#not even germans understand german

[x-amount-of-posts]

I NEEEEEEED Kurt shippers. or just Kurt insane people to know that the german word for tail is also german slang for penis

"You like my tail dont you" said in german ("Du magst meinen schwanz, oder?") will be read as "you like my dick dont you" by a german

this isnt to discourage people from using the word Schwanz, the oposite, i want people to write Kurt saying that because he WOULD

[yesloulou]

Daniel does a little dance to entertain himself and Simon was Not Impressed™️ FP2, 2014 German Grand Prix 🇩🇪 | link via @annebd

[powerfultenderness]

Heelloohh! It kenat stop itching my brain so imma share it to everyone, Neighbor könig startling Y/n as y/n let out a questionable sound, and the following nights neighbor könig's he dreamt about that... Please powerfultenderness! THANK YOU!!!!!

🤭 Ooooh boy!!! König's dreams!

Gonna drop a Mature 18+ rating on this one because of those dreams!

König tried to say hi to you, but you ignored him, walking down to the mail room and humming to yourself. He followed you, about to speak up again when he noticed the white earbuds you were wearing. Ah! You couldn’t hear him! A wicked smile crossed his face as he dropped back a few steps while you blissfully continued on your way.

He waited until you had closed your mailbox, attention fully on sorting through the various letters in hand, before he pounced.

“Got you!” He shouted as quickly pulled you in his arms, lifting you in the air enough that your feet swung from the ground.

“Aieee!”

You squealed, mail flying through the air, and kicked your feet out at nothing. Your hands clasped down on his arms as you looked up and behind you to the laughing mad man.

“König! Let me down!”

Still laughing, and with his arms still around you, he set you back on the ground. “You should pay more attention!”

You rolled your eyes and popped your earbuds out and stuffed them in one of your pockets. “Stop laughing!”

Of course that only had him laughing harder, practically leaning on you to keep himself upright.

“König!” You whined and tried to wiggle out of his hold, not very successfully, the man had an iron grip (and chest!).

“Ok! Ok! Sit down, my little bunny.” He once again lifted you from the ground, not nearly as high in the air, and gently sat you down on the table that was pushed against the wall under the mailboxes.

For just a quick moment he was standing between your knees, your thighs spread wide just to accommodate him, and you let out a quiet gasp and whimper in that short moment. He stills, big warm hands grasping at your thighs and you panic. You quickly pull away from him and slap your hands over your face, “it’s not funny, König!” You whine and sniffle and-

“Shit! Are you crying?” He jerked away, as quickly as if he’d been burned and started to fret around you, unsure if he should touch you again.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

A sob racks your body and you hiccup and gasp for a breath.

“I’m sorry, my love! I’m so-” he was leaning down enough to peek at your face, still mostly hidden by your hands, enough to see that you were holding back a smile. “You’re laughing!!” He jumped back and pointed an accusatory finger at you!

You finally let go and dropped your hands from your face as you threw your head back in laughter. “Ahahhahahaha!!! That’s what you get for scaring me, you big jerk!”

You must have looked like two maniacs just sitting in the mail room laughing like crazy, but neither of you could care at the moment what any passerby would think of you.

He helped you gather your fallen mail, and grabbed his mail while he was there too, and the two of you still shaking in laughter, walked you back to your flat.

-

Flowers. Pretty flowers that faded from sight as he nuzzled his face into the soft skin of your neck. “So beautiful.”

You gasped, arching into his touch and whimpering as he nibbled and lapped against your pulse point.

“König,” your arms were around his neck, hands clawing at the back of his shoulders like your life depended on him. Good, he growled as his lips traveled up your neck to your face, you needed him, he pressed his lips against yours, thrusting his tongue into your mouth. He needed you.

You squeezed your thighs around his waist and let out another erotic whimper. You pulled back from him, he tried to follow, but you gently pushed one hand against his chest to stop him. “König,” you whispered and glanced shyly away from him. He didn’t like that. He nudged your chin so you were looking at him again. “What?”

“Can I sit on your face?”

His eyes rolled back and he groaned, hips grinding into you. “Yes! God, yes! Please!”

He picked you up from the mail room table and turned around to set you on his bed, hands flying underneath the skirt of the pretty dress he bought you to pull down your panties, black lace finding a new home in his pocket.

Then he climbed on the bed, laying down while simultaneously pulling you, giggling the whole time, on top of him. You sat up, knees spread apart so that you were straddling his chest. He ran his hands up your thighs, pushing your skirt high against your waist, the fabric pooling down your center. “Come here,” he tried to get you to move higher on him, but you ignored him and leaned down instead.

You softly pressed your lips to his in a gentle kiss. “König.”

He gladly returned your kiss, but upon its natural conclusion he once again tried to entice you to move, just a little more.

“König.” You repeated with a breathy sigh.

“What?”

-

“König!”

“WHAT!”

“Jesus, man! Wake up, it’s go time!”

“Fuck!” König shook the dream from his mind for now, focusing on the mission before him. But the second he had a moment of free time, his thoughts went back to that dream.

[More neighbor König]

[vampmilf]

cant believe my boss just hit me with the "i forget finland is a real country sometimes. i mean when was the last time you ever heard someone say they are finnish??" apologize to joblr right now

[totoochristianwolff]

Behind The Scenes of this video [source]

[sn0wbat]

well what family doesn't keep a secret vampire family member hidden deep in in the basement /s

EDIT: Rest of the comic is now under the cut!

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BONUS:

[froggyliciouz]

People who can watch stuff without subtitles are highly suspicious wdym you can hear

[burirammin]

Nothing motivates me to learn Spanish quite like Marc’s interview. Like no. I NEED to hear and try to comprehend every aspect of this man’s insane yapping yall don’t understand.

