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figuringouthowtobehere · 3 years

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so tired

i have a million things to do this week and i feel so fucking alone. i talked to my helper today and i was straight up, i was like ‘are you my grandpa?’ cause sometimes i call him/he calls himself my grandpa and he goes ‘yes i am’ just so solemnly, so ... kindly. we were talking a bit about ceremonies and stuff and i was like ‘when ceremonies are happening again, will you take me to them?’ and he goes ‘yes i will’ and i was like ‘even if theyre really far away?’ and he goes ‘yep’ and i was like ‘really?’ and hes like ‘i will’. and we were talkin and i was telling him how alone ive been feeling and hes like ‘im here, im always here, youve got me’ and he was telling me how important i am to him - in his roundabout, older spiritual native man way - and it really meant so much to me. with the impending possible death of my best friend as well as my move and my career - HOPEFULLY please pray for me - beginning to be A Thing ive been feeling more alone and more alone and like i dont actually have someone in it with me, just caring for and about me 100% unconditionally and not telling me who i am or what i need and making space for me to be like ‘i need you not to do this’ and just have an intentional relationship and the conversation with my helper was nice, ive known him for two years and he’s told me more than once that since he met me the first time at a youth and elders conference two years ago he knew theres something special in me, that i have a good purpose and that the path im gonna take in my life is an important one. he told me that he’s here to help and support me and care for me and try to give me the support and love and Knowledge that my parents couldnt that my grandparents couldnt and that was good. i asked him if we can talk more often and he said ‘well if you answer your phone’ cause i used to really really bad for that and i laughed and told him that if i dont answer ill call him back. and we’re gonna go for a lil walk next sunday and talk through the week (hopefully. my schedule is becoming very very hectic) and do a lil walk. i love him so much.

i made a couple posts in some film groups on fb this week asking for people to talk to me basically about this idea ive got for a short film (script is done, awaiting first rewrites and criticism from a couple people), looking for someone to invest time and energy and Love into it, in a producer-sort of role, and several ppl messaged me. one of them is also a non-cishet, non-white person, they had an actual portfolio and i looked at it and 🤯 so! fucking! cool! so cool! i really really really really wanna work with them ohmygod theyre super cool and nice and i think we’ll end up making incredibly cool shit together theyre just hella busy, working and with final exams, so theyve been a bit busy to get ahold of. we exchanged phone numbers and i texted them yesterday with my schedule for the week (which has since changed slightly, oh no) and they had said on fb theyre busy and might not respond that day but they will get back to me, and i havent heard back which I KNOW its only been one day but i wanna work with this person so bad like u dek like i REALLY wanna work w them, ik that if theyre on my film itll take it to the next level and just be so good. so im hella anxious about that and waiting for them to get back to me. if i havent heard back by like thursday morning ill text again being like ‘hey! following up :) ...’ please god by the goodness of creator mahti please let it work out so i can work with person

please send me some good energy on all this? this isnt even close to a summary of all thats going on in my life right now but please send me some good energy. just take a second and send me some light. if u can.

i love you. you are loved, always. you are beautiful. you are capable of growth. you are intelligent. you are kind. you contain multitudes. i love you.

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ahtohallan-calling · 5 years

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chapter 5 of don’t read the last page is here!

[kristanna / m / multichap / modern au with actress!anna and vetstudent!kristoff]

He’d put the phone down on the counter while he made breakfast, but now that his hands were free again he still didn’t pick it up; after their initial awkward phone call, they’d started FaceTiming instead, and as much as he loved seeing her face, he was really glad she couldn’t see his right now.

“And I was soo confused, so I started telling her, like, ‘Seriously, Honey, he’s got this amazing blond hair that you just like, want to touch all the time and these big brown eyes and little freckles and plus I’m pretty sure he’s kind of ripped and I—‘ Kristoff, I heard the microwave go off already. Are you hiding from me?”

“No,” he muttered, his face turning even redder.

chapter 5

day 1

Sven was just stumbling into the kitchen when Kristoff came in. He frowned, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

“You look really happy for someone who just dropped off their girlfriend at the airport for a six-week trip,” he said, pouring a glass of chocolate milk.

“Not my girlfriend.”

“Not the important part of that sentence.”

Kristoff snagged the bottle and poured himself a cup. “This is mine, by the way, so you owe me.”

“Fine, I’ll buy toilet paper l-- no, I know you, Bjorgman, you’re trying to distract me.”

Sven narrowed his eyes further, fixing Kristoff with a hard stare. He tried to look as innocent as possible as he went to rummage through the fridge, but then he remembered the way Anna had clung to him, the feel of her little hands in his hair, the press of her lips against--

“Oh my god! You kissed her!”

Kristoff stood, not bothering to hide his smile anymore. “Well, technically, she kissed me.”

“I fucking called it, man, I knew you wouldn’t be able to hold off that much longer.”

“We really did try.”

“You didn’t even make it a week, my guy,” Sven said amiably, meandering into the living room. “You tried harder at Mario Kart the other night. Which, by the way, I know you lost on purpose so Anna could win.”

Kristoff considered arguing, but then his phone lit up with a text from Anna, so instead he grinned and walked away to the sound of Sven sighing dramatically. “I heard that buzz! I know it’s her! Jesus, I’d say get a room, but--”

Kristoff didn’t hear the rest as he shut his bedroom door.

kris!! theres wifi i can text you

Im in first class look

That’s crazy

They gave you champagne this early in the morning?

supposed to be for mimosas

but it’s like 5 o clock somewhere

specifically romania so

That jet lag is going to be rough.

How long is your flight?

10 hrs to london then 3 to bucharest💀

but i think my seat turns into a bed so ill try to sleep

theres sooooo many movies tho!

omg theyre bringing more snacks….i feel like a movie star already

You kind of are.

havent made the movie yet!!

oh the director is here he wants to talk ttyl

---

day 4

For some reason, her hands were shaking as they hovered over the green button. “Just do it, Anna,” she muttered to herself. “It’s just Kristoff. He told you to call.”

Thanks to the time difference and long flights, it had taken most of two days to even get here, and on her first full day in Romania she’d been so overwhelmed with the film set and meeting her co-star Adam and talking to the directors and producers and costumers and cameramen that she’d completely crashed the moment she’d gotten back to her hotel room. She’d woken up in the middle of the night and sent Kristoff a quick text apologizing for not calling; he’d responded almost immediately, reassuring her that it was fine and to just call him the next day. At a reasonable hour, he’d made sure to add, not at 2 A.M. Go back to sleep.

She had, and then she’d nearly missed her alarm and hadn’t had time to call him in the morning, and then she’d been filming her first scene and been so overwhelmed by all of that that now it was nearly six o’clock, and it was the first time she’d gotten to look at her phone all day.

He’d texted her once at around 9 A.M. her time. Good luck today! You’ll kill it. Her heart had done a funny little flip at the message, simple as it was; every time she thought of Kristoff, it didn’t feel quite real, like it was just a daydream she would wake up from, but here it was, concrete proof that even literally halfway around the world-- more than halfway, actually-- he was still thinking of her, still caring about her.

The remembrance of that was what finally gave her the courage to hit call. She felt too nervous to FaceTime him, especially considering she was already in sweatpants and halfway through eating a bowl of pasta on her bed. He picked up on the third ring, sounding breathless for some reason.

“Hey! Anna! How are you?”

“I’m, um, I’m good! How are you? You sound kind of...out of breath?”

“Oh, yeah, you caught me at the gym, so I--”

“Oh! I’m so sorry, let me hang up and--”

“No, don’t! I’m almost done, just--”

There was a quick beep in the background, and a whirring noise she hadn’t noticed until now stopped. “Okay, sorry, we’re good.”

She couldn’t help but imagine what he looked like right now, with his hair hanging in his eyes and sweat dripping down his very well-muscled--

“Anna? You there?”

He’d just asked her something, but she’d been too busy daydreaming to catch it. Maybe it really was for the best she hadn’t gone for FaceTime; she probably would have been struck speechless at the sight of him. “Sorry, I was just-- sorry. Um. What did you say?”

He laughed softly. “I asked how your first day of filming went.”

“Oh! It was good, really good, actually. We filmed that scene I auditioned with, actually. They changed the bit about the cowboy boots.”

“Thank god. I don’t know anything about movies, but I know that was awful.”

“Oh, yeah, Adam-- that’s who’s playing Jesse-- he said they’d have to double his paycheck if they wanted him to say shit like that, and then we kind of improv-ed something else and it went really well.”

“That’s awesome!”

Anna felt herself blushing, just barely, at the sound of the genuine pride in his voice. “It was, um, it was nothing, really.”

“So how’s all of it going? Are the...um...honestly, I don’t know who all is involved in making movies. But are the other people nice?”

“Yeah! I really like the girl who does my hair and makeup, her name’s Honey. Isn’t that cute?”

Kristoff laughed; she could hear him starting the car in the background. Anna bit her lip. “Oh-- did you get to shower?”

“I will at home, don’t worry. Anyway--”

“You need to focus on driving? Yeah, I totally get it, seriously. Bye!”

She hit the red button and quickly dropped her phone. Her heart had been pounding the whole time; god, she was really out of practice with this whole thing. Embarrassment swept over her, and she buried her face in her knees; how the hell was this going to work when she was too self-conscious to talk to him for more than five minutes? God, she’d be lucky if he ever bothered to call her again after this.

To her surprise, the phone buzzed only a moment later. She debated picking it up for a long moment, then decided to go ahead and rip the bandaid off and snatched it up.

Just FYI, I was feeling really nervous, too. Want me to call you back after I get home and shower?

For some reason, tears started to fill her eyes as she typed a response.

yes please :)

She showered, too, taking her time as she let the hot water work its magic on the tension in her shoulders, drawing in slow, deep breaths to steady herself. It wasn’t that every guy she’d ever dated had been bad, per se, just that it had been quite a long time since she’d been with someone who made her feel this nervous and excited and terrified and joyful all at once-- actually, now that she thought about it, she didn’t know if she’d ever liked someone else this much right off the bat. Since coming to L.A. almost two years ago, she’d had a string of bad luck with men, and it was strange readjusting to the notion that one would want to talk to her as much as she wanted to talk to him, that he actually wanted to hear about her day, that he saw right through all her embarrassing little defense mechanisms and somehow knew just what to say to make her feel better. Of course they knew each other, but this was something different, something more, as if she didn’t even have to say something for him to understand.

Her phone buzzed again ten minutes after she got out of the shower; with a smile, she picked it up.

“Hey, Kris.”

“Hey, Anna.”

“Ready to try again?”

“With you? Always.”

---

day 9

“So I was telling her, like, ‘I wish I had a recent picture of him to show you because he’s like, super super hot.’ And she kind of made this face and was like ‘that won’t make a difference.’”

“No,” he muttered, his face turning even redder.

Anna giggled. “Then show me your face.”

He did so reluctantly; to his surprise, she didn’t laugh. “Kris, you know you are, like, super handsome, right? Seriously.”

“I’m, um, I’m just gonna—“

“I mean it. Like I get why you’re feeling shy about it and stuff but just know that, okay?”

He only nodded, feeling a little better, although his face was still heated. Anna, knowing when to leave well enough alone, smiled at him and continued her story. “Anyway, I told her all that and she just started laughing, and finally when I was done she was like ‘Anna, I’m gay’. And so then I showed her a picture of my sister, and I’m just saying, when we’re back in LA, we’re definitely doing a double date.”

—-

day 15

She didn’t know why she felt so nervous about telling him about it. She’d already texted him that morning telling him what scenes they were filming, and it wasn’t like it had meant anything; it was just part of the movie, and Adam was married anyway— but then again, it wasn’t that part that had really been bothering her. She still wasn’t sure until she was explaining it all to Kristoff, forcing herself to maintain eye contact as she held up her phone inside the blanket nest she’d constructed on her bed.

“And like, he and I are good friends now, so that at least made it easier. And we were all in character and stuff, so, you know, it felt right, and then they started the fake snow going and we just did it, you know?”

“Uh-huh,” Kristoff said, his voice neutral.

“That like— this doesn’t bother you, right?” she asked quickly. “Because seriously, it didn’t mean—“

“Anna, I know. This is literally your job, I’m not jealous or anything. But please tell me if I ever make you feel like I’m mad or something, because I’m seriously not.”

She let out the breath she’d been holding. “I— I know. I just...wanted to make sure. Because it still, like...still felt weird to me, you know? And I can’t figure out why.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Have you done this before? Like, stage kissing and stuff?”

“Oh, yeah, lots of times. But this time felt kind of different. I just don’t know why.”

He considered it for a moment, looking so thoughtful she couldn’t help but smile, feeling a little flutter in her chest at the thought that he really and truly cared about helping her figure this out. “Enough about me, though, tell me about that crazy to-go order you texted me about. Did you end up getting to see the person who’d ordered it?”

They talked for so long Anna lost track of time, until she yawned so widely Kristoff stopped talking mid-sentence.

“Anna, what time is it there?”

“Um...close to eleven?”

“What time did you get up this morning?”

“...four.”

He laughed softly. “Get some sleep. I’ll talk to you again tomorrow morning, okay?”

She wanted to argue, but honestly she’d been fighting to keep her eyes open for the last half hour. “Night, Kris.”

“Night, Anna. Sweet dreams.”

He said that every night, but the way he’d smiled tonight— she was thinking about it until long after she’d hung up her phone and closed her eyes. Then, suddenly, she sat upright and snatched it up again, typing furiously.

figured it out...before, there’s never been someone i ACTUALLY wanted to kiss instead

I wish it had been me, too.

—

day 21

hey kris!!! sorry i know it’s the middle of the night there so i hope this doesn’t wake you up but i set an alarm on my phone for the exact time and as of like 10 seconds ago we’re halfway there!!!!!!! 😊😊😊

To her surprise, a response came just a few minutes later.

:) Knew we could do this.

—

day 23

“I got my class schedule today.”

“Yeah? Show me!”

He held it up awkwardly to the camera, and she squinted at it. “Oh, wow, that’s a lot of blocks. Are you still going to work at Starbucks?”

“Yeah, I’ve been there the whole time I’ve been in school. Just work less hours on weekdays, usually pick up some early morning weekend shifts.”

“Oh, that sucks.”

He shrugged. “It works out. I, uh, I’ve got some scholarships that cover most of my tuition, so then it’s, y’know. Rent money and stuff.”

Anna frowned, feeling suddenly acutely aware of how much money she was making for a lot less work. “Will you have, like...any free time?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” he said quickly, suddenly sounding nervous. “I promise I’ll still have time to hang out with you and stuff, just--”

“No, no that’s like-- shit, that’s not what I meant, Kris, I mean I kind of did but like-- I’m not trying to like, pressure you or--”

“No, I get it, I--”

“No, I mean like school is way important and you like--”

“Seriously, when I say we can--”

Anna took a deep breath. “Okay. You talk first.”

“I, um. I don’t want you to think, like, I won’t make time for you or something, though. Um-- that was all.”

She smiled, wishing she could be there in person; it was so much easier to reassure him when she could just squeeze his hand. “Seriously, that’s not what I meant. I was just worried about you, ‘cause that’s, like, a lot of stress. So if there’s anything I can do to like, help or whatever, just...just let me know. Like...with anything.”

“Seriously, I think it’ll help a ton to just have a pretty girl keeping me company while I study.”

She felt her cheeks turn pink. “What if I end up wanting to distract you?”

Now she wasn’t the only one blushing.

---

day 30

“Miss you.”

“Miss you, too.”

Tonight, there wasn’t really anything else to say.

—-

day 34

He’d stopped leaving his phone on silent overnight; it was silly, really, but he always had a tiny fear that maybe something would happen over in Romania while he was asleep, and maybe Anna would need to reach him, and there probably wouldn’t be anything he could actually do...but still.

Despite that, though, it still took a lot to wake him, so when his phone went off one night close to three in the morning, he nearly missed the call. “Hello?” he mumbled sleepily, putting it to his ear.

He heard a familiar little giggle. “It’s FaceTime, Kris. I’m sorry to wake you up, I just-- I really wanted you to see this.”

“Oh-- hang on.” He fumbled for his glasses on the nightstand, sliding them on and blinking blearily at the screen. “Um...where are you? I just see, like...the ceiling?”

“Oh-- that’s cause I gave my phone to Honey, just a second, and she’ll show you.”

