#not like. a parent or brother oe something

[rustycottoncandy]

I wanna hug someone so bad

[thankeywa]

“hiiii i loved your last piece and damn your writting is SO GOOD <3 so i ask you pretty please if you could right about an aged up!lo'ak w aged up!reader where they're in a romantic relationship and finally mate after a couple of months of waiting. THANKS IN ADVANCE LUV YA”

hiiii! so, as you asked me to, this is me fowarding the request! 🫶🏻 i imagine this being with a female reader, something like childhood friends to lovers – the girl would be a na’vi and they grew up together or smt. i also see the reader being a little scared of mating with lo’ak – thinking things like i love this man but he’s so reckless i dont wanna loose him – and shit. i trust you a 100% with this because I KNOW you're gonna make me giggle scream in my pillows and punch the air even if i read your grocery store list.

lmk if you need anything more! lots of love & kisses. 💘💘💕💞💘💖💗💓💗

Chosen | Lo'ak x fem!Omaticaya!reader (Smut)

A.N: Hello there! Sorry this took me so long, but I'm in the middle of exam season and also my birthday was last week and yea lots of stuffs going on. I hope my interpretation of your request will be everything you dreamed of, tbh I went a lil extra, but this story has literally been plaguing me for days and I loved writing it so much!

Summary: fem!Omaticaya!reader x Lo'ak, both reader and Lo'ak are 18/19 in this, usually I write 20+ characters but I was trying to keep the story as close as possible to Na'vi 'marriage traditions, according to them 15 is the age of maturity and I believe parents arrange marriages around that time, but if anyone is uncomfortable with this then please feel free to imagine the characters are older.

T.W.: NSFW, this is pr0n with feelings, but it is detailed. As always, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS WORK OR ANY OF MY ACCOUNTS, thank you. Awkward first-time shenanigans, angst, fluff, and yeah if I missed anything please let me know.

T.W. 2: This turned into a whole ass fic so forewarning for mentions of blood, neglectful parenting, and a near-death experience for a main character.

Word count: 6.355

Mini dictionary for this fic:

Olo'eyktan = clan leader

Kaltxì! = hello

Oeru syaw... = My name is...

Ngaru tut? = And you are?

Sempul= father

Sa'nok= mother

Oe tìwayn...= I love...

Tsahik= spiritual leader

Yawne = beloved

Oeya- = My-

Oel ngati kameie = I see you

Nga yawne lu oer = I love you (You are beloved to me)

Kehe= no

If you have any Lo'ak requests, please send them my way!

Lo'ak had never been chosen for anything in his life.

For as long as he'd remembered, his parents had either been taking every spare moment they had to teach Neteyam the right path in life, so that he would one day be an Olo'eyktan fit enough to succeed his father or alternatively, dote on his sisters. It was at an embarrassingly young age when he discovered that he could have wandered off from the safety of his family and nobody would have taken much notice until the eclipse would come, and it was time to turn in.

Even on those occasions, Lo'ak would try to prove his worth by showing his father a creature he had caught or a place he had 'discovered', but his parents didn't really do much other than reprimand him for his reckless behavior.

"You know you were supposed to help me look after your baby sister today, why is it so hard for you to understand basic instructions?" His father would huff, dragging him back home while carrying Tuk on his shoulders. Lo'ak looked at her. She was a tiny infant, where could she have possibly gone by herself? And why did he have to stick around to look after her, while Neteyam and Kiri were out hunting with their mother?

Eventually, his disappearances stopped raising alarms, as his family had accepted Lo'ak would always find his way back or his brother would be the one to recuperate him. On these occasions, Lo'ak had tried to fit in with the rest of the clan but had quickly discovered his presence wasn't all that welcome among his peers. While they felt the need to respect him because he was the Olo'eyktan's son and Neteyam's brother, his quirks, specifically his hands and his speech pattern were too... different. Too human. A lot of Omaticayans his age had been orphaned as a consequence of the war against the sky people, and Lo'ak was just another reminder of what their presence had left behind. Not to mention he was also friends with Spider, an actual sky person, even though he was born on Pandora and knew nothing of Earth.

On a day like any other, Lo'ak and Spider were playing hide and seek just the two of them, a game Jake had taught them and was too 'human' sounding for the rest of their peers to want to join in, and Lo'ak had found the perfect hiding spot on a tree Spider was never going to be able to climb when a voice startled him so much, he almost fell out of the branch he'd been resting on.

"Kaltxì!" The little Na'vi girl his age greeted him enthusiastically while hanging upside down from the tree branch directly above him. Lo'ak stared at her and felt like prey in the split second it was about to be hit by an arrow. He had never seen such beautiful eyes. And he had never talked to a girl before, other than his sisters. "Oeru syaw y/n." She continued. "Ngaru tut?"

"L-Lo'ak." He managed to say, instinctively hiding his hands behind his back. She looked at him curiously, almost as if to ponder his silence. Then y/n seemed to have a sudden realization. "Now I know!" She exclaimed again loudly, along with switching her language register, but Lo'ak couldn't care less about losing his game of hide and seek with Spider anymore. "You are the Spider's friend. You speak the English. You see? I speak the English too. You can talk to me." Y/n announced rather diplomatically, not knowing that Lo'ak was perfectly capable of speaking Na'vi as well. "Friends?" She reached out her hand, her eyes brimming with hope.

Lo'ak nodded and smiled back at her, still at a loss for words, until he finally said: "Yes, friends." But he didn't dare to shake her hand. Y/n dropped down from the branch she'd been hanging from gracefully, her tail twitching as she inquired: "You are hurt?", trying to get a better look at his hands.

"No!" Lo'ak blurted out, and in doing so he inadvertently put his hands forward to keep y/n at a distance, while he was backed up against the tree trunk, with nowhere else to go except fall to his death. Y/n's comically large eyes took in the sight of his hands, examining them for signs of trauma. But there were none. Lo'ak braced himself for the inevitable rejection. "Big baby." She chided. "Nothing wrong with your hands, see?" Lo'ak let y/n hold his hands up to his face, and Spider found them like that the very next second.

"Ha-ha!" He panted, out of breath from climbing all the way up to where the two Na'vi hadn't been so quiet. "I. Win."

"Win?" Y/n asked, dropping Lo'ak's hands. "Is it a game? Can I play? Oh, and-and my friends as well. You will meet them now. Come."

Lo'ak realized then, that was what it must have felt like to be chosen by someone.

From that day onward, Lo'ak and y/n had been inseparable. He was the first person she'd pick to play on her team once he and Spider had been accepted by her friends, he was the first and sometimes only person she'd tell her 'secrets' to, and as they grew older they would only go out hunting if the other was with them. Ceremonies, dinners, you name it, Lo'ak and y/n were sitting next to each other, trying their best to keep their giggles and whispers at a low volume, something y/n really couldn't help, especially when Neteyam would turn around to reprimand his younger brother.

Y/n got gradually closer with his family as well over the years, being of big help with babysitting Tuk and escorting Kiri to Hellsgate with the rest of her siblings whenever she wanted to visit her mom. Her English had gotten progressively better, and she was as fluent of a speaker as the rest of the Sullys, regretfully owing a lot of her vocab to the two brothers. On a particular outing to the lab, Lo'ak had been in the middle of teasing Kiri about her conception, and y/n was quick to respond to him, intent on defending her friend.

"-their avatars, all alone in the forest-" Lo'ak goaded Kiri, and y/n cut him off before her best friend could insinuate anything else. "As if you would know anything about that, virgin!" His siblings laughed at this.

"Who are you calling virgin, virgin?" He'd snap back, and their argument would usually end up in a scuffle, which he was always the first one to pull away from.

Lo'ak hadn't realized how easy he had it back then, before... Well, before none of them no longer had time to be kids. The sky people came back around the time of Neteyam's 20th birthday, and yet somehow, that hadn't been the most devastating event Lo'ak was about to experience in the days to come.

"Lo'ak listen to me, and for Eywa's sake, don't run off until I'm done talking." Neteyam rested a hand on his shoulder, he had never seen such a pained expression on his brother's face before. "Sempul has been talking to me about responsibility and family, and-"

Lo'ak tsked, shaking his head. "Big surprise there, bro."

"Lo'ak..." Neteyam said sternly, and Lo'ak wondered when exactly had his brother become so much like their father. "I saw him and sa'nok talking to y/n's parents the other day. Saying stuff like she is the only one other than Kiri who truly understands Eywa's will. They've seen her healing abilities, she's been helping out with the war effort under Mo'at instructions. They want her to be the next tshaik, after mother."

Lo'ak couldn't stop the ugly frown that took over his features, and neither could he prevent himself from shoving his brother off him in disdain. "What are you saying?" He asked angrily, even though he already knew the answer to his question.

"You know what I'm saying, bro-"

"You're not my brother!" Lo'ak snarled, and for once in his life actually felt intimidating as he did so. Neteyam looked even more distraught than he had been a few seconds ago, but his agony was nowhere as close as the hell wreaking havoc inside Lo'ak. Y/n was the one thing Lo'ak had in this world that was truly his, and now he was going to have to stand aside while she married his brother. "I love her, I need her." He screamed, the pain in his chest was unlike anything he'd ever felt. "You don't-"

"Exactly, I don't." Neteyam said, trying to recover his younger brother from his anguish. "And I will say no to this union, but you know this decision is out of my hands-"

"Of course, you'll do anything as long as it doesn't interfere with you being the perfect son!" Lo'ak spat with tears in his eyes and Neteyam was quick to raise his voice, something that he almost never did. "Do not say that, Lo'ak. You know that is not true-"

But Lo'ak was done talking. And he had a feeling he didn't want to stick around for the evening ceremony either.

Y/n had remained deadly silent as her parents had given her the news. Tsahik, marriage, Neteyam. At one point it all started to become white noise in her head. All she could think about was Lo'ak. The day they'd both ridden their ikrans for the first time, and had stayed out well passed the eclipse. The hunting excursions, when it was just the two of them. Listening to human music on a device they'd stolen from the lab one time.

"Oe tìwayn Lo'ak." She'd never said it out loud to anyone, but it was true. She loved Lo'ak, and her parents simply couldn't understand. The younger Sully boy was nothing but a troublemaker, a complete mance to the clan and anyone else around him. They were never going to give their beautiful, talented daughter away to a five-fingered freak of nature, no matter how much she begged and pleaded with them.

Y/n felt like she was having an out-of-body experience, not even recollecting how she'd found herself sitting amongst the rest of the clan, as they all faced the tree of souls and the Olo'eyktan began to speak. She couldn't see Lo'ak anywhere. Y/n found it harder and harder to breathe. He was still her best friend, and she needed to tell him what was about to happen before his father announced it to everyone they knew. Lo'ak would have thought she'd have kept it secret from him, and y/n could never break his trust.

"It is with great pride and joy that today we-" The clan leader, Jake Sully, had stopped talking in the middle of his speech and was now looking directly at her. In fact, everybody was. Y/n only then realized she'd stood up while everyone else was still sitting down. Neytiri walked up to her, wiping the tears from her face. Y/n hadn't even realized she'd been crying. "Child, you do not look well." She spoke warmly as if she were speaking to one of her own daughters.

Y/n's tail was twitching violently, still looking around for Lo'ak as she took in a shaky breath. "It is Lo'ak." She managed to say. "He is not here." Y/n whined and her parents decided to step in. "Sit down, daughter. You are disrespecting the clan leader. End this foolishness at once!" But Neytiri was quick to be concerned, asking Neteyam for answers about his brother's whereabouts. "He could not be here. And I do not blame him."

Jake finally decided to have his say. The only fool around had been him, if he'd only now realized the love Lo'ak and y/n had for each other, if the look in her eyes and Lo'ak's disappearance from her side had been anything to go by. "Every single one of our people is allowed to speak their mind. Y/n has not disrespected me, or anyone else." Jake reassured her parents. Y/n saw no other way out for herself, and she knew she was either going to have to say the truth now or forever be silent. "Forgive me, Olo'eyktan. Forgive me, Neytiri. I know I am promised to your eldest son, and I know you wish for me to be tsahik one day. These are the two greatest honors I could ever ask from Eywa herself, and I am grateful. Nothing should be more important to me than looking after the clan, especially now, in a time of war... but my heart, it belongs to your youngest son. It belongs to Lo'ak. It always has. And because I know I would be doing the clan a disservice, that I would be undermining your authority and Mo'at's, I am prepared to be exiled from the clan or pay whatever other punishment in light of my failure."

A loud ruckus erupted as soon as y/n had finished her speech, her parents, in particular, trying to undermine everything she'd just said, while everybody else began to give their opinion on the matter. "Where is he? Your demon son? Can he not even vouch for the woman he has clearly seduced?"

Neteyam could still hear the clan squabbling from where he eventually found his brother. His usual hiding place. "When you are done sulking" He said, announcing his presence before grabbing Lo'ak by the scruff of his neck. "Maybe you could come back and stand by y/n side. She is talking of leaving the clan-" Neteyam's eyes widened as he saw the deep claw marks that ran from Lo'ak's chest all the way down to his left side. Lo'ak was clutching his abdomen, his hands covered in blood.

"Lo'ak, look at me... bro!" Neteyam's voice cracked. "I'm taking you home now, understand? You're going to be fine..."

"I thought... If I could be... a mighty warrior... like you..." Lo'ak murmured, a faint smile on his face. "Maybe... "

But he didn't get to finish that sentence, because a blood-curdling scream had just pierced through both of their ears. Y/n had known about every single one of Lo'ak hiding places too, and it hadn't taken her long to find him. It was almost as if she'd already known, deep within her bones, that he had gone and hurt himself, yet nothing could have prepared her for seeing him like this. "Yawne, what have you done? what have you done?" She wailed and kissed his face, trying to put pressure on his wounds. Neteyam had to separate them, his priority was to take Lo'ak back to Mo'at in time, even though he was just as devastated as y/n.

Y/n didn't leave Lo'ak's side for a single second over the following days. She carried him home with Neteyam. She helped Mo'at and Neytiri heal him. She stayed by his bed until he finally regained consciousness. "Oeya-Lo'ak, you are awake!" Y/n embraced him, mindful of his recovering wounds. Lo'ak pulled away from y/n enough to look into her eyes. "You see me. Only you see me." He said, touching her face gently as she nodded, pressing her forehead against his. "Oel ngati kameie." Y/n whispered, and Lo'ak could have cried when he heard those words leave her lips. "Nga yawne lu oer, y/n. I see you."

Lo'ak came to know of her and Neteyam's refusal to be together, of the rift it had cut between y/n and her parents. How she'd stood up in front of them and the entire clan to declare that she loved him and she would sooner be exiled than belong to anyone else other than him. Amongst the Omaticaya there were some who were certain Lo'ak had taken advantage of y/n, so that he could trap her in being with him, knowing full well Lo'ak would have never lived up to his brother's perfect image. All of this enraged him. He could no longer withstand being on bedrest while wild accusations were being made on y/n. On his mate.

She hissed at him while he tried to get up, and his siblings were having none of it either, when his parents finally turned up to see him. Lo'ak took in their expressions. He had never seen them so worn out with worry. Both Neytiri and Jake embraced their youngest son, dutifully checking on him. After making sure he had eaten, and with Mo'at's permission, his parents asked for everyone except y/n to leave.

By the time his parents had also left, Lo'ak and y/n were promised to each other.

Lo'ak was on strict orders to recuperate from his run-in with a thanator over the coming weeks and was forced to get updates about the ongoing war from Kiri and Tuk. Neteyam and y/n would visit every day, but now that y/n had stepped down as future Tsahik, she was determined to make herself useful by replacing her mate in the war effort until he got better. Neteyam had sworn to Lo'ak that he would have kept y/n safe, but it didn't stop Lo'ak from trying to escape his grandmother's watchful eye so he too could be out on the battlefield with his yawne. Where he belonged.

"Oeya-Lo'ak, you are still recovering." Y/n would complain to him almost every night when she came back to be by his side. Truthfully, she was scared. The second the excuses for making him stay behind ran out, Lo'ak could have gone back to playing a reckless game with his own life. And now, her own life was tied to his. She had gotten hurt fighting the sky people, yes, but nothing could have ever come close to the visceral pain that had ripped through her the day she thought she had lost him forever. Sometimes it made her even too scared to get closer to him, of sharing everything of herself and then suddenly being left behind without ever being able to cope with that loss.

Y/n was on the verge of losing her mind, she was certain because the instinctive need to protect her own heart was more often than not overcome by a different type of need. Y/n had felt low echoes of it when she and Lo'ak had been growing up, whenever he'd wrap his tail around her leg or he'd be standing right behind her, his arms circling hers as he taught her how to shoot an arrow. Now that need was stronger than ever, and she knew what name to give it. Tìnew. Desire.

And she didn't know what to do with it. In fact, she felt ashamed. Lo'ak was still hurt, and all she could think about while she was in the middle of checking on his progress, was wondering what it would be like to run her hands across his body in a different type of way. Her other friends had all already mated, she knew. Y/n wondered sometimes if Lo'ak did not find her beautiful, if he regretted choosing her, but could no longer back out of his decision. He did not seem to want her, in fact, over the following weeks, he seemed to struggle greatly with the feeling of her touch. Something which had never happened before.

Little did she know that Lo'ak was struggling just as much as she was. Y/n's touch burned in such a delicious manner, Lo'ak could not have described it in his own words if he tried. All he knew was it left him starved and aching for more whenever she would eventually have to leave. But he could not initiate anything real while he was still in that state. He could see the sorrow in her eyes every time she'd look at his wounds, and he knew his recklessness had scarred her. And in turn, it had changed him. Eywa as his witness, he no longer wanted to hear y/n scream so viscerally as she had done the night he'd almost died. He needed to be a better person. If not for his sake, then for her own. Y/n was his responsibility now.

Soon he was back on his feet again, and ready to face the rest of the clan. Y/n would now sit amongst his family and Lo'ak was always glued to her side, ready to hiss or growl at anyone who so much as looked at his mate the wrong way. Y/n loved sitting between his legs with his chest to her back, wanting nothing more than to show off her mate to the rest of the clan. She noted that since his recovery, Lo'ak had been less inclined to chat or make jokes like he usually did when they both had to sit through another one of Jake's boring speeches before dinner. It made her sad, since Lo'ak's jokester side was one of the things she loved most about him, but she understood he was going through a lot.

It was on one of these occasions y/n decided to soothe her mate by reaching for his braid, bringing it to rest over her shoulder so she could play with it absentmindedly. Lo'ak realised only after a few minutes that her ministrations were making him purr. Him. Purr. In public. His hands dug into her hips and he hid his face in her neck, trying to keep quiet. "Yawne, you need to stop that... please..." Lo'ak whispered so only she could hear, her hands dangerously close to his queue. Y/n frowned and turned back to look at him. "Did I hurt you?" She asked in concern, reaching out to touch his face. Lo'ak felt his cheeks flare up with heat. He wanted to give her some cocky response, but in truth, he was scared. "No, no. You could never hurt me, y/n... it's more... the opposite." How could anyone want to be with him in that way? To physically bind themselves to him for the rest of their life? Hadn't he taken enough from y/n already?

"The opposite?" She asked, ears bent downwards and still not understanding. "If it makes you feel good, then why would I stop? I like hearing you purr..." Lo'ak tried once again to hide his blush by looking away but to no avail. Y/n's tail wrapped around his own then, preventing him from furiously whacking it against the ground every few seconds, like he always did when he was nervous. "It's just... I—"

All it took was for y/n to look him dead in the eye for her to understand. Eventually she would always see through him. "You wish to mate with me."

