#not hbo having me sit here defending a rich white man

[alicentflorent]

The HBO statement was condescending as fuck. George worked on multiple tv shows and knows how adaptions work and the limitations that come with making a tv show. He understands that and has talked about it. He rightly criticised how his work is being adapting and the poor writing choices (that plenty of other people have criticised), which he has every right to do.

[monicalorandavis]

I went out with a famous man and it was bad.

I’m not going to do the thing where I tell you everything up until the point that you know exactly who I’m talking about in hopes that it saves me a modicum of decency. I’m not sparing you his name out of decency. The opposite in fact. I’m scared - particularly when it comes to the possible ramifications to my career in the “biz”. I’m also not going to say that this was an intense affair because, girl, we went out twice. It wasn’t serious. We didn’t even kiss. We hugged at the end of the night after he walked me to my car. And then, that exact same thing happened at the end of the second date. That’s it. We don’t keep in touch. We ain’t friends.

I would’ve let the whole thing go but he’s stayed in the Twittersphere on a near constant level with some malarkey here, there and everywhere. And now, here I am, about to chime the fuck in.

So, a little context. The man in question, let’s call him “Jack”, is a writer and comedian who has been successful and widely recognized as such for the last twentyish years. I’ve been to his house and it’s big and expensive and poorly decorated and covered in dog hair. The sort of house I’d imagine a much younger man dwelling in, but, that’s not important. He’s got money and although he’s not traditionally good-looking, he’s got a certain swagger that wealth affords you. I’m not a looks girl, so it didn’t bother me. 

Now, he hasn’t been able to shut up and keep those Twitter fingers silent so he catches a lot of heat for some pretty wild opinions on wealth. He’s pro-wealth. In Trump’s America, that puts you in a pretty weird position. One that most Hollywood types avoid like the plague, in spite of their own bloated bank accounts. I guess you could give it to the guy for being honest but then again, he could just not say anything about the wealthy because they hardly need any defending. They are not the ones getting screwed left, right and center. They’re the ones who rigged the system in the first place. So, no Jack, your opinion is not welcome.

In the context of the present entanglement Jack has found himself in, he’s a snob and it’s boding poorly for the guy. Turns out, 2020 is not the year of the snob. It might very well be the year for the common man. Bernie might win (I said “might”). And that in and of itself is a bit of a triumph. Not so, if you’re Jack.

In Jack’s world, the rich should be treated, according to his tweets, and to a certain extent, the conversations we shared, “fairly”. But, in this present moment, in this America where many people beg for spare dollars for life-saving surgeries on Go Fund Me, fair is a construct. There is no fair. The poor are not afforded fairness. In fact, the poor deal with constant disregard for a fair wage. Their paychecks go to that evening’s dinner whereas the rich earn, and save, and create opportunities for their future generations. The whole system is, in fact, wholly unfair. By nature of being born with wealth, or white, you have a leg, or two, up from the rest. People don’t like hearing that. They like believing they’ve earned it all. But wherever you are on the issue of privilege, it exists.

This is where I come in: I had to say something having had first-hand experience with Jack who is perhaps the weirdest person I’ve ever spent time with (and I went to Berkeley where my professors ranged from very likely the next Unabomber to full-blown Fascist). Jack is someone I’d describe as “smug and uncomfortable”. And I use uncomfortable in all senses of the world. He made me uncomfortable but, also, this is a man who’s very deeply uncomfortable with himself. Turns out money can’t buy you chill.

At the sake of being petty, Jack had a very, very odd physical disposition. He’s slight, his eyes are watery and he seemingly suffers from near constant allergies to the point that he was left rubbing said eyes compulsively. Lastly, and most unusual, Jack suffered from a condition known as Robert Durst-itis - he burps uncontrollably at the faintest hint of confrontation. Yes, I sat across from a man who burped uncontrollably for a good 15-20 minutes, then stopped, then did it all over again. It smelled dreadful and I was too polite to leave, and frankly, I was too stunned to move. I have never, nor imagine, will ever be in that situation again. It was like seeing someone cut open and staring inside of their dysfunctional digestive tract. It was real life “Operation” except this man was discussing the sorry state of comedy and I smiled and nodded. My mind was in twelve different places at once. I’d seen “The Jinx” on HBO. I’d loved it. But we all remember that final moment when Durst is being hit with evidence implicating him in the murders. It went viral because of the burps. It was his only defense, as if his body recognized defeat but presented one last line of defense - a parasympathetic response to the confrontation. It was a skunk spraying at its aggressor. I was stuck at one of my favorite bars with a man who physically disgusted me. His only acknowledgement of the burps was a casual, “Doctors don’t know what it is”, but my mind leapt at the worst possible scenario. I was sitting across from Robert Durst and instead of running away, I thought to myself, “maybe this guy will read my script.”

WHAT??!?!

In the end, the burps were gross but I was grosser. I was willing to endure what should be by all accounts the un-endurable. And for what? The smallest chance that this man I respected would like me enough to take a shot on me. To just give me a little of his time and extend that olive branch that could change my life. And, he didn’t. We walked out of each other’s lives and I would’ve loved to have left the whole thing in the past. But when he decided to avenge the cause of rich-bashing, I needed to pipe up. This is somebody who does not have the decency to keep breath mints or gum on him, let alone stop burping, how dare he talk about fairness!!!! To make matters worse, the dude was a world-class mansplaining hater of all things current. He hated everything on TV and everything I loved. He thought everyone had copied his show - and spilled all the tea about his famous friends. 

I needed to say something because, in more ways that one, Jack sort of sucks. But so do I. Only difference being, I accept it. I don’t hide behind accolades and famous friends. I own my relentless social climbing. It’s part of the gig. It’s the worst part of the gig.

 I like to let myself off the hook because rich white men still run this town. We are all guilty of placating them. But, I don’t like it. And I certainly won’t allow another man, no matter how powerful, burp (figuratively or literally) in my face again.