#not me looking at this post going ooo I wonder if I could justify doing that

[metanoianmayhem]

...man this is too relatable, because I'm sitting here shopping planters and contemplating what I'll need when it's warm enough to build a pergola.

Have enlisted 1 engineer, 1 welder, and at least 2 henches for this, building a garden path and patio furniture for the summer.

(I say, having just replanted a bunch of plants and trying to figure out how to organize Indoor Garden Betterer)

I, in my infinite wisdom, bought the steel-sided raised garden beds that I will need this spring when they were on sale. Last week. This week, they arrived.

And now I, who in my deepest of hearts loves to assemble flat pack furniture, am fighting the urge to assemble the two 4x8x2 foot beds inside my house. Because its cold out. but also i want to do the big puzzle wheeee

[worldwide-simp]

hello! do u still do request can i ask if u can do yan!scp073 x scp!reader

for some details:

the reader is a safe class cause she doesn't want to hurt people and see them in pain she has healing powers as she usually heals staff or gurads who are injured and she is a total sweetheart!

what will happen if they meet? (u can add any plots and things u wanna add)

*thanks if u are uncomfortable u can decline*!

Ooo I’ve finally got an ask! Sorry, I’m quite late with this. Hope short scenarios will be okay!

consumed by jealousy once again.

Yandere Scp073 x fem reader

Warnings: obsession, implied stalking, corruption, pessimistic thoughts, insecurities, mentions of murder, jealousy

*not proofread, please do notify me if I have missed out a warning, might add some things after posting

How did you both first meet? “…”

• Cain is quite the desirable lad. He’s polite, well-mannered and crosses his legs when seated. Time has carved wisdom into the cadavers of his body; he speaks with many words he’s memorized from dictionaries and occasionally mixes up phrases from different languages.

• When you first met Cain, your sweet and kind nature allured him. He became.. curious, so to speak. Strangely obsessed with admiring you while you’d work with people. Becoming a tad bit jealous when your attention wasn't fixated upon himself. He wouldn't let these thoughts come to light. Not now anyways.

•Always, Cain offered a helping hand. Did you need any assistance carrying that heavy bag? Or perhaps you wanted a glass of water? You could always see him at your service, watching your skilled hands heal others with a passion.

How much time did it take?

“…”

• It had taken him a few months to develop feelings. Cain first believed it was a wonder, why hadn't you excluded him from your table where you would sit? Did you not find his voice uncanny?

•He had only adored you even more after that.

• He had once asked what your occupation in the foundation was, what the foundation declared your function as a cog in one of their elaborate machines. This was the depressing reality. Cain had learned not to question it. They had stuffed his mind full of knowledge to the point he swore it snapped at times, piece by piece.

• Although he had his own mental burdens, Cain would never place them upon you. Endearing innocent soul, let him kiss you to death.

Does his emotions remind him of any past experiences?

“…”

• Cain loathes the feeling of jealousy consuming his heart, it reminded him of a very dark time. Where he had slaughtered his brother out of the same envy he experiences now, just desiring to be injured in any shape or form so he could feel your fingers blessing his cold, still-beating heart and not some guard or doctor undeserving of your touch.

• A rational part of his mind was disgusted at his concerning thoughts. He justified it with a wild vigour.

How would he show his undying love?

“…”

• Sometimes you’d find plastic flowers tucked away in various places, they were always crimson-coloured Morning Glorys and Black roses with sloppy red paint in the shape of a heart. You had giggled and suspected Cain. Though you had never confirmed your thoughts with the man himself. Darling, Sweetheart Cain. Made of sugar and liquorice.

• Every time you discovered your bouquet of flowers, you noticed the hearts had been painted less messily and with more ease, the streaks of red paint precise and pristine.

• Cain felt awkward at the thought of confessing his ever-growing feelings for you. He would only admire you. How your face looked when you smiled, how you rambled about Josie the half-cat’s fluffy pelt and the most adored feature of yours, the way you’d praise him when he did a good job.

•Don’t ever let yourself think he’s going to let such a precious flower like you wilt in his needy grasp.

[fullscoreshenanigans]

I wanted to ask: what are your favorite norayemma fanfics? 👀👉👈

Ooo we will be here for a bit I love promoting fics that resonated with me so deeply and continue to shape my interpretation of the series (check out my TPN Fanfic tag for snippets to longer commentary in general), though I have yet to properly comment on some of them on AO3.