The phone was lifted up suddenly by a pretty woman with bronze skin and dark hair thrown up into a bun. “Nice to meet you, Anna’s boyfriend.”

He wondered if she could see him blush even in the dark room. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Okay, okay, I’m ready!” he heard Anna chirp from somewhere. “Turn the camera!”

Honey did with a laugh, and Kristoff sat upright, his eyes wide. Anna was in a deep blue ballgown that fit perfectly to her torso before flaring out into a long, shimmery skirt. Her hair was down, set in curls that shone especially bright against the dark color of the gown, and she was smiling so brightly he thought his heart was going to burst.

“You look beautiful, baby,” he said, half-convinced he was still dreaming.

She was quiet for a moment, and then he realized she was blushing bright red. He heard Honey giggle, and then the phone was being handed back over to Anna. “You’ve never called me that before.”

“What, beautiful? I definitely--”

“No, I--” Her blush deepened. “Kris, are you wearing a shirt?”

He glanced down. “Oh-- uh, no, I’m not. Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be able to see without the lights--”

A mischievous glint was twinkling in her eye. “Trust me, Bjorgman, there’s nothing to apologize for.”

Now he was blushing, too. “Um-- so you’ve got to be filming something special today, right?”

“Yeah, the big ballroom scene. I just...I really love this dress, and the way Honey did my hair and stuff, and I, um...I wanted you to see.”

He smiled softly. “I’m glad. You really do look so, so beautiful.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but then he heard Honey call, “Hey, Anna, say bye to the boyfriend, they want you on set in five.”

Anna turned back to the camera, looking suddenly nervous. “Kris, are you my boyfriend?”

“Do you want me to be?”

“Yeah.”

He grinned, no longer sleepy. “Okay.”

Anna laughed. “Okay?”

“Hey, it’s still the middle of the night, and I’m still kind of speechless after seeing you in that dress. Cut me some slack.”

“Go back to bed. Sorry I woke you up.”

He yawned. “I’m not.”

---

day 40

“Look! All packed!” She grinned, turning her phone quickly around the room to show off her only slightly overstuffed suitcases. “And ready to come home!”

“Do you think you’ll miss it?”

“No, I mean...it’s beautiful and all here, but it’s still not home.”

Kristoff grinned at that. “You still want me to pick you up from the airport?”

“Um, is that even a question?”

He laughed. “Just making sure! I mean, six weeks is a long time, don’t know if you got tired of me.”

“Kristoff, the second I get back to LA, I’m like, jumping on you again and kissing the fuck out of you.”

He waggled his eyebrows. “And then?”

She could tease him, too. “And then you’d better hurry the hell up and take me back to your apartment so I can show you how much I missed you.”

“....Jesus Christ. Why does waiting two more days suddenly feel so much longer than the other forty?”

#3k words this time #yay yay yay #drtlp #my fics

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bakugous-abs · 6 years

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Scenario where Izuku and fem!reader started to date in middle school, but once they got into U.A. together they grew apart, and she forms the theory that he's going to break up with her (when he's really not), and one day he goes to visit her unexpectedly and finds her crying while wearing his All Might hoodie, and he just feels a bunch of guilt, and he promises to do better, and they just have a really fluffy moment? Thank you to whoever writes this, you're all awesome! 💕

~Admin Eun

Izuku was a gentle andkind boy, a wee bit anxious, but perhaps that was what made him so appealing tothe eyes of (Name). Nose always in a journal that he seemed to entranced with,(Name) would watch him afar and then blush quickly after. Although her peersseemed to find joy at his degrading expense, (Name) always felt that if anyone,Izuku was a person who needed to be treated with warmth. So, understandingthat, she would have to be the one to treat him with such manner as it appearedthat no one else wanted to (which the entirety of that made her shocked beyondbelief as the boy was a bundle of nerves and timid smiles). Truthfully (Name)had been enchanted with Izuku ever since he flashed her a shaky smile andscurried away with a red face, but every time she tried to talk to him he wouldseem to get too nervous and shy away from her. But (Name) was determined tobecome acquainted with him—he could use a friend, anyways.

Before she even knewit, (Name) had not only succeeded in befriending him, but had also managed toworm her way into his heart and become his girlfriend. Yes, on occasion (Name)would get a few sideways glances full of mockery or scoffed at, but she didn’tcare. She had her loving, sweet, and tender Izuku, and for the time being thatwas all she needed.

Not only was he theperfect partner, Izuku was also the perfect student. He was naturallyintelligent, but what made him so perfect was his sheer determination. Bornquirkless, but still driven to get into the prestigious school of U.A. whichcoincidentally was the high school (Name) wished to attend as well. Izukupassed the exam with flying colors, and (Name) was too happy for him to evenbother asking how he passed in the first place. She had congratulated him witha hug as he cried into her shoulder.

After that, it seemedlike it was going to be smooth sailing for both Izuku and (Name). They wereboth placed in the same hero course, and although they had both gone through afew dangerous situations, in the end they both always turned out safe.Naturally, though, high school in itself was stressful. Because of such, Izukufound himself taking rainchecks on (Name’s) date propositions, or respondingwith her actions of affections half-heartedly or with a small smile and thenreturning to doing whatever he was preoccupied with. It hurt her, of course,but she understood that he was busy as a hero on the rise, and all. Still,regardless of how understanding she was, it made her disheartened every time hebrushed off her small kisses or her compliments that used to make him smile sobrightly.

(Name) began stressing.Her and Izuku had been together for a little over a year now—was he gettingsick of her? Was he getting bored of being with her for so long? Or perhaps hewas getting annoyed with her constant company? Doubts and insecurities swarmedher mind as she paced around her dorm. For example, just the other week she hadapproached Izuku with a bright smile. The two hadn’t gone on a date in a while,so it couldn’t hurt to ask, right?

“Ah, Izuku, I wasthinking that maybe we could grab a bite to eat after school? And then maybe wecould go see the gardens! I hear that they’re blooming quite nicely thisseason,” she chirped, excitement evident on her face. She presented this ideacasually, but truthfully she had spent a lot of time and research to plan theperfect date with him.

“Oh…Sorry, (Name),not this week. I’m really busy,” he said, smiling sympathetically at her. (Name’s)face fell, her shoulders slumping as her excitement dissolved intodisappointment. As of lately, it seemed like ‘not this week’ was Izuku’smost favorite phrase.

“It’s…It’s okay, Izu,” shereplied. That was a big fat lie, and they could both tell that it was so.Still, Izuku watched as (Name) trudged back to her room without looking back athim.

(Name) sighed, buryingher head into her hands as she sat on her bed. Izuku wasn’t intentionallyhurting her…Right? Never before had she considered this, but the more thethought presented itself the more she started panicking. Perhaps it waschildish of her, but in a burst of emotion she glanced at her closet beforesnagging Izuku’s ‘All Might’ hoodie from one of the hangers and pressing itclosely to her chest. It smelled like sweet laundry soap and his shampoo, andthis in itself made tears gather at the corners of her eyes. Slipping it overher head, she laughed blandly and laid on her bed.

(Name) felt silly and abit immature, but at the same time she felt that it was justified. Her kneeswere up to her chest as she laid in a fetus position, hands covering herblotchy face as she sobbed into them. She didn’t hear the door creak open.

When Izuku walked inthe room, he expected to see (Name)—his happy and cheerful (Name)—sitting ather desk or maybe just relaxing on her phone. What he did not expect wasto walk in and be dreadfully greeted with the sight of his girlfriend curledinto a small ball, body shaking ever so slightly with the dreary rhythm of hersobs.

“(N-Name)!” heexclaimed, shutting the door behind him and walking cautiously to her side. Shelooked up, sitting up quickly and attempting to dry her eyes. Despite the uttermortification she felt from being caught, she gave Izuku a smile.

“Did you needsomething?” she croaked. If she was trying to sound like nothing was wrong, itdidn’t work. The fact that she was still trying to smile for him made Izukufrown.

“What’s going on?”

“Huh? Nothing’s wrong,Izu. I’m just relaxing.”

Izuku took a seatbeside her, hand resting on her thigh lightly. The small bit of contact made(Name) jump ever so slightly, and it was only then that he realized how long ithad been since they had been affectionate with one another…And he also realizedthat it was his fault.

“(Name), please…” Hewatched as she avoided his gaze in shame. No matter how much she tried to denyit, she knew that Izuku knew her too well to let it up. So, embarrassed andfrankly a complete mess, she bit her lip before opening her mouth to speak. “I…Gosh,I don’t know, Izuku…Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed it? We just…This is soselfish of me to say because like I know how busy you are, but…” Her voicecracked, (Name) instinctively bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as sheattempted to choke out the rest of her explanation. “I just feel like…You don’twant to be around me anymore…Do you want to…Fuck, I don’t know, are you goingto break up with me, Izuku?” The way she looked at him with glossy and red eyesmade his heart crack from the top to the bottom before it split in two.

“What? No! No—(Name), Iwouldn’t even think of that…!”

“Then why…Why haven’tyou been…” She trailed off, as if she felt guilty that she felt the way shedid. At this point, Izuku began crying as well as he held (Name) by theshoulders. “I’m so sorry, (Name). I didn’t even realize—I-I’ve been soinconsiderate…”

“Please don’t say that,Izuku!” (Name) wailed, face contorting as more sobs shook her body. “You’rebusy, and I have to understand that!”

“No, (Name), I’m yourboyfriend and I’m supposed to be drying your tears, not causing them!” Theywere both sobbing, (Name) leaning her head into Izuku’s shoulders as shewrapped her arms tightly around his form. He did the same, pulling her bodyclose to his own.

“I’m so sorry, (Name).I promise to…to be a better boyfriend. Because you deserve the best.”

(Name) laughed softly. “Ilove you, Izu.”

Izuku smiled, pullingaway before placing a gentle kiss on (Name’s) lips that she had so longed for. “Ilove you too, (Name).”

#izuku #midoriya x reader #izuku x reader #midoriya #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku x reader #deku #deku x reader #x reader #x reader insert #request #mha x reader #bnha x reader #boku no hero x reader #my hero academia x reader #admin eun

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angrylizardjacket · 6 years

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ask your destiny to dance [17] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

It takes Roger exactly two weeks to realise he doesn’t know Ash nearly as well as he thought he did. There’s a lot to glean about a person from their room, and what they say, but not everything, not even close to everything.

“So I guess you’re working tomorrow?” Roger asks, leaning against the bar as Ash polishes a glass. It comes as a surprise when she makes a face, shaking her head. “We’re going on a pub crawl, if you wanna come along then.”

Ash takes her time before answering, hanging up the glass and pulling another from the rack before she finally speaks.

“I can’t, I’m busy, sorry.” And she sounds... uncomfortable about it. Roger’s never known her to be uncomfortable about anything that didn’t relate to her home life, and she can see the moment he jumps to that conclusion. “I’m going to Paris in the afternoon,” she says quickly, and Roger’s taken aback, “I don’t get home until late; train times, you know?”

“A day trip to Paris?” He asks, and Maureen leans over to Ash with a small smile.

“Is that where you go on those Saturdays? That’s cute, Ash, little routine trips to France.” She flicks Ash with the end of her tea towel, to which Ash smiles despite herself, blushing and flicking Maureen back.

“Oi, I’m just going to Paris, nothing cute about it. I’m allowed to have hobbies, you know.” She argued back, and Maureen snickered, smiling fondly at the ginger before she tucked her tea towel into her back pocket and went back to cutting lime wedges. “I’m going to The Louvre.” Ash explained to Roger, cheeks still faintly pink.

“The Louvre?” There was a surprise in his voice that Ash had expected, and when she looks up at him, she still seems a bit defensive.

“There’s free entry once per month; first Saturday at six.” She pauses, and when his expression brightens, hers falls and she feels like she’s said too much.

“Do you go every month?” He sounds delighted at the prospect, and Ash wants to defend herself, but then he says, “you shouldn’t be catching the train so late, it’s dark even at six, love, you must get home at like midnight; just let me drive you.”

“Rog, you don’t need to do that,” but her grin is more relieved than anything else, the tension leaving her shoulders as she goes back to her work, “you guys are going out tomorrow, and besides, it’s not like I’ve never done it before.”

“I can get on the piss with them any time; this only happens once a month.” And the way his words make Ash smile, quietly pleased, he’s already pretty sure it’s going to be worth it.

Things between them have been... weird. Good weird, sure, but that doesn’t make them less weird. They haven’t really had time for an actual date yet, they just sort of show up at each other’s homes and watch TV and make out whenever they don’t have work or rehearsals of a night. It’s been good, it’s felt safe.

When Ash sits on the curb outside of her dorm, she feels nervous more than anything else. It’s not a feeling she’s used to; she’s never been nervous around Roger before; it takes her probably too long to realise how much she wants this to go well. When he shows up, just after midday, he’s beaming from the second hand station wagon that he’d gotten since recording the album. There’s a map in the passenger seat.

“I’ve driven there before, but not for a while, you’re going to have to direct me.” He advises as she buckles her seat belt, putting her sketchbook and thermos by her feet and unfolding the map.

It’s a long drive, just over five hours, and Ash is nervous for about three of them, which is only compounded by getting lost twice, and eventually Roger pulls over.

“You’ve been tense since I showed up; what’s wrong?” He asks, and Ash sighs heavily, picking up her thermos and pouring herself a small cup of tea.

“I don’t exactly go blabbing about the fact that I make semi-frequent trips to Paris, alright?” Ash admits, and she takes a sip of her drink, looking out through the windshield. Roger’s not sure what that means, how to respond, and after a minute, she adds, “Freddie doesn’t even really know.” And she finishes the tea, putting the thermos back, and Roger’s still quiet. When she finally looks at him, his expression is fondly amused.

“You’ve made me feel all special.” It’s far too genuine to be a joke, and Ash lets herself smile back, rolling her eyes at him.

“Don’t let it go to your head.” She warned, and Roger’s smile sharpened as he pulled back onto the road.

“Too late.” But he reaches over to rest his hand on her knee as she opens the map up again, and her heart grows warm, her anxiety easing. They turn up the radio for the rest of the trip; Ash hums along to the songs she only knows the tune of without too much hassle, yet somehow can’t seem to actually sing a note to save her life. She finishes butchering Elton’s Crocodile Rock at the top of her lungs, and Roger’s sides hurt from laughing, and she’s grinning in a way that means she knows exactly how terrible she is and how much it amuses Roger.

“I have other skills.” She says dismissively, grinning with her nose in the air as the radio host announces another song, and instead of answering, Roger sings along to the radio like he’d written the melody himself. “Showoff.” Ash laughed, and Roger’s eyes crease as he grins.

“I don’t have other skills, I gotta make use of this one.” He replied, lightly, and Ash’s expression softened.

“Oh shut it, you’ve got at least two other skills, probably.” She played along with his joke, watching him as he sings along to the rock song blaring from the radio, and it’s relaxed and easy, and she finds herself wondering why she’d been so worried just a few hours before.

They hit Paris at a quarter to six, and grab some fast food before heading to the gallery. There’s people everywhere, and the line isn’t exactly short to get in, more than a few of them are uni students like them, looking to get in for free, and Ash says hi to a few; the fact that she goes here enough to know other people who do this regularly to is still something that baffles Roger a little. He’s worried she’s getting nervous again when she takes his hand - they’re not the sort of people who hold hands - but when he looks at her, her eyes are shinning and bright as she looks up at the building; she’s excited.

Ash goes quiet in the gallery, looking around with wide-eyed reverence at the works around them. They move past the entrance slowly; Ash gazes at the works with their plaques memorised, while Roger reads them, fingers laced with hers.

“Oh, hello.” Voice reverential, Ash greets a statue at the end of the hall like an old friend, and introduces Roger as such. “This is the Venus de Milo, she’s almost two thousand years old, god, look at that marble work, imagine how sharp it would have looked back then,” and then it’s like she’s opened a floodgate, and she’s tugging him along, rambling along the way about each piece they pass, little facts not on the plaques, things she can cite from the top of her head. Above everything, she’s passionate, pulling out of his grip to clutch her hands to her chest and looking up at headless sculpture of what Roger thinks is an angel, and what Ash clarifies to be The Winged Victory of Samothrace.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Ash’s moon-eyed gaze was focused on the statue’s marble garments, but Roger’s only got eyes for her. When he doesn’t answer, she looks to him, catches the way he’s smiling at her, and she feels her cheeks heat up. “What?”

