crush: I don't really crush on book characters but for the sake of this question Delilah Green from Delilah Green Doesn't Care(super tated Butch Lesbian with percings and mommy issues?! Come on now)

Honourable mention : Tadek from A Taste Of Gold And Iron. The complete Chaos that is this man. We would be best friends immediately!!

Newest Fave Character : Velasin Vin Aaro- Aeduria from A Strange And Stubborn Endurance. Fits the archetype of all my favorite male characters. Cute, shy, super smart and entirely a cinnamon role. Him, Cae and Markel are the PERFECT chaotic Trio. (Pls go read this book y'all I need someone to die over it with me)

Honourable mention : Ilya Rozanov from Long Game. Look, this man is a total bastard, a delinquent, an utter S.O.B but I stand by him. *Keke Palmer voice* I KNOW HIM Y'ALL!! I KNOW HIM!!

Book That made me Cry: Satisfaction Guaranteed by Karelia Stetz-Waters.

Listen, I may have been going through some things at the time but that last act L0ve Declaration GOT ME!! just cheesing and sobbing like "love is real y'all"

Book That Made Me Happy: Swordheart by T Kingfisher.

The utter WHOLESOMENESS that is this book!!!the FMC was so pure and guileless and genuine I wanted to hug her. The high jinks, the shenanigans and the wonder of it all. This story was utterly hilarious, sweet, emotional and fun. All the things I want in my romances. Solidified Kingfisher's Pen Game as unclockable.

(The audiobook narrator for Halla is one of the most talented in the game. Give her all the gigs!)

If you see this and are interested pls join in. I'd love to see what everyone's been reading.

[sea-changed]

inv3rtebrate replied to your photoset: Today in “things that have ruined my entire...

“it just punched my emotions in the goddamn throat” is ABOUT RIGHT THANKS FOR THAT

I had to suffer, so now ALL OF YOU DO TOO.

sidewaystime replied to your photoset: Today in “things that have ruined my entire...

I needed to know this though!

It’s such absolutely crucial information, tbh. I had been convinced for some reason that she wasn’t wearing it in 1715, but I’m so glad I went back and checked, because it makes so much sense with the other info we’re given about what’s going on with her and it just absolutely fucking kills me.

[dreamlandcreations]

Encore

Alfie Solomons x Opera Singer!Reader

Summary: Tommy is writing that final act for Alfie and you happen to be a part of it...

Warnings (but mostly just ramblings): fem reader is Italian, she has a past with our favourite Jew, my Italian is even worse than my English and I'm not doing google translate so bold+italic text means "in Italian", also I kinda skipped most of season 5 so I might have missed some important canon stuff, only allusions to smutty times (sorry), might make a prequel with the backstory I made up for this, it got a little sad at the end but it's an open ending... so who knows?

P.S.: this is 100% @misselsbells06's fault 🤗 (although I'm pretty sure this is not what you had in mind)

Tommy convinced Alfie to leave his hiding place, that the latter insisted it wasn't that at all. You were to meet at the Shelby estate.

Even the servants weren't allowed to know this meeting would take place so you agreed to arrive at night and stay until the early morning. Ada and Alfie were the only ones who were involved.

The three of them had been waiting for you in tense silence before Alfie decided to take a break from quietly scrutinizing every inch of Tommy's office.

"So who is this unfortunate bloke who will put their neck on the line for you?" He didn't want to know the details before but he was getting more involved and Alfie never went into battle unprepared.

"It's a woman." Tommy's short answer got Ada snickering.

"Oh, Tommy Shelby is going to solve his problems with his cock again!" She guessed.

"Not exactly." He was determined to not go into detail about the incident when he tried to seduce you.

"You already tried?" Ada asks the question but everyone in the room is just as eager to know the answer, that now involving you too as you were waiting by the door. Tommy gives her a stern look and turns to the Jew instead.

"She's in close relation to those big fucks you were educating me about, Alfie." He explains cryptically and Alfie doesn't like the feeling that takes over at his suspicion.