Beginning with one of the realest author's notes from @hylialeia:

Can you believe they invented OT3s 🖤🧡🤍

☆ This unnamed piece set during the timeskip by @p-s-geeks:

There is a flower in your pocket. It’s wild and medicinal. You’re familiar with it. You remember white bedsheets, a pleading whine, two pairs of hands embracing you, and the flower on your forehead, working more wonders that it was biologically capable of (it wasn’t the flower, you know). The flower currently in your pocket is probably in a worse state, has probably shriveled up and wilted after hours of being plucked. It weighs lighter than a feather but feels heavier than diamonds. […] You unearth the flower from your pocket. Ray deserves to see this. Deserves to relive memories with you. And you kind of need him to. Right now, he’s the only one who’s been through thick and thin with you in majority of these trials and tribulations. He’s the only one who can look at it the way you look at it. […] “It’s alright” Ray says, pressing himself closer to you. You hold onto him like he’s the last lifeline on a sinking boat. “It’s alright. You’re not alone. You never were alone” You sleep listening to her gentle words in his gentle voice and it’s the deepest sleep you’ve gotten in a long time. (You wake up to a beautiful orange sunrise. To limbs tangled around yours. To soft snores. To groaning and complaining about morning coming too early during summers. And the hole in your heart subdues itself. It doesn’t disappear, doesn’t stop panging, but you still smile in remembrance and hope.)

How all the little things build and build until they become so deafening, and how so much solace is able to be found in those small‚ tender exchanges on one quiet night, with Ray echoing simple yet loving words he learned from her so long ago that became etched into his being after Grace Field not only by her but through the actions‚ big and small‚ of their family as well (because family is so very integral to each of them). How at first orange is such a painful reminder and how it ends on a most radiant sunrise that's the true embodiment of Emma, giving them both the strength to continue onward.

☆ Everything in banana_slug_army's library. Too much to cite in one post, but here's her tag on here and me talking about the only kind of jealously I enjoy between them:

(I do subscribe to the headcanon of Norman having a pang of jealousy over how much time RE got to spend together before their reunion in the Paradise Hideout with how he tends to navigate extremes at that age, but it’s of a very specific variety. Seeing how close the Grace Field escapees have become during their near two years out in demon world and how that shared trauma brought them together could be a mixed bag for him, with the aching reminder that he wasn’t there with them, didn’t share those memories with them after a lifetime of being together, and the initial flare of jealously turns into shame over thinking it in the first place when 1) he’s mad at not being able to have been there with them‚ not at them, 2) how selfish it is to still want that when they already went through his death once and now will have to go through that a second time, and 3) he spent so long isolated and effectively helpless in his immediate circumstances while at Lambda and suffered for no justifiable reason that it manifests in a festering internal rage, which heartbreakingly can never be given a satisfactory answer…so basically banana_slug_army’s Interwoven lol)

☆ Everything in @salsae's TPN library. Again too much to cite but here's her tag on the blog, me gushing about (so what am I defending now?) aka the quintessential Norray-focused REN fic exploring NR's relationship nine months into the search for Emma, and me gushing about her canon-divergent REN wedding fic, to have and to hold (fanart here). I am constantly citing this snippet of defending and thinking about the flashback and dream sequences Shirai went back and added to the volume release of chapter 181.

☆ Speaking of wedding fics, @carnivorouswillgraham's w.a.m.s. gushing can be found here. Also the post that inspired the fic with my silly edit.

The softness she regards them with, almost proto-shoujo bubbles. 🖤🫧🧡🫧🤍 Norman, adorably, hesitating because he’s still grappling with latent feelings he can’t even begin to articulate about his friends, but at the forefront of them is how he unquestionably gravitates to them and is attune to all their little nuances. Ray, heartbreakingly, hesitating because he’s grappling with the reality he’s beginning to comprehend and the crushing acceptance that he can’t save all his siblings as things stand now, and after already narrowing it down to just Emma and Norman, being faced with the question of if he could honestly live with himself if he chose one to save over the other. The conclusion he comes to further bolsters his resolve to confront Isabella in just a few short weeks, and foreshadows the devastation of Norman’s shipment after a lifetime of realization and meticulous planning. Really like the quiet magnitude of this both for Emma and Norman’s blissful unawareness of the farm system’s horrors conceived for them and ofc from the future romantic perspective as being the core foundational tenant of REN. 🖤🧡🤍

☆ Last of the wedding-related fics but honeynpeaches' Between Your Fingers, Between the Lines also has the first portion of Ray's chapter dedicated to it so I'll use that as a segue (gushing found here). The third chapter exploring Emma's inner monologues throughout the course of the series remains unpublished, but the Norman and Ray chapters can be read as self-contained fics. Highly recommend it and frequently to go back to reread when I need to reground myself in their character foundations.