“You really love this stuff, don’t you?” It’s a sincere question, and it’s as if he can see her responses flit through her mind, sarcastic, dismissive, an eye roll, flippant, she passes them all, takes a moment to really look at him, taking her time to breathe in the whole situation before responding.

“More than anything.” It’s a sincere answer, and it catches him off-guard. Ash is many things, but unapologetically enthusiastic is not one Roger’s familiar with.

Turning on her heel, Ash leads further in to the gallery, but it’s finally hits him how much this means to her, this place, these works, bringing him here. They’d been together for barely a fortnight, but they both know it’s felt so much longer than that; she’d taken a gamble, bringing him, he has no doubt she’d have left him in London if she didn’t want him to come along, and something tightens in his chest.

He doesn’t dwell on it, he takes it in stride well enough, peppering her with questions along the way that she seems thrilled to answer. Tucking her arm into his, they make their way through the building, the babbling turning to banter easily as Roger provides his own commentary on each piece as they pass, which serves to make Ash laugh.

They get to a small painting on the top floor with a border that looks bigger than the picture itself, and Ash has gotten quiet again.

“Who’s this?” Roger asks, the two of them stepping close to get a closer look.

“The Lacemaker.” Ash sounds a little awed, and when he looks down at her, Roger sees how fondly she’s smiling at the little painting. “She’s my favourite.”

“’course she is, she’s like you.” Roger answers easily, and Ash makes a face, laughing a little self consciously.

“No she’s not, shut up.” She doesn’t sound like she believes him, a bit of a laugh in her words, but she’s resting her head against Roger’s shoulder and he wraps an arm around her.

“Same focus.” Roger muses, and when Ash looks to him, surprise and confusion on her face, he just grins. “When you sew, you’ve got the same look on your face, same focus.” He explains, and there’s something in Ash’s awed expression that he can’t place, and she pulls away from him too fast for him to really identify it.

She’s pretty sure she loves him.

It’s fucking terrifying.

She can’t look at him, stepping out of his grip as she feels tears well in her eyes as her emotions overwhelm her, not that it’s an uncommon occurrence, Ash has never set foot in an art gallery and not cried, but Roger didn’t need to know that. She’d really been doing well today, too. Usually she gets lost in the scope and detail of The Wedding at Cana, or even comes to obsess over the little details of The Lacemaker, but she’s also usually alone and can get away with it.

“That’s- Rog, that’s really sweet of you to say.” And he can hear in her voice that she’s trying not to believe him, that she can’t let herself believe him. And when she turns back, she’s wiping at her eyes, and he wants to try and comfort her, but she’s already walking past him briskly, leading to the next painting.

“There’s something I’ve... well, I’ve always wanted to try here.” He hears her say, voice firm as if she’s trying to move quickly past whatever the moment she’d just had was. She leads not to the painting, but to one of the weirdly low, backless sofas that are scattered around for people to view the paintings from. This one’s empty; Ash looks around for security, and seeing none, steps up onto it.

“And what’s that?” He asks with a smirk, the sofa giving her only about two inches of height on him. He doesn’t ask why she’d almost started crying, and for that she’s thankful. Instead, his hands come to rest on her hips, and he’s smiling at her in that way that sets her heart aflutter.

“Don’t ruin this.” She warns very quietly, amused smile on her lips, and Roger quirks an eyebrow.

“Ruin what?” He asks, shooting for innocent, a million different things running through his mind that could make her smile, but would definitely ruin the moment; he bites his tongue.

Ash cups his face in her hands, and she can’t help but laugh as she leans in to kiss him. It starts sweet and tender, her lips soft against his, but he wraps his arms around her, pulling her close and deepening the kiss. There’s people moving around them, most ignoring them, some stare, but neither of them seem to care. She tastes mostly like the tea she’d sculled in the car when they’d arrived, and she’s got a hand in his hair when he presses kisses from her jaw, trailing down her neck, and she laughs, a little giddy. He pulls back, if only to see her bright eyed and blushing.

“Let’s go home.” She says softly, and Roger’s never agreed to something so quickly, his heart elated to see Ash giggling and mischievous as they backtrack through the gallery, knowing that he and the art were the things that made her smile like that.

“I didn’t ruin it.” He sounds a little smug when he says it as they walk through the streets of Paris back to his car, and Ash glances at him out of the corner of her eye, snorting.

“I could see you holding yourself back from a one-liner about pinning masterpieces to walls or something like that; I appreciate your discretion.” She tells him, deadpan, and Roger gives her a self-satisfied grin.

“It certainly wasn’t easy.” He agrees, but she still reaches out and takes his hand. When they get to his car, he goes to head around to the driver’s side, but she pulls him back for a moment, pressing a kiss to his lips. After a moment, he’s got a hand on her hips, pressing her against the side of the car, and she sighs against his lips, her arms around his neck. Her legs slide open easily as she pulls him closer, letting him slide a knee between her thighs.

“Christ,” Roger breaks away from the kiss, murmuring the word against her neck as her nails graze his scalp.

“Thank you for today.” She whispers softly, and he can hear the smile in her words. He presses a kiss to her shoulder.

“Any time, love.” He steps back from her, enough to see her fond smile, and to give one in return, before he heads around to the driver’s side and they both get in the car.

It’s well past midnight by the time they get back, and Ash follows Roger up to his flat with a yawn, flinching as the door opens and Brian, Freddie, and John all greet them with a cheer, obviously taking a pit stop in the middle of their pub crawl.

“I was starting to sober up; the walk between the last pub and the next is directly smack bang in the middle of here.” Freddie claims with a surprising amount of confidence considering his words make no sense.

“No- this place is on the way to the next pub.” John corrects, and Ash has to giggle at the sight and sound of a drunk John Deacon. It never fails to amuse her, he’s surprisingly confident and well spoken.

“Yes! Deaky is right! You two can join us!” Freddie brandishes and subsequently spills on Brian, who’s sitting beside him.

“Go if you want, I’m knackered.” Ash yawns, giving Roger’s shoulder a nudge, moving past him to his room.

“Actually, I think I’m right, I’ve been driving for a while,” Roger says, making to follow Ash, only to hear Freddie boo loudly, and John call out after them.

“Where’d you guys go?” He asks, and Roger answers over his shoulder.

“Art gallery.” He answers, and he hears Ash snort from his bedroom.

“That’s... Rog, that’s surprisingly cute, didn’t know you had it in you.” Brian smiles at him, and Roger feels a little patronised by the pride in his flatmate’s voice. He flips Brian off, along with the rest of them, since John was grinning like the cat who got the cream and Freddie looked like he was three seconds away from actually ‘awe’ing.

“Did you kids have fun?” Freddie calls, sounding nothing so much like his own mother, wearing a shiteating grin, which only got wider as Roger told him to piss off, slamming the door once he got into his room.

Ash was standing by his bed, pulling off the shorts she’d been wearing all day, already wearing one of his shirts. Roger can hear the others on the other side of the door already laughing and talking about something else, all three of them trying to convince themselves to get up and move on to the next pub. She gives him an amused smile and Roger just rolls his eyes at his friends’ whole situation.

They don’t speak, though Ash’s yawn triggers one in Roger, and when he’s stripped down to his boxers, she’s waiting for him beneath the covers. When he kisses her, it’s a thank you for the day, and she hums a soft, contented noise against his lips. They’re too tired to even fool around, and Ash wraps her arm around him as he turns to lay on his side, pressing her chest to his back, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade before they fall asleep.

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#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x oc #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #borhap imagine #bohemian rhapsody imagine #queen #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon #ask your destiny to dance fic #the angry lizard writes

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writing-realityawayfromreality · 6 years

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I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretend that they’re you

Requested: Yes

“I can’t keep doing this Ty. One day you are telling me how much you love me and the next you make it seem like you wish you were, i don’t know... free. For christ sake Ty, you’re 25 and still not ready to settle down. Clearly you can’t make the choice for yourself so i am making it. It’s over Tyson, I’m sorry.”

And with that you left. You didn’t look back because you knew that if you looked back you would had never left. But you couldn’t keep living the way that you were, never feeling good enough for him, always coming in second.

It has now been two years since that day. You haven’t really kept in touch with Tyson after the breakup. It was too painful to see how happy he was and how sad you were. You kept in touch with some of the guys who you were close to on the team. You go to their games but make sure to leave right away so you have less of a chance running into Tyson. Plus it was a farther drive since you had moved, you had to since you and Tyson shared the apartment but at least your new place is closer to your work.

Tonight you had finally given into your friends and are letting them drag you out to a club. You haven dated once or twice but it was never anything too serious. you didn’t allow it to get to that point. Your friends couldn’t really blame you. You and Tyson had been together for a little over five years. Everyone thought that you two were it, that you were going to get married, start a family and live happily ever after. But life doesn’t work that way, it’s not all fairytales.

You heard a knock on the door to your apartment, “Come in.” You yelled from your room. It was Vanessa, Mackinnon’s girlfriend (I know they broke up but just for the stories sake) who you had grown really close to over the years. “I thought we were going out tonight?” she questioned. “I thought so?” you questioned back “You aren’t even ready to go yet.” She responded. “Oh, why are we leaving so early?” you asked looking at the clock. “To get there before all the creeps do. Now come on lets go” she said walking out to your living room.

You rolled over getting out of bed and headed to you bathroom. You plugged in your hair curler and got out your makeup. You didn’t want to go too bold so you did a light eyeshadow but a darker color on your lips since they were your best feature. You quickly ran to get changed into your favorite black dress before heading back into the bathroom to curl your hair. Giving yourself a glance over you walked out to the living room where Vanessa was sitting, coming up behind her you could see that she was on Instagram. Looking over her shoulder you saw Tyson’s face. You dropped your shoes that you were holding making Vanessa jump and turn to look at you. “Y/n....” she looked back down at her phone seeing that Tyson’s picture was still on it, she quickly clicked out of instagram.

“Y/n... It’s been two years...” Vanessa said. “I know. It still hurts, and I haven’t seen him in so long. Maybe I could just peek on his Insta?” You said pulling out your phone and typing in him name. Clicking on his page you saw a whole bunch of pictures with him and different girls. The pictures were probably like two weeks apart and there was always a new girl with some cliche caption, you also noticed how all the girls all looked sightly similar and almost like you. “Y/n, are you okay?” Vanessa asked grabbing your arm slightly. “Yeah, you ready?” You said placing your phone in your purse, bending down to get your shoes on.

You called an uber to have you guys taken to the club in town. You were honestly so excited because it was your first time out since Tyson. You walked in and headed straight for the bar. This was honestly your favorite club, there wasn’t a whole lot of creeps and the music was always amazing. You got yourself and Vanessa a shot before heading to the dance floor. You and Vanessa were having a great time. That was until you spotted him. Vanessa must had seen him at the same time you did because she pulled you towards the bar.

“I didn’t know they were going to be here, Nate didn’t tell me...” “Vanessa, it’s okay. lets get a few more drinks and have a good time, yeah?” You said grabbing the bar tenders attention. At least an hour goes by and at this point you have at least three or four mixed drinks in you so you were feeling pretty good right about then. Tyson hadn’t seen you which made your night ten times better.

Nate had showed up surprising Vanessa, needless to say they went off and did their own thing leaving you alone on the dance floor. There was now a whole lot more people then there was a few hours ago. Even though you had some drinks the buzz was starting to wear off. Heading back to the bar you bumped into a rather large man. Saying your excuse me’s you continued to the bar. After ordering you drink you went to reach for your purse to which it was no longer on your shoulder. feeling a tap on you other shoulder you turned around. “I think you... Y/N!?!?” Tyson said. “Thanks.” you said grabbing you purse, downing your drink, placing the money on the bar and headed for the doors.

You just couldn’t be around him, not yet. Seeing him there all up on the other girls dancing, buying them drinks. It was just too much. Pulling out your phone you started to call for an Uber. “Y/N,,, can we just talk?” Tyson asked out of breath from clearly running after you. Ignoring him you hear a faint hello on the other end of the line, giving them your address you hung up.” “You moved pretty far huh? Why?” Tyson asked still standing behind you. “It’s none of your business Tyson, now just go back into the bar and forget you even saw me.” “How can I Y/n, you the most beautiful girl here.” “You’re drunk Tyson.” You said walking away.

“Y/n, just stop. I haven’t seen you for two years and this is how you are going to treat me?” Tyson asked sounding kind of hurt. “Do you think it is easy for me Tyson, I spent five years of my life with you, loving you, supporting you, waiting. You didn’t even act like you wanted to be in a relationship anymore towards the end so I made the right choice for the both of us. I moved because I couldn’t stand to see how happy you were with the other girls after we broke up. And honestly nothing has changed, so go back in there and go hook up with some puck bunnies or something because I’m not coming back.” You said now spotting your uber.

Before you knew it Tyson grabbed your arm turning you around to face him. “Tyson, what...” Tyson crashed his lips onto yours, it was like fireworks going off inside your head. Even though it had been two years, and even though you had broken up with him didn’t mean that you stopped caring for him, it didn’t mean that you didn’t love him. Pulling away you looked into Tyson’s eyes. you could tell they were sad. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretend that they are you. After you broke up with me I tried to find someone to drown out my sadness, all the girls I kept picking just reminded me of you. I didn’t even really like them, I just wanted you Y/n. I tried pretending that they were you and they weren’t. I hoped and prayed i would run into you again. I am so sorry that I wasted five years of your life Y/n. I wish that I could take it back and been the better boyfriend that you needed. That you deserved.” Tyson said now with tears in his eyes. “Y/n, please, I need you. I’m 27 now and I’m tired of playing these games. I love you.”

“Ty... I... i need some time to think.” You said before getting into your uber. You were heading back to your place, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Tyson had said. Maybe he has changed. Maybe he is finally ready to settle down. Before you knew it you gave the uber driver your old address. You hoped that Tyson had gone home by this point. Pulling up to the old apartment building you got out. Taking a big breath you headed up to Tyson’s apartment.

Knocking on the door you head footsteps. The door opened revealing a puffy eyed Tyson. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretend that they are you either.” You said making Tyson smile. “This is your one and only chance Tyson Barrie. You better not waste another five years of my life.” You said kissing Tyson.

#tyson barrie #colorado avalanche #hockey imagines #requests are open #requested #thoughts?

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negasonicimagines · 6 years

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TEAM (Part Two)

I forgot to mention that this fic is partially inspired by Lorde’s “Team,” hence the title. Kind of about how no matter how much you and the other characters here bicker, you’re all on each others’ team.

This is the second part to TEAM (Part One) [but I hope that’d be obvious] and therefore is inspired by the same request and has essentially the same trigger warnings.

“So, you and Ellie, huh? About time,” Logan remarks, and you feel yourself blush.

“No! It’s not like that! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d be the luckiest girl in the world, but, uh… No, it’s not like that.”

“Are you sure about that? I’ve seen the way you two are together. When she’s not looking at you or her phone, she’s watching everyone else like a hawk, like they’re threats. Honestly, Piotr’s worried about her.”

At the mention of Wade’s friend, you’re reminded of what Logan said before, about the thing that he knew that he shouldn’t tell her, the thing Wade also knew.

“What was that, anyway? The thing you knew that you didn’t know before that you would’ve told me if you had but couldn’t tell me?”

“I’m afraid that’s Wade’s business.”

“Great,” you remark. “So, I’ll never know.”

“Listen, kid, I know the stuff he said-”

“Screamed.”

“The stuff he screamed at you was pretty fucking awful. But… He had his reasons, okay? Being around him, being as close to him as you were was dangerous. It made you a target,” Logan explains.

“When will you people realize that I can’t die forever?! I’ve died plenty of times, and I always come back! Let me make my own decisions!”

“How many times have you died, Y/N?” Logan asks.

“It’s just… Hard not to starve when my mom kicks me out over school breaks, especially with the metabolism that comes with a healing factor. I can’t stay with Wade all the time, he has himself and Al to worry about. Muggers don’t like when you don’t have money. Mom doesn’t like me when I don’t have money. I don’t know, probably like eight or nine times.”

“You should’ve come here!” Logan scolds, and you want to curl in on yourself, just like before. “I’m sorry. He and I both know just how much dying can fuck you up, so, to hear you say that you’ve died.... And that you don’t care if you do? It’s concerning, to say the least.”

“Boo-hoo, Y/N’s crazy. Who isn’t?” you remark, annoyed at his concern. Men, they always think they know better.

