#not even kidding i have tears from laughing at tattooed golden retriever

[lesbianjudasiscariot]

this is so unserious

[phoenixhalliwell]

Well Helloooo Nurse

Pairings: Will Miller  X Gender Neutral Reader ( Nurse Lark but goes by the name of Birdie) 

Word count: 1887

Author's Note: Good Evening all, welcome to the Will Miller show. Please be gentle as it’s my first time writing for him. I also have no idea how the inside of an ER works, i’m just winging this whole thing lmao  I hope whoever stumbles on this enjoys it :) 

Hope you don’t mind the tags: @lilacyennefer​ @cinewhore​ @dignityneeded

Thanks to his idiotic brother, Will ends up in the ER. Benny in an attempt to make amends, tries to be his wingman. 

Throwing yourself down into your chair, you let out a small cry at the relief at finally being off your feet. To say it's been a long week is an understatement. Your back is in agony, your stomach won't stop growling  and there's a throbbing pain behind your eyes . The ER has finally quietened down after a disastrous morning and you're counting down the minutes until it's home time.  

'Is it just me or is time moving slower?'

You glance at the clock. Another 20 minutes  and you are free for the next two days to do absolutely nothing. Closing your eyes you smile at the thought of the large glass of wine, warm bath and take out that awaits you when you get home. Your happiness is short lived though when you hear your name being called out.

'Urghhh, just leave me alone'

"Birdie, my good friend. How are you? You are looking fiiinnneee today, is that a new pair of scrubs."

Opening your eyes, you glare at your friend Letti who is currently batting her eyes at you. You scoff. You  know for a fact you look like shit. Your hair looks like a bird's nest ( no pun intended) and you're pretty sure that your scrubs have seen better days.

"What do you want?" you narrow your eyes at her.

"You know how you're my absolute best friend and you love me so much? Could you find it in that golden heart of yours to stay on just a little longer and cover the end of my shift. It's only a couple extra hours. I wouldn't normally ask but Scott has managed to ship the kids off to his mum's tonight and it's been so long since we've had adult time, if you catch my drift. Please. Help me out here Birdie I am dying" She begs.

'Pfft least you're getting the option for adult time' you think to yourself.  You watch as she clasps her hands to her chest and starts to give you the sad puppy dog eyes .You can feel your resolve start to crumble. Groaning, you throw your head back in defeat.

"Fine, but you owe me one and you better believe I will collect" you sigh. Letti fist pumps the air before grabbing your face and giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I fucking love you Birdie. I will name my next child in your honour"  she promises.

"Yeah like I haven't heard that before" you snort, wiping your cheek. Letti suddenly thrusts a clipboard into your hand before rushing  you through your next patient, eager to get home to her husband. You're not really listening to her, nodding along  every so often as you try to decipher the chicken scratches on the paper in front of you.  

' Did a child fill in this form?'  

You hear snippets of what she is saying: "Hotter than sin..... If I wasn't married...  wouldn't be able to walk straight"

You are finally able to pick out the important information:  

Exam Room 3 - William Miller, 40, laceration to left arm.

'Ok I can work with that'

Calling out your goodbyes to Letti  and telling her to have a good time, you make your way to exam room 3 to get started. Drawing back the curtain, you step into the room and  call out

'Mr Miller?'

"Yes?" two voices answer at the same time.  

" They are talking about me Dumbass, I'm the one that's currently bleeding no thanks to you. Please excuse my brother, he was dropped on his head a lot as a child"  your patient apologises to you. You let out a snort at the quip.  It's not until you get a proper look at his face that  your laughter is quickly cut off.

'Oh' is all you can think before your mind goes blank. Sitting in front of you is a man you can only describe as an Adonis.  Even though his face is twisted slightly in pain, you would gladly stare at him  for the rest of eternity. Beautiful  blue eyes, soft blond hair, a well groomed beard. Your mind  takes you to some bad places when you think about that beard.

'Hotter than sin indeed...."  

A choked out laugh causes you to tear gaze away from William and over to the other man in the room who waves at you looking far too amused.

'Oh god, he knows I was checking out his brother' You cringe internally.

"Hi I'm Benny in case you were interested" the other man jokes. He is also a fairly attractive man  -you can see some similarities between the two. However, Benny has nothing on his brother. You shyly nod your head in greeting before making your way to Will's bedside.

"Ok Mr Miller, I am Nurse Lark. From what I could make out from your form, it says that you have a laceration on your left arm. Is this correct?"  you ask the older Miller.

"Yes that's right. Sorry about the scrawl, Benny didn't make it past the 3rd grade."  Will  teases.

"Fuck you dickhead" Benny hisses back.

"Boys, settle down, this is an ER  not a playground " you interject. Both men mumble their apologise and you try not to laugh. Gently picking up Will's arm, you turn his arm left to right to get an idea of  the extent of his injury. He's lucky in the fact it's not too deep. Unfortunately it cuts directly through the tattoo on his lower arm. Potentially a future scar but that was out with your control. Raising your head, you notice how close you are to each other's faces. Will stares back at you and you lose yourself for a minute.

"For fuck sake, get a room" You hear Benny mutter behind you. You cough and busy yourself getting the equipment you need to start patching Will up.

"I'm sorry but this might hurt a little"  you warn him in advance.

" Don't worry about me, I'm tough as nails " He smiles reassuring you.

You nod before getting started. So focused on your work, you didn't notice Will admiring you from where he sat. He liked the way  your eyes never wavered from your task despite Benny blabbering on in the background. How your nimble fingers made quick work of his wound. He thought the way you stuck your tongue out slightly in concentration was the cutest thing.

Benny was quick to notice his brother's heart eyes and started snickering.

" You know what Will? Maybe if you're a good boy the nice nurse will kiss it better once they are done"

You glance up in time to see Will's face turn scarlet. 

'Just when I thought he couldn't get any cuter'

"That's it, Benny get out now!" Will  growled.

Benny sighs dramatically and sulks out the room but not without muttering "just trying to help you get laid dickhead". You glance back at Will who is now staring up at the ceiling, looking as though he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

"It's days like these I really wish my parents had got me a puppy instead of a little brother"

"Well from what I've seen of him so far, the man is basically a gold retriever in human form" you joke back. The laugh he lets out catches you off guard.

'I  could get used to that sound.'

You had to stop yourself from sighing and scolded yourself for acting like a love sick fool instead of the professional you are.

The conversation came easy for you both after that.  You started by telling him your name before the both of you shared little tidbits about each other. Will seemed like an interesting man from what information he gave. He was funny and incredibly smart.

'He's perfect'  is all you could think. However, it didn't take long after Benny got asked to leave to finish patching the rest of Will's arm up.  

"Well Mr Miller, I guess that's you done. Please make sure to keep the area as clean as possible and have someone help you change your bandages"

You feel sad at the idea of him leaving. It is evident that he feels the same by the way he stalls collecting his things. He looks like he's debating with himself before he finally turns to you looking determined.

" Would you maybe like to go to dinner with me sometime? I know we haven't met under the best circumstances but I had a really great time talking with you. I'd end up hating myself if I didn't at least ask"

Your heart races at the question and you don't hesitate to tell him yes. His face lights up and you find yourself falling a little more for Will Miller. Grabbing a pen from your top pocket, you hastily write down your phone number and hand it to Will. You both wish each other goodnight before parting ways. You find yourself grinning and bite your lip to try and contain your glee.