So many little nuances and call backs, profoundly beautiful.

Additional citation of snippets in this post and this post, as well as this post for Ray angst fic recommendations.

There are so many amazing passages in here, but the "[o]ften, those eyes are blue" line absolutely fucking wrecks me every time. How the cadence of that brevity lands on such a simple fact that now evokes so much sorrow when he used to have such warm and positive associations with those eyes. Windows to the soul and everything that made Norman Norman and what he loved about him.

And then the often referenced celestial symbolism of him as the stars of the trio (to Emma's sun and Norman's moon), but a less romanticized, more viscerally horrifying perspective on it.

☆ As the Crow Flies by Goldfish_Writes I've talked about in more depth here. I'm not very big on full genre AUs, with my usual thoughts being "I consider the characters' personalities inherently shaped by the narrative itself. If you remove them from those circumstances they cease to be the same characters anymore, and I grew attached to them in part because of the circumstances they found themselves in; I got attached to this story." I'm also not very big soulmate AUs as they seem to miss more than they hit for me. But I am a big fan of REN, and I'm interested in seeing where this fantasy story goes.

The pre-established Noremma is absolutely delightful. Another thing thing I've mentioned before is my dislike of Norman being extremely uncharacteristically nebbish or aggressively confident and suave when pursuing relationships that' works in tandem's usually packaged with Emma becoming bizarrely demure. Again, I understand the appeal of stock scenarios, but it's not something I enjoy reading for them. I adore when they reach this level of knowing, playful banter with an underlying thrum of challenge, bred of familiarity at which boundaries can be teasingly skirted and which are low blows and off-limits, and founded on them being equals (after both of them, to different degrees, placed each other on pedestals).

☆ home by 81194, featuring a classic scenario of Ray, a dumbass, trying so so hard to lie to himself about his feelings for NE and failing spectacularly throughout a series of snippets before the two take matters into their own hands.

i think emma wouldn’t have been so spontaneous if she hadn’t been sure of how everything would go. things always go her way when she’s involved, after all… i love her sm.

Very much in agreement on Emma's respectful tenacity and ambition on these matters lol

☆ A Relatively Brief Reflection on Cognitive Dissonance by ribbontype is a wonderful character study of Norman up to the trio's reunion in chapter 121 executed through exquisite, deft prose, allowing one to easily luxuriate in its flow and imagery.

The way they make him whole and reaffirm his resolve to damn destiny itself. <3

☆ Tethered by SuddenWhispers is a beautifully written fic beginning during the human world arc and continuing past canon as the cast navigate what living truly means in the human world, along with what Emma regaining her memories could mean for the new promise.

Also some Ray and Barbara and Cislo interactions with the latter two acting as mentor figures to the former encouraging him on one of his weaker fronts of advocating for his wants, hello??

☆ the ambiguity of belonging by Kiss_Kiss is another post-canon fic that's smaller in scope but no less rewarding of a read with its quiet and desperate moments of vulnerability between the trio reaffirming how much they mean to each other.

Also not only is the handwave of Lambda sickness done away with for Norman, but it also touches upon what the difficulties of losing one's ear entails for Emma, something I rarely if ever see.

☆ Finally, hoping you're someone i used to know by @hylialeia

A post-canon fic delivered in gorgeous lyrical cadence. Such loving attention is paid to sentence composition that the words aren't merely a means to an end, but a reflection of a deep appreciation for both these characters and the craft itself, the weight of them meant to be lingered over and savored. Always a treat when you can find a fic like this in a fandom.

[cozy-the-overlord]

Ooo yay!!! Can you do champagne problems? 😄💖

This took so much longer than I thought it would lol. I actually had already annotated this song a while back, but typing this up I ended up getting really into it and going down a bunch of different rabbit holes. It was really fun-- thank you so much for asking me to do it!