He sighs. “Listen. You should just talk to him, I’m sure-”

“No,” you say, and it comes out as a whimper. The wound was still fresh. “I don’t want to.”

“Hey, he’s not gonna hurt you,” Logan reassures you. “He probably feels bad for what he said, and-”

“I said no,” you cut him off, but the sad tone in your voice doesn’t make you sound very convincing.

“And he’s not gonna apologize unless he thinks you wanna hear it. You know how Wade gets when he feels guilty, he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Well, I don’t wanna hear an apology. I just want him to be my friend again, like before. That’s it. I don’t care to know why, or how, or whatever. I just miss my friend,” you admit, and Logan sighs.

“Okay...”

“Is it alright if I go? I wanna get started on my Chemistry homework.”

“Yeah,” Logan says. “Go ahead. See you next Wednesday. Or, sooner, if you need anything.”

You leave the gym, making your way to your dorm with your head down, when you bump into a familiar red-suited man.

“Sorry,” you squeak, not even able to meet the eyes of the mask, before attempting to go past him. He stops you, grabbing at your shoulder, but you flinch away. “Please d-don’t…”

“Y/N…” Wade murmurs, filled with remorse at his rampage. He’d made you scared of him, which means it worked, but he regrets how much it hurt you. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“You’re not, huh?” Ellie, swiftly approaching, asks. “Pretty sure you already did, Deadpool.”

“I just wanted-” he starts, but Ellie, your avenging angel, cuts him off.

“You just wanted what, huh? To terrorize them more, is that it?

“Terrorize? I-”

“You what? Didn’t? Because as someone who sleeps in the same room as Y/N, I can confirm that you did. They cry in their sleep like they did the day it happened. Did you know that, that you made them cry? I guess you do now. So, leave, before I decide I’m going to follow you out the door and blow you to Hell.”

“E-Ellie, I said not to hurt him,” you quietly tell her, and she clenches her fists, grumbling.

“You did?” Wade asks.

“Of course,” you respond meekly, tapping the tips of your fingers together and avoiding the gaze of everyone around you. and Ellie places an arm around you, glaring at Wade without mercy.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, Y/N. I- I just didn’t know what to do, so much was happening. I was so angry at the situation, so scared for your safety, and I took all that aggression out on you, the one person I should’ve been channeling those feelings into protecting, and I- I know I already said it, but I’m a blabbermouth with nothing else to say, so… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, kid. I know you probably don’t care, you just wanna start over and stay the hell away from me, but I’m sorry. And my door’s always open.”

“Thank you. I forgive you,” you nod, smiling a little, You’re already starting to feel better, more like yourself.

“You what?” Ellie questions, shaking with anger. “He hurt you. He shouldn’t ever be forgiven.”

“She’s right,” Wade agrees, head down.

“Well, it’s my forgiveness, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it,” you remind them, shrugging.

“There she is,” Wade says quietly, and you can somehow tell that he’s smiling. You don’t know if it’s body language, tone of voice, or what, but he’s smiling.

“I’m sorry for making you worry. I’m gonna keep living here, and I’m gonna keep taking better care of myself, so no one has to worry about me again,” you inform him.

“Wrong goal, but I appreciate the method. I don’t mind worrying about you, kid, but I’d rather worry about you not doing your homework than about the next time you’re gonna collapse on my porch, dead.”

“What?” Ellie wonders, and you groan. “Wait, have you died?”

“Goddammit, Wade,” you grumble. “She didn’t know that.”

“H-how?”

“Not important,” you tell her.

“No, it is, Y/N. You want all of us to get over the fact that you can die, but the truth is that you need to get over the fact that we care if you die,” Wade corrects you. There’s no malice in his tone, but the words themselves cause anxiety to slither out of the pit of your stomach like a snake and curl around your lungs and heart, maintining a tight grip.

“It’s because of you not eating or sleeping enough, isn’t it?” Ellie asks. “That’s what you guys were in that fight about the other morning, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you admit, and Ellie closes her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath and trying to remain calm for your sake, for her own sake.

“Right,” she responds, sighing. “Well, I’m not letting that happen again.”

“Challenge accepted,” you chuckle, and she rolls her eyes.

“I was just on my way back to Photography. Forgot my camera. See you later.”

She makes her way in the direction of the classroom, disappearing around a corner.

“Man, if she didn’t hate me before, she sure does now,” Wade says, and you smile, shaking your head. “Really?” he asks.

“Photography is Mondays and Thursdays… And she didn’t even have her camera.”

Wade scoffs. “Well, she’s definitely taking good care of you. I always knew she would, one day. When did you two finally make it official? I’m sorry that I missed it.”

“We haven’t made anything official, Wade, she doesn’t like me like that. We’re just close friends.”

He rolls his eyes, going to playfully shove your shoulder, but you flinch away. He sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I- I was so cruel, I just wanted to say whatever i could to get you away, to protect you, from m-”

“From what? The thing Logan keeps talking about?”

“What thing?” he asks, sounding a bit panicked.

“He keeps saying that there’s this thing he knows that he would’ve told me if he’d known before but he shouldn’t tell me now. It’s super weird, but he said you were going to tell me before you- You-” You stop yourself from continuing, still, shaking a little bit at the memory. It was only the day before yesterday.

“Yeah,” he responds quietly. “It was part of the reason I did that. I just- Us being friends was already dangerous, and you being- You- You’re- I- I’m so sorry I left you with her, if I’d known, if I’d known she was pregnant...I would’ve done the right thing! I’m not that kind of dirtbag, you’ve gotta believe me, and I’m just so, so sorry. Everything that’s wrong with your life, maybe it wouldn’t have happened if I’d just thought- If I’d just thought, but I was young, and stupid, and there’s nothing I can do now except own up to it, own up to the fact that I- I am- I’m- Oh, please…” He practically falls into you, wrapping his arms around your neck. You feel him shake with sobs, and you cry, too, but with a different emotion. Not regret, but happiness.

“You? You’re him?” you ask, and he readjusts himself, backing away from you.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked before hugging, I just didn’t think it was gonna be so hard, and you’re my best friend, and I- I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m so sorry that I’m your father.”

“You are? You’re sorry?” you ask, knowing that he’s apologizing because he regrets it, regrets you and your entire existence.

“Not in the way you’re thinking! You- You deserve so much better, I wanted so much better for you,” he reassures you, or, at least, attempts to.

“How do you even know?”

“I just… I talked to Xavier to see if he had any connections that could help me find your father, and he said he did, but he insisted that I give him a sample of my DNA to see if they match before he used his connections. I laughed it off, but then… it was a match.”

“How’d you get my DNA?” You wonder.

“Oh, I stuck a cotton swab in your mouth while you were sleeping. Wasn’t hard, you’re a really heavy sleeper,” he says, and you have a faint memory of the dream you had about a week ago where you were abducted by aliens that wanted to harvest your DNA to create genetically modified pet humans for their home planet. You laugh.

“So, you found out it was a match, and then… You were angry about it? Hated that the Wilson family legacy wasn’t going to end with you?”

“No. I was angry, yeah, but at myself. I was irresponsible, and my best friend in the whole world sufferred because of it. I never recognized your mom the times I’d seen her, and we had sex!”

“You had sex with my mom? Bro code violation alert!” you joke, and he chuckles bitterly.

“Right?” he responds. “But… I don’t even know where to go from here. Things can’t go back to normal, that’s not okay. I need to step up. And, even if it was the right thing to do, going back to normal… I get the feeling that you’re not gonna be that comfortable around me for a while. I was… I was just like my dad. My worst fucking fear.”

“You’re not him, okay? I promise.”

“I should be comforting you,” he says, stepping towards you. Out of renewed instinct, you step back. He’s heartbroken.

“Try- Try not to take it personally, I’m like this with just about everybody,” you attempt to make him feel better, but he shakes his head.

“You haven’t been like this with me, not before- Before I did what I did. Said those things, those awful, untrue things. Why did I say those things? They weren’t the truth, they were the opposite of it. I love hearing from you, it makes every day better. Finding you on my couch is a great feeling, knowing that someone as great as you trusts me, sees me as someone who can keep them safe.”

“And my memes?” You ask in a sarcastically accusatory tone.

“The funniest,” he replies. “Can I- Can I give you a hug?”

You nod, and he surges forward, wrapping you up in his arms and spinning you around.

“I always hoped it’d be like that,” you quietly admit, and he beams.

“Listen, we can talk later at dinner. I think you’ve got a certain girl you need to talk to, and she and her metal accomplice are approaching.”

“I think she’s his accomplice,” you correct with a laugh.

“Gotta bounce before the hardest guy on Earth ropes me into another mission. I’ll be back, though, kid.”

“Yeah. See you soon…”

“Wade’s fine for now, unless you wanna call me something else. We can negotiate later, ‘kay? Love you, bye.” Wade scurries down the hall, not realizing that he’s going towards the dorms, not the exit.

“Wade Wilson!” calls Piotr from behind you, and you turn around to see that Ellie is far closer to you than she is to Piotr, having gone faster on her smaller, lighter legs.

“Uh, hello…” you say dumbly.

“Based on your expression, I’d say that discussion went well.”

“Very well. Thank you for giving him the opportunity to talk to me alone, I’m sure you didn’t wanna do that.”

“I didn’t, but I figured it was the best option. Tell me more on the way to the dorm.”

“Well, uh… He apologized, a lot. Not just for the fights.”

“For letting you die?”

“No. Worse.”

“Holy shit, what’d he do, and why haven’t I heard about it?” She asks, tense.

“Because I didn’t know,” you reply defensively. “He’s- He’s my biological father, Ellie.”

“Whoa… Seriously? How long has he known?”

“I don’t know, but not long, the DNA tests were recently. He just wanted to help me find my dad and when he asked Xavier if he had any way of helping, the Professor said that he had to submit a sample to be tested. Turn’s out the old man’s hunch was right. You… You still wanna be friends, right?”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I?” Ellie wonders.

“I just- I know you don’t like Wade very much, and I’m technically his daughter, so…”

“So? That doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore,” Ellie argues, and then covers her mouth.

“You love me?”

“Yeah, but just, like, in a friend way,” she plays it off rather smoothly, in her opinion, but you sigh in disappointment before you can stop yourself. “Wait, do you love me in a not-friend way?”

“Not really sure what you wanna hear,” you respond, feeling the recently-sealed cracks in your heart refracturing.

“Do you?” she asks.

You’re silent as the two of you walk to your shared dorm.

“Y/N, I asked you a question. Do you love me as a friend, or as more?”

You feel overheated and nauseous, that’s how nervous you are. You attempt to take some steadying breaths before answering: “More.”

“Oh, thank god…” she sighs. “I- I told you on Monday, when you fell asleep with me. But you were asleep, so, you didn’t hear me… Duh… I sound so stupid right now, don’t I?”

“No, not at all! Jeez, today just keeps getting better and better, I mean it!” You exclaim.

“Can- Can I kiss you?” Ellie asks nervously, and your eyes widen, but you nod. She takes your face in her hands and just goes for it, pressing her lips to yours. You respond immediately, wrapping your arms around her neck while her hands slip past your face and into your hair, tugging gently. You let out a small, quiet moan at that, and you can feel her smirk a little. She kisses you faster, pushing her body closer to yours, and your knees give out. She catches you in the nick of time, laughing a bit at how easily flustered you are as she nudges you toward the bed, sitting there with you. “Your knees are right, we probably shouldn’t rush into things.”

“Yeah…” you admit, resting your head on her shoulder.

“I love you…” She mumbles. “I’ve loved you for a long time, actually.”

“Same here. When did you know?”

Ellie replies: “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I can tell you first, if you want,” you offer.

“Yeah, do that…” She says.

“I just realized that every time I was upset, you were there, making me feel better. Even if you didn’t know it. Every time my mom hit me, or I got stabbed by an asshole mugger, or I was about to faint from hunger… You were right there. Making my life better just by existing.”

“I wish I could’ve been right there in person, to help you,” Ellie says, and you shake your head.

“That’s not the point. The point is that you did, without even trying. You always make me happy, without even trying.You just have to be there and everything is better.”

“That’s really nice… I feel dumb now,” Ellie confesses.

“It’s not dumb! Probably not, I mean…” you reply, nuzzling her chest a bit as you try to get a bit cozier.

“Um...You probably don’t know this, but I used to get in fights a lot before we met. And Piotr would always lecture me, telling me it wasn’t heroic to fight out of anger. That I should fight for something, not because of something. That I should be aware of the consequences that come with fighting, and truly think about them before I did. I never understood what he meant, and then we met and became friends… Then best friends…

“I didn’t even realize that before every fight, even the ones I was assigned, I’d think about how I was going to make the world a better place for you. I’d think about what you would think if you heard what I was doing. I- I made a mistake at one point, got angry over nothing and got into another stupid, pointless fight. It was the first time in awhile I’d heard Colossus’s spiel, and I realized my thinking process with every world he spoke. It all just made me think of how I feel about you. You’d made me a better person, more mindful of the consequences of my actions, my thoughtless, immature violence. That’s when I knew.”

“Oh, shut up! That’s way better than mine and not embarrassing at all! Show-off,” you remark, and she chuckles.

“That was fucking beautiful!” Wade wails from behind the door.

“I think I liked it better when you two weren’t friends,” Ellie comments, and you smile at her, shaking your head. She takes your hand in hers and squeezes gently.

“Oh, come on. You can’t hate him. I mean, I wouldn’t exist without him, for a few reasons. I mean, he’s the one who passed me the gene for a healing factor, even if his was recessive before. And, I mean, he’s the sperm donor either way.”

“I heard that!” he shouts, and Ellie smiles at you, planting another kiss on your lips.

You could get used to this.

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skizmin · 6 years

Text

you’re my favourite constellation.

stargazing!au, friends to lovers with han jisung

(this giF IM SCREAMING CUTIE)

request from @straybin: Can I request a stray kids jisung friends to lovers star gazing au! Your aus are super sweet I loved the seungmin one!

