#not like i have a choice anyway . (lets the images float thru my mind like clouds on a windy day)

[fisheito]

will i ever stop thinking about little red riding yakumo and the big bad fox.?hm. no... no, i don't think i will

[wanderinglotus7]

Good Morning, VIETNAM!

Let’s semi cross Vietnam off the list of places I’ve visited outside of Thailand. A group of friends and I traveled to Vietnam these past 6 days. Since our time was limited, we spent our time in the Northern region of the country. Most of our time was spent in Hanoi (the capital city of Vietnam), and we spent 2 days and 1 night in Ha Long. The plane rides and bus/taxi rides weren’t terrible except for the insane traffic. I thought traffic in Bangkok was horrible; Hanoi has Bangkok beaten so far. From land to sea, beeping and honking is the soundtrack of the people. Motorbikes cloistered the streets, alleys, and highways. Vietnamese drivers seem so reckless, but some people are reckless drivers in general doesn’t matter where they come from. I know riding in the taxis, I probably had about 20 mini heart attacks from the close calls we had; almost ramming in the back of buses and other vehicles, almost running over motorbike riders & pedestrians, tour boats crashing into each other coming into or exiting ports. Que the panic attacks.

The natural beauty of the north is remarkable. The rice fields in the midst of urbanization is a metaphor for how man and nature can coexist without one overpowering the other. The weather felt like heaven touching my soul. he average temperatures were between the 70s-low 80s degree Fahrenheit. My type of weather; reminds me of Virginia [which made miss home even more]. It rained a few times cooling things down even more. I’ve never been to places like Washington and Oregon, but from other individuals and some television shows/movies, Northern Vietnam reminds me of America’s Pacific West Coast. Then Ha Long Bay is drenched with multiple islands scattered among the sky blue water with a nice breeze tickling the skin. Like in Kanchanaburi, I felt so at ease and filled with peace. I found my serenity. 

Wondering around Hanoi, we found a quaint and cute vegan restaurant where I had my first authentic taste of vegan food. I discovered my new favorite type of tea: winter tea (fresh lemongrass and ginger tea). I’m a sucker for tea and it I was ecstatic by the many options of tea I could choose from and it wasn’t milk tea or over sweeten tea (not knocking my southern sweet tea or McDs’ sweet tea). My friend Alex could OD from caffeine because there are hundreds of coffee shops covering every inch of Hanoi. I like Thai food, but I’m getting tired of eating some kind of chicken or pork dish with rice. And I love spices, but my taste buds needed another flavor besides Thai spices and seasonings. Vietnamese food is delicious and you can see a Chinese influence within their cuisine which makes sense because Vietnam is so close to China anyway. My heart jumped with glee being able to eat fresh seafood and eating a real breakfast. When I mean a “real” breakfast I mean an IHop or Waffle House breakfast: omelettes, pancakes, french toast, bacon (but don’t eat the pork), cereal, and etc. I say don’t eat the pork because some of the pigs in Vietnam are dying from some disease that got imported into the country from South Africa. Instead of chicken or pork, chicken or beef. The beef is better than the beef sold in Thailand (and seems less questionable...). I recommend everyone who visits Vietnam to eat their Vietnamese sandwich called Banh Mi. They are sub sandwiches made with either pork, chicken, or beef (at some food stalls); they even have a vegetarian option as well.

Reeling it back in, we came across an old cathedral looking church, played a strategic board gamed called Splendor at a tucked away cafe & board game shop. Later that night, we checked out the local night market where we ate more good food and I became impulsive and selfish and bought a bunch of stuff. However, I didn’t do too bad because I purchased reasonable items and the currency (Dong) is cheaper than Thai baht. The goods are cheap, but made decently and in some good quality. I really didn’t have that much money, but having all those smaller bills in my possession made me a big BALLER! Unlike Bangkok, I did not see one pigeon in Hanoi, however, take a look at some of the menus around there and you’ll find the answer to why. I can’t lie, I did catch a case of baby fever; the children were so adorable I wouldn’t mind adopting a couple or I can imagine myself having a little blasian mini me. The locals are nice like the Thai locals. There were street dogs, but not too many that I could tell. Most of the dogs I saw were of pure breeds and on the small side (i.e. Yorkies, Poodles, Corgis, etc.). What made my day was seeing a black and white Husky puppy (that’s the next dog that I want in the future).