“champagne problems” is the second track on Taylor Swift’s ninth studio album evermore and was written by Taylor along with her boyfriend Joe Alwyn (under the pseudonym William Bowery). Taylor described this song as “the one where longtime college sweethearts have very different plans for the same night, one to end it and one who brought a ring” (x). As you can tell from that description, this is a very sad, depressing song, but it also relates to one of the main thematic elements of evermore that I discussed in my analysis of “coney island”: closure or the lack thereof at the end of a relationship. It also deals with mental health struggles and questions about what counts as a “real” problem.

Sidenote—I’ve actually considered doing one big mega post about how all of the songs on evermore come back to this idea of closure in some way or another, but it would take a really long time and I’m not sure if it would be worth the effort if no one’s going to read it. But if you’re interested, please let me know because I’d totally be down for it! :)

As with any analysis I do, this is simply my interpretation-- if you interpreted something differently, feel free to share!

Let’s get into the lyrics:

You booked the night train for a reason

So you could sit there in this hurt

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers

You’re not sure which is worse

We open with the narrator describing a person who is catching the night train because they are very sad and they need a moment to think. They’re not sure if they feel better in bustling crowds, so loud and chaotic that it’s difficult to think clearly, or alongside silent sleepers, where they’re alone with nothing but their thoughts to distract them. Clearly, they’re confused as well as hurt—they don’t really know where to go or what they should be doing (there’s no specification on where the train’s going— the destination is not something on their mind at the moment). They’re just trying to understand what it is that went wrong for them.

As we’re about to find out, the person on the train is the college sweetheart who brought a ring, and the narrator is the one who did not accept it. I want to emphasize this now because despite being from the narrator’s perspective, she focuses much more on the pain of her rebuffed sweetheart. The song starts with their emotionally tumultuous train ride and continues to focus on their life throughout. Even though she’s telling the story, we never find out what the narrator did after rejecting their proposal or really anything that happens to her after that moment. Keep this in mind—I’ll be coming back to it.

Because I

Dropped your hand while dancing

Left you out there standing

Crestfallen on the landing

Champagne problems

Here, the chorus gives us the explanation as to what led to this train ride. Immediately, there’s a sense of abandonment: being dropped, being left behind. The person is crestfallen, or disappointed or dejected, as they stand alone where the narrator left them—a perfect image of loneliness. The way the narrator describes the events of the night is also very focused on her own actions—all of this happened because of something she did. She dropped their hand while dancing, she left them out there standing. She doesn’t try to explain or frame her actions in a way to make her seem justified in doing this. She’s not telling this story to defend herself. All she’s told us is that this is something that she did, and as a result this person was hurt by it.

The chorus also gives us the title, the rather bitter shrug at the end of each stanza. “Champagne problems” is a way to describe an issue that is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Similar to “first world problems,” they’re the kind of things people would complain about to their friends while sipping champagne—if you can afford to complain to your friends while sipping champagne (an expensive drink usually associated with celebration), then your problems can’t be that bad. However, the phrase here is used a bit ironically. The narrator has just spent the first two stanzas describing an event that to these characters is clearly not insignificant. It goes to show that “insignificant” is subjective—to the rest of the world, one couple breaking up doesn’t really affect anything. But to that couple, their entire world has been changed. The subjectivity of what is or isn’t a champagne problem is something that Taylor returns to throughout the song.

Your mom’s ring in your pocket

My picture in your wallet

Your heart was glass, I dropped it

Champagne problems

The second stanza of the chorus continues to dive into the heartbreak of this break-up, with tragic details such as how the narrator’s sweetheart was carrying her picture with them alongside their mother’s ring. These two lines tell us a lot about this relationship. The way “your mom’s ring” and “my picture” mirror each other in structure connect the two, showing how important the narrator was to this person—they thought of her as family. This is further proven by the fact that the ring they had planned to give to the narrator belonged to their mother—clearly, there’s a sentimental value there that they wanted to share with her, which makes the rejection all the more gut-wrenching. The mom’s ring also serves as a way to tell us that this person has a close relationship with their family, something that will continue to pop up throughout the song. On the other hand, you’ll notice that there is never any mention of the narrator’s family at all.

“Your heart was glass, I dropped it” is not only a particularly poetic reworking of the cliché of breaking someone’s heart, but also serves to further depict the narrator as the guilty party, the cause of all this pain. This is the second time she describes herself as dropping something important to her now-ex—first their hand, then their heart. This is an even more visceral description than the first, as it gives the image of glass shattering across the floor, broken beyond repair and a mess to clean up. Again, she makes no attempt to give an excuse for her behavior.

