#not only is she so fucking sad and misses thomas so fucking much

[jennaajoseph]

ㅤㅤㅤ ❛ Home. ❜ ⸻ Holden Worther x F!Reader.

── ﹙౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ MASTERLIST&INFO.﹚. ☆

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ SUMMARY. ⸻ Holden comes home after a long time at the mental hospital.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ PAIRING. ⸻ holden worther x fem!reader.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ CONTENTS. ⸻ fluff, kinda sad if you ask me, bf!holden, generally sensitive topics, mentions of: mental hospital, drinking, rehab, failed suicide attempt, female reader.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ A/N. ⸻ an universe where Holden got help he deserved tbh. Can y'all write more fics for Holden pls??

This one has quite sensitive topics, feel free to correct me if it's needed! Thank you!

Also it took a longer time for me to upload smth cuz someone requested Holden and I wanted to post it first!

(also I think about doing a part two on that, we'll see.)

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ CREDITS. ⸻ photo - pinterest (cropped by me) , divider - @/cafekitsune.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ﹙©jennaajoseph﹚

After a failed suicide attempt caused by Holden's drinking problem, he finally agrees to get proffesional help. You were happy that he finally went to the mental hospital, where he was slowly getting better, going to rehab and therapy. Even if that meant not seeing him a lot, you were still happy that he was willing to work to become a better version of himself.

When Holden was in the hospital, he wrote you a lot of different stories. Your desk was always filled with sheets of paper. As time passed, his stories began to be less dark than before, and you took that as a good sign.

Sometimes he wrote you letters, writing about how he's feeling, and asking how you are feeling, how much he missed you, or how much he finally wants to finally see you and "kiss your pretty face". From the letters, you also found out that he started to really enjoy crafting. He sent you his every work; drawings, origami or small paintings made with acrylic paint.

Your room was full of things from him, and every time he sent you something new, you missed him even more.

⭑⭒⭒

Finally, when it was time for Holden to come back home, you couldn't hold your excitement. You were willing to help him with everything he needed, and support him all the time.

You and his parents drove to the hospital to pick him up. Of course, you were way more excited than them, but you were still glad they helped Holden get the help he deserved. They didn't show much emotion to anyone anyway, even themselves.

All of you were in the waiting room. Your leg bounced anxiously as you bit your nails. A bad habit of yours. Holden's parents were reading a magazine, not really caring about the world around them.

"Here for Thomas Worther?" A doctor appeared in the room, looking at some papers. Your head immediately jolted up when you heard his voice. Holden's mom confirmed, the doctor nodded, disappearing from the room the second after.

You let out an anxious sigh, but also a small excitement washed over you, finally being able to see Holden after a long time was something you were looking forward to for a long time. You couldn't visit him because of the policy. Only family members were allowed to, which was also quite limited because of his condition.

The door of the waiting room opened again after a while, Holden and a nurse entered the room.

"Okay Holden, wish you luck!" She smiled at him, and he nodded. The nurse turned to his parents and gave them some papers to sign, also talking about his therapy and rehab that he's still supposed to attend.

Holden quickly dropped his bags on the floor when he saw you. "Oh God, y/n" he quickly rushed in your direction. You stood up from your seat, and he wrapped his arms around you squeezing you tightly. You hugged him back as he hid his face in the crook of your neck. "I missed you so fucking much."

"Oh, Holden." You tried to hold your tears back, it was the first time you held him in almost 4 months. "I missed you too." You whispered, running your hand in his hair.

"I was scared that you won't be here." He gave you a pleading look, and your heart broke even more.

"Holden, I've been waiting for all this time." You cupped his face with both hands.

"I wanna go home..." He whispered, pressing your hands on his face harder. "...with you."

"Okay, we are going home soon, I promise." You reassured him.

"Tom," You both turned your head towards his parents and a nurse. "I think it's time for us to go home."

He quickly nodded grabbing your hand, and picking up his bags, everyone was ready to leave when the nurse spoke again. "Take care of yourself, Holden." She looked at him, then at you. You smiled at her gently.

"I will." He responded softly.

The car ride was filled with Holden's stories from the hospital. He sat very close to you, tightly holding your hand the whole time. He told you everything. What was his routine, his doctor visits, how his therapy looked like, what he learned. You couldn't stop listening. You missed everything about him.

⭑⭒⭒

"Let me grab this." His father said, when Holden wanted to pick his bags up from the car.

"Thanks." He said quietly.

His father carried his stuff into the house. When Holden stepped inside he didn't quite know what he should do with himself now, so his eyes just wandered around the house.

"Do you need something, Tom?" His mom asked from behind.

"No, no, i don't need anything." He replied.

His mother quietly nodded. His father stood next to her and sighed, placing his hands on his hips. "If you need something, we will be downstairs." He said.

"Okay."

There was a quite long silence afterwards that was interrupted by you stepping into the house. "Let me help you with the bags, Holden." You grabbed his backpack.

"Oh, right." He grabbed the rest of his stuff and slowly headed upstairs.

You took the last look at his parents and smiled gently. They returned the smile.

You went upstairs, right after Holden. He placed his bags on the floor and looked around. You quietly placed his backpack in the same spot.

He said turned back to look at you as you stepped closer to him, cupping his face with both of your hands. He gave you a pleading look again, and went silent for a second. "Did you cheat on me when I was away?"

A shocked look appeared on your face. "What? Holden-"

"Please be honest with me, you don't need to lie." His voice was getting cracky as a few tears rolled down his cheeks

You furrowed your eyebrows in sadness. Your heart broke at his words. The thought of cheating on him didn't even cross your mind. "Holden I could never do that to you."

"Please just tell me if you did." He buried his face in the crook of your neck as he broke down crying.

You held him, gently caressing his back, holding back tears. "I swear to God, baby I didn't."

"I was away for almost 4 months, how could you not." He sobbed against your neck.

"Because I promised that I'll be here for you, and I love you with my whole heart." You grabbed his face gently to make him look at you. This time you gave him a pleading look. "You are my home."

His bottom lip quivered as he pulled you closer to him.

"I promise you, I would never do anything like that."

He nodded his head slightly. You two sat on the bed as you helped him calm down a little.

"You promise?" He whispered.

"I promise, my love." You kissed his lips gently, and he held you tightly by your waist.

"I can't express how much I love you." He said, his grip getting harder on you.

"Easy, Holden, you are gonna crush me." You chuckled quietly, wiping his tears.

"I'm sorry, I just need you really really close." He said in almost begging tone.

"We can cuddle for a bit, is that okay?" You brushed your thumbs against his cheeks. He nodded instantly.

You both cuddled on his bed, his face buried in your chest, his hands holding you around your waist, this time not that hard.

"Did you saw the gifts I sent you?" He changed the subject, looking up at you.

"Of course I did!" You smiled.

"Did you like them?"

"I love them, Holden." You caressed his cheek with one of your hands, and he blushed. "You are very talented, you know that?"

"Maybe..." He murmured against your chest.

You rolled your eyes playfully, and placed your head on top of his. "You are."

"Okay" He grinned slightly. "I have something I didn't send you."

"Really?" Your eyes widened.

"Do you want to see what is it?"

"Of course I do!" You sat on the bed excitedly.

He smiled and grabbed his backpack. "I made it in one of my art therapy classes."

"Show me, please."

His hand was searching in his bag, after a second he pulled out two colorful bracelets. "I hope you'll like them." He held them up for you to see.

"You made that?" You took the bracelets from him, smiling. "They look wonderful!"

"They have yours and my name on it." He pointed at the beads with letters.

"Oh, that's right!" Your smile got wider as you saw that one of the bracelets has "Holden" written on it and the second one "y/n". "That's the cutest thing I have ever seen."

"Really?"

"Yeah!" You said, sliding the bracelet on your wrist. "I'll keep the "Holden" one and you'll keep the "y/n" one." You slid the second bracelet on his wrist too. "Now we match!"

He smiled widely, and held your face to give you a kiss. You quickly returned it.

"I'm so lucky to have you." He mumbled between kisses.

You smiled into the kiss. "I love you, Holden."

"I love you too, y/n, so, so, so much."

You giggled as his kisses got all over your face. "Easy baby, I'm not going anywhere."

"I know I just, I missed you so damn much." He pulled you closer to him, panting slightly as he stopped kissing you.

"I missed you too." You gave him a soft smile.

"Do you think you can stay for the night?" He gave you a sad puppy look. Begging you to stay with him. "I know that you have work-" You quickly cut him off.

"I can stay for how long you need." You whispered kissing his forehead. "My home is right there, with you."

⭑⭒⭒

After two weeks, Holden got more comfortable being at home. You drove him to therapy once a week to help him with his mental illness, and after that he went to alcohol rehab, helping with his drinking problems. These days were the most busy, you just sat outside the room he was in, and waited for a couple hours, but it was worth seeing his big smile when it was time to go home.

He also needed to fix himself a new routine, which you helped him with. You always reminded him to take his meds every morning.

He also didn't quit his hobbies. Every day he did something new for you, a drawing, story, poem, painting, bracelet or small origami. You always were excited to see what he did, and he was always excited to give it to you.

Holden was basically glued to you all the time, from the moment you woke up, to the moment you went to sleep. On the days when you had work, he woke up at the same time as you, made you breakfast and helped you get ready. Sometimes, in the morning, you two took a shower together which usually led to heavy make out session before work, or even sex when you had more spare time.

He always told you how much he appreciates that you are still here for him after what happened, and he tried his best to make you feel loved and safe, showering you with kisses, hugs or literally any physical contact — his favourite way of showing affection.

His parents were also glad for your help, even though you didn't really talked to them, you knew they were happy with your presence. They didn't really mind you staying for that long, but to be honest, you wanted Holden to move into your apartment when he finds himself a job. Your money from working at Retail Rodeo wasn't much to cover up for you two, and for safety reasons you wanted Holden to stay with his parents a little longer.

⭑⭒⭒

You finished showering, and dressed in your pajamas, quickly went on tip toes to Holden's room.

"Okay I'm done, you can go now." You closed the door behind you and saw him lying on the bed, smiling sheepishly. "What?" You grinned at him.

"Come here." He opened his arms, suggesting for you to cuddle with him. You quickly jumped into his arms and he rolled you over so now he was straddling you.

You sighed with a smile. "We are not fucking."

"Who said that I want to fuck?" He grinned and started kissing your cheeks.

"I know you Holden, you are a very horny person." You giggled.

"It's hard not to be around you." He looked into your eyes. You gently ran one of your hands through his hair and smiled at him. He stared at you for a good couple minutes before finally speaking. "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen."

You rolled your eyes platfully. "C'mon, I'm not that beautiful."

He rolled his eyes, mocking you. "Yes you are, at least for me."

You smiled softly and caressed his cheek. "You are very handsome to me too."

He grinned widely. "Thank you."

"For what? Complements?"

"For simply existing, you helped me a lot." He tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear. "I'm very happy it was you."

You couldn't help but smile. Holden appreciated literally everything you did for him, even if it was something small, he would be head over heels for you, and it's allways been like this. He would always return the favour with something bigger than you usually did for him.

You grabbed his face gently, and pulled him into a kiss. "I'm very happy it was you too." You mumbled into the kiss.

"I'm excited for our future together." He smiled sheepishly when the kiss ended.

"You have no idea how excited I am too."

[gold-rhine]

Inazuma Rewrite Act Two

Please read part one before reading this. It will make no sense otherwise.

In part one I did setup for the vision hunt conflict, changed Raiden’s motivations, added Rebellion \ Resistance interaction and Teppei setup, added setups to the arcs to Ayaka and Yoimiya. And more!

In this installment:

Let’s Make Player Give A Fuck About Rebellion and Teppei

Kokomi Is Not An Idiot

Delusions Are Not The Aging Beach

Ayaka’s Arc Pay-off

and more!

All disclaimers from part one also apply, I’m not gonna copy paste them.

Raiden Shogun First Duel 

I think we can keep the duel itself mostly unchanged. The cutscenes are pretty good and very cinematic, I don’t see reason to fix things which are not broke when there are already so many broken things

so, Traveler comes to Thoma’s rescue, gets taken to raiden’s plane of euthemia

also mb let’s cut i hate all minorities dialogue and instead like. open disobedience of the traveler to raiden shogun is i think enough to be used as a cause for the duel

The dialogue with raiden changes, we add banter with Traveler where traveler is like but you were pro-change before! and like cites some Transience things we talked about in the part 1.

Raiden gets mad in response, yells “Don’t you dare to mention her against me!” and that’s when she throws Traveler out of  euthemia and prepares the boob nuke

yeah, it’s foreshadowing of Makoto reveal

then the cutscene is the same, Thoma chucks a spear in her face and escapes with the traveler

thoma goes into hiding, traveler goes to join rebellion. bc they’re already in contact with gorou, we skip meandering around and go straight to the goal

First battle

and we arrive directly to the battlefield

there are several problems with rebellion pacing and kokomi characterization, which i elaborated on before. Like, Kokomi in canon only has one battle, which she wins because she hired mercenaries with fatui money. which like! invalidates this whole thing and makes her naive enough to be duped by the bad guys. So we need a battle win which is decidedly due to Kokomi’s genius.

so like in canon, Kujou Sara demands rebellion give her the traveler. Teppei, whos also there, is like no, fuck off! he’s embarrassed to speak out of the order but determined.

Gorou of course gives a speech about not giving up comrades, the fight starts, we have cool battle animation blah blah, and then suddenly!! Kujou Sara has reinforcements coming from behind some cliffs, oh no!! Teppei yells there’s too much of them! We will be overrun! Close up of Gorou’s snarling face, eyes darting, ready to call retreat, close up of victoriously looking Sara, Tenryou reinforcements are running to the battle... 

The water bubbles start rising up and Kokomi appears. She smiles at Gorou reassuringly and does some cool water animation. The hidden spring\waterfall bursts up with water and crushes into the reinforcements, washing them away. Rebellion rejoices, Kujou Sara curses and calls retreat.

i’ve seen people demand kokomi to have like a cool battle transforming into a dragon or smth bc of her origins and draconae constellation, but like this is missing the narrative pacing. the vishap origins only make sense after enkanomya where we learn about watatsumi history AND on the subversion of “oh its pink pastel kokomi who is smart and sweet :3”. Like we need to know her like that first, and THEN the dragon reveal will be cool and interesting.

Rebellion and Teppei overall setup

so, the Rebellion act wanted to accomplish too many things and didn’t structure them efficiently:

make you feel comradery with rebellion

make you like teppei

make you feel like a leader of your own squad, but like you EARNEd it, bc at first soldiers are distrustful and make you prove yourself

establish delusions and that delusions are bad bc teppei died, which is sad bc p.2

 in canon it’s like - have one scene with teppei, do some useless fetch errands for rebels, have another scene with teppei, be assigned swordfish captain and have two quick scenes with two dudes you will not remember

so obviously no one gives a fuck with this kind of pacing

instead, we will combine all of this and more importantly, give it narrative throughline so it doesn’t feel so disconnected and erratic

traveler is already known to Gorou through resistance meet up, he vouches for them, and Kokomi immediately names Traveler as captain of swordfish 2

Teppei is here and he excitedly volunteers to join that squad too

Gorou is like hey its a high risk squad that’s deployed on front lines, and you don’t have combat experience like, at all

Paimon and Traveler step up to be like yeah its fine, we’ll look after him, teppei is like omg thanks you guys :3

turns out he has problems fitting in with the rebels. they are all great ppl, sure, but they are warriors bonded in fights for years and most of them are from watatsumi. 

and he’s like a merchant or a clerk from narukami island. he feels like an outsider and a burden

but now the Traveler is here! they are already buddies from that resistance meet up and Traveler is an outsider too. They can stick together!

Swordfish II

So you go to meet up with your swordfish squad. You are greeted by a buff butch woman who is v no-nonsense and skeptical about your ability to be leader and another woman who is more friendly, but still kinda keeps distance and is snarky

their code names are Xena and Gabrielle for no reason other that we need buff female models like blacksmihs, hoyo. The point is that we need some memorable NPCs to represent swordfish, bc these two dudes that give you shit in canon for 3 second? I couldn’t remember them if my life depended on it

anyway, you learn that the previous captain just died and everyone loved and was very loyal to them, and now they are hostile to anyone who tries to take command.

So we do couple of battle to prove we’re strong blah blah, teppei is useless during a fight and Xena makes fun of him for this, and he’s super embarrassed

after that we walk around with teppei. Swordfishes camp is kinda shabby, they just took a bad hit. So we help the wounded, repair some tents, etc, but most important, Teppei uses expertise he’s got from his civilian job to solve problems

like he knows how to make a great painkiller potion bc he used to sell them. Or he gets an idea to use empty bags from used supplies to cover holes in tents, etc. 

Point is, he contributes.

After all this, Xena and Gabrielle are walking around, and Gabrielle is like wow captain, did you do all these improvements, and Traveler is like yeah, but it was all Teppei’s solutions, and Xena doesn’t say anything, but you can see she’s surprised and appreciative that you’re not only strong in combat, but care for the squad

she nods over the campfire at teppei like “i guess you’re not so useless after all, narukami nerd”

he protests, everyone laughs, its Bonding Time

Kokomi is not an idiot\ Fatui

We’re summoned to go see Kokomi. She’s in deep thought. Rebellion is in dire situation, supplies are running out, she’s sure they will not be able to win another open confrontation, even with her strategic tricks

But there is a new development - she’s being offered a huge anonymous donation. With that money, she could hire mercs to help. But to accept money without knowing the source is too risky, it could be a trap or setup

so she asks us to investigate these mysterious benefactors. bc also there are some vague rumors about some way to get boost to power going around and thats very sus too

bc like no, I cannot get over supposed genius Kokomi just taking fatui’s help blindly and letting them spread delusions around

so we go to the quest to investigate clues, with the swordfishes, its our first srs mission as the captain.

its couple of fights, blah blah. we find some clues and then its the Leader Decision time.

like there are two camps and we need to strike both at the same time, or the other one will destroy evidence and run, but we don’t have enough manpower. traveler is like  can take one camp by myself, and Xena at first is skeptical, but we’ve proven ourselves yesterday so she’s like okay I trust you, boss

everything goes well, both camps are taken and we find evidence that these donations are in fact, from fatui! and they are trying to spread delusions, which are bad and can kill you!