"What did she do, Tommy boy, when you made a move?"

"I laughed." You answer quickly, making your presence known. "Oh, it was such a fun night, it's been so long since laughter brought me to tears."

You walked inside and stopped before Tommy to smile at him like it's the re-play of said night. Alfie breaks the moment, gaining your attention completely.

"Ah, fuck me. You bring 'ere a fuckin' siren, right, to lure me to my death, yeah? Is that my final act, Thomas? Maybe you should just shoot me again, with a better aim this time, if it's not too much to ask."

When he's done you make your way to him, pretending to be confident when, in fact, you were on the verge of a breakdown as meeting him again not only made him nervous but scared the hell out of you.

"And you call me drama queen?" When you see that you managed to lighten his mood, you step closer and brush your hands along his cheeks, taking him all in like he's an intricate work of art.

"Hideous, innit?" Oh, yes, the scar. You didn't even notice it anymore, to be honest. His presence, as a whole just simply overtaking every sense in you and you'd preferably melt into him in a passionate embrace and forget the world existed.

His unusual vulnerability twists your stomach so you try to ease both of your concerns.

"Absolutely. I always get the urge to shave off this monstrosity whenever I see it." You say, tugging at his beard and pulling your lips to a teasing smile.

"I missed you." You confess when his hands find your waist and keep you in place before you could take a step back.

"You will not play this part, sweetheart. Go back to your stage."

You can't help the tiny smile that sneaks on you with the memories of your better days together. When you were teaching him Italian and laughed at his accent. How he refused to speak Chinese even though he quickly gathered enough to understand the basics and the way he would talk to you in Russian or Yiddish in turn still makes you tremble with want.

Giving up the stage, what made it possible for you to be independent, was not an easy choice but you didn't regret it because you wanted to be with him after he was injured.

Those days, when he was feeling better and indulging in domestic life with you, were the best days of your life. And that's why now his words hurt more than you could ever express.

"You've lost your right to have a say in my life."

Thinking that you've concluded your argument you spin back to the Shelby siblings who try to catch up with the turn of events but the cruel man behind you doesn't want to let you go.

"What if I want it back?" Not knowing how to respond, you simply chose not to. At that moment Tommy seems to find his voice.

"How do you know each other?"

"That matters because... ?" You were waiting for him to elaborate and at the same time providing the answer for him.

"It doesn't. If it won't be a problem for you." He says, eyes still flicking between you two.

"Of course, not."

You listen as they tell you how you'll be involved in the plan. You'll be the star of the event that Tommy will organize. Your fame will ensure the right guests arrive.

Alfie objected every time the plan even remotely put you in danger so the conversation halted several times before one of you came up with an alternative or argued with him about the necessity of that part of the plan.

It was well into the night when you settled everything.

You knew you would end up in bed with him the moment you realised he was here but that didn't make your worries disappear.

As you were half-lying on him, in a foreign room, drawing patterns on his naked chest after your exhausting reunion and enjoying the way he returns your light caresses, you gather the courage to voice your fears.

"Will you push me away again?"

Your answer is silence, and you think this is his way of saying yes but he finally lets you know what's on his mind.

"Why would you want to be stuck with an old man who got death looming over him, hmm?"

You refuse to go into that argument again so you try something else this time.

"The matters of the heart don't have to make sense."

"The world will always be against us, shiksa."

That nickname brings back memories too, about how he refused to tell you what it meant and how he had to explain what he meant by it when you finally found out its meaning.

"If the world is against us, let's hide away from it."

"I will not run from war, treacle."

"Not even for me." Once it was a question. Not anymore.

The discussion is an echo of what you had in the past. It always ended the same way but the cruel part of you, the part that was once filled with hope and love, the part that he repeatedly hurt by giving up on you, again and again, it was compelling you to tell him that he has no business or power anymore so his old excuses wouldn't stand anymore. His war is over and he lost almost everything.

The words are on the tip of your tongue but you bite your lip and hold it down, wanting to enjoy this probably fleeting moment while it lasts and you would foolishly hold onto the hope he always gives you.