" Guess  I will be naming my first child Letti"

 Outside the hospital

Benny leans against the wall (pouting like a child) and waits for his brother . He still can't believe he got thrown out of the room. It feels like forever and a day before Will finally makes his appearance with a smug grin on his face.

'He looks like the cat that got the cream'

' What's with the grin man? Did they give you the good shit for the pain or something?"

Will shakes his head before showing Benny the piece of paper in his hand. A set of digits.

"William, you sly dog" Benny laughs in delight before he slaps Will's arm. He's quick to realise his mistake when his brother grunts in pain clutching his bad arm. Benny panics and makes to touch him but is stopped in his tracks.

"Don't . Fucking . Touch me.  Just get in the fucking car. " Will hisses. He marches off to the car park, swearing under his breath.

'Well that victory was short lived' Benny thinks, following his brother.

Bonus Scene - Date night

'Is it just me or is time moving slower?'

You glance at the clock for what feels like the millionth time. Another 10 minutes before Will is suppose to arrive. It's been so long since you were last on a date and you can't remember being this nervous. You look down at your outfit and run a hand over it to make sure there wasn't any creases. Will had text earlier to let you know to dress casual for your evening out but wouldn't give you any more information. The sound of the doorbell interrupts your thoughts and you let out a nervous giggle.  Trying not to seem too eager, you give yourself a beat before  opening the door. You feel yourself go weak in the knees. Will is dressed to impress - A black leather jacket over a soft grey t-shirt with a nice pair of black jeans that does wonders for him. He lets out a soft laugh at the way you are blatantly eyeing him up before doing the same to you. He lets out a low whistle.

"Well hellooo nurse"

[aliceaddellheidde]

Fatum

A/N: This is for @the-ss-horniest-book-club Lucky in love. March 31 – Windfall.

WORDS: 855

WARNINGS: fluff, feels

PAIRING: Bucky Barnes x reader (eventually) {Soulmates AU}

DISCLAIMERS: Endgame happened, but only Thanos and his peasants died. English isn��t my first language so sorry for mistakes.

Moi, Rai and Parca are genderless & are using they/their pronouns.

This is soulmates au. When you get tattoo, your soulmate gets it as well on same spot. It glows when you touch.

Y/D/N - your daughter name

Y/S/N - your son name

Last part. I'm emotional 😭

This is multi-chapter story. 19/19

Gif from here

Divider by @rainbowkisses31

You were sitting on rocking chair on porch with glass of ice tea in hand, watching two kids playing on the grass with the dog. „They are perfect, aren't they?” asked Bucky, sitting on chair next to you with his beer. „Yes.” you smiled widely. „I can´t believe they are five today.” „I know. It was like yesterday when we found out you're pregnant.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky threw you on mat at the gym and you groaned in annoyance. „I hate this training Buck.” „Only because you are sore looser. C´mon babe, I know you can kick my ass anytime.” Suddenly you felt twisting in your stomach and you vomited before you could ran to toilet. „Y/N!” Bucky was right next to you. „I'm taking you to doc.” „No Buck, I´m  just a bit sick.” you protested. „At least now don’t be so stubborn, ok?” He picked you up and carried you to medical bay.

„So Y/N, tell me what's bothering you?” asked Dr. Cho. „I'm feeling sick. Like vomiting, headache an I´m tired all the time.” „Fever or muscle pain?” „Don´t know about fever. And my muscles aching all the time. We have very strict exercise regime, you know.” „No sneezing or cough? Sore throat?” „No.” „Ok, I´ll take you blood and check your stomach. You can take some Paracetamol for headache, take a nap and drink lots of water.” „Great.” „Lay down please.” You did what she told you and let her do her work. „Amazing. I´ll call you when I´ll have results. You also should eat something light. Some cracker with butter or toast.” „Thank you doc.”

Bucky woke you up hours later. „Doc is calling us doll. How are you feeling?” You yawned and snuggled to him. „Better, but I don’t wanna go out of the bed. You are so warm.” He laughed. „I know baby. But we have to go. To know what's up with you.” You groaned and sat up. Immediately you felt light-headed. „You ok? You are pale.” „I'm good. Lets go.”

You were sitting in med bay room, impatient. Dr. Cho came minutes later, holding clipboard. „Mr. and Mrs. Barnes, I have some good news for you.” she smiled at you both. „Tell us before I´ll throw up again.” „By the symptoms I thought you may had a flu. But your blood showed us something different.” She turned the clipboard to you and you saw red stamp on paper. „I'm pregnant?” you asked silently, tears in eyes. „Yes!” Dr. Cho squealed. You looked at Bucky with wide eyes. He had same expression. Then he smiled at you. „We are gonna be parents doll.” he said before he kissed you tenderly. „Yes, we are.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

„Nine months later we had our Y/D/N Rebecca, Y/S/N James.” he smiled. „You were blaming yourself for throwing and punching me so hard that day and couldn’t stop apologizing to me and our babies.”  „I still feel bad about it.” „At least this one was planned and we knew I´m pregnant.” You fondly touched your swelled belly. „Yeah. Y/D/N, Y/S/N and Winter can´t wait to be older siblings.” He softly kissed your forehead, hand on your belly protectively, as he stood up. „Ok kiddos, time to get you clean up before guest will come.” He picked them both and even when they had super soldier serum, they weren't that strong yet. „Will you brush my hair daddy? Please?” asked Y/D/N, looking at Bucky with puppy eyes. „Of course princess. Give a kiss to ma and hurry up.” They did what he said and then he helped you to stood up. „Thank you.” „Always doll.” He gave small peck to ring on your left hand and your kids giggled before they ran inside. „You take a rest, I got them. Winter, guard mode.” You watched as your Golden retriever stood up quickly from ground and sat next to you, ears alerted. „Good boy.” you told him and he licked your hand.

You were telling Winter about your and Bucky's wedding when a car came through the gate and he started barking, his tail high, ears alerted again. Your friends stepped out of the vehicle and he relaxed. „Y/N! Good to see you again!” Tony said excessively, walking up to you. „Good to see you too.” You hugged with everyone and moved inside. „Where are our godchildren?” asked Nat and Wanda. „Should be here soon. Help yourself with appetizers. And on that small table is kids food.” Nat´s two years old daughter Anastasiya and Wanda´s four years old twins Billy and Tommy and Clint´s Nathaniel ran up there while Morgan, Peter, Harley, Cooper and Lila were more civilized. Until they saw a trampoline.

Later on more of your friends with their families came. Even Loki and Steven Strange teamed up for magic show. Wakanda sent another goat as a friend for your Lucy and Guardians sent box full of galactic sweets. Your huge garden was full of people you loved and your life couldn’t be more perfect.

Moi, Rai and Parca were sitting on the tree, happily watching a party below, proud of themselves.

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 3.08, “I Got Your Number”

Let’s see if I still remember how to do this.

Wait. Nope. That’s not it.

One second.

The episode begins with Andi and Bex in their apartment. There we go.

Andi says Bex is using her charger because it has pink tape on it, but then Bex finds another charger and it also has pink tape on it.