Delusions

I’m not a fan of Delusions working like the aging beach from that movie Old. Like first of all, if that’s how it worked, Childe should at this point look like this

and Diluc. And Signora. Like I get that these are like low quality delusions, so effect is worse, but you can’t be like wow Teppei turned 90 in 2 days and Diluc stayed babyfaced after 4 years.

second, how is that no one noticed Teppei aging 20 years after each fight. Like it had to happen in front of other soldiers.

And like, why change the mechanics at all?? You use delusion, you get burst of power and take huge hit to the health, that’s it. Low quality delusions take more out of your health, so people using them die faster. They don’t need to age faster at the same time.So that’s mechanics I’m using here.

Anyway, while swordfishes discuss delusions finding (and Xena loudly condemns them), camera shows Teppei being quiet, kinda sus and looking away

Kokomi Mini-Arc\ Swordfish Bonding

we go back and report to kokomi. She’s distraught. The battle is so soon and she doesn’t know what to do!

from pure strategic, emotionless perspective to win the battle she needs to take fatui’s money and close her eyes at some soldiers using delusions. She can trade their lives for the voctory

But as a Watatsumi leader who cares about her people she cannot do that!

Traveler comforts her, but leaves without any obvious decision made and with a heavy heart. 

the night before battle, we gather at campfire with the swordfishes

everyone is kinda doom and gloom bc it’s obvious Rebellion doesn’t stand a chance

Traveler stands up and makes a motivational speech about fighting together, about how they’ve faced seemingly impossible odds before and prevailed, bc everyone worked together, like with Ossail fight

Xena suddenly stands up to support us, she’s like yeah, I didn’t believe in you before, but now I see you’re worth it, Captain!

everyone cheers, Xena punches Teppei into shoulder and he almost falls over like “Even this narukami nerd is not as bad as I thought haha!”

Final Rebellion Battle

So, cinematic cutscene. Sara on one side with obviously more soldiers. Kokomi and Gorou with rebellion on the other side. Traveler is with the Swordfishes and Teppei. Kokomi and Sara shjare some snappy banter. 

mb there’s a duel, but only if combat designers can figure out way to make it cool. Traveler whacking NPC in a row who can do nothing back with a sword 5 times in a row like in canon is fucking boring. Mb incorporate like challenge with Inazuma mechanics like the thunder zoomies or smth.

the battle begins. Rebellions fights fiercely, close ups of our swordfishes.

Teppei is fighting Surprisingly Good For Him. Xena comments on this and he beams up

but the difference in numbers is too much. Rebellions starts being overwhelmed, and then!

Suddenly Beidou and the mercs join the battle! Kazuha is here too. Traveler looks worriedly at Kokomi, does this mean that she’s accepted Fatui’s bloody money??

But Kokomi smiles back. No, she’s had another trump up her sleeve

trail of snowflakes runs through the ground and suddenly, Ayaka appears on the battlefield. 

animation cutscene plays, Ayaka is shown in the past, after Traveler leaves, feeling restless and trapped in the estate. She’s still reeling from Yoimiya’s words and the fact that she couldn’t even help Thoma herself. She feels powerless, a pretty helpless figurehead princess that she didn’t want to be

letter from Kokomi arrives, telling about Rebellion’s dire situation and asking if Ayaka can help

Ayaka is in turmoil, she wants to help so bad, but she can’t steal money from Yashiro commission, that’d be stealing from people of Inazuma! 

She glances at her dancing fan and suddenly, a solution comes to her.

Looking determined, she goes to the Kamisato estate treasury and opens the chest of her parents’ inheritance

She sells some of her family heritage jewels and silks to get the money, deciding to use the same privilege that kept her trapped to finally help people 

she also officially announces that she’ll be in religious solitude meditation ritual or smth and instead sneaks off and travels to Watatsumi

she’s wearing that carnival mask that hoyo puts on models when they want to do “disguise”. Listen, if Diluc doesn’t get recognized in this gay little mask, then it can work for Ayaka too

anyway, animation ends with Ayaka springing from the ground on the battlefield and starting her burst, which transitions to her in-game burst animation

Her burst shreds through Tenryou forces.

Ayaka freeze with Kokomi and Kazuha is one of the best meta teams. Sara realizes it’s fucking JOVER for this battle and calls retreat.

Teppei death \ Delusion factory

Rebellion overjoices, Traveler and the swordfishes hug or whatever our animation department can handle in celebration, when suddenly!

Teppei falls down! Everyone gathers around and see delusion roll over from his hand!

oh no! He says he secretly picked up delusion from the fatui camp we cleared during investigation. This is why he’s fought so well today.

We tell him that he shouldn’t have done it, the fool!

He says he wanted to be useful. He just wanted to finally be one of the rebels!

Xena sits down next to him and says “You were already one of us.”

He dies holding her hand, with all comrades all around, instead of alone behind a shed like a sick housecat

Gorou and Kokomi walk up.Kokomi says that this is exactly why she refused Fatui’s help, but this happening even to one of the soldiers is a tragedy

Traveler and Swordfishes of course demand revenge. But we don’t know where the delusions are coming from! we already cleared fatui camps we knew of, we just don’t have any new leads!

Kujou Sara who watched this scene from afar suddenly speaks up

She has intel about possible location of Fatui factory, that she didn’t have time to explore. It’s on Tenryuo territory, but she’s willing to let Traveler pass. Fatui betraying and harming Inazuma people like this is unacceptable to her, even if they are enemies for now.

We’re like but can we trust her?? What if she just captures us?

Kokomi has long eye contact with Sara. It’s very Yuri. 

She finally says “No, we can trust Kujou Sara’s honor”

Sara only lets Traveler pass, so we have a scene of swordfishes wishing us luck and then we leave

Delusion factory quest goes the same. It’s okay, again, not fixing what’s not broke.

We confront Scara, he rants about mortals being bubbles, blah blah

The only dialogue change is when he bullshits about like oh, these mortals are weak and useless, of course they have to pay for power, Traveler argues that Teppei was already useful, he helped with the camp in a way others couldn’t, and he didn’t have to die to prove anything or “pay” for power

Otherwise it goes the same, Traveler passes out, Yae shows up to trade the gnosis

we’re moving to the Act 3!

PART 3

[pxndorasdream]

Experiment 101 — Part 1

AgedUp! Neteyam x Fem!Human! Reader

Words: 3K

Warnings: Mention of neglectful parents, kidnapping (I’m still learning on how to tag these, so please tell me if I’m missing something)

Summary: Y/N is kidnapped by the RDA and then brought to Pandora where they use her and three other people as lab rats, but can they escape the sky people? And what if some Na’vi brothers find her unconscious in the forest?

Notes: Heeey, sooo this is the first story I post here, I hope you like it <33 English is not my first language so have mercy on me. Also, Neteyam and Lo’ak doesn’t appear till the end, this is more of like an introduction to Y/N and what happened to her. I’ve already planned a few more parts, so let me know if you’re interested ;)

3rd Person POV

Proofread ig

Life on Earth was harsh. There was no bright colors, only the gray of the concrete surrounding everything. It was sad. The place that had been once paradise on Earth, was now pure concrete.

War was something people were used to, fighting over anything. Like I said, it was sad.

But sometimes life wasn’t that bad when you have a loving family around. Sure, the lack of nature and the constant war surrounding humans was depressing, but once you’re with someone you love -and loves you back- all the problems seem smaller.

But unfortunately, that was not Y/N’s case. She was alone. She had no one. Well, she still had her parents, but they meant nothing to her. They were both just strangers to the girl.

They didn’t even noticed when their daughter disappeared for several days, only returning home to grab a few things and made her way out once again.

They also didn’t noticed the bruises that formed all around her body, like I said, they weren’t parents of the year.

The truth is, she was kidnapped by a group of men. And not only her, there were a few other people in the same situation as her.

There were two boys, maybe around their late teens, and another girl that seemed a bit older than them.

“What the hell do you want from us!?” One of the guys asked, the blonde one, more specifically.

The masked men that kidnapped them didn’t say a word. They just remained quiet, causing fear on the four hostages.

“Can somebody tell us what the fuck is happening?” The oldest girl said this time.

But again, nobody answered.

A few minutes later, the men left the room, leaving the four victims alone. The other boy stood up and tried to open the door, but to no one’s surprise, it was locked.

“Hey” Y/N heard the blonde boy talking, but she didn’t pay much attention, being consumed in fear of what possibly will happen to them. “Hey” She heard again, turning her head to meet the boy’s gaze.

“Yeah?” She replied a bit uncomfortable.

“What’s your name?” He asked. The girl looked at him in disbelief. Is he seriously trying to make small talk while being kidnapped? “C’mon, I mean, we’re all locked up here against our will, so maybe we should at least know each other's names, right?”

She looked to the others, noticing they were paying attention to the blonde guy. She sighed. “I’m Y/N”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N, I’m Cameron” He said, then looking at the two people left.

“My name’s Madison” The oldest girl said, looking a little afraid.

“Well, I guess that only leaves me… I’m Thomas”

Soon enough the men were back, but with a new person joining them. It was a woman. “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, I’m General Ardmore, and I have an offer for the four of you” She said with no expression on her face.

“And for that you had to kidnap us?” The blonde boy, now known as Cameron, replied with a mocking tone. What on Earth is this guy doing?

“Shut it” The woman demanded. “You’ll be grateful that I took you out of your shitty lives” She paused for a second. “I assume you have heard about some planet called Pandora, am I right?” The four of them nodded. “Well, we need some… volunteers, if you want to put it that way. We have some experiments we’d like to try”

“By volunteers you mean us, I guess” Y/N dared to speak for the first time.

“You’re correct, miss Y/N” Ardmore responded with a sarcastic grin. “The four of you are alone. You have no one, so I guessed you won’t be missed if we take you to Pandora”

What a bitch, Y/N thought to herself, but the woman was correct, at least in her case, no one would notice she’s missing.

“And what will we have to do?” Thomas asked.

“Don’t worry about it, for now, we leave in 24 hours, in the meantime, you’ll be granted the opportunity to go back home and grab a few personal things for your survival up there, but don’t even think about escaping, because we will found you and you won’t like what’s next, am I making myself clear?” All of them nodded, but the woman wasn’t satisfied. “I will repeat myself one more time and I want you to answer me right… Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes ma’am”

“Fine, escort them to their homes and bring them back to me in less than 12 hours, okay?” She then asked the men guarding the place.

“Yes ma’am”

A few hours later, they were boarding an actual spaceship, every little kid dream, but it wasn’t in a way they enjoyed.

Everything surrounding them had the initials ‘RDA’, making the girl wonder what that meant. Y/N then walked towards some strange looking thing, it kinda look like a modern coffin.

“Alright, this is a cryosleep capsule, you’re going to get in one of these and sleep till we get to Pandora, okay?” A scientist explained to them what was going to happen next.

“So, how does this exactly work?” Madison asked with curiosity.

“These things basically freezes you and that maintains you alive and well for long periods of time, when you’re in cryo state you don’t dream, and don’t need food or water, it’s like you’re being put in pause” He explained. “It basically keeps people in perfect shape, they don’t age a second, it’s quite awesome”

“And why do we need to be in one of these?” Y/N asked.

“It’s because the trip to Pandora last about six Earth years, and we don’t want our people being six years older that when they left”

“Six years?!” Cameron asked in shock.

“Yeah, blondie, don’t you know how space works?” Y/N asked him and a small laugh slipped through her lips.

“We’ll, then, hop in.” The scientist told them, the four of them doing it. Y/N laid down in the cryo capsule, the only thing in mind was hoping her life in Pandora would be a little better than on Earth, but oh, how wrong was she.

It seemed to have been only a blink of an eye for her and the three others, but after six years of traveling —which felt like a second to the four young guys—, they were arriving at Pandora.

Well, not exactly. They arrived at the RDA base, which was exactly like Earth, the gray color predominating the place. But surrounding that boring looking facility, a huge forest was in sight. Seeing the color green for the first time in quite a while, Y/N thought maybe life in Pandora wasn’t going to be so bad.

She was wrong. Life in Pandora was hell, no, it was worse than hell. Or at least on the RDA base. She would rather be sent to hell to serve Satan himself than stay there for one more day.

Being an experiment to the RDA people was horrible. She was in a dark room with 5 cells, one for each person, and one free. They were glass cells, and someone was always watching them. If it weren’t the scientists trying to observe the effect of the serum they previously injected in them, it was some guard.

They were never alone. It was hell. They didn’t know what that serum was supposed to do, but they came to the conclusion it wasn’t working, every three days some new serum was injected into their body, and each one had different side effects. It was torture. They were in pain for the next few days when the serum entered their body. They were just torturing them, there was no effective serum, so they kept going on. It was killing them.

But one day, after 2 years in Pandora, the serum seemed to have worked. The scientists seemed happy, and so did General Ardmore. They wanted to try and confirm the serum was finally correct, so the RDA organized a trip to the forests of Pandora.

A few days later, the soldiers were getting ready to enter the deadly forest, some scientists came as well, just to assure the well-being of the four people, well, not their well-being but to control the effects of the serum on them.

The four of them were given a mask, which someone later explained was for them to be able to breathe outside.

“I feel like fucking royalty walking with all these guys protecting us” Cameron said to Y/N while walking toward the forest.

She raised her eyebrow at him. “Are you for real?” She asked. “They are not protecting us, they are just making sure their little lab rats are ok with the serum”

He shrugged. “I’m just trying to lighten the mood, jeez”

Y/N rolled her eyes but a small smile escaped her lips. “Sure, whatever”

Their hands were handcuffed in front of their body, just to make sure no one tried to escape, so they had limited mobility. “Ok, we’re here. Let’s get it done.” Y/N heard a soldier talk. Then they all stopped walking, all of them with their eyes pointed at the four people. “Take out your masks” He said again.

“What? No!” Thomas replied angrily. What the hell, aren’t these supposed to be to not die while outside?

“There’s no way we’re taking these off, we’ll die!” This time it was Y/N talking. “You said Pandora air is toxic to humans, and that just breathing it for a second will make us faint, and in four more seconds, die?!”

One of the scientists sighed. “Get to your main mission, we will take care of them” She told the soldiers accompanying them, "We'll see you back here in 20 minutes, okay?”

The soldier rolled his eyes. “Yes ma’am” He said and later they went further into the forest, only leaving the four guys with some scientists and a couple of soldiers.

“Do you know what the serum is supposed to do?” The scientist asked. The four of them shook their heads. “This serum is supposed to make humans breath Pandora air without any fatal consequences, and you just happen to be our test subjects” She grinned. “So please, do as I said so and take. of. the. masks” She said losing her patience.

None of them obeyed. They weren’t idiots, what if the serum doesn’t work? “Take their masks off.” The woman now said to the soldiers. They obeyed and they walked towards Y/N and the others.

“Please, don’t” Madison said with fear in her voice.

“Shut it” The woman replied.

The men took Thomas and Cameron masks first, and it seemed like they were holding their breaths. Next, they took Madison and Y/N’s. The two girls doing the same as the boys.

“Breathe” She commanded. Neither of them did it. “Breath. Now!” But still, no one obeyed. But humans can only hold their breath for a while. After one minute, Madison took a breath, followed by Thomas, then Y/N and finally Cameron.

We’re going to die, Y/N thought, but after 30 seconds, they were still alive and felt okay, whatsoever.

The scientists started to cheer, still with their gazes on the four people in front of them. The serum had worked. Finally.

But the sound of gunshots followed by some screams wiped the smile off their faces.

“What is happening?” the woman asked the soldiers, but they only shrugged, pointing their own guns to the source of the sound.

“Withdrawal, withdrawal” They heard someone shout, shortly after, the soldiers from before were running towards them. “We have to go, now!”

“The natives found us! Withdrawal!” Another soldier shout just before being pierced by an arrow.

The sound of gunshots and screaming stunned Y/N, who was only looking at what was happening. She didn’t know what to do. A hand grabbing her forearm caught her attention. It was one of the scientists, but she didn’t want to go with them.

What was worse? Going back to the RDA base and being a fucking lab rat for another two years, or getting lost on Pandora’s forest and maybe being killed by an animal or some natives? She definitely didn’t want to be trapped on the base for one more second, so she freed herself from the scientist's grasp.

The other three saw this and tried to do the same, but only two of them were successful, Madison couldn’t lost the scientist that held her, and she was taken once again.

A few seconds later, no RDA people were left there, only Y/N, Cameron and Thomas. The gunshots and screaming stopped, the silence was restored and the only sound that could be heard was the wind going through the leaves of the tall trees.

“So… I guess we’re free” Cameron started the conversation.

“I think so” Thomas replied.

Y/N watched the two men. “I wouldn’t call this ‘being free’, we’re just lost in the forest. What are we supposed to do now?”

A new sound was heard by the girl. It was something moving on the trees. “We are so dead” Cameron said, he also heard the sound. “It was nice to meet you, guys, although I would’ve liked more to have met you in other circumstances”

“Yeah, maybe meeting you while being kidnapped and used as lab rats wasn’t the best, but it is what it is, now we’re going to die in some weird animal hands, so I guess we lived a shitty life and we’re going to die in a shitty way” Thomas replied.

Y/N looked at them annoyed. “Guys, stop making things even sadder!” She wanted to say something more but her chest started to hurt.

“Y/N! What is happening?” Cameron asked worriedly, but soon his own chest started to hurt too. Thomas was in the same situation as them. The three of them grabbed their own chest with their hands still handcuffed, trying to breathe, but it only hurt more. They began to lose consciousness and soon enough, they were lying unconscious on the ground.

It seemed the serum didn’t work once again.

From the top of the trees, two young Na’vi watched the humans lying unconscious on the forest floor. “Bro, we have to go there” Lo’ak said with his gaze still on the humans.

“Are you mad? What if they wake up and try to kill us?” Neteyam asked, looking at his little brother like he was crazy.

“C’mon bro, haven’t you noticed? They don’t have an oxygen mask, they are unconscious! They won’t wake up, and if they do, we knocked them out again”

“Fine, let’s go!” The oldest said, making his brother smile. “But…” Lo’ak’s smile faded. “We call dad right after” Neteyam said.

Lo’ak rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine, whatever, lets just go”

The young Na’vi came closer to the three human bodies lying unconscious. They were quite curious. They saw them surviving more than half a minute breathing Pandora's air, there was something weird about them.

“Did you hear when they said they were kidnapped?” Lo’ak asked his older brother, who nodded.

“Yeah, and that they were lab rats or something like that” Neteyam replied while looking closely at them.