Ha Long reminds me of Virginia Beach; the board walk, strips of bars and restaurants, casino, fancy hotels, and a local amusement park nearby (i.e. SunWorld). While there we did the most tourist thing, we payed and enjoyed a 6-hour boat tour of Ha Long Bay. Fun Fact: the recent King Kong movie (with Samuel L. Jackson) was filmed in Ha Long Bay. The tour included a free lunch and snacks, activities, transportation, and many Instagram worthy photo opportunities. During the tour, we physically visited three islands. The first island contained the largest cave in the bay called Surprise Cave. The rock formations are cool and not too depressing. The second island we had two options: tour the island in a banana boat or kayak. I never been kayaking before so, I chose to Kayak. Kayaking gives your arms a good workout and requires teamwork to navigate the waters. I saw more wild monkeys this time nobody was attacked or harmed. The water was for sure cold, and my butt did get soaked but it was okay because I dressed appropriately. We ended the tour at TiTop Island. I was tired and wanted to relax. Instead of hiking to the top of the mountain, I stayed on the beach until it was time to return to our boat. If I google myself in the near future, I’ll probably find my image in various tourist photos. At one point, one woman took mutliple photos of me and Stacey on the beach with the woman’s friends and relatives. Strangely, she had me posing pretending to take selfies while she took photos of me (what ever floats her boat). I took a pleasant nap on the way back to the main port.

Later that evening, we explored the area. Went to some bars and played card games (even received a free beer from our hostel), ate some good pho soup (and other food). Meet a couple whom got engaged earlier that day and their friends, and participated in Karaoke with even more fun-loving strangers. The next day, before returning to Hanoi, we purchased tickets for SunWorld. We rode the world’s tallest cable car system, walked thru a beautiful zen garden, and a rode a mini “roller-coaster” ride (it’s much faster than what it appears to be). The views from the cable car were gorgeous! The journey from Ha Long to Hanoi is about 3 hours (wasn’t too bad); the bus wasn’t crapped and the seats were decently comfortable.

Honestly, I felt a bit more cultured when we returned to the city. We visited some museums: Vietnamese Women’s Museum and the Hoa Lo Prison Museum. I’m a woken feminist, so viewing the women’s museum really perked my interest and Vietnamese contributed and sacrificed a lot for the sake of their country. Through most of Vietnam’s history, women played major roles in fighting and trying to maintain their independence. Who says women can’t be bada****. Some of their most prominent leaders/rulers were women. At the prison, the Vietnamese people were brutally treated by the French. Men, women and children were imprisoned Hanoi’s hell. The prison was a death sentence for all prisoners; some individuals were able to escape, but those who did manage escape wither escaped and survived [which were few] or escaped, but their lives were immediately cut short once they tasted freedom. I also received another perspective on the Vietnam War which my Grandfather Donald Bailey fought. Always be skeptical because history can be interpreted in various ways depending on the person or group retelling the story. Sometimes the truth can hold some biases as well. Always double check your sources and facts. In addition, I made my first investment. I purchased an authentic piece of Vietnamese art signed by the actual artist. Kept in good condition it could be worth more money in the future, but I doubt I will ever sell it. Also, I purchased a handmade bamboo notebook from an indoor market. I can’t forget that I sat through my first jazz performance at a real jazz club. Jazz music isn’t my top choice (R&B/Soul #1), but I like jazz if I’m in the mood. The atmosphere of the club was sick; wish I can remember the name of the club, but it did take us a while to find the location of the club because it was hidden behind the opera theater. And Shannon found a restaurant that sold delicious Mexican food (lucky for us because it was Taco Tuesday).