Then Bowie jams his head through the still-unfixed giant hole in the wall.

Those bricks look like loose teeth. They’re going to fall out any second. The whole wall is going to come down and no one seems to care.

Bowie also has a charger with pink tape on it and Bex realizes Andi has put pink tape on all the chargers as a ploy to be able to seize any charger she sees for her own use.

I don’t know how Andi thought that plan was going to hold up for longer than a minute. Once Bex found another charger with pink tape on it, it was all over.

On the other hand, I’m glad she’s doing sneaky stuff like this. It’s like living with a little velociraptor. She’s clever and dangerous and always plotting something. It keeps Bex and Bowie on their toes and keeps their minds active, which is important as you start to age.

The next day, Buffy finds Andi at the Jefferson Middle School Machu Picchu.

She delivers her a handwritten invitation to hang out that weekend. It’s a bit extra, but I appreciate the effort.

Then Buffy says her plan is to watch a ton of bad dance-themed movies and reels off a list of films that -- and I did the math on this -- would take Andi and Buffy over 16 full hours to watch. It would basically be: wake up, watch nothing but dance movies the entire day, then go to bed.

Buffy calls it the “DanceDance Film Festival.”

I call it cruel and unusual punishment.

I’m pretty sure the Geneva Convention has rules against treating prisoners of war this way.

Watching 16 straight hours of dance movies sounds like something a conspiracy theorist barking up a wrong, dumb tree would do.

If I was trapped in a steel box for 16 hours and had nothing but a portable DVD player and the Step Up films, I’d spend my time trying to punch my way out of the steel box. (don’t @ me, Step Up fans)

Andi’s into the idea though, except she can’t do it because she already has plans for that night with Amber. Andi suggests they do it tonight, but Buffy has plans with Walker.

They decide to postpone this marathon of pain until another time and say they’ll plan out a future date for it. And then they both talk about how crazy it sounds for them to be making plans like some kind of lame adults or something.

20! Hah! Can you imagine? Can you even imagine??

*laughs and laughs and laughs until the laughter turns into tears and now I’m laughing and crying and I don’t know if I can stop* Help me.

Speaking of being old, Bex and Bowie read books on the couch. Bex asks Bowie to hold her foot which makes Bowie feel like they’re an elderly married couple. They swap visions about how cool it’d be to be unaware seniors.

Then Bowie tells Bex he could see her as a grandma...

...which is something I would never say to someone. I don’t care if she’s 100 and wearing a shirt that says “Ask me about my grandchildren!” You let them say they’re a grandma first, and then you always say something like, “You’re a grandma?? That’s crazy! I’d never have guessed!”

All this talk of being old freaks Bex and Bowie out and they decide to get out and have themselves a little romantic evening. The type only young folk have.

Over at one of Cyrus’s houses, Cyrus brings Jonah down to his stepdad’s man cave for some ping pong. Jonah is surprised Cyrus has a ping pong setup, but Cyrus says it’s because until recently his stepdad was using it for civil war reenactments.

Oh so they’ll let Cyrus imitate guns firing but they won’t let him say gay. Ok.

They start to play and Cyrus quickly goes up 3-0.

Suddenly, TJ comes waltzing down the stairs.

Who let him in? Do Cyrus’s parents know him? Does he have a key? Was he already in the house, stalking around like a cat? I like any and all of these possibilities.

Either way, he’s here now. Just in time to congratulate Cyrus on taking a 3-0 lead. He does this by saying, “Niceberg.”

Sorry. Hold up. I gotta rewind.

This’ll just take a second.

Ok. Be right with you.

Alright, just gonna put that in the mail and I’ll be right back.

Ok. Back.

Anyway, long story short, I don’t feel like “Niceberg” is gonna catch on the same way “Underdog” did.

Jonah’s mood immediately flips. He starts looking for any reason to get out of the basement.

Cyrus is like, if this is about the gun thing, we worked that out. Jonah’s like, it’s not about that. I couldn’t care less about that. I had the Metcalf tattoo thing and the Libby thing, I barely even know what happened.

Jonah storms out, leaving Cyrus and TJ in a metaphorical hole of confusion.

Also, like, a literal hole. Because that’s kind of what a basement is? A hole in the ground? I’m trying too hard to be poetic I think. You can’t force art.

Jonah retreats to Red Rooster Records. He wants to know why he wasn’t warned of this surprise TJ. Cyrus is like, I didn’t think I had to.

You’re universally liked and you universally like everyone back. You know, like a Golden Retriever.

Cyrus says TJ’s in between friends right now, what with TJ sending Reed and Lester up the river to Sing Sing to do 10 years hard time.

Jonah says he’ll never be friends with TJ. He says it’s a long and embarrassing story, though I imagine it’s nothing like the embarrassment Alfonso Mazzanti would feel if he saw his record was still sitting unpurchased in this ratty store.

Does no one in Shadyshade have an appreciation for opera anymore?!

Jonah says the story goes all the way back to little league and we get basically a Drunk History retelling of the Jonah/TJ fight, except Jonah’s obviously not drunk, he’s just Jonah, so, you know: Jonah History.

And the story is this: Jonah used to love baseball. He idolized Roberto Clemente. Now, I’m not going to argue Clemente isn’t an all-time great, but I do find it strange that this kid in Shadyside loved a player who spent his entire career in Pittsburgh and died some 40 years before Jonah was even born. Most kids just go with Derek Jeter, but to each his own I guess. Anyway, Jonah wanted a “21″ jersey to be like Clemente.

But before he got to wear it, it was nabbed by a young TJ, from way back before he changed the direction his hair parts.

This leads to an argument where young Jonah gets angwee.

Cyrus asks Jonah if he cried, but Jonah invokes the baseball law laid down by Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own: there’s no crying in baseball. Cyrus says that’s just a line from a movie, but since when did he become an expert on sports? Stay in your lane, Cyrus.

Jonah says the jersey thing led to a shoving match that got stopped by his dad (their coach) before it could get too far. Jonah took another jersey, but the emotional scars remained. He couldn’t take the pain of watching TJ playing in his number and Jonah would never play a real sport again, banished forever to a lifetime of frisbee.

Cyrus says Jonah has proclaimed multiple times that Ultimate Frisbee is a real sport, and Jonah’s like, “Yeah...”

...let’s stop lying to ourselves about what frisbee is.

Jonah thinks the whole grudge is stupid, but Cyrus feels that it’s clearly important to him and it’s part of what shaped him as a person, so it can’t be that stupid.

Cyrus wants to figure out why TJ did it. Jonah thinks it’s because he’s permanently mean. Cyrus is like, no, he isn’t. He just has resting mean face.

Jonah feels glad to have talked it out and says he’s ready to let it go, but Cyrus isn’t, more so for TJ’s sake than anyone else’s at this point, I assume.

That night, Andi and Amber walk through a parking lot. Amber asks about the Buffy/Walker situation, which Andi says is still a situation, although she’s feeling less strict about following the Girl Code’s laws to reacting to such situations. They discuss how there’s room for interpretation as far as the Girl Code goes. It’s not exactly the Ten Commandments chiseled into stone.

Andi suddenly realizes they’ve been walking a long time and have somehow found themselves deep in the warehouse district.