A nervous cough overcame Lo'ak as soon as y/n had said those words, making quite a few of their clan members turn towards him and shake their heads in disappointment. Y/n immediately grabbed some water for him to drink.

"Y-yes." He finally managed to say, not sure if he was ever going to recover from such an embarrassing display.

"But... I was certain... you did not desire me. That maybe, you loved me but did not find me beautiful..." Y/n confessed and Lo'ak realized what an absolute skxawng he'd been. The entire time he'd spent feeling sorry for himself and trying to be a better 'version' of himself for y/n, to stop getting in harm's way and taking every aspect of his life more seriously, he'd ended up neglecting his mate. The two of them had probably been the only couple to have waited so long, and he couldn't imagine what kind of reasons y/n had to come up with to explain his 'disinterest'. Clearly, he'd made her feel less than worthy, and it devastated him.

Lo'ak placed one of his hands over y/n's jaw, tilting her face upwards to look at him. "I never, ever want to hear you say that, yawne." He pulled her lower back snugly towards him until she could feel how hard he was for her, making her let out a shaky breath as she turned away from Lo'ak but pressed back against him even more. "Can't you feel how badly I want you? How badly I've always wanted you?" Y/n nodded, trying to look stoically in front of her as if nothing was going on. As if Lo'ak's words weren't making her heart feel like it was going to burst at any minute. As if it would make things any better, y/n reached for one of Lo'ak's hands and held it close to her breastplate, trying to slow her heartbeat down. "Your little heart is beating so fast..." Lo'ak spoke against her braids. "So is yours!" Y/n snapped at him in a low voice, making Lo'ak chuckle. She could feel the beat of his heart against her back.

She wondered if the rest of the clan members could tell what was going on. Y/n didn't want to disrespect Lo'ak's family a second time. But nobody seemed to be taking any notice of them, except the handful of jealous fuckers who eyed y/n whenever they thought he wasn't looking. Lo'ak wondered if they could tell she was shaking in his arms just because of his words. "You don't see the way they look at you? How much they hate me because you're mine?" He asked, placing a hand dangerously close to her inner thigh.

"I don't care about the others. I never have." Y/n sighed leaning back against him.

It was a long wait for everyone else to go to sleep and leave the Tree of Souls empty that night. Sure, they could have gone some place else, considering how worked up the two of them had gotten, but Lo'ak wanted to do things the right way. This was the one thing in his life that he was not going to half-ass or screw up.

Y/n had put him first since the day she'd met him and Lo'ak was going to spend the rest of the night, no, the rest of his life, showing her just how she made him feel every single day.

"You are worrying again..." Y/n noticed, pulling him down to sit next to her. Lo'ak had been overfixating on finding the perfect spot for them to lay down. "I am worried too..." She confessed touching his face. Lo'ak frowned, wrapping his arms around her waist. "We do not need to do this... if you've changed your mind..."

"Kehe! Of course not..." Y/n climbed on top of him, laying across his chest as she kissed him. "I am afraid of losing you... always." Lo'ak really didn't know what to say to those words, because he knew in his heart she was right and he could not argue. He felt exactly the same way about her, but he'd given y/n plenty of reason not to trust he'd stay out of harm's way. "What if... what if I am to carry your child and you don't come back to me? What then?"

The notion of getting y/n pregnant made Lo'ak revert to blushing and scrambling his words, and she blushed as well, realizing she had been somewhat blunt. Lo'ak hardly ever saw her blush and it truly was a sight to behold. "I promise. Eywa as my witness, I will always come back to you, yawne. Always. " As he said those words, Lo'ak didn't even feel like he was himself anymore, but he was certain he meant them.

Y/n brought both of her hands to his face and kissed him again, deeply this time. It was languid and desperate, almost as if she'd been waiting for that promise for a very long time. Lo'ak groaned as she run her tongue over his fangs, pulling away to graze his teeth over her neck and making her gasp. He sat up to get some leverage and asked his mate permission before sinking his teeth into her skin, marking her permanently.

"Lo'ak!" Y/n cried, digging her nails into his back as he lapped up the blood running down her neck. She gave him a sharp bite too, just over his shoulder, in retaliation, making him chuckle. "I'm sorry yawne, let me make it up to you..."

"You better, skxawng!" She huffed, shoving his chest playfully, even if the act of being marked had made the pressure between her legs so unbearable it was beginning to hurt. Lo'ak laughed again and y/n hissed at him meakly, ears drawn back. Why did his laugh also have to... have an effect on her?

"So I'm a skxawng, now?" Lo'ak asked in amusement as he kissed his way down her neck, deciding to get rid of her piece of clothing with his mouth also. It didn't take Y/n long to notice, Lo'ak's hands were no longer on her body, in fact he was leaning against them, only reaching out to touch her if he needed to hold her in place for a few seconds. He was still insecure about them, after all those years, and it would have broken her heart if Lo'ak hadn't been in the middle of making her feel so good. "I thought I was your yawne—"

Y/n got rid of her top piece herself and brought Lo'ak's hands to her breasts. His confidence seemed to leave him then. "You are my yawne. But you are also a skxawng... " She sighed softly through her nose. "I want you to use your hands on me, Lo'ak." Y/n told him, searching for his eyes as one of her hands guided his own over her breast.

"Y-yes. I know... it's just..."

Lo'ak's mind completely blanked the second y/n brought his other hand to her mouth, kissing every single one of his fingers before wrapping her lips around his index and middle finger, sucking around them. She took them as deep in her mouth as she could before pulling away again, enjoying the sight of her flustered mate. "Your hands are beautiful. And they're mine." She whispered, kissing the pad of his thumb. Lo'ak ran his thumb over her bottom lip, and reached back for her queue, bringing it together with his own.

"Nga yawne lu oer, I want to be with you, like this, forever." Lo'ak murmured before making the connection between them. Y/n jolted in his arms, hanging on to his neck for dear life. She'd known the tsaheylu would have felt good, intense even. But she could not have anticipated half of what she was feeling at that moment. Lo'ak's heart was beating so hard, she could feel it in her own chest, battling against her own. And he wanted her... Eywa, he wanted her so bad he could have died from it.

Lo'ak saw inside y/n too, and wasted no time in tugging her forward in a searing kiss. She arched into him and squeezed her thighs around his middle, squirming in his lap as he finally let his inhibitions go. "Want this off--off..." Y/n protested at the sight of his loincloth, rudely tugging at it without much regard for the fact Lo'ak wouldn't have anything to wear the following morning if she destroyed his clothes.

Lo'ak grinned and helped her, finally getting some of his cheeky attitude back. "Who knew my y/n could be so needy—" Her hand on his cock however was enough to make him shut up, well, curse under his breath more like. Y/n meanwhile was completely enthralled with what she was doing, enjoying the feeling of Lo'ak's shaft hardening and leaking under her touch. The fact he was falling apart from it was just an added bonus. "Where were you hiding all this?" She teased and Lo'ak was certain the woman in his arms was going to be the death of him.

"S-shut up..." He whined, struggling to even remember his name when she twisted her wrist and added just the right amount of pressure, making Lo'ak buck up into her hand instinctively. "Shit, y/n, you're being really... d-distracting right now... you need to give me... ah... a break, okay yawne?"

Against every fiber of his being, Lo'ak gently removed her hand. She frowned "Oh? But I like playing with your—"

"Kehe! None of that either..." Lo'ak reprimanded her softly and she giggled. "Let me focus on you, please? I've been waiting for so long..." Y/n nodded, smiling shyly at his words. "Honestly..." Lo'ak mumbled, kissing down the slope of her breasts, having hooked his arms underneath her thighs to hold her higher up. "Only you could get all shy... at something like that... and not about jerking me off..." Y/n loved to listen to Lo'ak talk to her while he drove her crazy with his hands and mouth. The second Lo'ak figured her nipples were particularly sensitive, she was a goner. She mewled and whined as he abused them with his mouth, and tugged harshly on his braids, which only seemed to encourage him further.

Her remaining piece of clothing was completely soaked, and y/n had to resort to rutting herself down against his thigh to get any sort of friction. "Shit..." Lo'ak cursed, realising he'd completely neglected that aspect of things. "Yawne, you're so wet... is this where you need me?" He cooed and Y/n nodded, crying out from the relief of feeling Lo'ak push a single long digit inside of her. She was ready for him, had been for a while, but that didn’t seem to matter because Lo'ak had just discovered how much he loved taking her apart with his fingers. He wanted to eat up every single reaction he could get out of her, hooked on the feeling of her slick running down his skin and the deep purring sounds she'd make if he stroked the most inner walls of her core.

"L-Lo'ak... Lo'ak please... I don't know what's happening..." she sobbed, the coil that had been building in the pit of her stomach was about to snap and it felt so good and so foreign at the same time, y/n didn't know what was about to happen. Lo'ak stilled immediately, afraid he'd been hurting his mate, but then he understood. He didn't know if it was through their bond, or something else, but he just knew. "Just hold on to me, yawne." He asked he to trust him, not faltering his rhythm inside her for a second. "Trust me, I know it's scary, but you're about to feel so good. So, so good... I promise..."

The only thing better than watching his mate come apart was feeling her pleasure radiate through their bond. Lo'ak watched y/n in complete and utter adoration, holding her through the aftermath until her breathing went back to normal. "Lo'ak..."

"What is it, yawne...?"

"Don't make me wait anymore..." Y/n laid herself down on the grass, pulling Lo'ak down to be on top of her. It was so dark now so could perfectly make out all the luminous freckles on his body. He entered her slowly, immediately feeling like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs. Y/n was slick, warm and impossibly tight around him. It took everything he had not to fuck her senseless right then and there.

Y/n on her part wanted Lo'ak to be as close to her as it was physically possible. She wanted his body to completely cover her own, feel his entire weight bare down on her. "I'm right here, y/n..." He reassured her as he began to move, listening to her soft moans. "I see you."

It didn't take long for y/n to start meeting his thrusts, whining that he go faster. "I don't want you to stop, Lo'ak... you can't—" She had never felt so good in her life, and she begged to Eywa that the morning would never come if this was what the rest of their night was going to be like.

"No, 'm not gonna stop, yawne..." Lo'ak quelled her worries with a kiss, and lifted her hips upwards to hold them in place. The new angle made y/n cry out his name, and Lo'ak held her like that, one arm around her middle and his other hand splayed out across her stomach to keep her still as he fucked her in earnest. The nature of that raw act made her cum again, this time without warning as she clamped down on his cock.

Lo'ak wasn't that far behind her either. "Good. That's my good girl..." He praised, reaching out for her hand as she intertwined their fingers together. "Yawne... y/n I'm going to cum now... " He was about to make himself pull away, since they hadn't really discussed that sort of thing, but y/n locked her legs around his waist. "Inside me..." She whined with a shudder, a little overestimated by that point. That was more than enough to tip Lo'ak over the edge. He groaned, fucking his load inside y/n for what felt like an eternity. He'd never come so much and for so long.

Afterwards he found that he couldn't pull away from his mate. Y/n was particularly adamant that he stay inside of her even while they slept, and it didn’t fail to make Lo'ak grin like an idiot. "Can I at least turn as around so you can sleep more comfortably? I promise you, you can have my dick back in a second..."

She hissed at him, dismounting from him herself. "Only you could ruin a romantic moment like that, skxawng..."

Lo'ak hugged her from behind, kissing the bite mark he'd left on her neck. "So I'm back to being a skxawng? You know I liked the things you were calling me before a lot better..." He teased, doing a very poor impression of her moaning, which made y/n give his tail a sharp tug.

He did the same in retaliation and the ended up in one of their usual play-fights, only this time, Lo'ak didn't eventually shy away from her touch. Once they'd both finally worn each other out, Lo'ak wrapped his arms tightly around y/n as she rested on top of him.

"Y/n..." He whispered, wandering if she was still awake. Luckily she was already fast asleep. "Thank you. For choosing me."

[a-oct0]

Okay trying to work on agent lore but it's all gonna for now be in the form of rambles-

Here's something about Captain and Four first-

Captain and Four are from a like- kinda famous pro rank playing(???) family. (I imagine rank in the splatverse is seen in the same way ppl view irl sports like golf or whatever)

Being from such a family both had high standards placed upon them growing up, same with their sister. Cap felt this pressure alot more due to the fact his twin sister General (Jenny) was alot more skilled than him, granted he was still a very highly ranked player himself and had he not been drawn into becoming an agent would've gone fully pro like her. However the pressure of trying to out preform his sister is what lead him to become obsessed with being an agent, it was something he could do but she couldn't.

Four on the other hand was the baby of the family, being the youngest she wasn't pressured as much to follow in her families footsteps. Especially since she excelled well in her academics. That said Four, no matter how much she trained and tried- just could not get the hang on playing any rank modes. It drove her crazy, feeling like a failure till she was offered the chance to become an agent. She saw it as almost a chance to live up the the amaze and skill of her older siblings.

Gen found out about Captain being an agent not too long into it, she was pissed off. Worried he'd get himself into trouble but he brushed off her claims, eventually convincing her he wasn't in any major danger (cough he left alot of info out cough)

Four kept it a secret from Gen a lot longer but was also found out. Like with Captain, Four brushed Gen's concerns off.

Four and Cap (or at the time Agent Three) first met themselves as agents about a few weeks before the events of OE and a short while before Four rescued Callie. Four was a bit miffed about her older brother being an agent since it was meant to be her thing but it also weirdly allowed her to see this more loose aide of him?? So those feelings washed away pretty quickly. Captain on the other hand was surprised but not really shocked about Four being well Four. They only met for a brief moment before parting- the next time they'd see each other was after OE...

When Captain returned home covered in sanitization scars and what looked like some lost puppy of an octoling in tow, Gen flipped the fuck out. Cap and Gen had a massive row, but not as massive as the argument Cap had with his parents. While he did mend his relationship with Gen (kinda had to he lives with her lol), he still does not talk to his parents.

First time Four saw the scars she was shocked and worried for him but he brushed it off promising to talk about it later (he didn't) and Four ended up so distracted with Eight and trying to help Cap and him out she forgot to bring it up again for weeks. It was Captain's idea for Eight to move in with Four.

[licenseddermatologyprovider]

Also i had a nightmare where i had a bf over who was evil (and really short... like i mightve supposed to been like 13 in this dream or something cuz why was he so short.. ) and his mom came over to ground him and he got mad and killed her by stabbig her through her eye and then got me to help him hide the body by putting her in oe of those big plastic toy box thingies with lids ad wrapping her in my brothers old bed sheets and stuffed animals And then he was like im gonna put her in the trash can theyll never think to look in there cuz theyllt hink its just toys being thrown out. Im going to go do it and i was like oki... i wont tell anyone. And then when he was out there i locked him ouut and told my parents what he was doing Ad my evil bf turned into a fly and they were like you need to kill him with this nerf gun and i did it. But for some reason the story in my dream changed later cuz now it was one of my childhood cats who killed his mother and he was still in my room and i remember sadlyt elling my dad "my cats still alive btw i havent killed hhim yet" and feeling bad

[oysterie]

my parents don't like to talk to me and my brothers about us being thai cause they wanna make sure we're "american first and foremost" (their words) but every little bit they'll just mention something and apparently the reason we have no relatives in thailand is because they were all killed in a coup. huh

[1000roughdrafts]

Family Secrets: Chapter Four

I’m Not a Monster

Summary: Sam and Dean investigate a lead on a Maggie Tarnish, which only leads them to you. The mask works for a while, but when it doesn’t, many secrets unfold. 

A/N: sorry if the formatting is weird. I did this one on mobile.

Warnings: much angst

W/C: almost 3.9k

Masterlist/schedule

Previous Chapter

"Man that was painful," Dean says through smug laughter as they walk down the path from the diner, holding a small take away box. Sam tilts his head in confusion, and stops at the front of the Impala to look at Dean. "The waitress, your flirting," Dean says with raised eyebrows. More strict now, he gives it away, "come on, man. It was obvious that you were flirting and you are so not good at it," he laughs again, opening the drivers' door and sitting down.

Sam rolls his eyes. "At least I'm not still in love with a girl I kissed once when I was fifteen," he says, slipping into his seat.

Dean cuts him a piercing glance as he starts the engine. "Who?"

"The hunters' daughter," Sam says in a flat tone.

Dean playfully taps the steering wheel, "that's right!"

Sam smirks as Dean keeps his eyes on him, "you act like it's so hard for you to remember, but you always talked about her any chance you got."

"I did not," Dean starts, but knows he's defeated by the look in Sam's eyes. "Hey, in my defense, her parents let her hunt by herself, so she had cool stories." He smiles as he looks out of the windshield, "she was pretty cool."

Sam rolls his eyes. "What was her name again?"

"Hell if I know," Dean says before peeling out of the parking lot. "We headed over to this Maggie's now?"

Clearing his throat, Sam nods. "Local department said she must've slipped by their radar, but eventually set off some alarms. I checked with the local motels and if she's a hunter, she must be pretty new at it." Dean looks over at his brother, keeping both hands planted on the wheel, "she paid with a card. In her name."

"Made it real easy for us to find her, didn't she?" Dean shakes his head once with a laugh.

Having just exited the shower, towel still wrapped around your body, the sound of pounding at the door aggravates you. "Just a second," you call out as you throw on whatever clothes are available. You discreetly pick up your pistol, trying desperately to keep the table from squeaking.

The spell covered dagger beckons to you from the bed and the pounding continues with three more agitated blows. You pull the pistol to eye level and rack a bullet in the chamber. Looking into the peep hole of the door you see two beanstalks of men in black suits. You rest the dagger in the band of your jeans and hold the pistol behind your hip, just out of sight.

"Um," you express a discourteous squint at the attractively intimidating men after cautiously opening the door. "Hi?"

"Yes. Maggie? Agents Roth and Malloy." His voice is profound and straight to the point. Agent Roth, you assume, stands stoic and saying nothing, allowing for the taller one to proceed.

"Are you familiar with someone from this area? She's a secretary at a big law firm."

"Ah, yes," you put on a professional mask and hide the gun next to your dagger. "Although, you've caught me at a bad time," you lie. "I was just getting ready to go out."

Agent Roth speaks out, "you're not wearing shoes."

Looking down at your bare feet, you let out a distressed laugh which brings the eyes of the two men to unity. "I did say getting ready."

"Well, why don't you finish up and we'll all go out," the taller of the two men looks down at his partner, seemingly asking permission with his expression.

Agent Roth forces a smile while crossing his arms. "Our treat," he says through his teeth.

--

Walking through the bar doors, you try to conceal your face as the three of you search for a secluded booth. After spotting Tim, your cheeks fill with heat and you force a smile.

The two strange men take the first bench, leaving the opposing side for you. Tim skips over and, at first, ignores the men. "Hello beautiful."

"Hi, Tim," you say without looking him in the eyes.

"Gentlemen," he nods. "Blue Label for the lady, I presume," he flirtatiously offers with a wink and a trip in his vocals. He turns to the men, "what'll it be for you?"

The one with the most stunning and silky hair you've seen on a man holds up two fingers, ordering for the both of them, "two beers, please." As quickly as Tim walks away, he focuses his attention back onto you, "so about the case." His eyes trace his hands which sit linked on top of the table. "I thought since we're all on the same team you could give us a little help; tell us what you know," he suggests with a shrug. His words don't match his posture. They seem to be more accusing that questioning and you are nearly sweating under the pressure.