Beneath the beauty, I witnessed the ugly. Violence against women is real y’all. Walking back to our hostel, we witnessed a group of citizens intervene in a could’ve been deadly situation. A woman was being followed a strange man carrying a knife. I’m not sure of all the details; apparently the man was making unwanted advances towards a passing a woman and she rejected him. I guess he didn’t like that so, he decided to follow her with a knife. Some people noticed what was happening and went after the guy. The woman was unharmed, the group was able to remove the weapon and led the man to a near by police station. On another night, a group of [drunk] 8-10 men try to encircle me; two men had the nerve to grab and yank on my arm. Luckily, I was able to tear myself from them and get away. I was so close to bustin some heads open if they didn’t let go of my arm or kept trying to entrap me (and we were close to an alleyway..I’m not about that life). Seriously, I don’t need anymore trauma in my life. Not just women, but everyone should be careful because anything can happen (hopefully they don’t).

With God’s fortune (grace) maybe in 3 or 4 years I’ll return to Vietnam and explore the Southern region. I can see more of what my grandfather witnessed during the war and learn more the war and the country’s history. I may discover another side of Vietnam (pretty or ugly).

[lalast0ne]

Watched

Wilder

A drive to clear my head yesterday, had led me here, watching the choppy waters of the lake pounding against the sand. It reminded me of the very few good days of my childhood. The ones that always stayed hidden. Or rather, the ones I had locked away. Always the bad days, played throughout my mind daily. Those were the ones that I clung too and the ones I let control my mind and body. I had become restless yesterday sitting in the confines of my house, my thoughts drifting to that little ball of fire. They really didn’t drift. She surrounded each and every thought since that night at the bar. I tasted and played with fire and I wanted that burn again. I pick up a rock and skip it across the lake before turning my back to the choppy waters and follow Killer up the path to my car. I was bone tired but couldn’t pass out here. This was not an area that I felt comfortable at. The land was unfamiliar, enemies hiding in the shadows. Always an enemy, with knife in hand, ready to stab my back. I knew exactly who enemy number one was but that name would not cross my lips until the time was right. I make my way back to my town, my safety and when I pull down my street, I am greeted by a car parked haphazardly in my grass. Little ball of fire’s. I get out the car, Killer sniffing up the grass to the porch, my stride carrying me quickly behind me. My lip quirks into a smirk when I see Layla passed out on the porch swing but it quickly dissipates when I see the bottle of whiskey laying on the ground along with the contents of her purse. She is curled up with an envelope clutched tightly to her chest. I bend down, the smell of alcohol lighting up the morning air and scoop her into my arms, careful as I carry her inside my house and lay her down on the couch. I take a seat on the table in front of her, resisting the urge to touch her and wait for her to stir.

Layla

*The choppiness of the waves increase rapidly, crashing against the sides of my boat. My stomach lurches and churns as the rocking intensifies. A storm is coming. A storm is coming and I’m in the eye of it. I look up at the black sky and wait for the heavens to open but there’s nothing. I feel so hot I’d actually welcome the refreshing rain against my face but no such luck. I look down to the sea and recoil at it’s aggressive behaviour. Like it’s ready to swallow me and my boat up. I look to the sky once more and as if by magic, my wings spread and I’m soaring thru the air. Feeling completely weightless. The atmosphere changes. The sea calms and my body relaxes as it floats back down to earth. My Nana stands in front of me with her crazy hair blowing in the warm breeze, just smiling and nodding her head slowly. Then she leans in to kiss my cheek .. then lick my cheek .. then my nose!* WHAT THE … *My eyes fly open as warm dog breath smacks me in the face and a slobbery tongue assaults me once more. My hands grip the dogs fur to pull him back from my face as I give a halfhearted laugh. My brain is still fuzzy but I recognise my furry friend which means his owner is nearby too. Looking around my new surroundings, briefly, butterflies explode to life in my stomach when my eyes finally land on you. I give a dopey smile and push up into a sitting position, trying to straighten my clothes* Hi ..