Amber leads Andi towards a warehouse party. Andi starts to get a little unsure about this whole thing. As they head for the entrance, a man with facial hair exits.

A man that does not shave on a regular basis is one of the best indicators of questionable behavior in the area. You know the old saying: clean faces, clean hearts.

Amber says it’s a high school party, but not to worry, because she’ll protect Andi. They head inside.

Guys. This high school party. I’m losing my mind. I feel like I could make 1000 gifs of the people dancing in this place. I’m not going to, but I could.

Because this party...

is a party...

for dweebs.

I mean, I get part of the problem. It’s Disney Channel. They aren’t allowed to really show anything, so nothing like underage drinking or whatever. You just have to assume it’s an intimidating party off-screen. Ok. Fine.

But maybe the costume designer could’ve put everyone in less floral prints?

There’s very little that’s intimidating about a floral print unless it’s being worn by some kind of iron fist island dictator.

Andi gets separated real quick from Amber and immediately begins to panic.

Bex and Bowie, meanwhile, take a romantic nighttime carriage ride through the park when they get a text from Andi about the warehouse party.

Bowie asks the carriage driver (conductor? horsier?) to take him to Andi.

I hope he understands these carriages are not taxis. I’m not even sure they’re really street legal.

Bex is surprised to find out Andi snuck off to a warehouse party, but Bowie says at least she came clean to them about it within minutes.

Bex wants to know if the carriage can go faster. Bowie stops the carriage instead and says he’s going to run all the way across town to the Meatpacking District to get their daughter.

Bex stops him and says he’s doing a great job as a dad. Really dadding it up. And then they make out again.

These two. They’re always making out. It’s like, get a room.

Bex sends him to find Andi and he takes off running as the carriage horsier sits in uncomfortable silence.

Bowie finds his way to the warehouse party and runs in with the pitch perfect energy of a dad come to take his teenage daughter away from a party.

Although, and I don’t want to harp on this too much again, but if I was Bowie and walked into this party and this was the first thing I saw...

...I’d breathe a big sigh of relief.

I’d be like, “Oh, thank God: dweebs. It’s a dweeb party. Phew.”

He quickly finds Andi and she asks him what took so long. They start to leave when Amber returns. She’s like, are you leaving? And Bowie’s like, you’re darn tootin’ she’s leaving! Amber tries to take the blame but Bowie says it was Andi’s decision and she’ll take responsibility for it. They leave together.

Outside, Andi thinks Bowie’s whole dad thing was an act, but it turns out he was actually very much in dad mode. He says her behavior has led him to not trust her at this moment and then he throws his hand over his mouth like he just called Andi an expletive by mistake.

Bowie and Andi are shocked by this sudden dad-ness.

Andi promises to never do this again, but Bowie isn’t listening because all he can hear is how much he just sounded like his father. He and Andi both see this as a big moment in their father/daughter relationship, and I guess that sort of releases any of the tension as it seems Bowie actually isn’t going to follow up on any of the punishment talk.

They head off. Bowie tells Andi to call Bex but before she can, Bex shows up in the carriage in the middle of this industrial parking lot like some kind of misplaced Disney Princess.

Andi realizes she’s ruined Bex and Bowie’s date night, but they forgive her and all ride off together.

At Cyrus’s house, Cyrus has brought TJ and Jonah back together to solve this little league thing. TJ thinks it’s crazy. Jonah wants to let it go but TJ doesn’t want Jonah going around rest of his life proclaiming him some kind of jersey thief.

At this point, I was kind of like, “Oh, I actually like TJ’s outfit here.”

But then I was like, “Hold on a second. Enhance.”

That’s a basketball hoop! This is a surprise basketball shirt outfit!

Dammit! I can’t believe how many basketball themed shirts he has in his closet.

Anyway, Cyrus pulls up a picture of the two in little league.

Both Jonah and TJ think this proves their point.

But then Cyrus confirms the jersey number is actually 21 and TJ realizes his dyscalculia has struck again.

He explains to Jonah he’s got a learning disability. That this whole thing has been something of a misunderstanding.

Jonah apologizes for holding onto this grudge for so long and for never thanking him for helping him when he was having a panic attack at the Bash Mitzvah.

TJ notes that everyone has struggles.

Cyrus notes his fear of flamingos, which is not the first thing I’d think of when it comes to him, but I don’t disagree. They have unnaturally thin legs.

I don’t trust them for one second.

Jonah and TJ fist bump to end the grudge.

That was such a great little scene. One, for tying up the TJ/Jonah loose end from the Bash Mitzvah, but two, for showing these characters’ growth. It’s nice to see these two, who had previously been so guarded, be able to discuss their mental health openly without fear or anger, and then support each other.

On the other hand, Jonah’s now told TJ about his anxiety before he’s told Andi about it. I guess she was always going to be the hardest one to tell, but uh... yeah...

Speaking of Andi, she shows up at Buffy’s house with a big ol’ bag of popcorn and a pretty sweet new impression.

She explains the party was no fun, but that Buffy is. She wants to hang with her and participate in her crazy film festival.

They start dancing the night away.

Buffy asks if they’ll still be doing this when they’re 20.

*laughs and cries until I’m suddenly scream-wailing into the night sky for some reason* I’m fine.

They dance and dance until the episode ends.

So I guess there really isn’t going to be any punishment if Bowie and Bex just let Andi go hang out with a friend that very night.

Unless they heard what Buffy’s plans were and decided that was punishment enough.

Sure it seems like fun now, but when she’s at hour 12 of this and the credits are rolling on Step Up 3D and then Buffy goes, “Awesome! Let’s watch it again!”, Andi’s going to be wishing she was grounded.

[devilsmagic]

more than just a game for two | chapter 2

Iris and Amy switch places.

AO3 Link

Amy stepped off the plane, groggy and tired from the long flight. She’d never flown alone before and the entire experience had been something she didn’t care to repeat. Iris had told her that her father, Garcia, had been called in on a job and wouldn’t be able to pick her up from the airport. She likely wouldn’t see him for a couple more days. Instead, she looked for the face that matched the photo in her pocket.

“Iris!”

Amy looked up to see Iris’ Uncle Gabriel pushing through the crowd, a small bouquet of pink lilies in hand – Iris’ favourite flower.

“Uncle Gabe!” She rushed over to him, falling into his arms.

“You look fantastic. What did you do to your hair?”

“I cut it. Do you like it?”

“I love it. And…did you pierce your ears?”

“Maybe.”

“You go to camp for one summer and suddenly you come back an American. I can’t believe it.”

Amy grinned. “You’re an American, remember?”

“Don’t remind me,” Gabe fake shuddered before smiling down at her. “Let’s go, kid.”

Despite her fatigue, Amy couldn’t help but stare around her with eyes wide. The language, the smells, the people; it was all so strange and colourful.

Iris had spoken to Amy in Croatian as often as possible, getting her familiar with the tone and cadence of the language. She’d even gone so far as to teach the girl short phrases, making her twin repeat them over and over until no traces of an American accent remained. And yet that had paled in comparison to being immersed in the language.

It wasn’t only the sounds. At one point they drove by the ocean, the water a shade of glimmering blue Amy had never seen before. The sun reflected from the deep sea and Amy got the urge to run from the car, splashing deep into the water. 