You told your family for a reason

You couldn’t keep it in

Your sister splashed out on the bottle

Now no one’s celebrating

On the surface, the scene she describes here simply continues to add to the heartbreak of this night. This person had been so excited to propose that they told their family all about it, and their family had been so certain that the narrator was going to accept that their sister bought an expensive bottle of (what do you know!) champagne to celebrate—to “splash out” is British slang meaning to spend a lot of money. However, this detail continues to show how close this person is to their family—they confide in them, they celebrate with them, and when things don’t work out, they turn to them. They clearly have a firm support system that they can turn to within their family. Again, you’ll notice that the narrator never mentions anything about her family, or any kind of support system she has to turn to.

Dom Perigon, you brought it

No crowd of friends applauded

Your hometown skeptics called it

Champagne problems

More depressing details follow in the second chorus. They brought the Dom Perigon to the date in which they planned to propose, assumedly the same champagne their sister splashed out on for them. Along with their mom’s ring in their pocket, this goes to show that they clearly had their family’s blessing and support in regard to this marriage. Everyone seemed really excited to help them make this proposal perfect, which just makes the unexpected rejection all the more painful.

It also makes the third line in this stanza really interesting: “your hometown skeptics called it.” Firstly, you’ll notice that the narrator separates herself from this hometown—it’s “your hometown,” not “our hometown.” It makes sense that these two wouldn’t be from the same place, as according to Taylor’s explanation they met in college, but it’s still worth noting that the rebuffed ex has both a family and a hometown (emphasis on “home”) that are mentioned several times throughout the song but the narrator, the person who’s actually telling the story, doesn’t ever mention her own.

Then there’s the fact that this person’s hometown had people who were skeptical about their relationship. That seems to indicate a couple things—for one, it gives the impression that this town is pretty small and close-knit, a kind of “everyone knows everyone else” situation. That in turn gives the impression that the narrator, as an outsider, may have had some trouble fitting in. A picture is beginning to take shape, despite the scant information we’ve been given. We have the rebuffed, heartbroken ex, coming from a supportive family and a close-knit community, and the narrator, who as far as we know has no family or hometown to look to for support. You begin to wonder if she’s the reason people were speculating that the relationship would not last. After all, she blames herself for the breakup, and she says they “called it.”

You had a speech, you’re speechless

Love slipped beyond your reaches

And I couldn’t give a reason

Champagne problems

With the second stanza of this chorus, the narrator does something a bit differently than she has been thus far. For the first time, this rejection isn’t painted as simply something she did, the way it was in the first chorus (“I dropped your hand while dancing” “I left you out there standing” “Your heart was glass, I dropped it”). Instead, it’s something that neither of them seemed to be able to understand or control. Her ex, who had been so prepared for this moment, is rendered speechless, but not because of something she did—the line “love slipped beyond your reaches,” doesn’t really assign guilt. It just slipped away, which is why they are so confused. The narrator also reveals why she hasn’t tried to defend herself or explain why she made this decision—she doesn’t have a reason, neither for her sweetheart nor for herself. This is where it becomes clear that her sweetheart is not the only one suffering because of this night: the narrator is struggling with something that she doesn’t know how to explain. Perhaps this internal struggle has something to do with her apparent loneliness, and the reason why hometown skeptics thought this relationship was doomed to fail.

We now move on to the bridge. Taylor has often spoken on her love of writing bridges, and specifically talked about “champagne problems” in her interview with Zane Lowe for Apple Music, saying “that was one of my favorite bridges to write. I really love a bridge where you tell the full story in the bridge, like you really shift gears in that bridge” (x). The bridge here sees the narrator’s tone becoming increasingly more frenzied, with the words rushing from her uncontrollably as she looks back on this relationship leading up to the moment in which it ended, building and building until it finally reaches a climax. There’s a lot going on here, so I’m going to go through it slowly.

Your Midas touch on the Chevy door

November flush and your flannel cure

One of the things that has always made Taylor’s songwriting so powerfully relatable is how she uses small, innocuous, and yet deeply specific details to describe a relationship. Here, she uses them to describe how important this person was to the narrator. “Midas touch” references the Greek myth of King Midas, a man who turned everything he touched to gold. The narrator sees her sweetheart’s Midas touch on something very boring and normal like a Chevy door, showing how they brought something incredibly meaningful and precious into even the most mundane things in her life. “November flush” is likely referring to the way her cheeks would flush in cold weather, and “your flannel cure” is probably her sweetheart giving her their jacket to stay warm. While also being just an incredibly sweet image, it also paints her sweetheart as a type of healer, someone who takes care of her when she needs help and “cures” her when she’s suffering. This person is clearly someone the narrator relied on and cared for, the only type of emotional support of hers that she will describe in this song, which is why it hurts her just as much to end things as it hurts them.