(thank you so much ily 💝💓💖💕💞💘💗)

alright lets get straight into it

so youre a highschool student with an affinity for astrology, like, you love it

for your birthdays you get astrology books and maps and even once a really cool telescope!!

its just what you love, okay?

anyway, recently youd moved in with your cousin who lived alone and needed a roommate, plus it was closer to your school than your own home.

you parents practically shoved you in there with short notice (at least they were paying rent and grocery expenses) and you were like well okay

you didnt mind your cousin at all, but she can be a bit excitable and overbearing sometimes but you have to deal with it really

“dUDE i gotta show you something follow me”

you were unpacking when your cousin said this, you set down your telescope and followed her out the front door. your cousin lived in an apartment block basically, she was on the third story out of five. there was a very cute young family across the hall from you guys n stuff

anyway she kept going up and up these stairs and you were like where the fUck are we going im so tired

she laughed and said you were almost there and proceeded to push open a big heavy door

wow

you were in complete awe

in front of you was a massive open roof, the setting sun and the wide sky completely in view from all points, and when you looked up? oh my god it just seemed so clear

“you like stargazing dont you? youre allowed to come up here all you want as long as you dont make a ruckus yeah?”

you agreed, smiling W I D E and attacking your cousin in a hug

like,, two weeks later?

you still hadnt gone stargazing on the roof yet

on top of moving in and mid term school, it was a struggle to deal with so you just didnt have the time at the moment

untillll you had a falling out with a friend. it wasnt anything too serious but a few hurtful truths were said and the added stress of everything else going on, it was just overwhelming

so when you got home that afternoon, you packed a small box with your telescope, your notebook and pens, a couple of your astrology study books and two big blankets

then, after you made and ate dinner with your cousin, you made a big cup of hot chocolate (or coffee or tea or a moccha, whatever you prefer) and told your cousin you were going upstairs and youd probably be back late so youd take a key in case she was asleep

your cousin agreed and watched you balance the massive mug and your box in your hands and also the two big pillows you spontaneously grabbed as you walked out

arriving on the roof, you laid everything out, not bothering to set up your telescope just yet and you sat back sipping your hot drink

you didnt know when you started to cry but it happened, and soon enough you where silent sobbing on your own letting out a few sniffles here and there. life was just too busy and overwhelming at the moment

it was about half an hour later when you stopped sobbing, you were still crying, wiping your tears from your face every minute or so, this was when the door to the roof opened and shut

you thought it would just be your cousin so you stayed still and aited for her to find you and comfort you

the the felt a foot hit your thigh and heard a whisper shout of “hoLY FUCK”

you sat up, hastily wiping your tears as you tried to see the dark figure in front of you, they had turned on their torch and were now shining it directly into your eyes

“i am so sOrry i didnt even see you there, were you sleeping? oh god i cant believe i just almost stepped on you- wait? are you crying? oh my god”

it was some sort of god in front of you, you were sure. perfectly tanned skin, gorgeous doe like eyes, soft cheeks and pink lips. you were pretty much mesmerised, even as he crouched down in front of you

“hey, im sorry. i really didnt mean it its just dark out, are you okay? i didnt hurt you did i?”

he sounded so unbelievably guilty that you felt bad, snapping out of it you responded with a choked out “im sorry, im fine, its okay!”

the boy in front of you smiled out of relief, eyes lingering on you before looking at the set-up around you

“im jisung, i live on 2nd floor. i havent seen you around before, i didnt know we had new neighbours”

he looked at you and tilted his head in confusion, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips set in a slight pout. your heartbeat involuntarily picked up at the sight

“oh! im uh- im y/n, i just moved in with my cousin y/c/n, she lives on third floor...” you awkwardly and shyly looked down to the ground, hastily tidying up the mess of notebooks and your hot drink as he replied

“oh! y/c/n! i know her, shes really nice. how old are you? you look a bit younger than her honestly” his brows furrowed further and he smiled lightly when you looked up at him, he was still crouching in front of you

“oh, im 17, she lives closer to my school than my parents and she needed a housemate, so here i am!” you laughed really nervously and looked down at your fingers again

jisung smiled to himself, ah, theyre cute

“oh, im the same age then!” he laughed before looking away slightly, asking the difficult question, “are you sure youre okay? you look like youve been crying,”

dread crushed your chest, he’d seen you crying, this was really embarassing for you

“oh nothing! i was just- uh, i was just a bit stressed is all” you held your breath, hoping jisung wouldnt pry any further, you really didnt want to talk about it

he laughed good heartedly, “ah yeah, we all get a bit like that sometimes. what are you doing up here though? its freezing, are you studying or something? waiT IS THAT A TELESCOPE?!”

it was your turn to laugh, this kid was really positive and seemed to know how to take a hint

“im stargazing! my cousin said i could come up here but, if you need to roof then dont worry ill go down its no porblem”

you looked at his face this time as you spoke and oh my god stop smiling at me like that

“stargazing? thats so cool! dont worry, i only came up here for some fresh air, my housemates are a bit loud. so what, do you just look at the stars and planets or?” he finally sat dwn next to you. “can you show me a constellation?”

you giggled and nodded, you whole body tingling because of the close proximity of your bodies and the idea of the stereo-typically romantic thing you were about to do. “we need to lay back okay?”

you laid back, he followed, his head was lost to to yours and his hands rested on his stomach, he turned his head to look at you

m i s t a k e

you didnt turn to him. you were bright red at the feel of his breath fanning across your face you kept your head straight on the sky

“now what?” he softly whispered it to you, your stomach violently dipped and your heart practically stopped

youre all “uhhhh uh- well, uh, you just um- see that sorta diamond of stars over there? and then it sorta uh, has a triangle on top?”

jisung follows your line of eyesight and tries to focs on specific stars that make out the shape, he sees it “oH! i see it!”

“yeah, thats lyra, its a harp basically.”

jisung squints and you lightly turn your head to him, not fully, just enough to see his face. “oh, it does look like a harp i guess, whys it there?”

“it represents the lyre of orpheus, who was a greek poet and musician, he was killed though...”

“wow, thats sad but also so cool...” jisungs phone buzzes, you see its a message from someone called minho, asking where he is

“crap, y/n, ive gotta go but um. i really liked talking to you and im really interested in the stars now, it seems like theyve all got stories. would you mind teaching me again sometime?”

he was scratching the back of his neck awkwardly

“oh! um- yeah of course i will, i mean, yeah definitely!”

you realised you didnt have his phone, so you couldnt really get your number for him

he saw you looking and spoke up “uh, maybe just next time, um, come and grab me? my apartment is number 6, im almost always there if im not at school really. just, whenever youre going up and you feel like some company, come knock on the door or something?”

you smiled, the thought made you nervous but you did want to see jisung again. “okay, of course.”

he smiled brightly at you, you cursed your heart again, “great! ill get going then, dont stay for too long okay? youll get a cold.” he stood up and waved to you

“bye jisung!” you call out softly as he walks away

you leave not long after he left, it felt boring on your own suddenly. you didnt even remember youd been crying at all, it felt like a massive weight was lifted off of your shoulders.

you slept so easily that night, dreaming of the stars and jisung.

a week and a half later? it was a friday night

you were packing your box to go stargazing again when you remembered jisung, you wanted to bring him along with you. he might be busy, but you packed an extra couple of blankets and soem pillows and placed them just inside your door before you went downstairs to go and get him

you were so nervous as you knocked on the door, preparing for utter embarrassment. the door opened up tho

“oh, youre not the complex owner thank god.” you were greeted by someone possibly younger than you, he had reddish hair and a sweet smile. “how can i help you?’

you tried to block out the screeches coming from inside the apartment, you could hear about five voices screaming at once “im uh, im y/n, im from upstairs? i was wondering if jisung was here at all?”

he smirked, like he knew something you didnt. “sure one sec, im seungmin by the way.” he turned away from you and screamed into the apartment “jiSUNG, SOMEONES HERE FOR YOU, HURRY UP.”

“coMING!!” was heard throughout the apartment followed by a “fELiX gEt ofF Of mE” and seungmin smiled awkwardly at you before a head popped past the wall into the entrance way

“oh! y/n! you came!” he tried to walk over to the door but you noticed a body dragging on his legs.

“jiSUNG PLEASE DO MY CHORES FOR ME.” the boy yelled at jisungs feet

seungmin laughed, looking at you saying “ill leave you to it” before jogging over to a tangled up jisung and who you presumed was felix and tearing felix from jisungs body, dragging him away

“uh, sorry about that, hes lazy and pathetic.” jisung laughed, so did you

“i was just wondering if you were free? i was about to go up to the roof..”

jisung smiled brightly, “of course, let me get my coat and phone.”

once he was ready you two went up to your apartment, you told him to come in and wait a bit while you made him a hot drink of hit choice, then you grabbed some pillows and your box and you both walked up the remaining flights of stairs to the roof

it was the beginning of a tradition really, youd go down and grab him, his housemates would call for him as soon as the saw you, before he left theyd whisper things into his ear that made him blush but you simply shrugged it off

after about two months of going up to the roof together, you admitted to yourself that you liked him

a lot

you liked his smile, his voice, how he was endlessly making you happy, you liked he warmth of when hed lie next to you and the way he’d rest a hand on your lower back, guiding you up the stairs. you liked his goodbye hugs and the way he’d hold your hands the one week you couldnt find your gloves. you liked how he was so interested in the stars like you, but you considered giving up looking at the sky to simply look into his eyes because they held galaxies within them. you liked the way he’d whisper your name to check if you were awake and the gentle touch of his fingertips when he brushed your hair out of your eyes

you liked him so much, you couldnt deny it. it crushed you in a way, you thought he would never like you back, and you increasingly got more nervous and drifted away bit by bit

one night, you were up on the roof and jisung sighed loudly, you asked him what was wrong

“can i rant a little bit? please?” jisung had puppy eyes as he sat up and looked at you, you sat up as well and nodded for him to go on

“ah, this is hard,” he started before looking at the pot plants next to your set up that were the centrepiece of the rooftop,

“i um, basically i like this uh, this person right? i like them as more than a friend,” your heart clenched and dropped to your stomach. oh. this was heart break. “we’ve been friends for a while and i thought, well, yeah i thought id been quite obvious with my feelings. i hoped that their shyness was them maybe reciprocating my feelings but? maybe not. lately theyve just-”

jisung huffed and looked up at you again, your heart got caught in your throat, you could see he was nervous about telling someone about his crush and he looked sad talking about the unfortunate circumstances

“theyve been distancing themselves from me. they flinch away we i try to be more affectionate and- and they just dont seem like they like me anymore. not even in a romantic way, in a friend way. and im just upset i guess. ive never ever liked someone this much before, every night im filled with these feelings of just wanted to cuddle with them and take them on dates and hold their hands and- and kiss them. the whole package. it hurts, y/n. why dont they like me?”

the sad feeling you was feeling showed in your voice as you replied. “youre a great person jisung, theyd be an idiot not to like you, seriously. i cant think of someone more deserving of love than you.” you tried to nervously look into his eyes

“then why dont they like me y/n? no one ever likes me.” he was still looking down onto the ground

“i like you jisung.”

oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no W O R D V O M I T

you clenched your eyes shut, your heart was beating rapidly, you cant believe you just said that when hed just been speaking about liking someone else. you wanted to cry, to bury yourself alive, anything to get out of that situation.

“really? what?” he snapped his head up, staring at you wide eyed and shocked

“nevermind jisung, forget i said it, i didnt mean to make it awk-”

jisung cupped your cheeks, you felt his warm palms and cool fingertips before you felt his lips, slightly chapped yet soft

your mind was going crazy, you barely managed to move your lips along with jisungs before he parted away, still holding your cheeks and smiling widely

“out of all the stars in this world, youre the brightest y/n.”

you died inside before realising he liked you, all the things he said earlier were about you

jisungs eyes were hopeful, happy, loving, especially when you smiled at him so purely

“jisung, kiss me again.”

and he did, pulling you into his lap and letting you tangle your fingers into his hair

he even kissed you outside your apartment, giggling in happiness and tugging you into his body before saying goodbye

jisung couldnt remember a time he��d been this happy, and honestly, neither could you.

finish!! hope you liked it omg

1K notes · View notes

thisselflovecamebacktome · 6 years

Text

Kurt felt his feet scraping across the ground as he forced himself down the hallway. The last few weeks had left him feeling so small. Dave and Santana being outted, Dave’s suicide attempt, losing out on both class presidency and the main role in A West Side Story; every bit of life seemed to be weighing him down recently. And then there was Blaine.

Ever since Blaine had enrolled at McKinley, the two of them seemed to be parting ways more as each day went past. Of course Sebastian’s arrival hadn’t helped the situation, but deep down Kurt knew those same issues had been festering for a while. At times, Kurt found himself wondering if he was mismatched with Blaine; if Blaine would be happier with someone like Sebastian, someone more… spontaneous. Or at least someone who would answer his calls. Since that night, the sheer sound of Blaine’s voice was off-putting to Kurt. All that would come to mind was his hands spreading out and grabbing at Kurt, taking as much as he could like a kid with a candy bowl. The memory left a bad taste in Kurt’s mouth; almost as bad as remembering he had apologised for rejecting Blaine’s advances. At the time, Kurt had convinced himself that Blaine was right, that he had just been spoiling the fun, but the bad taste remained nonetheless.

The one positive that had come out of the last few weeks was that the New Directions had reunited. To the surprise of everybody, Rachel had suggested giving others a chance to sing at Nationals, as long as she got her solo of course. It did mean, however, that all choreography the group had begun to work on prior to the girls coming back now had to be changed. And with Rachel’s two left feet and Tina’s quieter nature, Kurt was called in by Quinn to help choreograph and teach the new routine.

On better days, Kurt didn’t mind helping out. Today was not one of those days. After the hypocritical mess Blaine pulled singing It’s Not Right But It’s Okay, Kurt was in no mood to see the glee club. Regardless, both Rachel and Quinn had insisted that with Nationals coming up, every chance they can get to practice had to be used.

As he entered the room, Kurt could all but feel the atmosphere change. Quiet whispers stopped as Finn stood up. Giving signal to the others, Kurt watched as they followed him, each one of them approaching him as Puck closed the door.

“Why are you all acting like you’re about to give an interve… oh my god, this is an intervention, isn’t it? Look I know Blaine gave a messed up image of us but it’s not going to affect the tea…”

“We just want to talk,” Finn interrupted, gesturing Kurt a seat.

Kurt bit his lip before shuffling his feet over to the seat. The awkward silence continued. Filled with uncertainty, Finn’s eyes shuffled between the boys’ and Rachel’s before she sighed and spoke up.

“What’s going on with you Kurt?”

The others scolded the brunette’s bluntness before being reminded that no one else was willing to ask. As they begun to quarrel, Quinn shut them down.

“What Rachel meant was is everything okay? You’ve had a tough year, not to mention everything you’re still dealing with from last year and we just wanted to check in. If our conversation after Karofsky taught me anything, it’s that none of us should assume that people are coping when they’re in strife.”

“I’m fine.”

The words sped out of Kurt’s mouth like a horse belting toward the finish line. Kurt could feel how untrue the statement was as he spoke the words, yet he still found himself faking a smile in hopes to convince the others. It didn’t work. As he looked over at Mercedes, her disappointment hit him, forcing him to look at the ground.

“Honey,” she started, “the truth is you haven’t been yourself for a long time now. And it’s clear that Blaine going behind your back for the West Side Story role has made things worse, especially after his performance today. We got to hear his side, now it’s only fair we hear yours.”

Kurt stuttered for a moment before falling silent. His head went back and forth arguing over what to say next. On one hand, this was his relationship. It wasn’t any concern, or business for that matter, of the others. Not to mention Blaine was already upset with him, why make things worse? But at the same time, they were his friends and they were there trying to help. Even Santana and Puck had shown up. Regardless, Kurt couldn’t find the words.

“It’s nothing, I’ll fix things up with Blaine later on,” He lied before sighing, “Thank you though Mercedes, for setting this up.”

“It wasn’t me,” Mercedes smiled, looking over at Finn.

Kurt blinked before staring at Finn.

“I’m your brother Kurt. I’m worried about you. Nothing you say is going to change that. I, I just couldn’t find the words to say that, so I called in these guys.”

Silence filled the room again. Kurt find his eyes shuffling back to the ground. Mike moved next to Kurt, placing his hand on Kurt’s shoulder and assuring him it’d be alright.

“You’re wrong about the show being the issue,” Kurt started, “Around the time the role was allocated, Sebastian came into the picture…”

“The jerk from Daltons who was trying to get onto Blaine?” Tina enquired.

“Yeah him,” Kurt muttered, “except it wasn’t just him trying to get Blaine. Blaine was responding and meeting up with him behind my back. The night before the opening day of the show, Sebastian invited us to some bar. Blaine spent the whole night getting drunk and dancing with him until it was time to leave. I got him to the car and he wouldn’t stop touching me. I yelled for him to stop, but he, he just wouldn’t. Eventually I shoved him off and he yelled at me before leaving, but things just haven’t been the same since.”

“That hobbit tried to rape you?” Santana shouted.

Kurt shook his head as he began to stutter. Being barely comprehensible, he started saying it was his fault and how he had apologised the next day. As the eyes of those around him widened, Quinn interrupted.

“You shouldn’t have.”

“Quinn’s right,” Puck jumped in before looking at Quinn in guilt, “It’s not your fault he tried to take advantage of you after knowing you had drunken.”

“Actually, I was the designated driver, so I was sober.” Kurt explained.

“Dude it doesn’t matter,” Finn said, “He doesn’t get to treat you like that.”

Unable to find the words, Kurt fell silent. Deep down he knew Finn was right and that once upon a time, there would be no way Kurt would let himself be treated like this, but things were different now. The realisation of dying alone had plagued his mind. He didn’t expect Finn or Rachel or any of the other straight members to understand. Finding a partner for them was like finding a penny. The opportunity was always there. Hell, even Santana and Brittany didn’t have to worry because they found the love of their lives already. But he hadn’t. The two gay men Kurt knew were Blaine and Karofsky, a boy who physically assaulted him for years. The thought that he may never find love crushed Kurt, but at least Blaine was something.

Before anyone spoke, a phone began to blare. Reaching in his pocket, Kurt noticed the number straight off, leading him to sigh.

“That’s him now,” he started, “I should probably get going.”

The group went to speak out, but Finn just shook his head at them. As Kurt gathered his things and started to walk out of the room, he heard Brittany’s voice come from behind him.

“Don’t forget we love you Kurt.”

Closing the door behind him, Kurt walked away. Once out of the building, he looked down at his phone, sighing as he pressed the number of the missed call. Before he was able to say anything, a voice cut in.