"Let's worry 'bout 'morrow when the morning comes, yeah?" He murmurs against your skin after he pulls you closer, like he's afraid you'll be gone before the morning. Right, like you would ever leave his side on your own accord.

It's funny, how he calls you a siren but in truth, he's the one who can lure you in every time, then he leaves you stranded with the loss and the thoughts of 'what could have been'.

You tried to move on, you truly did but it seems he ruined you for anyone else as you were always comparing them to him and you could tell by the first conversation they failed to meet the standards. So you just wait until fate makes you cross paths with him again and start the whole dance all over, meanwhile waiting for the inevitable fall when he drops you.

[forevermore-quoth-the-kitten]

BATFAM AS QUOTES BUT THIS TIME IS SAO ABRIDGED LETS GO!

Frist | Next

Damian: just stay calm, you already have everything you need to beat it.

Jon, temporarily powerless and panicking: the power to believe in myself?!

Damian: Noo, my sword. Stab it!!

-

Jason: there, was that so hard? fucking drama queen.

Tim: YOU PUT A KNIFE IN MY FACE! I’D SAY THIS IS AN ADEQUATE AMOUNT OF DRAMA!!

-

Jason: Dickie, Dickie, Dickie. Look, ok? I get it. you had a really bad day! You’re stressed out, 7 people died-

Dick: 12 PEOPLE!

Jason: Not the point. Look, they’re dead now, and really, whose fault is that?

Dick: YOURS!!

Jason: That’s right, no ones’.

-

Tim: Oh spare me, ‘wonder woman’, you’re only doing this to prove I was wrong.

Steph: Hey, at least I pretend to be nice to people!

Tim: yeah whatever- wait ‘pretend’?

-

Dick, about to duke it out with Bruce in the cave: here Duke, you take it.

Duke, when he finally starts to show Batfam Dark Humor: ah, handing the black man the murder weapon, tale as old as time.

-

Jason: Uugghh!!! fine, B, I’ll humor you. Damian, why would your evil clone have wanted to make sweet love your friends’ chest with the business end of a broadsword?

Everyone: *shocked pikachu face*

Steph: Jesus Christ Jason.

-

Steph with Black Mask’s knife to her throat: Enjoy this while you can, it’s the deepest you’ll ever be in a woman.

-

Bruce, every time he meets a sad dark haired orphan that probably has blue eyes: I WOULD LIKE TO BUY ONE CHILD PLEASE!

-

Tim, trying to get Bart to calm down after a late night horror movie: I think we can safely assume, that a ghost was not the culprit here. Right Nightwing?

Dick, a chaotic little shit who loves drama: Of course not! obviously it was a hit by the mermaid mafia paid in leprechaun gold. But who was the puppet master? The Unicorns? No, they’ve had a fued going on with the Mermaids for years.

Tim, now barely staying upright with a trembling Bart holding onto him: DAMMIT NIGHTWING THIS IS SERIOUS!!

-

Jason, running towards an Untitled: alright ugly, let me teach you why they call me the legendary- *gets hit out of the way immediately* -fUCK!

-

Dick: Because I’ve got a date with destiny!

Steph: yeah, i don’t need to know the name of your preferred cam-girl bro.

-

*while calling Bruce to get him out of a meeting, all background voices with the sound effects by Jason and Damian after Dick dropped the phone*

Tim: oh god!

Steph: it’s spreading!

Duke: grab the women and children!

Dick: yeah, we’ll use them as shields!

*explosion*

-

Damian: Thomas.

Duke: yeah? 

Damian: If if doesn’t cause you much trouble, tell Drake I did not actually call it ‘the piece of shit’.

Duke: . . . kayy, i’m gonna need a little more info to go on there-

Damian: and Todd-

Duke: oh ok, i guess we’re just done here.

-

Dick, narrating to Jason what Bruce was like when he died like the over-dramatic circus brat he is: And so they say, Batman’s heart grew three sizes that day. And then immediately shrank 6, imploding into a black hole from which no love could escape.