“We definitely should call dad” The youngest said. “Even if he gets mad for not returning with the others right away the soldiers left”

“I’m on it” Neteyam touched his communicator. “Dad, we have some humans here, they are unconscious”

“What do they look like?” The oldest asked through the communicator. “And why are you still there?”

Lo’ak rolled his eyes. “I told you'' He whispered to his older brother.

“There are three of them, two guys and a girl, they look young, maybe like 19 or 20, and they’re handcuffed”

“What? Handcuffed?”

“Yes, and we heard them talking right before they were knocked out, they said some things I think you’ll find interesting” Lo’ak intervened.

“Fine, what’s your location?” Jake asked his sons.

“A few miles away from the base” Neteyam replied.

“Fine, I’m coming, do not move and make sure they don’t wake up” Their father ordered.

“Copy sir” The two youngest Sully boys replied. “What do you think lab rats meant?” The youngest asked. “I mean, I know what lab rats mean, but what do you think the RDA was testing with them?”

“I guess we’ll find out sooner or later”

Jake Sully arrived with a few other warriors at the spot his sons were waiting for him. “We’ll talk later” He said, both boys knowing they were in trouble for not going back home after they attacked the sky people. “They look young”

“I told you” Lo’ak said, gaining a bad look from his father and a hit in the head by his brother.

“We’ll take them to our base, have Norm and Max check on them, and when they wake up, we’ll question them” Jake said to his warriors, who nodded. “They aren’t wearing oxygen masks, are they even alive?” He seemed to finally notice the obvious.

“They are pretty much alive, sir. We’ve heard them saying they were kidnapped by the RDA and that they were just lab rats to them, I guess that has something to do with them not wearing a mask” Neteyam replied with a serious face, gaining a mocking look from his brother.

“Fine, take them to the base” Three warriors lift the sky people and started to get back. “And you two are coming with me” Jake said to his sons.

He was angry at them for not following direct orders, but he was more intrigued by the unconscious humans he just saw, and he wasn’t the only one. Neteyam and Lo’ak couldn’t leave their minds either.

Let me know if you want Part 2! ;)

[babybemydownfall]

things that shimmer in the dark Part IV: Rhys ( Part III ) There was no point denying it so I kissed her instead, hard and demanding. I wanted her tongue on mine, her body melting, opening for me; wanted to make love to her, to feel her surrender - to us, and everything we could be.  AKA An all night love-fest in the Archeron manor. Definitely NSFW. Read on AO3 or under the cut below. (Also, I only recently realised that my avatar, which comes from a poem by Iain S Thomas and which I've had for 10+ years, is Rhysand: There you are. I've been looking for you. How spooky.)

II

By the time we retired to bed after finalising our letter to the Queens, it was gone midnight. Feyre was tense and exhausted. I’d felt her all afternoon and evening, her shield weak, her emotions pouring out across our bond. She’d been anxious and angry; frustrated and forgiving. And whenever she looked at me, she burned.

I had worn a mask all my life, ingrained in me from a young age. And I had very rarely let it slip, despite times when I’d felt overwhelming rage or fear or despair. But it turned out that the most powerful distraction of all was lust. Whenever Feyre turned her beautiful blue-grey eyes on me, I struggled to stay composed, to keep my expression neutral and my breathing even. When her awful oldest sister questioned whether she was too good for human food anymore and Feyre replied that she could eat, drink, fuck and fight even better than before, my fork clanged to my plate as everything inside me went taut with desire. I wanted her so badly, so immediately, that it took every ounce of my willpower not to grab her and winnow us straight back to my house.

And later, as we wrote and rewrote the damned letter, the four of us arguing over each word and punctuation mark, her closeness was certainly a hindrance. When she leaned in to read what I’d written, I felt her long hair brushing my neck; the curve of her breast against my arm. The scent of her skin, of her arousal, was intoxicating. I would not let Cass and Azriel suspect a thing but whenever I was sure they weren’t looking, I touched her as much as I dared - my finger brushing hers on the page; my thigh shifting on my chair so it pressed against her knee. I loved the way her body reacted: a soft, short inhale; a pulse of longing down the bond.

I found myself thinking multiple times that I was so glad we had had each other in the kitchen earlier. I couldn’t imagine how difficult the rest of the day would have been without that release. And I had meant what I’d said to her there: this thing between us was a bad idea, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I had spent the previous day avoiding her, my mind constantly churning over what I should do. Getting drunk hadn’t helped - I only ended up sad and missing her. I had barely slept afterwards, thanks to the alcohol and my racing thoughts and the memories of our first morning together which left me with a very persistent erection.

When she found me in the kitchen, I still didn’t know what the right thing to do was. But as soon as I scented her, when I saw how fucking stunning she looked and how she went slack with longing for me, I realised there was no actual choice here. I couldn’t just bare myself to her - literally and emotionally - and simply walk away. She was my mate. This was bigger than both of us: it was what the Cauldron had destined; a bond more sacred and permanent than any other. It was inescapable. Undeniable. And Feyre didn’t know the truth, but I knew she felt it too: that we were something extraordinary.

And now, finally, we were alone together once again. She hadn’t reacted when I’d said we would share a room - a room I had immediately shielded, to keep loud sounds in and bad things out. But she did turn to me in surprise when I made my own bed appear and sat down on it.

“What are you doing?”

I looked up at her, still dressed in her stunning turquoise outfit. She wore it like she belonged in the Night Court. Or perhaps it wore her. It wanted her - just as I did.

“Being on my best behaviour,” I replied evenly. “We’re in your father’s house. I didn’t know if you’d want to…”

“I’ve spent all evening trying to keep my hands off you. And now you don’t want to touch me?”

She sounded like she was annoyed with me, which made me smile. “Oh, I do want to touch you, Feyre darling.” My voice was low. “Every single inch of you.”

There was a fire crackling in the hearth across the room and it shone in her dark eyes, in the golden waves of her hair. I leaned back on my outstretched arms and her gaze travelled down my body. I was still fully dressed but she knew what lay beneath now; and if I hadn’t been wearing black, she would have been able to see my cock rise in my pants.

“The last time I was in this house,” she said quietly, “I left to run after Tamlin. To go under the mountain and save him. And yet here I am, barely any time later… with you.” She tugged at her sleeve, looking around the room. “That’s wrong, isn’t it?”

I waited until her eyes met mine again. She seemed so vulnerable, so young all of a sudden. “I don’t think it is,” I told her honestly. “I don’t think time is what matters, in our case.”

“Then what does matter?”

I held out my hand. “Come here.”

Slowly she moved towards me and took it, standing between my legs. I may as well have been kneeling before her again, such was her position of power over me right now.

“What matters, Feyre, is how you feel. What makes you happy. What helps you heal. And I think I can speak to that, because you are all those things for me. Already.”

I felt her tremble in front of me. She was scared. And I knew why - but I couldn’t hide the depth of my feelings from her. I didn’t want to.

“Why does this seem so… inevitable?” she whispered.

Because I am your mate.

I could have told her then. No doubt it would have helped ease the guilt she still carried over Tamlin, the confusion she felt over us. But this was not the place: not in the human lands, in her family home; not when there was danger out there, lurking beyond my Court’s protection. And not when it meant I would have to face her rejection - because she wasn’t ready yet. Wasn’t healed, wasn’t strong enough. And neither was I, to have her push me away.

For now I would take whatever she was willing to give - her friendship, her smiles, her body - and not think too far into the future. As she had so wisely said: we might all die soon. And I would be a fool not to enjoy every moment with her, because I had known from the second I first saw her that she was the light in my eternal darkness.

Instead of saying any of that, I lifted my hands to her hips and guided her to straddle my lap. She did so without hesitation, settling halfway along my thighs - not near enough to feel how hard I was for her. Not yet. But having her this close, all to myself behind a locked door, I felt my soul sigh.

There you are. I’ve been looking for you.

“Perhaps it is inevitable,” I said softly. “The question is, what do you want to do about it? You are in charge here. I will follow your lead.”

I had never uttered those words before, outside of battle when I fell in line behind my commander. But I trusted Feyre with everything I was. I saw her, with all her broken pieces and her courageous human heart and the magic she contained which had nothing to do with her powers. I wanted it all.

And she wanted me too. It was in her beautiful eyes; written all over her face. I couldn’t stop myself from leaning in and pressing a lingering kiss to the side of her neck. I felt her body melt in my arms, her head tilting back. My name rose from her lips to the ceiling, like a prayer.

“Rhys.”

I kissed her there again, the scent of her blood filling my senses; moved up to her ear where I breathed: “What do you want, darling?”

Her fingers slid into my hair, drawing me back so she could look at me. At the same time, I took hold of her hips and pulled her into me, connecting the heat of her core with the raging hardness of mine.

The air sparked around us and we both groaned.

“You,” Feyre murmured, her breath on my mouth, her gaze filled with nothing but lust - that most powerful of emotions, sweeping everything else aside. “I want you. All over me. All night long.”

A smile started to form on my lips but she kissed me before it got there. And from that moment on, we were lost. Our hands slipped beneath each other’s clothes onto warm, sensitive skin. I had never had the pleasure of physically undressing her before, of slowly revealing her exquisite body inch by inch. I followed the fabric of her top with my lips, from her navel to her ribcage to her bare breasts, so pert and full and ready for my attention. She moaned so headily when I circled my tongue over her nipples and I could smell her arousal as it flooded her underwear, as she ground herself against my length.

The top disappeared over her head and then we worked together to remove mine as well. As our mouths found each other again I slid my arm up along the column of her spine, my hand splayed between her shoulder blades, and drew her further into me so her bare chest pressed against mine. Her kisses were voracious, her moans constant as she rocked her hips and took her pleasure from me.

Untamed Feyre was the hottest thing I had ever encountered.

And then she suddenly pulled back to look at me, her eyes so dark with desire, her voice husky as she commanded: “Take me to bed, Rhys.”

I could not have refused her if my life depended on it.

I carried her there, drawing back the duvet and laying her down. I had already warmed the sheets and she looked surprised, grateful. But she didn’t speak - couldn’t, perhaps - as she grasped at my shoulders and pulled me onto her, reclaiming my mouth, touching every part of me within reach. I covered us again, burying down with her into the softness of the bed as we kissed on and on. I had never known how thoroughly arousing it was, to be half-bare and writhing around by the light of the fire, our sounds hushed and urgent. Despite my shield, we were both aware of my brothers just next door, of Feyre’s sisters down the hall - but that only added to the mood.

This was secret and sacred and ours.

I eventually trailed my lips down to her breasts again, and then further - kissing her centre through her trousers before kneeling between her legs and slipping them off entirely. She was wearing the same lacy white panties I’d watched her put back on in the kitchen, and they were wet through. I heard myself growl as I pulled them off too, the urge to taste her impossible to resist, but she stopped me from getting anywhere near her with her bare foot on my chest.

I stared at her, unable to fathom why she would deny me.

“I’m in charge, remember?” she said firmly. “Lie down.”

Giving up control was not natural for me - but Feyre was a goddess and I obeyed.

She made very quick work of my pants and underwear, and then slid all the way down the bed and wrapped her hot mouth around me. I had never known anything so good before: the sight of her there, the brush of her hair and her hands on my thighs and abdomen, the way she sucked and licked and bobbed up and down-

I reached for her after barely any time at all, tugging on her shoulders, groaning her name. But she ignored me and carried on. Her eyes met mine and I imprinted the image in my mind, of the lust and determination in her gaze, of my cock disappearing between her lips over and over again, her rhythm faultless, bringing me closer and closer to the edge.

“Feyre,” I gasped, “I’m-”

She scratched her fingernails all the way down my torso and I came, so hard I lost all of my senses for the longest, most ecstatic moment. I felt her fingers cover my mouth, to keep me quiet, but there was no fucking chance when her tongue was still swirling over me, when my hips were still bucking and I was still coming. It was unbearable and heavenly and I never, ever wanted it to end.

Eventually I did return to the present; felt Feyre retreat and opened my eyes to find her looking down at me with a very satisfied smirk. I was too dazed to speak, to tell her how fucking amazing she felt and what I wanted to do to her next - but it didn’t matter. She had let her fingers drift down onto my chest; I took her wrist and brought her palm back to my lips, licking the tattooed eye there in a single broad stroke. Her smirk disappeared as she felt me in her very core.

I tugged on her hips, pulling her up my body until she was kneeling over my face. She braced herself on the headboard and I inhaled her incredible scent, all her muscles trembling, her breathing shallow, ragged. And then I feasted on her, gorging myself on her softness and her taste, eating her gorgeous cunt until she was all over my face. I kneaded her ass, explored her thighs; slid two fingers inside her and fucked her like that while I sucked on her clit. She came in no time at all, with a muffled scream and a gush of wetness which I lapped up like I was dying of thirst.

When she collapsed onto me, I gently drew her back down into bed to lie by my side so we were facing one another, our limbs loosely entwined. I took half a second to clean my face with magic, but left her taste on my tongue. It would be sacrilege to erase that.

She smiled, gazing at me through heavily lidded eyes. “You are very good at that,” she said, and she shivered - an aftershock. It made my cock ache for her.

“You taste fucking divine, Feyre. I can’t get enough of you. And your mouth…” I outlined her lips with my thumb; they parted and I traced over her bottom teeth too. “So pretty, yet so wicked. I’ve never felt anything so phenomenal.”

I pressed my lower body into hers, letting her know I was ready for more. She looked straight at me and bit down on my nail, firm enough to hurt. Beneath the duvet I felt her hand wrap around my length. Flames roared to life in my blood once more and I hissed, like the wild beast I was.

“So eager,” she teased, licking the sensitive pad of my thumb.

There was no point denying it so I kissed her instead, hard and demanding. I wanted her tongue on mine, her body melting, opening for me; wanted to make love to her, to feel her surrender - to us, and everything we could be. Without thinking I reached for her down the bond, needing her closer, even though physically there was no space between us. As I felt her grip onto me, an embrace around my very soul, I rolled on top of her perfect body and thrust inside her: back where I belonged.

She cried out at being so full; hooked her legs around my waist, inviting me deeper, and I moved slowly at first, trying to be restrained until that became impossible. She felt so good, so right, that I just couldn’t contain myself. And she wanted it: I felt her desire envelop mine inside my mind, where we were intertwined; swallowed the words she gasped into my mouth - “Harder… More… Rhys! Fuck… Yes, more…”

I tilted her pelvis with my hand and reached new depths, and she broke away from my kiss to let out the most guttural sound as she clenched and shook and stretched around me. I dipped my head, sucking on her neck, her right breast, her nipple; kept rolling my hips, fucking her faster and harder than ever before. We were both grunting, moaning, sweat on our skin, her nails digging into my back - and then we were coming, together, a crescendo of movement and sound and rising, cresting pleasure that felt like it would never end.

It didn’t, for a long time. I might have drifted off to sleep briefly, for when I next opened my eyes I was lying on my front on the bed, the duvet over my lower body, feeling more relaxed than I had in decades.

I reached out for Feyre down the bond, checking she was okay; felt her in the adjoining bathroom and closed my eyes again, letting myself doze. Eventually I heard her footsteps on the carpet and then the bed shifted as she sat beside me. Her fingertips traced lightly down my spine and I groaned at how nice it felt.

“I didn’t know you had tattoos here,” she said softly. “And your wings…” She touched the strong muscles of my upper back. “I want to see you with them.”

My voice was so low it made my ribcage vibrate. “You have.”

“Naked,” she clarified.

I smiled. “One day. Not here.”

She leaned in, surrounding me with her scent, her hair; pressed gentle kisses to my ear, my cheek, the corner of my lips. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had touched me with so much tenderness. The last time anyone had cared about me like this. It made my throat hurt.

When I finally opened my eyes her face was all I could see, so close to mine, our every breath shared. She smiled and sat back up, and that’s when I realised she was wearing my shirt. It was unbuttoned, and she was still completely naked beneath. I had never seen anything so sexy.

My emotions were forgotten in an instant.

“Feyre.”

I rose up, kneeling in front of her, taking her in.

“I was cold,” she said, a little defensive, a little surprised by the strength of my reaction.

“You look…” I reached for her, pulling her against me. I had thought I was completely sated - I was wrong. “Let me warm you up.”

This insatiable need for each other, this wild passion - it felt endless. Frenzied. We fell to the bed and she straddled my waist, discarding the shirt to the floor. As she began to kiss me all over, the small part of my brain which remained functional wondered what would happen if she ever accepted the mating bond. How we would survive.

Then it gave in as Feyre washed over me, as I let myself drown in her once again.

When she rode me she held my hands, our fingers interlaced. I could do nothing but stare at her. The way the firelight danced over the planes of her body as she moved; the flush on her skin, the dark desire pouring from her eyes. I was no painter, but she was a piece of art.

“Feyre darling,” I breathed, grazing my palms along her thighs, feeling my climax building slowly, deliciously. “Will you touch yourself for me? I want to watch you.”

Her dream of me was only a night ago - it felt like a century.

She put her fingers in my mouth and I licked them, my desire rocketing at how fearless she was, how unembarrassed. If I had thought she’d be hesitant in bed or perhaps shied by our age gap, by her relative lack of experience, I was wrong. And yet she was not a sultry, confident vixen either. I could only conclude that she really did trust me, enough to be herself, to show herself to me - to be bare in every possible way.

And that made me more hopeful for our future together than anything else we’d said or done.

Now she circled her clit, her left hand holding her breast, pinching her nipple. Her tattoos were a stunning contrast to the rest of her pale skin. When the sensations became too much, her head tilted back and her spine arched, her long messy curls almost reaching her bottom. And still I watched, my hips now thrusting of their own accord, meeting her movements. I was already at the edge; could have let myself fall at any second. But I held on, waiting for her, completely awed by how fucking incredible she was.  

If things had been different, I would have told her I loved her. The words were on the tip of my tongue, filling my mind. I let the smallest trickle of that golden feeling travel down the bond to her. Even though she didn’t know its name, I knew she liked it - saw the smile on her lips, felt her clench and tighten as I pounded into her harder, faster, as she peaked and then shattered.

It was too much. I lifted her off me, turning her onto her front, pulling up her hips. She was weak, boneless; still in the throes of her pleasure. “You have to be quiet,” I rasped and then I thrust inside her again, deeper than ever before. Her hands fisted the duvet and she bit it, her screams subdued but still there, still heavenly to hear.

“Feyre,” I groaned, the sweetest sound in the world. “Fuck, Feyre. You feel- I’m so- ”

I spilled inside her with a roar, breaking my own rule but utterly unable to care. I felt her coming too, a continuation of her last orgasm. Endless, all-consuming fulfilment.