“Where are you Kurt? I called your dad when you didn’t answer and he said Finn told him you were at a glee meeting which clearly isn’t where you are. Are you with Chandler? Is that why you refused to answer my calls? I knew Finn was threatened by my talent but to help you do this is next level petty and you dragging him into it is just as bad.”

The voice continued rambling, cutting Kurt off as he tried to answer. Moments of incoherent rambling passed, lowering Kurt’s patience until all at once, it disappeared.

“Blaine, stop,” Kurt started, “I’m not with Chandler. The fact that you think so little of me as to not only accuse me of that but bring the glee club into it with your performance today shows just what you think of me.”

Stutters from the other end of the phone fell silent as Kurt pushed the red button. Stopping in his tracks, Kurt felt a sigh leave his chest. Confusion and guilt begun to set in as Kurt realised that despite his frustration, the sigh had been in relief, not despair. As the phone in his hand begun to vibrate again, he found himself clenching harder as he walked away. After minutes of nonstop ringing, Kurt hung up one final time before clicking the messaging button.

‘I’m sorry okay. Just give me time.’

Disgust hit Kurt as he pressed send. He continued walking as he thought about how things had gotten so bad between him and Blaine that the person he could tell everything to had become the person he felt he had to lie most to. The phone continued to buzz as several messages came through. With his patience falling, Kurt placed his phone in his bag, making sure to do so in a way where it would not noticeably vibrate off anything else.

As he reached his house, Kurt went straight into his bedroom, closing the door and grabbing out his phone. Upon seeing the endless stream of messages, Kurt ran his fingers through his hair, grasping then slightly yanking at it. His fingers began typing at the phone before deleting and typing again for several minutes before stopping and deleting it once more. He typed one final message.

‘We need to talk to someone Blaine. Meet me in Emma’s office tomorrow.’

Before Blaine could respond, Kurt heard his door twist. Placing the phone back in his bag, Kurt stood up. The door opened, leading Kurt to relax.

“Don’t come in unexpectedly Finn. You startled me.”

Finn stared at Kurt in silence for a moment before speaking.

“I just wanted to check that we’re cool after what happened. Look, I know I should have spoken to you privately before bringing in the others like that. I just didn’t know what to say. I think you need to tell Burt and my mum though, you know, about what Blaine did.”

Kurt felt his throat tighten with each word that came out of Finn’s mouth. His eyes began scanning the room, looking for anything else to talk about. Maybe an unclean surface to attend to or homework to do. But nothing came to mind. With an awkward expression on his face, Kurt looked back at Finn.

“We can’t tell dad. You heard about what he did to Karofsky and that was just some bully. Blaine’s my partner. He’d put him in hospital.”

“Maybe he should.”

Finn’s words came off louder and more abrasive than he had meant them, causing Kurt to flinch. In response, Kurt let out a sigh whilst saying Finn’s name. Another silence came over the room before Finn spoke.

“Kurt, we’ve gotta tell someone who can help you.”

“I don’t need help Finn. I’m fine.” Kurt lied.

“So you’d still be calling it fine if I did that to Rachel then? Or what about if Sam did it to Mercedes? Because that definitely wasn’t the case when you were telling me that what happened to Quinn was Puck’s fault and his alone.”

“Blaine didn’t get me drunk Finn. Plus, after what happened with Puck and Quinn, I know you’d never do that to Rachel, nor would the other guys with their girlfriends.”

“We never thought Blaine would do that to you Kurt.”

Finn’s words hit hard. Kurt tried to find words, but none came to him. Silence began to consume the room only to be broken by the vibrating sound coming from Kurt’s bag. Nothing was said, but the sympathetic look in Finn’s eyes made Kurt just uncomfortable enough to look away. Finn considered reaching out for Kurt’s arm before another vibrating noise from Kurt’s bad stopped him. Instead, he clenched his fist and sighed.

“At least tell mum.”

“You say that as if she wouldn’t just tell my dad.” Kurt said.

“She wouldn’t,” Finn started, “She’s been here before Kurt. I mean not sexually from what I know, but when I was little she had a relationship that really messed her up, the same way Blaine is messing you up right now. She’ll be able to help… Just think about it, yeah?”

With that, Finn walked away. Kurt sat back down on his bed, grabbing out his phone. Blaine had sent several messages stating why they didn’t need Emma involved and how everything was going to be okay. Kurt stared at the final message, a simple ‘I love you’, for several moments before placing the phone face down on the bed. Pulling himself up from the bed, Kurt walked over to the door, checking down the hallways for Finn before closing it. As the door clicked shut, Kurt felt his body slide down to the ground as began to cry.

#this is just a draft for the first part of my anti klaine story because tumblr won't let me send it to people rip

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tamiddyinyourcity · 5 years

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My boyfriend didnt text me after work and i assumed i was getting plowed..........i kinda wanna cry?

Still a great day. He got me earrings, he looked damned sexy today with those FINE ASS EYES AND SMILE of his, and we had a nice time at the movies today.

So i guess admittedly im only disappointed since once i got home after our sweet "hes holding me, im crying over past traumatic family incidents, and he hugs and cools me down until i finally smile again", i was like "that was really nice.... i really like this guy. and surprisingly im not irritable about parting ways or anything."

Until i guess he mentioned overtime and wanting to see me tmrw, i was like "awww dont worry you can see me tonight or maybe early tomorrow morning! text me after work!"

....and that was at 8:12pm.

....its now 1:15am.

And i feel like i have blue balls, since i really was ready to put it tf on him tonight.

My pussy went from "time to clean and wind down comfortably for the rest of the day, knowing my boyfriend cares about me, and that hes now safe at work and busy but we can talk some other day...."

To "OH WAIT HE WANTS TO SEE ME AGAIN SO SOON???? IM ABOUT TO FUCK, I AM READY TO FUCK HIM, YES PLEASE, I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO FOR LIKE A WEEK".

to "oh....... he hasnt responded and its past midnight...... he.... probably doesnt like me.... after all????????"

But to stop myself from re-awakening the insecurities about how I'm perceived by a significant other, I decided to put on the nice dangly pair of earrings he gave me today.

Theyre nice. I havent worn dangly earrings in forever. He seemed openly nervous since I always wear stud earrings, but I thought, "Nah bro, the fact that you even got me anything at all is whats making me smile rn."

Plus, cool iridescent abalone shell earrings.

I'm not sure when I'll wear these, but tonight seems like a pretty good start. I feel likke a nice pretty little chandelier, or a wind chime I guess.

If anything, its just a nice feeling of knowing that he does like me.

I got a little nervous.

It was kinda empty during Thanksgiving, but his arrival was already nice of "hey sorry i was depressed as fuck and took 40 minutes or more to leave the house, since i also still wanted to be cute and not bare minimum when you first see me again!!!"

Then "oh damn he looks good, i missed his face and personality", to ....

Oh holy shit, he got me something?

People think about me when im not around?

Oh dear.

And long story short.

I was blushing like fucking hell even when holding the box itself. My cheeks felt hot, and seeing these cute iridescent spiraks made me feel so damn appreciated.

Thanks Patrick.

God bless, peace out yalls, and if youre reading this, talk to joe for me

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strawberryspeachy · 5 years

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So let me just share what happened ALL AT ONCE a week ago

The teacher i worked with and wrote about liking SEEMED to warm up to being coworker friends with me. He was looking out for me, deliberately waiting to walk with me to and from classes. Smiling and laughing and ENGAGING in conversation with me. And ok

I’ve talked to quite a few other teachers in my school and they ALL KNOW how to cut off a conversation. They do the lean away (i gotta go make it quick) they burry their nose into their work (ahh so busy cant listen) they SAY theyre busy. They dont ask follow up questions. They dont elaborate on answers. Im not that fucking stupid. I am stupid. But not that stupid

This boy started basically laying his head on my shoulder when we talked. Hed look up stuff I was telling him about on the spot not - oh write that down and ill check it out - no. Immediate. It i didnt ask him follow up questions to something he said hed talk more as if I did and leave them on a ‘ask me about that’ note like hint hint. I wanna keep talking. Not to mention how hed reach across me to get stuff. Touch my hand whenever possible (mind you none of my other teachers ever touched my hand with giving me stuff) just all in all gave the i like talking and were close here vibe. Hed complain to me and tell me “secrets”

I was just sad he didnt like me as more. But i was content being like this as coworkers.

Well. I fucked up and said (while laughing. Not an intense way) youve called me your friend twice now, does that mean were friends. I fully fully expected him to say yea yea were friends.

No it didnt go down that way

Instead thag led straight into him telling that he never wanted to hang out with me. He just said that. He doesnt like me. He doesnt like talking to me or texting me. And basically im just super fucking annoying.

So ok. Thats bad enough right. The only person in this country I thought was even close to something of a friend. Actually dislikes me

But wait. Dislike might be too weak.

Because it didnt end there.

He not only reported all the non school related conversations we had to get me in trouble. He also lied about things I said and did. Going so far as to accuse me of harassing and stalking him.

K maybe go back up and read how he was waiting for me to walk to class and almost leaning on me and - oh yea. Responded to every message i sent. Real responces. Not ‘ya’ or ‘ok’ and emojis and stickers and stuff... like that didnt read as “stop messaging me”

But my school was like yea - get her the fuck out.

So i got kicked out of my school.

But wait there’s more

My company was like - why arent you a mind reader. We got reports over a month ago that youd caused problems. But we decided not to tell you. We take no blame and youre fired. (Thats putting all the bs they said shortly. Havent even gone into how they didnt look into it. They didnt care about my side. They didnt talk yo one another and taunted me while fireing me)

So so far.

Guy i liked and thought was my work friend: hates me

School whose students i loved working with and made me want to skip weekends so i could return: fired

Company that provides me income: fired

But thats not allll

My company rented my apartment for me. So not only was I fired. Im also getting evicted. On christmas! Merry fucking christmas

And the reason i didnt wanna move out of here before is because i have to pay an early leaving fee, pay a AT MINIMUM 500 dollar cleaning fee!!, and ya know pay fucking movers to move or shippers to come get my stuff to be shipped becauseeee

As i felt. Everyone i met through my company are not my friends. I have no friends here. I am all alone in another country. No income. No place to live

Ive been applying to other jobs like crazy and apartments.

Actually actually here. Let me give you the two taunts my boss made while firing.

Right after he told me how i should have been able to read between the lines. Pretty sure he muted me whenever i talked about why it seemed my coworker enjoyed my company. Yeah immediately after he told me that several times. He said “teachers here often end up marrying other teachers because they work together and have the same hours and understand each other” um? Anyone know why hed throw that in there while telling me i should have known that my coworker didnt want anything more than a strict colleage relationship. Cause thats really counteractive fucktard who (my ex boss) left his wife for his coworker.

And. In Japan. Any person from another country who works here has 100% heard of gaijinpot. Thats how most people get here. Everyone knows that website. My ex boss said. (After telling me im unemployable now) “i know a place where you can find alot of english teaching jobs” AND WROTE DOWN FUCKING GAIJINPOT AS HE LEFT

MOTHERFUCKER

And thats it. Thats my life now. I asked someone who said if i ever need help to help me and really didnt wanna. And i shouldnt have because he said “youre for move is to find a job and a new place to live” gosh damnit i sure am a fucktard arent i. That hadnt occured me. Not like i didnt literally write that in my message above asking if youd take my futton for a short while.

I mean just this year a friend... friend. No. Person i knew since first grade who had a house and who i asked if i coild pay rent while i find a place to go if my family impulsively throws me on the streets was like - ehhhhh i really just wanna have sex in my house so no.

So i really shouldnt have even hoped someone here would help me.

Oh. And a wolf spider appeared in my room the day my coworker told me off.

And i saw an express train going all fast at the one station. And really really have been trying to convince myself that if i jump in front of it wont just slam into me creating the worst pain of my life as time slows down for me and i tumble downword to the track below the train where the wheels will rip me apart like scrambled eggs Completely aware of whats happening.

I just cant seem to imagine that going any other way except maybe that im thrown off the train and survive but never walk again.

So...

Not wanting to return to a place where my family will scream and make fun of me for being a fuck up again. While being forced to work a shitty service job and never see my friends cause theyre always busy. And never have anywhere to go.

Im trying to find another english job id like.... its not going well

Moving into a sharehouse.... i really dont want a roommate but i have no other choice cause im not even gonna be able to afford that with the fact that i only have a couple 1000 dollars and my rent alone will eat that meaning. Cant go do anything. So im aiming to be in the middle of tokyo. Living that city life i always wondered about.

Btw. The week before this happened id just accepted to myself that the city has too many people and i liked my little town with all the cheap stuff and my bike that kept me in shape. And that i coild see mount fuji on a clear day. This is why i dont approciate things. The second i have the thought its gone

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survivorwakea · 5 years

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Episode #3: “New Tribe New Tribulations.” - Ben

That joint tribal went almost perfectly besides the fact that a dean voted for me for whatever freakkkkiing reason, but I really came out of that tribal with close allys in Johnney and Chloe from the other tribes so I really think that is dope I would type more but I’m shot

wow ladies so im sitting on the toilet rn and i am fucking shaking in my boots. do u know how worried i am rn. im so worried. johnny said at the joint tribal that we were SOMEHOW not a part of that the 13 of them had already gotten to know each other and meet each other and everything that hit me rly hard bc like.... shit. shit shit fuck. fuck fuck shit. fuck. they’re friends already and more likely than not lono is gonna get picked off one by one at the tribe swap or whatever im literally so scared

Omg omg omg I just went to like my first ever live tribal and it was soooo exciting omg omg omg. I really loved having the chance to sort of better connect with these people and have a moment with them that you wouldn't otherwise have really. And, I survived so that's a massive plus as well!! Eek I'm just so excited right now to be playing this season and everyone on the other tribes seem so active and happy and I'm really looking forward to getting to know them more throughout the season. It sucks I had to lose Dean but we all have to make sacrifices somewhere.

Just got on new tribes and I’m pleased. I think I should be able to make some strong connections here. Elmo’s on my tribe and that really helps. Also talking to Joey and he seems pretty cool. Hopefully we do a good enough job on whatever song we choose so none of us have to go home. Hopefully Johnny, Justin, and Taylor are alright. I still kinda don’t know what I’m doing or where I am. Didn’t realize until half way through the last round that all 3 tribes were at the combined tribal. I thought there were 10 of us and that it could be a split vote. True flop? Yes. Maybe I’ll decide to get it together.

After a really crazy tribal council, we swapped and to be honest I don’t feel as bad about this as I probably should. I feel like during the joint tribal I bonded well enough with Chloe, Thomas and Taylor where I think that if we go to a tribal I have enough bonds started that will keep me safe at least for another round and on top of that we also got Cullen on our tribe which is honestly the best case scenario because that could honestly be a free round!

Trust Rankings (Early AF) 1. Chloe 2. Thomas 3. Taylor 4. Randy Who’s Cullen?

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Well I knew I was going to be talking about the swap eventually. Cullan just got evacuated which is sad and I hope he is doing okay. I'm glad I swapped with Chloe and I feel Adam and Taylor are staring to see me and Chloe as a duo, which can be either good or bad. Randy I need to talk to more. Taylor and Adam both said they would be a number to me and Chloe if we need them, but I hope to hold that off for a little while.I just want to win this next challenge and avoid tribal :)

WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DOES THOMAS THINK HE IS DOING RIGHT NOW? Taylor has messaged me saying last night they spoke to Thomas about maybe us 3 working together and that Taylor thought maybe Thomas should message me first about it. But here I am with Taylor messaging me about it and no word at all from Thomas. I've given Thomas a chance to bring it up, I've been sat talking to him about how he's now finished school so he has more time to play orgs. This could so easily lead into a conversation about how Taylor messaged him. But instead he's just said "Im gonna go get a slurpee" well while you're out go find someone else to work with you because you're gonna need all the help you can get because I'm fucking coming for your bitchass now and I'm not gonna stop until it's red raw from taking all these hits from me.

New Tribe New Tribulations. I stayed with Elmo which is good, and I have been chatting up the rest of the tribe. Jared seems nice and I've floated the idea of working with him at a potential tribal. I've talked less with Lily, but she seems nice. People I've talked the least with are Ian and Joey. Joey never responded to my messages, and Ian I just don't talk to lol. I'm pretty confident ian would stick with me and elmo and I think we could successfully target Joey, especially if we hold the milo 3 over their heads and threatened rocks.