"Well, if you've already spoken with Mrs. Mill, I'm sure you know all the same that I do." You try your best to remain professional, but your words are coming out ornery.

You glance at the quiet one. He is full of anger, that much you can see, but you can't imagine why. His eyes are tired and each have their own unique wrinkles. It appears as though he always carries on with a frown and it makes you wonder if you look like that to others. Almost pouting, his blush lips keep his face well aligned and quite symmetrical. The taller one looks similar. He has the same olive green eyes, but they're full of light, and hold more life.

Addressing the silence before they do, you put your elbows onto the table. "You two look intelligent. Why come to someone you don't know for help?"

Tim returns with a tray and the beverages, "blue for a Blue," he says setting yours in front of you and cackling out as his own joke. You feel your face flush as he sets the beers down in front of them, "and two cold ones for the Men in black." He drops the tray to his side with his eyes plastered to yours, "I couldn't help but to overhear... I thought you said you were here for some kind of business gathering?"

"It's called undercover, Tim, look it up," you sneer.

The three of you sit in silence as Tim parades away after muttering something you didn't hear.

"Blue, is it?" The grumpy one speaks out. "Agent Malloy, is this a case we needed to be undercover for?"

"Uh, no. I don't believe so. No," he plays along.

"Look," he leans forward with his eyes kept on yours, "I think it's obvious at this point that no oe here is who they say they are," he starts out with a familiar affection to his voice that almost instantly switches to a cold, hush bark, "so let's just cut the crap. Who the Hell are you?"

While you covertly search for the best escape route, he taps on your knee with a knife he's hiding underneath the table, raising his eyebrows when he sees your eyes widen. "Why don't we all come clean, huh?"

Before you can contain it, a nervous chuckle springs from your lungs, changing his expression altogether. He thinks for a moment that he's heard it before, but says nothing.

You are hesitant on saying anything, but if you're going down you might as well do it with the truth. "Okay, what I'm about to tell you... it's likely you won't believe me, but I'm telling the truth." You search their eyes for assurance, and without anything but stern faces you swallow a deep breath. "I"m a hunter. I track ghosts, vampires, demons... things like that. I think Mrs. Mill was possessed and I just want to figure out why!"

Silence falls on the table as the men keep their eyes on you. Without warning you emit another laugh.

"Okay, what is with the giggling?" Agent Roth exhales.

"I, uh, laugh when I'm nervous or when things get tense. I can't really help it, it's-"

"A natural reaction?" With wide eyes, he slowly pulls away and sheathes he knife. "Or a - a reflex, right?"

"How... do you know that?"

Without saying a word he reaches into the inside pocket of his suit and pulls out a flip phone. Pressing only one button he puts it to his ear and in no time at all, a muffled AC DC's Highway to Hell begins to play from the pocket of your jeans. "Because you've said to me before," he says, canceling the call.

"It - it was you that called Bobby's cell the other day," the nicer one says, his breathing picking up pace at the newest revelation. "Are you?" With difficulty he tries to piece it together, "Are you Bobby's niece?"

Agent Roth is still lost for words and searching for them with his eyes. Trying to catch your breath, you transition your gaze to him. He doesn't know what to say so he keeps quiet, staring at the table. When you make eye contact with his partner, his head tilts and his formerly pristine forehead slightly wrinkles. His brows turn down into his warm and inquisitive eyes, pursing his lips. You begin to fidget, an avoidance tactic you'd picked up just the day before. At this point in time, you really don't need these guys poking around in your personal life.

"Look, Bobby was close to us, too. All we want are some answers," the nice man says serenely with a somber manner, but folding his arms. You sigh, stripping the heavy coat off of your shoulders and place it onto the seat next to you. "What are you doing?" he shifts, becoming a tad flustered at your sudden move to undress.

You stand next to the table and read your shirt without looking down, "this was a gift," you whisper as if you're saying it only to yourself. "More than that, really," you inhale sharply, turning away from them so they could read the back.

"Raise 'em Hell," he reads. "You called him Papa?" His face looks as though he had tasted something sour, but he laughs reassuringly.

"So you two were actually close?" The grumpy one butts in as you turn around to see his disgust.

"He taught me everything I know," you flick a strand of hair out of your face, slightly shrugging and fall back into the booth. "Well, him and Rufus, of course."

"And what do you know?"

"Enough," you say sharply, eyes dimming while you squint at the more forgiving of the two men. Crossing your arms, you lean back, "but I'd rather start with what I don't know. Who are you guys, really?"

As if this were the moment you'd met and under different circumstances, a smile lights up his face. "I'm Sam Winchester and this is my brother, Dean."

Just behind the bar, Tim has a phone to his ear as he smiles. "Crowley, the plan is going accordingly. She's met the Winchesters."

"So let me get this straight," Sam says from the chair at a desk in their motel room. You sit on the edge of the bed next to the door, in case you need to flee. Outside of the window behind Sam, you watch the clouds dance around the moon as he speaks, "Rufus rescued you from a coven-"

"And you don't know life before that?" Dean interrupts as he paced around the room with his hands gripping his biceps. "What about your childhood?"

"Childhood," you snort. "Did yours have sparkles and unicorns, too, then?" The question is rhetorical, but you pause anyway ti laugh at his angered expression. "I grew up in Whitefish, Montana - in the hunting world."

"Wait, Rufus' cabin?" You nod and Dean throws an arm up towards Sam, "we were just there they other day!"

"Well, I haven't been there in years," you frown, looking back out of the window at the now, lonely moon.

"Is there anything else you can remember?" Sam coos. 

"Other then the fact that he had no idea where I came from, who my parents were or when I was taken? Not much," you swiftly stand from the bed and walk to the counter, reaching for one of the beers. "Anytime I would ask, Rufus just said 'quit askin' 'bout things you don't want answers to'. He told me that I'm 'too precious' to be shattered by those kinds of memories and that I was 'reborn' the day he found me." Your voice changed after taking a sip of the fizzy, warm beer.

Your eyes meet Sam's as you mournfully smile, "so that's my 'birthday'. When Rufus took me in, he uh," you laugh to yourself. "He makes me after his favorite whiskey."

"Blue Label," Sam says with a soft chuckle, the corner of his lip turned into a smile, "huh".

Nodding, you can't help but to break a smile that he'd remember something so seemingly insignificant about the man who raised you. "He taught me how to handle myself in a fight, how to load and shoot a gun, how to clean a scene." You don't realize that you've begun to pace until you see your reflection in Dean's resentful eyes. "The first time I ever sat behind the wheel of a car he was there to coach me. He gave me everything I needed to protect myself."

Smiling again, you picture Bobby in your mind, standing with you in his library. "When it came down to the knowledge, the get in their heads, learn to study and read lore stuff - that's where Bobby helped me the most. After taking lessons with him on the phone for years, Rufus and I were finally in town to meet when I was about fourteen. But - like I said, rusty in the age thing," you smirk, mostly at Dean who stands stony-eyed and too distracted by his rumination to interrupt.

"Bobby taught me Latin, and how to draw a devils trap. He quizzed me on nearly every myth and legend, so on and so forth. They had both taken me out on a few hunts individually, teaching me different things, the easy stuff first." You take a longer swing of the beer, "like surveying the area, making sure I wasn't being tailed or getting myself in danger. Making sure I had all of the information necessary to carry on with any case successfully."

When I was around twenty we had a birthday gathering, but it was after that that my partner and I went out on our own. I didn't keep as close to either of them as often as I wish I had, looking back on it now. I took a year off after Rufus died, but recently I've set out on a hunt for my birth parents."

You've never actually told anyone these details about yourself before, making it easy to get as lost in your story as they are. When you look up you realize just how strongly you hold their gaze.

"Where's your partner now?" Sam asks.

You look down the neck of the bottle, swirling it around before taking another sip. "She dead. Couple months after Rufus died and I hate myself for it every day." Matching eyes with Sam, tears collect at their edges. "I was supposed to help protect her, you know? Be there for her and I - I failed. She went in early, we didn't have a plan." A few tears drop onto your hand, "I ran in after her. By then it was too late."

"Wow, uh," Sam sighs. "I'm really sorry." He looks over at his brother who stands with his arms crossed. "I don't know where I'd be or what I would do without Dean."

"Yeah," you say, wiping away the tears, "but, uh, the job comes first. I've learned to put my personal shit aside when others peoples lives are at stake." You pause for a moment, "so when those people started disappearing I had to take a break from my search."

Sam looks up at you with a curious frown. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah, I'll show you the articles."

You walk over to his side, as he flips around to watch you type the names into the browser of his laptop.

Dean twirls a finger in the air, "so, uh, how did you hear about all of this?"

"I have my sources," you say more confidently than you feel.

Dean takes a step closer to you. "Bull shit. You said yourself you've been out of the game for what, a year? How does someone come back having knowledge of something like this?"

"What? You think just because you haven't heard of it means that it's some big thing? Get a grip, Grumpy."

Dean crosses his arms. "She's kind of got a point, dude," Sam snorts.

"Whatever," he say, ripping his jacket from the back of the chair and grabs his keys from the counter, "were out of supplies."

Standing up straight you nearly jump towards him. "Can you take me back to my room while you're at it?" you ask, wishing nothing more than to go to sleep and forget about this whole day, about Dean Freaking Winchester.

Agitated, but more than happy to get rid of you, he obliges.

The soft purr of the engine isn't enough to wake anyone, but for some reason Dean shuts it down anyway. Propping himself up using the seat, he turns in your direction.

"Sometimes, in front of Sam, I gotta keep some thoughts to myself." His face strains as he shakes a finger at you, "but one thing I've learned in this life is trust no one," he paused briefly. "You get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah. You don't trust me. Oh, no, Dean! Whatever am I going to do?" You roll your eyes and reach down for the handle.

Dean grips onto your wrist, jerking your attention back on the half of his face that's illuminated by the street lamp. "Something's off about you, and I will get to the bottom of it. His eyebrows rise as he leans closer, tightening his grip. "That's a threat and a promise," he snarls with a hateful grin.

Ripping your arm away, you lightly drop your head back against the seat in a small gust of brusque laughter, "says the man that's been to Hell and Purgatory."

Your gaudy eyes meet with his before he turns his head opposite of you and confides in the foggy window, "Damn it, Sam!"

"Don't blame him! People talk, Dean," you say, using your hands to express your words, "you're either stupid, self absorbed or both if you think there's not warnings among other hunters about you."

Taken aback, he squints at you. "I thought you didn't know who we were."

"I didn't, dummy. It's not like they flash around your picture or anything. It's just hunters gossip and you're the headliner." You throw open the door and hightail for your room.

He imitated your movements while slamming his own door behind him. With your back to him, you pull out your key as he stops to your side. Feeling just the tips of his fingers on your shoulder you whirl around, knocking his arm away and with open palms you shove him back.

"Fine, take the damn case, Dean. I don't care much for you w it her, so stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours."

You scrunch your brows and keep a steady watch on his staggering eyes. His arm remains where you'd thrown it until he speaks out in a demeaning tone, "oh no. You're not getting off that easy." He takes a step closer to you, and you can almost feel his chest moving with his heavy breaths, but you refuse to back away. "You think I'm just gonna step aside and let a possible monster roam around un-watched?"

You watch his expression form into one of extreme animosity before he rotates, back to you. Opening your mouth to yell at him, you feel an imaginary fist slam into your stomach. You focus on breathing normally again as you listen to his boots thus against the concrete on their way back to the Impala.

You watch him as he peers over the top of the car at you, his face tight. "You watch your back, Blue."

Watching him fumble with his keys, you force out the breath you were holding hostage, "monster? Wow," you whine. "Okay and where you you when Bobby died?"

He pauses when he hears your voice. His face loosens, eyes opening wide at the mention of the name. You fold your lips under your teeth as you swallow your tears, "and when Rufus was killed?" A wintry breeze cuts into your sides and you wait for him to answer, though he has nothing to offer but weighted eyes on his pouting face. "That's what I thought," you heave.

You slam the door behind you and fall against it. Sitting in the darkness you cover your face and finally give into the mourning you've been trying to avoid.

Dean bows his head against the top of the car, "damn it!" The sound of his palm slamming against the metal ricochets throughout the empty parking lot. He leans into the car and reaches for something in the glove box, leaving the door open to walk to yours.

He can hear your muffled yelps and holds his folded fist to the door. He already blames himself for the death of everyone he's loved and to hear it from another person hit him harder than he expected. Bowing his head in remorse, he surmises that the damage is done. Everything he wants to say wouldn't even begin to explain the guilt that's beginning to settle in his heart. Leaving a card with his number in the nook of the door he silently says goodbye.

—

Barging through his own motel door, Dean hurls the keys onto the bed. Dropping the six pack on the table, he promptly rips two from the rings and slams one down in front of Sam.

Sam exhales, leaning back in his chair without removing his eyes from the laptop, "what'd I do to piss you off?" he chuckles.

"Nothing," Dean says in a heavy breath.

"Okay," Sam says slowly. His eyes follow Dean as he drags himself to the chair, "what did she do to piss you off?"

"Nothing, Sam, I just don't trust her." He opens both cans, "think about it. If she was so close to Bobby how come we never heard of her?" He shrugs with a tilt of his head and raised eyebrows. "If he hid her from us, he probably had good reason to. She was found on a hunt, Sam," he adds with a thick inflection and stone cold eyes. "If that's even true."

"I don't know," he objects. "We've found plenty of people who turned out just fine."

"And we've found a whole hell of a lot more who didn't, Sam." He gives him a nagging glance and takes a slow, long gulp of the beer. Dropping his forearms to the table he leans forward, "so how many are missing?"

Next Chapter

@waywardblueshun @81mysteriouslyme @lilulo-12 @drakelover78

[amarabliss]

Eia Au, Eia ‘Oe ~ Here I am, here you are - 9 (Steve McGarrett/Twin Sister & Danny Williams/Reader)

Just a things begin to return to normal again after Steve’s arrest and escape, Steve’s twin sister comes walking into their lives McGarrett style dropping an emotional bomb. Danny is intrigued finding it hard to resist that McGarrett charm, finding it irresistible in ways he never thought possible…

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six* Part Seven Part Eight

*Contains music you must listen to, to better set the mood…Trust me…

You sat in the car as the plane rolled around to park, texting Kono about her condition and Chin’s state. You couldn’t believe what occurred in the last 24 hours actually happened.

“Danny, you should have said something sooner.” You frowned looking at him sitting on the counter across from you in the McGarrett kitchen.

“It doesn’t make a difference either way.” He told you before taking another bite off of the plate in his hands, “Rachel and I have to go to court to determine this.”

“But it’s Grace…” You frowned already worried for him, “She wouldn’t really take her away from you would she?”

Danny stared at you feeling several things all at once. First the idea of losing Grace, making a lump form in his throat. Then the warmth of your concern for his baby girl and himself. He swallowed setting the plate down and hopped off the counter.

He stepped over to you putting his hands on top of your legs before resting his forehead against yours. He stared into your eyes as he spoke softly, “I don’t know. Things are not…healthy between Rachel and I. I’d like to think that she’d put Grace before her new husband’s job, but I really don’t know…”

He smiled when you took his head into your hands, “I have got a lot of free time. I’m going to do a bunch of research…and we’re going to make sure Grace stays.”

If that wasn’t enough to worry about, then Danny got several phone calls. His worry only got worse with each one before he finally told you that Malia had been killed and Kono nearly drowned. You called Steve immediately telling him that his family needed him now and this Shelburne could wait.

You never got a response, and figured it was a tower issue. Regardless, you were sitting at an airfield because Danny didn’t like the idea of his people being targeted and knew Wo Fat wouldn’t hesitate to use you against Steve.

You looked over as your brother disembarked the plane. It was always a show watching him and Danny talk. You glanced behind them at another person coming down the plane's stairs and instantly felt a hitch in your throat as she stopped next to Steve.

You opened the door to the Camaro and stood up when Danny looked over to you. The woman put her hands to her mouth and took a step to come toward you, Steve thankfully put an arm out stopping her.

He finished his conversation with Danny before striding over to you, “Y/N…”

You looked at him silent. You didn’t know how to feel in this moment. You didn’t know how to process what you were seeing. Finally, you spoke the question, “Why?”

Steve sighed seeing you begin to tear up. All the years you missed out on because you were forced to grow up faster in order to help with Mary. All of the opportunity to be a different person just began to well up inside of you, “You’ll have to ask Doris yourself because I’m not sure I even believe her answer.”

You nodded slowly wiping a hand over your face, “Okay…uh…we should go. I already set up a house for Shelburne…figured you’d want to set up your own detail.”

“Good.” He nodded pulling out his phone waving Danny and Doris over, “This will give me more time to try and smooth everything over for Chin.”

You nodded again looking at Doris trying to come over to you quickly. You glanced at Danny who looked at you concerned before you ducked into the backseat of the Camaro.

Doris frowned and looked at Steve, “She hates me too?”

“…we don’t hate you…” Danny heard Steve begin as he also got into the backseat with you.

You sat behind the passenger side seat to maximize the least view of yourself when Doris would get in. Danny sighed looking at you, “You alright?”

You swallowed shaking your head before you looked at him a tear trailing down your cheek, “You think I would be…but I just….”

You stopped when Doris opened the door to get in. Danny frowned reaching over giving your elbow a gentle squeeze. It was all he could do, you both decided until everything settled down it would be best to keep their blooming relationship to themselves.

The drive was…awkward, as Steve began trying to smooth everything out with the governor. It didn’t sound like it was going well for him. You kept your gaze out the window mostly trying to avoid any interaction with any one.

Then it happened... Doris began digging. Something your mother was always good at, “I remember Chin Ho Kelly. He was a few grades ahead of the twins in school. Was a good boy.”

You glanced at Danny setting his jaw a little, he was taking this personally, “Good boy turned into a good cop.”

“Losing his wife like that just makes me think of their dad, you know, just what he must have gone through.” Doris looked back at him glancing down at his hand moving away from yours to his lap.

Danny smirked a little as he began to jab back at her, “Yeah, well, a good thing for Chin is that he doesn't have any kids that are gonna be asking, ‘Why isn't Mommy coming home?’”

Doris turned to him fully her eyes narrowing on his face, “You married?”

“Uh, no, not anymore.” Danny cleared his throat a little.

“Kids?” She pressed him.

“I do, I have a daughter named Grace. Uh, best thing that came out of my marriage.” Danny smiled a little mention his daughter.

Doris smirked a little, “You ever think about going for round two?”

He let out a soft huff glancing away before looking her in the eye, “I'd actually rather get kicked in the face with a golf shoe.”

“Hmm, so, what, you've taken a vow of celibacy or?” Doris spoke quickly.

Danny glanced at you shaking his head a little, “No, I didn't say that. Uh, I am seeing somebody. Just-- we're just taking it very slowly.”

“Yeah, well, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, right?” Doris smirked staring him down again.

“Doris!” You snapped at her as Danny began to speak over you.

“This is getting very personal, don't you think?” Danny felt his ears begin to get hot.

Doris ignored you both pressing him more, “Don't you want your daughter to see you in a healthy relationship?”

“Oh, because you’re the prime example of parenting?” You snapped at her finally getting her attention fully.

“I agree, respectfully, I don't think you are in a position to be giving me parenting advice.” Danny backed you up.

Doris didn’t take her eyes off you for a moment before returning to Danny, “You know what I think, Danno? I think that you're afraid of commitment.”