“This dorm was once a madhouse”

I made a joke, “Well it’s made for me,” how

Like many things in this song, this serves as both a sweet memory of past relationship as well as reveals something about the narrator. The reference to a dorm indicates that they’re in college here, likely in the early stages of their relationship shortly after they met. The self-deprecating humor from the narrator seems like a natural joke for a college student to make, but the fact that she’s essentially calling herself crazy has raised a few eyebrows amongst listeners. Many have theorized that the narrator of this song is struggling with something relating to mental health and that that struggle played a role in why she turned down the proposal. While I of course have no way of knowing if this is what Taylor intended or not, it does seem plausible. The narrator has repeatedly categorized herself as an outsider with no apparent emotional support beyond that of her sweetheart. She seems to be the topic of gossip amongst their “hometown skeptics” and definitely feels as if this whole situation is her fault. All of this could be indicative of some kind of greater, invisible struggle.

Evergreen, our group of friends

Don’t think we’ll say that word again

And soon they’ll have the nerve to

Deck the halls that we once walked through

This bridge includes a lot of winter/Christmas imagery—she mentions her “November flush,” describes her friends as “evergreen” (like a Christmas tree), and says that soon they’ll “deck the halls” of their old college campus, a reference to the Christmas carol of the same name. This serves a few purposes: generally speaking, Taylor said during the premiere of the music video for lead single “willow” that she considers evermore to be the fall/winter companion to the spring/summer folklore (x). As a result, “champagne problems” includes a lot of wintery imagery along with other songs on the album (eg. “tis the damn season,” “ivy,” “evermore”).

However, this imagery also serves a purpose within the song itself. The fact that this horrific breakup is occurring right before Christmas, supposedly the happiest time of the year, is not only woefully ironic but also plays into the subjectivity of a champagne problem. Everyone is happy and joyful and blissfully unaffected by this breakup, but to the two people involved, the world is crashing down around them. The narrator is probably even more isolated than her ex, seeing as Christmas is a time for family, something her ex definitely has, but as far as we know she doesn’t. No wonder she’s getting frustrated at the people who will be putting up Christmas decorations—they only serve as a reminder of how alone she is.

She also describes their friends as evergreen, like a pine tree. Pine trees get this name because, unlike other trees that lose their leaves in the fall, their needles remain green and fragrant even in rough winter conditions. She’s remembering their group of friends as evergreen, something that they thought would never change, but at the same time she realizes that they probably won’t be saying that word (“our”) again— they aren’t their group of friends anymore, so they did change after all. This all just adds to her sense of alienation.

One for the money, two for the show

I never was ready so I watch you go

This is a play on the common children’s rhyme “one for the money, two for the show, three to make ready, and four to go.” It’s been around since the mid-1800’s and was often used as a countdown for games or races in playground scenarios. It got a lot of recognition from Elvis Presley’s 1955 hit “Blue Swede Shoes,” in which he sings “Well, it’s one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go” (x). Here, the well-known rhyme is twisted so that the narrator backs out when it’s time to commit to the action. There’s no “three to get ready.” Instead, she watches her sweetheart go—go as in leave the date, but also go as in move on without her, as we’ll soon see.

Sometimes you just don’t know the answer

‘Till someone’s on their knees and asks you

She reveals that this rejection was a spur of the moment decision for her—unlike her lover, who had carefully planned out the ring and the Dom Perigon and the speech, she had no idea what she was going to do in that moment. It seems that it was the fear of commitment, as described in the previous two lines, that got the best of her in the end.

“She would’ve made such a lovely bride

What a shame she’s fucked in the head,” they said

Here’s another instance of town gossip that shows how both the narrator and the relationship is perceived by the others around her. She doesn’t fit into the mold that they want to put her in, she’s blamed for the failure of the relationship, and she’s thought to be crazy. It seems that everyone is supporting her ex in this breakup. And while her ex is certainly deserving of support (this night has definitely put them through the emotional wringer), she needs support too, and as far as we know she’s only getting the opposite.