This time we were both thoroughly done. I fell to her side, bringing her body with me so I was spooned up behind her, quickly cleaning us up with half a thought. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to move again. I didn’t want to. I pressed my face into her neck, inhaling her, wishing I could disappear into her forever. If there was nothing else but this, I would die happy.

Our breathing gradually slowed. The fire had burned low, the moon now illuminating us through the uncovered window. I ran the fingers of my left hand along the ink on Feyre’s arm, watching as the soft blonde hairs stood on end in my wake. I knew the bond that tied us together wasn’t the bargain that had been written on her skin: it was the mating bond. That’s why we could communicate, why we could feel so much of each other. I wondered how it would change if we were ever truly mated. How much more of her I would feel, how deeply I would know her. I wanted her to be mine so badly it made my soul ache.

The bond was another secret I kept. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold it inside.

“What time is it?” she asked, her words merging into a yawn.

“Fuck knows.” I was tired and emotional, which always made me swear more. That and having sex with Feyre.

I pulled the covers over us and then looked outside. The air was still and crisp. There had been snowfall earlier, but it had stopped now. “Usually,” I said, voicing my thoughts aloud, “I can feel the night. The coming of the dawn. But the darkness is different on this side of the Wall. It’s not… mine.”

She turned her head towards me. The moonlight caught her eyes, making them shine. “I love your darkness,” she said quietly. “I feel it, under my skin. It soothes me. Of all the powers I was given, yours is my favourite.”

You were made for me, I wanted to tell her. Wanted to shout it, for the whole world to hear. It’s so obvious. Can’t you see?

And then she went on sleepily: “The nights feel longer here. I was born on the longest, actually. The Winter Solstice.”

I was stunned. Totally speechless. She must have mistaken my silence for fatigue, because she whispered goodnight and in less than a minute, she was asleep.

I held her, wide awake, heart hammering. I kissed the point of her ear and murmured, so softly it was almost inaudible: “You are my mate, Feyre Archeron. And I fucking love you.”

II

TBC...

[yuri-is-online]

Damn I'm really like the storyline of this game.But FUCK Leo,if I ever get a chance to smacked the shit out of him, please Chancellor one chance.He fucked with the Mc head, how Alan and Thoma didn't kick him out that car if beyond me, there better than me honestly.Sho isn't much better because he's going along just because he's isn't mean.

Just because there isn't cruelty that doesn't mean kindness.But he's the lesser evil.Makes me sad for Alan.

Let's talk about Lucas I wonder if the soul system is like JJK,like if your twins you share the same soul and that's why the demon took his brother.

Also which character did you pick for your first

-🤡

I picked Thoma first, but I didn't take screenshots of the opening. Probably gonna use my emulator to take a crack at screencapping all of the boys intros because I am insane and want to pick it apart for lore research.

Twins sharing the same soul/being seen as the same person is very common in Japanese folklore if I understand correctly? But that might just be me overthinking the plot of Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly. So yes that's my assumption too, the demon likely took Luca's brother in his place since they technically share a soul.

Now. Let's talk about Leo. The main reason Alan and Thoma didn't immediately kick him out of the car was to not make a scene. Thoma specifically seems to respect the opportunistic sort, and thinks that Leo shows promise if he shapes up. He's skilled with tech, good at reading people, quick on his feet, all of those things are arguably good traits that Vagastrom, and Alan, could really use! Besides it's not like he has enough on either of them to get in their way yet, best to play it cool and walk away with the upper hand. Another thing we learn from this conversation that might be easy to miss is that unlike Twisted Wonderland where each dorm has rules about who should be the leader, Darwick's Administration picks the Captain and Vice Captain of the dorm, and grades seem to be more important to them than say. Whether or not the person has a good character, as we have seen from both Thoma and Leo, is significantly less important.

But if there is one thing I sort of have to point out that I think Alan gets and tries to call him out on, Leo is incredibly short sighted. He sees MC's power as worthless not because it doesn't work but because he already used it and got what he wants from it. He doesn't see anyone other than himself, and maybe Sho, as a person so he doesn't feel any guilt about using MC to get what he wants and then trying to get her kicked out of the school. He's also the only bitch in this house that completely ignores that MC can't leave, he doesn't mention her curse once when talking about her and honestly I don't think he was paying attention enough to remember that she can't leave because of that. Allan makes a point at the end of the Vagastrom book that I really hope is followed up on:

I sort of read this as applying to his friendship with Sho and his own reputation. Sure, it's all fun and games now while he snatches up the Vice Captain role and still has Sho doing his bidding, but well. Sho does occasionally do what he wants, he didn't go along with Leo's plan, not completely. He didn't outright lie about MC's power, and he hates how Leo keeps asking about why the ghouls made their wish on a demon. He thinks it's wrong, he hates it. Leo's treatment of MC did bother him, and I know he doesn't want MC to die. I don't know how far you or anyone else has made it, but something happens in Book 3 that makes it seem like MC has gone missing, and according to Hyde all of the Frostheim, "and one or two" of the Vagastrom ghouls have to be talked out of going to look for her.

As of right now Leo's only real ally is Sho. If Sho gets fed up with him and stops covering his ass, then Leo has no one, and I don't think that's occurred to him since according to Sho's bio they've been friends since long before Darkwick. Anyway I hope they get divorced and Sho gets to keep his food truck. Like I said, we can run Leo over with it for the insurance money.

Have some Side Notes:

The ring of Solomon, or the ring of wisdom, granted Solomon the power to make demons do his bidding in the original myth. Since ghouls powers come from demons, in some way, shape, or form, my theory is that the ring is likely enhancing the demonic part of them.

The "like doves" supposedly appear when someone is thinking of you positively/likes you. The first people to make these doves appear around MC are Luka and Kaito. The second is Sho, which is honestly why I am a bit softer on him then I should be. The third time it shows up is at the end of Jabberwock's book with all three dorm members present, meaning literally the only bitch in this house who does not respect MC is fucking Leo that dick-

while it isn't specified, Professor Dante appears to be the advisor for both Frostheim and Vagastrom, something I think is more or less confirmed by Hyde being in charge of both Jabberwock and Sinostra. Anyway the point I want to make is that we are missing a dorm if we follow the rule of each advisor being in charge of two, and no I don't mean the two missing characters from Obscuary I mean a whole dorm that seems to have specialized in exorcisms (perhaps of curses 👀):

My personal theory is that their dorm used to be in the Cathedral we are staying in and that it was destroyed during "the Clash" that's been alluded to in the first part of the story, we don't know much about it other than 1) it was between ghouls, perhaps exclusively 2) there is a spy of some sort Thoma and Alan are looking for that might have had something to do with it and 3) a Frostheim student behaved very badly during the Clash to the point Thoma seems to think they should take some responsibility for it. But that's just my speculation, don't know how much of it's real.

[petalsthefish]

1. Fortnight - functioning alcoholic 🥲 YOUR QUIET TREASON. All my mornings are Monday stuck in an endless February. POSTIC GENIUS. Magical move on drug YIKES. I love you you tis ruining my life. I touched you for only a fortnight but I touched you. “My husband is cheating I want to kill him.” MOOD. I love you it’s ruining my life. I’m calling ya but you won’t pick up. Went to Florida?!?! 🫡🫡🫡 thank you post Malone for your service.

2. The tortured poets department: “I’ve seen this episode but still loved the show.” Aka I THINK IVE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE AND I DIDNT LIKE THE ENDING. “Who’s gonna love you if not me.” Lol “We’re modern idiots!!!!” JUSTICE FOR CHARLIE PUTH!!!! “A tattooed golden retriever” made me laugh out loud. “I chose this cyclone with you.” Is so Jily plz. “You’re not Dillion Thomas and I’m not patting smith.” Okay Tay. NO FUCKING BODY: 👍🏼 “Sometimes I wonder if you’ll screw this up with me.” Spoiler ‼️ he did. “Everyone we know understands why it’s meant to be.” I didn’t thanks. “Because we’re crazy.” Okay mood. HE PUT THE RING IN HER RING FINGER?!?! “CLOSEST IVE COME TO MY HEART EXPLODING?!?!” PLEASE?!?! “You left your typewriter at my apartment straight from the tortured poets department.” Five stars!!

3. My boy only breaks his favorite toys: ‘I’m queen of sandcastles he destroys.’ Jumps out at me. “Cause I knew too much.” WHAT DO YIU KNOW TAYLOR. “Should have known it was a matter of time.” Taylor is the queen of ignoring red flags. 🚩 This is a fun beat though besties. “Once I fix me, he’s gonna miss me.” YEAH. TELL EM BESTIE. “Stole my tortured heart and left all these broken parts. Told me I’m better off.” Sorry Taylor you were better off babes.

4. Down bad: NICER BEAT OKAY. “Dawn bad crying at the gym.” Mood. “Fuck it if I can’t have him I might just die.” No why is this so FUNNY. Like this is Matty we’re talking about for sure. “Everything forms out teenage petulance.” I mean yeah cause you were still developing a prefrontal cortex when you met him. “So fuck you if I can’t have us.” HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS PART. Honestly I feel you Taylor, I’ve been dumb for a dumb boy before too. It’s okay.

5. So long London: EXCISE ME OPENING WITH A CHORAl. THESE KYRICS WHATLFHAKRHS FUCKKKKK. How much sad did you think I had??? Oh the tragedy?! So long London, you’ll find some one???? “You left me at the house by the heath.” “I stopped CPR”?!?! 😿😿 “YOU LET Me give all that you for free?!?!” SHE GAVE YOU A FUCKING GRAMMY YOGURT BOY AND YOU DIDNT EVEN WANT IT. “too graves, one gun?!” Good for you baby girl. “I’ll find someone” SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m gonna throw up. Fuck fuck fuck. Taylor 😿😿😿😿 “I DIED ON THE ALTER” ALDBSKAHDBSJSKS NOOOOO. I’m crying. My Shakespeare queen. You’ll find someone RIPS at my heart.

6. But daddy I love him: “bedroom eyes like a remedy.” Fuck how many matty songs are we getting. This reminds me so much of a faith hill song. No I will not elaborate right now. Very country narrative. This one will be fun to scream in concert just for the “I’m having his baby…no I’m not!!!” Very chaotic. 4/5 stars.

7. Fresh out of the slammer: daily disappearing just to see him smile?!?! Girlie pop you really do lie to yourself don’t you??? “He was with her in dreams” I mean it’s really joeover. This song is fun, I like it, very chaotic as well. 5/5 stars.

8. Florida!!!: Florence my queen you make this song beautiful, I need more listens to deconstruct it though:

9. Guilty as skin: girl just write self insert fanfic if you want to fuck someone this badly (can’t wait to write and read fics based off this one hahahaha) 5/5 stars 🌟

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?: shit I’m crying. Fuck fuck fuck. She truly hates most of the new fans huh. Lmaooo SHE SINGS THIS IN ALL HER REGISTERS OMGGGG. It’s all her past selves screaming at us!!! Aldhaksjdka she’s so fucking clever

11. I can fix him no really I can: AHAHA THE ENDING KF THE SONG ALDBSKAHDKAJDHAKDHW SHE REALLY SAID “OH SHIT DAMN I FUCKED UP DIDNT I” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

12. Loml: Joe Alwyn you need witness protection

13. I can do it with a broken heart: oh god this was hurts me more than so long London because it hits home for every damn time I had to preform on stage and then go cry in the shower between shows 🥲

14. The smallest man who ever lived: 🚨🚨🚨 found at the scene of the crime: Joe Alwyn's Small Dick

15. The alchemy: AHHHHHHH!!! HOLY FUCK WE GOT A TRAVIS SONG ALDBSLAHDBSKSJDBWKEHDBAKWJD HE GOT A SONG FUCK YESSSSS

16. CLARA BOW: the outro. The OUTRO. THE FUCKING OUTRO. I’m dead. 😵

Overall: I love it. I love it. I love it SO DAMN MICH. you can tell how much time and effort she put into production and story telling. FUCK. I love this album as much as I loved Folklore the first time I heard it!!

[evita-shelby]

Incantatrice

Chapter 18

Cw: some sex, death synbolism, minor infidelity🔞

Taglist:@thegreatdragonfruta @zablife @wandawiccan60

It was quite fun ruining his life.

Taking stock of the things that held him up and kicking each leg of the stool down, so he gets strangled by a noose of his own making.

Jessie Eden had been so horrified when she learned about Elizabeth Stark’s murder.

He needed the communist for his plans to become a politician and to get his companies back in order.

He would fuck her to get her under his spell like he did with the rest and then toss her out when he has no use for her.

Not that he needed to do much after Kitty Jurossi wove beautiful tales of the beautifully sad boy Tommy was.

Oh, it had been beautiful to see her idea of Tommy Shelby be torn to shreds when Eva gave her a strangely plausible lie.

He is not the man he appears to be, Miss Eden, the witch had said as she spun her web of half lies.

The witch shouldn’t have stayed, but she wanted to relish the destruction of Shelby a while longer.

It shouldn’t have surprised her for him to find her and demand to know why she was ruining his fucking life.

He and Polly are not so different, shoving her against a crumbling wall thinking they have what it takes to kill her and faltering in the last minute.

“You ruined mine. We had the perfect life and you just had to kill his father and brother the second we got it, Shelby.

Had you only used your reason, we wouldn’t be here.” She said as the man drunk on pain and whiskey keeps her there as if waiting for a man to shoot him for touching her.

“Yeah, well I had it too.” He said as if he hadn’t felt trapped every second he was with Grace after she told him she wasn’t leaving.

“Then why were you fucking Lizzie before your wife’s body was even cold?” she asks, tasting the alcohol and cigarettes in his breath.

Been a while since she smelled that on Luca, he’d quit smoking when Leonardo was born and their poor little lion would get coughing fits from the smell alone.

Eva remembers with fondness when she’d kiss her man and take the smoke from his mouth like she was stealing his soul kiss by kiss.

She shouldn’t be thinking this, she has a husband who is more than she ever wanted.

But here as the lamplight colors Shelby like a tragic hero and she the wicked witch, she knows in another life this man was hers.

And Shelby knew that too.

Why else would he lean in to kiss the poison on her lips instead of leaving?

Why else isn’t she stopping him?

“You could kill me right now and I would let you.” He said pulling back finding the poison sweet and addicting, just as she did.

“Isn’t it wonderful, in one life I am yours and in this one I am your enemy.” The witch said as he fights the urge to kiss her again and up the ante in this vendetta.

Luca is none the wiser when he returns home.

She feels some guilt over her kiss with Shelby. But not enough to tell him.

Not when he smells of alcohol and Polly Gray’s perfume. There was some lipstick in his collar from where he held his former flame close as he warned her about coming near her again.

“We should go dancing sometime, have the night off and enjoy our new kingdom.” He stripped as he joined her in the bath.

“We should, your poor wife has to settle for ruining a man’s love life for fun.” Eva said, enjoying the sight of her husband in all his nude and scarred glory lowering himself in her steaming hot bath.

“Where the fuck did you get this?” her husband asked as he took the cigarette in her hands and took a drag from it.

She had gotten the urge to smoke and had pilfered Tommy Shelby’s cigarette case when he had been kissing her.

“Shelby, picked it out of his pocket when I saw him leave the communist’s flat with balls as blue as his eyes.” She grinned, showing her the silver case with his initials: TMS, Thomas Michael Shelby. “He looked so pathetic; I just couldn’t help myself to take another of his comforts.”

A nice little trophy to add to her collection.

Luca laughed and gesturing for her to come join him and enjoy her spoils together. “The things you do, mia strega.”

The witch doesn’t hesitate to straddle him, to tease him and remind herself Luca is the only man she wants.

She strokes him and rubs against him as she aches for him to fuck her so hard she won’t even remember she kissed another man.

He rewarded her with a cigarette kiss while she lifted herself up slightly to let him guide his magnificent prick inside her.

The sex was always good, but it’s been a while since they were given the time and space to be as wild as they were before the children came along.

Even Paris hadn’t let them have this much fun.

“I bet Shelby wouldn’t kiss you like that.” He said as she exhaled for him and he kept his grip on her hips tight enough to keep her from moving.

So he knew.

“So you know, huh.” Eva should’ve expected that. Of course he’d have someone keep an eye on her. “Shelby’s got too much bad luck, he even tasted salty. Had to steal his cigarettes to get the taste out of my mouth.”

It is a half-truth, yes she could taste his bad luck in his tongue, but he was damnably good kisser.

No wonder Lizzie Stark had been such a doormat.

“If you see him again, maga,” Luca’s hand moved lower until he found just what he needed to drive his point home and have her forgetting entirely about this other man who stirred her desire like he did, “I’m going to kill him for putting his hands on my woman.”

“Can I watch, daddy? Can I watch you kill him?” she begs as he continued to drive her fucking insane with those pianist’s fingers of his.

“Only right for you to watch, Evuccia, you already gave Thomas Shelby the kiss of death. “ he answered as he dealt her the best punishment in her life.

Eva was out of breath and winded from the combination of her orgasm and seeing their victory as clear as crystal.

“February 5th. The day Thomas Shelby dies by your hand.” Been so long since he triggered a vision like that, she’d almost thought it had been a fluke last time. “Don’t forget to run out of bullets tomorrow. Polly won’t join us if you kill her son.”

Tomorrow wasn’t about killing anyone, all they needed was for Thomas Shelby to lose the person he trusts most and remind Elizabeth Gray, she and her son are either with them or dead.

It will have another purpose too, Linda Shelby will realize her baby son cannot grow up knowing one day someone will come and collect any outstanding debts his father and uncles have.

She will remember how he killed that boy and how he hurts her with those same hands.

Arthur Shelby will return home tomorrow evening and find her long gone.

Who knew karma wanted a piece of them too?