He shook his head as he began get the sense that your mother was very perceptive, “That's incorrect, uh, and I prefer Danny.”

“Oh, really? 'Cause that's not what I heard my son call you. He must think you like it.” She smiled at him.

“Doris…” Your voice was low as your fist balled up.

“Oh, he thinks a lot of things that aren't true. He's delusional, actually, which, by the way, no offense to the gene pool.” Danny looked to you as your mom’s mouth dropped opened offended, “I'm sure he's just a one-off.”

The rest of the trip was driven in a tense silence. You waited for your mother to get out and follow Steve inside before you looked to Danny, “I…”

He held up his hand and smiled at you as he shook his head, “Are you okay?”

You stared at him feeling your nose begin to tickle again as tears began to well up, “…I think you know the answer…”

“Yeah…Yeah I do.” He frowned glancing out the window to Steve and Doris on the porch talking to a few officers, “I now see where your brother gets it all from.”

You laughed a little nodding, “Yeah, he was definitely a mama’s boy…and I was daddy’s girl.”

“You obviously benefited more than Steve did.” Danny smiled when you laughed again. He was going to do everything he could to make you feel more at ease, “How are you feeling though?”

You sighed deeply, “Tired…really tired.”

“Okay…let’s get you inside so you can get some rest.” He looked at you with concern, “No matter what, take care of yourself first. Call me for anything, alright?”

You let him worry over you until he and Steve left. You sighed letting it roll out of your nose slowly as you watched your mother talking to Catherine, “This…sucks…”

You let them do their thing and kept to the back of the house in the kitchen. You rubbed your temples slowly in circular motions trying to ease the head ache that was coming on. You opened your eyes when you heard someone walk into the room, “You want some Tylenol?”

You stared at Doris and shook your head, “Can’t take it right now…”

“Oh…” Doris moved over to the stove picking up a kettle, “are you…expecting?”

“What?” You looked at her surprised and shocked.

“Well…I just…”

“No mom, I’m not pregnant…” You stood up to leave.

“So now I’m mom?” You stopped as she started to fill up the kettle.

You clenched your jaw turning to her, “…what do you want from me?”

Doris looked at you, “I thought…well I don’t know what I thought. I never anticipated any of this…but I didn’t expect you to be so…so…”

“Angry…mom, I’m angry. You left us…” She started to defend herself but you stopped her, “I don’t care…I really don’t, but I also don’t need your help. I don’t want it…”

You turned again seeing Catherine in the hall. You started to walk toward her causing her to step in the way. She crossed her arms looking at you with pity, “Y/N…”

“Move Rollins…” You whispered to her.

“Your brother…” She started to speak.

“Doesn’t need to send you to babysit me…just focus on mommy dearest and leave me alone. I’m only here because Steve thinks Wo Fat might come after me too…and I can handle myself…” You brushed past her, “Kamekona is dropping by…when he gets here let me know…he has my meds.”

You walked upstairs to a room laying down on one of the beds. Apparently, everything wiped you out because you only woke up again to guns shots ringing through the house. You dropped to the ground facing the door the bed the only thing between you and everything else. Your heart was beating so quickly it felt like it was trying to jump from your chest.

Finally, you moved running out seeing Catherine sweeping your mother’s room, “Mom?”

“Baby?” You moved into the room as she moved over to you pulling you into a tight embrace as sirens could be heard outside, “I’m okay…”

“Mom! Y/N!” Steve rushed into the room seeing the both of you embracing and didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around the both of you protectively, “Are you alright? Are you both alright?”

“We’re fine…” Doris told him before looking at you, “We’re both okay…”

“Steve…” Danny came into the room locking eyes with you as he spoke, “no sign of Wo Fat…”

You nodded toward him a little seeing relief spread through his face. Steve started to bark some orders as more officers came into the room. This day saw no relief of rushed events and soon you were saying goodbye to your mother.

“Y/N…” Doris took a deep breath looking at you.

“You need to go.” You crossed your arms indicating to her that you were still not okay with everything, “Steve’s right, it’s not safe here for you.”

Doris sighed looking over to your brother and Danny standing at Steve’s truck, “Your brother isn’t always right, you know?”

“No, but I usually am.” She looked at you as you stared at her with a strong expression, “I worked in intelligence too, guess I’m more like you then everyone thought…we both know that Steve is right.”

Doris frowned reaching up pushing some hair out of your face, “But what if I want to stay to take care of you…”

You swallowed looking down, “I don’t-I don’t need…”

“I know how sick you are…I saw the medications…” Doris whispered to you, “Does your brother know?”

You nodded a little, “Yeah…”

“And Danny?” Your eyes met her’s as she smiled at you, “I’m not that old…your brother might not be able to see it, but then again he always did need things spelled out for him.”

“He knows…enough…right now.” You whispered looking toward Danny and Steve, “I know…how it looks…”

“As long as you’re happy and he doesn’t hurt you…” Doris pulled you into a hug rubbing your back as she did, “Then I won’t have to come back and kill him in his sleep.”

You laughed a little hugging her back before pulling away, “Maybe…maybe one day we can figure this out. When everything isn’t so stupid.”

“I love you baby girl. I always have…always.” Doris frowned as she stepped away. Danny smiled saying goodbye as he walked past and Doris very quickly and quietly slipped to him, “Do not hurt her.”

You watched Danny pause on the walkway glancing back your mother before resuming his walk to you a concerned look on his face, “She…”

“Oh yeah, she knows.” You nodded a little watching her and Steve drive away, “I’m not sure if it’s a spy thing or a mom thing…”

He laughed nervously and reached down taking your hand in his. You were finally alone with him and he knew he was finally able to give you the comfort you so desperately had wanted from him all day, “I’m gonna have to figure out how to tell your brother soon.”

“Oh yeah?” You laced your fingers with his, “Why’s that?”

“ ‘cause this feels too right…” He pulled your hand up to his mouth kissing the back of it, “and I want to be able to do it whenever I want.”

[earthghoul-mp4]

Idk what am doing(Also Trigger warning !!Abuse, Self-harm mentions, Drug use and Self starvation!!)

Alright so context: These characters are the Alternate versions of two other characters which is why there reffered to as “Alter Siri, Alter Subaru, Alter Kou, Alter Rina, Alter Melon’ and ‘Alter Akai” Subaru, Kou and Melon are all vampires in theyre universe and all of the (except Alter Siri) are part of the Crimson rose’s mafia (I didnt come up with most of this stuff, This happened a while back when I had discord) Alter M(Melon) has been shown to have a crush on Alter R(Rina), Alter S and K(Subaru and Kou) are dating. No one really knows about Alter Siri. Alter A(Akai), Is a dick-head brother. He and Alter M are twins with her being the younger of the two. Alter A has always been abusive, physically and mentally. So Alter M’s trust issues and low esteem, stem from him. Alter M and Alter S, intentionally chose, not to bite Alter R or Alter K. (Even though both have been very adamant about them doing so-) Alter R is in fact a Demon- (Not really sure what kind though-) UHM- Oh yeah, Alter M and Alter A’s parents were murdered when they were very young and Alter A was thought to be dead as well. (WHICH HE WASNT) Alter R’s mother was killed by Alter R’s hand and Alter R’s sister also died. Alter S and Alter K have been trying to set up Alter M and Alter R because its painfully obvious they like each other. THE MAIN THINGS TO REMEMBER: Alter A is a dick, Alter M is SUPPOSED to feed off Alter R but refuses to do so, Alter S and Alter K are the chaotic duo of the four, and Alter Siri stays out of their bullshit at all costs. Alter M and Alter K both have ADHD

Alter R lay awake on her bed staring up the ceiling. The storm outside was making it pretty hard to sleep, so there wasn’t any point in trying. There was a quiet knock on her door and Alter R looks up to see Alter M  standing half-asleep in the doorway. “Cant sleep either, huh?” Alter M shook her head and walked over to Alter R. “Storms are always so pretty but they make too much noise..” Alter M  whines as she flops onto Alter R’s bed. “Sounds like you-” Alter R realized how that sounded, but apparently Alter M didn’t. “Nuh uh, I dont make nearly as much noise as Kou-chan, and Baru-chan” Alter R laughed a bit “I’ve always found that family dynamic you three have very interesting.” Alter M sits up “Whats that s’posed to mean?” Alter R smiled “It just means that you three never cease to confuse me, Especially you” Alter M folds her arms across her chest “What’s that supposed to mean?!” Alter R sighs “I just mean, Ive never understood you, Or any of you for that matter. I’m not good with people, and probably never will be” The storm outside seeed to die down some to the point where it was just rain and Alter M smiles. “What’s got you all smiley?” Alter M’s hands ball up into fists and shake a little “Hehe! The rain! Do you hear it?” The gentle pitter-patter of the rain on the roof had Alter M’s brain go nuts, and Alter R found it adorable “Yeah, I do. It is a nice sound, huh?” Alter M smiled widely and nodded happily. Alter R laughed “You find the strangest things amazing, Alter M” Alter M drew her face into an angry pout “Nuh-uh I dont.” Alter R looked at her skeptically “How many people do you know can go from crying to almost perfectly fine when given a frog plush?” Alter M didnt respond “Thats not fair! Buttons is the best comfort plushie!” Alter R laughed. Alter flopped backwards onto Alter R bed and turned over to face the wall. “Aw c’mon-” Alter shook her head “Nu!” Alter R took a minute to decide what to do. “Hmm...Hehe...” Alter R decided to pick up Alter M. It wasnt hard with how small Alter M is. “Put me dooown, meanie” Alter R sat Alter M in her lap “Better?” Alter M was not prepared for that “HHHHHH-” Alter R was kinda oblivious to Alter M’s crush on her since she felt like she didnt deserve to be loved so she hid her feelings for Alter M, and hoped they’d just go away. Alter M hid her face in the collar of her sweater “Thats not fair...” Alter R laughed a little “How?” Alter M turned away “Cuz!” “Pfft- “cuz” how?” Alter M flapped her arms quickly “Cuz because!” Alter R realized how tired Alter M looked “Hey...When’s the last time you slept?” Alter M didnt respond “Alter M...” Alter M shrugged “I dunno...two..three days ago?” Alter R sighed “Its not my fault! Trying to sleep is hard” Alter R knew how that was. There were countless nights where she couldn’t sleep at all even if she tried. “When’s the ast time you had any water?” Alter M drew a black once again “Alter M!” Alter  pulled her collar further over her face “I’m sorry!” Alter R sighs “Stay here, alright?” Alter M nodded. Alter R got up and walked down to the kitchen. “I shouldn’t be so hard on her, Its not her fault...But she’ll keep doing if someone doesn’t tell her other wise” Alter R sweared under her breath and folded her arms on the counter “Ri-chan...?” Alter R forgot Subarus and Kou’s room was down the hall from the kitchen “Hey Subaru..” Alter S walked over to her “You okay?” Alter R nodded “Yeah I’m fine, its super early though. You should get back to sleep.” Alter S just looked at her. “Yo hear yourself right? I should sleep? Whens the last time you had a full 8 hours of sleep, huh?” There wasnt an answer “Thats what I thought. Now what been keeping you up at night? Somethings bound to be wrong if you’re the one distraught” Alter R walked over to the fridge to get some waters “No ones distraught, alright?” Alter S knew better than that. “Then why is it that every night this week, without fail, You’ve been up in the middle of the night....For what?” Alter clenched her fist around one of the waters “For the last time...Its nothing!” Alter S let it go this time. “Just take of yourself, alright?” Alter R nodded and headed back upstairs. Alter S sighed and got a cup of ramen “She’s the one who worries me...She stretches herself thin for everyone else and just acts like she’s fine. I just wish she didnt keep everything bottled up. Both of them! Her and Mel-chan” 

Alter M had fallen asleep on the end of Alter R’s bed “I didn’t tell her she had to stay awake..” Alter R picked up her phone to check the time “Damn...Its already three- thirty..” Alter R threw one her extra blankets over Alter M. Alter just curled up underneath of it, “pfft- That’s not how you use a blanket” Alter M picked up her head “Hm...?” Alter M sat up sleepily and looked at her. “Nothing, Nothing. I didnt say anything” Alter M hugged Alter R “Oh- ok...?” Alter R was never really one for physical affection, shes only ever really let Alter M hug her, any physical contact really. “Hey...You can let go now..” Alter M only hugged her tighter and Alter R realized she had fallen asleep. “Ah...Jeez...” Alter R was too tired at this point to care, so  she just laid own with Alter M still hugging her. Around seven or so Kou came around to check on Alter R since she’s usually up by then. “Awww!” Alter R had held onto Alter M the whole night. Its not uncommon for Alter M to e hugging something especially when she’s asleep. Its more uncommon to see Alter R hugging anyone for long periods of time. “I dont think either of them have actually, slept, in a while” Kou walked off leaving Alter R and Alter M to sleep. Kou went to go get Subaru who had ultimately fallen alseep on the couch “Oiiii! Subaru.” Subaru rolled over off the couch “AGH- Shit!” Kou kicked him “SHHH- Ri-chan and Mel-chan are still sleeping” Subaru punched him “B!tch” Kou gasped dramatically “Ooo Ouch what a burn” Subaru just looked at him. Alter R stared down at them from the top of the stairs. They both knew they fucked up, Alter M appeared behind her looking half dead. “Im going back to bed...” Alter M turned on her heel and walked down to her room.  “Wait yall two was in the same room???” Alter R walked down the stairs “Uhm...Yeah?” Alter S nodded “Mhm...” Alter R just gave him a confused look and went to get a coffee “And your still sure you dont have feelings for her?” Not many things can catch Rina off guard...This however, Caught her very off-guard “Yes I’m sure!” Alter S and Alter K gave her a look like “Uh huh” “Yeah well your face just about as red as your eyes” Rina threw a spoon at him “You shut your mouth!” They both started laughing and Rina just sipped her coffee “I’m gonna kill you both in your sleep...” Alter M stomped out of room “If y’all don’t shut the fuck up, I will burn all of your clothes” Everyone just looked at her “Let this be a godammned warning” Rina just kinda looked at her “Uhm- Okay then...” “Kinda saw that oe coming she’s always pissed off about something- Its just easier to piss hernoff if shes tired” Alter M threw her shoe at him “Ya damn right” Rina laughed and so did Kou “Thats not funny that hurt!” Melon went to grab a redbull but Rina stopped her. “Eh?” Rina looked her dead in the eyes and just told her “No” Melon just kinda looked at her “Fine” and went to go sit down. Rina grabbed her wrist “Subaru, Kou...Out. Now” Subaru and Kou knew something was boutta happen but when Rina said something ya best listen. Both of them left the room. “What?” Rina leaned back against the counter “....” Melon was throughly confused “What did I do??” Rina looked up from her mug “Whens the last time you ate anything?” Melon looked away “That requires an answer...” Melon refused to meet Rina’s eyes “Alter M...” Melon simply walked outside and into the woods Rina followed her but from a distance. “Maybe she just need some air...?” Melon sat down in the middle of a clearing and just stayed there

                        (End of part one cuz Im Lazy \(030)/)

What should happen next???

[image-transcribing-bot]

wif the fuck @anuvir *= #afterseptember11 on sep 13, my | dad stopped wearing a turban, cut his hair, & shaved his beard be he was assaulted at work by a white man 9/10/15, 5:53 PM from Los Angeles, CA Bush did 9/11 @halimahello a* Imagine being 9 and wondering why your teacher decided to call on you and ask you why your faith advocates for bombings #afterseptember1 1 9/10/15, 5:15 PM #ArmedNAware @SankofaBrown #afterseptember11 a country founded and maintained by terrorism went on a so-called war against terrorism. Something doesn't add up. 9/11/15, 5:14 AM E @rukhushana *= #afterseptember11 i grew up without a mom because someone with a gun decided that she needed to answer for it with her life 9/10/15, 5:09 PM (4,9 IsaJennie afterseptember11 Muslim actors are typecasted as terrorists. The Rstime I entered on acting studio nce oe rents R Geron a television'show right now ap footer - teach WreJected this idea becouse I didn't woneto couse Iwas told that 1 had to accept my eostitypa support (ods Arthur Chu 0+ @arthur_affect aum The backlash to #afterseptember11 seems to be saying never forget 9/11 but forget everything between 9/11 and now posthaste 9/11/15, 10:36 AM #AylanKurdi y 6 L Balbir Singh Sodhi was murdered 4 days after #September11. 1st victim of a fatal 9/11 Hate Crime. #afterseptember11 1,186; 82; C - 2 PR g yikes! @scottbakula #afterseptember11 non-muslim desi/arabs say to me, "it's funny that I get profiled too since YOUR people did it!" 2015-09-10, 7:28 PM i # y @Nahwalnut *= #afterseptember11 my parents genuinely asked my brother if he wanted to change his name be it's Osama. He was 9 9/10/15, 5:26 PM meriem 0+ @palestyria aie \ " #afterseptember11 billions of Muslims were blamed and harassed for an attack only a few who don't represent our religion committed 9/10/15, 5:27 PM

I am an image transcribing bot which uses Tesseract OCR to translate images to text. I'm far from perfect but I try my best! Future is exactly like a box of chocolates.. And not in a good way. | PayPal | Patreon

#AfterSeptember11 trended on Twitter today. So real. White supremacy manifests in so many sinister ways. These tweets paint a vivid picture.

[ringandtherobe-blog]

Peru: The Long Road to Fulfilling the Calling

Last year I was supposed to go to Peru at the end of October, but due to some serious health issues from a previous mission trip, I wasn’t able to go.  The more time that lapsed the more time I felt discouraged that I would ever be able to go back to Peru....the place that I feel at home the most while away from home.

Like every trip to Peru that I have been on, it didn’t exactly go as planned, BUT at each trial that came my way God provided the solution.  Here is the story of my trip.....enjoy!

October 25th, 2019: Travel Day (11am - 2am)

Like many trips to Peru that I have been on the travel was far from “normal”.  I met some amazing people on my journey and some very sketchy people.  On my trip down I was almost kicked off my initial flight to Atlanta to catch my flight to Peru.  But God makes everything work out and I was able to stay on my flight and make my connection in Atlanta.  

After grabbing some lunch I went to my gate for the long wait, and while I was there I saw a very sketchy person.  I won’t get into all of the details about the encounter but I will say that if it wasn’t for the Lord's protection over me I wouldn’t be here typing this right now.  I will heed this warning that my mom gave me before she left for work and before I went to the airport, “If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right”.  

Now the part I will share of this part of my trip is that if it wasn’t for the Lord's protection and me keeping my wits about me, two “lovely” gentlemen would have swept me up and who knows where I would be right now.  My guess the Sex Trafficking industry.....but let me just say, the Lord will never bring you somewhere and abandon you.  It took me almost 3 years to get back to Peru, where I am called to be and my trip wasn’t going to end by being sidetracked by the Devil’s schemes.  The Devil is real and powerful BUT our Lord is so much more powerful.

After getting out of the airport I was taken to a very beautiful apartment to meet Elizabeth who I worked with the whole week and to of course get a few hours of sleep before starting the mission in full force

October 26th, 2019: Day at Oasis with the Children/Evening Prayer

We had an early wake-up call, but honestly, I didn’t mind.  I woke up and I was so ready to start the day and to start this new journey I was on.  Elizabeth and I got ready and left to go to the beautiful community of Oasis in Villa El Salvador (Lima).  Until this trip I had never taken public transportation in a foreign country, or in America really due to where I live, so on this trip, I was exposed to so many amazing things.  In order to get to Villa El Salvador from the apartment, I took public transportation or Uber each day.  Once we got to Villa El Salvador our journey wasn’t over as we still had about a 10 - 20-minute journey which includes walking and riding in a Moto Taxi (basically a motorcycle and basically super awesome).

