#not enough slightly tipsy posting from me lately. but it was my birthday yesterday and i convinced my sister to get me alcohol. cheers.

[epicdogymoment]

slightly tipsy. please tell me about typos in my descriptions pleaseeeee

[reids-rendering-reality]

Drunk Dials

Summary: Y/N and Penelope are having a fun night off drinking until Penelope has the idea to drunk text the entire team some promiscuous messages and one of them takes up the offer.

(A/N: inspired by this post, written with permission)

Type: lead up to smut (if you guys enjoy this, I might write a smutty part two)

Warnings: alcohol consumption

Word Count: 1.5K

 I quickly sprayed on a little perfume and hurried to the door when I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door to find Penelope with her typical bright colours, tonight’s were a bright green and purple.

“Hii,” I giggled while hugging her and let her inside, “I see you’ve come prepared.”

And indeed she had: under her arms were two bottles of red wine and her bag made clinking noises from glass as she set it down on my kitchen counter to reveal two more bottles.

“Who else did you invite? We can’t drink all that by ourselves,” I grinned at her. While we did the occasional drinking with the team, my tolerance was in no way capable of the amount of alcohol she had brought.

“Well, the night is young. Watch and learn, my little butterfly,” she responded and carried the first bottle over to the couch. I followed after her, two glasses in my hands and the wine opener tucked under my arm.

And so the night ensued with a lot of laughter and drinks, some dancing and so much gossiping. Halfway into the second bottle I was navigating the fine line between tipsy and drunk while Penelope appeared to be slightly tipsy. How could her tiny body carry so much alcohol?

“Let’s play truth or dare!” she exclaimed, “but if you don’t want to do it, you drink.”

“Oh god, my body will hate me tomorrow,” I complained, but added, “but right now it seems like a great idea.”

“Your body will forgive you because of the fun we’re having tonight. I’ll start. Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” I responded, pouring more wine into our glasses.

“Who was the last person you slept with?” she grinned and clinked her glass to mine before taking a sip.

“Starting off strong,” I chuckled and then thought about my answer for a moment, “I think it was that police officer a couple of months ago from that case in Denver. I haven’t had sex in way too long.”

“A couple of months is a pretty long time. Was it that one with the cute little butt? He was the embodiment of ‘sweet cheeks’,” she swooned a little.

“Yes, exactly him. It wasn’t that satisfying though. Although he was good-looking, he was pretty egocentric in bed,” I commented and took another drink from my glass.

“Well, it’s time for your luck to change. You are lucky to have me, your personal oracle and booty call finder. We will find you someone to give you as many orgasms as your little heart desires – or can handle if you’re into that,” Penelope says and raises her glass dramatically.

A couple of truths, dares and a lot of drinks later, we were both shit-faced drunk and laughing on my couch. In front of us was the third bottle, which was now almost empty as we tried to catch our breath.

“Alright, your turn again, darling dearest. Truth or dare, choose wisely,” Penelope says still chuckling and readjusting her seating position.

“Dare. Bring it on,” I said, my words slightly slurred already. Leave it to Penelope to get me as drunk as I last was on my 21st birthday.

“I’ve got a good one, get your phone, baby,” she said setting down her glass. When she saw my quizzical look she continued, “you are going to text everyone on the team-“

Before she could continue I interrupted, “no no no, that sounds like a horrible idea. I am in no position to make any choices right now,” I laughed and swayed slightly.

“I am making the choice for you. You are going to get some action in the sheets and I am going to bring it to you. Your phone will be the arrow that my cupid’s bow will use to shoot you into your next naked bliss.”

“Oh my god, what is your plan?” I fake-groaned, actually being completely entertained by the idea.

“You my dear, are going to text everyone from our team, the simple words, ‘hey you wanna fuck?’ and we’ll see who responds,” she said excitedly.

“Even Rossi and Hotch?”

“Even them. Everyone.”

“Alright, just because it’s you, Pen,” I said and grabbed my phone.

She leaned over my shoulder and watched me as I began texting. I copy-pasted the message to Spencer, Derek, JJ, Emily, Rossi and Hotch. I could hear Penelope giggling the entire time. When I was done, I remembered I could’ve just taken a drink to get out of the dare, but it was too late now.

After a couple of minutes I was still dying of embarrassment of what I had just done, but still laughing with Penelope as my phone lit up for the first time.

We both instantly looked over and I grabbed my phone. My heart was racing. I had never done anything like this before.

JJ: I’m married???

When we read the message we both burst out in laughter. JJ knew that Penelope and I were hanging out today and obviously caught on to what we were doing.

“Let me respond!” she said and I handed my phone to her.

Me: Will doesn’t have to know ;)

“Penelope!” I exclaimed in between laughter.

 A while later almost everyone else on the team had responded:

Rossi: Sorry to disappoint you, kid, but you’re not in my age range for wife number four. I’m sure you’ll find someone else to complete the job.

Derek: I thought you’d never ask.

Emily: I’m down anytime.

Hotch: I’m sure this was meant for someone else. If not: I’m your boss??

 Penelope and I continued the night with laughter over the texts and other stupid drunk dares until it was about 4am. Spencer still hadn’t responded. I was slightly disappointed as I had taken a liking towards the doctor since my time at the BAU.

“I can’t believe Spencer didn’t respond. I thought for sure that he’s got a crush on you,” Penelope said while trying to put on her heels at the door.

“I don’t know about that, but drunk me wants him to respond to my booty call.”

“Honey, I’m sure that’s not just drunk you,” she said with a grin.

We hugged each other goodbye and she began swaying down the hallway to her cab waiting outside.

I got ready for bed and drank a glass of water. All the while still no response. Assuming that he’d read the message but just ignored it and went to bed, I did the same. From the beginning of my time at the BAU I had that crush on Spencer, but I guess it wasn’t mutual.

The next morning I woke up with a huge headache as expected. I sighed and checked my phone. Still no response. I made myself a coffee and got dressed to go into work as slowly as possible. After those drunk texts I did not want to see anyone today.

 I was the last to arrive at the bullpen that day. My headache had lifted and I was fit enough to survive a typical paperwork day. But the embarrassment had stayed. What was I thinking, texting everyone to hook up with me? I wasn’t thinking, that’s it.

To my surprise, no one commented on it. They probably all understood that it was just a drunken game because Penelope and I had been talking about our meet up yesterday. To say I was relieved was an understatement. But Spencer was different from his usual behaviour around me. His head was stuck in a book the entire day – he didn’t look at me once.

That changed however, when I was making myself a coffee at lunch. Pouring some into a cup I almost jumped at the sound of Spencer’s voice.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said casually and walked up to me, mug in hand.

“Hi, Spence,” I responded quietly and added some milk. I looked up at him briefly to find his eyes focused intently on pouring the liquid.

Just as I was about to leave for my desk, he spoke up again.

“About your text from last night,” he began to say. I felt my cheeks heat up and turned back around to him.

“Yes?” I forced myself to look at him, just to see him even more blushed than I was.

“Was that for me? I mean, I would very well understand if it was an accident and it was meant for someone else. It surprised me to say the least.”

Deciding to take my chance, I said, “no, it was meant for you.”

“And are you serious about it?” he looked back down at his mug.

I took a step closer to him, “am I serious about fucking you?”

Upon hearing those words, his eyes shot up towards mine and he gulped. He looked almost as though he feared my response as he nodded.

“Yes.”

I saw his mouth open and close, obviously trying to formulate a response but not finding one.

“Um, I don’t really know how to say this, but um- I’d like that.”