[vincent-frankenstein]

talk to me about Thomas ur oc I wanna hear the rambles

my silly guy :] I am always happy to talk about him!!!! here's the basics for folks who aren't familiar with him, and I'll ramble under the cut bc I have SO . many thoughts about him

so Thomas spent so so so long devoting his entire life to taking care of his brothers that he like... fully did not have one of his own. He didn't have space to really develop an identity outside of that. Tristan and Jasper had their own friends and problems and activities and Thomas was just. the driver, the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on. He had to work to support his family and outside of all that he had no time to figure out who he is.

so coupled with the fallout of his baby brothers being horrifically frankensteined into one being, and dealing with that grief and his father's renewed grief, he's gonna have one hell of an identity crisis. because like, he can't bear to look at Rose, his father is actually taking responsibility to care for Rose, and Rose is also able to take care of themself, they're happy to exist, they're just chilling. So suddenly Thomas has all the time in the world and absolutely zero solid facts about himself beyond the fact that he failed. He's a Molotov cocktail of anger and grief and panic, because what does he do now, who is he now, without people to care for, without his brothers? They were inextricably connected to the point that Thomas didn't know where he ended and his brothers began and now that connection has been violently severed. the first chunk of time between Rose coming into being and Thomas meeting Mallow is the darkest time of Thomas's entire life.

So I've been thinking a lot about that, but also the process of him healing from it. It all starts with Mallow, she's the first person to really meet Thomas - like, he had "friends" in school but they only met good ol' Tommy Hart, the ray of sunshine who will absolutely help you with your homework, he'll absolutely give you a ride, he's a delight to have in class, so helpful, always so helpful. Mallow is the first person to see him grieving and not leave him to do it alone. For the first time in his life, Thomas has a shoulder to cry on.

I like the idea of Thomas eventually discovering how much he loves to write. Because Rose is literally a born poet - Jasper and Tristan both wrote poetry - and I think that after a lot of processing and grieving and learning to accept that Rose's existence isn't Thomas's fault, I think they could bond over that. Thomas is like, the last "loose end" of Rose being completely happy to exist, because like. they like being Rose, and Sonja treats them like their own person, and they've got all their arena friends who never even knew Tristan and Jasper, and their dad is... struggling, but he was never there to begin with, but Thomas was there every day, and Rose was born loving him with an intensity that leaves them breathless. That's their big brother, he watched over Tristan and Jasper every day of their lives, and yeah they argued sometimes and yeah it wasn't always smooth sailing but... Rose misses him. And they know Thomas misses who they used to be. They notice every time he flinches when they enter the room. They notice the way he's never once made eye contact with them.

And like, they're not gonna push that. They miss Thomas but what the fuck are they supposed to do, force him to hang out with them? They're not grieving, but he is, and they get that, so they throw themself into arena fights and they dump their own sadness into a shitty little notebook and they show it to Sonja, sometimes, but otherwise they just deal with it. And meanwhile Thomas is finally starting to feel like a person, and switching out Beating Shit Up with writing out his feelings to cope. And writing out his feelings to cope turns into just. writing, and I feel like he'd turn more towards writing fiction than poetry but they both write to vent, and they both write for fun, and after a long time they're able to meet on that equal ground.

It would be... hard for Thomas. Even as he starts to heal, Rose is like a walking open wound, and seeing them is like dumping salt into it. And Rose wants to like. flop across him like Jasper used to, or go sit in his room and Exist together, like Tristan did whenever he got stressed, but they're not gonna push him, they don't think they can handle him outright turning them away, or worse letting them stay and being uncomfortable the entire time. So it would take forever for either of them to reach out, but... I feel like Thomas would find Rose writing, eventually, maybe while walking home from hanging with Mallow, and instead of turning around or walking past he asks to join them.

[house-of-slayterr]

Texan Meet Cute:

Tag: @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better @myers-meadow-selfship @oceansrose2002

Macy’s POV:

Hoytt was getting on my last fucking nerve today, I swore to myself that one more comment and I’d send his head flying through the wall. Why were the men on my family all such perverted bastards? Monty wasn’t much better, crazy old man. But at least I had Thomas, the one thing that kept me someone sane in this place.

He was a great brother, probably better than I deserved. When our Mother didn’t give me attention, he would make the time for me. And that meant more to me than he’d every probably understand. I stomped down to the basement where he as hard at work. His chainsaw was revving, so I chose to wait by the door as to not startle him. It was almost funny sometimes, how someone like him could be so skittish.

“Need some help with that?” I asked with a smirk on my face.

Thomas turned to look at me, mask still on. He kept it on with victims, even though I told him it didn’t really matter. They were gonna die anyways, who cares if they see his face. “The face only a mother could love” people would say, but I think that’s utter bullshit. So my brother has a few deformities, that doesn’t mean he’s unworthy of love.

He set down his chainsaw and I walked over to admit his work. The poor bloke on the table was missing all 4 limbs but still very much breathing. I could hear his muffled scream through the rag shoved in his mouth. I shot a glare at the victim.

“Please, keep screaming… see how much you like it when I rip out your tongue.”

I was in no mood for this bullshit today. Why did they always have to be so loud? With all the begging and pleading, as if I’d suddenly grow a second heart .

“Upset?” Thomas signed.

I sighed heavily.

“Hoytt.”

I didn’t need to say much else, Thomas understood. I mean Hoytt wasn’t even nice to him either. Luda was the only one who could shut that man up. And I thanked my lucky stars that she put him in his place often.

“Walk? Feel better.”

“I’m not sure if I’m up for a walk today Tommy. Besides you’ve got a lot of work cut out for you by the looks of it. Don’t want that meat rotting and going bad.”

He gave me a sad nod.

“You need to have fun, I’ll finish your chores.”

“No, Thomas you don’t have to do that. It’s fine.”

But he wouldn’t budge. Both literally and metaphorically. He wouldn’t let me leave his basement until I promised to go do something fun.

“Maybe I’ll go for a drive, see where it lands me before I run out of gas.”

He gave me a look as if to ask ‘is that a good idea?’ But I couldn’t think of anything better to do.

“I’ll be fine Thomas, maybe a few days out of town will do me good. I mean what’s Lud- mom, going to do? Hold down the house while I’m gone? Hoytt May thinks he runs shit around here, but you’re the man of the house Tommy.”

I gave my brother a kiss on the cheek of his mask. I wasn’t usually one for affection, but I couldn’t help it when it came to Thomas. He was just so kind and sweet, something you wouldn’t expect from this family. A bunch of redneck hillbillies with murderous, cannibalistic tendencies. Yet here we had this gentle giant. A man the world is lucky isn’t filled with rage like I was. Thomas killed to follow orders, to protect his family and keep us well fed.

But I killed for a much different reason. The thrill, the adrenaline rush. A dangerous game of cat and mouse that could go on as long as I say so. Running a victim out of steam for days until they’re basically begged me to kill them. Making them submit to my every will. It was an intoxicating feeling that got you high.

“See you around Tommy, yeah?”

He gave me a sad look.

“It’s only a few days, you’ll be fine.” I assured him.

If I came home to find Hoytt or Monty upset him again, those men would have hell to pay. My loyalties stood with my brother and my brother alone. I wouldn’t bat an eye if someone splattered the others brains onto the pavement. Of course, Thomas would be upset, which is the only reason I haven’t done it myself yet. I was sick and tried of them trying to order me around. I helped plenary around here, yet it was never enough.

I packed a small backpack with some cash I’d saved, and a few spare clothes. I hoped onto the back of my Harley, one’s I’d rescued from the junk yard and repaired, and headed off in a random direction. Just driving and clearing my head until I found a town that piqued my interest. Ruggsville Texas. It was only on my radar because people had been reporting a higher amount of disappearances recently. And I was sure this town was harbouring secrets.

I stopped at a little motel on the side of the road, not wasting my time with pleasantries and instead choosing to pick a lock and break into one of the many vacant rooms. If I kept the shades drawn, the likely wouldn’t even notice me here. The door was wide enough for me to walk my motorcycle inside, as to leave no trace to my existence. Even if someone did discover me, I could always kill then and flee back home. I wasn’t completely opposed to that idea.

I locked the door and threw myself down on the king sized bed. It was still a bit small, but you got used to it. I felt bad for people who were even taller than I am. I didn’t even bother to change into night clothes, instead choosing to just kick off my pants and go to bed.

The sun was overly obnoxious in the morning, shining through the slight gap in the curtain. I groaned, hurling myself up from the end and going to the shower. I nearly laughed to myself when I say how short the shower head was. Thomas and I had built the shower in our home so that we could actually properly use it. We also put a pool noodle on the frame going downstairs to the basement, Thomas kept hitting his head on it.

I left my hair down, letting it dry in its natural state. There was a slight wave to it, not quite curly but not totally flat. At least I got Luda’s hair gene instead of my fathers. Thomas was blessed with good hair too. I decided I would drive into the main part of town today. As I drove around, I spotted a little blocked off street. Some sort of vending festival. It could be cool, I could get something nice for Tommy on my trip. A silent apology for leaving him alone at home. I parked my bike, hiding it in the alleyway and started walking around.

There were a few food stalls, some art exhibits and random assortments of knickknacks. This town seems kinda homey which was a nice change of pace. It was still brutally hot in the Texas summers. I wore black mom jeans and a tight black tank top. I had a hair tie on my wrist in case I got fed up, or it got too warm. One stall in particular caught my eye. They had a bundle of balloons tied to a little chair.

But that wasn’t what really caught my eye, no, it was the person on that chair. Even from this far away, I could tell it wasn’t just perspective making them look small. What the hell was someone like that doing out here alone? Their hair was huge and fluffy, it wasn’t often you saw black people down south wearing their natural hair. I didn’t know a lot about black culture, but all the ladies are Luda’s church either straightens their hair, or wore wigs. Their Afro was sort of adorable, like an unapologetic way to say ‘fuck you’ to societal beauty standards.

I hadn’t realised I was staring, until their eyes met mine from across the lot. And I swore my heart almost stopped. Now that I could see their face, they were genuinely adorable. They had some sort of face paint on, reminiscent of a clown. They gave me a quick smile, before going back to mining their table. I didn’t want to be too obvious, so I pretended to look at other things as I drew closer. Curiosity getting the best of me.

I could see their outfit more clearly now. It was similar to those old fashioned Circus costumes. With a Black and White almost Harlequin pattern. They had on combat boots with mismatched shoelaces on them. Their skin glowed under the hot Texas sun, a thin sheen of sweat on their brow. A man in a similar costume and makeup up walked up to the both, whispering something to them before leaving. I watched as he walked away, driving off in a truck. Odd.

But their interaction started to make sense when I saw them start packing up the tiny booth. They seemed to be selling food, I could smell it even from here. And honestly it was mouth watering. So I finally got up the nerve to approach them. They looked up from packing when they noticed me. I watched as their Addams apple bobbed slightly. They were nervous, but I was used to getting that sort of reaction.

“I know you’re packing, but I was wondering what you were selling.” I asked.

They just stared at me for a money, their eyes wide and glossy, like they forgot how to talk. I was about to just walk away, worried I scared them too much, when they finally spoke.

“Umm, yeah. My Gruncle and I were selling some of his famous fried chicken. Needed a bit of extra cash since people don’t stop by our store often. But rich white people love coming to these sort of things.” They rambles.

It was cute, watching them stutter and stumble over their words as they tried not to look at me.

“What’s a Gruncle?” I laughed.

I didn’t mean to laugh at them, but it was such an odd word.

“Grandpa-Uncle. Cause we call grandpa, Grandpa, but he’s my Great Grandpa and I don’t want to get them confused.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. God, I haven’t smiled in so long. I was worried my face was fixed in a permanent scowl. Only time I smiled like that was when Tommy and I got a day off and could hang out in the old abandoned apple orchard.

“I guess that makes sense, got any left?”

They pushed the aluminium tray forward.

“Take it, it’s on the house. Can’t stand being near the stuff anyway.”

Odd, why would they sell it if they hated it. The packed the rest of the stuff into a little milk crate. But it looked huge in their tiny hands.

“Are you sure? I have cash.” I said.

The shook there head.

“It was just gonna go in the trash anyway.”

“Macy.” I offered, reaching out my hand.

They just stared at it for a while, before meeting my gaze again.

“Blinky.”

I dropped my hand when they didn’t attempt to shake it. Blinky, what an odd name. Perhaps it was a nickname of sorts. They seemed to think for a second, pausing with their back turned to me, before turning back around.

“Hey, I don’t know if you’re from around here or not. But steer clear of Captain Spaulding’s Museum of Monsters and Madmen.” They warned.

That was their first mistake, because now I was curious. I stood by the booth awkwardly as they walked over to a bicycle and strapped the milk crate to the front of it. We’re they about to ride around in this heat, wearing that? My stomach growled as the smell of chicken was becoming overwhelming. It made me wish I was at home to eat Tommy’s cooking. But I couldn’t eta right now, not in-front of them. I was a completely different person when I was hungry.

I looked back up as I heard them walking towards me again, and lunged forward when I saw them stumble over their own feet. I caught them easily with one hand.

“Woah there!” I said, stabilising them.

Sure, she was already on her feet, but I didn’t want to let go of them just yet. And it seemed she didn’t mind either.

“Th-thanks.” They blushed furiously.

“Are you ok? You just tripped over nothing.” I laughed.

It wasn’t meant to come out so harsh, my intent was more teasing. They pushed themself out of my arms, crossing their arms over their chest and huffing. It was entirely adorable. God what was she doing to me?

“I’m fine, I got it stranger!” The snapped at me.

I was pleasantly surprised they had that much bite in them.

“I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. That wasn’t nice of me, I’m just tired of everyone treating me like I’m a a child.”

“Are you not?” I laughed.

Surely they must be.

“I’m 18!” They said exasperated.

My brain began to short circuit. My intentions were much more pure when I first decided to approach them. Curious what a child was doing out here. I was shocked to find they were only three years younger than me. God she was adorable, I doubt if I left now I’d even be able to forget this little encounter.

“I’m sorry.”

I doesn’t know why I said it. I had nothing to apologise for, and even if I did, I wouldn’t do it. Apologising meant admiring guilt, and that was an emotion I was incapable of feeling.

“Let me help you with that!” I quickly added.

I was used to being useful. Thomas and I basically splitting the house hold chores 50/50. Monty couldn’t do much, and Hoytt was out on petroleum or down at the station most days. I easily picked up the table, folding the legs in and hoisting it over my head. They stared up at me in awe, a reaction I was hoping for. Hoytt would make fun of me if he saw me now, helping a gentle stranger and trying to impress them.

“Where to?” I asked.

“Ummm-“

They seemed to be panicking now. Maybe I had over stepped.

“Gas station, a little ways down the road. It’s kinda a long walk.”

The grabbed their bike, walking it along side me as we made our way down the road. Most of the walk was in a comfortable silence. I wasn’t really sure what to say. But I enjoyed their company more than I thought I would. I noticed her stealing little glances at me, and smirked. They brought me around back the building.

“Here, you can just drop it here. My Gruncle will take care of it later. Umm, I don’t have any extra cash to pay you.” She said.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure? I could go run inside and grab you a soda or something.”

I was quite thirsty. But I had a better idea.

“I’m not much of a soda drinker. Maybe we could get a coffee.” I asked.

I’d grown quite good at flirting. It was an easy way to lure in vapid teenage boys for the kill. But I had to use a different strategy here, my flirting was sincere in this moment. They intrigued me to say the least. I was surprised when they quickly agreed, but they just seemed anxious to get as far way from the gas station as possible.

I followed after them, surprised by how fast they were with their legs being that short. My brain thought of what it would be like to chase them, but I quickly shoved that thought to the back of my head. She did nothing to be deserving of that side of me.

“There’s no coffee in town, did you drive her?” They asked.

I nodded.

“Yeah, we could take my motorcycle.”

Perhaps it was a little naive of them to go to a second location with me. But I found it endearing, when normally I’d find it annoying. I’ve barely even had a full conversion with this girl and they were already changing my whole mood. I’d long forgotten about the nasty comments Hoytt has spewed at me. I was pissed at him for murdering my last girlfriend, and feeding her to me without my knowledge. Something about “repenting in the eyes of god.” Maybe I hadn’t loved her, but she was a good lay. She always knew how to calm me down.

“You drive a motorbike? That’s so cool!” They beamed.

There was no sarcasm laced in their tone, they seemed genuinely impressed by this fact. I mean if that’s all it took to get them excited, then this would be easy.

“So, what’s with the clown thing?” I cringed at myself, quickly correcting my mistake, “it’s fun.” I added.

“You think so? I’ve always sort of admired clowns. They say laughter is the best medicine and I couldn’t agree more. I love laughing.”

Every sentence had me fighting with myself internally to not just throw them over my shoulder right now. My heart was beating faster and my skin was itching. But that wasn’t right or me, I couldn’t rush this. No I wanted to saver my time away in this quaint little town. And it seems Blinky was the only one worth while in this shit hole. If I ruined that now, I’d kick myself.

“You got any jokes?”

They shook their head no.

“I’m not very good at telling them RJ says. Do you have any?”

I’m went sure who this RJ was, but I already didn’t like them. I thought for a moment, trying to see if I remembered any jokes. We’re we’re nearly halfway back to wear I parked my bike now. Was I seriously considering trying to make a joke just to get an inkling of their laugh? This is not how I expected this trip to go at all. My plan was to stroll into town, kill a few locals no one would miss and then go back home.

But did that place ever really feel like home? Sure I lived there, but I hated it. I hated that house, hated my family. Thomas and I could go anywhere and I’d be home. He was just to chicken to leave, get rid of that old bat who for some ungodly reason he shared affections for. They would be nowhere without the two of us doing everything for them. And all they showed me in return was trying to send to to conversion camp when I was a teen. Fuckers. Suddenly I felt a hand on my arm, it was dainty and delicate.

“Hey you ok? You don’t have to tell me a joke if you don’t want to. Being funny isn’t easy.” They attempted to console me.

“Yeah, no I’m good. Just got lost in thought I guess. Ok, so how about this: I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.” I tried.

Sure my delivery wasn’t perfect, but I couldn’t help it. They somehow simultaneously made more more confident, yet nervous at the same time. The slowly dropped their hand from my arm and I had to stop myself from whining at the lack of touch. Why was I so god damn horny right now? It had been months since I’d been this psychically close to someone .

She placed a hand over her mouth and let out a small stifled giggle. It was possibly the cutest fucking sound I’d ever heard in my entire life, and I was desperate to hear it again.

“Same, except my dad used the ladder to leave.” They laughed.

It took me a second to understand their joke. I could see how someone could think they aren’t funny, their jokes seem to just require a little bit of thought.

“Oh my god.” I laughed, but I quickly sobered up as we continued walking, “was that just for the joke or…” I was bit concerned with how flatly they said it.

They shook their head no again. It made their curls bounce wildly.

“I was the one who found him. But don’t worry, it’s funny, you can laugh. I don’t blame him, I’d do the same if I had to be married to my mother.”