It’s also worth mentioning that the clean version of this song includes the line “what a shame she’s stuck in her head” in place of the f-bomb, which does change the meaning slightly. While it’s still referring to the narrator as crazy in a way, it’s more insinuating that they think she’s living in a fantasy world and doesn’t seem to get what’s happening or what she’s lost. Regardless, they still blame her for everything, and she still receives no kind of support.

But you’ll find the real thing instead

She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred

Here’s where we get the connection to the album’s theme of closure. The narrator promises her lover that they will move on from this relationship, that they will meet someone who loves them like they deserve and who will help them heal from this horrible moment. Their loneliness on the night train will be temporary. They will find closure, and they will be happy again. But the narrator?

And hold your hand while dancing

Never leave you standing

Crestfallen on the landing

With champagne problems

Your mom’s ring in your pocket

Her picture in your wallet

You won’t remember all my

Champagne problems

She doesn’t get that closure. She’s left alone with her champagne problems, issues that everyone else writes off but that she really struggles with, alone and unsupported. Even she seems to try to write them off, emphasizing the importance of her ex and how they will find happiness. After all, she’s been singing this entire song about their champagne problems, not hers. They’ll be able to forget hers—those problems no longer affect them. The narrator, however, can’t. To her, they aren’t champagne problems. They’re her life.

[fandomdragon20]

The Princess and the Pea-ist oFF PAPERBAG THATS WHAT (part 3)

So the group went into the dinning hall to continue dinner, after Flug threw the disaster of a dress into the fire outside, with their new guest, both Demencia and Flug engrossed in his story.

Black Hat however kept quiet. Skeptical about the man, who explained he was a noble of the kingdom and how his family was rich thanks to their line of works in the engineering field, however Flug was sort of the black sheep of the family who was close to only his brother. (I wonder who it could be?? Owowowowwowó) Cut away from the family name by his own choice, Flug started his own kind of "unauthorized" work with his share of wealth. Flug was an inventor at heart so he knew a thing or two about technology. Flug would sell confidential information to the black market, hack a few of the major banks, and post some fake news that would go viral on Facebook.

Black Hat merely scoffed, a lesser villain with the ability of technology and hacking, something Black Hat himself would never stoop so low to do.

"So what happened with," Demencia gestured outside where 505 was beating the fire down with a pine tree, "...all that?"

"Oh, well...The police managed to track my computer on my recent "heist" and so I had to make a run for it." Flug explained

Black Hat laughed bitterly, so the man failed to be a lesser villain at that. Weakling.

Flug continued, "So I made my way into town, where some crowd of people where having a wedding celebration. While being hunted by the cops, I didn't really blend in the crowd with the paper bag and all, so I had to hide in the dressing rooms. Apparently the bride left the ceremony early leaving her wedding dress and vail behind. No one else knew so I-"

"uh..."

Now both Demencia and Black Hat were laughing

"It hid my face well, alright?!" Flug said trying to justify himself,

"Anyway, I went through half the ceremony." he continued with Demencia laughing on the floor just imagining the situation, "Unfortunately my cover was blown and the police were back on my tail so I took out my plasma ray and shot at the wedding cake for a distraction as I ran out to the parking lot, thank god they had a private jet waiting outside with a "Just Married" painted on the tail wing, the nerve of those rich bastards..." As he muttered that last insult, Demencia interrupted with an enthusiastic wave of her hand,

"Wait, wait, wait" she commanded for a pause, "you said you had a plasma ray?"

"Yeah...for emergencies...doesn't everyone??"

"Where did you get it from?"

"Oh," said Flug, "I made it myself. It's one of my successful inventions. Being part of the digital black market you got to be prepared, buying weapons was too risky, so I make my own security..."

Demencia wides her eyes at Black Hat as in 'Holy Christ of Cow on a Shit Stick' where Black Hat shot back a glance that said, 'What Get your Glances straight, I can't Understand You?!' Demencia then stared back, 'Eagle is in the Nest!!' In which Black Hat raised his long ass eyebrows in a 'wHAT DOES THAT MEAN??' face, to which Demencia replied, 'GOOSE IN THE EGG' glance jabbing her head at the guest sitting blissfully unaware of their silent conversation at the end of the table babbling about mechanical claws and some alien-DNA-changing-Gucci-watch from space or something. Then Flug began to wrap up his tale,

"I mean I've never been to space, personally, but that's what I would do...Anyway, um, got a bit carried a away there... so I made it to the plane but was intercepted by one of the guards of the ceremony. So, from what you can guess with the blood and shoe, it's safe to say I made a pretty sloppy escape into a storm...and here I am!"