[starryhunbun]

It's midnight and I can't sleep because i have yet again thoughts to share. I just came to think of something unsettling and it's bothering me so much that I just couldn't continue with my life without shari g this with anyone.

I'm German. So when it comes to things that are somehow connected to germany, I’ll know it. And I'll be like "Oh, yeah I know that too, that's funny".

Example: when Wednesday started speaking German (sort of).

I also watch and read blue lock. So when this mf came up:

Micheal fucking Kaiser who speaks german just like we can see in this panel ("auf die Knie"/eng: kneel), I was like oh, yeah makes sense he's playing for one of the most popular and successful football Clubs of Germany. Hell, members of my family are huge Bayern München fans (that's the original name btw, not bastard munchen). So naturally he speaks german. His name is so painfully German too, my old teacher's name was Misses Kaiser so yeah. The only thing more German than this is if his name was Müller.💀

But that's not what this is about.

This is not about the fact that he is German.

This is about the fact that he is from fucking Munich and it just hit me recently when I thought back to my own visit there while going through my pictures. It's beautiful there, really. A regular big city in Germany. Whatever.

WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS THAT THEY HAVE A DIALECT!

Just like people from Texas have an accent, people from Munich, the very place the bastard munchen players come from, have an ACCENT. Of course not everyone and all that but still. THIS ACCENT EXISTS AND I FORGOT ABOUT IT AND NOW I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

Because NOW THAT BLUE LOCK SEASON 2 IS ANNOUNCED IM SCARED THAT THEY WILL GIVE KAISER THE MOST DISTURBING BAVARIAN (bayrisch) DIALECT BECAUSE I THINK THIS ACCENT IS SO SILLY.

(no hate to those who have it, it's totally normal. I just dont understand yall😃 I feel like this)

BECAUSE CAN YOU IMAGINE THIS GUY PICKING A FIGHT ISAGI WITH A SILLY DIALECT?

I CAN'T.

For those who cant imagine the impact of this dialect I found a good video to show the difference between standard German and Bavaria dialect. The girl in the white speaks with dialect Btw.

Part 1 || Part 2

[whatacreepything]

tiktok gays when they go in public and see gay people being gay instead of discussing the latest microlabel discourse that was posted from an account called bobthebuildersbignaturals

[mintymiscz]

To the people who want to learn a language because of their favorite media but feel like it's a stupid reason, just go for it! Learning a language is a fun and useful skill that can come in handy when you least expect it, especially if you live in a diverse area.

Not to mention it can help you understand the media you're consuming on a deeper level. Interacting with the fanbase from that culture can help contextualize choices made in your favorite anime, video game, or kpop song.

Why did this japanese game portray europe like this? What problems in korea is this kpop song about? What is this festival in my favorite anime about?

What are the translations missing? What has been localized and why?

It's so incredibly rewarding to be able to understand different perspectives from different cultures. It's amazing to be able to communicate with people different from you. Learn whatever language your little heart desires. Go forth.

[hanzajesthanza]

don’t let me reread because i saw this

and an image of reynevan pleading innocent like the crying cat meme flashed across my mind

[juliamccartney]

i'd love to post more in german but i don't want to do it in standard german bc it would feel so fake and be awkward; at the same time i also can't really do it in my actual dialect bc it doesn't have a standardised spelling & nobody would understand me (even the best translation programmes can't handle local german language dialects) and that makes it just as if not more awkward.

waaaah

[marswasnothere]

Thinkin about merperson shark max and marine biologist daniel

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

The little German boy went into the weed cave 😔

Text translation and content under cut

STUTTGART NEWS

Little German Boy Fucks Shit Up

This Friday at 2AM, a little German boy in the name of Johann Ludwig entered the premises of a weed cave despite the warnings to not from many others. Once entered, Johann suddenly decided to smoke all 90 kilograms of the weed inside the cave and went in a weed induced murder spree. Over 15 innocent people were killed that night. Witnesses claim that he was "high off his ass", and several of his family members told us how they never coukd have imagined a sweet young upstanding boy like Johann to rip a bong like that.

Professional drug scientists have said that this particular incident may or may not have done permanent damage to the little German boy's brain. They have stated that "he might become like, a totally maniacal hot mercenary DILF in the future, like, he's gonna be fucking crazy dude".

The little boy's intentions from going into that cave are yet to be know, but police investigations are still ongoing and officers are saying that they will soon get answers out of the boy as soon as they find a police officer that isn't scared to death of the boy.

The little boy's family, the Ludwigs, have chose to make no further comment on the boy's unusually violent behavior, finding the topic too upsetting. However, according to the family's neighbour's, the Smidtts, little Johann had a distant Uncle whom he visited often without his family's permission or knowledge. Dr. Hans Ludwig, a dentist with a clinic not far from the boy's home, had several things to say on the subject when our reporters asked him his opinions. "Let the boys have some damn fun. He's not doing any harm!" He had said. "What's wrong with a few casualties in the name of science. Besides, who doesn't smoke weed every once in a while. You people and your silly 'laws' are inhibiting the true potential and creativity of our future children!

[deva-arts]

What did Sera scream to Nate in German? translate isn't working for me rn.

ICH BIN VERRÜCKT NACH DIR. I'M CRAZY FOR YOU.

Followed by a number of pet names including but not limited to: my love, my lion, my treasure, and my man, all said with her clinical flair <3

Quite the violent display of affections for a date but okay Sera okay

Nathaniel, who was expecting a fun date with his normally stoic, taciturn, quiet, and utilitarian wife:

Seraphina, giving him a lengthy love poem about heavy artillery, half written in a language he does not speak, to prove that she is so good at this romance thing:

They ended up having a wonderful dinner together.