“Still, that’s a coward move. I can’t imagine someone finding any justification to leave you.” I said smoothly.

They bit at their bottom lip, almost hard enough to draw blood.

“Ok, umm my turn. So this woman goes to the hospital right? And she says ‘sorry I’m just nervous, this is my first surgery’ and the doctor looks her dead in the eyes and says ‘mine too.’”

They way they smiled up at me like they were so proud made my stomach flip.

“That’s awful” I laughed.

“I have one more,” I started, we were almost to the alley now, A child determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

“Arson?” They scrunched their brow in confusion, “oh, our son, arson! I get it now! You’re so funny!” They complemented.

“I wouldn’t go that far, you’re just easy to impress.”

Another sentence I hadn’t meant to turn into an insult. I wasn’t very good at this whole “being nice” thing.

“Well, this is me.” I said pointing to my bike.

I had put the small container of chicken in my backpack earlier. I strapped my bag down to the side of my bike.

“Wow!” They said, their voice somehow raising during a single syllable.

“You like? Built her myself.”

“You built this?”

“Mhhmm” I hummed proudly.

“You’re amazing!” They said softly under their breath.

“Hop on, I got a spare helmet.”

They hesitated, maybe they finally realised this wasn’t a good idea. I mean I was going to hurt her, but she didn’t know that. They started fidgeting with their hands and I frowned.

“Getting cold feet?” I asked.

I couldn’t help but be smug, I’m an asshole by nature. It just helped to mask my concern.

“Ummm, no, I really want to go get coffee it just” they pointed to their hair.

“I don’t think this will fit in a helmet.”

I couldn’t help the cackle that escaped me. That’s what they were worried about? Their hair? Not that fact that I could snap their neck with one hand without even trying. Or I could be taking her somewhere to kill her.

“How about this, you ride front and I’ll be sure to hold you right and keep you safely on the bike.”

“Ok!”

I watched as they struggled to try and get on, my bike had larger wheels so it was higher off the ground. It make it easier for me to ride. I stifled a chuckle in the back of my throat,

“Let me.” I said, picking them up and placing her on my bike.

I had to admit, this sight wasn’t exactly helping with my cloudy thoughts. I did my best to keep them pure, but I wasn’t fooling anyone. I was a Hewitt by blood, we don’t exactly pair well with purity. I straddled my leg over the side, scooting closer to them. I warped my arms around them reaching for the handles, and used my leg to pop up the kickstand.

“Just hold on right to the Center piece ok? What direction are we going?”

“It’s about fifteen miles north, first left on after the exit. You can’t miss it.”

I revved the engine and I could feel them tense a little.

“Relax little rabbit, this will be fun.” I cooed.

When I felt them lean back into me, I sped off down the road. I could hear the sounds of their joyous laughter over the sound of the wind and my engine. When we finally came to a stop outside of a little dinner, they were still giggling happily.

“I’ve never gone that fast before.” They laughed.

“We can go even faster on the way back. Not like there’s any pigs out here to stop us.”

“Pigs?” They asked curiously, trying their best to turn to look at me.

Even sitting down I was so much taller than her.

“Cops, it’s a little inside joke with me and my family. Ain’t much law in my town either, but when they do come around they’re always in our business.”

“We’ll that doesn’t seem fair.” They frowned.

I hoped off the bike, putting the kickstand down. Then reached out my hand to help them off.

“Greta behind the counter is super sweet, she lets me drink coffee for free since I fixed her back door. Her ex tried to break into her house and nobody from town would help her.” They explained to me.

I never pegged her as someone who was good with tools. I was sort of impressed.

“That was nice of you.”

“My sister always says we girls have to protect our own.”

“You have a sister?” I asked as we stepped through the door.

“Two now, Manon is still… adjusting.”

I could tell it was a sensitive subject so I didn’t push further. But what did they mean by “now” and “adjusting”, perhaps her parents fostered kids? But if it was that simple, why wouldn’t they just say that. The man from earlier looked nothing like her, so it wouldn’t be an unfair assumption to make that they were adopted.

“Blinky! How’s my favourite little trouble maker?” The woman who was supposedly Greta greeted.

She was a short and pudgy black lady, her hair graying. But she seemed nice, Blinky seemed to like them. But I wasn’t sure if that meant much, I mean Blinky seemed to trust me, when they had no reason too. Which concerned me, was she this trusting with every stranger? I mean we were about a half an hour drive away from wherever she must live, and she didn’t seem anxious in the slightest.

“Who’s this?” Greta’s voice brought me out of my head.

“Oh, this is my new friend Macy! She’s visting from out out town. We were wondering if we could get some coffee” Blinky leaned over the counter in a hushed tone and said “and the good stuff.”

Before looking back at me and smiling, I raised a brow amused.

“I do believe I can do that for you little miss. Your booth is empty.”

“Yay, you’re the best G!”

She grabbed my hand and dragged me to a booth in the farthest corner of the little dinner. There was less lighting over there.

“What’s the good stuff?” I asked

“Pastries they have to throw out at the end of the day. Greta sometimes sneaks me some. Oh, you should probably eat your chicken, it might be a little cold by now, but I don’t know if the place you’re staying has a fridge or not.”

How thoughtful.

“Are we allowed outside food?” I asked.

They giggled once again.

“You don’t really seem the type to care about rules.” They said bluntly.

And I couldn’t argue with that. I slid the container out of my backpack and pushed it onto the table. They seemed really fidgety but I couldn’t tell if it was a nervous thing, or if they were just like that. I don’t know why, but I felt compelled to ask them. I always hated when Thomas would get anxious. He’d start picking at the skin around his finger nails until there was nothing left.

“Are you good?” I asked.

Cursing myself once again for coming off so harsh and abrasive.

“Yeah, why? Is something wrong?” They asked.

“You just seem, antsy is all.”

“Oh, sorry. It’s just, there’s a few more people in here tonight than there usually are. This place is pretty dead most of the time.”

So they were nervous in crowds, interesting.

“I guess that makes sense, you seem to like it here.”

“Well I’m not allowed in town by myself very often.”

That made sense, they were tiny, anyone could just pick her up and steal her away if they wanted to.

Greta set down two mugs, and a plate that looked like raspberry danishes.

“Enjoy you two.” She smiled.

“That’s Greta, I owe you one.”

The older woman brushed her off with a kind smile. Blinky happily sipped their black coffee, and I was surprised. I expected them to at least put sugar in it.

“Did you need some cream or something?” They asked.

“What? No, no this is fine.” I said.

God, I really had to stop zoning out staring at them. But I couldn’t help it, they were just so damn adorable. I kept thinking that Thomas would love them. But they’re probably be scared of him, as most people were. I took a sip of coffee, letting it warm my insides, before my eyes wandered to the box of chicken. I was starving. I quickly ripped it open and began eating, not really noticing how I was practically scarfing it down. It was surpassingly really good. I only noticed I finished have the box when I looked up to find her staring. I feel a little embarrassed.

She silently help out a napkin for me.

“Thanks.” I said.

“So what do you think? Of the chicken” they clarified.

“It’s good, you said your uncle made it?”

“Gruncle.” They corrected.

“Right, Gruncle.” I laughed.

“Yeah, he’s surprisingly a good cook. He had a laughing fit when I told him I was vegetarian.”

“Oh?”

“He thought I was joking. I was not.”

They seemed to not pick up very well on subtle teasing, so I decided to slow down on that front. Not sure if they’d ever take offence to one of my jokes.

“So do you just not like meat, or are you one of those hardcore veggie people?”

“I just don’t like the taste much. Plus I couldn’t imagine killing a sweet little cow. I mean have you seen the one with little curly hair? I cry every time. My rule is if I wouldn’t kill it, I don’t eat it.”

‘Wouldn’t eat anything they wouldn’t kill’ that was an interesting choice. I couldn’t stop my brain from corrupting that thought, wondering what would happen if I pushed them to try my families diet.

“I know that look” they said.

“Huh?”

“You’re thinking something bad… what is it?” They asked.

Their words seemed idly curious, but their tone told me otherwise. That wasn’t a question, it was a demand. Something I didn’t expect. It was interesting how they could so easily go from puppy dog eyes and smiles, to a commanding sort of ominous tone.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with. It’s stupid.” I said.

“Really, cause that smile on your face said otherwise. You enjoyed that thought.” They pushed.

“Perhaps I don’t want to throw out all my aces on a first date.” I turned the conversation back on her.

Two could play this game. And oh what a dangerous one it was. They had no idea what they were getting into with me.

“So this is a date then?”

“One were neither of us are paying, so I’d say it’s the best one I’ve ever had.” I joked.

They laughed, dropping their icy stare. Letting their guard fall again.

“Date. I think I like the sound of that.” They concluded happily, tearing a piece off the pastry and shoving it into their mouth. “Not as much as you like that chicken though.”

“Leave me alone, I’m hungry.” I grumbled.

They pushed the rest of the pasty toward me. A silent offering. I gladly took it with a smile.

“Wait here!” She said suddenly.

I watched as they leapt up from the table and snuck their way past a waitress and into the kitchen. What the hell was she doing. A few minuets later they snuck back out of the kitchen with a plate piled with food.

“Hope you don’t mind your food touching. I had to be quick so no one saw me.”

This girl really just stole food for me. I think I’m in love. I felt like a silly little teenager again. If Hoyt could see me right now, he’d never let me live this down. And Tommy would be swooning with me. He had liked my previous girlfriend, before the incident.

“I don’t mind a bit” I grinned.

It seemed she didn’t care that I wasn’t proper with my food. I wasn’t a slob, by any means, but was it a sin to enjoy good food? People like my brother and I had to eat a lot. I always felt sluggish and crappy when I had to wait a while for food. They must have noticed my hesitation because they spoke again.

“It’s ok, I like watching you eat.”

It was almost comical how wide their eyes got after that, and I couldn’t bite back my laugh.

“Not in a weird way or anything, you just seem to be enjoying yourself. It’s nice.” They quickly added.

“I am.”

“Good. Now eat up before it gets cold. I have to sneak the empty plate to the dishwasher. I don’t want Greta to get in trouble for the missing food.”

The rest of the meal was mostly in silence. I swore they must have had about seven cups off coffee. How were they not crawling out of their skin right now. I distracted the cook by flirting so they could slip back in through the door undetected, then they met me out back by the dumpster.

“You’re really good at that.” I commented.

“Perks of being fun sized I guess.”

Could they possibly be more cute? I mean the clown costume was adorable, but I wondered what they looked like normally.

“Hey Blinky?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you always dress like this?”

“Oh, this? Ummm kinda. I mean I wanted to be extra fancy today to make a good impression at the farmers market. But sometimes I’m more causal I guess.”

Normally when people thought of ‘fancy’ it was cocktail dress and pearls or suits.

“Why, does it look bad? I guess I could have been a little neater on the seems, but my sewing machine is ancient and doesn’t like to cooperate very much.”

“You made this?”

“Uh huh! I based it off of one of Mama’s vintage soap operas. The main character was more of a mime, but I don’t know how to make a Barrett yet so I just simplified it to be like a vintage clown.”

“You’re adorable you know that?”

I could practically see the blood rush to their cheeks. As they furiously tried to rub it away, only serving to make them cuter in my eyes. They were embarrassed.

“Would you like me to drive you home?”

“No, you can’t go to the house.” They exclaimed quickly.

I suppose that made sense, we’re still didn’t know ecagitehr very well. It’s not smart to give people your address.

“Not that that wouldn’t be nice, thank you for offering. But my families very… private. Umm but you could drop me off down the road and I’ll walk the rest of the way.”

“Alright.”

I could tell they were hiding something, and my mind raced with a million reasons why. I settled on perhaps their family was homophobic. I mean we’re we’re in Texas, that wasn’t uncommon. Even my own family was pretty bad about it, all expect Tommy. He was the glue that held us together, and the only thing keeping me from leaving. I drove to the spot they asked me to drop them off. Driving faster on the way back as I had promised.

“I wish I could go that fast on my regular bike.” They said.

I chuckled. They turned to look at me, but their eyes looked sad.

“I gotta go before my Dad comes out looking for me. I didn’t tell anyone I was gonna be out so they’re probably really mad.”

I frowned.

“I didn’t mean to-“

“No, no it’s not your fault. I wanted to go. This- this was fun. Perhaps if you’re staying in town a few days…”

“I would love to hang out with you again.” I calmed their nerves.

“I usually finish my chores before 5pm. Meet me back here tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

They started to walk away but I stoped them.

“Hey Blinky?”

“Yeah?”

I held out one of my switch blades for them.

“Maybe if we’re going to continue meeting in dark alleys, you should have something to protect yourself with.”

The took the knife slowly, examining it.

“I can’t take this, it’s yours. And it looks expensive.” They frowned.

“I insist. Wouldn’t want to find my date bleeding out in an alley somewhere.” I joked.

“Yeah, I guess that would kinda ruin things wouldn’t it? I’ll see you around Macy. Thank you, for today I mean. It was perfect.”

I did a fake bow before watching them disappear into the dark. I wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight, far too excited about this new development to sleep. But I was itching for a taste of something more. I’m sure I could find some sorry sap out here to kill tonight. Stop me from running after Blinky and scaring them off.

Blinky’s POV:

I waited until I was out of sight and I heard her bike drive off into the distance, before I let out a little happy dance. Sure, I’d had crushes before, little in content ones. But they always seemed to disappear. I wasn’t stupid, I knew what happened to them. That’s why I would have to keep Macy a secret. Keep her far, far away from my family.

I mean she looked like she could handle a fight. But I didn’t want my family getting hurt either. I sighed in frustration. She was different from anyone who ever came to this town. She was tall, beautifully handsome, funny, smart. And she gave me her knife. But little did she know how perfect a gift it was. I got sad when I thought about long term. It inevitably wouldn’t work out and one or both of us would end up with our hearts broken.

But tonight was so freeing. And I didn’t want that to end. Maybe it was selfish of me, but these next few days I would remember and cherish forever. Even if she went back home where it was safe, and never talked to me again. I slowly pulled open the front door.

“And where the fuck have you been?” Otis’ booming voice called.

“A walk.” I said nervously.

“A walk, really, in the dark?”

“Mmmhmm, bought a new knife.” I said, showing off the gift as a makeshift alibi.

He squinted his eyes at me, but seemed to be satisfied with my response.

“Just tell someone where you’re going next time Yeah? Spaulding got back from the gas station and you were nowhere to be found.”

“Awww, we’re you worried?” I teased.

He scoffed, turning his back and walking away.

“Goodnight Blinky, and I mean that. Go the fuck to bed, we’ve got a busy day ahead of us.”

“Yes dad.”

An: A reminder that Blinky uses both She and They which is why it switches so much. I tried to make it seem as natural as possible.

[scarredhag]

The Whale (2022) dir. Darren Aronofsky

I just watched The Whale and I got so many thoughts about it. Though one thing I can surely say is that I sobbed way too fucking hard. Give me a movie that hits my religion/life issues and my love for poetic/literature shit and it'll be an instant river. This movie gave it all to me. I don't even know where to start. You know what, I'm just gonna blurt it all out.

"In the amazing book, Moby Dick, by the author Herman Melville, the author recounts his story of being at sea. In the first part of this book, the author, calling himself Ishmael, is in a small seaside town and he is sharing a bed with a man named Queequeg. The author and Queequeg go to church and later set out on a ship captained by a pirate named Ahab, who is missing a leg, and very much wants to kill the whale which is named Moby Dick, and which is white. In the course of the book, the pirate Ahab encounters many hardships. His entire life is set around trying to kill a certain whale. I think this is sad because this whale doesn't have any emotions, and doesn't know how bad Ahab wants to kill him. He's just a poor big animal. And I feel bad for Ahab as well because he thinks his life will be better if he can just kill this whale, but in reality, it won't help him at all. I was very saddened by this book, and I felt many emotions for the characters. And I felt saddest of all when I read the boring chapters that were only descriptions of whales, because I knew the author was just trying to save us from his own sad story, just for a little while. This book made me think about my own life, and then it made me feel glad for my..."

This is what Ellie (Sadie Sink) wrote in her English essay during eighth grade. As the movie starts, it wasn't stated who wrote it, but rather was being read by Thomas (Ty Simpkins), a missionary who shares the word of God door to door, for Charlie (Brendan Fraser), who was at the moment, feeling a tight pain in his chest. Charlie pleaded Thomas to read it for him because it somehow calms him, helps him to breathe again. It was like his life source, his life support machine. And the first time I heard the essay, I immediately thought the whale as Charlie. Not just because of his obesity, but also because when I saw him, I thought he didn't care about anything. He let himself be that large, I wondered why, but still thought that maybe he just didn't care. Just like in Ellie's essay, the whale doesn't have any emotions. He only does what he do and have no idea what life can do to him. In Ellie's perspective, this is very understandable. Ellie thought that his dad never cared for her, left her, his own daughter, for a man. Charlie was in love, he told her that at the end of the movie, and being in love caused Ellie to think that he was emotionless.

Charlie was in love with Alan, who was Liz's (Hong Chau) brother, which is Charlie's personal nurse and only friend. Alan was also part of New Life, a church, just like Thomas. When Alan died, Charlie went through more than a rough time, and I guess Liz never left his side. She helps him by buying groceries for him, checking his health, do chores, and advices him to take a health insurance which he refuses to do so because he thinks that there's more important things that his money should go to. Alan's death wasn't an accident. He killed himself by jumping off a bridge, as Liz had said. She said that Alan was having a hard time doing his missionary work, was tired, but didn't want to come home because he didn't want to get married, which their father was already planned it. During this time, Alan and Charlie were already together because Liz said that the first time she went to Charlie's house, Alan was there, looking sick and awful and she was trying to convince him to eat. In the end, Alan gave up, and it messed Charlie up. How much more for Liz?

The first night Thomas, the missionary, came across Charlie's house, Liz met him. You wouldn't believe it if I say they didn't get along. The second day, Liz told him everything about his brother, and how much of a bullshit being in New Life is. I loved how much she hates faith and religion and everything it offers because it's understandable. Their father kicked their family because of it, and her brother died because of it. You can't blame her for carrying this much rage over God when everything around her didn't go as planned, or maybe it was God's plan. Even though she already hated New Life when she was eight and was being force by her father to join, I bet she wouldn't have wanted to hate it more if it meant for her brother to be gone. As their conversation goes on, as Thomas was trying to convince her that Charlie needed saving, she responded before she got interrupted by Charlie, "No one can save him, only I can!" I paused. For a minute. And I teared up. She couldn't save Alan. She couldn't save his brother. And with Charlie, maybe, just maybe, she could do it this time.