“It’s so beautiful here,” she sighed.

“Not only do you come back American, but a tourist!”

Amy held back a grimace.

“What can I say? Camp made me appreciate home,” she gave Gabe an innocent smile.

It wasn’t much longer before they pulled up to a small townhouse, sitting pretty on a street with flowering trees. Gabe gave Amy the house keys before grabbing her bags from the trunk. She walked up the steps and, taking a deep breath, she slid the key into the lock and twisted the door open.

It was like walking into a stranger’s home, which Amy supposed was exactly what she was doing. The house was filled with sunlight, making it large and inviting. She swept through each room, trailing her fingers across the furniture and scanning through family photos. There were so many photos.

A large family portrait hung over the fireplace in the living room. Baby Iris sat cuddled in her mother’s arms; a beautiful woman with short blonde hair and a heart-warming smile. Iris’ father stood beside her, a hand around her mother’s waist, chin resting on her shoulder as he started at baby Iris in wonder. Amy swallowed hard as a lump formed in her throat.

A shadow cast over the photo as Gabriel stood behind her. She turned away from the image and gave him a watery smile.

“So, what’s for lunch?”

She disappeared into Iris’ room after eating her fill, wriggling around on the bed and trying to make it her own. It wasn’t long before the long trip caught up to her and she fell asleep, a few hours later to a dark figure lurking beside her bed.

Amy screamed, jumping out of the bed and running to the window. She flicked the latch and struggled to pull the window up high enough for her to slip through.

A deep laugh sounded behind her and she paused. “It’s only me, draga.”

“Oh my god, you scared me,” Amy said, raising a hand to her heart where she could feel it pounding out of her chest.

Garcia flipped the switch and light illuminated the dark room. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

His smile was wide and her heart instantly slowed in response. Garcia opened his arms and Amy flew to him with no hesitation. Her arms barely reached around his waist as his encircled her so perfectly.

Amy knew that Garcia wasn’t her dad. Her father was a man who signed his name on the dotted line and then decided that he wasn’t ready for the picket fence after all. Her father was a man who couldn’t step up to the plate. Yet still, for a second she allowed herself to fantasise.

“I missed you, tata,” she whispered against his shoulder.

“I missed you, too. What did you do to your hair?”

Amy laughed as she pulled away, tears clutching to her eyelashes. He lightly touched the ends of her hair, tucking it gently behind one ear.

“Is that…did you pierce your ears?”

“A girl I met at camp did it.  Do you hate it?”

“Of course not! I love it. Any other surprise? Belly-button rings, tattoos...? Please don’t tell me you have a tattoo, my old heart couldn’t take it.”

Amy grinned at him and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for another hug.

“Come on, let’s go get some dinner and you can tell me all about your adventures.”

“Oh yes,” Amy groaned, “I’m starving.”

**

The flight to California was much quicker than the one from Croatia had been and in next to no time at all Iris was walking towards the beautiful, grinning woman that was waiting for her at the baggage claim area. Lucy’s grin lit up her eyes and Iris gave her an anxious smile in return as her stomach clenched.

“Welcome home, honey!”

Lucy opened her arms wide and Iris had no choice but to drop her bags and let herself be enveloped into the hug.

The only memories she had of her mother were of the stories her father had told her. Stories of how much her mother loved her, how much she wanted her. A beautiful woman singing stunning lullabies to her little girl as she held her tight to her chest. But those were all second hand memories; nothing could compare to the real thing.

Iris dug her face into the crook of Lucy’s neck, squeezing her arms tighter around Amy’s mum.

“I hope you had a terrible time because you’re never going back! I missed you too much,” Lucy murmured into Iris’ hair.

“That’s what you say every year…Mum,” voice muffled.

“Well this year I mean it.”

They reluctantly let go and Lucy rested her hands on Iris’ shoulders, taking a good, long look at her.

“Something’s changed. Did you get taller?”

Iris laughed as she shrugged. “So how is everybody?”

“Good! A lot has happened around here, I can’t wait to fill you in.”

“A lot has happened to me, too, Mum. I feel like I’m practically a new woman!”

“A new woman? Hmm, I could have sworn when you went to camp you were a young girl.”

Lucy softly tugged at a strand of Iris’ hair with a fond smile, before grabbing the girl’s duffel bag. Wrapping an arm around Iris’ shoulder, they walked over to the car.

“Thanks for all those amazing letters, by the way,” Lucy said as they were driving home. “I’m really glad I bought you all of that personalised stationery you just had to have.”

“We meant to write, Mum, but we just got so busy with…”

“We?”

“Oh, me and my friend. I met this girl at camp and we got really close. Practically like sisters! She’s a lovely girl.”

Lucy glanced at Iris out of the side of her eyes. “Lovely? At least you still bite your nails so I know they haven’t swapped you with a pod person.”

“I really do need to stop, Mum. It’s a horrid habit, it really is.”

“Horrid habit?” Lucy laughed. “Did I send you to summer camp or finishing school? And why do you keep saying ‘Mum’?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was doing it, Mum,” she grimaced. “Sorry, Mum.”

They both laughed as Lucy rolled her eyes.

“Sorry, I just…I missed being able to use that word. I haven’t been able to say the word ‘mum’ all of camp. And a mum is an irreplaceable person in a girls’ life, don’t you think?”

Lucy smiled, a little wistful, and pulled Iris closer. “You’re 100% right.”

Mason was waiting for them as they pulled up to Amy’s house. The large golden retriever let out a loud, delighted bark as he saw the car roll down the driveway. Iris smiled wide as the dog struggled to run to the car, forgetting in his excitement that he was tied to the banister of the porch and couldn’t go anywhere, no matter how hard he pulled on the leash. Jiya appeared from inside the house and waved at the car with a big grin before leaning down to untie Mason. He shot off, yapping and barking, leaping up onto the passenger side door, paws slipping down.

“You better not scratch the paint, Mason,” Lucy groaned as she got out of the car.

Eyes bright, Iris opened the door carefully. Mason backed away, excitedly turning in circles as Iris got out of the car, and then pounced, nose wiggling as he smelled every inch of her. Iris giggled as his wet nose tickled at her exposed skin.

A few seconds later, Mason paused and sat on his back legs, head cocked in confusion. He let out a single bark before suspiciously backing away further.

“What’s up with you, goofball?” Jiya asked as she walked over. “Well if you don’t want to say hello, I will!”

With that, the darker woman pulled Iris into a hug, almost lifting the girl off her feet.

“Hello gorgeous! You’ve grown, you’ve lost weight, you look beautiful, we’ve missed you. Don’t let your sappy mother talk you out of going back to camp, okay? You’re a growing girl.  You need adventure.  Are you hungry?  I made chicken curry,” Jiya let Iris go and looked into her eyes. “Why are you so quiet? Is everything okay?”

Iris nodded. “I’m just really happy to be home.”

But Jiya wasn’t convinced and she pursed her lips. “You’ve changed Ames. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is definitely something different about you.”

Later that afternoon, Lucy knocked on the door to Amy’s room before popping her head in. “Hi sweetheart. Have you unpacked?”

Iris looked up from where she was playing a video game in bed and nodded. “Most of it went straight to the wash.”

“Okay well get cleaned up. Jiya invited her new boyfriend to dinner.”