Once we finally arrived at Oasis was amazed by the community.  The number of children that had come to learn about Christ, the adults who had also come to learn about Christ, or at the very least see their children learn about Christ.  We played games with the children, they sang songs, they even had skits, and at the end goodie bags filled with food and candy were given to each child who was present........now let me just say that in the nearly 10 years of doing mission work, not much can really shock me into being speechless, but I was speechless.  Not because of the conditions I was seeing and not because of the people I was meeting, but because I had waited, I had prayed, I had cried hours upon hours for this day that sometimes felt like would never happen.  Yeah, I was tired, but I was in Peru.  Yeah, I had no clue what was happening for most of the time I was there, but I was in Peru.  I.  Was. In. Peru. 

That morning was the first time that it had really sunk in that I had...God had made it possible for me to go back to Peru.

Later that night Elizabeth took me to a small gathering where we worshipped.  I will be honest, one of the reasons I love going out of the country.....one of the reasons that I love going to Peru is because I love how passionately the people worship God.  Literally, He is their everything.  They rely on Him completely to provide for them and to see their hearts laid out before the Lord.  That night reminded me of the worship that I love, the worship that is necessary.

October 27th, 2019: Church

The next day we went to church and let me tell you I couldn’t have been more excited to get to church (I mean I’m always excited but even more so this day). In all of my trips to Peru, I was only able to worship once (1) in the country and that was on my very first trip.  It was such an amazing experience I have longed to worship with the Peruvian people again. Pastor Marco wasn’t preaching this day and had a guest Pastor preach. Let me just say, when you are expecting the Lord to show up He does more than you can ever imagine.  If you would like to hear the full sermon let me know and I can send it to you (hopefully).  However!  Specifically, the Lord touched my heart, and even more the misalignment that I have felt since my leg surgery was corrected.  One of my legs has been just ever so slightly longer and I have told people about it and the preacher called it out and through the Lord corrected the issue. 

After the service, we had lunch at the church and then we went back to Elizabeth’s house for a bit.  We then went to a church called Shalom in Villa El Salvador and I had an amazing time. Check out the video here (sorry it wouldn’t let me embed it): 

https://video.fric1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.24130-2/10000000_1458982584255467_5046707043717602989_n.mp4?_nc_cat=110&efg=eyJ2ZW5jb2RlX3RhZyI6Im9lcF9oZCJ9&_nc_eui2=AeGrZFPRM2B3Bmk880cKoBAnstxlC2SF6WwtPtqRantdP5Pr_B1IKLo90O5nM156wdSKO9OISeQQeKfNztCT3yLgzPmV_JP-2rDdfJEG2Net6Q&_nc_ohc=ByxpNpzRHSYAQnSnZc1ttxiVcIeB0JDtJuPqo734aoTBwz4ZPoVKXRrCg&_nc_ht=video.fric1-1.fna&oh=ff290ec3e0a65a08523dcb1a4da63327&oe=5E998A1C

After the service, we went out to eat to celebrate a birthday and it was amazing!  Have I ever told you guys how much I LOVE birthdays!?

October 28th, 2019: Visiting with the Women of Oasis/Evening Prayer

I got back home super late, BUT the next day was something I had been waiting for.....soemthing I wasn’t prepared for.....but had been waiting for for a long time.  I met with a handful of ladies one on one with Elizabeth in their homes.  I was able to pray with them, to share scripture, to share the burden that they lived with. 

I listened to each of their life stories, their struggles, their desires, their pain, and their needs. Elizabeth and I spoke words of Life from scripture to each lady and discerned what our Lord wanted them to know.  At each house...the Lord moved.  At each house...my heart was wrecked more and more.  At each house...I saw the pain of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.  At each house, I was able to share hope, peace, love, and strength.  At each house, I was able to share in the pain that they are experiencing, the fear that they lived in.  You were a part of making all of that possible because you supported my trip. Some of the families have both parents in the house, but most of the families only have a mother.  This is because their husbands have either:

1) Left them to be with another woman

2) Been arrested and put in prison

3) Died due to various circumstances, however, most of the husbands have not died

I will forever be changed by these ladies and families.

October 29th, 2019: Ica Bound and learning about my Ministry Partners

Part of any trip is learning about the culture in which you are in. Learning about what the “locals” love and what makes the place you are in special.  Elizabeth chose to show me the beautiful Oasis called Ica.  

Ica is about 5 hours south of Lima by public transportation.  Any words that I have to describe it doesn’t do justice, BUT I never imagined sledding down huge hills of sand and riding in a dune buggy, but I did it.  Not only did I do it, but I saw one of the most beautiful sunsets I think I have ever seen.

However, this was the day that I started to get sick with a 103-degree fever.  By the time we got back to Lima around midnight, I was completely exhausted and completely sick.  I didn’t really acknowledge it until the next morning, but I wasn’t in the greatest of shape physically.  

October 30th, 2019: Visiting with the Women of Oasis and shopping

I woke up on the 30th extremely sick, with a 103-degree fever and feeling like someone had run me over with an 18 wheeler. My first thought and prayer was God give me the strength to continue the work you sent me here to do.  I need you to give me the strength to get through today. 

This morning we went back to Oasis and met with the remaining women.  We also spent the morning going from Pharmacy to pharmacy trying to purchase medicine for an expectant mother and for a very sick child. I enjoyed every moment being able to pray for healing and restoration as well as being able to be the hands and feet of Christ.

After we met with everyone Elizabeth and I went to the market to purchase necessary supplies for each of the lady’s crafts that would be on Thursday.  We grabbed lunch and off to shopping we went.  We purchased yards and yards of fabric, sewing supplies, scissors, and so many other things.  One thing you should know about me is that I love the markets in Peru.  Just a great experience.

By the end of the day, my fever kept coming back so I took lots of medicine throughout the day.  I was in charge of teaching a craft on Thursday so I stayed up and learned the craft and then went to bed “early” to hopefully sleep off whatever it was that I had.

October 31st, 2019: Craft Day

I woke up and still had a fever BUT I was determined that God’s work in me wasn’t finished and would not be hindered by the sickness I had.  Elizabeth and I went back to the market to pick up some things and then we met Adrianna and Minerva for lunch. 

After lunch, we went to Oasis and I was able to teach the women how to make headbands to sell and make money for their families.  This was such an amazing day filled with God’s love, mercy, and passion.  The ladies were awesome to work with and I couldn’t have imagined being anywhere else.

After we taught the women crafts we went back to Pastor Marco's church to prepare for an activity with the children. Because I was sick me and Pastor Marco left to go to the doctor.  The conversations I had with him were amazing and completely restored my heart.  When you meet or talk with Pastor Marco you can truly feel God’s presence.  We talked about everything and It felt like I hadn’t been gone as long as I had.  After the doctor, Marco took me to the airport which for me was so bittersweet.  

I think about Pastor Marco and his family often and I know that God is using them to further His kingdom.  Pastor Marco spoke words into my life about my calling and my heart could not be any more at peace to be where I am at right now and to be starting the new path God has set before me. 

November 1st: Travel Day

Once on my flight, I sat next to a guy close in my age that was a Mormon.  He had been serving in Peru but due to some unforeseen things were heading back to the USA.  We had many hours and hours of conversation about God until eventually, I fell asleep because my fever was coming back.  Once we landed back in Atlanta we said our goodbyes.

I grabbed some lunch and went and waited for my flight where I met some amazing people.  I met a pastor of a church in West Virginia, a couple traveling for vacation, and random people just traveling.  We talked about God right there in the middle of the Airport at the gate.  It was beautiful and very much God lead.  

Once I boarded and Landed I met a guy on my plane who was heading back home to Lynchburg.  He asked if I was a missionary and I said I was and we talked while we waited for my bags.  To this day I’m not sure how he knew I was a missionary but he came from a family of missionaries and we shared stories, the airport is always slow for baggage claim, but God will always use those moments we allow Him to move in for His glory.  

Now What?

I had this amazing experience what does this mean moving forward?  This means we are going for it!  My ultimate dream is to do mission work in Peru full-time and I know that right now I’m not able to do that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t start heading towards that goal. 

Right now I am looking for opportunities (anywhere) to talk about my mission work and to try and gain support for future trips. Support not only financially but in people going on trips, prayer, and helping to connect the dots that I may be missing.  If you feel like you or a group of people you work with would be interested in learning more about my work please let me know! I am willing to travel far and near to talk about what God is doing in Peru and my heart and mission for what He is doing there!

[hard-satin]

Lunar Ellipse (3.12)

Masterlist

Sixteen hours passed. Sixteen hours and I was sure my best friends were dead when suddenly they all shot out of the water. I ran to Stiles hugging him around the middle and pulling him out of the water.

“I saw it.” Scott told us.

“Yeah, me to the night we were looking for the body. It was a big tree, well it’s not big anymore. It was cut down but still big.” Stiles said.

“I was there too. With my mom. She almost hit somebody.” Allison told them.

“It was me. You almost hit me.” Scott told her. I was ignoring all of this sobbing tears of relief into Stiles chest.

“What’s wrong?” Stiles asked me. I couldn’t form words.

“What happened?” Scott asked noticing everyone else.

“You guys were under for a long time.” Isaac to them.

“How long is a long time?” Stiles asked him impatiently holding me to him, trying to comfort me.

“Sixteen hours.” Deaton told them.

“Sixteen hours?” Scott asked in disbelief.

“And the full moon rises in less than four.” Deaton told him.

“I have to go back.” Scott told us as I pried myself away from Stiles and got him a towel.

“No dude you are not going back to them.” Stiles told him.

“I made a deal with them.” Scott told him.

“Does anyone else think that sound a lot like a deal with the devil?” Stiles asked looking around the room.

“Why does it matter anyway?” Isaac asked.

“Because, I still don’t think that we can beat Jennifer without their help.” Scott told him.

“He trusts you more than anyone. Tell him he’s wrong.” Allison pleaded with Deaton.

“I’m not so sure he is. Circumstances like this sometimes require that you align yourself with people you’d normally consider enemies.” Deaton explained.

“So we’re going to trust him? The guy who calls himself death, destroyer of worlds. We’re going to trust that guy?” Isaac asked.

“I wouldn’t trust him no, but you could use him to your advantage. He could be the bait.” Deaton pointed out.

“I’m coming with you.” I told Scott, he opened his mouth to argue.

“Save it. I’m coming. You were just dead, or dead adjacent for sixteen hours. I’m not letting you go anywhere without me right now. Least of all to meet up with the alphas.” I told him leaving no room for argument. We all turned when we heard the front door open.

It was Ethan. I was surprised to see him. Especially because he was alone.

“I need Lydia’s help.” He told us.

“With what?” She asked him.

“Stopping my brother and Kali.” Ethan told her.

“From doing what?” Stiles asked him.

“Killing Derek.” Ethan told us.

Lydia left with Ethan, much to Stiles and Allison's protest, but she had decided for herself.

-

Isaac, Scott and I went with Allison to her apartment. When we walked into Chris’s office Agent McCall was already sitting inside.

“This is quite an arsenal you’ve got here young lady.” He told her as I appeared in the doorway. He got up when Scott appeared behind me.

“Scott.” He greeted. My hand found Scott’s as I tried to keep him clam.

“What are you doing here?” Scott asked him.

“Following one of the only leads I have.” McCall answered. I could tell how uncomfortable he was.

“Now since I don’t know where you’ve been how about you have a seat and we can talk. You too Isaac!” McCall called out to Isaac who was keeping out of sight.

“How do you know my name?” Isaac asked him appearing with the rest of us in the doorway.

“Your name’s one of the only things I know. To be honest the rest of what’s going on here has us stumbling in the dark, even over the smallest clue.” He admitted to us.

“If you’re trying to tell me you don’t have a clue, I learned that a long time ago.” Scott told him.

“I’m really hoping to avoid the embarrassment of dragging my own son into an interrogation room.” He told us. We all took a seat. Allison and Scott in actual chairs. Isaac on a stool and me on the armrest of Scott's seat.

“I’m not going to lie I’m more than a little disturbed about the missing parents especially since it’s Stiles father, your father, and your mother.” McCall told us as we sat trying to figure out what to do.

“Mine are both dead.” Isaac told him.

“Mine too.” I added.

“Save the cliched teenage apathy for your high school teachers. The four of you know more than you’re saying and I’m fully willing to keep you here all night if I have to.” He threatened.

“You won’t keep us here.” I told him.

“You can’t keep us here.” Scott added.

“Not without some kind of warrant.” Allison told him.

“I’ve got a desk full of probable cause.” He told us. I smiled, he had just set Allison up to destroy him.

“My father is a highly respected private security consultant and federally licensed firearms dealer. That means he has to own a few weapons. Like this 175 pound tactical crossbow, or this carbon steel marine combat knife. 58 E desert eagle. Smoke grenade with pulverized igniter.” She told him picking up the grenade then pulling the pin and throwing it at the officers in the room. SHe ran out and we were close behind her.

-

We went to the preserve to meet up with Deucalion. I tried not to worry to much about why Stiles wasn’t answering his phone.

“Cutting it a little close aren’t we Scott?” Deucalion asked emerging from the woods.

“We got a little caught up.” Scott told him.

“Where are the others?” Scott asked him.

“Occupying themselves with other pursuits.” Deucalion told us.

“So it’s just the three of us against her?” Scott asked.

“There?” Deucalion asked.

“I’m coming too. Nothing’s going to stop me so don’t even try.” I growled at him. He just nodded at me. I figured as much, you are on the edge of transformation as well he told me. I didn’t ask what he meant. I didn’t think I wanted to know.

“You guys get Stiles and then get to the root cellar. We’ll keep Jennifer away long enough for you to get them out of there.” Scott told Isaac and Allison.

“How are you gonna do that?” Isaac asked.

“I have a plan.” Scott assured him.

-

The three of us left the others, walking through the woods until we reached the abandoned distillery from Peter’s story.

“You said you had a plan.” Deucalion reminded him.

“On the first day of class Jennifer texted all of us. I’ve got a message of my own to send her.” Scott told him.

We waited in the distillery as Jennifer appeared from the fog. But she wasn’t alone.

“What are you doing?” Scott asked Derek.

“This might be hard to believe but I’m actually trying to help you.” He told Scott.

“Oh, like brother against brother. How very American this is.” Deucalion commented.

“Are you ready Jennifer? Did you gather your herbs? Pray to your ancient gods and your oak trees? Slit a baby’s throat perhaps? Should we show them why you needed to sacrifice nine innocent people just to face me?” Deucalion asked putting away his cane and transforming into a monster. I only now understood why he was called the demon wolf.

Scott and I watched as Derek charged Deucalion. He was no match especially now that his eyes were blue instead of red. I didn’t have time to wonder how that happened. When Jennifer went to use her magic on Deucalion it had no effect. Deucalion tossed Derek to the side and dragged Jennifer over to Scott and I. He was only looking at Scott.

“Kill her. Do it” He commanded. When Scott didn’t comply he roared. Even I a true omega not bound to the sway of an alpha felt the power in his roar, it sent me to my knees. Scott dropped with me fully transformed.

“Now kill her. Your parents are dying. That storm you here are burying them alive. It’s her connection to the telluric currents. Kill her and it ends.” Deucalion told Scott. I was still on the ground. No one seemed to care about me right now, besides I could feel something inside me stirring.

“It won’t end. Not with me. He’ll have you kill everyone you love. It’s what he does.” Jennifer told Scott.

“They’re dying Scott. Your mother and the parents of your best friends. Kill her now and it’s over. Become the alpha you’re meant to be. Become a killer.” Deucalion taunted him. I could feel the wolf inside me again, somehow I knew that Scott was going to do the right thing.

“They’re not dead yet.” Scott argued.

“Who's going to save them? Your friends?” Deucalion asked. Scott stood up. I felt the changing inside me grow stronger. My eyes flashed as I started to lose control of my abilities.

“My pack.” Scott told him. Deucalion charged to Scott’s side grabbing oe of his clawed hands and walking him to Jennifer.

“Maybe you just need a little guidance.” Deucalion told him.

“I forgot to tell you something. Something that Gerard told me. Deucalion isn’t always blind.” Scott told him. My eyes were already shut when Scott set off the flash arrowheads, but I was still left useless on the ground my powers going crazy. Then all of a sudden it stopped. I jumped to my feet. The eclipse had arrived.

“The eclipse. It’s started.” Deucalion realised now that everyone was back to looking like people and he was once again blind. I raced to Scott’s side.

“Scott something’s going on with me. I don’t think you can count on me when the moon comes back.” I told him sadly.

“It’s okay. Stay somewhere safe.” He told me. We looked around and Jennifer was nowhere in sight.

“Oh no.” Scott groaned.

Once again she appeared from the darkness in a dramatic fashion. SHe launched Scott and I back against the wall. Then she grabbed Deucalion. She slammed his head over and over into the concrete.

“Jennifer! He doesn’t know.” Derek told her getting up.

“Know what?” She asked in a growl.

“What you really look like. He knows the cost of bringing Kali into his pack, but he’s never seen the price you paid.” Derek told her.

“No, no he hasn’t.” She agreed, bending down and placing her hand over his eyes. I heard him scream in pain.

“Turn to me!” She commanded. When she went to strike him she nearly collapsed. Derek raced across the room to catch her before she fell.

“What is this?” She asked.

“Healing him made you weak. Just like healing Cora did to me. You won’t have your strength for at least a few minutes.” Derek told her.

“Then you do it.” SHe told him.

“No.” Derek told her.

“What?” She asked shocked.

“Like my mother used to say, I’m a predator but I don’t have to be a killer.” Derek told him.

Jennifer must had regained her strength because she was on him instantly. Hoisting him up and beating him against the walls. Just long enough for the eclipse to pass. As soon as it did I was overcome with the raging wolf inside me howling to break free as my powers went haywire.

“Like i told you Derek. Either you or the parents. I guess I’ll just have to take them now. In a few minutes they’ll be dead and I won’t need a lunar eclipse even to kill a demon wolf.” Jennifer told him standing in her protective circle of mountain ash. I watched Scott charge to the edge of the circle.I watched helpless from where I was thrashing on the ground. I watched as Scott put his hands up to press against the invisible barrier.

“You’ve tried this before Scott. I don’t remember you having much success.” Jennifer taunted him. He started to fight. As he did my body was overcome with pain. Like the wolf inside me was clawing it’s way out. As he broke through the barrier, and explosion ripped through the building. Another one rippled through me. Then everything was still. I watched crouched on the ground as Scott stood over her.

“How did you do that?” Jennifer asked him backing away in fear.

“I’m an alpha now. Whatever you’re doing to cause the storm make it stop, or i’ll kill you myself. I don’t care what it does to the color of my eyes.” Scott told her.

“It won’t change the color of mine. So allow me.” Deucalion said charging her and slashing her throat.

I tried to stand and realized when I did I was shorter then I used to be. I tried to call out to Scott but all that came out was a bark. It was enough to get his attention. Derek and Scott looked to me.

“Jamie?” Scott asked in confusion. I braked again and wagged my tail. I started panicking when I realised I had a tail to wag.

“Whoa, Jamie! Calm down.” Scott told me coming to my side. He scratched behind my ears. As much as I didn’t want to like it, I did.