So, my premonition was most indeed correct. We ended up swapping from 4 tribes to 3 tribes. Not that that’s a totally bad thing. I mean, looking at OG tribes on Haumea 2.0, I’m in a 3-2-1 majority. And we had a music video challenge. My tribe lip synced to I Write Sins Not Tragedies. The question is, will we be pouring the champagne in victory? Or will the goddamn door be closed on one of us at tribal council?

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whew. sorry i haven’t made a confessional yet i’ve been busy. but now i feel like i’m gonna leave out important info so let’s hope i don’t. we swapped tribes and that was... a bummer. i had my 3 person alliance over on my other tribe and i had elmo! i miss elmo so much and just hope we meet again soon. i don’t really loooove my new tribe.. i like justin of course and i think i’ve been hitting it off with johnny. and strayed talking to anbel a bit. tried to talk to bodhi and asya but nothing really clicked. here’s something interesting.. justin told me he went idol searching and he looked where i looked round one and where i found the idol. he told me that a power was there but it’s now gone and he told me that johnny told him he looked there but said he just drowned in the vortex and didn’t say anything about a power being there. so i think johnny just messed up his words but now justin thinks johnny has a power and i’m just letting him think that and throwing scenarios out there and i can let johnny take the blame hehe. i also went idol aka advantage searching somewhere and i got somewhere asking if i’d be willing to give up 2 votes. i thought about how during the joint tribal a vote was missing so i assumed whatever power is there, somebody has it. so i said nope bye i want my votes! i told justin about this so i can kinda pin asya having this power since she was at the joint tribal and she’s on my tribe now so it could be a good excuse to vote her off if we ever go to tribal and i can be safe another round.

so now justin thinks johnny has the idol or some kind of power even though it’s really me who has it. and thinks asya has whatever power she got for giving up 2 votes. idek if asya is the one who got that power but i needed someone to pin it out so we have an excuse to vote her out and i can stay safe.

i also wanna apologize for whatever spelling mistakes i make and if i literally don’t make any sense at all. it’s so hard to type up exactly what i’m feeling and put it into words kdkdkdkd.

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Trust List:

1. Joey 2. Anabel 3. Elmo 4. Ben 5. Bodhi 6. Lily 7. Randy 8. Ian

so we swapped which is great! the initial numbers are 3-2-1 and im in the 3 so that's great! however ian isnt the most socially active player so i think he could easily be the target of the 2 and the 1 and i dont think either ben or myself would want to pull a rock for him right now

i think i will hint him to get close to like lily or someone so in case we ended up losing a challenge she'd want to target joey instead of him. thats the goal. i dont want to lose ian bc basically if lily sides with joey in that situation, jared will be the decider and while i do trust jared, i think it gives him too much power yanno and it might be enticing for him to stick to his OG tribe ally rather than two ppl he met at the swap

im not sure how that will go but i hope well hehe! ALSO I FOUND AN IDOL, ZACK'S INFORMATION PULLED THROUGH!!! i havent told anyone yet, in fact host made a mistake in the beginnin sayin that it was already found and then said like 1h later, oh u actually have an idol and that got me SHOOK TO MY CORE! the awk thing is that i told ben already that i didnt find it so hdiasfahsdif! i just hope that when / if i tell him, he wont be too upset with me bc i right now i consider us p close!

It’s hot as hell where I am right now. Better to be sweating over the heat than sweating over tribal, I guess.

I got tribe swapped fucked and im annoyed.

So i got put on a tribe full of STINKY stinky players. And the challenge is a lipsync so im like "submit the lipsyncs ASAP" and theyre practically more than useless and do nothing. So we submitted practically nothing because theyre so fucking bad at time management. And now we're at tribal.

Nobody talking to me about the vote, so I'm going home. I'll try and pull a stunt but idk. Wish me luck

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Milu 2.0...hmmm... Where do I begin? 🤔 So my feelings on the tribe are mixed. Adam, Tom and Chloe were all part of the previous joint tribal so I had already had conversations with all of them. It made it easier to socialize when the swap actually did happen. Tom seems like a cool cat, and I had approached him with the idea of him, Chloe and I grouping up. Chloe seemed more than okay with it, but Tom never talked to Chloe about it like he said he would. That raised some red flags for me and Chloe. Adam and Randy I didn't feel as comfortable to begin with, but in the past day or two Adam has really came around and proposed we work together. Thus CAT was born. It's maybe not something long term but I think I could have great allies in Chloe and Adam individually. Tonight's vote is probably the most uncomfortable yet. Nothing feels solid, everything feels very much in the air, even if I have a majority alliance. This game is a rollercoaster and tonight I'm teetering on the edge and I have that sinking feeling in my gut. All I can do is put blind faith in my people and hope for the best.

This confessional is for the Third cycle where the end result was 4-1 (Randy, Tom) Loosing this challenge as honestly a rally hard pill to swallow I was absolutely pissed if we’re being honest, pissed at the fact that the final product was my video that as supposed to get snipped and trimmed because I didn’t know legit anything about that song or even lii syncing. I think me competing and being the one that submitted helped me when it was time to vote somebody out because I was told by basically everyone that sending me home would have been a silly decision. I honestly think my only option was too got out Randy because I think I’m solid with everybody else individually where I was trying to force something with Randy. If we lose again things will honestly go from 0 to 100 real fast as I don’t think anybody knows if Tom and Chloe are actually tight or what the deal is there but that will one hunger percent come in to place. All in all very successful round for me in my opinion. I think I need to be careful not to build this huge target on my back but I’m staying focused and just plowing through

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week3/s-0kmTB

I’m doing wonderful! As far as this game is concerned, Jared and I are tighter than Ralphie May’s(RIP) pants. We know what each other is doing, and we communicate CONSTANTLY. Ian is tricky to get. He just says “Oh, okay” to everything, its as if he’s building up a wall to prevent me from having a social game, it’s highkey INFURIATING. I LOVE LILY, she’s an actual angel, and she’s a good player. I like Elmo alot, he’s definitely at a disadvantage due to his timezone. As far as everyone else, I’m getting closer to Asya as we’ve put our “beef” aside and we realized we’re friendly. Johnny and I have known each other for 3 years, he was the first person I knew in this community, he was the first person who hosted me and got me into this community, he’s going to always be like a brother to me.

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Cullan is removed from the game. Randy is voted out 4-1.

#episode #sailaway

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yumenosakiacademy · 5 years

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metr0con 2019 friday diary

Cosplayed/breakfast/snack: same as thursday diary

For future me only. preferred that you dont read this, thanks.

Okay so we arrived at like, 10:23 or abt that time so i had some time before my first panel so i just kinda walked around. i dont think anything happened around that time, sorry. my memory of today is a lil bit hazy at parts. but while on the escalator, i looked over at registration n saw creeper print and a yellow crown n the person rly looked like king gavin n i openly Gasped but i couldnt get to them obviously but i was like gjhnsmjgh hh.

then, i went to the yoi panel! uhm.. not much to comment on for this panel, sorry. there was a viktor, yuri, and yurio! i remember there was a personality swap ask and for part of the panel, they all had switched jackets because of a dare.

next was the oh-shc panel! the honey was rly cute n gave a lot of hugs to a lot of the audience members n they were such sute hugs gjhnsm.. like the ones where u semi-leap at a person n hug em w slight movement it was so cute. kyoya said his entire budget book he brought was all for tamaki’s expenses and tamaki proposed to haruhi as a dare but earlier in the panel he was imagining outloud him n haruhi’s wedding gjhnsm

after that, i couldve went to the grav!ity falls panel or the bn-ha one, but since the bn-ha one was in the same room as the previous two, i just decided to stay in my seat for that one. the todoroki n kirishima came in late w starbucks which todoroki says was paid for by endeavor bc he had his dad’s credit card n he actually gave out 2 fake paper credit cards to ppl. aizawa got asked what the dumbest thing he’s gotten asked by one of his students n he said it was “whats your quirk, aizawa?” n todoroki said “it’s not ‘is mayonaise an instrument’? then there was other stuff n they played Sentences and i suggested the scenario “furry convention” after someone suggested todoroki and izuku. ALSO!!! i won the raffle for a bn-ha poster! it was drawn by the uraraka that was one of the panelists n it looks so good ;w; dunno where im gonna put it.. but as my first fanmade print (that’s not my hs wall scroll, which was officially licensed), ill cherish it.

after that i had time to walk! i saw a bunch of id0lish cosplayers! the id0lish7 ones in the dream journey outfits n the 2 trigger members i saw were in similar outfits? i forgot the name for them. anyway! i saw a gentaro n took their pic n they were like “i hav a dice n ramuda somewhere around here.. we’re fl!ng posse” so i wndered around the dealers room n eventually found the dice n ramuda together n took their pic too! thn i kept wanderin n i!! found the king gavin n i was like “are you cosplaying king gavin” n they were like “yea!” n i was!! so happy!!! n they turned to their friend n they were like “see you shouldve stayed in costume! [turns 2 me] they were mad k!ng ryan up until a lil while ago; they changed” but anyway i took their pic n they were talking abt how it feels kinda odd to come to terms w the fact theyre cosplaying minecraft n how they saw a minecraft person earlier n thought abt talking to them but it’s different bc it’s ach!evement hunter so they dont kno the full picture. i saw a corrin w arei button!! which was exciting. also met a nico who said they were gonna b arashi that day but didnt wanna contour but theyre gonna b her tomorrow!! DURING THIS TIME i also saw an adachi body pillow at an artist’s booth n im.. gjhnskm....... i wanted it...... i later found out it was $60 tho so. ;w; i met a sougo n tamaki n i asked if i could take their pic n they said yea, just give em a sec, n the sougo was like “r u cosplayin tsukasa??” n i said yep n they were like do u wanna b in our mv?” n i thought it was a whole event thing n i was like “oh. id hav to check my schedule i might b busy but” n they were talking abt how we (me, the luka next to them, n the kaito next to luka) would just do like steps to the side by following sougos lead n i was confused n repeated myself but the sougo was like “oh, no no it’s right now” n so i did that w them while the tamaki filmed n unfortunately i 4got to ask their instagrams so idk where the vid is but w/e. the sougo told me abt an id0lish meetup at 5 pm, too, out on the docks.

the h!veswap panel was p funny! an eridan n feferi in the audience were also entertaining, esp during the improve games. i remember someone asked lanque “what r ur fashion tips?” n lanque was like “...Dont Bother” n joey was confused by troll stuff n i asked daraya what her fav punk band was n she was like “we only listen to the grubbles. have u heard em?” n i was like “i.. actually havent heard the full album yet so i guess not?” but as im typing this i think i actually have?/ oops. anyway a lot happened but it’s rly hate so im gonna.... move on. im typing this paragraph last bc i 4got to type it lmao.

a ruby and dia complimented my nails! then i saw a doppo!! they were apparently the reo i took a pic of yesterday. they said their jakurai was still getting ready.

i tried to go to the grav!ty falls party but it was just one girl as mabel making the audience do games for prizes that were rly boring like decoding n stuff so i left after abt 15 minutes n went walking again. i had 2 hrs to walk now.

i went downstairs after walkina round the dealers room n there was!! a bloody banquet rei and koga!!! they were so pretty.. i was intimidated kinda but i managed to approach them n we talked abt rei’s rei itabag n koga’s goro itabag n rei said they once spent $150 dollars in rei merch in one sitting on yahoo auctions whoa. they were rly cool tho! we talked for a few minutes. later, i also saw another hypm!c group of MTR + ramuda n took their pics n the ramuda was like “ur sign omg. wait r u tsukasa??” n i said yep n we got excited abt ES n the jakurai told me theres an ES meetup tomorrow at 1 pm!! unfortunately, i hav a panel (2, actually, but i can only choose 1) that is at that time so idk if ill go... esp since it’ll prob only b a few ppl n im not the type of person to make friends anyway, yknow? ....anyway! the hifumi game me a lil clear heart tin w tiny fake yellow flowers n a piece of paper that said: “thank u, prince/princess! -hifumi [doodle of 2 champagne glasses]” n thats.. so cute. i gave them a lollipop in return. little while later, met another jakurai! i think we also talked abt ens-tars!! cant remember a lot of it tho gomen. then a lil while later, i saw the kakeru cosplayer i had heard abt on twitter! they were manning an art booth. i was like “are you cosplaying kakeru?” n they were like “yea!” n i took their pic n i was like “i didnt think id rly find k!npri cosplayers here aa” n the kakeru went “FINALLY i can use one of these!” n handed me a lil kakeru sticker they drew n i was like “his fumb bg pink jacket.. it makes him look like a Shrimp” n we both laughed n they showed me the k!npri stuff on their table n a joji on the other side of their display that looked like he was behind bars bc the display thingy and a jin hanging from one of the bars. they (the kakeru n the person they were with) were like “we kept seeing you walk by w ur sign n we were like ‘i hope they find leo!’” (both days, bc the other person asked if i was tsukasa yesterday) n i showed them my yug!oh card that’s an obscure reference to a tsukasa cg! n i talked to them a lil bit abt ens-tars but i cant remember a lot gahh!! and while i was standing there, a honoka came up and asked for my photo n i was like “ANOTHER ES FAN??” n i talked to them for a sec n forgot to put up my prop for the photo at first gjhnsm but that was cool!! oh, the honoka also asked me if i liked anzu n i was like “she’s super cute in the anime”

after that i tried to go to the fru!ts basket panel but im only 6 eps in the remake anime n they had almost all the characters n i didnt understand a lot of the questions bc i hadnt seen much of the show so.. then after only a few minutes of q+a they started up trivis so i left n just walked around the dealers room. it was during this time that my crown fell off (SECOND DAY IN A ROW) n i searched the whole dealers room but couldnt find it?? ghh..

ANYWAY i found another ramuda w a jakurai n the ramuda liked my sign too n they were like “ur tsukasa!” n i went yep n they saw the buttons ns tuff on my bag n all my keychains n they were like ‘oh, sry” n i was like “no no, it’s okay, u can go thru all the keychains on my backpack i hav A Lot” n i pointed out chiaki as my best boy n mika as my 2nd fav n they said they cosplay hakaze. at some point, i played drops on my flip phone i think bc ramuda was saying smth pertaining to drops?? mayb not. but i played it n jakurai was like “oh god i hav to hear it hre too..” (in-character, i think) n i spotted another ramud in the distand n asked them to wtch my stuff while i took the ramudas pic so i went over n the person next to them had an arashi plush!e n we both squealed (i think. i did tho, Loudly.)

after this i just wandered n i danced on the dance floor! chacha slide, cupid shuffle, n time warp iirc! def time warp tho. also to some 80s song n some guy not in cosplay spun me around nt ried to swing dance we me but he was completely leading it n i didnt kno what to do!! after that i saw a tumblr/con friend while on my way to the yoi panel!!

then the yoi panel was actually p funny! a lot of questions abt yurio’s parents being viktor and yuri and yuri n viktor slowdanced to an edd sheeran song n otabek showed off their muscles (like, flexed their arms in their tank top) n yuri kept dramatically thwipping open their rainbow fan esp in responses to gay asks. at one point, someone asked abt yaois n a mom who was attending w their preteen or teen child was like “whats yaoi?” n the ppl behind her were like “i dont wanna b the one to do this..” n ppl told the mom n the mom to their teen/preteen kid was like “what are u watching? where? is it okay? is it on tv?” n the kid was responding to ehr questions but i couldnt hear them gjhnsm. yurio did a dance to a song n after that, we all danced to cupid shuffle n wobble n then i stopped but others did the time warp too. oh! also i answered a trivia question right (”who’s yuri’s best friend?” “pichit”) and got an utapr! keychain/strap! it’s reiji in a glitter thing. none of the other stuff there aside from some yoi straps was my fandoms so i saw utapr! n went for it.

then the bnh-a pj party! ...uh. the original panelists never showed up so random bn-ha cosplayers (and their non-cn.ha-cosplaying friends) tred to host the panel but everythign was hectic and loud n unfocused n a wreck but i noticed a ramuda n a hifumi i hadnt taken a pic of yet in the corner of the room (there were no chairs) so i eventually got annoyed/bored n went over to ask for a pic but ended up asking to sit w them (i walked over, put my sign down, n went “i said Fuck leo rights n higumi was like “that chara is familiar..” n i said leo from ES n they were like “oh i watched p 1 of that” n i was like “ep 2, this unday. stan ryuseitai”) n i ended up talking to them abt hypm!c n cosplay stuff n i talked a bit abt ens-tars and we all agreed that stella n papillion Slap on the new album. n ramuda said they were cosplaying as a prom!sed neverland haracter tomorrow n recommended it to me n i was like “oh im watching fru!ts basket rn tho” n the hifumi said they were too n the ramuda was like “do u kno the horse one in fru!ts basket? My Horse Boyfriend....” (the game. i think that was the name) so i showed them the hypm!c ask blog where they draw some of the charcaters as horses n the other characters as cowboys n the ramuda showed me the pics that r on their swear jar (photshopped pics of kinako w long legs in stockings+heels) n id0lish memes n it was all chill!! i played drops for them on my phone too. someone came over n went “if u can type w those nails, ur a god[dess]” n i said i could w Only my nails n they said i was like a god[dess] hehe. the higumi said they should make a tumblr n i heard them muttering “should i put 14 on here?” n ramuda went “well i mean, you Are 14-” n i went “ur 14?” n they nodded n i asked the ramuda how old They were n they said 14 n i was like “oh my god.. yallre babies..... gjhnsmk im 18.” n the ramuda crawled back a bit n they were like “18??” n the hifumi was like “u look so young tho whoa! rly?” n i was like “yea i look p young.. ive been compared to a freshman b4..... n yea i graduated like 2 months ago” n the hifumi was like “congratulations :o”

#A LOT MORE COULD HAV BEEN SPOKEN ABT BUT IT'S LATE N I AHV 2 GET UP EARLY OKAY #con diary

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apsbicepstraining · 7 years

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California changin ‘: three heads assure biography be replicated in state’s primary

Exclusive: on the day of the Golden States vote, we hear from Jerry Brown, Gray Davis and Pete Wilson, three living governors who could have been president

Jerry Brown sat beside a glittering swimming pool at the governors mansion, having exactly browsed a batch of California newspapers in the spring sunshine.