-

Cass, protecting a hurt Damian who missed her ballet recital because they kidnapped him and is very pissed: you see, there’s no need to wonder where your god is. Because she’s right here, and she’s fresh out of mercy.

Damian: *thoroughly impressed*

Criminals: *pissing their pants at the fact the tiny twice as scary batman with a stitched face creepier than Scarecrow can talk*

-

Dick: hey I hear those air quotes, you son of a bitch.

[chamberedbeauty]

There was so much that she didn't understand, and as time slowly ticked on, she feared some of it she never would. It wasn't missed on her that for whatever reason Steve got to choose to go back, yet Bucky was still here. She didn't ask. She figured with the little knowledge she had about Steve and his rankings and the- oh what were they called?....The Avengers- that he had enough say to those powerful enough to send him home. Maybe only one could? She didn't know, but the fact that he could now being revealed, didn't sit well with her or make her any less confused. But the hope is too strong.

And yet it comes crumbling down faster than it had came.

Harry died. In 1945. He wasn't home. He didn't die an old man warm in a bed. He didn't marry. He didn't have kids. He didn't get to have the life he deserved. And she wasn't there. She wasn't there to mourn him. To say goodbye. It didn't matter if she'd stayed out of the chamber, he would have been gone. The three boys sent to war died there. Her future ended the moment Bucky fell from the train.

For a moment she wonders if that's why they never retrieved her- her parents saw the way Bucky and Steve's death destroyed her. She was nearly gone when she went in the chamber, surely Harry's death would have given her that final push to fade away.

Gwen can hardly hear him as he continues to speak. There's something he says about not being able to go to Steve, and through the ripping pieces of the remainder of her heart, that makes her wince. And then he tells her he'd leave her. That she would be alone. She'd have her family...but not Harry, not Steve, and not him. The one that started this all.

And now a small laugh leaves her, and it's the saddest noise she's ever heard herself make. But she won't cry. She's so tired of crying. She's so tired of hurting. She pulls her hand from his gently to run it through her hair, forcing herself to stare at the house before she turns back to him and suddenly it doesn't matter that they're older. It doesn't matter that it's not ladylike. It doesn't matter that he's been through enough physical violence. Nor does it matter that she can't hurt him. Suddenly they're standing in 1939 and her fist comes up to strike his right arm before shoving him back. And as horrible as it was, it was the closest thing to herself she'd felt in years.

"Why would you do that to me? Why?" She bites her lip as hard as she can to keep her tears inside. "Why would you tell me I could go back when you knew- you knew there was nothing to go back to?! And who's to say my parents wouldn't die in another car accident? This time with my brothers in the car? Huh? A-And even if that didn't happen, I couldn't go see Steve? I couldn't go see someone who was apart of my life for so long- who I miss terribly? How does that work? A-And Harry-" Her voice cracks but she shakes her head. "I'd be just the near equivalent to a widow? Were you expecting me then to go for the next one? I don't want that. Do you believe they'd even entertain the idea even if I did? Surely Thomas told them when I disappeared- he didn't have be as a puppet anymore."

She's not making sense, she knows it. She's being emotional and causing a scene. But fuck the standards, fuck how she's supposed to act, even that means taking her anger and sadness out on him.

"And do you honestly believe that I would go back without you? God, do you have any idea what your death did to me? You know it wasn't just to present an image for my father and boost his career? I-I just wanted to stop feeling one goddamn moment. I wanted to escape. Everything good stopped the moment you fell. A piece of me died with you. All I wanted was you. I laid at your grave every single day and pleaded for God to take me too. I went mad. And then Steve....I begged him not to go back because I knew- I knew that he'd die too. I told him that. I got on my knees and begged for him to run away with me. I did everything I could to keep him from going back but...but he was so goddamn stubborn and never outgrew that righteous for justice and was so reckless. And then....and then I heard the screams in the hallway while I was recovering in the hospital....I heard the radio broadcaster say he put a plane in the water. And then- and then suddenly two of the most people in my life- two people I loved most in the world were gone. A-And I didn't even have a place to go mourn over his empty box. They didn't bury the boy who'd left Brooklyn all but twice in his entire life before he got that serum in Brooklyn. They didn't bury him next to you or Sarah. They buried him in DC....fucking DC. You were gone....and I'm just supposed to go back to that? Go back to nothing.."