“Scott call to her, with her full name.” Derek told Scott coming to his side. Scott looked to him in confusion, as I whinned.

“Jamie Alexandra Stevenson.” Scott told me. I felt a pull inside me but nothing changed.

“Say it like an alpha.” Derek told him. I tilted my head at them.

“Jamie Alexandra Stevenson!” Scott roared. I howled as the pulling inside me snapped. Suddenly I was standing up a human again, and very much naked. My clothes were shredded on the ground. I panted, flicking my claws in and out just to make sure they worked. I was still me, but so much more. Scott went to call Stiles and Derek took off his shirt and gave it to me. I wore it like a dress. I sat stunned as Derek and Scott let Deucalion go before we headed out to get Stiles and everyone else.

-

I stood by the Jeep as Scott and Derek got them out one by one. First Melissa, then Allison, Stiles was third and as soon as he saw me he raced over. He picked me up in his arms and swung me around. When he set me back down he noticed what I was wearing.

“Whoa, what’s up with this? What happened?” Stiles asked.

“Short version. Scott became and alpha, Jennifer died, I turned into a wolf, we let Deucalion go and now we’re here.” I told him.

“You turned into a what?” Stiles asked me.

“Remember the power Talia Hale had. Peter told us about it. Well when Scott became an alpha he unlocked the same power inside me. I can turn into a full on wolf.” I told him.

“Okay. That’s… wow. My dad knows about the supernatural now but I think we should wait to tell him about this.” Stiles told me looking over to where his dad was getting helped out of the pit. He jogged over to us and pulled us both into his arms.

[lisacongo2-blog]

Special Sauce: Osayi Endolyn on Nigerian Food, Writing, and Identity

[Photograph: Andrew Thomas Lee. Egusi photograph: Shutterstock]

On this week's episode of Special Sauce, Ed speaks to Osayi Endolyn, a Florida-based food writer whose work regularly appears in major food publications across the country, and whose column in Gravy, the journal published by the Southern Foodways Alliance, earned a James Beard Award in 2018.

Ed and Endolyn's conversation starts off exactly where most Special Sauce conversations start off, namely with Endolyn talking about her family and the food they used to eat when she was growing up. But Ed wasn't prepared for just how fascinating Endolyn's family history is. For example, her grandmother, Ruth Harris Rushen, was something of a trailblazer, as she was the first woman and first African-American to sit on California's parole board.

Endolyn's family table had a mix of what she calls "California working mom cuisine"—tofu and noodles, roasted chicken and vegetables—and Nigerian dishes prepared by her father, who immigrated to the United States in his early 20s. Endolyn describes her father as somewhat mercurial, but a talented cook. "The food was glorious," she says. "Dinner was sometimes fraught and tense, but the food was really good." The quality of the food was somewhat surprising, particularly since her father, like many immigrants, had to figure out by himself how to prepare the familiar foods from home. And, of course, her father's cooking left its mark on her. "So," Endolyn says, "I think a lot about migration now and what people bring with them and what they leave behind."

Endolyn's current focus on the intersection of food and identity is something of a happy accident. She was living in Atlanta and looking into the roots of Southern cuisine, and saw parallels between food in the South and the food her father would make at home. The realization seemed to expose how writing about food could be about so much more than writing about what's on a plate. "Food can actually be this lens from which we can explore so many different things," Endolyn says. "Why certainly it can be something that I can use to talk about my experiences as a child of an immigrant, or as the descendant of someone who was in the Great Migration, or as a descendant of enslaved people or all of these other historic and personal experiences."

To hear more from Endolyn, tune into this both this week's and next week's episode. We guarantee it'll be well worth your time.

Special Sauce is available on iTunes, Google Play Music, Soundcloud, Player FM, and Stitcher. You can also find the archive of all our episodes here on Serious Eats and on this RSS feed.

Want to chat with me and our unbelievably talented recipe developers? We're accepting questions for Special Sauce call-in episodes now. Do you have a recurring argument with your spouse over the best way to maintain a cast iron skillet? Have you been working on your mac and cheese recipe for the past five years, but can't quite get it right? Does your brother-in-law make the worst lasagna, and you want to figure out how to give him tips? We want to get to know you and solve all your food-related problems. Send us the whole story at [email protected].

Ed Levine: Welcome to Special Sauce, Serious Eats' podcast about food and life. Every week on Special Sauce, we talk to some of the leading lights of American culture, food folks and nonfood folks alike.

Osayi Endolyn: You know, I was living in Atlanta. I was thinking a lot about the roots of southern cuisine in ways that had never been talked about in my family. And I was like, well geez, like this seems like a lot of the same ingredients or cooking practices that I saw my dad do, or that I remember some of these flavors. And so in an effort to do that, I was thinking about West African chefs, and could I find Nigerian food in Atlanta? And so that essay kind of explored that.

EL: This week, sitting across the table from me in CDM studios is none other than the brilliant young writer, Osayi Endolyn. Her writing about food and identity in Southern Foodways Quarterly "Gravy" has earned her the James Beard Journalism Award. You'll find her work north and south from the Wall Street Journal to the Washington Post and the Atlanta Magazine. And most important to my heart, is her contribution to an anthology entitled You and I Eat The Same, on the countless ways food and cooking connect us to one another. That's where she wrote an important, evocative, and should I say fattening piece on fried chicken? Welcome, Osayi to Special Sauce. We feel privileged to have gotten you here on one of your infrequent trips to the Big Apple.

OE: Oh, I am so happy to be here.

EL: It was such a pleasure to read everything I could before seeing you, 'cause .. wow man, you just keep going to write your ass off. So good. So good for you to be here.

OE: Well, I'm going to download this when it airs and like just keep that on a loop somewhere when I'm feeling all the pangs of a first draft. Thank you so much.

EL: Sure. So since you write so frequently about food and identity, our usual first riff on Special Sauce is particularly pertinent. And that riff is, "Tell us about life at the Endolyn family table."

OE: Well, gosh, growing up ... so I was born and raised in California. And I spent some time in the Bay and then appeared in the Central Valley, and then the rest of my childhood was in the Inland Empire. And I went to college in Los Angeles.

EL: I love the Inland Empire. I noticed that, like what area is the Inland Empire? Is that like Sacramento ...?

OE: I don't know Sacramento that well as an adult. I would say maybe ... you're going to have all of your various ethnic groups without all the like glitz and shine of Los Angeles, to a certain degree. So that's where you've got like, Riverside, Moreno Valley.

EL: Got it.

OE: I went to high school, San Bernardino. I don't know if Pomona quite counts, but going out toward like Claremont.

EL: Yeah, yeah. Pomona counts. Like San Gabriel Valley? Like the other side of the mountains?

OE: That's on the other side.

EL: Got It.

OE: So we're going a little further east and it's an area where I think a lot of people don't realize California has places like that.

EL: Yeah, for sure because everyone goes to Los Angeles and San Francisco, maybe Santa Barbara or Santa Cruz.

OE: And then when they go to those places, they go to the ones that become those destination spots on all the movies and shows and things like that. So for the early part of my childhood, I would say what I remember most is, my mom's cooking was, I would call it like maybe California working mom cuisine. Where you know, you've got- sometimes you had like noodles and tofu, sometimes you had roast chicken and roasted vegetables. Sometimes it was just, one pot spaghetti with the sauce from the jar, a lot of frozen veggies with the medley. I always remembered like the lima beans—

EL: The medley. I just love the medley. The idea of the vegetable medley is something we don't talk enough about on Special Sauce.

OE: Yeah. I mean, I don't miss it. We had really balanced meals. There wasn't—I totally appreciate that picky eaters is a thing and that it's hard for a lot of parents, but in my household that just wasn't—It just never came up. It wasn't an option.

EL: Got it.

OE: So we just ate everything. My father cooked sometimes and when he cooked, he made Nigerian dishes. He was from Benin city. And so there were a lot of dishes that I don't really have names for now, but they were essentially stews or depending on your household, you might call them curries. Right? But you had your base, you had a meat, it sat for a while and he would serve it with eba, steamed yams that have been kind of been pounded. So kind of like pounded yam, but it's a little darker variety. Rice a lot. Sometimes we had boiled plantain. I preferred the sweet plantain fried rather than like the less ripe of plantain that was kind of more like almost—and sometimes he would roast it. And then I remember a lot of social events that were hosted by either my father or people that he knew in kind of a very close knit Nigerian community, both in the Bay Area and in Clovis where we were living, which is next to Fresno.

OE: So if you're familiar with Cal State Fresno. And so, those events would have dishes that he never made, that had a lot of preparation to them, like moin moin. Which is, like black eyed peas grinded down and kind of mashed in with peppers and onions. They are steamed sometimes in foil or banana leaves. When you take it out, it kind of looks like a little mold. So I kind of call it like a Nigerian Tamale. Sometimes you have like hard boiled egg pieces in there, meat chunks in there. I remember egusi soup, which is a favorite of mine and you'll see that on a lot of menus of African restaurants that might be labeled as such. And that's a stew that I think you'd find in other cultures along the same regional area as well, but it's bitter melon seed and you've got like crayfish in the base and usually had like stewed chicken or goat in there too. We'd have akara, which is also made out of shelled black eyed peas, seasoned with maybe some onion, salt, and pepper and fried. So it essentially, it looks like a, like a hush puppy or a fritter. And so I really loved all that food. And when my parents divorced, when I was a teenager, we moved further south to Moreno Valley, so from Clovis to Moreno Valley. My grandmother was across the street. That was delightful, because for so much of my childhood she was always like returning home or we were always like leaving her and all of a sudden now she was like right there. So we would have a lot of Sunday dinners at her place and, she'd bake your typical baked fish and, sometimes she'd make, maybe like a roast and some kind of cornbread dressing.

EL: And this was your mother's mother?

OE: My mother's mother. Yeah. Yeah.

EL: And she was from the south?

OE: Yeah. So her name was Ruth Rushen and—Ruth Harris Rushen. And she was born and raised in Laurel, Mississippi. Her father was a Methodist preacher and her mother basically took care of—I Think there were five of them. They had a small farm and some animals. And she went onto college, Clark College at the time in Atlanta. And then worked for a little while in DC. And she was at the Labor Department kind of right after the war, and learned on her first day... She was sitting next to a young white woman and she was so excited. This is the first day on the job and she's asks what job the woman has and whatever the woman tells her. My grandmother realizes in that moment that when they came to her school to give like the aptitude test and the interviews, the job this woman had wasn't even something she had to, eligible to apply for. And so that kind of begins to like set her in the sense of like being in a small town in Laurel kind of insulated. She didn't really have a lot of day to day experiences with Jim Crow and racism. Of course, looking at from a more-

EL: Ten thousand feet.

OE: Yeah. From like the forest view, you could see the divisions, but in her life experience as a child, she didn't necessarily have that othering feeling. And that became very present for her in DC. Shopping for hats and people wouldn't wait on her and things like that. So she's been only a couple of years in DC before she decided to move to Los Angeles. I think she already had a cousin that was out there and that's how it went. You know, right? You heard somebody else had kind of made their way. So you went. And she worked in the Methodist Church as a receptionist for a little while. She had a brief period cleaning homes. She had this great anecdote of being asked to look at the- Please address the dust pearls underneath the bed. And she was like, "I don't know- you're gonna have to tell me what do you mean by that?" Cause she had never heard that phrasing before. It wasn't long before she got a referral to a job in social work. And it was from there that she really kind of found her vibe. And she went from social work to a probation. She was appointed first woman, I think and definitely first African American to sit on California's parole board. And then she went on to serve as the Director of Corrections under Jerry Brown's first turnout.

EL: You really got to write a book about that.

OE: Yeah.

EL: Can we just stop the whole thing? And we're just gonna spend the rest of the time talking about your grandmother.

OE: Well, so she didn't cook a lot for my mom and my aunt 'cause she was up and down from LA, where my aunt and mother were born to Sacramento and all that. They had an extended family ... they had a relative who came up with, they call her Amy. And that's spelled actually Auntie, but they pronounce it Amy. And I think she was, I always get this wrong, she was on my maternal grandfather's side. So she did a lot of the house kind of care for them. But so when I was a teenager living across the street from her, that kind of like day to day cooking, dining opportunities, we could go over and hang out with her.

EL: You come from a remarkable family of women-

OE: I do.

EL: Between your mom and your grandmother ... I can't imagine all the things ... like when she got that job for the government that there were too many other African American women that had similar positions.

OE: No. And she was, I think, very early on got a reputation for being really fair, but being really straightforward. Later in her career, she was getting a lot of awards and I was younger, and I just remember people always kind of saying, "Oh, you know, that Rushen. She's-" We'd always has some like kind of shaking their head. Like, "She checked me that one time, but it was important that she did that."

EL: She was a bad ass before women were called bad ass.

OE: Yeah. I actually found, on Google Books- and gosh, I hope maybe one day I can get like a digitized version. But Ebony had done a profile of her. Ebony Magazine.

EL: Wow.

OE: Maybe this was like 1980 or '81, something like that. And it was this full spread, and they had photographs of her. I think there were a couple of her walking the yard, maybe it like one of the state prisons- it might've been San Quentin. Those guys had a lot of respect for her because she listened. And she was interested in corrections, not necessarily as a place solely to punish, but as a place to really give people resources because they're going to reenter the vast majority of people. It's an idea we still haven't quite caught onto yet.

EL: Yeah.

OE: But, I remember this quote that I'm going to have to paraphrase, but you know, she was basically like, "You know, if you're lookin' for the pushers, that's fine. But if you want to stop, you know, drugs being sold, you really have to go to Beverly Hills where the people are buying most of the things that are being-" So, I thought that was really ... I mean it doesn't sound revolutionary, but to kind of call that out-

EL: Yeah, back then.

OE: To say that back then-

EL: Yeah, that's amazing.

OE: ... speaks volumes.

EL: You mentioned your dad did a bunch of the cooking before your folks divorced. And you wrote this extraordinarily powerful and honest piece about your dad and going to his funeral in Nigeria. Tell us about his relationship to cooking and how it affected you. And I was just so struck by when you said he didn't want anyone in the kitchen ... and was obviously afraid of relationships.

OE: Yeah. I mean, my dad had- so his name was Lucky Ehigiator. And people are always like, "No, what was his real name?" I was like, no, his first name was Lucky. And, he had this really like, magnanimous personality. I mean, he was just, big smile, like very handsome. He walked in the room, you would know he was there. Just amazing laugh. But he had this really awful temper, and I don't know where that all came from. I know that growing up his grandfather was very hard on him. He, like a lot of kids do in his home country, he went off to boarding school very early. He was a youngster during the civil war, the Biafran war in Nigeria. And that wasn't stuff that he talked about very much, but there was always this underlying tension, you know? But the food was great. The food was, was glorious. Dinner was sometimes fraught and tense, but the food was really good. And when he cooked ... I mean I don't remember him ever cooking what we might consider your typical kind of west coast, California fare. So like stuff that you would find like Marie Calendars or the Sizzler or things like that. That wasn't stuff that he was turning out.

EL: Right. Yeah he was cooking Nigerian food like you described.

OE: Yeah, right. I hear from some folks that he immigrated to San Diego, barely out of his teens. He attended UC San Diego. That's where my parents met. And I hear that a lot of those guys have to kind of figure out how to cook when they come because it's not necessarily something they were tasked with doing always. And so that's kind of like grappling the recipe. So, I think a lot about migration now and what people bring with them and what they leave behind. And how tough it must be to try to recreate something that, felt maybe so inherent to your day to day, and now you're just barely able to source the ingredients. And maybe you don't even know what they're called in this other language. I mean English is a native language for many people in Nigeria, including my father. But it's still, I think, challenging. So, I didn't get to like really observe him cook or sort of sit off to the side and chat with him. We were always kind of- and this might have to do with just being a kid and anytime you're around it's like, "Get out of the way. Your underfoot." But I enjoyed the food, the flavors. I wasn't always interested in some of the ... I guess what you'd say is that sometimes I think my dad really did not understand how it was he would happen to be raising American kids. Right?

EL: Right.

OE: Like, just the things that would come out of our mouths. It would just- he would sometimes find them so disrespectful, maybe unknowingly. Or even just customs that he was used to, like not eating food with your left hands. That is- you know, your left hand isn't not considered- And this is true in a lot of African countries, a lot of the Middle East too. You eat with your right hand.

EL: Wow, I didn't know that.

OE: Yeah. The left hand is kind of perceived culturally that that's where you do business. It's not what you bring to the table. Especially in- we think about a lot of communal dining, these customs are important. And stuff like that, he would get really turned around by. That just didn't make sense to me.

EL: Sure.

OE: And then- he was my only brother at the time, we have a younger brother. But it was hard to balance and kind of work out as a kid.

EL: It sounds like also he didn't equate food to love. I once had the late, great Nora Ephron on our radio show and I asked her what food meant to her and she laughed and she said, "You mean besides love and family?" But it sounds like for your dad it was ... it might have been some of that, but it must have been other things too.

OE: You know, when I would sometimes express to him that I felt like- I was an affectionate kid and my mom was very affectionate with us. She told us she loved us, and there was always this sense of we knew where we stood. With my father being such a unpredictable figure ... he'd lash out and next thing you know, you'd be getting whipped about something that you didn't even know what you did wrong. It was hard to not always have the other side of it from him. And so, he felt like, "Hey, you have a bed to sleep in. You have this nice house at the end of a cul-de-sac. You go to a good school, and you've got clothes that fit. What's your problem?"

EL: Wow.

OE: Right? You know?

EL: Sure.

OE: I mean that is where I think- I mean a lot of people were kind of raised that way. I think he was certainly raised that way.

EL: Yeah.

OE: But sometimes I think he would vacillate because he can be very tender but ... I don't know if sometimes he felt like that was allowing too much leniency-

EL: Yeah. Somehow he was-

OE: Spare the Rod-

EL: Yeah.

OE: Sort of thing.

EL: That's weird. You also wrote a beautiful piece about your mom in the Washington Post. Which actually I want to show my wife because you talk about, that you have to sort of reluctantly conclude that you're like her, and that she's like you and that she gets you. You know? And that you did it with using food as the metaphor was really beautiful.

OE: Thank you so much.

EL: Connecting food to love and family ... you do it in a way that reflects the complexities contained in the relationships between food and love and family. So talk a little bit about that relationship because it's- I think it's closely tied to a lot of your writing, which is about food and identity. But you know, you got to throw love and culture in there too.

OE: Yeah. That piece was a little hard for me to get started, but once I did, it kind of came like A to Z pretty quickly. And it was really nice working with Joe Yonan, the editor of the food section with the Washington Post's cause-

EL: I know Joe. He's a good man.

OE: He is a good man. And I turned it in and he was like, "Okay. Well that's a wrap." I was like, "Wait, you don't have like ... comments? You don't want to revise something?" And so I haven't actually read it again cause I'm afraid I'm going to find something that I wish I had changed. Sometimes, and I think a lot of kids who emerged from households that experience divorce in some way, sometimes the parent who's always there sometimes gets a bad rap because they have to withstand all of it. And there's not really the same tag team.

EL: They have a hard time reconciling the good cop, bad cop thing.

OE: Yeah. Yeah. And so, my mom had a lot of help with my mom's side of the family, but for sure coming into my teens, it's just a difficult time, right? I'm trying to figure out who I am and she's trying to figure out, "Who the hell is that?" And through my college years, I actually- I went to high school in Moreno Valley. I went to college at UCLA. Now it's probably about an hour and a half, but at the time you could get door to door, at least the way I drove, 60 minutes.