Wilder

*Your laugh stirs something deep inside me and I actually get jealous of Killer receiving your touch first. Damn dog is a traitor when it comes to you. My eyes travel up the length of your body as you stir and fix your clothes. Almost like you are uncomfortable to be in my presence. That thought causes me to lean backwards, an unsettling feeling taking up residence in the pit of my stomach. We’ve tasted each other….lips, tongue. I know how you feel pressed up against me. All innocent yet wanting. Your simple word of “hi” pulls me out of my mind, directing my attention back to you.* You’ve upped our stalking game Ms. Stone.

Layla

*I blink several times in an attempt to focus. The dog, who’s name I still don’t know, lays across my lap and enjoys the fuss I give him while I try to process your words. Mumbling under my breath, my eyes search for all the items I came with.* No game. Have you seen my bag? *I scan the floor again, like it would have miraculously appeared* I had an envelope too and *I feel my cheeks heat* my drink?

Wilder

*I laugh at all your questions, pointing to the envelope that fell to the floor when I laid you down.* Your empty bottle of whiskey and everything inside your purse is on my front porch. Along with your stellar parking job. Thank you for not hitting my rose bush. *I watch you reach down to grab the envelope quickly, several photos falling face up. Your eyes meet mine quickly as I grab for one of them. Your hand shaking as you attempt to push mine out of the way. You are inside my house after driving here sometime yesterday. My senses are heightened when you push my hand away. Questions will be answered before you make another move. I wait you out. Patience my best friend at times like this.*

Layla

*I snatch the photo out of your grasp and push your hand away as I quickly gather the others and stuff them back into the envelope.* I’m sorry for showing up unannounced but I don’t have a way of contacting you and .. I just needed to get out of the city. For some reason, here was the first place that came to mind. Do you ever have day’s like that? When you just need to escape? Escape your life and all the shit that goes with it? *I look at you expectantly, waiting for your response and offering no other explanation for my being here*

Wilder

Yesterday I needed an escape. *My eyes on the envelope and your hands gripping it tightly.* I drove out to a lake not too far away from….*My words fall off when I see another photo on the ground. I grab it before you even notice it. Fists clenching when I see what it is.* We can cut the small talk, little ball of fire and you can tell me exactly why you showed up here and what the fuck this is.

Layla

*I look between you and the image in your hand. My words fail me momentarily and I turn my gaze from yours to the floor before slumping back against the couch. Remaining silent for moments before I look back at you in the hope you’ll see how uncomfortable I feel and change the subject. But clearly I’ll have no such luck. Your intense gaze penetrates me and I know I’m going to have to offer some kind of explanation. I take a deep breath and point to the image you’re holding.* The envelope arrived at the club today. A dozen images enclosed all like that one *I reach into the envelope and remove the contents once more, handing them over to you without an argument.* Me in my daily life. Walking to and from my apartment, shopping, at the club, my parents, the night at the bar *My eyes find yours and my stomach flips but I ignore the feeling and continue as you flick thru the images* All are along the same lines except for the last. That last image was taken in my apartment. *My voice breaks and I clear my throat to try and mask my vulnerability* Someone was in my apartment .. in my bedroom .. while I was asleep.

Wilder

*My jaw ticks as I flip through the images, stopping on the last one. I’m staring at you asleep in your bed, someone’s shadow looming over you. Tearing away all your sense of safety. I hear your voice change, from the smart ass mouth that turns me the fuck on, to one of fear and downright scared. In this moment, I know I would do any and everything to protect you. I drop the photos as I reach for you, pulling you with ease onto my lap, my arms coming around you, needing to breathe you in.* Who is behind this? Tell me….

Layla

*I put up no fight as you reach out and pull me onto your lap. Your strong arms close around my waist and the feeling of safety I’ve been yearning for, since the moment I left my office yesterday, seeps thru me. It’s the same feeling I experienced the other night at the bar. No matter how afraid I might be, in this moment with you, I feel a sense of security and calmness. I take the pictures from your hand and look through them for the hundredth time. I don’t look at you and my voice remains low* I don’t know .. not for sure anyway.