But Alan gave up, and it messed Charlie up, to the point that he made himself larger than he used to be. He wasn't even that large before, he said. He let himself. Because he was devastated, and lonely, and the love of his life killed himself. And that's why Ellie thought he was emotionless. She thought he didn't care. Because Charlie left her, without understanding that there's another person that needs him.

And just like the pirate Ahab, she wanted to kill the whale, in hopes that things will be better for her. She'll get his money and she can do whatever she can with it. But then she read the essay she wrote when she was in eighth grade, which is being kept by Charlie, who she thought never cared for her, who she thought never payed attention to anything about her, and remembered what she was glad for. He did, he does. He kept her essay, and keeps reading and reading it as if it increases a minute to his life span. And every time he's on the verge of dying, he still reads it as if it's his god that keeps on saving him and keeping him going. Because at the end of the essay, Ellie said, "This book made me think about my own life, and then it made me feel glad for my..."

She was glad for him. She is glad for him. And no matter how much Ellie got bored from those boring descriptions of whales, she's glad to realize that, there are worst ones. Her dad isn't the best, isn't good either, but he isn't the worst for the very least. And for Charlie, that's what keeps him going. No matter how long he tries to kill himself, no matter how long he longs to die, there's this lifeline that will keep on giving him hope, her daughter is glad for him. And he is glad for her, because she's amazing.

I have so many more thoughts, but I think I already wrote what is necessary. If I unintentionally wrote some things that seem offensive and couldn't quite recognize which, I'm sorry. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the movie. Imagine ugly crying which I barely do. I guess this is my essay.

Edited: I saw a review on Letterboxd asking if Dan the delivery guy was God judging us... HOLD ON-

[diggingfordragons]

You'd never expected anything, really, to happen after death. It was all a big surprise, wasn't it? That was the point? That no one knew? That anyone could hope to have any of their beliefs?

Probably.

You hadn't really spared a thought about it in a while, is the point you're trying to make, though. You hadn't expected to die for a while.

Getting hit by a truck tends to take you by surprise like that.

Oddly, your first thought - well, the first that comes after the pain, and the dark, and the weird light that twists and absorbs and- where were you? Ah, yes. Your first thought, when you feel aware and kind of awake and kind of real again, oddly, is not for yourself.

It's for Debbie.

Deborah.

Your best friend- Well, your ex-best friend, according to the police, but you'd never really given up hope. She'd just up and vanished one day, no message, no nothing, simply didn't show up for work and everyone had been so fucking worried she'd been declared missing in an hour after she'd left home for the last time.

She had been so loved, Debbie.

You still love her so fucking much, it hurts. It hurts because she's not here, the police is pretty sure she's dead in a ditch somewhere, and now- now you're probably dead in a ditch too, and if death is as unkind as life, then you're not even going to see her again. You're not going to see her, or anyone else, for that matter. Fuck, your dog. Who's going to take care of it? Your brother? He better. You'll haunt him if he doesn't. You'll figure out how to become a ghost. Surely it can't be that difficult.

If you become a ghost, then your brother won't miss you that much either. But oh, he will. He'll miss you. And your mom- she's going to cry so hard. What about Thomas? What about Steph? What about-

Fuck.

Fuck, now you're crying.

Weird, right? Being dead, you'd think you wouldn't feel sad anymore, that you wouldn't start sympathy-crying because you're thinking of all the people you love and that loved you that are going to have a closed-casket funeral - because let's be real, that truck hit you real hard and you just know whatever's left is not pretty nor going to be put back together.

And yet, you're crying. Your eyes sting, and your nose stings, and you feel your cheeks start to hurt and a terrible sob catches in your throat-

Wait.

You blink open startled eyes, blurry because you're absolutely bawling, and fucking hell, you can see! You can see- You're-

"What the fuck?" You sob out, in misery and confusion.

Aren't you dead? Is this the hospital? Did they somehow manage to revive the paste that the truck turned you into?

A loud, sudden SLAM! makes you jump.

You almost lose track of things again because okay, you jumped? You startled? You're alive and well, and apparently you broke no bones on impact somehow? Because that didn't hurt? What?

"Rion!" A tearful person slams into your side full tilt.

Who????

You blink away the tears as best as you can, trying to wipe the wet trails and the snot somewhere that isn't the person currently crushing you to death - again, hah - but you're not very successful. When your eyes are less blurry, you squint.

And squint harder.

Okay, mystery person is still a mystery, unless Steph decided to dye their hair a light lavender color. Very recently, too, because wow, even the roots look lavender. You'd know - the mystery person has shoved their head right under your nose, so you can only see the hair. Incredible, soft, lavender all the way, hair.

"Oh I was so frightened!" Mystery person exclaims tearfully. They seem very okay with wiping snot and tears on you, huh. "When you fell and wouldn't wake up, we thought the worst! We even called the saintess!"

When what? The who? What?

You've never been so fucking confused in your entire life. Or at least, not that you remember.

"I'm- sorry?" You attempt. "I'm very confused. Who are you?"

Mystery person gasps, and leans away. You get a good look at their face and- yeah, no. That's not someone you know. You'd remember someone that looks so weirdly perfect, with eyes that are so fucking big and purple. Is that contacts? Is that natural?

Dread starts to fill you.

Oh no.

Oh fuck.

You've never thought about it before, you don't think about death much but- was Debbie right? Or rather, were the stupid fucking stories she liked to read right?

Did you just get isekai'd?

"Rion," mystery person says, tearful, "You don't remember me? Lilac?"

You shake your head no, even as you note the name. Lilac. Unoriginal, given their hair and eye color. Were their parents just lazy or what? Their name can't be Lilac. You don't know a Lilac.

Your name's not Rion either.

Fuck.

FUCK.

"I'm calling the saintess!" Lilac exclaims, immediately jumping away and running out of the door.

Leaving you, confused, alone, in a room you don't know at all. It's not a hospital room, though.

Small mercies.

Thankfully, it doesn't take long for Lilac to come back. They're followed by several other people, all of them wearing absurd clothing, and with hair and eyes that are all sorts of impossible colors. Your head starts to hurt just looking at them. If the red - actual, strawberry red - haired and eyed person is named Rose or Tomato, you vow to just find the nearest window and jump.

Or maybe push them. It'd be a mercy for them, right?

But your wandering attention, confused and overwhelmed and distracted as you are, stops with a sudden, mental screech of tires - haha, you know that noise intimately now, isn't that fun - when you spot who can only be the Saintess that Lilac mentioned. She's wearing the sort of robes you'd expect from the pope, if the pope was a cross between an elf, Gandalf, a magical girl and, well, the pope.

She also looks a lot like Debbie.

Like, a lot a lot.

Sure, she looks like Debbie if Debbie was a pope-elf-magical girl-gandalf mix, but her face, her eyes, that small gentle smile- That's just Debbie. She even has that one mole, right under her chin, that she's always hated but that you thought was funny. That same mole you've obsessed over the last few months because you thought that would be the thing you'd have to recognize a dead body by. You spent hours imagining the morgue, and a still body, disfigured, and they'd ask you is that her and you'd see the mole and you'd know and you'd start crying.

Well now you see the mole, and you somehow can't fucking find the tears that you were crying just a minute ago.

That's Debbie.

That has to be Debbie.

But it can't be Debbie-

"Saintess Debbie!" Lilac cries.

Nevermind!

"Please, Rion doesn't seem to remember any of us!" Lilac continues.

Debbie smiles at Lilac, all cool and collected in a way Debbie's never been. She looks at you, and while you've recognized her on sight she doesn't. You can tell. There's no recognition at all. She doesn't know you.

Do you look different? You must, right? Your name's not Rion.

Unlike Debbie, who has her name and her own face, you seem to have taken someone else's.

"Don't worry, Lilac," Debbie says and oh, yeah, that's her voice. That's her voice, and man, you've missed it. You've missed her. So much. "I'll figure it out and fix it."

Everyone immediately goes starry eyed, clearly believing her, and you can't manage to find your words. You want to speak, to say something, to tell her how much you missed her fucking voice. Your throat is all clogged up by emotion and shock, though.

You think you're allowed, though.

You just died.

Debbie's there.

Is this heaven or some shit?

Before you can react, Debbie waves her hands, and there's a fucking light show. Literally. Lights everywhere, circles and shapes, all sizes and color. Magic, pure and simple, no other way about it.

Holy shit.

Your best friend really is a magical girl elf gandalf pope.

That's amazing.

But then Debbie frowns.

"Oh," she says, before the frown clears. "Ah! Oh, I see how it is! Well, this will be a little more complicated-" she gives everyone else a bright smile. "But don't worry, I know the solution. I will need all of you to wait outside for a moment, though. It requires a lot of magic and concentration!"

A few of them hesitate. You see Lilac open their mouth to protest, but they falter under the force of Debbie's bright smile. With a last, hesitant look at you, Lilac follows everyone else out of the room. The door closes with a quiet click.

Debbie immediately sighs and sits at your bedside. She gives you a look, the look that she used to keep for her siblings when they did things that she had to fix before her parents came home.

"So you're from another world, huh?" She asks. It's a rhetorical question, you can tell because she doesn't actually give you time to answer, waving a hand, "Let me guess. A truck hit you. Or you fell down the stairs. Or you fell in a river. And now you woke up here and you're very confused and you'd like to go home."

Well- Yes.

She's very right.

You nod, at a loss for word.

But you can't remain silent forever, not when your best friend is right here. Not when you finally found her and she's miraculously alive!

"Deb-" You start, choked up.

"Don't worry," Debbie cuts you off, not even noticing you'd started talking.

That's odd. Debbie used to be so much more mindful. A bit anxious, really, about speaking to others, though she'd grown more confident with the years. Still, that's a jump in confidence right there.

You wish you could feel happy about it, but the dread from earlier is now back with a vengeance. You don't like this.

"It happens every once in a while," she tells you, like that's actually a normal thing. "Fortunately for you, I'm the saintess. I've got powerful magic, and I know how to send you back. Alive," she adds, knowingly. "It'll be like nothing happened. You'll get back to your world, in your body, just ten minutes before you die, and that should be enough for you to avoid the danger."

That sounds... That sounds great.

You try to feel happy about it.

You fail.

Debbie keeps talking, explaining to you how painless and instant the process is, how it'll all be fine. How she's done this many times. Why, she's from a different world, wouldn't you know, that's how she knows how to do this. Why, in fact-

"What if-" you start, and Debbie pauses, looking surprised to be interrupted in turn. Tough shit. You're having a bad feeling about this. "What if I don't want to go back?"

"Oh, well," Debbie looks uncomfortable. "That's not- I can't really allow that."

That's her uncomfortable lying face. You know it. You grew up with it.

"No?" You ask, and oh, the dread is absolutely making a home in your gut, but it has invited friends now. You're feeling a lot of things. None of them nice. "Why not?"

"Well you see," Debbie hems and haws, and then, waves her hand about a little, "this world can't really have that many people form other worlds running around. It'd destabilize reality."

Bullshit.

Bull-fucking-shit.

"Besides, you'd be stealing Rion's life!" Debbie continues, more confident now in her nonsense. "And- And don't you have a family waiting for you? Friends?"

"Don't you?" You ask.

Debbie's smile grows awkward.

"Ah, no, you see, I don't have- I mean-" she looks to the side, and looks very convincingly sad - to anyone that's not you. "I don't have anyone to go back to."

Oh, really.

"No one," you say, and you hear your voice, flat, as if muffled through water. The feeling invited by dread is growing. You recognize it, absently, as utter and complete fury. "That's very sad."

"Yeah," Debbie says, looking even more awkward now. She claps her hands. "But it's fine, you have people to go back to, and I can send you back in a snap-"

"But if you wanted," you interrupt. Just to check. "If you had people to go back to. You could? You have that ability?"

"I, yes," Debbie says, slowly. She seems to register something's gone wrong, but she doesn't get what. "I could, but I don't want to. I told you."

"Yeah," you say. And then, finally, you find the dam bursting, "Yeah, you told me that. I can't fucking believe you, Debbie. No one left? What about your parents? What about your siblings? Do you know how devastated Flora and Simon are?" Debbie rears back as if you'd punched her. Rage makes you see red. How dare she look like you're hurting her! "No one! NO ONE! So Thomas isn't anyone? Steph? What about David? What about Georgia? What about the team?" You point a finger at her, harsh and accusing and wretched. "What about me?!"

Debbie has gone very pale now, the blood drained from her face.

You don't care. You don't think you can.

"It's been months!" You cry at her, incensed and horrified. Your vision's gone blurry again - you've always cried too easily. "Do you know what the cops told us? Do you know how horrible it was? How horrible it is?" You throw the covers of the bed away, and jump out on unsteady legs, just so you can stand in front of her. "We were told to prepare a funeral, Debbie! Without a body! For you!"

"I- I-" Debbie blubbers. "It's not my fault-"

"It is." You say it with furious certainty. She cannot refute this. "You're- what, the saintess? Some sort of magical über being? You told me you could go back to your world, but that you don't want to."

And isn't that the truth? Isn't that what she told you.

She did.

She thought she was talking to a stranger, so she told the truth, hidden in white lies, and the truth is-

The truth is that she could have come home at any point. Any time. All these months, laying awake at night, calling Thomas and Steph because you'd suddenly gotten worried they would vanish without a trace. All the searches. The entire fucking town, spending a full week without working, without school, everyone that knew anyone was combing the entire area, the woods, they'd gone through the whole county searching for beloved, missing, poor Deborah Mason.

There's still her picture stapled to lightpoles. You see it every day, going to work. Debbie, her bright smile, the outfit she was wearing that day. Have You Seen This Person? In bold, large letters, and several numbers under that, along with Debbie's information.

The pictures have gone faded, some were replaced by some ads or missing posters for pets instead. But most of them remain.

You've missed her so much.

You loved her so much it hurt.

It hurts now.

It hurts more than you can say.

"I can't fucking believe you, Debbie," you say. "You just... You just left us. Like that."

Debbie's hands clench.

"Well you can't blame me for that!" She explodes, anxious and angry and teary-eyed. Like you're the one wronging her. "I was so lost and confused, when I got sent here! But then- Then I got magic! I was important! I was doing good, you see? Helping people!" She opens her hands, and there's light pooling in them, gentle and warm. Debbie smiles through her tears, and it's the ugliest fucking thing you've ever seen. "I can heal! I can rewind time a little! I can cure sickness and wounds and plagues! I can purify the air, grow trees! I can do so much! By the time I learned the spell to get home I- I couldn't! I made friends here too! I couldn't leave them! They needed me!"

You needed her too, though, and she left you very easily.

Those new friends of hers haven't known her for more than a few months. You've known her your whole life.

Hah.

"You've always wanted to be useful," you say, and it sounds dead even to your ears.

"Yes!" Debbie cries, and she grabs your hands like you just gave her absolution, like you understand. You do, you hate that you do, you hate that the reason you do is because you know her and love her and so you understand her insecurities like you would your own. You understand. But Debbie doesn't see that it doesn't make it okay. Debbie just smiles, still through tears, "Yes, you see! In the other world-"

"The real world," you tell her.

"-I wasn't making a difference!" She continues, heedless of your words. "I wasn't helping anyone! What was I good for? Here, I'm helping whole countries! I'm helping millions!"

But she's wrong, though.

At home, Debbie wasn't helping millions but she was still helping many people. Kids, and locals, and her friends and family. Sure, numerically that's less, but-

But isn't that the most important?

Aren't you - you and Debbie's other friends, and her family, and everyone else who has stared at her picture so long that now they all know Debbie's face by heart, know where that fucking mole is so that if the cops call they'll all know how to identify the body - more important than a million strangers? A million strangers from a different world?

"Maybe you'd keep your magic," you say, numbly, and you're not sure if you're trying to convince her or if you're pleading to the void. If you're trying to see if she's really going to give everything up, give you up for power and good intentions. "If you came home. You could still help."

"I can't risk it," Debbie says. Then, slow and cautious, hopeful. "But now, you're here! It doesn't matter! You can stay with me!"

It hurts.

It hurts.

You close your eyes.

"No," you say, and it's exhausted.

You're exhausted, suddenly. All the anger in the world, gone like that. Gone, like the girl you knew. Like the Debbie you love. Like the Debbie you mourned.

All the grief in the world, back in town under a new name and with a fake mustache, because now you need to mourn Debbie again.

She's alive, and yet, she may as well be dead.

Fuck.

What are you going to tell the others?

You realize, you can't tell them the truth. It's eating you alive already, but it'll kill them too, and you can't mourn more people. You can't.

They won't believe you anyway.

You look at Debbie.

"No," you tell her, quietly. "Send me back. But don't send me alone. Give me your body."

"What?" Debbie says. "But-"

"I don't want to stay," you tell her. "I want to go home. I want my dog, and my brother, and my mom. I want Thomas and Steph and everyone else." You feel the tears drip down your face. "And I want you to give me a body, a fake, something. Something so we can hold the funeral for you. So we can move on."

The way she has moved on.

Debbie stares at you, and she's crying as well, but she's doing so silently. You're not doing so good. Every breath whistles in your throat. You know your face is all blotchy.

Debbie's face in unnaturally still pretty and perfect, even with her tears, in a way it never was before. It must be magic.

Or maybe it's just because she's dead.

"Okay," Debbie says, choked out. "Okay then."

"Okay," you say as well. And, because fuck, she's still your best friend, she was, and you missed her and you will miss her forever now, you lean in and hug her, hard. "Okay. Goodbye, Debbie. I hope helping millions of people is worth it. I hope you're very happy here. I hope you find love, and have kids, and- and-"

You can't continue, your words devolving into an ugly sob.

Debbie can't answer either it seems. Her tears soak your collar, and her hands clutch at your back. And then, sudden and warm, you feel light enveloping you.

You hear her voice, one last time.

"Okay," she says. "Goodbye-"

And then she's gone.

You're standing on the sidewalk. You're about to head downtown. You stare, and for a second, you think this was all a vivid dream. Some twisted, fucked up fantasy made up by grief and exhaustion and months without Debbie.

But then you head towards home, and at the next crossing you hesitate.

A truck goes in front of you, full speed.

It would have hit you.

Smear on the pavement.