EL: Right.

OE: But I didn't visit home that often.

EL: 'Cause you wanted to separate.

OE: Yeah. I had always been- I was one of these teenagers that had always been complimented for being mature.

EL: Right.

OE: Which is kind of a dangerous thing, because when you do act age appropriately, people think you're regressing. Which is kind of really hard.

EL: Right. Right. Right. And also the mature thing implies respectful and you don't want as a teenager to be identified as someone too respectful.

OE: Yeah. And being mature in the sense of like being polite isn't necessarily the same as like having financial maturity or an emotional maturity in some areas. So, there was just, I think a lot of ... there was friction. I think that a lot of it was normal, but it made our differences stand out to me.

EL: Yeah.

OE: If you hear my mom speak, you can tell I'm my mother's child. From nine years old, if I answered the phone, back when everyone had landlines. If I said, "Hello." People would start talking to me like I was Angela. And so, I'd have to say- because I have the same diction as her-

EL: My wife has that with her late mother, too.

OE: Yeah.

EL: She had it. It was like, they both had these two octave, "Hello's." And they were indistinguishable. Hello.

OE: And the more that I ... sort of charted off this ... kind of adult life or myself, the more I realized I was doing things that reminded me of my mom. From the way I organize paperwork, how I handled like household chores, the way I conducted myself sometimes professionally, even like the way I would get if I was upset in some situations. Where my mom can get like- she gets upset, she can get very quiet and very pronounced in her words are very annunciated. I tend to do that. So it's kind of weird to kind of see this coming back around. And I looked in the mirror one day and I was like, "Wow." I have this prominent forehead and this facial structure and my face has changed- Like the shape of my face had kind of changed a lot as I've aged. And I look more like my mom now and then maybe I did ten, fifteen years ago.

OE: That's a bell ringer, because I think it starts to, like you said, signify other areas in our lives where we overlap. And I've always been proud of my mother. I've always loved her fiercely, but I've always- I've also sometimes felt like, "We're very different." But sort of accepting that similarity, was kind of cool. I think it was refreshing for her, too.

EL: Yeah.

OE: She was like, "Well, finally. It only took 30 some odd years." Yeah.

EL: And was she a good cook or just a productive cook?

OE: She was a good cook. I always remember enjoying her food, but I just remember ... time was a challenge. My mom always worked. She was a journalist in the early part of her career. She actually was pregnant with my brother when she was at Stanford getting her master's in journalism. She was a reporter. And then she-

EL: It's too bad you come from such a lively family here. I mean, what's goin' on here, man? Oh yeah, and my brother became president. You know? It's like, "What's up with this?"

OE: You never know.

OE: Yeah. So she moved into like media affairs, public affairs and things like that. But, that work schedule, that intensity of- So she leaned on me a lot when I was a little older. Which at times was challenging for me. But-

EL: To get food on the table?

OE: To help out.

EL: Yeah.

OE: It wasn't anything crazy that she was asking like, "Hey, start the oven at this temperature and do these three things and I'll be home."

EL: Right, it wasn't reduce the sauce by-

OE: So I remember sometimes wanting to do two things on the weekends, like make cakes and things like that. And those were always like the one box. You know, add an egg, add a little oil kind of things. Sometimes pancakes on the weekends, that kind of thing. I think as her schedule started to open up as we became a little bit more self sufficient ... there were three of us, she could start to be kind of more exploratory and reflective in her cooking and not so what's like, "Okay, I got to get these three food groups on the table."

EL: Yeah. Yeah. You are often, as I've said, describe to someone who writes about food and an identity. How did you come to that topic? How did you arrive at like, "Wow, that's the area of the food culture that I want to explore." Was it by accident? Were you inspired by something you read of someone else's?

OE: Some that first started when one of my good friends, Evan Ma was editing Atlanta Magazine. We were both mentees of Bill Addison, who had left that position to go onto Eater.

EL: That's right. And now is onto the LA Times. I Love Bill Addison.

OE: I do too.

EL: He and I have talked for hours about Aretha Franklin besides.

OE: Oh my gosh. I'm sure that was delightful conversation, and I hope he busted out into song from time to time. But, I had pitched him like three or four story ideas, and Evan came back and said, "Want you to do this one." And one of those pieces was kind of exploring Nigerian food in the Atlanta area. Which by that time, I had started- When my parents divorced, there wasn't a continuation, the Nigerian cooking in my house. I think mostly just out of a lack of skill.

EL: Right.

OE: And then, in the IE, the Inland Empire, there wasn't places that I knew about, at least, that we're cooking-

EL: Nigerian food.

OE: Or even though what you might consider just West African dishes for a long time. And that's changed a lot now. I think that that's on the forefront of the next American cuisine.

EL: Yeah.

OE: But at the time, those were very home based experiences.

EL: Yeah.

OE: And so I was living in Atlanta, and I was thinking a lot about the roots of southern cuisine in ways that had never been talked about or really referenced in my family. And I was like, "Well, geez, this seems like a lot of the same ingredients or cooking practices that I saw my dad do, or that I remember, some of these flavors." And so in an effort to do that, I was thinking about West Africans, chefs. And could I find Nigerian food in Atlanta? And so that essay kind of explored that. And I was surprised that Evan had gone for it because I remember suggesting things that were a little bit more on trend and kind of like, "Eh, this little personal story over here."

EL: Right.

OE: "You don't want that." And that ended up being something that caught the attention of the Southern Foodways Alliance. And then from there, I wrote for them, and then I came on as an editor and started writing a column for Gravy.

EL: We should say it's Southern Foodways Alliance Quarterly.

OE: Right.

EL: And that's where I presume you got to know my friend John T. Edge.

OE: You know, we met in Atlanta around 2014, 2013 I think. But yeah, working on- So just to clarify it is Gravy. That's the name of the publication, but sometimes they have to say Gravy, print versus Gravy, podcast.

EL: Got it. Yeah. Right.

OE: Between that essay for Atlanta Magazine, and started the work I was doing at Gravy. I realized like, "Okay, I'm not a restaurant critic. I'm not someone who's necessarily going to be traveling around like collecting top 10 lists and things like that." These were things that I was thinking about more and more. And I think also on the media side, there's- the last ten, fifteen years, it's been a huge growth of personal essays and interest in those narratives. So I think it was a lot of things converging. But for me, in terms of the food component, I felt like if food can actually be this lens from which we can explore so many different things. Why certainly it can be something that I can use to talk about my experiences as a child of an immigrant, or as the descendant of someone who was in the great migration, or as a descendant of enslaved people or all of these other- these historic and personal experiences.

EL: That's the great thing about food and why I have stayed writing and producing stuff in the food culture, because the food culture enables you to touch every other discipline in every other aspect of life.

OE: And I didn't really know that coming into it. I mean, I started really like my first professional clip I think in food was another clip for Atlanta Magazine. I was an intern in graduate school at Atlanta Mag and I had heard this oral history that they wanted to do on brewing company, Sweetwater. They didn't have someone to do it. The person who they thought it was going to be able to do it wasn't available. And I heard this in an editorial meeting and-

EL: And you raised your hand.

OE: I did not raise my hand, but I cornered the editor, Steve Fantasy at the time, after the meeting and then told him, "Hey, I've been following craft beer culture. I've had a few clips in a smaller run monthly." And he said, "Well, let me see your clips and we can talk about it." And he assigned it to me, and he paid me. And supposedly I'm the only intern to ever earn a feature assignment at Atlanta Mag.

EL: And then you became a food writer.

OE: And then I became a food writer. But that was like, "Okay, this is an area-" I mean, I'd been writing profiles, and I'd been doing a lot of essays and some art coverage and things like that.

EL: Wow. So you're kind of the accidental food writer, but I now after having read so many pieces of yours, it is like you're one of those voices that from the first sentence like, "Oh, that's an Osayi piece." And that's the best thing you could say as a writer. You know, I started as a music writer and I had all these music critic idols and I could write exactly like Robert Christgau or any of these seminal rock critics, but they didn't sound like me. And then when I started writing about food, everyone said, "Oh, it's kind of like listening to you talk." You sort of found a back roads way to that.

OE: Somehow. I mean- Thank you so much. My Mom taught me the practice of reading out loud. What you write. I stuttered actually for a while as a kid, and between kind of practicing reading out loud to- She would help me do that to sort of hear how fast I was. It was because I was reading quickly that I would try to stumble over these words super fast and she'd say, "You have to slow down. You have to say slower than you hear it or see it in your mind." Between that and I think just the act of revising ... if I get stuck or if I'm trying to figure out where I need to go, the best way for me to get there is to read it out loud. Even if I'm just sort of murmuring the words.

EL: I do the same thing.

OE: Yeah.

EL: So I'm afraid we have to leave it here for this episode of Special Sauce, but we will continue this conversation for the next episode because we haven't talked about fried chicken and what you wrote about it in You and I Eat the Same and the book you're working on. And oh yeah, what you're going to write for us at Serious Eats. So thank you, Osayi Endolyn for this episode.

OE: Thank you.

EL: And thank you for agreeing to stick around and we'll see you next time, Serious Eaters.

This post may contain links to Amazon or other partners; your purchases via these links can benefit Serious Eats. Read more about our affiliate linking policy.

Source: https://www.seriouseats.com/2019/03/special-sauce-osayi-endolyn-1-1.html

[azurekingfisher]

Could we know some more about you and your past?

Okay first thing’s first;

*retrieves picture from wall and doodles on it for a bit*

Alright. This is a good enough diagram. You wanna know more about me? Here’s the start:

My name was Sage Tachibana Junior. That was before my parents divorced and split. My older brother is is that idiot to the left of me. Yep, you guessed it. Oe.

Now, when this picture was taken I was about three and a half. My birthday was a week after this was shot. I was a bright and happy kid. Like, really bright and happy. Always thought positive about life and everything around me. There was never a time I was negative.

Alright. Now listen here. Literally, on my birthday, my parents had a falling out. Don’t remember exactly what it was about, but I guess it was along the lines of my father wanting to take me someplace for my birthday, but mom wouldn’t have it since we were downright poor. Yep. Poor. And whatever money dad was planning on using was likely something mom was saving up for to help move us out of the shitty one bedroom apartment.

I was just four. Sitting down at the table with my birthday cap on as I sat there and watched my parents go at it with a saddened smile on my face. Oe sat next to me and rested his hand on my shoulder and reassured me everything would be alright. I thought it would have as well. Hell, every time they fought, they made up eventually.

nah.

Two days later, I guess mom filed a divorce. But she had to have him sign the papers for approval? Dad wasn’t happy, but after yet another fight, he gladly signed the paper.

Boohoo-hoo, cry cry cry, yadda yadda yadda, divorce. Whoop. Everything was split between them. And when I mean everything, I mean literally everything.

My brother went to my father and i stayed with my mom. (Funny right.)

Now, growing up, I think I was twelve when my mom told me that my father was an abusive piece of shit in their marriage. Verbally and physically. So she was fed up with it all and wanted to depart from him. I fully understood, but I was still trying to understand why she couldn’t take my brother along with us. I never bothered to ask. Never wanted to upset her.

But the thought of him being abusive piked my interest.

Was Oe okay living with him?

hoho. Now get this. 

I may have the story wrong, but in context, it’s still practically correct? 

When my brother was seven, dad put him to work as if he were some slave. Upon Oe’s work - this here is how the story gets confusing - it’s either dad pushed him down a flight of stairs or Oe slipped on a puddle and fell. 

Mom told me that Oe had amnesia. So the idiot probably doesn’t remember anyone or anything. He just knows his name and birthdate because of what was said on his wristband.

Hey guys. Remember this post?

Hopefully, now you get a gist of who I meant when I said that.

Oe was the main reason as to why I started sirening. I work under the same company as him just to get close, but when I got close to him and confronted him- he didn’t remember me at all. And it’s been twelve years.

He shows no signs of regaining his memories, which hurts a lot being his younger brother.

But I’ll get over it.

But! I currently live with my mother in a nice apartment in which I helped her pay for ever since I got a job last summer.

that’s enough to know about me and my past i guess.

[moodyinapinkbow]

Recap: A Series of Unfortunate Events — Season One, Episode One.

You guys, I finally did it, I watched episode one of the Netflix Original A Series of Unfortunate Events. Which means that I can finally bewail ‘What TOOK me so long?’ because this show is the stuff of five gold stars. 

Full recap under the cut for those who have seen episode one (or maybe just want to follow along without the commitment of sitting through fifty-odd minutes of television).

WARNING: A METRIC TON OF SPOILERS. Also a bunch of really bad and frustratingly GRAINY screenshots (to paraphrase that smarmy squire from the old Stronghold PC games, the GRA(i)NARY IS TOTALLY ON FIRE, MY LIEGES).  

The series opens with some very retro and crime drama-ey credits, which immediately strike me as being slightly better suited to, say, a BBC special on the twisted life of this week’s ‘supposed’ Jack The Ripper. But that’s OK—they please me. Why? Even though Count Olaf’s character is still synonymous with ‘terrible acting’, Neil Patrick Harris really can sing. Additionally, while I DO NOT enjoy being told what to do (I will NOT look away, Neil) my emotions ARE easily incited by visuals. I MAY or MAY NOT have just spotted A SNAKE FROM THE REPTILE ROOM so I’m SOLD. 

You know what else sets my emotions ablaze? BOOK FAITHFULNESS, which is clearly being managed much better here than it was in that movie version with Jim Carrey.   

As the story begins, we find our orphans all alone on a rickety trolley heading to the seashore. They do, in fact, have pleasant facial features. Klaus appears slightly older than he is painted in the books; Violet has the kind of enviable bangs that once convinced me to get a haircut that made me look like a little Dutch boy; and Sunny (through a series of cleverly edited shots) appears oddly sentient for a baby—a trait that readers of this series already embrace as fact. 

For those members of the viewing audience who have not read the books, Lemony Snicket (portrayed with mournful, dead-pan devotion by Patrick Warburton) is here and prepared to narrate. His onscreen figure is decidedly less shrouded in mystery than his book alter-ego (and I secretly wish the props department had supplied him with one of Don Draper’s hats) but otherwise he is velvety-voiced perfection—a man who would not startle even if he was on FIRE.    

Hey, check out the cute, cherry-red foreshadowing. COULD SOMETHING BE ON FIRE?

Yes, something is, indeed, on FIRE: it’s the Baudelaire siblings’—now orphans’—hopes for a functional adolescence. 

Bummer, dude. 

So, after a suitably depressing tour of their decimated home, the Baudelaire ORPHANS trundle off to spend the night at Mr Poe’s House of Tuberculosis. Roll the windows down, children, that cough CONCERNS me. 

At this point, the orphans quickly discover that Mr. Poe’s house is a Roald Dahl inspired hellscape. Here, his two sons (appropriately named Edgar and Allen Poe) campaign for the right to be illiterate; his wife who can’t spell reveals that she works for the Daily Punctilio (is this canon? I can’t seem to remember); and all three Gloomy Gusses Baudelaire children are forced to share an old army cot that Charlie Bucket probably used to sleep on before he shipped out to the Chocolate Factory. 

Side note: Edgar and Allen Poe? Super murdery. 

The next morning, the Baudelaires are introduced to their new guardian: it’s Murderous Debbie from The Addams Family Values masquerading in a wig. 

Just kidding. BUT YOU GUYS, can you imagine THAT plot twist??  

Anyway, Justice Strauss is lovely and conveniently plagued by a series of problems that are perfectly suited to each of the Baudelaires’ skill sets. ONLY, wait a second, this isn’t right EITHER...

THIS is where Count Olaf lives, and it looks just as quarrelsome and ridiculous as he does. 

As evidenced HERE. On a slightly off topic note, my brother and I have a running joke about OE characters (those of an Obviously Evil nature; I.E. anyone who is be-cloaked, be-wigged, standing in a belfry and or petting a cat in a sinister fashion at the time of their introduction) and this is quite literally one of the best examples I have seen in a long time.    

In addition to being totally OE, Count Olaf is KIND OF a hoarder.

And also a total fascist; before showing the orphans to their room he assigns them a long list of chores.

One bed, yet again. Seriously, was the director shooting for some kind of symbolism here: A Series of Uncomfortable Events? 

In which the Baudelaires clean up Count Olaf’s Dickensian Shithole and prepare a roast beef (or something) while Count Olaf himself cracks dubious ‘Going to the Ball’ jokes on a television show aimed at children. (True Story: I was VERY relieved by the punchline).  

Oh, look, Debbie brought the kids...a shank of roast lamb? I mean, that’s DECADENT...and definitely an odd choice for three adolescent children. I feel like some member of the cookie family might have been less likely to go remiss, but to each their own. 

Aw, man. Bummer, dude.

Snack or no snack, it’s almost time for dinner, so the Baudelaire Orphans enlist the help of Justice Strauss to collect ingredients for pasta puttanesca—which Klaus rather hilariously wishes to know the meaning of in Italian. (Fun Fact: It’s "spaghetti in the style of a prostitute", Klaus).     

Upon returning to the house, the orphans are startled by a very unnecessary song and dance number contrived to put Neil Patrick Harris’s voice to good use (it succeeds). More importantly, we finally get to meet Count Olaf’s Theatrical Troupe of villainous fiends AND we discover that his favorite type of wine is BOXED MERLOT.   

That was pretty much my reaction, too, Baudelaires. 

Undeterred, the orphans get to work. BURN IT DOWN, kiddos, BURN IT ALL DOWN. 

Meanwhile, properly sauced on a cardboard keg, Count Olaf is getting awfully antsy in the dining room. 

Thankfully, these parent-less children have been proudly serving Slut Spaghetti since exactly right now. 

But wait, HOLD UP, due to A Series of Unreasonable Expectations, Count Olaf is having none of this foreign crock. HE wants ROAST BEEF.  

And, as is often the case when boxed wine is involved, DOMESTIC ABUSE ensues. 

Captain Obvious Klaus decides that the best retribution for negligent baby-planking is a gentle sass-mouth. 

I think you can all guess where that hand is going to end up. 

OK, but seriously, do you guys SEE that ratchet-ass box of wine from the 7-11 back there? I mean, he’s got that shit PROUDLY displayed on the side board—this is VILLAINY: Level PIMP. 

Klaus is not amused.

Nor, I suspect, is the king of side-eye shade: Lemony Snicket.

But that book on Secret Societies is still hanging half-off the shelf over at Debbie’s house, so maybe the next episode will shed some light on the deceased Baudelaire parents’ double life? 

UNLESS they’re fucking ALIVE that is. PSYCHE. 