Wilder

*The fact you will not look at me pisses me off. I take the photos from you and throw them across the room, turning you on my lap so you face me. I grab your chin between my thumb and forefinger, lifting your head so you have to look at me. That one simple touch of my fingers on your skin, ignites that fire that crackles between us. Our eyes lock, you worry your bottom lip between your teeth, hands twisting in your lap.* I’m not going to ask again. You know who is doing this. I want a name.

Layla

*I blink in shock as the pictures fly across the room, scattering all over the place. The dog, thinking it’s some sort of game, chases the pieces of paper, barking in frustration when he can’t pick them up between his teeth. You manhandle me like I’m weightless, shifting me around to face you and forcing my eyes to meet yours. That familiar spark ignites instantly but I resist the urge to plant my lips on yours. Instead, I keep my hands in my lap and continue the internal battle of whether to give you a name. Giving you a name will open the floodgates to a million questions, I’m sure. But the look on your face tells me I don’t have any other choice. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It’s been a long long time since I said this mans name, just the thought of it makes my skin crawl* Adam Dawson. I’m 90% sure it’s Adam.

Wilder

Killer! Quiet! *My voice carries across the room to the dog, who stops barking and rolls over on his back. I turn my attention back to you, dragging my thumb along your neck. The feel of your soft skin under my touch, your pulse quickening. You hesitate in giving me an answer but the minute the name rolls across your tongue, I have it memorized. He will pay for taking away your sense of safety and bringing fear to your life.* You will no longer fear him Layla. Consider him taken care of.

Layla

*Your thumb stroking along my neck appears to be my weakness. Enough to render me immobile and mute unless addressed directly. I listen to the low rumble of your voice. My head tipping from side to side as your words wash over me then register* Wilder, it’s really not that simple. Taken care of how? *I drop my eyes to the floor, smiling softly as the dog, apparently named Killer .. an odd name .. nudges my hands with his wet nose.* Nothing can happen to him .. If anything happens to him it’ll instantly be tied back to my family and me. I .. I just want to forget. Forget everything.

Wilder

It really is that simple. You don’t need to know any details. *I continue dragging my thumb along your neck, growling to get Killer to move away from you. I lean closer to you, my eyes locking with yours once again.* Tell me what to do to make you forget. *Your shirt falls from your shoulder and I can’t resist the lure of your skin. I dip my head and drag my tongue along your collar bone, my hand gripping at your hip a little too tightly but I’m consumed by you yet again.*

Layla

*A tremble runs the length of my spine when your tongue trails along on skin. I inhale a sharp breath and my hand goes against your chest, fisting a handful of your shirt. My voice comes out as a throaty whisper, my eyes heavy with the last of the alcohol in my system and lust.* Please, Wilder. Don’t do anything you’ll regret. Just stay away from him. My Dad will have his people look into it as soon as I tell him what’s been going on the last few weeks. *I slip my hand up your throat and comb my fingers thru your beard, tugging gently. Our eyes locked as I move my mouth closer to yours* It’s your turn to distract me, Mr. Steele. Kiss me.

Wilder

You will tell me exactly who you and your father are soon. *Growling out my words again when I hear you say to kiss you. My hand snakes around to the back of your neck and into your hair, tugging to tilt your head. I drag my teeth along your jaw and up to your mouth, pulling your bottom lip between my teeth, our lips molding together in a heated kiss. The minute our lips touch, lightening strikes and the storm that has been brewing between us yet again is reignited.*

Layla

*The effect you have on me is frightening. The simplest touches have massive effects, the touch of your lips against mine sends me into complete meltdown. Both my hands creep into your hair while my lips respond to yours. Our kiss becoming more heated by the second. I shift in your lap, my legs moving to straddle you, my mouth never breaking from yours. My crazy dream hadn’t been fair wrong. There was a storm coming and that storm was you, Wilder Steele. A force to be reckoned with but one I had no desire to fight. You were about to swallow me whole and I was going to let you.*