Her head turns once more to the house. "It's a lovely house....it has potential. But I want to go rest now." She turns opening the car door, sliding in the passenger seat then slams it shut. Her seatbelt crosses over her before she curls up, wrapping her blanket up as high as she could as she hugs the box to her chest. Guilt and grief swarms her as images of Harry play in her mind, his touch, their memories. His smile. Slowly the thoughts morph into his final moments. What he may have been thinking, what it may have looked like, until she feels ill. But she still doesn't cry, not until they're back in Brooklyn, and she's locked herself in Bucky's room.

Brown hues flicker to his fingers as he adjusts the settings in the vehicle, and she had to admit while there was an overwhelming amount of things she missed about the 20th century, these new adaptations to cars were a quite nice. But then he tells her just another thing that is different and her head turns so quickly to look at him she's surprised it didn't come off, but the pure feeling of betrayal is strong enough to distract her- even from her box for the moment.

"Los Angeles? Why would they do that?"

The gentle touch of his hand slowly calms her nerves, slowly brings down her emotions, and slowly Gwen settles back against the car seat though keeps a tight grip on her box. She's unsure where this next "stop" was, but truth be told she didn't care. The city was so loud, it was nice to not have the outside noise mix with the chaos going on inside her mind. And hell, she's so exhausted from the chaos from today that slowly the brunette drifts off to sleep until there's a light tough to her arm.

She blinks, stretching out a bit before taking in the scale of the house in front of them. It reminded her of the Shelby house before they tore it down back in the 30s. Vacant and under maintained after they'd been arrested for bootlegging back in the 20s and no one had been able to profit from it during the Depression. Still, this house had potential.

Carefully Gwen steps out of the car, shuddering out a breath at the cold March air and she finds herself closer to Bucky than what she once would deem appropriate...but she'd found out he'd radiated heat that either she hadn't remembered or it was something that serum granted him.

"When I imagined the future, I never thought it would be so loud...or so cruel. I loved the city, but now...now it just feels scary. The whole world does."

Her head shakes rapidly when he starts listing her options. "I don't want to go with Sam," Gwen speaks quickly, too quickly. And she feels bad. Sam had been so lovely to her and she'd taken an early liking to him, and she had no doubts that his sister was just as pleasant, but they weren't Bucky. Bucky was all she had now, and he'd been her world for over 17 years before he'd been ripped from her. The idea of not being right next to him terrified her- and wasn't an option she'd even consider.

But it's his final option that causes her eyebrows to crease, turning from the house to look up at him and there's something that fills her with so much hope and hurt at the same time. "Home? I-I don't understand. We can go home?" She pauses for a moment, her thoughts drifting to the incredibly vague conversation Bucky and Sam had had with her about Steve, about where he was now and while it didn't make sense, suddenly the hope outweighed the hurt.

"Let's go home." Her hands quickly reach out to grab his right hand. "To 1948, before mom and dad die. Then we'd only have to wait a year or so before Steve is back a-and you already know where he'd be so we could just go get him. A-and we can keep my parents form ever getting in a car that day and-and we'd only be missing a few years but we could be with your sisters again too. Rebecca married in 49 too, I saw the date. We could be there for the wedding, for her to start a family. And maybe I could convince June to do the same too and-and it would be fine. It would all be fine. I-I haven't looked to see if Harry married after he returned but-but I could tell him everything and he'd understand. I don't know what would come of it but you and I- well we'd be alright and we'd figure it all out and we'd actually have the peace of mind to do it. We'd be home. None of this makes sense, Bucky, none of it. We don't- we don't need to be here. We weren't meant to be here. So let's go- let's go home."