You stare after it, wide-eyed. And then, something bright attracts your gaze. You can't help but look, and surely it must just be the sun reflecting on some puddle, but no, it's coming from the riverbank next to the road.

Heart in your throat, you head down there.

Ah.

There she is.

Debbie.

Lying there, cold, dead. Perfect, even though her body should be unrecognizable. You look at her chin, and you almost laugh.

She fucking forgot the mole.

Someone close to you has gone missing for months, and you've just learned that they were Isekai'd away to a fantasy world, and you are horrified to discovered how quickly they've moved on from their old life and you in its entirety.

[messofmoss]

saturday, june 22, 2024

8:31am

i just slept for 11 hours. i got home from work and basically just passed out. my phone is half dead. my whole body hurts. i had a whole handprint on my arm when i woke up lol

there were many times my mind was racing yesterday and i wanted to write here but i was working and couldn't. i feel like writing it down helps a bit because instead of rattling around in my brain, it's pouring out here. like a bit of release and relief.

my head hurts. it hurt a lot yesterday too. i forgot to take my pills. i haven't missed a day in awhile. i was missing a refill and i was going to take them when i got the missing part but forgot about it.

i feel shitty. i don't want to go to work today. or do anything really. slept 11 hours and i just want to go back to sleep. sleep 11 more hours. i hate work. i don't want to go. i don't want to be around humans. i just want to be in my dark cave with my cats and my kindle and my pillow. i didn't even get to enjoy my days off because it was too hot to exist.

i feel like crying right now. i don't want to go so bad. i can't just call out every weekend though. ugh

10:19am

i sent her a minute of voice messages and all she says back is "okayyy" an hour later. really nothing to say at all??? why do i even bother

5:15pm

teary in the car again. i think julia is mad at me for calling her a hater. i was only teasing.

as SOON as she opened my last voice message, she started typing and said she was going to bed. she hadn't even listened to half of it yet. that voice was my attempt to change the subject. i said "i'm going to try to befriend the new girl at work tonight" the one i had told her might be a lesbian. idk i'm just so sad.

lilly told me to back off her and see if she reaches out to me first. i feel like she won't because last night i fell asleep and forgot to send her good morning message and when i woke up, she had read my last message and just... didn't say anything to me.

8:40pm

i can't enjoy my free time because i made a plan and that plan isn't until monday morning but like it takes away future planned free time before work and now i'll have to be out doing something and now i am just in a perpetual state of anxiety waiting for that thing. and it's like when you have a dentist appt at like 2pm so you can't enjoy your morning because you're just waiting for the appointment. i hate transition periods. i used to tell brogan to not tell me if he had to leave in like 10 or 20 minutes or whatever because then i wouldn't be able to enjoy that time anymore because it would feel like we are in a transition phase and it just makes me stupid anxious. the plan for monday is to go to clifton park at 8am to pick up thomas from the mechanic and hang with him til i have to work. i just hate making plans in general. i hate weekends because i have to work. i hate feeling trapped. work schedule makes me feel trapped. making plans makes me feel trapped.

also i have acid reflux/heartburn whatever for the first time in aaaaages and i hate it so much. i think it's because i've had pan pizza two days in a row at work. i need to get back to my diet. i feel like shit. i look like shit. i am shit. i look at my reflection and i don't even recognize my face anymore. like who the fuck is that? why do i look like that?

[camreadsum]

I've been having quite a reading season so I thought I'd do the MID-YEAR Freak Out Tag to document it all since that was the point of this account before I abandoned it. 😬

Anyways Let's Go!! (I will not be going into detail about the books, just how/why they fit the question)

Best Book So Far: A Strange And Stubborn Endurance by Foz Meadows

If ever there was a book designed for me as the target audience, it's this one. This book is everything I want when I pick up a fantasy romance. This is proof that you do not need to abandon or half ass your world building because "the focus is the romance anyway"

Honourable mention :A Taste of Gold And Iron by Alexandra Rowland. Another M/M romantasy with lovable characters in a lush, well realized world of fantasy.

Good fucking Soup!!

Best Sequel: Winter of the Witch.

Third book in the Winter night Trilogy. Historical fantasy. Epic conclusion to an amazing series. Russian folklore, utterly unforgettable MC, old gods vs Christianity battle it out in the unforgiving world of medieval Russia. Full of myth and extreme stakes. Went straight up my top 5 fave series of all time.

Honourable mention: The Long Game by Rachel Reid (book 8). A hockey romance that was just pure fun. Both light and heart-felt. Chaos and Fun. Overall good time.

New Release I haven't Gotten To Yet: Yellowface by R.F Kuang

Most Anticipated Release for the 2nd Half Of The Year: He Who Drowned The World (coming August 24) Sequel to She Who Became The Sun by Shelley Parker Chan.

Biggest Dissapointment : Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas. This was such an unpleasant experience. A one note character who was so removed from her reality and surroundings that I was unable to connect with her or the story. She had no reactions to any of the horrendous things happening to and around her. She didn't care, had no goals, motivations etc. She just WAS! (One would would argue that that was the point given the self medication and trauma, and perhaps they'd be right) I just couldn't help but feel like I wasted my time here. Thinking about this book still makes me angry.

Honourable mention: The Beautiful Ones by Sivia Moreno Garcia.

Several trusted sources hyped this book up as not only a really juicy historical romance but the best from Miss Garcia. And as someone who didn't get the hype behind Mexican Gothic, I was hoping this would be my chance to appreciate Silvia's work. IT WASN'T!! I'm starting to think Me n Silvia just aren't suited to each other. (I will still read Gods of Jade And Shadow since I already own the audiobook but I won't pick up anything new moving forward)

Biggest Surprise: Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe.

This is contemporary fiction featuring sad gays coming of age. I was so surprised by how much I enjoyed and was gut punched by this story. This duology did for me what SONG OF ACHILLES did for the girls.

Honourable Mention: Silver Under Nightfall by Rin Chupeco. I don't even have words for how this book swept me away. Another MC I would lay down my life for. Charming characters, dark world, monstrous creatures and sexy vampires. AGAIN a book designed with ME in mind.

Fave New Author: T Kingfisher.

Technically I discovered them last year with the Paladin Series but I've only gotten to expound on their catalog this year and boy do they keep GIVING!! Their writing style is equal parts Humour, whimsy, vivid and just hits all the beats. Her characterization is obe of my favorites for sure. An auto-read author for me moving forward.

Honourable mention :KJ Charles

An indie author who focuses on queer romantic and historical fantasy. She's yet to let me down

Newest Fictional Crush: I don't really crush on book characters but for the sake of this question Delilah Green from Delilah Green Doesn't Care(super tated Butch Lesbian with percings and mommy issues?! Come on now)

Honourable mention : Tadek from A Taste Of Gold And Iron. The complete Chaos that is this man. We would be best friends immediately!!

Newest Fave Character : Velasin Vin Aaro- Aeduria from A Strange And Stubborn Endurance. Fits the archetype of all my favorite male characters. Cute, shy, super smart and entirely a cinnamon role. Him, Cae and Markel are the PERFECT chaotic Trio. (Pls go read this book y'all I need someone to die over it with me)

Honourable mention : Ilya Rozanov from Long Game. Look, this man is a total bastard, a delinquent, an utter S.O.B but I stand by him. *Keke Palmer voice* I KNOW HIM Y'ALL!! I KNOW HIM!!

Book That made me Cry: Satisfaction Guaranteed by Karelia Stetz-Waters.

Listen, I may have been going through some things at the time but that last act L0ve Declaration GOT ME!! just cheesing and sobbing like "love is real y'all"

Book That Made Me Happy: Swordheart by T Kingfisher.

The utter WHOLESOMENESS that is this book!!!the FMC was so pure and guileless and genuine I wanted to hug her. The high jinks, the shenanigans and the wonder of it all. This story was utterly hilarious, sweet, emotional and fun. All the things I want in my romances. Solidified Kingfisher's Pen Game as unclockable.

(The audiobook narrator for Halla is one of the most talented in the game. Give her all the gigs!)

If you see this and are interested pls join in. I'd love to see what everyone's been reading.

[sea-changed]

inv3rtebrate replied to your photoset: Today in “things that have ruined my entire...

“it just punched my emotions in the goddamn throat” is ABOUT RIGHT THANKS FOR THAT

I had to suffer, so now ALL OF YOU DO TOO.

sidewaystime replied to your photoset: Today in “things that have ruined my entire...

I needed to know this though!

It’s such absolutely crucial information, tbh. I had been convinced for some reason that she wasn’t wearing it in 1715, but I’m so glad I went back and checked, because it makes so much sense with the other info we’re given about what’s going on with her and it just absolutely fucking kills me.

[dreamlandcreations]

Encore

Alfie Solomons x Opera Singer!Reader

Summary: Tommy is writing that final act for Alfie and you happen to be a part of it...

Warnings (but mostly just ramblings): fem reader is Italian, she has a past with our favourite Jew, my Italian is even worse than my English and I'm not doing google translate so bold+italic text means "in Italian", also I kinda skipped most of season 5 so I might have missed some important canon stuff, only allusions to smutty times (sorry), might make a prequel with the backstory I made up for this, it got a little sad at the end but it's an open ending... so who knows?

P.S.: this is 100% @misselsbells06's fault 🤗 (although I'm pretty sure this is not what you had in mind)

Tommy convinced Alfie to leave his hiding place, that the latter insisted it wasn't that at all. You were to meet at the Shelby estate.

Even the servants weren't allowed to know this meeting would take place so you agreed to arrive at night and stay until the early morning. Ada and Alfie were the only ones who were involved.

The three of them had been waiting for you in tense silence before Alfie decided to take a break from quietly scrutinizing every inch of Tommy's office.

"So who is this unfortunate bloke who will put their neck on the line for you?" He didn't want to know the details before but he was getting more involved and Alfie never went into battle unprepared.

"It's a woman." Tommy's short answer got Ada snickering.

"Oh, Tommy Shelby is going to solve his problems with his cock again!" She guessed.

"Not exactly." He was determined to not go into detail about the incident when he tried to seduce you.

"You already tried?" Ada asks the question but everyone in the room is just as eager to know the answer, that now involving you too as you were waiting by the door. Tommy gives her a stern look and turns to the Jew instead.

"She's in close relation to those big fucks you were educating me about, Alfie." He explains cryptically and Alfie doesn't like the feeling that takes over at his suspicion.

"What did she do, Tommy boy, when you made a move?"

"I laughed." You answer quickly, making your presence known. "Oh, it was such a fun night, it's been so long since laughter brought me to tears."

You walked inside and stopped before Tommy to smile at him like it's the re-play of said night. Alfie breaks the moment, gaining your attention completely.

"Ah, fuck me. You bring 'ere a fuckin' siren, right, to lure me to my death, yeah? Is that my final act, Thomas? Maybe you should just shoot me again, with a better aim this time, if it's not too much to ask."

When he's done you make your way to him, pretending to be confident when, in fact, you were on the verge of a breakdown as meeting him again not only made him nervous but scared the hell out of you.

"And you call me drama queen?" When you see that you managed to lighten his mood, you step closer and brush your hands along his cheeks, taking him all in like he's an intricate work of art.

"Hideous, innit?" Oh, yes, the scar. You didn't even notice it anymore, to be honest. His presence, as a whole just simply overtaking every sense in you and you'd preferably melt into him in a passionate embrace and forget the world existed.

His unusual vulnerability twists your stomach so you try to ease both of your concerns.

"Absolutely. I always get the urge to shave off this monstrosity whenever I see it." You say, tugging at his beard and pulling your lips to a teasing smile.

"I missed you." You confess when his hands find your waist and keep you in place before you could take a step back.

"You will not play this part, sweetheart. Go back to your stage."

You can't help the tiny smile that sneaks on you with the memories of your better days together. When you were teaching him Italian and laughed at his accent. How he refused to speak Chinese even though he quickly gathered enough to understand the basics and the way he would talk to you in Russian or Yiddish in turn still makes you tremble with want.

Giving up the stage, what made it possible for you to be independent, was not an easy choice but you didn't regret it because you wanted to be with him after he was injured.

Those days, when he was feeling better and indulging in domestic life with you, were the best days of your life. And that's why now his words hurt more than you could ever express.

"You've lost your right to have a say in my life."

Thinking that you've concluded your argument you spin back to the Shelby siblings who try to catch up with the turn of events but the cruel man behind you doesn't want to let you go.

"What if I want it back?" Not knowing how to respond, you simply chose not to. At that moment Tommy seems to find his voice.

"How do you know each other?"

"That matters because... ?" You were waiting for him to elaborate and at the same time providing the answer for him.

"It doesn't. If it won't be a problem for you." He says, eyes still flicking between you two.

"Of course, not."

You listen as they tell you how you'll be involved in the plan. You'll be the star of the event that Tommy will organize. Your fame will ensure the right guests arrive.

Alfie objected every time the plan even remotely put you in danger so the conversation halted several times before one of you came up with an alternative or argued with him about the necessity of that part of the plan.

It was well into the night when you settled everything.

You knew you would end up in bed with him the moment you realised he was here but that didn't make your worries disappear.

As you were half-lying on him, in a foreign room, drawing patterns on his naked chest after your exhausting reunion and enjoying the way he returns your light caresses, you gather the courage to voice your fears.

"Will you push me away again?"

Your answer is silence, and you think this is his way of saying yes but he finally lets you know what's on his mind.

"Why would you want to be stuck with an old man who got death looming over him, hmm?"

You refuse to go into that argument again so you try something else this time.

"The matters of the heart don't have to make sense."

"The world will always be against us, shiksa."

That nickname brings back memories too, about how he refused to tell you what it meant and how he had to explain what he meant by it when you finally found out its meaning.

"If the world is against us, let's hide away from it."

"I will not run from war, treacle."

"Not even for me." Once it was a question. Not anymore.

The discussion is an echo of what you had in the past. It always ended the same way but the cruel part of you, the part that was once filled with hope and love, the part that he repeatedly hurt by giving up on you, again and again, it was compelling you to tell him that he has no business or power anymore so his old excuses wouldn't stand anymore. His war is over and he lost almost everything.

The words are on the tip of your tongue but you bite your lip and hold it down, wanting to enjoy this probably fleeting moment while it lasts and you would foolishly hold onto the hope he always gives you.

"Let's worry 'bout 'morrow when the morning comes, yeah?" He murmurs against your skin after he pulls you closer, like he's afraid you'll be gone before the morning. Right, like you would ever leave his side on your own accord.

It's funny, how he calls you a siren but in truth, he's the one who can lure you in every time, then he leaves you stranded with the loss and the thoughts of 'what could have been'.

You tried to move on, you truly did but it seems he ruined you for anyone else as you were always comparing them to him and you could tell by the first conversation they failed to meet the standards. So you just wait until fate makes you cross paths with him again and start the whole dance all over, meanwhile waiting for the inevitable fall when he drops you.

[forevermore-quoth-the-kitten]

BATFAM AS QUOTES BUT THIS TIME IS SAO ABRIDGED LETS GO!

Frist | Next

Damian: just stay calm, you already have everything you need to beat it.

Jon, temporarily powerless and panicking: the power to believe in myself?!

Damian: Noo, my sword. Stab it!!

-

Jason: there, was that so hard? fucking drama queen.

Tim: YOU PUT A KNIFE IN MY FACE! I’D SAY THIS IS AN ADEQUATE AMOUNT OF DRAMA!!

-

Jason: Dickie, Dickie, Dickie. Look, ok? I get it. you had a really bad day! You’re stressed out, 7 people died-

Dick: 12 PEOPLE!

Jason: Not the point. Look, they’re dead now, and really, whose fault is that?

Dick: YOURS!!

Jason: That’s right, no ones’.

-

Tim: Oh spare me, ‘wonder woman’, you’re only doing this to prove I was wrong.

Steph: Hey, at least I pretend to be nice to people!

Tim: yeah whatever- wait ‘pretend’?

-

Dick, about to duke it out with Bruce in the cave: here Duke, you take it.

Duke, when he finally starts to show Batfam Dark Humor: ah, handing the black man the murder weapon, tale as old as time.

-

Jason: Uugghh!!! fine, B, I’ll humor you. Damian, why would your evil clone have wanted to make sweet love your friends’ chest with the business end of a broadsword?

Everyone: *shocked pikachu face*

Steph: Jesus Christ Jason.

-

Steph with Black Mask’s knife to her throat: Enjoy this while you can, it’s the deepest you’ll ever be in a woman.

-

Bruce, every time he meets a sad dark haired orphan that probably has blue eyes: I WOULD LIKE TO BUY ONE CHILD PLEASE!

-

Tim, trying to get Bart to calm down after a late night horror movie: I think we can safely assume, that a ghost was not the culprit here. Right Nightwing?

Dick, a chaotic little shit who loves drama: Of course not! obviously it was a hit by the mermaid mafia paid in leprechaun gold. But who was the puppet master? The Unicorns? No, they’ve had a fued going on with the Mermaids for years.

Tim, now barely staying upright with a trembling Bart holding onto him: DAMMIT NIGHTWING THIS IS SERIOUS!!

-

Jason, running towards an Untitled: alright ugly, let me teach you why they call me the legendary- *gets hit out of the way immediately* -fUCK!

-

Dick: Because I’ve got a date with destiny!

Steph: yeah, i don’t need to know the name of your preferred cam-girl bro.

-

*while calling Bruce to get him out of a meeting, all background voices with the sound effects by Jason and Damian after Dick dropped the phone*

Tim: oh god!

Steph: it’s spreading!

Duke: grab the women and children!

Dick: yeah, we’ll use them as shields!

*explosion*

-

Damian: Thomas.

Duke: yeah? 

Damian: If if doesn’t cause you much trouble, tell Drake I did not actually call it ‘the piece of shit’.

Duke: . . . kayy, i’m gonna need a little more info to go on there-

Damian: and Todd-

Duke: oh ok, i guess we’re just done here.

-

Dick, narrating to Jason what Bruce was like when he died like the over-dramatic circus brat he is: And so they say, Batman’s heart grew three sizes that day. And then immediately shrank 6, imploding into a black hole from which no love could escape.

-

Cass, protecting a hurt Damian who missed her ballet recital because they kidnapped him and is very pissed: you see, there’s no need to wonder where your god is. Because she’s right here, and she’s fresh out of mercy.

Damian: *thoroughly impressed*

Criminals: *pissing their pants at the fact the tiny twice as scary batman with a stitched face creepier than Scarecrow can talk*

-

Dick: hey I hear those air quotes, you son of a bitch.