“Boyfriend?”

“It’s kind of new. Go on, he’ll be here soon.”

Iris quickly showered and changed into a fresh pair of jeans and plain white t-shirt. Creeping back downstairs, she snuck over to the dining room where she could hear the sound of a man laughing. Peeking around the door frame, she saw Lucy and Jiya sitting at the dinner table with two men.

The man sitting beside Jiya had dark skin and a kind face. He was looking at Jiya as if he couldn’t believe that she wanted to be near him at all, let alone right next to him. They were having a quiet conversation, in their own world.

The second man sat next to Amy’s mother and it was his laughter Iris had heard earlier. He sat too close to Lucy for comfort, and there was something about the way that they were looking at each other that made the hair at the back of her neck stand up. She didn’t know how she was supposed to react to the image in front of her; they hadn’t covered surprise boyfriends when Iris was learning everything she could about being Amy.

“Amy, come in,” Lucy beckoned, spying Iris loitering by the door.

A light flush coloured Iris’ cheeks, but she squared her shoulders and walked over to Lucy’s side, her eyes not leaving the unfamiliar man that sat beside the woman.

“Amy, these are Rufus and Wyatt,” Lucy pointed to each man in turn. “Rufus is Jiya’s new boyfriend.”

The darker man gave Iris a nervous grin and Iris smiled in response.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Amy,” he said,  leaning over and shaking the young girl’s hand. “I’ve heard so much about you from Jiya.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, too,” Iris said before turning to the other man. “And who are you?”

“Amy, don’t be rude,” Lucy chastised, but Iris didn’t respond, eyes not moving from his as she waited for his reply.

“I’m Rufus’ friend, Wyatt.”

Wyatt smiled and it didn’t fill Iris with the same sense of comfort that Rufus’ smile had, although that likely had less to do with Wyatt than with the situation at hand. There was something fishy going on. It didn’t make sense that Rufus’ friend would tag along to meet Jiya’s ten year old goddaughter.

The five sat down for dinner and Iris studied the man who was still sitting comfortably beside Lucy. He seemed nice enough, smiling at Lucy and often pulling Iris into the conversation but she couldn’t help but dislike him on principle. She watched as Lucy smiled back at him and placed her hand on his arm.

Iris was sure he was probably a good man, but she wanted him far, far away from Lucy before he ruined everything. The entire reason for swapping places with Amy was so that they could bring their parents together, become sisters in more than blood. If this Wyatt person got involved with Lucy, the girls could kiss their plans goodbye. Amy was not going to like this.

She thought back to what her father had taught her about getting how he would investigate a case. She had to keep calm and get all the facts. Acting impulsively was as bad as not acting at all. There was nothing she could do before she learned everything she could about the situation.

“So how did this happen?” Iris blurted, interrupting the conversation.

“How did what happen, sweetheart?” Lucy asked.

“This,” Iris gestured to the dinner table. “How did everyone meet?”

“I dragged your mother to a club after she dropped you off at camp,” Jiya said, refilling her glass of water. “You know how she gets when you’re away and I thought a little music and alcohol would help.”

“That’s not exactly the lesson I want you teaching my daughter, Jiya,” Lucy intercepted.

Jiya laughed and winked at Iris who forced a smile in return.

“Rufus was there with Wyatt and we all just hit it off.”

“Cool,” she shrugged, before shovelling another forkful of macaroni into her mouth in true Amy fashion. She decided to talk it over with her twin before she did anything drastic.

**

A couple of hours later, halfway around the world, a house phone rang. The sun had barely risen and the family was still getting ready for the day. Everyone paused, confused at the sound.

“Can somebody find and pick up the phone, please?” Garcia yelled from the top of the stairs where he was trying to securely fasten his tie.

“Why do you still have a home phone?” Gabriel yelled in response before locating the phone. “Halo? … Iris?”

“Yes?” Amy asked as she walked past, a piece of toast in hand.

“That’s weird,” he said to her before returning to the phone in his hand. “I’m sorry, who were you after? … Iris? Of course, just a moment.”

He handed the phone to Amy.

“There’s a Denise Christopher for you. She sounds like she could be your twin.”

“My twin? LOL, Uncle Gabe,” she laughed as she put the phone to her ear. “Hello? Oh, Denise, how are you?”

LOL? Gabe mouthed as he walked away.

“Hey! How’s it going over there?” The real Iris asked from the other end of the line.

“Oh, everything’s lovely here. Can you…hold on for a moment?” Amy asked as she stuffed herself in the coat closet with the phone. “Okay, now I can talk. Oh my god, your dad is incredible. He’s so tall and funny and smart and he was telling me a little about his latest case over dinner last night and it sounded so cool! He-”

“Your mother is dating!” Iris blurted, interrupting Amy from her rant filled with all things she already knew.

“What? No she isn’t.” Amy picked at a thread on the dark wool coat in front of her.

“Jiya has a new boyfriend and he came for dinner last night with his friend. Your mum wouldn’t stop smiling at him. It was disgusting.”

“You must be seeing things. My mum hasn’t been interested in anyone since dad left. She wouldn’t start now.”

“Look I know what I saw. We need to switch back.”

“Now? Are you nuts? I’ve only had like a day with your dad. I’m just getting to know what it’s like to have a real dad. It’s not time, not happening.”

“You think I don’t want to spend more time with your mother? She’s beautiful and amazing, and her hugs are incredible, but I don’t want to mess something up.”

“Okay fine. I’ll think of something and call you back. Or Facebook you like a normal person. The house phone, Iris? Really?”

[ecotone99]

[MF] I can't ask permission and I don't expect forgiveness

"Here it comes," Virgil whispered under his breath, turning away from the approaching policeman.

Joanie shoved hands in pockets and replied, also in a whisper, "Be cool." Then, to the Nora, "Keep digging."

"Hello," the policeman said, talking loud as he was still twenty yards away, moving with purposeful strides across the green grass of Tranquility Park. "I'll have to ask you to stop that digging."

Virgil, in a navy blue suit, took a breath and squared his shoulders towards the Policeman. He attempted a smile and stuck out his hand. "Hello officer. What seems to be the problem?"

Behind him Joanie and Nora, both wearing work clothes - jeans, boots, reflective safety vests over cotton and hard hats - paused to watch. They were standing around a plaque set into the ground that read: "City of Houston Time Capsule. Buried September 2nd, 1960. Not to be opened until September 2nd, 2015."

"Can I see your work permit?" the cop asked, ignoring Virgil's hand.

Virgil looked around, confused and stammered, "...permit...? Why... what...?"

"Yeah, yeah," Joanie said. "I got it over here." She retrieved a metal clipboard, opened it, and flipped through a stack of paper.

"I can call the Mayor's office?" Virgil offered.

"No, no," Joanie replied. "I'm sure I have a copy."

"So do I dig or what?" Nora said.

"No," the cop said.

"Yes," Joanie said at the same time.

Nora speared the blade of the shovel in the ground and leaned on the handle. A big girl, crowding six feet tall and past the two century mark, her top-weight pushed it down a good six inches. She winked at the cop. "I'm listening to the man with the gun."

For all her heft, Nora had a very pretty face. Long, wavy curls of hair escaped from her hardhat and she made a show of tucking them back in. "Hell, even if he didn't have the gun," she continued, "he's too cute to argue with."