The articles were now folded and stacked on a table. The superintendent searched a little bored. History isnt a big topic in the majority newspapers, he said.

Brown is a big thinker, never willingly constrained by the borders of his regime.

During an interview at his Sacramento residence that lasted close to an hour, he testified more interest in issues that reside chairwomen than ministers: climate change, nuclear proliferation, terrorism, the buildup of Nato units along the Russian margin, the global economy.

Look at Brazil, Chile, France, Ukraine, Poland theres a lot of miserable folk out there, he supposed. Weve had a period of wealth. A mint of beings are well-situated. But a lot of other people arent. Therein is the debate. Can the center accommodate? Can leader rise to the opportunity?

Brown is one of three living California governors, including his predecessors Gray Davis and Pete Wilson, who once had a shot at occupying the White House.( Arnold Schwarzenegger, a naturalized citizen, is not eligible to operate; George Deukmejian evidenced minimal those who are interested in national bureau .)

In extended sit-downs with the Guardian, Brown, Davis and Wilson offered sharply vying perceptions of the challenges facing California and the presidential candidates who have been crisscrossing the Golden State in the lead-up to the states presidential primary on Tuesday.

Yet both Brown and his two predecessors exposed, in different ways, an feeling about the tempo of change in the position they determined, collectively, for four decades.

The objections that face Californias heads eclipse those of heads of state of many countries. Major a matter that baffle world policymakers are decanted to their quintessence here: income inequality, climate change, globalization, technological disturbance.

The state has a population bigger than Canadas and an economy among the top 10 in “the worlds” up there with Japan, the UK, Germany and India thrust forward by a relentless thirst for innovation.

The state is always off balance, elongating itself precariously, improvising, seeking to run the speedies of periodic tidal waves of movement, historian Carey McWilliams wrote in California: The Great Exception.

McWilliams work was published in 1949, but it is just like it could have come out just last week.

Jerry Brown: two seconds shot at participating in the state

Jerry Brown began his first two consecutive expressions as a 36 -year-old in 1975. His second two words in bureau will finish in 2019, when he is 80. Photograph: Max Whittaker for the Guardian

No one alive in California today can claim to have a better understanding of the states recent wander, its ebbs and its overflows, than Brown, its longest-serving governor.

He began his first two consecutive periods as a 36 -year-old in 1975. His second two periods in bureau will finish in 2019, when he is 80.

I have this experience of sitting in the same room, with the same openings, looking out at the place there in the Capital Park, and the retention of what was relevant then, he said.

All of which can lead to a certain deja vu.

Asked about the idea of having rendering all citizens an unconditional, universal income a thought currently in vogue in Silicon Valley, where it is taken for granted that robots will render most activities defunct Brown looked a little weary.

Thats called a demi-grant, he responded. Thats what George McGovern proposed in the 1972 expedition. It didnt go over very well.

When it comes to financial affairs, Browns prudence is well established. No historic hertz appears to irked him more than Californias habit of lurching from economic good times to bad, from boom to bust.

After evidencing how economic catastrophes delivered down predecessors such as Davis and Schwarzenegger, Brown has made the prudent stewardship of state commerces his hallmark.

Jerry Brown is affirmed in as California governor on 6 January 1975. Photograph: AP

Through a combination of spending sections, good fortune and levy grows, Brown has obliterated the $27 bn lack. He has done so while determining drastic goals to reduce Californias carbon emissions and is enjoying notoriety ratings that are the envy of many rival ministers.

I think our success is a refutation of the individuals who announce climate change investments retard their own economies, he answered.

Now the books are balanced, and legislators in his own Democratic party are calling for more spending on social programs.

But the minister, who recently signed a constitution that will increase Californias minimum wage to $15 an hour in six years old, is counselling limited. He argues that a recent immerse in tax revenues underscores the need to prepare for what could be another economic downturn.

When youre at the end of a business repetition, theres a great deal of money, and youve had a record of a lot of money so youre exceedingly acclimated to having coin, so it is very hard to say in the middle of that Oh, halt, gives slow down, makes save, he remarked, justifying the reluctance of his adversaries. It doesnt feel right.

Brown claimed to be unaware of the chorus of headache among venture capitalists and analysts in Silicon Valley. They worry that 16 years after the first dotcom bubble burst, the tech economy, the modern machine of proliferation in California, is once again contracting.

I havent heard often about it but it wouldnt surprised to see me, he said.

Brown urges fortitude when it comes to the two major infrastructure projects he hopes will define his gift tunnels to convey irrigate to agricultural parts of the state parched by drought, and an ambitious high-speed rail line.

He seemed unfazed by PayPal billionaire Elon Musks proposed Hyperloop a pneumatic tube to ferry fares between San Francisco and Los Angeles for a tenth of the cost of a high-speed rail system

Thats vaporware, Brown did, utilizing tech shorthand for a commodity that isnt “re ready for” public consumption. And by the way, theyre different things: arent you in a little thing “goin ” a vacuum tube? Thats not the same as gazing out the window, socializing with your neighbour, is it?

Brown strove the Democratic nomination for chairman three times in his career in 1976, 1980 and 1992 and was mooted as a formidable candidate this year, too.

His most successful move was against Bill Clinton, although it famously descended into bitterness.

His populist, grassroots expedition railed against commerce copes such as Nafta, called for a living wage and promised reform of a debase expedition investment system.

Sounds familiar, doesnt it? Brown supposed, alluding to Bernie Sanders leftwing range, which has ignited a radical basi of voters. I reckon I even said the 1 %.

Brown had not endorsed potential candidates in the Democratic primary when he was interviewed by the Guardian last-place month.

But last week, he opted to endorse Hillary Clinton.

It was a subdued blurb, following a private meeting with his former adversary, Bill Clinton. He prepared the bulletin in an open letter to Democrats that praised Sanders as much as Clinton, and portrayed his decision as training exercises in political pragmatism rather than any attraction for the Democratic frontrunner.

Governor Brown endorsed Clinton for the 2016 election in an open letter to Democrat. Image: Max Whittaker for the Guardian

This is no time for Democrat to save pushing one another, Brown wrote, after please explain how insurmountable Clintons precede was and warning of the consequences of a Donald Trump presidency. The general election has already begun.

Brown argues that Trumps political candidacy repeats the narrative of his TV prove The Apprentice.

Only this time the real estate baron says youre burnt not to a rival, Brown alleges, but to the the fail status quo, in Washington, in the economy, in the world.

The experience of an unconventional nominee with fame plead erupting the populist barrage is not a brand-new one for Brown. Both of his stints as California governor identified him oust actors-turned-politicians Reagan in 1975 and Schwarzenegger in 2011.

People emphatically like performers, Brown pronounced. After Pat Brown, people choose Ronald Reagan After Davis was remembered, they opt for Arnold People like a good show.

Gray Davis: The troubles are far more severe now

Gray Davis is a strong benefactor of Hillary Clintons presidential attempt. Image: Dan Tuffs for the Guardian

Until this years expected contest between Clinton and Trump, it has been hard to find two candidates as different from each other as Gray Davis and Arnold Hasta la vista, newborn Schwarzenegger.

Davis is punishment and moderate, cautious and exceedingly low-key. After stints as commonwealth controller and lieutenant minister, he was viewed, in the words of San Jose Mercury News political writer Phil Trounstine, as perhaps the best trained governor-in-waiting that California has ever produced.

As one California columnist placed it in a piece about possible presidential candidates to post up against the then chairperson George W Bush: Dont be surprised if, sometime in early 2003, Democratic seeings turn to Sacramento. Gray Davis is as conceivable successful candidates as anyone.

But the special poll break short Davis second expression, stillness all talk of a 2004 presidential bid and throw a Hollywood action star in its term of office. Davis became the second largest superintendent in American history to be recalled.

The main similarity between 2003 and 2016, Davis said, is anger.

Voters who support Sanders and Trump are ferocious at an oblivious political class and an economy that has helped the few while leaving the many behind. Thirteen years ago, Californians seethed over a $38 bn country budget deficit and an electricity crisis that dimmed illuminates while helping Enron.

We had some plan topics, Davis said with characteristic understatement during a 90 -minute interview in his Century City office. We had the energy crisis. I envision people were disappointed. But that kind of sallows in comparison with what I guess Americas going through now.

The state unemployment rate when Davis was governor peaked at 7 %. As the Great Recession ended, it crested 12% before drooping to a preliminary reading of 5. 3% this past April. Although millions of people are back to work in California and throughout the country, the gap between rich and poor has enlarged, and good, middle-class undertakings are hard to find.

I think the problems are far more severe now because of technology dislocating enterprises, in part because of busines agreements, Davis said. There are more and more Americans, be they college developed or not, they cant find fulfilling handiwork. And that is a big problem.

Gray Davis impounds two handgun during a 1999 press conference where he reaffirmed support for legislation that would rehabilitated the country disallow on military-style assault artilleries. Photograph: Nick Ut/ AP

Finding meaningful engaging for those craving work is among the biggest challenges facing California, tells the soft-spoken 73 -year-old. Another one? Moving sure those jobseekers are equipped to survive in a rapidly changing world.

Were the dwelling of Silicon Valley, and a lot of this technological change flows from our district, Davis said. So I think we have an obligation as national societies Silicon Valley is under the obligation, as well as state and federal government to figure out, OK, if we employ beings out of work, what is it they can do? And how can we be part of helping them?

Effective vocational training is the first phase, Davis said, but it cant be some rinky-dinky program, unless it leads to a undertaking thats meaningful.

Virginia is one possible representation. Ninth-graders in the Old Dominion are told early in the school year what occupations are available in their region and what courses they should take to be hired, he remarked. High school juniors and seniors are linked up with prospective employers.

So even if you dont going to see college, “youre seeing”, Im graduating and maybe theres a home I can go, Davis said. Even the most sophisticated business have computers and machines which are required to be serviced. Those are about $90,000, $100,000[ a year] jobs.

Among those he has lobbied, often, is Hillary Clinton, whom he describes as being in total agreement.

Davis is a strong backer of Clintons presidential offer. She might not be the worlds best activist, he acknowledges, an honor that goes to her husband. But she is as qualified a person as has ever run for the presidency.

There they are in a framed photo on the wall of his very nifty role: Davis to the left, his “hairs-breadth” a little more blond than grey-haired, Clinton in the middle and Univision chairman Haim Saban to the right. The photo dates from 2008 when the former head and the billionaire mega donor backed her first run for the Oval Office. Both are in her reces again.

Pete Wilson: We have been losing tasks at a ghastly frequency for a very long time

Pete Wilson tells demographics are largely to blame for the shrinking California GOP. Picture: Dan Tuffs for the Guardian

Many point to Pete Wilson and Proposition 187 to explain the collapse of the California Republican party.

When he was elected head in 1990, the GOP claimed 39% of the states registered voters. That illustration has removed more than 11 percentage points since.

But the 82 -year-old Republican calls such a characterization the myth that has been promoted aggressively by the people who are for illegal migration, and Im not talking about the immigrants. Im talking about the smart pols and the people they employed to promote that.

Proposition 187, which sought to barroom undocumented immigrants from services such as education and non-emergency medical aid, guided with 59% of the voting in 1994, Wilson greenbacks, a feat that could not have occurred without the support of registered Democrats. It was later tossed out by a federal adjudicator.

The measure, a cornerstone of his re-election campaign, facilitated Wilson win a come-from-behind race. At the time, he pledged to serve his full second period. When he announced in 1995 that he had a duty to run for chairman, he angered many of his loyal donors. After merely six months, he lowered out of the hasten, his safarus$ 1m in debt.

When Pete Wilson was elected in 1990 the GOP claimed 39% of the states registered voters. That has descent more than 11 percentage points. Photograph: Gary Stewart/ AP

The vote for 187 greatly surpassed the Republican registration, Wilson alleged. And, in fact, when[ then chairperson Bill] Clinton and[ then vice-president Al] Gore came here and were being very righteous, I spoke, Well, if “youve been” think thats true, I have to remind you of something. The be voting in favour of 187 enormously outperformed the vote for Clinton-Gore. And I dont think it was a cluster of Republicans voting for Clinton-Gore.

The way Wilson sees it, demographics are primarily to blame for the wince California GOP , not Prop 187.

In 1990, the population stands at merely under 30 million, with 57% of inhabitants white-hot and 25% Latino. By 1 July 2014, Latinos had officially hummed out lily-whites as the most significant ethnic group in California; out of 38.8 million people at the time, 14.99 million were Latino and 14.92 million were white.

In addition, Wilson told, a lot of beings have moved out of California who were Republicans. They have moved to Montana, Texas. Theyve moved into Nevada Part of “its by” people left when their jobs left. And “weve been” losing errands at a afraid frequency for a very long time.

The former marine said that when he flip his support behind 187, “hes taking” the greatest agony not to be misconstrue about its own position. The evaluate is not about race, he said then and reiterates now, but preferably about the principles of the rule of statute. Those who come to this generous nation legally should enjoy its benefits; those who crack the laws and regulations should not.

Wilson backings Trumps plan to build a wall along the Mexican borderline but says that it should be part physical structure, component sensory technology, persona beefed up law enforcement personnel. Until such a wall is completed, he enunciated, there should be no mass evictions of undocumented people.

Pete Wilson does push-ups while actor Arnold Schwarzenegger claps him on during a 1991 trip to promote physical fitness to school children. Image: Rich Pedroncelli/ AP

The problem of illegal immigration highlights what Wilson views as one of Californias most serious problems: the influence of labor unions.

Youve get those who live in the darkness, he said in a wide-ranging interview that lasted more than two hours. And it has been encouraged, frankly, by the Democratic party and, God knows, by the public employee solidarities, who see that as a source of new membership, brand-new dues and be retained in superpower politically, indefinitely, with a permanent majority of illegal immigrants.

Unions, he mentioned, are behind yet another challenge facing California resurrecting the public institutions organization which we have been dumbing down for years.

Despite Trumps tough talk on immigration, the billionaire was not Wilsons choice for Republican presidential nominee. He was third, behind Wisconsin governor Scott Walker and Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, who submitted out precisely three days after Wilson endorsed him.

Cruzs departure rendered Trump the presumptive GOP nominee, a fact that left many establishment Republicans like Wilson bewildered.

I have to laugh to keep from crying, he said.

That is a damning reaction to the presumptive Republican nominee and his takeover of the GOP. Still, Wilson “ve never” sat out a presidential election, and he doesnt plan to start now.

Asked if he would endorse Trump, Wilson responded: I think so The stakes are simply too high.

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