#not gonna get on my soapbox right now and waste the rest of our time'

[mythicalcoolkid]

Two doctor’s appointments today

First one is because I might have something called Marfan Syndrome; after a week of processing that it’s less scary. It’s got a bunch of weird symptoms, like super long fingers and hyperflexible joints and stuff. Those things don’t bother me, but if I do have it it might mean I have heart problems too, so I should have it checked. Had my second phone consult with a doctor today and he said he’s not sure I have it (likely at least in part because I’m fairly short and people with Marfan’s are usually really tall), can’t even make an educated guess without seeing me in person, but that I do show some signs and I should have an ultrasound done on my heart. Thankfully I’ve maxed out my out-of-pocket expenses for insurance, so hopefully it should be free. They’ll call me soon with an appointment. Worst case scenario, probably the only thing that will change will be another daily pill and a yearly checkup with a cardiologist

Second one was with a new therapist. I actually got a really good vibe from him, I was a lot more comfortable than I usually am with therapists and he wasn’t super clinical. He specializes in trauma (which is why I got referred to him) and is trained in EMDR working on his certification. I don’t know a ton about EMDR, but I’m willing to try it and maybe finally deal with all the garbage that’s been piled on over the past couple decades. He’s expensive too, so I’m going to have to apply for Medicaid before the year’s over and my insurance stops paying for everything (getting a six-month free trial of universal healthcare /j)

I was also very straightforward about my negative experiences with being sectioned with this new therapist, and after hearing my laundry list of comically bad experiences with the mental healthcare system, as well as since he’s literally a trauma therapist and knows my experience was somewhat traumatic, I feel somewhat safe that he’s not going to call the cops on me (my main deterrent with therapy). I hit a lot of the highlights of Things That Messed Me Up in this first session and he said he thinks EMDR would be really helpful for me. I can’t say I’m necessarily hopeful - I think hope might’ve run out after the third mental health professional - but I’m willing to try, and that’s enough for now