The cop - a youthful black who enjoyed visiting the gym, radiated confidence, and kept his appearance sharp and professional - did a double take. When she caught his eye, Nora winked again and there it was - that moment a man, confronted with such an unlikely specimen, thought, what if...?

"Here," Joanie snapped up a piece of paper. "Found it."

She handed it to Virgil who passed it to the cop.

The cop looked at its face. It appeared official enough, with stamps and signatures, but he didn't know enough about it to say one way or the other. "I'll have to call this in," he decided.

"For Christsake," Joanie bitched.

"Hey now," Nora beamed. "Overtime!"

"Look," Virgil said, "Just call the Mayor's office. You know Jack Vance, right? Ask for him."

"All I know is this thing isn't supposed to be dug up until tomorrow," the cop said. "There's supposed to be press; even a van. Buses of kids and all that. You guys are making a mistake."

Virgil nodded his head and chuckled, "Yes, you're right, officer....?"

"Martin."

"Officer Martin. See, the thing is, well.... Did you hear what happened when they opened the League City time capsule two years ago? No? It was somewhat of a disaster. Fifty years ago they didn't appreciate what the groundwater around here could do to even the sturdiest box made during that time. Anyway it was a stinking mess. The only things that survived were bits and pieces of old junk that couldn't be corroded. They pulled something out that looked - I swear to God - just like a wooden dildo. Might have been part of something else when it had been buried, but when they slapped it in the Mayor's hand.... Well, most people snickered, but quite a few were very offended. All those kids asking 'what's that, mommy?'.

"Oh! And there was the frog, too. Well, the frog skeleton, dressed in an adorable tuxedo - complete with a top-hat and cane, hermetically sealed in a bag with the sheet music to Ragtime Gal-"

"-Can we get on with this?" Joanie interrupted. "No way this project is authorized for golden time."

Virgil touched Officer Martin's arm, gently turning him away. "Our Mayor does not want that happening here. So this is somewhat of a preemptive strike. If we find everything in order, the capsule goes back and we cover it up just like it was. Bada bing. If, however, it's a big smelly puddle of slop? Well, I've got some clean old junk in my car. You understand how this works? Have to make hizhonor look good for the cameras."

Officer Martin's eyes went from the unctuous Virgil, to the exasperated Joanie, landing on the bemused Nora. "Okay," he said. "Carry on."

"Thank you Officer," Virgil said, once again attempting to smile.

"Hey Officer Martin," Nora called out. "You want to help dig? I'll bet those big arms of yours could make short work of this hole."

Officer Martin fought back a grin. "Tell you what, lady. I'll swing by here after I get off work and see if still need help with your hole."

Nora barked out a laugh loud enough to be heard in Sugar Land. "When's your shift end?"

"Eight o'clock."

"Me and my hole will be waiting."

Officer Martin strutted away using everything his momma gave him.

When the policeman was out of earshot, Joanie cut her eyes from Virgil to Nora and back again. "Jesus, you two...."

***

"I have bad news," Richard Hautala told Joanie. As if to emphasize the words, he dragged a straight razor across his hairy and bespotted forearm. A thin line of blood welled up from the cut.

"Um," Joanie said.

"Oh, this?" Hautala held up the razor. "This is just for effect." He turned it around and showed Joanie the other side where a tube containing red-dyed Vaseline lay across the blade. "It ain't real. It's about as sharp as an asshole. You squeeze this here for the blood." He demonstrated, dragging it across his wrist this time - same result: a thin line of red.

"Okay."

"But why, you're wondering?"

"Hey, Mr. Hautala, really-"

"-Surely you noticed my new look?" Old Man Hautala smiled - dentures gleaming - and twisted his head to let Joanie take it all in. An octogenarian, Mr. Hautala was bald and shriveled with the body shape - and skin texture - of an avocado. But since Joanie had last seen him, he'd added eyebrow studs, ear stretchings, and facial tattoos - tears at the corner of his eyes. He had a stud on one nostril and a loop through his lower lip.

He winked and lifted his polo shirt. Both sagging, leathery nipples had been pierced; connected by a silver chain.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"That's.... Something," Joanie rubbed the back of her neck. "You said bad news?"

"Kids today," Mr. Hautala explained, tucking his shirt back in, "do this shit now. If I want their business, I have to show them I relate." He gingerly brought a finger up to touch one of the ear stretchers.

Joanie flinched when the whole ear fell off, hitting the ground with a clang.

"Oops," Mr. Hautala reached to pick it up. Like the razor, it was a fake. His real ear was still where it belonged, on the side of his head. It had liver spots and tufts of hair, but no holes.

"I don't mind telling you," he said, fitting the prosthetic and screwing it in place, "it's all fake. Even the tattoos. Why take a needle when Sharpies cost, like, a dollar?"

Joanie shrugged.

"Right?"

"You said bad news?" Joanie prodded.

"These couple of kids come in looking to trade on old tech. On chips? Yeah, right, I tell them I'll do what I can, but don't go buying that house in the subs just yet. Anyway, these kids look like... like... the colour out of space, you know? Barely human. The dude had horns. No shit, implanted little nubs on his forehead, supposed to be horns. Huh. The girl's pants were so tight, you could tell what she drank for.... Nevermind. Anyway, when they come back and I tell them the deal, she starts slicing up her arm. I'm hip. Bad news hurts. Give me a whetstone, a Gillette, a squirting flower and five minutes and we'll commiserate together, darlin'. So here I am. What do you think?"

"Desperate times," Joanie stated.

"Too right!" Mr. Hautala exclaimed.

"The bad news?" Joanie tried again.

"Yeah. Turns out the buyer is in a sanitarium so.... No money."

Joanie rubbed a hand over her face.

"Okay, so this is not to say there will never be money, but just now...? She's kind of tied up."

***

Houston, September 2nd, 1960.

Ten year old Marion Bradley stood in wide-eyed wonder as the celebrity worked his way through the crowd. He tossed his head back and showed teeth when he laughed and, when he shook hands with the city's politicians, his head tilted slightly and his eyebrows raised inquisitively at their names. Houston doesn't have a fall season, so it was hot, but even still the celebrity wore a tapered jacket with a fleece collar. His waist was encircled by a gun-belt; the holster of which bore the image of a chess piece. He said "Thank you," with a peculiar clip to the words.

His name was Richard Boone and he was there on a publicity junket and to watch the time-capsule buried.

To young Marion, however, his name was Paladin and he was just about the closest thing to a living god she'd ever seen. Once a week she saw him on the television being as brave and intractable, wise and lusty as the entire pantheon of Greek deities; so how could he be here, now, walking around with them just as if he were a real person?

She was positively transfixed.

As he moved among the people, his eyes fell on her and he smiled. "Ho ho!" he said, scooping her off her feet. "What do we have here?"

Under his hands, Marion's flower dress became wings and she flew in the sky. If he let go, she'd fall into the sun. He didn't let go, however, just spun her around in a circle then set her back down. "You are just about the cutest thing I have ever seen. I believe I'm going to ask your father if you can join me for dinner tonight at the Carlton Hotel?"

Standing next to them, beaming like a child himself, her dad said, "Maybe when she's older."