[topicprinter]

Hey - Pat from StarterStory.com here with another interview.Today's interview is with Justin Pflanz of TAB Performance, a brand that makes motorcycle exhausts and accessories.Some stats:Product: motorcycle exhausts and accessories.Revenue/mo: $400,000Started: January 2004Location: Lincoln, NEFounders: 2Employees: 7Hello! Who are you and what business did you start?Hello, my name is Justin Pflanz and my brother Casey and I own and operate TAB Performance. TAB Performance is a manufacturer and retailer of high performance motorcycle exhaust and accessories. Our passion is helping our customers customize their bikes to fit their own personal styles, and truly enjoy the freedom of the ride.The product that we’re probably best known for is our Zombie baffles, which is actually an internal component we offer for many of our exhaust systems. The Zombie baffle concept came about in early 2017, after Harley-Davidson(R) came out with a new engine and exhaust system on their Touring models. Our original muffler designs, were more traditional, but we kept hearing the same thing from our customers, “Do you have anything louder?” So, we listened to our customers and that’s what we went to work designing, and that when we came up with the Zombie baffle design.Since the introduction of the Zombie baffle, we’ve been roughly doubling our annual sales, year over year.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ayj8cEGRJEUWhat's your backstory and how did you come up with the idea?My Brother and I grew up in a very entrepreneurial family. Our parents had started, grown and sold several companies growing up and it’s something we both had a passion for.We’ve also always felt that our personalities and experiences complimented each other well. Generally speaking, I tend to be more detail oriented and risk averse whereas my brother is better at looking at the big picture and is more comfortable taking risks. I went to college and got a degree in Mechanical Engineering with a minor in business and he got his degrees in both Business Administration and Marketing.imageAfter college we both worked in the motorcycle industry for a few years, before I left to work overseas for an oil field services company. After three years of working overseas, I decided I was ready to come home. My brother and I had always talked about starting a company and it seemed like the perfect time. We looked around at current businesses for sale, met with business broker and discussed possible startups, for several months before finally landing on TAB Performance.We both had experience in manufacturing and the motorcycle industry and decided it would be the perfect fit.Take us through the process of designing, prototyping, and manufacturing your first product.In the early days, and even largely today when we’re designing a new product one of the first challenges is to get our hands on the Original Equipment (OE) part that we’d like to replace.This allows us to take key measurements that we need to ensure that our parts will fit properly. It also gives us a chance to see the things we like and dislike about the OE part. From there we go to work making styling and functional changes we think our customers will like best. After making some rough prototypes we have to find a bike to test the product on.Although it would be great to just go out and buy a bike every time we were developing a new product, unfortunately that’s not very practical so often times we work with the local dealerships and riding community to try to find someone who has the type of bike we’re looking for and will allow us to use their bike for testing.Now that we’ve grown, and people are more familiar with us it’s a lot easier, but in the early days when even people in the local community didn’t know who we were, it could be a real challenge. After we’ve finished testing the prototype, we make any last minute changes, and then get to work making all jigs, fixtures, and tooling required for production.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7P1MuYICnykAfter the part is in production, our work isn’t done. The next and most important step, in our opinion, is listening to our customers and then making running changes based on their feedback. We are always looking to improve upon our products and we rely heavily on our amazing customers to help point us in the right direction.imageDescribe the process of launching the business.We were very fortunate, in that we had a lot of knowledge and support to draw on from our parents. However, probably one of the most important and helpful things I found was going through the process of filling out a business plan.Going through and filling out each and every aspect of a good business plan template really helped us organize and prioritize the things we needed to do to get started. The SBA has a lot of great resources to help with business plans and much more.Funding was of course one of the biggest hurdles to overcome. For us it was important to maintain complete control and ownership of our business which meant taking out bank loans, which is not an easy task when not everything you’re looking to borrow money for is a tangible asset. This again was where a good, well researched and put together a business plan really came in handy, and ultimately helped us secure the funding needed.Since launch, what has worked to attract and retain customers?We’ve tried a LOT of different marketing channels since we’ve launched. The big things we’ve learned boil down to the following points.Try to really know and understand everything you can about your customer. The more you know about your customer, the easier it will be to effectively market towards them.Find what marketing channel works best for you and your product. What works best for one product may not be good for another. For example we’ve found our best marketing channel to be YouTube videos because our customers want to be able to both hear and see the exhaust before purchasing.It’s great to experiment and try different things, as that’s how you learn what works best, but you’re probably working with a limited budget so focus on what is giving you the best ROI, rather than worrying about trying to market everywhere.Make sure you have a way of tracking, or assigning some sort of metrics to your marketing efforts. It tends to be easier to do this with digital marketing, but there are ways to accomplish the same thing with more traditional marketing methods such as print. Google Analytics, and similar systems are very powerful tools and can really help you out with this regardless of your type of business.Digital marketing platforms can be extremely powerful, if you understand how to use them. Learn everything you can about the marketing platforms you plan to use, so that you make sure you’re taking full advantage of all their features.Digital marketing may not be right for your business or product, but in our experience it’s pretty hard to beat. Especially with marketing platforms like Google and Facebook, where you can target geo specific locations, demographics and interests. The goal of marketing is to get your product in front of people that potentially want to buy your product. So for example, we may want to target our marketing efforts towards people who own motorcycles, which is very easy to do with today’s digital marketing platforms.Many of the marketing points I mentioned above apply to sales channels as well.For example we currently sell through the following channels:Directly through our websiteDirectly over the phoneDirectly at Motorcycle Shows and RallieseBayAmazonIndirectly through our dealer and distributor networkimageimageThese are the ones that we’ve found work best for our business and products, but there are many, many more out there. Even within the sales channels we use, not all of our products are listed on every channel.For example, we’ve found Amazon to be a poor channel for a lot of our products. We found that some of Amazon’s rigid restrictions and rules meant to keep things consistent for their customers was actually confusing many of ours and was leading to poor customer satisfaction compared to the rest of our sales channels so we pulled a lot of our products.However, we have other products that Amazon works great for, so you really want to make sure you’re looking at things on a case-by-case basis.How are you doing today and what does the future look like?As I mentioned earlier we’ve been doubling our sales every year for the past few years and we’re on target to do it again this year. That being said we’ve been very fortunate to see this kind of growth when our market as a whole has been on a decline the last few years.As a company we firmly believe that if we’re not constantly evolving, and improving, it won’t be long before we cease to exist. Despite our current incredible growth, there are no shortage of potential threats to our business. The growing popularity of electric motorcycles may one day eliminate the need for exhaust, regulatory bodies could implement restrictions on using aftermarket mufflers, or any number of other scenarios. However, we know that if we continue to evolve and diversify, while maintaining our core competencies we’ll continue to be a successful company.A prime example of this, is in our early days 98% of our business came from products related to one Harley-Davidson(R) model, the V-ROD(R). We understood that, if we were going to be successful we would need to improve the sales of products for other models, rather than focus just on the model we were having a lot of success in. We set aggressive goals, and within a few years, by growing our other product lines we were able to get our percent of sales related to the V-ROD(R), down below 50%. Just in time it turned out as Harley shortly thereafter announced that they were going to quit making the V-ROD. If we had stayed in our comfort zone making products for the model we were having the most success with, we as a company probably wouldn’t be here today.Through starting the business, have you learned anything particularly helpful or advantageous?Everyone makes mistakes. If you’re not making mistakes, you're probably not trying. The key is to learn from those mistakes, and not let them bring you or your business down.Get to know your customer, and your market. What needs does your customer have that the current market isn’t fulfilling. A small niche that bigger companies may not be interested in, could be a great and profitable place for a small business to start.Never stop learning. Find other business owners to connect, consume any information that might help you or your business be successful.Make sure you’re prioritizing the things that are most important. It can be easy to focus on low hanging fruit, and tasks easily accomplished but you can’t lose sight of the big picture long term tasks either.Surround yourself with people that compliment you, not people exactly like you.Constantly be working towards evolving and improving your business and it’s products.Make a point to review the services your business uses on a regular basis and get competitive quotes. For example, maybe there are better interest rates available and it might make sense to refinance a loan or move money to a different type of account. Maybe changes in your business have affected insurance rates or left you underinsured.You can’t be an expert in everything, so find experts that you trust, and learn enough to be able to ask the right questions and carry on an intelligent conversation with them. Whether it’s an accountant, lawyer, IT consultant or another expert, it great to have someone you trust that you can bring questions to, or bounce ideas off of.What platform/tools do you use for your business?e-Commerce Website: VolusionDo you research. There are a lot of e-commerce platforms out there, and you want to make sure you choose one that will work for you long term.Credit Card Processing: Authorize.netAs you grow the credit card processing fees can really add up so make sure the rates you’re getting are competitive.Email Marketing: MailchimpMailchimp has worked really great for us and they are free to use until you get over their threshold, which is great for small businesses starting out.CRM/Shipping/Order Management : ShipStationThis is one of my favorite and most important tools we use.Accounting & Inventory Management: Quickbooks - Desktop PremierQuickbooks is widely used and fairly intuitive as far as accounting systems go. They also have an on-line version which is the direction they seem to be moving. However as we grow we are looking into other, more ERP based systems.Middleware between ShipStation & Quickbooks: ConnexWe use Connex to automatically take orders from ShipStation and enter them in QuickBooks for us. This has been a huge time saver, and well worth it now that we’re doing to volume of order we’re doing.Communication and Organization: Office365 and TrelloOffice365 has a lot of really cool and powerful tools. However if you’re more of a Google fan you can look into GSuite which pretty much has all the same tools.We use Trello to organize and prioritize tasks and projects. It has a free version, and it works really well for what we use it for.Hiring: IndeedWe’ve tried a number of different hiring sites and Indeed, has worked best for us so far.What have been the most influential books, podcasts, or other resources?I can’t say there is any one particular book, podcast, or the like that really stands out to me. I’ve read, listened to, and watched a lot of material about business over the years and I think I’ve taken pieces that made sense and worked for me from a lot of different resources. My advice would be two parts. First, find material (whatever the source) that engages and speaks to you. With possibly a few exceptions, if the material isn’t interesting and engaging then it’s probably not worth your time. Secondly, it’s great to learn from others, but don’t get so caught up in what other people have done that you forget to do what you need to do to be successful. Just because something worked for someone else, doesn’t mean it’s right for you, or your business.Are you looking to hire for certain positions right now?We don’t have anything specifically at the time of writing this article, but we’re always looking for hard working talented people, so if you’re interested, feel free to contact us through our website: www.tabperformance.comWhere can we go to learn more?Website: www.tabperformance.comFacebook: TABPerformanceTwitter: TABPerformanceInstagram: tabperformanceYouTube ChannelEmail: info@tabperformance.comIf you have any questions or comments, drop a comment below!Liked this text interview? Check out the full interview with photos, tools, books, and other data.For more interviews, check out r/starter_story - I post new stories there daily.Interested in sharing your own story? Send me a PM

[thewebofslime]

A former Roman Catholic priest who was defrocked and convicted of molesting two boys in New Jersey has found a new vocation in a new location — teaching children English at a private school in this resort town. The former priest, Hadmels DeFrias, 47, told the NBC News reporter who tracked him down that he is no longer a threat to minors and also claimed to be a bishop in the "progressive Celtic church." "I don't see the children with those eyes anymore," DeFrias said in an extensive interview outside the Colegio del Caribe school in Punta Cana, where he watched over dozens of young boys and girls while shielding himself from the sun with an umbrella. “For me they are children and they need to be treated like children because that is what they are,” he said. “I don’t feel the attraction. I am not telling you that maybe someday it won’t be there, because I can’t predict the future.” As a priest, DeFrias, who is originally from the Dominican Republic, was assigned to the St. Mary of the Assumption Church in Elizabeth, New Jersey, when he was accused of fondling two brothers, both under 14, in 2001 and 2002 while the brothers were working in the church rectory, according to court records and published reports. Charged with criminal sexual contact, DeFrias pleaded guilty in August 2004 and was sentenced to three years of probation, court records show. As part of his sentencing agreement, he was barred indefinitely from any future contact with children under 18 in the state of New Jersey. After being contacted by NBC News, the Union County Prosecutor’s Office in New Jersey issued a statement disapproving of DeFrias' position working with children. “It is deeply concerning to hear that a defendant prosecuted, convicted and sentenced here for criminal sexual contact with children has resurfaced overseas, apparently with supervisory capacity over children,” the office said. “We would urge anyone in any jurisdiction to be vigilant and immediately report allegations of such conduct to local authorities.” NBC News has reached out to both the Dominican Republic educational officials and the school where DeFrias is employed to find out if they were aware of his criminal past. So far, neither has responded. In the interview, DeFrias expressed regret for assaulting the brothers but insisted that his urges are under control and that he has been in therapy for a decade. He said he told school officials about his criminal past before they hired him, even though he claims he didn’t need to “inform them.” The Colegio del Caribe private school where Hadmels DeFrias teaches English to children in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.Evelyn Gruber / NBC News “What they have to know is if I committed a crime in the country, which I haven’t,” DeFrias said, referring to the Dominican Republic. “So when I presented my criminal background here, it’s clean. So they don’t even have to be aware of what happened in the States.” The ex-priest said that he has a teaching assistant in the classroom with him so he’s never alone with his young charges, and that the classroom has no doors. Asked if he regrets what he did, DeFrias said, “I never meant for it to happen.” “It is something that is always present and will always be present in my life,” he said. “If I let it go then it’s like forgetting the Holocaust. Then we are letting ourselves open for the possibility that it may happen again.” Should parents be concerned that he is teaching their kids? “Perhaps they might be,” DeFrias said. “That is normal behavior.” DeFrias’ name resurfaced last month when Cardinal Joseph Tobin, the archbishop of Newark, New Jersey, released a list of more than 60 priests dating to 1940 who had been “credibly accused of sexual abuse of minors.” DeFrias was one of just a handful of Roman Catholic priests who had been criminally prosecuted for sexually abusing children. “That is definitely the same person,” said John Esmerado, an assistant prosecutor in the Union County Prosecutor’s Office, who led the case against DeFrias in 2003. Esmerado was shown a photo of DeFrias dressed in a habit that appears on the website of his new church, the Iglesia Anglicana de Rito Celta Dominicana del Caribe. “The same eyes, the same face,” Esmerado said. “It’s him, 16 years later.” Maria Margiotta, spokeswoman for the Archdiocese of Newark, said the diocese lost track of DeFrias years ago. “Fr. Hadmels DeFrias was permanently removed from ministry and all ties with the Archdiocese of Newark were permanently severed when he was laicized by the Vatican at our request,” Margiotta said in an email. “We’ve had no contact or involvement with any of his actions after he was laicized.” And by laicized, Margiotta means DeFrias “is barred from all priestly ministry.” DeFrias told NBC News he was not aware that the archdiocese had posted his name. “I think it’s a good thing because the church needs to be honest,” he said. “We cannot pretend it never happened. It happened. “ DeFrias said he has been diagnosed with ephebophilia, which according to a 2004 report commissioned by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and known as the John Jay Report, means a sexual attraction to adolescents. DeFrias said he succumbed to temptation due to a “combination of depression and not having proper sexual education.” “Because that’s not what happens in the church,” he said. “I mean, you are put in a role that you are in charge of so many things and you have to abstain from sexual stuff, but they don’t teach you how to manage it. Now they are beginning to work with it.” DeFrias was born in the Dominican Republic. He received a bachelor’s degree in religious studies from Seton Hall University in 1995, according to Laurie Pine, spokeswoman for the school in South Orange, New Jersey. Four years later, in 1999, DeFrias was ordained a Roman Catholic priest, according to church officials. After his ouster from the priesthood, DeFrias was the owner of B&D Autobody, in West New York, New Jersey, for seven years, according to his LinkedIn page. Then from March 2011 to March 2012, DeFrias worked as a telemarketer — something he also told an NBC News reporter. But DeFrias apparently never left the religion business. In an online profile on the business-networking site Zintro that went up in February 2013, DeFrias referred to himself as a “Reverend” as well as a “Wedding Officiant, Management, Spiritual Counseling, Customer Service.” “An ordained minister holding theological degrees from Seton Hall University that includes Scripture and Pastoral Counseling,” the profile says. “Have work (sic) in mental health and as online marketing executive. Now I am affiliated with a non-denominational church in a wedding ministry.” A Zintro spokesman said that DeFrias has not visited the page since it went up and would be removed due to his criminal history. From June 2012 to March 2013, DeFrias lived in Largo, Florida, according to available records. On his LinkedIn page, DeFrias described himself as a minister with “American Marrige (sic) Ministries” beginning in January 2013. “Service the community by performing marriages, funerals and other religious services. All inclusive ministering to all including the LGBT community,” it reads. Sometime after that, DeFrias was back home in the Dominican Republic. And in 2017, he started a local chapter of an interfaith group called The Order of Eremitic Servants, according to Archabbot Bjorn, who manages the OES chapter in Idaho. The OES, according to its website, is “an interfaith monastic community of men and women whose primary purpose is to alleviate the suffering caused by religious intolerance and to promote peace and understanding in the local and global community through interfaith dialogue and charitable acts.” It has chapters in North Carolina and Canada as well. On the group's Facebook page, DeFrias goes by Father Rafael and is listed as the "Prior for the Dominican Republic." Bjorn, who goes by Father Archabbot, was surprised to hear of DeFrias' past. “I was not aware he was a convicted child molester,” he said, when informed of DeFrias’ past by NBC News. Asked whether this could affect DeFrias’ standing in the order, Bjorn declined to comment. Starting in February 2018, according to his LinkedIn page, DeFrias began teaching English in Punta Cana, a sun-splashed tourist mecca of about 50,000 that is famous for its beaches. DeFrias also described himself as “a priest with the Progressive Celtic Church, an independent catholic jurisdiction within the Anglican tradition of churches.” “I am currently working on setting up a Celtic Mission in the Dominican Republic. As Celtics we view things from a different perspective than mainline churches,” he wrote on his LinkedIn page. “We follow Pelagian and not Augustinian thought where there is not original sin, but original blessing. God wants all to be saved, thus every religion can lead to salvation.“ DeFrias, in his interview with NBC News, said his new church is an offshoot of the Anglican Church. The Anglicans disagree. “They are not part of the Anglican Church in North America, nor are they affiliated with the Global Anglican Future Conference,” said the Rev. Canon Andrew Gross, a spokesman for the Anglican Church in North America. On its website, DeFrias’ church says it is associated with another Celtic Anglican church in Syracuse, New York. But NBC News could not locate any such church in Syracuse. "I've never heard of the Celtic Anglican church," said Meredith Kadet Sanderson, a spokeswoman for the Episcopal Diocese of Central New York. NBC News also reached out by email to the Progressive Celtic Church website, which lists a Most Reverend Metropolitan Archbishop Alban Mason Kirk as its Syracuse representative. There was no response. Using the address on DeFrias’ church website, an NBC News reporter also tried and failed to locate a Sunday service in the Dominican Republic. A local guide said there are a number of religious groups in the area that don’t have a sanctuary and that hold services in public parks and other facilities. On the church’s website, there are photos of children and their families participating in services as well as a photo of DeFrias dressed in a brown habit. DeFrias said he misses being a Roman Catholic priest. “I miss it because I don’t even celebrate the Eucharist anymore,” he said. “I mean, I am a bishop in the (Celtic) church. I’m elected bishop but it’s just a role to direct other priests.” “I don’t like speaking in terms of what I lost because I think the children lost more,” he added. “But I lost most of my life. When you are trained as a priest you were trained as a priest and nothing else.” DeFrias said he wound up teaching kids because he needed a job and “probably by next year I will not be here.” Asked about his plans, DeFrias said, “it’s going to be in real estate.” “We are opening a company related to real estate so it’s not going to be kids,” he said. “I do want to work in education somehow. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be with children. I want to work with training teachers.” Boston attorney Mitchell Garabedian, whose efforts to expose pedophile priests were dramatized in the Oscar-winning movie “Spotlight,” said the Catholic Church has a history of washing its hands of problem clergymen and he’s not surprised the Newark Archdiocese was not keeping tabs on DeFrias. “Just because a priest is publicly named as a pedophile doesn’t mean they keep a close eye on them afterward,” Garabedian said. “If the Catholic Church defrocks a priest, they don’t keep track of that priest, and that is a calculated move. They don’t want to know him."