That made Demencia interrupt again, "Woah, how many times did you stomp him in the ground, five times?"

"More like twelve,"

"How can you tell??"

"From the number of holes in his skull..."

The table went silent and Black Hat grinned, a disgusting one at that, and Demencia only grinned back at Black Hat. Flug became a little uncomfortable under the gazes of his hosts, despite KILLING a man not even an HOUR ago??

Then Demencia broke the silence, loudly,

"IM GOING TO EXCUSE MYSELF TO THE KITCHEN, UH FLUG IT LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED SOME UTENSILS, riGHT??"

"Um....yeah, actually, uh, paper bag...and all..." Flug timidly replied, pointed at his mask

"OH good! Black Hat if you could 'help' me find the utensils in the kitchen?" She said through gritted teeth, trying to keep her excitement discreet,

"Can't you just give him yours?" questioned Black Hat,

Demencia threw her knife and fork into the kitchen,

"yEAH well, they're dirty and so are yours, that's no way to treat our guest!" She bravely grabbed Black Hat's sleeve and hoisted him from his seat, "Now into the kitchen and to the silverware we go!" Demencia chanted before disappearing into the kitchen with her boss.

Black Hat grew claws and snarled his teeth, "Touch. Me. Again, and I will swing you by your bush of a hairstyle!"

"Ooo, a new threat that one, but that's not the point! Don't you see?? We got a good catch!"

"What? For my company?? Please, all I see is a dimwit in a lunch bag that crashes planes into other people's fields! Honestly the fact that he is still alive in my presence is most shocking about him..." said Black Hat,

"He is what we need isn't he? And more! He's an weapon inventor who single handedly escape tax fraud while getting away with murder on a plane in a storm!" explained the demented witch hybrid, "and he's sitting right in front of you, quite literally, on a silver plate...! which I don't know why you don't just use the paper plates we bought?"

"It's less class! And we are not jumping into hiring just aNYbody! If he is an inventor, he has to prove himself worthy to even be sitting in my house! My company needs someone with perfectionist detail and character, he has shown a risky past in villainy, but what of his inventions? How do I know he will make them to my standards?" explained the dark master,

You're standards are a fucking roulette wheel,

Said the invisible narrator that nobody heard

Ok, even if this Flug WERE evil enough to work for the most powerful villain in the known universe, he had to be a perfectionist...but how to tell?

A wicked thought flashed through his monocle and the dark lord grinned,

"Demencia?" He asked quietly formulating his plan in his mind, "do you remember that take-out you brought from a few week's prior?"

The witch replied with confused hesitance, "Yeah? I think I might've left it in the back of the fridge,"

Black Hat teleported to the kitchen's cooler (the fridge, past me, being all "whimsical" and shit) and searched for a scruffy small take-out box next to some Red Bull and tinfoil wrapped dill pickles.

After finding what he needed, Black Hat pounded his fist on the box, crushing the cemented contents inside. Instead of opening it like a normal person would, but lacking anything humanly characteristics, it was expected. So whatever. Rice clumps spilled from the sides of the box and, with clawed fingers, Black Hat fished through the old leftovers to find a once steam wrinkled pea now tough and tainted yellow with age.

The dark top hat held the pea between the tips of his claws, inspecting it through his monocle as the Evil Queen would hold the poisoned apple thinking of her potential victim.

"Demencia," said the top hat demon with sly, "how many spare mattresses do we have in the guest rooms?"

"Oh damn...are we gonna finally build that Ultimate Pillow Fort of Doom?! That's great! I just bought (stole) enough mattresses to build a whole castle-!"

Black Hat cut her off,

"We are not building a damn Fortnite!" Clearly missing the use of youth culture reference,

"I have a plan, you go out there and distract our "guest" while I get everything into place."

Demencia, while suspicious of Black Hat's new scheme, went along with it and went back to the dinning room with a pair of chopsticks for utensils having forgotten that they were having pizza,

"Here you are! If you don't know how to use them, just stab the slice as if it where your enemy's liver!"

"Normally I'd go for the spinal column to draw out a painful death, but thank you anyways." Replied the paper bag wearing Hannibal Lector apparently,

Black Hat grinned, not once admitting he had high hopes to hire the strange visitor, and continued to the "guest" room.

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