#not even a rejection. just limbo. ignored. i'd have rather they just said no to me. instead of never answering.
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Me: *Feels slightly good about something in my life* Life: Hmm. Nope. *Reminds me of things I should have been a part of but aren't* Me: ...Thanks.
#tonight is a rough-ish night#tomorrow should be better#i need to go to bed#i'm emotionally fragile because i've been watching ugly betty and while parts of it have not aged well AT ALL#there is still a lot of heart in this show and i'm like 5 episodes away from finishing season 1#and the last couple of episodes had some really nice moments and yeah i'm emotionally fragile from it#then i go to instagram and see a post about a production i should have been a part of but ultimately was not#and i'm just like... why... i SHOULD have been there...#not even a rejection. just limbo. ignored. i'd have rather they just said no to me. instead of never answering.#tomorrow i see the kids i'm designing a show for and that's the only thing i really can look forward to right now#so at least that will make me feel productive about life and that i'm doing something. at least for the morning.#then my brother wants me to go to his friendsgiving but if i go his friends will be like 'so what are you up to'#and i have to say basically nothing. for the last month. nothing.#so i don't want to go but i don't really have a good reason NOT to#god i just had flashbacks because i was like 'i can't even think of the last time i just heard nothing about a production'#but no i can. because that was 2 months before this. so. that still hurts. i've already began blocking it out. not a good sign.#and then the only other time before that was in the most chaotic summer of my life#and THAT'S what caused the flashbacks just now and made me stare into space for a good 30 seconds#remembering it all and ahhhhh things i don't want to think about ahhhhhhhhhh#ugh. ok. i'm going to bed. i'm taking my gabapentin and going to bed.#and hopefully i wake up on time since the last few days i've slept in late due to being near-depressed yayyyy life sucks#and now i have a headache woohoo
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