"It's a date," Paladin said, slipping her a card with a wink. He gave one to her father, too. In fact, he handed them out freely to all around.

As they were closing the lid on the time capsule, he used two fingers to expertly flick one of those cards into the box. People cheered as it spun through the narrow opening at just the last moment possible.

The cards all bore the image of that same chess piece from the holster. They read "Have Gun, Will Travel".

Marion Bradley held the card in both hands like an icon. She knew it was a treasure she would never lose.

\***

"Of course she lost it - or threw it away." Mr. Hautala had bagged up the card they'd retrieved from the time capsule. He slid it across the table to Joanie. "This was supposed to be the replacement. Shame. She was going to pay over a two hundred grand for it too."

Joanie, hands folded on her lap, looked at the card. It was remarkably well preserved. "What's it worth, really?" she asked.

"Less than nothing," he replied. "Well, check that. Because of the press you're getting, I could maybe get a couple thou. Maybe. It isn't every day you can snag grip from a stolen time capsule. The weirdness factor alone might go five grand." Mr. Hautala shrugged.

"Well, the buyer still wants it, though, right?"

"Sure. But, like I said, they locked her up."

"When's she getting out?"

"Eh, this could be one of those if she's getting out situations." Mr. Hautala rubbed his thumb against two fingers, making the international gesture of money. "She's very wealthy and her family is worried about their inheritance."

"Doesn't seem like a reason to lock her up." Joanie crossed her arms. "Isn't she fighting it?"

"Absolutely. She's a big shot lawyer, you know. It's just that, well, she has gone a little crazy." He tapped the card. "Two hundred grand plus for this? Do you know how many of these cards are out there? Even supposedly authentic ones - printed by the studio in the 50s and 60s - can be had for around fifty bucks. Hell, you can get one signed by Richard Boone himself for a thou or less. Nope. She has to have this one; no matter what the cost." Mr. Hautala whistled low and circled a finger around his ear.

"She's a collector," Joanie said, sounding indignant. "Lots of people pay lots more for stupider stuff."

"Sure," Mr. Hautala agreed. "But Marion Bradley isn't a collector. She is trying to recreate her life to be exactly like it was when she was a girl back in the '60s. Bought her parents' old house; got a refurbished Chevy Covair; snatched up every toy from that era. Changed her wardrobe. She's been sinking millions of dollars into this obsession. The doctors call it crippling nostalgia."

"They just made that up."

"She showed up in court wearing pedal pushers and a denim blouse knotted under her breasts. Her hair in ponytails, sucking a lollipop. She weighs close to two hundred pounds."

Mr. Hautala lifted the duffel-bag containing the rest of the stuff Joanie and her crew stole from the time capsule and handed it over. "Me? I don't get it," he said. "I never did look forward to looking back. Of course, that's probably because things were so terrible when I was a kid. Wars with a capital W. Diseases and no medicine. Hunger. And the constant fear of death from above 'cause all those damned pterodactyls."

"Is anything in here worth... anything?" Joanie said, lifting the bag.

Mr. Hautala made a face. "I took pictures and notes. Like I said, I'll shop it around. Y'all got a trending news story with that time capsule burglary, so there may be some interest there. But beyond nostalgia or weirdness?" He shook his head.

Dejected, Joanie stood to leave.

"Hey kid," Mr. Hautala stopped her at the door. "Just in case you're interested - the sanitarium where they're keeping Marion Bradley is located over on the Southwest side. In Missouri City. A place called Sendak's. Not like she's locked up in Supermax or anything."

Joanie paused with her hand on the doorknob. She blinked twice.

"She'd be grateful, I'm sure," Mr. Hautala continued, "for a visit."

Joanie nodded slowly.

"Hey, check this out!" Mr. Hautala raised the fake razor to his mouth. "You think this'll freak those kids next time I see them?" He opened his mouth wide, eyes popping, and dragged the dull blade all over his tongue.

He also squirted some of the fake blood.

"Pah!" he winced, spitting. "Yuk!"

Joanie left him, closing the door on a sputtering of "Puh!"'s

***

"Oh shit," Virgil said, his eyes growing wide. "Ohshitohshitohshit,"

They were sitting in the booth of a Mexican restaurant close to the airport with the time capsule items spread out over the table, taking inventory. Virgil's outburst had been caused by the door opening. Joanie looked over her shoulder to see Detective Donald Sobol walking in.

"Be cool," she grabbed Virgil's wrist just as he was about to start scooping all the stolen items into the bag. "Be cool."

She let go the wrist. Virgil folded his hands.

Momentarily, Detective Sobol stood at the edge of their table. "Well hello, Ms. Muncie," he said. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Detective," Joanie muttered by way of greeting.

Detective Sobol set his hands on the table and hunched over the various maps, papers, trinkets, toys and doo-dads. He smiled. His aquamarine eyes sparkled. He laughed, showing them the two rows of coffee and cigarette stained teeth. "You've got to be kidding me."

"What?" Joanie said.

"Oh, nothing." He stood up. Then pushed his hands on his lower back and stretched. "Hey, maybe you can help me out with something. There was this unusual robbery yesterday, maybe you heard? A crew of slick operators stole a time capsule just before it was supposed to be dug up. Really embarrassed the Mayor in front of all those news cameras; standing over an empty hole with a bunch of nothing. But you wouldn't know anything about that?"

"What's a time capsule?" Joanie asked.

"Right." The detective said. "Y'all ought to be more careful. Food here's good, but they don't really clean the tables very well. Might get all this stuff sticky."

"Oh, right!" Virgil exclaimed. He started shoveling the stolen goods away immediately. "Thanks for the advice."

Detective Sobol watched Virgil, shaking his head sadly. Then he turned his attention to Joanie. "When are you going to stop this?" he asked.

Joanie cocked her head and just looked at him with a dull, blank expression.

"Can't you see it's over?" the Detective continued. "The time for this type of nonsense has come and gone. There's no more room for the common crook in today's society. You either have to be a brutal, remorseless killer or a highly sophisticated criminal to get noticed. These little grifts of yours? I hate to tell you this, but they're passé."

Virgil used both hands to cram the items in the bag. He struggled with the zipper, catching it on the edge of an old map. When he forced it, the paper ripped. "Shit," he said, holding up a ruined piece of history.

Detective Sobol motioned towards Virgil with an open hand. "See? This is who you're working with now? What ever happened to Leonard? Stark and Westlake?"

"Hey, those two...." Joanie sat forward, getting upset.

"Yeah, I know," Sobol interrupted. "But then there's Connell and Matheson, too. Hell, even Bradbury left you."

Joanie brought a fist down. Her mouth became a tense, white line and her eyes narrowed. Sobol recognized he'd gone too far. His voice softened. "I'm just saying. You're time has passed."

A waiter came with a basket of chips and two bowls of salsa. Detective Sobol took advantage of the interruption.

"Anyway, I'll leave you to your meal." He set twenty dollars on their table. "On me."

"Whoa, hey," Virgil pushed the money away like it was on fire. His distrust for police ran deep. "No need for that."

Detective Sobol put a hand on Virgil's shoulder and squeezed. He used the other hand to tuck the money into the breast pocket of Virgil's shirt. "I insist," he said. "I voted for Chris Bell."

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